>First Thread:
https://archived.moe/qst/thread/2424210/#2424210

>Issue #28 Star Knight Edition:
http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/qstarchive/3886230/

>Previous Thread(s):
http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/qstarchive.html?tags=A%20New%20Mutant%20Quest

>Character Sheet:
https://pastebin.com/r4mTphVV

>Playlist:
https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLIla03MZw7Ev6y7u98WYVeV9HuS5-Ez9R

>>4260362
>>[X] "If you are Dan... If you're really him... No words can express my regret. You deserved so much better, and I am so sorry."

Unfortunately late and feeling pretty tired. Will close voting and update at the usual time in the morning, if I wake up on time.

How you guys been? Thoughts or questions?

>>4260362
>>>[X] "If you are Dan... If you're really him... No words can express my regret. You deserved so much better, and I am so sorry."

Voting closed; writing now.

>[X] "If you are Dan... If you're really him... No words can express my regret. You deserved so much better, and I am so sorry."

Even if he's being an asshole, no, you have to say it because he's being an asshole this very moment. You wouldn't have gotten to this point if he wasn't one. There is so much you owe him that you can never repay. He is your father, by the blood you've spilled with his teachings if not in blood.

"If you are Dan... If you're really him... No words can express my regret. You deserved so much better, and I am so sorry."

The old man smiles and laughs. "I never thought I'd hear those words from you of all people, kid." A sigh escapes his bloodied lips. "...You're not as bad as you think you are, not anymore."

"I still... Ḩ̵̛̙͓͍̩̭̞̫͎͔͎͓̇̀͛̉é̵̟̳͇̆̍̈́̈́͝ still killed you."

"There's a time to let go of the past and of the material world. Your place is both between and beyond them now though. Death isn't really that bad and it's not oblivion, I can tell you that much: it's peace for those who've found it and hell for those that haven't. Funny how that works."

You laugh. "...I really should've died in that stream."

"No, you've still got things to do. You're not the type to stay dead anyway. Like a ghost, you'd haunt the world until you found what you were looking for."

"Like h͖̟̰̙̞̞̖i͍̥͖̮̟m̻͕̹͉?"

"You're not looking for answers, son. That part of you is something you've spent a long time away from. Now that you're the furthest you could be from it, it's all coming back in full force. You can actually understand it now, feel it for real... It's okay, Kojo, you can finally let go."

Sighing for the umpteenth time, you roll your eyes. "Seriously, what the hell is that supposed to mean?"

"When you've completely beaten the shit out of yourself for the last time, you will."

You shake your head as your vision blurs.

For some reason, you know he's right.

>[ ] "For fuck's sake, old man... Do you have any idea how much I've... missed you, you son of a bitch!?"
>[ ] "Daniel, that's the name Cuda gave me. Is it yours or are you really just a memory?"
>[ ] "Where's Abuelita? I wanted to see her again just one last time."
>[ ] Pay your old blood a visit, maybe he's there or maybe he's not.
>[ ] Find h̵͚̳̙̻̝̟̞̬͇͖̝͌̇͐̆̔̈́̀̏̋̒̌̚͠͠ȉ̴̺͎̖̻͓̰͈̳͎̞͎̀̂̿͊͆̍͛͐̾m̸̛̜͗̂̾̓̒̑̍͝, you know where he is.
>[ ] Recall that which you should not be able to. You know where you must go. Her final words haunt you still.
>[ ] Write In

>>4260362
Wait. When did I open this tab?
Let me hit update...

>>4261768
Ah. There we go. Missing updates like magic again.

>>4261846
>[X] "For fuck's sake, old man... Do you have any idea how much I've... missed you, you son of a bitch!?"
I read this as an emotional vent, more affection than anything else.
Plus, we gotta get some good swearing in for the old man.

Voting closed; writing now.

>[X] "For fuck's sake, old man... Do you have any idea how much I've... missed you, you son of a bitch!?"

It's been so long since you've heard him scold you and call you an idiot. Really, it's quite nostalgic. He was always talking his usual grumpy old man shit before you up and disemboweled him. Even when he was beating you to teach you how to fight, he never once stopped talking his mad shit. You could listen to him go on for hours now, but he's dead and likely here temporarily.

"For fuck's sake, old man... Do you have any idea how much I've... missed you, you son of a bitch!?" Tears stream down your cheeks.

Dan laughs. "You look like you're from a goddamn painting when you cry, you know that right? Never thought I'd ever see the day where I saw your brown-black ass cry either. Looks like I did really have to wait until I was bones in the ground."

You look away. "Oh, shut the fuck up."

"I know you love it, kid: you're smiling."

"Are you so full of shit it's all you can talk?"

"That all you got, boy?"

"Whatever worms nibbled on your bones can't stop chewing out each other." A scoff spits from your lips.

"Yeah, that was pretty shit of you; I'd recommend saying something racist but there's nothing us proper white folk are sensitive to."

"All of you are weak, suck at keeping down darkies, and get your women fucked by us."

"Beaners, niggers, or beaner-niggers?"

"Yes."

"Better but needs work."

You roll your weeping eyes.

To think you could experience this again, even if it isn't real.

>[ ] "Daniel, that's the name Cuda gave me. Is it yours or are you really just a memory?"
>[ ] "Where's Abuelita? I wanted to see her again just one last time."
>[ ] Pay your old blood a visit, maybe he's there or maybe he's not.
>[ ] Find h̵͚̳̙̻̝̟̞̬͇͖̝͌̇͐̆̔̈́̀̏̋̒̌̚͠͠ȉ̴̺͎̖̻͓̰͈̳͎̞͎̀̂̿͊͆̍͛͐̾m̸̛̜͗̂̾̓̒̑̍͝, you know where he is.
>[ ] Recall that which you should not be able to. You know where you must go. Her final words haunt you still.
>[ ] Write In

>>4262329
>>[X] "Where's Abuelita? I wanted to see her again just one last time."

Voting closed; writing now.

>[X] "Where's Abuelita? I wanted to see her again just one last time."

She's bound to be in the warehouse: there's no other place in the forsaken shithole she'd be. Question is if she'd welcome you with open arms after all you've done. The old madwoman made many excuses for you after you offed Dan, but she didn't know all your other kills weren't exactly in self-defense or accidents. If she's more than a manifestation and seen what you've done, you don't know how she'll react.

"Where's Abuelita?" Your eyes look to the closed warehouse. "I wanted to see her again just one last time."

The old man frowns. "You sure? Death hasn't made her any less insane. She may love you but..."

"But what?" You raise an eyebrow.

"I don't think it's a good idea if you see her now."

"She hates me, doesn't she?"

"No...I don't think she could ever feel that towards you."

"Then what is it?"

"I'm sure you already know how she'd react if she ever found about the other things you did."

"Stop being vague and just fucking tell me, old man."

Dan sits back on to his lawn chair. "Better you see for yourself, if that's what you still want."

"Oh come on, I can stand this bullshit from a literal grand wizard but not from you, an old special forces cuss."

"Just get your black beaner ass to the gate, you lazy nigger."

A smile makes its way on to your face.

You're somewhat dreading the idea of seeing the old woman now, but it's still something you feel you have to do, not that it actually is.

>[ ] "Daniel, that's the name Cuda gave me. Is it yours or are you really just a memory?"
>[ ] "If only Marcus was here, we'd all be together again, if this is even real."
>[ ] Open up the gate, you need to see the crazy old Cubana.
>[ ] Pay your old blood a visit, maybe he's there or maybe he's not.
>[ ] Find h̵͚̳̙̻̝̟̞̬͇͖̝͌̇͐̆̔̈́̀̏̋̒̌̚͠͠ȉ̴̺͎̖̻͓̰͈̳͎̞͎̀̂̿͊͆̍͛͐̾m̸̛̜͗̂̾̓̒̑̍͝, you know where he is.
>[ ] Recall that which you should not be able to. You know where you must go. Her final words haunt you still.
>[ ] Write In

>>4262960
>[X] "If only Marcus was here, we'd all be together again, if this is even real."
I was just thinking about the inevitable conversation where Kojo tries to explain this to Marcus.

Getting late. Will close voting and update tomorrow morning whenever I can.

Thots, questions?

fuck me, finals are being a bitch this year with the wuflu about

Voting closed; writing now.

>[X] "If only Marcus was here, we'd all be together again, if this is even real."

Circumstances are far less than ideal, but they're as good as they'll ever get. A shame you're not sure if this is even happening or not. It's not like you know how to conjure this little dream world up anyway. This place is obviously something beyond you yet of you: you can feel it.

"If only Marcus was here, we'd all be together again, if this is even real."

"Kind of real." Dan hums. "This feels too much like a dream though. I'm not sure I'll remember it clearly when it's over."

"Well, I hope you do. I don't want the last moments of your life to be the ones you remember whe you think of me."

The old man scoffs. "The memory that pops up when I think of your black beaner ass is the one where we first met, pinocchio."

"Dislocating my arms must've been very cathartic for you."

"No, it was fucking horrifying. Your stone cold self popped them back into place. Really was like a doll back then. Not sure why you could bring yourself to hate him."

You frown.

There are plenty of reasons why you can and should hate that piece of shit.

"Come now, it's time you let go."

"I still don't know what you mean by that."

"Boy, you know you do; your ass is too dense to finally get it though."

"Do you have any idea how contradictory those two statements are?"

"Since when were you a smartass?"

"Always was, you just didn't know it because I never said anything smart about anything."

The old man clucks his tongue and shakes his head.

You grin.

All of this is going surprisingly well, which means it can only go to shit eventually.

>[ ] "Daniel, that's the name Cuda gave me. Is it yours or are you really just a memory?"
>[ ] Open up the gate, you need to see the crazy old Cubana.
>[ ] Pay your old blood a visit, maybe he's there or maybe he's not.
>[ ] Find h̵͚̳̙̻̝̟̞̬͇͖̝͌̇͐̆̔̈́̀̏̋̒̌̚͠͠ȉ̴̺͎̖̻͓̰͈̳͎̞͎̀̂̿͊͆̍͛͐̾m̸̛̜͗̂̾̓̒̑̍͝, you know where he is.
>[ ] Recall that which you should not be able to. You know where you must go. Her final words haunt you still.
>[ ] Write In

>>4264153
>>[X] Open up the gate, you need to see the crazy old Cubana.
Let's she what she has to say.

Sorry for the delay. Been a couple days since I've had consciousness and internet at the same time.

>>4269700

Support

Voting closed; writing now.

>[X] Open up the gate, you need to see the crazy old Cubana.

This might be a horrible idea, but you need to see her. Beside Dan, you owe her the most for everything she did for you and everything you didn't do for her. Whether by force feeding, whether by pleading, maybe you could've stopped her from starving herself to death, but you didn't. You owe it to her to apologize as close as you can to the real her.

You walk to the gate.

"Don't say I didn't warn you, kid."

A sigh escapes your lips as you input the warehouse code. "I won't."

The steel sheet creaks open and a crash echoes inside.

"Abuelita?" You frown and walk inside the cluttered, blood-flooded place. "It's me, Kojo... or Ko-ho like you used to call me and kind of what I used to say before I met..." Shaking your head, you look around the shelves of odd baubles. "Abuelita, where are you? ...Luiz?"

"¡No hables me nombre, diablo!" A withered woman's voice croaked.

You navigate the maze-like interior until you find her, gaunt and decrepit as she was the day you found her dead. "...Abuelita."

"¡No! ¡No! ¡No! ¡No! No onions tú abuelita, diablo." She spits what little you can at you with as much force she can muster, still failing to hit you. "Tú... Tú..." Tears stream down her cheeks before she hobbles forward. "Tú comiste el alma de mi chico!" She taps your chest with her bony fist. "Usas el carne de él como un traje!"

A weight drops itself into your chest.

Even the woman who would wipe the blood of children off you and call you an angel thinks you're a monster now.

You pull her close as gently as you can, vision blurring once again. "Todo el tiempo, yo era un diablo. Eras demasiado buena para velo." (Translation: "All the time, I was a devil. You were too good to see it.")

"...No, no es me Kojo."

"Lo siento, abuelita." Tears stream down your cheeks. "Lo siento para todo."

Abuelita's grunts of frustration turn into whimpers as she begins sobbing with you.

The weight inside your chest leaves with the flow of your tears.

So much death and misery has been wrought by your hands, but you can at least still make amends, even beyond death, or change.

>[ ] Just lay here for a time, it's been too long.
>[ ] Go back to Dan, you can't stay near this old crazy for long.
>[ ] Pay your old blood a visit, maybe he's there or maybe he's not.
>[ ] Find h̵͚̳̙̻̝̟̞̬͇͖̝͌̇͐̆̔̈́̀̏̋̒̌̚͠͠ȉ̴̺͎̖̻͓̰͈̳͎̞͎̀̂̿͊͆̍͛͐̾m̸̛̜͗̂̾̓̒̑̍͝, you know where he is.
>[ ] Recall that which you should not be able to. You know where you must go. Her final words haunt you still.
>[ ] Write In.

>>4269944
>[X] Just lay here for a time, it's been too long.
A *short* time to soothe the ache in the heart and show her the respect Kojo feels.
I am wary of lingering to long, too çomfortably here.

Then, after leaving her gently,
>[X] Recall that which you should not be able to. You know where you must go. Her final words haunt you still.

Voting closed; writing now.

>[X] Just lay here for a time, it's been too long.
>[X] Recall that which you should not be able to. You know where you must go. Her final words haunt you still.

You need more moments like this in your life. For too long, you've stewed in cruelty and agony. There's more to this universe than all the suffering in it. Enough of it has been caused by and stopped by you. It's time for you to change, for better or for worse. You already have once but another wouldn't hurt. To do that, you need to meet with someone who ever expressed...that thing you cannot understand towards you of all people.

What feels like hours go by in this place where time has no meaning.

Both your tears have dried up by the time you part.

Kissing Abuelita on the forehead, you part from her before wading through the sea of blood again.

Old Soldier Man Dan salutes you, a gesture you return, as you make your way to the place you've never been.

The blood steadily sinks below your knees the closer you get to her resting place.

Your feet touchdown on asphalt when you finally arrive in the empty alley.

A sigh escapes your lips.

Reprieve from the blood is the best you could've asked for in this accursed place.

"What took you so long?"

Blinking, you turn around to face a dark-skinned, baggy-clothed woman with two forward-protruding horns jutting out from the top of her head and curving in your direction past her face.

A grin spreads across her face. "What? Got nothing to say?"

You stare at the woman you only saw in an old, silly photobooth picture.

The horns are way off, but this is her.

>[ ] "I'm sorry I'm your son. You didn't deserve to die for something like me."
>[ ] "...I thought your horns were cute little devil spikes."
>[ ] "Why are you still here?"
>[ ] "Love...isn't real."
>[ ] "Are you my..."
>[ ] Write In.

>>4271751
>[X] "Are you my..."
>[X] "...I thought your horns were cute little devil spikes."

Emotional response starting to ask the obvious and then deflecting into a (possibly) irrelevant point in order to postpone talking about the important stuff.
Yeah. That fits Kojo.

Voting closed; writing now.

>[X] "Are you my..."
>[X] "...I thought your horns were cute little devil spikes."

It's obvious, but, like every other idiot on this earth, you need to say it. Despite how cliche it is, you can't help but feel like saying the words said who knows countless times before in fiction and life. There's not much you can say at all in this situation: you're talking with someone you have no reason to talk to, whether it's a dream or a reality.

"Are you my..."

"Mother?" She laughs. "Do you know any other black-ish young woman with horns on their head, inhuman strength, and healing abilities that could save someone from death...if they didn't tear themselves open and let themselves bleed out?"

You blink. "...I thought your horns were cute little devil spikes."

"They were until some beaner came along and knocked me up. I got waaay stronger too: pretty sure it was so I could defend you. Weird how the x-gene can even mutate instincts into you, huh?"

"It is batshit insane. Some people can even make reality like their dreams...their nightmares."

The woman hums. "You ever find someone on that level of crazy?"

"No... I didn't, but someone else did. Still not sure how I know that." You clutch your head. "I'm unsure of so many things right now."

A simple hop from her feet closes the distance between you two. "It's okay; you don't need to be. There are things in life anyone can't be sure of." She laughs again. "Even in death, I have no idea what the hell is going on. Everything feels like a dream, even this."

"So... you're really here, a part of you, in wherever the hell this is in my mind or soul?"

"Yeah." She lifts your head out of your hands, cradling them in her own. "I'm here with you now; sorry for being late."

Your vision burrs.

"Aww, you look like a big demon cat when you cry... I remember how still you were before I brought you back. Those little cries were the most precious things I heard before the end came."

Sighing, you look away.

This shouldn't be real, but it is.

"Come on, it's okay. There's no need for you to be ashamed.'

You sigh again as tears stream down your cheeks.

If only she knew how wrong she is.

>[ ] "I'm sorry I'm your son. You didn't deserve to die for something like me."
>[ ] "Haven't you seen the blood out there? I'm a monster."
>[ ] "Is my father with you in death? ...He loved you."
>[ ] "Why are you still here?"
>[ ] "Love...isn't real."
>[ ] Write In.

>>4273725
>>[ ] "Haven't you seen the blood out there? I'm a monster."
>>[ ] "Is my father with you in death? ...He loved you."
Just got caught up in the archives. Mostly. It's a great quest, I'll definitely go and read the earlier threads.
I feel a bit like a cunt for asking, but in the far future, once we wrap up the Epic of Kojo, would you ever consider taking over and continuing HMQ? You mentioned that it was your inspiration and the possibility of Crusty, God rest his soul, returning to finish it seems sadly low. I'm sorry if I come off as dickish here, but you're a great QM and absolutely have the chops to carry it on. In the mean time though, I'm more than happy to revel in the exploits of Kojo "Totally-not-the-Antichrist" Reyes.

>>4274145
No, I can't do that. I understand where you're coming from, but I can't revive something that big and not be the one who wrote it. It just wouldn't be the same.

HMQ is better left unfinished as things are now.

Voting closed; writing now.

>[X] "Haven't you seen the blood out there? I'm a monster."
>[X] "Is my father with you in death? ...He loved you."

>(1/2)

Even if it hurts, she has to know the truth. It would be selfish of you to keep this from her. After everything you've done, you don't deserve this. Nothing you can do will wish wash the blood off your hands. Many dead children can't embrace or talk to their likely still living mothers thanks to you. This just isn't right.

"Haven't you seen the blood out there? I'm a monster."

"You're my son."

Shaking your head, you grit your teeth. "In flesh, not in soul.

The woman lets go of your face and strikes you, making the world echo with a deafening smack.

"Did you..." You blink before raising a hand to rub the offended cheek. "Just slap me?"

Thema nods, face still. "That's what you want, isn't it? Someone to hurt you, punish you, and bring back everyone you ever killed? To be brutally treated by the people who should cherish you? You want something to happen that reinforces your old world view for once instead of setting its remains on fire."

"...I guess?"

"Oh Kwadwo." Your mother shakes her head. "No one wants to hurt you for what you've done. Hell, no one alive even knows you were the one who ruined their lives by taking their children away from them. That guilt, that hatred of yourself is its own punishment, and I think you can't take it. Either you have to let go of it and your old world view completely or both will destroy you."

"I don't know how to let go."

"No, you already do. You're suffering now because you can't let go of what you've done... You can't let go of what's been done to you and what you've never had in the first place. It'd be painful to finally accept, but the pain from holding it in forever will be your undoing."

>(2/2)

You stand in silence.

She's right, but all that pain has become sentient inside your being. It may have not always been like that, but it is now. There's no real explanation as to why, like many other things in this world: it's just how it is.

"Is my father with you in death?" You twitch and raise an eyebrow. "...He loved you."

Moon tilts her head from side to side. "Kind of." She raises a hand to her chin. "I can't explain it to you. I can feel him almost like a part of me but we are still separate and dreaming. I know he's here too. He told me a lot about you, and what a time you had together."

"...I killed him."

"He was already dead." A smile makes its way back on to your mother's young face. "You released him when he was content." She shakes her head. "Dying as an adult with unfinished business or without peace of mind is worse than going to one of what seems like infinite hells. The children are confused but happy to dream and roam the astral plane. Discontent adults either haunt the mortal world or obsess over what they lost, never had, or got until they get over it."

"That sounds like me." You laugh.

Thema nods. "It kind of is." She tilts her head at your red eyes. "I don't think it's the same for you though."

You raise an eyebrow.

That is a lot of information to process and a cherry to put on top.

>[ ] "You're telling me you never had a talk with Dan or Abuelita?"
>[ ] "I'm a lot like dad, aren't I? I wonder why."
>[ ] "...Have you ever met any that I killed?"
>[ ] "Why did you die content at your age?"
>[ ] "No heavens to go with the hells?"
>[ ] "Infinite hells?"
>[ ] Write In.

>>4274180
Fair enough. Maybe one day the way things are now will change? Or who knows? Maybe Crusty is just waiting for all hope to be lost so he can return when he's least expected. In any case, thanks for humoring me. On with the show!

>>4274415
>>[ ] "You're telling me you never had a talk with Dan or Abuelita?"
>>[ ] "No heavens to go with the hells?"
>>[ ] "Why did you die content at your age?"

Getting late. Will close voting and update tomorrow morning my time (UTC-8)

Thoughts or questions, my anons?

How fucked do you think Kojo is cosmically speaking right now?

Voting closed; writing now.

>[X] "You're telling me you never had a talk with Dan or Abuelita?"
>[X] "No heavens to go with the hells?"
>[X] "Why did you die content at your age?"

There are now somehow even more questions on your mind than there were before. Really, you'll have to see this afterlife of sorts for yourself. You know you can do it without dying and kind of already can with your third eye. Maybe you can ask yourself after all this is done, if you're still split between cosmic existences/personalities.

"You're telling me you never had a talk with Dan or Abuelita?"

Moon shakes her head. "Don't you remember killing them long after you released Gus?"

"...Right, for some reason I totally forgot about that."

"That's awfully forgetful of you, Kwadwo." Your mother laughs. "Even more forgetful than the fools stuck in amnesia hells. "

You raise an eyebrow. "No heavens to go with the hells?"

"Oh, there are. Not a lot are open to people, each has their own 'god' like hells have their devils, and being in them is apparently a more lucid experience than just drifting in the existential dream."

"Have you been to one?"

"No, I just have talks with people who relax in them from time to time. Staying in them can get pretty boring. Dreaming eternally is confusing but pretty nice in comparison."

A hum chimes in your throat. "Why did you die content at your age?"

"You can't be..." Thema holds your face in her hands again. "Because I had you, my little dummy."

Feeling your eyes water again, you look away.

This is way too goddamn much.

>[ ] "I met a girl who's like I used to be and dad... I don't know how to act around her."
>[ ] "Deirdre me up with me... She has a husband and children now."
>[ ] "...Have you ever met any kids that I killed?"
>[ ] "I'm a lot like dad, aren't I? I wonder why."
>[ ] "What exactly am I?"
>[ ] Write In.

>>4275500
>[X] "Deirdre me up with me... She has a husband and children now."
Non-sequitur segue into something nice she would want to know...

>[X] "I met a girl who's like I used to be and dad... I don't know how to act around her."
...which connects, through the idea of kids and continued familiess, to Laura and Kojo might get some useful motherly advice about what Laura is...

>[X] "What exactly am I?"
...which circles back to a major friggin question that could have a heavy reply.
Or she could just tell Kojo that he's her son. Mom's can be like that.

>>4260362
OP, don't take this the wrong way, this seems like a nicely written quest, but you should consider wrapping it up. It's only kept alive by one consistent player and there's no guarentee he'll be around forever. Not saying it has to do something with your quest's quality, some things stay unpopular despite being good, but maybe you can use your skills and acquired experience for a new proyect or quest.

It's just my opinion though, you seem invested in this story and may have your own reasons to want to keep going, but from an outsider perspective I'd say it's best that you end it and move onto something else.

>>4276628
Oh wait there's more than 1 player. Maybe I'm exaggerating, sorry OP.

>>4276628
>>4276639
Readership tends to fluctuate. Life and time zones tend to do that.

I already have another quest with an extensive voter base. This one's my first, though. It's not going to end until I know it's not going to continue.

Voting closed; writing now.

>>4276628
>It's only kept alive by one consistent player
By my count there's at least three although one does seem to have shifted into lurker mode.

>there's no guarentee he'll be around forever.
I made a promise on a picture of Christopher Reeves as Superman. That's as close to a gaurantee as you can get.

>>4276648
>Life and time zones tend to do that.
They're a hell of a drug.

>[X] "Deirdre met up with me... She has a husband and children now."
>[X] "I met a girl who's like I used to be and dad... I don't know how to act around her."
>[X] "What exactly am I?"

>(1/2)

Best you continue ignoring the inevitable confrontation you'll have with the big L word. She'd be glad to hear about how one of her concubines managed to get out Hunts Point. Hell, she took care of you as much as she could before leaving. This isn't something you may ever be able to talk with her about until after she dies but still.

"Deirdre met up with me... She has a husband and children now."

"Really?! That's great!" Thema laughs. "I guess I was asking her and the girls too much when I wanted you to be raised by them."

You blink. "...She wasn't clear on what happened to the others. And she did take care of me as much as she could before I up and lost myself."

"Oh, I'm not blaming her for your childhood: I don't think anything could've prevented what happened to you. Just saying is all."

A small hum chimes in your throat.

It feels like she's telling the truth, but she could just as easily be concealing her loathing for the inability of her former fuck buddies.

Since you're talking about women.

"I met a girl who's like I used to be and dad... I don't know how to act around her."

Thema lets go of your face, smirking. "You mean it freaks you the fuck out, huh?"

"...More or less."

"She's her own woman, Kojo. Whatever happened to make her the way she is doesn't matter or relate to you or your father. I know it might make you uncomfortable, but you have to see beyond her pain to who she really is."

"Mo— ...Mo— .....Mom, she has practically no personality to speak of. All she wants is to be of use to someone, me, and to not be abused. It's like having a newborn pet cat that says its open to having sex with you."

"Give her time then. Maybe you'll end up open to fucking her too." She pats you on the shoulder. "Rome wasn't built in a day, you my little devil weren't formed in one, and even God supposedly took seven days to create the earth."

You narrow your eyes.

And again comes the other big question.

"What exactly am I?"

File: ouroboros.jpg (61 KB, 800x800)

61 KB JPG

>(2/2)

Thema frowns. "...Cradled by Death in the cradle of Life, living and dead while sending others to Death, reborn from living death to living finally...except you were already living dead for far too long."

"I'm sorry, what?"

"When people die, they return to the eternal dream. Our souls are made from the infinite energy of the universe. They're blank when they form in the womb, practically the closest anyone can be to nonexistant other than oblivion itself. People that die and are brought back aren't the same as people who just die: their souls become aware of the dream and their existence within it beyond the mortal coil."

"So, I... became aware of the afterlife, the eternal dream, before I was even born?"

"While lacking context Life would give you. To fetus you, oblivion was existence, an impossible contradiction. It's why you stayed blank even after you finally had context... Actually, your soul turned into nothingness: It rejected the world around you and even its own existence."

You blink. "Is that why I was twisted or was it because of something else?"

"Possibly. Souls reflect a person's personality despite all of them being blue. Anyway, Life breathed itself into you again after giving you context, giving you context to your awareness."

"Making my soul understand that it exists and everything else does too."

"Yes and...no." Thema sighs. "Kojo, your soul understands it exists and understands that everything else is nothing more than a figment of it."

"...What?"

"It's like lucid dreaming except no one's the dreamer, but you think you are."

"So my soul thinks it's imagining all this?"

"More or less."

"...I guess that explains the soul eating."

"I was going to ask you why you seem like a chorus of several different people's memories, but I didn't want to make you feel like any more of a monster."

You sigh.

This existential dilemma of yours went from confusing to even more batshit insane.

>[ ] "So the old me that lurks in this place is the rejection of everything, including itself?"
>[ ] "Is there anything spiritually fucked about dad that I should know about?"
>[ ] "Fucking hell, I thought I wasn't a megalomaniac anymore."
>[ ] "...You're all really here, but I'm not devouring you."
>[ ] "How do you know all of this?"
>[ ] Write In.

>>4276781
>[X] "So the old me that lurks in this place is the rejection of everything, including itself?"
How do we get Rejection to accept?
Especially when Kojo can't accept Love or Self-Forgiveness?

>[X] "Is there anything spiritually fucked about dad that I should know about?"
This seems like something we should know. Might have to chat with dad too.

>[X] "How do you know all of this?"
Some of it I can figure, and I can appreciate her focus being on Kojo so she would want to know and understand him better than anyone. But that doesn't explain "how".

>Thots:

>"Fucking hell, I thought I wasn't a megalomaniac anymore."
This was funny, but no.

>your soul understands it exists and understands that everything else is nothing more than a figment of it."
Word choice here.
She doesn't say Boldred "thinks" or "imagines" or "believes". She says "understands".
It is Boldred's understanding that it *is* existence and everything flows from that fact. And what's more, that is true. Kinda.
As good old Obi-Wan Kenobi would say, it is true, from a certain point of view.
Kojo is going to find that many of the few truths he still clings to depend greatly on his point of view.

>"It's like lucid dreaming except no one's the dreamer, but you think you are."
Yep. Reality is nine-tenths perception. But everyone else is perceiving too.

>"So my soul thinks it's I'm agining all this?"
This goes a long way towards explaining why Boldred acts and behaves like Kojo's Id. A person's Id very much believes that it is the sole, soul, center of everything and that its desires trump all else.
Fuck. I think that makes Kojo's rational, mercilessly pragmatic mind the closest thing he has to a Superego. Kojo is his own, only voice of what he should and should not do. And he's only recently started caring. And he'd pretty much never accept someone else's view as an authority.

He needs to work through his denial already so he can take better control of his shit. Soon, he'll be New York's Superego.

...assuming he gets out of this place.
>>4274613
>How fucked do you think Kojo is cosmically speaking right now?
This kind of, I dunno, "spiritwalking", into other planes of existence would be dangerous when done intentionally. He didn't even leave a tether behind to follow his way back out. Bill Towner might shake his head in reproach.
Kojo seems pretty lost, but he's got some resources to fall back in to find his way home, if there is one. If there isn't one, he'll try to make one.
In general, Kojo is kind of cosmically fucked.
Specifically right now, he's only slightly more so.

>"...You're all really here, but I'm not devouring you."
Okay, I get that I just went a little Freudian, but Kojo is not talking to his mother about the possibility of devouring her.
Just no.

Voting closed; writing now.

>[X] "So the old me that lurks in this place is the rejection of everything, including itself?"
>[X] "Is there anything spiritually fucked about dad that I should know about?"
>[X] "How do you know all of this?"

Now you have even more questions to ask. The rabbit hole just doesn't seem to end in what you call reality or your existence. Digging yourself deeper just might be what you need to resolve this split in you once in for all however. Funny how things just seem to be like that.

"So the old me that lurks in this place is the rejection of everything, including itself?"

Thema shakes her head. "It stopped being that when you stopped. Now, it embodies something else: what drives people to reject everything, including themselves. Your soul returns to nothingness when it feels the brunt of what the old you is now."

You sigh.

Just complication after complication.

"Is there anything spiritually fucked about dad that I should know about?"

"...Well." Your mother raises her hand to her chin. "There are some members of your family he told me were satanists."

"Are you fu— ....What in literal fucking hell is wrong with this family?"

"Lotta things, actually. Anyway, you probably shouldn't obsess too much over it."

"How do you know all of this?" You raise an eyebrow.

"I've had long talks with the woman who kisses your soul into the next plane...and the thing that has the prominent hand in creating life. I was your mother and deserved some explanation as to why they were tampering with my child."

"So they just told you?"

"No, I sought them out and pestered them until they did. For all their power, they cannot eliminate or entrap a soul. They had to tell me eventually."

"How long did that take?"

Thema shrugs. "Time doesn't matter after you die. Quite literally, you have all the time in eternity, which is eternity."

You hum.

So much is up with you and your family. Makes you wonder what else is happening. It'd be crazy to ask your grandparents, but it might give you more answers to ask more questions about.

>[ ] "If my soul is practically independant of me, what the hell does that make me?"
>[ ] "Did they have plans for me? I don't think they can have a grip on me anymore."
>[ ] "...You're all really here, but my soul isn't absorbing all of yours."
>[ ] "There's s̭͙̮͕̫o̫̼me̗̜o̱̯̖̟̠͓̼n̩̺̦͓̗̗͜e̫̩̩̟͉̬ else I need to see."
>[ ] "...I need to go see dad."
>[ ] Write In.

>>4277393
>[X] "If my soul is practically independant of me, what the hell does that make me?"
I'd like to hear her answer.

Voting closed; writing now.

File: Awareness.jpg (91 KB, 664x380)

91 KB JPG

>[X] "If my soul is practically independent of me, what the hell does that make me?"

Another big question needs asking. It's almost against your own interests despite supposed to be your interest in its purest form. You should be powerless against it, but you're the one who controls it despite it supposed to be in control of you. There is just so much fucked up about your existential dynamic.

"If my soul is practically independent of me, what the hell does that make me?"

"You know how you have that third eye technically sticking out of your head?" Thema points to your forehead.

Nodding, you hum.

"That's not a result of your soul gaining awareness and extending itself: it's a result of you gaining awareness of your soul and everything beyond."

"Good to no but still doesn't answer my question."

"Kwadwo, what happens when you use your third eye?"

"I perceive everything in a globe of some sort."

"And?"

"My brain implodes if I use it to perceive too long. Think it's a result of a physical processor trying to comprehend eternity."

Thema crosses her sweater-sleeved arms. "Exactly. A human mind cannot process the infinite. Despite varying in power and presence, souls are infinite. They grow more capable of altering the universe the more experience they have in it and understanding they are of it."

"My mind and soul are incompatible?"

"No, your soul begets mind and gives context to it, the context it receives from Life. Death gives soul awareness, not mind. Your mind is aware: aware enough to reach out beyond what it is allowed to understand. It's not your soul that grew the third eye, it was your mind making it so. Minds are incompatible with the world beyond the material, so it uses the soul that projects it as a medium."

"That's...insane."

"Oh yeah, you're something else. That will of yours is inexorable and likely to get you in even more shit than it already has."

You raise a hand to your head.

Either you gained enlightenment or reached a level of madness beyond mad through sheer force of will.

>[ ] "I guess my soul 'understanding' it's the bonafide God of this reality must've done some shit to mind."
>[ ] "You exist though. You're proof I'm not dreaming all of this."
>[ ] "What will happen if I die or leave my body?"
>[ ] "There's s̭͙̮͕̫o̫̼me̗̜o̱̯̖̟̠͓̼n̩̺̦͓̗̗͜e̫̩̩̟͉̬ else I need to see."
>[ ] "...I need to go see dad."
>[ ] Write In.

>>4277963
Seems to me that Kojo's always been willful.

>[X] "What will happen if I die or leave my body?"
Seems worth knowing.

Voting closed; writing now.

>[X] "What will happen if I die or leave my body?"

One more thing you feel the need to ask before you move on to the elephant in the blood dimension. Considering your second death only gave your soul awareness, you have no idea what would happen now. It feels like an apocalypse of biblical proportions would without you to steer yourself. The same could be said of you in the flesh with how much you can accomplish within several days.

"What will happen if I die or leave my body?"

Thema shrugs.

You blink. "...You know all that other stuff, but you don't know what will happen when I die?"

"Well, you already know death is basically an illusion."

"But my mind will cease to be, right?"

"Eh, technically speaking. I mean, it already pulled that third eye out of the rest of your soul: maybe it resides partially in it now?"

"So you don't know what would happen?"

"Pretty much." Your mother smiles. "Try not to worry about it."

"I think the possible end of everything is something I should worry about."

"Oh don't be so dramatic, there are plenty of beings up in the food chain to stop you. You've also got a healing factor that will prevent most causes of death. Kojo, you'll be fine."

You grunt.

That does not sound fine at all.

"We'll stop you if you really do go on a dream-eating rampage. Even if you understand we're imaginary, there's still enough of you to call out."

Calm surges in your mind, ebbing away your worry.

You don't know why you believe her, but you do.

>[ ] "I guess my soul 'understanding' it's the bonafide God of this reality must've done some shit to mind."
>[ ] "You exist though. You're proof I'm not dreaming all of this."
>[ ] "There's s̭͙̮͕̫o̫̼me̗̜o̱̯̖̟̠͓̼n̩̺̦͓̗̗͜e̫̩̩̟͉̬ else I need to see."
>[ ] "...I need to go see dad."
>[ ] Write In.

>>4279391
You exist though. You're proof I'm not dreaming all of this

Voting closed; writing now.

>[X] "You exist though. You're proof I'm not dreaming all of this."

Despite your soul's megalomania, it's obvious that it's wrong. You have no idea how deluded you'd have to be to keep thinking you're dreaming up this reality. It would be exactly like you to think that though: you are a piece of shit. That just seems like its nature, which means it's probably impossible to convince otherwise.

"You exist though. You're proof I'm not dreaming all of this."

"Have you ever tried to convince someone utterly sure of themself?"

Shaking your head, you hum a no.

"It's impossible."

"But you're literally my progenitor."

Thema laughs. "Some negros still think the earth is flat. Your soul is of the same ignorance but on a cosmic scale."

"...And here I thought I was better than those monkeys." You shake your head.

"Honey, we're all a bit nigger on the inside."

A laugh thrums in your chest.

Moon laughs along with you. "It's weird how you ended up with my attitude about American Blacks."

"Aren't you technically American Black?"

"Je viens de Paris, mon garçon."

"Oh fuck, thank you for reminding me I'm part French."

"Hey!" Thema scowls. "We conquered Germany and took Italy before becoming the Holy Roman Empire. Sure, it collapsed but France stayed a world power for a long time."

You chuckle. "A little too late. No country has been relevant on the global setting other than Russia and America since the end of World War Two."

"Oh fuck you."

Muffling another laugh, you hold on to your chest.

If only you could've had this conversation in the flesh.

>[ ] "I guess my soul 'understanding' it's the bonafide God of this reality must've done some shit to mind."
>[ ] "...Is rampant promiscuity a result of our mutation or just us being French?"
>[ ] "There's s̭͙̮͕̫o̫̼me̗̜o̱̯̖̟̠͓̼n̩̺̦͓̗̗͜e̫̩̩̟͉̬ else I need to see."
>[ ] "...I need to go see dad."
>[ ] Write In.

>>4280049
>>[X] "...Is rampant promiscuity a result of our mutation or just us being French?"
Perhaps getting his mother's perspective on sex might get him to loosen up his own. Plus, he's overdue for the "sextalk" anyway.

Voting closed; writing now.

>[X] "...Is rampant promiscuity a result of our mutation or just us being French?"

This is another question that has been on your mind ever since you figured out how much of a mutt you really are. You weren't like that at all before your mutation, but still, it was around the time a normal boy would start puberty. It could either be your natural DNA or mutated DNA or maybe even both putting your sex drive on overdrive.

"...Is rampant promiscuity a result of our mutation or just us being French?"

Your mother narrows her eyes.

"Oh come on, you had a harem of girls that did anything you wanted and you didn't allow them to fuck anyone you hadn't fucked."

"Don't act like you're any better: boys are natural horndogs. You probably had a harem of boys and girls."

"...Nuh-uh."

Thema blinks. "You did, didn't you?"

You avert your gaze.

"Aww, that's adorable, you little hypocrite! How old were you when it started?"

"Twelve." You spit.

"Early start, huh?"

"Unfortunately."

Thema tilts her head. "What's wrong?"

"I... was a mindless beast. Sex was just a meaningless waste of time I let control me. In the end, I couldn't even save a single one of the people supposedly in my harem."

"Neither could I." Your mother sighs and holds your face. "Look, sex is a very complicated thing. It can be fun, meaningless, or the most passionate time of your life depending on how you view it and who you do it with. Don't let a few or several dozen bad experiences ruin it for you."

"I'll try."

"Don't try, do."

You roll your eyes. "Okay, Jedi Master Yoda."

"Oh my god, you watched Star Wars?"

"One of the people I ate did."

Thema blinks. "Right, I forgot about that." She takes a step back.

You shake your head.

She's just as forgetful as you at the most necessary of times.

>[ ] "I guess my soul 'understanding' it's the bonafide God of this reality must've done some shit to mind."
>[ ] "I met your mother and father...they miss you and love each other again."
>[ ] "There's s̭͙̮͕̫o̫̼me̗̜o̱̯̖̟̠͓̼n̩̺̦͓̗̗͜e̫̩̩̟͉̬ else I need to see."
>[ ] "Thank you for everything."
>[ ] "...I need to go see dad."
>[ ] Write In.

>>4284942
>[X] "I met your mother and father...they miss you and love each other again."
Technically speaking, Kojo's body is on their floor right now. Heh.
If she doesn't already know about her parents, then she'd be happier to hear about this than more talk about your ravenous soul.

We should probably go check in with dad next.

Voting closed; writing now.

>[X] "I met your mother and father...they miss you and love each other again."

She deserves to hear this now rather than several years down the line. You're sure they'll tell her all about it, but she shouldn't have to wait, and you don't want her to scold you when you talk to her after they tell her. It would bring her even further peace to know. A shame they wouldn't understand even if you explained all of this to them.

"I met your mother and father...they miss you and love each other again."

"...Huh, I guess running away really did make them get their shit together, eventually at least." She sighs. "A shame I died and didn't get to introduce you to them."

"I found them though, and we'll all be together again one day... I think."

Thema laughs. "We will be. It'll just take some time is all: you do constantly heal to the point it'd be impossible to age past maturity."

"Reaching out might be possible." You raise a hand to your chin. "It would take a lot of self-control though."

"More time one spends in the dream of death, the more life will seem false and hollow to a living person. It might be different in your case, but I still wouldn't recommend it. Live out your life, Kojo, however long it may be. We'll be waiting for you after it's done."

"What if I need your advice again? I don't know what the future might bring."

Your mother takes your hand. "All of us will be with you, forever if necessary. It's okay, my son: I know you'll do what you need to and what you think is best."

"...I'm still a monster."

"No, you're my gift to the world. I know you've never found your way, but you're getting close now. Maybe you'll fall far off the deep end; I still know a part of you or someone else you left a part of yourself in will stop you. Despite what you may think of yourself, there is goodness within you and innocence."

Vision blurring, you look away.

You'd ask why she has such faith in you, but she'd just say that your her son.

>[ ] "I guess my soul 'understanding' it's the bonafide God of this reality must've done some shit to mind."
>[ ] "There's s̭͙̮͕̫o̫̼me̗̜o̱̯̖̟̠͓̼n̩̺̦͓̗̗͜e̫̩̩̟͉̬ else I need to see."
>[ ] "Thank you for everything."
>[ ] "...I need to go see dad."
>[ ] Write In.

>>4285508
>[X] "Thank you for everything."
Birthing Kojo really was a badass move.
She deserves the cred.

>[X] "...I need to go see dad."

Voting closed; writing now.

>[X] "Thank you for everything."
>[X] "...I need to go see dad."

Not much else you have to ask or can say in the presence of the person who brought you into this world. Really, you don't want to interrupt her eternal slumber any longer than you have to. The same goes for the other progenitor in your life, but you still have some things to say. You're not sure how much he has to, though he wasn't one for speaking much.

You step back, pulling away your hand. "Thank you for everything."

Thema steps forward and pulls you into a warm embrace.

The tears welling up in your eyes stream down your cheeks.

"I love you."

"Love? ...I don't understand what that is."

"That feeling in your chest?" Your mother laughs. "The one that feels so warm despite feeling like a worm burrowing its way out of you? I know it's hard to believe, but it's love." She whimpers. "I couldn't bear the thought of leaving you alone in the world, but just knowing you were alive was enough to give me peace. Those three words were the last ones I ever said and the ones I wished you could hear, and now I can tell you in the only way I can in the closest way I can be with you: I love you, my only sweet child."

You tremble and try to step back but can't budge an inch.

"It's okay. It was terrifying when I realized it too. That's just how love is sometime." She kisses your teary cheeks and lets go.

Averting your gaze again, you sigh. "...I need to go see dad."

"Go to him then; he's been waiting for you for quite some time."

You nod and step out from the peaceful alley back into the bloodied streets of Hunts Point.

It doesn't take you long to find your father floating on the blood above the spot you last left him.

A smile spreads across his face at your coming but no words utter from his lips.

You stare at the unusual expression on your father's face.

This isn't at all how you pictured your reunion to be.

>[ ] "...Everything you tried protecting me from is going to come for me now. I know I can endure, but I'm not sure the people around me can."
>[ ] "Can you feel Fisk in me? I devoured his soul and gave him oblivion."
>[ ] "I met with mother... She told me how you told her everything."
>[ ] "You didn't deserve to die. I'm sorry."
>[ ] "So we have satanists in our family?"
>[ ] "Why are you the way you are?"
>[ ] Write In.

>>4285932
>[X] "You didn't deserve to die. I'm sorry."
It's one of a father's jobs to turn his boy into a man.
Be a man and apologize for killing him unnecessarily.
Get that out of the way.
Then we can go all Field of Dreams.

Voting closed; writing now.

lol, my country is experiencing several different riots happening at the same time

>[X] "You didn't deserve to die. I'm sorry."

You need to say this before you continue. It was quite possibly the first greatest fuck-up of your entire life. Even if you weren't in the best state to make that decision, you still made it. Abuelita, Dan, and him are all dead because of your actions. Maybe it isn't right to blame yourself, but you can't just dismiss what happened as just accidents.

"You didn't deserve to die. I'm sorry."

"I killed babies in their cribs, children in front of their mothers, and lovers in front of each other." The man took a deep breath of the blood-rich air. "Mijo, if there's one person in this world who deserved to die by your hand, it was me."

"That doesn't make me feel any better."

"So much love in you to care for the man that abandoned you."

Scoffing, you shake your head. "It's not like you knew. You can't blame yourself for what happened."

"Neither can you, Kojo."

"But I can: I knew you were my father and shot a bullet into your fucking skull."

"To protect yourself. I might have been the one to plant the seed in your mother, but she was the one that gave birth to you. Dan and Luiz were the ones that raised you as well. Out of everyone who had a hand in making you who you are, you don't owe me anything. Just knowing you were alive and prepared for anything brought me peace."

"...Yeah." You raise an eyebrow. "Shouldn't you be in hell or something if what you say is true?"

"Let's just say I was in a hell for a time."

"That doesn't answer anything and just raises more questions."

"You wouldn't believe me if I told you."

"My existence believes itself to be the God of reality; try me, old man."

"...No."

A sigh escapes your lips

The nerve of this bastard even in death.

>[ ] "...Everything you tried protecting me from is going to come for me now. I know I can endure, but I'm not sure the people around me can."
>[ ] "...Either you somehow clawed your way out of it or became the ruler of it, huh?"
>[ ] "Can you feel Fisk in me? I devoured his soul and gave him oblivion."
>[ ] "I met with mother... She told me how you told her everything."
>[ ] "So we have satanists in our family?"
>[ ] "Why are you the way you are?"
>[ ] Write In.

>>4287582
>[X] "Why are you the way you are?"
Seems like a natural segue and it could help to another perspective of this detached way of existing.

Voting closed; writing now.

>[X] "Why are you the way you are?"

Back when you first met him, it never occurred to you to ask why the both of you were so different in comparison to everyone else. It just seemed too natural to really be something to question. Now, you know how twisted you are and the circumstances behind why you're so fucked up in the first place. Gus' origins are still unknown to you though.

"Why are you the way you are?"

Your father shrugs. "Nature, nurture, events in my life, and your mother or mix of them all."

"Okay." A groan churns in your throat. "Why do you think you are the way you are?"

"I guess it all started when one of my relatives offered up my newborn soul to a devil."

"...Your fucking with me, aren't you?"

"Somewhat, really it was my mother's and a part of mine."

"How the... What, did my mother get blessed by an angel when she was born too?"

"If there is a god, it certainly had a hand in creating her and bringing us together. I don't know if you've realized this, but fate is something that does exist. The strings are all around us and within us, unraveling and tethering over and over again."

You scoff. "Oh come on, you couldn't possibly be the way you are from just existential tampering."

"I never said I was. We were alike in some ways: my soul felt empty because it was missing something and your soul was empty because it couldn't understand existence, reality. I'm happy you've gained awareness and sad that emptiness lingers still."

Shooting your old man a look, you cross your arms.

He's saying all that good shit but still saying it in that neutral voice of his.

>[ ] "...Everything you tried protecting me from is going to come for me now. I know I can endure, but I'm not sure the people around me can."
>[ ] "...Either you somehow clawed your way out of hell or became the ruler of it, huh?"
>[ ] "...I have a friend that's the same way without any tampering but her existence."
>[ ] "Can you feel Fisk in me? I devoured his soul and gave him oblivion."
>[ ] "I met with mother... She told me how you told her everything."
>[ ] "So we have satanists in our family?"
>[ ] Write In.

>>4288970
>[X] "...I have a friend that's the same way without any tampering but her existence."

Voting closed; writing now.

>[X] "...I have a friend that's the same way without any tampering but her existence."

She's been popping up in your mind for a while now. It's somewhat inevitable when she's partly the reason why you're here: reminding you of who you were all the time. Even if it doesn't help you or her by mentioning it, you can't help but think of her. The woman is your responsibility now.

"...I have a friend that's the same way without any tampering but her existence."

"What circumstances brought her into this world?"

"Cloning." You blink. "Actually, she was artificially inseminated into her mother from the Wolverine's damaged DNA to make up for his lost Y chromosome.

"That sounds needlessly complicated."

Shrugging, you 'eh.' "Salvaging damaged DNA from decades old samples is harder than you think. You couldn't even begin to imagine the amount of money that was spent to produce a semen-like substance to deliver the genetic data into Dr. Kinney's egg."

"Either you've become quite the scientist or have become one with a person that helped produce her."

"The latter happened."

"I had a feeling it was so: you feel much like the 'demons' that rule hells."

"A sorcerer told me devils and demons were gods that ate other gods."

Gus blinks. "...Strange."

"You know him?"

"No, I've seen the same happen between demons of hell, not their rulers. They all seem to be in armistice of sorts, fighting over the title of Devil."

"Waste of time." You scoff. "The only Devil that could exist would also be this reality's God."

"Others would call that twisted, but I believe in the same: a being of great benevolence and wrath would have to be behind this reality. To think beings beyond us would remain so petty as to fight over titles."

You shake your head. "They're below us, slaves to their vanity. When one could dream eternally or influence the living plane as they do, they waste it on tormenting slaves."

Gus laughs atop the bloody stream.

Again, you raise an eyebrow.

It's really hard to tell what he really thinks and feels, he was practically emotionless the entire time you were together.

>[ ] "...Everything you tried protecting me from is going to come for me now. I know I can endure, but I'm not sure the people around me can."
>[ ] "Can you feel Fisk in me? I devoured his soul and gave him oblivion."
>[ ] "I met with mother... She told me how you told her everything."
>[ ] "...You somehow clawed your way out of hell, huh?"
>[ ] "So we have satanists in our family?"
>[ ] Write In.

>>4292261
>[X] "I met with mother... She told me how you told her everything."
Maybe we can understand him a bit.

Voting closed; writing now.

>[X] "I met with mother... She told me how you told her everything."

May as well bring this up now. He probably already knows, but it'd give you something to talk about, which would help you learn more about him. Death has changed him somewhat or reuniting with your mother has. The two of you were kind of too busy and silent to really get to know each other when you weren't running from Hydra, SHIELD, and Cuda.

"I met with mother... She told me how you told her everything."

"Was it wrong of me to do so?"

"No." You shake your head. "Just saying is all."

"You should've experienced it."

"What?"

"Been there when I let her experience our experiences: she was overjoyed and somewhat sad at the end."

A hum murmurs in your throat. "The dead can show others their experiences?"

"Make them experience everything that happened for themselves." Gus corrects.

"Everything?"

"Everything."

"That sounds like it'd be quite awkward when you consider how you have a penis and she doesn't."

"She said it was strange, as if she had a third hand that was always asleep."

You laugh. "Not always."

"Si." He looks back up to the dark sky.

Staring at the man, you raise an eyebrow again.

It's hard to get a read on him despite how similar you used to be.

>[ ] "...Everything you tried protecting me from is going to come for me now. I know I can endure, but I'm not sure the people around me can."
>[ ] "Can you feel Fisk in me? I devoured his soul and gave him oblivion."
>[ ] "Do you ever wonder what it'd have been like to be a real family?"
>[ ] "...You somehow clawed your way out of hell, huh?"
>[ ] "So we have satanists in our family?"
>[ ] Write In.

>>4294449
>[X] "...Everything you tried protecting me from is going to come for me now. I know I can endure, but I'm not sure the people around me can."
Hopefully we can boost some and protect the others.

Voting closed; writing now.

>[X] "...Everything you tried protecting me from is going to come for me now. I know I can endure, but I'm not sure the people around me can."

The Bratva attack halved your numbers. Organizations on the magnitude of SHIELD and Hydra are going to do far more than that if you're unprepared for them. Even if you're prepared, a lot more people are going to die than last time. You'll live, you always do, but the people closest to you could very well die.

"...Everything you tried protecting me from is going to come for me now. I know I can endure, but I'm not sure the people around me can."

A hum churns in your father's throat. "I had a feeling you'd have to see through what I could not. Looking back on it, abandoning you again was a foolish gesture that rightfully cost me my life."

"They're not coming after me for what you did. I brought this on myself; the connection we share just ensures I'll be meeting them sooner than I would without it."

"What did you do to draw their attention?"

"Oh... Well, you know..." You raise a hand to rub the back of your head. "I maybe sort of took over Fisk's criminal and corporate empires, the legitimate one through a rewriting of his will right before I had him killed."

"...That is very suspicious and something both are likely to investigate since Fisk had encounters with them in the past."

"I know. He had so many you wounder how the hell he wasn't already behind bars."

"He kept records of his dealings?"

You blink. "...Not exactly."

Again, your father hums. "If you want to prevent the deaths of those closest to you, either you must defend them or teach them how to defend themselves against such a threat."

"That's what I've been doing: teaching my lieutenants magic or getting them spliced with mutant DNA."

"...You've been through a lot lately, haven't you son?"

You stare at your father's usual blank face before sighing.

It's been little over a month and several weeks but it feels like years since you got shot up in that coffee shop. Really, it feels more like a lifetime ago: you were an entirely different person then. So much happened to make you change into the aware you that you are now.

>[ ] "Can you feel Fisk in me? I devoured his soul and gave him oblivion."
>[ ] "Do you ever wonder what it'd have been like to be a real family?"
>[ ] "...You somehow clawed your way out of hell, huh?"
>[ ] "So we have satanists in our family?"
>[ ] Write In.

>>4294981
>[X] "Do you ever wonder what it'd have been like to be a real family?"
Touches in on all Kojo's been through.

>[X] "So we have satanists in our family?"
I wasn't going to mention it, but pops already brought it up and it could be either a humorous segue or not, depending on how it goes.

Voting closed; writing now.

>[X] "Do you ever wonder what it'd have been like to be a real family?"
>[X] "So we have satanists in our family?"

It's bound to have crossed his mind at least once in the past when you were together. Good chance he might have thought about it after in his eternal slumber if not: the man does have a one-track mind. Maybe he and your mother discussed it with one another at length however spirits communicate in the Veil of Dreams.

"Do you ever wonder what it'd have been like to be a real family?"

"Not at all when I was alive; quite often now that I'm dead with Thema." Gus sighs. "It's impossible now that we're both dead."

"What about when I die?"

"That would be awkward and enjoyable, but I don't think that's possible either."

You raise an eyebrow. "Why?"

"I know you're smart enough to have realized that you aren't a mortal being anymore. Death has given you her kiss no less than twice now: that won't work on you now that you're closer to her playing field."

"My body can still die; hell, I can leave it at will if I wanted to... I think."

"Your best interests lay in remaining as you are now, son. Finish your journey of self-realization first before you explore the world beyond this one."

"Right." Sighing, you raise a hand to your chin. "My mind still isn't in control of or in harmony with my soul."

"Once you're whole... I don't think anyone knows what will happen."

"Me either but it's probably better than this."

Your father nods and falls silent again.

A hum chimes in your throat. "So we have satanists in our family?"

"Yes, extremely out of the ordinary for a traditionally Catholic Mexican family. I'm not sure how or where it started, but I do know an uncle of mine sold my mother's soul and part of mine."

"For what purpose?"

Gus shrugs. "To either gain the favor of a devil or damn someone he hated. It's possible he was given power, as some devils can by making demons in their employ become Spirits of Vengeance."

"What does that do?"

"Give humans demonic powers superhuman powers, including the ability to make others feel all the sins they've committed upon people."

"'Sins.' By who's standards?"

Again, your father shrugs.

You scoff.

Despite finding a sense of morality, you're still skeptical of innate good and innate evil existing in this world. It's only natural when all that really matters is if you're strong enough to force your will on it and others. The-One-Above-All isn't even God in the deist sense: if anything, he's proof Pandeism is the true 'faith,' not that your soul would acknowledge it.

>[ ] "...The heavens are ruled by beings trying to be god too, aren't they?"
>[ ] "Can you feel Fisk in me? I devoured his soul and gave him oblivion."
>[ ] "What if I told you God exists, he just isn't God?"
>[ ] "...You somehow clawed your way out of hell, huh?"
>[ ] "There's s̭͙̮͕̫o̫̼me̗̜o̱̯̖̟̠͓̼n̩̺̦͓̗̗͜e̫̩̩̟͉̬ else I need to see."
>[ ] "I swear, there is no end to this bullshit."
>[ ] Write In.

>>4297858
>[X] "...The heavens are ruled by beings trying to be god too, aren't they?"
>[X] "I swear, there is no end to this bullshit."
Then I think we should move on to our next stop on Kojo's Magical Mystery Tour.

Voting closed; writing now.

>[X] "...The heavens are ruled by beings trying to be god too, aren't they?"
>[X] "I swear, there is no end to this bullshit."

When there is one side to an equation, there is usually another. You already discovered and conversed with an Olympian 'god' about their kind. Maybe they're well meaning in their providence of false salvation, but it doesn't change anything: they're still false gods. If only any had anything of worth to give to this reality that weren't half-realized heavens.

"...The heavens are ruled by beings trying to be god too, aren't they?"

"Some. Most are ruled by beings trying to give reprieve to those who suffered greatly for morals in their lives."

"None of them can be given salvation."

"Like you?" Your father raises an eyebrow. "Or from you?"

"...Yeah."

"Salvation is a strange thing: people view it as spiritual when it's equally mental. In many ways, only a person can save themselves. No gods, whether real or not, can grant that. It's different for everyone though. In my case, it was realizing I had given something of true value I loved unto the world: you."

"Mother was your salvation before me."

Your father nods. "She gave me life and meaning when I was empty. Knowing you existed and would live made me realize my life had meaning before I died."

"Has anyone found salvation in the eternal dream?"

"Atheists afraid of oblivion, those unsure of anything in general, and people tired of the world around them."

"Can that even be called salvation?"

"It doesn't have to be grand and all-encompassing. Sometimes, just being is enough, no matter how small."

You take a deep breath and sigh. "I swear, there is no end to this bullshit."

"Would you be content if reality were so predictable?"

"Not the chaotic destructive asshole I was two months ago, old man. I want some stability in my life now."

"Your actions have ensured things in your life won't be stable for a long time to come."

"I know, I know."

Really, you don't know what you keep expecting when you're quite possibly the most unstable person on the face of your planet.

>[ ] "Can you feel Fisk in me? I devoured his soul and gave him oblivion."
>[ ] "What if I told you God exists, he just isn't God?"
>[ ] "...You somehow clawed your way out of hell, huh?"
>[ ] "There's s̭͙̮͕̫o̫̼me̗̜o̱̯̖̟̠͓̼n̩̺̦͓̗̗͜e̫̩̩̟͉̬ else I need to see."
>[ ] Write In.

>>4301430
>[X] Write In.
Give Dad a proper goodbye... I have no idea what that would be in this context.

>[X] "There's s̭͙̮͕̫o̫̼me̗̜o̱̯̖̟̠͓̼n̩̺̦͓̗̗͜e̫̩̩̟͉̬ else I need to see."

Put it off long enough.

Voting closed; writing now.

>[X] "We'll be together one day: all of us will be the family we should've been... I hope."
>[X] "There's s̭͙̮͕̫o̫̼me̗̜o̱̯̖̟̠͓̼n̩̺̦͓̗̗͜e̫̩̩̟͉̬ else I need to see."

Time for you to say your goodbyes in this strange fever dream you doubt they'll remember. It'll be dear in your heart, but you don't know for sure if they'll know this happened in the Veil of Dreams. You'll have to try and get them to remember if they can't: this experience was too good to just be forgotten. The s̭͙̮͕̫o̫̼me̗̜o̱̯̖̟̠͓̼n̩̺̦͓̗̗͜e̫̩̩̟͉̬ you're meant to talk to has been waiting for some time.

"We'll be together one day: all of us will be the family we should've been... I hope."

"It's inevitable. Eons will likely pass, however."

A groan churns in your throat. "Can feel it in my gut."

"This reality can be like that at times."

"Fuck this reality." You take a few steps back and turn to the direction of your old squat. "I'm going to change things... Somehow, I will."

"I know. Farewell, my precious and only son."

Taking your first few steps, you depart. "Goodbye, dad."

Your path from your father's resting place to your old home is flooded with far more blood than the rest of the dream. By the time you reach the alleyway opening, it's up to your lower ribs. The sight awaiting you within is quite obvious.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hQZfGa5t4e8

A head of wild hair is floating above the blood when you enter, the owner of it submerged in the black-ish lifewater.

Nothingness fills you as a faint wailing thrums around your form.

This isn't where you drowned, but it's where you may as well have.

>[ ] "I actually thought I'd choke the life out of you if I ever somehow got my hands on you, but it seems like my subconscious is already doing that."
>[ ] "You exist, but you were me back when I understood nothing existed... Why did the thought never cross my mind?"
>[ ] "...Doesn't it hurt? You're probably too used to this to realize it does."
>[ ] "Ever wondered what life would've been like if we had our parents?"
>[ ] "Why are you still here?"
>[ ] "Why am I here?"
>[ ] Lift him up, you can't exactly talk if he's drowning like this.
>[ ] Write In.