“So, Shogo, tell me. When are you going to feed all these poor lasses just standing around waiting for you?”

You groan, slowly leaning up from your bed. “Is there a reason you didn’t?”

Roland shrugs, the shuddering and scraping audible through the thick curtain. “I was busy. With other things. I mean, I’ve had to make sure I can handle the surgeries-”

“Stop there, please.” You get out of bed, now looking down on the horde of Em-Gees quietly watching you, though Roland is still towering over you. “Listen, you look prepared, so...”

>Let’s have a hearty breakfast before your big match!
>Oh my, look at the clock it appears to be time for D-D-D-D-DUEL!
>Write In.

>>39551578
>Oh my, look at the clock it appears to be time for D-D-D-D-DUEL!
Never do strenuous activity on a full stomach. I learned that the hard way.

>>39551578
>>Oh my, look at the clock it appears to be time for D-D-D-D-DUEL!
Food later, never on a full stomach.

>>39551578
>>Let’s have a hearty breakfast before your big match!

>>39551604
>>39551637

>Implying that a full stomach of glory and ecstasy cooked by yours truly could ever be bad for you.

>>39551659
Artemis, speaking from personal experience, the better the food the worse it is. us feeding him would be bad.

>>39551676

...Fine. Assuming three votes for DUEL. Writing.

>>39551563
Is this picture modeled after that stupid jacket that every weaboo wants?

>>39551696

Well, I mean, if you buy a high quality one it can look pretty nice. You're thinking along the lines of cheap fedoras and such that neckbeards might buy.

>>39551578

”...Let’s just get right to it. Duel first, breakfast after. Nothing like wrecking a magical girl or getting wrecked *by* a magical girl to work up a healthy appetite.”

Roland grins. “Perfect! Let’s go find our friend, then!”

He runs ahead, practically skipping if it weren’t for the tiles cracking under his feet each time he takes a step. You shake your head and follow, the engineers on either side of you and the shambling horde of hungry Em-Gees following you as well.

“So,” you whisper to one of the engineers, watching Roland, “how likely is it that he wins?”

The engineer giggles. “Well, I’d put my money on him, but it’s really anyone’s fight. I mean, Marie is an Em-Gee, with supernatural powers that can tear down skyscrapers. And Roland? The armor he’s wearing is exactly up to the specifications of what a Space Marine is meant to be able to do. I’m more worried that the armor itself might be too much for him, though he’s handling it extremely well.”

You nod, and continue to follow Roland down to the main hall.

It’s there you find Marie and Roland right in the centre of the room, both trying to stare down the other. Marie has to float about five feet up in the air to do it, but their eyes are locked and the tension would be almost palpable, if it weren’t for Eliza loudly commentating on the staring sports.

“And Marie goes for a blink! And she does it again! Wow, how is she gonna come back from that loss? But wait, Roland himself is looking away, sacrificing his lead!” At this point Eliza notices who Roland’s looking at. “Oh. Hey, Shogo.”

“Hey, Eliza. When are we starting?”

Eliza shrugs. “I mean, I wasn’t aware that there was too much planning to this. Is there a place you want them to fight?”

>Inside the main hall. No obstacles apart from the walls and roof.
>The Training Grounds. Bunch of pillars and the open air adds a different challenge.
>Witchspace?
>Write In

>>39551822
>The Training Grounds. Bunch of pillars and the open air adds a different challenge.

>>39551822
>The Training Grounds. Bunch of pillars and the open air adds a different challenge

>>39551822
>Write In
"Mind giving me some magic? I want to try something..."
>Witchspace?

>>39551822
Five more minutes, so the other 2-3 people can toss a vote in.

>>39551848
>>39551856
Going with this! Writing.

>>39551822
>The Training Grounds. Bunch of pillars and the open air adds a different challenge.

>>39551822

>Training Grounds

“Hell, let’s do it outside. I mean, it’s built for it already, so it should be perfect!”

Eliza nods, then turns back to the pair, who are still staring at each other, with Marie getting noticeably more angry every second. “Alright, Marie, Roland, we’re heading outside for the duel. You guys ready?”

Roland quickly turns away, leaving Marie staring at empty space for a few seconds. “Yes I am, ma’am! I’ll be waiting, Marie.” Roland makes his way outside, and you follow, the horde also following their only chance at breakfast.

Once outside (and totally on solid ground), you step over to Roland, who’s set himself up on the other side of the Grounds, waiting for Marie to exit.

“So, Roland, do you have a battle plan?”

Roland shrugs. “Not really. Just get as many hits in as I can, I guess?”

You frown. “Hmm. Well, what weapons do you have.”

Roland tugs at the curtain around him, showing the distinct outline of his shitty excuse for a sword. “Apart from this thing? Nada. They couldn’t make me a melta in time.”

“Alright then. So, how about...”

>Do what you suggested. Get in there before she expects anything, and destroy her.
>Kite her for a bit, let her make the first moves, figure out who’s faster. Then go.
>Wear her down, don’t go for any attacks until she’s out of energy.
>Write In

This is standard Spess Mehreen armor, by the way, so no jetpacks or bonus features some Chapters get.

>>39552084
>Kite her for a bit, let her make the first moves, figure out who’s faster. Then go.

>>39552084
>Do what you suggested. Get in there before she expects anything, and destroy her

>>39552084
>Kite her for a bit, let her make the first moves, figure out who’s faster. Then go.
Bullrushing an experienced MG is suicide, playing an endurance game with said MG is slow suicide.

>>39552084
>Kite her for a bit, let her make the first moves, figure out who’s faster. Then go.

>>39552154
>>39552172
>>39552176
Floating in the wind...Writing.

>>39552084

>Kite

“...Kite her, find her strengths and weaknesses, figure out where you can push, and then go for it. Sound good?”

Roland smiles. “Sure, boss! I can do that. Now, if you’d make some room, as a challenger is appearing...”

You step into the spectator’s ring, where the horde are waiting huddled around a fire. One is a attempting to cook some grass on top of a pan of energy, others excitedly watching, and failing horribly. Turning back to the main stage, you see Marie on her side of the field, now fully decked out in her uniform, two yellow and black ribbons weaving around her to make a form fitting dress that you have no doubt could withstand a shot from a tank. In one hand she holds a thin staff, slightly jagged at some sections, visibly crackling with energy.

And Roland is still huddling inside his cloak, holding the sorry excuse for a sword through the curtain’s fabric, still refusing to reveal his true power level.

Eliza has now hopped up on top of the judge’s pillar, and shouts, “Ladies and gentlemen-”

“GO FUCK YOURSELVES YOU OPPRESSIVE SHITS!” Marie roars as she rushes across the stage, closing in on Roland rapidly. Even a few of the horde turn an eye-struck gaze towards her as she makes her way across the stage in seconds. She begins raining down a fury upon Roland, hitting again and again with the staff, not even bothering with magic and just using blunt fury to attack him.

Roland attempts to block the first few hits, and manages well enough, but when one sneaks in and hits him, he stops responding, huddling up inside the cloak as Marie continues to wail on him. You’d almost be worried for him, if you hadn’t worked with him for six years.

After a minute of angry waling, Marie takes a step away, breathing heavily. Her staff has stopped crackling, likely drained of all its energy in the attacks. Roland himself is still underneath the curtain, though there are plenty of rips and tears in it, the fabric itself charred.

(1/2)

>>39552366
>“GO FUCK YOURSELVES YOU OPPRESSIVE SHITS!”

Damn she's even more feminazi than I thought.

>>39552366
Roland stands up, shrugging off the curtain, revealing his true form. He was already standing at an impressive eight feet, just as tall as Spess Mehreens were meant to be, but with the armor he’s gone to an absolutely insane ten feet tall, looking more like a miniature Jaeger than oversized armor. The sword looks much more fitting now, a glorious slab of metal meant to be held by someone in that armor. Roland himself looks right at home, taking a second to slam down a helmet over his face before turning back to Marie.

“And that’s all you got?”

>Roll 3d10 (you’re rolling for Roland, just so you know).
>Watch the match in rapture.
>Okay, cooking grass? That’s sad. You’re sure you have a dutch oven in your equipment kit...

>>39552393
One of the last to browse tumblr. What do you expect?

Rolled 8, 6, 5 = 19 (3d10)

>>39552456
>Roll 3d10 (you’re rolling for Roland, just so you know).

Rolled 6, 10, 6 = 22 (3d10)

>>39552456
>Roll 3d10 (you’re rolling for Roland, just so you know).
>Watch the match in rapture.

Rolled 4, 4, 10 = 18 (3d10)

>>39552456
>Roll 3d10 (you’re rolling for Roland, just so you know).

>>39552491
You, anon, saved the day!

Writing.

>>39552456

You leave the Em-Gees to their pitiful attempts at cooking food, and turn your eyes back to the real fight that’s going on in front of you.

Now having found a power balance, Roland is striking out, cleaving the air in front of him with the gigantic blade, and Marie dodging her way around and attempting to do some real damage to the pseudo-Space Marine. Now resorting to her powers, she’s charging up heavy blasts of electricity and attempting to stun Roland, but he shrugs through and tries to hit again.

And just as Marie comes around for another attack, Roland drops his sword and grabs Marie out of the air, throwing her to the ground. Even as she tries to fly up again, his foot presses down on her, and soon Marie is pushing up against it, able to keep it well off her but not for long enough to escape from the trap. If she were actually a nice person, you’d complement her on her obvious lifting prowess.

Finally, Marie manages to push Roland fully off her, sending him stumbling back as she grabs her staff from a metre away, and sends a gigantic blast of electricity towards Roland.

Finally, Roland’s armor takes some damage, a noticeable dent in his armor.

“Is that it?” Marie taunts, landing in front of Roland. “Have you finally realized that you have no place among us?”

Roland looks up, and mutters something, though at this distance you can’t hear anything except “-mprah.”

Marie’s face becomes confused. “What?”

Roland jumps forward, his right hand cocking back, and his voice rings out, “FOR THE EMPRAH!” And with one glorious, ork-crushing, eldar-vaporizing, truly and uniquely human punch, he sends Marie flying.

Off and over the edge.

“Game! Point goes to Roland!” Eliza shouts gleefully, hopping back and forth on top of the pillar.

You walk away from the horde down to Roland, who’s leaning against one of the pillars with his helmet in hand and sword lying next to him. He looks up at you and grins. “How about that, boss?”

(1/2)

>>39552456
>>Watch the match in rapture.
>>Okay, cooking grass? That’s sad. You’re sure you have a dutch oven in your equipment kit...

>>39552714

Finally, you notice just how serious the wound that Roland took from the lightning blast was. It's cut through the entire chest-plate, baring his now scarred and torn up chest exposed, blood running down into the armor.


>You did good, Roland. You did good.
>I’m surprised you didn’t just go full Pacific-Rim and get a rocket elbow for that final punch.
>BREAKFAST FOR A HEALER!
>Write In

>“FOR THE EMPRAH!”
this is why he's our friend.

>>39552739
>You did good, Roland. You did good.
>I’m surprised you didn’t just go full Pacific-Rim and get a rocket elbow for that final punch.
>BREAKFAST FOR A HEALER!

>>You did good, Roland. You did good.
>>I’m surprised you didn’t just go full Pacific-Rim and get a rocket elbow for that final punch.
>>BREAKFAST FOR A HEALER!
We shall save the world with our godly cooking, which reminds me none of these girls have tasted our now master-level skills have they?

>>39552739
>You did good, Roland. You did good.
>BREAKFAST FOR A HEALER!

>>39552739
>You did good, Roland. You did good.
Write In
>"It'll be trending in about T-Minus... Now."
>BREAKFAST FOR A HEALER!

>>39552747
He's a real big fan, loves the painting and everything. Looks funny when he's doing all this delicate work.

>>39552779
I approve of this write-in.

>>39552751
>>39552759
>>39552779
>>39552804

Uh.
>Do Everything, Because All Choices Are Good?

>>39552739
>You did good, Roland. You did good.
>I’m surprised you didn’t just go full Pacific-Rim and get a rocket elbow for that final punch.
>BREAKFAST FOR A HEALER!

>>39552820
Honestly, if you don't expect this by now, you should.

>>39552860
I need to offer some illusion of choice.

>>39552739

>Fucking Everything.

“You did good, Roland, you did good.” You crouch down by him, quickly detaching most of the pieces of armor (helpfully labeled, surprisingly enough) until he’s left just in black leggings and a torn up black shirt covering the wound. “Though seriously, I’m surprised, considering you obviously wanted that final punch, that you didn’t go for a rocket elbow and go all Jaeger on her.”

Roland is silent for a few minutes. “Huh.”

“You didn’t think about it until now?”

“Well, I could probably-”

You raise your hands to stop him. “Don’t. One of those engineers is already trying to figure out how to make her own Orks. We do *not*, and I mean that, need any fucking Kaiju coming into this world because of a magical girl with a monster fetish.”

“It’s better than Eldars.” Roland laughs, before coughing up some blood.

“Yes, but only just. Now,” you check your watch, before speaking up so the Em-Gees in the audience could hear you, “I just *wonder* if anyone could *possibly* save my good friend for, oh I don’t know, the first chance at breakfast?”

Soon enough, #firstaidforfood is trending and nearly all the magical girls are giving their loving attention to Roland, even a few who very obviously have no healing magic whatsoever. He lies there, grinning like an idiot, while you walk off to Eliza.

“So, what did you think of the match?” she asks you, watching Roland.

>Roll 3d10 for Perception, to see who’s the better fighter.
>Good match!
>Not very sportsmanlike from Marie. Where is she, anyway?
>Write In.

Rolled 9, 8, 8 = 25 (3d10)

>>39552980

>Roll 3d10 for Perception, to see who’s the better fighter.
>Good match!
but
>Not very sportsmanlike from Marie. Where is she, anyway?

>>39552922
>Illusion of choice

Would you kindly pick up that gun?

>>39552993
Good show anon! Backing.

Rolled 5, 4, 10 = 19 (3d10)

>>39552980
>Good match!
>Roll 3d10 for Perception, to see who’s the better fighter.
>"They were still pretty close overall though."

>>39553010

Bioshock did it better than me. There will be no sort of that thing in this.

Rolled 8, 6, 10 = 24 (3d10)

>>39552980
>Roll 3d10 for Perception, to see who’s the better fighter.
>>Good match!

>>39552993
Writing!

>>39552980
You think about the match, about what both Marie and Roland accomplished in their rather short fight. You eventually figure out...

“If Roland ever got the chance to hold Marie still, without something preventing him, he’d crush her.”

Eliza raises her eyebrows in surprise. “Really? That much stronger?”

“I think even out of his suit, he’d be just as strong as Marie if it weren’t for the magic-aided movement. In that thing? No problem.”

“But who would win in an all out fight?”

“Roland.”

“But why? Marie would have no reason not to unleash that same lightning trick multiple times.”

You point to the engineers who are piling over the armor Roland had discarded, magical symbols visible over them. “With those girls’ taste for violence and Roland’s preferred genre of giant metal things beating up other things, yep.”

“...Huh.” Eliza turns back to watch Roland for a few more seconds, before turning to you. “Well, before we move on, how about we get some breakfast? The horde is done with their healing business, and are looking at you quite hungrily.”

You nod, and head on over to Roland, helping him up. He looks better now, with not a single scratch visible (including some of his old scars, and you’re sure he looks even more buff than before the fight), but seems worn out. “You alright, man?” you ask.

Roland smiles, and shakes his head. “It was a good fight. Not gonna be able to do that again until after my armor’s ready again-”

“HOLD IT THERE YOU FUCKER.” you both turn to find Marie, completely soaked, glaring angrily at the both of you. Sparks are running up and down her body, almost jumping to a few Em-Gees near her who quickly scatter. “I demand a fucking rematch.”

(1/2)

>>39553221


Eliza calls out, “You lost, Marie. Besides, Roland was just here for the night-”

“I don’t give a shit, Eliza. They’ve brainwashed you, maybe, but not me.” Marie starts moving towards the two of you, quickly building up a metric fuck-ton of energy. “And you fuckers are going to die here, right now, for your stupidity and your pig-headedness and your sheer nerve to dare come to this last sacred place.”

By now she’s only three metres away, and about to pounce.

>Absorb energy, roll 3d10.
>Slap her shit silly, roll 3d10
>Grab Roland and haul ass back to Eliza.
>Write In

>>39553234
>Absorb energy, roll 3d10
Mon petite battery

Rolled 4, 2, 3, 6, 6, 3 = 24 (6d10)

>>39553234
>Absorb energy, roll 3d10.
then
>Slap her shit silly, roll 3d10

>>39553243
Roll again, m80.

Rolled 6, 6, 9 = 21 (3d10)

>>39553243
Forgot dice

Rolled 5, 5, 2, 9, 6, 10 = 37 (6d10)

>>39553234
>>39553244
>>39553243
backing

>>39553278
YES! FINALLY I GET SOME DECENT ROLLS!
total with other anon
6 6 9 absorb energy
9 6 10 slap her silly
LITERALLY slap.

Rolled 10, 2, 2 = 14 (3d10)

>>39553234
>Absorb energy, roll 3d10.
>Write In
"Do you honestly believe what's coming out of your mouth? Do I need to call a therapist or something?"
>Release the energy back into the air harmlessly

>>39553278
9 and 10 pass Major DC for slapping shit silly.
>>39553260
9 and 6 pass Minor DC for Absorbing.

>>39553302

Would you guys like any dialogue? I don't think that Shogo has made a pun in an entire thread. Fix that, if you can. Or go all Kamina.

Off to make some tea. Five minutes, but I'll be writing in the time.

aaand once again we opt to do EVERYTHING!

>>39553305
Bright slap!
Even my own mother never hit me...

>>39553324
I don't think there's a pun we can make here...
as far as dialogue go's probably
"Seriously?! Again with this?! I'm getting you a therapist!"
...actually can we spank her?

>>39553305
Alright, Writing for this.

>>39553412
...I was serious about that spanking thing.

>>39553324
Well, if we're going to be redirecting her lightning back at her with a magic-powered slap, we need a punny one-liner.
>This shouldn't come as such a shock."
>Your words aren't exactly conductive to winning battles.
>I believe we can call this the O-Zone... for "Oh shit."
>Watt's that? Did I hear something? Or maybe it was just the sound of you crashing to the ground faster than lightning...
Im done these are bad

>>39553445
You only majorly succeeded the slapping-shit-silly roll, not the absorb roll. Thius:

Even as she pounces, you brace yourself, raising your arms up in front of you, palms facing towards Marie, and even as the lightning arcs from her fingertips they are quickly absorbed by your own hands. The eneergy, much more raucous and noisy than last time, struggles to push against your control of it, and you let it go quickly, out around you in an electric halo.

Finally, Marie herself lands, unprepared for you, and you easily push her back slightly, making her stumble but leaving her standing. At this, you walk up and backhand her, finally tumbling her back on the ground.

“What the FUCK is wrong with you, Marie?” you shout at her. “I came here because I was INVITED. I have done nothing but help this fucking cause ever since the fucking event. You call men barbarians, but you’re acting like some uncivilized misandrist who’s hiding her own problems. See a fucking therapist, why don’t ya?”

You turn away, leaving her on the ground, and continue walking back to the main hall with Roland. Eliza frowns at you, but nods understandingly. Marie herself is still on the ground, staring off into space as a few of her friends, glaring at your and Roland’s back, try tugging her to her feet.

Finally, you make it inside. The horde has gathered, all waiting outside the kitchen. One seems to be preaching about the third coming of the cook, rattling off your life story made up with half real events that you had forgotten and half probably-fictional events where you ate the world, and spit it out because it was undercooked.

>Write in and roll 3d10 for food.
>Talk with (Insert Person) here. Can be random magical girl.

Rolled 5, 6, 7 = 18 (3d10)

>>39553526
Random Mg Add names to faces.

>>39553526
We don't have to roll for food remember? you said that last thread.

>>39553569
Correct! Please insert recipe for breakfast food instead. It's even listed on your character sheet, IIRC.

>>39553592
Buttermilk Pancakes. With bacon eggs, syrup and butter.

>>39553592
>>39553623
Probably best to keep it simple, we ARE kinda mad right now.

>>39553526
Sausage, bacon, egg, potato scone, beans, bit of fried tomato. Maybe some mushrooms. Proper fryup.

>>39553526
>Talk with a random Em-Gee.
I think I'll leave the cooking to anons who know how to cook.

>>39553665
same.

>>39553623
>>39553647
Writing for delicious pancakes. Not thin, like crepes, but a proper thickness that absorbs the sweetness and holds it until someone bites down into the greatness.

>>39553665
Anon, your taste is just as shit as anyone here. Feel free to try push it here.

>>39553687
I would like to point out that our cooking skills have improved since the last time we made food for them.
also: >you walk up and backhand her
PIMP SLAP!

>>39553623
Cant go wrong with that.

>>39553526

>>39553526

>>39553526

You’re really fucking angry now. Marie is a real proper bitch, trying to pull a stunt like that. There’s only one very specific breakfast item that could possibly calm you down right now.

You quickly grab the necessary items from the various cupboards and hiding places, until you have them set out on the counter. You grab your usual group of Em-Gees to assist you, and decide to make conversation with one while you cook.

“So, hey, when did you become an Em-Gee?”

The Em-Gee looks at you in slight surprise at you talking to her, before brushing her hair to the side again and continue to beat the eggs in front of her. “Just about a year ago now. Turned on my fifteenth birthday. That was not a good day.”

“Alright then. Hey, what’s your name again? I never caught it.”

“Tony.”

“...Ah.”

“It was NOT a good day for me.” Tony continues to beat the eggs, her/his magic operating several other whisks to make the work go faster.

“Are you fine with it now?”

Tony thinks for a moment. “I mean, I’m used to the body now. To be fair, the day itself sucked, but being a god is an okay replacement, I guess. I’m still a guy, in my mind. Definitely annoying when some guy tries to hit on me after I save him though, and tries to ask my name,” he chuckles at this, “the last one to try it started running as soon as his feet hit the ground.”

You continue to prepare the rest of the pancakes, adding the various ingredients together and setting the delicious homemade mix (none of that storebought shit) to cook on the various stoves.

“How about you, Shogo?”

“What about me?”

Tony shrugs. “I mean, I don’t know what your deal is, but I saw what happened when Marie tried to go for that rematch. You destroyed her. Not even in a proper and fair way. You slapped her, not to fight her off but to teach her a lesson. You're incredibly powerful, for a normal human at least. Simply put, I think you’re gonna be in my position soon enough.”

>What to say?

>>39553937
"I'd rather not, but I don't exactly have a choice in the matter so why bitch about it."

>>39553937
>I'll turn into a witch before that happens. Hopefully.

>>39553937
I kinda already was. My magic fucked up when I ate a witch. Just started remembering it. Guess now I'm just a magic eater. Magic, makes everything weird right?

>>39553937
>Shrug.
"I signed up for this gig in the first place because some bitch of a witch decided to kill my parents with Darkness, and I never wanted anyone else to feel the same way I did.
"If the fate of the entire world comes down to me becoming a girl? I'll do it. Otherwise? I'd like to keep my y-chromosome, thanks."
>Think about what Eliza said yesterday.
>"The scariest day of her life, huh?"

>>39553999
>>39554017
>>39554020
>>39554075

There are seven other people there who can vote! Join us, I ask you!

>>39554075
backing
cancel this >>39553999

>>39554075
Writing for this one, then.

>>39553937
"Been there, done that. Went back to the old genitalia."

>>39553937

”Well...” you think for a moment, taking the time to slap on bacon and eggs to the stoves along with the pancakes.

“I signed up to this gig because of my parents. They were killed by a Witch, and I ended up killing a Witch later that day too. It was not a good day for me either. But, I’m gonna continue to defend people so they don’t have to do what I did. If I have to become a magical girl? I’ll do it. Otherwise, I’ll keep my Y-chromosome, thanks.”

Tony nods, sliding a few of the cooked pancakes off the pan into the waiting plates of the horde. “I can understand that. Well, hopefully when it happens, Marie isn’t around to see and throw in some stupid ‘I told you so’.”

“Here’s to hoping.”

You quickly serve up the rest of the food to the hungry Em-Gees, before saying goodbye to Roland. Before he left, he managed to acquire the repaired Space Marine armor, and the engineers all thank him for showing them “the light” that is “Th’Emrah”. He says he’ll see you around, before one of the teleporting Em-Gees takes him back.

(1/2)

>>39554263
“the light” that is “Th’Emprah”
They're coming after us next aren't they?

>>39554263

“Alright, Shogo. Today we’ve got another job for you.”

You nod, leaning back in your comfy new chair. With the new space extensions that the Em-Gees added to your room so they could all fit in, you’ve managed to get some fancy new furniture, and a desk in the far corner with a computer and such set up. It’s all very nice. Of course, you have to still work for it more than being the cook.

“Sure. What do we have for the day?”

Eliza hands you two files. “We’ve got two gates reported to open up not too far from the city center. We can handle them, but we just wanted to see if there’s one you would like to go with.

You look down at the reports.

>Gate C12AX125: Weak power signature, near bottom of Willis Tower. Same urgency due to location, but not powerful enough to warrant full team. Recommended for teaching excursion.

>Gate C13SS241: High powered signature, three miles above city centre. Location and power is worrisome, possible invasion gate. Suggested full team.

>>39554322
You just need to accept The Emperor into your heart, Anon. Only then can you truly live.

>>39554386
>>Gate C13SS241: High powered signature, three miles above city centre. Location and power is worrisome, possible invasion gate. Suggested full team.

>>39554386
>>Gate C13SS241: High powered signature, three miles above city centre. Location and power is worrisome, possible invasion gate. Suggested full team.
Might as well handle this shit first.

>>39554386
>Gate C13SS241: High powered signature, three miles above city centre. Location and power is worrisome, possible invasion gate. Suggested full team.

>>39554410
>>39554414
>>39554446
I guess I'm writing for this then.

>>39554386
>Gate C13SS241
>Ask who you'd be tagging alongside for the mission.
captcha you gave me a billion pictures of cake and you ask for pasta

>>39554263
#T'zeentch4lyfe

>>39554479
>captcha you gave me a billion pictures of cake and you ask for pasta
Captcha does strange things it demanded that I click fondue when it was asking for soup earlier today.

>>39554386
>Gate C12AX125: Weak power signature, near bottom of Willis Tower. Same urgency due to location, but not powerful enough to warrant full team. Recommended for teaching excursion.

If they can handle them, then they can handle them. Let's just focus on the educational experience.

>>39554386
”Uh...I guess I’ll go for the C13 one? The harder one?”

Eliza nods and takes back the other file, tucking it away in...hammerspace, you guess. “That’s fine. There’s also a list of people you can go with in there. Pick two or three,

>Tony. Despite being a year-old Em-Gee, she’s a great damage dealer and can pack a punch. Has already taken on two Witches and won. Her power and weapons seem to be entropy, and a big-ass scythe.

>Maggy. You and her went to the soup kitchen. Energy blasts, can be focused for devastating effects.

>Eliza. She’s bored.

>Jamie. Very, very fast, faster than you, though not as good at reflexes and sharp turns. Can summon light-blades to cut things indiscriminately.

>Marie. Yeah.

>Call A Friend. I wonder if you possibly know someone as strong as an Em-Gee who would totally be happy to kill some witches For th'Emprah!

>>39554609
>Eliza. She’s bored.
>Maggy. You and her went to the soup kitchen. Energy blasts, can be focused for devastating effects.
>Call A Friend. I wonder if you possibly know someone as strong as an Em-Gee who would totally be happy to kill some witches For th'Emprah!

>>39554609
Can we get someone who can fly so that we can get to this 3 mile high gate
because of this probably
>Eliza. She’s bored.

>>39554634
backing

>>39554609
>>Tony. Despite being a year-old Em-Gee, she’s a great damage dealer and can pack a punch. Has already taken on two Witches and won. Her power and weapons seem to be entropy, and a big-ass scythe.
>>Maggy. You and her went to the soup kitchen. Energy blasts, can be focused for devastating effects.
>>Jamie. Very, very fast, faster than you, though not as good at reflexes and sharp turns. Can summon light-blades to cut things indiscriminately.

>>39554609
>>39554634
>>Eliza. She’s bored.
>>Maggy. You and her went to the soup kitchen. Energy blasts, can be focused for devastating effects.
>>Call A Friend. I wonder if you possibly know someone as strong as an Em-Gee who would totally be happy to kill some witches For th'Emprah!
I like the way you think.

>>39554609
>Eliza. She’s bored.

>>39554609
>Eliza
>Maggy
>Jamie

Tony is awfully tempting, but teaming up with a super-toddler is just asking for super-tantrums.

>>39554647
And because I need to read things before I post
>Maggy. You and her went to the soup kitchen. Energy blasts, can be focused for devastating effects.
>Jamie. Very, very fast, faster than you, though not as good at reflexes and sharp turns. Can summon light-blades to cut things indiscriminately.


>captcha gally
we really are the cook

>>39554634
Backing.

>>39554609
Yeah, forgot to say who could fly. Flying isn't really that special, nearly every other girl gets it, and it is not required to have something else to do with flying.

Tony: Can Fly.
Eliza: Can Fly.
Maggy: Can Teleport
Random Friend: Access to the entirety of Chicago's flying vehicles.

>>39554679
Tony's sixteen.

>>39554609
>Bring Roland
>Eliza
It'll be fun!

>>39554634
WRiting for this.

>>39554758
Glad to have caught this. Good to see you.

Not going to lie, I totally forgot this ran on the weekend.

>>39554785
All weekend every weekend. Except maybe tomorrow. Got a real game going on. Or maybe. Depends on what time I get home. I'll tweet about it. Also, very happy to have you here.

“Well, I think Maggy would be a good choice. Seeing her in training with Jamie, she’s got a ton of potential and I think that this will be a good opportunity for her.”

Eliza nods. “Sure. Who else?”

“Well, you, of course, and I know a guy...”

-

Not an hour later, You, Eliza, Maggy, and a Friend are all gathered underneath an unnervingly large portal that seems to be getting bigger by the second. Maggy seems a little pale, but seems rather calmed by the large, ten-foot presence she’s carrying along with her. Eliza herself is muttering into a phone.

Finally, she closes it, and turns to you guys. “Okay, so this is getting a bit big, but we’ve got a full team here. Plus,” she eyes you and the Friend, “it’s certainly a capable team. Roland, you up to kill your first witch?”

Roland grins. “One point five, ma’am. I assisted an Em-Gee a while back. But yes, I think I am ready.”

“Alright, then how shall we do this?”

>Fast and Hard. That portal isn’t going to stop growing.
>Slow. No need to get killed so quickly.
>Write In. (Your abilities that may pertain are: Det-Pack, Magic Radar, Absorb, and Cooking)

>>39554863
>>Fast and Hard. That portal isn’t going to stop growing.

>>39554863
>Fast and hard. That portal isn't going to stop growing.

Fight our way through whatever's inside, find the Witch, behead the Witch, be back in time for Lunch.

All in a day's work.

>>39554863
[joke]
>>Write In. (Your abilities that may pertain are: Det-Pack, Magic Radar, Absorb, and Cooking)
Distract monsters and witch(es) with COOKING.
[Serious]
>>Fast and Hard. That portal isn’t going to stop growing.

>>39554863
>Write In. (Your abilities that may pertain are: Det-Pack, Magic Radar, Absorb, and Cooking)

Use our radar to try and get a read on the sight, then absorb any ambient magic
then
>Fast and Hard. That portal isn’t going to stop growing.

>>39554863
write-in
Roland, facetank, Maggy, support, Eliza Do whatever, Ima go shove a bomb into that thing.

>>39554915
Cooking there for a reason, anon. It's my little joke. You'll see why.

>>39554967
food witch?

>>39554967
Oh gods, we're going to seduce a witch with food, aren't we?

>>39554863
>Fast and Hard. That portal isn’t going to stop growing.
>Try mooching some magic off of Eliza and Maggy so you can learn to fly.
>As soon as you step into witchspace, turn on your Radar.

>>39554967
We're fighting giant lobsters and squid aren't we?

>>39554967
Hold up, time out.
This is very, very important.

Did we bring our cookbook with us?

>>39555010
dude, we don't need it. We're better than that, we WRITE cookbooks.

File: Spoiler Image (67 KB, 1000x570)

67 KB JPG

“Alright, let’s go in Fast, and Hard. Roland, can you tank?” Roland nods. “Perfect. Eliza, stay with him, you might be our primary damage dealer after Roland with your hammerspace. And Maggy, I know you can do super-concentrated blasts. Try them for all you’re worth.”

“And you, Shogo?”

“Oh, you know,” you grin, “just doing my thing.”

>Roll 3d10.

>>39554978
>>39554979
Roll for resistance to delicious food
>>39554990
Roll for calamari

>>39555010
>>39555027
I'm actually really excited for this boss fight.

Rolled 6, 6, 3 = 15 (3d10)

>>39555037

>>39555037
CALAMARI! wait isn't this technically a food check? don't we not have to roll for this?

Rolled 6, 7, 10 = 23 (3d10)

>>39555037
Hope I'm getting this right. Probably not.

Rolled 7, 7, 2 = 16 (3d10)

>>39555037
Trying to roll. Expect to not work.

>>39555070
No, it's an actual roll.

>>39555071
You did it just right indeed.

Rolled 6, 9, 7 = 22 (3d10)

>>39555037

Rolled 3, 9, 2 = 14 (3d10)

>>39555037

>>39555096
Forgot to namefag, switched to laptop.

>>39555037
Come on guys, there are 17 people here. ROLL! DICE FOR THE DICE GODS! PIPS FOR THE PIP THRONE! SCATTER D4s ON THE FLOOR!

Rolled 1, 6, 1 = 8 (3d10)

>>39555155
don't we already have enough?

Rolled 3, 4, 4, 2, 3, 1, 1, 3, 3, 4, 4, 4, 2, 4, 2 = 44 (15d4)

>>39555155
OKAY GEEZ

Rolled 2, 3, 3, 1, 3, 1, 4, 3, 4, 2, 1, 2, 2, 1, 2, 4, 3, 4, 1, 2 = 48 (20d4)

>>39555155
no

>>39555181
YEP WE DEFINITELY HAVE ENOUGH JUST IGNORE THOSE ROLLS YEP!

Rolled 5, 1, 1 = 7 (3d10)

>>39555037
>>39555155
Oh fine, since you asked so nicely...

File: gutslaughingatyourmisery.jpg (107 KB, 654x421)

107 KB JPG

>>39555181
There could always be a triple ten hiding around the corner. Or 2 ones...
>>39555212
Eh. Eheheh. Hehehe. AHAHAHHAHA

File: dying Etrian Odyssey girl.jpg (75 KB, 480x533)

75 KB JPG

>>39555212
>That roll

>>39555067
>>39555071
>>39555085
>>39555101

Technically, though, these are all successes so they'll get priority. Writing.

>>39555258
Not to say I won't make your lives miserable anyway.

Rolled 6, 10, 4 = 20 (3d10)

>>39555245
Uhhh, I roll to banish?

PANICPANICPANICPANICPANICPANIC
PANICPANICPANICPANICPANICPANIC
PANICPANICPANICPANICPANICPANIC
PANICPANICPANICPANICPANICPANIC
PANICPANICPANICPANICPANICPANIC
>>39555277
Oh thank god.

>>39555181
I think Artemis is drunk

>>39555301
>Implying Artemis has been sober in three years.

>>39555349
...Do you have some giant beer-hat set-up then?

brb walking dog. dont do something stupid without me.

>>39555349
Man, does America suck that much compared to the UK? Or is it just that you're a drunkard naturally?

>>39555378
I have an IV set up. In all seriousness, I don't drink, unless you put a gin in front of me.

>>39555415
Tough shit. Challenge the witch to a cook-off

>>39555436
It's...okay. Mind, the UK has its own set of problems, but much better than the US overall. I was in Japan recently, think I said that last thread, I really want to go back.

It’s all quite succulent.

The breeze smells of a most exquisite jalapeno and habanero sauce, blended together excellently and served on top of a delicious ramen bowl with chicken, the flavours blending just so to make an absolutely PERFECT experience. You smile in pride at the creation, and go to take a spoonful (just a spoonful, wouldn’t want to be greedy-)

“SHOGO!”

You quickly spit out the piece of congealed fat and gristle you were trying to force in your mouth, throwing yourself off the ground. All around you, failed meals appear, food littering the ground. In some places you can spot a few good meals peeking through, but they seem just as rejected as the rest, clustered together in some areas, almost overtaken by the monstrosity that is the rest of the landscape.

You help Roland off the ground, who managed to resist the level of hypnosis you went under, though he’s still muttering under his breath about “what divine flavour”.

“You guys alright?”

You turn to Maggy and Eliza, who both look fine, just a bit disgusted by the landscape around them. You give the pair a thumbs up, and slowly stand up fully, looking around.

Just around you is a field, if this mess could be called a field, though you spot some buildings off in the distance. In the other direction, you can see a path leading up the side of a mountain. And, of course, going away from both of those options is a small cottage in the trees.

“This Witchspace is huge…” Eliza mutters, looking around. “Where do we go?”

>Go to (Insert Specified Location)
>Use Magical Radar. Roll 3d10, minor DC 5 Major DC 7.
>Write In.

Rolled 3, 7, 4 = 14 (3d10)

>>39555528
>>Use Magical Radar. Roll 3d10, minor DC 5 Major DC 7.
I can believe in something working!

Rolled 8, 6, 5 = 19 (3d10)

>>39555528
>Use Magical Radar. Roll 3d10, minor DC 5 Major DC 7.
Radar has never failed us before.

Rolled 8, 5, 7 = 20 (3d10)

>>39555528
>>Use Magical Radar. Roll 3d10, minor DC 5 Major DC 7.

Rolled 4, 5, 8 = 17 (3d10)

>>39555528
>Use Magical Radar. Roll 3d10, minor DC 5 Major DC 7.

>>39555568
>>39555574
>>39555578
Two minors and a major. Writing.

Rolled 1, 3, 2 = 6 (3d10)

>>39555528
>Use Magical Radar. Roll 3d10, minor DC 5 Major DC 7.
>Check Cottage first.

Thanks for making me late, Captcha.

>>39555619
Thank you Captcha for making this post late.

back and.... When did we enter the witchspace?

>>39555528

You let yourself use your Magical Radar, and feel stunned by the complexity of the world around you, almost straining your mind. Past each and every one of the options, be it the mountain, the cottage, or the city, there’s a pathway all leading to the same place, as if you were standing on an extremely small planet with all paths leading to one point. And from each of the paths you get a different feeling, as if each location had something different to offer. The feeling quickly connects itself to a concept in your mind, so you find you can figure out what offers what.

“Uh, Shogo?” Eliza asks. “What do we do?”

>Cottage. Smells like mom’s home cooking.
>Mountain. Smells like fresh sushi.
>City. Smells like a good old burger.

>>39555619
That's the first outright crit-fail I think I've seen on this quest. At least the double ones up there had a six or something.

>>39555690
when you told me not to do something. Can you imagine my horror? we entered the portal. Read up.

>>39555704
>Cottage. Smells like mom’s home cooking.

>>39555704
>>City. Smells like a good old burger.
I like BURGERS and I cannot lie!

>>39555704
>>City. Smells like a good old burger.

>>39555704
>>Mountain. Smells like fresh sushi.

File: Daft Clap.gif (439 KB, 500x378)

439 KB GIF

>>39555664
My captcha was protecting us from my first terribad roll. Thank Goodness, captcha.

>City.
Sucker for urban stuff, but I've lived in one my whole life.

>>39555704
>Cottage. Smells like mom’s home cooking.

Witches cottage?

>>39555704
>City. Smells like a good old burger
Can't resist a nice burger.

>>39555704
Gonna wait another five minutes since apparently there are twenty people here. Vote for your favourite one, guys.

>>39555704
>Cottage. Smells like mom’s home cooking.
Time to gingerly approach the old school option

>>39555704
Lack of voting means

>>39555739
>>39555751
>>39555792
City wins!

Writing.

>>39555856
Wait, nevermind, we get a cottage vote at just the right time, setting it as Cottage v. City.

Flipping a coin. 1 is city, 2 is cottage.

Rolled 2 (1d2)

>>39555890
Forgot the roll. Writing immediately.

Rolled 2 (1d2)

>>39555704

“Let’s head to the cottage. It feels like mom’s old cooking.” The group looks at you funny. “I’ll explain later. Come on.”

The group makes their way over to the cottage, crossing the distance surprisingly quickly considering how far away it looks to be. You eventually get there in about 5 minutes of walking, striking up some idle conversation as you do so.

Once you arrive, you find the door sitting open for you, with a mat sitting outside the door with a Welcome! woven into it.

“Uh, Shogo? I’m sure you know what you’re doing, but are you sure you want to just walk in there?

>What, there’s a Welcome! sign! What’s the worst that could happen?
>Eh, maybe you’re right...
>>Magical Radar the cottage
>>Go around the house
>How about we knock? To be polite.
>Write In.

>>39555969
>What, there’s a Welcome! sign! What’s the worst that could happen?

>>Magical Radar the cottage

>>39555969
>>>Magical Radar the cottage

>>39555969
>Eh, maybe you’re right...
>>Magical Radar the cottage

>City. Smells like a good old burger.

Rolled 1 (1d2)

>>39556022
A bit late, mate.

>>39555969
>>Magical Radar the cottage

>>39555969
>>What, there’s a Welcome! sign! What’s the worst that could happen?
>>Magical Radar the cottage
>How about we knock? To be polite.
All of these in that order, except for not traipsing in immediately. Paranoid AND polite.

Rolled 1 (1d2)

>>39555997
>>39556062

Confirmed for Magical Radar, of course, with more votes for Welcome and Polite Knock.

Rolled 2 (1d2)

>>39555969

”What? Why so cautious, Roland? I mean, for crying out loud, there’s a Welcome! mat and everything! What could possibly be safer than that?”

Roland frowns. “I think you’re deceived too easily.”

“Alright, alright, I’ll check.” you turn back to your thoughts, letting your mind spread out over the area. Inside, you detect an incredible magical presence, a bright light that outshines even Eliza. You detect another presence, more muted, but powerful in its own way. Still, with all that, there was no real sense of evil, more than anyone else has.

“It’s fine. Come on, they might be expecting guests.” You walk up to the door before anyone else can say anything else reasonable, and knock on the open door. “Hello? We’re home!” you cry out, down the hallways of the rather familiar looking house. You also see the others peering in, looking at the walls, Maggy looking just halfway up it on the left side, frowning slightly.

“Ah, it’s good that you’re home, honey! And you too, Roland my little soldier, and Maggy my sweet, et ma cherie Elizaveta!” around the corner walks a woman, who stands at the end of the corridor, smiling, wearing that apron you remembered her wearing when she made you breakfast all those years ago...

The rest of the group freezes up around you. Elizaveta swears under her breath, Roland stares with his mouth wide open, and Maggy’s eyes are starting to tear up.

>...M-Mom?
>Why are you wearing my mother’s skin?
>Write In.

>>39556179
>...M-Mom?
>Why are you wearing my mother’s skin?

>>39556179
>Why are you wearing my mother’s skin?

>>39556179
>>Why are you wearing my mother’s skin?
Just out of curiosity. It seems a little odd. Not to mention unsanitary.

>>39556179
>Why are you wearing my mother’s skin?
>>Try to spot the other presence.

>>39556179
>Why are you wearing my mother’s skin?

>>39556179
>>Why are you wearing my mother’s skin?
>Write In.
"And why did you honestly think I'd be stupid enough to fall for that?"

Rolled 1 (1d2)

>>39556224
>>39556233
>>39556236
>>39556253
>>39556259
>>39556263
I think I have the idea. Writing.

>>39556179
>>...M-Mom?
>>Why are you wearing my mother’s skin?
>>>snark: "Aren't you supposed to ask for permission before taking the form of the dead in vain?"

>>39556179

”Out of curiosity, why are you wearing my mom’s skin? It seems slightly unsanitary-” Eliza chokes back laughter at this, “-and slightly needless considering I’d never fall for something like that.”

The...creature laughs, in exactly the way your mother would. “Oh, god, no, I never thought it. That’s just part of the power of this place, you see. No, I am a spirit, for sure, confined to this prison. It’s merely your own mind that makes me seem like your mother-being, and this house your birth-dwelling. That’s why all of you see me as your mother. Or mother figure, I suppose, for you, Maggy.”

Maggy whimpers slightly, a tear rolling down one cheek. “Why would you do this?” she whispers.

The creature smiles sadly. “Not my choice, I’m afraid. I know who I am to you, and what happened. I’m sorry, she didn’t deserve to die like that. No one does. Nevertheless,” she turns back to you, “you are now here in my domain. And thus, there is only one thing left to do.”

“...Which is?” Roland ventures, after a few seconds of silence.

The creature smiles, the big heartwarming smile your mom always had for you. “A cooking duel, of course!”

>Well gee look at the time I guess I’ll acccept this duel.
>Uh, can we talk about this first? Cup of tea, maybe? Backstory is needed on what the fuck is happening here.
>What about the other being here? I can feel it.
>Thanks, no thanks.
>Write In.

>>39556361
>>Uh, can we talk about this first? Cup of tea, maybe? Backstory is needed on what the fuck is happening here.
Context is everything. Also, I'm passing out now. GO FORTH AND COOK MY COMRADES!

>>Write In.
Demonic grin: "Oh you poor miserable creature you have no idea what you've just done"

>>39556361
>>What about the other being here? I can feel it.

>>39556361
>What about the other being here? I can feel it.
And I guess after that, if it's still fits,
>Uh, can we talk about this first? Cup of tea, maybe? Backstory is needed on what the fuck is happening here.

Just gotta hope that there are no pomegranate seeds in the tea, I guess.

>>39556414
Made me chuckle. I like it when my writing comes alive.

>>39556382
Have a lovely night/morning.

>>39556428
>>39556417
>>39556382
Other presence first, then Cuppa.

>>39556361

”Uh, first, what about that other presence I feel? Just before we have a contest with some unfair advantage to either side or something.”

The creature chuckles. “Yeah, that’s fine. Here, follow me.”

You follow her into the living room, looking just like yours used to be. Without the blood stains. Without your father’s dead body.

In the chair, sitting up against the window, is thankfully not your father, since that would be *way* too cliché, but an older woman, flipping through the pages of a magazine. She waves faintly at the group entering, still focusing on the magazine.

“This is Jenna. She’s been here for a while now. I cook for her, I don’t die a horrible painful death. It’s not that bad, as prison sentences go.” she gestures around the entire building. “This was created to contain me, once upon a time, but since you guys are here I’m guessing that’s coming to an end. So, shall we duel?”

You shake your head. “You just made more questions than answers right then. How about we all have a cup of tea, and maybe talk about what is happening and what I’m meant to be doing?”

The creature nods, turning back to go to the kitchen, where you know she’ll find the kettle on the counter just to the left of the doorway, cups hanging off that tree thing, teabags in the jar near the stove. “Be back in a tick!”

Soon enough, a kettle is brewed and you’re all sitting around a table, waiting as the creature serves Jenna, then your group. She sits down, and looks around expectantly.

>Take a sip
>Don’t take a sip
>Ask all the things (Since why the fuck would you do anything else?)
>I RELAX BY DUELING. LET’S D-D-D-D-DUEL.

File: duel.jpg (29 KB, 500x318)

29 KB JPG

>>39556582
I'm guessing it's fairly obvious why I'm saying Duel so much.

>>Take a sip
find out the skill level of our opponent.

>>39556582
>Take a sip

>Ask all the things (Since why the fuck would you do anything else?)

and then punctuate our end of the conversation by


>Take a sip

>>39556694
yup>>39556618

>>39556618
>>39556664
>>39556694

Writing.

File: drugs.png (485 KB, 1280x720)

485 KB PNG

Hmm, tastes like Robitussin...

>>39556582

”Alright, then, so can you start from the beginning please? Maybe a name, so we don’t have to call you “Mom” or whatever.”

The creature smiles. “Sure. I’m Momma.”

“...That is not helpful in any way whatsoever.”

The creature pouts, taking a sip of her tea. “What, I can’t make a joke? Fine, call me...Sue. Yeah, Sue the Chef.”

“Alright then, so can you tell us what’s going on inside this realm? It’s huge, for one. Way too big for normal Witchspace.” you take a sip of the tea yourself, at the horrified gazes of your comrades. It’s...pretty fucking good. And you know for a fact that the teabags she used were Tetley, so straight off the factory floor. Her power level was certainly high.

Sue nods, setting her cup down. “Of course. So there’s the Witch in charge of this place, who decided to go about kidnapping other witches that had the same powers as her but just weren’t *as* powerful as her. She then chains them up and forces them to work for her. Now, she’s gotten bored, and wants a challenge, so she’s decided to open up a gate to force some Em-Gees in to fight us.”

Sue continues, “What’s most interesting is the fact that only two of you are Em-Gees. One of you is a normal human. And you,” she stares at you, “you’re the strangest of all. A most wonderful addition to my pantry.”

You slowly nod. “Okay. So, big witch kidnaps little witches to do the job for them. And what is this, exactly?”

Sue smiles. “Well, that’s easy! We’re all cooking based. So, challenge me to a cook off! If you win, you can advance to the next stage, and win some cool gear. If you lose, I get to eat you.”

“What are we cooking?”

Sue gestures around her. “What else but home cooked?”

>Good heavens look at the time
>Roland, you want this one?
>Can two of us work together?
>Write In

>>39556781
>Can two of us work together?
oh god we will be unstoppable.

Rolled 15 (1d20)

>>39556781
>>Can two of us work together?

We should make pasta.
Also contemplate the possibility of kidnapping the witches in this realm to cook for us back at the base.
>Rolling to seduce?

>>39556781
>Can two of us work together?

>>39556781
>So... the ingredients won't be people who became "additions to your pantry" or anything, right?
>Can two of us work together?
Sure, Shogo himself is unstoppable, but with Roland helping us, we'll be unstoppabler!

>>39556834
>Also contemplate the possibility of kidnapping the witches in this realm to cook for us back at the base.
is it really kidnapping if they want to go?

>>39556834
I think rolling to seduce is hilarious and I may add it but if you ever even fucking dare say that unironically I'll punch you so fucking hard you'll be shitting d4s for weeks.

>>39556853
Pork tastes just like human.

>>39556861
You can ask.

>>39556869
There's a reason it's called "Long Pig"

>>39556828
>>39556834
>>39556845
>>39556853

Writing for THE DELICIOUS DUO!

>>39556869
WRITE-IN
>"So when I beat you, and take down the big witch, would you be willing to comeback with me? I could use some help in the kitchen."

>>39556781
”Uh, can the two of us,” you indicate yourself and Roland, “work together?”

Sue smiles. “Nope, one at a time. Besides, I would have to have a second person on my team if that were the case, and then both of you would be in my pantry.”

“And when I do beat you, and then the big witch, would you be willing to...work for me? I mean, while I couldn’t provide you human ingredients in good conscience, I could take you witch hunting. Plus, there’s literally a whole floating island of magical girls who would worship you for the food you cook.”

Sue is silent for a bit, taking a few more sips of tea. Finally, she says, “No one’s ever asked me something like that before,” she smiles, “I’d be happy to! Now, shall we begin?”

>Roland Goes
>You go
>Use Equipment (you have multiple cookbooks in your equipment bag, a Dutch Oven (outlawed since not home cooking), spare kitchen utensils, and a spice rack. Roll 3d10 for items if you want something specific, minor DC 4, Major DC hidden.
>Write In

Rolled 4, 4, 5 = 13 (3d10)

>>39556966
>You go
spice rack.
That on cookbooks of Mom's you saved that really got you into cooking.

>>39556992
You already have spice rack and cookbooks. Roll for something you want but I didn't say. For example, "fresh jalapenos and habaneros for fucking awesome homemade tacos".

Rolled 10, 6, 10 = 26 (3d10)

>>39556966

Such is life in home cooking.

>>39556966
I'm assuming we actually have to roll for this since she's near our skill level?
>>39557021
I like you.

>>39557021
So, what the fuck do you want to pull from your evidently sentient equipment bag that prepares itself for the day ahead without your help?

>>39557027
Yep. But you guys also need to pick a recipe and who's going.

>>39557021
>>39557037
Oh, the Spice Rack.

>>39557037
Biscuits, gravy, oven steak, Mixed greens, black eyed peas, and ham.

>>39557037
We go
Homemade chocolate chip cookies, the godly kind.

>>39557064
T-The Spice Rack? T-The One Talked of in the Legends of the Greatest Cook that Ever Roamed the Earth? Who was Spoken of Only with Capitalized Letters?

Sorry, that's a high level loot item for later.

>>39557068
Is that the recipe? Neat.

>>39557076
Considering the 10-10 roll, you may make that as well with the secret ingredients Love and seven kilograms of bull semen that the equipment bag contains.

>>39557076
Mum used to make chocolate chip and chili cookies.
They are surprisingly good.
I always fuck up the ration of chocolate to chilies though.
Which is sad.

>>39557095
I swear to god, we're gonna find out we're the direct descendant of "black-leg" Sanji one of these days.

>>39557095
That's okay m8 we have the secret ingredients
Love and seven kilograms of things better left unsaid!

>>39557106
Alright, meal will be Biscuits and gravy.

For cookies, please vote for the following:

>1: Chocolate n' Chili
>2: Triple Chocolate Cookie
>3: Shortbread

And finally, please roll 3d10 for the contest! The Minor DC is surprisingly low considering your god-tier cooking, but the Major DC will still be a challenge for y'all.

Rolled 3, 9, 8 = 20 (3d10)

>>39557147
>2: Triple Chocolate Cookie

Rolled 10, 1, 6 = 17 (3d10)

>>39557147
shortbread

Rolled 1, 8, 6 = 15 (3d10)

>>39557147
>>1: Chocolate n' Chili
Gonna hope rng sama is with me on this one.

>>39557172
fuuuuuck at least that ten is good.

>>39557159
My sister used to make these Triple Chocolate Cookies, and also this kinda cream-cheese+sugar+sugar+sugar thing so it was like a Whoopie pie here in America. Absolutely godly.

Similar to your roll.

>>39557172
The only real biscuit that I've ever loved is Shortbread. It isn't overwhelming, you can have a few with a cup of tea, and they're easy to make.

>>39557179
Now, never had chocolate and chili, but it sounds pretty nice, so I'm excited to see what you can do with it.

>>39557184
Remember, at least two dice need to make it. 10-6 passes the Minor DC, whereas that 9-8 passes the Major DC.

So what homemade goodness we making?

That silly voting style engaged where you have to do it in like 3 minutes or something like that.

>1. Choc n' Chili
>2. Triple Chocolate
>3. Shortbread

Respond with the number as your response.

>>39557211
So triple chocolate it is then?

>>39557257
The roll itself was for your performance in the contest. This is for just what you want to win with.

>>39557249
>>1. Choc n' Chili
>>2. Triple Chocolate
>>3. Shortbread
Honestly dude, you should know us by now, MIXED BATCH!

>>39557276
Oh god I'm an idiot.

Writing.

>2. Triple Chocolate

>>39557288
WOOOOOO We are the best chef EVER!
Our descendants include!
Black-leg Sanji
Gordon Ramsey
Julia Child

>>39556966
You and Sue move into the kitchen, and you quickly locate all your ingredients from the pantry, the only unfamiliar part about the entire house. It stretches on for quite a distance, with everything neatly labeled. Luckily, you can see the “human” labels clearly enough to steer far away, and you get all the supplies you need for biscuits, gravy, steak, peas, other greens, and ham.

For desserts, you consider limiting yourself to a set list of ingredients, but then you realize you cook like a god and such mortal chains are not necessary. You grab the ingredients necessary for all the items, and begin preparing.

You first set the kettle to boil for the gravy, and set the oven to the necessary temperature to cook the ham and steak. You use your spice rack to make sure they’ll taste *just* right when they come out again.

For the greens and peas, you grab a pot and fill it with water from the kettle, setting it on the stove and turning it on, then stacking sieves to steam the veggies in. From there, you keep the kettle at just below boiling, so you can make the gravy as the meat finishes.

Sue herself is doing an excellent job of putting together a Shepherd’s Pie, filled with carrots, peas, mashes potatoes, and more delicious that you would love to taste if it didn’t mean dying.

Finally, your meats are finished, and you set out the serving plates, with the ham and steak all set on a plate with a trickle of gravy poured over it, along with the greens and such, ready to be served.

For your cookies, you see that the final batches are all looking beautiful, and you take a nibble from one of each, deeming each satisfactory to your godly standards.


And finally, you and Sue sit at the dining table, though Sue takes her time in helping over Jenna as well, serving up a plate for her.

(1/2)

>>39557405
"Ready for my culinary exodia?"

>>39557405


And finally, you and Sue sit at the dining table, though Sue takes her time in helping over Jenna as well, serving up a plate for her.

It seems she also went the route of homebaked goodness, though she opted for a lemon drizzle cake, with a layer of meringue on top that looks to have the perfect blend of crunchiness and softness.

You hold your breath as Jenna eats a small plate of each, and a few bites of each desert.

And slowly, the woman points towards you, serving herself another plate of your deliciousness.

Having finished the contest, now you and Sue try a plate of each other's cooking. You both complement each other on the wonderful main course, but Sue seems to descend into ecstasy at the first taste of your dessert.

Finally, you invite your rather hungry-looking group over, and they dig in.

>Congratulations! You won!
>You are now the owner of the Sue Chef's Apron! Highly resistant to grease stains! Bonus to cooking checks!
>Sue joins your party, since she's interested in what's going to go down!
>Jenna is satisfied, and has a nap!

---

And that, ladies and gentleman, is it for tonight. Once again I get more and more people joining the quest with 21 unique IPs all here reading this. Thanks for spending your time on my nonsense, I appreciate it.

Follow me on Twitter, so you know when/if I'm running tomorrow, and when (for sure) I'm running on Sunday: https://twitter.com/artemisQM

Go to the archives, and catch up: suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive.html?tags=ArtemisQM

Pastebin! Updated every so often with character info: http://pastebin.com/u/ArtemisQM

Game for tomorrow is likely to be at 1900 CST again, so be ready!

Archivefriend, can you save this as whatever you think is funny. If you can't, then: Space Marine whoops ass, and you discover that D-D-D-D-Dueling is more like the Cooking Channel than Yugioh.

Hanging out for a bit to answer questions on lore or anything else.

>>39557473
>Bonus to cooking checks!
dear god by the end of this we'll be giving people orgasms with food.

>>39557492
>implying you aren't already
>Implying this magical soldier thing isn't a shoddy cover for the best cooking quest in the world.

>>39557502
And I'd be more than okay with that.

>>39557473
>>39557502
dude...you're a good person, you know that? This quest kicks ass.
I meant Obvious orgasms btw
And now we have a magic chef apron to go with our magic spice rack, WHAT OTHER LOST CULINARY ARTS SHALL WE FIND ON THIS ADVENTURE?!

>>39557523
As would I! Onwards, to Cooking Quest! Now would be a great time to mention Gordon Ramsey is a Witch

>>39557530
No, you have a badass spice rack, but not The Spice Rack.

>>39557533
... You realize we WILL have to challenge him at some point in order to establish our dominance.
>>39557548
Not YET we don't...

>>39557473
Thanks for running!

>>39557548
I guess we'd probably have to transform to be able to handle one of those, huh?

>>39557562

I mean, remember, you already know that the Oracle, Circe, and Gordon fucking Ramsey are witches. Witches aren't necessarily bad. The Coven Event kinda sparked a worldwide response, and while many Witches are made from pure darkness, others are just Em-Gees with a few extra features.

>>39557571
Always a pleasure. Transformation will come, I'm not gonna spoil when.

>>39557581
I kinda want to get a pair of giant soup ladles as melee weapons now.

>>39557609
You've got engineers into 40K and soon to be Pacific Rim back at Haioku. As long as those soup ladles are ten metres long with rockets and shit attached to it, you can get them.

>>39557502
Damn straight m8.

>>39557624
>implying them NOT being ten metres long with rockets and shit attached was ever an option
QM you crazy.

>>39557663
Indeed.

Anyone know how to archive threads on sup/tg/? since I'm an idiot.

>>39557624
This is going to wind up with us having a giant mech that uses a sushi knife for a katana isn't it?

>>39557708
¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Thread archived!
http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive/39551563/

>>39557795
And I took the liberty of adding the tag, Chef Quest

>>39557795
>http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive/39551563/
Out of curiosity, how do you archive on sup/tg/? I couldn't find any "submit" button anywhere.

>>39557814
This pleases me.

>>39557823
You go to http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive.html

In the lower left hand corner of your screen should be "Add Thread" and below that "Click here for interface" well click that scroll down put in the thread number (In this case it would be 39551563) You can see it in the URL then the title, description and tags you want

>>39557981
Ah, lovely. Thanks! Now I'm off to watch Daredevil before falling off the face of this earth.

Have a lovely night!

>>39557993
Thank's you too