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>>136323
>Find the nearest key priest and ask him where the key pope is
There's no need, he's right there.

>>139375
Ask the key pope if theres any calamari around here.

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>>139420
>Ask the key pope if theres any calamari around here.
The question posed dies on the still air.
It's cold and dark. Unnaturally so.

A slight buzz shimmers through the room. You can practically feel the power levels rising.

There is no answer from the huge mass of cloth that blocks the way. Key Master shuffles his feet nervously. He wants to leave.

>>139456
PUNCH THE POPE

Rise the robe to reveal a small dude.

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>>139659
>>139582
>PUNCH THE POPE
You slug a bunched up part of the robe and feel something hard on the other side.

It's the skeleton of a small dude with an endearing hat.

>>139716
Swap hats with the pope.

>>139716
Ask if anyone is there loudly. Try and get a good echo in.

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>>139858
>>139841
>Swap hats with the pope.
You swap hats with the little guy who you assume must be the Key Pope.
While you pull his hat out you see more skeletons hidden under the robe.
How many popes are under there, anyway?

You call out, on the fleeting chance that anyone's alive back there.
Nada.

>>139890
Punch the corpse. Maybe it will turn into a skeleton door.

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>>139909
>Punch the corpse.
More completely boring nothing. Man, this place is full of nothing.
You guess something has to be alive for it be able to be punched into a door.

>>139926
Make everyone pull the rope

>>139926
Get rid of that robe! There can't be nothing but dead bodies!

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>>139938
>>139930
>Make everyone pull the rope
You try pulling the robe yourself, but it's far too heavy.

You try enlisting some help from your companions, but only LD seems to want to help. KM looks mortified by your suggestion. FD's got KM's back, here. Far too dangerous, he gurgles.

>>139975
The worse that's behind this robe is a shit ton of skeletons and nothing else.
Tell them they're being paranoid for no reason.

>>139975
Get out of there, the key pope is obviously a huge monster boss unbeatable with the companions you have so far.

>>139975
Fondly regard excavation.

>>139975
Explore under Robe for extra hats, allies, and keys.

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>>139983
>>139990
>The worst that's behind this robe is a shit ton of skeletons and nothing else. Tell them they're being paranoid for no reason.
KM is speechless for moment.

Paranoid for no reason!? The only reason you weren't reduced to less than ash by THE SUN you're currently standing on is thanks to the POPE'S ROBE you're now trying to tear down! And good luck, by the way, that guy was gigantic. His robe alone must weigh a hundred pounds!

After that outburst, KM turns to the elevator.
Let's get the hell out of here, he says.

>>140014
KM is right, and you don't want to cause tension in the party. Follow him.

>>140014
RUUUUUUUUN

>>140014
Wait? A Sun? THE Sun? That doesn't sound good. Fuck it, you came here to fight people, not giant balls of fire!
Skeddadle back to the elevator and lets go to [6. CELESTIAL BODY].

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>>140020
>>140021
>Follow him.
A sun, he said? Yikes. You're suddenly very much aware of how much of the walls around you have crumbled under the pressure.

KM's right, you think. This is definitely not a smart place to be.
You all pile back in.

Where to next?

[1. THE CARPET]
[X. THE OCEAN]
[3. THE CORE]
[4. THE CLOUDS]
[5. LUNAR ENTITY]
[6. CELESTIAL BODY]

[I. KEY WAREHOUSE]
[II. GROUND FLOOR]
[III. KEY FACTORY]
[IV. KEY OFFICES]
[V. KEY THRONE]
[X. KEY VATICAN]

>>140054
[6. CELESTIAL BODY]
I want some angelic minio- I mean, companions.
Maybe we can get a cool halo.

>>140054
>>140056
(Right, probably should have said it again, but
>>134012 applies here.
Roll d100 when making elevator decisions.)

Rolled 60 (1d100)

>>140068
Ah, okay.
>>140056
BELIEVE IN THE HEART OF THE DICE! Or whatever dice have. The stomach? Gut? Gallbladder?

Rolled 78 (1d100)

>>140054
V. key throne

Rolled 70 (1d100)

>>140056
Celestial Body.

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>>140075
>>140084
>[V. Key Throne]

Your finger hovers over the button labelled [6. CELESTIAL BODY] for a little too long and KM slaps your hand away from the panel.
He gives you a look you're not going to be forgetting any time soon.
Right, right the sun. Reducing you to ash and all that.

You press the button labelled [V. Key Throne] instead.
KM relaxes a little, but is still pretty tense.

Man, this guy seems pretty highly strung. You guess it makes sense. He's the only guy aside from chumbrains who seems to realize how dangerous a lot of these options are. You hope that you can level up high enough that he can relax a little bit. Give the guy a break, y'know? You just burst into his office and now you're dragging him on suns and probably more.

Though you guess he's the one with the MASTER KEY. He could just leave at pretty much any time.

The elevator doors open and you step into the Key Throne.

(Alright, I'm going to bed. I'll be running DOORPUNCHER all day until SUDSQUEST dies, so I'll be starting at 11pm UTC tomorrow.)

>>140122
Destiny-Punch the first thing you see.

>>140122
Ask a key guard where the key king is

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>>140387
>Destiny Punch the first thing you see.
You're not quite sure that you've unlocked that particular move on your SKILL CURVE quite yet, but you use the best move you have on the first thing you see.

You perform your GENTLE RAPPING, rapping at the chamber door.
Only this, and nothing more.

>>142155
jump in that grassy pond since no one answered the door. Explore its depth. Tell FD to wait behind just in case.

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>>142188
>Jump in that grassy pond since no one answered the door. Explore its depth. Tell FD to wait behind just in case.
You trust that he has your back.

You leap off the ROYAL PURPLE onto the floor and pretend to be be a deep-sea explorer, searching the enigmatic shadows for new disgusting sea life.

>>142297
Put Royal Purple in our inventory. Be LD since hes been the guy with the plan and leadership the most thus far and go with his.. GUT.. Instinct

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>>142318
>Put Royal Purple in our inventory.
It's too big to fit into your inventory, so you just stuff a corner into your empty pocket.

>Be LD
>Go with your GUT INSTINCT
You're now LD.

You're not sure what this place is, but you'd imagine that everyone would like to see what's behind that door so you grab the MALE ENHANCEMENT from under your hat and drop down your trousers.

You punch the door and it hurts your fist.
-2 HP
-5 CONFIDENCE

>>142488
have DP laugh due to us obviously imitating his bravado. Sit on him to establish dominance. Be KM and give it your honest try, to show these chumps why they call you KM.

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>>142511
>Sit on him to establish dominance.
What's so funny, huh?

DP: -5 HP
-10 CONFIDENCE
H!LD: +10 CONFIDENCE

>Be KM
You're now the Key Master, and master keys you will.

MASTER KEY, you mean.

>>142660
Put key in hole

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>>142755
>Put key in hole
You unlock the door and it swings open, allowing entry to the THRONE ROOM.

You all enter. The ECKEYSIASTICAL GUARD rush to meet your intrusion. The Key King sits atop his throne, facing the main entrance to the room.

>>142896
dap up the guardbro, and catch up from old times. reminisce on older days with him. I also suggest copping one of their hats but just a suggestion. We already have a Key-Element party member

>>142896
Punch H!LD, then push the guards through the H!LDoor and shut it. Punch H!LD again.

H!LD: SUPPLEX the guards

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>>143011
>Catch up on old times
Hey old buddy old pal, long time no see! Man how's it been! Yeah it's been great on my end y'know, showing DPs around, getting punched a lot, y'know the usual. So how 'bout you, man? The wife and kids going good? How's work? Fun? Boring? Old KK over there giving you much trouble? Haha! Man hahaha, remember that time you and him and I went out to grab lunch and we saw that chick with that crazy hat? Haha man good times! Great times even! Remember me, my man? Haha you're a real riot!

Neither of you have ever met before.
The guards surround your party and demand you declare your intentions.

>>143112
Declare that we shall ride them piggyback into the sun.
Proceed to mount them all successfully.

>>143112
H!LD: take care of the guards

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>>143121
>>143123
>H!LD: take care of the guards
You go with your gut.

Two guards remain. One drops his weapon out surprise from how quickly you batted three of his friends to the ground and the other stays back to protect KK.

>>143196
KAMEHAMEHA

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>>143203
>KAMEHAMEHA
Your imagination gets ahead of you and you pretend to charge up a huge blast of TOTALLY BOGUS KI ENERGY.

The KK has had enough. His intimidating frame looms over your comparatively puny musculature.
-20 CONFIDANCE

>>143325
Test to see if his robe is as heavy as that other guys, and look for skeleton hats under it. our ability to lift it singlehandedly with ease determines our ability to take him down and get his sweet hat.

>>143325
>Ki energy
Try again and use our actual KEY energy instead of playing around you dork.

Mire those pecs.

Ask for workout routine.

Become Bros

Give each other brosjobs

Choo choo!

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>>143344
>Try again and use our actual KEY ENERGY
You switch to a energy source that actually exists, winding up a KAMEHAMEDOOR.

KEY ENERGY isn't really your forte.

>>143475
Ask Key Master for help and yry not to get dunked.

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>>143491
>Ask Key Master for help
KM steps up to the plate. His hand crackles with KEY ENERGIES, charging the air in the room with a certain buzz. You can practically feel the power levels rising.

He fires off a blast fueled with the power of the MASTER KEY.

It tears a solid chunk out of KK's HP.

KK: -300 HP

>>143564
actually talk to the guy now instead of attacking without reason now. Then Be FD

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>>143612
>Talk to the guy
You try reasoning with the guy. You don't think he's interested.
Probably should have tried that before blasting him.

You're now FD, trying to stay the hell out of this fight, because you're not a dumbass.

>>143678
Fuck that. Join the fight. Distract the king with your best punch attack: Boxer's Requiem.

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>>143692
>Distract the king with your best punch attack: Boxer's Requiem.
You don't know any moves from the DOOR PUNCHER moveset. Instead, you just bite his weakened shoulder.

KK: -100 HP +20 TENDERNESS

>>143793
Check move set

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>>143811
>Check move set
Somewhat unwisely, you start thinking of funny names for otherwise pretty normal attacks. Right now you're doing the FANGED FLIP-FLOP.

KK punishes you for zoning out in the heat of battle, tearing you off and whipping you at the wall.

FD: -350 HP
FD has been stunned and taken out of the battle!

>>143896
Everyone: Check Mana and Movesets

>>143896
what kind of person doesnt already know what they've got? LD, use a classy door bell ringer, DP, gentle rap a dank phat one

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>>144108
>Everyone: Check Mana and Movesets
You all start imagining cool names for regular old punches and grapples and energy blasts and such. KM has some neat spells, I guess.

DP: 100/100 MANA
KM: 110/200 MANA
H!LD: 20/20 MANA

KK takes the opportunity to wallop the closest person to him while everyone is busy staring off in space.

H!LD: -100HP

>>144144
>>144147
GIT EM!

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>>144144
>LD, use a classy door bell ringer
Using the power of your enormously extravagent IMAGINATION stat and the latent magical energies buzzing through the room thanks to KM's KEY ENERGIES, you're able to conjure the apparition of classy door bell.

>DP, gentle rap a dank phat one
Invoking the prose of a legendary poet, you launch into a relatively weak but situationally effectively GENTLE RAPPING, only this time you are not tapping, rapping at the chamber door -- of this one can be sure.

Together the two ingredients form an AGGRESSTEW, a famed COMBAT BROTH, a combination attack that lacks a single target and yet can be devastating to any individual foe.

The chime of the bell combined with the rapp-a-tap-tap against the king's IRON SHINS echoes and mixes with the KEY ENERGIES still buzzing, driving the king mad. It peels his eyeballs and turns his eardrums inside out. The sound reverberates inside his skull like a railgun, tearing his brain to shreds.

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>>144189
The Key King falls.
He has been slain.

And the lamp-light o’er him streaming throws his shadow on the floor;
And my soul from out that shadow that lies floating on the floor
Shall be lifted—nevermore!

You all receive an enormous amount of EXP.

>>144193
take swap his crown with KM's, loot the joint, and ride our guardsteeds further into the dungeon to find answers since we practically murdered a guy for no reason. Well, besides being bigger than us.

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>>144189
Level up!
KM ascends to a level 3 KEY MASTER, earning the title KEY MASTER OF PATRICIDE. You killed your great ruler, you asshole. You should feel terrible.

LD ascends to a level 3 DOOR, earning the title BELLRINGER. He's still pretty much useless without the stat boost from the MALE ENHANCEMENT, at least without any IMAGINATION bullshit.

DP soars through levels 3, 4, and 5, landing some ways into level 6, earning the title THE DANCING KNUCKLES. It would appear the HUGILISTS FINGERLESS TIPPERS multiply EXP gains. Considering you weren't supposed to get these things till you were pretty much at the final boss, you're feeling pretty confidant about the future.

Truly you will be remembered as legends amongst mortal man, if only for the day you murdered the king for literally no good reason whatsoever.

>>144193
Ask KM how strong the Key Lord is compared to this loser

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>>144204
>Ride our guardsteeds further into the dungeon to find answers.
KM stands by the toppled crown of his dead king, stewing in the swamp of his own conflicting thoughts and emotions.
Booooring, you think. Let's see where those guards went.

They left through the main foyer.

>Ask KM how strong the Key Lord is compared to this loser
He's a chump compared to the king, he says curtly.

>>144261
Briefly travel down to the KEY OFFICES and one shot the key lord so you can get some extra exp.

>>144261
Take the crown then follow the guards. Maybe we'll get to see their families.

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>>144264
>Briefly travel down to the KEY OFFICES and one shot the key lord so you can get some extra exp.
You explain to KM you plan. Not happening.

Not yet, anyway.

>>144278
Fine, go after the guards

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>>144277
>>144282
>Take the crown then follow the guards. Maybe we'll get to see their families.
You'd love to, but you're pretty sure it's way too big for anyone here to carry or wear.

Exit out the main foyer.
And into the LUNAR CITY main courtyard. A garrison of armed guards greet you.
They don't take kindly to what you've done.

(Alright, I'm off to bed. I'll be back at 11pm UTC tomorrow.)

>>144293
Declare yourself the new key lord.

>>144293
Give KM the HUGILISTS FINGERLESS TIPPERS so he can get more experience to level up his KEY ENERGIES from the upcoming battle. Having a powerful ranged character is important.

>>144293
Tell FD he should join in on the fight too.
We can't leave him without any xp.

>>144293
Obtain more guardsteeds to mount and ride off into town.

>>144293
Run back to the safety of the elevator.
We should probably gather some of the elemental minio- I mean companions, before we do something fancy in the key floors.

(gonna be a couple hours late, screwing around with photoshop)

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>>144317
>>145974
>Declare yourself the new Key King
You declare your intentions to usurp the the throne.

The crowd pauses for a moment.
Then they charge.

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>>146680
You quickly turn and doorpunch LD, hop through to KM's office and punch LD again, shooting him from the wall like a lit rocket.
Phew, safe and sound. Except for the whole nation you're now wanted by. And are currently in.

>>146694
Where's FD!? What happened to LD!?

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>>146703
>Where's FD!? What happened to LD!?
LD is fine, just a little surprised by the force he was launched from the wall with.

FD is in big trouble, though. Still out cold, no MASTER KEY to escape through the elevator and an angry mob of armed guards. For the time being they've forgotten him, but that won't last long.

>>146764
He's right outside the elevator door, right?
Go back to that floor, snatch him, and then go to another floor!

>>146810
This. Go to the KEY OFFICES and one shot the Key Lord as was planned earlier.

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>>146810
>Go back to that floor, snatch him, and then go to another floor!
There's no time to lose! You all quickly scamper into the elevator, zoom down, or up, or whatever direction the KEY THRONE is!

H!LD nabs FD and his hat just before the mob spills into the throne room, and you all scamper into the elevator before they can catch you.

Whew. That was exciting! How the hell can we top that? By not taking any more dumb, dangerous risks like that is how.

[1. THE CARPET]
[X. THE OCEAN]
[3. THE CORE]
[4. THE CLOUDS]
[5. LUNAR ENTITY]
[6. CELESTIAL BODY]

[I. KEY WAREHOUSE]
[II. GROUND FLOOR]
[III. KEY FACTORY]
[IV. KEY OFFICES]
[X. KEY THRONE]
[X. KEY VATICAN]

(Reminder to roll d100 for elevator choices)

Rolled 59 (1d100)

>>146865
I want to go to [5. LUNAR ENTITY].
Cool moon bros or gals.
Hopefully a healer.

Rolled 83 (1d100)

>>146865
Key Offices

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>>146879
>[IV. KEY OFFICES].
As you mull over the events that just transpired, you wonder if there was a better choice to make. Maybe you didn't have to kill KK? Maybe he could have ultimately helped you? Perhaps this quest to go off the tracks of the railroad has taken you to a place nobody should ever go.

Maybe, you think, there's a good reason for the railroading.

You step out into the KEY OFFICES. Time to cash in on some easy EXP to help you on the long road. H!LD places FD in the corner until he wakes up, and puts the MALE ENHANCEMENT back under his hat for the time being.

Nothing fancy here, just another generic room. You're starting to think that whoever designed these dungeons got a little lazy when it came to the ends of them.

There's an empty doorfame that leads to the next room.

Rolled 3 (1d10)

>>146865
CLouds

>>146943
Damn, no doors.
Go into the next room and have the four of you pose intimidatingly.

>>146943
FD: Equip rolly chair in new room as new primary weapon of choice

>>146943
This place won't explore itself. Ride FD through the doorway.

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>>146949
>>146951
>>146950
>Ride FD through the doorway.
You shove him to the floor and ride him like a rodeo bull. A dead rodeo bull. You're going nowhere.
How very silly of you.

FD has an epiphany in his slumber.

>>146976
Look around!

>>146976
Have LD equip his knob on FD.
Then have him use his DOORHINGES ON FRINGES ability on our group.
Keep it moving.

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>>146998
>>147005
>Look around!
There's nothing really in here. Just a generic room, as previously stated.

>Have LD equip his knob on FD.
Since FD has no pants, or even really any masculinity to enhance, LD just drops the knob on his head and nothing happens.

>>147055
Go back in the elevator then. We can't stand around wondering about mysteriously empty rooms!

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>>147065
>Go back in the elevator then. We can't stand around wondering about mysteriously empty rooms!
You almost do something that crosses the line from stupid to downright retarded.
KM directs you to the wide open doorway right fucking in front of you. If we're gonna kill the Key Lord we might as well fucking get it, he says. He seems a little stressed out.

You walk through the doorway into a room that looks a lot like KM's office, only with another door and an additional Schumer at the end.

You guess that must be the Key Lord. Not nearlly as impressive as the Key King, but then again, he is lower on the totem pole. He's too engrossed in his paperwork to notice you.

>>147164
I THOUGHT WE WERE IN THE NEXT ROOM!
Punch the Key Lord.
Let's see if he turns into a door.

>>147164
Enter the next room.

>>147164
Schumer *is* the key lord! Attack!

>>147164
KM: Use KEY ENERGIES on key lord while H!LD kicks him in the face.

>>147164
Also, start BEARDQUEST. SUDSQUEST is dead now.

>>147164
Slav squat in the corner opposite the key lord.

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>>147173
>>147179
>Punch the Key Lord.
You sock him in the back of the head. Surprise, motherfucker!
He's flung to the wall and turns into a fairly unassuming door, knocking one of the Schumers off the wall.

You all go through the door and pop out into what looks like a shrine to a rather unfunny comedian.

(alright not gonna lie had a critical failure of motivation there, kind of getting a little bored of DOORPUNCHER. probably should end it as it started, just a silly little throwaway quest to pass some time and get some ground under my QM-feet, so to speak. I'm not just gonna abandon it but let's see if we can't steer ourselves to an ending, however shitty?

I'll start BEARDQUEST tomorrow. For the time being there's some ideas I wanna solidify in the background for a project much later on)

>>150336
Burn them. Burn them all.

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>>150383
What the hell? This room is completely pointless and stupid. Who the fuck thought this was a good idea?
You hop out through KL and flip him the bird. This little detour was a complete waste of time, he didn't even give much EXP. He was just a regular boring dude with a moronic adoration for some comedian you've never even heard of. He can stay like that forever for all you care.

Fuck this, you want some action. Let's go to the top of the line.
Your companions a little worried by your sudden flip-out.

[VI. CELESTIAL BODY]

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>>150434
You step out and are immediately horribly burnt by the heat of the sun. The KEY ENERGIES radiating out from the protective robe of the deceased Key Pope prevent you from being instantly vaporized, however...

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>>150434
It doesn't last long. The Key Pope's predecessor, the one now known as the SUN GOD, continues his fiery assault on the final refuge of the Key Kingdom.

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>>150485
Our heros die, but the fight is not lost. More Door Punchers will rise and make their way through the
railroad, defeating the stages in order and obtaining the keys required to combine into a MASTER KEY, gaining more and more power, maybe enough to stand up to this solar deity.

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>>150496
Maybe, just maybe, one of them would succeed.

THE END.


(I hope you guys had fun! This kind of went in a direction I thought I wanted, but then realized was a mistake. It was pretty much entirely on the seat of my pants.)

>>150513
>pretty much entirely on the seat of my pants
Seemed like it had that style. I didn't play, but was hoping it would continue in case I ever had time for it. I ran into the same sort of problem with . Quest, so I know how you feel. Looking forward to your next adventure for sure.