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>>39077883
Sitting up doesn't really shed a whole lot of light on your situation. You're in a cozy room that was once inhabited by a teenage girl, although you really don't remember kicking her out, storming her house, or performing any hostile takeovers. You can't help but notice the wooden furniture all over the place, and there's also that window letting in this horrid sun- you're /above-ground/ like a suicidal moron- so whatever you did couldn't have been THAT bad; clearly, your victim was a tree-hugging elf or something.

... a tree-hugging elf who rather enjoyed looking at posters of, uh, dwarves in full battle regalia. And who kept a full array of properly dwarfy tools strewn all over the place, like crossbows and picks and stainless steel mechanisms.

You can't quite put your finger on it yet, but there's something really goddamn fishy going on here. The only thing you can be certain about is that you'd feel a hell of a lot better with one of those tools in your hands.

To be fair, you'd also feel better with some alcohol in you. And as a footnote, you'd feel a hell of a lot better if you COULDN'T hear activity going on somewhere downstairs. You're not alone in this house.

... or OUTSIDE the house, judging by the background noise of happily chattering kids.

[ ] [EXAMINE] the room a little bit more. Take stock of what you've got on you and in close proximity to you, and maybe equip yourself with one or all of the tools-slash-weapons here.
[ ] [BOOZE] is your number one priority. Everything else can wait until you're properly drunk and as far from sobriety as you can possibly get.
[ ] [WINDOW] Look outside the window. You'll count yourself lucky if you can see any recognizable landmarks whatsoever, but you also want to see what you're up against.
[ ] [SNEAK] to the door to your room. Try your best to hear what you can about the rest of this unnaturally raised abode, because it's sort of bullshit.
[ ] [WRITE-IN]

>>39077901
>[X] [EXAMINE] the room a little bit more. Take stock of what you've got on you and in close proximity to you, and maybe equip yourself with one or all of the tools-slash-weapons here.
>[X] [WINDOW] Look outside the window. You'll count yourself lucky if you can see any recognizable landmarks whatsoever, but you also want to see what you're up against.
>[X] [WRITE-IN] Breathe in, and mentally prepare yourself for some sort of brutal "Ahh, these are all your memories of the past, but clearly not, because who lives above ground?" mental attack bullshit.

>>39077901
>[BOOZE] is your number one priority. Everything else can wait until you're properly drunk and as far from sobriety as you can possibly get.
>[EXAMINE] the room a little bit more. Take stock of what you've got on you and in close proximity to you, and maybe equip yourself with one or all of the tools-slash-weapons here.

>>39077901
[x] [BOOZE] is your number one priority. Everything else can wait until you're properly drunk and as far from sobriety as you can possibly get.
[x] [SNEAK] to the door to your room. Try your best to hear what you can about the rest of this unnaturally raised abode, because it's sort of bullshit.

>>39077901
First
>[x] [BOOZE] is your number one priority. Everything else can wait until you're properly drunk and as far from sobriety as you can possibly get.
Then
>[x] [EXAMINE] the room a little bit more. Take stock of what you've got on you and in close proximity to you, and maybe equip yourself with one or all of the tools-slash-weapons here.

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>>39077901
>[ ] [BOOZE] is your number one priority. Everything else can wait until you're properly drunk and as far from sobriety as you can possibly get.
>[ ] [WINDOW] Look outside the window. You'll count yourself lucky if you can see any recognizable landmarks whatsoever, but you also want to see what you're up against.


Oh boy time for dorfs!

>>39077901
>[ ] [EXAMINE] the room a little bit more. Take stock of what you've got on you and in close proximity to you, and maybe equip yourself with one or all of the tools-slash-weapons here.
Can we find Estelle and Rokko with Dwarf Therapist?

>Write-In
Crack open Dwarf Therapist.

I've figured out how to use Planepacked; step one, create a series of mechanisms and glass prism to rotate and move around the artifact at the top of your mountainhome. Step two, ensure the levers and buttons are on the OUTSIDE of this construction. Step three, create Planepacked inside the carefully crafted area. Step four, forbid. Step five, use cave-ins to hide it in floating pocket dimension. Step 6 PULL THE LEVER. Step 7 enjoy our new interdimensional road.

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>>39077901
>[X] [BOOZE]
>[X] [EXAMINE]

Right. You're not a dwarf if you're not up to your eyeballs in drink OR holding something that can, eventually, help you make more drinks.

After wrassling with a bunch of disgustingly comfy pillows and blankets, hopping off the bed gives you no difficulties whatsoever. Problem is, this puts you right in front of a mirror on the desk, and the NEXT horrible revelation gives you pause: somehow, some asshole trussed you up in a cutesy little nightgown, complete with frills and a tiny ribbon on top. That same asshole apparently undid your braids. ALL your braids. Your hair is one big mass of carefully brushed, uh, hair. It doesn't look like a morass of angry snakes, ready to entrap and strangle anyone foolish enough to step within reach.

... the sight of yourself looking like that is so alien, so /wrong/, that you stare for like an entire minute or so. Probably would've stared longer if you hadn't slapped your own cheeks hard enough to bring tears to your eyes. Focus, Urist. Back on track.

Rummaging through the room burns through precious minutes you're not entirely sure you have, but for the most part, it was worth it: you've got enough tools in here to help you set up a fortress all on your own! A mining pick, an axe, some rope, a few buckets and crutches, even an /anvil/. An honest-to-Armok anvil! And a crossbow!! The lack of dedicated melee weapons is worrisome, but you can make do with the axe (even if it's merely copper) and the crossbow.

... you also turn up a few books. The titles worry you for a number of reasons- Boatmurdered, Glazedcoast, Headshoots, Battlefailed- but they're all far, far too heavy to consider lugging around. You can't even pick them up, so you'll just... you'll just leave them where they are.

(Cont.)

>>39078681
You've got far more pressing concerns right now. For one, there's no alcohol in your room. Double- and triple-checking the cabinets, the bed, the desk, UNDER the bed, the air vents, the drawers- nothing. Nada. Zilch. No barrels, no flasks, not one drop of alcohol- hell, you'd even settle for drinking from a MUG, but even that avenue's terminally and depressingly closed to you.

... shit. Maybe you shouldn't have checked. Now that you know for SURE that this room is dry, your body starts feeling parched all on its own.

You barely even notice something going 'thud' against the window.

[ ] [CHARGE DOWNSTAIRS] This room is useless now. It's dead to you! You'll surely find something to parch your thirst downstairs, even if you have to murder everything in your way to get to it.
[ ] [DIG DOWNSTAIRS] You have no idea what you're dealing with or who else shares this house with you right now. You have a mining pick with you, so you may as well dig a peephole and see what's going on.
[ ] [WINDOW] Either someone's trying to get your attention, or that 'thud' is the prelude to an assassination attempt. Go check what's going on, preferably with your crossbow in hand.
[ ] [THERAPIST] ... you can't possibly be here alone, right? Last you checked, you were with Estelle and Rokko. They've got to be around here somewhere. At least, you HOPE they're around here somewhere.
[ ] [WRITE-IN]

>>39078699
>[x] [CHARGE DOWNSTAIRS] This room is useless now. It's dead to you! You'll surely find something to parch your thirst downstairs, even if you have to murder everything in your way to get to it.
Priorities!

>>39078699
>[X] [THERAPIST] ... you can't possibly be here alone, right? Last you checked, you were with Estelle and Rokko. They've got to be around here somewhere. At least, you HOPE they're around here somewhere.
More importantly, check to see if anyone has recently enjoyed booze. Or making booze.
>[X] [WINDOW] Either someone's trying to get your attention, or that 'thud' is the prelude to an assassination attempt. Go check what's going on, preferably with your crossbow in hand.
Quick, check and see if it was someone throwing you booze!
>[X] [DIG DOWNSTAIRS] You have no idea what you're dealing with or who else shares this house with you right now. You have a mining pick with you, so you may as well dig a peephole and see what's going on.
WE DON'T HAVE TIME FOR DOORS, WE NEED BOOZE! BADLY!

>>39078699
>[x] [WINDOW] Either someone's trying to get your attention, or that 'thud' is the prelude to an assassination attempt. Go check what's going on, preferably with your crossbow in hand.

nooope

>[ ] [THERAPIST]

>>39078699
>[ ] [THERAPIST] ... you can't possibly be here alone, right? Last you checked, you were with Estelle and Rokko. They've got to be around here somewhere. At least, you HOPE they're around here somewhere.
>[ ] [CHARGE DOWNSTAIRS] This room is useless now. It's dead to you! You'll surely find something to parch your thirst downstairs, even if you have to murder everything in your way to get to it.
Minimum precaution and then charge head on like a dwarf.

>cute Urist
How horrifying, let's hope our friends aren't here to see it.

>>39078699
>[ ] [STRIP] you can't be seen in a cute nightgown.
>try to take it off and fall only to be wrapped in blankets all cutesy like.
>die alittle inside

>>39079106
bit slow there. we're already out of bed.

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>>39078699
>>39078699
>[X] [THERAPIST]
>[X] [CHARGE DOWNSTAIRS]

... y'know, come to think of it, the last thing you remember was preparing to build a miniature fortress to stop the big slavering spider monster from melting the flesh off your bones and consuming you and your friends. Maybe it says something about your priorities that you thought to check up on them only /after/ looking around for booze?

Better late than never. You focus your mind, bringing Therapist to the forefront, and that increasingly familiar list pops up in front of your eyes as if by magic. As usual, the vast majority of names are either grayed out or so obscured as to be unreadable, so you home in on the two you're looking for.

Right off the bat, Estelle's out of range. That's REALLY worrisome for a whole lot of reasons, most of them starting and ending with "she ought to be comatose and half-dead." Rokko, though, is close enough for you to get a read on her, so you take a look-see and-

>Rokko
>Caste: Adventurer
>Profession: Super Fighting Robot
>Squad: DLN-001
>Happiness: Confused
>Thoughts: Armor missing, ERROR, wiring exposed, battle damage unaccounted for, ERROR, weapons unaccessible, ERROR (x31857)-

Shit. Shit! You finish shoving everything worth taking into your pack (or -a- pack, at any rate; you don't remember ever owning a schoolgirl's bookbag, or attaching goofy-looking blue ogre keychains to /any/ bag), kick down the fucking door, and thunder down the stairs while screaming like the axe-wielding maniac you are. For your friends! And also for booze! But mostly for your fri-

You draw up short upon entering the kitchen. Rokko stands in front of the oven, turning to face you as you approach; immediately, you realize that she's bereft of her trademark armor and dressed in absolutely nothing but an apron.

(Cont.)

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>>39079767
You're not entirely sure how long you both just stand there like great big lumps, staring at each other while your poor overworked brains do their best to come to grips with that you're both seeing; Rokko in the classic naked apron getup, and you in your nauseatingly cute nightgown with nauseatingly cute socks on your nauseatingly cute and un-filthy footsies.

So, uh. You hate to be the one to break it to her, but... the naked apron emphatically does NOT work when the wearer has almost literally no skin to speak of.

Rokko's blank robot face is perfectly equipped to give you a flat stare, not even bothering to glance down at the exposed wiring criss-crossing her whole body like a roboticist's approximation of a human muscle anatomy model. She DOES relax her reversed grip on the frying pan and spatula, awkwardly being held like daggers. "Y-Yes. I am, well-aware," she grates out both literally and figuratively, the electronic buzz heavier than usual. "N-not my idea. Like y-your jammies."

It's not /jammies/! It's a robe! Robes are perfectly dwarfy!

"A-Affirmative."

... nghk. You never would've guessed that Rokko's static-laden voice could convey sarcasm like that.

Before you can think of a suitable reply, the doorbell rings.

And rings.

And keeps on ringing, like someone's mashing their finger against the button as fast as they can. A quick peek at Therapist confirms that whoever it is, it's not Estelle.

[ ] [ROKKO] Ignore door. Ask Rokko what the last thing she remembers was, and if she knows anything about Estelle's whereabouts.
[ ] [SCAVENGE] Ignore door, acquire actual clothes and/or armor. The outside world (such as it is) can wait until you're properly attired.
[ ] [SOLO DOOR] Go get the door like a rational person would. Leave Rokko to either find her goddamn armor or put something on.
[ ] [CHARGE DOOR] Preparations be damned: both you and Rokko bull-rush the door. Whoever's knocking is gonna have their shit punched in.
[ ] [WRITE-IN]

>>39079797
>[ ] [CHARGE DOOR] Preparations be damned: both you and Rokko bull-rush the door. Whoever's knocking is gonna have their shit punched in.
We don't need armor to OVERWRESLTE.

Seriously though, this is getting pretty weird.

>>39079797
Ha, it's like they're trapped in a. . .
Oh.
OH.
>[X] [CHARGE DOOR] Preparations be damned: both you and Rokko bull-rush the door. Whoever's knocking is gonna have their shit punched in.
KILL EVERYTHING. BAD END ALL UP IN THIS BITCH.

>>39079797
>[ ] [SOLO DOOR] Go get the door like a rational person would. Leave Rokko to either find her goddamn armor or put something on.
If it's got a peephole, we should look through it... Or Rokko should. I don't think we be tall enough to look through one.

>>39079797
>[ ] [SOLO DOOR]
Is there a window we can look out of to see whom/what might be knocking first though?

>>39079797
>[ ] [SCAVENGE] Ignore door, acquire actual clothes and/or armor. The outside world (such as it is) can wait until you're properly attired.
The gauntlets, they're....gone?

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>>39079797
>[x] [SOLO DOOR] Go get the door like a rational person would. Leave Rokko to either find her goddamn armor or put something on.
Oh shit, sound like we're trapped in something that would easily be Urist's worst nightmares.... and she's the protagonist!

>>39079767
>you don't remember ever owning a schoolgirl's bookbag, or attaching goofy-looking blue ogre keychains to /any/ bag
Ogres. There are ogres involved. This explains *everything*.

[X] [SCAVENGE] Ignore door, acquire actual clothes and/or armor. The outside world (such as it is) can wait until you're properly attired.

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> mfw

>>39080042
There's a peephole set in the door!

>>39080080
That's how it seems, at least.

SOLO DOOR wins the vote, so writing!

We're treading on dangerous ground here, too much moe might render Urist catatonic

>>39080182
Not our LIQUID METAL GAUNTLETS

>>39080182
THEY TOOK AWAY ROKKO'S HEART AND POWERS, NOW THEY'RE TAKING AWAY OUR STUFF: our clothes, our weapons, OUR. ALCOHOL.

>>39080258
Well, they didn't take Rokko from us, at least. Not sure where Estelle is though.

>>39080080
>The gauntlets, they're....gone?
Remember when Estelle forced some monsters into turn-based combat?

I get the feeling weapons and armor don't fit in what we've been sucked into.

I just hope ChickenSpider-Senpai notices whoever did this before they can torment us too long.

>>39080305
They took our big sis but let us keep our robot, they dressed us up and cleaned our hair, but put us in a dwarf room, these are some messed up priorities

>>39080332
Oh I've a feeling we've been sucked into something... truly horrible!

>>39080332
I hope we managed to build that fort before we got knocked out, you know, if this is some dream thing.

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>>39080368
>Horrible Spider Monster is a bird.
>Horrible Spider Monster is an NPC.
>Only NPCs are male.

>>39080424
Only in Death's embrace will we know peace, now.
>BLORP has forsaken us.

>>39080182
Blorp can we get Urist's status screen sometime this thread?

It might help us figure out what happened.

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>>39079797
>[X] [SOLO DOOR]

Great. Well then. Worst case scenario, whoever's ringing on your doorbell like a pranking kid will be trying to murder you, and the only things you've got on you are... well, edged melee weapons and a crossbow with ammo. Best case scenario, whoever's calling will turn out to be the asshole responsible for this fucked-up situation and you can let off some much-needed steam via some deliciously one-sided violence.

You quickly tell Rokko about all the shit you found in your suspiciously dwarfy room; it's entirely possible that there's a room up in here set up just for the Blue Bomber, maybe with things she can use, too. Like a gun. Because you'd feel a lot better if Rokko could actually help you shoot things, rather than just hit things with a frying pan and shock people with her sort-of-but-not-really-nakedness.

"I-I did not ask, for this nakedness."

Whatever the case, your suggestion's enough to get Rokko moving, and you hear her surprisingly light footsteps thunder up the stairs as she sets out to rummage through as many rooms as she can. You can sympathize: it's bad enough not having a single weapon on your body, it's gotta be fifty times worse when you're stripped of the weapon that basically makes up your /entire/ body.

Right. The door. You approach the front door with your crossbow at the ready, trying to ignore the constant doorbell-ringing, and then you try to glance through the peephole.

... half a minute and one chair shoved up against the door later, you glance through the peephole.

Approximately one-point-five seconds later, you kick aside the fucking chair and wrench open the door, because that's /Mojang/ standing there in front of you in the flesh, that silly green camo-patterned hooded parka and ridiculous pinkish-blonde hair all. She's also half in tears.

(Cont.)

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>>39080710
"Urist!" she wails, grabbing you by your shoulders and shaking you so hard that you can't see straight. "I'm so glad to see you again! I mean, not ACTUALLY see you, 'cause this isn't actually real and I'm not here in person, but I'm seeing you right now and it's all in my head and you'd better not be a dream because if it is I'm in no better spot than I am before and it's all going HORRIBLE and AWFUL and BADLY and fff, ffuuuuff, fffffssssSSSSSSSSSS-"

Fucking hell- you grab your surrogate little sister's arms and manage to shake her off, even despite her having the sort of iron grip reserved for drowning sailors. Mojang! Breathe! Breathe, dammit, or she's gonna blow us all sky-high!!

Mojang's eyes are goddamn /spirals/. She's still hissing, like she's beyond hearing you right now.

[ ] [DUCK AND COVER] Nope, not getting blown to hell today. Hide behind some piece of furniture and wait out her little explodey tantrum. Mojang will be fine, even if the front of the house won't be.
[ ] [THERAPIST] Ring her the fuck up with your mind and talk her out of blowing the fuck up. Also get some questions-and-answers going, it'll be faster through mentalepathy or whatever.
[ ] [ARMOK WHY THIS] Mojang leaves you no choice. You are the only one who has the power. You can defuse her at the cost of your dignity as a dwarf and as an intelligent, thinking entity.
[ ] [SHOVE] Shove Mojang back a few yards. The explosion won't tear through the house like wet tissue paper if she's in the yard.
[ ] [WRITE-IN]

>>39080710
>because that's /Mojang/ standing there in front of you in the flesh, that silly green camo-patterned hooded parka and ridiculous pinkish-blonde hair all. She's also half in tears.
Wha?

So glad we didn't charge through.

>>39080728
>[ ] [THERAPIST] Ring her the fuck up with your mind and talk her out of blowing the fuck up. Also get some questions-and-answers going, it'll be faster through mentalepathy or whatever.
>[ ] [ARMOK WHY THIS] Mojang leaves you no choice. You are the only one who has the power. You can defuse her at the cost of your dignity as a dwarf and as an intelligent, thinking entity.
Cooldown hug is go.
Also we can add her to our party

>>39080728
>You can defuse her at the cost of your dignity as a dwarf and as an intelligent, thinking entity.
No! You fool! It's playing right into their hands! Instead, do this:
>[X] [THERAPIST] Ring her the fuck up with your mind and talk her out of blowing the fuck up. Also get some questions-and-answers going, it'll be faster through mentalepathy or whatever.

>>39080728
>[x] [THERAPIST] Ring her the fuck up with your mind and talk her out of blowing the fuck up. Also get some questions-and-answers going, it'll be faster through mentalepathy or whatever.

>>39080728
>[ ] [THERAPIST] Ring her the fuck up with your mind and talk her out of blowing the fuck up. Also get some questions-and-answers going, it'll be faster through mentalepathy or whatever.
What happens if Rokko hits Mojand with Thunder Beam?

>>39080728
>[ ] [ARMOK WHY THIS] Mojang leaves you no choice. You are the only one who has the power. You can defuse her at the cost of your dignity as a dwarf and as an intelligent, thinking entity.
THERE WAS ONLY EVER ONE CHOICE TO BE MADE

>>39080728
>[ ] [THERAPIST] Ring her the fuck up with your mind and talk her out of blowing the fuck up. Also get some questions-and-answers going, it'll be faster through mentalepathy or whatever.
>[ ] [ARMOK WHY THIS] Mojang leaves you no choice. You are the only one who has the power. You can defuse her at the cost of your dignity as a dwarf and as an intelligent, thinking entity.

>>39080728
>[ ] [ARMOK WHY THIS] Mojang leaves you no choice. You are the only one who has the power. You can defuse her at the cost of your dignity as a dwarf and as an intelligent, thinking entity.
I can't stop myself, I enjoy bullying Urist too much.

>[X] [ARMOK WHY THIS] Mojang leaves you no choice. You are the only one who has the power. You can defuse her at the cost of your dignity as a dwarf and as an intelligent, thinking entity.

>>39080728
>[ ] [ARMOK WHY THIS] Mojang leaves you no choice. You are the only one who has the power. You can defuse her at the cost of your dignity as a dwarf and as an intelligent, thinking entity.

>>39080728
>[ ] [ARMOK WHY THIS] Mojang leaves you no choice. You are the only one who has the power. You can defuse her at the cost of your dignity as a dwarf and as an intelligent, thinking entity.
We have no dignity anyway.

>Urist was overjoyed to give Mojang a hug lately.

>>39080905
> Urist admired her unbraided hair recently.

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>>39080804
NOTHING GOOD

>>39080905
LIES

Also, the surprise box and Therapist options win the day!

>>39080931
Blorp, I have to ask. Since you ran a quest on April Fools Day, why didn't you run Hyperdimension Boss Bawss Quest?

>>39080971
Go away, no one wants you here.

>>39080931
>NOTHING GOOD
DO IT, DO IT, DO IT

They can't trap us in a dream if we blow the dream up sky-high! ....even though it looks like the dream was for our benefit.

>>39080993
Urist just can't trust good things happening to her, the best we can hope for is Estelle not seeing her all girl-ied up or at least that Rokko didn't take any pictures this time.

Why is it the biggest issue as a DF player I have with this is:

Dorf Protagonist. Having DIGNITY?! Have you not seen the shit that those little bastards put up with? Its considered a training method to shower them in random animal guts by dropping said animals from 5-10 story tall shafts into the public dining room! Thats saying nothing of their fashion sense either.

Obviously Urist McProtagonist hasn't been exposed to enough kittendrops!

Yes I've done this. they freak out a bit but after about maybe 10-20 drops later their ability to give a fuck sharply drops. Also kittens have a FUCKTON of blood in them for being so tiny you could hold them in your hand. Sweet Armok they got alot of blood.

>>39080990
It's fucking april fools day, faggot. This is like the ONE day you can run that and not have it ruin Blorp's dreams so hard he vanishes for months.

>>39081033
That's the kind of dignity a dwarf is suppose to have, taking gore and murder in stride. This is a whole 'nother level.

>>39081055
Are you seriously so naive that you think it being April Fools would stop people for begging him to run it again for the rest of the year?

Yay, dorf fort quest!
>>39081033
>post
jesuschristhowhorrifying.jpg

>>39080971
I'm not going to lie, I'd considered it at one point, but that would've been kinda gimmicky and really sort of mean. As in, "the last time in recent memory that Blorp ran anything Ogre Civ related was for an April Fool's Day prank" mean.

>>39081033
Maybe it'd be more accurate to say "dignity as a dwarf"! Because no matter what sorts of horrible bloody shenanigans you force a dwarf to go through in DF, in the end, that poor bastard's at least still a dwarf, doing what Armok (probably) intended him/her to go through.

As opposed to horrible moe shenanigans that seek to strip a dwarf of all her dwarfiness.

>>39081086
I don't know, are you seriously such a fag that you whine about random bullshit?

>>39081092
Aw. I can understand, but I would have enjoyed it at least.

>>39081091
You mean sweetarmokhowdorfy.gif

In Dorf Fortress its not about how horrible it is. Its about how practical the solution is. I wonder if you've ever went to the bay12 forums and found the mermaid farming operation and dwarven daycare. If you think the kitten drop is bad go find those!

It takes a special kind of sociopathic lunatic to play dwarf fortress I will fully admit that.

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>>39077883
Oh Blorp, you finally decided to run. How nice...

Anyway, the thing I said I was doing a couple threads back. Couldn't quite get the shading to be as good as the Neptunia girls but hopefully this is close to what you pictured.

>>39081216
How wonderfully beardless.

>>39081216
>jesuschristhowcute.png

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>>39081255
I did kind of a Formal variant as well. At least, that's how it turned out; it was an early, dumb hair design, trying to figure out how it flips back.

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>>39081216

>>39081216
Not enough blood and vomit stains. Oh and where the fucks her booze? You need to constantly drink to stay sane in this mad universe!

Stupidly adorable though I see why she's grumpy all the time

>>39081216
>>39081283
I'm a bit tickled that Urist doesn't even get bushy eyebrows. The short braids are also pretty cute.
Also
>UristColour3.png
How different were the colors?

>>39081320
It's not other colour schemes, it's just different stages of shading.

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>>39081216
Damn. I can see why there are those who would little sister her now.

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>>39081216
>>39081283
>grumpy frown
>frills on the armor that probably somehow snuck on there when Urist wasn't looking
>that fucking dorfface in the belt

hnnkkkk oh my god anon, you shouldn't have, that's /absofuckinglutely brilliant/. THANK YOU

>>39081216
>>39081283
>that belt
Noice, we'll have to remember that.

>>39081371
>frills on the armor that probably somehow snuck on there when Urist wasn't looking
She can't help it, all the armor she makes and buys comes with it, it's one of those pesky moe Gamindustri laws of physics, girls get frills and skirts.

>>39081371
Only thing that differs immensely is that she has spats instead of pants because I like spats, go away.

Baggy pants might look cute as well.

>>39081428
Spats are great anon, don't let anyone tell you different.

>>39081411
Maybe it was originally a skirt and that's the most masculine it was possible to make it.

>>39081459
>cute skirt
>IT'S ARMOR PADDING

>>39081092
you ran ogre civ? I thought that was pretty funny though.

>>39081216
>>39081283
Her hair really makes her look less noodley

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>>39080728
>[X] [ARMOK WHY THIS]
>[X] [THERAPIST]

... nnghk. You don't want to do this. You REALLY don't want to do this, but you can't afford to let Mojang blow up even just the front door; for one thing, Rokko's still up on the second floor and you're pretty sure concussive force won't help whatever's ailing her, and for another, you might want to come back and go over whatever secrets this godsforsaken house has left in it. That'll be harder to do if part of it collapses due to lack of structural integrity.

So you clench your innards, make an inner vow to come back for your abandoned dignity someday in the future, and (reach up to) grab Mojang's shoulders and look her dead in the eye.

And then you pitch your voice higher and clearer than usual. And you... you meow. You meow like all the cats you've ever seen scampering around your dungeon, especially those that've started beguiling a potential cat adopter. You meow like the one thing that you KNOW will defuse Mojang when she's on another one of her little fits.

Mojang's hissing starts tapering off, but there's still a distinct lack of awareness in her confused eyes. Long years of experience tell you that you're not out of the woods yet, so you grit your teeth and cant your head to the side like Estelle sometimes does.

And then, weeping and wailing inside the crumbling sanctity of your mind, you let out another little 'mew' that's even more nauseatingly sweet than the last- you even cant it up and hook a question mark onto the end of it, like that one little 'mew' is bait for the moe pigs who gobble up this sort of degrading bullshit.

... not that Mojang is a moe pig. You've long since come to grips with (and have long since stopped trying to question) the fact that sometimes, she just desperately needs a cat to hug and can't hug every cat. Like right now.

(Cont.)

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>>39081869
The hissing stops immediately, and at the same time, Mojang wraps her arms around you and makes a sound like a steam engine melting into a pile of blissful goo. More to the point, she relaxes enough for you to get a word in edgewise, even if it's just through Therapist (which apparently considers this entire godsforsaken exchange enough to get her into your party).

... you can't help but notice that your own status is completely static. Like, you're exactly the way you were /before/ you suddenly woke up in some random bed, without taking into account everything you're supposed to not have on you right now.

>Okay. We all good now? Talking to you in a mind-to-mind link thing, so don't even think about freaking out and-

"Hwheeeen?" Mojang burbles, hanging off you.

>... right. You're way beyond freaking out. Great. So /please/ tell me what's going on here?

"Trapped in a dream," your surrogate little sister murmurs, more than a little forlornly. "A bad dream. There are no cats that go 'mew.' It's the saddest thing."

>I- look, can we /please/ stop talking about the cats right now?

"Went to work for Leanbox and Green Heart. Then we had that phone call, and then she knocked me out and... and it's been dreams ever since!" Mojang stands up straight as some of that urgency trickles back into her voice. "I don't know WHAT'S going on! I thought I was alone in here, and I tried to get out, but I can't really BUILD anything anymore and I can build less and less by the day and then you guys showed up and now I can sort of build stuff again-!"

You frown. She can't- couldn't- /build/ anymore? But that's- that's like taking the wings off a giant kea, or stopping military dwarves from running toward the nearest killable enemy, or...

Or removing the armor from Rokko.

Almost as if on cue, you hear that familiar static-laden voice blare out from behind you (and Mojang stiffens a little). "I-I am, combat-ready. Mega Buster acquired."

You turn around.

(Cont.)

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>>39081893
Okay. You think you understand the appeal of school swimsuits. And the whole "wearing-nothing-but-a-dress-shirt" thing. And thigh-high black socks. And then there's that apron business, and the cleavage cutout sweater, and also the classic maid outfit.

You're pretty sure they weren't /all/ meant to be worn at the same time, though.

"Nudity averted," Rokko states simply, as if that explained every goddamn thing about this situation. She turns her head to look at Mojang (without swiveling her eyes. This really only underlines just how robotic she is). "J-Just in, time."

"Um. H... hi?" Mojang manages to stutter, stepping back a little.

Okay. Rokko? Mojang. Mojang? Rokko.

"No way! The Blue Bomber!?"

Your robotic friend nods graciously. "I-In the flesh. Just without, the flesh," she adds in way of clarification.

You'd probably say something at this point if the horizon didn't suddenly turn a dark whirling purple and if the air wasn't, you know, rife with the screams of the damned and the cursed. Without a word, the three of you cluster together, back to back, as the whole world around you goes to pot. Shadowy shapes roil through the sudden fog, half-lunging toward you before melting back into nothingness.

"Ģ͜͏͟Ò͝ ̡̀͜͝͝B҉̧Ą́͜͜͞C̴̴K̢͜͞ ͘͘͞T̢̕͞͞͠O҉̵͜͟ ̵̸̛́͠S͞͝L̴͠͞Ę̧̕͟E̴̕̕P̨͝," the voices all howl.

... you get the feeling that you ought to recognize this voice. This goddamn voice.

In the distance, a thunderbolt pierces the heavens, briefly illuminating the gloom.

[ ] [SHADOWS] Stand your ground and fuck up the shadows with what you've got on hand!
[ ] [THUNDERBOLT] Make for the thunderbolt. Stick together, run like hell, and make for that thunderbolt!
[ ] [DREAMSTUFFS] You know what? This is a dream. You ought to be able to affect it as much as the next guy. This fog can fuck itself!
[ ] [SCREAM BACK] No! YOU go back to sleep! And give me my fucking booze!
[ ] [WRITE-IN]

>>39081915
>[X] [SCREAM BACK] No! YOU go back to sleep! And give me my fucking booze!
>[X] [DREAMSTUFFS] You know what? This is a dream. You ought to be able to affect it as much as the next guy. This fog can fuck itself!
Dorf Stubbornness (TM)

>>39081915
> [ ] [SHADOWS] Stand your ground and fuck up the shadows with what you've got on hand!
> [ ] [DREAMSTUFFS] You know what? This is a dream. You ought to be able to affect it as much as the next guy. This fog can fuck itself!

>>39081915
>[ ] [SCREAM BACK] No! YOU go back to sleep! And give me my fucking booze!
Fuck off you piece of shit.

>And then you pitch your voice higher and clearer than usual. And you... you meow.
I'm dying Blorp

>>39081915
>[X] [SCREAM BACK] No! YOU go back to sleep! And give me my fucking booze!
Really work a guttural Scottish accent in there to. "Nae! You go back ta' fuckin' sleep! And gi'e me back me fuckin' BOOZE!"
>[X] [DREAMSTUFFS] You know what? This is a dream. You ought to be able to affect it as much as the next guy. This fog can fuck itself!
Yeah! Fuck you fog! Let's turn that fog into murderous dust. That'll teach you to fuck around in fog, you asshole.

>>39081915
> [ ] [SCREAM BACK] No! YOU go back to sleep! And give me my fucking booze!

>[X] [SCREAM BACK] No! YOU go back to sleep! And give me my fucking booze!
>[X] [DREAMSTUFFS] You know what? This is a dream. You ought to be able to affect it as much as the next guy. This fog can fuck itself!

>>39081915
>[x] [DREAMSTUFFS] You know what? This is a dream. You ought to be able to affect it as much as the next guy. This fog can fuck itself!
>[x] [SCREAM BACK] No! YOU go back to sleep! And give me my fucking booze!

>>39081915
[x] [DREAMSTUFFS] You know what? This is a dream. You ought to be able to affect it as much as the next guy. This fog can fuck itself!
[x] [WRITE-IN]
Tell me if i'm wrong, but this is our dream house. Why the hell would our dream house (however you want to define that as, be it the home we have during our dreams or the ideal home,) not have a Motherfucking Lava Cannon?

>>39081915
>[x] [THUNDERBOLT] Make for the thunderbolt. Stick together, run like hell, and make for that thunderbolt!

>>39081915
>[X] [DREAMSTUFFS] You know what? This is a dream. You ought to be able to affect it as much as the next guy. This fog can fuck itself!
>[X] [BOOZESTUFFS] Try to conjure up some booze while you're at it. Rokko can use some too.

>>39082024
It seems clear to me that the ideality of our circumstance is under control of an outside force, not us.

>>39080728
>[ ] [THERAPIST] Ring her the fuck up with your mind and talk her out of blowing the fuck up. Also get some questions-and-answers going, it'll be faster through mentalepathy or whatever.
Reminder that we should check our allies' skills with dwarf therapist. No really, ee need to set up tactics accordingly!
Blorp, you said we will be seeing the stats last thread!

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>>39082210
y-yes

THIS WILL HAPPEN

>>39081915
>[x] [DREAMSTUFFS] You know what? This is a dream. You ought to be able to affect it as much as the next guy. This fog can fuck itself!
>[x] [SCREAM BACK] No! YOU go back to sleep! And give me my fucking booze!

>>39082210
Estelle obviously has LEGENDARY sword skill

>>39081915
>[X] [SCREAM BACK]
>[X] [DREAMSTUFFS]

A growl comes unbidden to your throat. Today, you've been through hell and back. You've had your dignity stripped away more times than you can count! Hell, you did half of it yourself! Worst of all, you're still wearing a pink nightgown and pink socks and no braids and none of the grime that usually covers your body!

After all the shit you've been through, you're not going to bend to the will of some... some goddamn fearmonger! You raise your head and scream against the encroaching darkness: whoever's fucking with your mind- with ALL your minds- is the one who'd better just... just go right back to sleep!! And give you your fucking BOOZE back!

... it's not a great line. It's not even a /good/ line. Maybe that's why it's just enough to make the entire world around you pause for a moment, like it's digesting this strange turn of phrase and trying to figure out whether it should scoff or laugh or what.

In other words, it's a momentary lapse in concentration. And if the relative dwarfiness of your room's any indication, then you've also got some sway over this world.

Which is great, because if there's one thing you have here in Gamindustri, if you've got one thing that you can straight-up be proud of, it's that you have one hell of a fertile imagination. Always have, always will.

Beside you, Rokko holds off the shadows with her trusty arm cannon, detonating them into their component metal parts; on your other side, Mojang's chopping a diamond sword around like an unskilled chef, which somehow translates into masterful parrying. In the midst of this all, it's child's play to visualize what you're thinking of, all the way from the individual mechanisms involved to the color of each component part; pipes running down into the earth, pumps tapping into the molten core and bringing their payload to the surface, a barrel large enough to take advantage of what you've got in mind.

(Cont.)

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>>39082757
It's incredibly detailed, but it won't hold up to extended scrutiny, not with the mundane physics of whatever stupid dreamworld you've found yourself in. You don't have THAT much sway over the immaterium mucking up this place, not with how many minds are apparently being dicked over here, and doing even this much is straining you to your utmost limits.

That's fine. All you need is one moment.

You scream at Mojang and Rokko: pull the damn lever. PULL THE DAMN LEVER.

In the time it takes for Rokko to compute this statement, Mojang grabs your extended arm and rotates it straight up so that your hand's pointing at the sky. With a great loud rumbling sound, the earth shakes beneath your feet- and the house behind you, the cursed residence with the too-soft beds and the questionable taste in wardrobes, is instantly obliterated as torrents of lava glop into the shadows all around you, leaving you untouched. Illuminated by the magma, the shadows writhe and burn, their animatronic forms melting into twisted heaps of liquid metal before disappearing altogether.

One shadow, the only one still on dry land, breaks from its doomed pack and tries to run off. Frankly, it'd probably have gotten pretty damn far if Estelle, still crackling with heavenly lightning, descends on the shadow like the fist of an angry dwarven doomsday device.

The Dragon Warrior straightens up, looking rather out of sorts- it takes you a moment to realize she isn't wearing her usual gold circlet or sky-blue armor. Instead, it's a high school uniform done up with white wrap bandages, its tie and jacket loosened to something a delinquent gang leader would wear, and her trusty legendary sword's been replaced by a (currently blackened and splintered) wooden training blade.

(Cont.)

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>>39082772
"Hi, Urist and Rokko! Thanks for isolating the big bad for me! And hi to you too, whoever you are," Estelle chirrups cheerfully at Mojang, like she isn't standing on a nightmarish fearmonger's avatar, smack-dab in the middle of a magma field. She does her usual old-man-chortle, looking the both of you up and down. "Ooh, I like this image change on everyone. It's enough to make me want to switch up my wardrobe sometimes!"

... nnghk. First things first?

"Oh! Right." She clears her throat and stomps down on the fading shadow, stopping its useless squirming. "I think I can speak for everyone in my adventuring party when I say that we'd all like to wake up now," she adds conversationally.

The whine of Rokko's arm cannon charging up cuts through the silence. "O-Or it, will end b-badly. For you."

The shadowy creature slowly looks up at the four of you, baring rickety metal teeth. "H... Happy A̡̛ṕ̡r̨͜͞i͟҉l̸̢̨ Fo̷̸o͡l̕͞͝'̷͘s̸?̵̡͝" it hazards.

Too late by one and a half hours!!, you roar out just before you all put an end to the damn fearmonger's mind-dickery.

Just before the darkness envelops you all again (you know, the darkness of actual unconsciousness rather than the metaphorical bullshit darkness that fearmongers like to use to seem ~threatening~), Mojang yells out your name and throws you something, but whatever else she tries to say gets cut off and-

[TO BE CONTINUED NEXT THREAD]
[SOME EXTRA STUFF INCOMING THOUGH]

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>>39082789
For putting up with these extended April Fool's Day shenanigans:
>Urist has obtained the Slice of Life! [+1 to Construction-based rolls!]
>Working in tandem with Therapist, this strange item allows Urist to visualize a small dream world centered around the ruins of her "house." A physics-based experimental arena, if you will.
>Sleeping allows access to this world and lets Urist better plan ahead what she's going to build.
>Spending sleeping periods repairing the house will eventually add to the Construction Roll bonus.
>The Slice of Life looks like a small slice of lemon.
>... it's an acquired taste.

[THERAPIST STATS INCOMING]
[BONUS STUFF QUESTIONS INCOMING]

>>39082803
Whooo, we gained arena mode!

>>39082803
Oh super cool, a bit like QuickFort then, making and storing blueprints for later use

>>39082803
>Urist has obtained Alternate Outfit: Nightgown
>Urist: What, no I don't want thi-
>+3 to rolls done while asleep!
>Urist: YOU. WOULDN'T.

>>39082922
yes. yes he would.

>>39082922
PUT THE OUTFIT ON, URIST. WE NEED THAT ROLL BONUS. DON'T YOU WANT TO BE A WINNER? OR WOULD YOU PREFER TO BE STUCK HAVING "FUN"?

>>39082757
>Mojang's chopping a diamond sword
Mojang already has diamond grade stuff?

Urist is way behind, she doesn't even have steel yet.

>>39082803
Does it work like Gary's Mod?

>>39082803
mojang noooooooo

can we visit mojang while sleeping? She is awesome!

>>39082803
Urist
>Caste: Dwarf NO REALLY I'M A GODDAMN DWARF, I KNOW I DON'T HAVE A BEARD, WHAT ARE YOU TRYING TO SAY, ARE YOU TRYING TO SAY I DON'T LOOK LIKE A DWARF, COME OVER HERE AND SAY THAT TO MY FACE IN REAL LIFE-
>Profession: Beekeeper Adventurer
>Squad: The Rough Drinkers
>Happiness: Content
>Skills:
- Proficient Beekeeper
- Talented Butcher
- Talented Tanner
- Skilled Wrestler
- Skilled Leatherworker
- Competent [Insert All Them Defensive Skills Here]
- Competent Crossbowdwarf
- Adequate Siege Engineer
- Dabbling Engraver

Estelle
>Caste: Adventurer
>Profession: Hero
>Squad: The Legendaries
>Happiness: Ecstatic
>Skills:
- Legendary Swordsman
- Legendary Spellcaster
- Legendary Shield User
- High Master Leader
- Master Spear/Hammer/Axe/Maceman
- Great [Insert All Them Defensive Skills Here]
- Dabbling MMORPG

Rokko
>Caste: Adventurer
>Profession: Super Fighting Robot
>Squad: DLN-001
>Happiness: Content
>Skills:
- Legendary Concentration
- Grand Master Walking Artillery Unit
- Professional [Insert All Them Defensive Skills Here]
- Expert Mechanic
- Great Miner
- Dabbling Record Keeper

>>39082922
It'll show up in her pack when she wakes up.

>>39083007
>- Proficient Beekeeper
>laughing dwarfs.png
But no, I bet Urist is a fan of Mead

>>39083007
Didn't Urist gain ranks in Conversationalist at some point?

>>39083007
>Beekeeper
What is this? Why we have no mead at all times and bee-related weapons, armors, food, ammo, etc?

>>39083044
She's a Beekeeper not a Brewer anon.

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>>39082922
But you look

SUPER

CUTE!!!

>>39083036
Sadly, due to bugs beekeeping is finicky and micromanagementy and not really worth the effort at the moment. It'll need at least one bugfix pass before I let anyone have it activated in Therapist.

>>39083063
Urist didn't have time to notice the wings.
>dwarf
>wings
wut

>>39083007
Thanks for the thread Blorp, can't wait for next time,

>>39083076
She blocked it out pretty badly.

>>39082922
>>39082954
>>39082972
>nightgown, +3 to sleep
... I'LL ALLOW IT. THIS IS CANON NOW.

>>39082975
I'm not entirely certain how Gary's Mod works!

>>39082978
We'll see!

>>39083043
That's true, guess we'll add- like- Adequate Conversationalist to that list. She's skilled up to that much at least.

>>39083044
implying that won't be a thing that could happen someday


OKAY SO LET'S SEE, I said something on Twitter about bonuses and stuff because scheduling's been sort of rough lately and I also feel a little bad about almost wasting an entire session on an April Fool's Day something, even if it's pretty much canon now.

Honestly, the only thing I can really think to offer is writefaggotry because I've got nothing else, so GIMME A BONUS SCENE OR TWO, CANON OR NO, THAT YOU'D ALL REALLY WANT TO SEE ME WRITE UP.

If that doesn't pan out, or because it's like 2 am in the morning and I don't think there are that many people on right now (and I should've been asleep like 2 hours ago), I'll think up something later or hold a more structured vote next thread or on some Twitter poll or whatever!

>>39083104
>GIMME A BONUS SCENE OR TWO, CANON OR NO, THAT YOU'D ALL REALLY WANT TO SEE ME WRITE UP.
BOSS BAWSS IN HYPERDIMENSION NEPTUNIA!~

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>>39083044
I know!
I wanted to go for full Nintendium Armor and a Beehive on a polearm as our weapon, but noooooooooooo.

We had to lave the T-1000 for gloves and punch teeth out and guts in.

Okay, I'm a big fan of the gut-punches and violent dentistry. . .

Still, one day we'll trip over a game about bees and our skills will shine.

Fuck you, I LIKED Bee 52, it was my favorite Nintendo game!

>>39083104
> Bonus scene.

Can you write out a full version of >>39082922 ?

>>39083104
go to sleep
or write something mojang POV
thanks for writing!

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Okay, this is as good a place as any to end the thread! And by that, I mean this is pretty much the only place to end the thread because I sort of rushed straight to the trippiest resolution I could think of at the time, but shhh.

NEXT THREAD will pick up back in reality, most tentatively on SATURDAY 4/4 at 9-ish pm EST! As usual, schedule changes will go up on https://twitter.com/BlorpQuest, and questions and stuff can go here or ask.fm/BlorpQuest.

Thanks for participating and putting up with strange semi-extra-canon thread! Hope to see you guys next time!

>>39083104
How about Mojang meeting Urist for the first time or just them hanging out from Mojang's perspective.

Honestly anything from someone else's POV, I like seeing Urist from the outside.

>>39083124
Alternatively, Urist and crew among the ogres.

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>>39083104

>>39083134
Thanks for the thread Blorp, can't wait for next time.

>>39083104
What checks do we make while asleep anyway? Or is this just for arena?

>>39083104
Urist getting caught singing the Diggy Diggy Hole song

>>39081283
For a second I thought Urist had a beauty mark above her eye.

>>39083135
>>39083104
I'm seconding Mojang and Urist adventures.

It'd be really curious to see how they view each others' reality-fucking building.

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>>39082539
Kek>>39083007
>Proficient Beekeeper
mfw
>- Skilled Wrestler
screw wrestling, let's get a warhammer.
also, we got crossbows for forgotten beasts.
also, Blorp, weapons (t)raining when?

>>39083104
>... I'LL ALLOW IT. THIS IS CANON NOW.
SUGGESTION SUCCESSFUL

....I feel like Estelle already had her outfit unlocked, but never bothered because she thought it wouldn't be fun until now. Rokko...that just doesn't work with exposed wires.

>>39083007
>no mining
>NO MINING

GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE URIST.

>>39081216
Do you have a site? I'm kinda tempted to ask for commissions sometime.

>>39084697
>GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE URIST.
mining proficiency is overrated. I mean, you slap a pick on a immigrant and make them mine a bit, volla, they become a miner!
>captcha:lyers
oh come on.