>>45545638
>>I never said I didn't want them...

>Other
Drink another one

>>45545638

>I guess I'll give them a try...

>>45545638
>>I never said I didn't want them...

>>45545638
>Get rid of them!
We don't know the side effects, let's not tempt fate

>>45545638

>Get rid of them!
Petite pride!

>>45545638
>I never said I didn't want them...

>>45545638
>>I never said I didn't want them...

>>45545638
>>I never said I didn't want them...

She should examine them, to make sure there weren't any side effects... yes...

>>45545638
>>I guess I'll give them a try...
Their B cups how bad can they be?

>>45545638
>You didn't even see this coming! Are you sure this won't have side effects?
>Hell, are you sure your getting rid of them won't have MORE side effects? I think I'll just stay like this, thanks. At least I still SEEM to be more or less fine.

>>45545638
>>45545826
this

>>45545638
>>45545826
This. Or is it me or has Sam's breast in the OP look bigger to.

>>45545638
>I never said I didn't want them...

>>45545638
>Have them examined.

>>45546004
Well when you don't have any at all, any improvement makes em look fucking huge.

>>45545664
>>45545679
>>45545691
>>45545693
>>45545740
>>45545760
>>45545771
>>45545803
>>45546028
Like >>45545803
Said should we get them checked out?

>>45545638
Supporting >>45546050

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>>45545638
"H-hey now, I never said I didn't want them.." You mumble. "Besides, what if there are side effects? Taking one of your damn concoctions bad enough, but two?"

"Hmmmm, I suppose you raise a legitimate point." Natalia gives a knowing smile. "Well, if you change your mind or feel any sort of discomfort, come straight back to me and I'll sort it out!"

You severely doubt that would happen.

Grumbling, you make your way over to the bridge. You should be dropping out of FTL any minute, and you wanted to be there to see Eridani. Hopefully your crew wouldn't notice the... "changes."

"Captain." Bradford turns to greet you as you enter the bridge, but then he pauses. "Hm, that's odd..."

"What's wrong?" You give a cautious frown.

"Sorry Captain, it just seems that there's something... different about you." Bradford can't quite put words to his suspicions and turns to the rest of the crew. "I'm not crazy am I?"

"Hmmm, now that you mention it..." Amy spins around in her chair and squints.

"You might be onto something." Elsa nods.

Fuck, they totally noticed.

>Play dumb. It's all in their imaginations.
>Better come clean with it.
>Other

>>45546180
>>Better come clean with it.

>>45546180
>Play dumb. It's all in their imaginations.

>>45546180
>>Better come clean with it.
Took some enhancing drugs!

>>45546180
>>Better come clean with it.
Drank one of doc's concoctions, got bigger tits. Side effects still pending.

>>45546180
>>Play dumb. It's all in their imaginations.

There's nothing to see here! NOTHING!!!

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>>45546180
>Better come clean with it.

Lewdestroyers yesterday, and now breast expansion. Jesus Christ, Merc IS getting more perverted.

>>45546180
>Play dumb. It's all in their imaginations.

>>45546180
>>Play dumb. It's all in their imaginations.
play it off as stress from our first fight in the new ship.

>>45546180
>Play dumb. It's all in their imaginations.
>Other
"Come on, people, we're still on the clock. How close are we to Eridani?"
Distract them with work.

>>45546180
>Better come clean with it.
I drank the shit....

>>45546180

>Play dumb. It's all in their imaginations.

>>45546180
>>Play dumb. It's all in their imaginations.

>>45546180
>>Better come clean with it.

>>45546180
>Play dumb. It's all in their imaginations.

I have no idea what you guys are talking about, there's nothing different about me today whatsoever. *whistles*

>>45546180
>>Play dumb. It's all in their imaginations.

>>45546180
>Play dumb. It's all in their imaginations.

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U S A
S
A

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>>45546564
Just splerg out at another KC thread dude

>>45546564
She speaks like Tarzan

>>45546595
she looks very happy for being damaged.

>>45546595
Hard to do when he isn't running

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>>45546615
She's looking forward to getting her revenge.

>>45546595
H-how is that skirt staying on when it's in that state?

>>45546676
Sophisticated damage control.

>>45546665
hm.

>>45546676
By the power of America anon.

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>>45546180
"Pfffft, it's all just your imaginations." You roll your eyes as you try to wave off their suspicions. You plop down in your command chair, very wary of the new pressure pressing against your chest. "It's probably from all the stress from that last battle.

The rest of your crew seems to accept this, though they still shoot a few suspicious looks at you from time to time, which you try to ward off with your most poisonous glare. Finally, Gullinbursti drops out of FTL, and ahead, you find an idyllic blue and green planet, not too different from Earth. It hangs in the void of space in front of you, like a sapphire and emerald jewel. Your tactical immediately lights up, labeling the planet as ERIDANI.

"Receiving a secure transmission." Lida announces.

"Gullinbursti, this is Eridani Control, we're reading your arrival loud and clear." Your comm buzzes. "You are clear to dock in Bay 6. Stand by to receive nav info."

Your tactical display then registers a blue blip, indicating where you were supposed to land. A large space station hanging above the planet itself, connected by the thin strand of an orbital elevator shaft. Like most Accord style structures, the entire station is pearl white with a blue glow. You see dozens of other ships, some resembling Gullinbursti, clustered around it.

"Amy?" You look to your helmswoman.

"Already on it." Amy nods. "Just going in slow and steady..."

"What will you do once we land, Captain?" Bradford asks.

>Oversee the processing of the prisoners.
>Oversee the the followup maintenance.
>Meet up with your fellow Captains.
>Report directly to Command.
>Other

>>45546676
The power of USA censorship

Infinite Stars Quest - fuck yergh!

Just in time for the shenanigans.

>>45546709
>>Meet up with your fellow Captains.
Time to establish a network of Contacts

>>45546709
>Oversee the processing of the prisoners.

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>>45546564
Best ship.

>>45546709
>Report directly to Command.

>>45546709
>oversee the processing of the prisoners

>>45546709
>>Report directly to Command.

>>45546709
>>Oversee the processing of the prisoners.

>>45546709
>Meet up with your fellow Captains.

>>45546709
>>Oversee the processing of the prisoners.

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>>45546760
Will that be Pacific Strike!Iowa's official appearance?

>>45546709
>>Oversee the the followup maintenance.

Gotta see if the baby got scratched on her first mission.

>>45546709
>>>Oversee the processing of the prisoners.

>>45546844
Ungh!

Must calibrate! Soon!

>>45546709
>Report directly to Command.
"Bradford, take care of the follow-up maintenance. Lida, coordinate with station authorities for handover of the prisoners. I'll be heading to Command."

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>>45546810
Possibly~

>>45546709

>Report directly to Command.

>>45546775
Changing vote to

>report directly to command

>>45546709
>Report directly to Command.

>As we walk into the room, Command asks us if there's something different about us.
JUST

>>45546610
https://twitter.com/noisy_sgr/status/701256136184373248
https://twitter.com/noisy_sgr/status/701206064776114176
Iowa's voice for ya'll.

>>45546979
Aaaaand they gave her the standard anime girl voice...god damn it japan.

>>45546564
>tarzan speak

I hope this isn't a thing for all Americans. Because it wasn't for the fucking Germans.

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>>45547086
>how you want your Italian, buddy?

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>>45546709
"All right, I'll go report in to Command." You announce. "Bradford, you and Tank oversee the processing of the prisoners. The rest of you help Scott do a post-battle diagnostic on Gullinbursti. I want to make sure nothing got knocked loose or anything."

"Yes, Captain!" Your crew affirms.

As they go about their new duties, you head for the airlock, where you disembark the ship and step onto the dock. You can see hundreds of station personnel darting back and forth, servicing the various docked ships as well as carting cargo back and forth. The first thing you notice is that the gravity here is lighter than normal, in order to make it easier to carry heavy loads around. You make a note of this to ensure not to lose your balance and slowly glide down the walkway heading into the main section of the space station. Its a simple matter to follow the signs to the Command Center, where all of Eridani's military operations were coordinated.

The Command Center isn't all that much different from Gullinbursti's bridge, with control consoles, monitors, and personnel everywhere, managing the station's systems. There's a special section set aside for officers to debrief.

You step inside, expecting to see the commanding officer of the Eridani garrison. Instead, you're greeted with the holographic projection of Colonel Frolaytia, her incorporeal form just as imposing and seductive as her physical one.

"Ah, Captain Wellings, you've finally arrived." She grins, and then pauses. "Did your chest grow larger?"

Goddamnit!

>Must be a problem with the signal...
>Um, yes. It's a long story.
>Other

>>45547103
>Italians

At the bottom of the ocean or hanging from a noose.

>>45547086
Jingoism is rearing its head in japan. I mean, it has to keep the racism company.

>>45547105
>>Um, yes. It's a long story.

>>45547111
They could at least be jingoistic without butchering another language.

>>45547105
>>Must be a problem with the signal...

>>45547105
>>Must be a problem with the signal...
In for a penny, in for a pound.

>>45547105
>Um, yes. It's a long story.

>>45547105
>Must be a problem with the signal...

>>45547105
>Must be a problem with the signal...
NO ONE MUST EVER KNOW.

>>45547105
>>Must be a problem with the signal...

>>45547105
>Must be a problem with the signal...

>>45547105
>>Um, yes. It's a long story.

>>45547133
But that wound be in the japanese spirit.

>>45547105
>Must be a problem with the signal...

>>45547105
>>Must be a problem with the signal...

>>45547105

>Must be a problem with the signal...

>>45547105
>>Must be a problem with the signal...

Stick to the plan! There's NOTHING changed about Sam!

>>45547105
>Must be a problem with the signal

See how far we can pretend everything is normal?

Gotta say I don't remember Sam (in general) being that flat; I figured she'd have Bs in the first place. And during VMQ, he used Charlotte for some of the original Sam's 'art'

>>45547266
It was as you say.

But... "space boobs."

Also, we now have a running gag?

>>45547266

Same, I thought she was already a B, and the 'upgrade' brought it up to C. But W/E, it's not like that's a stat we should care that much about lol.

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>>45547480
>Breast stat
Would an F be good or bad?

>>45547509

Holy god! F would be Fantastic!

Reminder that Sammy was made for B-cups.

>>45547509
Depends on the girl really. Sam that big wouldn't feel fight. Julie/Johnson on the other hand.... I think Janice is already there.

>>45547480
Not really complaining, just remarking on it.

>>45547509
Unless she gorws a bit taller. I think a low C is the max.

>>45547677
We are so weird right now.

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>>45547105
"It must be a problem with the signal!" You insist rather quickly. "Probably warping the projection or something..."

"Hmmm, perhaps." Frolaytia nods, but her sly grin seems to suggest she's not completely buying it. "Anyways, you're probably wondering why you're not talking to the Eridani garrison commander."

"The thought did cross my mind." You nod as you keep track of Frolaytia, whose holographic projection was pacing around the room, as if she was trying to examine you from all angles. "Why am I still talking to you?"

"Well, truth be told, Commander Edelson is not within your chain of command. Nobody really is, actually." Frolaytia smiles. "Since you're on special deployment, you're considered to be a part of the Shadow Fleet."

"Shadow fleet?" You raise an eyebrow. This was the first time you've heard about this.

"On paper, you'll be part of Eridani's patrol force." Frolaytia explains, taking a short puff from her pipe. "But unofficially, you'll be advancing the Accord's interests in the area by any means possible. Sabotage, piracy, theft, whatever goes. You have complete operational freedom in the Frontier."

W-wow. That was pretty awesome... and a bit terrifying, too.

"Naturally, such a responsibility requires a special kind of oversight. Mine, specifically." Frolaytia grins. "Unless you have a problem with this? I know this may be difficult to process, being former law enforcement and all..."

>No, this arrangement works.
>All that power does make me a bit uncomfortable...
>I have no opinion either way.
>Other

>>45547700
>other
"So basically i am a privateer? When my plank will be delivered?"

>>45547700
>>No, this arrangement works.

No no, this is pretty cool. So we're like the special forces?

>>45547700
>No this arrangement works.

>>45547700
>>No, this arrangement works.

>>45547700
>I have no opinion either way.

As long as we get to fly.

>>45547700
>>All that power does make me a bit uncomfortable...

I like >>45547726 though.

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>>45547700
>No, this arrangement works.

>>45547728
We're Rogue Traders son.

>>45547700
>No, this arrangement works.

>>45547700
Someone's been enjoying Heavy Object, I see.

>Other
Going with >>45547726

>>45547700
>>All that power does make me a bit uncomfortable...

>>45547778
Well at least we don't have a Psyker compounding future problems.

>>45547700
>>45547726
This.

>>45547700
>>All that power does make me a bit uncomfortable...
from space cops to privateers, that's a big step.

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>>45547848
And then psychic powers are real. Because of course.

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>>45547848
>not wanting a Psyker daughteru

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>>45548033
>wanting her to have a life of suffering as the voices of the damned and the demonic wear away at her psyche

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>>45547700
"So I'm basically a privateer?" You smirk. "When will the plank we delivered?"

Frolaytia throws her head back in genuine laughter, which seems to last for a good few seconds before she regains her composure, wiping a tear from her eye.

"Yes, that's a very apt description. You'll be expected upon orders, or upon your own accord, to attack any and all enemies of the Accord, be it pirates, rogues, or even Hegemony and Confederate forces. Of course, if you're ever caught, then we'll deny any association with you."

"I understand." You nod.

"Good." Frolaytia nods. "Now, from what I see, those prisoners you dropped off appear to be tangled in some sort of large scale smuggling ring. I was just wondering if you'd want to investigate that yourself, or leave it to the local authorities to handle?"

>We've got better things to do. We'll leave it for the garrison.
>We've got nothing better to do. We'll handle it.
>Other

>>45547902
Makes sense for the character. But it may be that we're also a cop who is just grateful to have a job. So "No this arrangement works" could also mean "I'm not comfortable with this but I'm not sure if I say this to my boss. Just because we're privateers doesn't mean we're going off the reservation... Yet...

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>>45548065
It's a good pain.

>>45548067
>We've got nothing better to do. We'll handle it.

>>45548067
>>We've got nothing better to do. We'll handle it.

>>45548067
>We've got nothing better to do. We'll handle it.
First catch: infamous space pirate

>>45548067
>We've got nothing better to do. We'll handle it.

>>45548067
>We've got nothing better to do. We'll handle it.

Rematch time?

>>45548067
>>We've got nothing better to do. We'll handle it.

>>45547848
>>45547920
>inb4 Psychic powers are being researched in clandestine parts of the galaxy by various groups and factions. Only a matter of time before a public announcement.

>>45548067
>We've got nothing better to do. We'll handle it.

>>45548067
>>We've got nothing better to do. We'll handle it.
might as well finish what we started

>>45547920
>>45548033
>Sam's cyborg/psyker/genemodded daughteru or son is named Max.
>Sam and Max.

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>>45548183
>Publicly announcing the existence of people who can flay you alive with their minds
And I bet everything will go swimmingly.

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>>45548251
>Maxine

Fund it.

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>>45548251
If we went pirate, we could've called ourselves freelance police.

What if instead of a daughteru it's a sister niece we didn't know we had?

You know, sent away by our family River Tam style.

>>45548183
I'd imagine they're researching 2 branches: Mental Manipulation stuff and Physical Manipulation stuff.

Mental:
>Empaths, Telepaths, Minor Precognition, Mind Tricks, Shared Senses, Astral Projection, Mind Control, Possession, etc.

Physical:
>Telekinesis, Pyrokinesis, Electrokinesis, and pretty much any sort of manipulation on the physical level.

>>45548317
What would our outlaw code of ethics be?

>>45548322
Then we initiate a badass plan to infiltrate and extract that niece, the keep her safe on our ship as we continue to go on adventures, like what they did on Firefly!

...Fuck, now I actually want it to happen...

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>>45548390
>we start getting dreams from our psyker niece

Be so fucking hype.

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>>45548322
Then the Accord is the Alliance, and we're the Serenity.

In which case, we'd probably go to Cerberus to keep the ship flying.

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>>45548067
"We've got nothing better to do." You shrug. "We'll handle it."

"All right then." Frolaytia nods at your decision. "Then just make sure you figure out who's pulling the strings. It may be pirates, it may be a front for some kind of Hegemony op. But let's get to the bottom of this."

"You seem awfully concerned over just a load of lobsters." You frown. "It's not like it's particularly dangerous contraband.

"No, but it's VALUABLE contraband." Frolaytia counters. "Valuable enough for somebody to risk venturing into Accord space to avoid Hegemony inspectors."

"All right, I think I got a lead." You grin. "We won't disappoint."

"Please don't We have a lot riding on you." Frolaytia winks before the transmission cuts.

Well, at this point, Bradford and Tank should be "processing" the prisoners...

>Go check in on the prisoners.
>See how maintenance on the Gullinbursti is going.
>See if you can meet any other ship captains.
>Other

>>45548443
>See if you can meet any other ship captains.

>>45548443
>>See if you can meet any other ship captains.

Always nice to make new friends that may or may not save our asses if we're in a bind.

>>45548443
>>Go check in on the prisoners.

>>45548443
>>See if you can meet any other ship captains.

Eh, mingling and all that, information and connections are important after all.

>>45548436
Confederacy could be the ones doing the Psyker research, like the Confederacy and Dominion in Starcraft.

It doesn't have to be a 1:1 copy of Firefly.

>>45548443

>See if you can meet any other ship captains

I agree with >>45548478 , would always be a good thing to make friends when doing stuff like what we will be doing

>>45548443
>See if you can meet any other ship captains.

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>>45548525
>Turns out everybody except the Hegemony is doing psyker research
>The Hegemony thinks psychic powers are pure bullshit

>>45548489
>See if you can meet any other ship captains.

Also see if we can fish for leads / get info on what everybody else is doing in our sky

>>45548443
>>See if you can meet any other ship captains.

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>>45548606
>Instead they're working on something even more crazy like AI to create sentient ships

>>45548443
>See if you can meet any other ship captains.

>>45548687
Meeting a Meatfucker type could be pretty fun.

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>>45548443
You figure your crew has things handled on their ends. This should afford you some time to socialize a bit. Get to know the other captains operating in this little corner of space. You know that the station has numerous recreational facilities for those crews putting into port, but not having the time or funds to go down to the planet itself. Every space station worth its salt should have some sort of officers' club...

>Roll 1d20

Rolled 2 (1d20)

>>45548750
COME ON JAEGER

Rolled 3 (1d20)

>>45548750

Rolled 4 (1d20)

>>45548750
Come on lucky b cups

Rolled 7 (1d20)

>>45548750

>>45548763
>>45548764
>>45548767

Fuck! Upgrading the boobs used up all the luck!

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>>45548767
>>45548764
>>45548763
So apparently we're fucking lost

>>45548763
>>45548764
>>45548767
Well, we're lost on a space station. Signs, what are those?

>>45548763
>>45548764
>>45548767
Ha! Great job guys. We meet Scruffy the jainitor.

Well, at least we didn't get any 1's.

Might have met the station's clown.

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>>45548822
I'm guessing we would've gone where no man is supposed to go.

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>>45548750
Unfortunately, despite having access to a map, the one unthinkable and most feared outcome occurs to you.

You...

You...

You get LOST.

So now here you are, a perfectly grown and adult woman, wandering the halls of a massive station like a lost child. The stark white halls just looked the same EVERYWHERE. You were honestly starting to get a bit distressed...

>No no, you're a big girl. You can handle this!
>M-maybe you should call for help.
>Other

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>>45548841

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>>45548687
>AIs
>Psychics
Throw in aliens and we can have a three-way apocalypse.

>>45548860
>>No no, you're a big girl. You can handle this!

>>45548860
>Other

Just pick a room, walk in, and act like we meant to go in there! One of these doors has to be the bar!

>>45548860
>>M-maybe you should call for help.

>>45548860
M-maybe you should call for help.

Call Amy.

>>45548860
>No no, you're a big girl. You can handle this!
Use PDA or find an Intercom.

>>45548860
>>Other

Whatever of the first two choices doesn't have a dice roll.

>>45548860
>>M-maybe you should call for help.

>>45548860
>M-maybe you should call for help.
Just ask for directions.

>>45548860
>M-maybe you should call for help.

>>45548860
>No no, you're a big girl. You can handle this!

>>45548860
>>No no, you're a big girl. You can handle this!

We need a thread full of nothing but Sam's out of ship misadventurers

>>45548860
>No no, you're a big girl. You can handle this!
We're a bigger girl than we were yesterday at least.

>>45548863
Oh great, if it isn't the Demons from the nth dimension killing us via Psychics, it's the Psychotic A.I., or perhaps the Ayys drop by next Tuesday to colonize the Milky Way.

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>>45548983
You just described 40k in a nutshell

>>45548860
>>No no, you're a big girl. You can handle this!

>>45548860
>>No no, you're a big girl. You can handle this!

W-we're not lost, we're just advancing from another direction!

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>>45548860
N-no! You were a grown, adult woman! You could find your way out of this! You manage to find a holographic sign on the wall and head over to it. There, you see that the hall ends in a T intersection, with signs pointing in the two directions.

>FIRING RANGE
>SPA
>Other

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>>45549160
>FIRING RANGE
GUNS

>>45549160
>>SPA

>>45549160
>FIRING RANGE

>>45549160
>FIRING RANGE

>>45549160
>>SPA

>>45549160
>SPA

>>45549160
>>SPA

Perfect for relaxing after a mission!

>>45549160
>>SPA

>>45549160
>Firing range

>>45549160
>>FIRING RANGE

>>45549160
>FIRING RANGE

>>45549160
>>SPA

>>45549160
>>SPA

>>45549160
>SPA

>>45549160
>Firing range

>>45549160
>SPA

>>45549160
>>SPA
Time to play with our new toys.

>>45549160
>Other

The one marked "TOP SECRET: DO NOT ENTER"

Rolled 20 (1d20)

>>45546237

How many more threads until Merc goes full Magical Realm?

Rollan to see

>>45549406
Oh dear lord

>>45549406
You fuck.

>>45549406
BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! OH GOD MY SIDES!!!

>>45549406
Is that good or bad?

>>45546237
>>45549406

Speaking of which would anons prefer to get first, a pic of Sam's new assets, or Hoel checking the structural integrity of her sister's torpedo tubes?

I need to know for reasons

>>45549441
We are so fucked.

>>45549455

I vote Hoel.

>>45549455
Lewd destroyers doing lewd things, plz.

>>45549455
Sam please.

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>>45549160
You decide to check out the spa, which really tempted you. A spa was kind of a luxury you never really had the time or the money to take advantage of. And, well, since you were here, why not check it out? You take a right turn down the hall until you reach what looks to be a very modest but futuristic looking lobby. The holographic projection of a you woman, most likely some kind of service AI, materializes in front of you.

"Welcome to the Distant Horizons Spa, Captain Wellings!" The hologram says cheerfully. You assume that there was some kind of covert ID reader hidden in the room that was analyzing the ID badge incorporated into your uniform. "I see that this is your first visit! Would you like to take advantage of our services? Accord officers of a rank of captain or higher can attend for free!"

>Sure, why the hell not.
>Actually, I just need some directions.
>Other

>>45549160
>>SPA

>>45549492
>>Actually, I just need some directions.

>>45549455
The latter

>>45549492
>>Sure, why the hell not.

>>45549492
>Sure, why the hell not.

>>45549492
>>Sure, why the hell not.

>>45549492
>>Actually, I just need some directions.

>>45549492
>>Sure, why the hell not.

>>45549492
>>Sure, why the hell not.

Maybe we could get an oil massage--"happy ending" optional!

>>45549492
>Sure, why the hell not.

>>45549492
>Actually I just need some directions

>>45549492
>>Sure, why the hell not.

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>>45549455
Lesbian boats please

>>45549492
>Sure, why the hell not.
I hope we get caught by our bridge crew.

>>45549492
>Sure, why the hell not.

>captcha asks for street signs
What the hell? It gave me pictures of Korean shop signs.

>>45549492
>Sure, why the hell not?

As someone who spends inordinate amounts of time in a small space, keeping with one person (who you're related to. ) I can attest to the brass tax that this is NEEDED.

Fuck the of the other captains. They can wait.

>>45549543
From a strong muscular guy named Jager?

>>45549599
>Masseuse Jaeger
Seems he's fallen on hard times

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>>45549406

>>45549492
>>Actually, I just need some directions.

>>45549543

Get those new mammaries massaged.
(I'm on mobile, someone roll for mutation hijinks due to chems used/ simulation of beat flesh)

>>45549615

Still not rock bottom.

Two words, anon: Male Stripper.

>>45549406
It's too late anon, we've already made the transition into the warp.

IT IS A GOOD PAIN

>>45549639
For godsakes don't do what this man says!

Rolled 17 (1d20)

>>45549639
>>45549677
Imma do what the man says

>>45549492
>>Sure, why the hell not.

>>45549717
JUST

>>45549492
>>Sure, why the hell not.

>>45549615
Well hey, it could just be a hobby on the side.

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>>45549820
>Jaeger Sturmfuhrer
>Mercenary leader
>Legendary soldier
>Masseuse

>>45549851
Fuck yeah, now he's a boss I'd work for.

>>45549669
He's paying his way through med school.

By the way, his stage costume is a commissar hat.

>>45549851

That there is a man who knows when to be gentle and when to be rough with his hands.

>>45549851
>implying being paid to massage beautiful starship captains isn't an amazing way to retire

>>45549902

Not even a thong or boots? Dude must have it rough.

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>>45549492
"Sure, why the hell not." You shrug.

"Excellent! This way please, Captain!" The hologram cheerfully says as she motions to a door to the side of the lobby that silently slides open. You step through to find a locker room of sorts, currently empty.

"You'll have locker number 7 assigned to you!" The hologram points out, and you see the normally red lit lock on the said locker turn green. You press your thumb on the pad and it swing open.

Knowing how things go, you carefully strip off your uniform and stow it in the locker and grab a towel from a nearby basket. It was warm and fuzzy to the touch. Very nice.

You then step out of the locker room, where you see another sign, pointing to various areas of the spa.

"Please choose which service you would like to take advantage of!" Your holographic greeter says in her usual happy tone.

>POOL
>SAUNA
>MASSAGE
>Other

>>45549858
>As a member of the Space Demons of Randgriz, you shall learn the following skills:
>Infantry Tactics
>Close-Quarters Combat
>Sharpshooting
>Explosive Ordnance Disposal
>Massages

>>45549950
>>SAUNA

>>45549950
>>MASSAGE

The massage option, it exists!!! WOOOOO!!!!

>>45549950
>>MASSAGE
At this point we can't not go there.

>>45549953
Where do I sign up?

>>45549950
>MASSAGE

>>45549950
>>MASSAGE
Then
>SAUNA

>>45549950
>>MASSAGE

>>45549953
>Implying Massages aren't covered under CQC: Non-lethal takedowns

>>45549950
>MASSAGE

>So Captain what did you do while we were slaving away fixing the ship and processing prisoners?
>Well, um, I got lost and then had a free massage at the spa.

>>45549950
>MASSAGE
Then
>SAUNA

>>45549950
>>SAUNA

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>>45549950
>Other
I CHOOSE OTHER

SHOW ME WHAT YOU GOT, I CAN TAKE IT

ALL OF IT

>>45549455
Sam please

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>>45549950
>>MASSAGE

Can't not push the shiny red button on this one

>>45549986
Incapacitation via pleasure-induced black-out?

Ok real fast guys lewdships or Sam getting a massage from Jaeger?

Goddamnit Merc why'd you'd have to be so lewd all at once? I can't draw everything

>>45549950
>Sauna

Awkward sauna conversations go!

>>45550018
Massage!

>>45550018
>Sam getting a massage from Jaeger

Lewds are just quick and dirty fan service writeups.

>>45549950
>>MASSAGE

>roll for massage
>20
>C-Cup

>>45549950
>>SAUNA
the fuck are you guys doing?

>>45550018
lewdships

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>>45549986

But of course. Extra care is given to topics such as "The Right Oil for the Right Job", "How Much Pressure is Too Much", and "Giving Clientele 'Special' Considerations".

>>45549950
>>SAUNA
because if you cant be naked in a hot, steamy room with other people without making it weird there's something wrong with you.

>>45549987
It's an interesting leadership style

We should install a small spa on our ship.

You know.

For morale.

>>45549987
>>45550101
>It's an interesting leadership style
Sounds like something Spock would say.

Hmm...Wonder when we'll meet Not! Captain Kirk?

>>45549950
>SAUNA

>>45550140
Captain Kirk would end up like that one Captain on Futurama.

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>>45550140

He's probably faffing about on Accord's payroll, too--probably meeting and fucking blue-skinned alien women, too.

The question you should be asking, however, is if he's Shatner-Kirk, or Chris Pine-Kirk.

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>>45550135
Spa's a bit much for a warship. We can install a hot tub at most really.

Though if we get a space upgrade, a spa would be the perfect place to see Tank's squad out of their armor.

>>45550260
What if we had a modular rec room? Like you could press a button and it goes from pool tables to hot tubs and one of those infinity lap pools?

>>45550283
That sounds way more feasible, since free-space on any warship, especially one as small as a Destroyer, is scarce.

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>>45549950
"I could really use a good massage." You say wistfully. Actually, this would be the first time you'd ever have one! It was a bit exciting, actually!

"Excellent, just this way then, Captain!" Your helpful holographic guide floats down the hall and you follow. She then leads you to a small room with a single bed.

"Now, we don't have any previous visits to learn your preferences, so would you prefer a massage from a robotic masseuse or a human one?" The holographic guide smiles. "Our robotic masseuses are very efficient and precise, though I guess some of you seem to want that erm, how do you put it, 'human touch?'"

>Robot
>Human
>Other

>>45550334
>Robot

>>45550334
>Human

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>>45550283

There's no way we could have the space for that--even a hot tub is pushing it. If I'm remembering the Normandy's layout correctly, even the newer one from ME2 and ME3 was considerably cramped. Sure you had bigger rooms and some had really nice panoramic windows, but it was all sandwiched together among 4 decks.

>>45550334
>>Human

>>45550334
>>Human

Aw yiss!!!

>>45550334
>>Human

>>45550334
>>Human

>>45550346
I don't think our ship is literally the Normandy

Also you gotta remember the Normandy is from a vidya game and its shown size was more the limitations of the designers than anything else.

>>45550334
>>Human

No buts about it!

>>45550334
>Robot

>>45550334
>Other
Tentacles

>>45550334
>either way is fine.

>>45550334
>Human

>>45550334
>>Human
why are we waisting out time here?

>>45550334
>>Human

>>45550334
>>Robot

>>45550334
>Horrifying Lovecraftian Abomination

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>>45550378
Remember to pick a safeword.

>>45550410

>A Disciple of the Yellow King gives us a massage
>learn the secrets of Carcosa as his fingers melt the years of stress knots away

>>45550334
>>Robot


Sounds like a better chance at lewd.

>>45550334
>Robot
I want to see what happens.

>yfw human masseuse recognizes us and asks if our chest has grown larger

>>45550521
>It's Tank

>>45550540
Tank is one true husbando.

>>45550419
Hold the fuck up I recognize that art style. I think.

>>45550565
it's spiderman

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>>45550334
"How about a human one?" You request.

"As you wish." The hologram gives a little curtsy. "Just lay face down on the bed, and our specialist here shall be here shortly."

You nod as you take your place on the massage bed. At the edge of your vision, the image of your little helper winks out of existence.

You don't need to wait long, however, as you can hear the sound of a door sliding open, and footsteps slowly make their way over to you.

And you hear the voice of...

>A man
>A woman

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>>45550565
Unsounded.

I think this summarizes tonight quite aptly

https://youtu.be/e0A5vzGMQr8

>>45550657
>A man

>>45550657
>>A woman

>>45550657
>>A woman
Let it be our medic please

>>45550657
>Man

>>45550661
I knew it looked familiar. Loved reading that.

>>45550657
>>A man

Rolled 1 (1d20)

>>45550657
>>A man

Rollan for Jaeger

>>45550657
>>A woman

>>45550657
>>A woman
Merc writes girls better.

>>45550657
>>A man

Only the manliest of men can de-stress that delicate back! Aw yeah...

>>45550657
>A woman

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>>45550686