Twitter: @ELHMk1

Ash’s Character Sheet:
https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/1tYdmhEnumWkqFU8-c37EUfwJ-ndVpN_UL965xrqG-78/edit?usp=sharing

Ash’s Reference Sheet (NSFW): http://i.imgur.com/Tqa0dlH.jpg

If you’re a die-hard lover of canon, I suggest you turn away now. Like all things 40k, the gauntlet runs from “worshiping the printed word” to “over the top silliness and rule of cool.” Normally I’d lie and say that it’s somewhere in between. For this though? Count on excessively silly, but not “I give the Golden Throne a lapdance” silly.

As always, if you’re not at all familiar with canon or want more details on something, just ask!

All rolls go against a specified characteristic in the style of Black Crusade. You’ll want to roll under the characteristic value in order to pass the check. The more degrees of success (every multiple of 10 counts as 1), the more awesome of a result. A 1 and a 6 are guaranteed successes, and a 100 is a guaranteed failure.

Best of three rolls when it’s called for, with a 1, 6, or 100 instantly taking precedence. If multiple characteristics are being rolled for each 1d100 counts for its respective test. Any rolls prior to the call for one and those not linking said post will be ignored.

This April’s Fool Day oneshot will run until we finish, I get bored (or start to literally die), or if it gets too lewd. While Slaaneshiis obviously are going to deal with sex and what not on some level, it will NOT be the main focus of this quest. If it comes up you can expect a quick fade to back so the story can continue. There are plenty of other quests out there if you’re looking for smut.

Excessive meta/whining/waifu’ing/etc goes to another thread. Blatant Samefaggotry, overly lewd, and purposefully inane write-ins will be ignored. Make sure to filter NiceDaemonette too.

And yes, I do realize the irony of saying all that for a Daemonette Quest.

A tea party then. You’ve never hosted one before, but you’re pretty sure you’re going to need a few things:

First, you need to find or make the MOST DELIGHTFUL TEA. It should be something so exotic and pervasive that even catching a whiff of the beverage elicits tears. Whether those tears are of joy, sadness, madness, or anything else besides is something you still haven’t decided upon.

Second, you’re going to need to wear the PERFECT DRESS. As a Keeper of Secrets, much like all daemons and cultists that fall under the purview of Slaanesh, proper fashion is vital. Your features should be enhanced and outlined in just the right manner, all while establishing your power and influence. Were you a simple mortal, like a Rogue Trader, you might conjure up the finest and rarest furs, complete with gold trim and obscene insignias. But as a daemon you’ll have to think on what best to wear.

Third, you need ACTUAL GUESTS. It’s a dark secret of yours (one the Prince of Excess loves taunting you about) that you don’t actually have any friends. You’re kind of a loner. You weren’t even invited to the End-of-Time Orgy! Sure, you could slap around a few daemonettes and ensnare a few Pleasure Cultists but where’s the challenge in that? No, your tea party shall be attended by only the best the galaxy has to offer! ...If you can figure out how to talk to them, that is.

Finally, should you actually manage to get someone to come, you’ll need ENTERTAINMENT. There’s always the fallback of using a squadron of Noise Marines, though you think that went out of style six minutes ago. And you can’t be out of style. That would be heresy. Whatever you think of it has to be something your potential party goers will talk about for eternity.

(cont)

>>39053837

“Well, are you going to get going then?”

Slaanesh’s voice shakes you from your thoughts. You look to your right to see the “man” himself drumming its fingers on its throne impatiently. Funny how the Dark Prince went to the trouble of sending you that tape when you were not fifty meters away. It’s best not to dwell on it, you feel.

As such you bow your head and depart from the Throne Room. Since tea is the key to a tea party, you decide to focus on that first by…

> Please pick one. You’ll probably do multiple but you have to start somewhere.
> [1] Finding some Eldar (Dark or otherwise) Souls to crush into a powder base
> [2] Visiting Nurgle’s Garden and singing forth the perfect tea leaves
> [3] Journeying to the Lake of Blood in Khorne’s domain to steal a pitcher of plasma
> [4] Infiltrating a Sororitas covenant. Desperation is rather potent and you might be able to nab some Tears of the Emperor.

>>39053858
> [4] Infiltrating a Sororitas covenant. Desperation is rather potent and you might be able to nab some Tears of the Emperor.
Bolter bitches!

>>39053858
> [3] Journeying to the Lake of Blood in Khorne’s domain to steal a pitcher of plasma
This is a good plan. I see no way this can go wrong.

>>39053858
> [1] Finding some Eldar (Dark or otherwise) Souls to crush into a powder base

>>39053858
>> [3] Journeying to the Lake of Blood in Khorne’s domain to steal a pitcher of plasma
TIME TO MEET CINDER!

>>39053858
>> [1] Finding some Eldar (Dark or otherwise) Souls to crush into a powder base

>>39053858
>> [4] Infiltrating a Sororitas covenant. Desperation is rather potent and you might be able to nab some Tears of the Emperor.

>>39053858
>> [4] Infiltrating a Sororitas covenant. Desperation is rather potent and you might be able to nab some Tears of the Emperor.

>>39053858

> [3] Journeying to the Lake of Blood in Khorne’s domain to steal a pitcher of plasma

File: 1419047319689.jpg (70 KB, 930x834)

70 KB JPG

>>39053858
> [3] Journeying to the Lake of Blood in Khorne’s domain to steal a pitcher of plasma

[3] it is then. Back in a sec.

>>39053975
>>39053992
>>39053994
>>39054034
>>39054043
>>39054048
>>39054083
>>39054162
Seriously?

>>39054221
? what?

>>39054221

nothing worth doing is easy. besides, we don't have to worry about making friends with them...

>>39053858

Blood from the Laker of Slaughter will cause your Tea to have such heat and an explosion of flavor that those consuming it will be consumed by excess rage the moment it’s all gone. Perfect.

But how are you going to get into Khorne’s realm, let alone all the way to the Lake? It’s a seriously scary place. Even thinking about it makes you want to hide under a box.

> [1] Wait a moment… A BOX!
> [2] Put Mr. Bigglesworth on your head and hope no one notices
> [3] Color yourself the color of heresy and yell really loud

>>39054305
> [4] All of the above

>>39054305
> [1] Wait a moment… A BOX!

>>39054305
> [3] Color yourself the color of heresy and yell really loud
Do we get to be Cinder's Brass Herald?

>>39054305
>[1] Wait a moment… A BOX!
Scrawl SKULLS in blood on it. They won't suspect a thing...

>>39054305
>> [1] Wait a moment… A BOX!
We have a "Solid Snake"

I see.

Well let's see if this will be a stealth mission.

1d100 vs 69 (Ag)

Rolled 83 (1d100)

>>39054497
That 69 was intentional wasn't it?

>>39054305
> 1 and 3
Use the box, but paint ourselves red as a backup.

Rolled 10 (1d100)

>>39054497
Here we go

Rolled 31 (1d100)

>>39054497

File: The-Box.png (35 KB, 375x360)

35 KB PNG

>>39054536
>>39054544
>>39054582

Whose footprints are these?

Writing...

>>39054544
We are a master of orkish stealth methods.

>>39054305

Oh. Right. Slaanesh keeps a bunch of boxes out in a shed near the garden for just such a purpose. No daemonette has ever been caught using one. In fact, you’re pretty sure there’s at least a thousand of your fellows running around in Khorne’s realm as boxes right at this moment. Stupid red things.

After acquiring a cardboard disguise you quickly travel to the edge of Khorne’s realm. The very ground before you looks like it could leap up and attack you at any moment. It takes some doing, but you contain your fear, don the box, and sneak across the line between Bloodletter patrols.

Surprisingly (or perhaps not) you make it to one of the many arteries of blood that eventually feed into the Lake of Slaughter proper. By that point you’re an anxious mess. Especially because your cat, Mr. Bigglesworth, has been singing about what a thrill this all is.

Also because there’s two Bloodthirsters between you and where you need to go. Unless the rivers flow backward here. Which could be the case. It is Chaos. Maybe you should just go back that way where it’s safe. Yes. You should totally do that.

> [1] You give your life, not for honor but for tea (Attack the Bloodthirsters)
> [2] Wait the Bloodthirsters out. They’re liable to kill each other, right?
> [3] Attempt to distract them somehow
> [4] RUN AWAY!

>>39054759
>[3] Attempt to distract them somehow

>>39054759
>> [3] Attempt to distract them somehow

>>39054759
>[3] Attempt to distract them somehow

>>39054759
>> [3] Attempt to distract them somehow
Sneak between them and shout an insult, they'll both think the other one said it! Perhaps accuse them of being a pink slaaneshi, that REALLY angers khornates...

Well I mean >>39054860 is just obviously what will happen.

Roll 1d100 vs 69 (Fel)

Failing means your voice cracks and you squeak instead of impersonating a Khornate

File: !.jpg (5 KB, 100x174)

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>>39054759
>what a thrill

Rolled 2 (1d100)

>>39054910
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3NQ3kXLKfDM

Rolled 56 (1d100)

>>39054910
Pleasure for the pleasure god??

Rolled 57 (1d100)

>>39054759
>has been singing about what a thrill this all is.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9aHQnDTd1y4
>>39054910

>>39054946
>>39054969
>>39054971

Well yeah I mean with a 2 they're not sure who said it. You've probably destroyed their bromance forever. Good Job, Ash.

Writing...

>>39055005
:D

>>39055005
That's my second favorite roll now, right after rolling a crit success in BFQ saying "Boom, headshot!" to mindblast a bat.

Guys, I have a genius idea to appeal to the khornates... slaaneshi whores which produce blood as there only form of bodily fluid/excrement... so you know what they say... blood for the blood god...

>>39055005
gotta go. will read when archived, thanks for thread ELH

>>39054759

No. No you will be brave! Everything will be fine!

“Man, you really need to work on your self-esteem there, Ash.”

“SHUT UP MR. BIGGLESWORTH,” you snap back.

“Huh? Who said that?” asks one of the Bloodthirsters as he looks around. You glare daggers at your possibly imaginary feline friend until the Khornate shrugs and goes back to yelling at his friend.

“Seriously though.”

You ignore your stupid cat for now and sneak underneath of the two big red daemons with your box. Then in your best Khornate impression you shout, “Y-Y-YOU’RE A STUPID IDIOT!”

Bigglesworth facepalms from his spot between your horns. “My god Ash. Do you really think that’s how they talk to one another?”

A desperate, muffled squeak is all you manage to get out as you wait to see how the Bloodthirsters react. To your astonishment they seem to be snarling with rage.

“AN IDIOT? AM I?”

“WELL OF COURSE *I’M* NOT THE IDIOT.”

“YOUR SKULL PILE SAYS DIFFERENTLY.”

“WHY YOU PIECE OF SHIT, COME HERE!”

Then they start fighting. As a result they tumble into the river and get swept along with the current. You let out a sigh of relief and begin plodding along again. Soon you’ve reached the massive prepice that spills over into the Lake proper via countless bloodfalls. The amount of red around you by now is making you physically sick. This was a horrible idea. Especially because you see a very large and imposing figure relaxing against the shores impossibly far below as if the entire Lake of Slaughter was its bath.

> [1] WELL YOU MADE IT THIS FAR! Grab a jug from a waterfall and run!
> [2] Fight your fears and go closer. The blood will be more potent the farther you get!
> [3] Ask Mr. Bigglesworth what he thinks

>>39055251
>[2] Fight your fears and go closer. The blood will be more potent the farther you get!

>>39055251
>> [3] Ask Mr. Bigglesworth what he thinks
Because 4chan loves cats...

>>39055251
> [2] Fight your fears and go closer. The blood will be more potent the farther you get!

>>39055251
> [2] Fight your fears and go closer. The blood will be more potent the farther you get!

>>39055251
>> [3] Ask Mr. Bigglesworth what he thinks

>>39055251
> [2] Fight your fears and go closer. The blood will be more potent the farther you get!

>>39055251
>Realize you probably could have just asked Nurgle really nicely to do all this for you and go closer while berating yourself.

Cinder: ...I fucking smell purple...

>>39055251
> [2] Fight your fears and go closer. The blood will be more potent the farther you get!
looks like cinder found a place for that blood bath after all.

[2] it is.

2d100 vs 39 (Ag-30) and 10 (WP-40).

The 10 is to see if you cry, and if so how hard.

Rolled 79, 79 = 158 (2d100)

>>39055464

Rolled 38, 34 = 72 (2d100)

>>39055464

Rolled 65, 76 = 141 (2d100)

>>39055464

>>39055484
>>39055500
>>39055514

HEH. Poor Ash. At least you barely passed the one.

Writing...

>>39055251

In order for your Tea to be perfect you’re going to need to get closer Lake itself. Short of actually getting blood from the Blood God himself it’ll be the most potent plasma you can get. Or is it herself now? That question becomes readily apparent as you trip over a rock and go hurtling over the falls down to the lake below.

Along the way, Bigglesworth comments, “So this is how you die. Good job. You know you probably could have asked a nice daemon of Nurgle to do this for you. But nooooo. ‘I have to prove I’m brave!’”

You sniff and clutch the sides of the box as you continue to fall. “S-Shut up. I hate you.”

“Yes yes, you hate yourself. No surprise there. Makes you wonder what Slaanesh was thinking when she made you, eh?”

By the time you actually hit the surface of the Lake you’re actually crying. As the red liquid begins to tear at your skin you resign yourself to your fate. It’s over. You’re a failure. You always were. So lost are you in self-loathing that you miss being picked up and extracted from the Lake.

“WHO THE FUCK LET THIS SLAANESHII WHORE IN HERE?!” shouts what can only be the Blood God herself. “NOW THE ENTIRE DAMN LAKE IS TAINTED.”

“Maybe you should have died by drowning,” remarks Bigglesworth dryly. “But hey. At least you got the blood. Slaanesh can totally put that much on your tombstone.”

> [1] Ask nicely if the big scary red thing will let you go andohgodpleaseodnthurtme
> [2] Apologize and put on your backup box disguise
> [3] Explain why you’re there. She’ll listen, right?

No, no choices lead to death. I’m not mean.

>>39055768
>Invite Khorne to the teaparty
What could possibly go wrong?

>>39055824
Supporting.

>>39055768
>Invite Khorne to the teaparty

This can only end well...

>>39055824

Sure that can be option 4

For the record, I'm not sorry.

>>39055824
>>39055768
This, then run when she lets you go in sock.

>>39055824
I am in full support of this plan.

You have five minutes to come up with the most cringe inducing, Tomoko-like, spaghetti dropping way to invite someone to a tea party. Else I come up with one myself.

>>39055768
>[4] Extract yourself into a fluffy cat, and throw Mr. Biggiesworth at the Blood Goddess in your Secret Keeper Husk.

>>39055824
oh we will have to go steal some crazy tunes from the halls of change and invite best bird while we are there too. Please invite the stupid big red thing and her sock puppets to the best tea party EVER. Promise to have things for her to fucking murder while in between tea, maybe even get that mentioned dark eldar khorne candidate to join so they can fight while everyone gets high and drinks!

>>39056007
No, we're a Keeper of Secrets, we're not awkward. We're too smug and perfect for most Slaaneshis, which is why we don't have friends.

>>39056052

When we're not in the claws of Cinder, maybe.

>>39055768
"so yeah sorry about hte lake to make it up to you how about you drop by the BEST TEA PARTY that EVER WAS and meet some of the other BEST PARTY GUEST EVER, chat, murder a few, enjoy bitchin tea that will induce awe inspiring rage that IT IS ALL FUCKING GONE!!! FUCK WE GOTTA DO SOMETHING!
Or just be no fun and miss out on all the cool stuff and or possible certain other faggots you can punch in the face....

>>39056007
"Oh, um... Hi, uh... Miste- Miss Khorne? I-I-I was just p-preparing a wonderful tea party. W-would you like to come? Wait... N-not like that! I just want you to attend my tea party! "

>>39056086
Even Slaanesh is cool when in Khorne's firey grip.

>>39056154

That'll do pig. That'll do.

>>39056007
"Hello, you big tomato! Do you feel like gracing a party with your presence? Try not to break any of the good Warp-China while you're there, it's rare."

>>39055768

Well you’re here and probably about to die. It couldn’t hurt to ask, right?

"Oh, um... Hi, uh... Miste- Miss Khorne?” you manage to murmur. Her fiery eyes narrow as a result. “I-I-I was just p-preparing a wonderful tea party. W-would you like to come? Wait... N-not like that! I just want you to attend my tea party!”

“A TEA PARTY?” she shouts back. “WHY IN THE EVER LOVING WARP WOULD I COME TO A TEA PARTY. ONE HOSTED BY A SLAANESHI OF ALL THINGS?!”

You scramble for an answer, “Um… Umm…”

“Because there will be biscuits,” whispers Bigglesworth.

“BECAUSE THERE WILL BE BISCUITS!” you shout, only to cringe moments later.

“BISCUITS?! ...Will they be prune-flavored?” asks the Blood God.

“M-Maybe?” you eep.

“WONDERFUL. I WILL BE THERE. NOW GET OUT.”

And then she throws you. Really hard. So hard that you find yourself smashing into the ceiling of Slaanesh’s palace and landing before him in the time it takes you to blink.

“Soooo,” she begins. “How was your trip~?”

> [1] I got Khorne to come. I think.
> [2] I don’t want to talk about it.
> [3] Red things are scary.
> [4] EVERYTHING IS AWESOME. I’M OFF TO GET MORE TEA INGREDIENTS

We have fun here

>>39056358
>> [3] Red things are scary.

>>39056358
> [4] EVERYTHING IS AWESOME. I’M OFF TO GET MORE TEA INGREDIENTS

Quick lore question. What do Khorne worshipers do for fun, besides killing people? Are they big alcohol drinkers?

>>39056358
> [1] I got Khorne to come. I think.
> [3] Red things are scary.

>>39056358
> [1] I got Khorne to come. I think.

>>39056358

> [1] I got Khorne to come. I think.

>>39056393
they like to drink boozed up blood and fight more.>>39056403
seconded this.

>>39056393
They duel, they debate (read: yell each other into submission), and they smith new weapons for themselves.

>>39056393

They were flavored kinda like Klingons in KQ proper. The smart ones anyways. The rest we're bumbling, berserking idiots. I imagine that's the case here too to a degree.

>>39056424
Well, then we might want to get spiked blood tea for Khorne.

>>39056451
its a slaaneshi tea party...EVERYTHING will be spiked with something.

>>39056358
> [1] I got Khorne to come. I think.

Sexual innuendo ho!

Back in a tick.

>>39056358

Dusting yourself off, you reply, “I got Khorne to come, I think.”

Slaanesh’s throne goes flying from the speed at which he rises. “WHAT?! I’VE BEEN TRYING TO DO THAT FOR FOREVER.” He runs over and begins shaking your shoulders back and forth. “HOW. HOW DID YOU DO IT.”

“I um… meant… the tea party!”

“Oh.” She lets you down and retreats back to her chair. “Thanks for getting my hopes up for nothing.”

You bow your head, “Sorry…”

“Meh. You and I will just have a long, HARD talk about proper pun usage later. But do run along. You still have much to do~”

“Personally I was hoping she’d give you that talk now.”

“SHUT UP.”

“I’m sorry?” asks Slaanesh.

“N-n-not you!” you stammer. “Mr. Bigglesworth!”

“Oookkkkaayyyy…”

Yeah you’d better leave.

> [1] So about those Nurgle tea leaves…
> [2] Sister stuff plus Khorne rage? PERFECT.
> [3] Go see what Eldar souls have rolled in

>>39056811
> [1] So about those Nurgle tea leaves…
Nurgle makes the dankest stuff

>>39056811
> [2] Sister stuff plus Khorne rage? PERFECT.

Something tells me this will be amusing.

>>39056811
> [2] Sister stuff plus Khorne rage? PERFECT. then once thats done we should go see what kind of dankity dank dank nurgle has growing. Oh quick question: did acerea ever get that final promotion like her bestbird and stupid red thing friends got?

>>39056811
> [1] So about those Nurgle tea leaves…
We might find Vern. Who knows what..."medicinal" properties he might have now.

>>39056914
I dont know how to into green text today. i sorry.

>>39056811
> [2] Sister stuff plus Khorne rage? PERFECT

>>39056914
Papa Nurgle ain't moving for shit. He enjoys waiting out the heat death of the universe as the Lord of Decay and Entropy too much to give up his godhood.

>>39056939

It's okay.

Acerea never got promoted she didn't want it but she now has a nice little garden across the Periphery. Maybe that IS a promotion as far as Nurgle daemons go.

>>39056811
>> [2] Sister stuff plus Khorne rage? PERFECT.

>>39056811
This Mr. Bigglesworth thing is getting annoying, we don't need a voice criticizing us for every action we take when we already to plenty of that.

>>39056914
ELH couldn't come up with anything that would get her promoted within a millenia.

> Sisters have it so...

>>39056811

A group of Sisters seems like the next best place to gather ingredients from. If you can’t bottle up their sexual desperation or their fetish for purity, then you might be able to nab some Tears of the Emperor. Either will give your Tea a potent tang.

But how are you going to get inside? Sure you can just portal in as yourself but that would give it away, right? Not that it really matters. They aren’t red so you’re not worried about it! Okay maybe you’re a little worried.

> [1] Put Mr. Bigglesworth on your head and pretend you’re a Space Marine. He certainly yells like one ;_;
> [2] Color yourself white and say you’re here for the Flagellation session
> [3] Turn into a Sister Superior and pray no one asks you questions

>>39057085
I'll tone it down.

>>39057133
> [2] Color yourself white and say you’re here for the Flagellation session

>>39057133
> [3] Turn into a Sister Superior and pray no one asks you questions

We could order them to do heretical things for our amusement

>>39057133
Mr Bigglesworth is fine. But I don't care either way if you tone him down.

> [2] Color yourself white and say you’re here for the Flagellation session

>>39057133
> [2] Color yourself white and say you’re here for the Flagellation session
And we get way too into it.

Aren't slaaneshis very much into BDSM and being flagellated, they've been naughty afterall...

>>39057294

YUP. Prepare a counter for how many times we fade to black.

>>39057133
>> [2] Color yourself white and say you’re here for the Flagellation session
Mr Bigglesworth is fine. I like him

>>39057340
50 shades of pink?

>>39057340
>inb4 69 times

Pretty sure [2] has it. Writing...

>>39057133

It’s been FOREVER since you last had a good lashing. In fact, just thinking about it makes you tremble in anticipation. Only two things are supposedly better than a Sororitas flagellation: Slaanesh’s tortures and a Khornate evisceration. Since the latter terrifies you and the former happens on a daily basis you’re definitely looking forward to this. For effect you even turn your normally pink and purple skin white such that the welts will show up easier.

“I thought you were preparing a tea party, not getting off,” comments Bigglesworth.

“I can do both!” you reply. “In fact not doing so wouldn’t be very Slaaneshii of me!”

“Uh huh. Well you do that. I’m staying here.”

You start to respond and think better of it. Some peace and quiet from him will be delightful. As such, you leave him behind as you step through the portal to a random Sororitas covenant. You arrive in the back of a hall with about thirty or so Sisters immersed in deep prayer.

“HELLO, LADIES,” you announce. “I’M HERE TO BE SMITED!”

Your booming voice quickly is overtaken by silence. Then what appears to be the Sister Superior responds, “Great. We’ll get to you in a moment.”

“But…”

A single one of her eyes cracks open. “I SAID IN A MOMENT.”

You’re left flabbergasted. You were hoping they’d leap into action immediately. But this? This is… you can’t find the right word for it. But boring comes close.

> [1] Start knocking things over, getting various juices everywhere, and just generally being annoying
> [2] Be a good little daemon and wait in the corner
> [3] “Leave,” then come back as a SPESS MARIEN. They won’t ignore that! ...Right?

>>39057742
> [2] Be a good little daemon and wait in the corner

>>39057742
>> [2] Be a good little daemon and wait in the corner
The anticipation is the best part...

>>39057742
> [2] Be a good little daemon and wait in the corner
The more the anticipation, the better it is. At least that's what I've read

>>39057742
>> [2] Be a good little daemon and wait in the corner

>>39057742
> [2] Be a good little daemon and wait in the corner
>maybe spread a little lust in the air as we wait.

>>39057742
> [2] Fap/jill in the corner.

[2] it is. Writing...

>>39057950
This, but simultaneously and in a casual manner whilst we wait.

>>39057742

You’re not entirely put off though. Anticipation can be a very powerful tool when wielded correctly. It adds that much more to the release, if such a release ever comes. So, defying convention, you go and wait in a corner. The temptation for you to do something about the problem below grows as time passes but you resist. You just faced down Khorne. You earned this. And it’s going to feel so goo…

“So then.” The Sister Superior’s voice brings you out of your daydream. All but three of the nuns, including herself, have filtered out of the hall. “Have you brought the proper paperwork?”

“I… what?”

She repeats herself, “The paperwork. The purging paperwork.”

You blink, slowly. “Maybe you misunderstand. I am a DAEMON. I’m unholy. You should be beating me and burning me RIGHT NOW.”

The woman laughs. “Oh I’m fully aware of what you are.”

“THEN WHY?!” you demand, growing desperate. This is not going as you’d hoped.

“Because, foulspawn,” chirps up a lower-ranked Sister. “We are the Order of the Sacred Filing. Formed in response to the heretical Blood Ravens, we find solace in the purity of proper administration and paperwork.”

The Sister who has yet to speak bites her lip at the thought, whispering “I do love a good TPS report…”

> [1] Maaaaaybe you should go find a different covenant.
> [2] See if you can tempt them by turning into the 40k equivalent of a W2
> [3] Ask them where you can get a copy of the proper paperwork to fill out
> [4] Cry

Love you anons

>>39058248
> [2] See if you can tempt them by turning into the 40k equivalent of a W2
I can't NOT pick this.

>>39058248
> [2] See if you can tempt them by turning into the 40k equivalent of a W2

the most perfect paper and ink there is

>>39058248
>> [2] See if you can tempt them by turning into the 40k equivalent of a W2

>>39058248
>> [2] See if you can tempt them by turning into the 40k equivalent of a W2

>>39058248
>[2] See if you can tempt them by turning into the 40k equivalent of a W2

Because why not?

>>39058248
> [5] "Awesome, that's the reason I was made!"

>>39058248
> [2] See if you can tempt them by turning into the 40k equivalent of a W2
Whats a W2?

Also the Blood Ravens are redeemed and loyal after the trials of their home system and their subsequent actions in the game Space Marine where they support the smurfs.

>tax form pornography

OKAY, THAT'S ENOUGH INTERNET FOR TODAY

>>39058371
They still stood against the Order of the Sacred Rose.

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>>39058373

>>39058400
Yep, and a bunch of other loyal groups, though canonwise the IG won that campaign and the SoB were at fault for the civil war between imperial forces there. They also hinted that Kyras stirred things up for extra bloodshed.

Kyras was a dickbag, I'm glad the killing blow on him in my game of Retribution was a lascannon to the eye.

[2] it is. Somewhere, an administratum clerk feels a disturbance in the force. He is then executed for being a unsanctioned psyker.

Writing...

>>39058248

I did say excessively silly in the 2nd post.

Paperwork nuts, er nuns, then. You’ve corrupted worse than this. You just got taken off guard, that’s all. Or at least that’s what you tell yourself.

Outloud, you say, “Oho? Well then you ladies won’t mind if I slip into something more comfortable…”

With that you turn into a large stack of ][1040’s. Your perfectly collated reams of paper thud to the floor and cause a noticeable gasp from the three women. “Ah but that’s not all,” you say. With a little concentration you manage to turn the Needle of Desire in your arm into a perfectly inked quill. “Try writing with this~”

After that is a blur of sensations you’ve never felt before. It’s all very confusing and wonderful, even for you. You think you might have even learned a trick or two about proper penplay in the future. But what matters is, all said and done, you’re left as a pile of masterfully filled-out forms (in triplicate) next to a pile of moaning Sisters. While they were furiously scribbling away at your “flesh,” they neglected to realize the quill was both injecting your toxic blood into them and siphoning off their emotions for use in your tea later. Soon you have not three Sisters but three fledging daemonettes pinning for attention.

As you reform into your proper shape, you wave your hands wide. “Go, my new fellows. Go forth and show your former Sisters the true glory that comes with proper paperwork.” Then as an afterthought you add, “Oh and um… can you come to my tea party later?”

All three gasp in delight and nod before charging out of the hall. Soon you hear the delightful and maddening sound of tax forms being whipped into submission.

It’s been a weird day. Even by Slaaneshii standards.

> [1] See if you can’t scavenge any other ingredients while you’re here (Per)
> [2] Head back to the Warp to Nurgle’s realm
> [3] Return to Slaanesh’s castle to think on what to wear

>>39058783
>> [1] See if you can’t scavenge any other ingredients while you’re here (Per)

>>39058783
Why can't we give the golden throne a lapdance?

> [1] See if you can’t scavenge any other ingredients while you’re here (Per)

>>39058783
L-lewd

>>39058783
>> [2] Head back to the Warp to Nurgle’s realm

>>39058783
> [2] Head back to the Warp to Nurgle’s realm
Let's see if he has anything weird we can put in our tea.

>>39058783
> [1] See if you can’t scavenge any other ingredients while you’re here (Per)
Hell, we might even divert a shipment of ..stuff to ourselves.

>>39058783
>> [1] See if you can’t scavenge any other ingredients while you’re here (Per)
Might as well. It's just a quick perception check

Famous last words

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>>39058783
>> [1] See if you can’t scavenge any other ingredients while you’re here (Per)

>>39058902
Never heard of a perception check ending anything. Unless a gaze attack was involved, I guess

1d100 vs 60 then

You never know. There might be a PLOT HOOK here!

Rolled 78 (1d100)

>>39059037
A LEWD plot hook I assume?

>>39059046

No that'd be a ceiling hook.

Rolled 20 (1d100)

>>39059037

Rolled 20 (1d100)

>>39059037

>>39059060
Oh, you.

>>39059061
>>39059081
Well then...

DAMN YOU TZEENTCH

>>39059061
>>39059081
DUbs means good yes? Excess pass?

>>39059046
>>39059061
>>39059081

Well with two twenties you find something interesting.

Writing...

>>39058939
>Low level campaign
>Passed perception check leads to DM telling us of a robbery in an alley
>PC that passed the check (the only one) dies in the ensuing battle

Wait, so why aren't 69s automatic successes?

>>39059175
that's one hell of a shitty DM you've got there

>>39059175
That's hardly the fault of perception, that's bad judgement. He could have gotten help or gotten clear of it or ignored it.

>>39059221
Also this.

>>39058783

You do your best to stay out of the way as the rest of the Covenant is turned into a flock of daemons and Warp Spawn. Not because you don’t want to join in (far from it, ink’s still dripping from your thighs) but because you DO have a Tea Party to host. And, as such, you can only afford to spend so much time looking around the halls of the Sacred Filing.

Despite the time constraint you do find two things of interest. The first is a bottle labeled “Tears of the Emperor, 750.M41.” Offhand, you think that’s a good year. Plenty of deaths and such to make it a good vintage. The second item is a discarded bit of paper that mentions a heretic currently being pursued by the Inquisition. “Pradia,” as it were, is a witch wanted for crafting impossible dresses on the Feral World of Dusk. Anyone who’s come into contact with her garments seems to have either gone insane or become Warp Spawns. Perhaps someone you should meet?

> [1] Sure why not
> [2] Nah, you’ll figure out your own dress
> [3] Worry about clothes later. You still have to handle entertainment and other guests!

>>39059274
> [1] Sure why not

>>39059274
> [1] Sure why not

>>39059274
>> [1] Sure why not
Fashion is very important to slaaneshi whores...

>>39059274
> [1] Sure why not
Well we need to look darling, darling.

>>39059325
>slaaneshi whores...
Get that Khornate lingo out of here, be happy we're even letting the Blood Goddess into the Tea Party. Jeez, these fuckin' Khornates shilling their dumb red thing all the time, why I oughta...

>>39059274
>> [1] Sure why not

>>39059274
> [1] Sure why not


>>39059378
fornicate with them while sniffing warpdust?

>>39059378
Don't slut shame. Being a slut-whore-druggy-musician-artist and connoisseur of everything, is a beautiful thing.

The Daemon wears Pradia, it seems.

Writing...

>>39059466
that would be rather hilarious yet sick, we turn her into a dress

>>39059498
Don't khornates do that... wear portions of the dead as trophies and such?

I could see one making a dress out of there enemy

>>39059543
well Cinder is still wearing the skulls of the 2nd and 3rd blood dragons she killed

We gotta find something in Nurgle's garden that will paralyze the Blood Goddess and make her Slaanesh's forever.

>>39059274

A dangerous seamstress in the eyes of the Imperium sounds like the right type of person to help you with your dress. Especially since you’re also going to need service staff outfits for all the recently-converted daemonettes. Worst case, if Pradia can’t deliver, you’ll wear her herself.

The trip to Dusk is uneventful and thus you almost kill yourself six times during the journey. So when you finally do arrive you make a quick beeline to where Pradia’s hiding out. You’d think a person hiding from the Inquisition would be a little more discrete, but all you have to do is follow the glowing, pink spools of thread through the swamps. Soon you’re standing before an old hollowed out structure of Eldar design. If you had to guess, it was an escape pod or small shuttle that got lodged into the swamp and abandoned.

“Hello…?” you call out. An old, dark-skinned woman, hunched over with a cane, quickly shambles out of her shelter at the noise.

“Oh. My. Slaanesh,” she begins, circling around you. “It’s like a Phyrr Cat threw up onto a Pit Thing. Not a single matching piece of fabric. Forget chasing me, the Inquisition should be looking for you. Fashion this terrible is a crime to everything.”

> [1] Remain silent and hope she offers to help
> [2] Thank her. You dressed yourself.
> [3] Ask her nicely if she’d be willing to help you
> [4] Cry
> [5] Write in

>>39059695
> [3] Ask her nicely if she’d be willing to help you
Well, that's why I came to you.

>>39059695
>> [2] Thank her. You dressed yourself.

>> [4] Cry inside

File: SAN check.gif (1.67 MB, 250x142)

1.67 MB GIF

>>39059695
>> [4] Cry
Low self esteem, Go!
OFW

>>39059695
>> [3] Ask her nicely if she’d be willing to help you
My god... shes perfect, we'll be the fanciest slaaneshi the universe has ever seen, we'll be capable of giving the god emperor himself a hardon... and hes pretty much a corpse...

>>39059695
> [2] Thank her. You dressed yourself.

>>39059695
>> [2] Thank her. You dressed yourself.
>[3] Ask her nicely if she’d be willing to help you
>[5] Or You could be my dress, either or, it'd be splendid either way.

>>39059695
[External sobbing Intensifies]

>>39059695
> [2] Thank her. You dressed yourself.

God damn it elh I just developed a paperwork fetish.
At least I'm still asexual

I think [2] and [3] have it.

BUUUTTTT...

1d100 vs 6 to not cry.

Rolled 39 (1d100)

>>39059927

Rolled 23 (1d100)

>>39059927

Rolled 64 (1d100)

>>39059927

Rolled 17 (1d100)

>>39059927

Rolled 43 (1d100)

>>39059927

Rolled 61 (1d100)

>>39059927
Were a big girl now

>>39059948
so close to doubles, would have been running to roll warp fuckery for not crying

>>39059967
KHOOOORRRNNNEE!!! KHOOOORRRNNNE!!!!!

Rolled 15 + 8 (1d20 + 8)

>>39059943
>>39059948
>>39059967

Yeahhhh...

I'll just see how hard you cry then.

Afterwards, writing...

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>>39060007
Can we cry from the face on the back of our head while maintaining our composure in the front?

>>39059695

You’re a big girl, Ash. You can take a little criticism. Besides she’s a mortal. What does she know about fashion?

“I… I dressed myself,” you sputter.

“Dear child, if this is how you dress yourself it’s a wonder you manage to walk straight.”

That’s it. Your self-esteem can’t take it anymore. You collapse to your knees and begin crying into your hands. “Ijustwantedanicedress,” you whine between gasping tears. “AndIthoughtsince y-y-you were a…”

You feel Pradia’s hand pat your shoulder. “There there. It’d be heresy not to help someone as colorblind as you.”

Yeah that doesn’t help at all. If anything it just makes you cry harder. But Pradia waits for you to finish all the same.

“Well, come on inside so I can properly get your measurements. I have a rough idea but I need to be sure. Also, do you have anything in mind?”

> [1] Well I did before I found out I SUCKED AT EVERYTHING
> [2] Make her promise she won’t laugh, then tell her…(Write in)
> [3] No. But even if I did I think you should be in charge of the dress not me

>>39060067
No. You are the embodiment of excessively low self-esteem and loneliness.

>>39060133
> [1] Well I did before I found out I SUCKED AT EVERYTHING

>>39060133
>No. You are the embodiment of excessively low self-esteem and loneliness.

>Hey guys, you get to play as a Daemonette, but actually you're the lamest Keeper of Secrets what ever existed!

>>39060133
> [1] Well I did before I found out I SUCKED AT EVERYTHING

We need to get her to do textiles for the party too

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>>39060133
>> [1] Well I did before I found out I SUCKED AT EVERYTHING

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>>39060133
> [2] Make her promise she won’t laugh, then tell her…(Write in)

Frills and belts..

>>39060133
> [1] Well I did before I found out I SUCKED AT EVERYTHING

>>39060161

We're only super confident and cool when we're tax forms.

>>39060133
Oh my god, that is so sad. I just wanna give Ash a hug. Maybe make her some tea and biscuits and tell her everything is fine.

>>39060227
same, she needs some hugs and headpats

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>>39060133
> [2] Make her promise she won’t laugh, then tell her…(Write in)

>>39060250
Silly Anon, there are no headpats here, only blackout dickings.

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[1] it is.

Writing...

>>39060227

>>39060227
I want to throw all her tea in the ocean to watch her despair.

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>>39060351
Bitch, I'll fucking fight you.

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>>39060351

> MFW Cinder isn't actually coming to the party
> She's just there to re-enact Boston again

'MERICA

>>39060250
No purple pansies gets headpats. Cinder would be ashamed of you. And by ashamed I mean mildly annoyed. And by mildly annoyed I mean you'd only get killed as an afterthought instead of your skull taken.

I think Ash and Cinder would get along.

>>39060133

“I did but… but I don’t think it matters since I can’t even put on the proper socks…”

Pradia turns and wallops the back of your head with her cane. It doesn’t actually hurt, more a pinprick of pain. “Calm down, Child. Just tell me what it was so I can tell you why it might be wrong.”

You sniff, “L-L-Lace, frills, and belts?”

She mulls this over for a moment. “Black with white would look nice. But wait. What’s this for exactly?”

“A tea party,” you admit softly.

“Well then white and black combined won’t work. You’d be mistaken for service staff. Though maybe you wanted that given your fashion record. Less gossip that way.”

You let out a “meep,” prompting her to switch tact as she works. “Fine. I’ll figure something out. I assume you have the proper payment?”

No, you don’t. You communicate as such. “...What is it you need?”

She shrugs. “I’ve always wanted a cat…”

> [1] Beam Bigglesworth at her head and never look back. Except do because you have to pick up the dresses
> [2] Just any old cat or does it need to have a certain pattern of spots?
> [3] Anything ELSE? Tax forms are all the rage right now, or so I hear.

>>39060463
>> [2] Just any old cat or does it need to have a certain pattern of spots?

>>39060463
> [2] Just any old cat or does it need to have a certain pattern of spots?

>>39060463
> [2] Just any old cat or does it need to have a certain pattern of spots?

>>39060463
> [2] Just any old cat or does it need to have a certain pattern of spots?
> [3] Anything ELSE? Tax forms are all the rage right now, or so I hear.

>>39060463

> [1] Beam Bigglesworth at her head and never look back. Except do because you have to pick up the dresses

>>39060463
> [1] Beam Bigglesworth at her head and never look back. Except do because you have to pick up the dresses

>>39060463
> [2] Just any old cat or does it need to have a certain pattern of spots?

>>39060463
>> [2] Just any old cat or does it need to have a certain pattern of spots?

[2] it is. Back in a bit.

Offhand - what the fuck is that Eldar cat thing called? Because otherwise I'm calling it "that eldar cat thing."

>>39060653
a scrinx?

>>39060653
Grynx

>>39060653
Gyrinx

>>39060688
>>39060696

That's it. In RT if anyone's wondering.

It also apparently goes "wah wah"

Thanks.

>>39060463

You don’t want to accidentally snub this woman. She may be a mortal but her control over your emotions is on par with Slaanesh’s. So you have to make sure.

“Just any old cat… or does it have to be a certain breed or have a certain pattern of spots?”

“Well a Gyrnix of course,” she replies instantly. “It shouldn’t be all that hard for you to find one so long as you don’t look at yourself in a mirror first.”

Somehow you manage to hold together through that. Instead of fretting you think on where to get a Grynix. The catlike creatures SHOULD be around Eldar ruins if not Eldar proper. Then again… isn’t Bigglesworth technically the same thing if not one himself?

> [1] Offer to trade Bigglesworth for the dresses
> [2] Go nip off to terrorize some Eldar for a cat
> [3] Return to the Sisters, turn one into a cat using the proper form, then come back

>>39060816
> [2] Go nip off to terrorize some Eldar for a cat

>>39060816
Ask the grynx if he wants to change owners.

>>39060816
> [2] Go nip off to terrorize some Eldar for a cat

>>39060816
>> [2] Go nip off to terrorize some Eldar for a cat

>>39060858
Eh, our Mr. Bigglesworth would be fine, except for that he lost his coat of fur.

>>39060816
>> [2] Go nip off to terrorize some Eldar for a cat
Oh this should be good

>>39060816
> [2] Go nip off to terrorize some Eldar for a cat

Sooo next question:

> [1] Regular Eldar
> [2] Dark Eldar
> [3] Exodites
> [4] Harlequins

>>39060997
> [1] Regular Eldar

I want to bully someone haughty and self righteous.

>>39060997
>> [1] Regular Eldar
Maximum Tsundere

>>39060997
>> [4] Harlequins

>>39060997
>> [4] Harlequins
Hilarity?

>>39060997
> [3] Exodites
Time to invite the 40k equivalent of Hobbits to the Tea Party!

>>39060997
> [3] Exodites
They have more animals than the regular eldar.

>>39060997
> [1] Regular Eldar
Although corrupting exodites seems like a fun challenge, it'd probably be too slow and boring. They'd also probably fetishize agriculture.

>>39060997
> [3] Exodites
inb4 we accidentally an elder world spirit.

>>39061042

They could be our entertainment too!

Well I guess any Eldar could do that. But still.

Are exodites even subject to slaanesh's tender graces, like the others? I'm exactly as familiar with them as my last google search.

>>39061106
yes. there are, they bury their soulstones in a shrine called a world spirit.

Rolled 2 (1d2)

Well let me just tie breaker between Exodites and Eldar then...

[1] is Eldar, [2] Exos

>>39061233
Fuck.

>>39060997
Exodites are the Wood Elves who don't live on Craftworlds, right?

>>39061248
the space brown elf amazons who ride dinosaurs with laser rifles and spears

Well at least exodites should have nice healthy cat-thing breeds.

>>39061274
>the space brown elf
You mean "space dusk elf"?

>>39060816

“I’ll uh, be back in a bit then.”

“Take your time, Child.”

You gladly whisk yourself away the moment she turns to begin working on your garments. The moment you’re safely back in the Warp you let out a sigh of relief. After this entire social event is over you’re going to need a very long time to yourself. And a pair of tax forms.

You’ll worry about that later though. For now you have to find a Grynix. Intuition tells you that the Exodites might be the easiest source, simple because of their whole “back to roots with nature” angle. But how should you approach them?

> [1] Make your ears just a tad longer and pretend like nothing’s wrong
> [2] Disguise yourself as one of them and drop several puns in the process of getting a cat
> [3] Attempt to seduce a World Spirit
> [4] Pretend you’re a visitor from Biel-tan

>>39061379
>> [3] Attempt to seduce a World Spirit

>>39061379
> [2] Disguise yourself as one of them and drop several puns in the process of getting a cat
> [3] Attempt to seduce a World Spirit with tax forms

>>39061379
> Disguise yourself as one of them and drop several puns in the process of getting a cat

>>39061379
> [2] Disguise yourself as one of them and drop several puns in the process of getting a cat
> [3] Attempt to seduce a World Spirit

>>39061420

> Hello fellow Eldar! I too am an Eldar! Say where is the World Spirit? It hasn't been paying its backtaxes.

There is no chance of failure here.

>>39061379
> [4] Pretend you’re a visitor from Biel-tan
If we cut up some boxes for armor and cry hard enough we can pass for a banshee

>>39061420
>>39061463
Best plan. Cannot possibly go wrong.

>>39061379
> [4] Pretend you’re a visitor from Biel-tan
> [1] Make your ears just a tad longer and pretend like nothing’s wrong
There's nothing wrong. Just an ecotourist from Biel-Tan. Not a deamonette poacher. That's just silly

>>39061485
espically with taxes due soon

IRS doesn't care if your xeno or heretic, it has to have its money

Well some combination of [2] and [3] seems to be what we're doing.

2d100 vs 69 (each)

Rolled 83, 49 = 132 (2d100)

>>39061559

Rolled 11, 22 = 33 (2d100)

>>39061559

Rolled 98, 36 = 134 (2d100)

>>39061559

>>39061580
oh god those double doubles

>>39061511
It's the INTERNAL Revenue Service, that doesn't make sense, what you just said.

>>39061580
>11, 22 = 33
BOW BEFORE YOUR LORD! MWAHAHAHAHA!!!

>>39061574
>>39061580
>>39061592

Well even with the negatives I forgot to tack onto the 2nd roll you pass both. With doubles even.

While I write, let's try and speed things up a little in the background. Who do you want to invite to the tea party? Any canon 40k character and some fanon ones are fair game. So long as they're alive or Warp-accessible. Inviting them does not mean they will show up. They'll still have to RSVP.

>>39061597
>interdimentional
use head anon

>>39061580
THE NUMBERS MASON

WHAT DO THE NUMBERS MEAN?!

>>39061622
Emperor
Emperor
Emperor
Necron
Emperor

>>39061622
Kharn and Doomrider surely

>>39061622
The Emperor, all 4 chaos gods, Gork, Mork, and Isha. And Doomrider, he's great at tea parties.

>>39061622
the remaining soul drinkers

they need some fun

>>39061622
Well, we already got Cinder, and Slaanesh is basically already guaranteed, so we might as well go for all four.

>>39061622
Our spiritual liege, but we gotta turn him into a shota first so he doesn't die as soon as we take him off of that chair.

>>39061687
>Shota Roboute Guilliman
Fund it.

>>39061622
Doomrider of course

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>>39061655
>Isha
as the main course! We better serve her to our ladylord a la pic related!

>>39061622
Bjourn the dread

>no fell hands jokes or wolves

>>39061622
MOTHA FUCKIN DOOMRIDER!
Also Kharn, just so cinder can have some one to punch

>>39061622
Let's invite one of each flavor of Tau, those are like a new, exotic delicacy!

>>39061622
LIIVI and Taldeer, the Death Korps, Nurgle, and Tzeentch.

>>39061742
I want to see Bjorn in a dress whinging about Leman

>>39061869
>LIIVI and Taldeer
That'll be difficult seeing as how the Imperial Guard got their shit stomped in by the Blood Ravens and Taldeer's in a soulstone.

>>39061622
the Legion of the Damned

fire is so in this season, and ghosts need a break form being serious

How do we tzeentch tzeentch into the tea party? Not sure if we can slaanesh her into it properly.

>>39061731
Adding to my post. All 4 Chaos Gods. Mostly because I wanna see Iggy again as well as Cinder.

>>39061885
thats not the canon ending of retribution, Taldeer is still running around somewhere with LIIVI, and several books corroborate that

>>39061922
Finally, we get to stuff that bird!

>>39061922
Don't think she'll need that much convincing since Cinder is already coming.

>>39061379

Unlike how you handled the Sister, you approach the Exodites a bit more tactfully. You actually go the extra mile and weave an extremely convincing illusion about yourself that should fool most passersby. To them you’ll simply look like a very worn-down Exodite female with bags under her eyes and ruffled hair. Good thing you’re not trying to enter any beauty contests. Not that you’d win anyways....

A loud thunk interrupts your moping as you run into a set of Exodites as they go about their daily business. From the looks of them they’re simple farmers.

“You alright there, miss?” asks one, offering out his hand.

You take it without hesitation, replying, “Of course. I was just lost in my thoughts about how best to have my fields plowed.”

The other Exodite nods as if this is the most natural thing in the world. “Aye. It is planting season. Gotta sow them seeds proper.”

“Mrm. Nothing like seeing the fruits of your labour engorged on the vine. You alright though?” asks his fellow.

You resist another pun, instead opting to say, “I should be, yes. Well maybe. I’m feeling ever so lonely and depressed after my cat died. You wouldn’t happen to know where I could find another one, would you?”

A pretty bat of your eyes is all it takes to compliment your already dejected tone. It seems to be enough to motivate the Exodites. “Well they usually hang out around the Shrine to the World Spirit. I take it you’re one of them outlying folk.”

You nod. “Yes, exactly. But thank you ever so kindly. You’re both welcome to come use my hoe any time, if you know what I mean.”

They don’t. They look extremely confused at one another as you skip off towards where you’re feeling a large emanation of psychic energy. The Shrine itself is pretty blatant - an assemblage of psycho-reactive stones arranged in a circle. Plenty of Grynix’s are playing about, and catching one for Pradia is trivial. But before you go, you need to do one thing.

(cont)

>>39061931
Pics?

>>39061959

Reaching out with your mind you connect to the World Spirit. At first it shuns your touch but a few strokes of certain stones sees you gaining entry. Once inside the “natural” infinity circuit, you plant two thoughts: How awesome tax forms are, and that there needs to be more seeds sown about plowed fields if they know what you mean. You note with glee that they seem to take effect. With any luck you’ll be able to come back in a few months to find a bunch of debaucherous breeding farms and souls ripe to eat.

Once you’ve finished exchanging the psychic cat for your dress and that of your servants, you focus on sending out invitations. You’ll worry about what’s actually in the black box Pradia gave you to wear after those and the entertainment are handled.

> Handling the write ins so give me a sec

now all we need are the tea leaves and powder base

So the following will reply "Yes"

> Kharn (YOU MAY BE A PINK FAGGOT BUT I LOVE A GOOD TEA PARTY)
> Doomrider (I'LL BRING THE COCAINE!)
> Nurgle & Isha (They've asked whether they should bring something)
> Tzeentch (with a note that says she'll control Khorn so long as none of the refreshments are spiked)
> Bjourn (I CARE NOT WHAT PARTY I ATTEND, SO LONG AS THERE ARE NO FELL HAND JOKES OR WOLVES)
> A Water Caste Tau (She's very confused how to get to this "Warp" place though)
> Soul Drinkers

The following give you a No or a Tentative (which we all know is also No):

> Slaanesh (Sorry hun, I'm busy. That's why you're hosting and not I!)
> Star Child/Emps (Lol, Chaos)
> LIIVI & Taldeer (...)
> Death Korps

Did I miss anyone?

>>39062067
Time for Nurgle's garden!

>>39062068
You missed our Spiritual Liege!

>>39062068
>>39061920

>>39062067

Can't we just have Nurgle & Isha bring the tea leaves or something?

>>39062068
rowbutt gurlyman

captain-general of the custodes

macharias' soul

that one trolling necron lord

>>39062068
Let's grab Vulkan. He's out in the Eye of Chaos somewhere anyways, plus a real bro.

>>39062102
>Isha
Why the fuck would she go to Slaanesh's palace?

>>39062068
Nurgle should bring snacks? I imagine he has some excellent cheeses, but this is tea not wine.

>>39062111
For the same reason Khorne is

>>39062130
The only reason Khornette is coming is because we offered her an incentive, and she could probably kick our lord's ass. Isha has no incentive, and would probably be devoured by Slaanesh immediately if she were to set foot in his realm.

>>39062109
I'll second that >>39062111
because Nurgle has her on a chain made out of flowers, and to gloat in Slaanesh's face

>>39062154
>>39053811
>If you’re a die-hard lover of canon, I suggest you turn away now

>>39062068
Maybe a little late, but how about Draigo for the hell of it?

>>39062154
Slaanesh tried invading Nurgle's garden to get Isha, Nurgle kicked it's ass and sent it packing with several awkward diseases it doesn't like talking about.

Grandpapa takes good care of Isha

Well, for the sake of argument, we’ll say you send out invitations to the rest but don’t hear back in time. Make up your own headcanon why certain people have said yes or not, but Isha is mostly to gloat about for the record.

---

Now that that’s done, you need to settle on entertainment. You’re honestly at a loss. With such a large group and so many varied interests you’re not going to be able to use anything too biased towards one faction, Chaos or otherwise. It’ll have to be something decidedly neutral.

> [1] You could always sing for them… Please no, don’t make me sing. I’ll embarrass myself!
> Ignore Ash, she’s a great singer. ;_;
> [2] Write in

>>39062188
>> [2] Write in
Harlequin's recreating footloose or something similar from the 80's broadway

>>39062188
>> [1] You could always sing for them… Please no, don’t make me sing. I’ll embarrass myself!

>>39062188
>> [1] You could always sing for them… Please no, don’t make me sing. I’ll embarrass myself!
We will put on the entire "The Ring" operas.

>>39062174
It's just that, that's kind of the whole point of Isha. She's the goddess of life who survived Slaanesh's birthday massacrgy. She would never go to a party near him. Just because something doesn't have to correlate with canon doesn't mean it's a good excuse for making light of a character's fears and motivations.

>>39062256
>Overthinking it
>Missing the point of this one shot

>>39062256
Anon, you seem to be ignoring all the times Nurgle has dangled Isha in front of Slaanesh's face to gloat

>>39062228
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=meGuEnjERxc&list=PLV9AAkV2HThlMTWVqbP81APxLQUbJOSEQ

>>39062188
>[1] Sing this:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KJuexdl_c5s

>>39062188
Have them fill out tax forms. Bitches love tax forms.

Since [1] has it, give me 2d100 vs 69 (Fel) for how well you sing.

>>39062348
Those are the placemats and coasters.