>>45701888
About the future of the quest:

I've run 2 different quests with this mechanic now across 3 threads. I've been thinking about what to do with this concept and I came to the conclusion that since this concept doesn't lend itself well to long term stories, that each thread I would have a new setting, MC and conflict. This allows for more of a light hearted series of adventures without this growing into some kind of 50 part monstrosity.

I'd also like to ask anyone, assuming they give a shit about my silly little thread, how often theyd like to see it run. I'd completely understand if I've been overdoing it on these things, already having 2 threads up in the last week. Basically, speak up if you'd like a say in how this thing is run, because for now I'm kind of just running them when i get bored.

Feel free to make suggestions on how this quest can be run better, or what kind of settings, mechanics or anything you'd like to see in future quests.

Yes, "Kill yourself" and "Stop running it" are valid suggestions.

>>45701888
Get a job at Starbucks.

>>45701897
Also dude, these quests are great, don't worry about it. Maybe try to keep it to once a week.

Rolled 79 (1d100)

make a troll

Rolled 81 (1d100)

>>45702007

Rolled 19 (1d100)

Clean yourself up
and spiff up your moldy old rags to that of finer quality silks to match something of a rich merchant so you can explore the strange land uninhibited by personal hygiene.

Rolled 31 (1d100)

>>45702030

Why not making a Bruce Lee troll?

>>45702007
You know enough about the world to know that money is still probably important in this strange new age. You walk into nearby building and request a job. A manager walks out and asks why he should give some old Rasputin looking guy a job just because he asked for one.

>>45702030
So you create a troll right in the middle of the starbucks. Everyone just stares wide eyed and stays silent.

The manager walks away and returns with a uniform.

"Welcome to Starbucks sir."

>>45702144
You look at the uniform and then back at your dirty, moldy rags, and your scraggly beard. You can do better than that, surely. So with a quick spell to clean up your once majestic robes, you actually begin to choke one the smell of the moldy clothes. This causes you to miscast, and the clothes begin to rot at an alarming rate. You rush into the nearest washroom in time for them to completely disappear and put on your new uniform.

Rolled 62 (1d100)

>>45702223
get troll

put troll in bag

File: c4UA89r.png (188 KB, 450x259)

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Rolled 16 (1d100)

>>45702223

Shave off our beard and get new hairstyle, a Japanese delinquent hairstyle.

Rolled 100 (1d100)

Conjure a Skeleton Bartender with knowledge of this world and has 1000 years experience working in Bonebucks in the seventh circle of the outer realms

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>>45702167
You come outside of the washroom and see your troll just standing around. You decide he could use an upgrade. You attempt to imbue him with the power of martial arts.

Unfortunately your knowledge of martial arts is very limited. Upon the completion of your spell, the troll begins making strange sounds, like Bruce Lee, but he's not actually doing anything. Just standing still making strange noises.

>>45702242
Not wanting to bother people in the Starbucks you pull out an old bag. With a bit of magic you slowly Shepard the troll into the bag, which you make large enough to contain him on the inside, without extending its size on the outside.

File: 1438514802637.jpg (135 KB, 736x550)

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>>45702344
Sweet
I got bonified crit
Guess he'll serve up some spirits

File: Skelebartender.jpg (307 KB, 1280x720)

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>>45702336
You don't know who Rasputin is, but the comment made you self conscious about your disgusting beard. You use a quick bit of magic to shave it off, giving yourself a few cuts in the process.

You then begin to shape your hair. It gets a little out of control, nothing like you wanted it to be. You got some bald spots, some spots just floating up in the air. It's awful to say the least. Someone in the coffee shop points and laughs.

>>45702344
You don't understand this world and what it wants. You need to call some help in. You get behind the counter and begin drawing a summoning circle in coffee grinds. In blinding flash of light and a clatter of bones, a skeleton appears.

"Woah buddy, you don't look so good, need a drink? I am a bone-afide bartender after all."

Rolled 87 (1d100)

>>45702487
Get mad about the hair insult. Beat the shit out of them and return to the bartender.

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>>45702517
You tell the bartender you could go with a stiff drink. He laughs thinking it was some maybe some kind of bone pun. You don't get it.

You turn to the man who laughed at you and give a fierce glare. They seem intimidated as you walk towards them. You begin unleashing a devastating series of blows, leaving them unconscious, bloodied, a few bones broken, and two black eyes.

Rolled 37 (1d100)

>>45702618

Cast ourself the Alltongue spell that allow us to understand everything.

Rolled 78 (1d100)

>>45702618
summon 3 winged monkeys that throw feces at every nearby standing individual (except us)

>>45702634
Having heard a few more languages in this coffee tavern, you decide that it would be best if you could understand every living thing. It would help with your job a lot.

With some magic words you place a finger to your temple and attempt to understand everything. Unfortunately you think you may have erased a few years worth of french lessons and maybe even some English words.

Rolled 55 (1d100)

>>45702618
As battered mush of flesh falls back with a wet thud, screams and hasty voices beckon for something called "Poh-lice"

You ponder what strange evolution head lice has begotten in a land of metal clams with letters on the inside laptops

Wishing to improve the mood you declare the end of all head lice or "poh-lice" as these young ones call them, but a simple disintegration of an entire species would go unnoticed, so you give them a rapid growth so that all may see you vanquish the headlice upon these diseased individuals

tl;dr increase the size of any parasites that might be within or on the individuals in the room, excluding yourself, and the skeleton.

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>>45702672
This is all very frustrating. This coffee tavern is silly, everything thats going on here is silly. You want to throw poop at them to show them how silly they are. But you of course don't want to get your own hands dirty, you need monkeys! They throw poop all the time! OH FLYING MONKEYS! That would provide a powerful strategic advantage.

With another summoning circle you conjure fourth 3 flying monkeys, whom you name Larry, Curly and Moe.

The monkeys begin to throw poop all over the people in the starbucks. The skeleton gets some poop on him and is upset with this.

"What's the matter buddy, you got a bone to pick or something?"

Rolled 53, 16 = 69 (2d100)

>>45702784
Conjure a dozen goblins to pull down anyones (except me) pants and lets go outside.

and I make the joke-cracking-skeleta-bartender an exception to my monkeys (if I have to roll for this then this is the second roll)

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>>45702780
Pretty much this.

You begin to cast a spell to enlarge the various parasites in the room. The people all seem fairly clean for the most part, you're confused why they were yelling about something that was so clearly a non-issue. Oh well there was one person, a large worm like creature burst from her chest and slithered off into the bathroom, you hadn't considered that maybe humanity had not cured the tape worm.

Your monkeys however are very far from clean. Dozens of rapidly growing insects bounce off the creatures, scurrying around the floor of the coffee shop. They keep growing to about the size of large wolves.

Rolled 97 (1d100)

>>45702784

"Sorry bro."

Then clean off the poop on skeleton and give him a nice afro hair.

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>>45702899
The people are running and screaming now trying to escape the coffee tavern. You think it'd be a hilarious opportunity for a prank, and you summon a dozen goblins to go around and pull down the pants of the people. Many trip and fall as they try to leave. Soon the tavern is empty and you see the skeleton covered in poop.

You give him a quick clean and let him know you're sorry with an extra special gift of an afro. He looks it over and seems very content with it. "A skeleton with an afro. How humerus."

Rolled 1 (1d100)

>>45702963
Heal the person who go chest bursted.

File: hehehehe.gif (1.34 MB, 800x533)

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>>45703139
hahahahahahhahahahaha

Rolled 21 (1d100)

>>45703115

Quit the job and form your own music band.

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>>45703139
>1

Looking over the injured woman, you decide to fix her up. You aren't too familiar with healing spells, after all you trained for revenge, not healing.

You think you're doing pretty well at first, but when the woman explodes violently into blood, soaking the already poop covered room, you think you may have fucked up.

>>45702963
"Behold the maladies of filth and the bringers of the plague dear citizens of Starbuck!
Witness their horrible forms and watch as I the great Gastroth the Wise send them into a black pits from whence they came!"

You forget the name of mashing things together from your mix up with gaining knowledge but the word Meld sounds about right...

You cast meld to mush them all together and hope they all die quickly without getting anything on your own hands.
Three odd substances on your hands is where you draw the line.

Rolled 99 (1d100)

Summon a pair of janitor golems to clean this mess up.

File: Broom Golem.png (254 KB, 556x586)

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>>45703235
The manager comes walking out, a look of horror on his face.

"I quit mr.Bossman."

You walk out of the Starbucks with your skeleton bartender, 3 monkeys,12 goblins and few dozen fleas. You decide you should form a band.

You conjure up some instruments for everyone, and begin to play.

It does NOT sound good. Like, really really bad. The goblins are just slamming their instruments on the ground or gnawing on them. The monkeys are at least trying to play, albeit not well. The fleas are just ignoring the instruments you made them and are just wandering around. The only one who's actually any good is the bartender skeleton, but even his skill can't carry this band.

You do gather a fairly nice audience though. They come speeding to you in carriages, flashing blue and red, making music of their own. Many people in the same outfit come out to see you, pointing metal contraptions at you. They seem very upset.

If you had to guess it's probably because you made such a mess.

>>45703304
You tell them not to fear as you begin summoning two very powerful broom golems with buckets of water to begin cleaning the restaurant. For some reason this terrifies them. Which is strange because you told them not to fear.

Maybe it's about the flees?

>>45703294
Need a roll.

Rolled 60 (1d100)

>>45703455
Clearly they are upset they can't take part in the performance! Force them to take part!

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Rolled 3 (1d100)

>>45703455
>>45703489
its obvious now.
Grant the bartender skeleton the Cuban Rhythm and make everyone dance.

Rolled 87 (1d100)

>>45703455
>>45703294
Whoops

>>45703489
Oh! Of course it isn't about the fleas, they're pretty much harmless, it must be that they are upset they cannot join you in your performance.

But of course they can!

Video related:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-dyO9SWiY7k

After the whole performance, you slide off with your gang and disappear, leaving the police and bystanders very confused.

File: Not quite this big.jpg (62 KB, 600x450)

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>>45703553
Glad to know I wasn't the only one who thought of it.

>>45703568
You return to the audience for a brief moment to follow through with an old plan.

"Behold the maladies of filth and the bringers of the plague dear citizens of Starbuck!
Witness their horrible forms and watch as I the great Gastroth the Wise send them into a black pits from whence they came!"

You try and remember how to destroy things, but the word escapes you, maybe you erased it along with your french a while back.

Well meld will have to do.

You merge all the fleas into a single massive flea about the size of a carriage.

"Ummm... tadah?"

The audience stares in confusion.

You decide to run away with your band and settle this another time.

Rolled 9 (1d100)

>>45703739
Find distant relative of the ones you want revenge on.

>>45703775
You wander around the city with your ragtag crew. You all ride around on the back of the flea when you get tired.

You try and make sense of this map, or even try to scry someone you might know, even someone you'd hate, like that nasty paladin, or even his grandchildren or something.

You can't seem to find anyone.

Rolled 83 (1d100)

>>45703877
Create a god to do your bidding, all powerful!

>>45703877
Thank the skeleton for sticking with you. Ask if he know a place to crash.

Rolled 74 (1d100)

>>45703917

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>>45703911
There's kind of a rule that reality manipulators cannot create beings with superior reality manipulation powers to themselves. So you instead craft an all powerful deity to do your bidding, with all the same drawbacks as yourself.

The glowing celestial being stares back at you, simply a silhouette made of light.

>>45703939
You turn to the skeleton and let him know you're thankful for his help.

He tells you to shut your face, he's in it for the music.

He also knows of a cool place you guys can all crash for bit. You all arrive at a big warehouse that's pretty empty with the exception of the fully stocked bar.

Rolled 62 (1d100)

>>45704047
So the deity is useless? Send it off to create and rule over another Universe.

Let the others lounge around the warehouse.

As for you. Find out if there's a princess or something to kidnap.

Rolled 59 (1d100)

>>45704047
pump up the party! conjure drinks, and stand to the front door shooting fireworks saying; dinks -50%.
Then place your band around to pass around the drinks, and collect the money.

File: HotBlooded.gif (75 KB, 600x600)

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Rolled 29 (1d100)

>>45704047

Start practice with our musical skills while being hot-blooded as fuck!

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>>45704178
Thinking over how since the deity can only really do as much as you, you don't really need it around. You send it away to create and rule over a world of its own.

The the goblins begin crawling around the warehouse looking for shinies as the monkeys are at the counter getting drinks from the skeleton.

You begin using an old crystal ball to look for a princess. It would appear that there might be one in this strange city after all. It's not quite what you were hoping for, but the heiress to a large company named Princess seems to fit the bell well enough.

Maybe you'll get to work on this in the morning. It's time to party!

>>45704211
With a good sign and some strategically placed fireworks the warehouse is completely filled. The bartender is so skilled he's filling every order in seconds. The people are loving it and your band is killing it.

Larry, Curly and Moe apparently play better drunk, and the goblins are actually giving it a try this time. The bartender is somehow fulfilling the orders and playing with the band at the same time. He's that skilled.

>>45704360
The party is great for a few hours and then you sort of don't remember what happened. You wake up still playing your guitar.

The skeleton says you tried to cast a spell to make yourself better at music and hot-blooded as fuck, but you put yourself to sleep. Your music was pretty great though.

>>45704495
Teleport to the princess. Begin kidnap process.

Rolled 76 (1d100)

>>45704515

Rolled 82 (1d100)

>>45704495
>>45704515
>>45704569

We should also seduce the princess with our sweet soft rock music.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NvR60Wg9R7Q

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>>45704515
You tell the band to keep practicing while you're away, you got something you need to do.

With a quick teleportation spell you appear in a very large mansion. There are sounds coming from the room to your right. You lean in to see a large dining room table, sitting at it is Princess eating her dinner alone. A man and a woman wearing suits and glasses stand at her side, watching over her as some kind of body guards.

This ought to be easy.

File: Surprise guitar warlock.gif (1.94 MB, 500x400)

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>>45704664
You ready yourself and turn the corner.

The two bodyguards raise their metal implements at you, but Princess raises a hand to stop them. She wipes a tear away from her eyes.

"Who are you?"

>>45704763
Summon a rose for princess.

"I'm a warlock and I'm here to whisk you away."

Rolled 59 (1d100)

>>45704763

"Gastroth, Fornoth Gastroth the Muscial Warlock of Love and Freedom. I come here to take you away and show you around the world!"

Rolled 52 (1d100)

>>45704862

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>>45704862
>>45704872
>>45704882

With a flick of the wrist you summon a rose for Princess. You hand it to her as you introduce yourself.

"Gastroth, Fornoth Gastroth the Muscial Warlock of Love and Freedom. I come here to whisk you away and show you around the world!"

The male body guard puts his hand on your shoulder.

"Sir I'm going to need to ask you to step away from the underage girl."

Rolled 81 (1d100)

>>45705004
How old is she? Age her up a bit.

Rolled 94 (1d100)

>>45705004

>"Sir I'm going to need to ask you to step away from the underage girl."

"Underage? No problem! I'm very patience man!"

Then use power of rock to make everybody dance!

File: Magic dance.jpg (16 KB, 220x219)

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>>45705004
"Oh my god Smith! I'm old enough to do what ever I want!"

>>45705114
"Not a problem." you say as you back away. Starting another sweet rift on the guitar, everyone in the room begins to dance, even the butler who entered to see what the commotion was about.

>>45705089
While everyone's distracted you do a quick spell. The girl begins to grow a little taller, her acne clearing up a bit, becoming a beautiful young woman.

File: Princess.jpg (63 KB, 564x681)

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>>45705261
When everyone finishes dancing they stare in awe at Princess.

"How did this happen? What the hell did you do to her?" The woman guard asks, pointing her implement at you.

Princess is looking over herself, she seems very happy.

Rolled 44 (1d100)

>>45705428
Convince guards to put their weapons down with music.

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>>45705458
"Please, there is no need for violence. Only a song."

You are hit across the face with the blunt metal implement. You fall to the ground where the two body guards begin to beat on you.

Short break for dinner. I'll be back soon.
Feel free to post while I'm away.

Rolled 44 (1d100)

>>45705528
Magical bindings, short and simple

Rolled 12 (1d100)

>>45705528

Summon... OUCH... the help... OUCH of Jackie Chan!

>>45705528
Shrink the guards.

Not their clothes. ;)

Rolled 10 (1d100)

>>45705730

Rolled 89 (1d100)

>>45705528

It is time

Unleash troll from bag

Rolled 13 (1d100)

>>45705528
Fuck this shit, turn them into flowers, a daisy preferably

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Rolled 96 (1d100)

>>45705528

Awoke our Stand!

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>>45706062
What do we call it?

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>>45706277

Break Free?

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>>45705592

This beating simply has to stop.

With a wave of your arms, magical chains come shooting out of your sleeves. They wrap around you and hold you down tight as the beatings continue.

>>45705614
That didn't work. If only Jackie Chan were here! With a quick verbal casting of teleportation magic, Jackie Chan's agent appears in front of you to inform you he's very busy right now and connot come to your aid. You thank her anyways and send her away.

>>45705730
>>45705756
You still have this. You'll show these mortals just how insignificant they really are to you.

You perform a powerful curse and attempt to direct it at the two guards, which proves more difficult than you imagined. Princess let's out a startled yelp as she shrinks away, about the size of a mouse.

>>45705941
Well, you might not have Jackie Chan, but you do have Bruce Lee! or at least a troll that sounds like him.

With some telekinesis you force the bag open. Out comes the powerful troll, making kung fu sounds, throwing the two guards against the walls. They get back up.

You're really getting tired of this. It's time to get rid of these guards once and for all.

>>45705997
With a powerful zap, the troll transforms into a small potted daisy.

Well fuck.

File: JOJO.gif (863 KB, 500x281)

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>>45706062
>>45706277
>>45706425

You focus all of your might on a single desire to break free from these bindings.

You summon a golden arrow that pierces your body. In a mighty display of power you burst free of these bindings and summon your stand!

[B R E A K F R E E ]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WUOtCLOXgm8

Rolled 23 (1d100)

>>45706706
Ora ora the guards

>>45706751

Why do I have strange feeling that one of the guard is also a stand user...

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>>45706751
You point at the guards dramatically, to let them know what they got coming. You go in for a rush of attacks but you wind up punching yourself in the face...

You do feel much more liberated than you were before.

Rolled 55 (1d100)

>>45706799
Is this the work of an enemy stand?

Use break free to break the guards free of this oppressive job and pursue their dreams.

Rolled 56 (1d100)

>>45706799
Shrink yourself and become the size of the princess.

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>>45706841
Through this accidental use of your stand against yourself, you learn the true nature of break free.

You dodge the tiny projectiles from one of the guards implements before unleashing a devastating series of blows. Each punch seems to change a piece of smith's suit into a chef's outfit. When you finish with the two guards guards they are not guards at all, they are a chef and a fire fighter. They are also incredibly beat up and lying on the ground unconscious.

>>45706884
With that dealt with you begin looking for Princess, when you find her, you shrink yourself down to her size.

She's in a great deal of distress.

>>45706952
Break the princess free from this magic, also break her free from the bruises of being punched by Break Free

Rolled 96 (1d100)

>>45707013

Rolled 64 (1d100)

>>45706952
Teleport away and then grow back to normal size

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>>45707013
>>45707030

You approach the woman and tell her to hold still.

Your stand completely beats the shit out of her, but while doing so, not only breaks her free of the magic, returning her to her fully sized and younger self, but also breaks her free of the pain and wounds caused by being punched so much.

She gets on her knees and leans her head down to talk to you. She thanks you for turning her back to normal, and tells you it'd probably be for the best if you left before her father gets back.

Rolled 29 (1d100)

>>45707059
But take her with us.

>>45707059
With all of this dealt with, you return to normal size.

>>45707168
You begin to teleport, holding her arm to bring her with you.
You disappear, and when you look around you realize she wasn't brought with you. Damn, you knew that you were supposed to hold her hand and not her arm. It was just awkward, you know?

Ah well. It seems like you are on the room of some building. You can see the mansion from here, although it is very far away. You should probably specify a location next time you cast this spell.

Rolled 90 (1d100)

>>45707248
Go forward in time a few years. Youre already her childhood crush, just come back when she's older.

Rolled 10 (1d100)

>>45707248
Learn the true nature of your new powers, perhaps you can use them to get revenge.

File: TIIIIIIMMMMMMEEEEE.gif (1.99 MB, 500x500)

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>>45707310
Watching from the roof of this building you decide that maybe you'll skip a few of the awkward teenage years and come see her again when she's older.

You tear open the veil of time with your arcane might and break free of this time.

You appear in the same place as you were, but years in the future. The mansion seems to have only grown.

>>45707335
You look over the arrow you summoned and wonder if Break Free can be used in some way to get revenge on that Paladin, and the king that locked you away beneath the surface. Then you remember that everyone who was ever involved with such a thing is long dead. A shame. You'll hold onto the arrow but you're not sure what revenge can come of it.

Rolled 21 (1d100)

>>45707440
Check on Princess. Make sure nothing bad has happened.

Rolled 34 (1d100)

>>45707440
Get the band back together for a revival concert.

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>>45707475
You quickly teleport into the dinning room, eager to make an appearance. You look around and the room is empty except a nicely cared for daisy plant, and a note.

Oh god. A ransom note! They want Princess' father to come alone and bring 50 million dollars to an abandoned warehouse in the city. Not yours, by he way.

>>45707521
OH! That reminds you, you should check out how things have been with the band!.

You teleport to your warehouse, the only thing you still recognise is the old bar, and the afro'd skeleton behind the counter.

"Hey! Were getting the band back together."

The skeleton just glares at you.

"You disappear on us for years without a word and think you can just pop in whenever you want? I'm in my own band now lazy-bones, Skull and the Bones.

Rolled 77 (1d100)

>>45707697
Beg to get back into the band, it was your true calling!

>>45707697
"You gotta let me back in to the band man! It was my true calling!"

"God damnit Fornoth you son of a bitch, you're hard to love but you're harder to hate, and you're a damn fine guitarist. You're back in the band.

>>45707697
Go to the warehouse a few minutes before the designated time.

Rolled 92 (1d100)

>>45707874

Rolled 83 (1d100)

>>45707697
Teleport to the other warehouse

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>>45707874
>>45707907
>>45707911

You tell the skeleton that you just have something to take care of first.

You teleport to the abandoned warehouse it mentioned in the note. You wait around hidden for some time before you see an older man, balding and what little hair he has left is white. He's walking towards the warehouse with a large briefcase. He's sweating, seems terrified.

Rolled 42 (1d100)

>>45708065
Sit back and watch. Do nothing to interfere.

Rolled 59 (1d100)

>>45708065
Turn the contents of the brief case into bees.

File: BEES.gif (2 MB, 288x158)

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>>45708176

The man walks into the warehouse. A large group of masked individuals come out of the shadows and point large metal implements at the man. He lays the brief case on the ground.

>>45708207
This gives you an idea, you begin casting a spell.

A woman wearing a black outfit with a golden implement in her pocket comes out petting a white cat.

"I've given you what you want. Now bring me my daughter you sick freaks!"

"Oh but Mr.Fraser, we aren't done just yet." She says with a smile.

There is a distinct buzzing sound that can be heard.

"Check the contents of the case." She says.

A random gang member opens the case.

Bees erupt from it. Mass panic ensues.

Rolled 96 (1d100)

>>45708207
>>45708065
and then turn his clothes into bees

Rolled 7 (1d100)

>>45708429
Shit, that lady sounds evil, turn HER into bees.

Rolled 58 (1d100)

>>45708429
Turn all the gang members but the bond villain into bee keepers and teleport them away with the bees.

>>45708481
fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck

>>45701897


bit late to the party, but I can't really say I have a preference on how much you run this, other than the fact that I just about die laughing each time and it's probably never going to get old.

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>>45708451
In the mass panic you reveal yourself and start slinging a ton of bee related spells.

You turn the clothes of Mr.Fraser into bees, he runs around naked, being stung. This has added to the bees in the room, but you also realize that this could end poorly, since he isn't the real threat here.

>>45708481
You turn your attention to the woman in charge.
You point your finger at her casting a spell, but you simply turn your own clothes into bees.

>>45708492
As you're violently being stung you realize you need to do something about this bee situation. With a clap of your hands all the gang members in the warehouse are outfitted with bee keeper suits and skills and a new found passion for bee keeping. You teleport them and the bees away to a quite place where they can work at keeping the bee population high and healthy.

This leaves Mr.Fraser and you naked and covered in bee stings while the woman just stares back in confusion, reaching for her golden gun.

Rolled 95 (1d100)

>>45708704
Beat her to the draw. Turn her into sphere version of herself. Like a beach ball.

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>>45708787
Thats not my fetish.

Rolled 75 (1d100)

>>45708704
Cast a bullet spell and shout bang with a snarky comment

>>45708822
It's not about fetishes, it's about defeating and humiliating her.

... It's also my fetish.

Rolled 55, 40 = 95 (2d100)

>>45708704
Turn her gun into bees!, turn her clothes into bees!

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>>45708787
She reaches for her gun, ash she lifts it you beat her to the draw, pointing your finger at her shouting "BANG!"

In a puff of smoke, the woman is replaced with a ball that's design that has a color scheme similar to her outfit, and one side that has an image of her face on it.

>>45708923
Now I feel dirty

Rolled 91 (1d100)

>>45709096
Use mind powers to pull the information we need out of her mind.

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>>45709096
Everyone's got a magic realm OP. You just dared to enter mine.

Also we didn't remove her ability to speak or anything did we?

Rolled 17 (1d100)

>>45709150
In her mind it just says "Build bypasses"

>>45709231
>>45709150
For a moment, we feel a shiver of metaphysical terror, and wonder if our life might have been better spent as a civil planner :P

>>45709049
You look over the ball of your creation. She seems to have dropped her gun in the process. As you go to pick it up she starts shouting at you.

"Turn me back this instant or... or... WELL I DON'T KNOW YET!"

You cast a spell and turn the gun into a swarm of bees.

You point to her and try to focus on her clothes.

You can't quite seem to do it. Maybe the fact its basically become a part of her in this ball shape has something to do with it.

>>45709150
You put your finger on her forehead and begin to draw out all the information you need. She is Rosella Vladamir, leader of a gang here in the city. She intended on kidnapping the daughter of the richest man in the city and holding her ransom. She would then take the money and kill the man, collecting a hit, earning twice the money for almost no extra effort.

Princess is being held in a cellar somewhere, they were going to "take care" of her when the job was done.

In her mind you feel like there is some kind of implanted suggestion, you call it to the surface of her thoughts and you hear it echo. "You've got to build bypasses."

>>45709282
You begin to panic and pull yourself away from her. You're going to need some time to calm down.

Rolled 8 (1d100)

Give the poor father his clothes back and tell him you will save his daughter.

Rolled 31 (1d100)

>>45709348
Toss her back and forth with Mr.Fraser

Bond with future father in law.

Rolled 38 (1d100)

>>45709348
Pop her like a fucking zit, then teleport to the princess!

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>>45709395
You lift Rosella up and toss her in the direction of Mr. Fraser, you accidently hit him in the head. Rosella begins a string of cursewords that doesn't seem to end so much as you stop being able to hear it as she rolls away from Mr. Fraser.

You walk up to Mr.Fraser and magic him up some clothes. They're a little um... revealing, and not exactly made for someone of his body shape...

He looks over at the ball and at his clothes. "What the hell is going on here?"

"I'm Fornoth and I'm a warlock. I'm going to get your daughter back for you, don't worry."

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>>45709403
You look over at the ball, still yelling, you decide to shut it up for good.

You put a bunch of pressure on her, you can hear her swearing turn into begging for you to have mercy. You don't show any, but you also fail to pop her... this leaves in a sort of awkward situation, so you decide to just teleport to Princess instead.

You appear in your warehouse surrounded by the band.

Rolled 45, 77 = 122 (2d113)

>>45709572
Well, teleport the princess to us then, and her father as well! And have the band set up some nice (magically) soothing music!

Rolled 33 (1d100)

>>45709493
>>45709572
Get a call on your cellphone from the Rosella's boss

Rolled 80, 88 = 168 (2d100)

>>45709572
Make twin clones of the princess who think we're a pretty cool guy, and who have the skills to be the perfect bodyguard for the normal princess!

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>>45709622
You attempt to teleport Princess Fraser and her father into your warehouse and get ready to put on a radially magical show. You get all the preparation going and the whole band is ready, but when you try and teleport them, you just teleport a swarm of bees.

The goblins and monkeys are freaking out.

>>45709647
Amidst this chaos your cell phone begins to ring, but then you realize you don't have any idea what a cell phone is, and can't possibly be receiving a call.

>>45709701
While thinking about where you went wrong with the teleportation you decide to magic up two bodyguards for Princess, ones that look just like her! That won't be confusing at all. You finish making them and they both say you seem a pretty cool guy,

Rolled 51, 50, 25 = 126 (3d100)

>>45709829
Gather your crew, put the ball in your bag of holding, and summon some clothes for yourself.

Storm the cellar.

Rolled 90 (1d100)

>>45709829
Call upon council with a local god asking him for help.

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>>45709857
You banish the bees, and prepare your crew for their biggest gig yet. You brief them on the whole situation and get them ready.

You prepare yourself as well, who knows what could be out there. You summon Rosella and shove her into your bag before she has a chance to react. You conjure up some sick ass wizard clothes... or at least you try to. You summon a potato sack.

You're pretty much ready to storm the cellar.

Rolled 52 (1d100)

>>45709989
Bring back the emperor armor from last OPMUQ

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>>45710007
You require mightier armor if you wish to make council with a local god. You conjure up the most emperorlike power armor you can conceive of. The results are marvelous.

You get down on your knees and begin to attempt to make contact with a local god. You make mental contact and ask for council with it. It accepts.

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>>45709973
You are teleported into a mighty land above the clouds, all the buildings shine like silver and winged beings fly in the distance. In front of you stands a large bearded man glowing white with godlike power.

"What can I do for you mortal?"

Rolled 67 (1d100)

>>45710106
Give us you holy blessing to rescue a princess. Please send us on our way great all father!

Rolled 88 (1d100)

>>45710106
Inquire to the lineage of the men we were seeking revenge upon. Perhaps we can make their ancestors lives more difficult.

Rolled 55 (1d100)

>>45710106
Bro, I will trade you the sickest emperors power armor ever made for your aid in rescuing a princess.

>>45710229
*Brodin

>>45710159
"I ask only for your assistance great all father, I wish to rescue a Princess with my band in an adventure most daring!"

The all-father's chuckle shakes the ground beneath you like and earthquake.

"And what would you give me in return mortal?."

>>45710229
"This mighty power armor fit for a king!"

"Very well mortal, you amuse me so!"

A glowing light forms around you, alongside a halo. You can feel yourself disappearing, being teleported to the location of Princess.

>>45710187
"WAIT! What ever happened to the Paladin and the King? I need to know!"

"The Paladin never had children, it was against his order. As for the king, he had many children, the names changed over the course of the past few centuries. I believe they go by the family name of Fraser now."

Your eyes widen as you disappear.

You appear in a flash of light alongside your band, your armor has been replaced with armor and a cape. The rest of the band seems equally outfitted with armor and halos.

The assault begins.

Rolled 88 (1d100)

>>45710452
Have the tick rush through, breaking down the doors. Follow through setting everyone on fire.

>>45710452
Obviously the only thing now is to waifu the princess, and then teleport a note through time to the king informing him that we have banged his great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-grand daughter.

>>45710583
Maybe include pics.

>>45710583
Save that for the credits anon.

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>>45710526
The flea barges through the main door. Gang members panic and begin to open fire and run away.

You enter the hole the giant flea tore open and open fire in a whole other way. You start breathing fire all over the gang members. The flaming members run around as your dozen goblins run around tracking them down and stabbing them to death.

The flea is heavily injured.

Rolled 1 (1d100)

>>45710632
Leave the gang to clean up the bad guys. Approach final boss with skeleman.

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>>45710654
You start telling the others to clean up the rest of the baddies here, you and the skeleton are going to keep going till you find Princess.

Bullet goes clean through the skull of the skeleton, shattering it. He falls to the ground and his ghostly essence begins escaping.

"Ahhh damn it... that was a real... bone head
move."

He chuckles to himself as his spirit moves on.

The culprit shows himself. A bald Russian man with a revolver and an eye patch. "Hello comrade, I am Boris. You killed my partner Rosella, and now I am going to kill you."

Rolled 92 (1d100)

>>45710632
Heal the flea with magical regenerative bees.

Rolled 26 (1d100)

>>45710804
Turn him into a living needle we can use to pop Rosella.

Rolled 51 (1d100)

>>45710804
Rebind skelebro's ghost essence into Boris' skeleton.

Rolled 88 (1d100)

>>45710632
Summon our good buddy Momerpresso Malamatartarei to help us

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>>45710877
I'm not sure I've ever been more happy about a success in this quest.

Rolled 47 (1d100)

>>45710804
Spike Ball Rosella at Boris, knock the gun out of his hands!

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>>45710817
You unleash a powerful torrent of bees from your finger tips that fly around the flea and into bullet holes, making repairs.

>>45710855
You turn to the skeletons corpse and attempt to fabricate some kind of living needle... but it doesnt work, because he's dead, and even when he was alive he was kind of dead, you know?

>>45710877
You see the essence escaping and you channel it elsewhere, right into the bones of Boris himself. Boris begins shifting uncomfortably. "You bastard! What have you done!"

>>45710884
Not sure what to do next you summon the sage wisdom of an old friend. The magician appears next to you, not exactly how you remember him. It would appear he is a woman now. Also he has two souls in his body. Also it would appear he has lost his magical abilities. This is a strange turn to say the least, you decide to bring it up after the fight.

>>45710981
You pull Rosella out of your bag. You spike her at Boris who catches her in his empty hand with ease. He looks over the ball.

"Rosella is that you comrade?"

"Yes it's me! Please just run away! You can't beat these guys! Give them the princess and surrender please!"

"What have they done to you? I will not rest until you are returned to normal my love! I promise you this!"

"Oh Boris... I love you,"

Boris leans in to kiss the ball and proceeds to explode into bloody guts as his own skeleton rips its way out of him. The shocked silence that fills the room is broken by the skeleton.

"Looks like your boy Boris was bad to the bone!"

The silence following that joke is broken by screams of terror.

>>45711127
Kiss the princess and feel loved.

Rolled 91 (1d100)

>>45711127
> Summoning the Momerpresso Malamatartarei from the objectively inferior adventure.

Gross, summon a copy of what he used to look like, banish the anime abomination.

>>45711278
Fuck I'm on mobile, forgot to dice.

Also every quest so far has revolved around love in some way.

Rolled 64 (1d100)

>>45711127
"Nice one Skelebro, that was pretty HUMERUS."

>Divine location of the princess in the building.

>>45711303
Fuck it I give up

Rolled 100 (1d100)

>>45711303
>>45711278
Rolling for mobile bro

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>>45711297
You summon the Momerpresso Malamatartarei that you remember, not this strange imitation, which you whisk away to where it came from. The magician looks at you asks what's up.

>>45711303
Ya, it's interesting the way it works out. I never have a plan for where it's going, it just kind of happens. People like having waifus I suppose. I think this one is the healthiest relationship yet though.

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>>45711360
Pic related, it's my reaction to my roll, and our reaction to makin' with the princess.

>>45711366
Did I miss out on anything topping Elf secretary?

I feel like mind rape, rape, drugging, baleful polymorphing, murdering, murdering by proxy, torture, murdering their loved ones, pants shitting, more murdering, accidental death, and truly extraordinary mental trauma due to witnessed events is hard to top.

>>45711360
Oh shit thanks for the dank ass roll.

>>45711366
Our love your elf waifu was pure imo.

>>45711447
Actually, we never did bang her, totally forgot about that. So no rape.

We still can go more evil.

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>>45711319
"Nice one Skelebro, that was pretty HUMERUS."

Everyone laughs, except Rosella, who weeps.

You begin to divine the location of the princess. You feel her life force is coming from somewhere below you. You follow it until you find a cellar door.

In the cellar you find Princess chained to a chair with a bag over her head. You take the bag off of her head and she sees who you are. She's a few years older now, having traveled through time.

"After all these years... you really did exist... I was beginning to think the therapists were right..."

>>45711360
You kiss her. You feel loved for the very first time. All those awful memories of being hated by everyone you've ever known, the pain begins to fade.

>>45711447
You didn't miss anything I'm pretty sure. This is the only thread since that whole story line was resolved. Though no sex was had.

Rolled 26 (1d100)

>>45711575
[BREAK FREE] from those chains!

Rolled 89 (1d100)

>>45711575
What a happy ending.

As part of tying up loose ends, lets fill Rosella's balloon form with shit.

Then we should probably reunite the princess with her father.

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>>45711640
You attempt to break the chains of the chair but you are prevented. If only [BREAK FREE] was not an F accuracy stand.

Rolled 11 (1d100)

>>45711694
Why would we want a balloon that's filled with shit. Fill her with helium, give her Princess as a pretty gift.

official quest tier list
2>3>1

>>45711739
Shitting oneself is the traditional fate meted out to the enemies of powerful magic users, but unfortunately balloons can't poop

>>45711701
Turn the chains on the chair into cuddly stinger free bees.

Rolled 89 (1d100)

>>45711894
fak, forgot roll

>>45711694
You undo the chains the old fashioned way. You walk out of the cellar, Princess in your arms. The goblins are tossing Rosella back and forth. The rest of the band is happy to see you. One of them passes Rosella to you.

She's stopped talking completely now. You spin her around on your finger like a globe trotter. She begins to stink really badly as you fill her form with shit.

>>45711739
In an attempt to make a pretty balloon, you fill the room with helium, everyone begins laughing at how funny their voices sound, except the skeleton who is unaffected.

"Why are you carrying that gross smelling ball around? Get rid of it."

You toss the poop filled ball aside as the whole band begins moving out.

"Please... you can't leave me like this. I beg of you, show mercy." She pleas in a comically high pitched voice.

>>45711829
I can totally agree with this.

People should suggest any settings they might want to see. We've done modern wizard, generic fantasy wizard, and now fantasy wizard in modern setting.

Rolled 15 (1d100)

>>45711894
>>45711977

Take pity on her by making her into a cuddly bee.

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>>45712072
Princess, now realising the ball is a person is not sure if she should laugh or feel horrified by the implications of leaving them that way.

You turn around and try to cast one last bee spell on Rosella. You shoot forth a mighty jetstream of bees that begin to swarm her... that didn't quite go as planned.

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Rolled 65 (1d100)

>>45712157
"Don't feel too sorry for her princess, she did plan to brutally murder you and your father"

Teleport the ball/Rosella to the elemental plane of infinite bees.

>>45712157
Fuck. We're just gonna make this way longer than it needs to be trying to figure out what to do with her aren't we?

Rolling to pop her.

>>45712236
>>45712229
it's ok anon I got this.

>>45712251
>>45712229
Wait, fuck, we should have made her immortal too.

Rolled 61 (1d100)

>>45712229
I wouldn't wish that shit on my worst enemy bro. Turn her into a bee girl pet or something.

>>45712308
Now she can live happy among her own people in the bee plane! It'll take a while to adjust, but she'll grow to love it!

Rolled 32 (1d100)

>>45712308
but give her bee diarrhea forever.

Rolled 8 (1d100)

>>45712325
But she needs some punishment. Make her transformation into a bee girl progress through bee stings.

Oh, make sure to show the princess we didn't just teleport her to eternal torture, cuase who'd do something like that?

>>45712386
>>45712364
Hah! See, our magic power agrees! We're not super evil and spiteful! Only mildly deranged!

>>45712389
she probably doesn't want to know where we just poofed the new bee girl to. Turning someone into a bee and banishing them to the infinite plane of bees isn't THAT nice.

Like that Kkkrrraaazzy uncle who really is a tad bit crazy. Only with nigh omnipotent PPPOOOOWWWWEEEERRRR!

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I just step out to use the washroom and I come back to this.

Let's see where this goes.

Rolled 46 (1d100)

Hold up here, let's merge the elemental plane of bees with the elemental plane of poop.

>>45712498
All you need to know is we turned her into a bee girl and banished her to a plane of bees. Ignore all the failed rolls senpai.

Rolled 45, 85 = 130 (2d113)

>>45712463
It is nice considering she planned on killing both our princess love interest waifu, and her dad. In fact, I'd say we were letting her off easy! And since we told her that's what she was planning to do, the princess will "probably" agree.

Rolled 73 (1d100)

>>45712236

>>45712523
>>45712597
Hah! Nope! But now we know how she's going to transform into the bee girl! It'll be with a POP!

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>>45712229
"Don't feel too sorry for her princess, she did plan to brutally murder you and your father."

>>45712364

You cause an eruption of bees to swarm out of everyone in the rooms asses. They smell of poop. They begin to swarm her with the rest of the bees. She's crying in pain as she's stung.

>>45712597
There's a loud popping sound that's almost deafening. Everyone looks to see Rosella in a form that isn't quite human but isn't quite bee, and she's covered in the feces that filled her ball form. She's curled up on the ground with her eyes closed.

"I HATE BEES! I HATE BEES! I NEVER WANT TO SEE A BEE EVER AGAIN!"

"That's too bad Rosella, because they''ll be the only thing you see for a long, long time."

Rosella opens her eyes and looks over herself in shock before a portal opens up, pulling her and the bees through to a plane of infinite bees.

Princess hugs you. She thinks you found a perfectly admirable line between mercy and justice.

>>45712837
That's us, a true champion of justice.


What do we do now? We probably ought to romance the princess properly, so far we just randomly kissed her after le rescue.

Rolled 63 (1d100)

>>45712837
Take the princess to her father (via teleport) and ask him for permission to begin courting his daughter. Best we do this the right way like mama taught us.

Rolled 29 (1d113)

Hey Qm. Wadda ya think the cloned duo are doing with ole Pa? Must be having a giggle! Also know as trying to convince him they aren't just more evil trickery.

>>45713044
It appears the Devils gotten into them.

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>>45712965

The two of you move on to meet her father. He's overjoyed to see his daughter again. He says if there is anything his family can ever do for you all you need to do is ask.

You ask if you can have his blessing to see his daughter... romantically.

The man just laughs. "It's [Insert Current Year] and she's a grown woman, she can make that decision herself!"

Over the next few months, you and Princess go on many dates. She's your bands number one fan.

The band eventually makes it big. You guys are richer than you ever dreamed of.

The flea winds up getting a part in show business, he's got a whole monster movie franchise about him.

Rosella is finally starting to get over her fear of bees now that she is one. She only becomes petrified with pants shitting levels of fear if they land on her now, which of course they do all the time.

You and Princess are closer than you've ever been with anyone else. The two of you have been living together for a few months now. Eventually you get the courage to pop the question. Of course she says yes.

She takes a picture of the two of you. You take a copy and keep it with you where ever you go. You take a second copy and send it back through the veil of time, back to a place long long ago.

The old King returns from a successful banishment of a powerful warlock. He returns to his throne and finds an image of his great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-grand daughter with his worst enemy.

He lets out a scream of anger so loud it can be felt throughout time and space, drowning out some wizards attempt to get everyone to build bypasses, you hear it and chuckle to yourself.

The rest of the band plays at your wedding, it's a great performance.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R9zNNXuNW5A

Just watched deadpool earlier today, this has been in my head all day.

They lived happily ever after.

>>45713044
>>45713232
Shit, i knew I forgot about something.

The clones are welcomed into the Fraser family like they are Princess' sisters. Very protective and skilled sisters. They were clones of the version of Princess you knew, which is to say her when she was younger. They stay to live with Mr.Fraser in his mansion, he doesn't seem to mind at all.

So this brings our 3rd adventure to a close.

Feel free to take this time to offer any suggestions for how this quest can be improved or just general suggestions for story ideas you'd like to see.

A few I have are:

> Fairygod mother/father trying to get someone ready for a ball

> Celestial being traveling through space, manipulating reality for fun.

> Witch during the witch hunts

> Momerpresso Malamatartarei own personal quest.

>>45713451
>Fairy godmother

God I'd love to see how bad we'd fuck that up.

>>45713528
We do have a knack for making female's lives hell with magic.

>>45713451
Dis vas pretty good! In fact, it was excellent! And yeah, fairy god mother is the one I'd go for! Though I do hope we'll avoid yuri. Not that there's anything wrong with it, I just want a posited day straight quest for once!

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>>45713528
>>45713709

Don't think you need to worry about it going Yuri unless the players do. Everything I've seen in these threads, WizardQM pretty much avoids anything sex related unless directly stated by the players.

>>45713451
>> Witch during the witch hunts

Oh man this would be great. So much hilarity to be had.

>Let ourselves be caught
>cast immunity to fire
>chase villagers around while on fire and cackling


>Turn people into newts
>wcgw?

>>45713234
Man, this is the happiest end by a long shot, with the least fucked up journey too.

>>45713451
Voting for fairy godmother quest, as long as we go full daughteru with our godkid. Let's try to get away from the "find random girl and stop at nothing till she loves us" story

>>45714246
Be fairy god mother to prince.

Fuck up his life until he finds love through some coincidence totally unrelated to our "help"

>>45714195
I was surprised and impressed with how little you guys fucked people up. I'm pretty sure introducing Rosella pretty much just had her serve as a lightning rod for all misery that was inflicted during this quest, and even then it wasn't that bad.

>>45714301
Well, she and Boris' kinda had it coming with their own personal kidnappin' murderquest.


Previously we fucked anyone, anything, and everything up.

Pretty sure we replaced the heat death of the universe with daisies.

>>45714301
>Not that bad

That sure as hell puts things in perspective with how bad we were last time.

So has Momerpresso Malamatartarei appeared in each of these adventures?

Has there been any other references to previous ones? I've only read the last thread and this one.

>>45714416
Ya, Momerpresso Malamatartarei is some magician they summoned in the original quest. They wound up killing him, stealing his magic, turning him into a woman, dating him, accidentally killing him, and fusing his soul into their own body.

In the second quest he was just the MCs friend from college. He gets beat up and sent away to the original.

Now here he kinda just shows up for a fight, gets cloned... and then i forgot about him actually.

As for other references, I'm pretty sure it's just stuff from the second adventure. The MC tried to send out a message across all of time and space saying "You've got to build bypasses." but it failed to have any real effect.

Making people poop themselves was a thing the second MC really did a lot, so people talked about that here.

The Emperor armor was also a suit that belonged to the second MC.

Well with that. I think I'm gonna go archive the thread.

Next thread will be sometime in the next week. I have tuesdays off, so it could very well be then, if not, likely the weeked.

I think were going with fairy godmother/father adventure. Gonna come up with the details.

See you guys next time!

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This quest was pretty comfy and romantic. I love it!

>>45714645
Before you go PLEASE get a twitter so we can follow it, this thread has made me laugh very hard and it's been a long time since that's happened OP.