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>>41487361
"D-Do not. Worry," the Blue Bomber reassures you in that static-laden voice of hers. "In the event your motion sickness b-becomes an issue, I can. Sterilize the cabin's i-interior with a-any number of arm cannon w-weapons."

Opening your mouth might make her predictions come true, so you grit your teeth and make a high-pitched keening noise in her general direction.

"I would prefer if it didn't come to that. Voodoo Three-One's the only aircraft I have," the VTOL's owner adds dryly, turning away from the pilot- one of her minions, naturally. "Besides, it'll get smoother soon enough."

Almost as if on cue, the Skyranger's acceleration levels off, and your stomach gradually stops rebelling. You gulp for breath, still not trusting yourself to reply. Goddamn. It'll take the end of the fucking world to make you get into one of these things again.

The personification of XCOM snorts, taking a seat and flipping a lock of purple hair back over her shoulder. "You're welcome, Twelfthbay. Hang on tight, though. We'll get to CPU Green Heart's landing spot in a matter of minutes."

... so, in other words, you have about half that much time before you're going to start grappling with your intense motion sickness again. If you want to have a conversation or get some questions answered, you'd better get cracking.

>CHOOSE ONE OF THE FOLLOWING:
[ ] [MAIA] So Exey really wants to escort you to your old friend, who claims to have something to tell you. Why didn't Maia just come out with Exey, then?
[ ] [VERT] Exey mentioned off-hand that "CPU Green Heart might be compromised." Could she possibly be any less ominously vague about that?
[ ] [PARTY] Chat up Shovel Knight and Rokko. They're sort of getting dragged into this whole mess feet-first. See if they've got any thoughts about the upcoming confrontation.
[ ] [THERAPIST] You barely got a chance to glance at this beforehand. Delve in and check up on Estelle and Ein, and study Mojang's status more closely.
[ ] [WRITE-IN]

>>41487389
>[ ] [VERT] Exey mentioned off-hand that "CPU Green Heart might be compromised." Could she possibly be any less ominously vague about that?

>>41487389
[X] [THERAPIST] You barely got a chance to glance at this beforehand. Delve in and check up on Estelle and Ein, and study Mojang's status more closely.

I want to give XCOM the Chryssalid

> [X] [VERT] Exey mentioned off-hand that "CPU Green Heart might be compromised." Could she possibly be any less ominously vague about that?

Sleep is for the week anyway, Blorp

>>41487389
[x] [VERT] Exey mentioned off-hand that "CPU Green Heart might be compromised." Could she possibly be any less ominously vague about that?

>>41487389
>[ ] [MAIA] So Exey really wants to escort you to your old friend, who claims to have something to tell you. Why didn't Maia just come out with Exey, then?

Does Trick exist in this dimension?

>>41487389
>[ ] [VERT] Exey mentioned off-hand that "CPU Green Heart might be compromised." Could she possibly be any less ominously vague about that?

>>41487389
>[ ] [THERAPIST] You barely got a chance to glance at this beforehand. Delve in and check up on Estelle and Ein, and study Mojang's status more closely.
Make sure we have the therapist telepathy connection working with everyone.

[X] [VERT] Exey mentioned off-hand that "CPU Green Heart might be compromised." Could she possibly be any less ominously vague about that?

I hope the clones are as laughably crushable as they are in rebirth 1, them actually being good could be a problem.

>>41487754
BUTLER CAFE

>>41487389

>[ ] [VERT] Exey mentioned off-hand that "CPU Green Heart might be compromised." Could she possibly be any less ominously vague about that?

>>41487389
>[] therapist

Also xcom-chan already has chrysallids

>>41487769
I bet she wants to take Mojang to one, but we'll come flying in to "rescue" her right before they get there. I mean, we can't have our Lily Rank determined romantic interest being swayed by the concept of good looking guys now; Gamindustri would probably alter it's own physics to make sure we're there to stop it rather then allow it to happen.

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>>41487389
>[X] [VERT]

Just to be safe, you delay speaking until you're more or less comfortable. Looking out the window helps a bit, and you focus on the more distant landmarks: the great verdant forests of Leanbox stretching out below the VTOL, the robot-infested ruins that dot the landscape, and, of course, CPU Green Heart's Basilicom itself.

Everything about the Leanbox Basilicom screams "divine power at work": it's a sleek metallic building that dominates the landscape, glowing a neon green at the seams, and Vert's home base would be an awe-inspiring sight if not for the giant hole blasted in the side. Even now, black smoke billows up into the clouds, probably from secondary fires set off by the blocks of TNT Mojang likely pulled out from her inventory (although it's entirely possible Mojang simply blew her lid).

... right. Speaking of which, since you're hot on Mojang's heels, and since you saw her being princess-carried out of the Basilicom by CPU Green Heart herself, you've got one hell of a pointed question to ask Exey. Gripping onto the headrest of the seat in front of you, you half-lever yourself up and make your way over to little miss XCOM.

"... yes, I /did/ tell you that Mistress Vert may be compromised, didn't I." Exey frowns, twirling a lock of her hair around a finger. "Let's not play games: you know as well as I do that Arfoire's running rampant again. Correct? Otherwise, you wouldn't be here."

You hear a sudden intake of breath behind you. Probably Rokko. Privately, you can't help but agree: hearing it spoken so brazenly is pretty fucking bad for the heart.

"And any history book can tell you what she's mostly capable of." Exey starts counting off her fingers, her tone remarkably businesslike under the circumstances. "Her main ability is 'copying.' She's been known to copy the powersets of adventurers and goddesses alike. She can disguise herself as whoever she copies, or create clones from out of nowhere."

(Cont.)

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>>41489143
"W-We know." Rokko's tone of voice seems flatter than usual, and the unspoken "so get on with it" is clear as day.

Exey stifles a sigh. "That's just it. CPU Green Heart's actions have been... erratic, as of late. Even before she blew up her own Basilicom and charged up the Red Ring of Death without a word to anyone."

... well, Mojang's the explosive culprit, and there's also the fact that Vert beat up Blanc in full view of a few dozen smartphones. Might not be the best to mention that to a Leanbox native like Exey, though, so you keep quiet. She's wrapping it up, anyway.

"All I want to say is the CPU Green Heart you seem so eager to meet may not be the real thing, and it would be the height of foolishness to rush in without making sure."

You chew your lip thoughtfully. Okay. So. How the hell does anyone make sure this particular CPU Green Heart isn't actually a homicidal clone with all the overwhelming power of a goddess?

"I-If it's a clone, then we are lucky," Rokko grinds out. " W-We can defeat a clone."

Exey frowns. "I'm not worried about that eventuality. If it's actually Arfoire herself, though-"

No, seriously, what're we supposed to do? Ask her /nicely/ if she could please tell us whether she's the real goddess? And more to the point, if we can keep MOJANG safe...

"This entire thing was your idea, not mine," Exey shoots back, a mite testily. "You're going to have to fly by the seat of your pants on this one. Big Sky, bring us in," she adds, directing this to the pilot. Immediately, the VTOL starts its descent, and your stomach goes all queasy as it starts squishing in toward where your lungs are.

"We're at our destination. Blood Gulch."

Your destination, it seems, is a big old canyon in the middle of fucking nowhere; what greenery there is is both dry and sparse, and the area's dotted with small abandoned bunkers, all going to ruin. That's as much as you can make out over your desperate attempts not to hurl, anyway.

(Cont.)

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>>41489165
The Skyranger lands on mercifully solid ground soon enough, and you get the hell out of the aircraft with almost unseemly haste, gulping down the warm canyon air with desperate relish. Once you're all out, Exey slaps the side of the Skyranger and its engines flare, taking off and kicking up an inordinate amount of sand as it leaves.

"Last thing I want is for our ride out of here to be a sitting duck," Exey mutters, straightening her fancy hat. Ignoring that, you follow the path of Rokko's unblinking gaze as she traces the obvious signs of CPU Green Heart's descent into the canyon- the sandblasted rocks off the side of the cliff face and the scorched grass marring the valley, eventually ending in the base on the opposite side of the Blood Gulch.

Shovel Knight, quieter than you've ever seen her in your short time together, grips the haft of her trademark weapon, looking nervously at the wide expanse of open ground between here and CPU Green Heart's hidey hole. "So. Shall we start walking?"

Exey presses her lips into a thin line, scanning the cliff walls. You can't say you don't understand that paranoia.

[ ] [START WALKING] Make your way through the Blood Gulch to where CPU Green Heart's(?) last known position was. If she's still there, she'll see you coming, and won't make any hasty moves- as far as you know, she's got Mojang in her custody, after all.
[ ] [CALL OUT] Shout out from across the Blood Gulch. Try to call out for Mojang- not to see if she's in the area, but if she'll even be allowed to speak.
[ ] [THROUGH THE EARTH] Break out your picks and shovels and dig an underground path straight through to the other side. That exposed open ground is a deathtrap waiting to happen.
[ ] [WRITE-IN]

>>41489202
>[x ] [THROUGH THE EARTH]
Was it even a choice?

>>41489202
[ ] [THROUGH THE EARTH] Break out your picks and shovels and dig an underground path straight through to the other side. That exposed open ground is a deathtrap waiting to happen.

>>41489202
>Send out dorfs to scout

>>41489202
>[X] [THROUGH THE EARTH]

And then Blood Gulch had gulches for all the blood and was remade as a trench warfare map.

>>41489202
[THROUGH THE EARTH]

Pretty sure we're allergic to sunlight anyway.

I do fear this is how we miss out on MC

>>41489202
>Check if MOJANG is still in Therapist range

>>41489202> [ ] [THROUGH THE EARTH] Break out your picks and shovels and dig an underground path straight through to the other side. That exposed open ground is a deathtrap waiting to happen.
>[BOOZE] Take a heartening swig before you begin - and to calm your stomach down faster

>>41489202
[ ] [THROUGH THE EARTH] Break out your picks and shovels and dig an underground path straight through to the other side. That exposed open ground is a deathtrap waiting to happen.
>[ ] [THERAPIST] See if Mojang is alright. If you can talk to her, we can better understand what we can expect when we get to them

>>41487361
damnit blorp y u run same time as hive quest? I cant hold all these quest while on recovery!

>>41489165
>Leanbox native like Exey
Silly Blorp, that's like calling Urist a Leanbox Native.

>>41489394
> Blood Gulch
The only thing we miss out on is Church's corpse

>>41489458
oh god yes we have not have sweet sweet mushroom ale in ages. Offer some to our new friend exey and shovel if she is inclined as well

>>41490119
What is dead may never die

>>41490134
wait, what if we just shove the stuff down the maybe CPU's throat? It should be easier to deal with her while she drunk off her ass of Dwarven Ale. At the very least it'll be entertaining.

>>41489202
>[X] [THROUGH THE EARTH!]

Exey surveys the Blood Gulch through a pair of binoculars. After a moment, she stows it in a pouch before turning to face the rest of you. "The only chance we have is to stick to the canyon walls and make judicious use of the natural terrain- what little there is, at least. As long as we can get close enough for-"

You can HEAR her staring at the hole in the earth and the rapidly-growing mound of dirt sitting next to it, so you pop your head back up and take the chance to swig down a mouthful of booze. Or, you can all just dig like good ol' down-to-earth dwarves and bypass all this needless paranoia, right?

A few moments later, you're ALL underground and making pretty good time, if you have to guess. Exey's the only one not contributing, but then, you're pretty sure futuristic space shovels aren't exactly a feature of her abilities. "... guess it beats worrying about snipers," she mutters. "On the other hand, won't we have to worry about-"

(Cont.)

Is Ester within therapist range?

>>41490298
so basicly what you did in Okami only using mushroom ale instead of sacred sake made by a buxom maiden?

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>>41490343
Absolutely nothing, you growl. You almost bristle at her wary stare, 'cept you tell yourself that most non-dwarves are absolutely shit at gauging tunnel safety. Thankfully, Shovel Knight's there to pick up the slack. "Worry not, my friend! No tunnel dug by either of us will ever be in danger of collapsing."

"S-Step back. The tunnel's in danger of collapsing," Rokko deadpans from a few feet forward.

You tune out Exey's mild panic attack and push forward, planting your ear against the wall; from somewhere up ahead, there's the sound of dirt being mulched. Someone's digging /toward/ you. You can't tell exactly what it is, but it's no small burrowing rodent- it's person-sized or larger.

You can't help but feel a flash of anxiety. More to the point, there's a hell of a lot of deja vu; is this Gamindustri's answer to your overpowered ability to bypass all those bullshit encounters aboveground?

After a moment, you pass one of your flasks back to Exey. Hopefully, the alcohol'll calm her nerves.

[ ] [FACE-OFF] Widen the end of the tunnel and turn it into a mini-panic room, giving your team room to maneuver. If this someone breaks through into your tunnel, you can trap 'em in a bottleneck.
[ ] [AMBUSH] Dig straight into whoever's coming toward you. If you can get the jump on them, you can put an end to this farce before it even begins.
[ ] [NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE] Retreat back above ground. There's a LOT of scary shit underground, and you're not keen on facing whatever it is that's coming your way.

>>41490373
[ ] [FACE-OFF] Widen the end of the tunnel and turn it into a mini-panic room, giving your team room to maneuver. If this someone breaks through into your tunnel, you can trap 'em in a bottleneck.

>>41489837
Pure coincidence!

>>41490348
The last time Urist used Therapist, Estelle was in range! On one hand, they've moved since then, but on the other hand, Urist's powered-up Therapist seems to have a wider range than previously!

>>41490373
>Check if it's Mojang
>Face-off

>>41490373
>[ ] [FACE-OFF] Widen the end of the tunnel and turn it into a mini-panic room, giving your team room to maneuver. If this someone breaks through into your tunnel, you can trap 'em in a bottleneck.

Is it just 4chan in general that is being kinda slow or is it Firefox 39 that is slow?

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>>41490373
>[ ] [FACE-OFF] Widen the end of the tunnel and turn it into a mini-panic room, giving your team room to maneuver. If this someone breaks through into your tunnel, you can trap 'em in a bottleneck.
We'll be ready

>>41490390
yup I like this idea, maybe make the center tile go down 1 z level so we can get the fuck to fall into it and we can attack from the high ground. I cant seem to think of anything that would inhabit the halo universe that can dig as fast as a dwarf.....

> [FACE-OFF]
All dwarves from all Dwarf Fortresses ever should have the advantage undergroud. Right?

>>41490373
>[X] [AMBUSH]

There's only one unaccounted dirt-mulcher around here! Redouble efforts, that's Mojang! Don't end this on me yet Blorp, we need to meet her!

>>41490373
>[ ] [FACE-OFF] Widen the end of the tunnel and turn it into a mini-panic room, giving your team room to maneuver. If this someone breaks through into your tunnel, you can trap 'em in a bottleneck.

>>41490483
Mojang could though, I think?

>>41490483
Maybe a Gravemind? Just spitballin' here though

>>41490505
Heh HAHHAHAAGAHAHAHAH

DONT DIG TOO DEEP AND LOOK INTO THE ABYSS

>>41490515
did...did she escape? I thought she was still in deep shit with vert, unless I missed something or read wrong. >>41490523
OH DEAR GOD NO NOT FLOOD JESUS FUCKING CHRIST HOW HORRAFYING

>>41490373
>[ ] [FACE-OFF]
Maybe craft a quick-and-dirty rockfall trap?

>>41490615
She and Schrodinger's Vert got blasted out of the Basilicom. We're at their landing point.

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>>41490615
I believe you're looking for this

>>41490373
>[ ] [FACE-OFF] Widen the end of the tunnel and turn it into a mini-panic room, giving your team room to maneuver. If this someone breaks through into your tunnel, you can trap 'em in a bottleneck.
Yeah, sure.

>>41490763
but make it have more fire and negative colors and thats how I feel about facing flood in a dark corridor with no shotgun on hand

>>41490836
>HALO:CE
>First Flood level, trying to figure out where to go and what the fuck is going on
>Slowly running out of ammo

Never again

>>41490908
well thankfully blorp said human sized, and I dont think any other dwarves are present in leanbox for the flood to mind fuck and body snatch let alone things that can "dig" I am hoping that it is mojang-chan and not some other horrible face raping tentacle beast.

>>41491027
Though i love talking all things HALO, lets get back on track

>>41490908
Got lost in that damn place for 2 hours my first time playing. Noped off the game for a week once a "dead" flood that I had passed 30+ times got up and attacked, scared the crap out of me.

>>41491065
im just waiting for a glowing orb to show and start calling urist "reclaimer" which I will promptly vote to fucking smash it on spot as hard as we can with everything we have.

>>41491287
Que rage at not even having a fortress to lose to reclaim.

>>41490373
>[X] [FACE-OFF]

You spend a moment trying to triangulate where this digging's coming from, but as far as you can tell, it's coming from somewhere in front of you. The only person you know who can dig that fast is Mojang, but tempering your sudden flare of hope is that painful knowledge seared into each and every fiber of your being:

Don't trust the underground realm. Don't dig too deep.

Exey's the first one to backpedal toward safer ground, so you rope Shovel Knight into helping you widen the end of the tunnel. Unsurprisingly, she and Rokko immediately get to work opening up the ceiling, doubling the room's height- from what you've seen of their fighting style, they're both jumpers, so you leave them to it. You get to work making the chamber /wider/. Last thing you want is for there to be no place to dodge.

Belatedly, you realize that you never actually changed back into your armor from that goddamned nightgown. Too late to do anything about it now.

You finish up long before Rokko and Shovel Knight, so you plant your ear against the wall again, ignoring how it makes a mess of your clothes. The digger's still getting closer, and whoever it is ain't keeping it quiet. There's the scrape of what you desperately hope is a shovel, followed by three more scrapes and-

Struck by a thought, you backpedal and flip through Therapist real fast- and a chill runs down your spine. Whatever the hell Mojang is doing right now, she sure as hell isn't digging.

(Cont.)

>>41491458
And that's when a chitinous arm bursts out of the wall, claws larger than your entire arm scrabbling against the dirt.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qheHsjZg9zs

"Shit! SHIT!" Exey shrieks from somewhere behind you- plasma bolts slam into the monstrous arm with gratifying efficiency, searing whole chunks of flesh and causing whatever it is to gurgle in absolute rage. The rest of the tunnel wall bursts inward, revealing glimpses of twisted flesh and ruined chitin- the part of your mind that isn't gibbering in absolute horror notes that whatever it is can't seem to fit inside even your widened panic room.

Fucking hell- at this rate, you'll take whatever blessings you can get.

"E-Engaging." Rokko's soothing monotone grates out from your right- a trio of drills embed themselves somewhere in the monster's pulsing flesh, and you shield your eyes as they explode, spattering the walls with corrupted blood and what smells like rotting flesh. On the other side, Shovel Knight slams away at yet another leg trying to get a foothold inside the room- she skips back with a grunt when the leg's chitin unfolds, revealing a mass of pink tentacles that lash out-

- at you. You scramble back just in time, and flatten yourself against the wall- and you hiss in absolute terror as the monster /changes direction/, pulling itself toward you. Toward YOU! Why the hell- what the fuck does it have against YOU!?

Why is Gamindustri such a shit place to live!?

[ ] [SUMMON SHIT] FUCKING HELL, ANYTHING BETWEEN YOU AND WHATEVER IT IS
[ ] [THROW THINGS] JUST KEEP THAT THING AWAY FROM YOUR TENTACLE-UNRIDDEN FACE
[ ] [HACK AND SLASH] A GREAT OFFENSE IS A GREAT WAY TO KILL THAT HORRIFYING SHIT
[ ] [HIDE BEHIND ROKKO] SAVE US, SUPER FIGHTING ROBOT
[ ] [WRITE IN] AND HOW

>>41491490
>[ ] [SUMMON SHIT] FUCKING HELL, ANYTHING BETWEEN YOU AND WHATEVER IT IS

>>41491490
>[ ] [SUMMON SHIT] FUCKING HELL, ANYTHING BETWEEN YOU AND WHATEVER IT IS

>>41491490
[ ] [SUMMON SHIT] FUCKING HELL, ANYTHING BETWEEN YOU AND WHATEVER IT IS

>[ ] [SUMMON SHIT] FUCKING HELL, ANYTHING BETWEEN YOU AND WHATEVER IT IS

Time for some /FUN/ rolls

>>41491490
>[ ] [HIDE BEHIND ROKKO] SAVE US, SUPER FIGHTING ROBOT
You know we can't afford to make any rolls now. You know it.

>>41491490
[ ] [HACK AND SLASH] A GREAT OFFENSE IS A GREAT WAY TO KILL THAT HORRIFYING SHIT
RIP AND TEAR!!!

>>41491490
>GAMINDUSTRI IS THROWING SHIT AT US, WE THROW SHIT AT IT
>SPIT ACID AT IT

>>41491490
>[ ] [THROW THINGS] JUST KEEP THAT THING AWAY FROM YOUR TENTACLE-UNRIDDEN FACE

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Alright, looks like [X] [SUMMON] takes the vote, so-

>Urist Twelfthbay desperately drags something kicking and screaming into reality!
ROLL d100! (dice+1d100 in the email field)
Taking the best of three!
DC: The higher the better!

Rolled 22 (1d100)

>>41491772

Rolled 41 (1d100)

>>41491772
rollan

Rolled 17 (1d100)

>>41491772

Rolled 94 (1d100)

>>41491772
FOR ARMOK!

>>41491869
Good job being slow.

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>>41491869

>>41491869
TYPE FASTER

>>41491812
you mother FUCKERS COULD NOT HAVE WAITED A SECOND!? I hope your dice rolls no longer work for the night

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>>41491784
>>41491800
>>41491812

>>41491800
>>41491563
Called it

>>41491878
>>41491880
>>41491882
I bet you nubs rolled the low ones eh?

>>41491924
Don't try to shift the blame from yourself.

>>41491924
You dun goofed, but now we will have a lot of !FUN! ;_;

>>41491948
eat a dick fuckhead. I was cleaning my goddamn bloody face came back to find a roll to be called, hit refresh after post and found shit rolls for days. Thats all the explaining im gonna do shitlick to a nameless faceless anon. Who probably rolled low as fuck.

>>41492011
Well, that power-up a while back on the bridge did come from a string of low rolls.

>>41492035
I really wish the stupid dice gods where not so fucking fickle, otherwise we probably would have 1 more friend, and a sweet oxen cart.

>>41491490
[ ] [SUMMON SHIT] FUCKING HELL, ANYTHING BETWEEN YOU AND WHATEVER IT IS

> Tentacles

> Gamindustry

> It's gonna rhyme with Pentacle Rex.

>>41492092
Start praying to the dice gods then.

>>41492137
Ill pray that people stop making rolls so fucking quick and give it a second to see what the first roll is, I remember reading that the RNG for the 4chan dice roller will yield similar results when rolled in rapid succession, IE if someone rolls low then the next few rolls posted within the next 2 mintues or so will be low as well.

>>41492203
Stop complaining and roll then.

>>41492092
>otherwise we probably would have 1 more friend, and a sweet oxen cart.

I'm not crying over that one. We have enough ways to die without adding cholera to the mix.

>>41492203
It is possible if the roller is reseeded for every roll. Many systems reseed the randomizer with the current time, and if the distribution is not very uniform, similar rolls can occur.

>>41492280
On the other hand, the difference between the lowest and the highest roll was just 2 seconds, so this might be just pareidolia raising it's head.

>>41492362
You mean minutes right?

>>41492362
>pareidolia
I don't know what that is, but I bet the god of vocabulary doesn't approve of it.

>>41491490
>[X] [SUMMON ANYTHING!]
>Highest roll: 41

In the face of some gigantic oncoming mess of corrupted chitin and seething tentacles, you shriek something you fondly imagine as an ultra-badass warcry and thrust your hands forward, willing something- ANYTHING- to stand between you and what's bound to be a horribly degrading death. And in a flash of light comes your savior-

The letter 'd.' An entire pack of lower-case letters in a cool shade of gray, in fact.

Exey's "what the hell?" gets drowned out by the pack of war dogs howling in unison as they hurtle across the cave floor and swarm the struggling monster. You almost sag with relief as whatever it is turns its attention away from you, and you quickly backpedal even further. Your friends have stopped firing, at least for now, but a full pack of war dogs should be enough to take care of THAT-

You're briefly distracted by a 'ping' from your Bug Tracker, and after a moment, DFHack hums to life.

>Bug:0007541 identified: Dogs do not use their biting attacks, greatly reducing combat effectiveness.
>Patching...
>Patching...
>Patching...

You look up in time to see the little gray 'd's getting impaled, slapped aside, or crushed by any number of limbs, painting the floor red with their blood.

>Patching completed.
>DFHack: Tweak enabled: dog-attack-biting-

The remaining war dog sinks its teeth into the monster's chitin, thrashing its head around and ripping open the flesh- there's a loud shriek from somewhere underground, and then the wall /explodes/; a gigantic (and horribly familiar) sword slices through the air and the dog expires messily.

But the dogs, at least, bought you time. The sword continues along its trajectory, only to
slam into the fortifications you tossed up in a matter of seconds; undeterred, you open fire with your crossbow, keeping as much space between you and the monster as possible.

(Cont.)

>>41492433
Shit, that really was minutes.

I need to go sleep.

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>>41492493

"W-We've fought this monster before." Rokko pause to open fire with her standard lemon-pellet cannon- they easily pass through the fortification, dinking against the monster's revealed face. "At the G-Graveyard."

"You've been there!?" Shovel Knight breathes in awe. She's rummaging through her bag, probably for a ranged weapon of some sort. Beside her, Exey doesn't have any such problems, and the little panic room is bathed in a sickly green light as she fires at will.

"What the hell were you thinking?" the commander hisses. "With Arfoire on the move-"

"U-Under the Graveyard," Rokko quietly rephrases. "I-It was the fastest way here."

"I know, but the risk that Twelfthbay took-"

You snap at her, biting the words off between your teeth. Talking later! Killing now!

The guard vermin- or former guard vermin, with whatever's corrupting the chitined swordsman- rears back on twisted legs and howls, shaking the very ground in its fury. Arms reach out and scrabble against the fortification, and Shovel Knight drops her bag to slash at the tentacles grubbing their way through your barrier's firing holes-

Which puts her in a horrible spot when the guard vermin's armored fist punches through the fortification and grabs her leg, pulling her right through.

[ ] [GRAB] Shovel Knight and pull her right the fuck back!
[ ] [CALLED SHOT] Aim for the Guard Vermin's face and distract the hell out of it!
[ ] [COMBAT MINING] Undermine the Guard Vermin while it's distracted- trap it in a cave-in!
[ ] [PULL THE LEVER!] Wait, what lever?
[ ] [WRITE-IN]

>>41492530
>[ ] [PULL THE LEVER!] Wait, what lever?
Goddamn you for giving us this option.

>>41492530

>[ ] [GRAB] Shovel Knight and pull her right the fuck back!

>>41492530
>[ ] [PULL THE LEVER!] Wait, what lever?
Any lever. All levers are !FUN!

>>41492530
>[ ] [PULL THE LEVER!] Wait, what lever?

>>41492530
>[ ] [PULL THE LEVER!] Wait, what lever?

Please please be a drawbridge

>>41492530
>[X] [PULL THE LEVER!] Wait, what lever?
We can't NOT pull the lever.

[PULL THE LEVER] No contest

>>41492530
>[ ] [GRAB] Shovel Knight and pull her right the fuck back!

>>41492530
>[X] [PULL THE LEVER!] Wait, what lever?

I should accuse you of railroading with option like this available.

>>41492530
>[ ] [GRAB] Shovel Knight and pull her right the fuck back!
Another Guard Virmin? Perhaps another key is upon us

>>41492530
>[X] [PULL THE LEVER!] Wait, what lever?
>[X] [GRAB] Shovel Knight and pull her right the fuck back!
Urist has two hands.

>>41492530
>[X] [PULL THE LEVER!] Wait, what lever?
>[X] [GRAB] Shovel Knight and pull her right the fuck back!

How about we take a second to throw our armor back on. Or at least the helmet.

>>41493054
Armor is purely decorative in Gamindustri.

>>41493089
Does that mean decoration is pure armor?

>>41492530
>[ ] [PULL THE LEVER!] Wait, what lever?
I hope it's a fuck the world lever.

>>41493216
Yes. We should wear an artifact thong and shirt that menaces with spikes.

>>41493283
Artifact Thong with spikes that menace of rocksalt.

>>41493089
Not by DF rules it ain't, and keeping our insides inside isn't something I'd trust to anime logic.

Although I guess if we're stupidly un/lucky, we might get all out fat and skin ripped off. Then we can summon up a surgeon to stitch us back together with adamantine thread and become the terminator.

>[X] [PULL THE LEVER!] Wait, what lever?
>[X] [GRAB] Shovel Knight and pull her right the fuck back!

So, just a thought for later, but shouldn't we be able to identify of Vert is the real thing by checking her Relationships screen with DFHack?

>>41493351
Considering we ARE DF and have DF hack, why not just make our skin as tough as cotton candy?

>>41493410
We probably will at some point, but end up leaving out the 'as tough as' part by accident.

>>41493410
For one, I don't know if body parts use the same material tags and such that metals do.

For another, and sounds like a great way to get a nat 1 and make our skin completely rigid, trapping us as a statue forever.
Or just carrying the lightness as well and we just get thrown a mile into the air.

>>41493515
I'm pretty sure they do, that's how you get Bronze Collossi and assorted strange Forgotten Beasts.

>>41493515
Well, cotton candy does come in threads that are made into wafers so it wouldn't really be a statue, but would still be horrible.

>>41493596
Can we just make infinite booze wafers instead?

>>41493596
Let's just limit ourselves to slowly melting all our fat away. This at least is a tried and true technique.

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>>41492530
>[X] [PULL THE LEVER!]

Quick as a whip, using reflexes only a platformer could handle Shovel Knight grabs onto the edge of the shattered fortification before the corrupted guard vermin can yank her all the way through- her shovel clatters to the ground, leaving her defenseless.

"Senpai!!" she shrieks, turning her head toward Rokko- and the Blue Bomber hurtles forward faster than you've ever seen her move, electricity sparking off her legs, but she's forced back a pace as yet another of the monstrosity's limbs break through the wall.

Of COURSE the guard vermin's fashioned off some sort of spider. And of COURSE the powers that be slapped on a humanoid upper body to the fucking thing and gave it an even bigger sword, as if being a nightmare spider wasn't powerful enough.

Acting purely on instinct- instinct drilled into your head through countless failed fortresses- you reach for the nearest lever and pull the damn thing, cursing your goddamn lack of foresight for not making a note of what any of the things actually DO.

It's only when you hear mechanisms grinding together that you realize that there shouldn't even be any levers to pull on in the first place, and then you're glowing with some sort of horrible unholy light that threatens to sear your eyeballs all the way through to the back of your own skull-

>EXE DRIVE: ACTIVATED.

Almost as if it has a mind of its own, the far wall unfolds and vengefully slams into the corrupted guard vermin's back, forcing it to bend over double and eliciting a gurgle from somewhere in its ruined throat; the bridge shatters into their component parts, and a handful of boulders shatter one of its legs.

Next lever! you howl, your voice charged up and echo-y, and something coalesces in your hand once more- without hesitation, you yank it down, and again, there's the distant sound of mechanisms being activated.

>A section of the cavern has collapsed!

(Cont.)

>>41493630
I'm not sure if everybody around us would appreciate us doing that.

>>41493662
You immediately shield your face as cavern dust billows out around you, and you can hear as much as /feel/ the guard vermin's shriek as the dirt ceiling collapses all around it, with more than enough force to flatten rotting chitin. Shafts of daylight punch through and illuminate the panic room in bits and pieces, highlighting the motes of dust that immediately begin dissipating around the twitching form of your opponent-

- but you're not giving the fucker any time to get up, because you're pulling the next lever, screaming at your party members to get the fuck back up the tunnel, because FUCK THE WORLD.

Churning and lit by its own inner fire, molten rock swirls in from a hidden channel, roiling over the guard vermin- there's barely any time to catch the smell of roasting insect before the wave swallows your gigantic opponent whole, those few bits of chitin above the lava immediately blacking and bursting into flame. The surrounding region sinks into the endlessly-spanning lava pool of your own creation, reducing the world to an eternally burning speck in the cosmos, and there's lava fucking everywhere-

"Urist! Urist!!"

You snap back into reality, and the light from your EXE DRIVE fades away. The world around you is blissfully (and perhaps regrettably) un-lava'd, so you shake your head to clear the residual feelings of megalomaniacal insanity and take in your surroundings. The guard vermin is completely gone, save for a few blackened bits of chitin on the ground.

Shovel Knight steps back and sighs in relief. "You had me worried, Urist. With the way you were laughing, I almost thought you'd gone villainous on us!"

You're pretty sure you're not evil. Mostly, anyway. You step through the ruined fortifications and into the chamber, sweeping through the dust for what you think's gonna be there-

>Leanbox Blood Gulch Key Fragment acquired!

(Cont.)

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>>41493683
... yeah, it's just a fucking rock. You have no idea why these guard vermin keep dropping the damn things, but it's not like your pack's got a WEIGHT limit, so you might as well keep it around.

"Huh. That... went about as well as I expected." Exey clears her throat, regaining a measure of her former cool confidence. "Monsters do tend to congregate underground. I could have told you as much if we'd had time to formulate a proper plan. Oh, and nice EXE DRIVE, by the way," she adds, almost as an afterthought.

"Agreed. B-But. Not going to have, very much t-time," Rokko murmurs, watching the holey ceiling with some trepidation. "That b-battle, ought to have attracted the. Attention of anyone who-"

"Spiral Strike!"

There's only so much punishment a ceiling can take, especially when it's the target of divine wrath. You hurtle backward as the cavern dust knocks you for a loop- and as if that wasn't bad enough, the goddamn SUNLIGHT's streaming into the room, full force.

You don't have time to vomit in annoyance because there's that damned Leanbox green light all over the place and oh fucking hell it's CPU Green Heart. Even through the cavern dust, you can see her clear as day- floating in midair, the full-bodied goddess twirls her spear before settling into a defensive battle stance, her long hair drifting around her as if it just doesn't give a fuck about gravity.

"I hope you're prepared, Keeper," Vert says, her voice worryingly calm under the circumstances. "You'll never lay a finger on my Mojang, ever again."

...

You don't even know where to /start/.

[TO BE CONTINUED]

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Right, this is as good a place to end as any! Next thread's (tentatively) going to be at WEDNESDAY, 7/29 at 8:30-ish pm EST! As usual, scheduling updates will be at https://twitter.com/BlorpQuest, and questions can go to ask.fm/BlorpQuest.

Thanks for participating, guys- sorry for the unstable schedule these past few days, and I'll see you next thread. Hope you guys enjoyed this run!

>>41493776
Thanks for running Blorp! It was a great thread!

>>41493730
>"I hope you're prepared, Keeper," Vert says, her voice worryingly calm under the circumstances. "You'll never lay a finger on my Mojang, ever again."
Oh come now Lady Vert. Do you really think Keeper would transform into us of all things?

Especially us in a nightgown?

>>41493822
>Do you really think Keeper would transform into us of all things?
>
>Especially us in a nightgown?

You don't know her! You don't know her life!

>>41493730
>Monsters do tend to congregate underground.

Uh. Yes. Right. We definitely don't have anything to do with that, in case you were wondering.

Shit, we should've sic'd Elda on that Elephant thing. She wouldn't have been able to resist a quest like that.

>>41493776
Thanks for running!

>>41493856
Maybe we could make a frilly dress out of adamaitine.

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>>41493992

>>41494086
An artifact Planepacked-tier frilly dress? Would probably drive people to madness when they gaze upon it and see the history of everyone and everything on it repeatedly.

>>41493776
Boss battle time!
Again!

>>41495454
Hopefully we can just talk this out.

>>41493730
>A dirt covered girl with enough braids to hide her face stands up wearing nothing but a nightgown. She defiantly stands, takes a swig of what appears to be alcohol, and screams.
>YOUR Mojang!?

>>41496350
We could share her?

>>41496485
NOPE
OUR IMOUTO

>>41499085
I thought she was a friend.

>>41499142
She is a friend who sees us as a big sister figure.

Just don't expect sexually frustrated fat/tg/uys to remember that.

>>41499187
NO SEXIN THE IMOUTOS

>>41499208
Preach, brother!

>>41499208
We will treat her with masterwork minced beer biscuits, braid her hair in a truly dwarven way, tell her fairy tales of awesome tantrum spirals and thrall infestations, teach her to scowl and growl properly, check out her suitors and scare off the undeserving ones with promises of bodily harm and perform other sisterly activities.