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>>903173
You look at the card - pristine, pearly white with a border of golden feathers and neat scripted printed in shining ruby-red - then at Commander Blumstein. Then you urgently look around for a bottle of alcohol. You're left severely disappointed.

"… run that by me again?"

"Lucifer invited you to dinner," Commander Blumstein says. "Since this is the easiest way to know where he is, I accepted."

"… and what am I supposed to do when I get there?"

"Crush his pride," the Commander answers. "Lucifer draws power from his followers and worshippers. Once their faith in him is erased, his power will probably dissipate."

"So you want me to talk him to death." You stare at your Commander incredulously. "Because that will probably cause his power to dissipate. Probably."

"Essentially," the Commander says. "Who do you want to bring as your date?"

There are several problems with this plan - and calling it a plan is already quite generous - but since it's been decided…

- Orianne.
- Natsumi.
- Selene.

>>903183
>- Orianne.
This will probably turn into a fight and since we can't be sure he uses fire it's either The buffer or the Huntress.

>>903183
>- Orianne.

>>903183
>- You.
For maximum talk-him-to-deathability.
If that isn't an option,
>- Orianne.

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>>903183
"I'll bring Orianne along," you say. "She's the most socially competent person on the team."

"I'll let her know right away," the Commander says. "Go meet with Francis on the helipad."

"Yes, ma'am."

You salute and head up to the roof. New York hasn't changed much during your absences, although may you just haven't spent enough time in the city to notice yet. With the Wendigo defeated so many other hot zones cleared, Relic-wielders are being reassigned to clean up operations to make the continent safer. People should be moving out of the city to "colonize" the nearby areas again soon. That ought to be an obvious change.

"'Sup?" Francis greets you with a friendly wave. "I heard you were going to a party."

"Yeah, it's going to be… different," you say. "Maybe that's not a bad thing though."

"Relax," Francis says. "I'll bail you out if things go sideways."

The door opens and Orianne steps onto the helipad.

"Eamon!" She smiles and takes your arm. "If I had known meeting the Devil would get me a date with you, I would have gone to Italy weeks ago."

- "It's not a date."
- "Might as well make the most out of this."

>>903355
>- "Might as well make the most out of this."

>>903355
>- "I will neither confirm nor deny that this is a date"

Can we do write ins?

>>903355
>- "It's not a date."
>- "It's a mission, Orianne. If you want me to take you on a date, I can do it after Lucifer is dead, but not before."

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>>903355
Enemy: Lucifer
CHA: S
DIV: S

"This isn't a date," you say. "It's a job."

"Fine, fine." Orianne rolls her eyes and pulls you onto the Vimana. "I see someone hasn't had their pick-me-up yet."

"Yeah, he gets kinda grumpy when he forgets to Irish up his coffee," Eamon says. "Be sure to get him hammered over dinner. That's when he dishes out his best insults."

"I'll keep that in mind."

You sigh and climb on board. There's a brief flash of golden light and the next thing you know, you're hovering above a hotel somewhere in Rome. The area has been cordoned off - velvet ropes, not a police blockades - and two rows of men in pristine black suits frame the red carpet leading up to the entrance. A man in ornate bishop's robes open the door for you.

"Welcome, honoured guests," he says. "The Lord will see you now."

"Good luck with the creepy cult," Francis says. He's gone before your feet even touch the ground.

The meeting is in the restaurant on the ground floor, so you don't need to go up. You're brought to an absurdly long table - or, more likely, multiple tables put together - and the bishop pulls you a chair at the closest end of the table, with Orianne sitting at your right. Men in robes and black suits take up most of the other chairs, but there's a gap of three chairs between them and Orianne so your group is a bit isolated.

Then of course, there's Lucifer. Covered only by his wings, the radiant angel raises his glass to toast your arrival.

"So you've come at last, after defeating so many of my peers." Lucifer's voice is deep in spite of his lithe figure. "Tell me, how do you find the arrangements?"

Well, the Commander told you to insult him to death, so…

- [DC14] "It's… acceptable. I'm sure you did your best."
- [DC14] "I've seen better during one of my pub crawls."
- [DC14] "You should replace your secretary."

Rolled 10 (1d20)

>>903582
- [DC14] "I've seen better during one of my pub crawls."

Rolled 4 (1d20)

>>903582
>[DC14] "It's… acceptable. I'm sure you did your best."
Start off subtle.

Rolled 3 (1d20)

>>903582
- [DC14] "It's… acceptable. I'm sure you did your best."

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>>903582
Enemy: Lucifer
CHA: A
DIV: S

You make a show of looking around the room with a somewhat disappointed look on your face.

"It's… acceptable," you say. "I'm sure you did your best."

Lucifer's mouth twitches slightly and his worshippers shuffle uncomfortably. It seems you've cracked his veneer; direct insults against Lucifer undermine his Charisma.

You and Orianne both sit down and the waiter brings a plate of antipasto as an appetizer, along with crystal red wine.

"Your past successes are quite praiseworthy," Lucifer says, "but there's no need for your conflicts to continue. The world is quite large, after all. I would gladly help your govern it."

- [DC12] "No, thank you. We have too many inept politicians as it is."
- [DC12] "It would be better if we helped you manage your cult."
- [DC12] "Your organization isn't that impressive."

Rolled 17 (1d20)

>>903715
>- [DC12] "It would be better if we helped you manage your cult."

Rolled 10 (1d20)

>>903715
>- [DC12] "It would be better if we helped you manage your cult."
We're already preparing to take them under new management; all he has to do is say the word.

Rolled 5 (1d20)

>>903715
>- [DC12] "It would be better if we helped you manage your cult."

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>>903715
Enemy: Lucifer
CHA: A
DIV: A

"It would be better if we helped you manage your cult," you say. "After all, we've regained control over America, Africa, Asia and most of Europe. You're not exactly on our level."

The worshippers are strangely quite, while the light which surrounds Lucifer becomes slightly dimmer.

"He's getting weaker," Gleipnir tells you. "You're on the right track."

So, praising yourself at Lucifer's expense saps away his Divinity. That's how you can kill him.

"Besides, it must be so difficult for you," Orianne adds. "All those people, skulking around in the shadows because you can't offer them anything better."

Lucifer tightens his grip on his wine glass, although he retains enough self-control that he doesn't snap it.

"I am quite capable of managing my organization," Lucifer says. "Your concern is unnecessary."

- [DC12] "Perhaps your view of this isn't the most accurate."
- [DC12] "Yes, I suppose it is odd that I show more concern for your people than you do."
- [DC12] "True. It's not like your organization requires is that large anyway."

Rolled 14 (1d20)

>>903818
>- [DC12] "Yes, I suppose it is odd that I show more concern for your people than you do."

Rolled 8 (1d20)

>>903818
>- [DC12] "True. It's not like your organization requires is that large anyway."

Rolled 17 (1d20)

>>903818
- [DC12] "True. It's not like your organization requires is that large anyway."

>>903818
>- [DC12] "Yes, I suppose it is odd that I show more concern for your people than you do."

Rolled 1 (1d2)

>>903835
>>903881
1

>>903865
>>903876
2

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>>903818
Enemy: Lucifer
CHA: A
DIV: B

"Yes, I suppose it is odd that I show more concern for your people than you do," you say. "It would make things terribly awkward if people thought about that, wouldn't it?"

"Come to think of it," Orianne interjects, "the others only ever used their followers as disposable assets, didn't they?"

"They must have had their reasons," you say. "People don't just volunteer to throw away their lives for nothing."

The atmosphere in the room is becoming more and more awkward. The cultists are staring into their plates and Lucifer's smile doesn't even carry the pretence it's genuine.

"Although I am loathe to admit it," Lucifer says, "I am not perfect. Only God has ever made that mad claim. We each have our own limits."

- [DC12] "Huh. I guess your pride isn't worth much then, is it?"
- [DC12] "I haven't found my limits yet, and I certainly won't find them here."

Rolled 20 (1d20)

>>904001
>- [DC12] "Huh. I guess your pride isn't worth much then, is it?"

Rolled 16 (1d20)

>>904001
>- [DC12] "Huh. I guess your pride isn't worth much then, is it?"
>>904011
Damn that burn.

Rolled 18 (1d20)

>>904001
>- [DC12] "Huh. I guess your pride isn't worth much then, is it?"

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>>904001
Enemy: Lucifer
CHA: B
DIV: B

"Huh. I guess your pride isn't worth much then, is it?"

Orianne laughs and nearly chokes on her wine, while Lucifer glowers at you from across the room. The other guests are desperately trying to sink into their seats and disappear.

"I am proud of my accomplishments," Lucifer says coolly, "because I must always take the possibility of failure into consideration. Those who are perfect would never understand such ordeals. To them, the greatest challenge is no different than breathing, and who would take pride in that?"

A fair point, although you won't tell him that. In any case, it's clear that Lucifer is losing control of his temper.

- [DC11] "Oh, so you're intimately familiar with failure then?"
- [DC11] "Unlike you, I've never had to mind the possibility of failure. I'm just that good."

Rolled 10 (1d20)

>>904128
>- [DC11] "Oh, so you're intimately familiar with failure then?"

Rolled 7 (1d20)

>>904128
>- [DC11] "Oh, so you're intimately familiar with failure then?"

Rolled 1 (1d20)

>>904128
> [DC11] "Oh, so you're intimately familiar with failure then?"

Rolled 17 (1d20)

>>904128
>- [DC11] "Oh, so you're intimately familiar with failure then?"

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>>904128
Enemy: Lucifer
CHA: B
DIV: B

"Oh, so you're intimately familiar with failure then?"

"I've had some close brushes with it." Lucifer smiles behind his wine glass. "But I've always won in the end."

That one didn't work out so well for you. You need to get the conversation back on track.

"If we were to forge some kind of agreement with you," Orianne says, "what would it involve?"

"It's quite simple, really," Lucifer says. "I grant the benefits of my rule to whoever I want, everyone else stays out of my way, and you get to live."

That doesn't seem the least bit fair, not that you're surprised by that.

- [DC11] "Weren't you paying attention? You're not in a position to make demands that large."
- [DC11] "I could negotiate a better deal if I was blind drunk."

Rolled 11 (1d20)

>>904246
>- [DC11] "I could negotiate a better deal if I was blind drunk."

Rolled 5 (1d20)

>>904246
- [DC11] "I could negotiate a better deal if I was blind drunk."

Rolled 18 (1d20)

>>904246
- [DC11] "Weren't you paying attention? You're not in a position to make demands that large."

Rolled 19 (1d20)

>>904246
>- [DC11] "I could negotiate a better deal if I was blind drunk."

Rolled 10 (1d20)

>>904246
>- [DC11] "I could negotiate a better deal if I was blind drunk."
Honestly, if having to listen to you go on about yourself all the time constitutes a 'benefit of your rule', I think everyone would want to go without the 'getting to live' part.

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>>904246
Enemy: Lucifer
CHA: B
DIV: C

"I could negotiate a better deal if I was blind drunk." You finish your wine glass to make your point. "The point of negotiation is to give and take and let's be honest here, you have absolutely nothing to give."

The aura of divine presence that surrounds Lucifer loses even more of its shine. You're steadily eroding his power.

"All you've offered so far is your rule," Orianne says, "but how much is it really worth? You could offer some more concrete examples of what you've done, for starters."

"I have earned the loyalty of my worshippers," Lucifer says. "What more can a leader ask for?"

- [DC11] "And you miss the point yet again. What have you given in return for that loyalty?"
- [DC11] "I've also learned the loyalty of my comrades, but I earned it by watching their backs."

Rolled 18 (1d20)

>>904355
>- [DC11] "And you miss the point yet again. What have you given in return for that loyalty?"

Rolled 8 (1d20)

>>904355
- [DC11] "And you miss the point yet again. What have you given in return for that loyalty?"

Rolled 17 (1d20)

>>904355
>- [DC11] "And you miss the point yet again. What have you given in return for that loyalty?"

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>>904355
Enemy: Lucifer
CHA: C
DIV: C

"And you miss the point yet again." You wave your fork dismissively. "What have you given in return for that loyalty?"

"I am Lucifer." Oh, he's almost hissing in rage now. "By nature of who I am, that is enough to justify the worship I am due!"

"Oh?" Orianne raises an eyebrow. "But how is you being you any different than simply breathing? This isn't something worth bragging about."

The expression on Lucifer's face… You can't quite describe it. It's like all the muscles on his face are twisting into dozens of overlapping knots.

- [DC10] "Well, unless you're me. I'd call being me quite a notable accomplishment."
- [DC10] "I guess breathing is an ordeal for the mighty Lucifer after all."
- [DC10] "If that works for you. I mean, I actually work for my people's loyalty, but..."

Rolled 14 (1d20)

>>904456
>- [DC10] "If that works for you. I mean, I actually work for my people's loyalty, but..."

Rolled 2 (1d20)

>>904456
>[DC10] "If that works for you. I mean, I actually work for my people's loyalty, but..."

Rolled 9 (1d20)

>>904456
- [DC10] "I guess breathing is an ordeal for the mighty Lucifer after all."

Rolled 20 (1d20)

>>904456
>- [DC10] "I guess breathing is an ordeal for the mighty Lucifer after all."

Rolled 2 (1d2)

>>904469
>>904501
1

>>904506
>>904509
2

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>>904456
Enemy: Lucifer
CHA: D
DIV: C

"I guess breathing is an ordeal for the mighty Lucifer after all."

This is all to easy. All you need to do is quote his words back and point out his hypocrisy. Lucifer might as well be insulting himself at this point.

"What I mean is…" Lucifer's face stiffens and you're not quite sure how he's managing to squeeze words out of his mouth. "I… Being me is more difficult than being other people."

Orianne looks at him and shrugs. "If you say so." She calmly cuts a piece of steak. "I certainly don't see it, but that doesn't mean it isn't true. Perhaps your worshippers would know better."

Said worshippers are now nervously looking at each other. It seems the answer to that question is 'no.'

- [DC9] "Have you done anything at all recently?"
- [DC9] "I do hope that my own efforts are more visible."

Rolled 2 (1d20)

>>904543
>[DC9] "Has he done anything at all recently?"
In following the flow of the conversation, direct the question at his worshippers. Them being unable to answer will wound him all the more.

Rolled 10 (1d20)

>>904543
>- [DC9] "I do hope that my own efforts are more visible."

Rolled 16 (1d20)

>>904543
- [DC9] "Have you done anything at all recently?"

Rolled 8 (1d20)

>>904543
- [DC9] "Have you done anything at all recently?"
If we can ask the worshippers that'd be great

>inb4 lowering his charisma too much more than his divinity causes a real fight to break out, one Vimana can't bail us out of.

Rolled 13 (1d20)

>>904543
>- [DC9] "Have you done anything at all recently?"

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>>904543
Enemy: Lucifer
CHA: E
DIV: C

"Have you done anything at all recently?" You look to his followers. "Anything? Anything at all?"

This is the most awkward moment of your life that doesn't involve someone walking in on someone else having sex, and those tend to be very fucking awkward. No one wants to answer or even look at you. Everyone is either staring at their food or at their phones. Even Orianne is struggling to find some way to escalate this further.

"Shut up!" Lucifer shouts and flips his table over. "I am Lucifer! I don't need to do anything! I am the best by virtue of who I am! The best!"

His face is twisted in rage and he's spitting saliva and bits of food everywhere. You've got him good now.

- [DC8] "Hello, Lucifer, I'm Eamon. Shouldn't you know that by now?"
- [DC8] "Really? 'Cause I built my reputation on what I did."
- [DC8] "So… I guess the answer to my question is no then?"

Rolled 18 (1d20)

>>904633
>- [DC8] "Hello, Lucifer, I'm Eamon. Shouldn't you know that by now?"

Rolled 2 (1d20)

>>904633
- [DC8] "Hello, Lucifer, I'm Eamon. Shouldn't you know that by now?"

Rolled 7 (1d20)

>>904633
>- [DC8] "So… I guess the answer to my question is no then?"

Rolled 19 (1d20)

>>904633
>[DC8] "Hello, Lucifer, I'm Eamon. Shouldn't you know that by now?"
If I'm going to have to remind you something so basic, perhaps you've already also forgotten that we were just discussing how none of us are perfect?

Oh my. No, I'm sorry, I understand. You've been around for such a long time. Alzheimer's can be so difficult to live with, can't it?

>>904679
If we're gonna smack talk I'd think something like "Shouldn't you know that by now? I'm Eamon, slayer of Balor, Hunter of Wendigo, Arachne's end. I've killed all of your kind, and I must say I've saved the most pitiful for last "

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>>904633
Enemy: Lucifer
CHA: E
DIV: D

You calmly eat your food, arch an eyebrow and switch to your poshest BBC accent.

"Hello, Lucifer, I'm Eamon. Shouldn't you know that by now?"

Lucifer's eyes practically bulge out of their socket and he screams in incoherent rage. He grabs the closest chair - with someone still sitting on it - and throws it across the room. This is, by far, the best tantrum you've ever seen, and he shows no signs of stopping.

"Oh, dear." Orianne brings a hand to her mouth in mock shock. "I think you might have pushed him too far."

"I'm just following the boss' orders," you say. "Really, I'm surprised any of this is working, but so long as we're winning…"

"Lucifer! I am Lucifer! Who else but me deserves worship? None! Certainly not God!"

Yeah, he's going off the deep end now.

- [DC8] "I'd say my colleague Selene deserves worship more than you."
- [DC8] "Could you be quiet? We're trying to enjoy our dinner."
- [DC8] "This is getting embarrassing to watch. At least try to retain some dignity."

Rolled 2 (1d20)

>>904714
>- [DC8] "This is getting embarrassing to watch. At least try to retain some dignity."

Rolled 10 (1d20)

>>904714
>- [DC8] "I'd say my colleague Selene deserves worship more than you."

Rolled 11 (1d20)

>>904714
- [DC8] "I'd say my colleague Selene deserves worship more than you."
It's a salt overload

Rolled 12 (1d20)

>>904714
> [DC8] "This is getting embarrassing to watch. At least try to retain some dignity

Rolled 1 (1d2)

>>904718
>>904751
1

>>904719
>>904731
2

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>>904714
Enemy: Lucifer
CHA: E
DIV: E

"This is getting embarrassing to watch," you say. "At least try to retain some dignity."

Lucifer… curls up into a ball and cries while you and Orianne just stare uncomfortably at the sight of him. At least all his other peers went down fighting in some way. This is just sad. You might have to falsify the mission report to make it look less pathetic than it really was.

Fortunately, Lucifer's divine power has all but left him. He's at your mercy now.

"Would you like to do the honours?" Orianne asks. "Or should I?"

- [DC8] Kill Lucifer yourself.
- [DC8] Let Orianne do it.

Rolled 11 (1d20)

>>904828
>- [DC8] Kill Lucifer yourself.
And just say
>Pitiful
When we do.

Rolled 3 (1d20)

>>904828
>- [DC8] Let Orianne do it.

Rolled 2 (1d20)

>>904828
This
>>904838

Rolled 1 (1d2)

>>904838
1
>>904841
2

Rolled 14 (1d20)

>>904828
> kill him yourself

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>>904828
You snap your fingers. Gleipnir unwinds and ties a noose around Lucifer's neck. It uses a chandelier as an axle and lifts the Devil up in the air until his feet dangle helplessly. He doesn't struggle; he just keeps sobbing.

"Pitiful."

The body stops moving and you turn around, calling your Relic back.

"That's all of them gone," Orianne says. "Just the gates of Hell left."

"And then it will all finally be over," you say. "Let's hope the boss has a plan for us when we get back."

>>904896
And that's all for today. Relic Quest will return on Sunday December 11th, probably for the finale. As a reminder, I will also be running Beleaguered Prince Quest on Friday December 9th.

Thanks for playing and goodnight.

>>904903
Good thread OP. Lucifer inviting us to dinner then getting bantz'd to death is top

>>904903
Thanks for the run
R.I.P Lucifer.
Cause of Death:Mad Bantz