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>>4929538
Welcome to BONES QUEST--pushing the limits of what counts as storytelling since November 2020! Make sure to check out the following resources:

Archive Link to catch up with the story!
>http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive.html?tags=Bones%20quest

Twitter account for updates!
>https://twitter.com/DemBonez3

Imgur Page for quest and FAN ART!
>https://imgur.com/a/dvF3SCN

A HANDY PASTEBIN for INVENTORY, SKILLS, and MORE:
>https://pastebin.com/u/DemBonez3/1/TvtRhtJK

Rolls are handled by a 1d100--I take the BEST OF THREE ROLLS! Certain boosts and maluses will be applied based on the situation and existing skills. Describing your actions, write-ins, and GENERAL CREATIVITY are all APPRECIATED AND REWARDED--we like to keep things LIGHT and CHILL here, so come on in and have some fun!

>CONTD.

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“Stanley Parble…” drones a masculine voice from the crowd of robed freaks,

“We’ve been looking for you…” purrs a feminine voice.

Whipping around to face them both, you and your team come face to face with two robed figures--their eyes glowing beneath their hoods with ethereal light!

“D’aww maaaaan.” Ly whines. “We shoulda stayed in bed...”

Trying and failing to ignore the hair rising on your neck, you couldn’t agree more… As the crowd of ORDER MEMBERS draws closer, you and your pals form a circle facing outwards.

“It was only a matter of time before that fossil Curt bared his fangs…” Syb hisses on your right, eyes glowing with their own brand of magical energy. “Just say the word, Stan…”

Your neighbor and pizza delivery man extraordinaire Gus covers your left, wordlessly cracking his massive knuckles at the approaching mages. Tucker, Art, and Eddie’s feet shuffle nervously behind your back--guess this is as ready as you’re gonna be!

“Careful, cupcake,” warns Ly from inside your body, “We don’t know what dese’ guys are capable of…”

True, but they don’t know what you’re capable of either! What’s the plan, Stan?
>ARMOR UP AND TACKLE THE NEAREST ONE!
>ASK THEM WHAT THE HELL THEY WANT!
>ZAP THE CROWD WITH YOUR LASER EYE!
>WRITE-IN!

>>4929547
>ASK THEM WHAT THE HELL THEY WANT!
Lets maybe not jump directly to violence in a crowded area

>>4929547
>>ASK THEM WHAT THE HELL THEY WANT!

>>4929547
>ASK THEM WHAT THE HELL THEY WANT!

>>4929547
>ASK THEM WHAT THE HELL THEY WANT!

>>4929555
>>4929556
>>4929616
>>4929646
>DIPLOMANCY!

Writing!

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Take it easy, Stan--these guys may look intimid-okay, nah, you can’t say that with a straight face… They may look KOOKY, but they haven’t attacked yet--you’ve played enough games to know that if they wanted you dead they wouldn’t get this close, right?

“Stan?”

Maybe launch a fireball or something…

“Stan??”

Roused from your thoughts, you shoot an annoyed glance at Art. Who ELSE would it be? Whaaaaat? You growl.

“Could uh… Could you stop narrating your thoughts, please?” He pleads as everyone in the tunnel gives you a sympathetic glance. You respond with a curt shake of your head. NEVER.

“Perhaps it would be best if we-”
“-Explained ourselves.” The mages interject. The taller, more masculine-shaped mage (however masculine you can appear in a full-cover bathrobe) steps forward and greets you with a deep bow.

“I am an Acolyte of THE ORDER OF THE WANDERING EYE. You may call me… DARYL.”

“An I DEBBIE.” adds the other mage.

“I am known as RANDALL.” drones another robe-wearer as he steps forward.

“And I am-”

Cheese LOUISE, get to the POINT! Taken aback by your interruption, the other ORDER MEMBERS politely, albeit dejectedly, go silent as Daryl clears his throat.

“Yes, well… You have done well, Stanley…”

“Indeed!” Debbie agrees, nodding her hood. “THREE PHYLACTERIES remain--each sequestered away in thralls wielding unimaginable power!”

Sighing impatiently, you gesture for them to hurry up--tell us something we DON’T know!

“We’re well aware of the circumstances.” Syb nods, still in a defensive stance. “And we’re also very busy shopping. Is there a reason you saw fit to accost us here in this tunnel?”

The group of robe-wearing schmucks shoot glances around their circle.

“Ah. Sincerest apologies.” Daryl remarks in an embarrassed tone. “We have just come from the CANTEEN--we were all peckish, so we thought it prudent to dine together…”

“That establishment’s portions are NOT OF THIS WOOOORLD!” Debbie adds, eliciting a round of agreements from the Cloak Crew. “But that is irrelevant.”

You shrug--is it though? Do you have time to hit that place up again before you leave? You’re craving those fries agai-

Your thoughts are once again interrupted, this time by a flick to the back of the head! Yelping in surprise, your glare meets the red lenses of Art’s helmet as he steps forward to talk. What the HELL, DICK!?!

>CONTD.

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>>4929792
“So erm… What DID you guys wanna talk about?” Art asks, dodging your retaliatory flicks.

“An INVESTMENT.” Replies Daryl.

“THE ORDER recognizes your talents, but also your free will.” Debbie explains as she gestures for one of their associates to step forward. Another robe-clad freak scampers free of the crowd carrying a SMALL, ORNATE TUBE, its contents rattling in the mage’s hands.

“Therefore, in the interest of mutual cooperation and trust...” Daryl begins,

“... we wish to bestow upon you a gift. Or rather…” Debbie turns her obscured face in Sybil’s direction. “Bestow upon her...”

Before your Goth pal can protest, the carrier mage deposits the TUBE in her hands and retreats to the crowd. Examining its contents, Syb’s eyes glow with interest!

“This is-”

“A SPELL, yes.” Debbie answers with a nod. Popping open the tube reveals its contents: a rolled-up piece of parchment covered in… you dunno, Spanish or something.

“Two of the remaining LIEUTENANTS currently reside near the COAST.” Daryl explains. “Therefore we bequeath unto you a gift that should prove useful in tracking them down.”

“I-this is…” Sybil mutters under her breath, “You’re certain?”

“With out compliments.” Daryl chuckles. “Your methods may differ from ours, but we share the same goals, Ms. Castellanos.”

Well that’s just great--Syb gets a spell and you’re just left in the lurch? LAME!

“To be fair, cupcake, you’ve been gettin’ a lotta powers lately.” Ly counters, putting you in a worse mood.

“You don’t understand, Stan…” Syb whispers under her breath. “This… This could be very useful--and you don’t just find spells lying around…”

“What does it do, anyways?” Gus asks, looking over Syb’s shoulder with interest.

“Well…” She begins, “If I’m reading correctly, this spell is called…”

>BUBBLE! Creates a pressurized and air-filled, albeit fragile, bubble that can hold 1-3 people! Holds as long as the user can concentrate!
>FISH FORM! A transmogrification spell that turns the target into a FISH that retains the ability to speak and think! Can last up to an hour!
>JET STREAM! Creates a current in water that can propel things at breakneck speed!

>>4929796
>FISH FORM! A transmogrification spell that turns the target into a FISH that retains the ability to speak and think! Can last up to an hour!
Plans are forming in my mind....

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>>4929796

>FISH FORM! A transmogrification spell that turns the target into a FISH that retains the ability to speak and think! Can last up to an hour!

This! This is a thing of absolute BEAUTY.

>>4929796
JET STREAM

>>4929828
>>4929840
>BE EFISHENT!

>>4929861
>JETS DO IT!

Writing!

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“FISH FORM!” Syb recites, eyes positively GLOWING with anticipation!

“Correct.” Daryl nods with a chortle. “Much like GLAMOUR, that spell transmogrifies the target into-”

“A sentient, talking fish!” interrupts your Goth pal eagerly! “I’ve read about similar incantations in druidic texts, but this…” Syb pauses to take a breath before looking at the mages. “This is… Thank you...”

“Use caution:” Debbie warns, leaning in close for all of you to hear. “The spell has less of a chance of working on an UNWILLING TARGET.”

“Moreover, once one becomes a fish, they might find it difficult to breathe out of water…” Daryl adds, raising a finger in the air like a teacher. “Please use caution in its use, Ms. Castellanos.”

“Always do!” Syb replies, eliciting a few uncomfortable coughs from the rest of the gang. “Oh don’t START--I just got a little angry back there! I’m FINE now!”

“W-whatever you say…” Eddie mutters as he, Tucker, and Art recoil a bit. Groaning, Syb turns back to you and Gus with a confident smirk.

“Don’t worry, Stan--I’ll have this memorized by the time we’re on the road!”

“Yes, of course…” Daryl muses aloud. “We won’t keep you any longer. Though before we go…”

“Do be sure to visit us in the future, Stanley.” Debbie giggles, handing you a CARD WITH AN EYE MOTIF. “We operate out of the ADMINISTRATION WING--”

“And our doors are always open to you.” Daryl concludes. Staring at his counterpart as if he had just remembered a joke, the mage bursts into a slow, boisterous laugh that his fellow brothers and sisters quickly join! Annoyed, you cross your arms and bare your snaggletooth. Are they DONE? You’ve got stuff to do!

“Until then, Stanley!” Getting the last word, Daryl and the others vanish into a puff of green, malodorous smoke leaving you and Syb with your gifts.

“That could have gone worse.” Tucker muses, prompting a round of nods from the group.

“Yea,” Art agrees, “But let’s get going before anyone else decides to corner us-”

“Like those guys are doing?” Gus grunts, pointing a finger at the approaching group of Good Boy Security Goons.

“... Yea.” Art groans, “Like those guys…”

>CONTD.

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>>4930046
You only have to watch them for a second before you recognize them--cocky struts, perpetual snickering, and a familiar ringleader at the head of the gang.

“Well well!” Grunts the pack leader in his unforgettable Southern drawl. “You remember your pal TEDDY, right, Parble? We’ve been looking for ya--you gave us something of a cold shoulder last time…”

A layer of ice crystals slowly form around Syb’s hands. “THESE morons again…” She hisses.

“You uh… You know each other?” Eddie asks, slowly reaching for his weapon.

“Gotta say, Stan--you got pretty popular.” Gus mutters, crossing his arms as he watches the group approach.

“Don’t be like that--we just wanna talk!”

Sure they do. The question is, what do you wanna do?

>OPEN FIRE--GET THE JUMP ON ‘EM!
>ARMOR UP AND CHARGE!
>LET ‘EM TALK. MAYBE THEY ACTUALLY DO WANT SOMETHING!
>WRITE-IN

PASTEBIN UPDATED WITH NEW ITEMS AND SPELL!

Also gonna head to dinner soon, so updates might get a little sparse in the next hour or so! If I don't come back I'll see you all on SATURDAY AROUND 11-12PM PST! TGIF!

>>4930049
I don't remember these guys, so my write-in is asking who the fuck they are again

>>4930249
>>4930049

That sounds positively STAN!
Support!

>>4930049
I agree with >>4930255

>>4930249
+1 this is based

Also damn I was late to join! Been super into Pokemon Unite lately so I got distracted and missed the thread starting. Excited to see Bones back in the catalog!

>>4930458
No worries dude, you're here now and that's what matters, right?

>>4930249
>>4930255
>>4930340
>>4930458
>WHO ARE YOU PEOPLE?!
Writing!

Also, thanks for making me laugh--this is totally in Stan's character and it made me chuckle all morning. HERE GOES!

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Cracking your neck menacingly, you confidently stride towards the approaching Good Boy Goons and smirk--yea, you chuckle, these guys… How could you forget…

And a moment’s pause turns into an awkward minute of silence.

“You uh…” Teddy mutters through his mask, “You do remember us, right?”

Sure! You nod, not daring to lose your confident grin. That being said, though…

“Seriously, Stan?” Art groans behind you. “These were the guys who tried to kick our ribcages in back when we first found this place!”

“And the next time we met your purple-haired pal over there froze us all!” Teddy laughs. “Diles is STILL shivering!”

Following Teddy’s finger to his shivering henchman, you shrug--well uh... Yea, you remember that! You uh…

You frantically search around the tunnel for an appropriate answer, but find none save for a few perplexed looks from your gang.

Clearing your throat, you send a renewed glare in the Rent-A-Cop’s direction. You just wanted to make sure the rest of your team knew who he was, you explain! He was being pretty rude not introducing himself…

“Riiight. Look, we don’t want any trouble, okay? Honest.”

Something in your and the rest of your team’s faces betrays mistrust, so Teddy continues. “L-look, we got the point last time, okay?! We’re on the straight-and-narrow now! No more hassling anyone, right fellas?”

The cronies behind him erupt in a chorus of affirmatives, but Syb doesn’t look too convinced.

“If that’s the case, why are you cornering us in a tunnel?”

“And what’s with the laughing?” Tucker adds, hand still hovering over his REVOLVER. “Doesn’t sound like you wanna talk.”

“Granted!” Teddy nods, his goons following close behind. “Truth be told, we just came from the CANTEEN--took a while with all of those wizard guys there, but those fries...”

Sensing your resolve slipping into the FRY ZONE, Syb shakes you by the shoulder and snaps you out of it! Yow!

“Err, so what exactly do you guys want?” Eddie asks, his face jumping between menacing and friendly.

Yea, you add with a growing scowl! You’re BUSY, damn it! Why is everyone bothering you now? GET LOST!

“Busy, right!” Teddy nods emphatically. “We’ll make this quick, then!”

And that’s when they draw their guns!

“... No they didn’t.” Ly groans. “Stop jokin’ about dat’ stuff.”

>CONTD.

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>>4930974
“So,” Teddy begins, leaning against the side of the tunnel, “Once we uh… Thawed out, we did a little homework and realized who you were.”

“An’ it got us ta’ thinkin’--maybe she could help us out!” Adds a stout Rent-A-Cop.

“O’Toole’s right--lots of other refugees head out there for supplies and such, but you? You’re actually tryin’ to clean up this mess. Makes sense, given your profession.” Teddy chuckles under his breath.

Oh my GOD, you groan--what’s their POINT?! If this is what it’s like being popular, you don’t want it!

“What did you think was gonna happen?” Tucker asks, raising an eyebrow your way. You respond with a shrug--maybe like… People fanning you with palm fronds?

Grapes?

“A-anyways,” Teddy continues, “You and your crew are clearly the ones who get stuff done.”

“When we aren’t being hindered by creeps, yea.” Art mutters.

“We get it--we screwed up.” Teddy sighs. “And we know it’s bad form to ask for help right after our last er… Encounter, but it’s either you guys or that BORIS gu-

The words ‘YOU’LL DO IT!’ tear out of your mouth like a duck on fire! Clasping your hands over your lips, you do your best to regain your composure, then lean against the tunnel wall for MAXIMUM COOLNESS. What you meant to say was… What’s the job?

“Not really a job, per se,” Teddy explains, “But we look out for those who look out for us, and that’s what this is all about.”

“Some of the guys on patrol duty ain’t coming back.” Grunts one of the goons.

“There are a lot of skeletons out there…” Tucker muses, prompting Teddy to shake his head.

“Even if they’re ambushed, our boys are usually pretty good at radioing in. These guys, though, they’re just… Disappearing. No radio contact, no survivors, just vanishing into the mist.”

The security guard appraises you with his red-tinted lenses. “You find out where they’re goin’, we’ll pay ya’ for your trouble. Money, favors, hell, a round of drinks at the CANTEEN? they’re yours.”

“Just keep an eye out.” Hisses the goon referred to as ‘Diles’. “Patrols are going missing all over the place, but they all got one thing in common--they all go missing near the entrance to this base.”

Sybil gives you a concerned glance. “I don’t like them, Stan, but this stands to become a much larger problem…”

“Given our luck, we’ll probably run into whatever’s doing this on the road eventually.” Art shrugs. “Besides, most of these guys are okay. Present company excluded, of course.” He explains, glaring at the group of security guards awaiting your answer.

What say you?
>SURE, AND YOU WANT (PONGOS, MONEY, FAVOR, DRINKS, WRITE-IN) AS PAYMENT!
>NAH, SCREW YOU IDIOTS.
>YOU NEED MORE INFO!
>WRITE-IN

>>4930976
>YOU NEED MORE INFO!

Let’s ask for Pongos though since we’re already getting our FAT STACKS from GBDB

>>4930976
>YOU NEED MORE INFO!
We want pongos for sure, but the whole being fed grapes and fanned by palm fronds thing would be a nice plus

>>4930976
>YOU NEED MORE INFO! How likely is that it's the sewer mutants?

>>4930990
>>4931000
>>4931004
>TELL ME MORE!

Writing!

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Crossing your arms, you survey the cold, dimly-lit bunker tunnel and its inhabitants with a smug look on your face. Syb and Art can say all they want, but it’s you who has the final say! THAT’S power!

“S-so are we gonna do it?” Ly asks, apprehension in his disembodied voice. You respond by cracking your neck agai-OW, that one hurt!

“You okay?” Eddie asks in a voice laced with concern! Yea, you growl, wincing through the lingering pain, but you’ll tell these goofs what you’re NOT okay with: a LACK OF DETAILS!

“Oh? Um, sure thing, little lady.” Teddy mumbles, glancing back at his cheerleading squad for support. “Figures you’d wanna discuss things before accepting.”

First thing’s first, creep, you begin, you want PAYMENT. PONGOS, to be precise--a LOT!

“Done.” Teddy nods. “The guys picked up a few from betting on the RAT FIGHTS-- you’ll get ‘em once you crack the case.”

THAT makes you giggle. Straightening your posture, you raise an eyebrow in the security goon’s direction. Maybe he misunderstood, you spit. You want an ADVANCE!

“Collateral--I getcha!” Teddy replies, gesturing to one of his goons. “Murph, give her your share.”

“B-but Ted-”

Murph’s objection is promptly smothered by a withering look from the group’s lead dog. Muttering something under his breath, the Rent-A-Cop reluctantly places a handful of PONGOS in your outstretched hand. TEN, to be precise!

CURRENT PONGOS (NOT INCLUDING PAULIE CREDIT AND FACTORING IN YOUR BOWTIE PURCHASE): 62!

A low chuckle escapes from your mouth as you pocket your advance. Yes, you hiss, that will do just fine…

“You’ll get more once the job’s done, of course.” Teddy explains as a grumbling Murph returns to the fold. “Anything else?”

Yes, you snarl, they’d better start looking for PALM FRONDS! and GRAPES!

“Wh-wha?”

“W-we can discuss that later, right Stan?” Syb intervenes, shooting you a hard look. “What about more information?”

Fine, you huff, but don’t think for a second that you’re letting that go!

>CONTD.

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>>4931130
“Not much else we can tell ya.” Teddy grunts, shrugging his broad shoulders. “But we’ll try.”

Pushing off of the tunnel wall, you briefly lament Talbot’s absence--besides being imposing he’d make a great seat right about now! In any case, you start with the usual stuff: when did this crap begin, anyways?

“About a day ago.” Diles reports. “Everyone assumed it was just an ambush, you know? Then it happened again.”

“No sign of equipment malfunction.” O’Toole cuts in. “We’ve been triple-checking before going out on patrols. Can’t speak for the refugee squads, but…”

“But we’ve lost patrols already.” Teddy concludes. “The boneheads don’t worry about subtlety--hell, they seem to like letting us call for help. This, though…” the guard hesitates, “this just feels different.”

“You mentioned it was occurring near THE LODGE,” Art muses. “You mean close by topside, right?”

“Exactly.” Teddy nods. “We’ve tried to keep a low profile above ground so that the skeletons can’t track us down here, but…”

But it’s not a good sign when people are disappearing next to a SECRET BASE, is it? That earns an irritated sigh from you--if TIM and his jerks attack your BRAND-NEW VIP BUNKER…

“Err, exactly.” Teddy confirms. “If these are happening next to the base, that might mean someone knows we’re here. Or something.”

“And you said there’s no sign of a struggle?” Tucker asks, rubbing his beard in contemplation.

“Nope.” Diles answers, shaking his helmeted head. “We tracked down the vehicle of the first team to go missing--keys were still in the ignition.”

“If they were looters they would have taken the wheels, right?” Art sighs, rubbing his temples.

“Yep.” Diles nods. “Weapons, ammo, supplies--all of it was still there. Looked like the guys went for a smoke break or something.”

“Doesn’t matter if it’s a smoke or a piss,” Teddy retorts, “You bring a weapon with ya.” The leader of the pack looks at you expectantly. “So,” he sighs, “anything else?”

Yea, you begin, one more thing...

>CONTD.

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>>4931137
It’s a long shot, you frown, but you need to explore every possibility--have they… You pause to gulp down the lump growing in your throat, have they checked the SEWERS?

“Wh-Well, yea...” Teddy stammers as he gives you a quizzical look. “One of the other entrances to this base is down there… Why?”

“Stan, don’t.” Syb growls, prompting you to glare her way. She’s sticking her head in the sand, damn it! This fits their M.O completely!

“Is this about those SEWER MUTANTS you always talk about?” Gus asks, dodging your attempt to cover his mouth!

“Of course it is.” Syb huffs, staring daggers at you. “And even if they WERE real, Stan, how would these people know they were behind it?”

It… It all adds up… You whisper, clenching your fist.

“No,” Syb sighs, “No it doesn’t.”

She’ll see. They’ll ALL see!

“Errr… Anyways,” Teddy mutters, “You mind keeping a look out? We’ll let you know if anything else comes up.”

You frown. Seems like that’s all the info you’re gonna get unless you have something more SPECIFIC to ask… Is it really time to add another SIDEQUEST to your list, though?

What say you?
>FINE, I’LL CHECK IT OUT. EVENTUALLY.
>NAH, GET ANOTHER CHUMP TO DO IT.
>HOLD ON, GOT ANOTHER QUESTION! (WRITE-IN)
>WRITE-IN

>>4931143
>>FINE, I’LL CHECK IT OUT. EVENTUALLY.

PONGOS or bust!

>>4931143
>FINE, I’LL CHECK IT OUT. EVENTUALLY.

>>4931147
>>4931161
>QUEST ACCEPTED!
WRITING!

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Taking your COMPANY-ISSUED BLACKBERRY from your pocket, you reluctantly tap some new SIDEQUEST INFO into your TO-DO LIST and groan--at this rate you’ll hit Thread 50 before this is over!

TO-DO LIST UPDATED! CHECK OUT THE NIFTY PASTEBIN FOR DEETS!

Stuffing your COMPANY-ISSUED BLACKBERRY back into your pocket, you let out a resigned sigh--you can’t promise it’ll be your #1 priority, but you’ll keep your eyes peeled.

“That’s all I ask.” Teddy sighs as his posture becomes more relaxed. “We know you’ve got bigger fish to fry, Stanley, but… We appreciate it. A lot.”

“Glad to see you’re beginning to learn your lesson.” Syb adds, staring at the group with a hard expression.

“Yea, thanks for the cold shower.” Teddy chuckles. “We’re all dealing with what’s going on topside in different ways, but me an’ the boys don’t wanna be part of the problem any more… Maybe… Just maybe... We can get back on track and be part of the solu-”

“HIT THE DECK, STAN!”

Ly’s gotten you out of harm’s way with lines like that more times than you can count, so when you hear a voice telling you to duck, you DUCK! Dropping to the sticky booze-soaked concrete, you watch in awe as a BIG SLURP SODA CUP hurtles through the air and lands with a dull ’THUNK’ into the side of Teddy’s mask-covered jaw!

Glancing from where it came from, you watch in awe as the pint-sized camera girl Kiki prepares to toss another soda while a security-armored blur rushes down the hall towards you! Before he or his gang can register what’s happening, Teddy lets out a faint ‘oof’ as your pal Mitzi dropkicks the guard in the solar plexus and sends him tumbling to the grimy floor like a sack of potatoes!

“LET’S TANGO!” She roars, regaining her footing almost immediately! Putting herself between you and the group of security guards, Mitzi adopts a fighting stance as Kiki forms up next to her with a fresh soda to toss!

“... Dis’ is gonna be awkward, isn’t it?” Ly mutters. Probably.

>CONTD.

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>>4931293
Several minutes of catching Mitzi and Kiki up and a few frantic apologies later, you find yourself waving to Teddy and his crew as the man in question sends a lazy salute your way.

“We’ll keep in touch, kid!” He shouts, still clenching where Mitzi’s boots impacted on his chest. “Be safe out there!”

As his entourage leaves the way you came, Mitzi and Kiki approach your team with sheepish looks on their mask and hood-obscured faces.

“Er… Sorry, Stan.” Mitzi mutters apologetically. “Didn’t know if Kiki and I were wandering into a scrap agai-”

You interrupt Mitzi with a finger to her filter--Not. One. More. WORD. Motioning for everyone to follow, you briskly stroll away from the cursed tunnel and don’t stop until you reach the COMMONS PLAZA AND ENTRANCE. Looking over your shoulders for any sign of any other familiar people, you relax a bit when your search fails to bear fruit. Okay, you sigh, now she can talk!

“Busy shopping trip, huh?” She asks, cocking her helmeted head to the side. Art answers for you.

“You could say that… Looks like Stan’s making a name for herself.”

You feel your cheeks heat up, if only just a little bit. Y-yea r-right! It was always like this for you! Couldn’t keep the people off of ya!

“Uh-huh.” Art grunts, turning his attention back to Mitzi. “So what did you guys end up grabbing?”

As if on cue, Kiki holds out two shopping bags for the group to see! Peeking inside, your eyes are treated to items you’d normally expect for a beach trip!

“Knowing our luck we’re probably gonna have to hit the water eventually.” Mitzi shrugs, removing a pair of FLIPPERS for the whole group to see. “Got everyone a pair, along with some DIVING KNIVES.”

Showing off her own sturdy blade, Mitzi distributes the rest of the knives to the crew.

“Grabbed another FIRST AID KIT too.” Mitzi grunts, holding up a red plastic container. “Waterproof, of course.”

“You really think we’re gonna need all this?” Gus asks, holding his new knife up to the bunker’s lights. Mitzi crosses her arms in response.

“Given our luck so far? I damn near bought the whole store.”

Not wanting to be left out, Kiki holds up a few boxes of snacks, too: CORN BARS, FREEZE-DRIED PICKLES, and a healthy amount of DINO CRISPS! YESSS!

INVENTORY PASTEBIN UPDATED!

“Nice!” Eddie grins, taking a CORN BAR for himself! “Anything else?”

Kiki looks at Mitzi expectantly, but the guard shakes her head. “N-nope! I owe you a BIRTHDAY GIFT though, Art--drinks are on me once this shitshow blows over.”

“Looking forward to it.” Art grins. “In that case, we ready to hit the road?”

>CHOICES IN NEXT POST!

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>>4931294
ARE you? Not a bad idea--who knows who else you’ll run into if you hang around here any longer… This place is cursed, man…

>TO THE VAN! WE’RE BURNIN’ DAYLIGHT!
>LET’S SEE IF DR. DEVON CAN SPARE ANY MEDICAL CRAP!
>I KINDA WANNA TRACK DOWN BLUMENKRANTZ FIRST…
>WRITE-IN

>>4931300
>TO THE VAN! WE’RE BURNIN’ DAYLIGHT!
FISH FISH FISH FISH

>>4931300
>TO THE VAN! WE’RE BURNIN’ DAYLIGHT!

>>4931303
>>4931324
>TO THE VAN!

WRITING!

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If time is money, you reply, then you’re gonna… Um… Need more of it soon. Yea.

Not wanting to stick around for your team’s stupid quips, you motion for everyone to follow you--it’s about time you got this COLLEGE ROADTRIP started!

The road back to the surface is, compared to the last hour or so, relatively uneventful. There was an intense moment on the MAIN LIFT where Mitzi dared Eddie to stand on the edge of the elevator, but aside from that, no one seemed to give you much trouble!

“Take care out there.”

With your mind practically on autopilot, you barely notice the ARRIVALS CHECKPOINT guard waving to you and your posse as you pass through! Stopping abruptly and nearly causing a chain of collisions with your pals, you give the guard a friendly wave before continuing to the elevator.

Heading up through THE BARRIER surrounding the base, this time Gus and Art are ready and manage to grab you and Syb mid-collapse. You still feel a little woozy by the time you creep by the SECURITY STATION’S front desk, Mitzi’s pal Derek still grumbling profusely.

You scarcely have time to emerge into the midday sun before two massive gloved hands scoop you into a hug! CHRIST!

“D’aww, he missed you.” Mitzi remarks, watching with a bemused look on her face as your twelve-foot tall freak of nature spins you around before gently putting you back down. Waiting for the world to stop spinning, you give Talbot a devious look. You’ve got a GIFT for him, after all!

While the rest of your team leaves to get the van ready, you retrieve the BOWTIE you bought down below and hide it behind your back. As the behemoth stands in front of you with an eager look in his eye, you dramatically reveal your gift for him to see.

“S-STAAAAAAAAAN….” He drones, gently plucking the accessory from your outstretched hands.

“I think he likes it, cupcake!” Ly chuckles, putting a smile on your face as well! Your expression falters a bit, however, when the big guy opts to just stand in place with the BOWTIE in his open palm. Err… What do?

>PUT IT IN HIS POCKET!
>PUT IT AROUND HIS HOOD!
>PULL BACK HIS HOOD AND PUT IT AROUND HIS NECK!
>TIE IT AROUND HIS HEAD LIKE A BOW!
>WRITE-IN

>>4931402
>>PULL BACK HIS HOOD AND PUT IT AROUND HIS NECK!

Let's give our boi the DRIP

>>4931402
>PULL BACK HIS HOOD AND PUT IT AROUND HIS NECK!
Taldrip

>>4931402
>PULL BACK HIS HOOD AND PUT IT AROUND HIS NECK!

>>4931418
>>4931428
>>4931444
>DO IT PROPER!

WRITING!

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You plant your hands on your hips as you let out a weary sigh--this guy…

Taking the BOWTIE from his still-outstretched hand, you motion for Talbot to get lower to the ground. Bowing his head lower, the colossus drops to his knees when you make it clear that he’s still TOO DAMN TALL.

Once he’s finally in your height range, you unclasp the ribbon on the back of the accessory and stretch it out--something tells you he’s gonna have a pretty wide neck. As you move to put it on, however, a realization itches at the back of your mind--say what you will about Talbot, he’s gonna look REALLY dorky if you put the BOWTIE around his hood.

“Well.. Yea.” Ly scoffs. “Da’ tried an’ true method is ta’ put it around your neck.”

Alright, smartass! Watch and learn! Reaching for Talbot’s hood, you tumble backwards as he recoils from your grasp and grips his jacket’s hood tight! Snarling as you regain your footing, you can’t help but glare at the giant--what gives!?

“NO…..” He booms, shaking his head emphatically. “NOOOO….”

Raising an eyebrow his way, you feel your glare soften a bit--what’s the deal here?

“He’s not uh…” Ly mutters under his breath, “Embarrassed, is he?”

Talbot watches you with a fearful look in his remaining eye, making sure to keep his hood out of your range. Blinking in confusion, you cover your mouth to hide your surprise--holy crap, Ly might be right!

“Well dat’s unfortunate.” Ly huffs, emerging from your body in his ASTRAL PROJECTION FORM. “Da’ embarrassment, dat’ is. Not me bein’ right.”

Yea, you groan, thank heavens. Biting your lip, you try to come up with solutions--if you don’t hurry your gang will descend into CHAOS without you!

“Da’ big guy’s fingers look too big for him ta’ do it himself…” Ly muses, taking a seat on the pavement next to you. “Though I COULD try ta’ possess da’ guy for a sec…”

Rubbing your chin, you give Ly’s idea a nod--it’s certainly a solution… That being said, is it the best one? Why the heck do you care so much, anyways!? Feeling a stinging pain grow inside of your head, you run a hand through your hair impatiently and consider a few TACTICS.

>HAVE LY POSSESS HIM!
>TRY TO CONVINCE TALBOT!
>YOU’RE FASTER--JUST HOP UP AND GET THE BOWTIE ON!
>WRITE-IN

>>4931489
>>TRY TO CONVINCE TALBOT!

Use your trademark PUPPY DOG EYES. No man, beast, or convoluted science experiment can say no to those!

>>4931489
>TRY TO CONVINCE TALBOT!
Possession is reserved for bad beans, Talbot is a very good bean

>>4931489
>TRY TO CONVINCE TALBOT!

>>4931489
>TRY TO CONVINCE TALBOT!

Sorry folks, tonight got busy--should have an update for ya around SUNDAY 11-12PM PST! Thanks for being patient and for giving BONES QUEST a try!

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>>4931490
+1
Let's go for the siren or whatever later, we can all turn into sharks and beat her ass

>>4932046
See, THIS is what we like to call 'Using the ole' noodle, folks. Also the image of Shark Stan scares the living crap outta me. I love it.

>>4931490
>>4931491
>>4931503
>>4931543
>>4932046
>CONVINCE!

Sorry for the lateness, folks, barely slept a wink last night. WE WRITIN', THOUGH

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Despite your best efforts, it’s hard to stay frustrated at Big T when he looks at you like a kid at the doctor’s office about to get a shot. Despite your… tumultuous introduction, you can’t deny that he’s been a good sport lately--hell, he’s done much more for you than the other jerks have.

Moreover, despite his appearance, you still have the guy’s JOURNAL tumbling around your pockets… He was a janitor too--hell, this could have been YOU! He responds to commands well enough--who’s to say there isn’t still a sliver of your MOP BROTHER hiding behind this ghoulish exterior? Wait a minute... W-what if he was HOT?!

The more you think about it, the softer your expression becomes, prompting the giant to ease up a little bit. Looks like now’s your best chance to convince him--any later and you just know Art’s gonna start honking the horn…

ROLL 1d100+10 to convince Big T! I’ll take the BEST OF 3 ROLLS! Don’t forget to include SPECIFIC STRATS if you want a better chance of success!

Rolled 71 + 10 (1d100 + 10)

>>4932431

Puppy dog eye attack! Go!

Rolled 40 + 10 (1d100 + 10)

>>4932431

Rolled 70 + 10 (1d100 + 10)

>>4932431
+1 to >>4932439 strat

Also my power went out, so in case my ID changed I'm this guy >>4931503

>>4932439
>>4932464
>>4932663
>HIGHEST ROLL: 80!

You rolled, I'll write!

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When it comes to words, you’re not…. Uh… You can’t… Erm… You can’t always make them, uh… good. That’s okay, though--besides your PARKOUR SKILLS, NATURAL LEADERSHIP ABILITY, STREET SMARTS, AND ROCKIN’ BOD, you’ve also been blessed with the ability to ALWAYS get what you want…

Sometimes.

You don’t like using it often--sometimes it feels like cheating! It’s either that or crying though, and that hasn’t worked out for you so well in the past few days…

You begin by planting your feet shoulder-length apart and crossing your arms--no one can resist a good POWER STANCE. Next, you look away from the giant’s face, prompting him to cock his head to the side with concern. Yes, you chuckle inwardly, all according to plan…

“Oh dang, here it comes!” Ly whispers with mirth in his voice. Wait for it!

Closing your eyes tight, you pause for a moment--it all comes down to this! You count out five heartbeats, then STRIKE!

Turning your head and opening your eyes wide in one fluid motion, you assault Talbot with one of your FORBIDDEN TECHNIQUES: PUPPY DOG EYES!

The ex-hitman recoils at the sight of your widened eyes and quivering lip--the look that got you out of a dozen tickets!

… Okay, one or two. Still, though!

Talbot tries to look away, but it’s too late--like an exceptionally cute car accident, he just can’t look away from you! Your claws firmly sunk into his emotional skin, you go straight for the jugular!

P-please, Talbie… L-let me put on the bowtie….

As the words effortlessly drift from your mouth to where the giant’s ears used to be, you see something crack in his remaining eye. If you had X-Ray vision right now and he still had a heart, you’d swear you could see it burst! With a resigned groan, Talbot stoops back down to your level and leans forward inviting you to remove his coat’s hood.

JACKPOT.

“Sometimes ya’ freak me out, cupcake.” Ly mutters under his breath. “And by ‘sometimes’ I mean ‘a lot.’”

>CONTD.

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>>4932904
The mental battle won, you swiftly realize that while you tango with Talbot here, the others have no doubt already taken your favorite seats in the van! You’re not gonna sit in the middle, damn it, especially if Art starts another rant about that shitty anime again!

Reaching for Talbot’s hood as politely and carefully as you can manage in your current state of mind, you feel your bodyguard flinch a bit as your hands grip the coat’s thick material. What’s his deal?!

“Maybe he’s a little sh-”

Before Ly can finish his thought, the two of you are interrupted by a shakier groan than usual from Talbot:

“NOT….. ME…..”

You almost lose your grip as the words ring out from where you assume the bodyguard’s lips are. Was that TWO words?!

“NOT….. ME…..”

Looking you in the eye as he repeats himself, you feel Talbot tense up as you push back his hood revealing….

… Well, a skeletal head. One wrapped in metallic skin, sure, but still bony. Catching you staring, Talbot’s remaining eye looks towards the ground to avoid your gaze.

“NOT….. ME….”

It takes you a moment to realize you still have the BOWTIE in your hands. As you cautiously wrap the ribbon around his neck, your mind wanders a bit. If your places had been swapped, would he try to give you your mind back? Would you even want it? T’s durability has been helpful, sure, but good luck getting a date with that!

Talbot stares at you for a moment, then resumes avoiding your gaze. CRAP, did you say that out loud?

Now YOU’RE the one sweating! Feeling your fingers fumble on the BOWTIE’S clasp, you struggle to come up with something to say! Ly, you could use a hand here!

“Nuh-uh.” Your skeleton harrumphs. “You made ya’ bed, kid--now ya’ gotta sleep in it!”

You’ll nap later! Right now you’ve gotta say something to cheer Talbot up! The question is, WHAT?!
>TELL HIM HE’S BETTER THIS WAY!
>REASSURE HIM THAT YOU AREN’T FREAKED OUT!
>PROMISE YOU’LL CURE HIM OR SOMETHING!
>COMPLIMENTS! GUYS LOVE THAT CRAP... YOU THINK!
>WRITE-IN

>>4932908
I don't know this guy's backstory, but headpats and a kiss on the forehead from a cute girl should work wonders right?

>>4932914
>>COMPLIMENTS! GUYS LOVE THAT CRAP... YOU THINK!

Not sure how we could go about curing a metal-skeleton man, but we should tell him he looks like a badass!

Also gonna +1 this >>4932916

>>4932916
>>4932935
>COMPLIMENTS AND AFFECTION!
The winning combo! Writing!

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You’re not sure if it’s regret, empathy, or your famous WOMAN’S INTUITION, but something about the resigned look on Talbot’s exposed face creates a pit in your stomach--one that you know isn’t gonna go away until you make things right!

You start by clearing your throat to get his attention, which you get, of course. Then you ask him a question: does he remember the LAB? The one where he joined THE GANG? The giant nods. Good!

Whatever expression was on your face before, it’s promptly replaced by an annoyed scowl. If that’s the case, you growl, what the hell is he embarrassed about? For a second it looks like Talbot’s about to say something, but too late--you cut him off!

So WHAT if he looks different?! You shout! When everyone was ready to run, he was willing to stay behind and fight those GELETON things to buy you time! When you made your escape from the lab, he CARRIED you! And RAN the whole way!

You watch as the embarrassment slowly drains from Talbot’s bony face, but you ain’t done yet, damn it! When you lost your eye, he gave you his own! Not even a normal one, either--one that shoots LASERS! When everyone was sneaking into the dam, he was fighting an army! By the time you were done inside, he had a tank shell stuck in his back! Let’s see Art or Eddie try THAT trick!

“Tell em’, cupcake!” Ly hoots!

The look on your bodyguard’s face tells you that he’s not sure where you’re going with this, but he’s invested! Getting drawn into your own speech, you grab the side of the giant’s head with your hands and stare him straight in the eye! He might not look like one of the guys, eat chips like your pals, or even fit into the van, but you know one thing for sure: he’s a boneafide BADASS! And you… You’re just…

Ah, screw it.

Pulling Talbot closer to you, you lean forward and give him a quick, but legit, KISS on his metallic forehead! Pulling away with a smile, your cheeks grow warm as you see a very human goofy grin plastered on the giant’s face!

“S...STAAAN…”

Taken off-guard by his reaction, you swiftly clasp the BOWTIE into place around his neck with a satisfying ‘CLICK!’ Seeing that you’re in the clear, you quickly spin around to avoid looking at the behemoth’s grinning face!

“You good, cupcake?” Ly asks, a hint of amusement in his voice. “You’re redder than a beet!”

D-DUH! You snap! I-It was just a pep-talk! Guys always feel better after a kiss on the forehead--look it up, moron!

“Uh-huh.” Ly retorts. “An’ I’m da’ Prince of Wales.”

>CONTD.

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>>4933065
Yea, you retort, and you’re the Queen of Dolphins! Now if he’s done freaking out over a friggin’ PEP-TALK, you’ve got a seat in the van to cla-

Just when you’re about to finish putting Ly in his place, you feel two massive hands clasp around your shoulders! Before you can break free, you find yourself lifted into the air!

“STAAAAAAAN!”

Struggling to break free, you manage to bite one of Talbot’s hands a few times before he spins you around to face him!

“STAAAN…. GOOOOD…”

Grinning from ear to… well, where his ears used to be, Talbot gently places you on the ground before gently patting you on the head. Taking a few steps back, the giant puffs his chest out for you to check out his brand new BOWTIE! Rubbing your chin as you take in the sight, you gotta admit--it suits him!

“Seconded!” Ly agrees, borrowing your hand to extend a thumb of approval! With one last toothy grin, Talbot pulls the hood over his head. Right, you sigh, time to find the ot-OOF!

“Let’s GO ALREADDDDYYY!!!”

The sound of Art shouting at you does little to prepare you to dodge the empty soda can that smacks you in the side of the head. Stumbling a few steps in surprise, you stare daggers at the suped-up armored van that pulls up at your side, Art sitting in the driver’s seat like he owns the damn thing. You’re dealing with TEAM CRAP! They can wait!

Before you can toss the can back at him, Gus coasts over on his SIDECAR’D DELIVERY BIKE and looks at you expectantly. “So,” he remarks, “who you ridin’ with?”

Oh right, you have options now!
>YOU’RE RIDING IN THE VAN!
>YOU’LL RIDE IN GUS’ SIDECAR!
>TALBOT CAN CARRY YOU! HE KEPT PACE BEFORE!
>WRITE-IN

On that note, folks, I’m gonna have to call it--didn’t get much sleep last night and this update took me way too long to whip up. I should be ready with another update around MONDAY, 11-12PM PST! Sorry about the few posts today--I’ll get some more in tomorrow, honest!

>>4933067
>>YOU’RE RIDING IN THE VAN!

>>4933067
>TALBOT CAN CARRY YOU! HE KEPT PACE BEFORE!

Talbot chads rise up

>>4933067
Van for Stan

>>4933067
>TALBOT CAN CARRY YOU! HE KEPT PACE BEFORE!

>>4932904
How did Stan fakecry form her cybernetic eye?
Also as the anon who got Talbot in the personality quiz: aaw
>>4933067
YOU’LL RIDE IN GUS’ SIDECAR!

>>4933164
Tears are come out of tear ducts, which are separate from the eye.

>>4933067
Talbot can carry us!

>>4933164
Anything's possible in BONES QUEST!
>>4933213
Though this guy's totally right.

>>4933069
>>4933085
>STAN IN DA' VAN

>>4933084
>>4933115
>>4933331
>TREK WITH TALBOT!

>>4933164
>YOU LIKE THE BIKE!

Looks like Talbot wins it. Writing!

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Using that EMU LEGS BONEUS you nearly forgot you had, you hop effortlessly onto Talbot’s shoulder. Does that answer his question? The delivery man nods.

“Yep.”

“Might not be a bad idea, actually…” Art grumbles. “The fastest route to the university is on the main road to the North, but that’s gonna take us close to the NATIONAL GUARD DEPOT and the POLICE STATION…

“Those places are crawlin’ with boneheads.” Gus agrees. “We’ll keep an eye out though, right Stan?”

He’d better believe it, you reply, winking your LASER EYE a few times for emphasis! When you’re certain that Gus got your joke, you motion for everyone to saddle up! They’d better not even think of pulling over for a restroom break on the way!

“Err, before we go--” Tucker mutters from the now-open back of the van, “Those containers of that DISSOLVE-EVERYTHING-BUT-BONE chemical are still in the back.”

You frown. SO?!

“The nerd can’t take a look at ‘em if we take ‘em with us, Stan.” Mitzi explains, poking her head out next to Tucker’s. Riiiiiiiight! Man, you really need to take more notes, or something!

“Should we just hide ‘em here?” Eddie asks, peeking out below Mitzi. “Kiki saw some pretty nifty cardboard lying around!”

“This area is regularly patrolled by security, Eddie.” Syb counters, peering out of the back of the van below the others. “Perhaps taking it with us is the best solution.”

“We are going to a university…” Tucker thinks aloud. “If any of the professors are still alive we could get them to look at it…”

“Never know when you’re gonna need FLESH-EATING CHEMICALS….” Mitzi shrugs. “Whatever we do, you might wanna let THE GEEK know before we hit the road, boss.”

You nod--Denise will go into convulsions if she thinks the chemicals have been stolen. The question is, what should you do with them?

>HIDE ‘EM HERE! SECURITY WON’T LOOK BEHIND PARKING LOT CARDBOARD--THAT’S GROSS!
>TAKE IT! COULD BE USEFUL!
>WRITE-IN!

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>>4933841
>>WRITE-IN!

We should have Blumenkrantz's goons come up here and take it specifically to Denise. No way no how we're letting this crap get into any other party's hands.

>see captcha
>sides= in orbit

>>4933841
Supporting >>4933849

>>4933849
>>4933928
>SPECIAL DELIVERY!

Writing!

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Still perched on Talbot’s ample shoulder, you respond to your gang’s suggestions with a thoughtful nod--yes… Yes, those are all pretty good ideas…

Art lets out a sigh as he watches you from the driver’s window. “Here it comes…”

Don’t interrupt! They’re all pretty good ideas… FOR BABIES!

“See?”

Shut up, Art, you didn’t see that coming. Anyways, those ideas suck and here’s yours fresh off of the HOT LEADER IDEA GRIDDLE: how about you just have those corporate stooges deliver the goods to Denise personally? You’ve got a big day ahead--let the SCIENCE NERDS deal with the logistics!

The impromptu totem pole of heads peeking out from the back of the van gives you a spectrum of unimpressed looks. What?! It’s a good idea!

“N-nah, it’s a good idea, Stan!” Eddie mutters, “it’s just that uh… Weren’t we trying to keep GOOD BOY outta the loop on this?”

“We were.” Tucker nods. “Pretty sure we were worried about them using it in a bad way.”

UuuuuUuuughh! They just don’t get it, do they? Rolling your eyes for MAXIMUM ‘TUDE, you whip out your RADIO and shout Denise’s name a few times! If she’s stealing your bathtub you swear to god…

“Uh, think ya’ got da’ wrong frequency, kid.”

Whoops, sorry HAULIE PAULIE. You’d never shout at him!

“No sweat, baby. Seeya later!”

Muttering a quick ‘you too’ under your breath, you shrug at your onlookers. Whoops!

“Was that HAULIE PAULIE?” Art asks. “I miss that guy.”

Me too, you sigh... Me too.

>CONTD.

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>>4934104
Hastily twisting the radio’s frequency knob, you snarl the SCIENCE DWEEB’S name a few more times! DENISE!

“AAAAUGH!” The doctor’s shrill, squeaky voice is punctuated by the sound of something falling into water. “S-Stan! I-I th-thought you left already! Is everyth-thing okay?!”

Narrowing your eyes at the sound of running water in the background, you respond with a growl--for now, yea. She’s not in your SLICK BATHROOM, is she?

“N-nope!” Denise stammers as the running water grows fainter! “I-I’m j-just erm… B-BRUSHING MY TEETH! Yep!”

You could write a BOOK about how much you don’t care! Besides, you didn’t call about that, you snap! You’ve got some ORDERS!

“Of c-course!” replies the scientist! “Y-you can c-count on me!”

That remains to be seen, you grumble. Idly running a hand through your hair, you tell her that she needs to get some Rent-A-Cops to deliver those FLESH-EATING CHEMICALS you picked up from her MAD SCIENCE DEN to her! Dr. Venaas responds with a perplexed sputter!

“B-b-but I th-thought we were keeping that s-secret!”

B-b-but we ARE, you exclaim! The weak whine you hear over the radio tells you that she doesn’t share your optimism.

“I-It doesn’t SOUND like we are…”

That’s her problem, you retort, giving Mitzi a thumbs up that she promptly returns. She’s a smart cookie--she can just like… Lie and say the chemicals are booze or something! Easy!

“B-b-but wh-what if the guards d-don’t believe me?” She replies in a shaky voice.

Then she FIGURES IT OUT! Cripes, does she need you to write up an INSTRUCTION MANUAL or something? You didn’t need your LAB NOTES when you took out THREE LIEUTENANTS! Deal with it! OVER AND OUT!

“O-okay, dr-drive safe...”

Stuffing the radio back into your pocket, you let out a long, weary sigh. Academics!

>CONTD.

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>>4934106
“You uh…” Gus mutters as you glance back at your team, “You’re layin’ it on her pretty hard, huh?” You respond with a glare--not hard ENOUGH! Denise may look, sound, and smell pathetic, but don’t let it fool you: that snake played God all over Talbot here AND indirectly killed Art!

“Not my favorite trip to the woods.” Art agrees. “Anyways, now that that’s uh… settled, shall we mosey?”

You shall! Getting comfortable on Talbot’s shoulder, you point towards where you assume the road is and snap your fingers a few times--Art will lead, you, Gus, and Talbie will follow!

“And I’ll study that SPELL!” Syb adds, cackling eagerly as she disappears back into the van. Once the rest of the gang follows suit, your unorthodox wagon trail hits the road! Your first COLLEGE ROAD TRIP! Golly!

It takes a few minutes before you hit the main road, but hey, as far as minutes go, they’re pretty uneventful! In a surprising turn of events, the only thing you notice leaving the SECURITY STATION are a few GOOD BOY SECURITY PATROLS. Some of the guys even wave as you pass! How neighborly!

Smiling at the hot breeze blowing against your face, you scan the apocalyptic horizon for any signs of trouble as Talbot jogs alongside the van and Gus’ motorcycle.

“It’s quiet.” Ly mutters inside your jostling head. “Too quiet.”

DUH! You’ve been doing nothing but kicking skeleton butt for days, now--maybe they’re finally getting the hint!

As this next roll revealed, however, that was not the case.

ROLL ME 1d100 FOR NO REASON AT ALL--JUST CHECKING THE DICE SYSTEM, YEP! JUST IN CASE, THOUGH, I’LL TAKE THE BEST OF 3 ROLLS!

ALSO SINCE WE’RE ON THE TOPIC, PLEASE INCLUDE YOUR FAVORITE OUT OF THE FOLLOWING: SOLDIERS, BEASTS, PIRATES, OR MYSTERY BOX. THANKS FOR PARTICIPATING IN THIS TEST!

Rolled 10 (1d100)

>>4934107
mystery box :)

Rolled 21 (1d100)

>>4934107
Mystery box

Rolled 33 (1d100)

>>4934107
mystery box

Rolled 56 (1d100)

>>4934107
>MYSTERY BOX

I DON'T CARE IF WE'RE FUCKED, I'M ROLLING ANYWAYS

>>4934110
>>4934114
>>4934115
GREAT ROLLS LADS

>>4934110
>>4934114
>>4934115
>HIGHEST ROLL: 33

Congratulations! This test proves that at this moment you guys are pretty unlucky!

>>4934120
Not this anon, though. They get a Gold Star.

>>4934123
And this guy just kinda called people out. Pretty based, ngl

Writing! Hope you guys have a backup protagonist in mind!

>>4934157
Talbot to continue janitor protag lineage

>>4934183

>inb4 sewer mutants

>>4934157

Going to object on Talbot being the next janitor protag. Who wants a skeleton protag when you can have BORIS?!

Boris:
1. Can eat marrow
2. Has janky powers
3. We get an EPIC cast reshuffle

BORIS CHADS RISE UP

...i felt physical pain writing this.

>>4934183
He and Stan certainly do have a similar level of intelligence...

>>4934195
But who could resist playing as the TRUE BONES QUEST PROTAGONIST?

Seriously though: update coming up in a jiff.

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Sensing that you’re becoming too optimistic again, THE POWERS THAT BE opt to stomp the metaphorical sandcastle that is your day. Mere moments after expressing your thoughts to Ly, your conversation is cut short by the sound of something rocket-propelled whizzing past your face!

Before you can warn the rest of your convoy, the projectile connects with the pavement in front of you and erupts in a blinding flash of heat and light! As your face is peppered with bits of asphalt, you feel Talbot stumble beneath you!

Holding on for dear life, you do your best to squint through the dust and smoke kicked up by the military-grade ordnance that was just fired your way. Everyone oka-AAAACKK![/i]

A mouthful of dust swiftly cuts you off, but the squeal of tires at your side tell you all you need to know! As the smoke clears, you shoot a frantic glance at your side and are rewarded by a thumb’s up from Gus, his hog still purring!

Even better, the van doesn’t waste any time catching up either! Waving at you from the driver’s seat, Art does his best to shout over the roar of the engines!

“THE HELL WAS THAT?!”

Before you can respond, his answer screeches onto the road next to you--several answers, to be precise! Glancing behind Talbot, your eyes widen as you look upon a flock of cars covered in spiked scrap armor, welded-on turrets, and all sorts of post-apocalyptic decor!

That’s not what gets you, though. Just when you’re about to gear up for a LASER BLAST, a figure scrambles onto the turret of the vehicle closest to you!

“Stan,” Ly gasps, “Dat’s no skeleton!”

You’re inclined to agree. Unlike the marrow-rich freaks you’ve been fighting for days, the turret operator, his driver, and the rest of your pursuers are a bit too fleshy for your taste! Clad in shredded tires and sports equipment, the gunner swiftly loads a belt of ammo into the mounted gun before dramatically raising his meaty fists in the air!

“SOO WEEEEEEE! IT'S LOOTIN’ TIIIIIIIIIIIIME!”

Aw CRAP.

>CONTD.

File: Spoiler Image (330 KB, 1600x1200)

330 KB JPG

>>4934256
As the gunner’s fellow looters echo his cheer, you and your crew prepare for combat! Looking to Gus and the van, you’re pleased to see that the gang is already gearing up for a scrap--while Gus unholsters his SAWN-OFF SHOTGUN, the back of the van opens up revealing Kiki with a MACHINE GUN of her own flanked by Tucker, Eddie, Mitzi, and Syb!

Not one to be left out, Talbot spins around and begins jogging backwards before looking to you for instructions. The others seem to have things figured out, but what the hell are you gonna do?

>FRY ‘EM UP WITH SOME EYE LASERS!
>YOU HAVE A ROCKET LAUNCHER, RIGHT? TRY THA

An ear-piercing shriek from above followed by a road-spanning shadow tells you that your decision will have to wait. Sensing a bigger fish, the looter cars dart off the road into whatever shelter they can find--garages, busted storefronts, umbrellas. Watching them scatter, you barely hear Syb shouting at you from the back of the van!

“LOOK OUT, STAN!”

Opting instead to look up, your curiosity is rewarded by a set of the biggest talons you’ve ever seen--and you’ve seen a lot! Attached to them is a massive skeleton--one unlike anything you’ve seen up close! It takes you a minute before it hits you: this is one of those things that took down that news chopper back in the first few threads! Oh CRAP! Swooping down upon you with its colossal bony wings, the beast rattles your eardrums with another shriek before closing in for the kill!

As your team opens fire on the flying monstrosity, Talbot attempts to dodge to the side, but it’s too late! Perched on his shoulder with nowhere to go, you’re a sitting duck as the skeleton snatches you up and quickly ascends out of the van crew’s firing range! Feeling your heart, lungs, and stomach plunge deeper into your body, you flail like a squirrel falling off of a power line as the beast takes you skyward!

Watching your pals and the road grow smaller below you, it quickly dawns upon you just how high up you are. You’re not sure if this thing plans on eating you or dropping you, but one thing’s for certain:

This would be absolutely RADICAL if you weren’t probably about to die!

“STAN!” Ly shouts as you approach the cloudline, “WE GOTTA DO SOMETHIN’!”

Springing into action, you retrieve your CELLPHONE from your pocket and bring it close to your face! SELFIE TIME!

“NO, DAMN IT!” Ly shrieks as you snap a few photos, “SOMETHIN’ USEFUL!”

Stowing your phone in your pocket, you respond with an exaggerated ‘PSSSH!’ Making memories is ALWAYS useful, Ly!

Now that he mentions it, though, you really oughta do something. Preferably before this dragon thing does. What’s the plan?

>ZAP ‘EM WITH A LASER!
>SLICE FREE WITH YOUR CLAWS!
>YOU HAVE A ROCKET LAUNCHER SOMEWHERE, RIGHT? USE THAT!
>WRITE-IN

>>4934259
>>ZAP ‘EM WITH A LASER!

Aim for the head

>>4934259
>SLICE FREE WITH YOUR CLAWS!
Opportunity to ride a flying bone dragon?
Opportunity to ride a flying bone dragon.
The selfie is gonna wait until we get to the top

>>4934259
>SLICE FREE WITH YOUR CLAWS!

>>4934259
This wouldn't have happened if we rode in da van.

>>4934298
>>4934315

How about we claw our way up on top of it, if we just claw out we'll fall to our death.

>>4934259
>ZAP ‘EM WITH A LASER!

>>4934259
QM, this is a great mystery box.
fucking skeleton dragon.
Lasers, and then claws.
ALSO, we should probably activate our armor. This seems like a moment where you would want that specifically.

actually, couldn't we get Ly to possess the dragon?

>>4934376
Hey, you're the guys who chose it! We aim to please! I can certainly factor in your armor choice as well!

>>4934336
True, but riding on the shoulder of a twelve-foot-tall metallic skeleton hitman is pretty darn cool.

>>4934390
You can certainly try--looks like we're starting with breaking free, though!

>>4934266
>>4934370
>ZAP 'EM!

>>4934298
>>4934315
>>4934336
>>4934376
>CLAW FREE!

Looks like Stan's gonna CLAW FREE! PLEASE ROLL 1d100+5 TO CUT LOOSE! I'LL TAKE THE BEST OF 3 ROLLS!

Also, please include details of your escape: do you just wanna CLAW FREE AND DROP, or CLAW FREE AND CLIMB THE DRAGON? Thanks and good luck!

Rolled 49 + 5 (1d100 + 5)

>>4934422

>Claw
>Climb
>Activate Armor
>Selfie
>Drop (in style!)

no shit rolls this time

Rolled 88 + 5 (1d100 + 5)

>>4934422
see that dragon? you can climb it

Rolled + 5 (1d00 + 5)

>>4934431
+1ing this. Crap I keep missing the votes!

>>4934510

You missed your 100 there too, anon...

Rolled 97 + 5 (1d100 + 5)

>>4934518
>>4934510

Screw it, I'll just roll again

>>4934544
Hate to say it, anon, but I didn't ask for people to roll again--afraid I can't count this roll.

Nah, just messing with ya.

>>4934510
No clue what happened to this roll, though! Weird!

>>4934431
>>4934432
>>4934544
>Highest roll: 102!!!!!!

Writing the last update of the night!

>>4934585
What happened was I rolled a 100 but because it's Bones Quest it simply erased my roll

>>4934588
Dicelor works in mysterious ways...

File: yikessign.png (157 KB, 450x338)

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Feeling the beast’s claws close around you, a tiny, cobweb-covered switch flicks on inside your head! Wait a minute--this thing isn’t a dragon at all, is it?!

“Stan…”

It’ll only take a second, Ly--dragons are the ones with two legs, right? Or was that a wyvern? Crap…

“We’ll have plenty of time ta’ suss dat’ out once we’re back on solid ground!” Ly spits, sending a spike of pain through your skull! OW!

Wincing in pain, you get the impression that Ly’s getting irritated and opt to bust out! Wriggling an arm free of the creature’s talons, your plan runs into a snag when the beast banks upwards and takes both of you even higher in the air! As your stomach turns from the sudden dose of g-force, you feel your right arm come loose enough to free! With a devious chuckle, you extend your BONE CLAWS into the dragon’s ribs! Carving into them with a dull ‘THUNK’, your attack elicits a shriek of pain from the beast as you feel its grip loosen around you!

You let out a haughty laugh as you break free--not as tough as he looks, is he?!

“Err… Nice job an’ all, cupcake, but…”

Ly doesn’t need to finish his sentence--you’re only free for a second or two before gravity gives you a gentle reminder of its existence. Glancing downward like the cartoons you used to watch, it suddenly occurs to you that the dragon’s claws were the only things keeping you aloft. If you had a sign with the word ‘YIKES’ on it, you’d be holding it up right now!

Growing impatient with the narration, gravity sends you hurtling back down to the ground! Though you manage to hold onto your hat, you’d be lying if you said things didn’t look that bad right about now! Hey, you can see your parent’s house from here!

“Things are about ta’ get WORSE!”

Before you can unpack the meaning behind Ly’s warning, reality gives you a little boost: tumbling through the air like a ragdoll, your eyes pop out from their sockets as you spy the dragon looping around to your position from below! Though you try to ‘swim’ away from the beast’s rapidly-approaching maw, the beast proves to be much faster--if you don’t do something he’s gonna catch you like a piece of popcorn!

… Now that sounds good right about now…

>CONTD.

File: dagon.gif (4.86 MB, 400x225)

4.86 MB GIF

>>4934682
“No time ta’ think of food!” Ly howls! “DO somethin’!”

A few ideas come to mind, but none of them really fit with the whole ‘falling towards a dragon skeleton’s mouth at terminal velocity’ thing. Coming up blank, you know there’s only one thing left to do!

“Die?” Ly asks.

Not yet, you shout! You’re gonna do what you’ve done from the beginning: GO WITH THE FLOW! Your skeleton stays silent for a moment, then flicks your forehead with your own fingers! OW!

“Den’ go wit’ da’ flow FASTER!”

Well if he’s gonna get all fussy about it… Cracking your knuckles, you lock eyes with the dragon approaching from below--he might not have a digestive tract anymore, but you don’t plan on taking any chances in that mouth of his! Straightening your body like a javelin, you hold your breath as your streamlined form rushes towards the beast!

Inches away from its yawning maw, time slows to a crawl--the dragon’s glowing red eyes follow you every step of the way as you sail towards his mouth. It’s not until you can see the back of his mouth that you put your plan into motion!

With a cheeky grin, you flick the ‘switch’ in your mouth that activates your BONE ARMOR and laugh triumphantly as the chitinous material leaps from your tooth enamel and all over your body!

The dragon, of course, is understandably perplexed. So much so, in fact, that it barely alters its course as your armor’s new weight and proportions alter your trajectory just enough to send you towards the corner of the skeleton’s jaws!

Seeing your chance, you grit your teeth through the waves of pain pulsing through you and dig a handful of BONE CLAWS into the dragon’s cheekbone! Though it screeches in pain and dives to shake you off, you manage to sink your other set of claws in as well and hang on for dear life!

Twisting, diving, and banking all over the smoke-covered sky above your hometown, you miraculously manage to not only stay firmly-planted on the beast’s face, but also manage to keep the contents of your stomach down too! Not bad!

“Okay, we ain’t dead.” Ly thinks aloud. “Now what?”

You give your skeleton a disapproving smirk through your armor--whaddaya mean, ‘what’? What did he think this was all for?!

>CONTD.

File: selfietime.png (281 KB, 800x533)

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>>4934687
Before Ly can answer, you flick the ‘switch’ in your mouth and send your armor retracting back into your tooth! Fighting through the pain, disorientation, and wind whipping against your face, you somehow manage to retrieve your CELLPHONE from your pocket!

“Oh for cryin’ out loud…” Ly mutters under his breath as you get your face and the dragon’s head in the frame! Quit moping and get in the shot, man, it’s SELFIE TIME!

WHAT POSE OR EXPRESSION DO YOU MAKE WITH YOUR NEW PAL? FEEL FREE TO DESCRIBE OR DRAW--LORD KNOWS I CAN’T SKETCH TO SAVE MY LIFE!

>JUST SMILE! TRY TO LOOK NICE!
>KISSY FACE! SPICE IT UP A BIT!
>PEACE SIGN! THAT’S POPULAR, RIGHT?
>WRITE-IN

And that's all for tonight, folks! Should have more for ya on TUESDAY AROUND 11-12PM PST! Glad you guys chose the MYSTERY BOX this time around--hope you all can come up with some TRENDY POSES too! Hope to seeya next time!

>>4934690
>PEACE SIGN! THAT’S POPULAR, RIGHT?

>>4934690
>>PEACE SIGN! THAT’S POPULAR, RIGHT?

>>4934690
>JUST SMILE! TRY TO LOOK NICE!
Can't do a peace sign, we need one hand to hold on.

>>4934690
>KISSY FACE! SPICE IT UP A BIT!

>>4934690
>KISSY FACE! SPICE IT UP A BIT!

>>4934697
>>4934733
BOTH AT THE SAME TIME!

>>4934690
>Tongue out and absolutely lovin this shit

>>4934697
>>4934704
>PEACE!

>>4934705
>PROBABLY THE SMARTEST AND LEAST-DANGEROUS POSE GIVEN THE CURRENT SITUATION

>>4934733
>>4934762
>KISS KISS

>>4935032
>BOTH KISS AND PEACE

>>4935209
>TONGUE OUT AND LOVIN' THIS SHIT

In the interest of keeping shit going, we'll be doing the classic KISSY FACE PEACE SIGN COMBO! Writing!

File: stanself.png (162 KB, 800x650)

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So many ideas, so little time! Besides, sooner or later you’re gonna have to get off this wild ride--you can already tell Ly’s getting a bit cranky! With that in mind, you opt for the classic KISSY FACE AND PEACE SIGN COMBO--simple, sure, but reliable!

Say what you will about its attitude thus far, the dragon knows how to pose for a picture! They don’t even try to shake you off until you’re done snapping--that’s a PRO move right there! Taking a few moments to flick through your pics and delete the ones where you and the beast look fat, you eventually settle on one and stuff your CELLPHONE safely away in your pocket.

Sensing that selfie time is over, the dragon takes advantage of the moment to pull a corkscrew which, besides taking you by surprise, reminds you that you retracted your BONE CLAWS to take the picture. Handy though they may be, you’re not showing those off in a pic--they ain’t exactly dating app material, dig?

Oh, right, you’re about to fall again--better take care of that!

ROLL 1d100+5 TO REGAIN YOUR GRASP OF THE SITUATION! I’LL TAKE THE BEST OF 3 ROLLS!

Rolled 87 + 5 (1d100 + 5)

>>4935318

Rolled 37 + 5 (1d100 + 5)

>>4935318

Rolled 37 + 5 (1d100 + 5)

>>4935318

>>4935319
>>4935320
>>4935324
>HIGHEST ROLL: 92!

>>4935320
>>4935324
Pretty cool that you guys got the exact same roll, though. Freaky!

Writing!

File: dagfly.jpg (134 KB, 765x599)

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Fool me once, shame on you! Fool me twice...

You struggle to remember how the saying ends as you jam your BONE CLAWS into a bony crest near the back of the beast’s skull. Let’s see… fool me twice and… you’re a dick.

“Flawless.” Ly groans. “Are we done takin’ pics? If dis’ keeps up we’re gonna need a whole lotta’ luck ta’ survive da’ fall… Dat’ or a real big trampoline…”

You’ll add that to the gang’s shopping list once you’re on solid ground again! For now you’re clinging to the dragon for dear life--thankfully in an area where he can’t chomp on you! Just when you think you’re safe, though, the monster’s head dips to the side as it brings one of its colossal claws raking across the side of its skull! Darting out of harm’s way, you manage to regain your grip right when the dragon performs another barrel roll--this guy thinks he’s pretty smart, doesn’t he?

“He’s got da’ advantage until we fight back, cupcake!” Ly shouts! “How are we gonna deal wit’ dis’ thing?!”

How indeed? Whatever you do, you’d better do it quickly--your arms are getting sore! This is what you get for never working out…

>LASER BLAST THIS JERK IN THE HEAD!
>YOU STILL HAVE A GRENADE LEFT…
>BLAST HIS WINGS! SHOTGUN, ROCKET LAUNCHER, TAKE YOUR PICK!
>GET LY TO POSSESS HIM! IT WON’T BE EASY, BUT….
>WRITE-IN!

>>4935387
>GET LY TO POSSESS HIM! IT WON’T BE EASY, BUT….

>>4935387
>GET LY TO POSSESS HIM! IT WON’T BE EASY, BUT….

>>4935387
the dragon's been weakened, so we could probably possess it, even if we can't, it's easily the coolest option

>>4935387
>GET LY TO POSSESS HIM! IT WON’T BE EASY, BUT….

>>4935394
Weakened by what? We've barely scratched it a couple of times.

>>4935390
>>4935391
>>4935394
>>4935396
>POSSESSION!

>>4935394
Hate to say it, pal, but >>4935412
is right--besides making a few divots in its bones all you've really managed to do is hang on for dear life and get a sweet selfie out of it.

That said, this guy is basically in peak condition, so you're gonna take a bit of a penalty here. Good luck!

ROLL 1d100-10 TO TAKE CONTROL! I'LL TAKE THE BEST OF 3 ROLLS!

File: f190709f86ee05788a31bb982(...).jpg (27 KB, 287x512)

27 KB JPG

Rolled 75 (1d100)

>>4935431
>Assuming direct control

Rolled 60 - 10 (1d100 - 10)

>>4935431
COME ON 100

Rolled 46 - 10 (1d100 - 10)

>>4935431
LESSGOOOO

File: didyoujustassume.jpg (52 KB, 600x600)

52 KB JPG

>>4935436
>>4935437
>>4935442
>HIGHEST ROLL: 65!

I WILL DIRECT THIS PERSONAL'LY'.

Writing!

File: geddan.gif (967 KB, 400x280)

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Sifting through the rogue state’s-worth of weapons in your pockets, a sudden realization hits you like a truck! Digging your claws deeper into the dragon’s skull, you hang on by a thread as your ride starts flying upside-down! Gritting your teeth through the burning pain in your noodly arms, you shout Ly’s name a few times to get his attention!

“Still here, kiddo!” Ly reports, floating next to your dangling form as an ASTRAL PROJECTION. “Hangin’ in there?”

You’d punch him if your arms weren’t so tired. Trying your best not to look down, you raise a sweat-drenched eyebrow towards your skeleton’s ghostly form. He can still POSSESS stuff, right? The apparition nods.

“Sure I can, but-” now it’s his turn to be hit by the REALIZATION TRUCK! “Holy cow, Stan. Holy COW.”

Quit gushing about it and DO IT! You bark! Cracking his ASTRAL KNUCKLES, Ly cackles devilishly as he dips into the bone dragon’s skull! Whatever Ly’s doing, the dragon senses it--you scarcely have time to reinforce your grip before the winged terror starts flailing around like it just pissed on an electric fence!

Gritting your teeth against the g-force buffet you’re being served, you cling to one of the spikes protruding from the dragon’s skull and cling to it like a mechanical bull! Is Ly DONE YET?!

“W-WORKIN’ ON IT!” grunts a disembodied voice in your head! “DA’ RAT WAS MUCH EASIER TA’-”

Ly’s sentence is drowned out by a series of grunts from the dragon’s mouth! Sensing a change, the beast stops jerking around to glance at its claws giving you a chance to clamber to a more comfortable mount. Is uh… did Ly win?

“Y-yea?” replies a familiar voice in your head. “Holy cats, Stan… Dis’ is… Dis’ is NEAT!”

The dragon turns its massive head your way and gives you a wink. Sharing a mischievous laugh, the two of you shut up when you feel the now-familiar sensation of falling. Hanging on for dear life, you kick your heels into Ly’s massive vertebrae a few times--what’s he waiting for?! FLY!!!

“Err… U-un memento…” Ly mutters as he tests his new wings. Though he flaps with all his might, it does little to stop your rapid descent! Watching in horror as you see the city getting bigger and closer, your mind races with possible solutions!

>KEEP SCREAMING! IF YOU PANIC, LY WILL TOO! PANIC’S A GREAT TEACHER!
>THREATEN HIM! HE’LL PROBABLY HAVE TO SPEND THE AFTERLIFE WITH YOU, SO HE’D BETTER TRY HARD!
>ENCOURAGE HIM! YOU’RE NO FLYING COACH, BUT…
>WRITE-IN

>>4935525

>ENCOURAGE HIM! YOU’RE NO FLYING COACH, BUT…

We suddenly have a memory about some MindWorks movie about some scrawny viking kid and his pet dragon-- if he could teach his dragon to fly, so can we.

>>4935525
>ENCOURAGE HIM! YOU’RE NO FLYING COACH, BUT…

>>4935525
>ENCOURAGE HIM! YOU’RE NO FLYING COACH, BUT…
All he has to do is miss the ground, we already have a great track record for terrible aim. What's one more miss?

>>4935592
>>4935603
>>4935611
>ENCOURAGEMENT!

WRITING!

File: FirstTimeFlyerTips.jpg (53 KB, 467x623)

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You’ve never been much of a role model, nor have you ever claimed to be one. You might have given people advice on occasion, but aside from a few heated forum debates over optimal Blood-Sucking Freaks strats, you wouldn’t consider yourself much of a teacher.

That said, struggling to keep hold of the dragon and your cap while you all plummet towards certain doom, you decide that now’s a good of a time as any to coach Ly in FLYING 101. You’ll collect tuition assuming you make it out alive!

Relaying your plans to your skeleton-turned-dragon, you feel the beast nod its head.

“I’m listenin’!”

Tips! Right! Sticking your tongue out in concentration, you start with the first thing that comes to mind: his aim is shit, right?

“Pretty sure that’s your aim, cupcake!” He retorts, still frantically flapping his wings!

Cementics! Point is, you and him miss stuff all the time, right? All he needs to do now is miss the GROUND! Ly stops flapping for a moment to ponder your wisdom.

“... Maybe I should just let us splatter.”

Okay, not the best advice--read ya loud and clear! Still clinging to Ly for dear life, another light fizzles to life in your head--a memory of that MindWorks movie you saw in High School! You were pretty buzzed, sure, but it had something to do with dragons and uh… coaching them, right?

“Pretty sure dat’ was ‘HOW TA’ COACH YOUR WYRM’!” Ly muses! “Not much of a story, but it had its moments! I preferred da’ book, myself!”

Great, you holler! Then he can use that to fly! How’d that even work out in the movie anyways?

“Can barely remember!” Ly shouts as you both tumble through a smoky cloud! “You spent a lot of it in da’ bathroom pukin’!”

Huh. No wonder your mouth tastes sour right now… As your mind wanders back to that grimy theater bathroom, the morals and lessons of the movie come rushing back to you! Yes, you hiss as you duck a flock of pigeons, that’s it!

“W-what is!?” Ly asks, covering his new eyes with his claws!

The moral of the movie, you explain, was FRIENDSHIP! You think there might have been something about going against tradition somewhere, but you can’t quite recall. You’ll have to watch the movie again once this is all sorted out!

“... Sober?” Ly asks, peeking from behind his talons.

No promises. Anyways, you huff, How to Coach Your Wyrm is right, Ly--no matter what happens, you believe in him! He’s your skeleton, damn it--if anyone can learn to fly in a forced and contrived manner, it’s him!

“Ya’ know what?” Ly growls, removing his claws from his face, “You’re RIGHT!” Spreading his wings wide, Ly mimics the award-winning CGI-generated movements of the movie’s dragon co-star and dives through the clouds! No you IDIOT, you growl, he should be inspired to fly, not commit SUICIDE!

>CONTD.

File: Spoiler Image (32 KB, 640x295)

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>>4935788
As Ly carries both of you towards the ground, you take a moment to curse his name one last time--you’re not that spiritual, but if anyone’s going to Hell it’s HIM!

“Relax, cupcake!” He remarks in a confident tone! “No one’s goin’ ta’ Hell yet!”

Extending his wings as wide as they go, Ly pulls you both out of the suicide dive and up into the sky! Picking your jaw back up, you shoot an incredulous look at the possessed dragon’s eye! Ly, you mutter with disbelief, you’re FLYING!

“Dis’ ain’t flyin’!” Ly chuckles! “Dis’ is FALLIN’! WIT STY-”

Your moment with Ly is dashed to pieces by the sudden appearance of the CLEARWATER GENERAL HOSPITAL in your flight route, literally and figuratively. Exploding on impact, it takes your friends hours to find all of your pieces. If they weren’t so distraught by your swift and sudden demise, they might have appreciated the irony of a hospital killing you.

GAME OVER! Score: 1 out of 500 Points.
Restore
Restart
[Quit

File: aerialview.jpg (106 KB, 854x480)

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>>4935790
Okay, okay, we’ll keep going a little longer!

Smashing through the windows and masonry of the hospital’s upper levels, Ly manages to swerve away from the center of the building. Taking you higher amidst a shower of glass and hospital equipment, the dragon does a quick spin to clear his wings of clinging debris. Close call!

“You can say DAT’ again!” Ly sighs! “We didn’t hit anyone, did we?”

Picking up a piece of lingering detritus, you examine it closer and discover it’s a door plaque of some sort. Wiping off the dust and grime, you manage to make out the words ‘CANCER WARD.’

“WELL?!” Ly repeats, playfully dipping up and down in the air. Scoffing, you toss the plaque to the streets below. Nothing important, you reply, just some entitled bastards who apparently need a whole wing of a hospital! Typical Astrology Freaks--you bet those cultists have LEO and PISCES WARDS too!

“Didn’t Boris or someone evacuate dat’ place?” Ly asks. “Hope they got everyone out…”

Retracting your BONE CLAWS, you take a moment to regain your breath--that certainly took a year or two off of your lifespan!

“Those look like they could too.” Ly remarks, pointing his new head at the distant shadows of winged figures similar to his own. “Guess dat’ explains da’ lack of aircraft.”

Speaking of aircraft, you segue, remember that place? Ly follows your finger towards the colossal fortress hovering above the town surrounded by storm clouds and countless red dots--must be those FLYING SKULL things you saw when you astrally-projected. The dragon’s vertebrae shiver beneath you.

“How could I forget?” Ly mutters under his breath. “An’ take a look below it!”

Below Clearwater’s newest FORTRESS OF DOOM sits the reigning champ: CLEARWATER CITY HALL. The only difference is that you probably don’t have to pay for parking in TIM’S lair! Squinting a bit harder, though, you can just barely make out some sort of COLUMN OF LIGHT reaching all the way up to TIM’S FORT.

“Guess dat’s how they get BONES up to da’ fortress.” Ly guesses, snorting through his nonexistent nose. “Hope we still got time ta’ clean house before dat’ psycho collects da’ whole town…”

Speaking of ‘cleaning house’, you begin, you should use this dragon to your advantage! How long does Ly have control of it anyways?

“Couldn’t tell ya.” Ly swiftly replies. “Da’ rat I possessed earlier didn’t put up much of a fight, but dis’ guy… I dunno…”

In that case, you retort, you oughta’ use your time wisely! What’s the plan now, anyways?

>CHOICES IN NEXT POST!

>>4935794
You’ve got a pretty good view up here, and Ly could probably do some damage… Now that you think about it, can he breathe FIRE? Your pet dragon responds by coughing up a plume of rancid flames. “Probably!”

Bitchin’!

>SCOUT THE UNIVERSITY! MAYBE YOU CAN CLEAR THE PATH FOR THE OTHERS!
>AID YOUR PALS! THOSE LOOTERS MIGHT STRIKE AGAIN!
>CHECK THE COAST! ANY SIGN OF PIRATES OR SEA WITCHES?
>SCREW IT, LET’S ATTACK TIM’S FORT! IT MIGHT PISS HIM OFF A BIT!
>WRITE-IN

>>4935797
>SCREW IT, LET’S ATTACK TIM’S FORT! IT MIGHT PISS HIM OFF A BIT!

It's not a smart plan, but Stan ain't a smart girl. SPEEDRUN TIME

>>4935797

>SCOUT THE UNIVERSITY! MAYBE YOU CAN CLEAR THE PATH FOR THE OTHERS!
Let's put this dragon to not-quite-as-suicidal use

>>4935797
>>SCREW IT, LET’S ATTACK TIM’S FORT! IT MIGHT PISS HIM OFF A BIT!

Cause we're Stanley Fucking Parble and we do what we want.

>>4935797
>SCOUT THE UNIVERSITY! MAYBE YOU CAN CLEAR THE PATH FOR THE OTHERS!
As fun as going George W. Bush on Tim would be. It might not be the best plan. Although maybe we could have ly ditch control while aiming towards something important

I can sense this is a bit of a big decision and I'm also feeling a bit lightheaded, so I'm gonna take the rest of the night off and rest a bit. I'll check in again around 11-12PM PST ON WEDNESDAY and see if our tie is broken!

Thank you all for being so invested and hopefully I'll see you next time! Don't be afraid to change your vote if you like--nothing's set in stone yet!

>>4935797
>AID YOUR PALS! THOSE LOOTERS MIGHT STRIKE AGAIN!

>>4935878
I'll change to scout the university for the sake of not game-ending us I suppose

>>4935794
>>4935830
>AID YOUR PALS! THOSE LOOTERS MIGHT STRIKE AGAIN!
Lets try and help out the bois

>>4935797
>CHECK THE COAST! ANY SIGN OF PIRATES OR SEA WITCHES?

>>4935806
>>4935830
>>4936067
>UNIVERSITY!

>>4935825
>THE FORT!

>>4936059
>>4936188
>AID YOUR PALS!

>>4936453
>CHECK THE COAST!

>>4936067
Don't worry, man--I'm never gonna do a 'GOTCHA' and kill you guys with one choice. A few choices, however...

Anywho, WRITING!

File: radioetiquette.jpg (42 KB, 588x300)

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You take one last wistful look at TIM’S STUPID FORTRESS and sigh--as much as it would delight you to test your new ROCKET LAUNCHER on his pad, something tells you that’d be a waste of your dragon. He’ll get his…

“In dat’ case,” Ly interrupts, “Where to? I think I’ve got da’ hang of dis’ ‘flyin’’ thing now, but it’s gettin’ a bit hard ta’ concentrate…”

Your intel said that there were PIRATES at the UNIVERSITY-- might not be a bad idea to pay them a little visit before the others get there! Besides, you grin, what better way is there to tour a college than on top of a BONE DRAGON?

“Can’t argue wit’ dat!” Ly nods, banking towards what you assume to be CLEARWATER UNIVERSITY’S direction. “You gonna let da’ others know?”

Hey, you almost forgot about that! Retrieving your RADIO from your pocket, you quickly tune it to the frequency Denise and the others used during the Dam Operation and shout a few greetings into the receiver! DO YOU COPY?!

“AAAUGH!” Replies Denise amidst the sound of water sloshing around. “S-STAN! I-I-Still brushing my teeth!”

Quit brushing your teeth and get to WORK, you snarl! Besides, you wanted to talk to the others! Don’t any of them have a radio?

Moments later, you’re greeted by the sound of a chip bag crumpling. “Yo Stan, saw you train a dragon!” Grinning at Mitzi’s voice, you give the radio an unnecessary nod--yep, Ly’s taken control and you’re headed for the college!

“Oh dang, forgot he could do that!” She gasps. “Well those LOOTERS ran off, so Art’s sayin’ we’ll be right behind you as long as nothing else comes to get us.”

Before you can confirm, you hear the radio changing hands. “Stan? It’s Tucker!” Hi, Tucker! “H-hi. Look, before you tear the whole college apart, there’s something you should know.”

H-he’s not actually a PRINCE, is he?!

“What? No!” He replies in a somewhat flustered tone. “I was just gonna say that when we uh… retreated, there were still a lot of students up there. Kiki, Ed and I would appreciate it if you kept an eye out!”

Figures. You get a pet BONE DRAGON and you can’t even use it to level another educational institution. This apocalypse sucks!

“Anyways, let us know what you see!” Tucker continues. “We’ll let you know when we’re nearby so we can link up.”

Before you can sign off, you hear a few muffled voices in the background.

“Oh yea--Kiki and Ed say ‘Hi.’”

Hey guys!

>CONTD.

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>>4936617
Okay, you sigh, putting your RADIO away, where to? As if reading your mind, Ly points his new head in the direction of a collection of rectangular buildings just North of the coast.

“Dat’s gotta be it over there!” Ly reports. “Looks a helluva’ lot smaller from up here, don’t it?”

You nod. Oh! I have slipped the surly bonds of Earth
And danced the skies on laughter-silvered wings…

“Err… Sure!” Ly nods as you begin your descent. Leaning over the side of the dragon, you frown at the dark and stormy water just off the coast--if only these jerks could just stay on their ships! Your view picks up something far more exciting, however--not too far Southwest of the college sits the box-shaped building that leads into THE WAILING CAVERNS! You’re gonna have to go there after this!

“If those bony bastards touched dat’ wonder of da’ world…” Ly growls, sending bits of ash and flame out of his new mouth. “A-anyways, let’s see what we’re dealin’ wit’ up here!”

Your skeleton takes you low over the campus revealing what you more or less expected: though it’s sequestered in the surrounding redwoods, CLEARWATER UNIVERSITY could clearly use a bit of TLC... Plumes of smoke waft into the sky from fires peeking through holes in the buildings, and squinting through the ash reveals several shapes darting around the campus. SKELETONS!

“I’ll take us around for a closer look!” Ly shouts. “Keep low--they probably don’t see ya’ yet!”

Buzzing the campus, you cautiously peer into the chaos below for anything that can help.

>CONTD.

File: clearwateruapproach.png (92 KB, 800x600)

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>>4936619
The first thing you notice, besides the countless barricades built out of furniture and wrecked cars, is the MASSIVE BONFIRE near the center of campus--whether it serves a purpose or not remains to be seen, but one thing’s for sure--you can see a LOT of SKELETONS down there!

Just North, however, appears to be some kind of APARTMENT BLOCK. Nothing fancy, mind, but nicer than yours from the looks of it! A quick look shows you several hastily-boarded up windows along with the flash of gunshots inside. Fun.

Across the way you notice a line of several GARISH HOUSES marked with SOME KIND OF ALIEN LETTERS! Before you can get a better look, though, Ly banks away. “Didja’ see ‘em?!” He asks, taking you North. “CANNONS! All over da’ roofs!”

Taking his word for it, you continue your scouting as you head to the top of campus. Aside from several nondescript academic buildings marked with signs that are a bit too small to read at this height, you pass by a LAVISH MANSION surrounded by a tall wall--who the heck lives there?!

“Probably da’ DEAN!” Ly answers, giving his wings a few flaps. “He’s kinda like da’ principal!”

See, this is why you haven’t gone to college!

“... Da’ SKELETON PIRATES?”

No, Ly, all of the weird names! It’s dizzying! Though the pirates do put a damper on things.

“Maybe you can enroll after all dis’.” Ly suggests, taking you to the West. “Somethin’ tells me they’re gonna be starved for new students.”

Soaring by a large athletic field surrounded by scrap palisades, you manage to get a glimpse of some kind of show going on at the OVAL BUILDING next to it--some kind of ARENA? You were never much of an athlete…

Below that sits a LARGE BUILDING WITH A CLEARWATER UNIVERSITY SIGN IN FRONT. The parking lot in front of it lies riddled with burned-out vehicles leading you to believe this was probably some kind of WELCOME CENTER or something. The skeletons hanging out in front, however, do little to make you feel welcomed.

Just when you think you’ve seen all you can see, you notice a CLUE in the parking lot next to one of the Western academic buildings! Sitting in the back is what appears to be a SMALL BOAT-- one that belongs to the school!

Taking you back into the sky, Ly looks your way expectantly.

“So,” he grunts, “Dat’s probably da’ best look we’re gonna get up here... What’s da’ plan until da’ others arrive?"

>ATTACK SOME SKELETONS! THEY’RE GONNA FIND OUT ABOUT US EVENTUALLY!
>BURN A BUILDING! COULD SAVE US SOME TIME IF THERE’S NOTHING IMPORTANT INSIDE! (WHICH ONE?)
>LET’S LAND SOMEWHERE! (WHERE?)
>LET’S REGROUP WITH THE GANG!
>WRITE-IN

>>4936619
>LET’S REGROUP WITH THE GANG!

We can attack random skeletons along the way

>>4936623
>ATTACK SOME SKELETONS! THEY’RE GONNA FIND OUT ABOUT US EVENTUALLY!
They want a bonfire right? Lets spice it up

>>4936623
>>4936667
Don't you guys mean bonefire?
>ATTACK SOME SKELETONS! THEY’RE GONNA FIND OUT ABOUT US EVENTUALLY!

File: hesaidit.gif (240 KB, 220x128)

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>>4936655
>REGROUP!

>>4936667
>>4936676
>NAPALM FOR BREAKFAST

>>4936676
>spoilertext
Pic related, you genius, you.

Okay folks, time to give me a few things:

FIRST, ROLL ME 1d100+5 TO TOAST SOME BONES! I'LL TAKE THE BEST OF 3 ROLLS!

SECOND, ANYWHERE YOU WANNA TARGET IN PARTICULAR? IF NOT I'LL JUST HAVE YOU FLY AROUND AND EQUALLY TORCH EVERYONE!

Also gonna warn everyone that I am TIRED today--didn't get a wink of sleep. Updates might be a bit slower and sloppier than usual--you have been WARNED.

Rolled 10 + 5 (1d100 + 5)

>>4936711

Rolled 47 + 5 (1d100 + 5)

>>4936711
Let's try and torch their CANNONS

Rolled 59 + 5 (1d100 + 5)

>>4936711
CANNONS

File: 1624904385736.png (136 KB, 500x478)

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>>4936715
>>4936716
>>4936725

these rolls...

>>4936715
>>4936716
>>4936725
>HIGHEST ROLL: 64!

Writing!

File: dragonflamestrike.jpg (154 KB, 1469x544)

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You don’t know much about them, but you know one thing about pirates: they LOVE cannons. Love ‘em! And since you lost your chance to mess with TIM’S FORT…

“Way ahead of ya’, cupcake.” Ly replies with a devilish chuckle. “Let’s have a barbeque!”

https://youtu.be/DPtn9KzfsGI

Swooping low over the houses marked with the STRANGE SYMBOLS,, you cackle with glee as Ly opens his new mouth and showers the whole row with dragon fire! As the roofs crackle and groan in the thick flames, you and Ly are rewarded by angry shouts from within! Gaining altitude, you duck closer to Ly’s body as a hail of bullets whiz by your head--but something sounds… Different about them.

If Ly’s worried, he doesn’t show it. The two of you swing around for another bombing run as the home’s inhabitants take position on the roofs. Laughing off the flames around them, the unmistakable shapes of SKELETON PIRATES aim their weapons your way! Not taking chances, you aid Ly’s flames with some heat of your own: opening your eyes as wide as they can go, you send an EYE LASER through the houses, cutting through their masonry like a hot knife through a house made out of butter!

A chorus of disappointed ‘AAAAARRRRs reach your ears as you and Ly depart from the crumbling houses! Looking back, you give the collapsing structures a haughty grin--serves them right!

“Let’s hope there weren’t any STUDENTS or IMPORTANT ITEMS in those…” Ly remarks as you watch the whole block collapse. Hey, you never said you were a GOOD GUY! Sacrifices must be made if you’re gonna win this war!

“Okay, Stan…” Ly replies in a tone that is clearly not okay. “Got some bad news for ya, Attila--I uh… I don’t think I can keep dis’ guy wrangled for much longer…”

AWWW, SERIOUSLY!?! You barely got to do anything! You pout, kicking your heels into Ly’s borrowed ribs a few times!

“Quit it before I bite your legs off, ya moron!” Ly snarls! “We took care of their CANNONS, but if we don’t handle dis’ dragon there’s no tellin’ what he’s gonna do when he wakes up!”

Crossing your arms, you huff--he has a point, but that doesn’t mean you’ve gotta like it. Looks like you’re on the home stretch with your DRAGON PAL-- the question is, what do you do with him?

>CRASH HIM INTO A BUILDING OR SOMETHING! (WHICH ONE?)
>LAND SOMEWHERE! IF YOU HEAD INSIDE HE WON’T KNOW WHERE YOU WENT!
>JUST KILL HIM NOW! LASER HIM OR SOMETHING!
>WRITE-IN!

>>4936816
>>CRASH HIM INTO A BUILDING OR SOMETHING! (WHICH ONE?)
Lets slam him into the bonfire

>>4936816
>>CRASH HIM INTO A BUILDING OR SOMETHING! (WHICH ONE?)

>>4936822
+1

It's a shame though, he even stopped to let us take a picture. In another lifetime, we could've been best buds I'm sure

>>4936926
Such is life in the grimdark world of Bones Quest...

>>4936822
>>4936908
>>4936926
>I'VE HEARD OF 'CRASHING AND BURNING', BUT THIS IS RIDICULOUS!

Read ya loud and clear, folks. You know the drill by now:

ROLL ME 1d100+5 TO DEAL WITH LOOSE ENDS--I'LL TAKE THE BEST OF 3 ROLLS!

FEEL FREE TO INCLUDE STRATS AS TO HOW YOU'LL AVOID DYING ON THE DISMOUNT, TOO, UNLESS YOU WANT ME TO IMPROVISE!

Rolled 97 + 5 (1d100 + 5)

>>4936933
We have rockabilly ribs, emu legs, and bone armor. Lets dismount in style as we aim him. We should probably avoid getting fully bogged down in skeletons when we land though

Rolled 90 + 5 (1d100 + 5)

>>4936933

1. Recall that mythbusters episode about the elevator myth
2. Jump right off right before the dragon crashes into the building
3. Land safely without taking fall damage
4. Get caught in the explosion and desperately use bone armor to not die
5. Profit?

Rolled 23 + 5 (1d100 + 5)

>>4936933
:cowangutankanye:

>>4936935
>>4936936
>>4936978
>HIGHEST ROLL: 102!!!!!

Yea, those will do. Writing!

File: toweringinferno.jpg (35 KB, 206x305)

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Frowning at the crowds of bloodthirsty buccaneers forming below you, it doesn’t take long to come up with a plan! Pointing Ly in the direction of the central bonfire, you snap your fingers a few times to motivate him. Chop-chop!

“Er, we droppin’ dis’ guy in da’ fire?” Ly asks, earning an annoyed nod from you. Where else would he want to crash land a bone dragon? The RECYCLE BIN?

“Nah, it makes sense.” Ly acquiesces as he adjusts his heading. “Just uh… Where exactly are we gonna land?”

Vaguely gesturing to the passing college buildings and redwoods, you shrug. Does it matter? You’ll figure it out before you jump, dang it--would it kill him to have a little FAITH?!

“Nah,” Ly grunts as he swerves to avoid a few bullets from your new pals below, “but crashing into a massive fire might!”

What a baby. Rolling your eyes, you whip out your RADIO again and give your cronies a call. DO YOU READ?!

“There she is!” Mitzi remarks in a bemused tone. “We’re just about there--saw your little fireworks show on the way up.”

Yea, you giggle, you’re pretty cool. Did they hit any resistance?

“Not yet. We’re hoping your uh… distraction clears out the resistance on the way. We’ll let ya know, boss.”

See that you do, you growl. You’re gonna be dropping into Hostile Territory--might take a while to link up! Mitzi responds with a confused noise.

“H-huh? You gonna be okay, Stan? I mean, it’s you we’re talkin’ about, but-”

But nothing, you fire back! You’ll be peachy keen! Once they’re on campus you’ll meet up with them!

“You’re the boss, Stan.” Mitzi relents with a sigh. “Just uh… Be careful, okay?”

You chuckle in response--you always are! Stuffing the radio back into your pocket, you look up just in time to see Ly line up with your target!

“Hope we’re fast enough…” He mutters. “Don’t want dis’ guy comin’ after us for payback…”

Not in this lifetime, you grin. Ly looks back at you with his dragon eyes and returns your smile.

“True dat’, cupcake. In dat’ case, where we gonna get off?”

Say what you will about his earlier flight attempts--Ly got you a pretty decent flight vector here. If you time it right, you could PARKOUR off at a FEW PLACES:

>THAT ARENA’S ROOF IS SLOPED, BUT PROMISING!
>THE ROOFS NEAR THE COLLEGE CENTER SOUND GOOD! WASN’T IT CALLED A ‘QUAD’?
>THOSE APARTMENTS SEEM FORTIFIED--SHOULD SLOW DOWN THOSE PIRATES!
>THERE’S AN ACADEMIC BUILDING NEARBY--MIGHT BE WORTH LANDING ON AND CHECKING OUT!
>WRITE-IN

>>4937031
>THAT ARENA’S ROOF IS SLOPED, BUT PROMISING!
I have zero plan here

>>4937031
>THERE’S AN ACADEMIC BUILDING NEARBY--MIGHT BE WORTH LANDING ON AND CHECKING OUT!

>>4937031
>THOSE APARTMENTS SEEM FORTIFIED--SHOULD SLOW DOWN THOSE PIRATES!

We can check for survivors this way

Gonna be playing a game with some pals in a bit, so I'll check back on this ON THURSDAY AROUND 11-12PM PST. I'll roll a tie-breaker tonight after games if there aren't more voters by then. Seeya next time!

>>4937031
>THOSE APARTMENTS SEEM FORTIFIED--SHOULD SLOW DOWN THOSE PIRATES!

>>4937031
>THOSE APARTMENTS SEEM FORTIFIED--SHOULD SLOW DOWN THOSE PIRATES!

>>4937033
>TO THE ARENA!

>>4937045
>ACADEMIC BUILDING!

>>4937077
>>4937341
>>4937363
>THE APARTMENTS!

Looks like we're apartment hunting, pals. Writing!

File: yabadabadoom.png (190 KB, 500x358)

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From your lofty perch you can easily see that the DORM BUILDING or whatever the hell they call them seems much sturdier than the others--Most, if not all of the windows and balconies are boarded up, and while there do seem to be quite a few skeletons crowding the bottom, the majority don’t really seem to be getting in. You plug that into your calculator and you get a smiley face, dang it.

“We apartment huntin’, then?” Ly asks as you jab a finger in the direction of the building. “Alright, hang on!”

Adjusting his heading one last time, Ly loops around into a course that lines up with your target and the dragon’s final destination: that huge-ass bonfire in the center of campus! Straightening his tail, Ly looks your way and nods his massive head!

“Get ready ta’ jump, cupcake! No second chances!”

He doesn’t have to tell you twice! Taking a deep breath, you swiftly plot out your route from the tail to the roof. After all, Parkour is about finding the-

“Da’ quickest an’ fastest route, I KNOW.” Ly groans. “Here goes!”

As the dragon begins its final descent towards the raging inferno, you launch forward like a pinball! Finding footholds on each vertebrae, panic rushes through your head as you realize that you’re still not fast enough! Charging down the tail, you’re only half-way to the end before the DORM BUILDING passes at your side! Damn you, Ly!

Before your skeleton can pin this crap on you somehow, you take a leap of faith and dive towards the nearest boarded-up window! Extending your BONE CLAWS mid-jump, you clench your teeth as the momentum from the dragon sends you rocketing through the barricade! Your claws tear through the obstruction like tissue paper, showering you with glass and wood splinters as you land in a heap on a pile of groovy-looking pillows!

Just when you’re about to catch your breath, Ly’s ghostly form rockets towards you with a frantic look on its face! “It’s about ta’ hit!”

Before you can remember what he’s talking about, your answer comes in the form of an ear-popping CRASH outside that shakes the entire building! Shielding your face from a trio of falling paper lanterns, your eyes go wide as the view outside is bathed in a bright orange flash and an anguished bellow! Scampering to the window, you peer down at the mayhem and grin--the bonfire in the QUAD is now a full-blown WILDFIRE thanks to the ample amount of kindling you just fed it! BITCHIN’!

You’re about to give Ly’s ASTRAL PROJECTION a high-five when you hear the telltale sound of HEAVY FOOTSTEPS approaching from the hall!

>CONTD.

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>>4937955
Panicking, you glance around the room to take stock of your cramped surroundings! Flanking the door to the hallway are a DESK on one side, a BUNKBED on the other, the latter having just enough room to squeeze under along with an uncomfortable-looking OFFICE CHAIR.

Looking behind you towards the window, you see another DESK AND CHAIR COMBO at the base of the BUNKBED along with a MINIFRIDGE which, despite your petite form, might not be easy to squeeze into. Across the room sits a DESK situated below a BED for MAXIMUM SPACE EFFICIENCY! Separating that and the DESK next to the door is a WARDROBE JUST BIG ENOUGH TO HOP INTO! SCORE!

“Dis’ is what a dorm room’s like, huh?” Ly remarks as he takes in the sights with you. “Looks like a glorified sardine can.”

You nod--Do they really expect you to share this space with two other people?! Maybe it’s a good thing you didn’t go to college, huh?

Before Ly can answer, your conversation is cut short by the sound of boots growing closer outside! Oh, right…

“What’s da’ plan?” Ly asks eagerly. “There’s no way those boneheads outside missed our grand entrance…”

What indeed? Do you wanna stick around for whoever’s approaching the room?
>HIDE! IF THEY DON’T LEAVE YOU’LL AT LEAST BE ABLE TO AMBUSH ‘EM!
>HOP OUT THE WINDOW! YOU CAN TRY TO GET IN SOMEWHERE ELSE!
>WAIT IN THE ROOM AND CRY! IT’S GONNA WORK THIS TIME, I PROMISE!
>SCREW WAITING, JUST DART INTO THE HALL AND RUN!
>WRITE-IN!

>>4937958
>HIDE! IF THEY DON’T LEAVE YOU’LL AT LEAST BE ABLE TO AMBUSH ‘EM!
Hell yeah! Hiding in wardrobes is COOL!

>>4937958
>>HIDE! IF THEY DON’T LEAVE YOU’LL AT LEAST BE ABLE TO AMBUSH ‘EM!

>>4937958
>HIDE! IF THEY DON’T LEAVE YOU’LL AT LEAST BE ABLE TO AMBUSH ‘EM!

>>4937958
>HIDE! IF THEY DON’T LEAVE YOU’LL AT LEAST BE ABLE TO AMBUSH ‘EM!

>>4937972
>>4937977
>>4937984
>>4938011
>DR. JEKYLL AND MR. HIDE!

Sneaky Stan at it again! You know the drill by now...

ROLL ME 1d100 TO HIDE! I'LL GIVE A BONEUS TO CREATIVE HIDING SPOT IDEAS AND WILL TAKE THE BEST OF 3 ROLLS! GOOD LUCK!

Rolled 62 (1d100)

>>4938027

Let's get in the wardrobe but be ready to fling the heaviest textbook at whoever opens the wardrobe. If it's a student and they open the wardrobe, we can scare the shit out of them with our BONE CLAWS or something.

Rolled 92 (1d100)

>>4938027
hide in the wardrobe but in one of the bottom compartments, nobody suspects those.

Rolled 29 (1d100)

>>4938027

>>4938033
>>4938037
>>4938069
>HIGHEST ROLL: 92

>hide in the wardrobe but in one of the bottom compartments, nobody suspects those.

I fucking love you guys, you know that? Writing!