>>73379914
Random monsters do not roam in the king's woods, as a result of his strong and virtuous rule.

>>73379914
This is the only time monsters attack my players.

>>73379914
Constantly, group now makes bathrooms whenever they set up camp.
>Clear an area of brush within 10 feet of the shitting tent
>Dig a hole
>Set a tent up over the hole
>Have a pooping machete inside the tent

>>73379914
Requesting the screencap of the story with the assassins following the "trail of unburied shit" the party leaves behind.

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>>73380107
>pooping machete

>>73379914
Never. My character has a bit of a reputation, you see, when he pulls down his pants, even monsters flee.

>>73379914
not anymore: my players wear diapers

>>73379914
Not everyone has a scat fetish, OP

>>73380107
>>Have a pooping machete inside the tent

Doesnt really matter. People arent vulnerable pooping because they left their weapons by the poopshack entrance.

>>73379914
Im now rethinking how I run my campaigns.

>>73380768
In game or

>>73379914
>not having designated Bag of Holding
what are you, poor?

>>73379914
>pooping in the woods
Mr Bearington, I have unmasked you yet again!

>>73380821
The pooping machete isn't for attackers. Its for the poop

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daily reminder that a squatty potty can be a deadly weapon too, so don't forget this useful device in your adventurer's backpack!

never, even though I always make sure they describe me in great detail how they poop. Somehow my mind always start to wander when searching for a weakness in their poop-defense.

>>73379914

Never but I do make biological needs mandatory so there are no handwaving core parts of the adventuring experience in my games. I also describe the color, consistency, smell, and taste of their poops so my players can keep track of their characters health.

>>73379914
>>>
> Anonymous 06/24/20(Wed)18:59:30 No.73380768▶>>73380935
>>>73379914 (OP)
>not anymore: my players wear diapers
>>>
> Anonymous 06/24/20(Wed)19:00:05 No.73380779▶
>>>73379914 (OP)
>Not everyone has a scat fetish, OP
>>>
> Anonymous 06/24/20(Wed)19:02:27 No.73380821▶>>73381223
>>>73380107
>>>Have a pooping machete inside the tent
>Doesnt really matter. People arent vulnerable pooping because they left their weapons by the poopshack entrance.
>>>
> Anonymous 06/24/20(Wed)19:09:18 No.73380919▶
>>>73379914 (OP)
>Im now rethinking how I run my campaigns.
>>>
> Anonymous 06/24/20(Wed)19:10:20 No.73380935▶
>>>73380768
>In game or
>>>
> Anonymous 06/24/20(Wed)19:13:11 No.73380980▶
>>>73379914 (OP)

In the original AD&D DMG Gygax noted that a character taking a bathroom break was a perfect excuse for a failed surprise check.

>>73379914
I did it once
One of my players stole meat from a dude they knew was a cannibal and ate it. So he has some really bad shits 1d6 hours later and a band of ocelots attacked at the same time.
It made sense at the time and besides a poor decision i made midcombat it all went over well.

>>73382378
what the fuck is going on with your reply structure?

>>73382897
reddit

>>73379914
An anthropologist was studying some tribe living in the jungle, when he explained that he wanted some privacy while he took a shit. The natives thought he was crazy for wanting to do something as dangerous as being completely alone, regardless of what he was doing.

>>73380980
>Victor I need to shit can you hand me the poop bag?

>>73379914
They generally don't. Monsters are more likely to attack my players in the woods either when they have walked into probably obvious territory or when they are camped out for the night so that the monster in question can attempt to stalk/ambush them.

>>73379914
Never. The woods have all been wiped out in my setting.

>>73379914
We had a mimic outhouse once.

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>the toilet is the monster

>fling shit at monster for improvised poison/disease damage

>>73381306
Two dollar store plastic step stools tee hee, stools stacked and nested, provide a higher and thus superior foot rest while defecating as it brings the body posture more in line with a natural squat while still providing the comfort of sitting.

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>>73379914
Monsters attack my player characters exclusively when they are pooping.

>>73382378
meme

>>73383290
>>73380980
So after a long few months of adventuring, if you were to stand on the ramparts looking down at the huddled masses, and you opened up the bag and just upended it...
How much fecal matter would rain down upon them?

>>73384582
Better question; how would you stat this attack?

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>>73384985
I cant remember, is the inside of the bag of holding like a vacuum? If not that bag would definitely smell like a compounded adventure's worth of fecal matter.

It would be overwhelming on its own, but then if it putrefied into a sort of sludge you'd have this tidal wave of doodoo just flowing out of the bag and over the enemy from your elevated position.

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>>73385468
>is the inside of the bag of holding like a vacuum?
>"Breathing creatures inside the bag can survive up to a number of minutes equal to 10 divided by the number of creatures (minimum 1 minute), after which time they begin to suffocate."
Nope.

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>>73384985
>how would you stat this attack?
The bag can hold up to 500 pounds or 64 cubic feet before rupturing and expelling it's contents into the astral plane.
A cubic foot of soil weighs between 74 and 110 pounds, so assuming human waist is comparable you'd reach the 500lb weight capacity at less than 7 cubic feet of human waist.

5E doesn't seem to account for distance when it comes to thrown or dropped rocks as attacks. Using page 147 of PHB, which says a handheld thrown improvised weapon is 1d4, I'd probably go with 1d4/10lb, so dropping a 500lb turd would do 50d4 damage in a 5 foot cube (due to the width of the bags opening) with a dex save to avoid taking damage.
In addition, for every 10lb of feces dropped, you make an additional 5 foot cube of difficult terrain, and anyone who starts their turn within 20 feet of the difficult terrain has to make a constitution save or lose their action for the turn. Anyone who begins their turn in the difficult terrain takes 1d4 poison damage.

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>>73383954

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>>73386519
relevant images even

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>>73386437
>human waist

>they don't build a poop fort _before_ settling their camp
it's like they're asking to be killed tobehonest

>>73386775
That's clearly an elf though, do we have reason to believe elves poop? Because my impression is they tend to be full of shit.

>>73388121
That also explains how they are capable of living in forests. Maybe elves are the ones who attack the adventurers relieving themselves, hoping to uncover the mysterious ritual they seem to perform?

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>>73379914
You fool -- the monsters will strike when I am at my strongest!

>>73388130
>TIL an elf's colon has similar properties to a bag of holding.
Wait... Artificer, what materials did you use to make this bag of holding?

>>73388491
Organic politician, they are like elves in that they are full of shit, but no one cares about them any more.

>>73379914
>Player is infiltrating enemy stronghold
>Uses the excuse of needing to use the restroom to duck away and scope out the place while heading there
>While player is relaying his status back to the team, Ork shows up and starts banging on the bathroom door
>Character has been int here too long, Ork is having an emergency
>PC decides to teleport out while leaving the bathroom door locked, while the Ork is begging to be let in
Sometimes it is hard to determine which side are the bad guys.

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>>73388550

The hardest part of making a bag of holding out of organic politician is finding a tall enough ramparts from which to empty the bowels onto the huddled masses.

Does this mean you could make a tidy sum composting using human waste?

Could you create small portals in public bathrooms that automatically transport the waste material to a composting site.

If we eliminate the need for a sewer system we also rob monsters of places to hide.

>>73379914
Not often there’s only one pope