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>>5152141
You pick up the bag, pull it open, and release the fish into the wild. Be free!

>>5152286
You pick up the bottle labeled "Ooze-O". It appears to be full of raw sewage. Slightly fermented, from the taste.

>>5152079
You fish out a DVD case for a magical girl anime.

>>5152072
>>5152079
>>5152674
You respectfully ask the alligator to move aside. It ignores you, so you jump on its back and wrangle that reptile like Irwin until it bucks you off to the other side of the sewer tunnel.

(1/2)

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You emerge from a toilet with a sort of *bloop bloop bloop* sound. Your appearance surprises a man who apparently makes a dime to his boss’s dollar.

You peek out of the bathroom. The hallway is filled with guards, office workers, and scrambling interns. You spy on the other side a door leading to a lavish office – you recognize the name, Ford, as the owner of the horse racing circuit you’re currently trying to sabotage. If there’s any information to be gathered, it’s gotta be in there. But first, you’ll have to get to the office without being outed as an outsider.

Loretta, your fine equine friend, is also here, and presents the logistical problem of trying to hide a full-grown horse in the middle of a busy office building.

What do?
>Dump soap into the hallway
>Clog the toilets
>Yell “fire”
>Something else?

(2/2)

>>5174308
>Yell “fire”

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>>5174308
>Dump soap into the hallway
then
>Yell “fire”

>>5174308
This one's so obvious.
>Pull janitor inside bathroom
>Beat him up
>Put on his clothes
>Disguise Loretta in the mop bucket

Wonderful drawing btw

>>5174308
we could at least have the decency to wash our hands before we start fucking shit up
look at the headline on the newspaper, and grab the tub of sawdust

>>5174303
Where's Loretta's hat?

>>5174334
The chaos move

>>5174340
>>5174334
>Start mopping the floors to make them more slippery

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>>5174378
You think back about 3 threads. You’re pretty sure Loretta had to discard her hat to sneak into the Hippodrome and disguise herself as a normal horse.

>>5174373
You powder your nose and peruse the news.

The tub is too big to fit in one inventory slot, so you just grab a scoopful of sawdust.

>>5174340
You stealthily pull the janitor into the bathroom and take him out with a swift smack to the noggin. You disguise yourself and hide Loretta in the mop bucket.

>>5174326
>>5174334
You channel infernal coulrolic energy. You fill the bucket with soap and dump it into the hallway, then scream about a fire! The inhabitants of the hall panic, and in their frenzied state, they slip and fall into a big pile of wriggling limbs.

Your ingenious caper affords you a grand portion of the Prankster’s Gambit.

>>5176904
You mop up some of the spilled coffee. You don’t get paid enough for this crap.

The door to the office is blocked by a big pile of slippery, incensed office drones. Also, it’s locked and you don’t have the key.

You hear the stomping of boots approaching. Probably security guards attracted to the commotion. If they spot you, they might have a few questions to ask about the greased floors…

What do?
>Hornswoggle the guards (Tootin’ check)
>Disguise yourself as someone else
>Sneak away in the chaos
>Something else?

>>5178738
>Hornswoggle the guards (Tootin’ check)
If that fails, throw the sawdust into the eyes of the guards

>>5178738
>Disguise yourself as a guard

>>5174334
supporting

>>5178738
>Hornswoggle the guards (Tootin’ check)

>>5178744
+1

>>5178738
>>Hornswoggle

>>5178738
>>5178744
>>5178961
>>5179036
Say some little assistant in a mask threw lube all over the floors

>>5178744
time to swoggle our horn

>>5178744
+1

OP I just unironically had a dream about Western Quest(ern), we were trying to sneak into a mausoleum but the owner caught us and called the cops, and the cop mistook us for dead and started making plans to embalm us

I think this is a sign both that you live rent free in my head and that you should come back and update

>>5182506
It was a sign that the quest is dying.

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>>5182506
>>5182553
Sorry, I think I'm gonna have to put Western Quest(ern) on hold for a couple of weeks. It costs just a little more cognitive processing power than I can spare right now. I'll still update Angel Quest though.

>>5182619
It's okay QM. Please draw our cowboy team in the Angel Quest meanwhile.

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Okay, it’s been a while, so let’s recap:

You found yourself in a room, which was a jail cell, which you broke out of. You dicked around in town, getting into fights and doing side quests. Then you went to the impound lot to retrieve your horse, Loretta.

While breaking into their administrative records, you found out that the local horse racing venue, the Hippodrome, was taking money from the impound lot, so after you reduced the lot to rubble with the help of some bandits, you headed over to the Hippodrome. You schmoozed with some greasers and raced the Big Jebowski.

Loretta did some spy work and pinpointed suspicion to a nearby pizzeria, so you snuck in and summarily destroyed the manufacturing operation set up there, stopping the production of some strange powder that turned horses who ate it into nonsapient animals. Then you decided to hit up the Hippodrome’s offices for more info.

You went through the sewers, beat up a janitor, and caused a pile-up in the office hallway. Now you’re about to bamboozle some guards into letting you go.

(1/2)

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>>5178744
>>5179302
A pair of security guards approach you, taking care not to slip on the soapy floor. They ask you why you decided to cause this ruckus during the most important office day of the Hippodrome's history - handling the paperwork of that destroyed manufacturing plant.

You tell them that it was a gray-shirted gas-masked insulated-gloved freak who threw lube all over the floors and ran off, probably to hide in a locker somewhere.

Tootin' check for convincing the guards:
Roll 1d20 +5 (Tootin') +1 (alcohol bonus) +4 (this is a regular occurrence in the office). At least 15 to pass.

(2/2)

Rolled 9 + 10 (1d20 + 10)

>>5199698
Welcome back OP!

>>5199698
>this is a regular occurrence in the office
heh

Rolled 10 + 10 (1d20 + 10)

>>5199698

Rolled 8 + 10 (1d20 + 10)

>>5199698
>space lube
Damn, nice touch. How do you even know so many references from all the different anons, QM?
It feels weird to come back to plain white background after this long.

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>>5199705
You successfully convince the two guards. They wander off, leaving you to deal with the pile of fallen office workers.

You step over the heap of bodies and inspect the door to H.T. Ford's office, which is the whole reason why you're here. (He's the owner of the Hippodrome, and you've seen him around here once or twice - but he definitely knows who you are, and he knows that you're trying to sabotage his operations.) It's locked, and neither you nor any of these bozos on the ground have the key.

You might be able to pick the lock, if you had something to pick it with. You could also just shoot the lock and hope for the best, although who knows what kind of failsafes this guy's got hooked up.

Through the keyhole, you can make out the faint figure of someone at a desk. If you're feeling loquacious, you could try to convince whomever's inside to let you through.

What do?
>Pick the lock (medium Rootin' check, requires lockpicking tools)
>Shoot the lock
>Talk through the door (hard Tootin' check, requires write-in)
>Something else?

>>5200607
Anything we can use as lockpicks in the giant floor pile?

>>5200607
>>Shoot the lock
Do not root OR toot. Just shoot.

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>>5200607
>Pick the lock
Skyrim time.

Please show us the stats in the post next time we have vote options with skill check.

>>5200878
+1

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>>5200878
Your current stats:
Rootin’: 2.8
Tootin’: 5.25
Shootin’: 2.95

>>5200672
>>5200878
>>5201087
With a paperclip and a lollipop stick, you fiddle around with the lock pins.

Rootin’ check for picking the lock:
Roll 1d20 +2 (Rootin’). At least 11 to pass.

Or, figure out the pattern on the numbers to automatically pass.

Rolled 8 + 2 (1d20 + 2)

>>5201130
Okay so I'm probably reading this wrong, but if numbers stand for pin resistance, then:
>5, 3, 1, 2, 4, 6
...but considering we made ourselves a raking tool, we can just rake the fuck out of it until it opens, no skill required.

That tension wrench, lmao.

>>5201194
didn't mean to roll, please ignore it

Rolled 11 + 2 (1d20 + 2)

>>5201130
Next 8 numbers in the sequence would be 35, -29, 101,-155, 357, -667, 1381, -2715, as the multiplier changes by a factor -2x each step, starting with a multiplier of -1, then 2, -4, 8, -16, 32, -64, 128 so on. Fuck I don't know how to explain math but yeah
roll just in case

>>5201207
does this roll mean we don't use our rootin?

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>>5201194
>>5201207
You slip up a few times, but you finally manage to align all the pins, and the lock opens with a click.

You open the door. In front of you is a woman at a desk, tapping away at a brick of a computer. The moment she notices you, she practically jumps out of her skin. The woman asks who you are and how you got in here, and she reaches under the desk for a weapon.

What do?
>Tell her you have an appointment
>Admonish her for the faulty locksmithing around here
>Announce that the shitter's clogged
>Attack!
>Something else?

>>5202089
>"Surprise LPL Security and Weapon inspection and so far you guys are falling way behind. You need to throw those locks out. It takes like 0 seconds to open if you know what you're doing. Now give me that gun, I need to make sure it meets our regulations or you will be paying two fines... ma'am."
>Extend our hand for her weapon expectantly

>>5202120
+1
Curl our lip

>>5202089
>>5202120
>>5202186
Assume your regular charming stance for the ladies

>>5202120
+1

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>>5202120
>>5202186
>>5203296
>>5203507
You slam your fists on the table and chew out the secretary for the blatant lack of attention to the state of this building’s security. How can you call yourself a hardened establishment when any schmuck can get in here with a bobby pin, you yell. Who runs things around here? A five-week old newborn with no concept of object permanence? Do you people think that things vanish when you close the door and stop looking at them? You point at the secretary accusingly. This building’s not up to code, you shout. You’d better tell your boss to beef up the locks around here, or else you’re gonna have a little talk with the county regulations committee, and nobody wants that.

The secretary is thoroughly cowed. She puts her weapon back underneath her desk.

You’re still trying to get into this office, so you tell the secretary that you need to test the security on the next room as well. She waves you in.

(1/2)

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You enter H.T. Ford’s office. This is where you might find information about that horse supplement operation you just busted.

There seems to be an abundance of trinkets, gizmos, and doo-dads, in addition to what appears to be a combustion engine sitting in the middle of the room. There’s a couple of file cabinets filled with dry information on the Hippodrome’s racing itineraries and accounting data. To the side is a bookshelf stocked with such scintillating titles as “Advanced Mechatronics for the Modern Gentleman” and “On the Application of Bernoulli’s Equation to Hydraulic Lines”. You see no visible exits; the windows are locked shut and made of bulletproof glass.

You’re about to do some looting when you hear a speakerphone squawk to life in the secretary’s room. One Mr. Ford comes on the line and announces his return in a few minutes, and says to prepare him a piping hot coffee post-haste. Right away, sir, the secretary says. She also mentions that a security inspector came in the room, sir, and she let him into Mr. Ford’s office, sir. He says what. She says a security inspector, sir. LPL Security and Weapon Inspection. He threatened us with a fine if we didn’t comply, sir. Ford says, well, did you? She says yes. Then Ford says what in blazes is LPL Security and Weapon Inspection. That’s not a thing. She says isn’t it? He says no. That’s the intruder! That’s the guy who’s been causing all of this trouble all over the Hippodrome! Ford swears, and also curses, and then he tells the secretary to get that man out of his room, he’s rushing over right now. He hangs up.

You hear the secretary get up, along with the ka-click! of a cocked barrel.

What do?
>Look for secret passages
>Dump oil on the floor
>Grab all the documents you can carry
>Something else?

(2/2)

>>5204752
Move one of the cabinets to block the door.
Put the banana peel under the newly moved cabinet.
Shoot the window and throw the computer out of it

5204752
>Knock the shelf over to block the door
>Swap out gatling gun for Tommy Gun
>Dump the Taser, put the computer in our inventory instead
>Dump the sand into the engine
>Shoot the lock and open the window
>Throw the safe out of the window
>Throw Ford's gaming rig out of the window
>Throw the extinguisher out of the window
>Duct tape our face (except the eyes) so nobody can recognize us
>Set the gas bottle next to the door
>Dump papers in a line leading to the gas bottle
>Set the papers on fire and dive through the window

We a corporate assassin now.

>>5204990
>doesn't read
NGMI

>>5204752
Damn, I was going to post yesterday but I was IP blocked. Good thing you update infrequently. Supporting >>5205297, but add

>Put banana peel by door then move shelf over it (so if they shove the shelf away they still slip)
>Drink can of Monster
>Swap out boring guard hat for awesome fedora
>Check if safe is electric, taze it to open it if it is before ditching the taser

Also, it looks like the computer might be bolted to the wall? Use the wrench or screwdriver or both to get it off, if all else fails smash it.

>>5205297
>>5207422
>make sure to flirt while you're doing so

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>>5207422
Good thinking, anon. I don't think the banana peel will matter much if we're intending to blow up Ford and his trigger-happy secretary, though.

>>5207493
Better safe than sorry.

>>5207686
heh

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I got lazy. Update tomorrow.

Now that I have free time, and only one quest to keep track of, I should implement a formal schedule so I don't get sloppy. If I don't post at least one update every 48 hours, you are legally mandated to call me rude names.

>>5210058
Aye aye.

>>5210058
It has been 5 days, holy phuck.
You are legally obligated to redraw the amogus meme with attention to detail. I cannot be taken seriously if I shitpost the crewmate with a gun that ugly.

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>>5204990
>>5205297
>>5207422
You topple over a file cabinet to block the door, followed by a bookshelf, supplemented with a banana peel. You drop your gatling for a shiny new tommy gun, sabotage the half-built engine with your scoop of sawdust, and equip the snazzy fedora. You investigate the safe, but it’s just a normal mechanical safe, so you ignore it.

On Ford’s desk is a puke-green can of acrid fluid. It looks vile, but the can claims to “unleash the beast”, so you take a pull. You have to give the can some credit – it does indeed feel like a beast was unleashed in your stomach.
Rootin’: 2.8 + 1 = 3.8
Tootin’: 5.25 - 0.4 = 4.85
Shootin’: 2.95 + 1 = 3.95

You leveled up your Rootin’! You can spend those points on perks, or leave them for skill checks.
>Will to Live (Cost: 3) - When hit by a part-destroying shot, 25% chance to block the hit instead
>Has Bean (Cost: 3) - Once per day segment, acquire a can of beans at any time
>Hat Trick (Cost: 4) - Once per battle, you can equip a hat from your inventory mid-combat
Already have:
>Pickpocket (Cost: 2) - Once per battle, allows you to directly take items from an enemy's inventory instead of shooting them off and picking them from the floor. Only works with exposed items (i.e., not in an undamaged sleeve, hat, etc). Also helps with non-combat thievery.
>Insight (Cost: 2) - Gives you a basic estimation of the enemy's strategy at the start of the fight

You leveled up your Shootin’! You can spend those points on perks, or leave them for skill checks.
>Rifle Handling (Cost: 2) - Allows you to shoot rifles, which deal more damage per shot
>Low Blow (Cost: 3) - Allows you to shoot crotches, which are heavily-armored but instantly incapacitate if destroyed; ineffective against women
>Curving Bullets (Cost: 5) - Allows you to bend the trajectory of your shot bullets by up to 90°
Already have:
>Shotgun Handling (Cost: 2) - Allows you to shoot shotguns, which deal damage over multiple body parts
>Machine Gun Handling (Cost: 3) - Allows you to shoot machine guns, which fire rapid bursts of bullets that hit all body parts in a straight line

You use duct tape to create the worst balaclava ever. At least nobody will be able to remove your disguise, least of all yourself.

(1/3)

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>>5204990
>>5205297
>>5207422
You set up the propane tank next to the door, scatter a trail of papers leading up to it, and just for good measure, soak everything in oil.

What you thought was a computer on Ford’s desk is actually just a monitor hanging from the wall. You carefully unscrew it, then chuck it into the window, where it smashes into a million pieces.

The window holds strong, so you hurl the safe like an Olympian, creating hairline cracks. You pick up the fire extinguisher and drive the heavy metal bottle right into the glass pane. After some heavy pounding, you finally manage to shatter the window. And not a moment too soon – the receptionist manages to shove the door open, followed closely by H.T. Ford himself.

You blow the two a kiss and leap out of the open window into a nearby tree. And as a parting gift, you shoot into the oil-soaked room. KABOOM!

(2/3)

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Slightly singed from the blast, you clamber down the lightly roasted tree to see Loretta waiting for you. Luckily, she escaped just in time using her mop bucket disguise, which also protected her from the explosion thanks to the bucket’s moisture. How convenient!

A few papers float gently from the sky, printed and watermarked with Ford’s stationery. You take a cursory look… It seems that the Hippodrome was accepting confiscated horses from the impound lot so that Ford could use them for his twisted experiments with de-sapientizing supplement. You’ve shut down both of those operations, but how could this have happened in the first place? You dig through some of the other charred papers from Ford’s office. Apparently, he’s associated with some sort of Architechium, whatever that is. He was apparently in charge of developing some kind of “horse replacement” …

Your mind flashes back to that map you saw in the supplement mixing plant. Clearly, something big is going on here, and you don’t think Ford was the ringleader of this Architechium business. You consider turning in these incriminating papers to the proper authorities, but then you remember that this is the West, and that the only authority here is you – it’s your duty alone to put a stop to these vile machinations. You let the papers fly away, and turn your sights towards the horizon.

What do?
>Go back to town, stock up on supplies, and get your cowboy outfit so you don’t look like a stupid janitor
>Visit the impound lot you helped the bandits conquer; maybe they’ll have some advice for you
>Investigate these Leadkeepers; they seem to have some sort of beef with the Architechium
>Pick your nose
>Something else?

(3/3)

>>5211098
>Will to Live
We need all the purely luck-based skills to save us from the psychologically torturous shootouts.
>>5211100
>Brush Loretta
Get the water out of her so she doesn't collect dust
>Head out to the Guano Cave to help Leadkeepers stand their ground against the Architechium.
To establish a relationship through a gunfight and check who we're up against.
>Steal Lightning
You can't stop me.

>>5211100
>Go back to town, stock up on supplies, and get your cowboy outfit so you don’t look like a stupid janitor
maybe we can pick up a sidequest or something too
>Investigate these Leadkeepers; they seem to have some sort of beef with the Architechium
The sulfur mine, I see all those markings, and I see chaos. Get in on that. I see maximum “fuck shit up ability”.
>Pick your nose
We have a nose?
>>5211127
dude without ford’s autism oats he’ll be fine in a couple of days on his own, let’s just bounce

>>5211224
oh wait, shit, they’re going to assault the impound lot, maybe we should do something about that first

>>5211224
I just like the racing horse with max speed and would like to have her around, idk what does Ford have to do with it.
>>5211227
It's bullshit gamey quest, not autistic one. Our limbs fucking reappear after combat and once we kill the final boss of Architectum, they will probably disappear from the map for good or something.

>>5211310
okay, but we would get to hit on the bandit leader again
just saying

>>5211100
>Go back to town, stock up on supplies, and get your cowboy outfit so you don’t look like a stupid janitor
Let's regroup first then set off again. I continue to love the intense West of Loathing vibes OP.

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>>5211127
You gained the perk Will to Live! When one of your exposed body parts is shot, there’s a 25% chance of the shot doing no damage.

You brush some of the soapy water out of Loretta’s mane so she doesn’t grow mildew.

You consider stealing Lightning, but you’ve already spent way too much time here at the Hippodrome and you’d rather just change the setting at this point.

>>5211224
>>5211481
It’s getting late, so you decide to head back to town.

(1/3)

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You and Loretta make the long trip back to town. You head through the mountain pass again, but this time you aren’t accosted by any highwaymen.

You watch the golden sun slowly sink beneath the mountains, the sky painted with streaks of red and orange.

(2/3)

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It’s evening when you arrive back in town. Most of the shops are closed, although you see faint light coming from the hotel, haberdashery, and gun store. Looks like the haberdashery is about to shutter up for the night, but the gun store has just opened for business. You recall that you left a bunch of spare clothes with the haberdasher after completing a sidequest for him.

You’re feeling tired. You’ll receive a -1 malus to all stat checks until you get a good night’s sleep.

It occurs to you that the last time you were here, you got chased out of town by the local sheriff for stealing his hat. When morning rolls around and the sheriff wakes up, he may have some unkind words to say to you.

What do?
>Visit a store
>Visit a store… illegally
>Go to your hotel room
>Visit the red light district
>Something else?

(3/3)

>>5213499
what the fuck, checked and saved
>>5213501
>Park our horse in the door of haberdashery and grab our things before it closes
>Go to church and bless our horse with some of their funny water for +10 to speed on interpanel travel
>Visit the gun store, see if you can impress them with a taser
>Also ask if you can trade 2 4-shooters ( for one sexy 8-shooter
>Meditate for 8 hours to refill our ammunition using nearby flora and remove the debuff

>>5213511
>You consider stealing Lightning, but you’ve already spent way too much time here at the Hippodrome and you’d rather just change the setting at this point.
kek

>>5213499
hot damn

>>5213511
+1

>>5213501
>>5213511
+1
>Prepare yourself for a possible morning ambush
>Research on the taser and rifles (learn rifle handling)

>>5213777
We can give Loretta our rags and make her act like a silent bouncer, talk-to-the-hoof style, blocking the Shitriff from entering our personal space as we leisurely walk around and mentally screen him.

>>5211100
> He was apparently in charge of developing some kind of “horse replacement” …
I just clocked that the Architechum is trying to invent the car. I'm slow.

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>>5213511
>>5213777
You catch the haberdasher just as he’s closing up the store. He recognizes you and allows you into the basement to grab your stuff, but since he’s put the inventory away, you’ll have to wait until tomorrow morning to buy anything.
You put on a plain shirt and your iconic poncho. You feel like a brand-new cowboy.

You visit the church, but it’s locked tight. Even God has to get his beauty sleep.

(1/2)

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You enter the gun store. You take note of the various deudly firearms lining the walls, along with rich stocks of ammunition of all shapes and sizes. And, you feel an odd tingle in the back of your brain – the telltale sign of magic.

In the shadows of the candlelit room is a figure draped in a large cloak. In the dim glow of the candles, you can faintly make out the features of a crusty old hag, though it’s too dark for you to truly identify the woman. The hag cracks a grim smile as you approach, her mottled yellow teeth glinting in the wavering light.
She bids you welcome and asks what you wish to purchase. You wince; her voice is hoarse and gravelly, as if filtered through a meter of desert sand.

You look through the store’s wares. A lot of these seem above your price range, but you notice a particular symbol on some of the price tags. You ask the shopkeeper, and she replies that some of her products must be paid with gun chambers. If you give the old beldam your unneeded guns, she’ll extract the chambers and offer you store credit.
She points a bony finger at one of your revolvers, the one with a candy cane lodged in the chamber. That’s four chambers gone unused, the decrepit hag says in a grainy voice, four chambers that could be recycled and put to work as a shiny new carbine, or perhaps a handsome derringer. Though she lacks the ability to extract the candy cane without destroying the gun. No sweet tooth, the woman says, grinning through her rotten gums.

With some trepidation, you show the crone your taser.
The wizened old woman takes it in her withered fingers and peers at the electronic device carefully. Her disquieting smile turns to a more neutral expression. She can’t do anything with this, she says. The magic doesn’t flow through it. You aren’t sure what that means, but the strange look on her face as she hands the taser back makes you feel like she isn’t going to elaborate.
The gun hag asks you where you found that gun. She corrects herself – “artificial imitation of the plumbitic arts”. Even on this shriveled old corpse you can sense a hint of anger.

You ask the shopkeeper about local flora. She thinks for a second, and offers you some coin if you can get her some barrel cactus. She happens to be running out.

You check your wallet and see that you have $7.84.

What do?
>Buy stuff
>Trade in guns for chambers
>Flirt
>Something else?

(2/2)

>>5215821
trade in the candy cane gun, save the store credit for later
buy the four shooter to replace it

>>5215821
Too tired to go through all the options, but I definitely support trading in the candy cane gun and telling her the taser came from the Hippodrome. Maybe tell her we know about the Architechum, she seems very anti-modern technology and might be opposing them.

>>5215916
Also...
>Settle on a barrels:barrel cactus exchange rate
>Ask about the spooky locked chest

The infinite bullet bag is appealing, but idk if we have enough barrels we want to give up for it. Is there any difference between the shotgun we have and the one for sale?

>>5215863
Do we need another four-shooter? We already have the one, plus a machine gun and shotgun. I don't see the point unless we want to trade it straight back in for barrels and get the grenade launcher (might be a good dynamite replacement) + atomic punch, SMG + flare gun, or infinite bullets bag.

>>5215709
Sorry for the quadruple post but I have even more slowly clocked that they're the Big Bad because they're trying to destroy the essence of cowboying (horses, proper guns)... these city slickers wear fedoras instead of Stetsons and drink Monster instead of beer. Despicable.

We have to stop them, bros.

>>5215821
>Trade in Candy Shooter
>Trade in Shotgun
Guys, we don't need 4 guns, it's just wasting our space and we end up constantly juggling items. Besides, specializing in 2 weapon classes will be more impactful than 3.
>Buy a Silencer and slap it on Deringer
(I'm willing to switch Deringer to Suppressed Gun, but idk about other anons.)
>>Sell 4 of our Sniper Ammunition [$3.0]
>>Buy 6 of Rapid Fire Mags [$2.1]

>>5215821
Upon closer inspection
>Ask her what's up with the Keys and the Red Chest. Is there a Gungeon nearby?

>>5215939
Are there silencers available for sale? Also, what do you want to do with our barrels? We'd have 6 from shotgun+candy gun, so maybe we either get the grenade launcher or swap in our machine gun for an SMG + atomic punch?

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>>5216608
I'd think they have silencers if they sell a gun with one. I would buy gun just for the silencer, tbf. Could make it a present for our equine partner in crime.
Wasn't quite sure how chambers worked previously, but I'm up for swapping our Tommy for Uzi + Bonk.

>>5215821
So adding these votes to my vote (>>5215939):
>Sell Tommy Gun [1₿]
>Buy Uzi [4₿]
>Buy 1 Bonk: Atomic Punch [2₿]
Now for a high IQ play
>Use BOGO Coupon to get two Bonks
Will lmao if allowed.

>>5216664
This would leave us with one extra barrel, which I think is fine if we hang onto. (I was trying to see if we could buy a gun with BOGO and trade one of them back in for extra barrels, but the SMG only has one so I think just using it on the Bonk is smart.)

+1 and also we should ask what exactly the Bonk does.

>>5216678
Wait, the Uzi costs 5 barrels, not 4, so we're actually perfect. Good plan.

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>>5216679
Yes, I thought that was your plan from the beginning. Glad to know I'm not the only covboy with mythical reading comprehension around these parts.
The 4 in my post is just a typo, my bad.

>>5216696
Aha, thanks for the description. Looks pretty garbage in fights, but might be good if we're escaping something / blowing something up (as often happens).

>Glad to know I'm not the only covboy with mythical reading comprehension around these parts.
Yeehaw.

>>5216699
We could also get rid of other shooter (if we get the silenced gun to replace it) and buy the Infiniammo Pouch for [8₿]. But irradiated energy drinks in the scorching sun sound ok too.

>>5217615
Uzi + infiniammo or just infiniammo? I guess we can potentially grab infiniammo, sell all of our current bullets, and pay for the Uzi out of pocket, but somebody not named me will have to run the numbers on that (I'm exhausted).

>>5217622
Basically my preference goes

Uzi + silenced gun + infinite ammo > Uzi + Bang > silenced gun + infinite ammo

We also need to make sure that infinite ammo includes special bullet types.

>>5217622
I might do numbers later when my head stops hurting, if QM doesn't post.

>>5217630
Cheers.

>>5217633
I opened a Pandora's Box.

>>5215821
Changing my vote(s) (>>5215939 >>5216664) to:
₿/₵ stands for Gun Chamber
>Sell our Sniper and Shotgun ammo [+$4.20]
>Sell Tommy Gun, Candy Shooter and Shotgun [+7₵]
>Buy Silenced Gun [-$3.55]
>Buy Uzi and Bonk [-7₵]
And now for my 200IQ move, if legal:
>Buy 2 Sharpshooters (one with BOGO Coupon) [-$3.20]
>Sell 2 Sharpshooters [+8₵]
>Buy Infinite Ammo Pouch [-8₵]
Should leave us on $5.29 and 0₵.
If this is illegal, use BOGO on Bonk to get two.

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>>5217683
+1

>>5217683
Well, actually, I'll tack on

>Sell our machine gun ammo (+$0.70)

*given that* 1) the troll logic hack works and we get the infinite ammo bag, and 2) the infinite ammo bag has infinite machine gun ammo in it.

Basically we may as well wring all the cash we can get out of this lady. We have to buy hats later, after all.

>>5217918
Only if Infinite Pouch gives us MG Ammo.

>>5217925
>*given that* 1) the troll logic hack works and we get the infinite ammo bag, and 2) the infinite ammo bag has infinite machine gun ammo in it.
bruh

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>>5217926
Sorry, I have reading comprehension of an irradiated desert snail rn, juss making double sure.

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>>5215916
You tell the old shopkeeper what you know about the Architechium. She seems particularly interested in the map you found, so you draw it out for her.
The gun hag appears thoughtful, and asks you if you'd be willing to do a little mercenary work. Her brothers in the nearby coal mines are in danger from the impending Architectium attack, and she would be willing to reimburse your time if you could help drive off the invaders.

>>5215918
The gun store owner will give you 3 chambers for every inventory slot's worth of barrel cactus you gather.

>>5216054
You ask about the spooky locked chest. The old woman tells you that it contains A-tier loot, and you can’t afford it. Come back when you’re a little, mmm, richer.

>>5215939
The silencer is inherent to the silenced gun, and can’t be placed on something else.
You ask about selling your ammo. The old woman tells you that she’ll only exchange guns for chambers, and she’ll only buy ammo at half of the store price.

>>5217623
You inspect the pouch. This contains only pistol ammo, and you already have an infinite pistol ammo pouch. Loretta does not, so the only real use for this would be to give to Loretta so she can fire pistols herself.

>>5217683
You consider applying the BOGO coupon to get two 4-shooters. This will work, though the shopkeeper will be a bit uncomfortable with having -1 revolvers.

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>>5217959
>Sell our Sniper and Shotgun ammo [+$2.10]
>Sell Tommy Gun, Candy Shooter and Shotgun [+7₵]
>Buy Silenced Gun [-$3.55]
>Buy Uzi and Bonk [-7₵]

>Accept the quest
>Ask where are the Barrel Cactuses naturally found
>Ask how much is the Red Chest and the Key
>Peek behind the curtain and tell QM you're sorry for outautisming his rules

>>5218060
+1

>>5218060
Just to clarify, you will in fact receive two brand new 4-shooters from using the BOGO coupon, even though there's only 1 in stock.

>>5218813
I suspect he's not going for that because we're not getting the ammo pouch with the revised plan, so there's no need for the "free" extra 8 chambers. Though Loretta being able to shoot a gun is a pretty big boost to the action economy, so... hmm.

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>>5218813
What other anon said. I (the phoneposter) no longer want that because it would make the Gun Hag unconformable and we have no use for that 8₵ until we unlock new items in the shop.
>>5218850
She does shoot guns, though!

>>5218858
>that pic
Good times. I meant more of a "shoot a gun on a regular basis" / "without needing to head back to us for reloads" deal, but I see where you're coming from, so I'll continue to support the plan. We might need those extra dollars at the haberdashery anyhow.

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>>5218859
She needs to go back to us to reload? I'm completely unrobust in the ways of WQ(E) gun combat.
Even if it's the case, we usually don't need to dump entire magazines per fight so it's fine.

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>Sell our Sniper and Shotgun ammo [+$2.10]
>Sell Tommy Gun, Candy Shooter and Shotgun [+7₵]
>Buy Silenced Gun [-$3.55]
>Buy Uzi and Bonk [-7₵]

>Accept the quest
>Ask where are the Barrel Cactuses naturally found
>Ask how much is the Red Chest and the Key
>Peek behind the curtain and tell QM you're sorry for outautisming his rules

$7.84 + $2.10 - $3.55 = $6.39
0 + 9 - 5 - 2 = 2 chambers

The shopkeeper tells you to head to the coal mines to the east, just past the river and near the coastline.
Barrel cacti are more common in the deserts to the southwest.
The shopkeeper will sell you a key and the chest for 18 chambers.
You consider apologizing for your autism, but as a crunch enthusiast, you realize that a healthy amount of autism makes any adventure more interesting.

>>5218850
>>5218858
Loretta can fire guns. However, she lacks an ammo pouch and therefore can only reload if she’s standing right next to you. If you decide to send her out on a mission by herself, she’ll only be able to fire what’s loaded in the guns you give her.

You leave the gun shop with two arms in your sleeves and a can do attitude.

What do?
>Go to the coal mines
>Go to your hotel room and get some sleep (will pass the night)
>Sneak into another building
>Something else?

>>5219780
We need to sleep and sheriff's on our ass, so...
>Sneak ONTO another building
Get on top of the sheriff's office so he can't see us and in the morning we'll slip away out of his sight.
>Give Loretta the EMP Nades(?) and Deringer.
I think we'll soon find ways to utilize the silenced gun and she's better off with 4 rounds instead of 3.
>Read the Bonk label to see what it does. And also try to remember what the booze does and what the grenades are actually for.

In retrospect, we should've restocked on Machinegun Ammo.
How does it work? We fire 4 bursts from Uzi and then use 1x Mag to refill all 4 bursts?

>>5218859
We need a better hat. This rim doesn't do it for me.

>>5219842
Tentatively supporting, though I'd like us to remember if our hotel room has a window we can get in/out of rather than spending the entire night outside (which seems like a debuff situation).

>How does it work? We fire 4 bursts from Uzi and then use 1x Mag to refill all 4 bursts?
I'd assume so.

>We need a better hat. This rim doesn't do it for me.
Agreed.

>>5220686
I will agree to hotel if we can do crime on the asshole receptionist, we have a silenced gun. Shoot her head off and take her amazing hat!

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>>5219842
The roughly spherical object in your inventory with 3 out of 5 charges is some kind of shield projector. You aren't sure how to turn it on, though.
You give Loretta the shield projector and your 4-shooter.

You read the can of Bonk! Atomic Punch. It appears to be an energy drink full of "radiation", whatever that is, and it'll apparently give you such a massive jolt of energy that it'll feel like time has stopped. Seems useful for dodging bullets... but you can be more creative than that.
The Bonk is a single-use item. You'll need to gulp down the whole can at once; drinking any less will just give you heart palpitations.

Machine guns damage all body parts in a line, using one magazine per firing. Your Uzi can be used 4 times before reloading.

>>5220686
You climb on the sheriff's roof and into your hotel room. Luckily, the window opens easily with a bit of jiggling.

>>5220917
Unfortunately, the receptionist has retired for the night. You vow to get your revenge on the well-dressed wench.

You're plumb tuckered out. As Loretta lays at your feet, you crawl into bed and sleep the deep sleep of a man personally responsible for at least two structure-demolishing explosions today.

All food- and drink-based stat modifiers reset.

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(Will continue in a new thread, probably several days from now. Thanks for playing.)

>>5221836
Cheers, OP. Happy trails.

>>5221836
Enjoy your break, QM! You better come back.

>>5221863
That too
This is my favorite quest I'm currently reading don't let me down OP

>>5221865
This, I'm also waiting Hell Quest to return. Really hope QM's doing alright and isn't completely flaking on us.