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Your name is Mohammed al Tabir. You were born almost seventeen years ago on Mars, in Phobos City, to a poor family. Your father taught you how to fight in close with a knife, and how to shoot a man to kill him. These are skills that he honed during the Purging of Mars when he rode with Hakim the Kinless as did his father, uncles, aunts, sisters, and brothers. Of what had been quite a large family, he was the sole survivor, and it left many scars on him both inside and out. Your mother was younger, too young to have been involved in the fighting, but she too lost most of her family and the remainder wanted nothing to do with you. As a child, your primary enjoyment was mugging wealthier children and taking their money to the Jovian Quarter to play Bluegill Joe at the arcade. When you defeated a few adult members of a mercenary band at this game, they recruited you, and after switching bands a few times you ended up working for the insufferable Ibrahim and the Scarlet Talons. This, of course, ended when Commander Ibrahim chose death over dishonor...or perhaps panicked and didn't hit the eject button in time...when he faced the mighty Black Ogre in battle and you found your new calling as a pirate. Crime does not hold any special appeal to you, but growing stronger does. From what you have seen, Roarke Starwind and the Black Ogre have the strongest and most admirable way of living, so you seek to emulate it. Unlike many Martians, your devotion to Hakimite Islam is very lukewarm, although you have learned to make a show of piety around others for the sake of impressing them and getting more work as a mercenary. Sometimes, you suspect that Hakim himself is the same way, but you also know yourself well enough to recognize wishful thinking. It is true, though, that the Sunni-Shi'ia rivalry came to an abrupt halt when both were swept away by the Hakimites.

[Continued]

HYPE FOR METAL GEAR

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It is also true that the declaration that humanoid mecha are haram has greatly helped Martian mech companies avoid being steamrolled and absorbed by the mighty Bahamut Corporation and Bucephalus Heavy Industries, the twin giants of Jupiter.

You have had plenty of time to examine your cell, and are already bored with it. It's more white than grey, and shinier, but otherwise identical to the cell on the Rhinehawk that you spent a brief period of time in. From what you saw on your way in, most of the brig is empty, there is a man with shaggy blonde hair in the cell to your left and a woman with short, mousy hair on the right. As you did on the pirate ship, you meditate to pass the time. Mostly, you meditate on your failure.

[Continued]

>but everyone has reflex 10

I think I'll be more surprised at seeing someone WITHOUT reflex 10 at this point.

Ey boss

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For the first time in your career as an officer, you were given the responsibility of being in charge. No, that isn't right. You insisted on it, because you are used to being better than everyone your own age, because you thought you could win. Because you thought you had become like the Black Ogre...but you are not the Black Ogre, and neither was your mech. Inwardly, that part makes you the sorriest, you failed the machine that you were given, the machine that you customized and personalized to suit your fighting style. The fact that the fight could have gone the other way doesn't matter, you failed, and the fact that your comrades prepared a backup plan in case you failed doesn't make you feel any better because it implies that they suspected it. However, you refuse to submit to depression over this, and resolve to use it to grow. Although the man trusted with training you in the sword and rifle, Captain Oda, is clearly insane, most of the things he does have some bizarre reason behind them. All you can do is trust that you will discover why he gambled your freedom like this rather than simply taking the three SOUL machines by force with the aid of the Master Harpies.

You try to quash the thought that it was for the sake of a larger mech and a resin model of the King Swordfish. You try very, very hard.

[Continued]

>>47429761

Dexterity is a godstat again. Also if the character using Setsuna's portrait didn't have Reflexes 10, there would be something very, very wrong with the world. What is it with RPGs and Dexterity, anyway?

>>47429761
Lets be fair here, to be an ace in any ride you're going to need some damn good reflexes.

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After being hauled out of your dis-armed Master Harpy by the loud man with the strange strip of hair down the center of his head and the wild beard on his face, a man you are somewhat shocked to know is the brother of the pretty and graceful Corporal that loves your new boss, you were dragged to this cell and thrown inside. You barely had time to whisper to him that you had a message from Samantha and give him the frequency without being overheard. And now, you wait. You could sing along with the tune the man in the cell next to you keeps repeating, over and over again, but you suspect you will need your voice soon. You are well aware of how the UJCIDF deals with pirates.

Thankfully, the song, which seems to be a Jabberwocky-esque mixture of regular words and gibberish, is interrupted by a stream of profanity as a pair of guards and the Lieutenant with the bizarre hair return. They stand outside, autorifles at port, while he enters and sits down across from you.

"Alright, bastard, I've got some questions that need answering. Keep in mind, you're being recorded." He takes out his military PC and sets it to record. You still have your PC, but the cells block communications outside, making it rather useless to you unless you want to read the comics you got from the Rhinehawk's helmsman and your friend, Avi Silversmith. Looking closely, you suspect that the Lieutenant is trying to sound more gruff than he actually feels.

"Tell me about yourself, about this pirate band of yours, and about Roarke Starwind. Be cooperative and maybe I can convince the Colonel to be lenient. You haven't met her yet, but trust me, you're lucky to be dealing with me instead of her. Choose not to play ball, though, and that can change real quick."

>[What say?]

>>47429936
"We are playing ball? My friend, this room isn't large enough and I see no basketball."

'What Would Miles Do'

>>47429936
>"Well then I shall play ball. Where is the ball? What kind of ball? Is it the ball of bases?"

I really don't know what we are supposed to say, here. Mindless drivel about the crew? Shit that anyone would know just by looking at it?

I mean, I know I'm not going to try to say anything actually incriminating.

>>47429970
>What Would Miles Do

So this is what they mean when they talk about bad life decisions.

>>47430081

As far as bad life choices go, emulating Miles is pretty far up there. Never go full Miles.

>>47429936
>"My name is Mohammad al Tabir. I am uncertain what I can tell you without compromising my personal integrity, but what would you like to know?"

>browsing the manuals earlier, statting mechs by way of procrastination
>you can get a sentient onboard AI
>but for some reason it's also based off the total cost of your mech
>wielding a bigger slab of metal inexplicably requires a more expensive AI
I'm so confused.

>>47429936
Isn't it proper manners to introduce yourself first? Must be a difference in culture. My name is Mohammed Al Tabir, serving under the Iron Kestrel admiral, Roarke Starwind. Do you have paper for me to write on? I insist my name be spelled right. Quite a sight to see an UJCIDF battlecruiser in pirate space. Though I am sort of nervous about being recorded.

Make visual queues you want to find out where the cameras are as you say last sentence. Idle talk bout nothing while we start writing things that Sam wanted to say.

'What Would Miles Not Do'

>>47430110
Are you going to get a shit AI to help fly your massively expensive mecha?

Also if fellow gihren's greed anon is out there, how the fuck do you capture odessa? Every time I go down there I wipe the floor with any feddie tanks and planes but they have one fucking bollocks of a ship in the water that does nothing but waste time and run away from anything that gets close.

>>47430162
capture all the bases.

and yeah, subs are complete bullshit when playing as zeon. only effective anti-sub you have early game are dodai riders.

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"My name is Mohammed al Tabir. I am uncertain what else I can tell you, since we have only just met. We are playing ball? My friend, this room is too small and I see no basket. Perhaps it is the ball of bases? Ah, but we do not have enough of us here for teams...alas, I cannot play as you like." You sigh, deliberately thickening your accent to mess with him.

He bristles like a stuck hog, "DON'T GET SMART WITH ME BOY, I'LL FUCKING REQUISITION YOU AN ASS-KICKING."

"I am a Martian citizen who has committed no actual crimes. Please, check my record." You dare him, "Violate interplanetary law and I guarantee I can find a Martian lawyer who will have me living quite comfortably off your pension until I am old and grey."

He sputters, grabs his PC, brings up the Bounty Computer program, and checks you. All that comes up is your name and that you're a member of a now-dissolved PMC, which is completely legal. You smile cheerfully at him.

He growls, "You're a bloody officer of the Iron Kestrels!"

"Am I? Perhaps I was joking. After all, I was gambled away, I could very well be a prisoner." You maintain your calm effortlessly.

"IN A BLOODY MECH AFTER DUELING CAESAR BLOODY MERROW!?"

"I am quite the fan of sport." You reply, smugly, "But since you are so keen on knowing, I am Mohammed al Tabir. While your program is running, when does my mercenary license expire? I am quite curious."

"In a few months on your fucking birthday, you know that. Now tell me about my sister." He stands up to loom over you. It doesn't work. Not since the Black Ogre tore out your cockpit have you been afraid of mortals.

"She has black lipstick and enjoys frilly monochromatic clothing. She smiles often, but not obviously, and when she speaks it is quiet. As her brother, should you not know this already?"

You can hear harshly accented laughter from the cell next to yours, and the Lieutenant pounds on the wall with his fist until the noise quiets down.

[Continued]

>>47430266
Fuck.

>>47430271
>this is just Cool 8
Goddamn.

>>47430328
Moh is a natural. Of course being under the influence of the most notable pirates in the system helps. No spaghetti drops unlike Caesar.

>>47430162
It's not a matter of how expensive an AI I want, it's a matter of how grabbing a slightly larger sword causes my AI to inexplicably become more expensive as well.

I understand that the need for a degree of abstraction between fluff and crunch, but this in particular puzzles the hell out of me.

>>47430377
It now needs to process more weight and more length.

A simple increase in size means it needs to adjust all calculations around the weapon, which requires more processing power, thus more expensive AI.

>>47430271
Yes, Mo, continue to seek the path of the Black Ogre! Only through the Cool of Starwind can you be saved, the path of the Weaboo is the path of ruin!

I wonder who those prisoners are? Lets bust then out and get em to join our crew

>>47430403
That would make sense, if I wasn't also separately paying for an increase in Intelligence as well. As it is, it feels like I'm paying for the same thing twice.

I'm actually just sad I couldn't stat out an affordable sentient robot dog mechabeast without resorting to ridiculous chicanery.

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You make a writing gesture at him, and his eyes light up. He fumbles around in his pockets, and pulls out an antique notepad and pen. Useful because it's easier to erase permenently than data. He sits down at the table again, hunched so that his broad back blocks the camera on the wall outside the cell directly behind him.

You write 'She is fine and happy.'

He reads it, nods, and writes, 'Do I sound angry enough?'

You nod back, and write, 'Remember, we are supposed to be enemies and you have supposedly not spoken with your sister'

He nods again, and says loudly, "YOU THINK THIS IS A GAME? I'LL DANGLE YOUR TOES OUT THE AIRLOCK AND LET SPACE FREEZE THEM RIGHT OFF YOUR FEET. GOOD LUCK FINDING A LAWYER WHEN YOU CAN'T WALK! NOW TALK, BEFORE I GET ANGRY!"

"Are we not speaking? My friend, your blood pressure is a thing you should watch, I am sure your sister would say the same."

He grunts loudly, and writes, 'Is what she told me true? I admit, there are things that don't add up.'

You nod, and write 'When can I leave?'

He scribbles 'I don't know. It isn't my call.'

Now it's your turn to scowl. You don't want to be sitting in a cell, you want to be back on the Rhinehawk playing Bluegill Joe, practicing your sword skills, and repairing your mech. The thought that the person who beat you has the luxury to do all of these things right now galls you, he is probably growing stronger at this very moment.

You have no way to know that this so-called Caesar playing Demon's Souls, the Simgame, right now.

Of course, despite what you've done for Lieutenant Pierre Blanchett, he has every reason not to want you to leave. You are, right now, the only hostage from the Iron Kestrels the UJCIDF has, and the only remote hope the man likely sees for getting his sister back. This isn't a difficult deduction to make, you have always had a truly remarkable ability for sizing up and understanding other human beings.

[Continued]

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"We'll talk again, scumbag." Growls the bullish man in the white uniform, "I was gonna offer you some gum, but since you're a snide little shit I'll keep it for myself." He rips the paper quietly as he talks, and eats it. You...you suppose that is one way of destroying the evidence.

"Ben went to Goobang Creek, and that was his downfall
For riddled like a sieve was valiant Ben Hall
'Twas early in the morning upon the fifth of May
When seven police surrounded him as fast asleep he lay." Echoes out from the cell next to you.

The Lieutenant growls and punches the wall again, so hard you're surprised it doesn't leave a dent, before he gets up. "Alright, scum. Stay here with the traitor and the psychotic, you'll have to answer to the Colonel next." He gets up and leaves, closing the door behind him.

You wince a little. You have never won a single sparring match with blades against Samantha Blanchett, and she attributes her skill to the Colonel who taught her. You gather that Colonel Stern is supposed to be a remarkable man, but surely any UJCIDF Colonel is a fearsome foe, and cannot be taken lightly.

You barely hear the "He's all yours, ma'am." before you look up and see a woman in a spiked helmet with auburn hair pulled back in a rather matronly hairstyle. She has her palms and nose pressed flat against the plasteel, leaving little puffs of mist from her breath as she stares at you.

She seems to be in no hurry to speak. She has a purple and white uniform trimmed in cold, but...this can't possibly be the Colonel. No way.

>[What do you want to say to her?]

>>47430627
>Ma'am your fogging up the glass

>>47430627
Give her a brief nod or bow in greeting, staring back at her silently all the while.

>>47430627
Hmmm, where to start? Just a simple greeting asking what does she wish to ask. Be a pilot young martian man, but keep an eye open.

>>47430502
>You have no way to know that this so-called Caesar playing Demon's Souls, the Simgame, right now.
The Legend Never Dies.

>>47430627
Oh lord, I thought the australian was going with fairchild.

>>47430736

Yeah nah ya cunt.

>>47430736
I told you, this whole set up was to get the aussie killed!

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"Salaam." You greet her with a polite smile.

Her eyes go wide, and she mumbles something, much too quietly for you to hear.

You try again, "Salutations?"

She sighs softly, "Oh Juno, it's even fluffier in person than over the cams..."

"M-Ma'am?" You're momentarily off balance, she's difficult to get a read on. She's just staring at you.

You stare back.

She clears her throat, smooths out her uniform, and opens the door, one hand on the butt of her sidearm, "Hello." Her voice sounds nervous, and she leans against the wall rather than sit down.

"A pleasure to meet you. I am Mohammed al Tabir, and I have done nothing wrong. Please, when may I be released? I have tickets to Red Siren's next concert, and I would be very sad if I couldn't attend."

It's almost like she doesn't hear you, "What is the relationship between you and the cousin of Admiral Starwind's hostage, Lady Fatima Ahmad of Mars?"

You blink, "I...errr...ma'am I don't...what is this?" You can't keep the confusion out of your voice.

She sighs again, "Such a cute accent. The Admiral mentioned her."

You wince, "Lady Fatima was my charge, and I have provided bodyguard services for her when she visited her cousin before. This cousin, she provides generous donations to an orphanage in New Medina and takes care of the children. She teaches them songs." You let your real feelings seep into your voice, "Every time. Every single time I visit, she parades the children out and has them sing this song. Every single time. It has no real rhythm, barely any tune, but she makes them sing loudly to compensate. By Allah it does not help. It does not help at all." Visiting that orphanage was among the most dreaded of all your duties as one of Lady Fatima's 'knights'.

She regards you for a moment, clearly working up her courage, then blurts out, "YOUNG MAN DO YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?"

>[Say yes]
>[Say no]

>>47431089
>>[Say no]

>>47431089
>>[Say no]
it begins

>>47431089
>buh uh wah?

>[Say no]

Well he doesn't. Does Moe have the hots for anyone? I can't recall.

>>47431152
He does now!

>>47431089
>Not yet
>>47431152
He has the hots for his gundam.

>>47431089
>[Say no]
Man, these are some high level interrogation techniques.

>>47431089
>Remember Mohammed. What would Admiral Starwind do?
>[Say No]
>If all Colonels look as lovely as you are, perhaps we should have surrendered sooner.

>>47431196
First she unsettles with disconcerting eye contact, then she invades their personal lives.

What could be next in this heinous style of interrogation?

>>47431219
Petting his fluffy hair, with no permission.

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"Buhwah n-no!" This is not what you expected. This is not what you expected at all. By Allah this should not be what she is saying.

"Not anyone?" She tilts her head to the side, leaning a little more towards you, "Nobody you have feelings for?"

You have lived as someone who seeks strength and transcendence of your birth station through your skill as a pilot. You have had no time for romance. There were girls, yes, but that was for fun, never anything serious. Your only commitment is to your mech, "No, no one...yet."

"Ee! So you are single." She questions, the force of her interrogation suddenly much more intense.

"Yes, I am wholly unattached." You speak rather quickly. True, Lady Fatima seems to have some intention of setting you up with her cousin...but no, you could not bear to hear that damned song one more time, especially that one time she programmed your Tulwar to play it when it started up and the other pilots all laughed at you and started singing it too.

A shiver runs through her. She bites her lower lip and looks around nervously, "Can I...may I touch your hair?"

You nod slowly, not sure where this is going. She walks over, reaches out...and touches it. Hesitantly at first, then petting you like a cat. You are so confused.

"Kyaaaa...it's so soft..." She sighs, "I just want to...to..." She snatches her hand back abruptly, her face as red as you suspect yours is. You see yourself reflected in her eyes, "I...I can't...I mustn't...I'm...I'm..." She pulls back as though scalded, "I'msorryIhavetogolotsofimportantColonelthingstodobebacklatertocheckonyou!"

You have never seen a UJCIDF officer run away like that.

[Continued]

>>47431351
This is Moe's fate. His hair will be forever petted. We will find out and pet his hair after a job well done. Oda will find out and do so along with the maids. THIS IS IS FATE NOW.

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>>47431425
>HFW

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After a few minutes, the man in the cell next to yours begins singing his nonsense song again. Only this time, you hear something else, from the cell on your other side. Chuckling.

And then, a voice. A woman's voice. "I say, do the two of you want to get out? The guards just passed and won't do so again for several more minutes. If you do, remove the panel to the left of the door. I unscrewed it this morning and made some alterations, I wasn't sure what cell they would put me in so I fixed all of them this way. Do you see two exposed wires, black and white? Good. Carefully grip the rubberized parts and touch the metal together, the doors will slide open. By my estimation, and in keeping with standard military protocol when running a full check and keeping those fools busy running around after my modifications, they should have finished with the mech bay by now and have everyone with half a speck of technical knowledge combing the ship's computers for sabotage. Weapons are next, so we need to hurry before they pass by here. Or you can stay, it's your choice."

You check the panel, it is indeed loose and, just as she said, the wires are there. You hear the cells on either side open at once.

A thin man with blonde hair, many small scars, and an unsettling look in his eyes strolls past, still humming his song. He's wearing a prisoner's jumper.

You touch the wires together. After all, you suspect the UJCIDF has no intention of releasing you any time soon. Your door springs open.

"Oi ya muzzie cunt, you one of the ones that blows up?" The blonde man says, by way of a greeting.

"No, those are Shi'a." You explain, "I am Hakimite."

He looks profoundly disappointed, "Well fuck off, then."

[Continued]

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"Salaam." You wave sarcastically, and for a moment you half expect him to bite you.

"Go bugger a thruster vent. If I wasn't busy escapin' I'd fold you into a pretzel, ya little dingo cunt, and then I'd have the cunt's cunt to my own self." He licks his lips.

"That would be very ill advised, the guards could be back at any minute." As you exit the cell, you see the feminine speaker, a woman with short, brown hair combed meticulously almost into an orb. Her features are small, regular, and pretty without being attractive somehow. She looks at you and sighs, "I was hoping you would be more impressive. Oh well, do what you like, I have to borrow a mech and make my way off this historical scrapheap. Ta~!" She waves, and sets off in the opposite direction, leaving you alone.

>[You're free, what's your first priority? You have nothing except your clothes and your PC, and are alone on a hostile UJCIDF vessel. If you take the hallways instead of, say, going through a vent there are maps posted on the walls that could help you find your way around, but unlike Caesar you've never been on a Jovian ship bigger than the Yamato and don't instinctively know your way around]

>>47431631
They let us keep our PC? Are they stupid? Send Roarke a selfie.

>>47431631
TO THE VENTS, COMRADES!

And slug the aussie, the cunt.

Then hope we have a chance to slug the woman

the cunt

>>47431655

The cells block transmissions. It's easier than giving you a paper book to read and they had limited time.

>>47431631
Ask the strange man where he is from. and what a dingo is, it sounds fierce.

>>47431631
Find the map, get the Terran to help us and possibly get him to join the Kestrals. Also, get a message to Pierre that the girl mechanic set us loose and maybe planning further mischief.

>>47431631
Lets see if we cant teach the aussie about stealth ops.

>>47431631
Well, our main goal is to find the mecha bay and escape, though we also have secondary goals. Gather information, data on new weaponry, and checking on personel.

Brownie McBobhead is likely trouble if she planned this, so tailing her might be a good idea. She might know more secrets.

>>47431681
>catching space madness

>>47431708
>planning further mischief.

Moe has literally zero idea who this woman is and has absolutely no reason to suspect her of doing anything other than escaping.

Unless you're trying to be a suckup to the gubment. I don't feel like Moe would suck up to the gubment. He's kind of a singleminded self-centered dick.

>>47431713
i personally want to recruit the Aussi to the black ogres cause.

>>47431631
Tell the Ausie if he wants to fight then he should join the kestrels, challenge him to the classic Australian game if we have to https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mcE0aAhbVFc

>>47431745

Moe has done nothing wrong, and Setsuna is fucking based.

>>47431745
It's pretty obvious that she's freeing other prisoners to increase her own chances of successfully escaping.

Not that that's going to prevent us from trying to make the best of it, of course.

>>47431907
But Moe wouldn't care.

>>47431631
first things first
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CskRKJhQuDc
secondly, find a map
and third >>47430731
thats Dark Souls, you filthy casual. get it right

>>47431935
He might only care about having her join us because shes a hacker

>>47432016
Moe cares about nothing but his own gainz.

Truly dedicated to fitness.

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You decide to follow the blonde man with the strange accent. He seems capable. The first sign of his handiwork is an unconscious guard, then another...and a third...and a fourth. The fifth and sixth are together, the sixth still struggling weakly as he chokes him unconscious with a bootlace. He has the sidearm and stun baton of every last MP shoved haphazardly into his belt, and glares at you like some primeval monster out of legend, "You a masochist or somethin? Ya like gettin' beat, muzzie cunt?"

"If you like fighting, the Iron Kestrels could definitely find a place for you, you know. We have defeated many strong opponents." You manage to say.

He spits, "Nah. Fuck off. Take your cunt Tin Sparrows and shove 'em straight in yer cunt bungole. Betcher cunt Cap'n's a pooftah, cunt. Now piss on out of here before I take the boot ta ya. One more sorry cunt word out of your little cunt mouth and so help me I'll violate you despite me bein' in an awful hurry. I'm Bruce Kelly, cunt!"

>[Push your luck?]
>[Leave? If so, where to? Useful things to have might include a uniform to blend in and a weapon in case you fuck up. The unconscious MPs have uniforms, but they're all taller and broader than you, so wearing one of theirs would reduce your Stealth bonus...for this escapade, Stealth rolls can include blending in and avoiding notice as well as not being seen entirely, the Terran has their weapons and will not share]

>>47432099
>>[Leave? If so, where to? Useful things to have might include a uniform to blend in and a weapon in case you fuck up. The unconscious MPs have uniforms, but they're all taller and broader than you, so wearing one of theirs would reduce your Stealth bonus...for this escapade, Stealth rolls can include blending in and avoiding notice as well as not being seen entirely, the Terran has their weapons and will not share]
Crew quarters to take an outfit or two might be good. At the very least something that doesn't stand out. No reason to be violated.

>>47432099
Sneak attack?

Just punch him in the asshole, that'll teach him.

>>47432099
Okay we're definitely gonna need Roarke to use part Aussie heritage to counter this man.

>>47431631

Fucking Reccoa

>>47432137
How about no? Thats a dumb idea which could draw attention, get us killed/captured AGAIN, or a combination of the three.

>>47432126
I second this

>>47432099
>[Push your luck?]
>I don't know my captain is probably one of the best fighters out there he's killed 11 harpies at once with just his hands
>I bet you he could whoop your ass all across this ship and back

>>47432126
Crew quarters might have a lot of crew in it though.
>>47432137
Yes punch the man who choked out six men with a bootlace and now has all their guns, what could possibly go wrong?

>>47432099
>Betcha my captain could kick your dipstick ass. ya muggy cunt.

>>47432162
>what could possibly go wrong?

You want me to list all the options, most, or was that rhetorical?

>>47432173
We got time to kill, go for it

>>47432173
>or was that rhetorical?
Hazard a guess.

>>47432162
Thats why we use stealth and vents. They are likely combing the entire place so we just need to find one room. And if it's occupied, it's easier to knock out one prepared crew man than a group,

>>47432137

Jesus, the shitposter is back.

>>47432099
> sounds like you've got tall poppy syndrome cunt.

Is the consensus pushing your luck?

Mohammed's high Empathy (which I'm not used to a protagonist character having) tells you that he is deadly serious about making you a seventh victim if you annoy him.

>>47432192
Death, dismemberment, brain damage, disfigurement, paralysis both partial and total, hurt feelings, disease, infection, being restrained, capture, summary execution, stubbing a toe, various minor physical trauma, and a date with the Colonel.

That's a partial list.

>>47432225
I say go for it but play against him and make him want to fight Roarke so that Roarke can kick his ass then get him to join his crew

>>47432225
The consensus is NOT pushing our luck. Please do not push our luck that is a bad idea.

>>47432236
Don't forget getting violated, that's important.

>>47432294
W-what? Who would do such a thing to Moe!?

>>47432269
No Thunderbird. Seriously, this is a bad idea. We are in no shape to go against him if he's serious and all it does is make OUR plans more difficult. There is a time and place for this sort of thing and THIS is not the time.

>>47432269
I'm pretty sure this guy has like, at least 8 in all forms of combat.

Straya, cunt.

>>47432225
No sir.

>>47432301
Ned Kelly.
the Colonel.
half the ship

File: Setsuna[1].jpg (29 KB, 704x396)

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You want to shittalk back, but...you are not yet the Black Ogre. So you leave while he's tying the MPs to each other. You find a map, and begin making your way towards the crew section of the ship. There should be a laundry there. You have to take it slow, and be extremely careful...you don't have your Admiral's sheer ability to beat people down with just your fists, and you're unarmed.

Thankfully, with the full systems check going on, most of the crew is engaged elsewhere. Double thankfully, the ship's turbolifts display whether they're in motion or not from the outside, so you can get an empty one.

>[Make a Stealth check, 1d10+12, you may expend Luck if you like.]

>>47432436
I refuse to believe you. Moe is not for lewds.

Right?

Dammit, Oda. DAMMIT KAREN!

Rolled 8 + 12 (1d10 + 12)

>>47432450
None needed

Rolled 1 + 12 (1d10 + 12)

>>47432450
Snake is go

>>47432466
Well goddammit

Rolled 7 + 12 (1d10 + 12)

>>47432466
Snake? SNAAAAAAKE!!

>>47432450

Rolled 6 + 10 (1d10 + 10)

>>47432457

Rolled 2 + 12 (1d10 + 12)

>>47432450
begin Halal mission

>>47432466
>>47432478

Relax chaps, I'm using first-come first-serve this time so you don't have to sweat over a 1 sitting there staring at you.

File: Naomi assertive and confi(...).png (347 KB, 500x500)

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...Except that the lift, as you near the crew quarters, slows down as someone else hails it.

You decide to do something you've only seen in simflicks. You scramble up the walls, planting your hands and feet in the quarters and shoving your back against an emergency access panel on the ceiling. It lifts, and you clumsily scramble through, replacing the grille just in time.

A pair of cadets in matching pale-green uniforms get on.

"...So then he says, 'well, just have the ansible ship creep up on the target, and then the missile boats gate out and alpha strike it'" One says to the other.

The second one snorts, "So what if the ansible ship runs into trouble after gating away from base to whatever combat zone it's heading for BEFORE its own gate recharges? Besides, missiles can't outrange a sufficiently large battery. Did you remind him of how expensive ansibles are?"

"Yeah, I did. Bloody armchair generals."

"How would a starship sneak up on anything, anyway? Gate sign is obvious and space is pretty empty."

"Eh, he just sort of waved it off and said it could float there and asked if I'd make the recommendation to my uncle."

"Will you?"

"Fuck no, the man hates me enough without me giving him a headache as it is."

This whole conversation is making your teeth ache.

"Hey, why's there another floor button pushed here? We aren't going to that level."

"Someone probably hit a wrong button, happens all the time."

They continue talking about nonsense until they get off a few floors before your stop. When you arrive, you peek your head downward through the open panel, your dark hair hanging around your face like a fuzzy cloud. Thankfully, the laundry is nearby, and you don't see anybody around.

You creep up to the door of the laundry, peek inside...and your luck runs out. There's a girl in there, wearing an Ensign's uniform, humming softly to herself

Incidentally, she's humming https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WnVltopWrfY

[Continued]

>>47432735
Ok, that conversation is making me have a giggle, mate.

>>47432457
Jesus Thunder.

>>47432735
It's too cheeky

>>47432735
Oh dear lord. Please Wong not a Space Cirno. Oh Shit is she Patricks expy?

>>47432780
Its at this point I'm starting to wonder if I somehow made a deal with the devil

File: tumblr_nhjc08HdAd1sq6meko(...).jpg (148 KB, 368x368)

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She's apparently picking up clean uniforms that she just washed. You notice in passing that the uniforms are in two different sizes. You're also pretty sure that the underwear patterned with Bluegill heads is for a boy. Hers is pale green and rather plain. She finishes folding the clothes into precise, neat shapes and loading them into the basket, piling the socks on top, and starts to turn around to head for the door.

...And she's wearing a gun in a military-grade retention holster. Not a standard one either, but a big custom lunker of an energy pistol with adjustable settings and silver finish.

>[You might want to make another Stealth roll, 1d10+12

>>47432825
I think he means thats Naomi. She does plan to be the strongest though.

Rolled 3 + 12 (1d10 + 12)

>>47432892

>>47432825

Just Naomi. "Just" Naomi.

>>47432898
I thought that she and Caesar were the ones in the hall.

>>47432889
Did he introduce himself as a man of wealth and taste?

>>47432825
its Naomi. Ceasers been showing her is game collection in between offerings

>>47432918
Why don't I believe you?

Rolled 6 + 10 (1d10 + 10)

>>47432909

>>47432949
Well shit.

Rolled 2 + 12 (1d10 + 12)

>>47432892
maximum effort

Rolled 5 + 12 (1d10 + 12)

>>47432892
remember the basics of taijutsu, just in case

>>47432936
Nah some dude said he'd trade me my soul for good dice rolls on a Mongolian basket weaving forum and I mean who wouldn't take that bargain

File: vlcsnap-2014-10-03-22h02m(...).png (995 KB, 1920x1080)

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"Are you spying on me, C-" She turns around with a coy smile and a sway in her hips, before she sees you and the smile vanishes.

She looks you over.

You haven't been in the cell long, not long enough to change clothes (although you were frisked and had your weapons taken). Your clothes are fairly standard civilian wear aside from the black leather jacket with the Iron Kestrels hawk/skull pattern on the back and your sunglasses. Luckily, you're facing her, so she can't see the symbol.

"What do you think you're looking at? Who are you, and why aren't you in uniform?" She cocks her head to the side, looking at you as though trying to decide whether you're a pervert or not. She doesn't seem impressed by your charms at all.

>[What say/do?]

>>47433042
Maximum honesty; We simply cannot find one that fits.

>>47433042
I just got transferred here, I'm not used to such huge ships, I uh.. I got lost.

Rolled 7 (1d10)

>>47433042
>Well you see Im one of the new crew mates and I accidentally split some detergent over all my clothes so now im stuck with my civies until they finish washing

>>47432924

I've been using "cadet" as kind of a slang term for a rookie Private, I really should specify because I'm pretty sure cadet is incorrect anyway.

>>47433063
This.

>>47433042
fake Miles accent as much as we can, and salute.
"I was off duty and my uniforms were in the wash, ma'am. Didn't want to be caught out of uniform"

>>47433063
Backing

File: IAmGundam[1].jpg (21 KB, 277x302)

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"I can't find one that fits." You say, honestly, and salute as crisply as you can.

She looks you right in the eye. The moments drag on and turn into minutes. Her eyes narrow slightly, a dangerously bright blue. You can practically feel a crosshair settling on your forehead. Then she rolls her eyes, "On any other ship I wouldn't believe you, but I swear the Colonel has her work cut out for her with this lot. Newbies, newbies everywhere. I didn't join SOUL for babysitting duties and the sooner I'm back on the Cincinnatus with my squad the happier I'll be. What rank? No, don't answer, if you're not a private you deserve to be one for not chewing the QM out a little. Yeah, I know they tell you to make friends with him, they tell you he's useful, but QMs are a scurrilous breed and need a bit of the lash now and then. He probably thinks he can get away with it because you look Martian. I had the same problem, my first QM gave me one that was indecently short because 'oh, the cute little Moon-Dweller won't put her first upside my nose'. What a prick. Here, these have been sitting around for a while and they look like they fit." She tosses you a plain green uniform, "Seriously, go and get changed. I know how tempting it is to want to roll around in civvies all day but the MPs or the Colonel won't be nearly so understanding." She salutes back so that you can put your hand down.

You mutter thanks and scurry off to change. You now have a +4 bonus to your Stealth rolls.

>[Find a weapon]
>[Nah, go right to the mech bay]
>[I want the Colonel to pet me more]

>>47433215
>>[Nah, go right to the mech bay]

>>47433215
>[Nah, go right to the mech bay]

>>47433215
>[Nah, go right to the mech bay]

>>47433215
>[Nah, go right to the mech bay]
Unless we can pull the leg off a chair or something.

As a brief note, that +4 won't apply to individuals who would recognize your face.

File: horriblesubs-gundam-recon(...).jpg (116 KB, 1280x720)

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On your way back to the lift, the PA springs to life. You recognize the voice, it's that of the female prisoner.

"Prisoner escape, prisoner escape! Someone help me, he's unstoppable and he said he's going to rape me! HELP! I'm in the hydroponics lab...please, h-he's going to break down the door! It's Bruce Kelly, he's coming!" With a short little shriek, the transmission cuts off. It would be pretty convincing if you didn't know who that was talking, and that Bruce had gone in the opposite direction.

"Prisoner esc-oh son of a BITCH!" A door at the end of the hall from the lift slams open, and the girl from before is standing there in her underwear, aiming the gun directly at you. Behind her is a geeky-looking boy about your age with glasses and short brown hair, his uniform half unbuttoned. You duck behind the lift's door and jam your finger against the button as hard as you can as a bolt of plasma sears the lift's wall. If you hadn't moved, you'd be suffering major burns.

>[Make another Stealth roll. This one won't get you caught if it fails, but the results might be amusing]

Rolled 5 + 16 (1d10 + 16)

>>47433408

>>47433408
Cheeky breeky not so cheeky when her ass goes breeky.

>>47433428
We fugged

>>47433478
We run into Bruce again

>>47433428

21? Not bad, not bad at all.

>>47433491
but not good enough.

Rolled 9 + 12 (1d10 + 12)

>>47433428

Oh, right and this roll. Good thing these are C-Class crew.

>>47433506
21 vs 21... bloody hell.. did we unlock expert mode?

>>47433518
it turns out we were playing blackjack all along, and the house wins on ties.

>>47433408
gotta admit,this breakouts going about as well as Jacks at Grozny Grad.
also
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E9pJFJnwuAA

>>47433590
At least we aren't hitting Jackie Chan levels yet

>>47433666
nice dub trips Thunder Satan.

File: 2192000-rifle_snow_skull_(...).jpg (502 KB, 1680x1050)

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You're too busy fixing your uniform to scramble up the wall this time when the lift slows down unexpectedly. Instead you stand up as straight as you can, leaning against the wall to cover the little burn scar. You're grateful she didn't have her gun cranked up to full power, probably because that's a hazard on a ship with so many complex systems running at once.

You try very, very hard to stay calm as a quartet of MPs squeeze their way onto the lift, kitted out in body armor and carrying automatic rifles.

"I'm telling you, the pancakes on the Cincinnatus smelled divine, but the ones here are the best in the galaxy. A man could die and be carried to Olympus on the fragrant fumes of the Jaburo's signature flapjacks." One of them is saying.

"Yeah, they're pretty good, but I still think the best port food we get is those open-faced roast beef sandwiches with the gravy. My girl on the mess hall staff always drizzles mine on in a heart shape." Comments another.

"She does that for me too." Says the third.

"Shut your damned mouth Mary and stop being a bitch. We're all happy for Ted and his girl, they're getting married soon." Says the pancake-loving first MP.

"I didn't get an invitation, Bill." Says Mary sulkily, "Why not? Is it because there's an open bar and you're all still mad about the last time we went to the bar together?"

"It's because you make jokes like that, Mary." Says, presumably, Ted, "Everyone gets thrown out of bars. Granted, not everyone starts a fire prior to being thrown out because 'it's too fucking cold in here', but at least you've got a story from it."

The fourth MP, with a sarge's jagged thunderbolts on his armor's shoulder piece, grunts, "Stop thinking about food and beer for once, the three of you need exercise as it is. Mary, you especially...wait." He notices you, looking down at your belt, "We're in front of a kid, you bunch of scrubs. Hey, buddy, where's your sidearm? There's a prisoner on the loose."

[Continued]

>>47433689
The truth is revealed! His luck isn't from selling his soul, it's from the souls of others!

>>47433717
I'm heading for my room right now to retrieve.

>>47433717
QM gave me a faulty one Sir. Was on the way to chew him out and get a new one.

>>47433725
I am not nor have I every been a souls stealing monster, now just follow my advice and start Roarke's mecha tournament

>>47433787
I am no longer swayed by your honeyed words, o lord of lies.

>>47433787
I dont' trust you, you could be a skinwalker!
Also shit, what type of /k/reepy pasta is there in the future?

>>47433808
Spacewalkers.

>>47433840
fuck, demons disguised as mecha?!

>>47433808
It;s literally just stories of Master Asia and Bruce Kelly doing things and people not seeing it was people doing it.

File: ImperialGuard_764[1].jpg (32 KB, 344x233)

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You salute, "QM gave me a faulty one, sir! Following the advice of one of the Ensigns I am on my way to chew him out and get a new one sir!"

The sarge, a big man with a droopy, florid face and huge arms, rubs his jowly cheeks, giving you the impression of a frustrated bulldog, "Bruce Kelly's on the loose. Bruce Kelly. You really must be one of the new kids if you haven't had to deal with him before."

"Lucky him." Chips in Bill, distracted from talk of pancakes.

The sarge nods, "Hope it lasts. Private, we're on our way to the armory to get power armor and cement foam sprayers to deal with this son of a bitch. By Jove, I hope it's enough. I don't want to think about those poor souls who had to catch him the first time. He's pure evil. Pure mad, stubborn, evil. If your regular human's a good old-fashioned labrador retriever, Bruce Kelly is a scavvie's pit bull. Tell you what, you're coming with us. I'm going to give that shitheel QM a piece of my mind for pulling that kind of stunt on the rookies. Mary, Bill, Ted you up to tying a man's underwear to his hair again?"

"Sir yes sir!" All three chant in unison, looking gleeful. Nobody likes an unscrupulous Quartermaster. Mary chips in, "Ted knows the ginger beer trick, too, that'll show him we mean business Raj."

Raj, presumably, the sergeant, shakes his head, "We don't have time, just leave him uncomfortable and we can break out the punishment when Bruce's back in his cell where he belongs. It might be too late for that poor woman, but by Jove we won't let anyone else suffer at that man's hands." Raj claps you on the back, "Stick with me, kid, I can tell you've got spine. We'll sneak you a beer and teach you how to tap a fella's kidneys with a stun baton blindfolded."

There is no honorable way to refuse instruction in the art of armed combat.

[Continued]

>>47433953
Were in too deep, looks like we have to stay here forever

File: fd6afb144e197d2809a96fa6c(...).jpg (60 KB, 736x1051)

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...But there is, however, a worse fate. The lift comes to a stop, and opens, the four MPs still chatting as they form a companionable knot around you, Raj and Bill predominating. Bill shows you pictures of his kids. They lead you down the hall and past a small breakroom. Inside, a woman is preparing coffee. Tall, with classical features, a small mouth, and auburn hair pulled back into a bun. She's wearing a fuzzy pink bathrobe over her uniform.

>[Uh sarge I left my ID badge upstairs too maybe I should go back and get it]
>[Stay within the pack, maybe you'll blend in]

>>47434027
>[Uh sarge I left my ID badge upstairs too maybe I should go back and get it]

>>47434012
We are going to be pulling a Wang Fire instead of a Solid Snake at this point. Walk home with a medal, some photos, and like a fancy mech to use as parts for our custom.

>>47434012
Must not fear, Thunder.
Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
You must face your fear.
You will permit it to pass over you and through you.
And when it has gone past you will turn the inner eye to see its path.
When the fear is gone there will be nothing...
Only you will remain.

>>47434027
>[Uh sarge I left my ID badge upstairs too maybe I should go back and get it]

Make sure we pat ourselves down first, make it look like we're surprised it's not there.

Rolled 3 + 16 (1d10 + 16)

>>47434027
>[Stay within the pack, maybe you'll blend in]

>>47434091
>Wait a minute this kid looks like a character from my favorite doujin

>>47434027
>[Stay within the pack, maybe you'll blend in]
dont make eye contact, don't draw attention, don't take the cookies

Rolled 8 + 16 (1d10 + 16)

>>47434114
also

Rolled 8 (1d10)

>>47434091

>>47434091
WHY THE BLOODY HELL DOES NO ONE TAKE THE LUCK? WE Have 7 of the damn things. Use like 2 or 3. God damn elixer squatters.

File: 1362966247406[1].jpg (25 KB, 400x267)

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>>47434126
>>47434091

>>47434160
We can use luck outside of combat?

>>47434160
Well now that you mention it.
>>47434162
Time to get lucky at running away.

>>47434160
That means admitting you think your roll is gonna fail and that lack of confidence isn't needed here I just like saving it up so we can really crit a roll we need

So I guess this episode ends with Moe back in a cell, at this rate.

Goddammit.

>>47434253
>This whole episode ends up as basically a Monty Python sketch

You mean best way to end an episode

>>47434091
>>47434114
Why in the hell would you want to try to bluff your way through a security checkpoint for shit we don't need or want? Are you guys just addicted to TACTICAL ESPIONAGE ACTION?

>>47434215
See, thats the elixer scavanger talking. This is a system where a +2 in a critical moment saves lives.

>>47434190
Luck applies anywhere to any roll. Problem is with the way rolls are we cannot expend luck because someone gets cocky or forgets.

>>47434160
I totally forgot it was a thing.

>>47434292
I'm trying not to draw Colonel Oldcake's attention while we are surrounded by 4 dudes with guns. Also Moe seemed down and if he's down I'm down

File: 115385[1].jpg (30 KB, 225x350)

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You're equally torn between staying with the MPs for a moment more and pretending you have to go back for your ID. The fact that something about this woman looks very familiar and gives you a very bad feeling throws you off. The end result is that you stop walking right in front of the doorway.

Raj takes a few more steps, "...So then I said, 'I don't care if you're Floyd Beck, flyboy, you can be king of space all you want but on my ship you'll act like a decent human being' and...what's wrong son?" The four of them crane the heads around to look at you.

You start patting your pockets, "My badge." It's all you can think of to say.

Raj frowns, but doesn't get the chance to respond, because the woman in the breakroom looks up and directly at you. It's the Colonel, only she's not blowing steam at you right now, "Sergeant, please send that young man in here, I need to speak with him." Her voice hardens fractionally, "It's absolutely key that all personnel carry their identification at all times. We wouldn't want, say an escaped prisoner stealing someone's badge and impersonating one of the crew, would we?" She tsks, "I'll handle this, don't trouble yourselves waiting up for me, I'll get him straightened out. I can always call you back if giving one private a talking-to is too much for me."

Raj puts a hand on your back and gently pushes you into the breakroom, saluting her in passing, "Tough luck, kid. Take your lumps like a man, learn from your mistakes, you'll get off Shetland bay duty eventually."

[Continued]

>>47434360
maybe we should have used that luck

>>47434380
Oh look a shitposter.

>>47434425
Stop replying.

>>47434428
He's the shitposter, he will reply to you and himself. Ignore him as well.

File: pink-ladies-telescoping-b(...).jpg (48 KB, 700x700)

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The Colonel smiles at him, "Thank you, Sergeant. Remember to double-check the seals on your power armor, less leaks save lives." She sounds like she's quoting a safety poster. He gives her a cheerful grin and a "Yes'm." Before departing, leaving you to your fate.

You abruptly realize that you didn't see a single Shetland in the Jaburo's bays when you were brought in. It's a strange fact to realize now.

She leans against the counter, pulling a short but collapsible-looking rod from her pocket. You can see the switch for the sun setting from here, and are well aware from your childhood just how much a lovetap from one of those shock rods in the hands of a cop can hurt. The handle is a bright, cheerful pink.

"Don't stand there like a frightened lamb, private. Either run away and make me chase you and haul you back by your ear, or close the door and sit down." She points to the table nearest her with her weapon, "Do you like coffee? This is a new recipe, I got it from some friends I made at a little cafe on California Station. It's delicious~"

She waggles the container of coffee grounds at you with her other hand.

>[What will you do?]

>>47434546
Close the door. Thank you for the offer. I'd rather stand all the same.

Rolled 4 (1d10)

>>47434546
>>[What will you do?]
>I believe you have me mixed up for another person maam, im just the new recruit....Salasar Bumblesnatch

All the luck points behind this

>>47434546
accept the coffee, I guess

>>47434546
Coffee. Compliment her choice of cat aesthetics

>>47434591

Oh Thunderbird, if only you had spend that luck sooner. You poor, poor soul. You reached the gates of the underworld and were about to cross back into the light of day...and then you looked back.

There is no saving you now.

>>47434630
So what your saying is that now we need to sing a sad song until were murdered by animals but then our head will keep singing?

>>47434630
At least I have the excuse of not knowing we could spend it for non-combat until anons told me

what's the point to the rest of the episode now that the jig is up, though?

>>47434661
We learn just what kinda of person the Colonel really is. And face our fate like a goddamn man.

>>47434674
Well, sure, but I like Roarke more. He's my husbando.

>>47434661
surviving the mandatory torture session.
> its headpats

>>47434696
Lewd.

File: 50885-vlcsnap_75269_large[2].png (118 KB, 300x225)

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You slowly close the door. The smell of the coffee is, in fact, delicious.

She watches you like a hawk. "I was on my way to the brig to make sure you were alright, you know? So, coffee then? I'll make a cup for each of us." She asks slowly, putting the grinds down and tapping the deactivated shock rod against her palm. Tap...tap...tap...and her thumb on the handle apparently slips, because suddenly she yelps and collapses into a heap beneath the table, chairs clattering over, "OWIE OWIE OWIE OWIE OWIE...o-oh owie..owie owie owie..." She's hunched up in a quivering ball, the shock baton on the floor, "O-ow M-M-Mohammed..."

>[What do?]

Rolled 2 + 15 (1d10 + 15)

>>47434706
RUN

>>47434706
Freedom or potential poon?
>>47434720
Stop rolling before we even make a decision.

Rolled 5 + 12 (1d10 + 12)

>>47434706
>take the baton
>stay for coffee

>>47434706
uh. uhhhh. what?

I feel like we should take her stun baton and leave. Or take her stun baton and help her at least sit up.

She's such a fucking casul.

>>47434706

Did she just tase herself? BE A MAN AND GO HELP HER MOE!

>>47434706
>>Sigh audibly and help her up.
So she is still as wacky as ever.

>>47434706
Ask if she is okay. Then gently tie her up and run to the mech bay. And stop fucking rolling thunder your gonna get us killed!

>>47434706
Help her up. Fondle the parlayed MILF a little. he seems civil and we have no way out of this ship without taking a hostage. We aren't in danger from the ship's crews anyways.

>>47434706
Help her up like a gentleman, while surreptitiously rolling the baton away with our foot of course.

>>47434720
..damn it thunderbird, stop rolling dice! You are bad when it comes to random decissions!

Just.. take the baton away from her, sit her down on the chair, get her the coffee, bow, and walk away. Maybe with "I saw nothing if you saw nothing."

Alright, now that we have a consensus, roll 1d10+11 just for fun. First come first served.

>>47434749
Also give her a head pat.

Rolled 1 + 11 (1d10 + 11)

>>47434752
fug

Rolled 8 + 11 (1d10 + 11)

>>47434752

Rolled 10 + 11 (1d10 + 11)

>>47434752
KEK GUIDE MY ROLL!

>>47434763
Asshole! You just cockblocked my 19. And his 21! Well we both did.

>>47434763
Fun fact, I made fun of Moe for being a shit the other day and rolled a 1 each time.

I like the fact that Moe is confirmed a shit because of me.

File: 116951399.jpg (88 KB, 701x648)

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>>47434763
Welp, we're doomed.

>>47434763
So we gonna shock ourselves with the baton. Then fall on top of her. Together we laugh while not being able to move. Also lewd hands.

>>47434763
Welp

>>47434776
Then don't roll and he won't be shit. Simple enough.

>>47434789
I think you're missing the point. I WANT Moe to be a shit. I said as much before, as well.

>>47434783
Perfect.

>>47434752
>just for fun

So this determines whether or not we escape, okay.

>>47434798
Why? He's a pilot for the Iron Mestrels and a Liuetenant. Why the hell do you want him to be shit? That makes no god damned sense.

>>47434818
Because Moe is my headcanon jobber. I also generally dislike him.

Also

>Mestrels

>>47434832
>headcanon jobber
the fuck is that?

>>47434832
So just because you don't like him you want him to be shit? That's just fucking toxic. And yes I realized that I misspelled after posting.

>>47434846
Yes, exactly. The fuck do you think you are?

>>47434832
A jobber loses routinely. He's lost a fight. Singular. Going against Roarke doesn't count.

>>47434861
I figured people might actually be adult enough to not do stupid shit like that. You are worse than Sleepy in wrestle quest.

File: 1368917713507[1].jpg (156 KB, 640x480)

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...You really do remember just how much being tagged with an active stun baton can hurt.

You rush over to her, weaving between two tables, "Are you alright? Please, tell me if you cannot stand."

She nods jerkily, and you put your arms around her, starting to lift her up. As you go to knock the baton away with your knee, though, she turns the handle around and reveals the switch. It's set firmly to off. She smiles softly, "I had to know what kind of man you are."

She reaches up and gently strokes your fluffy hair without making the slightest attempt to extricate herself from your arms, deftly hooking her foot beneath one of the chairs she pretended to have crashed into and flipping it upright without using her hands. The shock baton vanishes back into her bathrobe pocket.

>[She got you.]

>>47434845
A jobber is a wrestler who loses matches a bunch. All the time really. Which we are not.

>>47434877
>I figured people might actually be adult enough to not do stupid shit like that.

Literally where the fuck are you right now that you think you are surrounded by mature people?

>>47434763

Congratulations. That was actually the best roll you could have possibly gotten on that Empathy+Human Perception test, because the lower you rolled for it the less you spotted what she was doing.

I am kind of surprised everyone fell for it.

>>47434877
God just remembering that makes me angry

>>47434899
A couple quests that are actually mature to not do shit like that. Some arguing over Husbando but nothing like what you do.

Rolled 3 (1d10)

>>47434881
Just for fun, he said. Thanks, anon, asshole.

Can we just go back to the cell already?

Struggle, I guess? I don't fucking know.

>>47434881
Acknowledge her victory like a man, also sit down in the chair with her in your lap. Might as well live it up.

>>47434832

Are you Jesus or something being jealous of the better gundam protags? You're not gundam son.

>>47434913
Yeah but when Booker told him off at least he stopped. Still a fucking asshole for doing that though. Probably why Bookers busy with his new quest.

>>47434956
Its honestly the reason I don't like him at all

>>47434911
>best


Being stuck here is the best outcome? So if we rolled high, then what, we would have just left? This woman creeps me out.

>>47434881
do we still get coffee?
>>47434921
well she fooled us but we could still leave if we wanted to (and rolled well).

>>47434965
He's tolerable in most other quests but in there he just shitposts hard as hell for some reason. We get it. Your waifu lost but fucking Christ man lay off the hate. Or in beast in the sky. His hate boner for Kakei is getting a bit out of control. I think that's where he went after Booker told him off.

>>47434972
Most likely she doesn't see us as a villainous pirates apprentice. More like a heart of gold type.

>>47434983
>well she fooled us but we could still leave if we wanted to (and rolled well).

>implying

Things like these just feel like the boat to me, I just feel unenthusiastic about it. Sorry if I'm being a downer or whatever, I just feel like nothing is getting done and it irks me.

>>47434911
So we accidentally fall for her charms? Welp, Moehammed headpats incoming. Forever.

>>47434972
well she has a good opinion of us right now, and her hands aren't on a cattle prod, so I guess its not to terrible
I think she's got something else in that robe though, probably with higher range. And lethality

>>47434993
I just feel its real indicative of his character plus he got super butt hurt over the harem in this one, probably why he hasn't been posting

>>47435010
I don't want her to obsess over Moe. Moe is going to find a good woman who can beat him up and they can both get swole together and shit. This woman is a weirdo.

>>47434877
>>47434956
What did he do?

>>47435031
What if I told you, I'm sleepy and the moejobber?

I'm not, but would you believe it if someone said they were the same person?

>>47435041
We should hook her up with Oda, he needs to keep the bloodline going

>>47435017
Well the characters are realizing that they are all being played. It's shadow games right now. Super ethical reality climax will happen soon.

>>47435041
maybe moe will rise the competent side out of her.

>>47435041
We are going to find him in cat ears and compromising petting positions due to this. He shall be.. Ocelot.

>>47435017
we do have reflex 10, and we should be able to see her reach for her gun, so yeah, we got a shot.

>>47435071
She literally just showed that she was competent. The clutziness is a front.

File: 275745625.jpg (37 KB, 660x490)

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>mfw every single woman in this quest so far save athena who is adorable and not for lewds

I must be a freak to find all of the waifus so disconcerting.

>>47435031
Hey I'm glad he's not here. Still don't understand his hateboner for Kakei. Understand the need to have some plausible deniability in that quest, but christ he acts as if Kakei is gonna fucking murder us in broad daylight.
>>47435017
eh, this is just a messing around chapter with some plot advancement

>>47435088
Don't worry anon we'll find a waifu in this that you'll love.

>>47435088
Nah anon your best girl hasn't arrived yet, just have faith

>>47435088
Huh. I feel that the sheer amount of bases all the wiafus so far cover leaves you with very very little room for "not disconcerting".

>>47435103
I want to hope, but every woman featured thus far has suffered from some amount of neurosis or ego issues.

Sam is the best adjusted out of all of them, and I just don't like the gothic lolita theme.

>>47435050
Lost a vote and constantly complained about samefagging and just shitposted hate about a character. It got so bad the qm yelled at him. In other quests he shows up in he seems to be at least reasonable but in that and bits he just gets caught up in one thing and doesn't let it go. It may be someone else using the name but that is too far down the rabbit hole.

>>47435088
nah man, truth is they all crazy and/or weird. but so is everyone else.

>>47435120
That's the nicest critique of Sam I have seen so far. +1 to you sir or madam

>>47435122
That's kinda one thing /qst/ did right with the ID's. Made samefagging more difficult.

>>47435122
Did he just shitpost himself? The fuck? Is he clinically retarded? Or was that anon fucking with us?

File: latest[1].png (1.91 MB, 1616x909)

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"If you had run, I would have pegged you with a tranquilizer dart and had you back to your cell in a jiffy. Don't look so surprised, it's a basic psychological evaluation, and don't feel bad either...you're not the first person to fall for it. I had something similar during my training." She smiles cheerfully.

You bow your head in defeat, smile, and take your loss like a man. You sit down, the pressure of your arms not decreasing and the intention obvious. She doesn't sit on your lap at first, she just looks down at you, "I...I shouldn't...I'm twice your...I'm old enough to be...I'm a commanding officer and..." She glances around the room as if expecting judgmental eyes to pop out from somewhere, "Let me get our coffee first." She fixes the coffee into two space-compatible mini-thermoses with straws, "Give it a minute, it's piping hot."

The coffee smells absolutely delicious. It's a subtle flavoring, milk and cream and something sweet...cinnamon, maybe?

"Do try to relax. I had a talk with your Admiral, he was very nice and certainly knows how to flatter someone. He suggested I hang onto you, if I must, for a few days. It will certainly take that long to get your mech fixed, it's such a strange design and we have to use nonstandard parts because of the transformation capabilities. I had to get a sense of some of his people, though, before I made a very important decision." She sits down on your lap, "Captain Oda Yoritomo and Red Siren have more-or-less complete psych evaluations in our records...and I've studied them both, thoroughly, but the Iron Kestrels are something of a mystery. So tell me, what makes a nice boy from Mars go pirate? Why do you REALLY want to be one?"

>[What say?]

>>47435151
Okay really knock it the hell off. Leave if you are actually him. In the chance it's not oh god they are multiplying!!

>>47435152
I got punched out of my tulwar.

>>47435152
The Admiral is strong. Strong convictions, morals. I respect him. His way of living is honorable.

>>47435122
>>47435151

My brain is, for the first time, full of fuck.

>>47435151
anons just fucking with us Sleepy #5

>>47435152
i get more respect and better workmates working with him

>>47435188
The abyss is staring back into us it seems

>>47435188
Maybe a couple thought to fuck with us? Or maybe it was him?

>>47435152
The fact that we would have been punished for rolling well is bothering me greatly. And condescension always makes me feel sick.

>[flashbacks intensify]

I think we're all crazy here, not just the waifus. Anon is onto something. Must be in the space water


Isn't Moe in it entirely to get stronger/more talented and that's the long and short? It's just a means to an end?

Fuck, man, if this ends with Moe switching sides I'm going to be sad.

>>47435120

What about Naomi? Zero mental problems, just pure alpha.

She's gonna make it, man, she's gonna be a general and Caesar is going to be her husbando.

>>47435152
to learn from the Admiral. His way is the strongest I have seen

>>47435220
You can't waifu the dead unless you are a necromancer!

She's got an ego complex, really.

>>47435152
> "Its...its not being a pirate, madam. It's HIM. It's Admiral Starwind. You see...I was part of a PMC, And we ran into him while escorting our mistress. He attacked...that's...that's not enough of a description. He was a Martian dust typhoon! An elemental force! He IS the Black Ogre. I grew up weak, and I will grow to be as strong as he is, or I will have no future."

I think this is funny because no matter how good someone is, if someone had a comparable mech and roughly 60% of the other's skill level, the dice could instagib the supposedly superior combatant.

>>47435188
What's the matter Wong? Join us. We have cookies and milk. Join us. We only grow stronger the more we shitpost!

>>47435211

I don't think she's being condescending, bro. I think we're seeing actual competence here.

>>47435152
I do love that you use Kycilia as her reference. I pegged her as the secret badass type from that.

>>47435255
How is this different from a lucky guerilla with an AK?

>>47435211
that and the fact he doesn't have to put a religious mask for Space Muslims anymore, so you know less chance of him get decapitated for being a apostate

>>47435255
I guess thats pretty much the luck element in fights where bullshit can happen sometimes

>>47435260
>and don't feel bad either...you're not the first person to fall for it.

That is literally condescension.

>>47435152
"I do not care much for either law or law-breaking. He showed strength in battle and I decided to follow him and grow strong as he is. He has honor and dignity, which he shown during capturing Heart of Sunshine and he was a her for Suleiman 1 so I have no issues with his morals."

>>47435151
>>47435188
>Or was that anon fucking with us?
Dude that's 100% guaranteed to be the case.

>>47435211

She's going to switch sides, not Moe.

>>47435236

Not really. A girl asking out a guy is perfectly normal.

>>47435276
*was a hero

>>47435287
>Not really. A girl asking out a guy is perfectly normal.

That's not why she has ego issues. It's the manner in which she behaves and carries herself.

>>47435255
Welcome to anime mech combat, where the only things keeping the protagonists alive are plot armour, far superior technology and everyone without a name being shit.

>>47435152
I am the one who will inherit the will of the Black Ogre. That is all there is. That is all there needs to be.

>>47435295

You mean like an ace pilot with an experimental mech? If she was a guy, you'd have no problem with it, guaranteed.

>>47435274
Part of being a warrior is dealing with deception. We learned a lesson here, and she provided it.

>>47435311
No I would think he is an asshole.

>>47435311
Why are you making this about gender? Fuck off.

>>47435274
Perhaps she is being honest, and what she did was a psycological evaluation method highlighted in some textbook or another.

>>47435295
Lets think about each waifu's problems

Karen: Spoiled, Womanchild

Clemmy: Self worth problem, probable depression, fractured psyche

Sam: Impulsive

thats about what I've got

>>47435342
Red Siren: Narcissm

>>47435341
Seems like they did the same thing to her during her training.

>>47435342
>Fairchild: REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

That sums her up nicely, if I do say so myself.

>>47435342

Clemmy: Anger management issues, borderline personality disorder (maybe), low empathy issues.

>>47435376
Wait. Are you implying Fairchild is a potential waifu?

>>47435396
>Everyone is a potential waifu if we roll high enough

Guiding principle of this quest

>>47435407
Can't. Fairchild's a raging lesbo dyke

>>47435407
no. the only thing we'll do to fairchild is to put her head on a stick and then tape that shit to the bow of our ship

>>47435415
Wong had to make her that way so we wouldn't waifu our BBEG for at least this arc

>>47435415
Clearly shes just bi in denial.

>>47435419
Fine by me anon

>>47435407
Just need to train our seduction skills until we can hit a max of 30.

>>47435420
Considering your rolls, Wong's probably right

>>47435420
But the BBEG of this arc is the skulls and their masked fuccboi who shot us down and killed Ozark and RRRRRAAAAAAGEEEE!!!

We seriously need missile defenses because those things fuck us up.

We died to missiles in the prologue and the most significantly damaging hit we've taken thus far was a missile from Gretchin.

Roarke is weak to warheads.

File: Mohammed happy.jpg (87 KB, 600x499)

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"Because the Admiral's way is the strongest I know." You reply.

She looks at you blankly, raising her eyebrows.

"You know about Fatima, so you must know that I was one of the guards for her and her vessel. She had taken a joyride in her souped-up Scout Scimitar that day, returned exhausted, and had been napping for roughly two hours when he arrived. We went out to fight him, and with two precise blows he defeated our two strongest fighters. I was one of them. I have no particular attachment to the work itself, or to the laws of Mars and Jupiter. The Admiral showed strength in battle, and I want to be as strong as he is. Furthermore, his is an honorable and dignified way. He demonstrated that capturing the ship I was guarding without harming anyone on board, or issuing more threats than necessary, and he was the hero of Suleiman 1." You feel your voice grow a little angry, and you see a surprising amount of concern on her face, "...So I have no issue with his supposed crimes. Aside from some eccentricities, his crew treat me and those of my company who were bold enough to remain and be taken prisoner...and they all have joined the Kestrels, by the way...with respect and brotherhood. The Iron Kestrels are my family, I am proud to grow as a warrior and a man with them. It may be a childish dream, but I intend to be the one who inherits the Admiral's will, the successor to the Black Ogre. That is all. That is all there needs to be."

She chews her lower lip for a moment, sipping her coffee and sitting sideways across your thighs, "You aren't meant for the military. Sometimes, how people say no means more than how they say yes." She sighs, "The Admiral wants to do a joint operations mission to wipe out the Green Skulls. I, personally, support this measure."

[Continued]

>>47435468
Flares and a shield. Plus our wingmen are a lot better now.

>>47435468

It's okay, Roarke hit Gretchen with a missile too.

>>47435490
What upgrade did it give us?

>>47435490
Roarke was also playing around, he was literally dancing in his mech. They were playing for keeps.

>>47435490
Firstly, when?

Secondly

>implying missile suggests the girth and length that is Roarke Starwind

Try ICBM, instead. Paints a much more accurate picture.

>>47435494
Giggity.

>>47435508
God I just realized in the future people could probably easily claim to be Roarke's kids or decedents and people wouldn't really doubt them

What Roarke needs is body at 10, hand to hand at 10, and "fuck your mech I cast FIST" at 10.

>>47435536
>inb4 autism anon "well they weren't Sam's kids :^)"