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The Skyship Crutch4 (These droids have the strangest naming conventions) is in fine shape. We managed to pawn an actual weapon off of a trader a few light-years back, so we finally have more offensive capability than "Tape a ray-gun to a rocket and hope it kills them." We've also acquired a new crewman, a Dr. Mr. Derek, a Slugman. We hired him as a prostitute from a Central Station bar, and he promised to do anything to please me. He didn't count on space combat getting me rock hard, but he seems to have taken a liking to his role as engineer.

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We sit poised to take off from the Long-Range FTL Ring, a device that extends the range of any FTL engine to allow for inter-zone jumps. We have two options: an Abandoned sector, where we're sure to face more pirates and Lanius scrappers, or an Engi holdout cluster, where perhaps the Droids can meet some friends. Where shall we go?

>>36006712
AWESOME!
>Warp 9 to Engi controlled space, mr.sulu!

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>>36007259
"Warp 9 to Engi space, Mr. Slugu!"
"That's a highly offensive, backwards-minded term for our species. I expected better of this than you, Captain."

Eh, we'll pick up a batch of SlugNubbins at the next Spacemart we pass. But, having arrived in semi-friendly Engi space, where should we go?

>>36007406
GO to the bottom one!

>>36007406
>>36007457

Bottom one. And someone get me a space-martini.

>>36007406
No, go to the mbottom one

>>36007406
>>36007471
We need a space-martini! that or a pan galactic gargle blaster

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We warp to the SpaceSoutheast, and come across an orbiting research station. And they just jettison a robot designed to beat things up at us.
The Droids begin scanning the thing for Akbar.zip.

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Meanwhile, the FTL engine has cooled, and Captain Tom Hinderson's lust for blood has not been sated by this gift. Where to next?
Dr. Mr. points out that the fuel guage is running a bit low; we only have enough Antiprototrontonium for five more jumps.

>>36007599

Excellent! Perhaps the robot can make a space-robot-martini.

>>36007637
Lower Right. I guess we could actually use boarders, as long as we put a few more points in drones.

>>36007637
Go to the store to get scape booze!

>>36007637

Store, get more fuel. And space booze for robot space martinis.

>>36007689
Space booze..... God dammit.

>>36007599
>>36007667
wait, it's for fighting in OUR ship, not boarding.

...I'd sell it for scrap.

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We beam into the welcome area of a nearby Engi repair depo; they strip things into scrap, and build more Engi, to strip more things, to build more Engi... this is probably some kind of slippery slope, but Hinderson sees no reason that it should be /his/ job to stop it. /His/ job is to deliver some super secret Rebel Intel to the Federation home base!

>>36007897

Fix up, fuel up, and make sure to get some little olives for the space-martinis.

captcha: very hailisocc

Very hailisocc indeed, captcha. Very indeed.

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>>36007897
They have some more things in the back.
They also say they can strip the Punchbot and get about 17 Spacebucks worth of scrap out of it. The Droids take him to the back room so he doesn't have to hear us talk about his deconstruction. He's not turned on or anything, but they say he'd know anyway.

>>36007897
Sell the anti-personnel drone.

Purchase combat drone?

>>36007955
>>36007959
damn, not enough cash.

But that ion blast is looking miiiighty fine...

>>36007955
Sell the bot, buy fuel, buy repairs buy space booze.
Then look at upgrades for ship.

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>>36007992
What kind of Plebbot only uses a Tier 1 Ion Cannon?

>>36008066
Nothing wrong with TWO ion weapons.

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>>36008012
We don't have much that could actually be used for upgrades. As the Engi shop owners explain exactly why they need more "4 Steel Chromium Plated Bolt to increase our reactor's output, they spot the anti-boarding drone and vocalize a sound disturbingly like the licking of one's lips.
Also, how /much/ fuel should we buy?

>>36008066
buy all the fuel, upgrade reactor, and if we have enough, piloting.

>>36008136
Sell the drone to the pervert and don't mention the vocalizations. You don't want to risk hearing the answer.

>>36008136
We need as much fuel as our budget allows. 5 is fumes, we need a full tank to get some more exploration in

>>36008136
Sell anti personel drone
buy a lot of fuel

well have 39 space dollors if we sell, buy all the fuel, and repair the ship. Do we upgrade or save? I'd vote to upgrade the REACTOR

>>36008384
Oh, or we could not get repairs and also upgrade our engines.

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We load up on gas, and leave the drone to whateverthefuck these guys want to do with it. Hinderson doesn't know much about Engi, but the logical conclusion of Fisting Robot and Possibly Maybe A Female Engi doesn't sit well with him. We also chuck some more Spacetonium in the reactor, to increase it's output!

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With the first signals of the Rebel fleet beginning to show in the area, we quickly jump to the only available node!
Upon arrival, C2D2 receives an urgent call on his inbuilt bluetooth, stands around talking to the air for a while looking like an idiot, then informs us of the situation.

>>36008457
>1. Respond to the call and move in to assist.

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We move towards them to assist, but our Comms are quickly hacked and overtaken by the image of a Mantis pirate captain, and in the background, a strung-up Engi! "Foolish meatsacks, your instinctual urge to assist others is pathetic! Luckily, our species does not have this flaw!"
Hinderson rolls his eyes at the enormous ham this guy is dealing out.
"Oh, shut the hell up, you try and think of something cool to say in like two minutes. Guys, get in the teleporter."
What are our tactics, men?

>>36008721
Ion blast the drones?

>>36008721
Usually I would just say "vent them out into space.", but considering we have the worst doors possible, I don't know.

>>36008721
>Have weapons guy retreat to O2 room, have shield guy go to doors, have engine guy go to o2 room, open doors to space by the o2 room but leave the doors closed, have Medbay on. Ion blast to drones, and activate combat drone.

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Captain Hinderson and Dr. Mr. charge the intruders, while R3P0 takes the wheel!

>>36008866
When, suddenly, a much better idea occurs to him!

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>>36008919
Hah, dork bugs. You can't outrun space!

>>36008958
Okay now open up the north doors so they break into a room that has no air.

>>36008958
and move guys to defend the o2 room

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Combat update. The bugs are outrunning air.
Hinderson appreciates their tenacity, but does not approve of it.

>>36009010
you know if you open both doors to space the air depletes faster

>>36009010
are you waiting for input? then please see >>36009006

>>36009010
get that room repressurized as soon as they are dead. also target the enemy ships teleporter room so they cant beam their filthy mantis crew back.

no survivres f you board hinderson's ship.

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One of the bugs suffocates, scratching wildly at the door. Perhaps enraged by this, the other crashes through it, into the hallway!
Hinderson was waiting, and his blaster was drawn. The corpses will be disposed of later, or synthesized into Spacemeat. With the intruders dead, we can focus on the ship-to-ship combat! We've been drilling into the other ship's Drone system with our Ion cannon, but it seems to strong to break. They've been trying to shut down our shields so their Cutter Laser can tear us apart, but thanks to the prowess of our Shield Monitor, they hold! As it is, however, we appear to be at an impasse. Neither Ion Cannon can reach the core of eachother's ship, and should we launch a drone, their own would destroy it instantly. Perhaps we should use our sparkly-new Hull Smasher Laser? Or do you reccomend another tactic?

>>36009010
In the future, the air will deplete faster if you open both doors and shut off the oxygen.

>>36009262
try the hull laser at least once just to see what happens.
If not just walk away and tell them to come up with better banter next time.

>>36009262
>Try the hull smasher I guess.

>>36009262
Just idle for 20 minutes letting your crew soak up valuable shields, weapons, and piloting experience. Think of it like a training exercise.

>>36009286
Also, the air refills faster if you close all external doors and open all internal ones when your air is all over the place like this.

>>36009262
Backing this >>36009328

>>36009328
The boring option. Probably sensible, but...so boring.

>>36009328
I believe it's possible for enemies to eventually run out of drones and missiles. So idling is best course of action.

>>36009328
boring option ahoy

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>Captain Tom Hinderson, renowned for taking on Pirates, Rebels, Cultists, and Space Pirate Cultist Rebels
>Being boring
It turns out just blasting them is equally boring, because the ship the pirates captured was built so much like a turtle. We finally manage to bring down the shields, and Derek's psychic eyestalks are picking up the "Oh god, there's a hull breach and we have no med bay, jesus christ" kind of signals. Should we just blast them to hell, or treat them to some special kind of to-hell blasting?

>>36009503
Oh we got through?

Ion up and get their O2.

>>36009503
Ion their O2. You get WAY more scrap if you can kill all the crew without blowing the ship up.

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We charge the Ion cannon, and wipe their O2 system beyond recognition. Derek slowly gets this kind of far-away, horrified look as the ship slowly loses it's air and the pirates, and captive Engi, slowly suffocate, cursing our names to the Black Void.

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>>36009637
Hinderson grits his teeth and grips the wheel. There is a mission to complete.

>>36009637
PTSD incoming.

By the way, we really need to save for weps 5. If we get into another situation like this we may not be so lucky.

>>36009668
Go north

>>36009668
Spacenorth. We aren't rich enough to bother with the shop.

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Dr. Mr. calmly takes up his postion, and we fly SpaceNorthward bound.
We arrive in the middle of a field of wreckage. We could probably go all Sherlock on this place and find out that the killer of all these ships was secretly a batch of clones under sleeper cell orders to destroy them all at once in the grandest insurance caper since 2347, but do we care enough to actually do that, when the rebels are right on our ass?

>>36009890
INVESTIGATE!

>>36009890
investigate that shit

>>36009890
Have a look. What could go wrong?

>>36009890
Investigate and wish we had better sensors.

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We determine that it was actually a pretty small insurance caper. According to C3D2's fantasy romance novels he keeps hidden under his charger, they're fairly common. We search the place for hot newly-built droids waiting to be rescued among the wreckage, but there are none to be found.

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>>36009986
We only have one jump point available, so we take it.
And get some MORE free money. This is the kind of thing that happens when we're about to face some kind of boss; you get to refill all your ammo and that kind of thing. Hinderson's genre-savvyness is setting him off a little.

>>36009986
Sadly, we still don't have enough to bring both guns online. Enough said scrap for weps 5 but we lack power.

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We can see some of the forward-scout Rebels waving at us from their cockpits, we better jump fast!

>>36010052
NORTH!

>>36010027
>>36010049
Never mind.

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>>36010052
Our 2 o'spaceclock seems the best option.

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>>36010146
We attempt to pilot the ship in the shape of a digital 2:00, and wind up here.
We receive an urgent distress signal from an Engi pil-
Waaaait. Wait wait wait. We JUST fell for this trap. As in, less than an hour ago, we got the EXACT same trap, by some different guys.
So Mantis have some kind of communal handbook of "Plays to catch suckers?" If so, why hadn't they coordinated? I mean, the first can do the "We need help" thing, the second can perform the "Weekend at Barnies," and so on. You don't just stack traps like that, it insults our intelligence.

>>36010193
"Assist" with weapons armed and ready, sides free loot

>>36010193
The Engi have a standard code for these things. That's actually exactly how an Engi ship in critical condition would call for help.

>>36010193
Help anyway, more loot.

>>36010193
Shoulda bumped our guns up.

Let's go rescue some silicone.

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"Master Hinderson, our people actually have a standardized code for signaling distress, and that's a-"
"Shut up, R3. Let's go blunder into this obvious trap."
Except it isn't! They're legitimately being attacked by some Mantis assholes! We get a hail on the comms,
"Pahahaha! Foolish fleshlings! For, you see, our mighty, awesome, fearful ship is outfitted wi"
We turn off comms.

>>36010248
Damn this phone.

>>36010302
Ion and combat drone

>>36010302
Medway off and drone up.

Hey, guys, I'm playing FTL while reading the thread, and I just ran into a pirate ship with a Beam Drone 1, and a Mini Beam, and NOTHING ELSE. What the hell where they thinking?

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We boot up the killbot, and set our phaser to stun. Which is it's only setting but you get what I mean. We tear is apart easily, and find a Defense Drone in the cargo bay! Which is neat! Probably useless, but neat!

>>36010439
That's actually really nice. It shoots down missiles (which shields don't block) and even boarding drones.

>>36010459
Aw hell, left the name on. Sorry for being a namefag accidentally.

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>>36010439
We call up the Engi ship, and they thank us for our gratitude! One says they want to "Take the fight to the Mantis bastards himself," and hops on board! He's a skilled engineer... but what's his name, and what's his story! We read over his file as C2P2 and R3D0 welcome their Ro-Bro aboard.

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>>36010482
In my professional opinion:

>>36010459
>It shoots down missiles (which shields don't block) and even boarding drones.
I find that they spend all their time shooting down "laser" shots while you have full shields and ignoring the dangerous stuff.

>>36010486
Aziraphale was trying to body-hop back to England but ended up in this guy instead.

>>36010486
Nikolai, an Engi fascinated with high-energy mechanics. Became interested in power generation and plasma dynamics while attempting to design a world-spanning wireless energy distribution system. (The range was lacking, but the electromagnetic interference proved to get Engi high.) Ashamed of his failure, he threw himself entirely into reactor engineering and ultimately engines. Has a radiation scar on left shoulder. Enjoys meatbag pornography for the plot and as a source of comedy. Speaks high-school Slug.

>>36010590
Okay, yeah, this one's better than mine.

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>>36010564

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Hinderson shows Nikolai around the ship.
"This is the sensor room. We also watch DVDs here inbetween jumps."
Nikolai gets a little excited at that. "What type of digital television?"
"Oh, nothing too great. We found a bunch of Classic Era Comedies behind the fridge; 'Alien,' 'Predator,' 'Total Recall.'"
"I've brought a wide selection with me as well for our viewing pleasure." He digs in his bag. "For example, take this one; 'Mantis Pirates: After Your Booty.' Fantastic blooper reel."
Hinderson tries to ignore this, but everybody knows Mantis porn is half gladiator-style fighting. And nothing gets Hinderson rock-hard like Mantises dying. He can just pretend that the queen eating the head at the end is him.
"Okay, this our engine room, commanded by Dr. Mr. Derek over there."
"Oh, a slug! *ehrm* What is happening, my Good chum? Allow this individual[/spoler] to teach you how to really perform routine maintenance!"
Wow, he's actually really good. He fiddles with the wiring and using some kind of weird hookup and an Ethernet cable manages to hook the reactor directly to the ship's thrusters; we're now more maneuverable in combat, thanks to him!

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>>36010907
>Spoler
>SPOLER
With the crew newly acquainted, we settle in to ship out. But where to?

>>36010907
Let's get wep 5 and two power please. Then we have both guns and combat drone at the same time.

>>36010936
upgrade!

>>36010936
Top one, we have time.

>>36010907
It might be better to put Dr. Mr. Derek on weapons or shields, so you can have a free Engi to repair damaged systems. Weapons train really fast with the Ion 2, so I'd suggest that.

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We weld some more scrap onto our systems. C3 notes that we have EXACTLY enough scrap to buy locks for our doors, along with more power capacity for our weapons and reactor power overall!

>>36011029
yeah, buy locks.

>>36011029
Dr. Mr. Derek needs his door locked.

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We jump to the upper of the two beacons, and find an Engi ship mid-combat with a Mantis assault squad! The Engi jump away with some of the squad in pursuit, but one stays behind to fight us! Perhaps it thinks us a worthier target? This is correct. They're also probably totally fucked.
Using our sensors manned by DrMrDerek, we see that the lone Mantis crewmember is rushing for the teleporter!
Oh noooo
What will we dooooo
If only we had locks on our dooorrrs

>>36011151
You could also put Dr. Mr. Derek on Doors and he'd still be able to see enemies on their ship, as he is a Slug.

>>36011151
Move slugs to doors, Space any bugs that come aboard. Ion blast the shields and follow up with hull laser to damage it, the damage the clone and O2, ion blast clone and O2, lets take this ship.

>>36011151
No need for drones, save drone parts. Up the guns and target the clone bay.

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The Mantis 'ports aboard, into the shield bay! Then we clear the room, and Dr. Mr. Derek pushes the "Super Double Close" button on the doors. Then we make rude gestures at him through the window.
He eventually poofs back, with a major blow to his pride struck.
Meanwhile, both of our weapons are charged! What is our plan of attack?

>>36011235
>>36011232
We have a cunning plan of attack already, apparently!

>>36011265
D'aw, thanks Cap'n!

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We lock down that ship like we locked down our new doors. With careful placement of EMP blasts, hull breaches in key areas, and forcing constant respawns until they were both gibbering morons from clone deformities, we manage to suffocate them both to death so hard their clone bay just gives up. Hurray!

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The rebels approach faster and faster, but the end is in sight! However, the taste of scrap on the wind draws us... where do we go?

>>36011373
SpaceSouth. The magic space fun bux await.

>>36011373
south

>>36011373
Quick check to see if space south actually allows a jump towards the east. If it's all good then we go for the gold.

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To the south! We spot a Mantis scout whaling on an Engi trade station. As in all they're doing is denting the armor. The place has, like, Level 5 shields, there's no way they can get through. So, of course, they turn to us.
And just from a quick analysis, they can't even hurt us either. They have two single-shot weapons. I think.
How should we laugh at them?

>>36011459
I think we need more pew pew pew

>>36011459
That's a two shot on the left. Knock out their weapons.

>>36011459
Take the ship, knock out their O2.

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>>36011510
Indeed it is! Good spot, ensign.
We attempt to deprive the crew of O2, but luck just doesn't favor us: we can't keep it down for long enough to matter, while managing not being hit by their actual weapons. So, we blow them up. No big deal, really.

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>>36011582
The question is... how thick is the brass plating around Hinderson's balls?

>>36011594
Think enough that everyone in a one mile radius can hear when he gets some action. We head south.

>>36011594
HEY YOU SHOULD GO BACK TO THE RED AREA

THAT'S ACTUALLY THE FEDERATION, THE FEDERATION ARE BEHIND YOU AND THEY HAVE FREE REPAIRS AND AWESOME WEAPONS

>>36011594
>>36011616
This guys sounds pretty legit

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Hinderson gives the order, and we go.
We find a group of Federation loyalists, hiding a pile of weapons and stuff from the Rebels!
"Can we have the weapons?"
"No, we need them for a trap!"
"Can you set off the trap yourself?"
"No, we need your weapons!"
Some people.

>>36011594
Jump spacesouth, it'll work out just fine.

>>36011664
That's a spot of good luck. Gives us more exploring time. Let em blow it.

>>36011664
Stea- I mean, "Secure" that loot!

>>36011664
YOU SHOULD GIVE THE WEAPONS TO THE REBELS AND TELL THE STUPID ENGI TO FUCK OFF

WORTHLESS XENOS, CAN'T THEY SEE THAT HUMANS ARE

UH

I MEAN

WOO ACCEPTANCE!

>>36011664
More explosions are good explosions. Set the trap.

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We set them up the bomb, and send out a "Hey we have super secret intel nanana boo boo" signal originating from the cashe. The Rebels are delayed by two turns! We better make these jumps count.

>>36011714
THE STORE SOUNDS LIKE A GOOD OPTION

THOSE STUPID REBELS ARE TOO SLOW TO CATCH YOU

>>36011714
NorthEast.

It's a little risky so we may as well bum around the gate.

>>36011714
thanks for running cap'n but this spacer needs his 40 winks in under 5 hours.

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NorthEast we go, and we find a pirate lying in wait! He uses some kind of Technomagic to break our engine, but Nikolai's Electrosorcery shuts that down! What's our strategy?
>>36011753
I'm getting tired to, but I always end at the Warp >>36011753
Gate.

>>36011796
Nuke the shields, nuke the engines. Standard operating procedure.

>>36011796
If you're tired QM then maximum firepower! Guns AND drones.