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Tech Priest Chow provides all the carbohydrates and electrolytes needed for even an Electro Priest to function at full capacity for a single day.
Servoskulls need only a fraction of this, but the larger the batches it is made in, the lower the cost.

This nutritional slop is also fit for feeding Servitors, Skitarii, and low level Guardsmen as one sees fit, though even the meager cost of $2 a day may be too much to bear for the enterprising Tech Priest stuck around such filthy biological beings.

https://vocaroo.com/i/s0Z4b51DYywC

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To start, we need to provide the five macro nutrients demanded by the body according to Magos Biologis Varnak, who studied this obsessively when hunting down Hive Fleet Behemoth: carbohydrates, protein, fat, sugar, and chocolate.

It seems Guardsmen can be force marched 12.55% farther if given this sugary confectionary.
Contact your vassal agri-world if you do not have a proper cocoa hydrofarm set up; they are usually eager to comply for some unknown reason.

If you are unable to source such organic material, here are order forms for requesting it from nearby Forge Worlds:

Oat Flour:
https://www.amazon.com/Oat-Flour-50-Pound-Bag/dp/B007KVA5CU/ref=sr_1_4?keywords=Oat+Flour+bulk&qid=1572560696&sr=8-4

Rice Protein: https://www.amazon.com/Earthborn-Elements-Sustainably-Gluten-Free-Post-Workout/dp/B07P7RZB24/ref=sr_1_10?keywords=Brown+Rice+Protein&qid=1572560646&sr=8-10

Canola Oil:
https://www.amazon.com/Kirkland-Signature-100-Pure-Canola/dp/B00T55TNLI/ref=sr_1_7?keywords=canola+oil+bulk&qid=1572560672&sr=8-7

Sugar:
https://www.amazon.com/dp/B00HJCXX24?tag=19-72342-20

Cocoa Powder:
https://www.amazon.com/dp/B001EQ4SHK?tag=19-72342-20

https://vocaroo.com/i/s1GhNhmf9dMc

>>69166775
Disclaimer, I am not an Amazon Affiliate, nor are these any more than suggestions to ensure you get the highest quality and cheapest of slop.

A penny saved is a penny spent on precious and wonderous machines rather than biological components that will only fade under the unceasing march of entropy.

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Unfortunately, such a low cost gruel will not keep the biological components of a Servoskull (nor the inferior biological meat of a Guardsmen or similar) functioning long term. We must supplement it with various other substances the body is not able to make on its own.

As well, a ServoSkull cannot swallow a pill, lacking all of the organs necessary to do that.
As we can see here, my loyal ServoSkull is uninterested.

Notably, we need to add:

Salt:
https://www.amazon.com/dp/B001GHYO4E?tag=19-72342-20

Needed to keep nerves and neurons firing, and muscles in humanoids who have not yet embraced the Omnissiah

Potassium Chloride:
https://www.amazon.com/dp/B00ENS39XK?tag=19-72342-20

Essentially a more metallic tasting salt, and therefore closer to the metal we all wish to embraced
Also needed for nerves, neurons, and muscles

Lysine:
https://www.amazon.com/dp/B00ENP215K?tag=19-72342-20

Biological forms need this protein to self repair
Several bionics exist to provide this protein on demand, but non-believers shun this due to the small reduction in cognition it causes

Choline Bitartrate
https://www.amazon.com/dp/B00EIS9NW6?tag=19-72342-20

A precursor to choline, required to keep organic brains from decaying over time

Calcium and Vitamin D:
https://www.amazon.com/dp/B002RL8FBQ?tag=19-72342-20

Required as nearly no tech priests go outside with any bare skin exposed, due to the humiliation it would bring


As well, a standard multivitamin is required to supplement all other functionality
A low cost one from the Forge World of Kirkland is provided here:
https://www.amazon.com/dp/B006VRNEFO?tag=19-72342-20

And, if any Menial chooses this meal over the standard Emperors Mercy Bars, they may wish to add xanthan gum for flavoring:
https://www.amazon.com/dp/B00CYMU3TA?tag=19-72342-20

Use it as a treat to keep their biological components compliant.

https://vocaroo.com/i/s1QlKGuH2QYF

Cool ! Sorry man, I'm drunk

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The first step in making this "meal" is to acquire a blender.
Fortunately, a new STC fragment was recovered from the Halo Zone, and just recently cleared for production.
It seems to shimmer a bit, but I am assured it is perfectly safe and those that discovered it were granted a Planetary Governorship.
Those of you unfortunate enough to not be blessed by this gift from the Omnissiah may use whatever quaint tools you have on hand, after applying the correct rites of activation, of course.

We will start by adding the Oat Flour.

https://vocaroo.com/i/s0mwmrBZrSC3

>>69166825
No need to apologize, it is indeed a time for merriment and recreation among the peoples of Terra.

>>69166845

Then I shall continue raising my mug

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We will continue by adding the Cocoa, to ensure it blends evenly.
This is most pleasing to the Omnissiah, and ensures the resulting mixture flows cleanly within feeding tubes, should you choose to partake.

https://vocaroo.com/i/s0njwEHYdEa4

>>69166862
Please do so. Do not mind the shimmering blender either, I am assured it has no warp influence.

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We will further continue by adding the sugar.
Cut the amount by 1/4th if you intend to add the xanthan gum.
Or don't, if you truly belief the wretched deserve your mercy.
Note this may cause an overt sweetness sensation in any biological taste buds used; if you have digital taste buds, feel free to curb the glucose response by an equal amount.

https://vocaroo.com/i/s00fL5Ul0imJ

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Furthermore, we will add the rice protein.

It is best if you grind the rice before blending, but it isn't as if a Servoskull will complain about the texture, and Guardsmen are expendable.

https://vocaroo.com/i/s1V1AsmlTu6D

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Finally, we are ready to blend the concoction.

The steps are simple:
1. Apply holy anointments
2. Ritualistically pray to the machine spirits to bless your activation
3. Perform the rites of activation
4. Insert the macro nutrients into the holy machine
5. Again, perform the rites of activation
6. Press the third power setting and blend until the slurry reaches a chalky consistency

https://vocaroo.com/i/s1q16z8g9LWP

Bump for intoxicating the systems !

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As you might have noticed, given no liquids to dissolve into, the slurry is quite unpalatable even for a Servoskull.

Not to worry. We shall now add the canola oil. You may substitute any organic oil harvested within the last millennia (no motor oil).

https://vocaroo.com/i/s01WrG2SSaW0

>>69166975

Damn... What about lead paint ?

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>>69166996
I am unsure as to the choleric content of that substance. But given it uses holy metal rather than organics, I find it unsuitable for the less augmented.


Next we will add the Potassium Chloride.
The brand I am using is known as NuSalt, due to this chemicals ability to mimic sodium chloride, also known as table salt.
In a pinch, this chemical is known to be found in many potassium ores you may encounter in a Forge World mine.

https://vocaroo.com/i/s0m7yw0z5hzM

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Next, we add salt.
Do not over use; on some worlds, this is traded kilogram for kilogram with ceremite.
Do not waste such a precious resource lightly; it displeases the Omnissiah.

In all things besides the quest for knowledge, moderation.

https://vocaroo.com/i/s1LcRx2Za1bG

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Now we add the gum if desired.

Being enormously sweet while low in volume allows for a flavor sensation most Guardsmen find palatable compared to their meager rations.

https://vocaroo.com/i/s0vROqwOl9Ax

>>69167052
it makes it sweet? I always thought it was just a thickening agent.

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Finally, we are ready to once again blend the slurry, this time reducing its grain using pulses.

The steps are simple:
1. Apply holy annointments
2. Ritualistically pray to the machine spirits to bless your activation
3. Perform the rites of activation
4. Insert the macro nutrients into the holy machine
5. Again, perform the rites of activation
6. Press the fifth power setting and blend until the slurry reaches a grainy consistency
7. Use short pulses to break any large chunks and once again blend them to a grainy consistency.

https://vocaroo.com/i/s0U2KoSGcuJL

>>69167122
That is also one of it's purposes.

>>69167131

Careful with that blender ! Otherwise it goes splashyy !

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For Guardsmen who are not too injured or elderly (generally those within 3 months of joining the Guard) and loyal servants of the Omnissiah who are able to still swallow, these pills should simply be given to swallow.
I have found most humans consider the taste of such refined chemicals to be "bitter", provoking a strong reaction.

For a ServoSkull, as indicated previously, a pill cannot be swallowed as there is no where for it to go.
So we must grind the pills up as well.

https://vocaroo.com/i/s103Zv9AYCFp

>>69167145
Thank you, I will make a note of that for future analysis.

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As you can see, with this new STC blender, it's as easy as that.

Now we can carefully top off the ServoSkull, and it should continue to function properly for another day.

https://vocaroo.com/i/s1ml6QlFNOnI

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Follow this recipe and you'll find your precious material is spent less and less on unnecessary biological concerns, saving you more time and money for purchasing toasters.
Omnissiah bless.

https://vocaroo.com/i/s1N6KjvP11eU

>>69167207

I dunno wether to clap or yay

>>69167227
*fax machine noises*

>>69167396
Thank you. Omnissiah bless.

I'm so stoned right now that it was with legit surprise and delight that I realized you were actually sharing a recipe. Your typing style is delightful. Thanks man, you're great

>>69167555
It is my pleasure and honor to share this holy knowledge with you. I am happy to have it well received.

I will provide bloopers after spreading this knowledge to the other boards on my list.

BUT CAN IT COMPETE WITH SULTENT VERD?

>>69167727
Unlikely.

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I will now begin sending the bloopers, for your merriment and enjoyment.

File: Blooper-Smack-1.mkv.webm (1.66 MB, 1280x720)

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During this mishap, I nearly suffocated.

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This is my favorite way to praise the Omnissiah.

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I've heard of mechanicus idols before, though I do not understand the appeal. Here is my best approximation.

File: Blooper-Finger-1.mkv.webm (1.7 MB, 1280x720)

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And with this, the voxcast ends.

Best of luck on your future projects and Emperor bless.

>>69166723
nice

>>69168158
Thank you kindly.

What have I stumbled across

>>69170186
Tech Priest shenanigans

+++Blessings of the Omnissiah upon this thread and OP+++

Blessings to you, you're great

>>69170751
I live to serve.

>>69170733
Thank you, and well wishes back to you. May the motive force be with you.

The Ecclesiarchy and the Cult of Mars are mere deviations from one true faith the Savior of Mankind. The Omnissiah is the Emperor. The Emperor is the Omnissiah. Anyone who believes otherwise is a heretic.

>>69170831
25th millenium called, they want you back.

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>>69170831
>t.

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Beautiful anon

>>69166723
>THESE 5 STC HACKS MAKE MAGI DOMINUS HATE HIM

This is amazing.

>>69173622
I imagine Mechanics HATE click-bait articles

>>69168004
I appreciate the effort you have put into this, good showing techpriest

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>this thread

nice thread
just too lazy now, to write the receipe down
and does it even taste good?

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>>69166723
I will make sure to try them. Thanks for your work, honorable Tech-Priest.

>>69166723
cool! thanks techpriest!

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I mostly play fantasy, but you're a star Anon, thanks for the tutorial

>>69175154
I'm sure an age of sigmar cosplay isn't too difficult...

>>69171715
Yes, I too prefer the Marvel's of metal compared to the filth of biology. Might I recommend an augmented eye, so you can appreciate the beauty of brass more acutely?

>>69174037
It is merely the humble application of the motive force, but I thank you for your high praise.

>>69174156
It was put a mere...several weeks of sewing and a few hundred dollars. No large effort for a servant of the Omnissiah.

I appreciate your appreciation, however.

>>69174296
As long as it is not a successor of the Ultramarines or the Blood Ravens. Iron hands would be most welcome.

Went through all the effort to make a custom FPGA tripcode finder and then it is banned. My sincerest apologies; the last two posts are OPs as well as this one.

>>69174417
It does if you do not grind the pills into the slurry. They are to be savoured individually.

>>69175020
It is the will of the Omnissiah.
But you are very welcome.

>>69175029
You are very welcome. Omnissiah bless.


I am required to perform labor in exchange for goods I can use to acquire knowledge now, so I will be unable to respond to further inquiries and I anticipate this thread dying before I return home.

Therefore, thank you all for coming and for the warm welcome on /tg/. This will not be the last time this humble tech priest makes such a thread. I will repay your kindness.

Today OP was cool

>>69166723
Fucking rad.

>>69166723
Absolute lad

>>69176609
This tech priest is a lady

File: Ranger and moth gf.png (1.73 MB, 2117x2251)

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>>69166723
As a reward for your devotion to the Martian Priesthood please go an collect your pure-bred Mothgirl abhuman at genelab Delta-77-Lambda

>>69177219
are you sure?

>>69177330
Thank you. This will make an excellent test subject.

>>69178062
Yes.

>>69178077
>Yes.
proof it

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>>69166723
I'd say that this is the best thread on /tg/ right now, but many people already did

>>69166775
Heresy Cocoa!?

>>69178081
She does other videos: https://m.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLyT82Ckr2Mb74Pw8ZJZ61o57Ax5sg3vZw

>>69178170
ok, makes sense

>>69178180
No worries.

I believe she is working on an admech YouTube series too.

>>69178062
come on anon, with those hands you should know she's at least a lady(male)

>>69178321
Ah? What about her hands?

>>69178169
Yes

That's a girl

>>69180496
Also yes

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Excellent

I don't know what this is... But I like it.

>>69182152
>He's never seen a /tg/ recipe thread
From this day onward, you are a bit less of a newfag

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Good job to whoever uploaded this to suptg
The first of many this month hopefully, October only had five threads somehow

>>69166723

Magos Gastronome?

>>69182612
>>69182152
>>69182057
Thank you for your kindness. Omnissiah bless.

>>69182763
I am no Magos, merely a humble servant.

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fuck I thought we were dead bros based OP

>>69182818

Well fuck you, Magos Gastronome is now a proper path on the Quest for Knowledge for the secrets of the culinary arts dabbles in many other fields of knowledge. How else can we create the food needed to keep the men and women of the imperium in fighting shape? My brothers and sisters contribute with bolters and titans. I shall contribute...with cake!

>>69182889
Just pray do not dabble in the heresy that is single-purpose cooking utensils

>>69182889
Just be sure not to add any ground up rodent flesh to any Civilian Relief Rations, and I will assist you as best I can in this Quest for Knowledge.

Assuming, of course, that /tg/ is amenable to this form of content.

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>>69182934
>Assuming, of course, that /tg/ is amenable to this form of content.

Do you know where you are right now?

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>>69182976
Just because this thread went well does not mean others will as well.

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Fucking mad lad admech players

>>69182991

Such is the way of things. It's like how capitalism is suppose to be doesn't exist in real life where things can either succeed spectacularly or fail equally so. Medicore is for the faint of heart.

>>69183034
Thus why I say "if".

>>69183030
Always happy to be of service to the Guard.

>>69166723
10/10

>>69184321
<4