>>36410198
Get granpa's old wwII arsenal from the barn, Give the panzerfaist to Bigg and grab an MG42 for ourselves, the rest is up for grabs for the farmers.

Put them under cover or inside the barn, maybe put some good shooters above it to snipe.

>>36410198
Oh dear, this might get banned with that title and that username.

Also,
>Wear the two-headed being's carcass on yours and Bigg's head.

>>36410295
Possibly. There, now it's nice and Latin.
>>36410281
Grandpa's what now?

>>36410320
Rule of cool.

>>36410320
I still think you should delete and rename the thread something less obviously sexual. You can never be too safe what with how the mods are nowadays.

>>36410361
Right, we're going with it.

As the demonic army approaches the town, you gather back the villagers to devise a plan to beat them, or at least survive.

"We ain't got near enough firepower to hold em off!" Mr. Richardson says "Once the guns are done we'll be sittin' ducks!"

Firepower, eh? Well, pappie always was a gun nut, and you know he kept his stash of shooters in the barn for the day the Russians invaded.

"Follow me, we can get more ammunition in the barn!"
Leading the farmers behind you, you run to the cellar, break off the lock, and open it up. From the light of your flashlight, you can see dozens of rifles, shotguns, pistols and submachine guns. Most are rather dated, some even from before pappie was in the War, but the majority are still in working condition. Taking an MG42 for yourself and strapping it over your shoulder, you motion for the rest of the townsfolk to take their pick.

A few mines, and a crate of undetonated grenades, are taken as well.

"Alright, those hellspawn are gunna be on our ass like ugly on an ape in a few minutes, so we need to hunker down and git under cover."

You direct each one in turn to a firing spot, two 'snipers' - Mr. Cox and Mr. Shun, frequent hunters - on the upper platform of the barnhouse, the Richardsons with their submachines into a nested position beside the barn, protected by water barrels. Mr. and Mrs. Bownar take their guns and hide behind a chicken coop, and the others scatter around into concealed positions.

Everything is still, no sounds except distant thunder. The soldiers of hell land, and march towards your position. Far behind them, carried on a dais by several lower demons, is the Captain herself.

What next? Roll a d20 and respond with your next plan of attack.

>>36410320
Ah i see how you can be confused....He meant "Panzerfaust" THE CHEEKINESS IS TO HIGH!

Rolled 14 (1d20)

>>36410521
Bigg SMASH some fuck while we Lay fire on the Prime.
Everyone else supress the minions

>>36410536
Hey the I is right next to the U. Heheh

Rolled 5 (1d20)

>>36410521
>Wear the centipede and wave them over.

Rolled 11 (1d20)

>>36410521
Whoa, whoa, whoa! Bubzi has a pussy?

>>36410198
Nice.

>>36410609
Lold

>>36410521
>Challenge their champion to a duel and use TKQ's duelin' system for the fight

>>36410633
Tqk?

>>36410642
What's "TQK?" I was talking about the ded Three Kingdoms Quest's battle system. Crusader Quest also uses it. It's a bit like rock-paper-scissors.

>>36410682
PPQ adopted something like it, didn't they?

3 types of moves and you gotta figure which the opponent is using so you choose yours appropriately

>>36410536
>implying Bigg would use a weapon

>>36410564
>14/20

The hellish horde charges, shouting cries of anguish and seething hatred and rattling curved sabers and crude spears overhead. At the vanguard are the Elites, led by Prime 3 - "Cerberus". The many-limbed Elites clack their claws and and whip about their pointed tails, eager for combat.

Behind them ride Prime 7 "the Serpent" and Prime 11 "the Minotaur", each flanked by a host of servile demons and relevantly-mutated Soldiers. Primes 2 and 13 are nowhere to be seen.

As they charge, your snipers take their first shots. Two Elites fall, but the others continue, undaunted. A stray bullet catches Cerberus in its flank, and it howls in rage, bounding forwards.

The Prime lunges at your position, eyes aflame and claws outstretched, and you prepare to make peace with your gods. You close your eyes, and hear a dull thump. Looking up, you see your brother tackling the massive hound, his hands beating at the beast's upturned chest relentlessly.

Remembering to thank him profusely later, you turn back to the oncoming horde.

>(Cont.)

>>36410805
With a shout, you open fire. The MG shakes with decades-old intensity as bullets streak through the front of the army. Several Elites are struck down, but the outdated accuracy of the weapon makes it hard to aim lethal blows.

An explosion rocks the left of the infernal legion, as the rest of the townsfolk begin firing as well. Soldiers are falling fast, but more fill in their place and the horde advances. The Minotaur hefts a massive axe overhead and, tiring of the slow advance, lugs it overhead. The axe twirls in the air, colliding with a beam on the chicken coop. The structure cracks and collapses under the force, falling over and forcing the Bownars to flee for new cover.

An elite rears back, its tail whipping around to strike you. Luckily, you manage to bring up your MG in time to tear apart its torso before it can contact you.

(Roll a d20 for each update I make to determine how well things are going.)

Rolled 17 (1d20)

>>36410872
Allahu ackbar!

Rolled 17 (1d20)

>>36410872
>Drink our moonshine, we're better at things when we're drunk

>>36410872
Bigg Hardon and Fellate Hardon, Demon Hunters

Rolled 11 (1d20)

>>36410872
MAIM KILL BURN

>17/20

As the Elite falls, you stand in turn, raising the MG to your chest. In a fashion very unrealistic but extremely cool looking, you fire the machine gun at chest level, turning in an arc to spread the carnage as wide as possible. Scouts and Soldiers fall before you, and the efforts of the farmers seems to be thwarting their advance.

The Minotaur charges at Mr. Cox, but a sniper shot cracks his horn in a very familiar manner. He cries with rage and runs towards the barnhouse - right into a landmine of the many scattered around your positions. The Prime's lower half becomes a mess of limbs and ichor, and it falls dead. The other demons hesitate briefly at the sight, but a few unintelligible words from their Captain spur them on.

The serpentine soldiers of Prime 7 overcome the crude barricades around the Richardson's position, but are forced back under concentrated fire. While you're distracted by them, you fail to notice a primate-looking Soldier lunge at Mrs. Bownar felling her and nearly decapitating her before her husband kills the beastly ape.

Meanwhile, Bigg is still grappling with the Prime, his hands around the beast's neck but its claws tearing around him and at his chest. Roll an additional d20 this round to see how Bigg fares.

Rolled 2 (1d20)

>>36410981
GO BIGG OR GO HOME!

Rolled 4 (1d20)

>>36410981
BIGG RICHARDS

Rolled 6 (1d20)

>>36410981
>>36411021
i- i'm gonna go home now

>>36411030
>>36411021
Well shit

Rolled 17 (1d20)

>>36411021
>>36411030
>>36411036
>2,4,6
Well shit looks like Bigg will have to be saved...

BY THE US MARINE FORCE
HOO RAH

BIGG! NOOOOOOOO!!!!

File: Spoiler Image (610 KB, 683x1024)

610 KB PNG

>>36411021
Apparently bigg is going home....In a bodybag....

>>36411056
Analhalla is the home of all who die in buttle

File: 565091.jpg (91 KB, 640x400)

91 KB JPG

>>36411083
>Bigg comes back as a EnherjAss

>>36411083
Buttle is when you not only die in battle, but you also let loose the fart of your soul

>>36411083
Bigg Ass Hardon

>2/20

Bigg throttles the gnashing hound above him, using all his might to fell the fel beast. The claws of Cerberus prove too effective, however, and with a slice of the hound's paw, his throat is slit. Blood sprays along the floor, and your mind seems to fall still as the scene plays out before you.
A gurgled cry escapes your brother's lips, and his body lays back, surprisingly calm in the chaos around you.

(Roll 1d20 for resurrection)

Rolled 11 (1d20)

>>36411197
LIVE
FOR
ASSES

Rolled 9 (1d20)

>>36411197
>Box his ears and tell him to quit loli-gagging!

Rolled 13 (1d20)

>>36411197
NOOOOOO

Rolled 631 (1d666)

>>36411197
The name of Satan compells you RISE

>>36411219
NO, NOT SATAN, WHAT DO YOU THINK WE'RE FIGHTIN' HERE!?

>>36411197
Give him a parting kiss! Fel loved her brother after all

File: 1371537994137.gif (846 KB, 500x211)

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>>36411219
Oh shit nigga....Thanks satan?

>>36411197
>>36411227
If he comes back with a devil in him, can we punch him out?

Rolled 35 (1d100)

>>36411227
Ghetto demons?

>>36411232
On the cheek, right?

>>36411247
Yeah, and at first it'll be this neighborhood, but then they'll start spreading to all the other counties, and later on they'll even be wanting to go to the same schools!

>>36411257
What would you do if your daughter came home with one of these 'demons' and told you it was her new boyfriend?
Grab my shotgun is what I'd do, damn demon son's a bitches stealing our job and women

>>36411197
Do that "see-pi-ar" thing, it might work.

>>36411232
Considering he's guarded by a fuckhuge Cebrberus and there are several yards of demons between you, that seems unlikely.

>631/666

The demonic host is falling back, butchered by the intensity of your pappie's paranoia-fueled arsenal. You can think of nothing other than your brother, however, and look to him as the remaining Soldiers swarm around the Captain.

...wait, what was that? Did he blink? Your grief must be making you see things, you figure. Turning back to the fight at hand, you fire into the routed throng. The rapport is replaced by a short whine as the MG finally runs out of ammunition.

Tossing it aside, you draw your trusty pistol. The other farmers advance out of their positions, still firing on the demons.

Mr. Shun stands valiantly atop the barn. "They're retreating! We've got em beat, so let's rrrRRRROUND EM UP!"

With whoops and hollers, you and the other villagers advance. Several submachine shots to Cerberus' many heads finally fell the beast, his blood-marked from collapsing among his cohorts. The Serpent, not one it seems to retreat, charges Mr. Richardson. A blast from your pistol connects with its head, and the Prime flounders.

>(Cont.)
(And roll another d20, if you would)

Rolled 3 (1d20)

>>36411336
>>36411336
BLOOOOD POWER

>>36411345
>>36411336
Let's hope us and Bigg are actually half demons
and our Futa mom was a succubus.
Cause death seems kinda fucked up

Rolled 18 (1d20)

>>36411336
FOR THE SUCCUBUTT!

Rolled 568 (1d666)

>>36411336
Saten, pls halp

Rolled 5 (1d20)

>>36411363
He's gonna go to Analhalla to bro it up with Kraghammer, it's not that bad.

>>36411336

>>36411371
Stop!

Rolled 452 (1d666)

>>36411372
But this roll was for Feli

Rolled 25, 14, 20, 10, 24, 6, 23, 2, 11, 13, 19, 6 = 173 (12d25)

>>36411336
PRAISE JESUS!

Rolled 309 (1d666)

>>36411387
Do you want to escape the wild ride?

Rolled 162 (1d777)

>>36411407
Baby Jesus?

Rolled 13, 9, 16, 17, 2, 10, 3, 10, 8, 24, 11, 10 = 133 (12d25)

>>36411419
The power of Christ compels you! Away with ye, foul demon!

Rolled 32 (1d666)

>>36411437
>not one crit
Thas jeebus fer ya

>>36411371
Satan can't help you now, he's getting his ass beaten by a loli elsewhere.
>>36411407
>25/25
Roll saved for later.

>18/20

Your fellow townsmen charge against the demonic host, a reverse of the earlier carnage. The remaining Soldiers try to form shield walls, but their defenses are hastily constructed and crude, several defenders felled by sniper fire. The last Elite brings a claw-like hand to Ms. Snatch's shoulder, toppling her and leaving a grievous wound.

Marching inexorably towards the routed demons, you and the others loose the last of your ammunition into their ranks. As the bullets clear and the sound of firing dims, only five Soldiers, a Scout, and the Captain herself, somehow uninjured throughout the engagement, remain.

What now, victorious warrior?

>>36411463
Go check on Bigg

>>36411463
>Challenge the Captain Bubsy to a scrap!
>Get super drunk, it's time for a brawl!

>>36411492
>>36411463
Oh and of course leave the citizens surrounding them, to buy us the time to do so. Forgot to add this

captcha: Hicks lineeva

>>36411492
Probably best to deal with the immediate threat first before checking on Bigg.
>>36411463
Kill the Soldiers, interrogate the Captain.

Rolled 1 (1d20)

Rolled 2 (1d4)

Alright, rolling to choose.

1 = Interrogate, 2 = Check on Bigg, 3 = Duel the Captain, 4 = QM's choice.

Rolled 8 (1d20)

>>36411553

>>36411553
>2/4

Telling the others to keep the demons where they are, and kill the lesser ones, you turn back to check on Bigg.

Running down to the barnhouse, your flashlight scans the area, but there's nothing. No corpse, not even any blood. Did that foul hound eat him? Perplexed, you head back to the Captain, now last among her assault to live.

>Interrogate her by force
>Interrogate her with offers of freedom
>Interrogate her using other methods (Write In)
>Kill her
>Challenge her to a duel

>>36411601
>Interrogate her using other methods (Write In)
SEXUAL
SEX

>>36411601
>Interrogate her using other methods (Write In)
Tie her in the barn and bring in Master Blaster
The Champion Reproducer Bull of our farm

>>36411601
>Challenge her to a duel,A WRESTLING DUEL!

>>36411612
>>36411621
I should have figured that third option was a bad idea.

Rolled 7 (1d69)

>>36411621
>>36411601
Also rolling for bullrape quality

>>36411601
>Challenge her to a scrap, ain't nobody in these great states of ours who can take you on.

>>36411644
>>36411621
I'll support these i guess

>>36411663
Fuck didn't mean to link to>>36411621
Meant to link to>>36411624

Well, what say y'all that it's time for Bigg to join Ma?

>Challenge her to a scrap

You motion for the other townsfolk to lower their arms, but keep your own pistol aimed on the captain. Now that you're not slaughtering hellspawn, you can finally get a good look at her.

The Captain was obviously not planning to do any fighting herself, dressed in a garish pink suit straight out of Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band and with a small tiara placed between her nubbed horns. Despite her position, she still carries an aura of power and influence that is typical of the higher-ranking demons. Her black eyes glare daggers at you.

"What are you waiting for? Kill me! I am hellspawn, fireborn, an abomination to nature and to heaven! That is what you are doing, isn't it? Killing demons? So why do you hesitate?!"

You could just end her, you suppose, but that would be improper - killing a defenseless person. More relevantly, it would be boring. The familiar shape of her horns gives you an idea.

"I'm not gonna kill you... yet. If you want to get out of here alive, you'll hafta beat me in a scrap! If you win, I'll let ya run back to Hell unopposed. If I win, you'll be answering a few questions."

The demon hierarch looks at you, first in confusion but finally resolute. "Alright fine." She sneers "But I don't have any weapons on me."

You laugh, this woman never had a scrap before or what? "You don't use weapons in a scrap!"

Sighing, the demon stands, arms held out to the side and clawed fingers twitching in anticipation. Despite her apparent inexperience, this girl's not going to be an easy victory!

Roll 1d20 and state your plan of action.

Rolled 17 (1d20)

>>36411875

Rolled 7 (1d20)

>>36411875
Rush to her, feint a punch but instead roll to get behind her and do a piledriver

Rolled 5 (1d20)

>>36411875
Use binds, holds, chops, suplexes, and clotheslines on her. Also, rub her tail!

>>36411875
Hold the Lord's nascent visage in our hearts while we dedicate this brawl to Mrs. Bownar, Ms. Snatch, and Bigg.

Rolled 24, 2, 15, 15, 25, 10, 7, 16, 17, 25, 2, 3 = 161 (12d25)

>>36412011

>>36411637
Honestly, I was expecting the first demon we got our hands on to meet that fate. I'm surprised we made is as far as we have done.

Thanks for picking up the reins by the way

>>36412069
Such is the way of Kabbalah, the tale of endless Quest Masters.

I'll be applying this >>36411903 to >>36411912. Because >>36411903 didn't actually state a plan.

>17/20

You run forwards at the Captain, not bothering to announce that the fight had started. Bringing your fist towards her, she starts to move to the left. Your feint pays off, and you slip behind her as she dodges. Grabbing her chest and arm, you pull back and bring her down into one of your famous Suplexes. A dull thud heralds her contact with the ground, and you release her, standing back from the disoriented demon and preparing your next move.

(Another d20, another attack)

Rolled 19 (1d20)

>>36412102

Rolled 4 (1d20)

>>36412102
Low sweeping kick to the side of the head

Rolled 15 (1d20)

>>36412102

>>36412059
>Two 25s, and a 24.
Combining this with the 25/25 from earlier, mention when you want to use the Lord's benevolent grace. If the action makes sense and not too many anons are opposed to it, we'll get some Divine Intervention. But it is not a blessing to be wasted, mind.

>>36412120
Shit, writing.

>>36412138
Three 25s for a blessing given by wise men.

>>36412087
AKA QM training grounds

Wait, is Bubzi the captain, or is this a subordinate?

>>36412192
Captain

>19/20

The demon begins to stand, but you figure you've already shown her more mercy than she deserves. As she staggers onto her knees, you run forwards once more, swinging your foot around. The side of your foot connects with her skull, accompanied by a sickening crack.

The Captain slumps over, barely conscious after the attack. Any normal being would be dead at this point. "Urgh..." a dribble of black ichor leaks from the side of her mouth. "I... shit, I surre-hurk!" More ichor, as she turns to the side and empties the contents of her stomach. You weren't aware demons even ate.

Standing triumphantly over the defeated demon, you raise an arm in victory. The townsfolk cheer with sparse claps and howls. "Alright, I've won, so I have a few questions I wanna ask you..."

What do you want to ask the Demon Captain?

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>>36412217
Oh. Looks like this is a... CAAAAAT FIIIIIIIIIGHHHT~!

>>36412235
"Where is my brother's body?"
"How many demons are coming?"
"Any weaknessses you wimps have?"

>>36412235
>"Whose ass do I have to kick to get you fuckers to stop invading!?"

>>36412235
Examine the captain first

The demon kneels in acquiescence. You aren't sure if her submission is genuine, but that doesn't matter as long as the answers are.

"First things first, what the hell did you do with my brother's body?"

Bubzi looks confused. "No casualties were reported during the attack. Wherever your brother is, he's not with us."

You find it hard to believe, but by the time Bigg died the demons were already on the run. They wouldn't head back into the fray just to snag a single corpse.

"Alright. So how many more of you fuckers are invading, and how do I stop them?"

Bubzi almost laughs, wiping the blood from her face. "Invading? Is that what you think this is, an invasion? No.This is an exodus."
"Exodus? The hell are you talking bout?"
"The Prince of Hell... I don't know what happened, but he does not lead us anymore. He may have fallen. In either case, we were evicted from New Hell, and the whole damn kingdom separated from this country and floated into the sea. Last I heard, some angel types were holding seat there. So we did the only thing we could do: ran away, looking for a new kingdom." The Captain looks around. "This place just happened to be the first one in my sights. If there are any more coming, they're not in my command and they aren't going to be very large in number. I haven't had contact with another demonhost in two weeks."

You aren't sure if she's lying, but you don't know enough about demonic politics to dispute it.

You rack your brain for anything else worth asking. Or maybe you should just end this bitch now?

>Ask something else (Write in)
>Kill her
>Write in

>>36412427
>Examine her
Damnit we need to know what she looks like Six

>>36412427
>Ask something else
>"Why do you insist upon killing humans?"

>>36412451
Eh if he wants so much

>>36412451
See >>36411875

"One last question: Why have you been trying to kill humans to begin with?"

Bubzi looks up at you, her black hair strewn carelessly about her shoulders. "We're demons. We are servants of hell, the lieges of Satan, harbingers of chaos and madness, fuelers of unchecked passions. We kill because it has been bred into us, because we were born for killing, because those above us command it."

She pulls at her leggings, and seems to grin in thought. "And sometimes, we get hungry."

Well, you think, you shouldn't have expected a sob story from hellspawn.
What next?

>Kill her
>Write in

>>36412427
I thought NEW HEAVEN was expanding all over Texas. Has Texas broken off of America?

>>36412626
>Write in
Put her in the bullrape cage and watch it a bit. Then finish her off.

>>36412640
You're getting things mixed up buddy.
These are the United States of Texas

>>36412626
>"And what do you plan to do now were you to leave alive?"

>>36412427
>"Well why didn't you say so? Your scout made it seems as though you were set to conquer us. Here, we'll give you a bite to eat then wish ya well on your travels ahead!"

>>36412640
No, just a little bit of Texas broke off. New Heaven's agents are still out and about om the mainland though.
>>36412626
>"So wait, you were born a demon or you became one? How does this work exactly?"

>>36412659
>These are the United States of Texas
Oh, right, sorry, I forgot!
Man, really took everyone by surprise when Japan nuked New York City and Washington D.C.
You think you're friends with somebody after fighting them and settling things, and then decades later they'll renew that conflict for vengeance.
Oh well, U.S.T. is 10x better than the U.S.A. anyways.

>>36412724
At least we're better off than France who had to surrender to the 4th Reich, the Second British Empire and the French Caliphate all at once.

Or Japan at that matter, I hear some crazy Austrian guy destroyed tons of their shit and took their Gundam, so now China'll probably buttrape them into war.

>>36412696
Good question, seconded for inclusion

>>36412626
>Well, can steak serve as a substitution? Trick question, of course it can!

The more you know about your foe, you think, the better. "So wait, you were born a demon or you became one? How does this work exactly?"

Bubzi considers her answer for a moment.
"Well, most of the servile demons were just spawned directly from Hell. The Primes and Elites were mutated from former humans, once they submitted to our authority. Most of the Princes and higher ups have been around for a really long time, I don't know where they came from. It's not my place to ask."
She pauses, trying to stand. You keep a pistol trained on her, even now it's hard to trust someone who tried to kill you.
"I'm an odd case, to say the least. I used to be human, but I wasn't mutated or anything, I never swore fealty to the Prince of Hell. As far as I know, fealty came with the power. I woke up, buried several feet underground behind some ruddy barnhouse, and headed to New Hell."

Wait, where did she say she woke up?!

>>36412793
CHECK HER GENITALS

>>36412793
CHECK TO SEE IF SHE HAS AN HYPERWEAPON

>CHECK HER GENITALS

It can't be. You have to be sure.

"Take off your pants!!" You shout.

"What?! Why?"

"Take them off, now!!" You wave the pistol at her face.

Left no other option, the woman stands on unsteady legs and sets to removing her leggings. Eventually, with some rather gratuitous wiggling of her hips, she removes the leggings and turns back to face you. Beneath - boxers, covered in little devil drawings. You are dumbfounded, but you have to be sure!

"Those too! Hurry up!"

"So the victorious human has decided to take what she wants of the loser's body? How indecent of you." Her words are thick with teasing sarcasm, but you aren't interested in sex. You just want to see what she's packing,

The boxers are tossed to the dirt, and she presents herself. A dick hangs clearly between her legs, and if you knew better you'd say it was getting harder. Beneath it, you can make out the Captain's labia.

So it is true.

"Ma?! Is that you?!"

>>36413098
Bubzi holds one hand over her groin and the other to her head, absolutely perplexed.

"What? You think I'm your mother?! I may not remember my life before I woke up, but that's got to be one hell of a coincidence!"

How do you respond?

>>36413239
>"Quick, someone fetch Pa!"
>Examine her face and try to focus your blurry childhood memories. The only distinctive feature you remember is her straw coloured hair...

>>36413271
I'll second this

>>36413271
>>36413239
This, also start fingering her

>>36413239
>Yeah, it'd be one HELL of a coincidencin'!

>>36413313
>>36413271
>>36413325
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but it was mentioned Bubzi has black hair.

>>36413329
AHahah, this line must crop up

>>36413340
Demon magic

>>36413340
>implying becoming a demon couldn't change someone's hair colour
They only grow extra appendages and so fotrh

>>36413340
Straw is black, dumbass.

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>>36413387
What are you on about, son

>>36413429
A negro male killed my family's camel.

"Quick, someone fetch Pa!" You shout to the assembled villagers. A few shake off their astonishment and head for your farm, the others stand vigilant, watching the horizon for any more demon aggressors.

You can barely remember Ma, being only 2 when she passed and all, but you're damn near sure this is her. Not like a lot of folks got both male and female parts or anything.

Pa runs over to where you are, his hat in his hand. "Fel, what's the issue?" He stops when he sees Bubzi. "I thought y'all killed the demons already! Who... hey, y'dont reckon you've seen her before?"

Pa looks closer at the demon Captain, his eyes squinting behind the thick glasses. Suddenly, his eyes light up and he steps back. "Darla?! Darla, stars above! It looks jest like ya!"

You motion to the demon's clothing, and she quickly gets the message. Your father is still flabbergasted, however.

"What in the HELL are ya doin' alive! And now yer a demon? Say you ain't turned to Satan, Darla!"

Your Pa begins tearing up, but you're certain now that this is indeed your Ma.
What do you do/say next?

>>36413553
"Come on we'll get ye dressed and give ye a proper bath and dinner. Tomorrow ye'll help me look for Bigg.
You may be a demon but ye're still me ma"

>>36413566
This sounds about right. Let's drag that poor bewildered thing inside and fill a tub.

Also motion to the other villagers that everything seems to be done for now, suggest someone radios the old and young'uns that drove west.

>>36413553
>Speakin' of grub, we have one sorry sonuvvabitch who abandoned his kids. You wouldn't happen to have seen those kids, would you?

>>36413566
Kek best way to redemption a person,I'll support it

Bubz- er, Darla having redressed herself, you grab her hand and help her steady on her feet. "Come on we'll get ye dressed and give ye a proper bath and dinner. Tomorrow ye'll help me look for Bigg." The former demon captain looks perplexed. "Wh-what? I tried to kill you! What the hell are you feeding me for?"
You give her a compassionate look. Despite all the years of hatred and demonic influence, your mother is still in there somewhere. "You may be a demon but ye're still me ma"

As you, Pa and Darla head back towards the farmhouse, you motion to Mr. Richardson.
"Looks like everything's calm here now, just keep on of y'all posted on watch and the rest of you can set about goin to bed. Oh, and one a you with a radio, could you see how things are going with the young'uns?"

>>36413663
You heft Darla onto the couch and, as Pa draws up a bath, set about making dinner. All the while, you wonder if she truly is still your Ma, if the woman your father loved still exists in there somewhere. She's not acting like it, that's for sure. But sometimes people just need a good bath and a nice sleep to feel more themselves.

You finish preparing the stew, and wonder briefly if demons only eat humans. Putting it out of your mind, you set the table and call Pa and Darla to dinner.

- - - - - - - -

After the meal, and Darla's bath, you head off to sleep.

"Excuse me," Darla calls from the bottom of the stairs. "Where am I supposed to sleep, exactly?"

She could sleep in Bigg's - no, that wouldn't be right. If Bigg shows up sometime tonight, he's going to want his bed, yeah? Bigg always was a deep sleeper...
Looking up, you realize you've been staring for about half a minute.
"Oh, sorry. I guess you can just sleep in my room. Pa's probably asleep already."

Darla nods, and heads up the stairs.

>(Cont.)

>>36413959
Wow no one gives a shit Bigg died.
Not her dad, no one.

captcha: udnovice fathers

>>36414004
Of course we care, it's just that our mom is back, so she kinda takes priority for the moment.

>>36414013
No I mean her father didn't say single world on that. He didn't even mention his son isn't here, and Fel didn't even say anything to him bout it.

>>36413959
I can imagine it now...We're going to cuddle the fuck out of her in our sleep....And we're a WRESTLER.....I bet her reaction in the morning will be "Never again......"

>>36414004
We do care but we saw him get back up off the floor and he's since disappeared from sight. Everyone's tired and we've got demom to clean up, it's not like Bigg can't handle himself anyway

>>36414051
We saw him maybe blink and then his corpse disappeared.

>>36414040
Oh, well, you know how these country folk are. People of few words. A look can say all that needs to be.

>>36414065
My theory is Bigg is Kenny from South Park and he's somehow blessed by Satan to just respawn from his mom's vagina at night when killed.

>>36414004
Pa's the silent mourning type and Fel's still in denial about it.

>>36413959

You wake up the next morning to the same old cockerel crowing in your window. For a few seconds, it's as though things never changed, but reality catches up to you shortly in the form of a tipped demonic tail swishing in front of your face.

"Ah, you're awake." Darla yawns, stepping in front of you. Did she wear the same outfit all night? You suppose you'll have to lend her some of yours for the time being.

For now, your only plans for the day are heading out and trying to find Bigg. You hope he hasn't gone too far from town.

The morning sun filters through the room, painting Darla's hair a golden, straw-like color. The smell of pancakes downstairs tells you Pa's already woken up as well.

>Talk to Darla
>Go get some of those delicious pancakes
>Oh wait, get dressed first.
>Write in

Eh, let's just pray and hope he isn't in the Devil's clutches right now.

>>36414078
>Talk to Darla
>Go get some of those delicious pancakes
>Remember we're naked.....Eh fuck it for now pancakes

>>36414078
>Oh wait, get dressed first.
>A quick greeting to Darla and then head outside to finish off our morning chores. That bull won't wressle itself!

>>36414078
>See if Ms. Snatch and Mrs. Bownar are okay.

And this is where I step down. This went from a bulletfest demon battle to a Demon Roomate story. I think I've done my share of it anyhow, ought to let someone else start their turn.

Besides, if I keep going we're going to end up fucking Darla, and I don't want that.

>>36414110
>don't want that
>I agree but I don't but I do but I really want to any way

>>36414110
I do not wish to see that either six

>>36414110
So long as neither of them end up impregnated it should be good. We can't lose her again, we just got her back.

Any QM volunteers?
I'll do it if absolutely no one else shows up.

>>36414171
Well good luck mate,I'm biting the sleep bullet now though,And try not to do incest.GL,HF

>>36414184
See ya, mate

>>36414184
>try not to do incest
>in a rural smalltown

>>36414171
I'm just going to be a regular anon from this point on, but there will be at least a few players until things pick up later this afternoon.

>>36414215
I'm reluctant to QM again, don't want to monopolize things in here.

>>36414225
Sometimes you gotta do what's necessary to keep the Kabbalah spirit alive.

The Neverending Quest must continue, man.

>>36414225
Then don't. Or do. Just QM or don't QM. People just want a QM and won't force anybody to QM.

>>36414240
>>36414225
Besides, this is a new thread anyhow, tabula rasa man.

You were about to head downstairs when you realized your own lack of clothes. Can't go wandering around the house naked can we?

Quickly you put on some jeans you found lying around the room and the shirt you used the day before.
Just using the boots you always wear you leave for the dinning room.

You greet Darla while entering the hall between bedrooms, she greets you back, still a bit weirded by the recent events. The thought occurs to you that it'd be a nice time to chat with her, considering soon your mouth will be filled with... DELICIOUS PANCAKES.

>Talk to her? (y/n)
>About what? What to say?

>>36414394
>Using*
No just.

>>36414394
>Talk to her
"You don't remember anything from your old life?"
Maybe find something to remind her, I'm sure Pa has pictures of the two of them together.

>>36414394
>So, I heard from a guy passin' through here the other day that he was fleeing from you. He even left his kids behind. Have you seen them around?

>>36414394
>Talk to her
So whadda demons eat anyway?

>>36414434
Pretty sure it was mentioned they eat humans.

>>36414455
True, but I eat more that just chicken. Varied diet, yunno?

>>36414455
Maybe they like burgers? That's like, the town's #1 product.

You decide to start a conversation before continuing the journey for pancakes.
Better go with something light at first, don't wanna make things... well weirder than they are.

"Soo.. whadda demons eat anyway?" You begin.
"Oh, well, we can eat pretty much anything. Our favourite meal used to be humans of course.
We, however, often drank their fluids as well, more sustainable you see." Not the reply you expected. Fluids?

Well with that out of the way you decide to move onto more serious questions:

"I heard from a guy passin' through here the other day that he was fleeing from you.
He even left his kids behind. Have you seen them around?"

"Full of questions are you?" An almost inhuman smile forms on her face, impossibly shaped for her mouth.
Seems like she still has some of that ol' demon stuff in her.

"Well, we did see man trying to escape our exodus on a weird metal construct. He seemed desperate, but there were no kids with him. Maybe they were taken by another host?
Don't worry, we don't eat the kids, we put them in our farms, like I said, more sustainable."

This is truly horrifying. Nevertheless you push on.

"So, don't you remember anything of your old life?"

"Well there is one thing... I remember this weird pentagrammic circle, some humans dancing around me and shouting non-sense, I was stuck in a bed and couldn't move at all. Nothing else aside from that"

Huh, interesting.

>What do, Fellatio Hardon? I mean Felicia, Felicity. Oh you get it, Fel

>>36414598
>Go grapple the bull, like every mornin'
>Come back, eat pancakes and fuck talk to Darla some more.

>>36414598
>"Well, it's a good thing you'll be able to have some of Pa's pancakes! Y'know, again, err..."

>>36414598
>Welp, I best get on with my morning chores before breakfast. You're welcome to come watch if you're curious

>Women wielding Rabi magic
Disgusting

>>36414699
Read the thread, Kabbalah is far more than the title suggests.

>>36414645
Supporting this

>>36414699
>someone who doesn't know what Kabbalah Quest is
Hahahah! You're in for a ride if ye want.

>>36414634
>>36414645
>>36414646
Also:
Roll me 1d20, best of three

>>36414598
>After wrestling the bull, see if Darla will be interested in our stash of bull cum we've been saving up over the years in one of the fridges.

Rolled 13, 16, 11 = 40 (3d20)

>>36414724

>>36414713
I literally just saw the title and a woman doing magic and as a fan of jewish folklore could not let that pass. You may now carry on.

Rolled 7 (1d20)

>>36414724

Rolled 5 (1d20)

>>36414740
>>36414732
Alright, counter here

Rolled 13 (1d20)

>>36414724

>>36414737
This might have been about Jewish esoteric beliefs at one point.
It may never have been.
It may have been the whole time.

Such is Kabbalah Quest.

Rolled 4 (1d20)

>>36414759
The second MC wielded both demon magic and holy power, and she was an eternally 12 Nam Veteran.

>>36414779
but..but.. demon magic is literally holy power according to the ka-- okay I'm going now no need to give me that look.

>>36414724
>>36414715
Well, Pa'll probably need a few more minutes to finish those pancakes, so you figure you might as well go wrestle the bulls. Maybe Darla wants to go with you?

"Hey, uh. Mom? Darla? Do you want to come watch me bullfight?"

"Well, I don't believe there's anything more interesting, I accept your offer" You nod and both of you head out to the bull pen, giving your morning greetings to Pa on the way.

At the pen you decide to release one of the younger bulls, Milky. He's such an impulsive one, and as such once freed comes charging right at ya.

>16 vs 5, success

You jump up in the air and put both your hands on his head to propel your self even higher, easily dodgin his 'surprise' attack.

Darla seems amused by this.

>Plan of attack?
Sorry for the time I took and the short update, had to fix some shit around here while writing.

>>36414818
Read the archive.
Like seriously, don't worry bout shit, just read it for the laugh.

Rolled 16 (1d20)

>>36414820
S'fine.

>Give him the famous Hardon Suplex

>>36414820
>Bait another charge and sidestep, landing a roundhouse kick to his head

>>36414828
Yeah, this. Links in the first post

>>36414839
>>36414820


Oh right forgot it, please roll a d20 when you post your attack plan.

Rolled 11 (1d20)

>>36414843
Rollan

Rolled 12, 2 = 14 (2d20)

>>36414839
>>36414880

Aight then.

Bull mode.

Rolled 10 (1d20)

>>36414820
Tip him over!

Milky charges ain't jokes, he's a pretty damn fast one. Thing is, he's also a very dumb one.

>11 x 2
As he comes closer, you move your stance sideways while stepping to the left.
Rotating your body and increasing your momentum you send your leg flying right into his face as he passes through where you just were.

The kick is pretty powerful for a human, and you're sure you hear a cracking noise.
Blood is definitely coming from his left eye. Maybe you overdid it? Nah.

>16 x 12
He roars in pain but does not yield. He turns back and rushes you once more.
You're ready, as soon as he's within reach you give him an overhead punch which sends his face to the ground.
Quickly you move both your hands to his now elevated body and LIFT it with the unnatural strength that runs in your family.

You finnish the suplex, landing his butt on the ground with a very audible cracking sound.
After checking on his vitals you realize he's gone. The brave Milky is no more.

A minute of silence for him...

Which is interrupted by Darla clapping and grinning at you.

"Very impressive. I was not aware humans could fight like that, very interesting"

>What to do now?

>>36415018
Milky's*

>>36415018
>Resurrect Milky by milking him, offer Darla some.

>>36415018
>Display the Hardon strength that runs in Darla's veins by pulling out a flank of meat from the bull and eating it raw.
This will surely remind her of her old life.

>>36415054
Roll for ressurection
1d20
or 1d666

>>36415067
And you can.. uh roll for a very resistant intestinal flora and immune system?

Rolled 10 (1d20)

>>36415092
Pa's gonna be awful sore if we end up killing ANOTHER one.

Rolled 320 (1d666)

>>36415092
Only one way to resurrect right.
Failing that though, >>36415067 sounds good

Rolled 8 (1d20)

>>36415092
Rolling for resurrection via milking.

Rolled 2 (1d20)

>>36415092
Rolling for strong digestive system and hearty immune system.

>>36415117
>>36415109
>>36415099
>these rolls.

Rolled 18 (1d20)

>>36415109
Shut up, we don't need the devil dirtying this. He either gets saved though our own effort, or he dies.

>>36415092
Rolling to revive.

>>36415131
RIP Fel.
>>36415145
That works though.

>>36415092
Rolling for Fel's internals holding up

Rolled 14 (1d20)

>>36415200
>Now with actual dice

Rolled 15 (1d20)

>>36415067
He's too young and stringy though.

Maybe you can ressurect him? Mrs. Snatch always said she used to revive her husband with some ol' hand work.

You put his body in a more comfortable position. Seems like he's missing a large chunk of his thigh and his back and spine are gone to hell.
But it - could - work right? I mean you think they teach this in biology classes,you never went to school tough, so you don't really know.

Grabbing his large manhood you realize it's already erect. Maybe dying is a really exciting experience? Well, better save that thought for later.
You stroke it with both your hands, slowly and affably at first, but in no time you get rough, pumping that penis with all you've got.

"What are you doing?" Darla says, she looks perplexed.

"Reviving Milky"

"Wha..." She doesn't even finish her answer, instead she closes her eyes and smiles. "I'll help you out then".

1/2

>>36415345
Sitting next to you, she starts licking the frenulum (not that you know that's how it's called) and moving her fingers on the penis' entrance, as if teasing it. She then puts her mouth around the tip, sliding it in and stopping when the entire head is in her mouth, she licks the head and moves between it and just the tip.

This mother and daughter bonding experience is making you flush, but you keep going.

> 10, 8

Despite your best efforts it seems like Milky is gone for good. At least that's what you think until Darla starts putting more and more of the bull dick in her mouth. Soon she's got the whole thing inside of her.
How in hell?

>18
With a loud noise Milky wakes up, the sensation of his bullhood being wrapped by the demoness' throat and mouth bringing him back to the land of the living. Fantastic!

"Wow Mom! You did it!" You squeal with joy, Milky is alive and dad won't beat the shit out of you!

She smiles and removes the throbbing phallus from her mouth, revealing herself to be completely filled with cum.
You don't think she'll be eating any pancakes so soon. And you have new insights on demon feeding habits...

Your thoughts are interrupted when she leans on to you and french kisses you, just for a dozen seconds, but enough to put a mouthful of bull jizz on your mouth.

"Glaff I coulff helf"

"What?"

"Glad I could help, I said"

Oh

>What now

>>36415345
Let's see, we went...17 hours without smut. That dam had to burst eventually I suppose.

>>36415377
Also, do you fellows want to eat the meat that got cut off from Milky's body?

>>36415377
Wash your mouth out firstly, then drown out the taste with delicious pancakes.

>>36415402
Yup yup!

>>36415377
>Swallow, and give her a quick hug
>TIME FOR PANCAKES!

Rolled 8 (1d20)

>>36415406
This
>>36415402
Yeah, leave nothing to waste right?

Rolled 483, 204, 32 = 719 (3d666)

>>36415402
FUCK YEAH WE STRONK LIKE RUSSIAN!

>>36415402
Probably better we didn't, gotta save our appetite for breakfast.

>>36415429
>>36415426
>>36415425
>>36415420
Gonna let you reroll for that then.

1d20

>>36415406
>Wash your mouth out
But how do you think we got so strong?

Rolled 20 (1d20)

>>36415451
LIKE.RUSSIAN!

>>36415464
DIGESTION STRONK, MAKE GOATS SHAMED.

>>36415383
It's really been that long? I'm actually seriously impressed.

>>36415429
As if we couldn't eat an entire bull in one sitting and still have room for pancakes

>>36415464
See?

Rolled 14 (1d20)

>>36415451
CHEWCHEWCHEW

File: 1415143236905.jpg (10 KB, 235x222)

10 KB JPG

>>36415464
What the fuck.

>>36415486
Well, I'd really rather ->>36415464
Nevermind, EAT BULL NOW.

Rolled 6 (1d20)

>>36415451

>>36415406
I suppose we can cover the taste with bull meat now.

File: LIKE RUSSIAN!.jpg (101 KB, 400x400)

101 KB JPG

>>36415496
STRONK LIKE RUSSIAN COMRADE!

>>36415464
LIKE RUSSIAN!!!

File: 1416262338902.jpg (16 KB, 342x264)

16 KB JPG

>>36415573
>>36415581
>>36415464
Any and all future meals will pale in comparison to Russian Bull Devouring.

You swallow most of the cum and decide that the only way to drown out the taste is with RED MEAT.

Thus you grab the bits of Milky that got cut off during the fight. About 3 Kg of bull meat, no big deal you guess.

>20
You CONSUME the meat, the pure protein in it give you power, making your muscles tougher and more enduring. This was a great experience, in fact raw meat is now your second favourite food.
Behind pancakes.

>NEW POWERS UNLOCKED:
COMMUNIST CONSUMPTION: You can eat pretty much anything organic, and most inorganics. Avoid dollar bills those burn your belly for some reason.
BROTEIN, PRO: You can now easily lift two bulls over your head. Hell yeah. (strength is measured in bulls, motherfucker)

You swear you had heard some weird russian chanting in your head during the ordeal, but it was probably nothing. THINK AGAIN COMRADE, THE SOVIET UNION SHALL RETURRRRRNN....

Fuck that noise. Need pancakes, now.

Darla just follows you, seems like she was too busy enjoying her litters of cum to pay attention to you consuming the meat. Good you wouldn't want to explain what exactly made you do that.

Pa greets you as both Darla and yourself enter the house. "Pancakes are ready" He says.
Nice


>Eat Pancakes? How many? Roll for HOW MANY
>1d100

Rolled 16 (1d100)

>>36415667
ALL THE PA-No wait we just got our mother back and are trying to jog her memory by giving her the pancakes...FUCK!...Oh well!

Rolled 48 (1d100)

>>36415667
Now this is Kabbalah Quest.

Rolled 20 (1d20)

>>36415667
Twenty-seven!

Rolled 57 (1d100)

>>36415667
>>36415690
ALL THE PANCAKES

File: Spetsnaz.jpg (159 KB, 640x492)

159 KB JPG

>>36415667
So....We're actually descended from a long line of elite Spetsnaz who fled russia to start over in america for some reason and our wrestling moves are actually Sambo? FUCK.YES!

>48+16+20,

All together you three eat 84 out of 85 pancakes.
You 48, Ma 20, Pa 16.
A single pancake misteriously disappearing without any witness.

Is it a case for detective? Felicia?

Could be but you'll have to see that later. First chatter!

"So, ma, regained any memories"

"Oh? No not really. Well these do remind me of something, some young man. He has such a huge penis and it's covered in syrup"

Your father grins at you but says nothing. Meanwhile in your head:

Braaaaaain Bleaaaaach PLEEEASE

Back to your other head, you start wondering what to do with the rest of the morning, when you hear a loud crashing noise, followed by other smaller ones. Fuck more trouble?

What to do?
>Investigate PANCAKE, fuck noises
>Check the Noises, it's always the Noises
>Something else entirely

>>36415784
>Spetnaz
You think too small, comrade. We are the living descendant of great Lenin himself! Here to free the proletariat from the demonic bourgeoisie!

>>36415794
>Check the Noises, it's always the Noises
WHAT MORTAL DISTURBS MY PANCAKE EATING!?!

Rolled 12 (1d20)

>>36415794
>Investigate PANCAKE, fuck noises

>>36415794
>Check noises
Bigg I swear if you wanted a pancake you just had to ask.

Gonna wait to 21:08 to start writing.

File: russian-style.jpg (50 KB, 527x453)

50 KB JPG

>>36415810
Yes comrade.And we're here to do it russian style....!

>>36415857
Of my time*

That's like, 1 minute from now.

Don't worry, hahah

>>36415464
Headcanon: Mom's name was originally "Darya"

>>36415887
Headcanon: Mom's name was originally Pravda.

>>36415887
>>36415911
>>36415859
>>36415841
>>36415837
>>36415825
>>36415810
Alright, who do you take it with you (Mom & Pop available)

Also roll d20 for perception

Rolled 13 (1d20)

>>36415924
Mother dearest,Because motherland

Rolled 3 (1d20)

>>36415924
Take Pravda/Darla/Ma/Bubzi with us, let Pa rest a while.

Rolled 3 (1d20)

>>36415924
Neither, head's too busy purging the new connotations of syrup.

Rolled 9 (1d20)

>>36415924
Have Pa get to work on the dishes.

>>36415940
>>36415941
>>36415943
Well looks like you missed it.

>>36415943
>>36415941
>>36415949
Fuck.

>>36415940
>>36415941
>>36415943
>>36415949
SADLY COMRADES,WE ARE INFACT AS PERCEPTIVE AS A RUSSIAN!

COMRADES,I BELIVE THIS IS FITTING FOR OUR THEME!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d3bkJTJ6O9Y

>>36415974
Not strictly true, remember when we sensed that distant scout on the wind when we were out east on the bike?

I'd say it's more that our head is still grinding through that new knowledge you didn't desire for us to be paying any attention around us

File: Spoiler Image (24 KB, 258x240)

24 KB PNG

>>36415974
>>36415958
>>36415951
Who could be to blame for this failure?

>>36416007
A fine anthem of victory, comrade. May it herald us some respite against these low rolls.

File: Flags on the mechas.png (160 KB, 2840x540)

160 KB PNG

Better to check those noises to see if it's anything bad. You have a feeling it's something really bad.
Before going however you notice a small trail of syrup going upstairs. Going to have to wait you suppose.

"Hey mom, come with me to check this out." She gets up and goes to the door.

"Pa, you can stay here for now" He smiles at you

"You know one of these days I'll let you see me fight... ah the good old days, back when I wore the cape..." He starts rambling about the past, well no biggie let's go!

Mom and you run towards the noise, it seems to be coming from the highway. It takes you no time considering both of you run faster than any normal human.

What you see, well, isn't something you were ready for.

"Are those... huge robots?" Yep mom. Those are definetely huge robots. Three of them in fact, one wears a huge red and white flag on both arms, and it has a weird kind of armour, looks like something out of those vietnamese cartoons.
The other one looks like it was based of the World War II pictrues your granpappie used to show you, and has a black, red and white flag.
The last one looks like a pile of cardboard duct taped to scrap metal, and has a red and yellow flag flying proudly above it's oversized missiles.

They're not fighting each other however, it seems they're blasting at something else.

>Get closer?
>Nop nop nop fuck this get away from those things
>I WANT ONE, Try to steal one? How in hell?
>See what they're fighting first of all OF COURSE!

>>36416121
This has taken an odd turn.

>See what they're fighting first of all OF COURSE!

>>36416121
And if you wanna know what you missed:
Clue on where Bigg is

>>36416121
>See what they're fighting first of all OF COURSE!

>>36416121
>See what they're fighting first of all OF COURSE!

Will wait 2 more minutes for votes.

>>36416149
>odd turn
Does that even mean anything in Kabbalah
Also is it a bad turn?

File: 1374727952074.jpg (133 KB, 513x576)

133 KB JPG

>>36416154
Oh.....Oh god......LENIN PROTECT US!

>>36416187
Don't be ridiculous, there are no bad turns

>>36416154
Old QM, outdated spoilers below:

My original plan was that Bigg was indeed resurrected by Satan, and he was going to spook-murder Fel when her guard was low.

>>36416187
There are no bad turns Shep, this is but a new chapter in the endless novel that is Kabbalah.

>>36416213
Not epic enough i'm afraid six....PLUS A TRUE COMRADE CANNOT KILL HIS BLOOD-COMRADE!

>>36416254
This was before they were comrades, mind.

>>36416213
That would be tragic though...

The best course of action in this case is obviously to check who exactly they're blasting at!
Afterall, if the three of them are focusing fire it must be something important.

As you get closer you realize how much destruction they caused, there's an entire new wasteland about the size of a small town where they're firing.

And it seems their target is an old acquaintance of yours: DEMONS.
Tens of thousands of them, well at least there were.
You're pretty sure they're all piles of bodies at the moment

Now that you're about 50 meters from the mechs and the roar of their guns no longer drums in your ears you're starting to hear the pilots speak with each other, it seems they're screaming through megaphones.

"FIRTHY GAIJIN, SURRENDER TO GRORIOUS NIPPON. DIE HONORABRY, COMMIT SUDOKU! MAY ROBOT HIROHITO BRESS ME" God this gook is one bag of stereotypes and math puzzles.

"NEIN NEIN NEIN NEIN NEIN NEIN, DAS VATERLAND VIL TAKE THIS LAND OF TEXAS AS OUR OWN, GLORY TO MERKEL!" Jesus christ how can anyone say anything so awful, merkel, ew.

"NET YOU CAPITALIST PIGS, ME AND MY COMRADES WILL SHOW YOU THE SUPERIORITY OF NEO-SOVIET SCIENCE. THIS LAND IS FOR THE PROLETARIAT, CHAIRMAN PUTIN GIVE ME STRENGTH" What is this feeling of love for the motherland in me? Weird Well, that's the last one.

So what to do now?

>>36416351
>Never wrassled with a mecha before...

>>36416351
We must make sure the Soviet mech is supreme. Grapple the filthy kraut mech first, take it down!

Rolled 10, 5, 15 = 30 (3d20)

>>36416351
>NAZI'S!?!? THIS METHOD OF COMBAT-SAMBO-SUPLEXING HAS BEEN PASSED DOWN THE HARDON FAMILY FOR GENERATIONS!

>>36416385
>>36416382
>>36416394

Alright give me 3d20 for the kraut mech
and another d20 to make sure the soviet doesn't collapse on it's own.

Rolled 15, 7, 16 = 38 (3d20)

>>36416407

Rolled 8, 14, 15 = 37 (3d20)

>>36416407

Rolled 19, 10, 8 = 37 (3d20)

>>36416407
Yeah!

>>36416213
Lame, he died honorably in combat only to rise again to fart another day

Rolled 20 (1d20)

>>36416407
And a d20 to sustain proud Soviet machinery.

Rolled 13 (1d20)

>>36416414
>>36416416
>>36416418
2 successes
I'll just roll for the soviet mech myself

Rolled 8 (1d20)

>>36416407
Collapse? Soviet technology is better than that!

>>36416407
I don't suppose you could take the second role because NAZI'S! are our national enemy? And you know...Rule of cool?

>>36416432
No, comrade. For you see,
>>36416430
Lenin's progeny has spoken. Mother Russia protects.

>>36416430
Oh god, what. Okay that counts.

>>36416442
True, I'm not a fan of Nazis.

This is so retarded and funny

>>36416430
LIKE RUSSIAN!

File: RUSSIA IS STRONK!.jpg (45 KB, 800x600)

45 KB JPG

>>36416451
RUSSIA.IS.STRONK!!!

>>36416460
>>36416442
They're not nazis though.

Just pointing out.

>>36416475
Nope pretty sure they are nazi's.....

>>36416489
I don't think they are. But either way those krauts are going down.

>>36416475
Ah, so it's the New Kaizer's Forces then.

Scheisse, the most active time is just starting and we're near bump limit. I suppose the players we have now are enough, but more are always nice.

Never wrassled with a mech before, could be cool eh? You choose the Kraut mech as your first opponent!

You rush at him shouting obscenities:

"You fuckfaces think you can take Texas on? We're the motherfucking lonestar you cum bucket, I'mma show you how it's done in the MOTHERLAND "

>2 Successes, 1 Failure

You grab it's leg and somehow lift it up, then you run like hell, pushing the leg forward and taking away his balance. The Kraut mech falls and fires at you with it's machineguns, most don't hit you but one lodges itself on your shoulder and another grazes your cheek.

A normal human would've lost an arm, but you're pretty sure that is way behind you considering you can juggle adult men.

You run up on the kraut's mech body. He tries to get up but you jump and give him a double kick on the windshield, breaking into the cockpit.

The pilot is right in front of you, he's a short turkish man speaking in broken german.

>What do?

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Meanwhile at the soviet mech.

"Comrade, you'll want to know we updated your mech with a new Communist Charge Core"

"A what?"

"It is fueled through nearby sources of revolutionary spirit and communist sentiment"

The pilot turns it on, and it's indicator immediately goes to the Max Power - REVOLUTION setting.

"By Lenin's beard, there's some mighty communism here!"


>>36416489
>All german empires are national socialist
Nah
>>36416552
Yep. Except they elected Merkel as the kaiser. And she was a he all along. So much was explained.

>>36416613
>What do?
He is not worthy of being consumed. Evict him, and reconsecrate this mech for MOTHER RUSSIA!

Rolled 19 (1d20)

>>36416613
Give him a slap, hopefully he'll stop yabbering jibberish

>>36416638
You want to pilot it?

>>36416613
>"За Родину!!!" Rip his head off!

>>36416655
Pilot? We do not 'pilot', comrade.
We COMMAND.

>>36416672
Top kek

>>36416638
>>36416651
>>36416659

By the way guys 2 things:

1) Are you entertained by the direction things took? Any criticism?Tips? Anything you particularly disliked or liked?

And

2) I've gotta go, so it's someone else's turn

>>36416655
I personally don't really see the point. It's like a monk suddenly deciding to use a sword to fight with - our body itself is more dangerous.

>>36416693
I am entertained, no real criticism

>>36416693
>1) Are you entertained by the direction things took? Any criticism?Tips? Anything you particularly disliked or liked?

I like the Soviet spin. I can't really complain about the smut because it was short lived,

>2) I've gotta go, so it's someone else's turn
Well, I couldn't run it again. I just ran the last portion!

>>36416693
It's bloody epic mate,Just don't go to crazy about changing the mc's personality.Communism after all was made for the people....

I hope Felicia can overcome the temptations of COMMUNISM so she can live as an honest Texan.

>>36416736
XVth QM here, I guess I could pick it up again if noone else steps forward. Would rather take a backseat for the time being though, not really sure how I'd progress the story at this point

>>36416753
If you wanted to know what I had behind it:

soviet agents infiltrated a communism inducement device into the US a couple years back, tried to fire at someone important but it hit the belly of his pregnant futanari wife instead. Your dad is a retired superhero.
Your mom was his sidekick

Yes I use drugs

>>36416775
Then don't, quit squeezin' our rhoids!

>>36416771
It is too late for that, comrade. Or is it?
>>36416793
I assume by "a couple" you mean at least 18? Makes sense, but I like the 'descendant of Lenin' gig as well.

>>36416824
I thought of that, but I had decided a specific champion of communism was kinda necessary to get the point across.

He's the descendant of Lenin, Marx, Trotski, Stalin, Guevara, Castro and Mao.
He wields the Hammer and Sickle of course, and his entire body is red-skinned, with but a single yellow star on his forehead.

Also 8 feet tall and shoots lightnin bolts outta his ass

File: make a grapple czech.png (8 KB, 365x300)

8 KB PNG

What's that? Someone needs a new QM to step in?

>>36416862
>Not a giant red bear with a sickle and hammer