In a certain world-shifting cafe somewhere, a phone loudly rings, only to be picked up by a certain short cat-eared humanoid. "For the million and onth time! We don't serve Myapo Tofu! We- Huh? That's... not what you wanted to call about...? The... Carnival is starting? A Carnival Moment? Again?"

"Un-Un-Un!!" Neco-Arc Bubbles seems especially excited about things... as usual.

"Ah, so the Carnival Moment has returned." A deep voice responds, prepared to explain things once again is Neco-Arc Chaos, the most knowledgeable of all of the Neco-Arcs "Has it really been ten years already since the last one? Finally, various tales will truly cross paths once ag-"

"But... Hasn't that been happening anyway?" Neco-Arc interrupts Neco-Arc Chaos without any care for his repeated explanation from last time.

"Well, yes... but..." Neco-Arc Chaos gets flustered, not expecting to be so completely interrupted by Neco-Arc without any regard for his explanation.

"Then... what do we need a Carnival Moment for? Wasn't it all your idea to hide from our adoring fan when he came to visit Ahnenerbe?" Neco-Arc is pointing an accusatory... hand, at the tiny cat person. "You're the reason we didn't get to have our big reveal!"

"Un-Un-Un!!" Bubbles agrees with Neco-Arc, and Chaos starts looking worried by the two Neco Spirits

"But... we... needed to keep the integrity of the story..." Neco-Arc Chaos sounds utterly defeated. He had just wanted to keep things flowing smoothly. If Shinji had found them, then the world's serious qualities would have been torn asunder, and a Forever Carnival might've taken place!

"I disagree." A voice from the table behind the bar calls out, and Neco-Arc Destiny joins the conversation. "We had our moment to get involved in things, and we blew it. Now we're stuck in this bar, until Shinji remembers we exist again, an eternity of waiting for actual plot relevance! Isn't it sad?" The drama queen at the table by herself is obviously upset about their lost opportunity to shine.

"Let's all just... enjoy this fleeting carnival, shall we?" Neco-Arc Chaos tries his hardest to get things back on track. "Hmm, what's this? A voting prompt."

"Hey! Don't you tr-"

>Choose a side-story! (You can vote for multiple, I guess, the ones with the most votes will be written.)
>>Ba-Dump Date Super Plan Redux Revengeance Extreme!
>>The Versatility of the Riding Skill
>>An Electric Street Performance
>>Welcome to Chaldea!
>>Sharing Tables
>>A Super Special Eldritch Errand!
>>White Moon Princess Phantasmoon Special - A Force of Justice: Mahou Shoujo Unite!
>>Trading Places: Shinji's worst ever day.
>>Fifth Holy Grail War (Normal Mode) Any% WR
>>The School Life of Shinji Makiri
>>The Great Council of Shinji
>Write-in...

>>4721223
Actually, as a result of this April Fools joke being shit, I'll make it a strawpoll.
I understand some of you might not even be able to post here right now.

>>4721223
>>A Super Special Eldritch Errand!
>>White Moon Princess Phantasmoon Special - A Force of Justice: Mahou Shoujo Unite!
>>Fifth Holy Grail War (Normal Mode) Any% WR

>>4721235
https://www.strawpoll.me/42885103
Here's the strawpoll.
Please vote here.

>>4721240
>https://www.strawpoll.me/42885103
oh boy, time to shinjipost uncontrollably

Kind of a shame that the 1st just so happened to happen just when things were about to get good.
And the site april fools gimmick being kind of intrusive.
At least you managed to lower your odds of getting Sakura and yourself vored by snakes in the forest by about 95 percent.
You know, down from 100 percent

>>4721255
Where was that very ashamed Medusa in dojo?

>>4721257
Hiding.

>>4721255
I'm half-certain you timed it like this on purpose. Though I agree this year's April Fool's is obnoxious.

>>4721259
Will she come out next time?

>>4721259
But is she wearing PE uniform?

>>4721266
She might be.

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The Riding skill meme was stolen by the real franchise

>>4721223
>>A Super Special Eldritch Errand!

>>Trading Places: Shinji's worst ever day. I suggested this so I should probably vote for it.

>>Welcome to Chaldea!

In no particular order.

Hopefully I don't get mistaken for a leaf and get raked for the day.

>>4721279
It is fine. We still have transfer student Altrouge.

>>4721281
Use the strawpoll.

>>4721283
I tried and it errored after I vooted, not sure if it counted. Turned off noscript, AB+ etc. and still fucked.

>>4721283
Tried again and apparently it accepted the earlier voot, all good.

An actual Fate/ discussion thread on /a/ that isn't the same 5 topics >>>/a/219357974 while we wait for WhatIs to set up the attractions

>>4721288
Quick, somebody shill the quest there!
I want to dab on the pedoes when they read up to us adopting all the actually underage lolis.
Illya is still fair game though.

Back to actual serious things.
What do you guys think we can except from Manaka's boosted Cu?
Where is Baz, is she dead already?
Will we run into Stheno and Euryale here?
Will we get two new useless mouths to feed?
Will we watch Sakura get vored by snakes again?

>>4721294
I think last time someone shilled the quest we got samefaggotry and WhatIs had to take a break so the autism would die down.

I doubt we'll go through the entirely of Gorgon's wild ride without meeting the park attendants. I wonder if the audience is dumb enough to simp to Stheno or Euryale and die. Shinji should have hard immunity to their charms though due to his mental protections.

I also doubt WhatIs would just kill Bazett offscreen, low payoff there.

I think Cu is potentially an Odin pseudo, or Morrigan/Lugh. His Divinity is specifically higher and he has the crow motif going on. Cu had a crow perch on his shoulder when he was finally confirmed dead, so maybe WhatIs is going for a herc moment where he ascended to godhood on death?

I wouldn't be surprised if God didn't mention anything about chasing Cu because we specifically asked for "long and happy lives for those we care about".

I don't think you can avoid at least some maiming or death against an enhanced, Gae Bolg and Rune Magic spamming Cu.

>>4721294
>What do you guys think we can except from Manaka's boosted Cu?
Spearspam and trying to get himself killed.
>Where is Baz, is she dead already?
I bet she is an assassin.
>Will we run into Stheno and Euryale here?
>Will we get two new useless mouths to feed?
I hope so.
>Will we watch Sakura get vored by snakes again?
No, Sakura will get to watch Shinji getting "eaten" by Medusa.

>>4721297
>Stheno or Euryale
Shinji is the only person who can properly call them out.

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>>4721300
Stheno and Euryale are absolutely helpless if you can no sell the simp aura. I wonder how Shinji will deal with this smug creature in the flesh?

>>4721297
>last time someone shilled shit got fucked
Good point.
Maybe not.
>simp to Stheno and Euryale
Only Simper of Imaginary Numbers is retarded enough for that. Shinji is well aware of just how insidious these little she-devils shits are.
>Odin Pseudo
Can't wait for him to start killstealing. But honestly it's probably someone else. Morrigan is associated with Crows, right? Is Cu a tranny right now?
>offscreen Baz
It is Baz, being offscreened is kinda her thing.
We need to abuse Cu's geas.
What is it, he is forced to lose to an ulster born man wielding Caladbolg? Time to grab an irishman.
>>4721301
Hopefully he gives them a huge dressing down for being horrible emotionally abusive siblings who hate humans and are pretty much the sole reason Medusa originally became the Gorgon.
They also constantly drained Medusa of blood because it was tasty or something, to the point Medusa freezes up when a loli leaps at her.
Wow holy shit Jack would DESTROY Medusa wouldn't she?
Then they truly condemned Medusa when they simultaneously developed their vore fetishes and decided they wanted Medusa to eat them when she was the Gorgon.
I am genuinely interested to see how Medusa would react to somebody standing up for her.

>>4721305
Morrigan, Lugh (cu's dad) Cu himself and Odin all feature crows as a thing in their myths.

Have the girls offer cu organdog meat, he can't refuse. I don't think anyone besides Cu and Bazett are Irish. Maybe we could check out a bar and try and find a tourist? Or just have Abby make shota Fergus so Shinji has a son

>>4721301
>>4721305
Time to fully narrate their life and emotional stories from all fate material right in their face during first meeting before they even introduce themselves.

>>4721308
While T-posing

>>4721223
>and a Forever Carnival might've taken place!
I am very interested in the prospect of a Forever Carnival and I think we should try for it as soon as we have a chance.
Think about it, an eternity of fun~!

>>4721307
>Shota Fergus
Oh no, the NBR relationships between our children, what are you doing?!
Wasn't Morrigan a Cu husbandofag?
But I mean who wasn't at the time?
Odin would be fun just so we can have Sakura bully him into non-existence.
>>4721308
>>4721310
They don't deserve anything else.
>>4721312
An eternity of pain.
I'd rather not cause the death of logic.

>>4721317
Shota Fergus has good manners.

On the topic though, if BB becomes a real issue we could have Betty create John Smith to deal with her.

>>4721312
Before we conquer Britannia we should go back to Misaki Town and barge into the cafe just to steal all of the neco-arcs. Omai wa subete no watashi da!

>>4721318
You madman.

>>4721317
>An eternity of pain
I'm surprised we haven't called any of our enemies niggers, or a faggot or a combination of both yet while t-posing. Maybe we're too nice?

>>4721288
There have been some surprisingly decent threads there lately. Guess Sakura really brought everyone together.

>>4721294
I don't think it's Odin. Cu was already a servant. I bet he was twisted into Berserker Cu.
Bazett is either possessed by an Assassin (more likely) or by someone who can no-sell Medea's magic (less likely). No way she's dead.
We are certainly running into Medusa's family soon.
I hope not.
50/50 I'd say.

>>4721297
God also didn't tell us to go after Monica, and we certainly care about her. They are all almost certainly distractions, like Shuten was. Or "God" was full of shit.
I think we can certainly avoid any deaths against him. He wasn't very succesful in the original timeline after all, and the firepower we have access to right now is staggering. We just have to not be dumb about it.

>>4721305
>I am genuinely interested to see how Medusa would react to somebody standing up for her
We'll find out soon enough. That's the whole reason we're here. My guess? 99/100

>>4721324
>My guess? 99/100
She's already willing to have a threesome with us with Sakura if we go for Sakura route. They do everything together, remember?

>>4721326
True, but her heart wouldn't really be in it. She liked us but didn't love us.

>>4721320
We don't have to go to Misaki Town. Fuyuki has an entrance to Ahnenerbe as well.

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>>4721270
Senpai I have a suggestion! Can we have a segment where all of the very horny, unfulfilled women and girls in the cast confront the QM about there being no H scenes? Also have Shiki, Shirou and even Ayaka laugh at Shinji for being a virgin because even Ayaka probably had sex with one of the himbos in her otome harem too.

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Medusa vs Seibah clip from the hf3 movie. She seems to reinforce her legs? Also lmao A Agility vs D, why does this stat even exist again?

>>4721332
Stats are nothing more than a guideline.

>>4721323
Shinji is a pretty nice guy here.
I guess he doesn't want to be rude.
>>4721320
Fuck it why not?
>>4721324
>99/100 Medusa
It's all gonna be worth it, guys.
>>4721332
Mana Burst is OP.

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>>4721332
Saber only kept up by her Instinct skill, and had enough mana to work with to undo the mystic eyes for the most part. Her legs were probably still a little petrified. This scene was better than the VN for sure.

My favorite part is:
>Rider: "Whats's the matter, are you worried about Shirou?"
>Rider: "Don't worry he won't move from there, I have his trust after all"
>Rider: "Oh... that's right, you were-"
>SAlter: "Nonsense!"

>>4721331
But anon! We'd disappoint God-senpai if we slept with women who weren't our wives yet!

>>4721337
The Bible only says we have to give her father 50 shekels and then marry them after the fact. Rape is fine too. Deuteronomy 22:28-29

>>4721337
We are his new prophet anon. We'll write another bible where incest, polygamy and extramarital sex are specifically encouraged.

>>4721339
It's almost worth turning Gray into Rhongomyniad so she'll incinerate Israel for us.

>>4721339
We follow the New Testament

>>4721223
>>>Ba-Dump Date Super Plan Redux Revengeance Extreme!
>>>A Super Special Eldritch Errand!
>>>Trading Places: Shinji's worst ever day.
>>>Fifth Holy Grail War (Normal Mode) Any% WR
>>>The Great Council of Shinji

>>4721344
Alex will shape them up, don't worry.

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>>4721339
>Rape is fine too
"In fact if a hussy is out of line and refuses to go back to the kitchen, it is encouraged that you put at least one baby in her stomach to remind her of her duties."
- Tohno-kun probably

>>4721342
I can't wait to show up and dab on Goetia with Truth.

Would it be immoral if we adopted Stheno and Euryale but married Medusa?

>>4721297
I think Cu literally just got amped up, he becomes disgusting if he's summoned in Ireland and gets 2 extra NPs and a blessing while summoned there, there's no reason for him to get fused if an amped up Normal him is already so strong. Also we like Cu and he's on that list too

>>4721353
So our sister-in law is our daughter-in law? How would that work? Would Sakura be their Aunts technically?

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Judging by the current strawpoll there should be a new Fuyuki WR set soon

>>4721355
People you marry don't become your sister anon.
We just want to marry our sister.
And maybe her sister too seeing as Rin seems to have mellowed out a bit.

>>4721354
Hello, can I interest you in this lovely hot dog made of genuine dog, prepared by my younger sister Mr. Setanta?

>>4721358
>And maybe her sister too seeing as Rin seems to have mellowed out a bit.
I thought we'd agreed she'd make a good couple with redman?

>>4721353
It would be immoral to turn tables on Stheno and Euryale and make them simp for us.

>>4721360
They need to produce two children that look like Ritsuka, and we make them name the two kids Ritsuka and Ritsuko. Full circle.

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>>4721360
jannies have no gf

>>4721361
better yet, use Truth to let them age naturally so they grow hideously tall

>>4721362
Yes.

>>4721364
>jannies have no gf
I thought we'd agreed to ask Alaya to fire him?

>>4721360
Archer had his chance but he decided to become a jannie

>>4721360
It would be kinder to set him up with Mitsuzuri or a member of the Track and Field team.
Or Taiga.
Somebody who he could live a peaceful life with.
>>4721361
No, that would be based.
>>4721364
Oh no!
That poor dog!
Also that would be a deliciously fitting punishment for them.

>>4721297
was the quest actually shilled on /a/? I know the threads of being isekai'd as Shinji started there and inspired the quest

>>4721371
It was i only found out this place existed because it was shilled there.

>>4721362
No, because in this timeline the FGO Masters will be Shirou and Saber's superbabies.

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>>4721371
I don't know where it was initially shilled other than /a/ but there was a large influx at one point and then a forced hiatus. Maybe /fgog/ or /alter/ on /vg/?

I'd probably ask WhatIs if he wants any kind of advertisement first, you risk shitting up the thread in doing so.

Hype

>Ba-Dump Date Super Plan Redux Revengeance Extreme!
My plan is to throw Shirou and Shiki under the bus hard when we inevitably get caught

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Poor faphand, bullied by worms

>>4721366
We've given a lot of people a second chance. Hell, Kiritsugu gets a second second chance after we pull him out of the bear. Doesn't our best pal Shirou deserve it?

>>4721386
And they're both extremely monogamous in this timeline. I approve.

Whatis awake yet?

>Nrvnqsr is an apex predator capable of eating and absorbing anything
>gets eaten by Sakura and absorbed
>who is then eaten by Gorgon and probably absorbed
>who is then probably eaten and absorbed by Orochi.
The circle of life, everyone.
Sneks reign supreme

>>4721392
He posted the thread and poll, didn't he?

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>>4721392
The thread + poll posted itself

>>4721395
OH yeah, sorry it's been a long morning

>>4721387
>under the skull is another skull
A mask of my own face.
I'd wear that.

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Speedrun WR is winning. Are you guys ready for “RANCA GA SHIN DA”?! BECAUSE I AM

Just wanna get one thing out of the way, Sakura's the main heroine right? In the same way Saber is in FSN and Arc is in Tsukihime

>>4721403
Yes

>>4721403
Medea.

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>>4721403
Obviously, yes. It was all for that smile.

>>4721403
>Sakura is the main heroine.
No.
That's our cute wife Medea.
Or our autistic wife Mordred.

>>4721407
Moedred is the best

>>4721403
It's both her and Medea in this quest

>>4721403
Yes

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>>4721411
I'll accept that. Our sisterwife and our casterwife are the best.

>>4721403
I don't know who deserves happiness more, Sakura or Satsuki?

>>4721414
What about poor Illya?

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>>4721403
You have it all backwards. Shinji is the main Heroine. There are many suitors, some have been family-zoned. This doesn't always stop them.

>>4721415
She has Teenage Alcides, we're incarnating him too so he doesn't shoot blanks.

Speaking of waifus i have yet to see a giselle or miho fag in this quest.

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>>4721417
Plus, we're well on our way to making picrel a reality.

>>4721419
There WERE Giselle fags in the earlier parts of the story.

>>4721421
This picture but age up Illya and add Taiga, Kerry Assassin, Shirou, and EMIYA

>>4721419
I think Miho just came too late.
>>4721422
Giselle isn't relevant enough.
We need to dragonize her for another qt OP wife

>>4721419
better waifus probably

>>4721419
Am Gisellefag. She isn't in the story much because we're hauling ass on a time limit this Grail War. We can't have too many natural moments happen with other characters because Shinji literally cannot stop acting (except in unconsciousness visions or meetings) or everybody else dies. Once the Grail War is over, then we can see about knocking up our personal maid... along with every other woman

>>4721432
Based Gisellefag.
She'll teach Sakura's sisterclone how to be our maid too.
I want to go through Extra CCC with a BB whipped into being a proper maid by our side, just to baffle the Alter-egos and CCC BB.

Now that the time has nearly come, when we get out of Gorgon's vore hell, who deserves Dragonblood most?
I don't think it will work on Servants or Lugh or Arc, so...
>Us
>Sakura (already got Tiamat doubt it would work)
>Rin
>Shirou
>SHIKI (would it even work on him or Ciel?)
>Shiki
>Satsuki
>Illya
>Sella
>Leysritt
>Giselle
>Aoko
>Touko
>Mordred

>>4721440
Shirou just cause it would make him more GAR

>>4721440
Shirou, Slash Emperor might be a chekov's gun that we have to use.

>>4721440
Us I guess?

>>4721442
Dragonblood Shirou would be a god among men

>>4721440
Shirou so he can be a bit dragon like his wife
Giselle because our personal maid
Satsuki
Shiki

>>4721417
that's disgusting, that'd be like if he slept with his little sister

>>4721450
Yeah, Alcides is for incarnating to go on cool boat adventures with Jason.

>>4721450
So.... what Shinji would be doing with Sakura?

>>4721453
that's different, we're hypocrites

>Fate/Type Moon discord became a Shinji themed Discord
LMAO. Now I can discuss this quest there and nobody will question it because ‘tis april fools

>>4721454
I think Herc is probably more into the big booba type anyway.
Or uh.
Men.

>>4721457
>discord
Don't get groomed anon

>>4721459
Aoko always on the hunt

>>4721460
I still have a head canon to this day that Aoko only came back in Shinji's teens to avoid the police, and that nippon age of consent is like 16-17. Shounen H daisekou-ya!

>>4721465
Shiki's teens not Shinji's teens oops. Aw well, Shinji was also groomed in both the OG timeline and in paradox reincarnated timeline.

Guys what if QM got banished to Quebec?

>>4721465
Touko is the superior groomer because she managed to stay near her target throughout chlidhood and adolescence without being detected.

>>4721468
That would be very unfortunate. Worst April Fool's ever.

>>4721468
Nah I think the joke is none of these will actually be written ....nah but for real though he’s probably just busy.

>>4721468
I have a theory that he is indeed a Canadian or a Europoor since he's never stepped foot in redneck heaven, I mean Walmart. Wild Card is that he's Brazillian or a Mexican cause they seem to like Fate a lot too.

>>4721474
Do they have Wendy's in Brazil?

Keep pondering the Truth of my nationality.
I could've been double bluffing about Walmart, I could just have no feet.
Anyway, let's get this show on the road.
Writing the option with most votes now.

>>4721474
He is Cascadian.

>>4721478
>I could just have no feet.
G-gorgon?

>>4721478
>Fifth Holy Grail War (Normal Mode) Any% WR
Let's fucking gooooooooooo

Give me a second, first side-story is almost done...

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>>4721526
Ganbatte.

You blink. Something isn't quite right. This... This isn't your room. Well, that's not quite true, this is your room, but you certainly shouldn't be in it right now. This house should be in a state of disrepair! Something has clearly happened, and you bound out of bed before you fall flat on your face, your muscles feeling weaker and your body softer than normal. You quickly get up off the floor to look at yourself in the mirror. You look like the sort of person who does the bare minimum he needs to keep his body in shape! Your gains have all vanished! You can still feel all your magic circuits, so at least they haven't changed. You instinctively do all that you can to prevent them from leaking even the slightest bit of magical energy, your blessed circuits still present and allowing you to make them almost completely invisible. Also, interestingly enough, you have three dormant Command Spells on your hand, almost invisible to the naked eye, but you can just about make out the three faded blobs of black ink that made up the original form of your Command Spells.

"Oh. Shit." You quickly realize just what must've happened, and you almost vomit when you realize just what this body you're currently inhabiting has been responsible for. You try to clear your thoughts of such things as you almost get dressed in a school uniform to head downstairs before you check the day and realize that it's actually a Saturday. Hopefully you'll be able to figure out just what is going on as the day progresses. It's pretty clear that you aren't in your own timeline anymore though.

You head downstairs slowly, almost cautiously, yet at the moment you reach the bottom step, you hear a voice, the voice of an old man you were dreading to hear. "Shinji! Come here! It's time you proved your worth to the Matou!" Zouken. Well, at least this variation of the bastard has yet to permanently bond himself to a damn Snake God. You do as your 'grandfather' asks and obediently enter the living room, where Sakura is standing awkwardly, with a blindfolded woman standing protectively in front of her Master "Good. Shinji, Sakura here isn't prepared to fight in the Holy Grail War, so I'm going to have to ask you to take her place." The old man passes you a book. "This book will allow you to control Rider, so long as you spill a drop of your..." You ignite the book in your hand with a flame, and watch it burn up.

"What a shame, it was a good book. Now, Medusa, please be a dear and use your Mystic Eyes on this old worm bastard for me, would you? He's the one behind all of Sakura's suffering, and he doesn't deserve to live, I promise you that on the souls of your sisters. Don't worry, I can save Sakura from any consequences of this." You reassure the two girls, who are both obviously not sure what's even going on anymore.

Medusa looks startled for a moment at your words, and looks to Sakura who nods, a scared and confused expression on her face, not knowing just what it is that you're up to. It really hurts you to see Sakura look at you with those eyes. Rider dematerializes her blindfold.

"What are you talking about, you impudent little br- Zouken stops talking.

"Shut up. This time I'm not going to make any mistakes." You silence Zouken by interrupting him just as Rider silences him by activating her Mystic Eyes on him. You conjure the same flame in your hand that you used to purge Sakura's body of Zouken's influence the first time. "Trust me when I do this please, Sakura, Rider." Without any more warning to the two girls, you send the ball of Truth-made flame directly at Sakura, using it to target only the crest worms within her body, quickly all the familiars of Zouken that were inside of Sakura are completely incinerated. Sakura falls to the ground, unhurt, but clearly affected greatly by your magic.

All the while, Zouken is fast turning into nothing but a statue, incapable of even moving as his body solidifies into gray stone, his face one of pure seething anger even as it permanently settles that way forevermore. Even while this is going on, you don't allow yourself to take satisfaction in the death of the old bastard, and you quickly lean over Sakura and start to use Truth Healing on her, in order to fully fix her up.

"Nii-san?" Is about all that Sakura can even say when you help her up from the floor, and she looks at the statue of Zouken. She's clearly completely bewildered by the ease at which you just dealt with Zouken, under five minutes in total to save Sakura and kill Zouken. Not bad.

"Sorry, Sakura, I'll explain everything to you a little later, but I just realized that I've got a pretty filled out schedule, you wouldn't mind if I borrowed Rider to help me, would you? And... Look, I'm... not the Shinji I was before, I came from a different timeline, and I can only apologize to you for what he did to you." You reinforce your leg and deliver a kick to the Zouken statue, shattering the ugly bastard into hundreds of shards of stone. "And don't come back this time, you asshole!" You yell at the shards before Sakura can even respond to you.

"Uh... I... OK, Nii-san... I... Think it would be better if you went with him for now, Rider." Sakura still doesn't look like she knows what to make of anything about this entire situation.

"Understood, Master." Rider is quick to follow Sakura's commands, and follows you out of the room, leaving Sakura, who has an expression torn between absolute bewilderment and true gratitude on her face. Rider's face is once again covered with Breaker Gorgon, however, or well, at least her eyes are.

"Good, now, Rider, I'm going to need you to take me to the forests of Fuyuki, near the temple." Hopefully you're not too late to stop Caster from contracting with Kuzuki, you're going to need her strength and abilities to win this.

"Very well... Shinji, but... do you have a vehicle available for us to use?" Unfortunately not, however, that can easily be solved. The two of you walk out of the house, and you immediately just walk up to a parked car, break the lock with your magecraft, and get in.

"Come on, you're the Rider here, get in!" The car you steal isn't a super car by any stretch of the imagination, but it will have to do. "Your Riding skill... It's A+ right?" Rider gets in on the drivers side, before she looks at you. You know, driving with a blindfold on might seem like a terrible idea, but

"Correct." Rider keeps her answer short and sweet.

"Excellent, then get going, I'll give you the directions as we travel." You keep your response short too.

It doesn't take a long time to get close to the temple, only about ten minutes in total thanks to Rider's skill at driving, and you're a little bit earlier than when you arrived with Illya. Still, you easily return to the place where you once found Caster, and you don't even need Rider's assistance to locate her. "Master! It's... an enemy Servant!"

"Very observant, Rider. But I'm not your Master, remember?" You keep your voice deadpan as you look at Caster, who is trying to crawl away from you and Rider. "Oi! Caster! Do you want to live? If so, take my hand, and I'll contract with you." The desperate Caster reluctantly takes your hand, before you feel the contract take hold. While you're a little disappointed that you don't have Betty with you, it's just incentive to return to your original world after you've solved this problem grail war, so far it seems like it's far less of a problem than the Grail War you're having to deal with. "OK, next up, Caster! I want you to teleport us to the location I'm sending through to you through our newly established mental link."

"I... Guess?" Even Caster doesn't seem like she knows what to make of you either. She raises her staff into the air, and with a word of power, you vanish to your next destination along with Rider and Caster. "Tροψα!"

You soon find yourself standing in Shirou's living room, the boy himself drops his eating utensils as the three of you teleport in. Taiga is looking similarly stunned at the blatant violation of physics. "Hypnotize the woman please, Caster." It only takes the powerful magus from the Age of Gods a single action to do so, and Taiga falls to the ground before she can even say a word. "Don't worry about Taiga, Shirou, I'm here because I need your help. Rider, please pick Shirou here up."

"Wait a second! Shinji?! Could you at least explain what's going on?" Shirou sounds as bewildered as one might expect somebody being teleport kidnapped would be.

"You're going to help me save the world, Shirou, but first I need you to summon your fiancee." You leave the room, heading out to his special magic shed and beckon for your Servants to follow you. "Rider, Caster, please follow me. Don't hurt Shirou though, he's a dear friend of mine."

"What does that even mean!?" Shirou tries to struggle against Rider. "Answer me, Shinji!" You don't answer him, and instead have Rider carry him all the way out into his shed, where you can see that a magic circle has activated thanks to being in close proximity to a potential Master. You don't know who originally used this house to create this circle, but you suppose it really doesn't matter. "Rider, put Shirou on that magic circle please." The Servant does as you ask her, and there's a bright flash of light as she does.

Standing directly above Shirou and looking down at him, is Saber, who thankfully can at least read the room and understands that there's no ongoing fight occurring, so she doesn't attempt to attack Caster or Rider. "I ask of you, are you my Master?"

"Uh..." Shirou seems completely flustered as he looks at the woman.

"Say 'yes' Shirou. That's how these magical contract things tend to work." You helpfully join in.

"Uhh... Yes?" Shirou takes your advice, and Saber smiles very faintly at him.

"Excellent. I take it that you've already managed to secure an alliance with these two Servants as well?" Saber has her arms crossed as she looks at you, Rider and Caster with wary eyes.

"In a sense, that's correct." You answer for Shirou once again, as the boy clearly has no idea what the hell is even happening anymore. "Though the stakes are a little higher than what you might believe... I'll... tell you everything when we get inside."

After a brief explanation to your three allies of just what is actually going on, and Saber's reluctant acceptance that the Holy Grail might not be in a usable state, your group proceeds to rapidly the issues of the grail war. First you go to Rin with Sakura, give her the full explanation, and tell her to summon her Servant so that she can kill Kotomine for killing Tokiomi ten years ago, and that's about all it takes for her to go ahead and immediately summon Archer, who looks really kind of bothered by things. Next up is Illya, who is much harder to convince, but thankfully, she agrees to at least a temporary alliance with you when you manage to have Caster use some scrying magic to reveal the interior of Fuyuki Church, and the blonde man wearing his ridiculous outfit within it. It takes quite a bit of convincing to actually get her to accept that the man is Gilgamesh. Next up is of course getting Bazett on side, but when most of the grail war shows up on her doorstep to inform her that the grail is corrupt and that it needs to be shut down, she really cant argue against you.

Just like that, everyone is together, and the seventh servant has yet to even be summoned! While you could probably have Caster summon Assassin, it's not really a necessity, Kirei is forced to confess to his crimes against Rin thanks to Caster's magic before Caster gets bored and just incinerates the priest with a single spell.

Then, it comes down to the final confrontation.

Lancer lies dead at Gilgamesh's feet, and you grit your teeth. "You damn mongrels really thought that I was just going to let you run rampant all over my plans?" The King of Heroes has his greatest weapon, Ea, drawn, and is wearing his nearly invincible Golden Armor as well, he's very obviously taking the combined force of the Grail War very seriously. "Let me teach you the error of your ways, you damn dogs!" The segments of Ea begin to spin.

"Oi. Gilgamesh." You call out in a calm voice. "I'd look behind you if I were you."

"Ha! Such a pathetic trick, as expected from a mongrel dog like you!" Looks like Gilgamesh is a massive jerk when he's not got Manaka around to scare some sense into him. Ah well. "Now, prepare yourself! Enu-!"

THUMP!

A massive golden clawed foot smashes down on top of the King of Heroes, crushing him instantly despite the incredible protective power of his Golden Armor. You... did try to warn him. "Good job, Alítheia! You run up to the leg of your Dragon Daughter and give her a hug, even while she's still in her dragon form she's still your adorable daughter! You're a little bit wary of getting too close to the Gilgamesh paste out of personal preference, but it can't be helped. You weren't just going to go after Gilgamesh without a trump card up your sleeve that you were sure would give you the win. Of course, you weren't expecting that Gilgamesh was just going to stand there and take it. What a jobber.

Well, with Gilgamesh, Kirei and Zouken dealt with, all that's left is to go and deal with a grail that cannot possibly act to defend itself! You check your watch for some reason, and realize that it has only been about four hours and twelve minutes since you arrived by waking up. Hmmph.

World Record Attained

>>4721555
Nice

>>4721555
Perfect.

Next Segment:
SHINJIBOWL - DATE THE GIRL OF YOUR DREAMS....and by that I mean begrudgingly accept that you need a Harem unless you want to die

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>>4721555
Brilliant! Alitheia best dragon daughteru of two timelines! And Lancer died!

Now for the part I'm looking forward the most, I assume. picrel

Also
>You don't know who originally used this house to create this circle, but you suppose it really doesn't matter
Wasn't it made in the 4th war to help Irisviel last longer when they moved there?

>>4721555
Its paffecto!

>>4721555
Perfection.
>and you almost vomit when you realize just what this body you're currently inhabiting has been responsible for
Love that detail.
And Alítheia is truly the best daughter.

File: king of jobbers.png (2.29 MB, 1478x1452)

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>>4721555
Typical.

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107 KB JPG

>>4721575
He even jobbed to glasses-less Ayaka in our timeline. Carnival Phantasm 2 needs to address this meme like Ransa ga shinda.

>>4721575
Extella Link even has him running away with a tail between his legs after he was rescued from being living battery.

"Shirou! Shiki! I'm... I'm calling an emergency meeting!" You race up to the two boys, who look at you with curious expressions.

"What's up, Shinji?" Shirou tilts his head in confusion at your panic.

"W-well... It's Valentine's Day today, right?" You confirm with the two of your close allies. You have no idea where SHIKI is, probably stalking somebody as usual.

"Yeah, I've got a nice trip out planned with Saber." Shirou smiles goofily. You can tell he's going to be no help at all!

"Ah yeah, my schedule is pretty full, honestly, I'm spending the first half of the day with Sensei, and the second half with Akiha. Why?" Shiki sounds a little more curious as to why you brought it up, and you proceed to reveal thirteen seperate letters, all of varying design, but they all clearly share a theme. That theme being lovehearts.

Shirou looks at you in continued confusion as Shiki suddenly bursts into uncontrollable laughter and rolls around on the floor. "Ahahahaha! You're totally fucked!"

"Thanks for the encouraging words. I was wondering if the two of you could help me uh... plan out a way to... uh... date all of them at the same time." Come on, if anybody can help you with a problem like this, it's Shiki. He might not have as many girls attached to him just yet, but he's the guy you should talk to when it comes to managing girls like that.

"AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Are you out of your mind?! You're totally screwed! You may as well hide in a box and hope nobody will be able to find you!" While the idea of hiding in Zelretch's chest in Rin's house has occurred to you, and you might've actually taken that as a way to run from your problems. The big problem is that one of the messages is actually from Rin. You aren't exactly inspired with a lot of hope by the fact that even Shiki is laughing at you for getting yourself involved in this madness. "Sure, I'll help you out with this, it'll be a laugh."

About half an hour later, and you're looking at the world's most complex plan. You're pretty sure that most plans to invade nations have fewer steps than this.

(8:40) Arrive at a bar with Shuten, offer to pay for whatever her tab ends up being. Pay a million yen up-front.
(8:42) Leave the bar
(8:55) Arrive at the Zoo with Mordred.
(9:00) Take Mordred to Petting Zoo
(9:02) Leave Mordred at Petting Zoo
(9:03) Meet Medusa at Reptile House.
(9:05) Disappear from Reptile House.
(9:05) Bump into Sakura, who should be walking past the Reptile House, take her to the gift shop.
(9:06) Pretend you need to get some money from an ATM, leave Sakura at the gift shop.
(9:07) Meet Medea at the zoo's coffee shop.
(9:08) Drink scalding hot coffee in one go and pretend that you need to go the toilet, leave coffee shop.
(9:10) Race to other coffee shop, meet Touko there, share a quick cup of coffee and use same excuse as with Medea.
(9:13) Meet Arcueid at the primate enclosure.
(9:15) Make bad excuse. Run away.
(9:16) Catch breath + pray
(9:17) Meet Rin outside the lion enclosure.
(9:18) Distract Rin for long enough that you can disappear.
(9:19) Leave Zoo entirely.
(9:35) Arrive at Theme Park.
(9:40) Meet up with Illya and Giselle, take the two of them on a few rides together. Have some fun.
(9:55) Accidentally get swept away by a crowd, meet up with Tamamo. Buy some cotton candy for her.
(9:57) Use Amethyst to warp away from Tamamo.
(9:59) Go find Mordred again, apologize for getting separated from her, pet a few rabbits with her.
(10:03) Excuse self from Mordred. Go meet up with Satsuki. Feed her some of your blood over breakfast.
(10:07) Find Ciel at curry shop.
(...)
The list goes on like this for about six more hours worth of time. Shiki, upon looking at the completed diagram, began laughing so much that his sides could probably qualify for the Voyager Class Container.

"Oh man, dude. You are so completely screwed. I feel bad for you." Shiki has no sympathy for you, it seems. The damn bastard! He'd be suffering this same problem if not for you!

"Huh? I think that it will work! Shinji can do anything!" Shirou's confidence in you raises your spirits for a few moments until you look at the task laid out before you. Yeah, not even Pioneer of the Stars: EX could deal with this impossibility.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nGKAEaXQoEQ

"Huh? Where's that music coming from?" Shiki scratches his head in confusion.

"Outsider! I have come to repay you the great favor you did me!" Gilgamesh's voice has a happy tone to it, as a shining golden portal appears in the center of the room.

"Gilgamesh?!" Shirou jumps back in surprise as the King of Heroes walks through a rippling golden portal, and he traces both Kanshou and Bakuya, ready for a fight.

Gilgamesh doesn't pay any sort of attention to Shirou at all, completely ignoring him and instead focuses on you. "Outsider, I happen to have private ownership of the largest water-based theme park in all of Fuyuki, and indeed, in this whole region of the country!" Yes, you're well aware of that, that's why you never tried to actually buy the place with your own fortune. "Here, I heard your predicament, and decided that seeing as you helped me with a romantic endeavor, I should pay back the favor." The King of Heroes holds out the pass to Waku-Waku Splash. Could... this truly be your salvation?

>Take the pass.
>Trust the plan.

>>4721584
>Take the pass.
At least we die in a pool surrounded by ladies in swimsuits.
Will you post swimsuit art for references, WhatIs?

>>4721584
>>Take the pass.
T-Thanks, h-how's Aya doing?

>>4721584
>Take the pass.
The plan is insane. Disapearing for one hour at a time, the girls would notice.

>>4721587
If it wins I might.

>>4721584
>Take the pass.

>>4721584
>Take the pass.

>>4721584
>Trust the plan.
It'll work. It'll work for sure.

>>4721591
Now that's unfair. What about a special summer episode beach party?

>>4721584
>>Take the pass.
girls in swimsuits, we gotta do it

>>4721581
>AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Are you out of your mind?! You're totally screwed! You may as well hide in a box and hope nobody will be able to find you
i'm 100% gonna enjoy throwing him under the bus when we get caught

>>4721584
>>Trust the plan.
Shirou has faith in us, we can do it!

>>4721581
>The big problem is that one of the messages is actually from Rin
well this confirms what Rin's affection rating for us is then

>>4721576
he's gonna get cucked by Arthur, i feel it in my bones that this is gonna be the King of Jobber's future

>>4721607
It's only fair that we have twins in our harem we can't lose to Shiki in that department.

>>4721584
>Take the pass.

>>4721584
>Take the pass.

Based Gil

"Master! It's a Servant summoning confirmed!" Mash yells excitedly, about time, Ritsuka had been having some pretty dreadful luck when it came to summoning Servants recently. Nothing but Black Keys and Mapo Tofu. She really hoped that this new Servant was going to be helpful for clearing the Singularities, she didn't really know how to best use the Five Stars she had, and she kept getting beaten by the bosses. She... has only just managed to get through America... "It's... It's a powerful Servant too! Class... Saver?!" Mash yells out in surprise, and Ritsuka's attention is suddenly locked entirely onto the circle. Saver? She's never heard of a Saver class before!

There's a great explosion of white light, as a man with long blue hair in a suit appears standing in the center of the summoning circle. "Oh? This is what that looks like from the other side, huh?" The blue haired man says something strange before he looks Ritsuka straight in the eyes before yawning. "How droll." The man sounds very displeased about being summoned for some reason, but that doesn't even really make any sense! For a Servant to be summoned, don't they have to actually... well, agree to being summoned?

"Uhm... Welcome to Chaldea, Saver-san! I'm Ritsuka Fujimura, and over there is Mash Kyrielight!" Ritsuka offers the man a hand, a friendly gesture with a smile on her face. "Let's get along and save the world together, alright?" The man frowns as he takes her hand with some hesitation. It's strange that he doesn't exactly seem all that happy about being here.

"Call me Shinji please, Gudako, you don't need to call me by my Servant Class, this isn't a grail war. Oh and we're... not on the Chinese Server, right?" The man asks something very odd, and Ritsuka barely knows how to even respond to his question.

"What exactly are you talking about... Shinji?" Ritsuka can already tell that as far as Servants go, this one... he might just be the most eccentric of all of them. Also, Gudako? What sort of a name is that? It's a very strange nickname.

"Just... give me a second." The man coughs into his hand to clear his throat. "动态网自由门 天安門 天安门 法輪功 李洪志 Free Tibet 六四天安門事件 The Tiananmen Square protests of 1989 天安門大屠殺 The Tiananmen Square Massacre 反右派鬥爭 The Anti-Rightist Struggle 大躍進政策 The Great Leap Forward... Yeah, that ought to do it." After spouting off a bizarre mixture of both English and Chinese words, the man looks smug, before he winks directly at Ritsuka. She can only blink in surprise at the strange outburst. "Alright, now, I guess this is the part where you take me to my new room, or something, so you can hear me say the same 15 voice lines over and over again?" He's still smirking.

"Huh?" Ritsuka still doesn't know what the man is trying to say. She's... fairly certain that he doesn't have Madness Enhancement as a skill, so... why is he acting like this?

"Don't worry about it, it's not meant for you, it's meant for you." He winks again. What a strange strange person. Maybe not Madness Enhancement, but Insanity instead? "Speaking of you, Master, I had really expected you to be a little bit... different. You're not nearly as... uh, rabid, as I was made to believe you would be. Like a lunatic obsessed only with Saint Quartz."

"W-what?!" Ritsuka really can't believe what this new Servant is saying. Why would she be obsessed with Saint Quartz? While it's true that it's the resource that makes the Chaldea summoning systems function, she could hardly call herself obsessed with it.

"Relax, Master. It's a good thing, I assure you." The man looks kind of bored as he says that, like it's not actually a good thing and he's just saying that in some strange attempt to conceal his true emotions on the matter. Did he... want her to act like a rabid lunatic? This Servant just gets stranger by the second.

"Ah! Sasaki! The Savior of France himself! Killed any Dragons today?" The Assassin shies away from the strange blue haired man as he is called out to, clearly uncomfortable with being treated so familiarly by somebody who he doesn't know. This keeps happening as the Master and her newly summoned Servant wander through the halls of the large facility, the man keeps calling out to random Servants, the majority of which don't seem know him at all. She's pretty certain that she sees him blow a kiss towards Medea. Even stranger though, is the fact that the normally romantically unflappable Medea blushes at the display for some reason. Huh?!

"OK, Shinji! We're finally here! This is your room!" Ritsuka opens up the door to the room that has been assigned to Saver, which is quite obviously just a plague with the 'b' in 'Saber' hastily turned to a 'v'. It's clean and plain, most Servants will either be the sort to decorate by themselves, or are simply OK with staying in basic accommodations.

The man sighs as he looks at the room, and runs a hand through his hair. "You know, Gudako... I can't help but feel like there's a... bit of a lack of... well, of the rarer and more powerful Servants around here." The man sounds almost as if he's pitying her. "You... must've rolled a lot of Black Keys, huh?" Somehow... He knows. Unexpectedly, the man puts a hand on the top of her head and lightly ruffles her hair. "What Singularity are you on right now, Master? Or are we up to Lostbelts already?"

"We're... about to go through the Camelot Singularity, but... it's been a real struggle to get to this point. Also... what's a lost belt?" Ritsuka is genuinely worried even by the name 'lostbelt' it doesn't sound like it can be anything good.

"Uhhhh, forget I said 'lostbelt', OK? It's not relevant. But... You aren't very good at this, so I'm going to give you a tip on how to get further!" The man starts talking like a madman again. "Whenever you have a bad turn, or something goes wrong... just restart the game!" He laughs, as if the advice he's giving is something anybody could figure out.

"W-what?"

The man winks again. "Oh you know exactly what I mean. Anyway, give me a few hours to settle in, and I'll show you just what God's chosen savior of Mankind is capable of!" The man boasts, and Ritsuka still has no idea what to make of him, even as she walks away. One thing is for certain, Chaldea is going to be a much more interesting place now that he has arrived.

Bonus

Summoned: "This is what it looks like from the other side, huh? How droll. Servant, Saver, True name... You should probably call me Shinji. Let's get along... Player."

Level Up: "Oh look, my ATK and HP values went up!"

1st Ascension: "Excellent! One step closer to being back to my actual power! But... I'm not really a big fan of this outfit, it reminds me too much of grandfather."

2nd Ascension: "Well, my outfit hasn't changed, but I feel a little bit stronger, so... Thanks?"

3rd Ascension: "Hey! What the hell is this! Why am I dressed in a school uniform! And why am I a teenager! Damn it all!"

4th Ascension: "Well, now I can show you my full power. Prepare to see the unrivaled power of he who controls Truth! Hahahahahaha! This is the full power of a Limited SSR Servant!"

Dialogue (EMIYA): "Ah, EMIYA. Good to see him, I wonder if he remembers me...?"

Dialogue (Most Pseudo-Servants): "Excuse me, Master, but you wouldn't mind if I were to have all the divine and heroic spirits possessing human hosts... destroyed, would you? I've had a bad experience with them in the past, you see."

Dialogue (Shuten Dōji): "Oh, you summoned Shuten? Ha, good luck with her, Master, you strike me as the sort of person she'll enjoy leading on to devour you at her leisure."

Dialogue (Medusa, Medusa (Child), Gorgon) "Medusa is here! I hope she's doing alright."

Dialogue (Kama, Parvati): *Barely restrained anger*

Dialogue (Medea): "Ah, Medea is here? I wonder if she's busy..."

Dialogue (Any Magical Girl): "Don't... Remind me of... that time."

Dialogue (Tamamo-no-Mae): "Please don't remember me, please don't remember me, please don't remember me..."

Dialogue (Mordred): "I wonder if she needs any advice..."

Dialogue (Mordred and EMIYA): "Hey, Master, get EMIYA to trace Mordred a copy of Caliburn. Just trust me on this one."

Dialogue (Any Dragonkind): "Ah, sorry, I got reminded of somebody dear to me, what were you saying, Master?"

Dialogue (Abigail Williams): "Ah, so this is the original Abigail, hmm? Perhaps I should help truly excise that otherworldly God from her."

Dialogue (BB): Oh, well look what the cat dragged in... From the moon. Honestly, this summoning system doesn't make any sense. What does BB stand for, anyway?

Dialogue (Summer BB): Pfft.

Dialogue (Mash): What a reliable looking eggplant.

>>4721623
>"动态网自由门 天安門 天安门 法輪功 李洪志 Free Tibet 六四天安門事件 The Tiananmen Square protests of 1989 天安門大屠殺 The Tiananmen Square Massacre 反右派鬥爭 The Anti-Rightist Struggle 大躍進政策 The Great Leap Forward...
QM you fool, are you trying to get us all banned?!

>>4721634
We really should have expected that. Well played sir. Well played.

aye its back

>>4721616
Rin and Sakura aren't twins

>>4721625
>She's pretty certain that she sees him blow a kiss towards Medea
Saver Shinji is much more confident and flirty, this is the window into the future

>>4721631
Suprised their wasn't a, "by the way do you know who your parents are?" line for the Ritsuka = Emiya and Rin's kid meme. Other than that very good.

>>4721639
Not everyone here's from chink land, anon.

>>4721634
>Dialogue (Kama, Parvati): *Barely restrained anger*
aw

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190 KB JPG

>>4721616
There is a way to up the stakes, anon.
>>4721634
No Merlin?
>>4721639
Despite the popular belief it never worked.
You will have better luck blocking russians out of specific sites or social platforms by posting whirlwind of friendship or other banned material and repotring in to Roskomnadzor.
It also works with turks.

>>4721625
>She's pretty certain that she sees him blow a kiss towards Medea. Even stranger though, is the fact that the normally romantically unflappable Medea blushes at the display for some reason. Huh?!
Casterwife! Casterwife!

>What does BB stand for, anyway?
Doesn't it stand for Big Boobs?

>>4721639
>Imagine seething over Sphere of Influence and Japanese occupation, and using it to justify living under an backwards regime. Who censors Winnie the Pooh
>When at the same time, your own isolationist approach was the cause of that in the first place, only to go back to said isolationist ideology by alienating everyone who isn't Russia or NK.
The absolute state of the CCP, and this is all not counting the wigger and covid thing. Tamamo and Karna should do something about that part of Asia after the grail war.

>>4721650
No Merlin.
This was by choice.

>>4721655
no lines for Muramasa or Ishtar either?

>>4721648
Honestly, I don't understand how people tolerate pseudoservants in-universe. They're horrifying in general, not only when they're possessing someone as close as our sisterwife.

>>4721653
Alex might have something to say too. He wanted to reach the ocean.

>>4721651
>Doesn't it stand for Big Boobs?
No it stands for BASIC BITCH.

>>4721655
it's better this way

also
no reaction to eresh or ishtar? or gil?

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These are great, thank you OP!

>>4721661
they're strangers from the POV of everyone involved, also pseudoservants aren't perfect possessions, Ishtar becomes a useless goddess when she possesses Rin and Muramasa has feelings for Saber

>>4721661
I mean the same could be said for a human fully taking over a servant. The human has a heroic spirit's soul trapped inside of their body, the human can do whatever they want while the soul is kind of stuck watching everything with no input. Its fucked for either party who is not in control.

>>4721670
just fucking realized that Saver Shinji is a fucking pseudo servant

>>4721659
Those would really fall under (Most Pseudo Servants), but...

Dialogue (Ishtar, Ereshkigal): "Hey, Rin! Blink twice if you want your Kaleidostick to get you out of this mess. No but really, get out of my friend, now.."

Dialogue (Muramasa): "You're never going to create the perfect sword with a stolen forge."

Dialogue (Sitonai): *Teeth grinding*

>>4721667
Strangers yes, but they're still using people as meat-puppets. That's objectionable in itself.

>>4721670
Yes, certainly.

Though on second thought, Magi are all terrible people. It should be no wonder they see nothing horrible in this.

>>4721672
You're a special case. You've only got one soul, and you joined perfectly with Shinji at the time.
Taiga Dojo Shinji is just sore loser canon Shinji.

>>4721675
>Strangers yes,
Strangers to everyone except EMIYA, you mean.

>>4721678
True, I hadn't even thought of that. Does he even get any lines in F:GO like those of Saver Shinji?

>>4721686
EMIYA kind of just goes along with it, the dude literally has RB or some other noble phatasm he could trace that could free the psuedos. I'm surprised he isn't a little bit more pissed about it.

>>4721686
kinda but not really

https://fategrandorder.fandom.com/wiki/Sub:EMIYA/Dialogue

>>4721686
His reaction to Rin being possessed is literally "Haha, unlucky Rin."
His reaction to Taiga being possessed by Jaguar Man is "Somebody is eating a lot of food."
It's kind of a joke.
You'd think of all people, he'd want to save Taiga from being possesed even more than Rin.
He doesn't even have a line about Sitonai.

>>4721673
sitonai is flat out just UBW illya.

>>4721694
Interestingly enough, Demiya has a line with Jaguar Man where he implies he killed Taiga and her child

>>4721584
>Take The Pass
WELL. WHAT HAPPENS WHEN WE TAKE IT? WE SKIPPED RIGHT TO CHALDEA?! WAS THIS A NON-JOKE UPDATE??

>>4721700
Yes "For now."
I don't know about you, but having something nesting in my head that could permanently take control of my actions whenever they wanted without me having a say in it is pretty shitty.

>>4721704
I was writing that last update as votes came in, anon.
Hold your horses, bucko.

>>4721707
in sitonai case they are all in control at the same time, this is why she flip flops in refering to herself as illya or sitonai.
in ishtar and eresh case one melted into another.
no idea about muaramasa

>>4721704
Shinji blacked out after Alaya found out about the harem pool party and seethed. She made Shinji go to her inner world for a one on one "mana transfer session" as punishment.

>>4721673
Dialogue (Waver): "Hah! Looks like not even death can free you from work my dear friend."

>>4721707
they can give up control too, Waver and Kirei have full control of their autonomy and keep the servant stats and abilities, being influenced somewhat like how Kirei has a soft spot for the Romanov family cause of Rasputin

>>4721688
>>4721689
>>4721694
Damn, EMIYA's a dick.

>>4721708
And here I thought the vote was an April Fool's blueballing.

>>4721709
Muramasa is firmly in the driver's seat with Shirou barely popping up, only influence some of his feelings for familiar people

>>4721710
Yeah this is probably what happened

>>4721708
Apologies. I was just a bit...surprised that we skipped straight ahead.

>>4721710
Based

>>4721709
You don't get it, anon.
A human personality, no matter how strong, will always lose to that of a god's personality.
Rin's personality being 'melted' into something that massively overwhelms her is terrifying.
Sitonai is extreme schizophrenia at best, and is still bad even if you consider that the worst of it.

>>4721710
and that's how Type Earth was born

>>4721720
i dont find it that bad, but i guess it depends of your point of view.
in illya case its not like she was even alive if her memories are correct.
in other words, i dont really care, its better than nothing.

>>4721723
Hi, Acht.

>>4721723
Actually, unless there's some multiverse stuff at play, Kirei is dead in FGO, he died in the HGW in that timeline

>>4721725
well thats rude.
i just think differently than you and don't find it that bad.
i would not mind it happening to me, would be a fun ride.

>>4721728
Pick a god, anon.

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>>4721728
Sure, you can have Angra Mainyu.

>>4721731
i prefer to roll the gacha
>>4721732
very hard to get him on the gacha.
trust me, i'm been trying for years.

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>>4721732
I'd like to see yandere Dark Sakura. If only she could keep her sanity.
It's a cool aesthetic.

>>4721739
She'd eat every girl that looks in our direction. She'd even eat Shirou just in case there's anything gay going on there. THE END.

>>4721739
Its a very damn hot aesthetic.

>>4721739
Peak Magus Sakura has the aesthetic sorta

>>4721739
Just write-in asking Sakura to cosplay.

>>4721747
That's not true!
She'd eat every girl who looked in your direction and every girl tangentially related to them, with the exception of maybe Rider.

>>4721762
TO be fair, that would make the harem problem a lot easier.

>>4721762
So... she is okay with Shiroufags? If that's the case... wow, didn't think Dark Sakura of all people is a fujoshi.

>>4721762
Even Manaka?

>>4721766
She'd also probably decide to keep you inside her forever at some point, so... probably not.

>>4721771
It's someone's fetish i'm sure.

>>4721771
In a fun way or not?

>>4721762
How does she have any time for Shinji when she's busy hunting down an exponentially increasing amount of women?

>>4721775
Define 'fun'.
She'd be having fun.

>>4721771
Ever see that doujin of what happens after Femme Fatale with the cock tentacles?

>>4721777
She simply has to manifest the Sea of Life, then the problem takes care of itself.

What a shame evil transformations are evil.
I like it when character learn to control them until they can use them with no mental drawbacks.

>>4721739
Would be funny if she turned dark and jumped Shinji until he put 3 kids in her right, haha...

>>4721788
I thought that was a already the plan, except she becomes octo-mom because of Tiamat's fertility boosting her reproductive capabilities. Her boobs and ass would inflate to Tiamat's size too.

>>4721783
But what if one of other girls is another Dark Sakura?

>>4721798
The laws of nature tell us that the bigger Dark Sakura should emerge victorious.

>>4721803
Huh. So it is Sakura eats Sakura world.

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>>4721771
She'll love us even if we break.

>>4721811
lewd belly, big booba, big ass hours.

>>4721811
Very educated

>>4721811
i really want to fuck her

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>>4721819
So do I anon. So do I.

>>4721824
>>4721813
i sometimes forget that Sakura is actually extremely hot

>>4721826
Shame that it took summoning a magical White Girl from hundreds of years ago who believes she is a man for Shirou to awaken sexually, and he didn't even notice Sakura until said White Girl became a hot topic ethot and Rin being too standoffish to get into a relationship with.

>>4721829
Nice girls always finish last.

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>>4721826
That's not something you should forget anon.

>>4721837
imouto lenses and the fact that she dresses conservatively throw me off

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>>4721839
But conservative dresses are the best.

>>4721847
Her outfit at the end of the HF movie was cute too, while she was shopping for groceries and making food in the kitchen it was all so wifey tier.

>>4721858
I most certainly agree, but then again I find all her outfits cute. And she'd definitely make a great wife and mother.

No more images, I spammed enough I think.

>>4721623
Hello Based department?

>>4721879
gonna need Mordred to open up marriage laws eventually

>>4721891
Yep. At least she won't have any problem with it, she has two mothers who were also sisters.

>>4721898
And if luck wills it she will not be only wife but also daugtherwife.
And Saber will not only be our father figture but the same time be our brother(actually sister)-in-law. And our wife Morgan will be our mother-in-law as well.

>>4721906
Man, kids learning about the New British Empire's royal family tree will fucking hate us.

>>4721910
Do not forget that this also makes Shirou not only our brother but also our father too.

>>4721914
And he is also our first daughter's godfather. The tests will be brutal.

>>4721906
>And our wife Morgan will be our mother-in-law as well
We going for her too? Damn, sure, why not man? we're already gambling with two sisters, why not some Oyakodon

>>4721914
>>4721910
>>4721906
At least we'll keep the spirit of the British royal family by having a convoluted family tree like how Alítheia has two mothers and one father and how her step grandfather is also her uncle and godfather

>>4721916
>>4721920
Thats just one generation.
And a lot of our kids will be non-bloodrelated to each other.

>>4721926
Another reason to marry Sakura. We're establishing a whole new tradition here people!

>>4721926
some real "do as i say not as i do" type shit your expecting as we plan to openly marry our sister

"Oh thank God, please give me that ticket, Gilgamesh." You reach out a hand, half expecting Gilgamesh to grab away your salvation at the last minute, just to be a jerk, but surprisingly, he actually does hand it over. How generous of him! Guess he must be in a good mood today, considering it's Valentines and all. With the ticket in hand, you smirk at Shirou and Shiki. You didn't need Shiki's help after all!

"Enjoy, Outsider! Fuhahahahaha!" Gilgamesh laughs to himself happily as he walks back through the portal. A... very good mood indeed. Well, you aren't one to doubt Gilgamesh's generosity, he's not the type of guy who would give somebody something simply to cause them misfortune. He's much too proud to use his treasury like some cursed magical item store. That's the one thing you can really rely on Gilgamesh for. His pride. He'd never do something like lie to somebody or attempt misdirection or trickery unless he absolutely had to. That's just the sort of guy that he is, at least when he's in a good mood.

"Ha! See this? I'm going on a swimsuit date with a dozen women!" You have a tremendous smirk on your face as you look at the horrifyingly complicated plan written up on white board. "I'm not going to need this anymore! I'm... I'm going to live!" You gleefully walk out of the building with the ticket

"Good luck, Shinji!" Shirou yells out after you, and you think that you can hear Shiki laughing again. God, that guy can act like such an asshole when he wants to be, then again, this is the same guy who thinks that 'threaten rape' is a decent way to get a girl to cooperate with him, so maybe you should've expected something like this from him, especially when it comes to asking him for women advice. Even so he was still your best bet to ask. Honestly, who else could you ask? EMIYA? Ha, fat chance Mr. Miserable would be able to give decent dating advice. SHIKI? You can't even find him half the time. Gilgamesh? He'd probably just tell you to take what you wanted and ask nobody for permission. Cu? His default approach to romance is sexual harassment, definitely not. You suppose you could've asked Alcides? He might've been able to give you some advice, but then again, being reminded of his own relationships might... remind him of his own relationships, and what the gods did to them. He's out too, then. Wow, you... really don't know many people who could give any sort of decent guidance on stuff like this. Waver is definitely a no. Same for Kiritsugu, you don't really think a teddy bear would be able to give you the guidance you're looking for anyway.

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You start rapidly texting all the girls, you finally managed to get them all to agree to carry a mobile phone, even Rin. Somehow. Archer had to spend a hell of a long time explaining it to her, and that it didn't contain a miniature demon that was going to try to swallow her soul whenever she used it. Magi are still terrible with technology, and nothing is going to change that. Of course, despite being terrible with tech, there are certain groups of magi that seem to specialize in nothing but tech. You don't know how that's supposed to work, but whatever, it just does, you guess. You don't care.

About an hour later, you finally arrive at the swimming resort, it's an incredible building, and probably cost millions and millions of dollars to actually build. You arrive first, waiting for everyone else to show up as you sit by the side of a pool wearing your swim trunks. While you hadn't... specifically mentioned that you were going to be bringing anyone else along in your texts to all the girls, you didn't mention that you weren't inviting anybody else, right? Yeah... This... This can still work. Just... Just a normal swim date. On Valentine's day. This is the sort of thing that everyone would've ended up crashing anyway if they managed to find about it, and... Damn it! You could've set things up to happen like that!

It doesn't take long for the first arrival to show up, and rather predictably, it's Sakura who shows up first out of everyone, in a white and red swimsuit, and a good five minutes before you mentioned anybody should arrive. Looks like she didn't want to be late. You can respect that. You stand up to greet the girl, and she quickly starts to run over to you. "Hey, Sakura! Le- URK" You don't get to finish your statement as the girl barrels into you, and basically tackles you into the pool.

"Happy Valentine's day, Onii-chan!" The girl wraps you in a tight hug ever as you both fly through the air, before you land in the pool behind you, crashing into the surface of the water. You... weren't expecting her to be this... forceful, you've got to say. Guess she must've just gotten excited. Not more than a few seconds after Sakura has pitched you into pool, you feel a firm but soft hand snake around your shoulders, swiftly pulling you apart from Sakura with incredible force and speed. Who?!

Your eyes adapt to the water, and you can see the confident smile of Mordred as she carries you to the other side of the pool, Sakura's swimming skills are no match for Mordred's, so she leaves her in her dust, or well, bubbles in this case. Mordred's swimming outfit is black and red, and you honestly have no idea when she even arrived! Was she... lurking in the swimming pool?! Then did she arrive before you did?!

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Mordred comes up for air with you still in her arms. "Ah, Advisor, I see that you were followed here, being followed by my enemies for a secret rendezvous is no good... You need to be more careful." The girl pouts, and lets you go for just a few moments, but the moment that she does, the current rapidly pulls you away from her with incredible speed! "Oi! Advisor! Where are you going!"

"I don't know?!" You're carried across the huge inside pool by the current, until you bump against the side of the pool, and two fluffy tails wrap around your legs, hoisting you out of the water upside down, allowing you to see Tamamo staring at you with a mischievous smile on her face. Her swimsuit is orange and blue, and it really does accentuate her figure...

"Ah, Husband, we are finally alone, now, I can- Nngh!" Tamamo suddenly seizes up, as if paralyzed by something.

"Don't get carried away, Second Caster!" Medea reveals her presence from behind Tamamo, as if emerging from the shadows as she dismisses a spell of invisibility, she's wearing a blue bikini. "Now, Master, it's about time I took us maybe somewhere a little more private, hmm?" Medea materializes her staff, raises it into the air, and... the staff disappears. As if something with incredible speed has managed to snatch it away.

"You were the one getting carried away, Servant!" Out of nowhere emerges Arcueid in a white swimsuit, spinning around Medea's staff with deft skill. Wait a second, that staff looks... really familiar when Arcueid is holding it. Oh no. "Now, behold the power of Phantasmoon! Disappear, Trofa!" Arcueid butchers the pronunciation of the teleport spell, sending Medea off to places unknown. Wait a minute, she can use High Speed Divine Words!? "Now, it's just me and you, Shi-" Her eyes suddenly widen as she uses the staff in her hands to deflect an attack from an incoming enemy made with a huge red blade. A twin-tailed girl in a red bikini, but strangely, also a cat tail and cat ears.

"Oh? Not bad, Phantasmoon, your skills with that staff are great enough to even deflect the power of the Kaleidosword? Perhaps I underestimated you! to match the parallel universe oscillatory abilities of the Kaleidosword on the first clash!" What the hell.

"Shinji, stay by my side it's an enemy magical girl!" No, you're actually already out of here. You dive back into the relative safety of the pool, and hope that the madness you've willingly thrown yourself into can't reach you there. Though as you dive at the bottom of the pool, your eyes widen immediately when you see the threat hiding in the depths. A girl with two horns and a hungry expression swimming directly towards you. Oh no. You can't out-swim Shuten! Wait, do you even really want to? As you ponder that question, a large rune appears underneath the oni, and blows her high into the air and out of the pool, to land somewhere else in the large building.

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"Wakame-kun, you're in quite a mess today, aren't you?" T-Touko?! And she's... even wearing a swimsuit?! It's actually quite a bit frillier than you thought she'd have a preference for. You guess that everyone has their own hidden preferences, huh? "Don't worry though, I'll make sure to protect you from all these women trying to take advantage of you." Touko holds you close to herself, wait a minute!? Aren't you one of those people, Shishou?!

"Now, Giselle!" Suddenly a white haired woman wearing a dark purple swimsuit bursts from the water and forcible grapples you, putting you in a princess-carry before Touko can even react properly. "Yes! Direct hit! Massive success!" Illya is cheering Giselle on from the sidelines. "Now Giselle, bring him to me!" You can see the girl wearing her pink swimsuit getting further and further away. "G-Giselle!? That's an order!" The homunculus girl ignores her as she runs through the swimming center with you in her arms, at this point, you've realized that struggling is pointless, and are just going with the flow, so to speak. Almost limp in Giselle's arms.

Then you hear the jangling of chains, and you predict what's about to happen as you feel the cold metal suddenly wrap around you, and hoist you out of Giselle's arms and into the air, Medusa reveals herself to you, and this is the second time that a girl has dangled you upside down in front of her today. She softly caresses the side of your face with one hand, before suddenly, something flashes past you, cutting the chain holding you and catching you in a gentle hold. Swiftly setting you down on the floor, is Satsuki, who beams a smile at you as you stare at her in bewilderment. Well, at least she's not trying to carry you off anywhere. You have a moment to catch your breath and appreciate Satsuki's cute yellow swimsuit before a blue blur comes out of nowhere, and a fully reinforced Ciel wearing a black swimsuit grabs you and forces you to rejoin this madness of being passed from one woman to the next, yet snatched away before you even do so much as maybe kiss one of the girls.

This process continues for hours and hours, your pain doesn't end for almost seven hours, as you basically get to experience the unique experience of beach volleyball, except you're both the ball and the grand prize. The day finally ends with everyone getting bored and going home, leaving you laying battered and broken on the floor of the swimming center, with each any every one of the girls standing over you, smiling.

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"Please no more." You plead with the women looming over you, begging them for their mercy. With any luck one of them will take pity on you.

"Oh, don't worry, after all that fighting, we actually came to an agreement." Sakura has a smile on her face.

"You... did?" Sakura doesn't respond to you, and the girls looming over you instead just get closer. "Wait, wait... what are you doing?!" The women actually start to smother you. "Wait... Wait! Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!"

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Swimsuit Tamamo is for CBT

I'm going to let you guys draw your own conclusions as to that ending.

By marrying Illya we will make Kiritsugu our father and will be another form of brother to Shirou and step brother to all new homonculi.

>>4721966
>This process continues for hours and hours, your pain doesn't end for almost seven hours, as you basically get to experience the unique experience of beach volleyball, except you're both the ball and the grand prize
this must be the prelude to Shinjibowl

we should've stuck to the plan, we could've at least dragged Shiki and Shirou down with us

>>4721986
Why would they have been dragged down with you?
Because they helped you when you asked for help?
Besides, I'm sure that depending on your outlook, you could count this ending as a win.

>>4721968
Alright, we can wrap this up. This was your masterpiece. Can't top it, WhatIs.

>>4721976
I choose to believe it all worked out in the end, and we're literally fucked instead of metaphorically.

>>4721986
I will be disappointed if WhatIs doesn't also show us the other option at some point, in the finest tradition of Carnival Phantasm. And speaking of Shiki A) We need to punch him when we see him again and B) Poor Akiha, just as all competition was eliminated, a new challenger appeared. Aoko finally made her move.

>>4721968
Magnifique, Shinji's pelvis was no longer the same after that day

>>4721997
just need someone to throw under the bus for the worst case scenario. I choose to believe that this was a GOOD END however

>>4722003
maids are still there too

>>4721976
All the girls drain Shinji’s magical energy reserves ;)

.....so much so that it goes negative. He’s out for pretty much a whole day. Though on the bright side he’s now dealt with the Shinjibowl....though he was the loser of said bowl in the end.