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>>43816020

He spent the whole game on his phone posting shitty threads on a Taiwanese picture plank

Online game, That Guy successfully raped another player (pin/etc.). DM didn't fade to black.

His reasoning was, apparently, not wanting to DM anymore, but his autism prevented him from realizing he wouldn't be in the GROUP anymore for pulling that stunt, either.

That Guy got perma-banned from the chat.

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>>43816090
>me when I conspire to rape in a /tg/ roll20 group and works perfectly

>>43816090
>online game
>stays and watches entire rape
>then bitches about it later

Anon, you ever hear of a show called SVU?

So I'm the VP for a D&D club at my college. I was running a game last friday because it was the first day for new freshman, and I would like to tell a story about that game. Surprisingly the story's problem is not the new players (though they were terrible, they weren't that terrible). It was about a returning member.

>first words out of my mouth are "ok everyone, for those who don't want to use pregens the only real restriction is no gunslingers, and that monstrous races may not be the most accepted in communities. Also try and keep a theme as the culture will be similar to eastern european, northern african, and middle eastern."
>a few minutes later I ask for everyone to introduce their characters
>see him rolling 3d20s
>ask him why
>"I'm generating stats, 3d20 take average"
>I tell him no, use point buy for this because everyone rolling will be a bit disruptive
>"What's point buy?"
>Keep in mind he's been in the club for over a year and has played PF, finally his previous characters wonky stats make sense
>have one of the veteran players teach him what the fuck pointbuy is while I build a freshman a characrer
>returning player, don't know his real name, his fb and friends have him as 'Juan Wulf', gets ready to introduce himself
>"Hello, I'm Gales Edge, a gunslinger"
>I tell him to change it, and finally accept him being a Bolt Ace since crossbows are around
>the game starts out with an execution and a mysterious mirror
>twenty minutes in he exclaims 'Oh I forgot my alignment."
>seems to consider it for a moment
>"Chaotic Neutral, like always."
>give them map of the town, relevant stories and such
>immediately wants to divert from the adventure, and take the rest of the party to the nearest brothel
>tell him he can go tonight probably, that everyone else seems to want to find out what the mirror is
>group ends up taking the mirror to an old crazy wizard in the slums of the town

(1/2)

>>43816813
>wizards heavily implies he wants money to identify it
>in my head I'm budgeting for them giving him 10 gold between the entire party
>"I give him 60gp."
>I tell him the wizard looks surprised but takes the amount
>player looks at the rest of the party and goes "you're welcome"
>check his character sheet to see why he had so much cash
>only gear is clothing, a bottle of wine, and 4 kukri
>ask him where his crossbow is
>he shrugs
>the party end up going to another place while the wizard does his thing, try to see if they can get the inscription translated
>player ends up antagonizing the nearest barmaid, and trying to force other players to buy his character things as a 'thank you for him paying for the wizard stuff'
>asks where the nearest magic item shop is

Luckily the session ended soon there after. I'm just afraid he scared off the freshman.

>>43816020
Tough to say with the jerk ass at mlgs. The most agrivating is his blatant power gaming in 40k, where we try to keep it fluffy, and having to listen to him bitch and moan any time he's beaten by anything else.

It was actually awesome to see him lose two tournaments(and his shit) in a row because his Fire Raptor got vector locked and trapped his 1000pt deathstar in its cargo bay TWICE.

He once quit an entire 1750 game on the 2nd or third turn because his gay turtle in a building tactic got beat when his opponent's tomb scarabs ate his tanks and were able to assault up the building past them and fuck up his squads.

>>43816020
Sent me his Fallout-brony snuff fanfic to evaluate.

>>43816090
> rape anpther player
> another player
> player
Did you call the police?

>>43818303
Can I get high or drunk first? That sort of thing should not be approached sober.

>>43816020
>What is the most fucked up thing your That Guy has divulged to the table?

I guess that all of his characters are literally self-inserts, that is, he is playing himself + super powers - laws.

>What's the worst thing he's put you through?

He split the party. You know why you never split the party? It's not about optimal fighting strength or utilizing everyone's skills. It's the fact that your one DM now has to focus on two areas. You are literally halving your play time.

And for what, do you ask, did our specific That Guy do this? Because he was hired by an NPC to create an undead Kenku, and he felt the Paladin may frown upon it. So the guy, lacking any and all stealth abilities, and not considering colluding with another player, gets a horse and splits off from the party as we are traveling for days to reach this Kenku village. He is set upon by Orc bandits the first night. The leader beasts his Stealth and gets him with a knife at his neck, saying "Don't move." The genius turns invisible, causing the leader to use his readied action to slash his throat. He then kills his own invisibility with a Thunder Wave, gets up, runs to his horse, spends maybe 5 minutes arguing OOC about action economy, and gets shot with arrows. Our DM is too nice and has the bandits kidnap him and take him to their leader, who the party knew. So not only does he get away with it, they give him a Kenku slave!

Meanwhile the party went to the village and had to fight some shadows before we bailed. Went and killed a wyvern as a hunting bounty too. The idiot bard shows up with his still bound Kenku, gets attacked by shadows and bails back to town.

Cont...

>>43818471

So he takes the Kenku to the NPC who hired him to make an undead Kenku, and she is ecstatic. She'll totally take a live one, it's awesome. But somehow he... grows a conscience? and decides he doesn't want her to have him. So they go to visit the weirdo he commissioned to make an undead Kenku (from the body parts of dead crow-men he intended to stuff into the pack of his horse) He wants the money. For the job he didn't do. He's... What is he trying to do? He tries to convince the first NPC to give him money, but not take the Kenku because she will certainly do horrible things. I don't know why he went to the second NPC. He waffled so long the second guy went up, talked to the Kenku, cut his bonds (he was still tied up!!) and hired him as an assistant. Asshole bard got nothing.

He certainly didn't learn a lesson. All he took away from the whole endeavor was that he got no money. Not that he wasted literally everyone's evening, not that he has no real moral compass (even a bad one). At a later date he was trying to remember the necromancer's name.
>It was the guy, uh, you know, the guy who kept me from getting a lot of gold that one time?
Oh, you mean Mickey Lastname?

Yeah, his character had no last name, so we called him Mickey Lastname. Later he got killed by a dragon, so now chuckles is working on making his half-brother who heard about his death and came to get all his stuff and uh... carry on his legacy?

>>43818501
And now that I got going I can't stop, especially since I have to play with him tomorrow. He plays casters, some of them prepared, but never knows or even prepares his spells. One player has all the 5E decks of spell-cards, but he won't use them because "I've got this app on my phone!" He spends all of his fucking time on it, looking at spells he doesn't have prepared because he doesn't know what he's doing, and then looks up when everyone is doing something. The DM just did a bunch of exposition, and now he has to do it again, because this prick has been looking at spells and the stats of animals he can wildshape into. At one point we met a semi-important NPC right after a battle, and the DM didn't get one sentence into his crazy old man voice before That Guy interrupted with a question about one of his spells. Literally in the middle of a sentence. I thought my DM was going to pop. And then when it comes to actually using the spells he spends all of his time staring at, he gets everything wrong, because he's semi-illiterate, or trying to cheat, or just a dumbass. So the DM has to look at it, but it went away so he has to SCROLL THROUGH THE PHONE AGAIN EVEN THOUGH HE COULD JUST HAVE A CARD SITTING RIGHT THERE IN FRONT OF HIM WITH EVERYTHING ON IT.

Oh and did I mention he always plays as himself? We actually spent a good 20 minutes before a game once trying to give one of his characters depth. It didn't work, he's still a greedy asshole whose go-to tactic is to abandon everyone unless there is treasure. He WILL activate traps to get treasure, no matter how Indiana Jones obvious they are. You are playing a treeman druid why do you need money?

>>43816813
>>43816826
I remember this story.

I had a power-gaming sorcerer who was a colossal ass in real life play one of my one-shots. He was somehow friends with my best friend who's family was playing, so he jumped in at the chance of a group that isn't outright rejecting him from the start (he had a reputation by this point apparently).

Since it's a one-shot, no time to waste, so I get intros done beforehand and tell everyone the setting and their goal: Old prestigious cemetary town known for creating mausoleums and tombs for the noble and wealthy has had their graveyard taken over by a large force of undead continuously pulling out of the graves and shambling towards the magically shielded exits. Party is hired to go in, clean up the mess, remove the cause of the undead, and keep the news quiet or the town goes under economically.

What does that guy do? FIRST thing is burn down the inn. Literally. Fire spell at the nearest hay bale. Second round? Oil everywhere.The guards holding the cemetery gates closed have to help put out the fire and simultaneously kill the level seven 3.5 magic user currently owning their families for no goddamn reason.

When the party finally decides to help the town and kill the dipshit, he's pissed as fuck. "Why did you kill me? I was just doing what my character would do in that situation!"
"Nigger, you wouldn't make it through the first week of remedial magic school if that was in character. Wtf were you thinking!?"
"If we set the inn on fire, it might light the town and kill all of the undead."
"The undead in the magically protected cemetery with the entirely stone and marble markers and crypts with no flammable material anywhere?"
"Yeah!"

Took an hour to restart the session and pretend none of it happened. I can DM pretty well, but a one-shot does not have enough time to deal with that level of fuck-your-rails-I'm-Chaotic-Neutral.

>>43818563
Why exactly do you play with him?

>>43818844
>"If we set the inn on fire, it might light the town and kill all of the undead."

kek,
How low would a character's wisdom/intelligence need to be for them to believe that doing that would be a good idea?
I don't mean "That guy"'s character in this situation but any character in general.

>>43816813
>>43816826
Sounds like the situation could have been handled better, but yeah he seems like a weirdo.

>>43818844
>When the party finally decides to help the town and kill the dipshit, he's pissed as fuck.
I refuse to believe this. How could he not have expected that outcome.

>>43819566
They think they are the party leader and everyone is having fun watching them make all the decisions.

>>43816020
We have 2 people in our group that always just sit at the back of the room talking throughout the entire session, derailing it.

Last session, it took us 3 hours to get through what should have taken any sensible group 1. And we only did that because every 10 minutes, I banged on the table yelling "HURRY UP, I WANNA KILL SOMETHING!" To try and get the DM's attention back to the game.

Still fucking love our sessions, though

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>>43820260
>every 10 minutes, I banged on the table yelling "HURRY UP, I WANNA KILL SOMETHING!" To try and get the DM's attention back to the game.
that guy detected

Friend brought some other guy to the table. He was fat, and always sweating. I have no idea why, it wasn't that hot in the house, but he sweated and sweated and kept wiping his brow with napkins. He attempted three different furry characters before settling on a druid (3.5) and would just spend all his time transformed. He was actually a decent player,until he was killed by the Big Bad Dragon of Doom at the end of the campaign, when he started yelling and tried to break his chair on the ground.

>>43820268
>>43820260
I can see several scenarios where the others in the group might have been unnecessarily dragging things on and several where they might not have been.
But, I can imagine no scenario where a guy banging on the table and shouting about killing things every ten minutes is not That Guy.

>>43818471
>>43818501
>>43818563

Oh god.

It's Trout: Fantasy edition.

Honestly, as much of a softie as i am when GMing, i'd kill his character on principle. You don't just make this much dumbass mistakes and live.

>>43821023
I think that's the joke.

>>43821164
If t'was a joke, t'were a poor one.

I've almost certainly posted all of these before, but it's been a long time so I'll go again.

Incident 1
>DM is a pretty cool guy out of the game, don't know any of the players and they don't have much experience with the game.
>Think this'll be a pretty lax game, probably not much focus on roleplay. Not my usual jam but what the heck.
>Every NPC we ever meet that has anything to say are all characters the DM have played in previous games
>All of these characters are generally at least 10 levels higher than the party
>DM uses his 'NPC's' to do diplomacy checks in order to dictate where the party should go next.
>"Even though you wanted to kill the mayor, this guy makes it seem like a /really/ good idea that you go into the caves for him instead. I can't really roleplay it well but this guy has +35 diplomacy so .. yeah."
>Party goes full murderhobo in protest
>Try to simultaniously toss 10 molotov cocktails at one dickhead npc's shop
>Shop magically consumes the fire and sends out a shockwave that would have killed the party, but they're saved by DM fiat.
>I sensed the incoming shitstorm, so my character went off and bought lunch for two guardmen instead. It's a good deed and an alibi, perfect combination.
>DM goes "Sorry man, those two guards died. The other guards saw you hanging around the party earlier, so you're taken into prison too."
>Somehow the game is consistently this bad for 3-4 sessions until I finally just quit. Not sure what happened to the game.

>>43821338

Incident 2 (Not the same DM)
>Be paying a so far pretty fun pirate campaign.
>My character has earned a tremendous reputation, and now effectively has his own little pirate army.
>The DM decides an interesting plotline would be for my character to get captured. Instead of asking me about this he decides he'll just 'stack the odds against me'
>Party is still relatively cautious, even though we don't know what the DM is planning. We go to interrogate a priest at one point, no murder, just a simple sneak in and ask some questions forcefully.
>Priest eventually screams in terror as we threaten him with violence
>Before our party can even exit the church (We're talking seconds) ...

>Over 400 footmen are at the ready to stop us
>They have two casters able to perform magical feats FAR beyond what the system allowed
>DM never bothered to learn about magic
>Oh, and they also have a magical abomination

>In spite of this we lead a heroic escape, and due to compatriotism, the faster party rogue refuses to leave my character.
>DM eventually just goes 'No sorry, this spell makes you unable to move'
>Well at least now every illusion that we have any agency in this situation is shattered
>Session goes on with my character as a prisoner, I'm a bit annoyed but I've suffered worse
>Session literally lasts for 7 more hours before I get to play again, I didn't have access to a car and was at a friends house
>Bored out of my fucking mind, begged the DM to cut me a break and let me into the game
>He decides to toss me a bone and at least describe the cell to me
>My character breaks out on his own. He could have done this from the start.

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>>43818035
>Play Eldar
>people automatically assume I power game
>mfw I drop my 2 full squads of banshees and full squad of scorpions
People like the ones you're describing need to learn how to take a loss gracefully. I played Orks for 2 years when I got into 40k, and lost like 80% of the time. Like shit dude chill out.

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>meet loser online
>going through this weird stage where I decide to be super nice to people because suicidally depressed
>guy mentions he's moving soon
>offer to be room mate cuz why not
>drive 5 states away to move in with loser
Turns out he
>lied about moving out of his parents house
>lied about having a apartment ready
>lied about his age
>lied about not being a huge sweaty neckbeard
>guy is disgust personified
>have to hold my breath while walking by his room
>trashes bathroom
>leaves doors open when its literally 30 degrees outside
>shits on the toilet seat and leaves it
>works at a pizza place where I guess the smell covers up his ungodly BO
>lives only on pizza and rootbeer
>wakes me up at 2AM while laughing a few decibels louder than any human being should be laughing
>all while alone in his room
>I can literally smell his pizza-asshole scent through the vent sometimes
>regret ever mentioning internet memes to him because he literally only communicates via meme
Lease has 9 more months on it. I no longer feel suicidal, only disgust.
And to keep it /tg/ related:
>play Pathfinder with this guy and his group
>everyone is furry
>room mate somehow manages to unintentionally play a full blown autistic character who is basically Sonic in all but species
>DM can barely type
>boohoos at me for making a "edgy" character
>we literally encounter a black-tear crying undead paladin with knife fingers who does nothing but sit on a throne and whine about how he was forced to kill children because ???warr???
>ends up trying to do a emotional bit where he breaks down and starts crying
>just start cracking up over the mic because I can't take any of it seriously
I hope I die

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>>43821574
>>offer to be room mate cuz why not
>>drive 5 states away to move in with loser
You deserved all the bad things

>>43816768
GO HOME GAMER GIRL

>>43821436
>play eldar
>first time using d-scythes on my new wraithguard
>opponent bitches and moans how OP that stuff is
>goes on to make every single 5+ invuln on his brass scorpion and wrecks half my army with it (and the heldrakes and flying demons) next turn

(our meta isn't very strong, although the SM player is now gearing up with Knights and the freebie formation)

>>43821611
Low self esteem is a hell of a drug

>>43821611
Dipshit deserved to end as Ed Gein's new bedpost. Who the fuck does shit like that?

>>43818563
>he's still a greedy asshole whose go-to tactic is to abandon everyone unless there is treasure.

I had a character in the party like that once, when I was DMing.

Her own greed set her up for a spectacular fall. Previously, the party had bumbled and completely failed to notice that a shapeshifting monster had taken the place of an NPC they were escorting. They carted off the McGuffin to the nearby city, and the Bard had basically taken possession of it with the intent of selling it. So when the shapeshifter (taking the place of a man of the cloth) rolls up to the Bard with the suggestion of buying it, she doesn't think twice. He takes her away to a small apartment, and asks for the item. Now, the times forces a Will save when looked at, so the player specifies that the character closes her eyes.

"What's your Flatfooted AC again?"

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>>43821315

>>43821574
This is self-destructive behaviour, Anon. Secretly, deep down, you hoped it'd give you a reason to kill yourself. Well, it didn't. It just made you more miserable.

>>43821882
he could try murder-suicide now

>>43821380

Incident 3
>DM suggest we do an innkeeper owner campaign.
>Party kills their own giant rats, gets exotic beers for patrons whatever the hell. Sounded like fun. He mentions that it doesn't have to be innkeepers. Mention craftsmen, theatre owners and brothels-
>BROTHEL CAMPAIGN, my autistic friend exclaims, greatly excited about the idea
>I join in, assuming this is a joke. Capturing exotic 'merchandise', dealing with rivals, working our way to a reputation. Sounds like a dumb theoretical campaign idea. Just a joke, right?
>How wrong I was

>Late at night some time, DM says he's out of inspiration. Asks us if we want to do some improvised whatever.
>Autismo suggests the brothel campaign, I cringe
>DM says he'll run it. He brings his tumblrite sister
>Ohboyherewego

>My character is a merciless businessman with no interest in anything but money. An evil character, sure, but at least not a rapist.
>Enter cpt. aspergers with an actual rapist.
>Body control mage, my 'friend' goes to great lengths to explain how he could use various pain-spells, transformation spells and paralyzis spells while he was 'sampling the stock'
>Tumblrite makes the akwardly sexy flamboyant young teenager
>Why

>Finally get to a scene in the game where the party rapist is allowed to do his job. He insists on describing how he 'prepares' and which techniques he'll employ before he allows the DM to fade.
>My own character and pheromone-edward helped in setting this up, god-forbid
>Akward silence
>Tumblrite laughs. What?
>DM sets up some comedy elements where some drunkards, men and women chase the literal incarnation of sex appeal around
>We get some unique challenges in dealing with the capture and systematic abuse of more innocent maidens
>We plan a headquarters, do a bit of macro
>All of this surprisingly ends with everyone having fun. Tumblrite sister even thanks her brother for a good game. My autistic friend leaves with a cheeky smirk on his face.

>>43821436
For their defence Eldar players tend to be power gamers.

And yeah, I know the pain. I play IG, an army that went from okay to useless without allies due to power creep

>>43819514
We're friends with him outside of the game, and it's that old deal where he's fine in any other setting, but you give him the freedom of an RPG and he turns into a dumb asshole. Also he lives right down the hall from the DM.

>>43821930
Could have actually been a cool slaver-themed campaign..

>>43821930
If you feel it's awful and everyone else is having fun, then maybe it isn't awful, anon.

you may have uncovered Tumblrite's magical realm

>>43821930
>All of this surprisingly ends with everyone having fun

so what is the issue?

>>43820202
>How could he not have expected that outcome.
Different anon, but I think you underestimate how socially inept gamers can be. It reminds me of a less egregious incident from my last session.
Party, is mostly various flavors of goodie-two-shoes, with the exception of the sorcerer who is chaotic-"no seriously guys I'm not evil"-neutral. As we pass some travelling merchants on the road, we exchange news and the sorcerer uses telekinesis to steal a box of while off their cart. He makes his concealment rolls, so no one notices except the bard who decides not to make a scene. So far it's typical evil character in good party stuff. Not two miles down the road, the character starts showing off to the rest of the party what he stole and the player is completely flabbergasted that everyone else in the part strongly disapproves of robbing merchants when they previously approved of robbing bandits.

>"GM what can you tell me about campaign?"
>"I'm going to tell you shit, if you want to know what this is about GM yourself"
>"But I need something, or else I can't come up with character that fits the setting"
>"Anything fits"
>Ok, TWF roll rogue
>Eberron game, Constructs and Elementals everyfucking where
Fuck this world

>>43820202
You don't understand. You exist solely to serve his story. So it's OK for him to do whatever insane bullshit he wants because it's just what his character would do, but your characters doing what they'd do instead of playing along is unforgivable.

>>43821651
I feel your pain anon. I wish they were the old Distort weapons.
>>43821996
True, but I've been playing Saim-Hann for about 6-7 years, I just fucking LOVE the way everything looks.

>>43822930
Wait, you get no guidance or constraints for char gen, and "Anything fits" from your DM as far as theme goes, and you sandbag it with a rogue?

>>43821436
oh you have no idea. Pretty sure he's one of those "self-insert" types, on a count of the fact that he had our painting friend give his Ferrus Manus model 5 o'clock shadow so he'd look like him

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>>43823497

I've played with virtualoptim. He's a lot different in real life than you would think. Though in his own way he is just as disgusting.

I mentioned this in the last that guy thread but then had to leave before I could give details / stories. So I will try to tell some stories now if there is any interest?

The reason I know it's him is because he actually bragged to us about getting banned from "the worst website on the internet" as proof of what an "epik troll" he is. He is also a really good GM.

But yeah if there is interest I can tell more stories. Nothing pretyped but that's okay.

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>>43823558
I'm disgusted and intrigued at the same time

>>43823339
Anything fit as long as you picked Core and Completes (warrior, divine, arcane, adventurer) only.

And yeah, I picked rogue because literally everybody dumped Int and I had to go with something skillmonkeyish.

>>43823558
Is he just as sad and pathetic in real life?

>>43823558
I am curious.

After talking with him on here and impersonating him in his own threads I wanna know how with his opinions he can actually be a good DM and what 'Though in his own way he is just as disgusting. " means.

>>43823558
>bragged to us about getting banned from "the worst website on the internet" as proof of what an "epik troll" he is

Didn't anyone tell him that the reason he got banned is that 4chan actually has standards?

>>43823617
Likely because he probably didn't believe half of what he said and only said them because it got guaranteed replies? Like any troll?

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>>43816768
The SVU is a bullpup DMR chambered in 7.62x54r

>>43823586
>>43823612
>>43823617

Alright, alright.

So a few things. First off, he is not a snivelling neckbeard living in his parents' basement. He is actually 24, in college, working part-time at a game store, has his own apartment that his parents semi-pay for.

I know this because we go over there every week to play Savage Worlds, or GURPS, or sometimes D&D 3.5.

His campaigns are actually really good for the most part. He barely plans anything, and occasionally he stutters, and has a bit of a lisp, but he describes things well with interesting adjectives, makes the game flow well, etc.. and never railroads us. He talks in a weird kinda quiet voice that's a bit creepy, but other than that he's pretty good. Hence why we keep going back despite many factors that say we shouldn't.

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>>43823699
>So a few things. First off, he is not a snivelling neckbeard living in his parents' basement. He is actually 24, in college, working part-time at a game store, has his own apartment that his parents semi-pay for.
>
>I know this because we go over there every week to play Savage Worlds, or GURPS, or sometimes D&D 3.5.
I don't believe you

>>43819566
If the cemetery was actually flammable, it'd be something a high INT low WIS character would do.

>>43823688
The only correct answer.

>>43823699

He also used to cook for us a lot. Mostly mac and cheese and simple stew recipes he found online. So basically you'd show up to this apartment, get to have a great night of gaming plus free dinner. So we didn't mind for a while.

His villains are edgy as hell, though. Like think Negan from the walking dead or something like that. It'd be okay if he was just roleplaying, but I swear to god he gets a creepy smile on his face when he described one of the female NPCs being stabbed to death by the BBEG. Like I'm 90% sure he had a boner.

He also has a slight bit of a drinking problem. By which I mean, his fridge is full of beer and every time I call him in the morning he sounds drunk as fuck. I don't know if that has anything to do with anything.

I have some stories, which I will title for you and you can pick your favorites:

> The Disappearing Cheater
> The Elf Village Slaughter
> Pathfinder Ragequit
> AFMBE Sperg-out
> The Bedroom Discovery

Make your choices as to which you'd like to hear first. I will add more stories as I think of them.

>>43823729

Dunno how I can prove it. Sorry. If you come up with a way I will try to oblige.

>>43823699
So why he is so starved for attention? Did his father didn't hug him/hugged him too much?

>>43821574
You're cured!

>>43823842
Well, go ahead and string us a tale then.
>The Elf Village Slaughter
sounds like good fun

>>43823842
> The Disappearing Cheater
> The Elf Village Slaughter
> Pathfinder Ragequit
> AFMBE Sperg-out
> The Bedroom Discovery

Yup, that's pretty much what i expect of Virt.

Tell about the cheater first, i guess?

>>43823842
>> The Bedroom Discovery

As if there was another choice to start with

>>43823842
The bedroom discovery pls

Dear god

>>43823843

I really don't know. I only met him about a year and a half ago. He has several groups that he plays with. The only thing that i DO know is he had a long-term girlfriend from high school who lived with him then dumped him, and he was depressed as fuck for months.

>>43823887

Alright I will do this first, then the bedroom discovery. Give me a sec.

>>43823842
Bedroom Discovery.

>>43823729
Could be someone that isn't Virtual Optim. It's not like it's hard to get banned on 4chan.

That said, Optim does work at a game store, or at least frequently claims to.

>>43823930

Just know that I haven't given up on the notion that you are Virt himself. No way to prove otherwise, just thought I'd voice the bias out in the open.

>>43823887

Okay so this is probably the most fucked up of Virtualoptim's acts. It almost made us stop playing with him.

We had just joined his group after one of my friends was chatting with him at college and said that we were going to meet him for a 3.5e game. I hadn't played 3.5e in a while and it is my favorite edition (sorry) and so I was like, sure.

So we showed up. Virt was not running this game, but he was hosting at his apartment.

The session started out with us going to find some drow hiding out in a mesa or something of that sort, who were training orcs to go raid nearby villages.

On the way, we found a small village of elves. Virt was playing a human fighter-rogue with greatsword (his favorite character build that he plays in like 90% of RPGs) and his guy was secretly CE. He wanted us to take out the village and kill the elves. Despite our obvious disagreements, he decided to sneak off.

So he went up and caught the first elf guard unaware.

Virt: Is it a male or female elf.

DM: (rolls randomly): Uhh, a female elf. Just sitting out with her bow.

Virt: Okay I kill her.
Most DMs would have decided "lol it's a 9th level elf" but this guy wasn't about to be a stupid karma GM and change stuff around. I think he had a longer plan for how it would work out; Virt's character would eventually be hunted down by other elf villages. Incidentally, Virt isn't the "suddenly this guy is 9th level just because you wanted to kill him" type either.... which I guess is good.

Anyway what happened next is pretty indescribably fucked. If you remember his elf slaughter monologue bullshit, it was basically like that. Effectively he dragged her away after slitting her throat and started stabbing holes in her and fucking them. After about 10 minutes of this the DM threw up his hands and said "fuck this, guys, I can't do this anymore." Then he packed up and left. We kinda yelled at Virt but then he basically kicked us out of his apartment.

>>43818303
OP said "at the table," so I seriously hope this didn't happen in person.
Did he like, print it out for you or something?

>>43824021
Shhh, anon! We all know, just let him tell the story.

>>43816020
That guy played as an intelligent monkey wizard who focused on illusionist stuff. No strength to speak of, but with a monkey familiar he could carry some things, and aced sneaking and climbing roles, making him a stealth wizard.

Worst thing is, he stole the barbarian's backstory critical sword, hid it, and thoroughly aggravated the party by not just being straight with them, and taking two sessions to get to getting that sword back. He didn't even seem to understand OOC what he did was wrong.

>>43823951

Yes, he does work at a game store. We go in there sometimes and he's always on the computer, which he only leaves to check people out and help customers.

It's in an old warehouse, so flourescent lights, etc.. But it is mildly big, I'd say probably about 1500 sq ft..

>>43824021

Sorry man. Believe or don't, but I understand your bias. I hope I can make it pretty clear that I'm not him given the kind of shit I am going to be saying about him.

>>43823898
>>43823906

Okay so the Bedroom Discovery.

So this was a while later. I should explain why we actually went back to Virt ever again, given what a piece of shit he was.

Well due to some stupid shit among our friends, the DM of that 3.5 campaign kinda fell out with us, due to him having fights with the girlfriend of one of the other members. Meanwhile, one of the other guys who was a close friend of virt, had said he was a good GM, and that we should try this game called MiniSix that he was going to run. So we went back for a Zombie Apocalypse-type campaign which actually lasted a real long time and was a lot of fun.

But yeah his bedroom; I remember he forgot one of his books in his room at one point and wanted me to retrieve it, some 3.5 book or something.

He has. Every. Single. 3.5. Book.

Oh, and tons of the 4e and AD&D books as well. As well as tons of shit from d20 modern, which we also played a few times.

I don't think you understand how many books I am talking about, and since I don't have a picture it's really kinda hard to describe. Let's just say I am almost certain he either stole or inherited most of his collection because there is no way he could afford that.

I never counted the books but I am talking an entire 6 foot bookshelf full of them.

He also had a computer in the corner of his room, which I didn't get a very good look at but it had a picture of a female elf impaled against a tree as the background. It looked like some kind of 3D art.

Cont. below

>>43824029
>Started stabbing holes in her and fucking them
Sounds like Virt.

>>43823894

Okay, let me finish up the bedroom story first (since the last post hit character limit) and then I will talk about the Disappearing Cheater.


So anyway, that was my first experience broaching Virt's inner sanctum. What I will say is, the guy has some kind of CAD program he used to make semi-shitty art for some of our games, or to visualize some adventure site (like a warehouse complex in the zombie game, he modeled out a bit). he told about this a lot.

So one time I was over and I was in his room, he was showing me something in one of his D&D books. Everyone else had already left, and I was about to take off, but he said he wanted me to stay behind so he could show me something.

He went to take a piss, and so I was left in his semi-cold room reading through Complete Adventurer or something. So I was curious if his desktop background was still the slaughtered elf. I went over, moved the mouse, and the desktop came on, and .... it was, but it was a different picture. Worse, it looked like he had made it with his CAD program. Like a pretty badly sculpted female elf staggering back after being shot with like three arrows.

There was also a folder on his desktop called "elves" which I double clicked on. No joke there were dozens of these 3D screenshots in there, he'd even used particle effects for blood spray.

Then he came back from the bathroom and I had to turn off the monitor.

>>43821930
>>Late at night some time, DM says he's out of inspiration. Asks us if we want to do some improvised whatever.
>>Autismo suggests the brothel campaign, I cringe
>>DM says he'll run it. He brings his tumblrite sister
>>Ohboyherewego
>proceeds to go nowhere with this
What was the point of describing her as "tumblrite" repeatedly if she was seemingly totally down with something as out-there as a brothel campaign? Did she wear nerd glasses that offended you or something?

>>43824160
So, the guy has torture/guro fetish. Can't say i'm surprised.

the real problem is that dude doesnt even try to hide his fetish. Like, seriously, that's a common courtesy.

Is the shelf full of books that weird? I have a whole bookshelf full of fantasy/sci-fi books (to say nothing of my other books, mostly inherited). Granted, they're cheaper than D&D books, but still.

I don't remember much to make a greentext story, but once one of my players made his PC go through mpreg and oviposition with a lesser green dragon.

>>43823842
>but I swear to god he gets a creepy smile on his face when he described one of the female NPCs being stabbed to death by the BBEG. Like I'm 90% sure he had a boner.
yup that's a positive ID right there

can someone please repost that story with the guy who joins a skype group and he leaves in like the first session after the DM informed him that he had a crush on him

>>43824251
Probably because, like all teenage girls, she's on tumblr.

The storyteller is the shittiest guy in the story. It's a lesson in the unreliable narrator convention of fiction.

>>43824268
>>43824160
Honestly, I was expecting much worse from 'The Bedroom Discovery.' The guy jerks off on magic cards, that room could've been hiding all sorts of depravity.

>>43824251
Because he's a paranoid bitch nigga.

>>43824382
Painstakingly done self-made shitty elf snuff porn isn't bad enough?

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>>43821574
I'm so sorry anon.

>>43823842
>elf village slaughter

I had my doubts, but now I know this must be virtual "HOLY SHIT I FUCKING HATE BLONDE PEOPLE HOW DARE THEY HAVE NICE HAIR KILL AL ELVES" optim

>>43823894

Sorry, browser crashed and lost my post. Anyway, onto the disappearing cheater story:

So after a while of playing MiniSix zombies, the entire group ended up wiped out by a horde of zombies that was attracted by a firefight with some bandit gunmen. It was a real great battle; people moving all over the warehouse complex we were hiding out in, getting shot at by like one or two surviving bandits, trying to fight off massive hordes of zombies. The characters got overwhelmed one by one. It was a brutal end to the campaign but it was awesome. I actually give major props to virt for DMing it well, despite his shittiness in other areas of being.

So after that, Virt decided he wanted to try GURPS. He had a printout of GURPS lite which he made us read / sent us the PDF, and we made characters. We decided we wanted to go back to the zombie game, and kind of link it to the other one by playing as friends of some NPCs who had left our old survivor group earlier.

So basically, we did kind-of the same campaign, but in GURPS. Partly because we're all Walking Dead junkies and can't get over a fad that died years ago.

So at one point this guy started cheating. Like, not obviously, because he hid it well. But on a roll to make an important shot or fast talk some bandits, he would roll then add up quickly and pick up the dice again before we could really say anything. We'd call him on it sometimes, and he'd go back to rolling normally for a while. He'd also fail important rolls once in a while to keep it non-obvious what he was doing.

So, about a month after this cheating started, the guy stopped cheating pretty abruptly.

Three sessions after that, the guy stopped coming.

A few months later we were sitting around chatting when the guy came up. We all mentioned how him quitting was kind of weird, and then laughed about his cheating that fooled no one. Virt just kinda smirked and said "yeah, I took care of that"

I dont want to know what he did.

>>43824458
>guy with a guro fetish "took care of" a cheating player
Dude. Have you seen this guy since then? If not, you need to call the fucking cops.
Hey, we might get an SVU episode based on the /tg/ freak who faps to murdered elves and killed a player for fudging dice out of it.

>>43824160
>Bedroom Discovery
>just a nerdy collection of books

Talk about bait and switch.

I am disappointment

>>43824510
Did you miss the bit about the home-baked 3DCG elf guro?

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>>43824458
Nigga...that's creepy as fuck

>>43824268

>Is the shelf full of books that weird? I have a whole bookshelf full of fantasy/sci-fi books (to say nothing of my other books, mostly inherited). Granted, they're cheaper than D&D books, but still.

Mate I am talking over 100 books. Think ALL of the core 3.5 supplements, plenty of Faerun books, a few 4e books, most of the d20 modern collection, including d20 past, plus some miscellaneous third party d20 books, and some Savage Worlds books, and a few GURPS books.

Not saying there's anything wrong with it, but Virt is a poorfag save for some financial aid from his rich parents, so I really found the sheer amount of books surprising.

>>43824321

There were other instances after that. Virt took a lot of inspiration from the Walking Dead comics, and more than once female NPCs in our zombie survival campaign were brutally killed or executed. And he described their deaths in WAY more detail than the male characters. Like one girl who was like 14, we helped her escape from a religious cult camp. Basically we found refuge in a Waco-type place full of guys led by some preacher who thought the zombies were god's test. Except there was also a bunch of teenage bride shit going on, so we decided to try to kill the guy. Result was a huge firefight where the girl ended up shot by an assault rifle, and Virt decided to spend about sixty straight seconds describing how she bled out and her eyes went blank and shit.

It was awful because he was a real good GM, I maintain that our zombie campaign had a better plot / characters / moral dillemmas than either the actual Walking Dead show or comics. But then he'd go and pull creepy shit like that, and it was like a stain on the masterpiece.

Anyway, who wants to hear more stories? We still have a few I haven't told:

> AFMBE Spergout
> Pathfinder Ragequit
> Dungeon World Hipster Expulsion
> FNM Knife Incident

(Added a couple, I completely forgot about the last one)

>>43824527
I would be suprised if virt DIDN'T have guro porn. It's hardly news.

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>>43821625

>>43824540
>> Pathfinder Ragequit


Im still here, still reading

>>43824540
Mr.anon, can you tell me the story of ''Pathfinder Ragequit''?

>>43824588
Seconding. I really want to hear about the spergout, too.

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>>43824458
>"yeah, I took care of that"

>>43824503

I have seen the guy since then. I asked him why he quit the group and he said "I don't want to talk about it"

>>43824538

I agree. I don't know what happened for sure but something tells me that Virt threatened the guy with his switchblade or something.

>>43824510

Well I hit character limit on the posts so I didn't want to spend too much time rambling on his non-/tg/-related creepiness.

He also had a few thousand magic cards like any fa/tg/uy. He had a few on his nightstand that looked stained, but honestly there were like 6 cups on the nightstand as well so it's more likely a drink stain than jizz.

Other than that though the cards were pretty well taken care of. Plastic boxes, etc. He works at a card store and often he opens / closes the store so I wouldn't be surprised if he skims a few MTG cards while he's there.

>>43824577
>>43824588

Alright, Pathfinder Rage Quit it is.

This is a kinda tame story but it's the only time I've seen Virt lose his temper, and it's when I learned he owns a shotgun.

So despite being males in our late teens to mid 20s, and being mostly agreeable guys, our group OCCASIONALLY has a bit of drama in it.

For example, one time this guy's girlfriend brought one of her male friends and a couple of his friends over to GM pathfinder for us.

So this was a in a low point when we only had virt's zombie campaign to keep us going, so we figured some Pathfinder wouldn't go amiss. Also Virt had spent the last three weeks on Gmail ranting at me about how much he hated D&D Next (I know it's 5e but he's called it Next so many fucking times I cannot get it out of my fucking head, goddamn) that I figured some PF wouldn't go amiss. Especially given how sick he was of running a public D&D 5 game at his store, which he also would not quit whining about. And again, I should have stopped being friends with this guy, but he's a good GM and he's chilled a bit since then. Not to mention how attached I was to our zombie campaigns; it'd be like being friends with the Walking Dead writer, but he's a total douche IRL, but if you stop hanging out with him he won't write anymore, so you stick around.

Anyway, enough background. Basically we had a new GM for pathfinder which we played at Virt's apartment (we played our 2nd and 3rd sessions in the lounge at the college but Virt declared that that was no longer an option and offered to drive us all to his place where we could play in "more privacy."

Continued below

>>43816813
Why does your semester start in late November? What school does this?

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>>43824697
>drive us all to his place where we could play in "more privacy."

>>43824724
I remember this story from a few months back. He's probably reposting it.

Either way, his RPG club could have taken a while to meet up. Took a month or two in my college's case.

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>>43824697
>Privet time with Virt

>>43824697

Pathfinder Rage Quit Part 2:

Oh yeah and sorry for rambling so much, I'm the kind of guy that takes 15 minutes to tell a 2 minute story.... hope it's not too annoying for you guys.

Anyway, so this new gamemaster was EVERYTHING virt hates in a GM. He has very very strong opinions about how GMing should be done, a lot like the GM advice in Apocalypse World, which is ironic since apparently he hates that system so much.

This guy WAS a pretty bad GM, to be honest. He didn't deserve what virt did to him, but he did railroad, with DMPCs ripped off from anime, all that jazz. It wasn't intolerable, it was just kind of annoying. Virt spent most of the time doodling what looked like stick people stabbing each other, but whenever I craned my neck over to see what he was drawing, he put his hand over it. Later he asked me if he could borrow his red pen, and I obliged. He took it and went back to drawing.

So yeah, if you are spending a PF campaign doodling, you must be pretty bored with it.

It escalated from there. Virt started to sigh whenever this guy "subtly" railroaded us. He'd go on gchat with me and write out paragraph-long rants about each thing this GM did that pissed him off. Rants full of "player agency" and "deus ex machina" type whining.

So finally this came to a nexus when we had gotten about ten sessions in. By this point, almost everyone was sick of the campaign, and the GM had fucked the girlfriend of the guy who had originally introduced him to the group. There was more to it than that but basically we were all on tenterhooks about continuing this campaign.

Then things went to hell really fast.

>>43824697
>Virt lose his temper, and it's when I learned he owns a shotgun
THIS CAN'T END WELL

>>43824799
I get the feeling this is going to turn into a fucked up evil rape-filled version of Old Man Henderson.

>>43818563
> because he's semi-illiterate, or trying to cheat, or just a dumbass.
This sentence really needs "and/or" instead of "or" imho.

>>43816826
He doesn't appear to be explicitly wanting to cause problems like that guy. Feels like he has problems socializing and communicating.

>>43824756
>>43824766

Oh yeah I should explain virt's hatred for hipsters. He loathes them, and he loathes what he considers "fake roleplayers" and thus he does not want to play at the college where people will either make fun of us / look at us in disgust, or (worse in virts mind) try to join in. He considers tabletop gaming an elite hobby that should only be for weird-ish social recluse types.

I should also add I'm pretty sure that this guy hasn't been laid in about a year since his girlfriend broke up with him, except for prostitutes. But I don't want to get into that.

>>43824799

Pathfinder Rage Quit Part 3 (really sorry about this, I swear the other stories are shorter)

So Virt was playing a duskblade with a greatsword (yes the GM let him port the class over to Pathfinder, dunno if Pathfinder even has a duskblade honestly). He wanted to use some spell that gets past Spell Resistance on one of the drow BBEGs we were fighting.

Now, the GM had really been a piece of shit the last adventure, because he'd introduced drow, but forgot that there is an actual set number for their spell resistance. So we'd been failing spell penetration rolls with 22s and 23s. Which, if you are familiar with 3.5 rules for drow, means these fuckers would have had to be like 10th or 11th level when we were like 4th and 5th. And they obviously weren't because the most powerful spell they ever cast was fireball.

Virt called bullshit on this several times, but the GM just said "lol rule zero" basically. And virt would roll his eyes and go back to doodling. But tensions were heating up.

Alright next post is last post I swear.... this site has such a low char limit.

>>43824924
Take your time. I just put the popcorn in.

>>43824924

>except for prostitutes. But I don't want to get into that.

I'm not sure you have that luxury. You have come bearing gifts, and greedy though it may be, we won't let you leave until you are drained of every last one of them.

>>43823610
>skill monkey Rogue

So what's the problem? Those are loads of fun. Nobody forces you to try and backstab constructs and elementals. Just hangb ack, plink a little with ranged weapons, and see all the bumbling meat mountains fail at skill challanges until you step in.

>>43824924
Take your time Anon, i'm really enjoying this.

>>43824029
I don't believe you.

>>43824924

Pathfinder Rage Quit Part 4 (and the LAST PART)


So virt cast some fire spell that can be halved by spell resistance, but some of the damage still gets through.

> Virt: I use Calgor's Fireball (I think that's what it was called)
> DM: Okay. Roll for damage
> Virt: *rolls* 8
> DM: Okay. IT appears to have no effect
> Virt: You do understand it goes THROUGH spell resistance
> DM: Yeah I know, but that's normal spell resistance.
> Virt: What the fuck are you talking about.
> DM: These guys are different, they are reistant to all spells
> Virt: That's absolute bullshit. It says in the rules that this spell goes past spell resistance
> DM: Stop being a rules lawyer
> Virt: I'm not. You are being a faggot-ass DM by basically castrating us whenever we try to do anything
> DM: Well, if you don't like it, don't play.

At this point, Virt stands up, picks up his character sheet, and tears it in half.

> Get the fuck out of my apartment

At this point we were all like, virt man calm down. That said, none of us were a fan of the GM, for reasons both in-game and out. So I turned to GM and said "dude maybe we should call it here. A lot of us are getting frustrated with this campaign."

Bad idea. Turns out the GM has some sperg blood as well.

Virt made some offhand comment about the guy being a shit GM, and these two start ROARING at each other. Like virt is a pretty skinny quiet dude but I swear his voice dropped six octaves and went up ninety decibels. This continues until Virt threatens to call the cops, and the GM and a couple friends leave.

The worst part came afterward when most people had left, and it was just me and some other guy. Virt went into his room and came back with a legit shotgun, and said if the guy came back he was going to "blow his ass-fucking brains out" and that he wouldn't go to jail because it would be self-defense. He calmed down after that and we sat around and chatted. Later he apologized for fucking up the game.

>>43824924
I'm kinda imagining Virt as shittier, nerdier version of Patrick Bateman right now.

>>43825027
>Hello, police? I shot a man
>It was in self defense though
>Yeah, he was trying to pick up a bag he left here
>That's right, it was his bag. So when can you be here?

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>>43825027
>Like virt is a pretty skinny quiet dude but I swear his voice dropped six octaves and went up ninety decibels
Fucking Christ.

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>>43824247
Well, at least we know where the Elder Scrolls gods got Pelinal Whitestrake from.

>>43824961
>>43824939

Thanks. Glad to know these are entertaining.

>>43824942

Alright, fuck you :) I just don't want to get too far off of /tg/-related topics. I will try to weave it into one of the next stories.

Anyway, we still have:

> AFMBE spergout
> Dungeon World Hipster Expulsion
> FNM knife incident

I think that's all the interesting stories I have, but if I think of more I will add to the list. I also promise these next stories will be shorter, except maybe the last one, which might take some time to set up.

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>>43824029
Alright, I believe you now

>>43824562
Consuming guro porn is one thing, painstakingly making it is entirely another.

If it's commissions fine, but when you're involved with something to the level of making your own fetish art? That is worrisome levels there.

>>43825065
Spergout! Man, why do I have to go to work today... Gonna miss all the fun.

>>43825065

>Dungeon World Hipster Expulsion

We all know Virt hates DW, but I want to see that shit play out in the meatspace. I want to hear it in all its glorious autism.

>>43825027
Well...the Gm sounds like a total faggot, but...i dunno man, i think Virt overreact

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>>43824799

>and the GM had fucked the girlfriend of the guy who had originally introduced him to the group.

>>43825065
FNM knife incident

>>43825038

Just read up on him on Wikipedia, I have to say that is pretty much spot on. Though I am mostly sure Virt has never actually raped / murdered someone. Mostly.

>>43825092

Don't worry, you'll be able to find it on 4plebs afterward. Plus you can bookmark the thread.

I will do the AFMBE spergout in a second, though.

>>43825094

Oh it was glorious. He almost got fired from the store over it. Same with the FNM thing, although that didn't happen at the same store.

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>>43821574
We definitely NEED to know more. Y'know, for our safety.

> meet loser online
Where exactly?

> drive 5 states away to move in with loser
Did you know he was a loser then? Should you have known and ignored what, in hindsight, should've been red flags?

> works at a pizza place where I guess the smell covers up his ungodly BO
What pizza parlor should we avoid? Does the place at least have a reputation for "lower quality" stuff?

> regret ever mentioning internet memes to him because he literally only communicates via meme
Did you actually teach him memes, did you just mention the thing and he went researching them like a madman or did it just trigger an "It's ok to speak in meems with him" reaction?

>play Pathfinder with this guy and his group
>everyone is furry
>boohoos at me for making a "edgy" character
Pic definitely related. I suspect you've been making poor choices for quite a while now, or that the guy's BO destroyed your mind.

Either way, as far as /tg/ is concerned, you're THEIR That Guy. Not that it's a bad thing, in this case. I only wonder why you do not search for a game outside his circle of friends, just so you could escape for a few hours every so often.

>>43818035
iktf bro, I've been building an all bikes SM army for about 6 years, and with the new rules everyone shits on me for being a power gaming bandwagoner. My Captain that I modeled in 2011 is basically smashfucker with a relic blade, I barely get to use him anymore.

>>43825092

Okay, so AFMBE spergout is pretty short, so I'll do that, then DW hipster expulsion, then I'll finish off with the FNM knife shit because that's a real winner.

AFMBE SPERGOUT:

So AFMBE = all flesh must be eaten = a decently good zombie RPG. I personally didn't like it a whole lot because it just felt kind of messy and I didn't like how many hit points you started with, and getting shot with a .38 took a few shots to kill. I only say that because getting shot in our GURPS zombie game was a big deal; it would take several sessions for people to recover from that.

But anyway Virt got the book as a christmas present from his ex (I really don't know what the fuck is up with those two, they still send each other stuff) and I'm pretty sure he is still in love with her so he decided yes we must play this.

So we decided to do ANOTHER zombie apocalypse campaign, after the GURPS one had mostly ended in slaughter due to us just finally running out of luck. Basically someone had decided, while clearing a warehouse, to shoot a propane tank with incendiary ammo to kill zombies (she'd been playing too much HL2 or something) and the result was she got some shrapnel stuck in her. Her in-game and IRL boyfriend decided we HAD to save her, and the result was splitting the group; half went to the hospital to get better medical supplies, while my character stayed to try to keep her from bleeding out. Result was a long 6 hour clusterfuck of a session that ended with them all being devoured in the hospital, and her bleeding to death after 2 hours. Leaving me as the only survivor.

Shit, sorry, tangent.

Anyway, we'd been playing a lot of other campaigns, so it wasn't like we were only playing zombie shit. But AFMBE seemed cool, so we made up characters and started up a new campaign, this time from the beginning of the apocalypse.

Cont. below. I promise only one more post, this one IS short.

>>43823769
Hmmmm I don't think so no

Just because it's possible one could THINK of that stupid plan, doesn't mean realistically any faithfully played character would actually do that.

Maybe if you were chaotic evil, maybe, and had like 6 int and 6 wisdom (and 6 charisma). But even then it's just not a good or realistic plan.

>>43825261

AFMBE SPERGOUT PART II


It started out pretty awesome. We ended up having to hole up in a sky scraper after zombies started attacking the work convention our characters were at. After a few in-game weeks, we finally got a radio working, and pretty quickly hear about a refugee camp at a state park up north, and that the city was going to be nuked soon. So we had about 48 hours to get out of a city full of zombies.

However, before long, virt started to get angry at the rules. This campaign lasted six sessions in total, and it barely concluded. Virt looked more and more strained, like he was not enjoying the rules or the game. He went on about how "he wished it was better" and how "I am really pissed at the designers for making some of the choices they did"

I told him I'd be fine with us converting to Savage Worlds or something, it wouldn't actually be that hard given the way your characters are set up in AFMBE. But he said no, he had to finish the campaign.

It was at this point I realized he probably just didn't want to waste his ex-gf's gift.

So finally we got out of the city and to the refugee camp, when virt said that was the end, and he was sick of the rules. Some guy said they were okay, and virt basically told him to shut the fuck up. Something was DEFINITELY off with him, like he's normally pretty calm and reserved and chill, but for the first time in a while he looked legitimately upset. I kinda motioned to the guys we should head out, which we did. I was the last to leave. While I was walking away from his apartment I heard some kind of anguished tard-rage-esque roar from his apartment. Not like him just sperging out, but like the kind of noise you'd make if you found your wife and son dead or something.

Next day he came on Gchat at like 3:30 pm, saying he'd just woken up after drinking a shit ton, and was pissed he missed his classes.

A few days later, he said he'd sold the AFMBE book to the store he worked at.

>GM tries to convince new guy to play a warforged sorcerer in 3.5
>He'll end with 11 in Cha
>He also tries to convince him to pick adamantine body as his first feat
>With an arcane caster
>I try to convince the new guy not to do it
>GM "Mind your own bussiness if you don't want to get your PC killed before even start"
360º noscope and moonwalked away

>>43825192
One of those power lists he ran was actually Iron Hands bikes and smash fucker, with the excuse that its fluffy because of a scene in a novel he read where one of their librarians commandeered a single bike. Which somehow justifies three squads of them. Worst part? He didn't even have said librarian in that list.

>>43825355
>While I was walking away from his apartment I heard some kind of anguished tard-rage-esque roar from his apartment. Not like him just sperging out, but like the kind of noise you'd make if you found your wife and son dead or something.
I actually feel sorry for Virt.

>>43825355

Okay I'm just going to jump into the last two because it's day before thanksgiving and I'd like to actually socialize at some point. But it's good to get this off my chest.

So without further ado, the Dungeon World Hipsters Expulsion.

Basically how this goes is, there are some guys at Virt's game store that play Dungeon World. They are basically redditor-incarnate types, and to be honest they are pretty annoying. In fact I honestly kind of understand why virt hates Apocalypse World games; I kinda just dislike them, Virt hates them.

So virt played with these guys once, and they were basically rules-lawyers apparently, and Virt got really annoyed because we didn't get any penalty to convince some guy whose daughter they'd killed, or something. He went on about in Gchat at one point, but I don't save chat records so now I can't find it. But anyway he was hella pissed about the lack of difficulty modifiers. I think he even emailed D Vincent Baker at one point, before realizing he didn't actually write Dungeon World, just the game it was based on.

So these guys were pissing him off for a while. They'd come in in like, pretentious felt clothes, one even had a fedora, et cetera. I saw them a few times and it was like they set out to fill the stereotype.

They also came in with micro-brew-type beer. That turned out to be their downfall, in an encounter that I am pretty sure Virt still masturbates about to this day.

>>43825355
I have question Anon, i know you say he was a good Gm and all that...but...it was worth it? i mean, it was worth it deal with all those moments just for a good moment of roleplaying?

>>43823688

It is also made out of pure sex.

>>43825444

Part 2, this is gonna go quick

Virt's store has a rule against alcohol. No, nobody gives a shit in most cases, but the store is like a hop skip and a jump from the college Virt and I attend, so I guess that's why the rule is there. I don't even know.

So I had just gotten out of class and I was going to head back home, when I got a text from Virt: "come to the store, you need to see this"

I replied "what"

"Need you to just come in and look at stuff in the store for about half an hour. I'll buy you something"

"okay...?"

"just do it. please"

So I agreed, what the fuck, why not. I walk over, head in, nod to virt.

"What do you want?"

"Just hang out for a bit. Look at stuff. Don't leave til I tell you to."

"Okay...."

So I start looking at Reaper Mini shelves, picking through for one I want.

Then after about ten minutes the Dungeon World guys come in, take out their stuff, and start playing.

Now I don't really have an issue with DW but I will say these guys were really annoying, they'd literally say "fiction first" several times a session like it was some weird circlejerk. So I kinda understand where Virt's rants to me on Gchat were coming from.

So Virt tolerates them for about twenty minutes, then gives me a significant look, and heads over.

Cont below.

>>43825458

Was it worth it? Well, I still play with him a bit, so I guess the answer has to be yes. But not as much as I used to, since a lot of the group moved away from him (surprisingly, for reasons that don't even have to do with him / his fault). Overall? I would say yes, because the two zombie campaigns as well as the 3.5e campaign he ran for us that I didn't mention much about, were among the best roleplaying I've done in my entire life.

I wouldn't say overwhelmingly yes, but I will say I made a profit from roleplaying with him, in a way.

But yeah he's pretty nuts.

>>43825444
Oh shit, that story he told on /tg/ was real, I thought he was making that up to make himself look... I dunno, even more crazy than normal.

> By this point, almost everyone was sick of the campaign, and the GM had fucked the girlfriend of the guy who had originally introduced him to the group.
I would've left before you wrote down that sentence anyway. This very sentence would've got such an angry reaction.

Maybe Virt. delayed it for the sake of the other players. I would kill to hear his side of the story.

>>43825444
>Micro-brew-beer was their downfall.
Aw man. I love micro-brews. I'm morbidly curious how this happened and why Virt fucking masturbates to it.

Add another one to the list of, "Phrases which have made me question my life choices and current life situation."

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>>43816768

>>43824799
>GM fucked dudes girlfriend

whaa howd u guys know

>>43825580

Last part of the Dungeon World expulsion: the Showdown

So virt strides up to the dungeon world players, and I'm watching from behind the Reaper minis rack. There are a couple other customers in the store; can't remember what they look like except for a red-haired girl who gets involved here.

> Virt: Hey, I need you guys to leave, sorry.
> DW Guy: Why?
> Virt: You can't drink alcohol in the store. I've given you chances to stop on your own, but you continued bringing it in here.
> DW Guy: Where does it say that?
> Virt: It's been a store policy for months.
> DW Guy: Show me where it says it.
> Virt: Front store window.

Virt leads the guy over, points it out. DW guy wants to talk to the manager.

> Virt: he's not here.
> DW Guy: Not leaving til we can talk to him.
> Virt: You're leaving now, or I am calling the cops. And if you assault me, you WILL regret it

Yeah, that part kinda came out of nowhere. I'm kinda half-assing this dialogue from my shitty memory, but that last part I remember distinctly. I'm pretty sure Virt wanted the DW guy to attack him so he'd have an excuse to stab him with his knife or some bullshit. Ironically, the store also has a ban on weapons, but I guess Virt's manager never found out.

At this point, the DW guy points at Virt's nametag (you know, the kind all retail employees have to wear for some dumb reason) and says, "What are you going to do about it, Craig?"

At this point, virt actually raises his voice.

"Get out of the store, now. This is your final warning"

"No."

"Get the FUCK out."

This is where the redhaired girl comes in, trying to calm him down.

"GO BACK TO YOUR SHOPPING, I AM HANDLING THIS"

I feel my face getting warm at this point cause I'm worried Virt's gonna call me for backup. He goes behind the desk and picks up the phone and starts dialing. And yes, he legit called the cops, though they didnt end up showing up. The DW guys took off, never returned, and virt bought me a Reaper mini.

>>43825739
God, someone needs to just fucking deck Virt already. All that self-righteous faggotry.
I honestly am siding with the hipsters here. Fuck Virt, if he had his teeth punched into the back of his head for every shitpost he's ever made here it wouldn't be enough for me

>>43825739
If he wasn't such a dick that actually would have been pretty awesome.

>>43825739
>Virts name is Craig
Are you for cereal?

>>43823688
I'd fuck that gun.

I'd fuck it so hard.

>>43825739

Anyway, to conclude the DW hipsters story, because I feel like I ended it on a supportive note: Virt caught some shit from his manager about it, but those two are like bosom buddies or whatever, so it blew over pretty quick. Mostly because I think the manager's wife died of cirrhosis or something, so he wasn't cool with the beer in the store. The DW guys returned a couple times individually, and glared at virt and what not (according to him, but I realize now he might have been making that shit up) but after that they just went to playing at the other store in town. I guess they haven't found much success there either, but at least it's better than dealing with virt.

Overall I kinda don't feel sorry for them, but at the same time, I really do.

And the store across town leads into our final story: the FNM knife incident.

>>43825688

We knew cause of the nerd grapevine. It was mostly due to the girl being a slut and the guy being drunk, and the dudes were friends.... it was complicated, but there were some mitigating factors that let them sit at the same table without killing each other. But then the guy got more and more dickish about it, so the PF game was probably going to fall apart anyway. The girl was also a huge whore, I think even Virt had a turn, and that's saying something.

>>43825595

You can probably ask him on his blog or youtube or whatever the fuck. He showed me that shit recently and I honestly couldn't believe it.

who is optimvirt ?? oher than the subject of these stories i dont know what hes from, like a tg poster?

>>43825894
Shitposting troll, one dedicated to the craft. Got banned a little while ago.

thnks for sharing these

>>43825894
Smug prick who enjoys going into graphic and generally unwanted detail about his rape/gore/gore-rape fetish. Mods did us all a favor and banned him a while back.

>>43825794
We're going to need a last name for Virt.

>>43825794

Oh shit, yeah it is. I mentioned it cause of the "thrusting finger at nametag" part that basically drove him over the edge. Which, to be fair, would probably set off any retail employee who's had it with a chronic customer's shit. Though I kinda agree with >>43825785 and >>43825788, the guys were a bit cuntish but they didn't deserve that kind of embarrassment.

Anyway, I will tell the FNM knife story, which might be a bit long, and then... fuck it, AMA I guess. I know that sounds a bit presumptuous but I'm out of good stories after that so I'd need prompting to think of more.

Oh yeah and I'll see if I can weave the hookers into this next bit as well.

Anyway:

THE FNM KNIFE INCIDENT

This was actually a while ago, but it should be last cause this is where he kinda loses his shit in a big way. And I think it's actually kind of fascinating, in retrospect (because the details fell into place later) as to what led up to it. Like a character-study type thing or something.

So a few weeks before this, I had gone to Virt's apartment about an hour before the game was supposed to start. Normally I wouldn't do that since it's kinda impolite, but virt was pretty chill about people showing up early, or even just showing up without invitation. He lives alone so I guess I don't blame him. Whatever.

So this night I bumped into some chick walking down the hall from where Virt's apartment was. She was like, 100% hooker, I swear. The heels alone were enough. I mean, maybe I am wrong, but if you saw her you'd agree.

So I get to virt's apartment and knock, and hear "oh shit" from inside, and then he shouts "Hang on a sec!" and I hear rustling and eventually he comes to the door, clothes look like theyve been hastily put on. The entire apartment smelled like sex, if that makes sense. I'm not too successful with women but even I could be 90% sure two people had just fucked in here.

So we went back to playing 3.5 once everyone got there, and I kinda let it go.

>>43826017
And an area code. And his credit card information. And blood type. And his mother's maiden name. A date of birth would help too.

>>43825027
Sounds like when spergs collide. The shotgun bit is... worrying though.

>>43826025

Sorry, went a bit off topic in that last bit. I hope it will all come together.

So the next week I see virt chatting with a girl at the college, where I said I was gonna meet him so we could go chill at the store for a bit before his shift there. The girl is actually pretty cute, like not gorgeously hot, but still not the type you'd expect virt to be with. I figured it was another hooker, til she gave him a hug, and walked off. Asked him who it was, he said it was just a friend he hadn't seen in a while. I leave off and we go chill.

This is where I become kind of a creeper. I go home and look at his facebook friends until I find a girl who looks kind of like her, go wayyyy back in her profile and find pics of her and virt with their arms around each other and shit. So basically, he'd been hanging out with his ex.

This was also not too long after the whole AFMBE thing, where he'd flipped out and sold her present to the store after gamely trying to like the system that she'd sent him.

So I figured I'd bring her up, and I learned over some small tidbits of news (virt didn't like to talk about her much) that she played some kind of free-form-ish RPG over text messaging with him for about a year, and that she was pretty into roleplaying, and that virt had planned to marry her or something, but he took it back once I said "dude really?" and said no, not really, just kidding. He also wouldn't say why they broke up.

So I decided this guy's kinda sad, maybe I misjudged him. So I decided to take him to FNM at the other store in town (the one he doesn't work at). Virt hasn't done FNM in a while at this point, so I figured it'd help him. Again, maybe I'd misjudged the guy.

Oh I was soooo wrong.

Oh man, I've got so many stories for this thread.

When I was in highschool, I was in a punk band with my three best friends. We basically hung out all day jamming, smoking, and playing D&D. I GMd almost the whole time because no one else ever wanted to. All four of us had our moments, but by far the worst was Colby. I've got four stories in mind:

>Cletus and the Kobold Caper
>Cletus 2: Showdown in Desert City
>The Screaming Robot of Ice Mountain
>Trouble on Skull Island

Which one do you want to hear first?

>>43826155
Kobold Caper sounds fun.

>>43825739

>Virt's name is Craig
Fucking knew it.

>>43826136

Alright enough background, let's get into the fun part. Virt likes Magic but god almighty is he an insufferable bastard talking about it. To be fair, I kinda agree with some of his points, but he will not shut the fuck up about it. Apparently his ex-gf was wicked into MTG and I guess they played every night when they lived together. But he hates planeswalkers, and he hates how shitty the new cards are compared to the old ones (his words, not mine).

I knew he wouldn't play Standard so I found out the store does Modern for FNM once a month.... something that still puzzles me because I always thought FNM had to be Standard per some weird WotC regulation?? Maybe not. I'm definitely not an expert on MTG tournaments.

So virt built a RB deck full of unblockables and burn spells, which was actually pretty decent. I was surprised. He blew his way through to get into the second half of the tournament. I wasn't doing so well (ended up playing against a couple ten year old girls, daughers of some neckbeard, near the end). But I watched virt from across the room and he seemed to be having fun.

Then someone played a Jace, and virt's reaction managed to get him banned from the store.

>>43826237
He sounds like a fucking Craig doesnt he?

Every Craig I have ever met has been a colossal self-righteous asshole for some reason

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>>43826263
Dis gon b gud

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>>43826263
>Then someone played a Jace, and virt's reaction managed to get him banned from the store
Okay, I know Jace is a bit OP against certain decks, but how pissed at a potential win-con do you have to be to get yourself banned outright?

>>43826263

Last post of the stories

It wasn't the Jace that set him off, actually. It was the specific Jace, which was the Lorwyn one, which starts at 3 loyalty then buffs to 5.

Virt had used up all his lightning bolts at this point and was pretty much out of burn spells, because cheap-CMC burn decks tend to prematurely ejaculate, at least in my experience. So he had like one card in hand, and a Tormented Soul on the battlefield. Maybe it was two, I can't remember.

So basically how it went, according to Virt's retelling later, was this guy buffing Jace 2 to draw a card, then Virt swinging for 2 with tormented souls. Virt started getting shit draws, and ended up losing the game once the guy filled up his hand. To be fair, it was a pretty shit luck on Virt, who had actually built a semi-decent deck without netdecking or anything. Not saying he's good at MTG, only that he isn't total shit from what I've seen.

It didn't help that Jace's "capstone" ability (is that what it's called? someone please answer my dumb-ass questions) is some kind of massive mill effect. And, looking at the Gatherer as I type this, it is pretty cool. Certainly not OP in my opinion, especially given how fast Modern goes, but the game had dragged out a bit because the blue deck was slow as fuck, so Virt only had like 21 cards left for some reason. Which doesn't add up now that I think about it, because 40 turns would take a long-as-fuck time, but to be honest he might have snuck a 40-card deck into the tournament or something and the guy just didn't give a shit. I honestly have no clue.

Continued in next post, darn character limit.

>>43826263
Someone needs to screencap all of this guy's posts, please.

>>43826391
Final or Ultimate I think is the coloquial term. Ultimate moreso.

>>43826391
His ult is a 20 card mill which costs 10 Loyalty, which can be used, assuming you aren't getting smacked around too bad, about 4 to 5 turns after he's put down.

>>43826421

Alright, thanks man.

>>43826391

Okay, THIS is the last post. Sorry guys. I just don't want to break up the post during a good part.

Anyway, I don't know exactly how the game went down.

What I do know is, Virt and the guy got into an argument. Fortunately Virt wasn't registered or anything or he'd probably have a lifetime DCI ban; though the other guy almost got a ban too. They got into a fight, virt shouting "WELL MAYBE YOU SHOULD STOP PLAYING SUCH BROKEN-ASS CARDS" and the guy said "ITS JUST A FUCKING JACE, GET BETTER AT THE GODDAMN GAME" and virt went "HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO FUCKING KEEP UP WHEN THEY PRINT MORE AND MORE POWERFUL SHIT EACH SET" and the guy said "DUDE YOU'RE A FUCKING MORON GET OUT OF THE STORE"

"WHY DONT YOU GET OUT OF THE STORE, STOP SUCKING MARK ROSEWATER'S JEW COCK JUST TO MASTURBATE YOUR TINY PENIS, FAT-ASS"

(I might not be getting this all right, but trust me I am capturing the spirit of the argument. There was definitely a "kike" shouted in there somewhere)

"I AM CALLING THE JUDGE"

"FUCK THE JUDGE"

Virt starts gathering up his cards and storms out, but he turns back for a final declaration.

"THIS IS HOW YOU RUIN GAMES. FUCKING POWER-ESCALATING IT INTO PA TO WIN BULLSHIT!"

The store owner starts coming forward, and something bizarre happened

"FUCK YOU, IM SORRY. HERE, HAVE SOME OF YOUR SHITTY KIKE CARDS BACK"

And virt goes through his deck, pulls out like 10 cards, and throws them at the guy. Then he leaves, and I hear his car screech leaving the parking lot.

Which sucked because he had driven us both there.

He also refused to drive back and get met.

So I had to walk (in the rain, just for completeness) to the subway down the road so he could come get me.

He apologized profusely, and seemed calmer, but he kept shaking his head. He also told me he doesn't actually hate jews, and that his uncle is jewish or something. He "just wanted to get his point across."

..Hit char limit again, so I'll wrap up in the next post.

>>43826237
So you could say that Dungeon World is on Craig's black list.

>>43826179
Alright. This is actually the first game of D&D I'd ever run, Colby and one of the other guys, we'll call him W, had played a heavily modded version of ADnD with W's dad.

Colby stats up Cletus the Half Orc Warrior, his character from ADnD. He was the only person in the party to use point buy, and wound up with something like 22 strength, and absolute garbage in everything else.

The party is tasked with killing some kobolds holed up in a ruined castle cellar north of town. They head out, and Colby immediately says "CHECK FOR TRAPS" and rolls a d20. Obviously, he doesn't find traps because he's on a major roadway right outside town, something I explain in very clear terms. He keeps rolling to "find traps" literally every two minutes until something happens.

They come across the wreckage of a cart with a gnome trapped underneath. The gnome offers to give the party most of his shipment of gunpowder if they help him out (I was 14 at the time and thought it would be a fun idea). Cletus instead beheads the trapped gnome in a single attack and ties three barrels of gunpowder to his back. The party continues.

They get to the dungeon and start fighting kobolds, things go pretty well, but Cletus is pretty banged up from having something like 7 constitution. Colby tells me that Cletus eats all the dead kobolds to "regain health." I tell him that's not how it works, and he says he "doesn't believe me" and continues to paint a vivid picture of Cletus cutting off chunks of raw kobold ass meat and eating it. I'm talking, Redwall feast level of culinary detail.

contd.

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>>43826499
>He also told me he doesn't actually hate jews, and that his uncle is jewish or something. He "just wanted to get his point across."

That sounds like a half-assed excuse.

Why the hell do you continue to associate with such a waste of sperm and eggs?

>>43826591

This.

Also, I feel like that reaction image needs a proper title. Something like "and then Virt started talking".

>>43826409

I would, but Snipping Tool is a pain to use on a touchpad and I don't have a mouse. This whole thing should be saved in 4plebs somewhere, though. I know it has a nice archive of everything, which I read a ton of his posts on.

>>43826510

Heh, nice one.

>>43826499

Okay, let me conclude

So the day after this, virt gets an email from that store saying he is never allowed to return. Apparently he went there sometimes and was on their mailing list for store events, and they knew him.

I asked him about him throwing the cards, and he said that he'd "lifted" most of them from the store anyway. He also bragged about how "their security camera is so obviously fake" while also saying he had waited for the storeowner to take a piss before pocketing the cards.

Apparently it was like twenty or so commons worth about two bucks in total, so I asked why he'd steal such a small amount, and he said he didn't want to give his own store competition. Even though the cards are the same price at his store. I still do not understand this.

So anyway, Virt wrote them an email back full of rants about how they are "continuing to suck kike cock" by hosting FNM events.

Now for the knife part. Turns out the Jace guy goes to Virt's college.

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>>43826499
>This entire story
I'm sorry, but I'd love to know Virt IRL. He sounds hilarious.

>>43826530
They carry on, and get to a room with a rolling boulder trap, where the boulder keeps going in circles around a donut shaped room. Cletus tries to block the boulder with his leg, "like a wheel block on a truck." The thousand pound boulder crushes his legs instantly, and continues on its path. Rather than crawl out of the way, Cletus tries to attack the boulder with his axe on the second pass. Despite having something like +9 to hit at level one, he still manages to fail, getting run over by the boulder a second time and reducing him to 2 HP. Meanwhile the rest of the party has already gone into the next room and are fighting the kobold ringleader.

Cletus gets the message and drags himself into the next room with his hands, where the big boss fight is basically over. Among the coin treasure is a magic staff, which was to reward the wizard played by W for being the only non fuck-up (the rogue was also a piece of shit but that's another story). Cletus rolls to pull the staff out of wizard's hands, and succeeds. He screams something about dark sorcery and rolls to snap the staff with his forehead, karate style. He rolls a twenty, and the staff is destroyed. He decides to dual wield the now very non-magical broken staff halves.

They get to the final room of the dungeon, expecting a treasure trove but instead find a young white dragon. The dragon starts some speech about how the party has earned their victory, and that it will give the party a grand reward if they allow it to return to isolation in the mountains. The wizard and the rogue think this is a great idea and take the bargain. But of course, Cletus will have none of it. He rolls to, and this might be a word or two off because it's been six years, "do a handstand, and then a sweet cirque du soleil jump into the dragon's mouth so I can beat up his intestines."

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I started to wonder what Virt-Craig looks like and for some reason and I just keep picturing him as Dan.

>>43826618

Accidentally hit enter, and then realized I'd left out the knife part. This is how virt almost got banned from THE STORE HE WORKS AT.

Because the Jace guy goes to virt's college. Virt's store is close to the college, like a quarter mile walk. So I guess it was inevitable that Jace-guy and Virt would meet again.

One of my friends went to the store one day to get some MTG cards, and later that night he told me the whole thing over Gchat. Apparently Jace guy had come in, recognized virt, and gotten massively asshurt. Virt, who was understandably embarassed of acting like a full autist in front of 40 people, pushed the Jace guy a bit and told him to fuck off.

Now, Jace-guy could have walked away, like I would have. He was bigger than virt and it was such a soft shove, and he couldve sued virt into oblivion like he probably deserves.

But no, this fat-ass decides to TACKLE virt, and they end up beating the shit out of each other for like 15 seconds, before virt stands up and pulls out a fucking KNIFE.

Long story short, Jace guy fucks off, and thanks to the mutual cock-sucking of Virt and his manager, virt gets a slap on the wrist, and the Jace guy is unofficially not allowed back.

To this day I have no idea why Jace guy didn't sue virt, but apparently my friend was the only witness, and Jace guy was apparently the one starting shit, so he was probably embarassed as well.

So there you have it; Virt almost gets sent to prison over a stupid-ass Magic the Gathering game.

>>43826630

He is actually a pretty likeable guy in a lot of ways. He's just also a borderline psychopath who likes cutting up elves or something.

>>43826591
>Why the hell do you continue to associate with such a waste of sperm and eggs?

I really don't know. It's like being addicted to meth or something. Yeah it's fun for a lot it, but it ends up screwing you over in the end.

So yeah. I will stick around and answer questions if anyone has any. Maybe more stories.

>>43826618
>Turns out the Jace guy goes to Virt's college.
there is not enough popcorn in the world for this

>>43826733

That's actually not too far off. The jetblack hair and sallow skin tone, plus he wears a lot of black T-shirts. He's got a small nose and acne as well.

>>43826530

> CHECK FOR TRAPS
> every two minutes

> eating kobolds to regain health
> chunks of raw kobold ass meat

My sides, man, my sides.

-----------------

Anyway, so yeah, AMA about Virt, but in the meantime I will try to read some other stories in this thread.

>>43826682
He failed miserably, landing on his back about forty feet short (I add here that the dragon was about sixty feet away when Cletus tried to do this). Not to be deterred, Cletus starts throwing all of his weapons at the dragon, inititating combat. Cletus got knocked out in the first round as he still had only 2 HP and 0 legs. The rogue ended up killing the dragon with a flying kick, but again, the rogue is a different story.

They get back to town to sell loot, and Colby remembers that he has the gunpowder. He tries to rob a guard by holding a barrel of gunpowder and a match in front of him. The guard tries to call his bluff, except it wasn't a bluff because Cletus is literally too stupid to read, let alone lie.

He drops the match, causing a huge explosion, killing the guard instantly and sending himself flying into a nearby hovel and starting fires all over the immediate area. Forgetting that he still has two barrels of gunpowder on his back, Cletus runs into the fire with three or four HP to start looting. He catches on fire, igniting the two other kegs and killing him instantly, the remains of his head and torso flying a hundred meters into the air and landing in the river. The fires ended up burning down half the town, causing a massive bounty to be put out on Cletus and "any known associates." The wizard and rogue fish Cletus' stump of a torso out of the river before skipping town, starting an IRL year long quest to find a way to revive him.

>>43826682

> Level 1.
> Shit CON.
> Crushed by a rolling boulder of thousands of pounds.
> Manage to remain conscious with 2 HP.

And then:
> Got 2 HP.
> Breaking a staff holding magical energies.
> Staff meant for other player.

First off, make the staff explode for 2d6 damage, with a -5 to Reflex save (or Save vs. Staff or whatever). This is a perfectly acceptable consequence to their actions.

Then let the party resolve the situation. They may coup the grace the asshole (which would be fair) or forgive him and keep going. If they do and the guy continue that kind of behavior, have karma give a little push again so that the warrior is made helpless again.

If they spare him another time, then they earned having to deal with him.

>>43826791
And he actually shouted it in person, I mean really loudly shouted it. Worst part is he kept doing this shit with every character in every game, no matter if we were playing in the rogue player's grandma's attic at 2am. It became a trend with all of the players in time, to the point where I didn't even bother hiding things because they were making about forty perception checks a minute.

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>>43826754
Thanks for those amazing stories, Anon. I have a lot of fun reading them, good luck with Virt and try not end as a snuff victim

>>43826839
This was years and years ago when I was still a spectacularly shitty GM. The party sort of tolerated him because they did almost equally stupid shit to eachother in game, and because we were all best friends outside the game.

But yeah, I should've just killed him right away.

>>43826848

Shit. That sounds a bit like my dad who would check everything in a dungeon for traps. Which was actually smart, but sometimes it slowed down the game to check for maybe 1 or 2 traps per dungeon at most.

He wasn't annoying about it though.

>>43826878

No problem. Feel free to ask away on questions, it might dredge up some more stories that aren't coming to mind at the moment.

>>43826754
I dont think theres any shame in it, if you guys are friends theres no reason to feel bad

even if he does do crazy shit


what town are u guys from

>that guy thread
>becomes housewives gossiping about a banned tripfag
>50% of the shit typed is absolutely unrelated to games and goes into personal bullshit that nobody outside /v/'s golden years of pestering Chris-chan should divulge or care about
>evident signs of normalfagging newfag

/tg/ has gone shit

>>43826899

Yeah no. I don't know what you have in mind, but if he found out I was involved in sending a /tg/ brute squad to kill him, he'd probably murder-suicide me and I don't want anything to do with that.

If it's any comfort he'll likely be in jail in a few years at the rate he's going, or his ex will drive him to suicide. I just hope to squeeze some more fun gaming out of him before that happens.

>>43826979
Nigger.

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>>43826979

>>43826994
as expected from facebook anonymous.

>>43826979
You are the actual reason for murder-suicides.

>>43826979

Sorry you didn't like it man. I just wanted to get the stories off of my chest. Plus I figured you might want to know what a faggot he is IRL, to make up for some of the torment you guys suffered at his hands.

>>43827061
Go back to your social networks pal, and please never come back

>>43827088
Oh, shush. We're having fun.

>>43827088

I didn't mean to piss you off, I just wanted to tell what I knew about Virt. Sorry for the ex-girlfriend and prostitute shit, I just felt it was needed for a bit of context on why he's such a cunt.

If you want I can try to think of more game-related stories about him. He pulled a lot of edgy shit.

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>>43827088

>>43827088
Well shit, didn't realize the Lord Marshal of quality control was here.

Please my lord, tell us about the correct way to conduct a thread based around bitching about people you don't like.

>>43827167

I enjoyed your stories, Anon. Thanks for sharing.

>>43827036
What about baby whales?

>>43827167
We appreciate you, anon. Don't listen to the assholes.

>>43827226
They're in water, not on earth.

>>43827167
You truly are based anon, don't stop trucking.

>>43827239
>>43827218

Thank you. If you can think of anything that might prompt another one, let me know. I'm sure I have more, but I am so used to knowing him that it's hard to think of actual stories off the top of my head.

>>43827279
Has he ever done anything else that you couldn't see yourself doing? Usually good for jogging the memory of bad people.

>>43823558
Okay, since apparently I missed something. Who the hell is this incredible man?

>>43827363
See posts
>>43825943
>>43825911

>>43816813
>Chaotic Neutral, like always
Does anyone have a good example of a Chaotic Neutral character? I usually see people play Chaotic Neutral so they can act like a dick and care entirely about themselves without getting in trouble.

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>>43827363

>>43827411
I was expecting that tiny third post to also be Virt

>>43827401
>>43827411
Is shitposting all it take to be notorious now?

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>>43827411
>Gygax is shit, source: me

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>>43826880
No! Rendering him unconscious and dying is the whole point! If the other players felt bullied, they will do the dirty deed themselves, showing that the character's actions and behavior was his downfall. It gives them an opportunity to do so and a reason to collaborate. Because no matter how powerful you are you cannot succeed by yourself.

If they don't really mind, they will spare him, seeing some form of benefit out of it. Or at least attempt to. If he continues being a dickwad and terrorize the party, give them another, similar opportunity.

This way, the rest of the group has a form of agency. They stick with the guy, or don't, because they chose to.

That said, it is not because PCs choose to spare him that NPCs he wronged have to. Having him incarcerated to be beheaded or something along those lines is perfectly legitimate. Heck, they might even save the murderhobo and find redeeming aspects in his personality![/spolier]

Pick couldn't be more related.

>>43827446
No, but the detailed description, or rather descriptions, of how bad he wants to fuck a decomposing elf's bloody carcass made him a bit noteworthy.

>>43827446
Not anymore, he did it to a tremendous degree back when people still gave a bit of a fuck. He did it crazy often enough that we still care today.

>>43827489
Does anyone have any of those on cap? I need to see these, they must be hilarious.

>>43827357

Heh, pretty much most of the stories I told involve some of that. I think the GURPS zombie game where he basically re-enacted a certain scene from the walking dead comics, using a 14 year old girl instead of a certain popular character, and a sledgehammer instead of a barbed-wire-baseball bat, ranks pretty high up there. I mean, it was a really, really fun campaign, don't get me wrong. But sometimes he'd put in some edgy shit that made everyone go ".....uhhhh....."

>>43827411

Oh god Gary Gygax. He did rant about Gygax quite a lot. It turns out he doesn't talk to one of his friends from high school anymore because they got into a huge fight about Gygax, and apparently virt said that exact thing, that the RPG hobby would have been better off if Gygax had died in 1988.

Which, to a Gygax fanboy, resulted in a lot of rage, and apparently virt just laughed at him and told him that he masturbated to the news of Dave Arneson's death. I called him an asshole and he told me to prove him wrong, about Gygax. I said if it wasn't for Gygax, the hobby wouldn't exist. He said someone else would have eventually come up with it, and that RPGs are closely related to already existent human phenomena like children playing pretend, or CYOA books, that it was "inevitable."

Man he's a dick sometimes.

>>43827473
Source on that comic? I remember reading it a while ago, but can't remember its name

>>43827408

I once had a character who suffered an alignment change to CN because he had PTSD after surviving three assaults on the keep he was captain of while also watching most of the men under his command die as well as performing a few mercy killings.

I think a "good" CN is played as a legitimate mental illness like manic/depression, flashbacks, etc.

The particular character I played became a standoffish alcoholic who gave no fucks.

>>43827489
But it's just written right?

How bad could it be?

>>43827514
http://willsaveworldforgold.com/
Note that I cut two panels off in that picture that don't relate exactly to the point.

>>43827489

He has a whole text file full of them on his computer I'm pretty sure, I know there were a lot of elf-related documents on his computer. He also claims to be writing a fantasy novel that, he claims, "will be completely different from anything ever written before" if he gets it published. He won't tell me much except that the main character is a female elf. So i probably don't even want to know.

>>43827523

> how bad could it be?

Try having it described to you across a gaming table by a skinny ugly man with a lisp and a creepily quiet voice.

>>43827508
I used to have the one about how he wacked it on a Magic card because it had an elf being digested.

>>43827523
He really likes adjectives.

>>43823558
>the worst website on the internet
>/tg/

Weird as it seemed to me when I first moseyed on in after my first Escapist ban, /tg/ is actually a more civil and sensibly self-regulated forum/board than most 'legit' websites.

>>43827559
>>43827550
You make him sound like my grandfather.

>>43827600
You grandfather wants to cut off a woman's head a fuck the hole?

>>43827613
I never asked.

But on the serious, I meant the voice and adjectives.

>>43827249
The water is on Earth, though.

>>43826391
Jace's +2 makes all players draw a card, not just jace's controller

Thanks for the stories, particularly the mtg one. I'm a big mtg fag and love when casuals froth at the mouth over cards that aren't even overpowered

>>43827581

I think he was talking more about /b/

>>43827559
>I used to have the one about how he wacked it on a Magic card because it had an elf being digested.

Oh yeah Tanglesap. That was his favorite card. He had it in like all of his green decks even though most of them were elf decks and none of the elves had trample.

I asked him why he didn't get Fog cards instead, and he said "it fits the theme better"

He also said he liked the art.

>>43825027
>Like virt is a pretty skinny quiet dude but I swear his voice dropped six octaves and went up ninety decibels.

Like this?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x8oLu7znwQ0

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>>43827646
That filthy casual likes tanglesap more than earthbind?

>>43827547
Thanks dude

>>43827668

Nah, more like a kinda sneery voice like a guy who didn't hit puberty quite right, going to a try-hard booming voice. Like when you can tell somebody is trying to make their voice deeper.

>>43827676

I don't think he knows about earthbind. He has a lot of old cards but he never mentioned that one.

He really like the one where it looked like Garruk was going to rape Liliana or whatever. He was really into the arguing over it, and he said it proved that MtG was "overrun by SJWs" and that "Mark Rosewater needs to die"

He had a thing for Liliana, too, actually. Not as much as elves, but I think she figured into his weird death fantasies. I know more than once he basically used her as a meat shield, and he also liked to RP particularly funny magic kills, so when he lost her to a Rhino he said something like "lol the rhino horns probably stabbed right through her tits". I was like, "uhhhh, okay dude."

Looking back, it probably gave him a boner.

>>43827733
What was the most edgy or retard thing Virt do?

>>43827800
The idea that anything I've read about him on this thread is not the edgiest thing he's done.

It's like an endless fountain of razor blades.

>>43827800

Well, I think I outlined most of them in the stories above. Almost getting arrested over a stupid FNM sperg out probably takes the cake.

For edginess? There was a lot of it, and no one ever called him on it, because people who did got kicked out of the group.

I do remember he ran a sci-fi campaign with something like firefly. We visited some crime lord and he had naked women in cages hanging from the ceiling, and whenever this guy wanted he could like push a button and shock them through the cage a bit. Then he went on explaining how he made it work despite the Faraday cage effect or whatever. Then he had the women shocked a few times until they cried. We GTFOed that planet pretty quickly. I could only see one of virt's hands for most of that description so if he was stroking himself to it I wouldnt be surprised.

The zombie execution was pretty fucked as well. If you haven't read walking dead comics, there's a part (spoiler alert) where a guy called Negan beats the asian dude's head in with a baseball bat with barbed wire on it and kills him, in front of all his friends, as retribution for something. Virt basically ripped this off, except instead of a guy it was a pregnant 14 year old girl and a sledgehammer; basically the chick was one of this religious dude's multiple wives, it was some Mormon cult complex that survived the apocalypse. The PCs tried to break them out but the plan fucked up, and the girl got caught. So she got battered to death in front of everyone with a sledgehammer. Virt wasted a lot of time describing her begging for mercy and how she got hit so many times the blood was matting her hair and bits of her skull were all over the ground like egg shells, with blood pouring out of her eyes..... fucking hell I hate remembering this. He waved it off as "brutal but effective storytelling" but I swear he got a stiffy off of that one as well. I really might need therapy to get some of his descriptions out of my brain.

>>43824828
What do you think Henderson needed those lawn gnomes for?

>>43827847

>The idea that anything I've read about him on this thread is not the edgiest thing he's done.

What is the edgiest thing he's done? Something he posted on here?

>>43827904
i hope he never had/gets pets

>>43826754
>To this day I have no idea why Jace guy didn't sue virt
I dont think you can sue people for pulling a knife if you are kicking is face in for a solid 15 seconds.
Hell I would stab that little fuck, if I was virt. It's a little thing called self defense.

>>43827970

He has a cat. Though I've checked multiple times, and there are no signs of abuse at all. I even brought it up once when I mentioned I used to volunteer at an animal rescue league, and virt said he would love to "batter the brains" of people who abuse animals.

Case in point was when someone tried to shoot a dog for no reason in a sci-fi cyberpunk type game. Virt said the guy missed, and later the guy ended up near death at the hands of some cyberpunk thug dudes. Like, it was really obvious he was mad over the guy trying to kill an in-game dog. And virt NEVER does karma-GM shit. Like, never ever ever. So I think animals are safe around him, unless they resemble female elves.

>>43827700
Why, you're welcome!
[Spoiler] Double Dubs likes us! [/spoiler]

>>43828029

True.

>>43827904
Man...i feel bad for that npc, i wouldn't be surprised if Virt fapped furiously remembering that kind of shit

>>43828055
that cat must have seen some shit.

>>43828152

Yeah he was real into the Walking Dead, he says his favorite parts of the show are when the female characters get torn up alive by zombies. He actually talked to me about one of the recent episodes where, "finally", a woman got eaten alive again. I told him dude what the fuck do you like that? He said I dunno not really.

But yeah a lot of the female NPCs in his zombie campaign died. He figured since it was post-apocalyptic he had free license to go full edgelord.

We befriended a woman in her mid-thirties who was hiding out in like an old law office or something, and brought her with us. She became my favorite NPC, her name was like Raven or some shit. Virt had her eaten by zombies, and her daughter got her brains blown out by some bandit's deagle. And of course both merited description.

He also described the male characters' deaths pretty well, but you could tell his heart wasn't in it. Like he did it with a depressed voice, whereas discussing the female NPC deaths (or even PC death, in the case of a girl who played with us for a few months before making the intelligent decision that it was unsafe to be around virt) were described with a kind of fervor in the voice that made it obvious he was enjoying it.

>believing any of this bullshit

>>43828380
Go away virt.

>>43828380

>expecting true stories on the TTRPG board.

>>43828380

If you can think of a way I can prove this true, let me know, I would love to do my best to oblige.

>>43828380
>not just enjoying the fun
Look even if it isn't Virt (I totally believe our anon here, but that's not the point) can't you just have fun with the That Guy stories? You're in a That Guy thread.

>>43828380
/tg/ has engaged in this bullshit for so long they can no longer distinguish between fact and fiction

>>43828579
We can, we just don't care. Fiction, nonfiction, as long as it's a good read I'm happy either way.

>>43826801
>Only had 2 HP and 0 legs.

I don't know why but this line is killing me. I almost fall out of my chair every time I read it.

>>43828640
This shit right here. We don't fucking care if it's true or not, just tell us a good story. Entertain us for a bit, tickle our imaginations. We just want something engaging.

>>43827446
Now and always.

Jim Profit.

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>>43829249
Jim Profit?

>>43826754
I have to say, a lot of this stuff makes him seem a lot more reasonable than people on here give him credit for. Yeah, he's a crazy autist, but the same is true for a lot of people. Given that I've read stories on here about people literally jacking off beneath the table, this guy seems tame.

He just doesn't know when to shut up, and takes shit too seriously. No wonder he used to post on /tg/.

>Yeah it's fun for a lot it, but it ends up screwing you over in the end.

This honestly sounds like someone I used to know. Was the That Guy of our group, too. Had a lot of the same problems: Got pissed off about little shit too often, didn't know when to shut his big trap, and was a sociopathic "though guy". And the thing is, it's entertaining to know someone like this. They're instant conversation fodder. I mean, we had him in the group for a couple of months, and years later it's still "how about That Guy, huh?".

But it's also exhausting, and they're not real friends. You can't rely on them, and they're total energy vampires. I used to hang with this dude every week, and I feel better just... not hanging with him.

>>43829512
RPG's are one of the few social activities I can engage in that either aren't a drain or that I don't mind being a drain. If I had someone at the table who made it an effort, I couldn't put up with that.

So far the weirdest thing that happened was when one of the group members who had left a while ago came back and revealed that one of the other players had a diaper-focused ERP with each other. Then the guy who was being accused posted the logs because he wouldn't let anyone hold it over him. I didn't read the logs, though, that's not my fetish.

>>43822930
>confirmed for retard
Warforged aren't immune to crits or sneak attacks

>>43829906
Reread sir. Anon said Constructs and Elementals.

>>43829794
Yeah, that was a real problem with this dude, too. All the other players, I know what I can expect. This guy wants to play sociopaths with weird builds, that dude wants fun classes and really wilts when the RP isn't good, his brother usually plays something simple with a single defining gimmick, and the last guy is combat-oriented. But That Guy changed his attitude every other minute. First he wants to RP, then he wants to do lolrandumb shit, then he whines about being shit in combat, and all the while he can't make up his mind whether to be good or evil.

It's fucking infuriating. And that's not even taking into account his shitty gaming personality. He's one of those guys that plays the game to win, which is bullshit. I have the party a bunch of small quests, one of which was to train the city guard with a mock combat. A good way to use the guard stats I made for every city, but never used, and a good way to introduce the party to the idea of groups that fight as organised blocks. This was the enlightened city, so they all had less-lethal weapons. I literally phrased it like that, too. So That Guy does something stupid. He rushes forward and gets nabbed by one of the second row guards with the mancatchers. And if you've played Vermintide, you know this sucks. Dude gets dragged from the group, and taken into practice custody. Mancatchers do a tiny amount of damage. 1 hp, in his case.

He complained about that.

Dude basically thought everything negative that happened was others trying to fuck him over. Most tiresome player I've ever played with, and that includes a dude who was run from a forum for being a tard, and then came back under a different name to plot his revenge.

>>43825739
>tfw you share the same first name as a prolific shitposter

>>43830250
Virt you aren't fooling anyone!

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>>43824458
>Virt just kinda smirked and said "yeah, I took care of that"
Reminds me of

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>>43824627
>"I don't want to talk about"

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>>43824697

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Let's see
>Party beseiges a castle
>I put some pretty tough monsters in front of them but they absolutely wreck them
>Some of the monsters are fleeing the castle
>That guy, playing a retarded orc barbarian asks what they would roll to fart on them
>"Uh, unskilled strength I guess"
>Gets an 8
>Rolls again
>Gets another 8
>"You shit yourself."
>Party has a good chuckle
>Next encounter, orc is trying to smear shit on enemies instead of attacking
>this continues until the boss

Alternatively
>Party completes quest for a very powerful noble
>He gives them a single favor in addition to their monetary reward
>Dumb orc uses it to fill his waterskin with wine instead of water
>Reasoning being he likes wine
>I allow it
>Make party suffer

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>>43827167
Don't worry man your stories were awesome though my autistic ass can't fathom how someone can even act like that

>>43831006

I'd love to hear the conversation between the people in the picture.

>>43831216
>So, yeah, my wife is a dumbshit and just got turned into a pillar of salt for disobeying god
>Nice, so you're single now? Check out my wings!

>>43831286

Christ, I didn't even recognize it was the story of Lot. I just imagined that it'd be a conversation about That Guys winged Mary Sue burning down yet another city.

>>43831286
Biblical canon, I checked.

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>>43824627
>I don't want to talk about that

>>43824627
>threatened the guy with his switchblade or something.
He threatened your life with a switchblade knife?

>>43831858
What a guy!

>>43831882
Makes you cry.

>>43831926
Und I diiiiid

>>43831949

Everybody shoved him,
I very nearly loved him.
I said "Hey listen to me,
Stay sane inside insanity"
But he locked the door and threw away the key!