>>4737100
>Awake as preteen Joffrey in 298 AC: significantly less opportunity to shape his life, but meta knowledge will be significantly more useful. Thrust right into the action.

I'm fucking dying at that OP

>>4737100
>Awake as newborn Joffrey in 286 AC: can shape his entire life, but due to butterfly effect meta-knowledge will be less useful as time goes by. Nice, calm beginning.

>>4737100
>Awake as preteen Joffrey in 298 AC: significantly less opportunity to shape his life, but meta knowledge will be significantly more useful. Thrust right into the action.
Far more interesting this way.

>>4737100
>Awake as preteen Joffrey in 298 AC: significantly less opportunity to shape his life, but meta knowledge will be significantly more useful. Thrust right into the action.

>>4737100
>Awake as newborn Joffrey in 286 AC: can shape his entire life, but due to butterfly effect meta-knowledge will be less useful as time goes by. Nice, calm beginning.

Remember folks, Elsweyr AKA SInonymous wanted to start his fanfiction as newborn Joffrey so he could manipulate events from the very beginning of his life with the most leeway.

So voting against that wish of his is not very poggerz of you.

>>4737148
Never give an option you're not willing to write. The players will inevitably take it.

>>4737148
>voting against that wish
I thought that was the whole point of having a take two of his quest?

>>4737100
>Awake as elderly Joffrey in 369 AC: old fuck who somehow survived being poisoned but was still conveniently written out of the main plot by a shite fanfic writer. Fucks with the QM the most.

>>4737164
+1. If I may, +2.

>>4737152
>>4737158

I know, I'm willing to write anything. I'm just letting you know you're making a man very sad right now. :(

>>4737115
>>4737139
>>4737140

vs

>>4737144
>>4737136


Preteen Joffrey it is!

Writing!

File: Tourney.jpg (54 KB, 590x250)

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BOOM!

Your eyes shoot open, waking with a start at the sound of a collision, something metallic clearly having crashed into something else – probably two cars if you had to guess.

“YRAAAAAAAAAAGH!!”

A crowd starts cheering in raucous joy, the bodies of hundreds of people dressed for the Renaissance Faire spread out before you on long wooden benches, all of them gawking with rapt attention at a joust which has just concluded.

A knight wrought in silver armor decorated with sapphires and twining black vines rides by untouched upon a tall white stallion while another armored figure wearing a cape emblazoned with a coat of arms depicting two blue towers, united by a bridge, on a silver-grey field lies in the dirt of the jousting field, having clearly been unhorsed by his opponent in the bout.

“What the fuck?” you ask aloud, completely confused by how the hell you ended up sitting in the stands at a joust when last you recall you were sound asleep in your twin bed.

“Were you honestly expecting Ser Hosteen to defeat The Knight of Flowers, brother?” an eight year old girl with golden curls and emerald eyes sitting beside you inquires, looking at you oddly as she misinterprets the reasoning for your outburst.

“Knight of . . .” you trail off as you start to repeat that title the little girl said, the phrase ringing a bell inside your foggy, confused mind. The Knight of Flowers is the nickname for Loras Tyrell from A Song of Ice and Fire.

That knight in silver is wearing a cloak of flowers sewn into a heavy woolen cape and golden roses decorate the crest of his helm. The less competent jouster is sporting the coat of arms of House Frey.

The girl staring at the side of your head like you're in the midst of growing a second one looks an awful lot like how you might imagine Myrcella Lannister would look if accurately adapted from the A Song of Ice and Fire novels.

And she just called you brother. You look down at your hands and outfit. The hands are distinctly different from how you remember them looking and stitched into the breast of the exquisite antiquated finery you are apparently wearing is a divided surcoat of a Baratheon stag and a Lannister Lion.

“I'm Prince Joffrey,” you state what is now the obvious.

Myrcella giggles at your side. “Yes you are, brother. Happy nameday. Are you alright?”

>I'm fine! I'm fine! No shit I'm not fine, fuck! FUCK FUCK FUCK I'M FREAKING OUT!
>Yes dear sister, I'm actually doing wonderful. This is normal. Everything is normal. [Freak out internally]

and

>Look around the stands for familiar characters
>Get up and stretch your legs, get a feel for your Joffrey body
>Ask Myrcella how old you are. You think you're twelve but you aren't sure.
>Cheer for Ser Loras Tyrell's victory in the joust.
>Other (write-in)

>>4737243
>Yes dear sister, I'm actually doing wonderful. This is normal. Everything is normal. [Freak out internally]

They probably wouldn't understand if we told them the truth. Worst case scenario, they'd have us killed for sorcery or something like that.

>Look around the stands for familiar characters

We can check our own age later using the records. No need to act weird.

>>4737243
>Yes dear sister, I'm actually doing wonderful. This is normal. Everything is normal. [Freak out internally]

>Other (write-in)
Start nerding out and spouting meta knowledge we shouldn't know about random bullshit

>>4737243
>I'm fine! I'm fine! No shit I'm not fine, fuck! FUCK FUCK FUCK I'M FREAKING OUT!
>Ask Myrcella how old you are. You think you're twelve but you aren't sure.

Time to chimp the fuck out.

>>4737243
>>Yes dear sister, I'm actually doing wonderful. This is normal. Everything is normal. [Freak out internally]
Headpat

>Look around the stands for familiar characters

>>4737255
I love the headpats btw.

>>4737243
>>Yes dear sister, I'm actually doing wonderful. This is normal. Everything is normal. [Freak out internally]
Headpat
>Look around the stands for familiar characters

>>4737243
>Yes dear sister, I'm actually doing wonderful. This is normal. Everything is normal. [Freak out internally]

>Look around the stands for familiar characters

oh god im so looking forward to tyrion

>>4737257
As a wise man once said, "One can never have too many headpats".

Freak out Internally
>>4737247
>>4737251
>>4737252
>>4737255
>>4737259
>>4737277

Ask your age
>>4737251
>>4737253

Look around for familiar characters
>>4737247
>>4737255
>>4737259
>>4737277


Writing!

>>4737243
Aw, Myrcella is precious. Hope nothing bad ever happens to her.

File: 1572653666821.png (99 KB, 1267x785)

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>Elsweyr QM turned off his computer and sighed, disappointed in himself as he slipped in between the my little pony themed sheets on his twin bed and went to sleep without even reading one of his favorite books, hoping desperately that tomorrow would be better once he got started on writing that awesome Joffrey Baratheon Self Insert Fanfiction of his still percolating in his gray matter first thing in the morning.

Fucking amazing. This thread has my blessing, and if you vote for going after any other waifu than Sansa Stark I'll be terribly disappointed. I'm fact, she must be here at the tourney! Standing next to the creepy fuck Littlefinger. Go to her and rescue her from his vile clutches! Also Twilight Sparkle is the best pony and you can't convince me otherwise.

>>4737304
For shame, Elsweyr. Do you not even know which tourney this is?

>>4737304
ill push for sansa por you, elsweyr. go think up an actual quest in the meantime, the few bits of si joffrey weren't half bad

File: Lannister Lion and Barath(...).png (95 KB, 340x408)

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“Yes dear sister,” you reply, forcing a smile as you reach over with your dainty, boyish Joffrey hand and plant it firmly atop your new sister's head, smooshing the shiny, golden curls with a series of affectionate head pats which elicits an even stranger look from the girl. “I'm actually doing wonderful. This is normal. Everything is normal.”

You speak your impromptu mantra to Myrcella while maintaining unblinking eye contact as the back of your mind races with information, possibilities, disbelief, terror, anger, joy and a whole host of other emotions – sensory overload kicking in as the distinct smell of horse shit, perfume and fresh air assails your nostrils, sounds of cheers, boos and chants invade your ear drums and the silky smooth tactile sensation of the princess's soft curls feels as real as real can be despite how insanely unreal this situation MUST be.

The green-eyed Lannister girl blushes in reaction to your weird words and the extended head patting session.

You turn away from your sister as you conclude touching her head and look about the stands for familiar faces in the crowd.

The easiest to spot figures are the King and Queen sitting nearby with you in this box separate from the rest of the less important people here at the joust.

A strikingly beautiful blonde woman sporting a sneer that somehow doesn't diminish her beauty and a gigantic, fat man with black hair and blue eyes sit beside each other on thrones, surrounded by guards in white armor and cloaks. Queen Cersei Lannister and King Robert Baratheon – your parents, the lion and the stag. Well, at least everyone thinks they're your parents. Who else is here?

You spy a handsome blonde knight down on the jousting field itself as squires assist him in donning his golden armor decorated with the Lannister lion. That would be Jaime Lannister of the Kingsguard – your uncle/father.

In the stands themselves you see a misshapen, ugly dwarf wearing the Lannister coat of arms. That would be Tyrion, your actual uncle, both maternal and paternal.

You also observe a stern-looking bald man with bushy golden side-whiskers who looks to be in his late autumn years also garbed in the reds and golds and lion motifs associated with the Lannister family. That is your paternal and maternal grandfather, Tywin.

A ridiculously old bald man with a weak chin and an expression of disappointment watches the jousts, his outfit adorned with the blue towers of House Frey. That makes him the late Lord Walder.

A third bald man with a fringe of black hair and a close cropped beard across his large jaw, similarly stern-looking to Lord Tywin Lannister of Casterly Rock, wears the sigil of House Baratheon. Lord Stannis Baratheon is his name and he's your uncle by marriage but certainly not by blood.

Near to Stannis is an average looking and dressed brunette man wearing a pouch around his neck whose house sigil is that of an onion. He's Ser Davos Seaworth, the onion knight.

>>4737317
My love and concern for my waifu had blinded me. Also ask Robert to give you that Valyrian steel dagger he'll win from Littlefinger as your name day present.

>>4737332
atta boy.

Beyond that, most everyone else is unrecognizable. At least from where you're currently sitting and with the foreknowledge you possess.

>Go talk to someone? (who? what about?)
>Sit still and watch the jousts
>Get up and stretch your legs, get a feel for your new body.
>Bet on the upcoming joust.

>>4737338
>>Bet on the upcoming joust.

>>4737338
>Bet on the upcoming joust.

Use meta-knowledge for both personal gain and the kick of it.

>>4737338
>Go talk to someone? Stannis. Mention we've never really gotten to know him, try to make a good impression.

>>4737338
>>Bet on the upcoming joust.
money man

>>4737342
+2

>>4737338
>>Get up and stretch your legs, get a feel for your new body.
Maybe we'll bump into someone interesting.

>>4737338
>Bet on the upcoming joust.

i wanted to talk to tyrion, but this works

>>4737338
>Bet on the oncoming joust
We should probably try and get swole at some point

>>4737338
>Bet on the upcoming joust.

>>4737341
>>4737342
>>4737346
>>4737351
>>4737355
>>4737365

Betting on the upcoming joust it is!

I'm going to eat dinner and then I'll write the next update!

File: Petyr Baelish - Littlefinger.png (723 KB, 706x1200)

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Well, perhaps it's time to bet on the jousts. Even though you're a prince with oodles of riches and as such have little need for money, the act of betting itself is supposed to provide an adrenaline rush and the pageantry of it might ease you into this new role you've suddenly found yourself.

“Who's tilting next?” you ask Myrcella by your side.

“. . . Uncle Jaime,” she replies, still perturbed by your odd behavior these last several minutes. “He's riding against The Knight of Flowers to determine the tourney's champion.”

Oh! You now remember what tournament this must be. It's the one which King Robert – your fake father – held to celebrate Prince Joffrey's birthday – your nameday! Holy shit! Thanks to your extensive knowledge of the A Song of Ice and Fire novels, you know exactly how this bout is going to turn out.

Ser Jaime Lannister the Kingslayer loses to Ser Loras Tyrell the Knight of Flowers.

A short man with a slender build wearing a plum-colored doublet with a mockingbird embroidered on the breast in black thread suddenly stands up in the middle of the crowd of spectators below your elevated position. He has sharp features, a small pointed beard on his chin and dark hair with threads of gray running through it. It's Lord Petyr Baelish. Littlefinger.

He clears his throat before announcing to the world, “I bet my finest dagger of Valyrian steel that Ser Jaime of the Kingsguard proves victorious in the tilt. Any takers beg to differ?”

The King's expression darkens for a brief moment behind his thick, coarse beard as he listens to the master of coin's cocksure challenge, before Robert's visage changes to that of a wry, mischievous grin. “I'll take the blade off you,” the clearly inebriated man bellows to the member of the Small Council, “when Ser Loras unhorses the Kingslayer.”

Queen Cersei's own countenance sours further at her husband's pointed bet against her brother and secret lover, going so far as to insult one of his own bodyguards with Jaime's infamous title. This not so subtle worsening of the Lannister woman's mood is not only noticed by the drunken King, but quite likely his intention by accepting the bet.

Petyr Baelish turns to face his liege, looking up towards the large and imposing figure of Robert Baratheon and bows deferentially. “Very well, Your Grace,” the minor lord says with a smile, his laughing gray-green eyes twinkling.

>Bet alongside King Robert Baratheon. Not only will you win, but you'll also curry his favor at the expense of irritating your Lannister family members.
>Bet against your father. You'll lose the bet once The Knight of Flowers wins, but Tywin, Tyrion and Cersei are all listening and your real father Jaime might be disheartened as well.

>>4737416
>Bet alongside King Robert Baratheon. Not only will you win, but you'll also curry his favor at the expense of irritating your Lannister family members.

>>4737416
>Bet against your father. You'll lose the bet once The Knight of Flowers wins, but Tywin, Tyrion and Cersei are all listening and your real father Jaime might be disheartened as well.

It's bad juju to bet against family. Plus, I'm sure we'll make some headway bonding with the king when we take up a Warhammer.

>>4737416
>>Bet alongside King Robert Baratheon. Not only will you win, but you'll also curry his favor at the expense of irritating your Lannister family members.

>>4737416
>Bet alongside King Robert Baratheon. Not only will you win, but you'll also curry his favor at the expense of irritating your Lannister family members.

Easy money.

>>4737416
>Bet alongside Bobby B
We could make a clever joke about the lion pricking it's paw on the rose's thorn
Might get a song made out of it if it's witty enough

And jaime, while I love him, is currently in his prime douchebag era

Betting with Big Bobby B!

Writing!

File: Joust.jpg (1.5 MB, 1280x1763)

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Standing up on only slightly shaky legs, unused to using them, you call out, “I beg to differ as well, Lord Baelish!”

Your youthful voice cracks mid-declaration, undercutting much of the conviction you had intended to project.

Sure enough, the moment those words leave your mouth you can feel several sets of blonde heads swivel to look in your directions and pierce your soul with green eyed stares. Your mother the queen looks furious as your father the king starts roaring with laughter at her reaction. Your younger sister and – you've just now noticed Tommen's presence to the left of Myrcella – brother have their eyes glued to the side of your head, jaws hanging open in disbelief. Tyrion Lannister the Imp glares daggers up at you through mismatched, heterochromatic eyes of black and green. But the most discomforting gaze of them all is Tywin's cold, discerning pupils, the Lord of Casterly Rock slowly shifting his head to appraise your worth and find whatever he sees there lacking.

Littlefinger turns slightly to face you after making his wager with Robert and flashes you a tight smile. “Apologies, Your Grace,” the slender man speaks smoothly, “But I only have the one dagger to wager.”

“Don't fret, Lord Baelish,” Tyrion pipes up from where he sits some distance away. “I'm more than willing to indulge my nephew in his newfound appreciation for gambling. I'll match the crown prince's bid against my brother, though its a pity Ser Jaime hasn't earned his nephew's faith on this auspicious day.”

You shrug. “Lions are fierce animals, but even they can prick their paws on a rose's thorn.”

Far below your box, a handsome young man with long, sandy hair and the wisp of a mustache remarks, “Ah! That would make a wonderful line in a song. I believe I'll bet my previous winnings on the Tyrell rose as well, in honor of the prince's nameday.”

Several more individuals in the crowd bet on Loras Tyrell's victory, some simply attempting to curry your favor while others believe your instincts must be correct considering it's your birthday.

Eventually the betting period ends and the two jousters mount their horses on either end of the lists. Ser Loras Tyrell wields a green shield with three golden roses painted upon it. Ser Jaime Lannister wears an ornate lion's helm.

The lion and the rose face each other as the crowd holds its breath in anticipation.

And then the bout begins!

The two jousters ride at full speed, their horses galloping quickly across the grounds, closing the distance in a matter of seconds.

BOOM!

Loras's lance makes direct contact with Jaime's breastplate, knocking the crowd favorite from his steed as the younger underdog rides past only lightly grazed by his opponent's similarly blunted weapon.

“YAEAHAHEHAHEHAE!” the crowd cheers and cries, many unfortunate gamblers having lost a large sum of money on their pick.

File: Robert Baratheon.jpg (20 KB, 248x249)

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A flash of concern passes across Cersei's immaculate features as she watches her brother tumble. Big Bobby B, however, hoots in approval of the martial display as well as his own victory gambling. He turns in his seat to look at you with a mirthful grin, giving you a fatherly wink.

+5 Affection with King Robert Baratheon

-1 Affection with Cersei Lannister, Jaime Lannister, Tywin Lannister, Tyrion Lannister

>Ask for the Valyrian Steel Dagger as a present for your nameday
>Wink back at Robert
>Other (write-in)

>>4737469
>>Ask for the Valyrian Steel Dagger as a present for your nameday

Done for the day, will likely post more updoots tomorrow.

>>4737469
>Wink back at Robert
>Ask for the Valyrian Steel Dagger as a present for your nameday

Name the dagger Twilight Sparkle.

>>4737531
I propose Spike or Cattail, also MLP characters.

>>4737469
>Wink back at Robert
>Ask for the Valyrian Steel Dagger as a present for your nameday
Surprised to see this actually get off the ground. Not sure I like the affection points update though, makes it too gamey and it's nothing we couln't have figured anyway.

>>4737571
in my defense that's just the MC thinking that in his head

>>4737576
Ah, that's good. Should have been clearer it's his thoughts and not a system status message. And I hope he misjudges in the future.

>>4737469
>Wink back at Robert
>Ask for the Valyrian Steel Dagger as a present for your nameday

>Write in: "Father, I must admit this tournament has awoken something within deep me! There's a fire burning inside my heart. I know I haven't shown an interest in martial matters before, but I wish to become a warrior worthy of the name Baratheon. No idle craven, after all, is worthy to become king!"

>>4737469
>Ask for the Valyrian Steel Dagger as a present for your nameday
>Wink back at Robert
>Other (write-in)
"Seems like it is a lucky day for me!"
ignore the the looks from our family like we grew a second head or a 3rd eye and grew black feathers like some avian furry transformation crackfic

>>4737559
>>4737531
maybe Catclaw or Cubnail
Pussywillow. a weird cotton flower on a branch.

>>4737638
I think grandpa tywin may have us killed if we name the dagger we got for betting against family, pussywillow

However, I am all for naming it pussywillow, cause its funny and has symbolism for how we acquired it

kek at that op
>Ask for the Valyrian Steel Dagger as a present for your nameday
>Wink back at Robert
>we turning this bitch into a spear head

>>4737295
We must destroy Darkstar. Fucker dared to attack our imouto in canon

>>4737649
No. We shall craft it into the ultimate pig sticker!
Boarbane! And we will go hunting with our feast beast dad!

>>4737733
>NOOOO YOU CAN"T USE MY PRICELESS VALYRIAN STEEL FAMILY HIELOOM TO HUNT PIGS
[Roberts haughty bellow in the distance]

Any speculation on where Baelish got his hands on a Valyrian steel dagger anyway? And then to bet it so casually?

>>4737748
Might've fucked it out of lady crazy of shit
mountains' twat while cucking the poor old jon

>>4737748
could be plot bullcrap where he is gonna plant it on tyrion to frame him for attempting to cut up Bran the Vegetable

>>4737606
support

based quest

Waifu wars when? Sansa and Margaery are the obvious frontrunners, but Myrcella seems to have emerged as a surprise contestant.

As a Margaeryfag, I must say I'm very happy with the way things began. The Tyrells will notice we bet on Loras.

>>4737782
Too farfetched, imo. Bran probably didn't even register on Littlefinger's radar until he was pushed by Jaime. Then Joffrey is the one who pays the mercenary to attack Bran. You get a hint of this in the chapter where Joffrey is getting married to Margaery. Tyrion comments that this is not the first time he's handled Valyrian steel, and the sword could use a dragonbone handle. Joffrey stammers guiltily and changes the subject. It's as close to a confession as you'll get in Asoiaf.

>>4737799
I'm all for Sansa supremacy. You can trust her not to go behind your back and betray you with a smile on her face, unlike Margaery. I will admit that it will be difficult to convince Ned, though. Myrcella's eight years old as per the 1st update, so I'm not even thinking about that.

Btw Joffrey has just turned 12 I think, and will be 13 for most of the major events, so that makes it a little squicky. This is why I aged all characters up a bit closer to their show ages so we can have waifu wars without feeling guilty.

>>4737748
It wasn't a casual bet, it was to obfuscate and to have the assassination he pointed to the royal family

>>4737799
Sansa 100%, she’s extremely loyal

>>4737100
Trick you glorious bastard welcome back!

>>4737799
Margaery 100% brother

>>4737799
Random Peasant women 100% bro

>>4737799
Female whitewalker 100% ser

>>4737884
I mean the night's queen was hot. The show did the others dirty. From fae like terrifying beauty with active camo armor to escapees from an old folks home who died of frost bite by

File: Night's_King.png (574 KB, 1131x760)

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>>4737889
This pic from the Night's Queen's awoiaf page is hilarious.

>>4737799
As a Dany sleeper agent, I'm happy to bide my time and lie in wait.

>>4737906
Hell of a guy, night's king. Saw frozenbPussy, fucked so hard he jizzed his soul out. Then he became such a threat starks and wildlings had to team up to take him and his thrall kingdom down.

Fuck the last hero, fuck lann the clever, fuck garth, he was the true ancient chad. And fuck the show for naming their shitty oc after his title

>>4737606
+1ing this

>>4737910
How would that even work? Make no mistake, I've spent a lot of nights trying to come up with making Dany x Joffrey SI work, but there's always that barrier of killing Viserys and alienating her and the bad blood between Targaryens and Baratheon-Lannisters.

>>4737957
Killing Viserys was the plan as soon as the Targaryen loyalists realized he was a crazy little shit. If we decide to make our change in personality known and make ourselves appear every inch the Prince Charming we look like, that might get our foot in the door. She might be convinced if we promise her equal power and take her name or start a new house entirely. Hell, it might make both the Targ loyalists and the supporters of the new regime happy. Just gotta catch her before she goes all fire and blood.

>>4737606
support
>>4737884
this but unironically

>>4737469
>Ask for the Valyrian Steel Dagger as a present for your nameday

off to a great start OP

>>4737571
also agree with this boy. imho the less we make personal relationships like a videogame the better

Holy fuck I'm so happy you picked this up. Was excited for the last thread before OP revealed himself to be a fag. Would be interested in reading his fanfiction though.

>>4737469
>Ask for the Valyrian Steel Dagger as a present for your nameday

Would it be possible for us to study and get some gold and iron links?

>>4737571
Speaking of personal relationships, we should make friends with the few characters of our age that are good people. Domeric Bolton is unfortunately dead by this point, but Edric Dayne is alive and a pretty good kid. Never hurts to be friends with the future Sword of the Morning.

>>4738233
If you want us to be removed from succession, yes. Maesters can't inherit. Though Bobby B and Tywin would fight to see who'd get to kill us first.

>>4738247
You can study and not take the chains, anon.

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You return your father's wink, the two of you sharing a moment together, a spark of genuine father-son bonding flourishing in your mutual silence.

Littlefinger stands up again after the joust's conclusion, turning back round to face King Robert as he slowly removes the scabbard tied round his hip in which the knife in question is presumably sheathed. “I see your son has inherited your keen eye for battle, Your Grace,” the man with a mockingbird on his chest compliments both sovereign and son simultaneously, ever gracious in defeat. Baelish holds up the secured blade in a manner most obsequiously so that neither the kingsguard nor anyone else in the immediate vicinity mistakes him for brandishing a blade at the current ruler of the Seven Kingdoms.

You rise to your feet once more. “Father, may I have that dagger for a nameday present?”

The black-haired man's bushy eyebrows knit themselves together in response to your request. “Valyrian steel is no child's toy, Joff.”

“I know,” you agree, well aware of the serious fate intended for that dagger if not for your alien influence. “But this tournament has awoken something deep within me,” you vaguely explain to the master combatant turned King, your statement technically a true one if you think about it. “There's a fire burning inside my heart now after witnessing these skilled soldiers battling in my honor. I know I haven't shown much interest in martial matters before, but no idle craven deserves to sit the Iron Throne – you proved that when you won it with your skill on the battlefield. I wish to become a warrior worthy of the Baratheon name like my father before me.”

The drunken, red-faced giant guffaws at your spontaneous speech and you get a glimpse for the dark circles underneath his bright blue eyes as well as the sweat staining the armpits of his silks. “I wish it as well, boy,” he tells you plainly. “It's why I have the master-at-arms training you. Are you telling me you haven't been trying this whole time?” he coarsely demands, a flicker of anger flaring up in his booming voice.

You tremble slightly, being on the receiving end of a small slice of that rage. “N-no, I -”

“He's merely attempting to win your affections, fool,” the Queen mutters viciously under her breath, intervening on your behalf like the mama lion she is. “Your cruel jape at my brother's expense convinced the crown prince to root against his own family's triumph in the tilts. The least you could do is reward your son's loyalty.”

Cersei's guilt trip seemingly successful, judging by the shifting expression on the fat monarch's face, Robert Baratheon relents.

“I suppose . . . if the boy's getting castle-forged steel today, what more trouble could he get up to with a dagger,” the king reasons. “But Valyrian steel is rare and irreplaceable, so you better not lose it, Joff.”

You nod vigorously upon having your request granted. “I won't.”

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While you've been negotiating for Littlefinger's sick ass dagger, Ser Loras Tyrell has been trotting through the jousting grounds, strutting atop his horse as he basks in the glory of his victory after removing his helmet. The knight of flowers is exceptionally handsome, his hair a mass of brunette ringlets which tumble over his lively, intelligent eyes of liquid gold.

The tourney's champion holds aloft a wreath of flowers which was handed to him by one of the many servants responsible for keeping the event running smoothly. As he nears he stand, Loras declares, “I name Princess Myrcella Baratheon the Queen of Love and Beauty.”

A cacophony of gasps and gossipy whispers spiderweb their way through the amassed throng of noblemen and their hangers-ons as well as the smallfolk watching from the sidelines on the ground.

Your sister beside you blushes an even deeper crimson as she hears the triumphant knight in shining silver armor speak her name. Queen Cersei looks displeased while King Robert appears to be weighing an idea in his head and finding whatever it is to be a suitable one.

The youngest son of the Tyrell family ascends the stands and approaches the royal family's box. Princess Myrcella anxiously gets up from her seat and allows the teenage jousting expert to gingerly place the wreath of flowers on her head, crowning her as the Queen of Love and Beauty of this tournament.

Loras smiles sweetly at your younger sister, who returns it with an awkwardly beaming grin of her own, before the Tyrell boy then shifts his gaze to where you sit, making eye contact with you.

He fixes you with the same, sweet smile and bows. “Happy nameday, Your Grace.”

>Stupid, sexy Loras
>Congratulate him on his performance against your uncle-father Jaime
>Ask him if he's intending to court your little sister
>Pointedly ask if he's spent much time with your uncle Renly lately
>Ask to spar with him later if he has the time
>Smile back flirtatiously
>Other (write-in)

>>4738286
>Stupid, sexy Loras
>Smile back flirtatiously

Punished Elsweyr QM.

>>4738286
>>Pointedly ask if he's spent much time with your uncle Renly lately
>>Ask to spar with him later if he has the time

>>4738286
>>Congratulate him on his performance against your uncle-father Jaime
>>Ask to spar with him later if he has the time

>>4738286
>Congratulate him on his performance against your uncle-father Jaime
>Ask to spar with him later if he has the time
DO NOT say the "father" part out loud.

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>>4738277
>>4738247
Can we just get the links and not complete the chain; never advancing past acolyte? You would think studying economics at the very least would be important for someone who’s set to become king. I think a combination of warce and economics would be good for reforming the army as well - trying to implement a standing army loyal to the state only on not based on feudal obligations. Funded by economic reforms.

Also, would trying to create a proper intelligence agency with people educated in spycraft be possible in this universe?

Would it also be possible to assemble a conclave of sorts of the silver and iron maesters to establish the principles of /fit/ness for the army and so Jeoffory can get swole?

Want to make Joefffory a philosopher king of sorts.

I see no reason to spar with him unless we are trying to fuck him. He's gonna crush us, especially if we call him a fag in front of the king first.

>>4738310
>especially if we call him a fag in front of the king first.

It's one thing to be called a fag.

But to get called a fag in front of the king????

Irreversible.

>>4738310
Gives us a chance to talk to him in semi-private, tell him we've heard his sister is really beautiful and intelligent. Start working on that Tyrell connection.

>>4738307
>Can we just get the links and not complete the chain; never advancing past acolyte?
I have been informed that we can, so yes.

>Also, would trying to create a proper intelligence agency with people educated in spycraft be possible in this universe?
That's what a spymaster is for. There's no CIA to train anyone in spycraft

>>4738307
Knigga you can't even spell his name right. Oberyn Martell got to study down there, so it should be possible, but why should we even need to? We have modern knowledge and you want to go learn about leeching boils and shit.

>>4738321
>Knigga

HEY!

THAT IS OUR WORD!

I don't see a Ser in front of your name, alright.

I don't care if it's the soft a, it's just as bad as saying KNIGGER

>>4738328
Kek. Forgot my handle.

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>>4738321
I’m phone posting and autocorrect and typos are more of a bitch. Does Elsweyr have any advanced knowledge of economics? I doubt it. Applying what modern knowledge we have to what we are taught in the citadel however could be very useful. Also, we won't have any understanding of how to conduct medieval warfare and learning that is a must. An education in these two things combined with with our meta knowledge and a basic understanding of how a modern state should run will do us wonders in the wars to come.

>>4738298
+1

>>4738347
>Does Elsweyr have any advanced knowledge of economics
It's an SI quest not an Elsweyr quest if I understood correctly, and I think you can assume we have the knowledge of the average modern human. Which is a few centuries more advanced than what the medievals have.
>Also, we won't have any understanding of how to conduct medieval warfare and learning that is a must
That is not something they teach in the Citadel. You learn from Knights, weaponmasters and the older males of your family. Tywin would be the ideal mentor available to us.
>An education in these two things combined
You are seriously overestimating the education capabilities of a medieval hellhole.

>>4738286
>>Ask to spar with him later if he has the time

>>4738303
+1
When in private should present him a stick by threatening to expose his homosexuality but we should offer a carrot of some kind also. Make him an agent of ours that we can use when we need to in the future.

>>4738286
>Ask to spar with him later if he has the time
>Smile back flirtatiously

i don't know what could come out of this lol

>>4738385
A dinosaur. A tyrant's sore ass.

>>4738361
Drop a hint that we know, compliment his sister, say something about the benefits of our houses allying. He's a smart boy, he'll get the message and relay it to the women running the family.

>>4738385
Faggotry. Rampant faggotry.

>>4738396
funny

>>4738303

Fairly sure these two options win.

Writing!

Should we try getting good with throwing daggers at some point? Just a teeny thought.

>>4738404
I approve this plan. Maybe dont start so forcefully like I originally intended.

>>4738359
Regardless these should be our priorities:

>creation of central national bank
>Limited separation of powers (with us the executive maintaining large amounts of power)
> Division of Powers (state courts dealing with people’s problems both noble and smallfolk) and council (lords discussing legislation and bringing it to the King.
We don’t want to form a confederation of states here - make it coercive. (Federal law takes precedence, stack the courts, etc.)
>maintaining a professionally trained national army while stripping feudal obligations for troops.
>establishing a school of war for officers (emphasise loyalty to the entirety of the 7 kingdoms.)
>rebuilding and maintaining new national fleet that will control and protect the trade routes and national interests abroad - these are all crucial to rebuild Westeros and put it onto the path of economic growth and stability.
>Promoting the mercantile class
>Education reform of some kind - the citadel shouldn’t have a monopoly on knowledge.
>Establishing a ministry of propaganda to win popular support may also be a good idea including censors who identify nobles people of import acting out of turn.

Small delay, I'm actually in the middle of a D&D game, lol

>>4738444
It's logistically impossible to skip absolutism and go straight to parliamentary monarchy from feudalism.

>>4738444
Before we try anything political, we should grow more in a respectable young noble. Succed in our martial training and other studies for example, make some friends and grow closer to our family.

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>>4738449
I thinks it will be possible come the next civil war. I think with our modern and meta knowledge we could accelerate the process a bit.

>>4738454
I agree that until we become king we should focus on developing ourself mainly but at the same time I think we should really be taking steps towards a professional army and a central bank especially. We want that come the war. When I mean taking steps I mostly mean figuring out how we would implement it and maybe influencing those currently in power towards its adoption.

>>4738347
Like what modern knowledge? Do we even know basic plumbing? And even if we did we're centuries of key techs away from something like public water. I mean, really, look at how hard it was to get clean water for new york state with 1800s tech. Rome's aqueduct system didn't even work right for half its lifetime.

What about magical knowledge? Not that we'd survive taking it from the places that most likely have it, of course, but that stuff is pretty neato and because we know it's real and coming back that'd be a great thing to take advantage of.

>>4738444
>>4738449
What this anon said.

> stripping feudal obligations for troops.
That gives you a noble revolt followed by a peasant rebellion followed by a series tyrannical upstart kings. (France, Spain, etc)
>Promoting the mercantile class
In what way? Keep in mind when you have a strong mercantile class they become their own governing body. No matter the time period. Nationalize the Crown's own bank or you're going to find yourself "buying devices to afford higher prices" at sexually intense interest rates. Remember, the first bank to open itself to both peasants and merchants with high savings interest rates wins the game called Economy, right up until the bank outspends, outloans, or multiple noble families issue large withdrawals in an attempt to seize the kingdoms leverage. You either Medici it or you fuck yourself into a position where you're getting fucked forever.

>Limited separation of powers, Division of Powers
That's not something anybody in any powerful kingdom is going to just accept. The peasants won't accept it either. The King's supposed to have their god-given job for a reason. With what we know is coming ahead, we really can't afford to jeopardize our reasons for rule. And a large amount of characters will step in to stop that from happening, because it's their power we'd also be "reforming".


>school for war officers, ministry of propaganda (using our modern knowledge of marketing and advertising that was developed in WWII I assume), rebuilding and maintaining new national fleet, education reform
These are easier, and good, momentum plays. Education primarily existed to prepare children for factory work, however. You'll need to convince peasants there's a reason their children should learn to read and write.

>>4738494
I typed all of that and now you say you had the idea of a central bank. fml.

>>4738444
My goal is to be sitting on the Iron Throne with Queen Margaery after the shitshow that's coming is resolved. We can go for your reforms right after.

>>4738503
I declare war on you.

>>4738506
I accept your declaration ser. Preparation and strategy determine victory in all wars, including waifu wars. I am confident in both.

>>4738510
then you declare war on me too. sansa ftw madlads

>>4738518
Let the war of the five waifus begin.

>>4738503
>He doesn't want to sire a dynasty of silver-blonde dragonriders with emerald and amethyst eyes that'll last until Westeros falls to dust
You have spurned us Danyfags too, ser.

>>4738444
>>4738494
To be frank it would be smart to delegate decisions to a system of lesser stately courts so that we don't have to sit on a throne for xHours of sunlight and listen to small bullshit. That way we can focus on other much more significant bullshit. But there are limitations as certain nobles and special situations are not going to accept anybody less than the king making a final decision.

Babylonic courts, maybe? Simple enough and the nobles would accept a court system that defers to both themselves and the peers of the individuals in it while being open to debate, though it would be corrupt as shit it can become something more later on.

>>4737799
Sansa wife, Margaery side ho, Myrcella bae. This'll totally work out in our SI, right? Don't forget we gotta bang mom lol.

>>4738529
Do you agree to cooperate in breaking the Sansa betrothal? We can settle the score between our waifus after we've dealt with the Sansafags.

>all these limp-dicked waifufags not wanting to fuck olenna the best waifu

>>4738554
The old lady who canonically poisons your character???

>>4738557
Yes.

>>4738548
I agree that If such the time comes when the primary settlements between Sansafags and Margeryhoes has arrived there will be at least 1 Danydragonbutt anon tilting away from the Sansa side.

>>4738529
>>4738548
dont trust this anon, you'll find a rose up your ass if we get sent to bolton's

>>4738564
Excellent. First we break the rails, then we can fight to steer the train in a new direction.

>>4738569
What have you done.

>>4738569
Think, you could have not said this. Yet, you said this.
My god, What have you done?

>>4738286
>Stupid, sexy Loras
>Smile back flirtatiously

Can't pass this up in our SI mates.

>>4738569
So you're saying we could get Olenna AND one of those kinky Martell bitches?

Primo

>>4738449
I'll try to find a link, but there's a series of essays arguing that Westeros' political system is much closer to the absolute monarchies of later periods than the feudalism of the middle ages.

You can delete your post but you can't delete the seed you've planted, Trick!

Ditching my name handle already. I may be trying to get Joff's ass anointed with Loras's holy oils, but I'm not THAT much of a faggot.

>>4738359
>It's an SI quest not an Elsweyr quest if I understood correctly

See I think this is going to be the main divider of camps in this quest. Some of you are good little followers of Elsweyer's scripture, of making the perfect little snowflake Joff with his wet dream waifus snuggled up close.

And some of us... some of us are heretics. We see a different path, one in which we ARE the waifu. Let the schism commence.

>>4738597
This is the line of thinking that potentially gets us spitroasted between the night king and dragon dick and maybe not even metaphorically.

>>4738359
For what it's worth, QM asked me for the skills I know before starting the quest, and my answer was: reading a lot of books, (mystery, fantasy and some history), reading almost every SI fanfiction in Asoiaf there is, so an autistic knowledge of genre tropes, events and where you could cause changes. And my education as a lawyer, so good legal skills and rhetoric.

>>4738500
I think the political innovation of not involving ourselves in other's affairs and being impartial will do most of the job for us. After all, can't really fuck up if we don't fuck with others can we? It's why Bobby B was best king in the series.

>>4738605
At least all belligerents in the waifu wars can agree to hammer down the faggots whenever they rear their ugly head.

>>4738608
>And my education as a lawyer, so good legal skills and rhetoric.
Looks like we won't be needing the Citadel boys. We can craft our own legal code even.

>>4738611
So, lesser stately courts it is? Sounds good to me.

>>4738554
>>4738557
Not a bad idea trying to court her, in a sense. Makes killing us a bit of a harder decision on her part.

>>4738569
Done.

Now that I think about it it would be extremely easy for Joffrey to grow a manbun and learn half decent makeup to go on Nero-esque adventures. Or become some kefka mad clown with prophecy powers insert.
But let's not do that. Because that's BAD.

>>4738597
Wait, we're NOT playing a snowflake????

OP why you lie to me?

Instead of lower courts taking over the power of judgment (which the lords might not accept), we could pass a law that first you take your case to the knight above you, then his lord, then the lord paramount and finally the King. You can't skip any of the steps in between. If one of the parties in the dispute is a knight or lord, you take it to the next higher person in line. Also, there must be a panel of at least 3 members including the knight or lord and at least one maester or other educated person with knowledge of the law, with the knight or lord having final say. Finally, a reasoned judgment must be provided in writing to both parties.

This alone should do away with the King deciding cattle dispute between farmers.

>>4738624
She only kills Joffrey because he's an uncontrollable dick for Margery. If he was less a rampant fuckface she'd have probably just rolled with it.

As for making it a harder decision, hah. No. Bitch is colder than ice. She's great.

>>4738648
Or he could marry someone else and avoid the problem.

>>4738645
>Instead of lower courts with noble deferment
>Lets have Babylonic lesser courts with noble deferment

Lol. But yeah that'll do. They should like the idea of not having to escalate a matter to us, too.

Wild card (lol) waifu choice: Make a deal with Mance Rayder when we're in Winterfell to let in the wildlings once Robert croaks. Marry Val the wildling princess to seal the deal. (She's described as exceptionally beautiful) 100,000 new subjects including giants and mammoths, and at least half will be men and women who'll fight for us.

These plans aren't breaking out of the box enough.

We should be looking at Desmera Redwyne. Marrying her doubles our navy, likely brings a ton of wealth (and Arbor Gold), and would further destabilize the tennative grasp the Tyrells have on central power over their bannermen such as the Florents by further elevating a powerful banner house. Desmera Redwyne's mother is a Tyrell and Olenna Tyrell is her aunt, so she's a safe choice and a power choice all at once.

>>4738655
Well I don't want Margery. I want the real gem of that family.

>>4738681
Oh and what next, learn magic?

>>4738693
Does it seem far fetched? She's the exact same age as Margaery Tyrell (both born in 283 vs Joffrey's 286) and the twins, her brothers, should be at court right now.

Finally done with D&D, writing now!

You guys just seem to be chomping at the bit.

>>4738681
Actually, Olenna Tyrell is both Desmera Redwyne's great aunt and her grandmother... these nobles...

>>4738718
Well when the only people around you that aren't perpetually covered in shit and old clothing are your family members I can imagine things getting pretty Alabama.

>>4738718
Tywin is our double grandfather, we have no room to talk.

>>4738548
I so swear, good ser. Though I do agree with this other ser here >>4738565. The enjoyment Tyrells take in playing the Game is well-known. I expect you will be as vigilant as I in this matter.

Oh boy would I have dug into those suggestions back in my quest.
One issue you have is massive budget deficit and literally zero support for any of those suggestions by the lords.

>>4738772
Bingo. Reform is historically oft the financial word for pain.

>>4738772
what's your quest? Maybe I should steal that one too.

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You return his bow with a small nod, dignified nod of the head. “Congratulations, Ser Loras,” you tell the noble knight. “Your performance jousting against my nuncle was exquisite. You are a doughty warrior indeed.”

“Thank you, Your Grace,” he graciously accepts the compliment. “It was a privilege and honor to compete on your behalf.”

“I've already informed my royal family of how your actions have inspired me to redouble my own martial efforts,” you explain to the teenager only a few years your senior. “And I can't imagine a better form of training than sparring with my tourney's champion. Mayhaps we might practice swordsmanship together later today if you have the time.”

Ser Loras bows again. “As you bid, Your Grace.”

Having accepted the invitation and delivered his wreath to your sister, the knight of Flowers takes his leave of your royal presence and makes his way back down to the jousting ground to doff his armor.

The crowd around and below your elevated position starts to disperse as the celebratory festivities cease and the excitement spurred on by the show begins winding down.

The King and Queen as well as your royal siblings all get up from their seats and you follow suit, going with the flow since you don't actually know where to go or what's happening next. You are surrounded by several men in white armor and cloaks – the Kingsguard, save for your uncle Jaime who is no doubt in the midst of recovering from his rose-induced spill off a horse.

You're about to fall in line behind Myrcella when you are suddenly confronted by the presence of a very large figure interposing himself between you and your family. He is huge and heavily muscled with grey eyes, a large hooked nose and long, dark, thin hair. More importantly than those features, however, is his face which is gaunt with sharp cheekbones and a heavy brow on one side while the other is a burned ruin of scars, slick black flesh pocked with craters and deep cracks that ooze red and wet.

This is Sandor Clegane, the Hound, and your personal bodyguard. He holds the sheathed Valyrian steel dagger won by your father off of Petyr Baelish and now bequeathed to you as a birthday present. Apparently Sandor here is the middleman for this series of transactions as the only armed individual besides the Kingsguard themselves meant to get that close into your personal space with a weapon at the ready.

He holds it out for you to take and you do, grabbing the knife by its dragonbone hilt.

“So what are you going to name this one?” he inquires in a rough, rasping tone of voice dripping with sarcasm. “Lion's Claw?”

>Good idea, Dog. Lion's Claw it is!
>What about pussy slayer?
>I'm going to call this dagger Twilight Sparkle
>I think I'll have this dagger melted down and have it forged into a spearhead instead. Tell Tobho Mott to get started on it right away.
>You're a good dog, Sandor, you know that?
>Other (write-in)

>>4738802
Ah ever creative with the names. A real rib tickler that one. We should call it Rib Tickler

Shitposting aside we should get some lessons in fighting from him too. As well as Jaime. Definitely substitute Sandor for Bronn if we get the chance. Old Hound dog might be an okay fighter who uses dirty tricks but Bronn is the slimiest fighter imaginable. Therefore a really fucking good one.

>>4738802
>Good idea, Dog. Lion's Claw it is!

>>4738802
>Other (write-in)
Anti-vote on naming it anything.

Take it and never let it leave us. Also never show it off.

>>4738802
>I haven't decided yet, Hound.

>>4738611
I would honestly disagree. I think the biggest issue is recognizing the future threats and ruthlessly nipping future issues in the bud.

>1st issue: Joffrey is a bastard and his mother is an incestuous harlot.

>2nd issue: Corruption is spreading and your family's wealth is being embezzled

>3rd issue: There are still lot of lesser Targaryen loyalists who hate robert in secret.

>4th issue: The lords paramount / Wardens are disloyal and have their own schemes on succession

>5th issue: Insufficient military capacity. To guarantee stability of the realm, you require a military force capable of taking on at least half of Westeros without calling on your vassals to arms.

There are more issues, but in regards to the continuation of the nation, these are the most pressing ones.

My advice is put major focus on crownlands. Secure as much territory within there taking it from minor vassals and do your reforms there.

Grant the larger vassals a lot of leeway, you don't want to have to rely on them and if you set up a better sort of governance in crownlands, you don't have to.

If the feudal vassals remain stagnant, that is good because you won't have rivals as you build your power.

>>4738823
Ser, we're trying to name a knife right now. Would you like to contribute?

>>4738786
I used to run Male Powder Fantasy, you can have it if you want, the thing is dead in the water atm.

>>4738802
>>Other (write-in)
>I was thinking Whisper. I'm not a lion, after all, and I don't think Stag's Antler is a suitable name for a knife.

175 posts in and it's not even been 24 hours yet. Careful, TrickQM, we may have a new Fate quest on our hands.

>>4738802
>Write In
"No need for a name for now. When it has some blood on it s blade, then it could have one."

Or we could give it a ridiculously prophetic meta name that might raise a few characters eyebrows, I just can't think of any good ones.

>>4738832
fate quest?

but yeah, i'm actually somewhat surprised what a gold mine it is you had here.

>>4738834
Brandon's Bane lol. Or Ice Pick if you want to kill the Night King/book equivalent with it.

>>4738838
Fate quest is the single most active quest on this board, I think since its inception. Just check the catalog, you'll see 6 threads of Fate quest because it reaches the bump limit so quickly. This latest one has broken all records, 1200 posts in not even 2 days. You're on a similar trajectory, for now. Keep it up!

>>4738842
>making a new thread just because you hit the bump limit
fuckin gay as fuck bro

gotta get that 3000 post count like a real nigga do

>>4738842
Primarch quest is at a similar level, though the QM doesn't make a new one when it hits the bump limit. Between those three, maybe we're about to enter a /qst/ renaissance. One can hope, at least.

>>4738838
>>4738842
Yeah Fate's half as active as Shadowquest at its peak, and amazing by any stretch of the imagination.

>>4738802
Also try calling the Hound by his name because I just remembered he doesn't like his nickname. Fuckin' whoops.

>>4738850
Sucks if its a good quest because I hate the source material with a fucking passion.

>>4738850
Agreed, we should start calling him Sandor.

>>4738823
Why the fuck didn't we choose to be newborn Joffrey, dealing with these problems would've been easier if we had a headstart

>>4738814
>>4738822
>>4738833
Don't name it.

>>4738809
Lion's Claw.

>>4738808
Rib Tickler

>>4738831
Whisper

No real consensus, so we'll hold off for now.

Writing!

>>4738859
That's what Elsweyr was trying to tell these jackoffs but they wouldn't listen!

No respect, I tell you, no respect!

>>4738859
I despise slow starts and am an inpatient bully.

>>4738848
Black Company is about to be back in two weeks too, and Gnoll quest in a few days, if you're familiar with it.

>>4738846
After 1000 posts the thread just starts lagging too much, taking forever to load. I don't fault him for making new threads, it's not like there's active quests being pushed out of the catalog.

>>4738866
i'm actually pissed now, i was still asleep when this quest started and i already missed an extremely important vote

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Hello.

Nice quest.

>>4738868
>After 1000 posts the thread just starts lagging too much, taking forever to load.
I have literally never had that problem. Is your internet shit or your computer itself? Or are you one of those mobilefags?

Everybody's in westeros.

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>>4738872
welcome to my spot on the front page. I plan to be here awhile.

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>>4738877
You have a way to go, but I'm rooting for you.
I would love to see more quests as active as mine is right now.

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>>4738882

Th-that power level . . . it's overwhelming!

You know what would be a supreme advantage only afforded to us by the might of our modern and meta knowledge?

Alchemical trebuchet rocketry. I'm sure everyone here can figure out the payloads.

>>4738871
Same, it is what it is though. Time to salvage what we can before it all goes tits up.

Anons, I won't lie, the Hound is my favorite character lets show him some love. He'd be a fine sparring partner alongside Loras. Loras could teach us the skill of mounted combat while the Hound dismounted!

>>4738888
He's pretty good. Hope we get to call him Sandor and eventually look like less a little bitch to him. Not that most people aren't little bitches in comparison but less would be nice.

>>4738859
Eh, it's not unsalvageable.
I've been in worse situations in CK2 in the past. Overall, if we can manage to basically do as much reforms as we like in crownlands while letting the lords paramount do as they like, King's landing has population of around 500 000 alone.

If you can implement mass levies and turn them into reserve troops with anything from bows to muskets, that's enough ranged firepower to take two rebellious provinces that aren't Reach with just crownlands levies.

Targaryens left unreformed crownlands, as in the surrounding lands including KL, as levy count of 10-15k, making it the weakest territory in Westeros in terms of armies.

In CK2 terms this means, get used to your vassals asking for increased council power and demanding changes to inheritance laws.

Legality is ultimately irrelevant, every empire gets fucked by ambitious claimants if they king's lands can be taken with such paltry quantity of troops. You have around 10 times less troops in your center of power than your neighboring vassal does by worst estimates.

>>4738888
Is Joffrey even physically fit? Can he fight? Only a year passes in ASOIAF and Joffrey is like 12

>>4738892
It would be grand to win his favor, and what better way than having him help train us into a beast of a fighter?

>>4738895
Well, he's young enough to really start applying himself to being physically fit at least.

>>4738877
Thanks for advertising on the Shinji quest, been waiting for an interesting Asoiaf quest for a long time.

>>4738826
probably shouldn't have written yourself into a corner or forced a restart from one bad roll.

>>4738903
>>4738892
Sandor only really abandons the Lannisters cause they all suck, if Joffrey actually shows he has the makings of a good person and king, Sandor will fiercely serve him

>>4738895
12 is a good time to start learning how to fight, let's make Bobby proud before our family members arrange to kill him because of Eddard's autism.

>>4738908
GOTTEM!

>>4738905
Drama, conflict and rivalry hypes people up. Gotta raise the stakes, nahmean?

>>4738909
Absolutely, what is better in life than a loyal hound? desu maybe he can have Sansa while we have Margy?

Not to retcon things to benefit the MC, but I do know how to do a basic workout at home without a gym. Calisthenics and low weight/high reps.

>>4738921
Sansa is the daughter of the Warden of the North and Robert REALLY wants the two families to join together, unless he dies, we'll have no say in it

>>4738921
Now that's the kind of out of the box thinking we need to win this war.

>>4738922
We have access to knights wearing heavy armor, my man. I think they can give us a better training regiment than whatever pussy shit you've been doing.

>>4738922
Well joffers would have access to the finest trainers available were he to want it. Obviously he wouldn't turn into Ser Barristan overnight but still.

>>4738908
Fair enough. Still, it was my first quest, so I reckoned it went reasonably well by that metric.

Made plenty mistakes early on, but that's how you learn.

>>4738929
Ser Barristan, however, is there and would love the opportunity to train and serve a good king. Wonder what happens if he doesn't go help Dany though...

>>4738933
Lmao does she die due to the poisonous scorpion Barristan killed? That would be funny as hell.

>>4738935
We can always just try and convince Robert to leave Dany alone

>>4738933
Every decision we make that goes against what happened will change everything we have foreknowledge of, so who knows?

>>4738848
I enjoy both of the primarch quest. Though I will admit to finding 2nd funner than 11th. If only because its blend of wuxia and warhammer, and watching a primarch carve through not Chinese tyrants is just pure entertainment

I do like the Maori primarch in 11th to and the quest is great as well, but there's just something magical of a transhuman demigod doing martial art shit while speaking like a poet.

>>4738937
We could use the excuse that we want to "Ride a dragon" to complete humilate and tarnish the targ legacy.

Robert's murder bone might slightly abate then, you potentially, possibly, maybe.

File: Melee.jpg (43 KB, 350x233)

43 KB JPG

“I haven't decided yet, Sandor,” you tell your bodyguard, who stares at you strangely upon hearing you utter his real name instead of the short, unsettling nickname by which Joffrey usually refers to the younger Clegane brother. “Maybe once the blade has seen some blood I'll give it one.”

“Planning to gut another pregnant cat soon?” he dryly inquires of your intentions.

You sputter. “No!” you insist, realizing just how much of Joffrey's baggage you've been saddled with. “I mean in battle, Sandor.”

The Hound quietly snorts to himself. “Sure.”

With that uncomfortable conversation abruptly concluded, you follow along behind your family with Clegane at your side as they make their way to another flat, grassy field not too far away from where the jousting grounds had been constructed.

Here, instead of the lists, there is a well-built wooden pen large enough to hold dozens upon dozens of farm animals and properly arranged seating all around it for spectators to sit and watch.

A couple dozen armed and armored men are mounted upon horses, waiting patiently in formation for the arrival of the royal procession and the rest of the onlookers their impending brawl is meant to entertain.

You know this is the melee – another martial competition. But instead of a tournament of 1 on 1 jousts, this will instead be a free for all battle royale with only one competitor becoming the winner winner, chicken dinner.

You could just sit back and enjoy the slobber knocker unfold, but maybe you should focus your efforts on accomplishing something. You are stuck in a fairly tumultuous era only a few years prior to when you know your intended death date is meant to come.

>Patch things up with Tommen. You're fairly sure Joffrey bullied him in their youth.
>Speak with Tyrion. Try to convince him you've actually got a non-sadistic brain inside your skull.
>Tell Sandor you're going to call him Sandor from now on instead of The Hound or Dog. Promise to help get rid of his brother once you're king? (Y/N)
>Speak with Stannis. He's still probably going to consider you an abomination born of incest once he discovers your parentage, but maybe you can make him like you somewhat if you try?
>Tell Baristan Selmy The Bold (Commander of the Kingsguard) that you think he's the coolest
>Watch the melee. Bet on the winner.
>Other (write-in)

>>4738947
>Patch things up with Tommen. You're fairly sure Joffrey bullied him in their youth.
+
>Speak with Tyrion. Try to convince him you've actually got a non-sadistic brain inside your skull.
+
>Tell Sandor you're going to call him Sandor from now on instead of The Hound or Dog. Promise to help get rid of his brother once you're king? (Y).

The mountain is purely a liability, outside of murderfucking.

and at the end of my massive vote.

>Watch the melee. Bet on the winner.

Another chance to bond with drunk not dad

>>4738944
Really, the only reason why Khal Drogo wanted to go to Westros was because of the assassination attempts, if we send people to warn them or look after her, they might think the next regime would look kindly on Targaryens.

>>4738947
Is there a limit? I kinda wanna do all of these

>>4738947
It only now dawns on me how weird it's going to look when a psychopath leans towards policies and manners that appear derived from empathy. Better not let Baelish catch on. Or maybe we could use that? Hm.

>Tell Sandor you're going to call him Sandor from now on instead of The Hound or Dog. Promise to help get rid of his brother once you're king? (Y/N)
>Speak with Stannis. He's still probably going to consider you an abomination born of incest once he discovers your parentage, but maybe you can make him like you somewhat if you try?
I think these two are doable at once, since it's easy to talk quick to two stoics lol.
>Watch the melee. Bet on the winner.

>>4738952
>>4738947
Support. Stannis won't like us no matter what, he will find out about our true parentage eventually and his autism will now allow him to look the other way.

>Speak with Tyrion. Try to convince him you've actually got a non-sadistic brain inside your skull.

Of all of the people in question, this individual is the most useful to us as a future king. He is part of the family and he is competent, even if an alcoholic manlet who frequents prosties.

Also, I feel he will serve us well in dealing with the Cersei question.

>>4738958
>Y
Kinda forgot the important bit. Geeze our timetable is packed.

>>4738959
will now allow*

>>4738953
Also we may be able to convince her shit heel brother to sell her off to us in exchange for a high lord shit and amnesty . Unlikely considering the hell his life had been, but its nice to dream.

I've always thought of Viserys as a one the most tragic characters in the setting. He may have done some bad shit, but he had a lot of shit heaped on his plate before he snapped.

>>4738947
>Patch things up with Tommen. You're fairly sure Joffrey bullied him in their youth.
>Speak with Tyrion. Try to convince him you've actually got a non-sadistic brain inside your skull.
>Tell Sandor you're going to call him Sandor from now on instead of The Hound or Dog. Promise to help get rid of his brother once you're king? (N)
>Tell Baristan Selmy The Bold (Commander of the Kingsguard) that you think he's the coolest

Stannis is a lost cause. Everyone else can be charmed. Sandor hearing his until-yesterday-sadistic-monster of a liege tell him he's gonna have his brother killed is absolutely not going to reassure him. Baby steps. I don't think we have time for a bet as well, and we don't want people to start thinking we're prescient.

>>4738947
>>Patch things up with Tommen. You're fairly sure Joffrey bullied him in their youth.
>>Tell Baristan Selmy The Bold (Commander of the Kingsguard) that you think he's the coolest
Don't want to seem like we're trying to schmooze with Sandor or he'll suspect us of giving him some sort of shittest. And likewise with Tyrion. Bad blood doesn't wash away so easily.

Unless you're young and impressionable, like Tommen.

>>4738962
Wow I have no idea what is going on with my typing.

>>4738958
Could claim we had a religious or spiritual revelation while napping. May get the faith on our side if we craft a believable enough yarn.

Would make tywin think we're just scheming for more power and are thus worthy of the throne. Cersei wouldn't and would bitch, as is her nature. Robert probably wouldn't care unless we called to destroy the faith of the old gods, considering Ned follows that creed

>>4738964
>>4738947
+1
eh, Stannis's autism will not subside even if he likes us

>>4738963
I've been thinking about doing that honestly, mostly because linking the Baratheons and the Targaryens will destroy whatever loyalists exist in Westros, but Viserys will never go for it, he wants the crown, i do feel bad for him though, he deserves better

>>4738947
>>Patch things up with Tommen. You're fairly sure Joffrey bullied him in their youth.
>Speak with Tyrion. Try to convince him you've actually got a non-sadistic brain inside your skull.
>Tell Sandor you're going to call him Sandor from now on instead of The Hound or Dog. Promise to help get rid of his brother once you're king? (N)
>Tell Baristan Selmy The Bold (Commander of the Kingsguard) that you think he's the coolest

>Watch the melee. Bet on the winner.

>>4738968
Old CK2 trick. Excommunicate your degenerate vassals and take their lands. Not sure if Faith of seven works like that, but you could make a show of it that sinful lords (who also outlived their usefulness) get railed on by the faith and because Faith totally asked you and you totally didn't give them the idea, you put them on trial and take their lands.

>>4738971
We could swing it so his first son or daughter marries our first son or daughter. That way he'll have more of legacy than the crownless prince or dead end that fucked his dynasty out of existence by being a twat

>>4738975
Yeah but that can also cause rebellion. However, really bad eggs could be dealt with in such a manner. Namely the chuckle fucks on the iron islands who, without fail, cause shit every other generation after getting their teeth kicked in. Fucking subhuman salt apes, race war now

>>4738976
that doesn't sound like a bad idea at all, but we can't go for it even if we wanted to, Robert wants dead Targaryens and he's the king

>>4738984
>Robert wants dead Targaryens and he's the king
For a little while.

>>4738984
Maybe if we get our social link high enough we could convince him there's no sweeter revenge than fucking your enemy's daughter

You probably know more about this than me, but at this point don't Jon Arryn and Stannis both know the truth about Joffrey's parentage? Walder Frey is here, so he asked Jon Arryn to foster Sweetrobin with him, to which Jon replies that no, he's going to foster under Stannis. When Lysa hears this, she storms off, and within two weeks Jon Arryn is dead. Also he was reading the book of lineages for at least a week or two before his death, so that would mean that he and Stannis already know about the incest, and have done some investigation too.

>>4738989
Jon Arryn and Stannis already know, we fucked up not picking newborn, war is inevitable the moment Robert dies

if we're gonna learn how to fight we better fucking wield Robert's warhammer

>>4738978
Ah yea, no I was talking about within lands we already have claim for, namely Crownlands. We need to unfuck that territory because even iron shits have more levies than KL atm due to targ mismanagement.

>>4738998
Yeah but if we keen ned from the conspiracy, we can count on the north and westerlands in joining in the merry shitstomping of the iron shits.
When they inevitably revolt for not being allowed to rape innocent farm boys

>>4738947
>Patch things up with Tommen. You're fairly sure Joffrey bullied him in their youth.
>Tell Baristan Selmy The Bold (Commander of the Kingsguard) that you think he's the coolest

And in addition talk with Barristan. Talking with someone as experienced at him would be a good idea. Before we talk with the others we should do some actions, for demonstrate a change in us. Otherwise it could look like a lie.

>>4739000
If we win over Ned, then we hold a massive advantage, the Iron Islands are fucked and we can better deal with Renly and Stannis

>>4739000
Ned's too honorable. He will investigate, he will find out the truth, things will progress as expected. BUT, if we don't behead him, the North loses its rallying cry, so they hopefuly won't rebel. But there is absolutely no way to actually get them to help us.

The only faction we have any chance of convincing to change sides are the Tyrells. We know what they want: Margaery on the throne. That's the only reason they supported Renly. And we can certainly give it to them, as long as we break the Sansa betrothal first.

>>4739011
Strategically if Stannis is a lost cause then we'll need Ned. Ideally, we don't want to lose the best potential pieces, but if we have to pick one then I'd pick Ned.

>>4738975
How do you deal with pagan vassals that are gaining ground because you made the mistake of marrying a pretty pagan waifu a few generations back and have pagan sympathetic trait? I've been having my court Chaplin do conversions round the clock but its not fast enough. Can't really excommunicate pagans who are not your religion.

>>4739014
>>4739012
Ned is on our side if he sees that Joffrey has the makings of a good king, i really see that as a good path forward. I mean, not like he didn't look the other way when the parentage of someone was revealed to him

>>4738947
>Patch things up with Tommen. You're fairly sure Joffrey bullied him in their youth.
>Speak with Tyrion. Try to convince him you've actually got a non-sadistic brain inside your skull.
>Tell Baristan Selmy The Bold (Commander of the Kingsguard) that you think he's the coolest

>>4738952 Y
>>4738959 Y
Tommen, Tyrion, Sandor, Betting

>>4738964 N
>>4738971 N
Tommen, Tyrion, Sandor, Barristan

>>4738966
>>4739002
Tommen, Barristan

>>4738974 N
Tommen, Tyrion, Sandor, Barristan, Betting

>>4738958 Y
Stannis and Sandor

That's 7 Tommens, 6 Sandors, 5 Barristans, 5 Tyrions, 3 Bettings

Tommen first and foremost. WRITING!

>>4738823
The biggest threat to us will be getting others to take us and our ideas seriously, before everything starts kicking off. And Bobby B will have a hard enough time listening to us as it is, unless it relates to matters of the hunt or the sword. We might get some traction with the Hands, maybe keep them distracted so that they can't focus fully on their investigations.

Littlefinger and the Spider need to be dealt with, but in a way that benefits us, and will need to be replaced by competent individuals.

Unfortunately, we're going to have to let Tywin deal with the schemes of the other Lords. Fortunately, he'll always be in our corner and we may actually learn useful skills from him. Unfortunately, the learning bit isn't going to be fun at all.

And we're not going to solve insufficient military capacity by the time we need it, but we can potentially purge the Dragon loyalists with the help of our grandpa and the Hand, hopefully. I'm sure gramps would approve of remaking the Crownlands into Lion loyalists.

>>4739018
Alright. Jon Arryn dies. Ned becomes Hand. He investigates and finds out the truth. We are an abomination born of incest. Even though we would make a king ten times better than our father, Stannis is the legitimate successor. What does he do next?

>>4739022
>What does he do next?
your mom

>>4739012
If Ned wants honour that's easy enough to display for a non-psychopathic Joff. His hangups mostly involve the lannistars being unreliable liars as a whole in complement. Him knowing isn't as much of a problem in comparison to him believing he can't rely on the Lannistar kids to not fuck with the north in the future, which is the reason why the incest triggered him so bad, since it's literally a betrayal of his friend. Even if he doesn't like that friend much, he'll still support him. The original problem is he didn't believe Joff is the kind of person to honor the vows of the north. It's literally our problem to change. Basically >>4739018

>>4739022
What does he do next if we head him off with this information instead of just letting him discover it on his own? Honour my boy, HONOUR.

>>4739022
Here's a wild idea, kill Stannis. He's a future fire fucking dork anyway.

>>4739025
We need to learn how to cry on command to really sell that Joff is devastated about the truth when / if we reveal it to ol ned

>>4739026
NO FUCK YOU

>>4739022
Without going into how we know this, we remind him about Jon and his true parentage, and tell him he should be last person to judge us for who our parents are. It's not like we had any choice in the matter. Stannis is consorting with a foreign witch who extracts power from King's blood. If we lose, he will burn us on a stake, without question. There's no option for being sent to the Wall or a life in exile for us. He watched the bodies of the Royal children after Robert's Rebellion, he knows how it goes. Ask him if he will allow that to happen again.

>>4739029
I'M FREE ON TUESDAY BRING THE LUBE

>>4739024
I don't think I like you very much, mr. QM.

>>4739025
Our very existence is dishonorable. Our very existence is, as you say, proof of literally the worst possible betrayal of his friend. There is nothing we can tell him to bridge this gap. Ned is almost as unbending as Stannis, and you can't possibly believe he'll do anything more for us than give us a fortnight to leave.

>>4739034
>Unbending as stannis
Jon.

we are kinda stuck with marriage, marrying Sansa cements our alliance with the North, but its not needing, but Bobby B is gonna push it either way. Marrying Margaery is the smartest move since it cements the support of a great house that wouldn't go to us and marrying Daenerys destroys whatever Targaryen loyalists exist. A lot to think about

>>4739022
Keep in mind, Ned is not the only character we can pull a mindfuck on based on knowing just that- and logically speaking we're one of the people that would "figure it out" first just from having mirrors available to us and making a wild guess after looking at our parent siblings long enough.

>>4739034
>nothing we can tell him to bridge
"Jon."

Also, I disagree that there aren't things we can tell him give our wide array of meta knowledge. There sure as shit are things we can tell him. But showing is better than telling, and we'll have opportunities for that.

>>4738952
+1

>>4738944
Will support 'Riding the dragon', assuming Bobby B doesn't outright hate the idea. We'll need to approach that subject delicately, maybe groom him inst the idea when drunk.

>>4739039
Well there's also the fact that Dany might not even make it in this timeline OR Dany might become even crazier. It's hard to judge this early, I wouldn't bet on it even while being a danyfag.