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“The Dog Fish,” you enunciate clearly. “See, my supposed assistant bought me a lovely new cane covered with rhinestones and glitter and capped it with a fish globe containing a dogfish. Which is some variety of freshwater-tolerant shark, or something? But now I'm dreaming about it.”

Silence.

“It talks Russian, by the way.”

More silence.

Then - “Admiral, are you pleading the insanity defense?”

This voice you do not recognize. “Am I on speakerphone, sir?”

“Just a conference call.”

You bristle. “To whom do I owe the pleasure-”

“That,” the CNO intones, “would be the Secretary of the Navy.”

If the CNO is God, then SecNav is the HR manager who *hired* God. You feel the room go all swimmy as you forget to breathe for a minute. “Oh. Hello sir. How are you today?”

“Oh,” SecNav says easily. “I'm fine.” His voice is brimming - nay, almost bursting - with some strange tension; as if he's restraining himself from bellowing. Yelling really isn't a go-to for anyone above low commissioned rank - it looks bad in front of The Troops, after all - unless they've got someone on a private line of communication behind closed doors and they are pissed off. Like you are, right now. You suspect that lingering politician inclinations are keeping you alive and unskinned - but for mere moments more, for your luck cannot last.

“Oh,” you reply. “That's good. Can I help you, sir?” Your voice sounds almost as brittle as you feel.

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“This stream,” SecNav states. “Has... over... six hundred thousand viewers right now. Well, all told. It's already being mirrored on a few other sites.”

Six. Hundred. Thousand. “S-sir, did you-”

“In Japan,” he clarifies. “We haven't even checked foreign IPs yet.”

“Oh. Oh, that's...”

“Go ahead,” SecNav prompts. “What is it?”

What it is, is racist and extremely un-PR comments from living, talking, walking weapons of war from an era where long-simmering tensions had broken out into full-bodied violence - now broadcast to an audience of millions. What it is is gasoline poured directly onto a magnesium torch lying a deck above the main shell magazine. It's every public fear, fanned by all the wrong sorts and every opportunistic isolationist bastard you can imagine given renewed strength and vigor. It's a three-word denunciation of your pissweak excuse that it'd make a bigger scene to abort the stream - SecNav might know of the Streisand Effect, as a politician, but after the Chinese ambassador is done pissing directly through his phone he probably won't give a fuck.

“It's... bad.”

“How bad?”

RIP

>>46364656

You forgot to mention said dead man on fire GAVE YOU SECOND DEGREE BURNS

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>>46364685
>>46364656
>>46364714
We're fucked!

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How bad? How bad? It shot past Zimmerman shooting with Kongou and plunged into Zimmerman TELEGRAM when Essex arrived. This is the kind of thing that ends with an Admiral's balls in a sack and a lot of apologizing and Reassurances from On High. This is dynamite. This is a disaster, an unmitigated fucking disaster, and your vaunted self-control as an Officer of the United States Navy is swiftly coming unglued. You want to pick up the phone and shout into it that they know NOTHING of what goes on, you just saw a slender girl that can't weight one-ten soaking wet SNAP through fucking face-hardened chain. You ran her off even, you saved Goto from desstruction and what thanks do you get? What thanks do you GET? You get fired, by personal phone call with SecNav, for fucking up royally and fracturing the fragile alliance that unites humanity against the howling darkness well when you put it like that it sounds bad, maybe *don't put it like that.*

“Uh,” you state. “I haven't gotten an impact analysis yet.”

“Impact, analysis,” SecNav marvels, tasting each word as if it's some fascinating morsel. “Impact... analysis. Would you like to see the... impact, of the currently ongoing shitfest?”

You really, really don't. “Yes, sir.”

“Google Essex stream. It'll be the first link.”

>>46364736
>implying that we weren't doomed from the start

>>46364736

SHOULDNT THAT BITCH BE IN AN X02 RIGHT NOW?

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“Yes sir,” you almost weep as your hands move unbidden, dangling from the damnable puppet strings of authority as they direct your browser to gaze upon your doom. The page loads slowly, dragging talons over your nerves-

“Settle?”

“Still loading,” you almost mewl - the server is indeed under heavy load. Finally, the video buffers, and you're greeted with Essex's reddened face-

“I'M NOT SHORT!” she thunders, poking her finger at the camera like she can poke out its glass eye. “I'M TALLER THAN A JAP!”

Replies are instantaneous, thick and terribly effective:

>in the land of the midgets the short girl is king
>SHORT SHIP SHORT SHIP ALL RETARDS ABOARD THE SHOOORT SHIIIIIP
>https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Template:Average_height_around_the_world 5'7'' where are your gaijin gods now round-eye
>you're literally shorter than every other shipgirl on base, there's even a chart
>what size is she on the boob chart tho
>dunno she won't show us
>won't even do the sharpie test yeah

It's probably because she only speaks English that the video's chat hasn't been utterly swamped already - only the literate can really pose questions she'll answer, since the engrish is mostly unintelligible anyway. She pounces on a seeming lifeline: “Yeah. YEAH!” She throws her hair back over her shoulder, copying the same move Kongou used earlier. “I'm kawaii! I'M KAWAII AS *HELL!*” She thumps her chest dramatically. “I, Essex, NAME SHIP of my class, ABANDONED BY THE COUNTRY SHE LOVES, left alone in a strange land, have inevitably bested the locals at their own game within HOURS of my arrival!” She strikes a pose, eyes closed as she basks in the radiance of her own glory.

Then she blinks. “Wait. What's kawaii?”

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>>46364736
This is a welcome change.

First for hugging it out with Erry!

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The links start pouring in - a good number of them are “chibi” art of one sort or another, with a good helping of saccharine cat art to round things out. You watch Essex's face redden with impotent fury. “W-WHAT THE HELL IS THAT!?”

>it's cute, essex-chan!
>don't you like being cute sexxex-chan
>“Kawaii” means “cute”

“NO!” Essex roars, her voice squeaking a bit as it hits the top of her range. “I'm not tiny! I'm a goddamned AIRCRAFT CARRIER! Don't you morons know what a CARRIER is!? We're HUGE!”

>huge she says
>lots of “reserve buoyancy” ifykim
>boobie floats nom nom
>FOR YOU
>oh look: http://danbooru.donmai.us/posts/1785283
>cow?
>she said big
>big milk bags, it fits

Essex's face is melting down into a ruddy red masterpiece of flusterment, mouth opening and closing in a good fish impression as she searches for something, anything to retort with. “I-I'LL F-F-FIND YOU AND P-P-PUNCH YOUR HEAD OFF!”

>>46364766
>SHOULDNT THAT BITCH BE IN AN X02 RIGHT NOW?
That isn't merlin dude. Or are you refering to another X-02?

>>46364736
Completely and without lube.

>>46364778
... Well, at least, she's hard to take seriously.

>>46364766
F-frank, Jr., is that you?!

>>46364656
>“Have you been to see your doctor, recently?”
Shoulda said that he saw him for the burns the dead man

>>46364801
>Keine boat
you're a witty little cunt I'll give you that mate

>>46364785

Fucking wisdom right the fuck here.

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>we'll just call Arizona
>yeah Arizona
>she grabbed Kongou she can grab you!
>wish she'd grabbed you, you've got bigger tatty
>CAN'T EVADE THE ARIZONA
>Arizona a best

“NO SHE'S NOT SHE'S- SHE'S-” Essex visibly searches for a moment - “SHE'S FLAT AND BORING AND DOESN'T EVEN TALK AND SHE'S A BULLY!”

>slender girl that never talks is literally every Japanese man's fantasy
>total waifu tier
>strongest battleship == waifu
>14 inch guns > 5 inch guns
>some guys just want heavy guns at night unf yeah

Essex watches the incoming comments for a few seconds more - then suddenly recoils a step, wrapping her arms over her chest. “H-hey, no! NO! YOU CAN'T WRITE ANYTHING ON ME *ANYWHERE!*” She blinks. “What's that?” Recoiling. “NO! NO!” She leans forward, a pouty frown on her face. “I'll turn this thing off!” All that manages to do is give the world a better look at her cleavage. A minute later she comes up triumphant. “HA!' she bellows, hoisting the dangling end of the desk lamp's power plug in her hand. “I, ESSEX, HAVE SLAIN THE LEWD PICTURE WINDOW TH-” She catches sight of the glowing monitor. “Aw, buckets. I - BALLS!” she hastily amends. “*SACKS* OF BALLS!” she adds for good measure. “AWFUL!” She pantomimes spitting at the ground without actually doing it - which might've worked with 1940s era scan resolution. “All you-” she blinks. “Ya hoo? What? What is everybody-”

You mute the audio just as the first screenshot goes up.

“... what the *actual* fuck,” you breathe.

And that's about when God's HR manager, The Actual Secretary of the Actual Navy starts to laugh like a goddamned lunatic.

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>>46364801
>>oh look: http://danbooru.donmai.us/posts/1785283
>Implying

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Capturing Terror and letting Naka and Shigure have their revenge against her when?

I want to see Erebus meeting a saccharine purified Terror

This is the best PR ever

>>46364844
>“I'll turn this thing off!” All that manages to do is give the world a better look at her cleavage
Essex fucking up is cute.

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>>46364844
>And that's about when God's HR manager, The Actual Secretary of the Actual Navy starts to laugh like a goddamned lunatic.
oh god

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>>46364844
>And that's about when God's HR manager, The Actual Secretary of the Actual Navy starts to laugh like a goddamned lunatic.
THAT CHEEKY FUCKER.
THAT DIRTY, ROTTEN, SONUVABITCH SET US UP FOR AN INTERCOM CARD CRUSHER.
OVERSEAS.

>>46364844
OH GOD, THE INSANITY HAS AFFECTED HIM AS WELL

WE NEED TO INITIATE QUARANTINE PROCEDURES

>>46364844
>And that's about when God's HR manager, The Actual Secretary of the Actual Navy starts to laugh like a goddamned lunatic.

sweet moses
we have wrapped all the way around now

>>46364844
>>46364801
>>46364778
Essex seems popular. Maybe we should make this a regular thing.

>>46364884

It's too late.

It was always too fucking late.

In an age of insanity, look for a fucking madman to lead the way.

>>46364801
>We carriers are a proud and ancient ship
>We are not cute!

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>>46364844
>And that's about when God's HR manager, The Actual Secretary of the Actual Navy starts to laugh like a goddamned lunatic.

>>46364844
>And that's about when God's HR manager, The Actual Secretary of the Actual Navy starts to laugh like a goddamned lunatic.
And that was when Settle learned that yes, even his superiors are insane.

>>46364907
>In an age of insanity, look for a fucking madman to lead the way.
So Settle?

>>46364864
> Bullying the one showing signs of a conscience.

For what purpose?

>>46364844
JUST FUCKING HANG UP ON THAT CHEEKY BASTARD

>>46364844
>And that's about when God's HR manager, The Actual Secretary of the Actual Navy starts to laugh like a goddamned lunatic.
Few things will chill a man to the bone as quickly as God's HR manager laughing like a lunatic. I've heard it once, I never, EVER, want to hear it again.

>>46364928
She'll be easier to purify.

>>46364844
So Essex isn't a lewdcarrier. Damn, guess I was wrong there too.

Also, SecNav laughing. Literally every organ in my body shifted at that, piece by piece, cell by cell.
By God that is horrifying.

CNO is probably rather incensed here though.

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>>46364844

>>46364930
Context, Colonel, we need context!

>>46364940
A lewdcarrier would not be well received on the the stream I think

>>46364808

Goddamn shame. Merlin was the best fucking character in that shitshow.

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As promised, the USS Donald Trump

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>>46364844
>And that's about when God's HR manager, The Actual Secretary of the Actual Navy starts to laugh like a goddamned lunatic.

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>>46364844
>Arizona a best

>>46364930
Yes, that requires story time.

>>46364837
I'll grab the absinth.

>>46364844
... Well, if they were worried about ship girls making people afraid...

Bravo, Essex.

You even managed to make the SecNav reveal his insanity.

>>46364907
Well, at least Settle isn't the only madman in here.

>>46364930
Anyone who gets into a position of Power is NOT SANE.

They might hide it well, but they are not fully sane. For only the insane can push so high and so far.

>>46364939
Well not if you torture her friend first jackass!

>>46364844
I KNEW IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIT

>>46364957
Correction, would not be well recieved by SecNav and friends.

>>46364930
>I've heard it once, I never, EVER, want to hear it again.

There's a story here.
If it's not buried under a few hundred kilometers of red tape, could you indulge us in some context?

>>46364960
>Merlin was the best fucking character in that shitshow.
I agree. Though Slider is a close second.

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>>46364844
>Arizona a best

That she is. Too cute for words to even describe.

>>46364973
I never said "torture"

I just said let Naka and Shigure get their revenge! Like with Smash Mouth Karaoke sessions and maybe a little brainwashing.

>>46364930
>Few things will chill a man to the bone as quickly as God's HR manager laughing like a lunatic. I've heard it once, I never, EVER, want to hear it again.

HE GETS IT.

HE. GETS. IT.

Such a man, when he laughs like a lunatic? That is something fell and terrible in his mind, RIPPING LOOSE like a massive chunk of cliff face ripping off a mountainside - for a heartbeat or three, majestic as it falls through air - until it triggers a landslide that will scrub the earth clean of life before it.

>>46364963
Huh. That's... actually not that bad.

I was thinking something like the SBS Fuck Your Shit.

>>46364940
she just dresses like tramp (that damn cat's fault)

>>46365013
I thought it's normal in your universe/life.

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>>46364844
Guys, this has some actual precedence in real life.
Remember that Ray Mabus, the latest SecNav, did a vid to mock his Army counterpart.

>>46364930

Why.

What the fuck actually happened.

>SecNav was born in 1948
>Was raised by, and heard the stories from, the exact crazy-ass fuckers that used to crew these ships
Oh god it must be like the good old days when Pa would show off his war prizes for him

>>46364963
>Chinafag is the one who doesn't like it

THEY TREMBLE IN FEAR

>>46365013
Precisely. The Avalanche has begun.

And now, it is too late for the pebbles to vote.

>>46365042
>Remember that Ray Mabus, the latest SecNav, did a vid to mock his Army counterpart.

wat

LINK

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BRACE FOR FUCKING IMPACT

>>46365013
So is the thread over?

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>>46365060

>>46365033
It's still a BBVGN. WITH CASEMATES.

FUCKING.

CASEMATES.

It's larger than three Iowa's end to end. It uses a fucking SKI RAMP INSTEAD OF CATAPULTS.

>>46365070
In this day and age, Madness and Social Media dominate the political scene.

Before, it was Madness and Information Outlets.

>>46365088
My fellow B5 brethren.

ESSEX HAS ANSWERED OUR PRAYERS

WE ARE NOT GETTING FIRED

PRAISE ESSEX

>>46365086

Yes. We are done for tonight. No writeups; those will be Friday night. Which is good for those with jobs who need sleep, and all!

I was not always NEET. I worked two jobs and also got a college degree. Looking back, it was all a waste of fucking time, but hey! I sympathize with those who haven't internalized the futility of life yet!

>>46365070
Well, more on the Army-Navy Football game, but point still stands.
http://www.clarionledger.com/story/entertainment/thebuzz/2015/12/07/secnav-releases-navy-vs-army-football-smack-talk-video/76922928/

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>>46364844
>>46364801
>>46364778
>Even even in KCQ she cannot escape being bullied by anons, the internet, the writers, and the universe itself

Fuck, I snorted my drink at the entire exchange.

Essex right now, I'm sure.

>>46365117

>Ending on the SECNAV going mad

DEMEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

>>46365092
Still not as bad as SBS Fuck Your Shit.
Needs better armor. Like carbon nanotube/buckypaper armor.

>>46365112
PRAISE BE

What face would Essex make if you cummed inside her against her wishes?

>>46365092
>It uses a fucking SKI RAMP INSTEAD OF CATAPULTS.
flying_deck_cruiser.jpg
But like one british dude says ski ramps are great, they wouldn't go on the internet and lie, would they?

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>>46365117
Ah, cheers boss. Fun as always.

>>46365124

>Army has PLAYED in a football game for the last 13 years

AHAHA OH SHE-IT

>>46365117
>those will be Friday night.
So will there be a Saturday run or is it just Friday?

>>46365033
The "USS Donald Trump" is actually worse than it.

SB wasn't planning a ship with over 20 fucking times the displacement of an Iowa class. Where the hell would you even dock such a...thing. Not to mention having a flight deck on a battleship. Ise class showed why that was a bad idea.

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>>46365117
I expect many great things on Friday, kamerad.

>>46364954
>>46364968
>>46364971
>>46364986
>>46365013
>>46365044
LTG Kiley, the US Surgeon General back from '04-'07, found the excuse of a particular fuck up to be quite funny once. It started as a soft chuckle, and it grew and grew and GREW until it was a howling, barking, laugh that seemed to shake the entire fucking building to its FOUNDATION. I was a CPT at the time and I thought I was going to shit my pants. This was the man that for all intents and purposes was the man who hired my god, at the time MG Pollock, the Chief of the Army Nurse Corp. You just don't understand how truely terrifying something like that is until you bear witness to it in person.

>>46365124
Plus, there's this, featuring CNO Admiral Richardson.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=svU2317XiPw&app=desktop

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>>46365136
The cutest.

>>46365117
'Night PF, get some sleep you magnificent bastard.

>>46365144
>But like one british dude says ski ramps are great, they wouldn't go on the internet and lie, would they?
They are right FOR NON-NUCLEAR CARRIERS.

WHY THE FUCK YOULD YOU HAVE A SKI RAMP ON A FUCKING NUCLEAR CARRIER, WHEN YOU HAVE ALL THE POWER YOU NEED??

>>46365158
Three threads this week as well, PF's making up for lost time due to BB-4/Zeus interfering with his router.

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>>46365133
>buckypaper
buki?

>>46365117
An hour later than I expected but the cliffhanger is perfectly expected.

Will friday's thread go until 12am central?

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>>46365166
By the way, here's the original image.

>>46365124
Fuck you for digging that up. Go Army beat Navy!

>Captcha is boats, god damn it I'm not home I can't get fucking hammered right now.

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>>46365117
Thanks for the thread! Looking forward to Friday.

I'm one of those losers with a job, so I'll leave you with an Action Hibiki.

>>46365166
Actually, they never really proved that. IIRC, the Ise class never actually used their flight decks in any battle they were in. It's bad because they cut down the number of turrets, bad because the flight deck didn't work? We'll never know,

>>46365168
Anybody laugh along, or was it one of those moments where everybody else just goes all silent like and stops breathing altogether?

>>46365194
Jesus fuck.

I can feel the autism from here.

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>writeups

SOON

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>>46365136

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>>46365168
>I have heard things you wouldn't believe
>Like Surgeon generals howling like mad in the distance

>>46365117
I know the feeling.

Anyway, Good Night Deme/planefag.

Get some damned sleep.

>>46365168
I empathize, even if I never bore witness to such a thing myself.

Fear the madness of the powerful, for they have the means to carry it out.

>>46365210
No one was breathing, no thing was moving, I swear every molecule in the room stopped for a heartbeat.

>>46364844
A bit late to the ballgame...so apologies for a late post in one up thread...

We just found the Holy Grail – we just made shipgirls not at all intimidating… The thing navies have been trying to do since they first came back. After watching this shitfest - the last thing on anyone's mind is shipgirls being eldritch abominations of terror. Talk about a happy accident.

>>46365194
that's
that's a kilometer in length

jesus fuck christ what

>>46365226
Except it wasn't in the distance! It was like, 10 feet to my left!

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>>46365240
I HEARD HAPPY ACCIDENTS
AND CAME HERE WITH ALL MY PAINTS AS FAST AS I COULD

>>46365226
Kek.

>>46365207
Bad because you're putting a FUCKING HOLE IN THE ARMOR of a ship meant to be able to take some solid hits. Not to mention adding all of the aircraft, and the associated things. Including such lovely things as FUCKLOADS OF AVGAS and BOMBS AND TORPEDOES. And thanks to the design of the flight deck, those were much easier to hit than a battleship's magazine.

>>46365194
Now that I can see it. I want to find the guy that made this image and stab him to death.

With a 3D printed 1:1440 scale copy of that abomination.

Before lighting him on fire with a napalm-white phosphorous mix.

>>46365185
Not quite, but now I have the thought of making a suit of buckypaper armor for the destroyer girl.
...Probably would cost just as much as a full-sized Fubuki-class too.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Buckypaper

>>46365231
And yet people think the SecNav laughing is a sign of Settle getting away with things, instead of a sign of the SecNav experiencing the same HATE and FURY that caused Settle to be duct-taped to a table.

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>>46365252
>It was like, 10 feet to my left!
>He was this close to actual STAR MADNESS and survived

>>46365168

VINDICATION. AHAHAHAHAHA

>>46365231
So what happened when he stopped laughing?

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>Erry goes online
>"rawr! I'm a spooky ghost ship! Fear all shipgirls!"
>receives keks and wwwww at her post
>gets shown the video of Essex
>[NEW NEMESIS ACQUIRED]

>>46365273
Except he's SecNav so it's very likely that was the straw the broke the camels back and now his has a target for it, poor, poor, poor Settle. I almost feel sorry for that bastard. Almost.

>Captcha, canoes are not kayaks

>>46365252
What/whose was the clever and totally effective excuse?

>>46365244
As one anon (Myself actually) said, this thing is wider than some parts of the panama canal are LONG.

What if the Sec Nav's laugh summons a shipgirl?

>>46365244
... Kind of like the SDS Freudian Nightmare, huh?

>>46365252
You were in the Eye of Terror.

>>46365273
Yep. I see terrible things on the horizon.

The mad rage of the SecNav.

>>46365297
Well, I imagine...

>>46365300
>>46365296
Extraordinarily unpleasant things.

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>>46365300
PADDLE FASTER
I HEAR LAUGHING MAD GENERALS AND ADMIRALS

>>46365298
>less than a minute later, someone draws lewds of her

>>46365322
What if the old ship he served on has been with him this whole time? She's a museum ship, after all.

>>46365309
That thing couldn't get into any harbor in the world. Fucking 109 foot draft at full load.

>>46365322
>SecNav summons forth that big kilometer plus bitch
>or the USS Constitution

>>46365297
"Is that really all you have to say for yourself? Is that the BEST excuse you could come up with? You have no idea what kind of hole you just dug yourself into with that bold faced, down right LIE! You are here by stripped of your rank and position and dishonorably discharged from the United States Army, may God have mercy upon your soul for I will NOT!"

>>46365322
No, it summons dread and is the prelude to pain.

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>>46365300
>>Captcha, canoes are not kayaks
Since when do you know your boats, Colonel?

>>46365297
Darkness filled the room. There was a sound, as if of many wings rushing past. The smell of brimstone. A brief cry.

When light returned, there was one less person present.

>>46365347
What did the poor bastard do?

>>46365300

YOU REALLY DO GET IT

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>>46365347
>CASHIERED THE FUCK OUT
Straight G, nigga.

>>46365303
I honestly don't remember what it was, just the laugh and the lines that followed it.

>>46365298
>ring ring
>HELLO? YES THIS IS ESSEX
>woo I'm a spooky ghost
>SORRY NOT INTERESTED
>*click*
>ring ring
>HELLO WHO IS THIS
>It's Brain Control
>Essex doesn't have enough brains to be controlled
>Erry tries the musical approach
>Essex drowns it out by singing the Star-Spangled Banner

I want to read the misadventures of Erry being no-selled by Essex.

>>46365326
>... Kind of like the SDS Freudian Nightmare, huh?
I literally have no idea what that is.

Relevant post:
https://forums.spacebattles.com/threads/strongest-thing-that-modernized-iowa-battleship-with-current-tech-can-beat.316360/

>>46365385
>Essex's negative mental capacity reverses the mind control back to Erry

>>46365347
whoa shit.

Who did he do that to.

>>46365347
>Do not pass 'Go'
>Do not collect $200
>Go directly to FUCKING CASHIERED ON THE SPOT
Fuck me. I thought that only happened in novels and movies.

>captcha includes Decepticon decal
... wait, what?

>>46365388
>linking SB autism

w e w
e
w

>>46365347
Jesus.

>>46365347
OH JESUS. What'd the poor bastard do?

>>46365347
Okay, what did this guy do to deserve orbitally-dropped LTG justice?

>>46365112
>>46365134
>thinks Essex saved us
>not sent SecNav completely over the edge
Yeah, I think you've misinterpreted the situation.

Well, at least Settle can go be a tour guide on the Higgins now.

>>46365385
Guys, it's Terror with the mind control. Erry is the hungry one

>>46365422
Maybe but it's unlikely that Settle would get fired, thus ending the quest on such a note. PF'd have to find a new name/writing style afterwards

>>46365372
Nothing, just kinda hung his head and got drug out by the MPs.

>>46365375
Did you really have such little faith in me planefag? Come now surely you should know better then that by now.

>>46365401
A now ex soldier. I'm not saying anything more about the individual in question.

>>46365414
>>46365415
Things happened, the one in question did somethings, fucked up pretty badly, got a board, got a court-martial, got LTG justice dropped on his head. I can't actually say to much about it. And while I don't like the one in question I won't out them to the entire internet even if I could say something.

>>46365406
That's where it originated from, douchenozzle.

It has to be read in full for the impact to set in.

>>46365438
Okay, but why would she call Essex then?

>>46365437
Brass could really dick him over and block him from that job.

>>46365465
To mind control her because Essex now makes shipgirls look human?

>>46365438
Maybe both of them are trying to deal with her. She'd be an amazing distraction if that were the case.

>>46365457
>Nothing, just kinda hung his head and got drug out by the MPs.
And then found the next day, in his closet...

>>46365347
So, my fears were not unfounded after all.

... T'would be a most unexpected way to end a quest, though.

>>46365375
He's a Colonel in the Army Nurse Corps.

He has quite literally seen more fuck-ups in his life than you have seen and written or imagined. And the reactions to such.

OF COURSE HE GETS IT.

>>46365470
It is exactly the kind of minute, detailed revenge I'd expect from the SecNav, honestly.

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>>46365437
The only thing Settle can do now is lead a Merc group/A-team, because he'll be blacklisted from anything military-related.
Of course,
>implying removal

>>46365183
>WHY THE FUCK YOULD YOU HAVE A SKI RAMP ON A FUCKING NUCLEAR CARRIER, WHEN YOU HAVE ALL THE POWER YOU NEED??
>nuclear reactors
>unlimited power
Ahahahahaha actual (former) Navy nuclear machinist's mate here, and nuclear does NOT supply infinite power on demand. Its strength is in supplying respectable and reliable power continuously without needing to suck up a bunch of onboard space for fuel, not in supplying gigantic goddamn numbers. And big fucking railguns call for gigantic goddamn numbers. To the point where supplying steam to catapult accumulators AND turning ship's screws fast enough to get the necessary windspeed across the deck WHILE ALSO feeding up the capacitors for railguns is going to strain your shit pretty hard.
Source: was on CVN77 during sea trials, core power got up above 90% of rated maximum when we went ahead flank one-seven-one during single-core testing. This was without feeding catapults, or having an air wing on board sucking up electricity and steam to feed their laptops and heat their retardedly long showers, or having much of anyone on board at all because we were still at precomm manning.

>>46365347
>the technical facts

>>46365368
>as described by Planefag

>>46365481
I meant Erry the ravenous, not Terry the manipulator.

>>46365506
It's the little touches that make the scene, really.

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Threadly reminder that Fuso had a stacked tower

>>46365438
>>46365399
>Ey, Terry, how'd the call go?
>GOD BLESS AMERICA

>>46365502
Question: how much power does electronics stuff like laptops and wifi take up compared to industrial demands for power?

I ask this because it sounds like you know.

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>>46365502
The point is that a nuclear reactor to even move that would exceed what we've already got right now.

It's fucking retarded.

>>46365495
So does he build his own 'Nation of Soldiers' that always have cool stuff to do?

>>46365457
I guess the better question is, did he deserve it?

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PLANEFAG

LORD CLIVE SHIPBOY WHEN

If this is how the post-war girls turned out, it explains a whole lot about KC!Iowa.

>>46365506

As much as I fear Friday, I can't help but feel that you won't end the quest with us being disgraced this way.


There's so much more suffering to go through!

I eagerly await the epic ass chewing to commence though!

Wonder how they'll take the updated report of abyssal spoopy shit though?

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>>46365554
>SHE'S GONE YANKEE

>>46365576
She got scrapped though, which reset her personality back to factory default.

>>46365576
Imagine what Higgins will be like.

>She takes after Settle in every way, right down to the cane

>>46365567
If he singlehandedly caused that level of rage? Definitely.

>>46365490
I actually don't know what happened to that one.

>>46365506
I'd uh... I'd say something to that but I am apparently tired enough to not understand what you mean by
>the technical facts
please dumb that down for me.

>>46365567
Oh absolutely, may that fucker enjoy the joys of an O2 deprivation chamber keeping him just barely alive until he actually dies.

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>>46365565
>Nation of Soldiers
>Not wanting to go to the LA underground
>Not wanting a small specialized team
>Not wanting a plan that comes together
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wyz_2DEah4o

>>46365618
He's comparing how PF would write your story to how your story actually conspired.

>>46365618

What fap angel meant was that the actual scene that happened would be written like god's words howled around the room and dragged the damned sob down into navy hell.

>>46365592
Oh, I don't expect the quest to end, even if Settle is dishonourably discharged. Much more suffering to be found there.

>>46365560
I have this little fantasy universe where the aircraft carrier never happened and the battleship continued being developed up through the end of the 20th Century, resulting in behemoths armed with guns comparable to Schwerer Gustav.

The biggest of them? Half the length, one-quarter the beam, and three-quarters the draft of the Trump. That works out to a bit over 9% the volume of the Trump... yet it's a third of the mass, meaning that the Trump is presumably made out of tissue paper and bubble gum.

Also, propulsion for my behemoth to make a speed equivalent to the Trump? Literally three CVN-77 machinery plants *combined* into a single plant. Six reactors for about 820,000 horsepower.

The Trump's machinery plant would need more power than... oh, roughly... Los Angeles. The city, not the submarine.

>>46365658
>dragged the damned sob down into navy hell
otherwise known as the Kitty Hawk

>>46365687

Mutiny of the US Shipgirl Fleet.

M U T I N Y

>>46365618
Was this the same guy that did that mistake about 12 gauge needles instead of 20 gauge needles?

Yes, Settle's screwed, but what happens to Goto?

>>46365696
>meaning that the Trump is presumably made out of tissue paper and bubble gum.
CNT?

>>46365698
I'd love to see this happen.

>"Yeah, we're discharging Settle."
>Arizona: "I resign."
>everyone stares

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>>46365724

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>>46365724
The worst punishment of all.

Arranged marriage with Kongou.

>>46365724
Deferred sudoku

>>46365651
>>46365658
Ah... clearly I need some sleep because now that you've said that it's painfully obvious to me.

>>46365710
No, no. very different person. That needle gauge incident occurred later.

>>46365687
>>46365592
They won't discharge Settle, because then they'd have to find an actual Admiral to replace him with. But short of that there's more than enough ways for them to come down on him.

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>>46365724
Dess is punishment enough.

>>46365710
I doubt it. Mixing up 12-ga and 26-ga needles is just an everyday "ah shit".

It rather sounds like this particular fuckhead's blundering cost one or more *actual lives*, and that is *not* something you get away with in the medical profession. Especially when you try to offer some lameass excuse instead of owning the fuckup and trying to fix/avoid it next time (if possible).

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>>46365742
May it be long and fruitful.

>>46365687


The point of the quest is that we're doing shipgirl things with shipgirls.

Plus, well, despite this fuckup..

We *do* have a record to stand by.

3 for 3 in combat with abyssals, able to summon ship spirits (That has to been noted by intel), able to withstand abyssal magic mind-hammers.

And on top of that, despite the PR disaster, we've got the respect of a lot of the shipgirls and boys on base.

That covers a lot of sins.

We won't escape this unscathed, but I doubt we'll be demoted or removed from this post.

>>46365559
It doesn't take up a whole fucking lot compared to ship's engines and core systems, actually. I only mentioned it to get it across that we had very little power usage going on besides our excursion into running at top speed on only one core.
And honestly, with filling catapult accumulators, there's more of a problem with the amount of water that it takes to make the steam than the amount of power it takes. Feeding cats put us at about five percent over our regular power levels for a given speed in regular two-core ops, but we had to run the distillers twenty-four-seven to keep the ship in fresh water on weeks when the flyboys were launching planes. I stood charging station watch, which handles our feedwater systems more than the primary charging system, and I basically existed in three states: filling reserve tanks from the distillers, pumping water from the reserve tanks to the feed tank, and recirculating the reserve tanks back into themselves for water quality checks.

OH OH OH.

I KNOW.

Settle's punishment is permanent assignment as Admiral In-charge of USN Shipgirl Fleet.

He'll never get out of that Navy Branch.

Did Essex make things worse? I thought she just disarmed the entire situation.

>>46365724
At worst, DESS THE DESS ON THE DESK AS ATONEMENT FOR YOUR DISHONORABU MISTAKE.
At best they throw him a bone and give him back to the gator boys.

>>46365752
>>46365773
I'm just waiting for SecNav's personally-signed letter that reads:
>AS PER ORDERS OF THE SECRETARY OF THE NAVY, REAR ADMIRAL RYAN SETTLE USN WILL HAVE USS ESSEX CV-9 AND BB-39 USS ARIZONA AS CLOSE-IN BODYGUARDS, 24-7.
>HE IS TO NOT LEAVE ANY PREMISES WITHOUT SUPERVISION OF SAID SHIPS.
>UNTIL FURTHER NOTICE.

The people who keep trying to apply real world rules and regulations to KCQ of all things are fucking retarded. You make the quest less fun to read.

>>46365773
odds are what stuff there is will come once everything's over.

>>46365801
No one knows for sure with Planefag.

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>>46365801
No, we're in deeper now.
Kiss that End of Tour paper, Admiral, YOU'RE HERE FOREVER. WITH AN EXTRA TWO STARS.

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>>46365801
It's generally not a good thing when the second most powerful man in the US Navy is cackling like a madman.

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>>46365696
...

>>46365809
>>46365801
I'm thinking Settle just go stop lossed into the navy until he dies for ship-girl wrangling.

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>>46365821
I'm not completely enjoying this little arc, for the exact reason you mentioned, but I think there is a nice contrast between "shipgirls are fucking silly" and "oh shit this is still a military".

>>46365854
>that picture

Yeah, twist that knife.

>>46365854
If CNO is God, and SecNav is God's HR manager... then who the fuck is Death?

>>46365879
Chief of JCS?

>>46365866
There isn't a nice contrast. Its a bunch of fucking faggots from SB who keep screeching about CONSEQUENCES and AUTHORITY and RULES and REGULATIONS while completely missing the fucking point of anything that has happened in every single fucking thread in this quest.

>>46365809
>Essex as an extra bodyguard
>Essex
>As an extra bodyguard
>ESSEX AS AN EXTRA BODYGUARD

We are gathered here today to bury the Arizona route, because Screamboat won't give us alone time anymore.

>>46365879

Chief Navy JAG.

>>46365899
Stop posting, SB.

>>46365848
He won't get any extra stars. Once you're in the flag ranks, if memory serves, it literally takes ana ct of Congress to promote you.

>>46365698
And then the plot ends up becoming like the plot of Blue Steel.

>>46365898
I think the SBfags are quite amusing, especially in how seriously they take all this.

Like that Mother Hen there with the BB avatar freaking about everything, to which I reply "it's all gonna work out dude" and he starts acting like an utter autist due to a name I picked years ago.

>>46365909
Always thought JAG would be the doctor that tells you of your terminal illness.

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>>46365879
The Commander in Chief himself, of course!

>>46365926
thing is they seem to be derailing what would have been a fun time to their autism land.

>>46365925
But why male models?

>>46365879
Hmmm.... Good question.
>>46365909
You know, that might actually be a pretty good one to put there.

>>46365929
You see that is more like if it was God's god.

>>46365941
Yeah. Battles are things to freak out about this.

This is basically Planefag railroading a bit for levity's sake.

>>46365861
tl;dr the Trump's density is so low that it means the ship is made of rainbow plating glued together with kitten farts and needs a power plant that could handle supplying LA with electricity to make the quoted speed

>>46365809
Don't give Planefag ideas!

>>46365698
I'm not sure there would be Mutiny. I'm fairly sure that most ship girls are weary of just what cutting ties with lawful authority might mean or cause in the long run.

>>46365752
Also my point. There is suffering for all ahead.

>>46365773
Quite right.

>>46365879
Death. Although >>46365909 might also be a good answer.

>>46365168
Are surgeon generals that scary?

They are just physician in uniform with more public health fluff.

>>46365809
>BY ORDERS OF PRESIDENT DONALD TRUMP, REAR ADMIRAL RYAN SETTLE IS HEREBY ORDERED TO REPORT TO ARIZONA'S BEDCHAMBER FOR IMMEDIATE ASSIGNMENT TO RAISING THE NUMBER OF US WARSHIPGIRLS IN OUR CURRENT FLEET

>>46365965
Planefag is asleep now. Calm your tits.

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>>46365976
Dude
You
You can't be THIS naive.
That's just in violation of all laws of Physics.
It's a medical professional. In charge of all medical professionals in the Army.
Medical professionals can be monsters when they need to.

>>46365965
TOO LATE

>>46365976
>Are surgeon generals that scary?
>surgeon generals
>generals
Yes, yes they are. Just like any military God they are down right fucking terrifying.

>>46365966

Not as in 'engage in hostilities' mutiny but 'refuse to leave harbour' mutiny.

>>46365993
If anything he's off shitposting somewhere or playing a game. He should be getting sleep though.

>>46366011
Hes hot glueing the smallest mio

and stuffing her up his bum.

>>46365976
Surgeons are people who cut people. Generals are people who are the best at something. Therefore, the surgeon general is the best at cutting people up.

>>46365809
She has swords and a gun. It actually makes sense for her to be a bodyguard.

Fuck.

>>46366008
You don't get that high up in a hierarchy without either the charisma or the political pull to back it up.

Either way, you've got enough confidence to back you up that a good rage make you a sight to fear.

>>46366049
Yep. Thus is the way of those of multiple stars.

I am done for the night, go the fuck to sleep the lot of you!

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>>46366038
our new bodyguard, ladies and gents

>>46366085
Night Colonel.

>implying planefag won't end the quest here
>implying planefag can't tie up all the loose threads by sunday

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>>46366085
G'night Colonel.
Sweet dreams of chunnibotes await you.

>>46365347
Is the surgeon general part of the military structure though?

>>46366124
Yes, he is. He's in charge of the Army Medical Corps.


Unless you're thinking of the civilian surgeon-general, the one that puts all those warning signs on ciggie boxes.

>>46365809
>>46365899
>>46365965
>>46366038
>>46366093
I'm okay with this.

So.... Settle gets Kicked Upstairs?

>>46366156
Maybe, or he gets to stick around with more paperwork to deal with, and MORE RESPONSIBILITIES to attend to.

>>46366008
Are they even surgeon by training? I thought many of them are public health docs now.

>>46366165
Why the fuck would you dig up drama years and years ago about a dead and forgotten quest?

>>46366177
I'm guessing Hate takes Settle's old spot? Oh Gawd Hate's gonna be even more pissed.

>>46366140
Ahhh my bad. I was mistaking him for the civilian one.

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>>46366188
to check 'em

>>46365696
>Also, propulsion for my behemoth to make a speed equivalent to the Trump? Literally three CVN-77 machinery plants *combined* into a single plant. Six reactors for about 820,000 horsepower.
And you're running those things on, what, twelve fucking screws? Because it takes more and more power to generate less and less steam pressure as your existing pressure rises.
Also, separate your fucking multi-reactor plants, you mongoloid. Cross connecting steam supplies between multiple powerplants on one carrier is a thing, and keeping them spaced further apart means you lose less power and fewer sailors when a lucky hit ruptures one of your main steam lines. Remote controlled iso valves are a helluva drug.

>>46365960
Don't forget the bit where pebble bed reactors necessitate hauling extra fucking fuel pebbles around and storing spent pellets very goddamn carefully, thus chewing up a bunch of onboard space that one would theoretically want for ammo and food. Also the blackbox problem.
PBRs are dogshit for naval use. Admiral Hyman G Rickover, Praise Be To His Name, chose pressurized water reactors for use in his subs and carriers for very good reasons.

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>>46366190
He can't.
Unless you make all shipgirls Devil Dogs, which is just impossible.

>>46366186
Some of them, yeah.

>>46366188
Dubs confirm it's time to move on, gents.

>>46366190
Hate getting a promotion needs to happen. Soon he'll be the highest ranked fairy in history

>>46366223
It's really hard to stifle a laugh whenever I remember the nuclear admiral's first name sounds like a certain body part.

>>46366250
Well, we'll see if Settle pops Arizona's Admiral Rickover eventually.

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>>46366324

>>46366349

but if he doesn't rick over he'd be rick rolled

Just finished the CVN-73 manga.

And in this quest, they're likely all dead by now.

>>46365809
Regardless of the specific nature of the punishment for this incident, a big part of the outcome is that now Settle has attracted Attention.

Like at the end of the Lord of the Rings when the big eye locks the fuck on to Frodo. Our shit is now under observation.

>>46366415
>Implying the abyysals sunk CVN-73
Sure she would still be under overhaul in 2018, but you dare mock the capabilities of the crew of Cell Block 73?

>>46366418
So Settle's gonna go to some volcano and melt his class ring?

>>46366437
I'm not mocking anything, just stating a theory.

Abyssals strike in the middle of a steel-beach picnic, when the deck's clustered to hell and back.

How fast can a flight deck get unfucked during one of those?

>>46366437
after walking a long time and giving Hate a "fucking gay look"?

>>46365207
No, it was bad because the entire concept was bad. Carriers are stand-off range assets; battleships are meant for direct engagement. A carrier that has the armor, structure, and frame of a battleship is going to suck as a carrier, since it'll carry fewer planes, service them worse, and carry less ordnance for carrier operations than a dedicated carrier. Likewise, a carrier is necessarily a fragile target, so entering the range of big naval rifles is dumb as all hell.

Battleships and carriers have completely opposing roles. Trying to be good at one makes you inherently bad at the other. It's like trying to make a sniper rifle that's also a concealed carry pistol--you can try for both, but you'll succeed at neither.

Case in point, Ise and Hyuuga could only launch planes; they couldn't land them. Their rear deck was quite vulnerable, being an exposed hangar with avgas, ordinance, and ammo. It had fewer guns, too. As a result, it sucked as a carrier and it sucked as a battleship. They were hardly worthless, but they were worse than they were as battleships.

>>46366483
Not fast enough.
Though,
>steel beach picnic
>on a ship undergoing overhaul at the docks

>>46366486
I'm seeing a hobbit joke here, but I'm not sure.

>>46366516
Fucking finally, someone else who gets it.

>>46366526
yeah mainly one said in Clerks II

Ded thread?

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>>46366741
Deme called it An Hour ago, mate.
See you on friday.

>>46366575
Did you not see >>46365262 ?

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>>46366038
Ok but imagine Essex and Arizona settling things via a pistol duel. It's not like they'll be able to seriously hurt one another with their rigging out.

>>46367489

>Ari pistol on Essex
>14inch guns
>Against her paper thin armour

>>46367758
The Colt, not the rifles anon!

>>46367782

That pistol's her big iron.

I don't see no rifle on her and no depiction of her has had them.

Which means, thats the equivalent of her main armament.

So has anyone else realized that Melpomene is Vox from DLQ?

>>46365993

AAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

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>>46367865
GO TO SLEEP YOU SUMBITCH

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>>46367865

>>46367865
Go to bed before we find more admirals to introduce to KCQ.

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>>46367800
>I don't see no rifle on her and no depiction of her has had them.
>Which means, thats the equivalent of her main armament.
Really? You don't see the four turrets with three rifles each in the pic >>46367489 posted?

How about in this pic?

>>46367865
stay awake until you die

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>>46367902

>>46367899
No rifle

>>46367902

GO DIG A HOLE IN A FROZEN LAKE AND WAIT IN IT, CACKLAD

>>46367921
We'll release the pony again. Don't think we won't.

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>>46367919
They are rifled, though

>>46367921
Planefag go to sleep or we'll take away the toilet glock, shower knife, and give your sister keys to your everything.

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>>46367937
They are rifled. Doesn't mean they are rifles.

is this a rifle?

>>46367919
>>46367972
Now you're just arguing semantics when I pointed out that Ari's pistol does not represent her primary armament.

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>>46368049
Well then.

Do you think her revolver is rifled?

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>>46367972
>>46368112
I'll be honest here, for whateer reason I've got it in my head that 'naval rifle' was a commonly used term for these sorts of guns, but apparently I just dreamed that or something

>>46368137
Eh, no big deal. Shit like that happens to everyone. Go get some sleep mate.

>>46367921
wut

>>46366223
Six *big* screws that use just about all the tricks we know of to be able to put 140,000 shp per screw into the water, purely in the interests of trying to reduce the amount of clutter in the water aft. And when I said "combined," I meant "stuffed into one hull to work together." It's a turboelectric plant, anyway, to avoid stripping reduction gears.

>>46367489
Nah, man. Sword duel.

>>46370674
Nah, man. Gunnery duel.

>>46371363
Both, then.

>>46371470
Gunblade duel

>>46367489
>BB vs CV comparison in guns
are u serious anon

>>46371677
The planes have guns too.

>>46371760
>plane guns vs BB's

>>46371677
Wasn't Essex able to field nukes?

>>46371677
*points to USS White Plains vs IJN Choukai*
Weirder shit has happened.

Oh god these two threads.

Just what the fuck.
Settle has stormed the heavens, tied an everburning cord made of angel hair around his neck and thrown the other end at God and his PR Manager, shouting "HANG ME! HANG ME!"

How. What. Why. By what provenance did we arrive at this confluence of events, and by what fell and terrible forces are distorting reality so?

>>46373208
Essex.

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>Essex is in fact a reality warper

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>>46373208
we bitched and whined that our actions had no consequences
also we cockblocked planefag when he wanted to write some fluffy kongou filler
so here's some consequences. happy fucking birthday.