>>40860545
...We aren't avenging anyone.

>>40860545
>>40860912
We are on the run from vengeance!

>>40860545
Our acting career. It was all that director's fault!

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>>40861009
While your grade-school performance in Romeo and Juliet was laughable, it's not really something to kill anyone over. Still, you remember the director's nickname: CD.

>>40860912
>>40860972
It took this long to realize it, but now it'c clear. The TOTAL LACK OF PEOPLE TO AVENGE frustrates you infinitely more than if you actually were avenging someone. Your parents and siblings are all alive and well, even sending you DECORATIVE POSTCARDS.

You come closer to the side of the entrance of the city walls, labeled Colonial Authority Customs Center. There are two towers. The horde of refugees waits at the left tower, all awaiting their turn to be considered for entry into the city. There is a heavy presence of soldiers policing the area, save the right tower, which only has one man. Only the right tower boasts a large, decrepit neon sign of a fist.

Rolled 20 (1d100)

>>40861075
I think it is obvious what we should do.

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You walk on the right tower, uneager to spend weeks waiting in line. There is a guard standing guard and a sun hat being a sun hat.
You do currently do not have any accessories equipped.

>>40861328
Natural 20!

>>40861334
Equip hat

>>40861334
>"Helloooo, sweet thing, how do you reckon I would go about getting inside this here gate?"

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>>40861340
>>40861351
You have critically successfully put on the SUN HAT OF DANCING. You do a jive jig.

>>40861378
You approach the tower, dancing, catching the attention of the lone guard. He motions you closer.
"What's up babyface, let me in?" you say.
“Bы yвepeны?” he asks. “Du sprichst Deutsch? Russisch? Englisch?”

>>40861559
Texans speak Norwegian. Try some of that.

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>>40861559
He clearly speaks Esperanto.

>>40861559
>"English motherfucker, do you speak it?"

>>40861559
"ich bin liebe"

>>40861559
"Speak american you filthy europian scum"

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>>40861680
That's not something you say to someone on a first date, silly!
>>40861760
Neither is that appropriate romance lingo. Believe me, I tried.

>>40861612
>>40861645
In between all your yeehaws, you must've forgotten that fact.
"Kongeriket Norge (nynorsk: Kongeriket Noreg) er et nordisk, europeisk land og en selvstendig stat vest på den skandinaviske halvoy. Esperanto, origine Lingvo Internacia, estas la plej disvastigita internacia planlingvo.[3] La nomo venas de la kaŝnomo "Dr-o Esperanto," you regurgitate.

“Oh, American. You sure you want this tower, friend?” he whispers in a thick German accent. He looks concerned.

Before you can answer, you hear someone yell. “Ernst, we got someone? Let them in!”

Ernst looks to the door and back to you. “I... uh, good luck,” he says with a weak smile, trying to comfort you. For what, you don't know.

Something's off here, but hey, no organs, no glory, right? The door's open.

>>40861799
>Get on the floor

>>40861799
Recruit Ernst in your crusade

>>40861799
Sneak inside, take advantage of the fact that they wont see you untill you walk through the door. STEALTHILY!

>>40861799
>Vince Mcmahon your way in.

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>>40861847
"So babyface, you interested in joining my quest?"
"I got a nine-to-five job, but dankes for the offer."

>>40861987
You're not exactly a wrestler, nor do you plan to be.

>>40861947
Sneak? What for, you're clear for entry.

>>40862094
Yes but we want to impress everyone inside with our snseaking skills. Now sneak through that door.

>>40862094
>Shove bone inside guard's gullet to kill him

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>>40862370
You do not have any points in SHOVING.

>>40862209
You enter, crouched. The receptionist spots you immediately. It's a cramped office.

"Hey there," she says.

>>40862425
>"Hellooooo. What do I have to do to get inside the city?"

>>40862425
"How did you see me so easily?!?! Hey I could use someone with your skills, join me and we could be UNSTOPABLE together!

>>40862425
Did this fucker steal our hat?

>>40862425
>...........hey.

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>>40862481
No, thankfully. Your hat was mysteriously missing in the last few seconds due to space-time ripples in the Galaxy of Short-term Memory.

>>40862453
>>40862476
“Well howdy there, partner! I’m Emma Lavoie. Welcome to Colonial Authority Customs.”
“Hello, madam. My name’s Loveday,” you say. "How does one on a journey of justice get into this city?"
“Now Loveday, are you an Original?”
”I’m sorry?”
“American or Russian by any chance?” she asks in a cheerful voice.
"No, I'm from Mexico. My family lives in America though."
“Ah, that’s a shame. I’m also a Knockoff, like most of the city. My dad was American but my mom was from Quebec, so Colonial put me here.” You sensed a flash of resentment in her voice. “Oh, but we’re here for your big day. I promise to you by the end of today you’ll be well on your way to Neu-Moskau citizenship! So let’s get right to the questions, unless you have any you want to ask. Have anyone you know here? They might be able to assist your entry. That includes enemies you need to wreak 'just vengeance' on."

>>40862570
Pffffff, I think my cousin left a gerbil here?

>>40862570
> Is this a quiz,should..should I write any of this down? Do I need a pen, I...I don't have a pen.

>>40862570
"yeah I have a question, will you become my partner in justice"

>>40862570
I have a passport, does that speed this up at all?

>>40862570
>I have some gay cousins who live here?

>>40862570
Well, I'm getting vengeance for nobody giving me reason to get vengeance, so... Everyone?

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>>40862637
"Justice partnership?" you offer.
"Unfortunately, sweetie, I got a nine-to-five job," she replies.

>>40862601
"Gerbils don't count as citizens in the city-state of Neu-Moskau, sadly," she explains.

>>40862728
"Cousins aren't allowed as representatives anymore, due to a loophole in the law abused by Fifty-Cousin Jim, who had fifty cousins."

>>40862650
"Unless you were a state official in the USA or the USSR before the apocalypse, no."

>>40862783
"It's a bit too vague for the bureaucracy, so I can't count that."

She sighs. "It doesn't seem like you fit any of the criteria for the best route to becoming a citizen. Sorry about that. But don't get upset, you can still elevate to one through hard work and luck."

>>40862619
"Oh don't worry, I'll write everything down."

Emma pulls out a heavy binder full of yellowed papers and plops it on the desk. She brushes off the dust and clears her throat with a hack.
“These were printed before the apocalypse. There’s your fun fact for the day. Question 1, are you a pure American – well, we already answered that,” she says. Emma checks off “no.”
“Are you a boy or a girl, Loveday?”

>>40862834
Something both.

>>40862834
>....Is there an neither option?

>>40862834
>>40862834
Both!

>>40862834
>I got my lower half cut off when I was a baby.

>>40862834
No?

>>40862834
"I never found out"

>>40862834
"Sorry, I'm a Futanari"

>>40862858
>>40862883
>>40862914
These

Best answer

>>40862858
>>40862925
>>40862914
>>40862883
Best answer

We're not the kinda mangirl who flashes genitalia at census workers tho

>>40862874
>>40862893
>>40862903
This is a good combination

>>40862893
Robot legs like Darth Maul

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>>40862858
>>40862874
>>40862883
>>40862893
>>40862899
>>40862903
>>40862914
>>40862925
>>40862937
>>40862971
>>40863011
"ALL OF THE ABOVE AND NONE OF THE ABOVE! I DO AND DON'T HAVE A DICK, A VAGINA, OR A LOWER HALF! MY LEGS EXIST BUT AT THE SAME TIME DO NOT. I AM SIMPLY JUSTICE," you announce.
"Hey, I don't judge. I'll just circle 'up to viewer's imagination,'" she says. “Anyways, I just couldn’t tell under all those robes."
“These are the only clothes I own.”
“We’ll get you a new outfit, free of charge, in just a bit. Well, new to you. Question 3, what’s your rootin-tootin wrestler nickname?”

>>40863058
"The Cock Strangler"

>>40863058
Sakura Slicer

>>40863058
El Macho Loco Libre

They call me "The big 3 inches"

>>40863058
the minute molusk

>>40863058
The ornery alpaca

>>40863058
The Horny Goat

>>40863058
TIGER MILLIONAIRE

>>40862834
>Fifty cousin Jim, Who had Fifty cousins

>Now that sounds like a story, tell me more!

>Well... He had fifty cousins

>Damn...

>>40863180
Second this.

>>40863154
THE BABY BIVALVE!

>>40863058
"Ricky "danger" Enrico"

The Teriyaki Takedown

>>40863188
Can fifty cousins Jim be are nemesis?

>>40863058
>>40863180
thirding!

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>>40863058
THE UNSEEN

>>40863180
>>40863221
>>40863349
>SU stuff
smells fishy

>>40863240
The cute crustacean!
The impish invertebrate!

>>40863500
That's a Steven Universe thing?

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>>40863535
Yeah.
It's a reference to some wrestling stuff in Steven Universe.

>>40863549
Oh, well tbh I don't really care if it overlaps, we're not doing any wrestling.

>>40863549
40863221 here, I've never even seen that show. I just thought it sounded awesome. It was either Tiger Millionaire or The Minute Molusk for me.

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>>40863180
>>40863154
>>40863386
THE UNSEEN MOLLUSK MILLIONAIRE
THE SLIGHTLY UNSEEN
THE MINUTE MILLIONAIRE
THE MOLLUSK MILLIONAIRE
???

>>40863838
UNSEEN TIGER MOLUSK MINUTE-MILLIONAIRE

>>40863058
So why not Ranma 1/2 "switcheroo" tier sex.

>>40863838
THE SLIGHTLY UNSEEN

>>40863838
Slightly Unseen

>>40863838
Damn we look fine.

>>40863838
THE SLIGHTLY UNSEEN

>>40863838
Minute Millionaire

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>>40864176
>>40864130
LEVEL UP!

While you like a beach-goer now, you have started on your wrestling career path as the Slightly Unseen. Like a feudal samurai lord, your name can be changed as you perform amazing feats on the field of battle.

Congratulations!

"So, you ready for your first fight?" asks Emma.

>>40864366
Uh yeah just let me use my CENA-POWER transformation.

>>40864366
Why are we suddenly female?
I thought we were gender-fluid

>>40864388
>>40864366
which is just putting a cap and shorts isn't it?

>>40864400
maybe xhe switches at random?

>>40864366
>"So, you ready for your first fight?" asks Emma.

"wait what?"

>>40864366
> Yeah brother the slightly unseen is ready to kick ass!!

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>>40864400
APPEARANCE IS IRRELEVANT WHEN YOUR GENDER IS JUSTICE.

>>40864400
SHAPE-SHIFTING IS A DREAM FOR MANY TO WORK TOWARDS, BUT YOU ARE A NOT A DREAMER. YOU ARE A WINNER WHO CAN ONE DAY REACH THAT GOAL SUPERPOWER.

>>40864438
"What fight?" you ask. You kind of just assumed this was all a joke.
"Good luck, I'll be watching," Emma says.
She presses a button and you fall down a trapdoor.

>>40864725
Try not to look like a total loser when you land.

>>40864725
LAND DRAMATICALY TO STRIKE FEAR INTO THE HEART OF INJUSTICE

>>40864725
Oh, god no!
Our hat!
Keep the door open so it can follow us!

Rolled 19 (1d20)

>>40864725
DRAMATIC LANDING

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>>40864862
>>40864788
>>40864779
You have no skills in LANDING! But, due to pure luck, you at least land on your feet. Well that and the fact that the slide eased upwards to slow you down.

>>40864798
The SUN HAT OF DANCE is safe where it belongs: on your head.

"Approaching the ring, from parts unknown..." you head Emma yell over intercom. "The Slightly Unseen!"

The crowd cheer madly as funky battle music starts blaring.

"Remember, Loveday, give us a show or you'll find out about things worst than death!" Emma cheerfully tells you.

>>40864973
>do a funky dance

>>40864973
alright let's fuck them up! we came here all frothing and angry, ready for a fight! let us avenge VENGEANCE IT'S SELF!

CALM YOURSELF, BREATH DEEPLY AND READY THOSE BELLIGERENT FISTS

>>40864973
Tell her you've already had sex with her mother.

>>40864973
Show off our mad dancing skills while we wait for our opponent

>>40864973
BECOME SLIGHTLY UNSEEN

>>40864973
>Freestyle over the battle music about how radical you are

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That moment when Photoshop crashes. Hold on, my lovelies.

>>40865188
Great job so far.

>>40865188
I like your style mate.

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>>40865203
>>40865274
:)

>>40865082
YOU FOOL, YOU ALREADY ARE.

>>40865050
>>40865078
>>40865107
"My name is Loveday, and I am cool
Check out my rap, I'm not a tool!"
The crowd groans in response. Your SINGING skill was not high enough!

>>40865051
You ready your fists as the intercom crackles back on.

“Now welcoming, all-around failure of a wrestler, Applehead!”

“That’s Mister Apple to you, bitch!” you hear someone angrily scream.

SOMEONE'S COMING. ANY INTIMIDATING THINGS TO SAY?

>>40865328
"Ha, I eat apples for breakfast"

>>40865328
Oy, I swear on me mum, I'll bash ye head in

>>40865328
" Mister apple? More like mister Crapple, AMIRITE?

>>40865328
"Oh, thank god. I'm famished."

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>>40865378
>>40865509
You lay down apple-related puns one after the other.

Applehead is finally in view and - Jesus Christ.

"FUCK YOU BITCH IT'S A MEDICAL CONDITION."

>>40865328
"Your flesh will sustain me!"
or
"You may or may not see me coming!"

>>40865670
Eat the apple... EAT IT!

>>40865670
>try not to throw up.

>>40865670
"You look DELICIOUS"
Taunt him and dodge

>>40865670
Charge him.
Sing "Here I come I am cinny-mon"

>>40865670
Actually, that seems awful.

>>40865670
Allready like this guy more than the MC

>>40865670
seconding >>40865787

>>40865670

Rip off his.... PANTS!

>>40865670
Mash his face.

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>>40865880
You have always been crippled with SOCIAL ANXIETY since grade school's Romeo and Juliet performance!

>>40865920
>>40865718
>>40865787
You charge at Applehead, singing and trying not to puke. He baps you in the face.

Is this a good time to mention that you've never been in a fight since grade school's Romeo and Juliet performance?

>>40866033

knee him in the nuts or the stomach!

>>40866033
Bite his fist as he punches you

>>40866033
BITE HIS HEAD! BITE IT OFF!!!

>>40866033
For someone on a quest for vengance we sure are unprepared
>Take a cue from soccer and pretend to fall, forfeit the match and ask for a rematch in a month. Then spend that month doing some high intensity training montages.

>>40866103
NEYMAAAAR

>>40866033
Out of curiosity, which part were we in the play?

>>40866033
Judo is like dancing, right?
Call upon the powers of our hat!

>>40866161
Romeo of course.
Our buddy Thomas was Juliet.

>>40866161
Juleo.

>>40866103
Nah wait until after this battle, we suck now but we can still defeat a guy with an apple for a head.

>>40866033
Anounce to all that would listen that "HE HAS STRUCK A WOMAN AND A MINORITY FOR DARING TO FOLLOW HER DREAM"

>>40866033
Do as mcgruff the crime dog would do, and take a bite out of crime.

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>>40866247
The crowd gasps. You're not sure if that's a good sign.

>>40866203
Romliet

>>40866314
>>40866093
>>40866073
>>40866111
"NEYMAAAR!" you scream.
His finger gets caught in your mandibles.

"OW BITCH WHAT THE FUCK!?" says Applehead.

You got him in a grapple... right? You think it's a grapple.

op you still there?

>>40866623
KICK HIS APPLES
If you know what I mean

>>40866632
shit never mind.

>>40866623
"HELP HELP I'M BEING REPRESSED"
kick him a bit

>>40866623
>Use his cigar and burn him!!

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>>40866646
>>40866754
It's not something you're proud of, but you go for the cheap shot.

Him and his cigar falls to the ground.

>>40866950
HE'S DISTRACTED, PERFORM A SUPLEX!

>>40866950
Eat his face! GAIN HIS POWERS

>>40866950
FINISH HIM!!

>>40866950
Did we win yet?

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>>40866966
UNSANITARY.

>>40866963
OKAY BUT HOW

YOU ARE A MERE NEOPHYTE IN THESE MATTERS

>>40867181
HERE'S WHAT YOU DO SON, YOU WRAP YOUR ARMS AROUND HIS WAIST, TAKE AN EVEN STANCE WITH YOUR LEGS, THEN LIFT!

BEND YOUR BACK, KEEP A TIGHT GRIP, AND HIS HEAD WILL SLAM INTO THE GROUND!

NOW GO MY PUPIL, SUPLEX!

>>40867225
listen to this guy.

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>>40867225
With a great burst of strength, you SUPLEX Applehead.

His head lands with a crunch against the floor of the arena. Did you... win?

>>40867537
>Finish your awesome freestyle in celebration.

>>40867537
If he can still get up, GO FOR THE PIN SON!

If not, pose and bask in your VICTORY!

>>40867537
>do a victory pose

>>40867537
atta justice! stand victorious!

>>40867537
Oh no our hat!. without our hat our apperance changes back to RED EYED CLOAKED MAN!

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>>40867750
Not RED EYED CLOAKED MAN FORM! You quickly put your ACCESSORY back on your head.

>>40867566
>>40867588
>>40867639
>>40867745
You stand to the cheering crowd and roses being thrown in your general direction.

"The winner is... THE SLIGHTLY UNSEEN!"

You feel… good. Yeah, good! This is the first time in your entire life you felt like you accomplished something.

A bag of money, about 5,000 Neu-Moskau Dollars, falls from the same slide you came in on. The bag lands on Applehead, who grunts.

In the midst of the all the mirth, however, you hear crying. The crowd dies down as Applehead's tears echo throughout the arena.

>>40867837
>check whats appleheads problem is

>>40867837
Pat his back
"Hey, come on man you did good maybe we can tag team? DO YOU HAVE JUSTICE IN YOU?"

>>40867837
WE MUST RECRUIT HIM, AND SHOW HIM THE WAYS OF WRESTLING! WE SHALL BECOME HIS MENTOR!

>>40868014>>40868033
seconed

>>40867837
Laugh at him and tell him he'll always be a failure.

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>>40867970
>>40868014
>>40868033
"Seven years," he begins. "Seven years. I've fought in this Neu-Moskau Skullbash for that long. Just to once, just once, get enough money to fix my goddamn head. YOU'VE EVER BEEN BEATEN DOWN FOR SEVEN YEARS!? My wife left me right after the accident that turned me into a FREAK. I used to be someone. Now... I am Applehead."

"Hey, it's not that bad," you say. How do you comfort a man with an apple for a head?

>>40868129
"At least you'll always be delicious... " Eat him

>>40867837
>Ask him how he got an apple for a head

>>40868129
Offer to have him join us! We shall teach him to fight, it'll be epic! He can even have his own training montage!

We could also offer him some of our own winnings, if he rejects that offer.

>>40868154
>We shall teach him to fight
We barely know how to fight, hell, he almost beat us!

>>40868173
We have the advantage of having voices in our head who just so happen to know a few things about wrestling.

>>40868194
True. But we still kinda suck.

>>40868223
WITH THAT ATTITUDE, YOU'LL NEVER BECOME THE HEAVYWEIGHT WORLD CHAMPION, BOY!

>>40868129
"You still look delicious, and hey if you want we can fight together! No more getting bashed! ROW ROW FIGHT THE POWAH
I BELIEVE IN THE YOU THAT BELIEVES IN YOURSELF!"

>>40868129
hey... maybe we can help him realize that his apple head can be a benefit. he has a personal trademark, a unique calling card. with a different attitude, he could be selling his 'brand' to the masses and get quite the following.

>>40868375
that's not the quote but it's still stupid enough to work

>>40868432
Damn true

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>>40868154
>>40868263
>>40868375
>>40868432
"Come on, I still think you're cool. Want to join my party?" you offer.

"Cool? One time I tried to open a fundraising stand, but street urchins from the local orphan mines beat me up and closed down my shop. So I did it online and shit but then the fuckers found all about that, came to my house, and beat me up. Then they found out what hospital I was in, and they paid the doctor to beat me up. All because of my head."

Sheesh, that is pretty rough.

"Well... I can pay for your surgery to fix your head."
"What. It's 5,000NMD, are you crazy?"

>>40868550
To be honest? Probably, I mean we're all a bit crazy.

We'll pay for your surgery, man, it's the thing a hero of JUSTICE would do!

>>40868550
I'll pay for it, come on let's find doctor Jobs, he's an expert on apples.

>>40868550
"i can pay for half of your surgery"

>>40868550
KISS HIM TO BREAK THE CURSE WITH OUR TRUE LOVE (OF JUSTICE)

>>40868550
Also, we also have a target for our VENGEANCE! We'll teach those orphans to beat on poor, apple-headed men!

>>40868635
>invite him to beat orphans up
Fuck, sure why not

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>>40868697
>>40868635
>>40868597
>>40868605
"I'M A HERO - AHAHAHAHA - I'M A HERO! TAKE ALL THE MONEY, APPLEHEAD, IF YOU WOULD JOIN ME ON MY QUEST."

You lift Applehead to his feet.

"Together we will confront those nefarious orphans and rebuild your pride. To friendship!"

Applehead brightens up almost immediately. It seems your happiness is contagious, a skill perhaps?

"Hey, kid, you're alright. HEY EVERYONE IN THE STANDS. THIS KID'S GOT APPLEHEAD'S SEAL OF APPROVAL, SO TREAT THE KID WELL!"

Everyone boos and shouts very rude things to the both of you, but you don't mind. In fact, it's a lot like your grade school Romeo and Juliet performance, but with FRIENDSHIP.

Next time, we will confront orphan mining gangs! Stay tuned next Saturday. THANK YOU AND GOOD NIGHT, PEOPLE.

>>40868995
THANKS FOR RUNNING OP!

That was awesome op!

>>40868995
THANKS FOR RUNNING WITH GREAT JUSTICE

Best new quest

See you soon

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Thread's archived here: http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive/40860545/

Also, sorry for sounding self-promoting, in case I can't run a week or might go an extra day or whatever, I'll announce it here: https://twitter.com/McLinskeyDaSwag

AND SHIT, I FORGOT. YOU GUYS GET A FRIENDSHIP CARD FOR HELPING APPLEHEAD.

>>40869046
>>40869049
>>40869064
You're all very welcome, thanks for being a fantastic crowd, and see you next week!

>>40869113
>>>40869046
YAY FRIENDSHIP!

>>40869113
ffffriendship HOOOOOOOO
thanks for the good ime buddy!

>>40864366
Why no robot legs/bulge?