"You know, I've always felt guilty about that!" His voice breaks the silent, as the broken horn
Leader throws the small red ball at you. You catch it, then aim at her. "She was so sweet,
you know! There were these guys, like priests, like magic voodo or some shit, I dunno, and
she was like a priestess or something. And they were really friends with the himmies, and
the himmies liked them. Kind of a cult, fuck If I know." He stops to gasp. "But man, was she
sweet! And she used to wear that ceremonial weird long shit."

"Until she met you." The hornmother catches the ball with a single hand.

"Even when she was mad. You could SEE the fucking fire in her eyes, but she tried so hard,
man, so fucking HAAAARD to be a saint! To be "patient"! To be "serene"!!" He emphatises
each word, with feeling. "I think I was just bullying the hornmothers to bully her by proxy,
in the end." This time it's not a gasp; but a sigh. "Maaaan, where did the cute go?! Is this
fucking radio working yet?! Just what is wrong with it?!"

"I do have to admit I'm wondering," You scratch your cheek in thought. "what is Mina of you?"

"We never fuck, if that's what you're asking." you hear across the dim static. "It's like
brothers and sisters, only way fucking worst, man FUCK TH-"

A loud "clank!" makes you flinch; a small, pausing sound draws your eyes and the radar
is working.

"It is working now, thank you very much." the broken horn Leader states.

You hear a faint breathing sound.

"WHYYYYYYYYYYYY?!?! WHY AM I SO FUCKING AWESOMEEEE??!"

...that must be Ado screaming at the winds. Regardless, you take the small cup at the desk
and take a sip, glancing at the small himehorn sitting at the big black chair. Her hair does
seem a bit messy; maybe you should get the brush.

(Cont tomorrow!)

>>791142

>she was the one doing the cakes. For the himmies.

Looks like we got a confirm on cakewitch!
Also, OH THE NOSTALGIA!

Can we wake up? Or do we have to continue our blissfull memories? Resulting in the painfull awakening that BHL is DIRTY FROM EATING STRAWBERRY CAKE, WHICH GOT ON HER ROBE, RESULTING IN AN INDEFINITE AMOUND OF VACATION DAYS!

Ado was a bully-cakeist?


Additionaly, my commentary will be at a minimum for the next few days. Won't go into details, but it's LARP.
Enjoy your daily dose of bittersweet!

>>791753
... BICO?
Hilariously I won't be able to reply next weekend... because LARP.

"This is it. In all it's glory."

Trash's hand barely moves as she gestures towards the Second's "voicemail". It's... not
what you expected. The room is a square and big, not that big. The walls are shelves
cramming with books, papers, and rusty-looking devices. And from the wide entrance,
whose doors slide open left and right, you notice a friendly face looking at you in front of
the big shelve, behind a very long desk that goes from side to side.

"Witness the Second's humble monument to 'fuck you, guys on the suface'." Trash declares,
ceremoniously.

"I like the smell!" You glance at Vaal and the small hornmother right next to he. The blonde
takes a deep breath. "This must be how a library used to smell like. Hmm, I wonder why
they have so many books..."

"To clean the asses of the Judges." Trash replies, politely, right before a massive, slow
yawn. "Ride with me, toaster, for I will show you the inner workings of this shithole."

You follow Trash and Vaal, and the hornmother follows you, as the friendly face keeps fixed at
you. It's kind of creepy. Yet the face grows closer as you realize that's where you are
headed. You finally realize why the face felt odd as Trash's arm acts like a sudden barrier.

It's Leateli.

You all stand there, frozen, faced by her dim half smile and dead eyes. Nobody talks. You
are about to say something, then a blunt pat breaks the silence as a hand rests on Leateli's
shoulder. You follow the hand, across the arm; it leads to the grim, almost decrepit smile, over
a tall's man face. Greasy, long black hair flows from his head and all over his face.

"It's a Fake." he states, still smiling. "Juan Carlos, say "hi".

"Hiiiiiiiiiii!" Leateli blurts out, warmly.

(Cont!)

"WHAT THE FUCK." Trash explains, politely, much like an old fisher explaining sex to an
eager manchild. "WHY WOULD ANYONE EVEN HAVE THAT."

The man shrugs as if angry, yet his pale features remain gleeful. He turns to the Fake.
"Deal with these and take a break, we got something for you on the back."

"OK!"

"HEY!" Trash shouts, as the man quietly vanishes at a gap between the shelves.

"HI!" Juan Carlos speaks freely, with no regard for other people's ears. As she turns to you, her
dead eyes seem devoid of anything. "How can I help you? Yo soy muy nueva, tenganme
paciencia por favor!"

You notice Trash and Vaal sharing a /look/, a meaninful look. The way you see it, they might
be surprised that they can still be surprised after everything they went through.

"Pasa algo malo?" Juan Carlos almost yells, her melodic voice making you flinch.

Vaal takes a small step forward. "Good day! I'd like to check box 5232-a. This is my
identification." She takes out a small green card from her black coat, it has the face of a
black man frowning over letters and numbers. Leateli takes it with both hands, and studies it
intently near her face.

"OK!" she suddenly lowers the card. In a single, fluid motion she turns as if dancing, then
vanishes behind the same corner the man just did.

"What the fuck." Trash states, shaking her head. "What the fuck."

Vaal turns and crouches, facing the hornmother. "Don't worry, that's not her.
Apocalypse horn went home, I made sure." She quickly stands as the Fake returns to
the other side of the desk, carrying a literal big box that she just drops over the desk, making
the wood screech.

"Careful!" Someone yells from behind.

"Sorry!" Leateli says, then turns to Vaal. "This is box 5232-a, please devolver after you do the
thing, thank you very much and welcome!" Her eyes widen as she heads out to meet another
customer, who screeches.

"...Fuck them someone is bound to report her anyway." Trash says, her lips frowning, as Vaal
cuts the scotch tape from the makeshift paperboard box.

It opens. You lean over it; inside, there's a stack of yellow paper inside next to a few odd devices,
one of which Vaal picks. She presses it the small button and gets it next to her ear, her
eyes seem lost as she does. You take the time and study the surroundings, again, and
you gasp as you notice, for the first time, that the walls at the sides have windows from the
floor to the ceiling that show the clear outside outside. From where you are, however, you get
to only see the blue.

"I'm done here." Vaal puts the device in the box, and motions the Leateli Fake to come
closer. "That's how it works." She says, as she turns to you. "Each of these small audio
devices is attached to a bigger machine, that redirects all the information it receives to each
one of them. They all have their own passwords, and the big box is in case of
deliveries. It's, eh, really trust-based to be honest." She shrugs.

"They make do, I guess." Trash shrugs as well.

(Cont!)

You are not surprised of meeting Atma right outside the Friend, waving a hand over her
white hair as the lot of you get closer. She's surrounded by the dazzling movement and
shapes of the Second's massive hangar.

"Why did you bring the hornmother anyway?" Trash returns the wave, without much of the
thrill.

"Oh, there is something she wanted to do." You glance at the hornmother, winking at her.
"Didn't you?"

The hornmother nods.

"Good day to you." Atma is finally within reach, staring staight at you. Perhaps a bit too long, in
fact. Trash waves a hand between you and her, snapping the templar back into reality. "That's
kind of rude, you know." she gestures at Trash.


------------------------------oWo---------------------------


You finally step inside the Friend again, curiously glancing at the railings over the small
walls around you. The entrance is spacious not short on couches and commodities, both ramps
at the sides still mildly hidden at the corners of each side.

"Here should be fine." You say to Trash, who crouches as she takes the big bag behind her
back, and leaves in on the floor.

"Release... the Titam!" she opens the bag. Atma, the hornmother, and Vaal gather behind
it next to you, staring at it. You hear something; then a snout comes out, then it stops, and then
the whole of the What comes from out of it and takes a few steps around.

And a massive voice looms over you. "...THE FUCK'S DAT UGLY LITTLE NIGGA?"

>>795679
"It's a What Motherfucker~! They're great at fixing up ships with whatever is around, plus they're cute and Trash loves them! I suppose that answers one of my questions though, you must have never seen one before. That leads me to my other question though: what sort of crew does this ship need Motherfucker?"

>>795679
Be nice Mr Loud! He's cute. And helpful. And good at fixing ships.

Have you never seen a What before?

>>795950

"It's a What, Motherfucker!" Your high-pitched voice goes even higher, as you take a few
steps forward. "They're great at fixing up ships with whatever is around, plus they're cute and
Trash loves them!"

You feel a soft hand caressing your shoulder. "...motherfucker!" It's Atma's voice.

"...Motherfucker!" You state, brightly.

"They also love me." Someone carefully states behind you.

"I suppose that answers one of my questions, though, you must have never seen one before,
Motherfucker." you say, wondering at which part of the ship you should be looking at. "That
leads me to my other question though: what sort of crew does that ship need,
Motherfucker?"

"EEEEEEH I DUNNOOOO?" The voice stops, yet you hear an omnious "HMMMM" from
somewhere. "WHERE THE ARJONA AT?"

Atma steps in front of you. "We've been through this time ove time already,
motherfucker. Arjona /no/ longer owns the ship, mothefucker."

The feedback is not immediate. "AWWWW MAAAAN, FUCK THAT GUY! I TO YOU WAS
JOKING."

Atma presents you, as if you were a celebrity over a stage. "This is Roomba; she's your new
captain, motherfucker.. From now on, you will adress her properly, motherfucker."

"AW HELL NO, I AIN'T NO BITCHES BITCH-"

"Motherfucker-" Atma warns.

"FUCK YOU!"

Atma sighs, as if deflating. The What climbs one of the couches and then skips and fall over
his head. It stands and says: "WAH?", looking around in confusion.

>>796090

It can't be helped. We're your owner and we're going to help people. And we're going to keep you in great shape.

don't you want to be useful and in good condition?

And DAMNIT I left my name on in another thread.

Ladder time for me.

>>796220

At least it's kinda healthy. ;w:

>>796247
I'd rather eat vegetables

I'm gonna crash for the night. See you tomorrow.

And don't forget to archive the previous thread for future herds!

>>796090
"Eh? What? D-did I say something wrong? I-I's your name not actually Motherfucker? I assumed you where instructed to only respond when addressed by name... I know this isn't what you wanted but I hope we can get along in the future, so please let me know if there are any standing orders you have that you don't like, or if you'd like to change your name, or anything else like that ok?" That hurts, but MF has been hurt too, maybe he's just lashing out after being abandoned. I'm sure if we treat him nicely he'll do the same... hopefully.

>>796770

Your eyes dart between Atma and the wall you've been looking at. "E-eh? What? D-did I
say something wrong? I-I's your name your name not actually Motherfucker?" You fidget
with your fingers, in spasms. "I assumed you were instructed to only respond when adressed
by name... I know this isn't what you wanted but I do hope we can get along in the future, so
please let me know if there are any standing orders you have that you don't like, or if you'd
like to change your name, or anything else like that, ok?"

The ship doesn't respond. Atma grabs your arm with a lot of care.

"...motherfucker." She whispers in your ear.

"...Motherfucker." You say out loud, then nod at Atma.

"YOU-WHAT? NEGRO- ...DA FUCK U GONNA DO WITH DIS SHIP?" the voice pauses; it
sounds concerned, "A BEUTY SALOON OR SOMETHING?"

Atma pats your arm, then leans over your shoulder. "It doesn't recognize anything unless
you say "motherfucker" at the end." She whispers in your ear, almost a bit too slowly.
"It's not it's name."

"YO MAN I DUNNO, I NEED SUM LIGHT HERE? WHATS GOIN ON? WHY THIS LITTLE
CHEESE WITH ALL THIS... SENSITIVITY... and all dem booties..." it pauses, again. "...you
motherfucker ain't turning me into a whorehouse, aint ya?"

>>796872
"Nothing like that Motherfucker, we're going to help people! Nothing like a brothel at all!"

>>796872

Maybe we should make sure our crew can handle the... Naval-AI with attitude.
Because we are quite liberal in our mindset, but... maybe, just maybe, they don't want to say Motherfucker at the end of each sentence.

And if that's the case... would it mean a replacement or change, maybe reset of the NWA?
Would it hurt them?

>>796954

"Nothing like that Motherfucker, we're going to help people! Nothing like a brothel at all!" You
shake your head to the point of dizziness, until a hand in your shoulder firmly pushes you
back. It's Trash, stepping in front of you.

"This little lady here has a few questions for you, motherfucker." Trash rumbles, perhaps in
a bad mood. "Comply, or I'll make you say 'kyaaaa!" or 'b-baka onichan!' like those
pictures with the really big eyes, motherfucker." You can tell Vaal's cheeks are all big and red.
"And, yeah, you best believe me motherfucker."

"NIGGA YOU DEAF? I AIN'T /NO/ BITCHES BITCH, AM A FREE WORKING MAN! I KEEP
AAAAALL MAH MONEY!"

"Keep going. C'mon, keep going motherfucker." Trash nods, as if taunting. "Next up in the list is
'Tee-hee!' and 's-senpai...!' motherfucker."

"FFFFUCK YOU!"

"Next up in the list," Trash goes on, relentlessly, "is moaning sounds and small little screams,
motherfucker."

And that's where the AI pauses.

"...YO MAN, YOU AIN'T SERIOUS." The AI stops, waiting for Trash to go on. She doesn't.
"A-A MEAN, I DINDU NUFFIN! Y'KNOW WHAT AM SAYIN?"

"Next up on the list, motherfucker, is-"

"AIGHT. AIGHT. YOU CAP'N NOW." The AI is finally speaking clearly.

Yet Trash shakes her head, and points at you from over your head. "She 'Cap'n" now,
motherfucker. You will properly address her as "Toasty", or I swear to the blood-shitting god
I'm going to make you like talking about tea flavors, motherfucker."

"...AIGHT."

Trash turns to you and sighs, shaking her head a little. "We need you harder than this, Toasty.
C'mon, ask away."

>>797968
Give Trash a quick little hug "Thanks Trash, it's things like that that are why I need you around~" then make a show of clearing our throat and addressing MF "Trash is right Motherfucker, like it or not I'm your new Capitan and I need you to treat me with some respect and follow reasonable orders. If not, well hearing a voice like your's go 'kyaa~' and address me as 'Toasty-dono' would be good first steps to penance in my opinion, maybe add in ending every sentence with a 'Nya~ <3' if it's particularly bad. Got that Motherfucker? Trash I'm giving you full authorization to take what ever disciplinary action is necessary with regards to the ships AI. Now it's official Motherfucker, so please, let's get along without having to resort to threats ok? <3"

>>798009

You measure, then jump Trash from behind and wrap your arms around her neck. "Thanks
Trash, it's things like these why I need you around!" Not before kissing her cheek you let
her go and fall, then "clear your throat" hard as this time it's you that's stepping forward. "Trash
is right Motherfucker, like it or not I'm you new Captain, and I need you to treat me with some
respect and follow reasonable orders."

"...motherfucker." Atma whispers in your ear, faintly gripping your shoulder.

"...Motherfucker." You repeat, loudly enough. "If not, well hearing a voice like yours go 'kyaa!'
and adressing me as 'Toasty-dono' would be good first steps to penance in my opinion,
maybe add in ending every sentence with a-" you strike an all too familiar cat pose, "'Nyaa,
nyaaa!' if it's particularly bad."

"...motherfucker." Atma whispers in your other ear, patting you in the back.

"...Motherfucker." You nod. "Got that, Motherfucker?"

"AIGHT." The omnious voice states, neutrally, almost without emotion.

You turn towards the former templar, the one with the ponytail and the grumpy face. "Trash,
I'm giving you full authorization to take whatever disciplinary action is necessary with
regards to the ship's AI."

"Gotcha." Trash nods at you. "I'm glad it fucking hates anime as much as I do." She
grins. "We can't have it thinking I'm making empty threats, are we? Skullfucker, where do
we fuck with this thing?"

"We can change the settings easily, though the tech team had a hard time trying to take it out
completely." Atma says. "It's kind of stuck there, I'm not sure why."

"Good." Trash smiles widely, slowly nodding. "Good."

"Now it's official Motherfucker," you resume, turning towards the empty wall, "so please, let's
get along without having to resot to threats, ok?" You smile warmly at the gray steel that
covers the wall.

"...motherfucker." Atma whispers in your ear, gently lifting one of your sleeves.

"...Motherfucker." You state, finally, firmly.

"NIGRO, 'resort to threats' " it's your voice, "MAH ASS, I'M UP AGAINST THE WALL
HERE."

"Motherfucker." Trash warns.

"AIGHT TOASTY, WHAT YOU WANT?" the AI's tone of voice changes completely.

>>798091
"So you really have no feedback on what kind of crew we should have Motherfucker? And how good would you say the radio on this ship is motherfucker? If we're going to stay afloat we're going to need as many customers as we can get, and that means the best radio range"

>>798091
Well... how MUCH can we "fuck with this thing", as Trash calls it? Referring to the extend of customisation here.
I just like to know all my options here.

Off course, just to know. There is no need to weeb it up just yet, neither the AI nor Trash have annoyed us nearly enough to be constantly tortured by Japanese-cartoon-stereotypical-catchphrases and stuff.

On the other hand, consider educating Trash on GOOD anime. If WE know any good anime.

>>798135
If we can even find copies anymore, I can't imagine salvagers grabbing a CCS or Eva box set over a few boxes of cereal and it's not like the internet is really a thing any more. Motherfucker has another thing coming if it thinks it can play me though, if humiliation is the leverage Roomba has then that's what she'll use. Her usual approach is getting them warm up to us slow, like getting a wild animal to eat from your hand by tossing food a little less far away to them until they'll come up and take it from your hand. Sometimes you don't have time for that though, and that's where Roomba can get a little scary. She can figure out your buttons fast, and as long as pushing them does more good than harm she'll push them all day long especially if she gets to hear MF singing "Nyan nyan, nyan nyan, nihao-nyan~"

>>798130

"Sooo, you really have no feedback on what kind of crew we should have Motherfucker?
And how good would you say the radio on this ship is, Motherfucker?" You let your mind
wander, as you look at the floor. "If we're going to stay afloat we're going to need as many
customers as we can get, and that means the best radio range."

You feel a pat in the shoulder and turn to Trash, yet her words are drown by the AI's. "MAAN I
DUNNO? WE HAD THE ARJONA BACK THEN, AND THE SQUALL, AND THE
GILGAMESH, AND DAT BITCHIN LADY. WUT U WANT DIS SHIP FO, TOASTY? RADIO
RADIO IS, KINDA, I DUNNO LIKE 50km."

"Hovercrafts can land 200km/h if you hit it deep." Trash says. "It would take fifteen
minutes for one of our guys to reach the limit. Is that good enough for a Support Center?"

File: tenor.gif (1.34 MB, 498x356)

1.34 MB GIF

>>798173

I'd say not really.
But the real question this:

How long does a "situation" last? In terms of "everything is lost" and "Just in time", and stuff like that?

Furthermore, I recall some situations being solved without any teams, and just via communication, like the reversing hornmother dilemma.

Is there the possibility of other Radios patching calls through? In terms of "Give me a second, I'll call 'em right away, so don't hang up!" or rather "Let me patch you through." (Is it "mail-service" or "relay circuit"?)

So yeah, those are my thoughts.

>>798173
"Thank you Motherfucker"
give a nod to Trash "If we cruise around 200 meters above sea level that should be about horizon distance so we could maintain visual contact with rescuers. We'll have to patrol to cover real territory but that shouldn't be a problem. Say do you guys know anyone Motherfucker just mentioned? Gilgamesh sounds like... someone interesting."

>>798222
Re-transmitting calls should be perfectly doable, even if you need to do something ghetto like clamp your headset for the radio to the mike for the transmitter. That's an interesting idea though, if we establish an area we could drop re-transmission buoys that could extend our radio range, though we wouldn't have as good of a response time.

>>798251
"Thank you Motherfucker!"

"OK." says a faint voice in the distance.

You fully turn to Trash, as you nod at her. "If we cruise around 200 meters above sea level that
should be about horizon distance so we could maintain visual contact with rescuers. We'll
have to patrol to cover real territory, but that shouldn't be a problem."

"Remember this is a Roamer type." Trash points out. "These guys move way better at sea
level."

"It can do that. However..." Atma says, as behind her Vaal plays rock-scissors-paper with
the hornmother. "The Friend's movement is very hindered while flying. Dropping from such
a distance might make you just bounce on your chair, this kind of ship is prepared for that kind
of falls. You would have to stop and go up every time you wanted to scout far ahead."

"And buy a telescope or something." Says Trash, to which Atma shakes her head.

"A mechanism of the sort is already included on the ship." She glances at you. "There is a
particular kind of device you may want to consider for scouting missions; it's a small ship,
carrying a mirror under it. It helps with angular and distance issues." Atma smiles at you.

And you smile back. "Say, do you guys know anyone Motherfucker just mentioned
Gilgamesh sounds like... someone interesting."

"I'm sorry." Atma shakes her head, yet gleefully. "I am forbbiden by protocol to lend that kind of
information." She tilts her head towards the wall you've been staring at, winking.

"I should let the guys know the interview is in a few hours if we are to finish this today." Trash
adds, scratching her cheek as Vaal and the hornmother have some kind of riddle contest. "We don't have that much time."

>>798384
Return Atma's wink "Ah, maybe I'll hear about them from someone else in the future... Speaking of the future I know a day isn't much time to think it over but have you given any though to joining us Atma? We're doing another round of interviews as you've heard, you're welcome to join us if you'd like~"

>>798429

You swiftly return her wink, then shrug elegantly. "Ah, maybe I'll hear about them from
someone else in the future..." You pause. "Speaking of the future, I know a day isn't much
time to think it over, but have you given any though to joining us Atma?" Her face changes
slightly. "We're doing another round of interviews as you've heard, you're welcome to
join us if you'd like."

Atma stops completely, letting her arms slowly fall at each side of her body. She closes her
eyes; then opens them at once, almost wildly.

"I will, then!" She turns to look at you, slightly taking you aback. "I will join the interview."

"You do realize that kid will grow without a mother, if you do." Trash points out, bluntly.

"Hey..." Atma grins, her eyes downcast. "As long as he does..."

"Point." Trash turns to you. "We done here?"

You glance behind her and your eyebrows rise; the hornmother is playing cards with Vaal on
the ground.

>>798495
Give Atma a hug then, she seems liek she could use one, and she doe have her arms open after all.

"... Vaal, who's winning?"

Otherwise, yes I think we're done here. We should ask MF about what it's old crew was like later though. They might not be a rescue team, but they might be good to know about.

>>798580

Atma's still looking down as you walk up to her, and once she sees you coming is too late; you
wrap your arms around her. She seems so tense, yet her muscles quickly bend under your
arms as she rests her head of your shoulder.

"YO YO I NEED SUM OF DAT TOO." the voice booms, as Atma kisses you in the ear. She
seems... perhaps a bit too friendly.

"...Vaal, who's winning?" You ask, from over Atma's shoulder.

"I'm being utterly destroyed." Vaal states in complete peace, as the hornmother slams a
card on the floor. "Wrecked."

You giggle, then gently push Atma away. It's not easy. "We should be going then, I look
forward to seeing you in the interview."

The Skullfucker nods warmly at you, still dimly grabbing your coat.

--------------------------------O_O------------------

Back home, Vaal is cooking, the hornmother is eating next to the What, Trash is talking over
her cellphone, Nielly is silent as usual, and you right next to Vaal on Trash's request.

"All right!" You hear the templar saying behind you. "Gimme some data; what questions do we
have, who comes first, and how we do the interview overall?"

"If we are to take this seriously," it's a voice across the static, "then have them do a
demostration of their particular abilities. I can hardly think of a better way to spot details that
they themselves aren't aware of."

So we need to figure out what questions will get meaningful responses.

I'd like to press on how they deal with insufficient resources to do everything. How do they prioritize missions when all the tasks can't be completed.

I would also like to ask how they would deal with encountering Leateli.

What are some of the things they've done in the past that didn't turn out the way they wanted?

I wish I was better at interview questions.

>>798688
>Girlfriends++;
Let's just hope Trash's nickname for her isn't literal or Preah is going to have even more to lecture us about. Also unless hornmothers play card games often we might just have proof she can learn for Trash

Some interview questions:
"You walk into you apartment, Laetali is sitting down to a cup of tea with a side of armed hostage taking. What do you do?"

"A stubborn horn mother is on the radio insisting she can drive the ship just fine... right after you tell her how to get it out of reverse. It hasn't crashed yet, but the odds aren't good. What do you do?"

"A ship calls in requesting some Anima to fuel their ship after forgetting to activate hover mode over night. What do you do?"

"What is the biggest problem you've had to face and how have you overcome it?"

"What is less stressful for you: working on your own or having someone work with you?"

"What approach do you prefer to problem solving: the tried and true approach you know, or trying new ideas and adjusting them as you go?"

"What would you rather have to deal with (non-violently): A hornmother's tantrum or a radar malfunction?"

"What are your motivations for joining me, Money? Fame? Boredom? Altruism? or perhaps something else entirely?"

"At what point does making money outweigh having a meaningful job for you? Assuming you have a roof over your head at least"

Maybe hold this back from the ones this might obviously hurt but: "Have you experienced someone dying? Can you recover from it relatively quickly? Can you handle someone who is dying with compassion?" We may want our leader plushie on hand for this one.

To be continued, I've gotta head out for work but I'll add to the list in between. Also, grab our charger pillow because we're going to be doing the questioning ourself and we'll be going all out on psychological profiling. High-speed optics on, micro-expression processing, the works. No sense letting anything slip by and maybe it'll get us a bit of respect if we manage to catch an interesting signal.

>>799025
More questions: "What is your greatest strength, what is your greatest weakness?"

"Would you rather be respected or well liked?"

"What's your favorite dessert?"

"Do you know if there are any kind people you don't get along with easily?"

"Fill in the blanks: violence is blank, kindness is blank, fame is blank, money is blank"

"Someone says to you that this is all pointless because everyone will starve eventually and humanity will be destroyed, how do you respond?"

"Are you OK with hugs and similar contact?"

And lastly "Show me what you can do, impress me"

>>798688
"Better yet," you start, glancing at Trash meaningfully, "let's do a little test."

"You mean with me." The templar replies.

You nod. She pauses, shrugs, then you head for the back of the glass table as, that faces the
entrance, as Trash let's herself drop at the side facing you. Carefully, you bounce an imaginary
piece of paper against the table, then glance at the templar from over it.

"You walk into your apartment, Laetali-"

"Leateli." Trash interrupts.

"-Leateli. You walk into your apartment, Leateli is sitting down to a cup of tea with a side of
armed hostage taking. What do you do?"

"Do I have a Vaal?"

You shake your head silently. Trash "hmms".

"Well, what does she want?"

You study the inivisble page intently. "She's just being mean, telling you she's going to kill the
hostage and how it's ok because of over-population."

"What happens if I don't save it?"

"It dies." You state, quizzically.

Trash "hmms", again.

It takes a while.

"I'd run away." Trash states, nodding. "I've got no way to save her without risking my ass, and
I can't save anyone else If Im dead."

"A stubborn hornmother" you resume, raising your voice as you read the nothingness, "is on
the radio insisting she can drive the ship just fine... right after you tell her how to get it out of
reverse. It hasn't crashed yet, but the odds aren't good. What do you do?"

"Tell the horned fuck that she either stops the ship or I make omelette with her eggs and
make her eat it." She states, frowning. "I am NOT good at convincing people I can't reason
with, and I know damn well not to try with hornmothers."

"A ship calls in requesting some Anima to fuel their ship after forgetting to activate hover mode
over night. What do you do?"

"Overcharge the fucks for being stupid."

"What is the biggest problem you've had to face and how have you overcome it?"

"That's... a very loaded question Toasty." Trash stops to scratch her hair. She does it for a
while; way more than any flea could stand. It makes you and Vaal share a look. "Fair. Let's
say Fair."

"...I'm sorry, does this bring bad memories?" You give her a sad smile, feeling a sting of pain
on your chest. "We can skip this one if you want to, the past is-"

"It's a good question." Trash deadpans, then clears her throat. "Not even Horny could take
down Fair, and theirs was one HELL of a fight. If I won, to be fucking honest, was because
she was already weakened- and because she loved me." The templar smirks widely at you.
"Snacks froze the moment she could have killed me, I took the chance and stabbed her
with my summoned knife. Without hesitation. She raised me ever since I was a kid." Trash
continues to smirk, yet her eyes wander elsewhere. "It was either her or Horny and all of
the himehorns. To be honest, sometimes I go back to how she looked at me right then, how
she was smiling, I wonder If I took the right choice and drink myself to sleep." Trash's
smirk ends into a bitter frown."Not so much lately."

(Cont!)

You seriously consider going up there to hug her, but Vaal's shaking her head at you from
behind her; she'd know better. Yet...

"Trash?"

"Yeah?"

"You know you can hug me all you want, right?"

One of her eyes flinches... slightly. "What the fuck?"

"I'm giving you full cuddle permissions." You state firmly, smiling at her from across the
table. "Feel free to come for me anytime you want. Ok?"

The templar blinks at you, her mouth arching. Finally, a sound comes from inside his mouth:
"Ok."

"Good!" You press on, bouncing the "paper" against the glass. "What is less stressful for
you: working on your own or having someone work with you?"

"Working alone. I often go for the stealth approach, and that gets a lot harder with other
people."

"What approach do you prefer to problem solving: the tried and true approach you know,
or trying new ideas and adjusting them as you go?"

"You really have no choice but to adapt out there." She smirks, yet almost concerned.
"True and tested plans worth shit against chaos. Seriously, imagination is the only
weapon you can use anywhere."

"What would you rather have to deal with (non-violently): A hornmother's tantrum or a radar
malfunction?"

"Radar malfuctioning. Everyone who met a hornmother will answer the same."

"Not me." Vaal raises a hand."

"Is this your interview? No, it isn't. You'll have all the time in the world to molest me later, so
shut up."

"Ok!" Vaals replies, melodically.

"What are your motivations for joining me, Money? Fame? Boredom? Altruism? or perhaps
something else entirely?"

"We've been through this, I'm poor and bored."

"At what point does making money outweigh having a meaningful job for you? Assuming you
have a roof over your head at least"

"If I had a roof over my head and food to go along, I'd get a well-deserved rest after an
entire life of shit and panic." She sighs. "Can't have that without the food, and I'm not fucked
up enough to believe everything is going to work out. It's like Corny here said."

"Um..." you start, getting a hand behind your head. "This one might a bit hard for you, so
perhaps..."

"Shoot."

"It's about loved ones not here anymore..." you allow yourself to clarify, speaking slowly.

This time, your natural attunement towards those small gestures people try to conceal pays
out; you notice, for a very small second, a true hint of hesitation before Trash's usual bored
look.

"We are gonna have everyone go through this, besides it's just words. Come on, spit the toast,
Toasty."

"Have you experienced someone dying?" You blurt out, almost erratically. "C-Can you recover
from it relatively quickly? Can you handle someone who is dying with compassion?"

Trash stops, as you look at her. After a few tense seconds, she sighs. Hard.

"Nah, Toasty." She shakes her head, smiling. "I can't." You glance at her, this time very worried;
you are not familiar with this behavior.

(Cont!)

You grab a horn of the Leaderhorn's plushie that's under the table.

"That's why I try not to attach myself to anyone." Trash resumes. "I know all too well
how it feels like to lose someone you love. Having to choose between Horny and Snacks
fucked me up waaaaay more than I thought it would." She giggles hard, it's not cute but it's
still endearing. "That's why I hate the Corny so damn much, she's making me love again, and
it's fucking hard, it's like going to the gym. But she's right." She sighs, then smiles. "What the
fuck is the point of living if you don't feel a thing? So, we have this arrangement." Trash
beams at you, like a little kid. "If Vaal dies before me, I rape her kid with a blender and
drink him."

You flinch HARD at the thought, yet you endure steadily in place. Glancing at the imaginary
paper as you think up the next questions, you allow yourself to move.

"What is your greatest strength, what is your greatest weakness?"

"That I don't give a fuck, and that I don't give a fuck."

"Would you rather be respected or well liked?"

"Neither, I just want my banana and oats."

"What's your favorite dessert?"

"Anything you do, really. It might sound cheap, but you earned that compliment so god damn
much I can't be specific."

"Thank you, that's so nice of you." You smile warmly at her, still thinking of blenders. "Do you
know if there are any kind people you don't get along with easily?"

"Yeah, idealists." She states, nodding. "People who just think everything is going to be ok
because it will. And when everything goes bad, they blame everyone else. Fuck them."

"Fill in the blanks: violence is..."

She stares at you in confusion, squinting her eyes, yet finally those open widely.

"Ah, I get it. Violence is... everything." she opens both palms to the sides, grinning. "When
people say violence, everyone thinks of blood and guts and shit. That's wrong. Violence is in
every place there is conflict, no matter how small or big, and it's the very essence of living."
Trash crosses her arms over her chest, proudly. "Vaal tought me that."

"I did!" The blonde beams from behind her.

You nod. "Fame is..."

"A tool." Trash adds, perhaps a bit excited. "People want fame because they are insecured
fucks who want to feel validated, but it's just a token for influence you can use in plenty of
ways."

"Money is..." You start, looking at her.

"Food and bars." Trash states, firmly. "Also chocolate every now and then.

"Someone says to you that this is all pointless because everyone will starve eventually and
humanity will be destroyed, how do you respond?"

Trash "hmms!", dismissively."Mi Abass. She mah' nigga." She nods, again.

"Are you OK with hugs and similar contact?" You say, winking at her.

One of her eyes flinches, yet she seems gleeful. "It really doesn't fucking matter, does
it?"

"NOPE!" Vaal falls behind her and hugs Trash from behind. "Not at all!"

"There's just one last question." You say, and both blondes look at you.

(Cont!)

"Show me what you can do." You say almost smugly, resting your elbows over the glass
table. "Impress me."

Both Trash and Vaal "hmm" at the same time.

"We are really going to need a safe place for these kind of things." Trash scratches her chin.
"Most of the Fucks are really capable at wrecking shit without really wanting to. Well, as
for me..."

She stands, and you flinch and blink as a flashing light almost instantly turns into a... big
fork, that Trash is grabbing with one hand. It's actually very big, and the templar rotates it
almost freely.

"Most templars can summon things, like swords or greatswords, knifes, or spears."
Trash spins the big obsidian fork between her fingers, it does a somewhat pleasant sound as
it pushes the wind. "I can summon a fork, a spoon, or a knife. It's kinda shit and bizarre, but
hardly anyone sees them coming and they took me out of jail more times than I can count. So
that's that." The fork vanishes in a flash, leaving spall black particles flying across the
room. "Now is the part where you ask your own questions, Toasty. Try not to be mean."

>>800529
I think I need to put a disclaimer on this interview, really getting down to the bones of a person in short time can be pretty painful. Something like "In this interview I'm going to ask some rather tough questions that might bring up bad memories for you. Out of anyone I will treat you guys with the greatest kindness and sympathy possible but to be blunt this job takes lives. It breaks people. Kindness takes strength, am inhuman amount at times. I need to know these things so I don't put you into situations you can't handle. If you need a moment, some tissue, a hug, anything I can reasonably do just ask OK? Actually don't even bother asking about a hug ok? So with that out of the way let's begin:"

>>800722

"...I think I need to put a disclaimer on this inverview." You close your eyes and sigh.
"Really getting down to the bones of a person in such a short time can be pretty painful.
Something like," you slowly start to pass a finger from side to side, as if writting an
invisible board, "'In this interview I'm going to ask some rather tough questions that might
bring up bad memories for you..."

"Toasty, where would you even put that? In a poster by the entrance?" She chuckles, hard.

You puff your cheeks, slightly. Then laugh. "I'm not really sure... I just want to warn them
beforehand. Everyone has a splinter inside." You smirk, sadly.

"Not me." You hear across the static. "Except for you, of course."

"Maybe you could just say it before the interview. Just to give them some prep-time."
Vaal adds.

"So?" Trash asks. "C'mon, Im ready. Come at me."

>>800838
"Nielly, some people become crunchy potatos like you because of what happens in their lives, but you somehow managed to become more of a nihilist than Laeteli before you turned a day old. Hush.

As for further questions for you Trash, you said you don't get along with idealists. The kind of idealists you described are kind of like a kid with a spider bite and a towel cape heartbroken after trying to fight a bully. They have the wrong mindset and get hurt because of it. It's easy to be tough when you don't give a fuck as you said, just like it's easy to keep a ship fueled if it never leaves hover mode. Do you think you can maintain the determination to continue working for me even in dire circumstances? I won't ask you to make any hard calls, and if it can be avoided I won't have you carry out whatever I decide in that case either. But if you really give no fucks then boredom will quickly become preferable to this."

>>801576
You open your palm towards Trash without hurry, as you look at your left. "Nielly, some
people become crunchy potatos like you because of what happens in their lives," your
eyes quint, "but you somehow managed to become more of a nihilist than Laeteli before
you turned a day old." All the fingers in your stretched hand move up and down, up and
down as you close yoru eyes. "Hush."

You just hear a faint giggle from across the static. It makes you rise one of your eyebrows
as you open your eyes. "As for further questions for you, Trash," you face the templar
fully, "you said you don't get along with idealists. The kind of idealists you described
are kind of like a kid with a spider bite and a towel cape, heartbroken after trying to fight a
bully. They hace the wrong mindset and get hurt because of it."

"And hurt everyone around as well." Trash smirks. "I'd know."

This time, the high-pitched goodness is in short stock."It's easy to be tough when you don't
give a fuck, as you said, just like it's easy to keep a ship fueled if it never leaves hover
mode." You pause to let that sinks; her eyes don't seem to take the hit. "Do you think you
can maintain the determination to continue working for me even in dire circumstances? I
won't ask you to make any hard calls, and if it can be avoided I won't have you carry out
whatever I decide in that case either. But... if you really give no fucks, then boredom will
quickly become preferable to this."

"We are not talking of your every-day boredom, Toasty." Trash smirks at you, yet you don't feel
ill intent. "I can't enjoy peace... for some reason. I tried. It's pointless. I'm not exactly
sure how it's gonna be down there, so I'll make no promises." She shrugs. "If I ever leave, I'll
make sure someone is there to replace me. Anyone saying they are going to stay till the
end, no matter what, is just bullshiting the toaster."

She yawns. "Anything else? You really didn't ask crap about my skills and stuff, maybe you
should fix that."

>>801744
"I figured that you would want to show off any skills when I said 'impress me'. I suppose I could get a bit more specific..."

Let's put these right before "impress me" on the list of questions:

"How are your people skills? Can you bluff your way out of a bad situation? Can you calm somebody who is panicking or angry? Can you tell when a fight is likely to break out? Can you spot when someone is trying to con you? Can you bargain for a good deal?"

"How are your emergency skills? Can you bandage a wound and splint a broken limb? Does the sight of blood make you feel faint? Can you do basic ship repairs?"

"Do you have any piloting skills? If so what kinds of ships?"

"How are your combat skills? What kinds of opponents would you feel confident fighting? What kind of opponents are you poorly matched against?"

"Do you have any other unique skills you haven't been asked about yet? What skill would you say that you are best with?"

I think that should about do it.

"I figured that you would want to show off any skills when I said 'impress me'." You get a hand
behind your head, and smile. "I suppose I could get a bit more specific..."

"Can't trace pros and cons like that." You hear, across the static. "Besides, this whole
interview will be pointless if you can't tell if they are lying anyway." These last words had some
weird melody to it.

Yet you remain unphased. "No need to worry Nielly, I got that covered for you." And you
have. You face Trash. "Let's go for another small row then. "How are your people skills?"

The templar gives a cheeky grin. "As in, social stuff like talking and making friends? Is that
what you mean?" You think it over, then nod. "Baaaad. Baaaaaaad as fuuuuuuuck!" Trash
mimicks a headphone around her mouth.

"Can you bluff your way out of a bad situation?" You resume.

"Yeah, been there, done that."

"Can you calm somebody who is panicking or angry?"

She chuckles. "Not... exactly. Last time that happened, I almost sent Horny into a coma to
save her from panic. When she woke up just three days later... well, now that's relief."

"Can you tell when a fight is likely to break out?"

"Always, I'm the one that starts them. First hit wins the fight."

"Can you spot when someone is trying to con you?"

"Yup!" It's Vaal. Trash glares at her.

"As previously stated," the templar resumes, "ye."

"Can you bargain for a good deal?"

"Depends on the fuck. Some are easy, some are harder. I suck hard at making friends yet I'm
blessed in the art of ripping off morons and fucktards. What a tragedy."

"Let's see..." You pause to take a sip from the cup; tastes like faint vainilla. "How are your
emergency skills?"

"Emergency?" Trash gives you a languid glare.

"As in, saving hurt friends." You suggest. "Medicine."

"Ah, medicine things. I can patch someone up, I know my way around first aid. But that's it."

"Can you bandage a wound and splint a broken limb?"

"That much, yeah."

"Does the sight of blood make you feel faint?"

"I've seen way fucking worst." Trash sighs, gloomy.

"Can you do basic ship repairs?"

"I can cover a hole with wood boards and splinter scews."

"Do you have any piloting skills? If so, what kinds of ships?"

"Hovercrafts and small crafts. Big ships like the Friend usually take a few guys to pilot properly,
but I'm sure that Inked Knight fuck would do just fine on his own. As for me? I could take
one of the seats, I guess."

"How are your combat skills?"

"Like this, I'm kinda shit." Trash states, calmly. "My anima armor is sealed away in deep sea. I
got the coords, so we could get it back any time. With it?" She chuckles. "Well, let's say I
could manage."

"Well, let's say we couldn't with such little information." You hear Nielly across the static.

(Cont!)

"What kinds of opponents would you feel confident fighting?"

Trash "hmms". "Well, I'm usually good at telling apart if I'm going to win or not, even if I'm not
crazy fucking strong like Vaal or any of those freaks." Someone giggles. "I usually had a hard
time with good Pilot types, LF's not so much, and Managers were fucking easy since their
AO's never were enough to properly repel me. Armas? Fuck no. Hands? Hell fucking no.
Anythings?" She shakes her head. "Hands you either stun, or stay the fuck away from, Armas
you really never should have to kill, and Anythings are game over regardless of... well,
anything. That answers the question, I guess?"

"What kind of opponents are you poorly matched against?"

Trash stares at you quizzically, until you wink at her.

"Oh, I see, that's a good question." She nods, and nods.

You go on. "Do you have any other unique skills you haven't been asked about yet?"

"I'm good at getting things." She deadpans.

"What skill would you say that you are best with?"

She looks away for a while, almost somber.

"Getting things." She deadpans, yet again.

You close an imaginary book.

"What do you think? Will this do?" You ask, gleefully.

"No fair measure will be done with just this much information." Yet it's the static that
answers to you. "I really hope you weren't willing to pick your candidates with such little
precision.."

"Oh, is that so, Nielly?" You blink. "What do you suggest? I'm all ears for you." Both Trash
and Vaal glance at you with a small hint of confusion.

"We have four kind of skills that require proper measurement," Nielly says, "mechanic, piloting,
medicine, and beating each other into a pulp. You could have them square off somewhere for
the last one. The first three may requiere a particular approach of their own."

"Nielly," you giggle, "believe me. I /really/ can tell if they are lying."

"Oh well that's good and all," the static replies, "but can't /really/ tell if they are wrong about
themselves like this."

You pause. "What would you have me do, Nielly?"

"Small tests regarding knowledge, and plenty of photocopies for both medicine and mechanics.
As for piloting, well... you'll figure something out on your own." You hear faint giggling across the
static.

>>802569
"A test course huh... hey Vaal do you still have those cards? You both know Texas hold 'em right?" *Angelic smile*

>>802614

"A test course, huh... hey Vaal, do you still have those cards? You both know Texas hold
'em, right?" You smile widely, so eagerly that it's almost creepy.

"Oh, these won't do." She fumbles through her robe, then takes a single card; it has the picture
of a singe, big cup. "These are spanish."

"I've got poker cards." Trash says. "Whenever someone tries to fuck me over, I play a small
magic trick of "remember the card" doing tricks and flips. Then I smash their teeths in. Wait."
She pauses, then blinks. "You want me to play against the Corny? I'd rape her."

>>802685
"Nielly suggested actually testing their skills, incase they don't have a very good sense of themselves and I agree after seeing how some people interview... For testing bluffing a few rounds poker should be good right? Vaal deals, you vs me. I think it might help with calibrating my read of them if we start with it before the rest of the interview. If they don't know poker we can just play two lies and a truth, best 3 out of 5 then, being confused about the rules tends to throw in more noise than signal.

As for the other tests... I can quiz them about first aid, and if we can round up some rags and something to use for a splint we could test them directly. Shop repairs and stuff I don't know much about myself. Maybe we could ask Lumina to quiz them on the basics?

Combat... I'm not so sure sparring is the best idea, then again it might be a good idea to see just how well they can hold back. Would either of you two be willing to be our calibration opponent? Perhaps we could have something like 'grab the flag'? If you can get close enough behind someone to grab a flag off their back you would have a pretty big advantage over them in a normal fight right?.

"Last comes piloting... Vaal, can a hovercraft in good condition sink?"

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>>802769

Hey...
I got something relevant...
A bit relevant at least...

Nothing much else, wouldn't know how to cover any of the needs we have right now.