>>3447696
Oh dear, we're back.

Twitter, for the runtimes: https://twitter.com/HaikuDeluge
Archive for the (how the fuck did we get here?): http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/qstarchive.html?tags=haikudeluge
Character sheet and such: https://pastebin.com/kW127tnv

>>3447696
>I NEED a liaison with Superfly's demons. You mother's already there
Gotta wash our mouth later, no way Liska wouldn't notice

>>3447696
>I need a liaison with superflys demons and your mothers already there.
>I'm gonna have to have your mother spank you after all this because of that

>>3447696
>>We're going after the rat god together

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>>3447696
"What the hell?" you ask her over them demons screaming on the other end of her phone.

"I had to try," Sue says, eyes fixed on the ground, "orders, please."

"You've got be jok-" you begin, then see her eyes.

"It's up to you," you say, wiping your mouth on your shirt, "come with up into the spheres or be my liaison with Rick's fuckers. Or even crank in with Superfly's motherfuckers or... Bernie's crew. Your choice. You could bag a car and book it."

"There's no way in Hell or out of it I'm doing that," Sue says, gazing at you under lowered brows, "I just had to try it once," she says, brittle and sharp as glass.

She takes a walk around your yard, as you watch the coals kindle.

The she's back up by you, like an old friend leaning against the same wall.

"I'm going to Rick," she says, "I'm going to be there with my mother. Liaison with Rick's guy - well, fine. They're damn good wingmen. I don't like Superfly's fuckers. And I'd make a terrible angel," she finishes, "so I'm NOT going with Mary."

Wait a second, did you accidentally mix Rick and Superfly up?

...Yeah, that's probably what you did.

FUCK!

Then again, it's been a rather crazy day so far.

"You want me as your liaison?" Sue asks, "you get me as that - but I'm going to need a car."

Yeah, you'd actually meant meant Rick, who her mother's probably with, rather than Superfly.

>Let her take the minivan
>Let her take your 'beast of a car'
>Ask if she can drive shift
>Get Freebles to teleport her
>WRITE IN

>>3447855
>Let her take your 'beast of a car'

Fuck it, it's the end of the world. Might as well let her use it.

>>3447855
>>Ask if she can drive shift

>>3447855
>ask her if she can drive stick
If she can
>throw her the keys to the beast of the car
>you'll make a guy real happy one day kid., just don't keep going after married men

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>>3447855
"Can you drive stick?" you ask.

"I learned on mom's car," Sue says, with a terrifying grin.

That's its own horrifying idea, given what the police are cranking these days.

"There's a car in the garage," you tell Sue, "a beast of a car. If you wreck it, if you strip the tranny, if you fuck my brakes up, or if you generally screw it up without killing something supernatural in the process - I'll treat you like I'd treat my own son if he pulled something like that."

"And I'm guessing you'd treat him like shit," Sue says, "right, I'm going to mount your beast and return it in one piece, unless I have to plow it into a god or a dragon or something - thanks."

"Sue," you say, as she walks toward the back door, "I see you as a daughter - nothing more and nothing less."

Then you toss her the key.

She nearly blanks, but snatches the key out of midair.

"I won't make you regret it," Sue tells you, while slamming the door aside and strolling inside like she's absolutely earned it all.

>James, is this going to be an issue?
>Maryl is this going to be a problem?
>I really don't get what just happened
>WRITE IN

>>3447989
>Mary is this going to be a problem?

>>3447989
>I'm going to mount your beast

>Maryl is this going to be a problem?

>>3447989
>Maryl is this going to be a problem?

Well atleast if we lose it wont be a total fucked planet

>>3447989
>>Maryl is this going to be a problem?
>I really don't get what just happened
>Teenage girls, bah

>>3447989
>Mary is this going to be a problem?
>Grab some vinegar as mouthwash before you lose another ear

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>>3447989
Teenage girls, huh.

This has just been a day of losing your best combat assets to the aether. (And you're not entirely sure whether you should hate yourself for thinking about them like that. You're not just thinking 'like that'.)

You want Liska and Melon to stay home, Rob bailed with your sister to go to Hell (quite literally), and you just watched Sue leave to be with her mother and Rick's crew. At least Harriet's not insensibly drunk yet, the three wizards and most of their families (you mentally put that in air quotes for James) are onboard, you've managed to scrape up the OG Prince Of Darkness and a legendary hero, and Mary and Rachel are definitely with you and have gotten a massive upgrade.

Really, the only thing that could make this better and worse at the same time would be Fred popping his head over the wall and turning into some amalgamation of wheels within wheels, eyes, animal heads, and too many wings.

At the rate things are going, that's not entirely out of the question.

Didn't that high-as-shit priest call him an angel?

But, frankly, it's not that bad. You hate dividing your forces like this, but, considering the current state of the world, and the fact that Bernie's got a target painted on his back approximately twice the size of Texas, it's a good idea to have some people staying behind. You do kind of like this city, and it'd be a shame if it got shredded because a dragon that's supposed to end the world lives here.

He may be right - with the mass supernatural chaos, and the general dropping of the masquerade, there may be a lot of people coming for his head.

You're really just trying to distract yourself from the fact that one of your daughter's friends french-kissed you. Liska's probably either going to be very mad, or suggest that threesome (or foursome) again. Or - actually, the fact that you're not sure what she might do is the fun part.

Perhaps it's why things kept working out.

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>>3448630
"Yo, Mary," you yell across the lawn at the young goddess. That's when you realize that she and Rachel have probably been staring at you for most of this misadventure.

"So Sue fuckin' went for it," Mary say, while she walks toward you, "she's got guts. You've got some too, for turning her down like that. She could fillet you like a fish."

"Most of the women in my life could," you tell her, suddenly hoping that James appears to be ballast for this conversation. He's not the best brother you have, but you think he'd probably bail you out, "is this whole thing going to be a problem?"

"I've known Sue for years," Mary says, staring you dead in the eyes, full universes circling behind her pupils, "she just gave up. She always does something crazy right before that. Last-ditch effort, maybe? Should have seen what happened to our math teacher when she gave up on that subject."

That's probably quite a story.

"And how's her tongue?" Mary suddenly hits you with. You really wish you had ballast for this.

War and lust goddess, huh? Maybe Lucy was right.

"Wouldn't know," you tell Mary, "she never got it past my teeth."

"I win," Rachel tells Mary, rather smugly, "I told you he wouldn't go for it."

"Well isn't that great for you?" Mary asks her, "I don't recall betting on that."

"You're just sour she didn't want to be be an 'angel'," Rachel says, a rather devilish smile on her face.

"I could literally kill you where you stand," Mary says.

"But you won't," Rachel says, as she does a full cartwheel in midair, "and I'd rather die than serve someone that would. By the way," she asks you, "do I just have to kiss you to get a set of car keys?"

"No," you tell her, "she got it because she's staying here and she's going to need it. I think you're coming with us," you say, with a quick glance at Mary.

"Seriously," Mary says, "do you just shut everybody down like that? You could gotten an angel's kiss then told her," and Rachel glares at her.

"What part of 'being a married man' do you people not get?" you ask.

"You're still sour," Rachel deapans at Mary.

"You're my angel, not my comedy straight man," Mary fires back at her.

Finally, James returns, bearing a platter of meat as an offering to the grill, and Liska follows him like a shadow.

"I smelled you on Sue," she says, but by the light in her eyes, and her swaying tails, you're pretty sure she's having you on. The two magical girls' laughter almost covers the distinctive noise of your beast of a car leaving the driveway. You don't hear the unmistakable sound of her stripping the gears.

>I have to grill - let's save that one for later
>If you really were mad, you wouldn't have let her leave
>I've got witnesses - I swear it isn't what you're thinking
>GENUFLECT
>WRITE IN

>>3448633
>>GENUFLECT

>>3448633
>GENUFLECT

>>3448633
>GENUFLECT
go for the whole "i've wronged you, time to sudoku" speil and try not to laugh?

>>3448633
>GENUFLECT

Not sure what this is. But it's all caps and big.

>>3448633
>GENUFLECT
WE'RE SORRY CAR! WE'RE SO SORRY FOR LEAVING YOU IN THE HANDS OF A TROLLOP LIKE SUE!

Genuflect is to bow gracefully in the presence of a king, queen or goddess. Which we should do.
>"A failed ambush my queen. She did not make it past the teeth."

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>>3448633
Yeah, if Liska let Sue leave in your car, she's not actually mad.

...and that car still smells of what you two did in it.

The look in your wife's eyes seems to say "are you going to play up the joke?"

Oh yes, yes you are.

You GENUFLECT, giving a kowtow any Chinese emperor would be envious of. You lower yourself in a way that generations of French kings wished their subjects had. You press your forehead to the ground hard enough that even Oda Nobunaga would have thought twice about taking your head after such an abject display of subservience..

Well, probably.

The real disadvantage here is that you can't fucking see anyone, and you bet the looks you're getting are something to write home about.

"Well, he's whipped," Rachel says.

"You are so fucking lucky I'm not still in heat," Liska stage-whispers to her, then says to you, "so what do you have to say for yourself?"

"The enemy was at the gates," you begin, "but didn't make it past the tight-shut teeth!"

"I trust you know the penalty for failure," Liska says. You'd bet your bottom dollar she's holding a kitchen knife, given some of the barely-heard reactions everyone else is giving. They might jump her if you two keep this up too long.

"Yeah," you say, stepping up from the ground, "it's this, isn't it?" you tell her then, before she can react, pin her against the wall and slam your tongue into her mouth. Even those sharp teeth can't dissuade you.

...and she actually is holding a kitchen knife.

Unfortunately, both of you have to miss the reactions you wanted out of the Greek-style chorus to this drama, but what you're getting instead is probably a lot more fun.

"So that's what Sue tastes like," Liska finally whispers in your ear once it's over, "I kind of wondered. And can we please do this pinned-to-a-wall thing without an audience? Actually, an audience is hot."

"No," you manage to say, "uh, yes - I'm not as cool with the whole audience thing. But one-on-one..."

At this point, you realize how many fervent stares you're getting.

"Get a room," Mary deadpans.

"We have a fucking HOUSE!" Liska barks back at her, as you note that James is smoking against a different wall, and Rachel is - you're not sure if 'scandalized' is quite the right term, but it's in the neighborhood.

"Look," Mary tells her, "just don't take him right in front of me. Wait. I've been feeding off this the entire time."

"Yeah, actually just take my High Priest in front of me," Mary says, "I think that's something I feed off of."

>I think everybody's forgotten about the grilling
>That's a lot of pressure to put on a guy
>Fucking Fertile Crescent rules. No.
>That comedy routine didn't go so hot, Liska?
>WRITE IN

>>3449871
>I think everybody's forgotten about the grilling

>>3449871
>>I think everybody's forgotten about the grilling
>That comedy routine didn't go so hot, Liska?
>Mary, No.

>>3449871
>>I think everybody's forgotten about the grilling
>>Mary, No.

>>3449871
>>I think everybody's forgotten about the grilling

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>>3449871
"I think everybody's forgotten about the grilling," you say, and yell "get that meat back here!" at James.

"So that's what you're into?" Liska asks Mary, with a hell of a grin on her face.

"Hell no!" Mary tells her, "I just kind of - look, I'm a fucking goddess, and I am burning out by merely existing on the earth, and can you fuckers please either screw or eat steaks with me or kill somebody, because I'm probably about to die if one of those things doesn't happen pretty soon. This whole deal is a lot more rough than I'd heard it was."

"Yeah," James says, a cigarette hanging from the corner of his mouth (and you hope it's not dropping ash on the steaks he's offering to you), "Fertile Crescent Rules are pretty horrifying."

"Why in the hell am I even working with fertile-fucking-crescent rules?" Mary asks, as you slam the steaks on the grill, and she inhales. ...did her eyes actually just roll back in her head?

"Oh god," Mary says, "that's so much better."

"Do you actually want the rundown on why fertility, war, and sacrifice are basically every god's domain because of how human psychology works?" James asks, "because sacrifice religions are a hell of a lot better than just being a death god, or a seasonal spring goddess or something. At least as far as I've heard."

"Does this mean Dionysus just gains power by people drinking around him?" you ask.

"Probably," James says with a shrug.

"Well at least you aren't just a land goddess or something," Liska tells Mary in an odd tone, "you can still talk."

"Ok," Mary says, breathing very heavily, "this isn't as bad as it could be. It still fucking sucks. And I'm pretty sure I'm going to die if I don't get more worshippers or the proper sacrifices or ritual acts or whatever you want to call it. This isn't exactly all in the manual nobody gives you when you become a goddess."

James asks "is there a manual?"

"No," Mary says, from a rather sudden and smothering embrace of Liska and all her tails.

"There, there," Liska says, "we've got you covered for at least the grilling. Probably other 'priestly duties', too. Can't swear exclusive fealty to any god myself, since my mom's one, but we'll at least try to keep you alive. I kind of like you."

"You're really fluffy," Mary says, and Liska hugs her tighter as you flip the steaks.

>I am doing these steaks as fast as I can
>So how are the other gods still active, if it's this bad?
>You know, she's really kind of cute when she's not acting like she's in total control
>How much can you feel power coming in/going out, and how much do you need?
>WRITE IN

>the end is coming so what the hell
>Perform you husbandly and Preistly duties in front of the Goddess
>Liska goes full fox, we go full Dad
>bang that litter in on the way out
>charge up that Yarnball as much as possible before we kill a rat god for our heavenly wife
>let someone else handle the grill for once

>>3450146
>yes, Yes she is.
>So how are the other gods still active, if it's this bad?
>You know, she's really kind of cute when she's not acting like she's in total control
>How much can you feel power coming in/going out, and how much do you need?

>>3450146
>yes, Yes she is.
>I am doing these steaks as fast as I can
>How much can you feel power coming in/going out, and how much do you need?
>Maybe someone should summon a disposable demon for you or your girls to kill, that might help

>>3450146
>yes, Yes she is.
>>How much can you feel power coming in/going out, and how much do you need?

>>3450146
>I am doing these steaks as fast as I can
>How much can you feel power coming in/going out, and how much do you need?

>>3450146
>>yes, Yes she is.
>>How much can you feel power coming in/going out, and how much do you need?

>>3450146
This is gonna end with us having an orgy to save the world, isn't it.

Should we call up Dio? I mean, he could probably help her out but man he is such a dick.

Huh. I wonder if Yaweh needed Lucifer to make people seek redemption first with the whole "seducing them in evil" bit and then the much more efficient "turns out people are kinda naturally flawed, just scare the shit out of them into specifically asking Yaweh for redemption."

Has Lucifer considered a new pantheon? He could become who he wants to be, not just what his Father made him.

>>3447696
I crave moar

I keep thinking that maybe we should just take the message global and get people to pray to the Goddess of Magical Girls.

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>>3450146
"Yes," you tell Mary, "she is, isn't she?"

"And you seem like you want your own little force," Liska says, running her fingers through Mary's hair.

"I may have been a bit of an asshole to you all," Mary says, rather muffled in Liska's fluffy embrace, "but, brother and sisters - and particularly you, brother," she finishes, looking you square in the face, poking her head around the tails, "I am probably going to die in really short order. Being a god is actually horrifying. You need worshippers and offerings and rituals and probably sacred sites or temples and it's just - I don't even know what most of that is for me!"

"The grill seems to be working," you say, and it's just not fun to see her like that, rather than the confident and abrasive Mary you know.

"But I don't want to be one more-" Mary begins, then takes a deep breath, "ok, I get power from your grill. Look, this is dumb, but can somebody please just screw in front of me so I can figure out if I'm one more 'lust and war goddess'? Since that's apparently the working theory?"

"Or we could just fight," Rachel says, cracking her knuckles, "figure out if you're the other half."

"Or I could try planting a fucking wheat field," you say, "fertility has a lot of meanings. How much can you feel power going in and out anyway? And how much do you need?"

"I'll take 'easily-misinterpreted statements' for 500, Alex," Liska intones, with a hell of a grin,

"You know that's not wha-"

"I'm learning to feel it," Mary says, "and I kind of need a lot. I could probably survive up in my... place for a long time. I can't survive here with what I've got."

>Ok, then you need to go back there
>Let's see if the steaks are better for you. They should be
>I'm not sure my yard can hold up to another fight, but we could try
>Liska, want a roll in the hay?
>WRITE IN

>>3463685
>Let's see if the steaks are better for you. They should be

>>3463685
>Liska, want a roll in the hay?

>>3463685
>>Let's see if the steaks are better for you. They should be
>Could someone makes this Goddess a (small and covered) shrine so she has a place to maintain herself?

>>3463685
>Let's see if the steaks are better for you. They should be

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>>3463685
Then you open the grill. "Then I guess it's really good news: the steaks are done," you tell Mary.

"Let's see if they're any better for you," you say, putting them on a platter.

"Let me have a bite before anyone else touches them," Mary says stepping toward you, "so we can tell if it's your cooking or that 'eating with my people' thing the wizards go on about."

"Do you have your own plate?" you ask.

"I brought a couple extra," James says, "because I would have suggested exactly that a few seconds later."

You wish this felt more like cooking for people and not a magical experiment, as you slide a steak each onto Mary and Rachel's proffered plates.

Then you realize there aren't any forks or knives out here.

...You needn't have worried. Mary just picks hers up in one hand and tears a piece off with her teeth.

"God that's good," she says, after chewing it and swallowing, "ok, so at least part of it's you. That actually worked. Also, this is a really great steak."

"Next we serve it to everyone who'll eat it, then we see if you feel even better," James says, and you finally understand why he was a government lab monkey - the guy seems to be able to just detach himself at will.

For most things.

"Who wants to help carry them inside?" you ask, and Rachel and James volunteer almost at the same time.

As they file ahead with the platter you hang behind and whisper to Liska "shrines?"

"Huh?" she says, caught a bit off guard.

"I mean as a place Mary can be here while her uh, energy expenditure is the same as over there?" you whisper back as the others go in through the door while you close up the grill.

"I don't have a clue how that works," Liska whispers back, "well, for - whatever the hell Mary is. I just know about the land gods and Kami. But that's a damn good idea. We probably need to figure out what she's a goddess of in the first place, before we can set up anything."

>Then let's go eat
>Then let's go find out if she really is a fertility goddess - where nobody can see us two
>I happen to have some gods on speed-dial. We could ask one of them.
>WRITE IN

>>3463929
>>Then let's go eat

>>3463929
>>I happen to have some gods on speed-dial. We could ask one of them.

>>3463929
>I happen to have some gods on speed-dial. We could ask one of them.

>>3463929
>>Then let's go eat

We should try to test things ourselves quick first.

Before tipping our hands to other Gods and Goddesses, who are known to be bastards a lot of the time.

>>3463929
>Then let's go eat

>>3463929
>>Then let's go find out if she really is a fertility goddess - where nobody can see us two
>>WRITE IN
Except maybe mary

>>3464142
Eeew, she may be a goddess but shes still a kid, same age as our daughter.

>>3463929
>Then let's go eat
>Now that i think about it, Where is Karen?
she's probably geting railed by Angus behind our back again, but that's probably too far away from Mary

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>>3463929
"Then let's go eat," you say.

"Oh, do I get to enter in state as the High Priest's Wife?" Liska asks, taking your arm.

By the way she's grinning, you're pretty sure she's not serious, and her tails are waving like the whole thing's a joke.

"Well," you say, as the two of you walk toward the back door, "if I was a high priest. I'm still not saying that, whatever Mary says. You just get to enter as Liska, a seven-tailed fox who married a normal joe."

"You've got to be joe-king about that last bit," Liska says, and then stops, pulling your arm to make sure you don't go further, then continuing in a much more serious voice, "look, if her life is literally on the line here, how is being a High Priest (and I don't mean the ones with the funny hats and crazy robes - those would look awful on you) going to be any different than all the other stupid shit we've done to keep the girls alive?"

"Because it's got magical weight," you say.

"And the stunt that put us all in the yarnball didn't?" Liska asks.

"I didn't have a clue what I was doing then," you tell her, "that's why I want to know what kind of fresh hell this might get us into before I sign on the dotted line."

"Yeah," Liska sighs, "I guess that makes sense. I don't even want to know what might be on any tablets of the law Mary would hand you," she says, and jostles you in the ribs before grinning at you and walking further along, "Moses."

"If I have to," you say, as the two of you walk toward the back door together, "I can supposes my toses are roses. You've got a point."

"I usually do," Liska tells you, opening the back door, "except when I don't."

It looks like a usual gathering at your place, except there's a news station on the TV instead of videogames. Magical girls on couches and floors, The Devil and a legendary dragonslayer taking up the loveseat together.

This actually would be normal, if it wasn't early afternoon.

"Does this mean it's finally lunchtime?" Karen hits you with almost as soon as you step through the door, "I'm starving."

"For anyone who wants to eat it," you say, "there's steak which is a religious or magical experiment. For those that don't," you continue, looking at Lucy and the three witches, "there's - uh, whatever we have in the fridge, I guess?"

"There's fresh salad I made and leftovers from before someone designated him High Priest," Liska says, expanding on your statement.

"You had me at steak," Siegfried says, levering himself off the loveseat, "smelled great when it came in."

"I am about to judge the hell out of your salad," Lucy tells Liska.

"Always the accuser?" Madison tosses at him from across the room.

"It is the routine that made my name," Lucy says, "can't quite give it up, you know. Well, made my other name. That title I used to have - you know what I mean."

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>>3464325
"I've got thick skin," Liska tells him, and then smiles broadly around the room, "I do hope you guys enjoy it."

"Sorry things turned out this way," you say, "I usually do a lot of the cooking, so..."

"I'm imposing on you all," Lucy says, standing up himself, "and you know it, so don't try out-politing me."

Judging by the noises from the kitchen and the dining room, that's given quite enough time for the food to be set out.

And, after a bit more banter, and some rather picky eaters in the serving line, everyone's finally at the dining room table.

A slightly smaller crowd than usual, but at least they all fit. James is between Mary and Madison, having taken it upon himself to try running this magical experiment. Harriet and Karen are on Mary's other side, Melon's still in her room, and you've got the three witches to your left. Well, that's what you're mentally calling the group of two wizards' wives and one daughter who's not a magical girl: Iris Alice, and Shirley, who won't eat the steak you just cooked for supernatural reasons.

At least they're not the ones from the Scottish Play.

You were a seat short, but Liska decided that the best way to 'save seats' was to just take your lap for hers. You can't really say you're entirely opposed to the idea.

There's a strange weekend feel to having lunch at your own house for once.

>Then the phone rings
>Ask if there's been any interesting news
>Are we doing this as an experiment, or just dig in?
>Discuss [WRITE IN] with [WRITE IN]
>Make sure Melon gets a plate delivered to her
>WRITE IN

>>3464328
>Make sure Melon gets a plate delivered to her
>Ask Karen how's Angus doing
>Then the phone rings

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Done for the night/morning.

Twitter for next runtime: https://twitter.com/HaikuDeluge

I've been doing another archive crawl through http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/qstarchive.html?tags=haikudeluge recently. Can't believe how long this thing has been running.

>>3464095
>who are known to be bastards a lot of the time
That's pretty constant across most mythologies, isn't it? Tons of them are even literally bastards.
>>3464182
>Now that i think about it, Where is Karen?
She's still at the MC's house. I wonder when her parents will get notified she's playing hooky.
>Spoiler
Angus is with Bernie's crew prepping to hold the city center and Bernie's office building against whatever may try to come slay the dragon in this unfolding chaos. He is the leader of Bernie's goon squad.

>>3464328
>>Ask if there's been any interesting news
>Are we doing this as an experiment, or just dig in?

>>3464328
>>Are we doing this as an experiment, or just dig in?
>>Make sure Melon gets a plate delivered to her

>>3464328
>Make sure Melon gets a plate delivered to her
>Discuss 'shrine' ideas with James and Mary

>WRITE IN

Ask Lucy if the Sphere we found Mary in has any particular leanings with regards to divine portfolios. May help narrow down what Mary is a goddess of.

>>3464536
>>Discuss [WRITE IN] with [WRITE IN]
>>3464328
This

Also ask if there's any way to snipe gods from other Pantheons, and reasons why it's a bad idea if it happens.

Then, only after that, ask him if he would be interested in joining another Team or making his own allied God thing.

>>3464328
>Make sure Melon gets a plate delivered to her

>>3464328
>Then the phone rings

>>3464328
>>Ask if there's been any interesting news