>>885365
>Spineless High School Girl

>>885365
Some poor smuck who accidentally untombed the fabled lost crown.

>>885365
>-Some poor orphan with sword magic

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>>885365 (OP)
>-Some poor orphan with sword magic

Love me some swords

>>885395
Support

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>>885418
>>885401
You get a free Avalon for your troubles. Have fun not immediately dying when killed.

>>885365
"I ask you, are you my master?"

You take a long while to stare at the woman who has just appeared in front of you. Something inside of you instinctively tells you she's your ally, and also at the same time, you feel much better. That stab wound you'd incurred at the school earlier suddenly hurts a lot less.

Suddenly the serenity of the scene is interrupted by a red spear going right by the woman in front of you, and stopping right in front of your face. You believe you heard the sound of metal scraping against metal, but your vision has blurred, and everything is too dark now, despite the full moon illuminating the back yard.

"Well shit, you're good. Especially for a woman. That's incredibly respectable."
"As are you, fellow warrior."

You whimper for a moment before deciding to speak up.

"Please save me, he's been trying to kill me all night."
"As you command, master."

Suddenly, your back yard was a battlefield, and the shed you've found yourself in had become your sanctuary. You'd initially wondered what your adoptive parents were thinking when you found that magic circle on the floor in here years ago, but now it made total sense.

>What do?
Cower in fear
Make a fucking break for it
Try to assist your new friend with magic of some sort.
Other

>>885457
>Other
Distract the enemy by loudly insulting him, allowing our new ally to get some hits in.

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>>885468
>>885457

You decide to muster up what little courage you have left at this point to distract the blue man. It doesn't work too well, but your new lady friend knows how to use a sword, even if it is invisible.

Thankfully, it seems your yelling has attracted somebody else. A girl that seems to go to your school comes running at you from the other side of the yard, and tackles you into the shed, the door slamming behind you.

"You moron! Are you trying to get yourself killed?!"

>What do?
Respond (Please specify)
Cry
Wife her (Roll d100)
other

Rolled 38 (1d100)

>>885496
>Wife her (Roll d100)

Rolled 14 (1d100)

>>885496
>Wife her

>>885516
>>885527
You tried, anons.

>>885496
Your attempts to smooth talk the girl fail. She slaps you, and calls you a baka.

>What will you do?
Try to salvage the situation (please elaborate)
Cry
Continue to flirt (roll d100)
other

>>885530
>other
Turn 360 degrees and moonwalk away.

Rolled 10 (1d100)

>>885530
Stick face in tits. Proceed to motorboat them.

Rolling for blush.

>>885530
Try to salvage the situation (please elaborate)
Apologize for being dumb ask for help

Rolled 14 (1d100)

>>885530
>Continue to flirt (roll d100)
man up

Rolled 98 (1d100)

>>885530
>Try to salvage the situation (please elaborate)
>Apologize
"I'm pretty sure I've died once already tonight, the same guy is trying to kill me again, and a girl just appears out of thin air in my shed and calls me master. I think at some recent point in my life I've brained my damage."

>>885711
I will second this madman

Rolled 71 (1d100)

>>885530
>Apologize
Try begging for help

>>885711
Supporting.

>>885365
Dumbass QM.

10 years and various Fate stories, and you choose to retread Fuyuki?

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>Not using best girl

>>886293
I should have given an option to play as Sakura. I will commit sudoku to atone for this sin.

>>885922
I gave the option to play as Kititsugu, Shirou, Ayaka, Rin, or someone else. Plus it's not a full retread, I've already changed some of the details.

I never said that Kiritsugu OR Irisviel were dead. This isn't Prisma Illya though, but I suppose if you wanted to, it would be possible to get Illya to be a magical girl if you could find her.

>>885711
holy fuck, you actually did it. You fucking wifed Rin. And modestly at that. Good job, you madman.

the roll I was aiming for was 95-100

>>885530
"Okay look, I'm sorry for being a dumbass, but I'm pretty sure I've died once already tonight, the same guy is trying to kill me again, and a girl just appears out of thin air in my shed and calls me master. I think at some recent point in my life I've brained my damage."

The girl in front of you blinks for a few moments, audibly stunned by your blunt honesty. Sadly, since it's a little darker than you would like inside this shed, you can't see that she's red in the face.

"W-Well don't let it happen again! And stay in here, moron! I'll be back for you when this is over."

The girl then turns around, opens the door, walks out, and slams it shut.

>What do?
Run after her, obviously.
Stay in here until the battle is over
Other

>>886446
>Run after her, obviously.
Obviously.

>>886446
>Run after her, obviously.

>>886446

> Run after her, obviously.

>>886446
>it would be possible to get Illya to be a magical girl if you could find her.

nah, fuck that.

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>>885365
>Fate Quest
R.I.P. you madman

>>886497

They always die.

I like this QM so hopefully he doesn't.

>>886446
>Run after her, obviously.

>>886446
>Run after her, obviously

Despite the fact that it seems like reality itself is telling you to stay put, you muster up what little courage you can, getting up from the floor of the shed and flinging the door open, running out after the girl. Immediately upon exiting the shed, you find her at spear-point from that blue guy, and against your better judgement, you decide to try and tackle him. And while you get stabbed through the stomach by his spear, you succeed keeping her safe. However now your entire torso really hurts like a bitch. 'Where is that blonde girl I accidentally summoned, anyway?', you think to yourself, as she suddenly charges into your now very limited range of vision and runs the blue man through with her invisible sword. He vanishes, along with his spear as you begin gushing blood and your vision fades to black. You hear the girl making various frustrated noises of 'fucking god damn it, not again.' as you pass out.

>Roll 1d24 to see how soon you wake up from this traumatic injury!

Rolled 9 (1d24)

>>886588

Rolled 9 (1d24)

>>886588

Did... we already kill lancer?

Holy shit Job harder.

Rolled 11 (1d24)

>>886588
NAT 1

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>>886604
Actually, the dice gods rolled favorably on that one. You guys got a 97/100 to impress Rin. Kudos.

>>886597
Sadly, he didn't die. Battle continuation and whatnot. Kirei called him back at the last possible second.

>>886588
9 hours later...

God damn, you hurt like a bitch all over. What even happened last night? You slowly open your eyes to find that blonde woman from yesterday along with that girl from school. Yep. That all definitely happened, it was all coming back to you now. You're not quite sure how you ended up in bed, but the important part was that you weren't dead. You briefly wonder if Sakura had come in to make breakfast. Hopefully these new girls hadn't chased her off.

"Rin, I think he's coming around"
"Oh god, Sakura will be relieved then. HEY, SAKURA, GET IN HERE."
"coming!!"

You close your eyes for a few moments more, groaning at how everything was giving you a headache. The brunette's yelling certainly wasn't making things better. However the smell of whatever Sakura had been cooking was wonderful. It smelled even better than what you would normally make. She'd probably found your adoptive mother's secret cooking ingredient stash. Again. She wouldn't be too happy about it later, but she probably wouldn't put up too much of a fuss about it since at least it was being put to good use. Overall it probably didn't look as good as anything you would have been able to make on a good day, but winners can't be choosers.

>What will you do
Groan in pain and ask everyone to leave you alone for a while longer before getting up
Question what happened
Question who everyone is
Other

>>886623

> Other

Ask for double servings.

>>886623
>Question who everyone is

Bang saber already

>>886623
>Question what happened
Ask them to explain further.

>>886623

You groan very loudly, telling Rin to quiet down before asking the three girls who two of them are and what happened after you passed out last night.

"Well, I am Rin Tohsaka, heir to the Tohsaka line of mages. I recall that not only do we go to the same school, but that we've met a few times before through Sakura. It's only been in passing though, so I wouldn't have expected you to remember that detail."

"And I am... Saber. It would be best not to elaborate further on that for now, as revealing anything further about myself at the moment would put you at a great disadvantage, not to mention great danger, down the road."

"And I'm the girl that cooked the four of us breakfast using Miss Irisviel's stash of herbs and spices!"

Your stomach grumbles. Saber's and Rin's follow suit, with Saber's growling the loudest out of the three of you. She laughs awkwardly to break the uncomfortable silence that follows.

You ask Sakura for a double portion.

>What will you do?
Ask for a further elaboration on what happened when Sakura leaves the room
Ask more about breakfast
Ask why Rin dodged the question about what happened last night
other

Rolled 63 (1d100)

>>886679
>Ask for a further elaboration on what happened when Sakura leaves the room
Also, call Saber cute.

>>886679

> more about breakfast.

PRIORITIES GENTLEMEN

>>886679
>Ask for a further elaboration on what happened when Sakura leaves the room

>>886679
Ask for a further elaboration on what happened when Sakura leaves the room


Banging Irisviel when?

>>886743
>incest

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>>886743
Would have happened regularly had we picked Kiritsugu as our character. You guys might get an errotic pastebin later though if you ask me nicely enough.

>>886804

It's not incest if you're not actually related, anon.

>>886679
You ask Sakura what she made as she leaves through the door of your room, she responds with a simple 'It's a surprise~' You decide to try and sniff it out, but you can't smell the base food through the carefully designed use of seasonings. You think that it may simply just be a fancy variation of Omurice, but you're not entirely sure. You hope she didn't use all of your mother's seasonings though. Once she's left the room entirely though, you turn your attention first to saber, to call her cute, and then to Rin, with a serious expression, asking her what happened last night after you passed out.

"Well... Archer established a perimeter with Saber's assistance, and while that was happening I brought you inside. You're really heavy, you know. If I didn't have martial arts training, I wouldn't have been strong enough to carry you on my own. I'm thoroughly surprised though, you had already stopped bleeding and your wound had completely closed up by the time I'd gotten you inside. What kinds of magic do you even practice to have a spell like that in place?"

You elaborate on how you're not really sure how your wounds patched themselves up like that, and that the only magics you're really good at are enhancement magic and projection magic, and that after mastering projection as best you could, you'd moved on to enhancement as a way to make what you could project stronger. Rin's expression goes from a curious one to one of pure astonishment at your second specialty as she begins breathing oddly for a few moments. Had she had a drink at that moment, she probably would have spat it out.

"You... Do know that projection magic is actually one of the hardest magics to master, right?"

"No..? Kiritsugu said that it would be a great starting point."

"I think he may have been trying to dissuade you from practicing the craft. What kind of inane mage is he, anyway?"

"Well, you're not wrong there. He's a caring father, but he and Irisviel are always busy with something. I think they were supposed to be busy somewhere in a neighboring area for a few days, or something. That's why I was here alone when things started happening, in case you were wondering."

"Well, I wasn't, but that answers a question that had popped up."

>What do
Breakfast sounds good
Call or email your fucking parents and let them know you aren't dead
Flirt with Rin (Roll d100)
Flirt with Saber (Roll d100)
Other

>>886814
>wanting to get shot
Okay
>Call parents

>>886814

> Call parents might be smart.

>>886814
>Call or email your fucking parents and let them know you aren't dead

>>886838


Hey dad, some dude stabbed me with a red spear.

It's cool, some blonde chick with a kickass sword and amrour saved me.

Also this girl Rin is here.


> Inb4 Rin's head explodes in gore.

Rolled 24 (1d100)

>>886814
>Flirt with Saber (Roll d100)

Rolled 25 (1d100)

> Flirt with Archer

Rolled 46 (1d100)

>>886814
Flirt with Saber (Roll d100)

Rolled 32 (1d100)

>>886875
Ill roll for this.

Rolled 96 (1d100)

>>886814
Flirt with Saber

I am the ero of my boner.

>>886907

Archer best girl.

Saberfags are cancer.

I want to derail this out of standard fate so hard.

>>886866
We archer route now.

>>886875
>>886901
I'd already started writing before you guys posted this. I'll write it in anyway because playfully flirting with Saber is always fun.

>>886907
I am the ero of my boner, smut is my body, and rule34 is my blood

>>886918

It's already derailed as fuck. You guys just haven't gotten to Caster or Assassin yet.

>>886814

You decide it's probably a good idea to get in touch with your parents. You dig out your cell phone and send Irisviel an email asking her to have them call you when they get the chance, and that it was important. You get a call about two minutes later, Rin and Saber having left your room to go sit at the kotatsu in the front room for breakfast.

>Ring Ring

You answer your phone. Irisviel is on the line.

"What did you need, Shirou? You know we're busy, but if it's important, or you need anything, we'll always find time to at least talk about it, you know that. Kiritsugu is in the bathroom, but he'll be out shortly, but I figured I'd call you anyway. Are you having girl troubles again?"

"No, it's not that again. I mean it is, but it isn't. And well, this is a tad awkward to say, but do you remember the magic circle in the shed? Well, last night I got stabbed to what should have been death, twice, and at some point during all of that, a blonde haired lady with some awesome armor and an invisible sword showed up and saved me. Also this one girl from school, Rin Tohsaka is here. She got involved last night. something about an archer..?"

Irisviel was notably silent for a few seconds before speaking up with a notably distressed tone in her voice, and a little further away from the phone than you were expecting.

"Kiritsugu, could you come out here a little faster? It's really important."

Saber poked her head in the door, a look of 'wait, I know that voice' on her face appearing after a few seconds. You decided to speak up to Irisviel.

"Uh, Mom? I really need to eat breakfast, so can we continue this call later?"

"Sure, honey. We'll probably be home tonight, so we can discuss it then."

>What do?
Go eat breakfast
Dissuade the very curious Saber that is peaking through your door
Other

>>886924

> Get Bacon

> Tell Saber listening in on phone calls is rude.

Rolled 3 (1d100)

>>886924
>Seduce everyone with your High Jump skills

Or failing that:
>Ask what Saber wants

Rolled 79 (1d100)

>>886924
>Get some breakfast
>Ask Saber what she wants

>>886930

Bacon was indeed on the list of things Sakura managed to find in the fridge.

>>886932

You try to jump, but quickly realize you are still very internally bruised.

>>886924

You briefly reprimand saber for listening in on your phone call with your mom before asking what she came back for.

"Well, Rin sent me back to come get you for breakfast. She figured you were probably still in some pain, and probably didn't factor in that you'd be calling your parents instead of contacting them like a mage would, but her world is a different one from yours."

You attempt to climb out of bed, only to crumple over in pain a few seconds after standing up. Looks like you're not going to school today, the blue guy scrambled your innards up real good. You can only hope that Taiga is here so you can ask her to bring the homework by after school. Saber moved to scoop you up and then carried you to the front room.

"Yeah, you're not going anywhere for at least a day. Come on, I'll carry you to the table."

Upon reaching the front room, you were met with a sight of Taiga, Rin, and Sakura having a very pleasant conversation, with Taiga noting that Rin had finally decided to stay for a meal for once, and Rin laughing, saying that usually she was entirely too busy, that this was a really nice change of pace, and that she would really do it more often if she didn't have to worry about her studies.

>What do?
Ask about breakfast
Ask Taiga-Sensei for today's homework
Other

>>887034
Firstly, Taiga is probably about to jump to conclusions about seeing us being carried by some girl we've never met before, so:

>"This is exactly what it looks like."
Then
>Ask Taiga-Sensei for today's homework

>>887034
>Ask about breakfast

>>887045

I like this anon.

Have you a moment talk about our lord and saviour Archer?

Archer romance is the only not to go to hell.

Correct me if I'm wrong, but if Shirou has Avalon, Iri should most definitely be dead, shouldn't she?

>>887572
short version: Alternate timeline where Waver won the grail war and wished that the grail would unfuck itself. A number of things happened, including, but not limited to: Iri getting spat the fuck back out in perfect working order, Iskandar becoming Waver's 'secretary', and some heavy spoilers involving Rider, Caster, and who I'm replacing Assassin with. Illya will be showing up in the next day or so to wreck our shit though so don't you worry.

>>887034
Ask about breakfast

>>887045
I'll back this madman.

>>887619
>wished that the grail would unfuck itself
So does this mean this is an uncorrupted Grail?

>>888839
yes, but grail-kun is still around because plot reasons.

I'll be resuming soon.

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>>889438
I semi-patiently await our miscellaneous misadventures that will be a part of this Holy Grail War of which we will more than likely die in due to anonymous' hijinx, as this is a Fate/Quest.

>>889589

I cannot wait to seduce our future self reincarnated as a heroic spirit.Because selfcest and fuck your routes.

>>889600
>Because selfcest and fuck your routes.
-but Anon, my route is Taiga route.

>>889617

You know what dude, if you support Archer I can get behind Taiga.

We got an accord?

>>889622
I don't make deals, but I'll see where this goes. If we somehow start pulling it off, I'll let you guys have it.

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>uncorrupted Grail
>No Medea or Medusa to waifu
Feels bad mang.

>>887034
As Saber carries you into the room, Taiga drops her spoon. And the chopsticks she'd been holding in the same hand.

"This is exactly what it looks like."
"THIS IS SCANDALOUS, WHY DO YOU HAVE THREE GIRLS IN YOUR HOUSE WHILE YOUR PARENTS ARE AWAY?! IS THIS SOME KIND OF HAREM??"

Sakura, Rin, AND Saber all blush at this before Rin speaks up to defend what is left of the group's dignity.

"N-No, Miss Taiga, we all just simply happen to be here for different reasons. Sakura's here for breakfast, as always, I'm here because Sakura invited me and I wasn't busy for a change, and Saber... Well she's a friend of Kiritsugu's who ended up in town while he was away. Apparently she's already called him and got an okay to stay here."

Saber immediately perked up at the mention of Kiritsugu and shot Rin a glance of 'what the fuck?', but then nodded once she'd finished her statement.

"Y-yes. It's been a few years since I've been in town, but Kiritsugu and I go way back. We used to be drinking buddies for a while."

Saber proceeds to set you down on a cushion, gently. You wince in pain because there was no good way to do that before remembering that you're in no state to move.

"Hey Taiga-sensei, I need today's homework. I may have accidentally taken a nasty tumble in the shed last night after I got home. I was cleaning. Luckily, Saber showed up at just the right time and took me to the hospital, so I'm in no danger of dying. Sadly I've got some really bad internal bruising and can't really move all that well. I should be okay by tomorrow, though, according to the doctors."

Taiga looks like she's about to say something like 'I don't believe you', but then Rin starts doing... something... with her coffee, and Taiga stops just as she opens her mouth. Rin turns to face you.

"Okay, so she's in a trance right now. I'm going to cover for you just this once, but don't think for a second that this means we're friends or anything. The status quo must be maintained. Don't blow it when she snaps out of it."

Rin then turns to face Sakura.

"Thanks for the coffee, by the way. I didn't think I would end up needing to use it for this."

You just look at the two girls. This is like a whole new world to you. You tilt your head, and acknowledge Rin, albeit a little confused by the magic happening in front of you.

"Okay..?"

yes Taiga is going to give you the homework next post

>What do
Eat breakfast
Check the labels on the sauces
Have some coffee
Ask Saber about herself
Chat with Rin
Chat with Sakura
Chat with Taiga
Other

cease your waifu wars.
harem or bust.

>>889652
oh man just wait till Medea and Medusa show up. You'll be thoroughly surprised. Actually, if you look around, you might be able to find Medusa right now, though I'd not advise it, she IS still dangerous, just less likely to kill you because of who her master is at this point in time.

>>889653
>"THIS IS SCANDALOUS, WHY DO YOU HAVE THREE GIRLS IN YOUR HOUSE WHILE YOUR PARENTS ARE AWAY?! IS THIS SOME KIND OF HAREM??"

even taiga agrees

>>889653

> Taiga

Make sure to blow this as soon as she snaps out of it.

>>889653
>Eat breakfast
>Ask Saber about herself

>>889653
>Eat breakfast
>Chat with Sakura

>>889656
Harem is garbage from every sane point of view. Therefore I'm going to have to decline your offer in order to raise a healthy, happy Sword Family.

>>889653
>Chat with Rin
"Don't use mental magic on people, that is rude.".

>>889653
>Eat breakfast
>Ask Saber about herself

>>889674

Personally I'm Anti harem but not pro sword.

>>889684
Too late, we're a Sword with a Sheath stuck in us.

>>889674
i only support harem because waifu wars tire me. saber route is too common tho. rather have anyone other than saber and rin.

>>889693

Taiga or Archer.
The only logical AKA FUN! options.

i wonder, if we could waifu zero!assassin, would that be instant bisexual harem?

>>889660
But an uncorrupted Grail shouldn't allow Servants like Medusa and Medea to be summoned.

>>889886
Medea Lily. And in this case, Medusa Lily

Harem a shit.

>>889653
You decide it's probably just better to eat breakfast. You talk with the girls, and when Taiga comes around, you ask her what she's still doing here considering what time it is. She immediately bolts upon looking at her phone. You hope she remembers to bring today's homework with her when she comes back tonight. Shortly thereafter, Rin and Sakura depart for school, leaving you alone with Saber.

>What will you do?
Sleep, what's the worst that could happen?
Stay up and talk plans with saber
Pain medication is your best friend, right?
Other

>>890240
>Stay up and talk plans with saber

>>890240
>Stay up and talk plans with saber

>>890240

> Other

Show saber the extent of our magic

>>890240
>Stay up and talk plans with saber

>>890240
>Other
Go whack it to some sword pics

Pain medication is your best friend, right?

>>890240
>Sleep, what's the worst that could happen?

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>>889653
Guys
>Other
Casually flirt with Taiga

>>891883
I think we should casually flirt with every female and become the Captain Kirk of the Grail War.

>>890294
congratulations, you've unlocked a secret option. You can now check the status screen (both yours, and Saber's) at will. Shirou will have to have in character knowledge of the contents of it to use abilities on his, however.

>>890240
sorry, I decided to take a nap

You decide that it's probably best to not sleep. You ask Saber to retrieve the pain medication from the cabinet next to the fridge, she does so, and you proceed to take double the recommended dose. While waiting for it to kick in, you decide that it's probably best to talk plans with Saber.

"So... Once the pain meds kick in, I should be able to stand. Once I can do that, I should probably show you what magic I can use."
"That would be ideal."
"I'll turn on the tv in the meantime and we can watch the news or something. It might have something useful on it."

You turn on the TV, and about ten minutes pass. Your stomach stops hurting just enough that you can stand up without assistance or stumbling. Either the ibuprofen you took was really effective, or one of the girls had done some thing related to healing magic. Either way, you weren't complaining. Then, something relating to your parents pops up on tv. Something about a major robbery of one of their stores in the nearby area. Saber perks the FUCK up at the mention of the name Emiya, and then when a picture Kiritsugu and Irisviel pops up on the TV, her Adhoge stands straight up.

"Wait a second, I know them."
"Wait what? You know my parents? Well... Adoptive parents."
"It's complicated. It'll be easier just to have Kiritsugu explain."

Saber laughs just a bit, sounding exasperated at something.

"Let's just say I wasn't lying when I said we go way back. Anyway, let's see what you can do."
"We've got a dojo here, I'll show you there."

You and Saber walk to the dojo from the living room. When you get there, she retrieves a wooden sword from... somewhere. You're not quite sure, one second she doesn't have one, you blink, and then the next second she has one.

"Okay then..."
"What? My Noble Phantasm isn't the only weapon I can materialize. I've got a few others too."
"Duly noted."

Saber takes a battle stance.

"I'll take it easy on you since you're still recovering and I don't want any of your wounds to open up, but I want you to come at me with whatever you can manage without pushing yourself."
"Alright."

You inhale, and then exhale, taking a stance that allows for you to dual wield swords.

"Trace... On..."

In an instant, two... oddly shaped swords appear in your hands. They look like rocks attached to handles with blades stuck to them on one side.

my best description for them would be very rough Mo Ye and Gan Jiang replicas, but since Shirou doesn't have a proper concept of them yet, they're a bit unrefined.

Gonna murder the character limit-

>>892213
"I swear I usually do better than this. This is the first time I've tried to make actual weapons from scratch though. I'll work on making these look like actual swords and not rocks attached to handles and blades later."

Saber just stares at the swords you've materialized.

"Well, I'm not one to know much about craftsmanship, but I do know my way around a sword. Those are more like... bladed clubs in their current state. I'd advise you look at swords and study the... math... behind making them. You could probably use them as guards in an emergency right now, but they definitely wouldn't stand up to a proper noble phantasm in their current state. Anyway, enough talk, let's see what form you can manage while beaten up. I'll do my best to help you correct it."

Saber looked visibly disgusted when she had to say math. It must be a sore point for her. She is a warrior though, so you're not too surprised. She probably knows more about how to disrobe a man with a sword without killing him than you do, so knowing more about math and engineering isn't really a big deal in the long run. You take a few swings at her, and in response, she elegantly dances around your swipes, gently tapping you in the stomach with the pommel of her sword, and then on the back of your neck with the blade of said sword. When you look at her, she has a mix of disappointment and generally unhappy on her face.

"Was it really that bad?"
"Once you're healed up, I do hope you're a bit faster. Other than that, we've got a lot of work to do. You weren't wrong on how you swung, it's just that you leave far too many openings in the process. You'll need to swing faster and be much more mobile going forward."

On that note, you do feel a bit better still, since she pointed out that you need to heal up. You're still not sure why. You feel much less stiff than when you woke up, and the stabbing pain in your stomach has been reduced to a dull sore ache. Pain medication on it's own does not do that. You ask Saber to remind you to ask Rin what's up later. She agrees to remind you should the opportunity arise.

>What do?
Call Kiritsugu and Irisviel again to let them know you saw them on the news (and tell them that you ended up not going to school today)
Call the school and ask them if Taiga let them know that he wouldn't be in today (and why).
Time to go to the grocery store with Saber, what's the worst that could happen?
Hey, who is that odd girl outside? (Roll a d3)
Other.

Rolled 1 (1d3)

>>892248
>Hey, who is that odd girl outside? (Roll a d3)

>>892269
>>892248
The odd girl outside is a blonde loli who oddly enough, reminds you of Irisviel, if she was short and wore a fur coat instead of one of her many lovely dresses.

>Do you wish to interact with her?
Yes
No
OH FUCK, ABORT, ABORT
Other (you can still vote for previous options from the post before this with this in this case)

>>892275
>Other
>Call the school and ask them if Taiga let them know that he wouldn't be in today (and why).

Rolled 3 (1d3)

>>892248
>Hey, who is that odd girl outside? (Roll a d3)

Rolled 1 (1d3)

>>892275
>Other (you can still vote for previous options from the post before this with this in this case)
>Hey, who is that *other* odd girl outside? (Roll a d3)

>>892302
whoops
didn't notice the update

>>892307
the other girls were Rider and Caster, but Saber may have just chased them off alongside Illya. Aggressively.

>>892293
You decide to disregard the loli outside as saber mentions needing to go use the restoom, walking the complete opposite way of the bathroom and heading outside. As you go to make the phone call, you swear you hear some screaming and several loud noises, including a few explosions, but after about two minutes, it all settles down and Saber steps back inside, wearing that awesome dress she was wearing last night before it vanishes and her casual clothes return. You hear her mumble something to herself as she does.

"Well, I'm glad I got that taken care of without much collateral damage."
"What did you even do??"
"Don't worry about it. Don't you need to call your school or something?"
"Oh. Right."

You dial the school's phone number on your house phone only to find that the line is dead. That loli outside must have cut them, though it could have been Sakura (again). You get the feeling you don't want to ask Saber what she was doing outside, however.

"The line is dead"
"Somehow, I'm not surprised. Well, I'm sure everything will work out in the end. You can just ask one of your peers for the homework later."

>What will you do?
Wait out the rest of the day until somebody shows up
Try and fix the phone line with magic (Roll 2d20 to find/fix the problem)
Go to the shed and establish a safe space, shit is getting a tad crazy
other

>>892309
Go to the shed and establish a safe space, shit is getting a tad crazy

>>892309
>Try and fix the phone line with magic (Roll 2d20 to find/fix the problem)
https://youtu.be/e-Q45kE9Hw8

Rolled 14, 9 = 23 (2d20)

>>892309
>Try and fix the phone line with magic (Roll 2d20 to find/fix the problem)

Rolled 11, 4 = 15 (2d20)

>>892312
You seem to have missed the roll, anon. Here, let me help you with that

Rolled 18, 12 = 30 (2d20)

>>892309
Fix it

>>892317
You failed me, OP.

>>892332
look man the dice gods are as unbiased with me as with everyone else, the only natural 100 we've gotten so far was to fuck with Taiga before Rin hypnotized her. I rolled it elsewhere while I was writing to see how she'd react.

>>892309
You decide, against your better judgement, to use magic to sort out the problem. You find the downed wire outside, and after a few moments of reinforcement magic to make sure you didn't electrocute yourself, reattach the wires as best you can. They're still downed, but now they won't hurt anyone, and your phone should be working again. The entire time you're outside, though, you feel like there's someone right behind you, and Saber watching you from a distance doesn't make you feel any safer. It isn't until you've returned inside that the dreadful feeling fades, however.

>What will you do?
Yeah, that phone call to the school sounds like a great idea right now.
Call Kiritsugu and ask when he and Irisviel are getting home. Make it clear to them that shit is going down.
Other.

>>892339
>Call Kiritsugu and tell him about the loli
He'll come flying at square accel.

>>892341
This. Wait, why is Illya trying to hunt her brother?

>>892354
Seeing as we live with Kiritsugu and Irisviel and she doesn't, I guess she thinks her parents abandoned her for us.

>>892341
Not quite that fast, since he doesn't have Avalon in him to compensate, but he'll be home very quickly nonetheless.

>>892354
Because the Einzbern family is a bag of dicks. Irisviel and Kiritsugu were never able to get back to the castle to go rescue her, so she's more than a little unhappy.

>>892357
Oh yeah, she's hellla pissed.

>>892339
You pick up the house phone once you're in the living room. Unsurprisingly, there's a dial tone this time, so you dial Irisviel's cell phone number. Predictably, it goes to the voice mailbox, so you leave a message about how a little girl that looks just like her just showed up outside, creeped around for a bit, and left. Within minutes, your cell phone blows up with emails from Kititsugu and Irisviel, before you get a phone call from Kiritsugu on your cell phone.

"Hello?"
"Shirou, whatever you do, stay inside until I get home. And put your phone on speaker for a minute. I need to speak with our guest."
"Uh. Okay."

You put your phone on speaker, and grab Saber's attention. She'd been in the kitchen looking for snack foods.

"Okay. First of all, hi Saber, Sorry about how the last grail war ended, but at least this time you've actually got a real shot at it, unlike last time where it effectively blew up in all our faces. I suppose you weren't around for that part, but it wasn't pretty. We had to fish Shirou out of the rubble after that. I'm pretty sure all three of us still have nightmares about that mud. Anyway, stay as close to him as humanly possible unless a fight breaks out. I've got to go now. Iri says hi, by the way. Bye."

And with that the call drops. Kiritsugu probably hung up.

"Well. That was a bombshell. How much of that were you planning to keep from me?"
"As much as humanly possible. It's stuff that you needn't worry yourself about."
"I can't fault you for this but it still frustrates me on some base level. Anyway, knowing Dad, he'll probably be here in under an hour or so since he's just in the next town over. He's probably doing some insane stunt to get here quicker. Mom's probably going to be pissed."

>What will you do?
Cry quietly in the corner until backup arrives
Reinforce the shit out of the house in case of another attack.
Go to the store and buy snacks. what could possibly go wrong?
Other

>>892360
>Reinforce the shit out of the house in case of another attack.
Or atleast the doors or windows. I know that's not going to stop a servant but atleast this way unless it is an Assassin they shouldn't be able to sneak it.

>>892365
*door and windows

Friends, I will return later. I must hibernate for now, as it has gotten too cold in my house for me to willingly continue. Feel free to continue voting though, I do like having several people having voted on stuff, as it gives me the option to branch out in the next post.

>>892360
>Reinforce the shit out of the house in case of another attack.

>>892360
>Reinforce the shit out of the house in case of another attack.
>Reinforce some wooden swords to fight any intruders

>>892360
Just dropping in to say that if Rin's tusundere tendencies don't end with Kiritsugu holding a gun to her head when she inevitably makes some sort of half hearted threat towards Shirou I will be extremely disappointed in him

>>892360
>Reinforce the shit out of the house in case of another attack.

Hello my friends I am back. I will get on to writing the update here shortly, I am just taking care of a few mid-morning/afternoon things since I finally got out of bed.

>>892522

I'd be more afraid of what Irisviel would do, she's the more scary of the two in my opinion.

>>892805
>irisviel goes full crazy mother at the threat of her baby being hurt in any fashion.
>orders Saber to kill her
>saber is conflicted

>>892805
Not surprising, with her driving skills and all.

>>892360
You decide it's probably best to reinforce the parts of the house that aren't already magically reinforced. Which basically just accounts for the windows really. However, this takes a toll on you, as you've really only reinforced smaller objects previously. However, you learn a fair amount about the glass that makes up the windows in the process. You're not quite sure how it would help overall, but you could probably use that knowledge to improve the swords you spawned earlier.

However, using all that magic at once has left you relatively tired, on top of the fact that you're still recovering. You decide to check on your abdomen, where you'd been stabbed last night, expecting some major bruising, however all you find is some light bruising. Well, that and a rather pesky scar that seems to be slowly, but visibly shrinking. You decide to feel it, and it feels prickly, and you're not sure what's worse, the fact that you have a scar that is literally shrinking, or the fact that it feels like sandpaper.

>What do?
Wait for Kiritsugu in the living room. He probably won't be much longer.
Make some food or something.
Where did Saber slip off to?
Eh, may as well step outside into the back yard.
Other

Make some food or something.

>>892905
>find the saber

>>892905

> Make some food

Food is always the answer in this quest.

>>892905
>Make some food or something.
>Shout on Saber, see what she wants to eat
We need to lure her out.

>>892905
>Make some food or something.
>See what Saber wants to eat.

>>892805
>I'd be more afraid of what Irisviel would do, she's the more scary of the two in my opinion.
Maya might actually be the worst if she's still around. I always imagined that if she survived she'd be Shirou's Alfred. But with more emotional damage.

>>892905
Sit in the living room, read some sword mags or something

>>892962
Sadly, I forgot to consider her. However now that I've been reminded that she exists she was probably out town too. I haven't quite fully hammered out what Kiritsugu and Irisviel do, but they run a chain of stores, and collect/destroy dangerous magical artifacts on the side. The second business is a bit of a freelance operation, so they take contracts from the church and magus association every so often as a result. Maya is probably out acquiring one of those contracts or something.

>>892905
You decide it's probably best to start making lunch. You call out to Saber, but she doesn't answer. You briefly wonder where she could be before deciding that it's probably not important, so you start pulling out the ingredients for shrimp fried rice. You find you're a little low on sake, but that's fine, you can just take a bit from your mom's spice rack to compensate. She'll probably use the leftovers for a something else anyway.

A little while later and the smell of the food that you've begun to cook lures a hungry Saber out from... somewhere. You're not quite sure when it happened because one second Saber wasn't sitting at the kotatsu, and the next second she was, but she's there now.

"So... Where did you wander off to?"
"Did you know this house has a basement full of arcade cabinets and game systems?"
"That would be... mom and dad's game room. mom's a bit of a racing game fanatic, and dad enjoys his shooting games. I haven't been down there for a while since the ps2 and Dreamcast are just up here and I use them for the most part, but the rest of the game systems are down there."

Saber nods her head, and for a moment, you feel like you can see true fear in her eyes, she looks truly dead inside, but then she blinks, shaking her head to snap herself out of it.

Shortly thereafter, the fried rice is done. You've made enough portions for four people. You take the plates you made for Saber and yourself to the table, along with two pairs of chopsticks and a pair of spoons. Immediately after you set the plates down, Saber's stomach grumbles loudly. She blushes in response.

"I need to eat a lot more than normal people, okay?"
"Hey, I'm not judging you for it. I saw how you fight. We've got enough for an extra portion or two, and I can always cook more."
"I really appreciate it."

Saber immediately begins digging in to her fried rice with the spoon.

>What do?
Dig in yourself. You've still got time until Kiritsugu arrives
Turn on the tv and eat slowly. Phantasmoon is on at about this time right?
Hey, you still haven't read any of those sword magazines you've been meaning to read recently.
Other

>>893118
>Dig in yourself. You've still got time until Kiritsugu arrives

Dig in yourself. You've still got time until Kiritsugu arrives

>>893118
>Turn on the tv and eat slowly. Phantasmoon is on at about this time right?
>Sit in your favourite chair.

>>893118

> "READ" your Sword Magazines

fapfapfap

>>893118
Hey, you still haven't read any of those sword magazines you've been meaning to read recently.

>>893118
>Turn on the tv and eat slowly. Phantasmoon is on at about this time right?

When do we bang Illya?

>>893118
>Hey, you still haven't read any of those sword magazines you've been meaning to read recently.
AW FUCK YEAH TIME TO FAP BABY

>>893118
>Turn on the tv and eat slowly. Phantasmoon is on at about this time right?
AWW YEAH, MAHOU SHOUJOS. Keep that Illya stuff away though.

>>893118
>Hey, you still haven't read any of those sword magazines you've been meaning to read recently.

switching vote

>>893118
>Hey, you still haven't read any of those sword magazines you've been meaning to read recently.

>>893118
You decide to take things a bit slow, turning on the TV, it looks like Phantasmoon is on. However as that isn't exactly your thing, you just leave it on in the background as you open up one of the sword magazines on the table. You'd pulled them out of a storage container in the shed the other day with the intent on reading them for some odd reason, but they'd just been sitting on the table because you'd not had the time to get around to them prior. You begin to flip through the pages of the first magazine as you gradually eat the fried rice. You've got a bit of a better idea on how to not make your swords look like potatoes now.

Once you've finished your meal, and saber has had her seconds, Kiritsugu calmly walks in the front door.

"Alright, I'm here now. When was the last time you saw the little girl?"
"Well, I last saw her a few hours ago."
"I chased her off for the third time no less than fifteen minutes ago. She was trying to cut the power lines this time."

It was at that exact moment that the power went out. The room didn't get any darker since it's the middle of the day, but the TV suddenly blinked off, and the lights that were on went out. The house then began to shake violently.

"Motherfuck, Iri is not going to be happy about this."

>What do?
Ask what's going on.
Hide under the Kotatsu
Other.

>>893400
>Ask what's going on.
Explain further.

>>893400

> Other

Good to see you dad.

Ask what's going on.

>>893400
>Ask what's going on.
>Ask Kiritsugu how we acquire our own miniature Iri.

>>893400
Hide under the Kotatsu

>>893400
>Hide under the Kotatsu

>>893416
Supporting

>>893400
>Ask what's going on.

>>893400
You decide that now of all times is a great time to ask just what the fuck is going on to Kiritsugu.

"Seriously what the fuck is going on here, first I get stabbed to near death twice, not to mention the second time I had a good majority of my internal organs scrambled, I'm still not sure how I survived that, furthe-"
"Avalon. Ask Saber if you want to know more. I'm sorry that I can't stay for long, but I need to go make sure that my daughter doesn't kill everyone. She was probably waiting for me to show up."

And with that, Kiritsugu is out the back door, but not before yelling to you not to give Avalon back to her until you learned how to fight properly. Saber takes another sip of her coffee.

"Oh, no, that's fine. Answer one question and leave me with fifteen more. Thanks, dad. Can you answer one of the questions I just thought up, Saber?"
"Well, I could tell you about Avalon. I assume it was both the relic used to summon me, and was probably shoved inside of you or something. It's probably what kept you alive. I'd really appreciate getting it back before the end of the war, however."
"We'll work on that."

>What will you do next?
Let's go help dad beat the shit out of our new sibling
Call mom
Contemplate Avalon
Other

>>893558
>Call mom
"Hi mom, should I start fixing the fridge before or after dad kicks the shit out of your real kid?"

>>893558
>Let's go help dad beat the shit out of our new sibling

>>893118
Phantasmoon, because explosions are awesome.

>>893558
>Call mom
>tell her Dad did the whole 'pushing off responability to go kill something again' spew.

>>893593
>>893672
Supporting due to the feeling both can be said.

>>893672
>>893593

Combine these Trash?

>>892360
>Go to the store and get snacks
>Maybe some flowers or something for Saber

>>893558
>Other
Try to befriend new sibling, or make a big cat trap with the leftover rice

>>893787
Ooops, didn't refresh in time

>>893118
Is she Shirou's second mom, or did daddy end his weird affair thing with her

>>894318
It would be best to think of her as a doting aunt, she's cooled down since Fate/Zero. She's been known to spoil Shirou rotten from time to time. She's just as protective as Kiritsugu and Irisviel, however, and would probably kill our opponents if asked (or at least make an attempt to), if she wasn't half way across the world right now.

Every so often she gets in on a threesome with Kiritsugu and Irisviel when Iri is in the mood to be kinky. Harems seem to come with the family name.

>>894366
Rin is going to panic so much when she realizes how badly she's outgunned. And Shinji is so screwed. I'm really looking forward to him trying shit.

>>894386
Rin's probably going to try and strike up an alliance when she realizes just how stacked the deck is against her specifically. It's not like she's the final boss or anything, I just realized how fucked the situation I accidentally put her in by shuffling some servant classes actually is.

Thankfully for Rin, Illya is just as fucked as Rin is. Outgunned is the right term here though, we've got them out the ass in the shed.

Shinji however, is beyond fucked if/When Kiritsugu, Irisviel, or Maya find out that he's abusing Sakura (even if one did trust that he cut that shit out a while back). Especially if Maya finds out because she'll just snipe him without question.

>>893558

You sigh, asking saber to go keep an eye on Kiritsugu as you pull out your cell phone. You were starting to be glad of your father's decision to have the whole family get Nokias, otherwise the cuts in this thing from last night probably would be a lot worse, it might not be functioning anymore. You dial up Irisviel's phone number and wait for her to pick up. Surprisingly, it doesn't go to voice mail, though the signal is uncharacteristically bad for the time of year.

"Hello? Mom? Dad just got home, but he told me to ask Saber about Avalon? And then he went out back, saying something about how he had to stop his daughter from killing everyone."

Irisviel sighed in disappointment. You could feel the irritation through the phone.

"Alright sweetie, I'll go over this from the top, please don't be too surprised, alright?"
"Okay..?"
"Okay, so, you remember when you were younger and you asked if you had any siblings and we said no? That was a lie. I had a wonderful little girl about eighteen years ago. Sadly, my grandparents took custody of her from us when we came to japan for the previous holy grail war. I have no doubt they did terrible things to her to prepare her for this one. Your father is going to do his best to incapacitate her, though if she has a servant, we're going to have to kill it before we can save her, most likely."
"Okay... So should I fix the fridge before or after dad kicks the shit out of my sister?"
"I'm really sorry, but the signal coming from your end is really poor, can you hear me alright?"
"I can hear you just fine, mom."
"Please speak up, I only heard you say I can, and mom."

And like that the line goes dead as you hear a generic "your phone is outside the service area" message. You grumble as you compose an email to tell Irisviel that you're fine for now and that you'll see her tonight. It sends just fine, however, unlike the rest of what you've had to deal with regarding phone service today. She responds with a 'I'm so sorry I couldn't spend more time explaining things to you.'

>What will you do?
Fix the fridge anyway. It hasn't been as cold lately, so an element probably broke or shorted out or something
Fix some more food.
Go outside and make sure that Kiritsugu isn't dead. Or worse, stuck in a doll.
Other

>>894496
>Go outside and make sure Kiritsugu isn't dead. Or worse, stuck in a doll.
>Other
Find out if Ilya and Kiritsugu are hungry while you're at it, so you can plan for lunch after they've finished their reunion

>>894496
Go outside and make sure that Kiritsugu isn't dead. Or worse, stuck in a doll.

>>894496
>Go outside and make sure that Kiritsugu isn't dead. Or worse, stuck in a doll.
I'm sorta wondering when the other shoe is going to drop. I mean, with an actual wish granted, it makes no sense for the Grail war to be happening this early even if Waver managed to unfuck the grail. Still we should be fine. Unless one of the new servants is something ridiculous like Solomon or Morgan Le Fay.

>>894496
>Check inside the fridge to see if any of the contents has spoiled.
>Then while your throwing the wasted food out, make sure that Kiritsugu isn't dead. Or worse, stuck in a doll.

>>894551
>>894496
Side note: If we gain access to Saber's Memories to copy weapons, I'd put as our highest priority to copy either Arondight or Lancelot's lance. In addition to being powerful weapons of possibly the most skilled knight in history, Arthurian Legend is quite explicit that if Arthur's final battle had been delayed long enough for Lancelot to show up, Arthur would have won. Given the way Heroic spirits work, as long as "Lancelot" is on Saber's side of the field she should get a significant boost.

>>894582
Are you implying that we should use unlimited blade works to copy Lancelot's spear and initiate supreme shenanigans?
because if you are, I like the way you think, anon

>>894643
Yes. As the King of Knights, Artoria should essentially get a bonus whenever a Knight of the Round Table is fighting by her side, with Lancelot giving the highest bonus due to his ability to prevent her death. As a faker, its entirely appropriate for Shirou to play the part of whichever knight is most appropriate for the situation.
Other potentially amusing exploits:
>Shirou copies a weapon's history so he isn't limited to the skills of the current wielder. Gae Bolg was actually first used by Scáthach, who is stronger than Lancer.
>Can Dad use time alter on Saber? Because I'm pretty sure that that would be basically unstoppable.

>>894798
>>894643
Would also mean that Shirou would use Lord Camelot instead of Rho Aias as his primary defensive armament, which might be a neat change.

File: Caster Medea content.png (347 KB, 339x479)

347 KB PNG

>>895198

Actually, due to a few discord jokes, Archer (and by proxy, Shirou) now has(/have) the ultimate in ultimate defensive noble phantasms: the Rho Nokia.

>>894496
You decide it's best that you at least peak outside and make sure nobody is dead. The back yard is as quiet (and deserted) as it normally would be. And while that dreadful feeling you felt earlier is gone, there's a young woman with blue hair and elf ears in a relatively simple formal western-styled purple dress sitting on the fence playing a hand held game system. You're pretty sure it's a DS, but those aren't supposed to be out for at least a few more days, if not weeks. You're not sure if you want to interact with her or not, just based off the staff she has in her lap. That knife she has holstered on her right side also looks pretty dangerous too. She seems pretty content up there though, and you're not usually one to stop people form enjoying themselves.

You decide it's probably just better to check the inside of the shed. Inside you don't find any major changes, aside from the fact that it seems to have been cleaned up just a bit. The area around the magic circle has been completely cleared out, and your work station seems to have been... reorganized. Sakura must have done it when you weren't looking. You've half a mind to reprimand the girl, but she was only trying to do it to help you, so the most you'll probably do is ask her not to do it again. Having investigated the shed, you decide to head back inside, however on your way out of the shed, the woman on the fence speaks up for just a moment before returning to her game-playing.

"If you're looking for the people that were fighting out here, they ended up leaving shortly after the fight between servants broke out. They're probably going to end up at a nearby graveyard. Have fun."

>What will you do?
Follow them, obviously. (After thanking Caster, of course)
Try to call Irisviel back again.
Offer the helpful lady some food.
Other

>>895220
>Follow them, obviously. (After thanking Caster, of course)

>>895220
Follow them, obviously. (After thanking Caster and giving her some of the food we made so she can Mucnh on it..)

>>895220
>Offer the helpful lady some food.
>Follow them, obviously. (After thanking Caster, of course)

The answer will always be food.

>>895220
>Offer the helpful lady some food.

>>895220
You thank the woman sitting on the fence and ask her if she would like some of the food you'd cooked for lunch, mentioning that it was still warm.

"I think I'll take you up on that. Thank you for being kind enough to try and repay me for helping you out."

So you go inside, retrieve the last portion of fried rice, a spoon, and some chopsticks that hadn't been used, and take it outside. When you get there, the woman has gotten down from the fence and is waiting on the steps leading out to the lawn. You hand her the bowl and ask her to just leave it next to the door, and say that if you don't get to it, somebody else will eventually. What you get in response is one of the sincerest smiles you've ever seen, along with a thank you. And with that, you head on your way.

>What do
We were on our way to the graveyard, right?
We were on our way to pick up our homework, right?
We need to restock the fridge, right?
Other

caster was accidentally jamming our phone with her crafted DS, by the way. She made the wireless on it a little too strong so she could use wifi from anywhere and have 3 bars after the normal retail model wasn't up to snuff for her.

>>896283
>We were on our way to the graveyard, right?

>>896283
>We were on our way to the graveyard, right?

>>896283
>We were on our way to the graveyard, right?

>>896283
>We were on our way to the graveyard, right?

>>896283
>We were on our way to the graveyard, right?

>We were on our way to the graveyard, right?

Good morning/Afternoon, my players. I'll be starting things up here soon, but have this silly shit that got spawned today while you wait for me to write the update.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Olg6eoqTaM8
Spirit: Stack of Cash
Master: Geico

Alignment: Neutral Good

Strength: E Mana: EX
Endurance: - Luck: EX
Agility: E Noble Phantasm: EX

Class Skills:
Magic Resistance: EX
Literally made of paper: EX

Personal Skills:
Charisma: EX
Financial Tactics: A+
Divinity: E
Meme: C+ (Actually EX)

Noble Phantasm:
Who's Watching Me?: - Anti-Consummerist (Actually EX)

File: Illya Assassin.png (369 KB, 700x797)

369 KB PNG

>>896283
We were on our way to the graveyard, right? Yeah, that's where we were going. You can tell which direction it's in because of the general noise coming from that direction. Man, the city was deserted today. Maybe the smart/sane people cleared the fuck out when they saw the mage battle. You keep walking and eventually reach the graveyard, where you find Saber, fighting a rather tall muscular man in a form fitting light armor of some sort. The second thing you notice about him after his amazing physique, is that his eyes are glowing red. That's probably not good.

And then the man meows. Like full on cat noises, but a tad louder. You think he's trying to roar, but it ends out coming out as adorable instead.

And then things get weird. You think you see Saber charge at him, but then, he's behind her, and oh fuck is she bleeding on the ground.

>What do?
Help Saber of course!
Maybe Dad can help us out here
I mustn't run away, I mustn't run away
other

please keep in mind, our mana circuits are still a stat stunted right now. This can be remedied later. If you want to attempt something fucking crazy like summoning Avalon though, feel free. We can manage that. For a price, of course. roll a d100 and get above 95 in three or less rolls.

>>897407
I like those odds, lets try the summoning

Rolled 33 (1d100)

>>897407
Trace the fuck out of his bow.

Pray to the Root that this works.

Rolled 33 (1d100)

>>897407
>>897423
what this guy said

>>897407

> Other

Hey dude, bet I can out shoot you with that bow.

Rolled 62 (1d100)

>>897407
>>897423
I'll support this. Does this come with a arrow or two though?

>>897423
>>897443
Well that's unlikely.

>>897448
We only slightly trace the fuck out of his bow.

>>897407
>Help Saber of course!

>>897407
Maybe Dad can help us out here

>>897423
>>897443
>>897448
You guys tried. Maybe another day, with a lower DC.
You manage to gain knowledge of the Nine Lives, however. This will make tracing it moderately easier in the future.

>>897407

Assassin meows loudly as he knocks an arrow into his bow. Both Kiritsugu and Saber announce "oh fuck" in unison, as they dive to get behind cover. You're left clueless for a few moments before Saber dives at you to get you not standing up. What happens next is really confusing. The space above you suddenly... twists. That's the best way you could describe it. Something incomprehensible happens as the arrow is fired just above you, with the shockwaves resulting from it blowing you and Saber at least fifteen feet back, onto one of the hills that form a natural ramp into the graveyard. When you open your eyes, Kiritsugu is behind one of the graves. Damn, that cover must be crazy good if he didn't get knocked back.

"Saber, what is going on, and how can I help?"
"Well, if you could give me some mana, that would be really nice."
"I'm afraid I don't quite know how to do that, Saber."
"Well then, we're pretty fucked. I think I can handle this guy, but we need to get out of here. Could you grab Kiritsugu and flee while I distract Assassin? I'll get out of here just fine afterward."
"I think I can manage that."

>What do
Go through with the plan
We're a hero of justice, tackle Illya or something.
other roll d100 to do some insane shit.

Rolled 90 (1d100)

>>897543
>Other

THESE HANDS OF MINE BURN WITH A RAGING HATE

Rolled 27 (1d100)

>>897543
>We're a hero of justice, tackle Illya or something.
>Also do some crazy shit or something.

>>897543
Have we seen any of Saber's memories yet?

Rolled 65 (1d100)

>>897548

I DONT KNOW WHAT IM BACKING BUT FUCK YEAH

>>897555
no. To be fair, it's been less than a day so far, so we haven't really had a chance for them to leak into our dreams yet.

time for some insane shit though, please hold

Rolled 59 (1d100)

>>897543
>>897548
I'll back this madman.

Rolled 85 (1d100)

>>897573
>>897548
me too
>inb4 nat 1

Rolled 52 (1d100)

>>897548
okay

File: BERSERKER.jpg (101 KB, 445x450)

101 KB JPG

>>897548

>>897548
holy fuck man, I do believe we're going to rip off G Gundam now.

>>897543
You know what, fuck it, you're gonna be a hero now.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nQgXvmtI_ug

"THIS HAND OF MINE IS BURNING RED!"

You think you hear Kiritsugu tell you not to be a hero, but it's too late, you're already powering up to do something crazy, as your right hand begins to glow red and a gauntlet appears around it.

"IT'S LOUD ROAR TELLS ME TO GRASP VICTORY!"

You begin to charge Assassin. He's not quite sure how to deal with the fact that a master is just flat out charging him, at least for a few moments.

"ERRUPTING! GOD! FINGER!!"

You manage to make contact with Assassin. Before he turns you into a pincushion, picking you up by your collar in the process. But hey, at least you get to blow him up, right? You wheeze a few times, coughing up some blood. And then you shove your fist straight into his chest.

"HEAT END!"

His torso explodes in a glorious fashion, dropping you as he his remaining arm goes limp and begin to twitch.

>What do
Bleed out (Make Saber do all the work to save you)
Try to get over to Saber before you bleed out
Flee as best you can
Other d100 if you want to roll to not pass out from blood loss

Rolled 58 (1d100)

>>897654
>Try to get over to Saber before you bleed out
>other, I DEMAND YOU TO STOP BLEEDING

Rolled 44 (1d100)

>>897654

> Other

Shout GET FUCKED

Rolled 82 (1d100)

>>897663
this

Rolled 3 (1d100)

>>897654
Claim Illya as our own, by the rights of mortal combat.

Rolled 71 (1d100)

>>897674
This.

Rolled 44 (1d100)

>>897674
this

>>897663
This and
>>897674
This

fucked my last vote up.

>>897654
You decide to rub salt in the wound since you're going to pass out anyway and scream GET FUCKED at Assassin as your vision fades to black over the course of the next minute or so. In the meantime, you attempt to crawl off toward Saber, grumbling about how this keeps happening before passing out in her lap.

>Be another character until Shirou wakes up?
Yes
No

>>897727
No

>>897727
>No

>>897727

>Yes

Archer Quest pls.

>>897727
>Yes
Kerry or Archer please Loto.

>>897737

Changing my vote to Kerry.

She urgently needs to buy milk!

>>897727
yes
kerry please

>>897727
>Be Kiritsugu until Shirou wakes up.

You are now Kiritsugu Emiya, famed Magus Killer, and tied for second place in the previous holy grail war. You are all too aware of what fighting a mage takes, and currently, have to fight your daughter without killing her. Oh how you long to hold her close and give her a hug, telling her she's done a great job these last ten years without mom and dad around to raise her, but you can't. Because her servant will eviscerate you, and if he doesn't, she probably will. She takes after her mother in the best of ways, after all, even if your current situation means that she has all of her bad points, too.

>What do?
Call Iri and update her on the situation.
Attempt to take Shirou's command seals without chopping his arm off.
Time for research on his opponents.
Other
you needn't roll to do insane shit here, Kiritsugu gets a natural bonus in anything that fits in with his logical thinking.

>>897908

> Research

The Mage killer's weapon is information.

>>897908
Did we plant the C4 on the leylines in this timeline? If so, blow it the fuck up.

If not, research the other masters.

>>897921
this

>>897908
>Time for research on his opponents.

>>897908
>Time for research on his opponents.
Also, stealing Shirou's command seals is a terrible idea. We know how Saber is about honor, so she'd probably try to kill us even if we succeeded. On the other hand, We should remember the Multi master trick that was pulled off in the last war. Iri has a large amount of magical power, but minimal direct combat ability. Having her boost Shirou and Saber's reserves is the optimum solution.

>>897908
Time for research on his opponents.

>>897908
You decide it's probably best to flee with Saber and Shirou while you have the chance. Illya seems to have fucked off in the interim, so Assassin will probably leave you alone for a while.

You decide the best course of action upon getting home is to get on your pc and start pulling up as much info as you can on the other masters participating in the holy grail war. Thankfully the Church's database is as easy as ever to crack into, so you don't have to do much searching at all to find out what little info that have on the masters. You recognize at least a few of the names, Rin Tohsaka, Sakura Matou, Illyasviel Von Einzbern, and Kirei Kotomine. The other names on the list besides Shirou's are new names for you. One of them supposedly lives at the Ryuudou Temple. Most of the people on this list are involved with Shirou in some way, shape or form, suspiciously enough.And was that Taiga on the potential masters list? You really should have a talk with her about just not participating.

however, because this is Kiritsugu and not Shirou, I'm not spoiling any of the new servants I've got planned just yet. Better luck next time.

At the end of everything, you manage to find out that the church barely knows anything about this grail war. At least two servants have gone AWOL, one after killing her original master, and the other after his master was found bleeding out shortly after summoning him.

Short version on all of this: Rin has Archer, Illya has Assassin, Kirei has Lancer, Souichirou has Caster, Sakura has Rider, and that's about all you could dig up. Berserker is the only true mystery to you as their master has yet to have any information on them surface.

>Be Shirou again
Wake up
Try to go back to sleep
Other

>>898062
>Wake me up

>>898062
>Dream of SWORDS
>SWORDS SWORDS SWORDS SWORDS
>And the occasional Fae constructed sheath.

>>898062
>Wake up

>>898075
WAKE ME UP INSIDE

>>898062
>Other
Dream about Saber.

>>898095
CAN'T WAKE UP
SAVE EVERYONE

>>898062
>Other
Dream about horrible cgi dragons.

File: cBw7uhi.png (434 KB, 407x557)

434 KB PNG

Did someone say swords, how about some knives

>>898186

OUR ELEMENT IS SWORD NOT KNIFE HEATHEN

>>898196
A knife is just a baby sword Anon.

Besides, everyone knows the best Origin is obviously Chair.

>>898210
I wish I had the chair image it never fails to make me laugh

File: Thischair.jpg (64 KB, 644x504)

64 KB JPG

>>898308
You mean this one Anon?

File: 1439868418465.png (99 KB, 560x770)

99 KB PNG

>>898396
Yes, good god I love Tsukihime. Even though my favorite girl never got a route...

>>898062
Wake me up inside can't wake up

You awake to find yourself in a black void with a pitiful looking cgi dragon made of sort-of-light. It stares at you, waiting for a response.

"Well, this is awkward."
"And you're not supposed to be here yet. Do you want me to put you back at the correct point in the plot?"

You stare at the dragon in confusion before grunting, and answering his question.

"I guess?"

The dragon eats you whole, and you wake up in a cold sweat in the middle of the night. You're not quite sure what just happened, as the last thing that you can remember is that you took some arrows to the gut while blowing up Assassin.

>What do?
Survey the battle damage
Call for Saber
Check your phone (which happens to be sitting on your bedside table)
Other
CHAIR

>>898489
>Call for Saber
>Ask her if she knows the dragon.

>>898489
>Call for Saber
>Watch Jesse Ventura YTPs on your phone while you wait for Saber

Rolled 28 (1d100)

>>898489
TRACE THE CHAIR

Or check your phone, see if anyone has left any messages.

>>898489
>Check your phone (which happens to be sitting on your bedside table)

Rolled 36 (1d100)

>>898497
TRACE IT, TRACE IT NOW.

>>898489
>Survey the battle damage