>>35945210
The real question is what do YOU want?

>>35945210
>Make me a wizard like you so I can use my powers to help other people and totally not to be a irresponsible jerk with no sense of right and wrong.

>>35945210
wish for magic powers
ask the wizard to teach magic
go on my own life realizing every wish i have on my own

>>35945243
Classic Aladdin.

I wish for a pizza, everytime I feel like pizza. But Although it tastes like normal pizza, it doesnt make you fat, nor you feel bloated and full if you eat it whole.

>>35945210
Is immortality too greedy?

>>35945210

If you have the power to grant wishes, why were you in peril? Couldn't you just grant your own wish to not be in peril any more?

Oh no. I've read the Monkey's Paw. You ain't getting shit on me crazy magic man.

I'mma go wait in the cart, ya'll have fun with your hearts desires' gone horrifyingly wrong.

>>35945265
>AS YOU WISH MORTAL, ENJOY YOUR INFINITE CARCINOGENIC PIZZA.

I need a red cap, size 8 please

>>35945210
Wisdom

I WANT TO FREE YOU, GENIE

>>35945210
I wish for an extra inch on my dick lenght.
Nothing major, just an extra inch and maybe an shinier glans.

>>35945399
>maybe an shinier glans.
Assuming you're cut, foreskin restoration will do that for you.

I WISH YOU'D STOP BEING SO PARTICULAR ABOUT GRANTING WISHES

>>35945210
Is shapeshifting out of the question? That always seemed super versatile. In lieu of shapeshifting I will accept just being the little (elvish for that extra lifespan) girl but keeping my current mind.

>>35945210
> HERO'S
Obviously my wish is for you to stop making basic grammar mistakes.

>>35945428
THANKS NOW HE JUST IGNORES WHAT YOU WISH FOR AND TURNS YOUR DICK INTO A SNAPPLE BOTTLE

GOOD WORK JACKASS

>>35945413
I'm cut, but we are not talking normal shiny glans level of shiny-ism.
I'm talking mirror dickhead.

>>35945466
Well getting some kind of cover on it to stop abrasion from rubbing against clothing and being out in the dry air is the first step.

>>35945293
worth it.

>>35945454
Considering that my dick was turned into a miniature hyena by a previous wizard, I'd say the snap bottle is a step up

>>35945210
>BUT DO NOT MAKE IT TOO GREEDY OR YOU WILL REGRET IT!!!!!
Why you gotta be like that man? I thought we were bros, since I saved you and all

>>35945210
I wish I knew the greediest thing to wish for that wasn't too greedy.

>>35945283
Yeah, but his legs would fall off or whatever.

>>35945210
>Threatening the person who saved you
I wish you were dead

I wish the wizzard whom I rescued was less of an ass.
Then he'll give me a much better reward than a constrained wish.

I WISH TO PLANT MY ESSENCE IN ALL OF THE LITTLE GIRLS WHO LIVE AND EVER SHALL LIVE ACROSS THE WORLD

>>35945347
You get a poisonous mushroom. He summons it directly into your stomach to save time.

>>35945210
I wish for the courage and strength to protect those who cannot protect themselves.

>>35945695
You know he'd take you down with him.
>A meteor strikes and kills everyone.

>>35945616
>>35945631
>>35945695

Its not a threat its a warning. The wizard doesn't have absolute control over the wish spell (that is reserved for gods)

If you wish for immortality it would be granted but you will still age until you can no longer move and there is nothing the wizard can do to stop it.

I think hes pretty bro for warning you.

>>35945786
It was in your heart the entire time.

>>35945210
I wish for your undying love

>>35945831
>undying
YOU FUCKED UP SON

>>35945806
this man gets it right here. If the wizard was a asshole he would have granted wishes like a genie, great at first but later fuck you over to the tenth degree

>>35945210
I wish for the ability to grant my own wishes

>>35945210
Wish for Wisdom and Intellect so that I may guide others down the right path.

>>35945210
A +(n+1) weapon to replace my +n weapon. And I'd like confetti and cheers to sprinkle around me whenever i get a crit with it.

>>35945210
"Nah, man, I'm good."

>>35945210
I'd like the wisdom to know what is the right thing to do and the resolve to follow through on that knowledge even when it's difficult, please.

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>>35945210

>>35945210
"I wish for the utmost maximum benefit I can receive without being considered greedy"

>>35945210
>I WISH THE ELF HAD TASTEBUDS IN HIS ASSHOLE!

Eh I dunno, a +3 sword I guess.

I wish for panda powers!

>>35946554
kek

>>35945210
I wish you would call be Onii-chan

File: tf2-soldier-hat.jpg (99 KB, 640x640)

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GIVE ME YOUR HAT

>>35946564

>HAVE FUN WITH THAT SWORD IN YOUR THROAT

the answers to today's crossword

>>35946608

But I saved you, why would you do something so mean?

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>>35946605

NEVER!

>>35945293
totally worth it.

>>35945210
I wish for mad yo-yo skillz

>>35945210
Make my dick adequate. Always adequate. For any and every situation.

>>35945210
I wish I could change into a pretty girl and back at will

>>35945293
So like a free, infinite supplies of cigarretes that are delicious, feed you and dont give yellow teeth or bad breath? Awesome.

>>35945210
"I wish you to tell me where I can find my soul mate."
And then I'm off on a quest.

>>35946689
Seconded. I will finally master the cradle, around the world, and such

>>35945261
Seconding this.

>>35946718
Hell yes, awesome but worthless skill!
Now i can make this fucker go back up!

>>35946691
>"Anon! We're being chased by Dire Lemurs! How will we ever cross this gigantic chasm!"

Tell me where to find more wishes.

Papa always told me the wish was never as good as the journey.

>>35946752
First, a dick-bridge for my faithful companions to cross
next, a dick-vaulting-pole so that I may cross the chasm
my dick shall be adequate for these situations and purposes

>>35946752
"Worry not squire, for I have just the solution..."

>cue either bridge-sized dick for scrambling across, or dire lemur dick to subdue the foe

>>35946691
>You gain an amazing, shapeshifting dick which can pleasure women, bludgeon foes, unlock doors, stop bullets, or even pole vault across oceans and continents
>You are the most incredible dick, ever.

>however, you gain an ultimate nemesises in the form of SJW tumblr, femnazi called Pussy Galore
>And the biggest asshole (both metaphorically and literal) ever

And just because...
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=32iCWzpDpKs

>>35946689
Your yo-yo forms the Elder Sign and your innocuous trick summons Yog-Sothoth

>>35945210
I'd wish I had saved someone worth saving

>>35946795
> heroes! The baron kidnaped the princess!
> time to use my dick radar!
> dick starts spining
...ding...ding...

>>35946857
>as the paladin helicopters furiously, scanning for blips

>>35945210
Find me a worthy successor to train, so that the fight might never fail.

>>35946857
The paladin becomes batman, except with all instances of "bat" replaced with "dick"

Rolled 18 + 15 (1d20 + 15)

>>35946829
He is no match for me!
Rolling perform (yoyo)

>>35946989
> yoyo bard

>>35946989
Your yoyo twists madly into the Yellow Sign and calls forth more horrors from beyond our world

I want a hat.

Rolled 11 + 15 (1d20 + 15)

>>35947101
Fuck yes! Niggas be coming from other planes to see my mad yoyo skillz!

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>>35945210

>I want to be rich.

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>>35947236

Done!

Nice to meet you, Rich.

>>35947175
Oh no! A Shantak flies from the space between where your yoyo OUGHT to be and where it MIGHT be!
When will the madness end?!
after I rewatch Nyaruko with my friend
Please, Mad One, cease this nonsense!
use all your mad skillz to pull off the sickest trick! only a Nat 20 will save us from madness

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>>35947264


You blew it. You blew it so hard.

>>35945812
Thank you Wizard. May your future adventures fare better.

>>35946486
That's a curse beyond all others.

>>35947581
And may you be a shield from misfortune

I wish I was an immortal loli.

I want the egg of a dragon close to hatching, and knowledge on how to raise it properly. Without getting eaten. Or burned alive.

>>35945755
>VERY WELL YOU WILL HAVE AN ENTIRE POPULATION OF INBRED GRAND CHILDREN

Wish for wizard bjs

dem beard tickles on my balls yeh

>>35945265
>everytime i feel like pizza
holy shit dude you cannot into genies/mad wizards

>>35947674
OK, you won't get eater or burned alive. But you will be raped, then burned dead.

>>35947674
Those are four wishers fucker.
'And' denotes a new fucking thing int aht context. Then two sentences afterwards are their own wishes.

Which are also irrelevant because a newly hatched dragon would not be a threat to an adventurer who saved a wish granting wizard.

>>35946717
>A GHOST FALLS IN LOVE WITH YOU.

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>>35947711
Works for me!

>>35945210
Let me reallocate my stats with a high fantasy point buy.

>>35947742
I go on a quest to reanimate her.
WHAT A TWIST.

>>35947236
First time I played that, I nearly had a psychotic breakdown when the game ended on that note and I realised I didn't have an early enough save to correct it after some intense googling.

>>35947782
>her
As if.

>>35947805
I probably have some 200+ hours in that game and I've only ever gotten to the Wish Granter once.

It was that ending.

I decided then and there that I wanted no part of the end game.

>>35947828
Reanimate becomes reincarnate then.

>>35945362
>VERY WELL, EACH TO HIS OWN, I WONT JUDGE YOU
>A wisp shows appears. Hovering next to it is what appears to be a riding crop. It whirrs and hums at you a bit and points it's riding crop down at the ground.
>"Wha...?" you begin to say.
>It makes an angry buzzing sound and strikes you in the shoulder with the crop, then points to the ground again.
>"You want me to..."
>BZZZZ! *whooPAH!*
>"Ow, okay okay!"
>You kneel in the mud and the creature whirrs happily, then glowing energy begins to pour out of the wisp onto your face.
>"Uh, what's...?"
>BZZZZZ! *whoPAH!*

I wish for you to come to my home a month from now and grant two wishes: one for me, and one for the lawyer I'm going to hire to help me craft a wish that you can't somehow use to fuck me over.

>>35945210
Wish for more wishes.

Failing that, more benevolent wish-granting wizards that owe me favours.

>>35945282
Nigga please. He's a wizard, he's basically immortal by default, so yea, you can, but it's a pretty low balling wish

Ask to gain psyonic manifester levels equal to your HD.

>>35945437
>shapeshifting
VERY WELL!
You find you can effortlessly take on any form you desire! However, you cannot take on a larger form, only your size or smaller. In fact, you can never become larger than the size of your current form. And each time you change shapes you lose a pound or so of mass.

>>35945258
>YOU CAN ONLY USE YOUR POWERS FOR OTHER PEOPLE, NEVER FOR YOURSELF THROUGH DIRECT OR INDIRECT ACTION.

File: donk.gif (2.96 MB, 290x188)

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>>35947865

>>35947865
>WispDom
pls sir may I have some more

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>>35946554
/thread

>>35945243
>YOU ARE NOW PHYSICALLY STUCK GIVING MY CHEESED UP DICK A BLOWJOB FOR ALL ETERNITY.

>>35945737
>HIS ASS LITERALLY DISAPPEARS, HE FEELS LESS OBLIGATED TO HELP YOU INSTEAD.

>>35946101
>ALL OF YOUR WISHES BACKFIRE LIKE HIS DOES

>>35945786
GRANTED
>You feel no different
>Until on your way back from the mission you happen by a farm
>A farmer is harvesting carrots
>"No!" shouts one of the carrots as it it torn from the Earth.
>"Lucy!" shouts another, still in the soil.
>Their roots cling to each other for a moment, then snap.
>"Papa, PAPA!" shouts Lucy the carrot as she's thrown into a basket with the other terrified root-folk
>"No, no, you monster!" yells her father, but the cruel farmer pretends he cannot hear.
>Righteous fury swells in your heart, and your blade calls for blood.

>>35946355
>NOBODY GIVES A SHIT ABOUT ANYTHING YOU SAY BECAUSE NO ONE UNDERSTANDS YOU.

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>>35946554
they're YOUR tastebuds. human centipede style.

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>>35947865
Took me a moment. Pic related.

>>35947835
First time I played it, I played the vanilla version (do not do that, ever). Somehow, through sheer stupidity and bad luck, every single thing that could have gone wrong in the game went wrong, alongside periodic technical problems. By the time I got to that utter pinnacle of Gainax endings, I'd pretty much had it. Bear in mind, this was after I'd stubbornly refused to play it on anything lower than Master difficulty. So I got the Complete mod, cheated my way straight to the NPP from the get go, and blitzed through to the real ending, yelled "THERE, I'M FUCKING DONE, VIDEO GAME! FUCK IT!" Terrible experience. Hated the game from there on.

...Then I lost my mind, reinstalled it a couple years later with Complete, played through, and even enjoyed it enough to stick around for the endgame that the mod added.

>>35946486
>YOU ARE BETRAYED BY YOUR CLOSEST FRIEND WHO TURNS YOU IN BECAUSE OF YOUR JUSTICE RAMPAGE, SURELY YOUR BODY IS MADE OUT OF SWORDS.

>>35946540
>99% OF YOUR PAYCHECK NOW GOES TO CHILD SUPPORT, YOU ARE NOT CONSIDERED GREEDY BY THE WISHES STANDARDS NOW.

>>35948085
Master is literally the intended difficulty for play, though.

Master is what those goddamn Slav developers wanted it to play like.

Every now and again I play it with Zone of Alienation so I can live the intriguing wonder of having to manage and load each of my magazines by hand while the mod's complete lack of worthwhile UI and absolute ulcer-causing difficulty to not-so-tenderly spread my cheeks and fist my asshole.

A turkey sandwich.

>>35946570
>YOU CHANGE PERMANENTLY INTO A PANDA, THE CHINESE PROCEED TO COOK AND EAT YOU.

"It's simple wizard, I wish you luck in your newly saved life, and all your future endeavors."

Take that you filthy djinn monkey paw havin motherfucker. Nice try

>>35946603
>THE WIZARD AFTER A LIFETIME OF ONII-CHANS HUNTS YOU DOWN AND STRANGLES YOU SCREAMING "FUCK YOU AND YOUR ANIME BULLSHIT."

>>35948181
The turkey's a bit dry.

I wish for the next persons wish to work exactly as they intended.
Your welcome, next wisher.

>>35948234
I wish for the wish of the person who wished before be not to go as intended.

>>35946691
>YOUR DICK IS NOW ADEQUATE FOR BOTH FORTUNATE AND UNFORTUNATE SITUATIONS, YOU ALWAYS CATCH THE ZIPPER ON YOUR DICK OR GET IT STUCK IN A DOORWAY.

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>>35948225

>>35946695
>HOW WATER CHANGES YOU BACK TO A MALE INSTANTLY.

>>35947659
>EVERYONE INSTINCTIVELY KNOWS YOU ARE A GROWN MAN WHO CHOSE THIS.

>>35947659
I wish I was an immoral loli.

>>35947701
> A 1000 YEAR OLD WIZARD PROCEEDS TO GIVE YOU A BLOWJOB, HIS TONGUE IS AS ROUGH AS SANDPAPER.

>>35947867
>THE LAWYER IS ACTUALLY SATAN, HE DOESN'T LIKE YOU EITHER.

>>35948288
"On contact with water" isn't "at will."
Also, you're ignoring the part of the wish where he can change into a pretty girl at will as well.

>>35948355
He's a lawyer, he doesn't like anybody. That’s why I'm paying him instead of relying on his nonexistent sense of good will.

>>35948193
>HE RECEIVES ALL OF HIS LUCK KARMICALLY BY STEALING ALL OF YOURS, YOU DIE OF EBOLA WITHIN A MONTH.

>>35948365
It's an anime reference

>>35948365
"Will" is a burly unwashed Juggalo, and "at" is a synonym for "after he's plundered your orifices to his satisfaction".

>>35948365
Ranma ½

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>>35945210

>>35948441
It's a pretty good anime reference and one I didn't think of when making the wish
>>35948466
You're not even trying

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>>35945786

Your reign of dickishness ends here wizard. I wish for the both of us to ride Mr.Bone's Wild ride together. That way I can personally ensure that you'll never harm anyone with your foul magic ever again. This is my gift to you citizens of /tg/, remember my sacrifice.

>>35946695
You may change into a pretty girl, however, to change back you must find Will Hitchcock who is somewhere on this planet! I have no clue where

>>35948623
He can just use the rest of his wizardry to escape, you know.

Assuming he's not a necromancer. If he is, then instead of escaping he brings Mr. Bones' Wild Ride with him, thus dooming us all.

>>35945210
>"I wish the lich was dead!"

>>35948691
>implying that even the mightiest of wizardly can make the ride end

though necromancy might prove to be a problem

>>35948691
Even Mr. Bones' himself is powerless to end his Wild Ride.

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I wish for limitless aesthetics, with all the gains that go with such.
With this wish I shall do my best to inspire others to seek and find gains, confidence and >tfw gf

>>35948645
Fine by me
my girlfriend will get used to pussy

>>35947982
>>35945293
>>35945780
>>35947865
>>35945454
>>35947932
>>35948129
>>35946608
>>35946829
>>35948288
>>35948311
>>35948337
>>35948355
>>35948412


See, shit like this is why I'm waiting in the cart.

>>35949123
The cart is now LEPROSY

>>35948955
>You are granted proper grammatical skills
>(step it up, Knigga)

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>>35949182
If the cart is leprosy, then this shite-brained wizard is surely cancer of the most vile kind.

Someone please remind me why we helped this prick in the first place?

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>>35948311
Meh.

>>35949270
Because the fucking rouge wouldn't shut up until we agreed to do it.

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>>35945210
>I WISH FOR YOU TO GET IN THE FUCKING BAG.

What's the worst thing you've ever gotten from a wish?

Once, my wish made me lose a level that was allowing me to keep under control a disease of "kill your entire party in a madness induced spree". Despite losing a level, I was still more powerful than my whole party.
After killing someone, they had to use another wish to kill me. A wish that sacrificed the person who wished in order to be fulfilled.

Needless to say, our four man party ended in two minutes.

"I wish you a happy and prosperous life old man"

>>35949568
>last guy left
"So, yea, about that last wish..."

>>35945282
Congratulations, you will now outlast the heat death of the universe. Enjoy forever alone.

>>35947932
Hey, I actually wouldn't mind this wish.

>>35945210
I wish you lose the ability to do magic. Fuck you wizards thinking you're so great.

>>35945210
I have lost the will to live.
Humans change all the time and I don't want your wish to take this ability from me, so nothing eternal.
Can you give me a new will to live?

>>35950293
You now have titties! Look at them jiggle and I dare you not to smile!

i've had an item that will grant 1 wish spell for the longest time and i still haven't used it. this thread scares me

I wish to be a dragon.

>>35950641
>what is a psuedo-dragon, Alex?

>>35950743
Oh well, as long as I'm not the wizard's familiar now I guess it's not so bad.

>>35950743
>implying pseudo-dragons don't get all the bitches

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>>35950824

I want an official Red Ryder, carbine action, two-hundred shot range model air rifle.

>>35945210
I wish I had a perfectly cooked patty melt sandwich, on really good rye bread.

>>35950982
You'll shoot your eye out.

>>35951034
It appears directly inside your stomach, depriving you of its taste.

>>35951034
>THE FOOD HAS BEEN DEPOSITED INTO YOUR STOMACH AS YOU REQUESTED. ENJOY THE SENSATION OF A LARGE SANDWICH ATTEMPTING TO PASS THROUGH YOUR PYLORIC SPHINCTER WITH NO MECHANICAL DIGESTION HAVING TAKEN PLACE.

I wish for your love.

>>35948337
supr hawtttttt

>>35949415
pierce heavens, ect, ect

Dragon.
Dildos.

File: 8YtAkoX.jpg (41 KB, 500x411)

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push Cody Rhodes

Rolled 15, 15, 4 + 45 = 79 (3d20 + 45)

>>35947276
Time to get serious!
ULTRA YOYO HIGH SPEED SKIIIIILLLLZ!
AAAAH!

Meh can't create my own magical realm anyway.
why should I try this wish thing at all?

>>35945210
I wish your CAPS LOCK was fixed.

>>35945210

Please make my mother's remaining life be happy and blissful

>>35945210
I USE MY WISH KINDLY
TO GRANT THE WIZARD THE ABILITY TO SPELL
Shit, was that still greedy?

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>>35953053
That's pretty gay bro

>>35953053
She gets raped by a pack of wild niggers to death.

>>35953053
Her remaining life lasts two minutes.

>>35953087
>>35953098
>>35953121

HUE, thanks tg

>>35953209
Lesson: wishes are for chumps.

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>>35945210
I wish for a million wishes!

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>>35953053
Ha ha, what a story anon.

>>35945210
I wish you would go away.

>>35945210

Enchant my weapon with firebrand, plox.

>>35945210
Self-wiping ass please.

>>35953314
Your penis is now always on fire. It burns.

>>35953328

You received a horse ass, congrats, you are a herbivore now

>>35953328
Your ass grows an arm and a toilet roll holder.

>>35953391
>hurr
>>35953419
Perfect.

I wish for all of Creation to be destroyed.

>>35953328
A man with a high preassure cleaner constantly follows you.

>>35945210
I wish to be a full caster

File: caster.png (1.28 MB, 777x1562)

1.28 MB PNG

>>35953459
Okay

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>>35946689
DO ME YO-YO MASTER BECAUSE YOU'RE THE YO-YO GUY!

>>35945210
Bring back the 80's

>>35945210
I wish for the most comfortable pair of underpants ever!

>>35953660
Your underpants say "Thank you!" and chill out like never before.

>>35945210
I wish to rape an elf.

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>>35953825
You get to rape this guy.

>>35947932
> Eat only Double Whopper Nachos with extra cheese and extra bacon for three months.
> Yes I want a big menu, and strawberry milkshakes instead of soda, extra chili cheese and onion rings. Add in a cheeseburger on top as well.
> Get really fat.
> Shapechange into a bodybuilder that's one pound lighter than me.
> Adjust until I look awesome.

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>>35953554
Ugh. That is a very un-toned ass. Come on, man, we're online. You can do better than that.

>>35945210
I wish to not make a wish.

>>35953915
>Not wanting to smash that soft butt.
>virgin and gay.

>>35953922
You unwish your wish to not make a wish an fucks time-space continum fucking the whole multiverse.

>>35953947

>Wants fatty butt instead of fit chick ass.

I mean, I guess everyone has a fetish. Why you gotta hate the squats though, bro?

>>35953825
You get to rape a male elf who has a huge-ass cock.
Like a seriously large cock.

>>35945210
My wish is for you to be free!

>>35945210
What if I want a loli?

File: Rich.jpg (109 KB, 919x720)

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I wish we found another Forever GM so that I can play in a game instead of running it for once.

>>35953825
He has AIDS. You catch it.

>>35945210
I wish that it didn't be like it did, but it was.

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>>35954089

>>35945210
How greedy is too greedy? You've got any guidelines, Mr. Wizard?

>>35954122
Let's put it like this: You're probably better off not wishing at all.

I wish for the means to get what I desire.

>>35954111
Because I have Really Been Far Even as Decided to Use Even Go Want to do Look More Like since I was a small child, and this might be my only chance.

Can you help me, wizard?

>>35954129
Then I bid the wizard good luck in his future adventures and sally forth.

Surely there's a better way to get a friendly, intelligent construct creature.

>>35948085
What game're you guys talking about?

>>35954213
S.T.A.L.K.E.R.

>>35947742
>Enter the greentext where an Anon raped a ghost

>>35953987
I have learned well from the prophet of ass a few threads ago.

Unnecessary conflict is the epitome of stupidity.

As such.

Why not both?

>>35953441
edgy, greedy and impossible
are you Elan Morin Tedronai by any chance?

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>>35945210
I wish a thicker dick
...6.5 inches around seems good to me

>>35954266
Wish so that you dick talk and sing.
No bitch can resist a dick that raps fast.

>>35954266
Your dick gets so thick that you die from lack of blood to the brain if you get an erection.

>>35954266
7 around here. It's pretty cool.

>>35954020
>Elf
>Large cock

It's like you never heard of Dwarves or something.

>>35954266
You lose all feeling in your dick and are incapable of an erection.

>>35945210
I wish all Elves could never use a bow again, thereby forcing them to actually learn to fight with a sword instead of being pussies in the back. I accept all outcomes of this wish.

>>35954288
> rapper penis
> My names is(what?) ... my name is(who?)... my name is (*beatbox*)slim penis!

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>>35954334
Being an expert on demihuman penises let me tell you that elves have the largest penises of all bipedal races baring lagomorphs, equines, custom made androids and certain shapeshifters.

Dwarves though on average have the thickest and most vigorous penises, capable of preforming many dozen times in a row, far more then the at most one dozen of an elf of the 8-11 of a well trained human.

Though size and thickness is not all, this must always be remembered, forexample catfolk's thorny barbed penises are constantly popular for the pleasant pain they cause.

This is a very interesting field of study, I advise all scholars and sages to at least dabble if nothing else.

For adventurers: I would pay two to five thousand gold coins if one would acquire a willing test subject for the following outsider races: Any angel. Hound Archon. Incubus. Bodiac, an appropriately formed Living Nightmare.

>>35951418
I'd pierce her heavens, if you know what I mean

>>35954402
>largest penises of all bipedal races

If you go off of the Book of Erotic Fantasy size and thickness is based off of Constitution. And do you know who gets a bonus to Constitution? Dwarves.

>>35954385
Elves become super flying mary sues samurai.
Also, Eragon tier elves that are all fucking casters with infinite stamina and mana that doesn't fucking respect it's own magic system.

>>35954385
They invent guns and conquer the world.

>>35954441
Barbarian dwarves.

>>35954441
>Book of Erotic Fantasy

A tome of fiction written by a bumbling amateur's sentient, necromantically animated penis. You would do well to ignore everything in it. Pshaw, Humbard Fatrod Bumblebreed is a better source of information then that glorified toilet paper.

>>35945210
I wish to be free of my sinful desires.

>>35954444
>Implying Dwarves haven't already invented guns in every setting
>Implying Elves would ever have the guts to leave their forests because "Muh homes"

>>35954442
"Oh good, now the local dragons can have snacks on the go!"

>>35954487
All desire is sinful. Welcome to nirvana, it's probably boring.

>>35954491
>dwarves
>inventing anything that isn't an axe

Gnomes are the inventors stinkbeard, not the race that is constantly going on about MUH TRADITIONS.

>>35954496
Excellent. Thank you, Wizard.

>>35948078
Haha. Oh man that is something my players would do, I can't wait to use something like this.

>>35954491
Eragon tier elves have an bullshit relationship with dragons, who woldn't never hurt an elf bff of their race.
Good luck with that.

>>35953554
>>35953915
too much ass

This actually once happened in a campaing I was playing in, once. My character was altruistic anyhow, so when he was offered such a chance, he instantly wished for the world to become an unending utopia of peace without suffering or violence.

I thought it was bullshit and was sure that he'd just be slapped and laughed at with "HAHA, YOU THINK I CAN ACTUALLY DO THAT SHIT?" but as it turns out, our DM was bored with the campaign and fucking ran with it. This, unfortunately, meant that there was very little for any of the characters to do any more, and all the other players quickly realized that shit was peacefully ruined. They were, incidentally, very fucking murderhobo-ish.

And so ended the campaign.

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>>35948311
>never have to go through the long-winded explanation about why I'm seducing/wearing extremely revealing clothes

I don't care what anyone says, this wizard is a pretty cool guy.

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>>35945210
I'd like to have strong will to forget about her and stop ruining my life with procrastination and indecisiveness.

>>35954605
Her? You forget that women exist. You ruin your life with alcoholism instead.

>>35954605
You now have infinite will and ego, and ruin your life with empty relations, drugs, bad choices and self deception.

>>35945210
I wish to DRIVE THE SAND-RAKERS OFF OUR WORLD

>>35949182
Hey fuck you crazy magic man, I didn't make any fucking wishes!

>>35945491
To having what I assume is a desire for a chromed fire helmet?

>>35954615
>>35954621
>alcoholism
>drug abuse
but these are signs of weak will
with super strong will you can't get addicted to anything

>>35950344
i smiled

I wish... for a ham sandwich.

>>35954744
There are drugs that create a physiological dependence in those that use them.

I wish a Nigga would

>>35954784
You got it, but you cant eat it.

The anon below me gets his wish without any downsides

>>35954945
I want to post a comment!

The anon above me doesn't get his wish.

>>35954784
Help yourself, but THE BREAD IS STALE

>>35945210
Ability to shapeshift.

>>35945210
I wish that any flying insect that comes within five feet of me would drop dead.

>>35955003
Shapeshifting also changes your mind, becoming a salamander will change your intelligence to that of a beast for example.

>>35955003
You can only shapeshift into a tree. You can't change back.

>>35955020
Apocrita are no longer considered insects.

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>>35945210
I want..
a..
herd of..
PET CLOWNS

THE WORLD SHALL FEAR ME!

>>35955077
I already fear you for desiring such a thing.

>>35955026
I'll take it.

>>35955029
Ugh.

>>35955047
Oh fuck you those are the only ones I'm allergic to.

I wish that no choice or action of mine, including this one, ever backfires.

>>35955192
Have fun killing beetles.

>>35947958

Easy loop hole, get people to believe in you so by doing a wish for them is doing one for you, and since you're a fucking mage now that shouldn't be hard

>>35945210
perfect shape shifting powers if you'd be so kind, and since I know you have to put a draw back on it, I'm okay with whole equal or less mass catch, but for that kind of power with that draw back its fair, so how about I use it to give you one last good time before we part ways. what do say? what kind of woman ya fancy maybe a cute elf or a succubus with no soul stealing after effect?

>>35945210
I don't want anything from you, old man.
Wishing devices suck. They give you the result without making you realize its value, the knowledge of which is always acquired through the process of struggle to fulfill your wish. No pain - no gain.
I mean, why would you ever make a wish? Why, I just can't conceive it. It would be fine if it was a Faustian deal where you either fully understand the consequences, but still roll with it, or you don't, and after the realization comes to you, it's already too late to do anything. It would be fine if it was Deus Vult, a god furthering its agenda in the world through you by inconspicuous means in exchange for giving you powers. But as it is, it's just a capricious trickster wishing device, which can be used by anybody for petty reasons. You must struggle for the fulfillment of your wish, because otherwise you will never understand its actual value and consequences, you will never take responsibility for it. There is no ulterior purpose. There's no understanding of actual worth. But, no, here you go - wish away to your heart's content! Change the world through nigh-omnipotent means by just saying a couple of words! What could possibly go wrong?
I will take everything from this world by my own power. I will deny every opportunity to tempt me into taking an easy path. Only then may we live by our own efforts, and credit for our achievements will be ours and only ours.

>>35955195
You are unable to effectively make choices or take actions anymore because every possible course of action eventually has some negative repercussions.

>>35955221
This so much.

>>35954864
a nigga now will, rob you blind kill you and rape your loved ones

>>35955232
Are you sure it's a good idea to piss off the wizard that can grant wishes? He's probably going to curse you now.

>>35955204
Well at least now I can purge the fruit flies and stink bugs. That's still pretty nice. I'll just have to keep using the "panicky half-run" technique for bees.

>>35955221
You now have the ability to shift into any perfect shape. The plutonic solids are yours.

>>35955232
>struggle to save wizard
>refuse wish reward
>struggle to slay dragon
>refuse treasure reward
>struggle to defeat rebels
>refuse knighthood reward

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>>35955238
I'd complain that it backfired, but that's pretty much the state I'm already in.

>>35945210
you seem cool, so I wish hang out with my cool new wizard friend

>>35955238
So nothing changes except my ability to make excuses is improved.

>>35955276
>He gets to turn into massive dice

>>35955277
That's actually how I play my paladins, monks, avengers and other people with a strict code of conduct.

>>35955287
You and the wizard hang from the gallows.

>>35955291
That seems silly. Unless you forge your own equipment, build your own shelters, grow your own food, etc then ultimately you're benefiting from someone's "reward" (more accurately trading with them). And I really don't think many codes of conduct actually prohibit accepting or claiming just rewards for your actions.

>>35955276
eh your loss wizard, I would used it to help you out, but if you'd rather be a dick and torment one mortal, a mortal who has a thing for wizards and enjoys a good practical joke now and then, have it your way.

>>35955304
well shit I found a suicidal wizard.

>>35955370
Wizard doesn't give a shit, you know he has Contingency: True Resurrection prepped.

>>35955328
I accept rewards on a "if it furthers my goals" basis. If it's a needless luxury that will not allow me to perform my duties more efficiently, I refuse it.
>medical aid
Accepted, it will allow me to not die and perform my duty.
>food
Accepted, same.
>luxurious apartment
Refused, the only thing I need is the roof over my head and a floor under my feet.
>nobility status
Refused, it will detract me from performing my duties.
>money
Accepted, it can be spent to allow me to perform my duties better, unless accepting it breaks my code of conduct.
>wife/family/orphans
Refused, it will detract me from my duty.
>friends
Accepted, they can be useful.
And so on.

>>35955458
You could just wish for your duty to always be handled superbly with or without your effort.

Whatever your duty is, surely it in itself is more important than you getting to do it personally. If not, you're just devoted to the self-satisfaction you get from your duty rather than the duty itself.

I wish I had five copper.

>>35955680
Congratulations. You now own five copper. And nothing else.

>>35955680
Five copper embed themselves in your colon.

>>35955389
Good for him! He'll resurrect right where his corpse is: dangling from a noose. Hopefully he enjoys suffocating to death instead of a nice swift severing of the spinal cord like he had the first time.

>>35955823
Metamagiced Greater Teleport.

>>35954334
He has a homongous large cock.
This will NEVER be explained.
Ever.

>>35955672
>If not, you're just devoted to the self-satisfaction you get from your duty rather than the duty itself.
There are no truly selfless people in the world. We are all addicted to the feeling of kindness and justice.

>>35956974
Kyubey pls go

If you could grant wishes, why didn't you just solve your own stupid problem and save yourself? I think you're a phony. A big fat phony.

>>35957389
Because wishes always end up fucking you over.