>>39282505
You're still shaking from that nightmare, there's no way your mother would say anything like that right? The doctor grumbles and you feel the sheet you inadvertently pulled over your head be pulled away, you blink, squinting slightly at your surroundings.

You appear to be in some kind of sickbed, undecorated walls painted a dark green, smooth concrete floor, white ceiling. And the entire place smells like piss. Oh Jesus fuck it reeks. This place looks like something out of the history books from the time when everyone was dying of typhoid.

"Don't move" you're probably going to have your legs amputated or some shit, you've seen the documentaries- "PLEASE, stop- relax yourself and stay calm woman, do not move a muscle".

Your eyes roll over to focus on the bearded man in front of you, the fact he's dressed like something out of the history books from a time when they thought leeches cleaned blood doesn't help your worrying one bit. You regard him with an intense stare and a mmmmnnnnn sound as you try not to cry out in pain because holy fuck your arms are stinging, in fact from the neck down you seem to be mummified, you can even see them wrapped around your tail from way it's lain across another bed. Well at least you don't feel naked.

"Thank you... OK Yes-" he replies "I can see that you're in pain, that is normal" you continue staring while a tear runs down your face...

He sighs "I suppose you'll want some painkillers?"

>Accept painkillers

>No thanks, I don't trust doctors who dress in black and wear ridiculous bowler hats.

>Previously on spaghetti snek quest: https://archive.moe/tg/search/tripcode/%21Me.qpOlLW2/type/op/
Paid Debt List:
SPIDERSMUT: http://pastebin.com/Z7S9enSE - by anon.

This twitter thing everyone's talking about - https://twitter.com/DrUnorigional

Ask faggot Op your questions - ask.fm/DrUnorigional

Difficulty: This crappy quest will have a difficulty setting that you can change at any time if you so wish, just ask, use it tactically.

>Easy mode: (Half XP) You get 5 dice rolls, best roll taken, the entire world is sunshine and rainbows. Only lasts for 5 in game story posts.

>Normal (default): (Normal XP rates and encounters.)You get 3 rolls, best dice taken.

>Challenging: (Double XP!) You only get 2 rolls, best of 2.

>Hard mode: (Triple XP and more loot.) You get 2 rolls but we use an average instead of the best one. Bad luck comes your way and shit is getting perilous, pray to the dice gods for mercy.

>Punishing: (Quadruple XP and allot of cool stuff just left lying around. )You only got one shot, make it count. 1 roll. Enemies are written as more competent/ better equipped, E.G if encountered then regular wolves will become larger dire wolves ect. You may get your shit pushed in.

>Nightmare mode: (10 times exp) Awww shit son u gon die. The worst of 3 rolls is taken, the world shifts to grimdderp and bad things happen. You can't turn it off for 10 in game posts.

Fate point: QM steals from khornette quest because he is a filthy hack, you can reroll one dice per session. Only once, and use that instead.

Dub rolls = +30
Trip rolls = +90

>>39282518
>Continue crying
>No thanks, I don't trust doctors who dress in black and wear ridiculous bowler hats.

>Remind QM To tweet thread

>No thanks

I dunno about you but I don't wanna get hooked on opiates

>>39282540
>Current level = 59
>Difficulty = Normal. ( I didn't forget, I'm just not changing it )
XP: current/total = level.
For example. 35 exp collected vs a 60 for evolution = level 58

Every 25 levels you get some kind of passive perk that might have an effect on your next evolution. Whatever you choose gets strengthened as and if you evolve.

Experience is given via difficulty and is relative. Remember to use the difficulty setting tactically, you can't raise it until after the fight is over.

>Mundane = 1 or even 0 XP. Shit like killing insects or knitting.
>Easy: 1-3 EXP, picking a lock or successfully hunting small prey.
>Medium: 5-10 EXP hunting larger prey that can fight back but really can't win.
>Challenging: 10-25: Shit that can fight back but not exactly life threatening.
>Threatening: 25-50 Something that could very well kill you and puts up a fair fight. 1V1 me faggot.
>Deadly: 50-100+ a (much?) larger/stronger opponent that may have the odds stacked in their favour

>>39282518
>No thanks, I don't trust doctors who dress in black and wear ridiculous bowler hats.
That stuff gave me nightmares, you jerk!

>>39282518
>ask where he got painkillers
>ask where you are
>accept painkillers if they don't seem mad sketch

>>39282580
>>39282557
>>39282553
No drugs for you, you're a winner

Writing

>>39282518
>No thanks, I don't trust doctors who dress in black and wear ridiculous bowler hats.
Also
>Challenging

>>39282518
>No thanks, I don't trust doctors who dress in black and wear ridiculous bowler hats.
>"It. Doesn't. FFFFF- Hurt. That. Much."
>Cry

>>39282605
>Village that produces opium
>Any "Pain killers" not being sketch as fuck.

Granted I kind of what us to get hooked.

>>39282518
>Accept painkillers

>>39282623
Oh, and switch difficulty to
>challenging

Hey Doc today we see snake mom doing the ara ara~ ...on eddie

>>39282648
No.

>>39282648
Hell no, keep it on normal.

>>39282648
leave it where it's at.
Fuck adjusting the knobs. I can see fine.

>>39282648
Maybe later. But not after a panther attack, anon.

>>39282673
>>39282675
Then... don't vote to change it? I'm not going to spam change difficulty votes all thread but I prefer playing on challenging to normal. It's served us well enough thus far (kinda) and it's not even like we'll be out of bed for a while

>>39282666
Are you retarded?

Daughter goes missing, comes home crying about panthers.

Other daughter is left alone at the tanners/in the middle of the city.

Finds not baby snek mauled almost to death.

Even if it's been a few days she sure as fuck isn't in the Ara ara mood.

>>39282612
can we ask where everyone is?

>>39282712
Some anons cant think past shitty forced romance.

>>39282648
Normal is fine for now.

We should act really scared of the doctor. Stranger danger.

>>39282518
We got MAULED BY A FUCKING PUMA AND ARE A WEEK OLD GIRL. I think some fucking painkillers are NOT out of order here.

>>39282752
No point in being super scared right now. We were just unconscious and haven't been raped yet.
>>39282769
Yeah, I'm OK with painkillers, just suspicious.

>>39282769
Panther. It was a panther, anon.

What we killed in Thread 3 was a puma.

>>39282804
those...
those are the same things.

>>39282769
Puma? That's not even an animal you just made that up..

>>39282518
You shake your head illiciting a raised eyebrow, you just don't trust a doctor dressed in black from a technologically backwards era.

"hmmm, suit yourself-" he shrugs, yours arms hurt oh fucking hell " tell me if your change your mind child" he walks away to do something, you don't know what because your clenching your eyes shut and blowing as if in labor, your teeth grit and you know you're crying like a little bitch. But damn, it really fucking hurts if you didn't mention that already.

Staying absolutely still helps, but the specks of blood appearing on the bandages covering your sides do not bode well, in fact you're puffing and panting again. It doesn't help and you suddenly realize just how painfully dry your mouth is, your back aches. This is just fucking miserable.

"ahem-" you peek open your eyes enough to see the 'doctor', holding a wooden cup of water, they seriously don't have glasses? You don't care. Need water.

You try to grasp it but the pain in your arms flares up and you quickly drop it limply back to the sheets, he's already put a straw in by the time you peek your puffy red eyes open again, you realize you've been crying like a faggot the entire time. The waters gone in less than 5 seconds, he comes back with another.

"So miss Katherine- or do you prefer Katie? Strange name for a lamia- anyway I'm sure you have plenty of questions"

>write in? (please write in)

>Why does it smell like piss, why do I smell like piss? Why do you smell like piss?

>Who are you? where am I? ect ect

>>39282912
>Why does it smell like piss, why do I smell like piss? Why do you smell like piss?
>
>Who are you? where am I? etc. etc.

>>39282830
Well, I'm terribly sorry that I'm not a felinologist, okay?

>>39282912
>Who are you? where am I? ect ect
Also maybe ask what that piss smell is if there's time

>>39282912
>Who are you? where am I? ect ect
>Salvia? Eddie? Anyone?

>>39282912
>Who are you? where am I?
>What happened? Where's Salvia? Where's Sirenia? I want eddie.

>>39282712
I'm certainly not retarded, just reminding you people and doc of something I'd rather not miss out of sheer hilarity and enjoyment of the absurdity
>>39282738
As I said I'd rather have nonesense to laugh about, but you two take me and yourselves too serious

Thank you, goodbye

>>39282912
>who are you, where am i?

The other question is easy for a nerd of her calibur. Boiled down cow urine and other urine are a wonderful sterile disinfectant

>>39282912
>Water please
>Why does it smell like piss, why do I smell like piss? Why do you smell like piss?

Other Pathers marked us before we were rescued. Fucking cats

>>39282912
>"Is Serina fine?"
>"Why does it all smell of piss?"
>"These painkillers... Where did they come from..?"

>>39282912
>write in? (please write in)
Did little snek make it?
I forgot her name.

>>39282912
Is Sirena alright?

File: pacific_northwest_life.jpg (85 KB, 638x480)

85 KB JPG

>>39282943
>not knowing common names of the cougar
It's like you don't even live in constant terror of wild cats.

>>39282912
>Who are you? where am I? ect ect
>Why does it smell like piss, why do I smell like piss? Why do you smell like piss?

File: 1379305088849.jpg (55 KB, 500x322)

55 KB JPG

>>39282804
You killed a bobcat in thread 3 anon.

Also give me a vote:

>Normal

>Challenging

>H-hard?

>>39282912
>>write in? (please write in)
Is Sirena alright?

>Why does it smell like piss, why do I smell like piss? Why do you smell like piss?

>Who are you? where am I? ect ect

>>39283000
NORMAL FOR THE LOVE OF GOD

>>39283000
>>Normal

>>39282992
>>39282982
I can second asking how sirena is.
>>39282951
And where the people we know are.

>>39283000
>Normal
don't touch dials

>>39283000
>>Normal

>>39282943
Non-American detected.

I live in fear of cougars. Killed two dogs just last week.

>>39283000
Normal~ Recovery modo.

>>39283000
>Normal

>>39283000
Normal!

>>39283000
>Challenging

>>39283000
>Normal

>>39283002
>>39282982
>>39282955
>>39282951
>>39283022

Where is small snek?

Also why does it smell like piss.

Who are you?

That's what I'm getting so far

Writing

>>39283012
>>39283013
>>39283022
>>39283024
>>39283027
>>39283038
>>39283042
>>39283056
We're staying at normal mode.

>>39283000
>Normal

>>39282912
>Is Snek onee-san okay
>What happen
>Did you SAVE THE FUCKING HIDE!?

In that order.

>>39283000
>>Normal
Please god no!

>>39283026
American here, we only just got definitive evidence we even have active cougars where I live, once you get east of Illinois the amount of cougars around drop drastically to near zero.*
*Florida and georgia excluded

>>39283000
>Challenging
Nice trips doc

>>39283068
>inb4 we are the piss smell

Also could you toss in a "Did someone grab the dead panther?" I want that dead panther.

>>39282912
>Why does it smell like piss, why do I smell like piss? Why do you smell like piss?

>>39283000
>Normal

>>39283091
Cougars are everywhere, man. Animal control keeps them out of the cities, but they're constantly wandering in.

>>39283091
>Florida
The place where a mountain lion and a alligator will fight over a black bear corpse killed by a boa constirctor

>You have serious issues.
I'm all in for including this as descriptor for Katie in EVERY opening naration

>>39283153
And then both will be swallowed whole by a sink hole because ground water erosion of lime foundations is sinking the state

>>39282912
>write in? (please write in)
MUH DEAD BIG CAT!

>>39283130
Where the hell do you live? There might only be several dozen in the entire north east of america, I assume you either are a south easterner or a California/pacific resident as they are significantly more common there

>>39283199
The boa constrictor will quietly watch them disppear and think to itself: "Tunnel Snakes rule."

>>39283210
I do live in the Pacific Northwest, but dangerous wild animals are not absent from the Northeast.

>>39283230
kek

>>39283130
Hawaii laughs at your plight.

The cost of living may be high, but at least there are no fuckhuge cats here.

>>39283241
Yes, we have a bit of a coyote problem around here, however cougars are borderline mythological around here, although we do get a few scattered sightings and occasional evidence of existence.

>>39283264
Fuck hawaii.
I'll take a giant cat I can have a sick death battle with over poison ocean life any day.

Say OP, you've been a britfrag right?

>>39283298
What about sharks? That'd be one bitch-ass awesome fight, there!

>>39283298
Straya would like a word.

>>39283347
Not fair bringing the deathworld into this

>>39283648
You guys started the pissing contest, I just reminded you of God's unrelenting horror bladder.

>>39283684
>telling hawaii that its animals are more dangerous than ours, so no thank you
>a pissing contest

If you mean some kind of bizarro pissing contest to see who can slurp the most piss back into their dicks fastest, sure.

>>39283316
He is, yes.

Could we try not to needlessly spam the thread? I'd prefer to keep the session in a single thread if possible.

Ded Dr.
Ded thread
Ded Quest

>>39283751
Sorry anon, but a quest's gotta have some conversation or
>>39283758
it's ded.

>>39283730
Okay then, let me think how to put this... why the fuck do you start the quest where working eurofags have to start sleeping in order to not die die next workday? Seriously I love your quest but more often then not I just nod of before the last three posts

>>39283806
Because he caters to us plebs living in the colonies you limey bastard.

>>39283758
no

>>39283806
As a Eurofag I must say: It's sunday tomorrow.

But generally speaking, yeah, Y U START SO LATE?!

>>39283852
>>39283806
it's early for us americans, who are the primary audience of a nocturnal creature like the OP.

>>39283806
Because the world does not revolve around you and this is when he has the time to run?

>Slower than Decu

>>39283806
Because he can, I presume.

>>39283763
It's just because a quest like Naphazard's generally only post at the rate required to keep it from dying when he's passed out.

>>39282912
You feel a lot better with that cup of water inside you, if still like you've been dragged 40 miles behind a pickup truck through the desert, but hey improvement is improvement.

The doctors impatient gaze is making your uneasy, as would anybodies gaze, you blink as you notice something out of the corner of your eye. Piles on a wooden drawer next to your very uncomfortable bed is a bunch of flowers, what appears to be a bunch of child's drawings from first glance and some chocolate truffles... theres an empty plate there as well- wait, your eyes widen, they're presents, you take note of the empty plate...did...did this pseudo doctor eat your present/food?
Something urgent comes to mind, Sirena, the jungle- the- she- salvia

"sssssssur- issssss- I-i mean-" you gaze glances downwards as you desperately try to parse what you want to say "t-there w-wasssss th-thissssss g-girl-"

The doctor nods "ah yes, the whole towns talking about that" your heart sinks like a rock and your face becomes painfully straight "everyone knows what you did-" oh fuck oh fuck, you just know you'll be made into some kind of outcast

"...Don't look so worried child- don't cry- calm down *sigh*" You're going to branded a wild animal and kicked out of town, everyone knows you killed a wild cat with your bare hands- "Look, you're a hero-" wha

You stare blankly at the doctor as if he were a clown who just pulled his ass cheeks apart and sprayed shit into the air while reciting the Quran, you're not quite sure what to think about that.

-cont-

>>39283976
I figured
>>39283911
So the world revolves around you? if not I feel bad for you.
>>39283907
Well aware, it's the internet after ll and many a good qm are 'mericafags
>>39283834
How did know my parents aren't maried and I smell of lemons?

>>39284029
"Yes, that's right, they're all talking about how you fought a panther with your bare hands to save.. well, another little girl. Not that they'd understand that of course, they-" you zone out around that point, you're no hero. You're a filthy hiki who doesn't leave the house, it's so totally surreal to have someone call you that, it's just not something you've even considered to be a possibility, OK maybe back when you were a narcissistic 9 year old with a god complex....
Katie Black is just some loser with no friends, this thought echos though your skull every time he mentioned your name and hero in the same sentence.

"-are even listening to me?-" he's snapping his fingers "bah, do you have any more questions child? I'm relatively free... for a change" He suddenly goes about slavering something wet on your tail bandages, making you shiver. Fuck it hurts to shiver. And that smell. Good god.

"u-um, w-who a-are you m-mr-er um.."

"Tiberius Fink, local health physician, I normally deal with mining accidents and idiots cutting their fingers off- usually both- can't say I've ever had someone plastered with claw marks, at least not without having to prepare an obituary"

He chuckles "You're a lucky girl you know, this could have been a lot worse" it could have been a lot better, and you really don't trust this guys prognosis.

-cont-

>>39284052
There's one last question that begs asking however, why the fuck does it smell like piss in here.

"..u-um-" you begin apprehensively, with slightly less of stutter due to the IMMENSE pain you're in "w-why doesssss it..- nng- sssss-sssmell-"

He waves a hand casually "oooh that's just the anti-septic we use-" well that's not to bad, even if it does smell like fucking piss.

"w-why doessss i-it.-" you take a deep breath, damn your cuts sting "w-why doesssss it sssss-sss-mell l-like, p-p-...p-pee?"

You think you hear him mutter 'I love this part' under his breath "well glad you asked, did you know urine makes a great anti-septic"

You stare at him, you glance down. There's a yellow tint to these bandages, you stare back at him more intensely, as if trying to drill a hole into his forehead using the power of pure eye strain.

"Don't worry, it's been boiled"

>Oh it's been boiled, I guess that that's ok then- EXCEPT IT'S NOT, Wtf is wrong with you!!!!11

>Well that's not too bad I guess....

Also
>Ask another question >Write in?

>Will these leave scars? Will they effect the growth of my tits?

>>39284029
>You stare blankly at the doctor as if he were a clown who just pulled his ass cheeks apart and sprayed shit into the air while reciting the Quran, you're not quite sure what to think about that.
The similes and metaphors are the best part of the quest.

>>39284068
>Oh it's been boiled, I guess that that's ok then- EXCEPT IT'S NOT, Wtf is wrong with you!!!!11

>>39284068
>Well that's not too bad I guess....
Returning to being quiet
>Will these leave scars? Will they effect the growth of my tits?
Returning to our priority

>>39284068
>Oh it's been boiled, I guess that that's ok then- EXCEPT IT'S NOT, Wtf is wrong with you!!!!11
>Will these leave scars? Will they effect the growth of my tits?

Urine does make a decent antiseptic from what I remember, but it's Katie.

>>39284068
>Well that's not too bad I guess....
At least it won't kill us, amirite?

>"Ssssooo... How long have I been out for?"

>>39284068
>Well that's not too bad I guess....
>Will they effect the growth of my tits?

>>39284068
>>39284112
>"Ssssooo... How long have I been out for?"
Yeah, let's talk about NOT-piss things.

>>39284068
>Well that's not too bad I guess....
Nowhere near as bad as shitmonkeys.

>>39284111
So does salt, that doesn't mean you should put it on open wounds.

>>39284068
>"Ssssooo... How long have I been out for?"

>>39284068
>Well that's not too bad I guess....
>Will these leave scars? Will they effect the growth of my tits?

>>39284068
>Awkwardly trail off instead of mentioning piss
>Will these leave scars?
>Inspect gifts.

>>39284068
>Well that's not too bad I guess....
We Bear Grills
>Will these leave badass scars?

>>39284136
Urine works well though, I can only confirm tht from multiple sources of trial and (lacking) error

>>39283806
>>39283834
>>39283852
>>39283907
OP is nocturnal and wakes up at 2Pm because he's a jobless scumbag who lives with his mother.

I apologize to my fellow britfags. But there's more amerifats than britbongs, plus that's the same time the other quests were running so I just figured that'd be the right time to run it.

Also sorry for the slow updates, the updates slow down exponentially as more characters enter the room, Op is a social recluse.

>>39284068
>sssssssso am I going to look like a roadmap of Baghdad?

>>39284108
>>39284111

That's bad

>>39284109
>>39284112
>>39284125
>>39284134
>>39284144
>>39284148
>>39284152
Not too bad. Not at all.

>>39284219
I like that one.

So we're accepting the fact we're covered in piss as a legitimate medical treatment, asking about scars and wondering how long we were passed out for?

>>39284068
>weep because we are covered in piss

also

>ask another question
How long do we have to stay here?
Did he eat our snack?

>>39284318
And the mammaries of course.

>>39284318
"Pisssss is grossss"

>>39284318
>covered in piss as a legitimate
Kinda We're accepting it as a compromise so as to avoid the heroin and leeches

>>39284213
You're not nocturnal, you're suffering day-night-displacement. that's either because you're living very damn unhealthy or are in early state of certain mental ailments
Source: wokring in a hospital, my last few month have been in the mental ward part
Also, I beg to differ; iI, the guy who asked, am a germanfag.

>>39284318
Piss is only marginally better than panther wounds full of jungle stds.

>>39284318
Not that we're accepting the piss, it's just we don't have the strength to fight it right now.

>>39284318
Looks that way.

Besides as a semi shut in who used to be able to count his friends on one hand I can tell you it is not hard to know the whole urine thing at Katie's age, heck I knew it at 12.

>>39284336
>P-p-pisssss i-isssss grossssss¨
Ftfy

>>39284318
can we look at the childish drawings?

I am happy those are there.

>>39284486
I would also like to inspect the drawings, along with any other gifts there.

>>39284486
Seconding.

Tiny Snek is best Onee-chan.

>>39284486
Fourth for inspecting drawings.

>>39284486
Aw fucking instincts
Fifth

>>39284404
Right, thanks.

>>39284486
But we'll get piss on them if we do that.

>>39284486
Yeah Good idea.

TFW you realize everytime Katie cries it reinforces the idea that we are a baby/child to everyone around us.
TFW this is a good thing because Katie needs to grow up right and all she does is cry and kill things that threaten her and her adoptive family.

>>39284745
That's not true. She also kills animals that aren't threatening her and sometimes she gets punched in the face by crackheads.

>>39284784
You are right. I also forgot, baby barfing arms onto tables.

>>39284745
Honestly, kinda got a point. I know some folks don't want this to be a slice of life, and I can get that, but I kinda just feel sorry for the girl. She wasn't raised well, if at all, and I wanna give her a second shot at growing up. If that means acting slightly below her age, then so be it. I think it can most certainly still be interesting.

>>39284818
Not Raised Well? I'll have you know she was fed regularly. I even spoke to her on some occasions.

It's not my fault she was an ugly child. She understand. I told her that on several occasions.

>>39284949
Shut up, Phone Mom. You're a terrible mother.

>>39284818
In a way you are right. but in the same way you're wrong.
This is a second chance but only in so far as getting a new face and cutting all ties for evermore. we can allow us to be a child at times, there is nothing wrong with that, but dropping into that as modus operandi would be a severe mistake, a mistake in the same way as browsing 4chan all day and screaming at our mother. No. fighting for a change sounds good. not just against predators but against all that plagues katie in the very same way. fighting leads to a kind of deeper understanding once the act itself becomes less practice and more meditation. also purpose, something we didn't have either.

>>39285027
Really? What do you know about motherhood? Nothing!

Really.. to attack a grieving mother just after her child's death. Do you know how expensive funerals are? It's going to take my accounts forever to recover from this tragedy.

Thankfully cremation ran cheaper than I expected. Although their customer service leaves something to be desired. They didn't even dispose of the ashes and expected me to take care of it.

Luckily the toilet was sufficient.

>>39285121
You should have used her ashes as potting soil.

That way she'd have been of SOME use.

>>39285157
She would have killed the plants dear.

>>39285121
I bet you didn't even clean the toilet beforehand, you monster?

>>39285121
Did someone say CREMATION?

>>39285188
It's all waste. Why bother?

>>39285177
Then use her as weed killer.

>>39285121
oy, stop roleplaying as quest characters so much.
I can accept a lot, but roleplaying like that is a rabbit hole that really hurts quests.

>>39285217
She's not actually a character. She's someone who will never actually show up.

Blame Dr. His posting times a shit.

>>39285194
Shut up, you. I'm still pissed about how many souls you must have cost me.

>>39285208
You didn't even flush, did you.

>>39285217
It's just a little joking around, I'm sure. No different than my joke of a sidequest last night.

>>39284068
Well... the internet did say piss makes a good disinfectant... but seriously, ugh, this is disgusting. You feel incredibly dirty, like a sheep inside a septic tank rolling down a hill towards a coal mine. you shudder "o-ok, t-that-"

You trail off, too exhausted to get angry, fuck it your once again covered in somebody else's bodily fluids. You close your eyes and let your head lull back towards the ceiling while the 'doctor' applies more boiled piss to the end of your tail. Fuck it you're too tired and in pain for this gay bullschit. Seriously you're covered, in both bandages and urine. Which begs the question, are you going to end up looking like a road-map of Baghdad? Because that would be bad. What if that panther scraped your underdeveloped titty tissue right off your body- a-and now.... and now they'll be deformed or not grow in at all! You'll be flat chested forever!

-cont-

>>39285336
"Something wrong? It's clean trust me, I've sued the same method for years and it's saved the lives of countless low IQ morons who somehow got their hands on-" Oh, you must have been visibly freaking out, as you do.

You look at him gravely and he shuts up enough to raise an eyebrow "h-how... a-are there g-going t-to...t-to be- ssss-sssss-sssss...sssss-c-carssss?"

He meets your gaze for a solid 3 seconds with a blank face before replying "yes... ohho my, by the gods yes. There will be so many scars" Your eyes bore holes into him as if it were his fault, you're mildly insulted.

"But I wouldn't worry, they'll go away eventually, AND you can just hide them under clothing, they're all in very convenient places you see. Besides, many view scars as a badge of honor, why-" you're going to look like a road map of Baghdad, fuck.

You nod numbly as he tells you of the cultural significance of body scars and how it's not going to be THAT bad, because at least you didn't get it in the face, all you can picture is your back and how lumpy it's going to look...

"h-h-how l-long wi-..will they t-take t-to..."

"6 years. At least. Probably over a decade to fade properly, but they'll never be completely gone" WELL FUCK.

Well fuck this guy, he's from the 17th century, he probably doesn't know shit about medicine anyway. But you have to know, he'll give it to you straight because he's an asshole

"w-w-what a-about...m-m-my um.....-" You whisper nearly inaudibly aside from the damn hissing"-b-b-breasssssstssssss"

his eyebrow shoots up "...what?"

"i-i u-um, I-i wasssss w-wond-"
-cont-

>>39285357

"No no I heard you just fine child, it just disturbs me that one so young is asking such... mature questions. They should be fine" You visibly relax, giving out a relieved sigh, followed quickly by a short hiss, because relaxing stings like such a motherfucker.

"And since you're so adult I'm sure you're wondering how much all this medical treatment is going to cost you and your dear loved ones?" You heart sinks, again. You're putting massive financial burden on salvia, eddie, fuck eddie must have lost his house paying for your criss crossed ass to be bandaged up... you don't even think you could stand to face them now-

"Well judging by your pained expression I assume you'll be glad to hear that the half ruined panther carcass you acquired more than payed for it, in fact I believe it payed for it several times over-" You can only look on blankly, feeling so very surreal and fucking relieved simultaneously, things never go this smoothly "-excess sent to that lady who runs the local alchemy for safe keeping, speaking of which she came by yesterday to visit you with her family"

So they've all seen you covered in piss, that's just fucking great... wait a seconds

You motion to the empty plate with your head "w-what about t-that"

"hm? Oh yes they brought a lot of presents and a plate of finely cooked meat, she's a great cook that Salvia" he scratches his chest and checks his hands casually.

"...d-did y-you...."
-cont-

>>39285383

"..no, no I would never eat a patients food. I fed it too you while you were unconscious to prevent starvation"

You stare at him bewildered, wouldn't a feeding tube fuck up your nose and throat? They feel fine if really dry "...h-how d-d-"

"Oh there's a simple old-school procedure we medical types use on Lamia, you just pick up the food and put it into their- your stomach, your oesophagus is incredibly elastic you see-" and this guy fucking calls himself a doctor.

"b-but-" you interrupt, spurred on by full body pain and indignation "T-that'ssssssss- t-that'ssss...." you trail off, losing steam. It's what? come to think of it, it's not that bad of an idea.

"Oh don't worry about hygiene, I disinfected my arm beforehand" you could swear he's enjoying this.

You groan heavily and flop backwards, and stare wide fucking eyed at the ceiling in a frustration reminiscent of fighting a dark souls boss with a level 7 bonfire.

>Nod off to sleep, Timeskip until Salvia gets here.

>Nod off to sleep, Timeskip till Eddie gets here.

Also before that you can choose to ask:

>Why're you picking on a kid doc?

>Write in?

>>39285407
>>Nod off to sleep, Timeskip until Salvia gets here.

>>39285407
>Nod off to sleep, Timeskip until Salvia gets here.
>Why're you picking on a kid doc?
>Ask about genetic memory?

>>39285407
>>Nod off to sleep, Timeskip until Salvia gets here.

>>Why're you picking on a kid doc?

>>39285407
>Nod off to sleep, Timeskip until Salvia gets here.

>>39285407
>Nod off to sleep, Timeskip till Eddie gets here.
We need some quality time with papa. I'd prefer if we could get both Eddie and Salvia to visit, though.

Also;
"W-w-why are you p-p-picking on meee?" Get some tears in your eyes.

>>39285407
>nod off to sleep

>>39285407
Can anyone translate what this dude did to us? It sounds like he literally fisted our throat with handfuls of meat? What?

>>39285407
>Nod off to sleep, Timeskip until Salvia gets here.
>Ask about evolution

>>39285407
>Time skip to Salvia.

>>39285466
Yep, apparantly fantasy sneks are convenient like that.

>>39285466
You are correct in your assumptions. He literally put the meat in our stomach.

>>39285466
Doesnt sound that different from how snakes usually eat.

>>39285407
>Nod off to sleep, Timeskip until Salvia gets here.

>>39285466
Yes.

>>39285407
>>Nod off to sleep, Timeskip until Salvia gets here.
Snek mom, look at your new road map!

>>39285407
How does a panther corpse pay for lifesaving medical attention?

>>39285407
>Nod off to sleep, Timeskip until Salvia gets here.
>Nod off to sleep, Timeskip till Eddie gets here.
They conveniently show up at the same time.

>>39285407
>Nod off to sleep,
I don't actually care whether eddie or salvia gets here first, I'd like to see both of them.

also,

>we got mouth-fisted by a doctor

It looks like Salvia is going to be visiting, huh? Think we can ask for Eddie when she shows up?

>>39285524
Panther meat and skins are apparently worth a fortune.

>>39285524
Valuable material components.

>>39285524
Er... fantasy realm economics?

>>39284359
>you're living very damn unhealthy or are in early state of certain mental ailments

Probably both, I rarely leave the house.

Also as an actual doctor could you give me some advice, the tread got delayed earlier because i went to the toilet earlier to take a crap and (after an epic struggle) started having what appeared to be an intense period

Except I'm a hairy man

There was blood everywhere. It was dripping into the toilet, there was also red chunks in there. I've been having diarrhea lately as well. Any idea's?

>inb4 anons tell me to stop using that area to store toothpicks.

>>39285524
Dat pelt.
Dem bones.
Dem teeth.
Dose claws.
Dat liver and other assorted organs.
And I guess the meat too if someone wants it.

>>39285524
The panther had been terrorizing local farmers?

>>39285407
>Nod off to sleep, Timeskip until Salvia gets here.
>Nod off to sleep, Timeskip till Eddie gets here.
Wake up to both of them arguing

>>39285564

...no, seriously, go get medical help ASAP.

That is an ULTRA bad thing.

>>39284385
I can count my number of friends on one hand too anon, and they all live on Skype.

Just reading the comments bare with me.

>>39285564
Er... go see an actual doctor rather than asking the internet?

>>39285564
JESUS. CHRIST.

>>39285564
If this is serious.

1) Pics or it didn't happen

2) go the doctor fucker

>>39285564
Doc... I think you should go see a Doc... that is like You are probably going to die levels of bad.

>>39285564
Oh good lord you need some medical fucking attention.

>>39285593
Cancel the quest for tonight/today, go to the emergency room. NOW.

>>39285564
Not him but that would be hemorrhoids. Enjoy.

>>39285564
Dear god man.

>>39285564
Doc. Please no die. Please eat better diet so your poop isn't bricks.

>>39285564
IF THIS IS A JOKE, I'M NOT FINDING IT FUNNY.

Yes, go to the doctor, ER, or whatever. Shitting blood is no joke.

>>39285407
>Nod off to sleep, Timeskip until Salvia gets here.

>>39285593
Dark red or bright red?

>>39285564
I really hope this is a goddamn joke, man. Don't scare me like this. Get some help damn it.

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>>39285564
Well, if I ever start a RE Monster quest I'm going to have the mc die by shitting blood until exsanguination.

>>39285675
>>39285564
yeah, please be joking.
Please don't be dying.

>>39285564
http://www.webmd.com/digestive-disorders/blood-in-stool

>>39285564
Go to the doctor, shitting blood is bad. We can vote for the next bit over 5-10 minutes and posts in there are counted for the next thread WHICH WILL BE WHEN YOU AREN'T SHITTING BLOOD FUCK.

Had similar scenario once dude. If it's happening often. It's bad. If it's bright red though you might be allright. If it's dark red that means internal bleedng and a serious issue.

>>39285718
>Webmd
>Its probably cancer

Never not funny

>>39285564
Blood in feces is a bad sign and needs medical attention at the first best moment. The chance for infection in that area is extreme due to... Well it being covered in shit.

>>39285407
>Nod off to sleep, Timeskip until Salvia gets here.
>Why're you picking on a kid doc?


Also, go see a goddamn doctor, Doc.

>>39285357

Can't Katie just shed her skin eventually?

It could be some light tearing. Yall need to calm down. We already know he's a deviant.

>>39285806
Probably. Presumably evolving would clear up scars too, what with the major body changes. We should maybe ask about that.

>>39285407
>"Oh don't worry about hygiene, I disinfected my arm beforehand" you could swear he's enjoying this.

Well played joke OP

>>39285818
Yeah, I wasn't worried at first either till he said "chunks"

>>39285806
Its probably deeper scarring than just skin deep.

>>39285830
Evolving might make it permanent or re arrange the scars as well. We have no clue.

>>39284512
>>39284543
I like this idea, it's now an option
>examine child's drawings?

>>39285604
>>39285613
>>39285621
it's not fucking that bad, Jesus Christ i feel fine you fuckers. I think I just tore an internal hemorrhoid or something, I feel fine now if a little bit apprehensive about going to the toilet again.

>>39285623
Probably yea.

>>39285670
Bright red. The chunks looked like clear onion cuttings, basically triangles and flakes, except red.

>>39285675
>>39285642
>>39285711
It's actually not a joke, I've been suffering from this for like 6 months now.

I'm not dying though. And I enjoyed your side quest last night.

>>39285678
Sounds like a fantastic idea.


Anywho I created a shitstorm and saged my own thread. What a fucking faggot I am.


So I'm taking it as you nod off to sleep til Salvia gets here, but before that asking why he's a troll doctor.
Maybe ask about evolutions/genetic memory.

Also examine childs drawings

Writing. And sorry for the slow update times, I'm a slow reader.

>>39285856
If the scars turn into tattoos then I'm going to start laughin

>>39285862
>Anywho I created a shitstorm..
Yes, yes you did.

>Examine drawings, yes.

>>39285874
Maybe some sort of magic runes? But anything magic causes drama :/

>>39285862
welll, talk to a doctor anyway.

>>39285564

Medical Anon here
Morbus Crohn in bad case
Could be something even worde but I'd rather not say
Get help ASAP
Get medicine for inflammation

Right now I need to know:
Have you had problem with weight
Stomache (upper or lower part)
Did you loose skin color?

>>39285862
Stop storing toothpicks in your ass, OP.

>>39285862
Just promise us you'll have it checked out eventually, OK?

It'll suck, but your anus will thank you.

>>39285862
Ahh okay it's lasted for awhile but bright red. That means it's lower in the system. Closer to the exit sorta thing. Less worrying.

Just see a doctor about it in a week or so.

>>39285862
It must be a good sign that you have enough fans that you cause a huge panic like that.

Also thanks. Going to be writing more, I hope.

>>39285890
They don't have to be caster things even if they are magic. Some kind of passive minor speed/strength/defense buff tats would work. Or just never say what they actually do beyond "they feel important somehow".

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>>39285890
Did someone say Magic?

>>39285862

Me (>>39285909) again. Bright blood is okay. Color of your excrements would be needed as well dark, nearly black, or normal?
also consitency like tar?

>>39285862
Well, it's good that you feel fine, but if
>I've been suffering from this for like 6 months now.
Then you should probably see a doctor about it any way. This is distinctly Not Normal.

OP you have Britbong healthcare no excuses

File: 1365406346973.gif (2 MB, 371x331)

2 MB GIF

>>39285862
>Bright red. The chunks looked like clear onion cuttings, basically triangles and flakes, except red.

>>39285917
>Ahh okay it's lasted for awhile but bright red. That means it's lower in the system.

>That realization you might have hemorrhoids too...

Has Katie noticed horns yet? Or is that forthcoming?

>>39286126
I've had them too. If they aren't painful then they're just annoying as fuck. Not that bad really, a week or so and it will be gone if you aren't shitting bricks

Just eat better and then your Shit down. Never force it

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ITT: reasons to eat more fiber

>>39286259
Or just some oats instead of that likely overpriced mixed stuff.

>>39286225
Forthcoming.

>>39286259
Just eat a balanced diet! I never understood how it is hard for people to just follow a simple pyramid.

>>39286293
Would Wheaties be a good choice?

>>39286293
This, oats are fucking cheap. Doc, /fit/ has a dieting page, read it for suggestions on how to git gud at eating right.

>>39286126
>That realization you might have hemorrhoids too...
Had one not to long ago, fuck my job and all the sitting I have to do. Couldn't sit straight for like 3 days and then it kind went away. Good thing that cause it was driving me crazy.

>>39286333
The pyramid's old and busted though, anon. Fuck if I know what's the "hip" thing for general diet advice is, though. I just know the pyramid's out of date.

>>39285564
Sounds like a fissure or torn hemorrhoid.

I've got a fissure. Gonna have to get it surgerised at some point. Has been painless for over a year now, though, so I've been putting it off. Still see blood at times. At least it doesn't hurt so bad that I can neither stand, sit, not lie down.
That was bad.

>>39286395
They made a new pyramid when the old one became obsolete. Unless that one is obsolete too...

>>39286395
>>39286423
http://liamrosen.com/fitness.html
http://4chanfit.wikia.com/wiki/Harsh%27s_Worksheet_%28WIP%29

Use these, the old one was created to sell wheat, beef, milk, and cheese.

>>39286423
Looks like it's "MyPlate" now, showing approximate portions on a plate setting basis rather than a pyramid.

>/tg/ - Toilet Gastroenterology

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>>39286339

I can guarantee you'll feel the difference with All Brain. Don't eat too much, though—it's the only time I've ever eaten too MUCH fiber and experienced the other end of the spectrum

>>39286504
Everything's /tg/ related, anon. I saw a thread about classical sculptures on here once. Someone thanked the OP, because they didn't have the pics.

>>39286506
>Zombie providing gastronomy advice.

>>39286506
I ate a box of wheaties once. My god that was awful.

>>39286395
>>39286423
Easy: sugar in the morning, a bit of everything for lunch and protein in the evening and at least 4 hours before sleeping.
Sugar will keep you awake through the phase of physical stress in the morning till you're fully awake, lunch is self explanatory, and protein keeps you sated for the longest that's why in the evening.
Generally: suggar n the form of fruits is best, but try a greater variation then apples and apples. That works good.

>>39286506
Too much fiber and you get a ball of shite with the constitution of steel stuck in you right?

>>39286586
Fruit in an omelette works well for breakfast, lunch should be decently big, dinner should be medium/smaller.

Fiber lowers your appetite, so it's good to have some with every meal (example, slap some onions on a store-bought pizza if you're lazy, it works).

Beyond that, a few supplements keep you going.

>>39285407
So this guy fisted your thoat with a handful of meat that was also covered in urine. He's not really too remorseful about it either...

You're haunted by visions of your dream and whatever your phone mom said to you, everything stings, you guess because of the urine, it's salty like that. You start to tear up again, your mom does love you right? of course she does, so why does it hurt so much. The doctor catches on quickly.

"I take it you want those painkillers now yes?"

Sobbing quietly you cry "n-no-ho" in a pathetic whine. Seriously that was one fucked up dream, you remember something about Salvia. You're certainly no hero, if anything you're a fucked up kid with issues so bad she kills wild animals even when she doesn't need to. You're hesitant to say for fun even.... You just want to curl up and cry, but you can't because your covered in open wounds and piss and it hurts so bad. Why is this guy acting so aloof about it all. And just like that you pile all your frustration and sadness onto him (This is what choosing anger did).

-cont-

>>39286791
"w-why.." you sob "w-why are you b-being ssss-ssso mean to-ho me-he" your roll your head to the side and scrunch your face up crying.

The doctor sighs, quiet for a while before walking over to besides your dresser, letting you cry softly to yourself. "I'm a doctor" you open your eyes and watch him through the haze of tears.

"And being a doctor it is my job to help patients" you blink.

"Is it not better for them to be annoyed by my rudeness than worrying over their health, I'm used to dealing with miners you see" you blink a few of the tears out of your eyes "Miners are a stupid lot, they see me being rude and assume they're going to be alright, it helps them cope , helping people mentally is just as important as curing their ailments physically"

"But you're not a miner, you're a little girl. So I apologize, and I'll tell you straight, you are going to make a full recovery. You should be able to leave and be with your family in less than a week, and speaking of which they should be coming to visit in an hour".

Wow. OK. You feel better now.

"Now I have to go deal with an aforementioned stupid miner, broke his leg trying to back-flip off a minecart, what a fool." she shrugs his shoulders at you and you can only stare as he walks away.

"But- Before I go can I get you anything? cup of water, answer your questions"

Absolutely bewildered you just stare at him gormlessly. "g-g-glasssssss of water p-pleassse" you've been just staring a lot lately.

"Water doesn't come in glasses, stupid girl" fffffuuuuuu

------cont-----

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>>39286808
So the doctor answered your painfully awkward hissy questions, more-so than Eddie did and now you're more convinced than ever that you're in a coma or some kind of weird hentai-esk fucking video game world.

He fucked off shortly after, presumably to make fun of some guys small penis.

You're left all alone, blissful solitude except for the pain and overpowering smell of fucking piss.... god that's revolting, if hygienic. You wince at the stiffness in your neck and turn you head to the side. There's a crackle of parchment as you gingerly reach over and grasp at the crudely made paper, what you find makes your heart melt. There's a crude charcoal drawing of you, Salvia, Sirena and Cora holding hands and smiling, but it might as well be a fucking masterpiece.

You drift off to sleep with a smile on your face and warmth in your chest.

>That's it for tonight, extremely short thread, faggot OP I know, I know but I'm tired and suffering from writers block. Can you tolerate shorter threads in exchange for daily sessions?

Next time on snakequest: adoptive family reunion, even though you've only known them for like, a fucking half week at best.

>>39286844
Wait wait! Can we just see ourselves in a mirror or something!?

>>39286844
>Can you tolerate shorter threads in exchange for daily sessions?
I'll cut you a deal: yes, but only if you agree to get your asscancer fixed

>>39286875
I don't think Katie can do a whole lot of this "moving" thing right now.

>>39286844
Sure. BUT IT BETTER BE REALLY FUCKING CUTE TOMORROW.

>>39286844
> faggot OP
> Shits blood
It checks out.

Daily short threads.. or long ones that are actually long.

Captcha: ntsssss Yes captcha ssSss.

>>39286844
Thanks for the thread Doc. Now go attend to your body cause I rather enjoy reading your work and would prefer you to be not dead.

That doctor is an ass but damn if he didnt make me laugh this thread.

>>39286844
>daily sessions
While I would enjoy this as a player, I am telling you right now you should proooobably NOT DO THAT.

you'll burn out hard.

>>39286844
>you've only known them for like, a fucking half week at best.
Yeah, but saving the kid's life is like a time multiplier or something.

>>39286844
I say no to daily session to keep both players happy and faggot OP healthy and sane

>>39286844
ANSWER THE OTHER QUESTIONS ABOUT YOUR ASS CANCER OP
Also nice thread, I'd really like to see that more often. And earlier if you manage.

>>39286844
Thanks doc. I was too late to participate but it was a very nice session to read.

And go see a doctor quickly, seriously.

>>39286844
Daily long sessions or bust, fagtron.

>>39286844
>Can you tolerate shorter threads in exchange for daily sessions?
>daily sessions
Oh dear god, my sleep schedule will be WREKT!

>>39286844
I say you dont need to do daily. Make it 2-3 times a week, get healthy, and we can call it even.

Also are we ever going to get character bios or am I going to have to make a Pastebin for you?

>>39286844
Be fucking healthy and run when you feel like, for how long you feel like. Daily sessions will tire you out and can fuck up your health unless you're careful. Try it out while fixing your health.

>>39286844
Just don't fucking die. Go see a doctor. Seriously.

>>39287001
>am I going to have to make a Pastebin for you?
Can you make a pastebin anyway?

>>39284076
They really give Katie a certain character that a lot of other quest MCs lack.

>>39286844
At the risk of being tarred and feathered, why not run on another chin if you're going to do smaller sessions? Aren't they more hospitable to that kind of thing?

>>39286844
>Can you tolerate shorter threads in exchange for daily sessions?
Sure, I can deal with that.

"That's it for tonight." The words echo out over the landscape and it suddenly comes out of focus, a normal blue cloudy sky slowly being replaced by psychedelic colors and swirling patterns. "Shit, the threads over already?" You mumble out, rolling over out of the bed and standing up. "Coulda sworn we had at least another hour of this crap." You are the immortal actor, whose name is unpronounceable by human or snake tongue, currently playing the role of Katie black, a social reject turned neurotic reptile with a lisp. Fuck, you hate that lisp. It's a bitch to keep up.

As you slither out of the doctor's place, you look out across the "stage", the malleable plane of existence used to create set-pieces for the eternal theater's works. The various extras playing the village people are currently phasing out of their costumes, turning into those weird faceless angel things. You, as the main character, are a little less lucky, You can't really change into anything more comfortable because of how much of a bitch it is to keep up the costume. So you have to keep it on.

Scratching your skin as a bit of bandage flakes off, you begin to muse on what to do with your spare time.

>Go hang out with Ed. Not his real name of course. It's just easier to use character names.

>Maybe Salvia has something in her stash.

>Go "Backstage" and get some goddamn coffee.

>Oh fuck, where the hell did Steve get to?

>>39287249
>>Go "Backstage" and get some goddamn coffee.
>Oh fuck, where the hell did Steve get to?

>>39287249
>Coffee now. Snek drugs later.

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>>39286844
>Can you tolerate shorter threads in exchange for daily sessions?

What ever you feel like will work for you. Run when ever is good and write until you don't feel like it anymore. We'll be fine with that.

>>39287249
>>Oh fuck, where the hell did Steve get to?

>>39287249
>Maybe Salvia has something in her stash.

We can call her "mom" and she can teach us naughty things.

>>39285909
>Have you had problem with weight
>Stomache (upper or lower part)
>Did you loose skin color?

Thankfully none of these.

>>39285913
B-but where else am I to keep them anon-san

>>39285925
I'm looking forward to your side quest again. And thanks, it feels so utterly bizarre to have people freak out about my health.

>>39285987
Nope just bright red liquid aside from the chunks. That might just be fucking bloody potato matter or some shit.

>>39286126
Feels bad maaan

>>39286225
Well truth be told OP actually forgot, but I think the doctor just assumed they were always there and Katie just hasn't noticed them yet. sorry

>>39286333
>>39286293
>>39286259
>>39286339
>>39286355
So a diet consisting entirely of mars bars and whatever I can stuff into the microwave doesn't count as healthy right?

Mostly mars bars.

>>39286363
That fucking sucks, I assume mine are internal so Op can't empathize but he can sympathize.

>>39286410
It's not quite that bad, holy fuck dude.

>>39286506
Funny semi-related story. I had a job at a printing company a while back, I discovered I had diarrhea when I went to fart on while feeding cardboard into a shredder and liquid came out, just, it wasn't even soup, it was just strait up brown water with snots in it. Suffice to say I don't work there anymore because 'I have diarrhea' isn't a valid enough excuse as to why you don't want to work the weekends, the team leaders face was topkek, Op has no shame or dignity.

>>39286586
I didn't ask for this, but I'll start eating cereal.

>>39286898
i-i'll try my best anon-san

>>39286928
indeed.

>>39286920
>>39286943
>>39286996
>>39287001
Well OK, how about once every 2 days maybe? Thanks for being understanding anons.

>>39287001
>>39287086
Yea make a paste bin please, I'm clearly too much of a lazy cunt.

>>39287042
Not sure how they'd fuck up my health, I regularly stay up til the sun rises.
>>39287065
no u.

>>39287249
>Maybe Salvia has something in her stash.
hohoyes

>>39287249
>>Go "Backstage" and get some goddamn coffee.
Black blessing of the gods, how I long for thee.

>>39287312
It could be your intestinal linings are being ravaged by your shit-tier diet so they start to flake off.

>>39287249
>Maybe Salvia has something in her stash.

>>39287249
>Go "Backstage" and get some goddamn coffee.
>scream at some people who are only tangentially related to the stuff on the stage

>>39287312
>Well OK, how about once every 2 days maybe? Thanks for being understanding anons.
Sleepscheduleanon here. I'd be perfectly fine with 2 or 3 times a week.

>>39287312
>Mostly mars bars.
No wonder your toffee turds are tearing your insides out.

>>39287312
You definitely want to get checked out though, a gastric bleed can be dozens of things, about half of which are potentially lethal, the other half of which are coincidentally minor nuisances

>So a diet consisting entirely of mars bars and whatever I can stuff into the microwave doesn't count as healthy right?

... how the fuck are you even alive right now? You should be dying of scurvy or beri-beri or some other medieval shit from the fact you are literally eating sugared and saturated fat laden wax.

>>39287312
>Thankfully none of these.
Good lord. That's great, you do not have any chronic inflammation, cancer, internal bleedings, hemophagic diseases and the stuff can likely be fixed by sticking fingers up your ass and taking a good look. And medication.

>>39287431
Energy drinks are also a staple of my diet, I hear they're full of b vitamins ect. Coincidentally I brush my teeth once a month and they also blood profusely.

In fact OP bleeds from pretty much every orifice, he just needs to start pissing blood to be complete.

I am now bragging about my unhealthy health style on a thread about intestinal bleeding and maybe occasionally sneks.

I'm handing it over to this guy
>>39287249
And throwing my trip away till next thread.

>>39287607
What would you say if medical Anon told you he lived a long time much unhealthier then any here?

>>39287249
Slithering idly by various faceless angel things as they prepare the stage for the next thread, you head to one of the many hidden entrances to the backstage, tearing off bits of bandages as you go along and tossing them aside. You reach an unused building and knock on the door three times, if you don't do that it'll just lead into oblivion, and slide on in, making sure to shut the door tight behind you.

The backstage has taken many forms over the eons, changing into just about anything imaginable on the whims of whoever resides in it. Currently, it seems to have taken on a rather boring facade of an office building. Last week it was literally hell, fire and brimstone and all. Seriously who makes this shit. "Where the fuck is the coffee?" You yell at one of the faceless angels, who looks rather spooked at your presences and flies off, bringing back a pitcher of coffee and some mugs a few moments later. You snatch up both and quickly fill the mug, taking a large gulp from the caffeinated goodness. "Oh sweet merciful Jesus I fucking needed this." The coffee here is the best, literally just pours out just how you like it. Your coffee is rather red because of all the blood in it.

A larger snake woman slithers into the backstage just as you flop down onto a handy beanbag chair, Salvia snatching the pitcher from the angel who was just about to take it away. "Hi, 'Mom'." You smirk at her, giving a small hissy giggle as she cringes. "Oh for fucks sake can you NOT call me that when we're out of character?" She gulps like half the fucking coffee straight from the pitcher and sighs. "I have the worst headache right now."

>What'd you smoke, and do you have anymore of it?

>Jesus shit why did you drink that much coffee.

>Yeah that's nice, where the fuck is steve?

>Why do you have to be a bitch about the mom thing?

>>39287717
>What'd you smoke, and do you have anymore of it?

>>39287717
>>What'd you smoke, and do you have anymore of it?

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116 KB PNG

>>39287607
>subsiding on a diet of candied wax and sugary acid
I'm not trying to be /fit/ here, but you go to try and change your diet.

>>39287683
I'd ask you to tell us the specifics, because this shit is always interesting.

>>39287717

>Jesus shit why did you drink that much coffee.

>What'd you smoke, and do you have anymore of it?

In that order: Druggie snake go!

This is actually better written than the main quest funnily enough.

>>39287717
>Why do you have to be a bitch about the mom thing?

>>39287717
>What'd you smoke, and do you have anymore of it?

>Jesus shit why did you drink that much coffee.

>>39287683
"Challenge accepted" and "Praise Nurgle."

Finished archiving. You're welcome.

>>39287805
After my birthday in march last year I droped down the depression scale from dangerously siucidal to catatonic. FOR MONTH. I didn't sleep, didn't eat and didn't drink, just kept staring at that foto on my desk from my bed, unthinking. I really have no memories on that time, because that was pretty muc afull out black out of my life and my family had to force feed me. what I tell you is purely what has been told and what I remember from before pretty much stoping to exist for a while.

>>39287717
>Jesus shit why did you drink that much coffee.
>Yeah that's nice, where the fuck is steve?

>>39287999
Well anon, my suggestion is this. Be a lazy faggot, but buy stoner food. Look around for a cooperative, trader joes, cost co, even sams club and get mini-pizzas. Toss a small slab of onion on top, eat two of those for a meal.

It's kinda cheap and is better for you then mars bars. I say this because I want you to live longer so you can run more spaghetti snek quest.

>>39287717
>>What'd you smoke, and do you have anymore of it?

>>39288052
That anon wasn't op. Just to clarify he/she/it was medical anon.

>>39287999
That's depressing. Honestly I think that goes beyond depression and straight into the realm of major brain chemical imbalance. I can't see regular depression producing that kind of fugue state.

>>39287717

You roll your eyes as Salvia flops down back-first onto a desk, groaning, the pot of coffee falling out of her hands and smashing on the floor. You give a little pouty face and make an odd sad noise seeing it spill over the floor, and a faceless angel coming with a mop to clean in up. Sighing over spilled coffee, you turn your attention back to your co-star. "God damn, why did you drink that much coffee." You state, flatly. Like it was a statement rather than a question. In response, Salvia flips you off.

"So, Whatcha smoke?" Salvia rolls over to her side and glares at you, hard. "Seriously, girlfriend. You don't want to know." You laugh, shaking your head. "No seriously, whatcha got? Still have some?" Salvia sits up and points at you accusingly, her other hand squeezing for forehead. "Seriously, it's bad fucking shit. You don't want any."

"Aww, come on, don't be a bitch." You lean in closer to her, pouting a bit. She scowls at you. She opens her mouth and gets half way through "Fuck off." before a mug of blood-filled coffee smashing into her face, tossing her backwards onto the desk she used as a bed and spending a moment rolling about from the scolding heat. "Uhg, fine, whatever, just take it." She pulls what looks like a cigarette but is wrapped in blue leafs and filled with computer chips and flicks it at you, the thing hitting your chest. You snatch it up and start digging for a light. "Last warning, that shit is awful."

>Maybe you should listen to her and not smoke the weird drugs.

>Fuck her, light it up.

File: Tokemoko2.gif (3.98 MB, 252x244)

3.98 MB GIF

>>39288253
>Fuck her, light it up.

Maximum fuck!

>>39288253
>Maybe you should listen to her and not smoke the weird drugs.
>Maybe you should go find Steve.

>>39288253
>Fuck her, light it up.
What could go wrong?

>>39288253
>>Maybe you should listen to her and not smoke the weird drugs.

>>39288253
>Fuck her, light it up.

You know, I have no goddamn idea what I'm doing right now. Literally making this up as I go along.

>>39288253
Vision Quest is go.

>Dr starts next thread

You are... Why can't I remember my main character? What the fuck is going on?

>>39288414
Snake girl on girl please.

>>39288414
Welcome to GMing 101.

>>39288253
Light that shit up woman.

>>39288414
Perfect.

>>39288414
>Maximum fuck.

She wakes up vomiting her internal organs onto a beach in North Korea, covered in the severed limbs of Thai prostitutes with the Syrian flag lodged in her butthole.

I know how you feel

>>39288503
Hardcore lesbians is also acceptable.

Make it like the hangover, but with Steve.

>>39288253
>>Fuck her, light it up.
After the coma-dream we had to play out, NOTHING can faze us.

>>39285890
>anything magic causes drama :/
an trying to add anything magic will make anons throw shitstorms about being a weeb magic user.
last time I voted for nubs I only just wanted a funny dialog of surprised snekmum but people just had to ruin it.
if it scares snekmum, anything other is fine, but I don't think bigger body is going to scare her any way.

>>39288253

Fuck it. What's the worst that can happen? You dig up your lighter from your pocket and bring it up, catching the cigarette between your lips. The computer chips catch on fire surprisingly quickly, as if they were made of plants and not plastic and precious metals. You take a deep breath of the stuff, and blow smoke out into the air in front of you, the air seeming to glitch out like a badly made computer game. You notice darkness at the edge of your vision, and then it hits you that this stuff kicks in surprisingly fast. Everything goes dark.

And stays dark. You find yourself unable to move for what feels like hours, experiencing nothing but total black stillness. You own thoughts are hazy, it's hard to comprehend what's going on. Eventually, a small white dot of light appears directly in front of you. More start popping in, each one casting a beam of light onto you. You have a sensation of moving at the dots start growing, before you realize they are getting closer, more and more appearing around you. You can't even process what's going on until they're uncomfortably close, and you see now that those dots were actually...Monitors, static flicker across them. They surround you, bearing in on you from every angle. You realize you have no body. You don't even have a head. Your view is locked in place, being taken up by the monitors, the sound of static deafeningly loud.

It's dark again. You feel heavy. You still can't move but it feels like there is something pressing down on you, engulfing you. It makes it hard to breath. In front of you, a monitor flickers on. This time it shows...4chan. The homepage of 4chan. The light from the screen illuminates a desk, also in front of you. Covered in blood and junk food, soda bottles filled with piss strewn about, the entire thing covered in cockroaches and other bugs. You desperately try to lift and arm, and eventually power through the weight keeping you down, arm lifting up slowly into view.

-Cont-

>>39289022

Your arm...This can't be your arm. It's...Like a humans. White skin tone. It's fat. Lard hangs off of it, loosely contained in skin like a water balloon, flowing like melting chocolate over your bone. You tilt your head down and see the rest of your body is much the same way. You can't breath. You look at the computer monitor in front of you. A light source is coming from behind. If you could just turn it off...You reach forward, tortuously slow, stretching as far as you can to reach the power button. Your fat fingers slide along the side of the monitor and you try to push. You can't push it down. You press against it, as hard as you can muster, and your heart pounds in your chest. The monitor switches off, and it takes your eyes a moment to adjust before you can see the reflection in the blackened monitor. Your face. You can't see your face. It's covered in hair. A giant beard reaches down to your chest, and you think you can see maggots crawling about in it. Your skin crawls, and it's all too much. Whatever garbage was in your stomach forces it's way up, and...

You snap out of it with a start, your head submerged in water. You jerk out of it with a gasp, desperately trying to take in air. You feel as light as a feather and you are back to your normal self again. You're in a bathroom stall, you were face down in a toilet. Blood and vomit covers the ground below you. The fuck. Salvia bursts into the bathroom, checking each stall for you. "Jesus christ, kid. There you are. Told you not to smoke that shit."

>Wrap yourself around Salvia and cry.

>Vomit some more. Into the toilet this time.

>Pretend it wasn't that bad.

>Ask what the fuck happened.

I honestly don't really know what I just wrote. I'm sorry.

>>39289054
>Wrap yourself around Salvia and cry.
>I'm sorry Mommy