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>>5379588
Though he was able to wrest control away from Tim, danger still loomed. With no clue how to proceed next, you hastened to THE LODGE where homicidal skeletons and yet another trap was waiting–this one set by your eccentric boss SONNY BRUCKMANN JR. Revealing her true wicked form didn’t help her much, however, and after a daring escape and a grueling battle, Good Boy’s CEO met a very overdue end at the hands of CHRISTY–poetic justice for Sonny covering for the man who mangled her voicebox.

Still reeling from the emotional whiplash and your wounds from the battle, THIS is where your story continues…

Welcome to BONES QUEST--stick around! Maybe there’ll be a funny post-credits scene! Make sure to check out the following resources:

Archive Link to catch up with the story!
>https://lws.thisisnotatrueending.com/qstarchive.html?tags=Bones%20Quest

Twitter account for updates and ART!
>https://twitter.com/DemBonez3

Imgur Page for quest and FAN ART! You make it, we display it! Site’s been acting stupid lately, so I’ll get to it eventually!
>https://imgur.com/a/dvF3SCN

A HANDY PASTEBIN for INVENTORY, SKILLS, and MORE:
>https://pastebin.com/u/DemBonez3/1/TvtRhtJK

Rolls are handled by a 1d100--I take the BEST OF THREE ROLLS! Certain boosts and maluses will be applied based on the situation and existing skills. Describing your actions, write-ins, FANART and GENERAL CREATIVITY are all APPRECIATED AND REWARDED--we like to keep things LIGHT and CHILL here, so come on in and have some fun!

>CONTD.

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>>5379590
Your ears are ringing.

You’re unsure if it’s the walls of the subterranean death trap you’re in or the mess of pipes and wires lining the dimly-lit ceiling of the EMPLOYEE BATHROOM like vines in a jungle, but something’s causing it… and it’s pissing you off!

A swear escapes your lips as you accidentally knock over the trash bag of stuff Kiki retrieved for you–the gear confiscated by SONNY and her army of murderous pricks. Damn, how did you not notice it all before?!

“It ain’t yer’ fault, kiddo.” Mutters the disembodied voice of your skeleton, LY after having held his nonexistent tongue for a while. “I don’t think any of us coulda’ really expected dis’--not wit’out hard proof, at least.”

“Yea!” Adds NATS, the other (demonic) entity taking up shop in your body, “It’s not like we can save everyone, right? It-”

You coulda’ saved a HELL of a lot more, you snarl as you finish zipping up your EVENING SANITATION COORDINATOR COVERALLS and retrieve a small baggie carrying your LASER EYE like it was deli takeout. And you thought you told them both to not watch while you were changing, damn it!

“Thought you was done.” Ly huffs as you haphazardly stuff the eye given to you by Talbot into your bare socket. You feel a few pinches at first akin to a hermit crab nesting in your eye, but the feeling quickly passes as you feel a warm, viscous fluid pour over the cavity as your vision slowly returns. Well, you sigh as you look over your tired, freckled face in the nearby mirror, there’s that back.

Replying to the soft knock on the door with a curt ‘almost done!’, you pop the BUNNY EARS that go with your MAGICAL BUNNY SUIT back onto your messy brown hair… hope Kiki didn’t see these. And if she did, she’d better not say anything!

“Yyyyea, don’t think that’ll be an issue for her.” Nats replies with a nervous chuckle. Oh. Right.

Placing your EVENING SANITATION COORDINATOR cap on your head like a strawberry on a shortcake, you leave your SHADES in your pocket and primp in the mirror for a few more seconds. Good as it’s gonna get, you mutter to no one in particular.

>CONTD.

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>>5379593
Another knock at the door rouses you from your post-fight lethargy. Right, you’re still on the clock. Unlocking the bathroom door, you recall that you were going to:

Q1: WHAT WERE YOU GONNA DO? (CHOOSE 1)
>EXAMINE SONNY’S CORPSE. BITCH PROBABLY HAS SOMETHING OF VALUE ON HER!
>CHECK IN WITH BLUMENKRANTZ. HE SEEMED… OFF!
>CALL THE FOLKS HEADED TO THE UNIVERSITY–WHO KNOWS IF THEY EVEN MADE IT THAT FAR!
>TRACK DOWN TEDDY AND THE SECURITY GOONS–MAYBE THEY COULD USE HELP SECURING THINGS?
>GO SEE CHRISTY–SHE’S PROBABLY REELING RIGHT NOW, HUH?
>WRITE-IN!

Q2: WHO INSISTED ON GUARDING THE BATHROOM WHILE YOU RIFLED THROUGH YOUR INVENTORY?
>TALBOT!
>EDDIE!
>KIKI!
>LIL’ STANLEY!
>WRITE-IN!

>>5379594
>>EXAMINE SONNY’S CORPSE. BITCH PROBABLY HAS SOMETHING OF VALUE ON HER!

>LIL’ STANLEY!

>>5379594
>CALL THE FOLKS HEADED TO THE UNIVERSITY–WHO KNOWS IF THEY EVEN MADE IT THAT FAR!

>>5379594
>>EXAMINE SONNY’S CORPSE. BITCH PROBABLY HAS SOMETHING OF VALUE ON HER!
>LIL’ STANLEY!

>>5379626
>>5379719
>EXAMINE THE CORPSE!

>>5379632
>CALL THE UNIVERSITY!

>>5379626
>>5379719
>LIL-FRIGGIN-STANLEY!

Writing! Don't worry--you'll have time to handle other crap afterwards!

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You didn’t get a good chance to REALLY spit on your boss’ rapidly-decomposing corpse, and you don’t wanna miss out before the rest of the survivors crucify her or whatever! Opening the bathroom door slowly as to not smack your temporary bodyguard, you peek out just in time to see LIL’ STANLEY, your volatile and temperamental raccoon ‘pet’ surreptitiously chuck a novelty clenched hand on a stick to the side as she chitters a greeting.

Still firmly holding your late employer’s MAGIC REMOTE in her jaws, the woodland critter quickly surrenders it in your outstretched hand before diving into your pockets and reemerging with a bag of DRIVE-IN CANDY!

Hey, that was your SECRET STASH, FATTY!

Retreating to your shoulder with her sugary prize, the raccoon swiftly tears open the bag and starts noisily engorging herself on its contents. Yea, well, she’s earned it… you guess.

Emerging into the MAINTENANCE LOCKER ROOM you stopped in before heading to LIFE SUPPORT, you exchange an awkward nod with some very tired-looking security goons as you make your way back to the site of the battle.

“No rest fer’ da’ wicked, huh?” Ly remarks as the dull hum of machinery around you is periodically interrupted by the sound of distant gunfire. “Ya’ think Blumenkrantz’ guys will be able ta’ handle da’ cleanup of dis’ place?”

You couldn’t say, you shrug as you pass a pair of security guards solemnly standing over the remains of one of the exosuited skeletons you iced on the way in. THE LODGE is a big place…

“Lots of hidey-holes, and all that implies!” Chirps Nats in an annoyingly chipper tone! “But that’s okay–once we take down Tim it’ll be all over, right?”

It’d better be, you groan, still feeling tired despite being given some MAGIC MARROW after your fight. Speaking of, one annoyingly-lengthy staircase later leads you into the torn-up bowels of LIFE SUPPORT–or what’s left of it.

Shredded and clawed-up, the machines appear to have suffered from a vicious attack by a giant cat–as you pass by the skeleton crew of maintenance workers and refugee volunteers desperately trying to keep things running, you silently thank whatever deity’s watching that you didn’t have to fight a giant cat! Yeesh!

>CONTD.

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>>5379786
Approaching Sonny’s body, you find a squad of Good Boy Security standing guard around the corpse–each of them foregoing the usual gas mask with a simple respirator revealing their human faces beneath. Between them all lies the blonde-haired psycho covered up by a modest white sheet already soaked with lingering blood. Upon seeing you approach, one of the guards waves you over as the others back up to give you some room.

“Parble. Figured you’d want to say hi to ‘em.”

Yea, you snort, figured she could use a visit!

“Well we ain’t gonna stop ya.” The goon replies as he shares a knowing glance with his men. “Blumenkrantz ordered us to keep anyone from moving her–guess he’s got plans for the body. I’m hoping it involves explosives… or a really big meat grinder.”

If anyone deserves a cool sendoff, you counter, it sure as shit aint HER. Glaring daggers at the corpse, your statement is met with a quiet nod from the guard.

“Yea… yea, you’re probably right. Anyways, we did a quick check in case she was hiding anything dangerous, but she didn’t have much. Should all be there for ya’.”

You shift your frown over to him. And her wallet? Keys? Anything like that?

“Wallet’s secure–you’ll see what I mean when you look at it.” He says in a knowing tone. “Like I said, she was traveling light–not much else of note.”

You’ll see about that, you hiss as you and Lil’ Stanley approach the corpse. Crouching next to the sheet, you lift it up just enough to see the remains of Sunny’s skull–or what’s left of it.

“Christy didn’t take any chances, did she?” Ly remarks as you dutifully begin rifling through your boss’ pockets.

“Anger makes people lose control… every demon knows that!” Nats adds as you make a pile of your findings next to the body. “You don’t think straight when you’re mad… pretty handy if you’re trying to possess someone…”

Serves her right, you snarl as you stand up and give the corpse a good kick! If Christy didn’t turn her head into ground beef she’d probably have that stupid ‘I-told-ya-so’ smile plastered on her smug face! Bitch!

“Easy, Stan…” Ly warns as you give your boss and tormentor another kick to the ribs, “She can’t hurt nobody anymore…”

How long did she mess with you, you mutter under your breath. How many shifts did you think you were alone only to have her or her little ‘Honeybuns’ watching your every move? What the FUCK, man?!

Clenching your fists at your sides, you shoot a glare at the security guards as they all struggle to not pay attention to you. Steadying yourself with a deep breath, you finally respond to Ly with a resolute nod–he’s right, you sigh, she can’t hurt anyone anymore.

You hope.

>CONTD.

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>>5379788
Not keen on thinking about the implications any longer, you get to work inventorying Sonny’s belongings:

First, and most prominent, is her ORANGE GOOD BOY TIE–though still covered in blood, it would certainly make a decent trophy… or a present for her boytoy once you catch up with them.

And you will.

Speaking of, you also picked up a pack of SPEARMINT GUM– the type a certain coworker of yours had strong enough to make your eyes burn. Taking one of the few sticks left, you unwrap it and chuck it in your mouth.

The strong, minty flavor wakes you up and keeps you focused as you continue your inspection. A BROKEN HEADSET sits snapped apart around her caved-in skull–not that you had much use for it. There’s her BLOOD-SOAKED EYEPATCH, too, but it’s not like you need one anymore.

She doesn’t carry a phone of any kind, but you do find the aforementioned wallet… and upon a closer look you see exactly what the guard was talking about. Or hear it, rather!

Picking the basic wallet up and examining the Good Boy Mascot stitched into its side, you hear a faint beeping from within the fat purse–flipping it over you find a small ELECTRONIC SCREEN along with what appears to be a small virtual keyboard! As you take a closer look, a few words appear on the wallet’s impossibly-tiny readout:

‘ENTER PASSWORD’

Of COURSE this crazy bitch would have a password on her wallet. Of COURSE.

“Toldja.” The security goon mutters under his breath as he and the others take a few cautious steps away from you. “Hey uh… mind trying to open that somewhere else? Y’know, in case it gets… violent?”

Yes, you snarl, you DO mind! Besides, you add with a confident smirk, you know her password!

Q1: WHAT’S THE PASSWORD?
>GOODBOY
>FATSTACKZ
>CEOMINDSET
>TIBIUS
>FUCKYOUDADDY
>HONEYBUNS
>HONEYBUNCH
>HONEYBOOBOO
>PASSWORD
>I<3STAN
>WRITE-IN!

Q2: DO YOU OFFER LIL’ STANLEY SOME GUM?
>YES!
>NO!

>>5379790
>0MW2DV
>YES
I know she’s gonna get it stuck in her fur, but whatever. She’ll learn. Also, her password is my captcha.

>>5379812
>CAPTCHA
>YES
Sundays tend to be kinda slow and I might have shit going on later tonight, soooooOoOo...
Writing!

>>5379790
>>5379812
+1

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Offering Lil’ Stanley a piece of gum, you get to work entering the password as the critter gratefully snatches the treat out of your gloved hand. Let’s see here…

Ngh…

Rnngh!

Alright, what the HELL?!

“You good, cupcake?” Ly asks in a bemused tone.

Yea, you snarl, but this password thing SUCKS! You can barely plug the letters i-damn it, you meant a ‘2!’ A 2!

“You sure you know the password, kid?” Asks the security squad leader as he and a few of the other people in close proximity start backing away from the wallet’s increasingly loud beeping!

Yea, yea, you nod impatiently, just… just gimme a sec… and quit chewing in my ear, FATTY!

Scowling at your command, your ‘pet’ continues to loudly smack as you frantically type away! Just when the volume gets to ear-bleedingly-high levels, the gossamer metal cables binding the wallet shut quietly retract as the screen lets out a pleasant chirp!

‘ACCESS GRANTED!’

“Okay,” Ly begins with uncertainty in his voice, “What da’ hell was da’ password?”

Well, you reply, puffing out your chest with pride, you really just put in a bunch of random numbers and letters until it worked!

Rather than offer any of the usual commentary, Ly just skips to the classic ‘searing pain inside your skull’ tactic. OW!

“Da’ crazy broad could make SPEARS from her blood an’ you’re brute-forcin’ her WALLET!?”

A few tense minutes of rolling around and punching yourself in the bones later, the pain more or less subsides allowing you to get a glimpse of the wallet’s contents!

>CONTD.

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>>5379976
Naturally, you go for the billfold first! Though its contents are depressingly bare, you find the next best thing: A HANDFUL OF CREDIT CARDS! Now we’re talkin’!

“Don’t we need passwords for those too?” Asks Nats as you hide your plunder from the guard’s sight. Uhhh, Earth to Nats: did she not see how you handled the last passw-OW! OWWW! OKAY, QUIT IT!

Once Ly’s assault subsides, you notice something different poking out between the credit cards–a chipped card with the words ‘GOOD BOY MASTER KEY’ etched into the onyx-colored surface! Holy CRAP--you’re definitely holding onto that!

“An’ if Blumenkrantz needs it?” Ly asks like a teacher looking for an answer. “Or Christy?”

Yea, well… you’ll, uh…. Hm.

Moving on-

“Don’t ignore me, cupca-”

MOVING ON, you also find something nestled in one of the other pockets–one far less extravagant than your other findings, but interesting nonetheless: written on a crumpled-up Post-Em note in neat pencil is a symbol of some kind–nothing like any letter in the alphabet! You checked! Below it is a word you don’t recognize (an experience not wholly unfamiliar to you): ‘Paldric’.

“Hmm…” Ly remarks as you look closer at the note while Lil’ Stanley continues to smack the gum in her mouth, “It ain’t some kinda’ magic scroll, right?”

“Looks kinda like a SIGIL to me!” Nats remarks, prompting you, Ly, and Lil’ Stanley to all respond with a dull ‘huh?’ “You know… like a symbol! Demon alphabets use sigils all the time–much easier than writing a billion letters or something! Those names get LONG!”

So wait, you mutter as you look closer at your find, this is, like, a letter, or something?

“Say,” Ly remarks as if slowly understanding the situation, “Didn’t she mention somethin’ about da’ guy who beat TIM da’ first time!? Something about a ‘sig-’?”

Oh hell YES, you nod as understanding spreads through your head like a disease! This… this is one of the things they were gonna use if they fought him!

“Better hold onta’ it, den.” Ly suggests, prompting you to stuff it into your pocket. “An’ be careful wit’ it!”

Yea, yea, you groan, shoving it safely between your ROCKET LAUNCHER and AUTOMATED BONE SHAPER, whatever, DAD!

>CONTD.

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>>5379979
With not much left to see in her wallet, you take what you want and contemplate what to do next!

BESIDES THE SIGIL, WHAT ELSE DO YOU PILFER FROM YOUR BOSS’ DEAD CARCASS? CHOOSE ONE OR MORE… OR NONE AT ALL!
>ORANGE GOOD BOY TIE!
>BROKEN HEADSET!
>BLOOD-SOAKED EYEPATCH!
>CREDIT CARDS (AND DEBTS, MAYBE)!
>GOOD BOY MASTER KEY!
>BLOOD-SOAKED CLOTHING (YOU SICKO)!
>WRITE-IN!

ANY LAST WORDS FOR SONNY BEFORE LEAVING?
>YEP! (WRITE-IN!)
>NOPE! SUCK MY DICK!

WHAT’S NEXT?
>CHECK IN WITH BLUMENKRANTZ. HE SEEMED… OFF!
>CALL THE FOLKS HEADED TO THE UNIVERSITY–WHO KNOWS IF THEY EVEN MADE IT THAT FAR!
>TRACK DOWN TEDDY AND THE SECURITY GOONS–MAYBE THEY COULD USE HELP SECURING THINGS?
>GO SEE CHRISTY–SHE’S PROBABLY REELING RIGHT NOW, HUH?
>FIND YOUR PALS!
>WRITE-IN!

>>5379982
>ORANGE GOOD BOY TIE!
>GOOD BOY MASTER KEY!
>BLOOD-SOAKED EYEPATCH!
I fucking love characters opening their eyepatch and blasting a laser from it.

>YEP! (WRITE-IN!)
Spit on her grave

>CALL THE FOLKS HEADED TO THE UNIVERSITY–WHO KNOWS IF THEY EVEN MADE IT THAT FAR!

>>5379982
>>5379999
Supporting quads!

>>5379999
Supporting this

>>5379999
>>5380004
>>5380018
>TIE, MASTER KEY, EYEPATCH
>SPIT!
>CALL YOUR UNIVERSITY PALS!
Writing!

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You leave the credit cards in the wallet, but pocket the MASTER KEY and the SIGIL.

“Whuh… really? We ain’t takin’ da’ cards?” Ly asks with confusion in his tone.

No, you reply solemnly, you don’t want any of this psychotic maniac’s money–not a cent.


“Wow…. S-so cool, sis!”
“Gotta admit, didn’t expect dat’.”

Truth is you don’t actually know how credit cards work, but they don’t need to know that, now do they? Though you don’t take her credit cards, you have no qualms about relieving said psychotic maniac of her BLOOD-SOAKED EYEPATCH AND TIE!

“Yea okay, uh-” stammers the lead security guard as you place the patch over your Goodboynium eye with an unsettling ‘spotch, “You… that’s gonna give you an infection, kid…”

It’ll take more than a little infection to take STANLEY PARBLE down, you retort with a swarthy grin! Besides, this is some nice material here! Is it silk? Whatever it is, you’re keeping it! The tie, well… you’ll figure it out.

Armed with some stylish new accessories, it dawns on you that you haven’t heard from the University crew in a while.

“There IS dat’ crazy blizzard outside…” Ly observes as you glance surfaceward. “I dunno, Stan… mighta’ been a mistake…”

Well you won’t know unless you call, you reason, but first…

Trotting over to Sonny’s corpse for what you hope is the last time, you take a moment to gather some of your spit… a bunch of it… before spitting a big, wet gob onto where her face used to be.

Sick bitch probably woulda’ gotten off on it.
ACHIEVEMENT UNLOCKED: YOU’RE NOT THE BOSS OF ME!

Your appetite for corpse desecration sated for now, you inform the guards that you’re done with her, prompting them all to pounce on the credit cards like piranhas on a drowned cow!
Heh… what a buncha’ maroons!

>CONTD.

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>>5380116
It takes you a while to find a quiet spot for a radio call–even longer to find one with a chair you can sink into. As you quickly find out, your MASTER KEY has its uses–after a few frightening encounters with, in your words, ‘Enraged Spirits’, you quickly learn that said key opens electronic doors within a certain proximity!

You’re still on the fence about the whole spirit thing.

In any case, you manage to find a maintenance office complete with a desk and worn-out office chair–its surface cracked and covered in stains you’d rather not identify closer. Still, a chair’s a chair, and as you plop into the seat with a satisfied sigh, you turn your RADIO to the frequency you agreed on and get comfy. Hey guys, you purr, guess who YOU just iced?

And receive no response.

Turning up the volume a little higher, you repeat your salutation–anyone there?!

“Maybe we’re down too lo-”

Before Ly can finish, a chorus of crackling fills the empty office and nearly scares you out of your seat! Sitting back upright, you bring your radio closer to your mouth. Seriously, you guys, you don’t have to EAT the damn thing!

“-n! —AN! D-ead m–?!”

The voice comes in spurts, but you can just barely make it out: Denise?

“---n! –rous–ding ba–”

You can’t understand them, damn it! You’re at THE LODGE!

“---re —e ou!? —zi —-ding fa—”

The signal grows weaker by the second. Intuition tells you that whatever you’re gonna say next, you’d better do it fast if they wanna hear it!

The question is, what DO you say?
>ARE MITZ AND ART OKAY?
>WHERE ARE YOU?
>HEAD TO THE LODGE!
>DON’T USE THE SERUM!
>SHOOT A FLARE OR SOMETHING!
>SYB, DO THE DOLL THING!
>WRITE-IN!

That's all for tonight, folks--got work tomorrow so expect the next one around MONDAY 4-5PM PST! Hope to see you then!

>>5380118
>>SHOOT A FLARE OR SOMETHING!
>>SYB, DO THE DOLL THING!

>>5380118
>>SYB, DO THE DOLL THING!

Could really use Sybs insight on the sigil. And general support frankly.

Guesses:

> STAN! Do you read me!?

> “Damn! traiterous–hiding back?””

You can’t understand them, damn it! You’re at THE LODGE!

> “Where are you? Freezing hiding fa??”

Shit

> —zi —-ding fa—”

Mitzi fading fast? Bleeding fast?

>>5380118
>SYB, DO THE DOLL THING!

>>5380118
>SYB, DO THE DOLL THING!
I’m very worried, because I would have assumed Syb would try that immediately afterward.

>>5380118
>Stan, STAN, Do you read me?!
>Stan! Dangerous heading back
>Where are you!? Mitzi Fading fast

>WRITE-IN!
I'M ON MY WAY

>>5380118
>SYB, DO THE DOLL THING!

>>5380173
>>5380265
>>5380331
>>5380399
>>5380943
>DO THE DOLL THIIIIING!

>>5380173
>A FLARE, MAYBE! THAT'D BE NEAT TOO!

>>5380929
>I'M COMIN'!

Looks like Syb's returning to the doll! Writing!

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With no time to think, you blurt out the best solution your brain can piece together:

Syb, you shout into the receiver as if their lives depended on it (and they just might), DO THE DOLL THING!

You only get a haunting crackle in response. Moving to dramatically-throw your radio to the floor, you remember that it’s your only one and opt to gently, but firmly place it on the desk in front of you instead! Retrieving the creepy doll Sybil inhabited earlier on in your misadventures, you place it on the desk in front of you and eagerly rock back and forth in your borrowed chair as you wait for… well, something!

ANYTHING!

A few seconds of rocking turns into a few minutes… producing the same results. Gritting your teeth and clenching the chair’s weathered armrests to keep yourself calm, you probably make it for about ten more seconds before rising to your feet with an impatient groan! That does it, you snarl, you’re going after them!

“How?” Ly asks as you purposefully make your way towards the door. “We got no clue where they is, an’ da’ snow-”

You don’t care, okay!? You sent them out there and you’re unsending them… and that’s final! You’re about to leave when it dawns on you that you neglected to take the RADIO AND SYB DOLL. Spinning so fast that Lil’ Stanley nearly falls off your shoulder, your heart flutters when you witness the doll twitch a bit!

Syb, you hiss, bringing your eager face closer, is… is that you?

As if responding to your question, the doll sputters to life–but the reunion is far from a happy one. Flickering with spurts of magical energy, the effigy’s body sways as if caught in a storm, and its mouth barely matches up with its faint, almost distant voice!

“-tan… barely concentrate back here… -ave much time–do you hear…?”

Yes, you sputter, y-yes! You d-

“-letons EVERYWHERE, Stan… oads PACKED with sno… urning back, but being cha…”

The doll goes silent for a moment while its stitched lips continue to flap.

“-ou!? Repeat: where are…?”

Th-THE LODGE, you shout in the doll’s face, you’re at THE LODGE! Are they okay?!

“-t it. Gus is tak-us there. Forcefield an… urbo working for n…”

You’re about to leave the room with the doll in tow when the doll utters another question:

“-an… ERUM… ed to use… WHO?”

You don’t need to hear the whole word to know what she’s talking about. One thing’s for sure, though–the tone of her voice tells you that you can’t answer with ‘None of the Above’...

>CONTD.

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>>5381108
“n’t let me sway the dec…n, Stan…” The doll continues in a grave tone. “st tell us who to us…”

“Easy–both of them!” Exclaims Nats as your brain catches up with everything else! “We can’t just leave Mitzi AND Art like that, can we?!”

“But there’s no tellin’ what’ll happen…” Ly frowns as Sybil’s doll repeats the question. “If TIM gets ahold of either of ‘em-”

But if they don’t they’ll be out of commission for who knows how long… or WORSE, you counter! Lil’ Stanley hasn’t been taken over yet, so-

“I know… I KNOW, okay!?” Ly groans, unable to decide! “I… I guess we’re just gonna have ta’ believe in whatever happens, Stan… and what’s best fer’ both of ‘em…”

You know Tucker will try to stabilize them both, but Ly’s right–you’ve gotta make a decision here.

What do you tell Syb?
>GIVE THE SERUM TO MITZI!
>GIVE THE SERUM TO ART!
>SPLIT THE SERUM BETWEEN BOTH!
>WRITE-IN!

>>5381110

> SPLIT IT!

1. Lil Stanley hasn't tried to kill us yet, and in fact has been instrumental in our survival.
2. This is Stan Serum! Top shelf! Best of the best!
3. Art has BORIS serum in him! He needs Stan serum or he'll get mind controlled for sure!

>>5381110
>>5381118
No better choice than this. Support.

>>5381118
+1

>>5381118
>>5381122
>>5381136
>SPLIT IT!

Here goes something! Writing!

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It didn’t even take a second for you to give the doll your answer. Biting your lip with determination, you lean in close to Sybil’s face to make sure she hears you.

BOTH.

The effigy almost seems confused by your answer. “-hat was-”

BOTH, you repeat with absolute certainty in your clear and confident voice. They’ll split it between Art and Mitz–that’s your choice!

“-u sure-”

It’s your blood, damn it, and no one’s getting left behind on your watch! If anyone can fight off TIM’S influence, it’s Art and Mitzi! Do it!

The doll stares at you for a moment prompting you to repeat your last command with a slam of your fist on the desk for good measure!

DO IT, SYB!

If she has any arguments, the doll doesn’t share ‘em. With one last stare from her blue button eyes, the doll gives you a nod before falling limp onto the desk.

What, no ‘thank you’?!

“Relax, kid–she said it herself: she could barely concentrate back there. Makin’ dat’ doll thing happen was probably like… I dunno, jugglin’ ten chainsaws… on a motorcycle… in a twister. Made of snakes.” Ly replies as you give the doll a few pokes with your finger.

“I hope they can make it back safely…” Nats sighs as you begrudgingly return the effigy to your pocket. “Is there anything we can do to help?”

Not unless you, like, found a teleporter, you groan, unwillingly basking in your inability to claw away your current problem! Or, like, a really big cannon...

“Well if we’re talkin’ hardware, Blumenkrantz might know a thing or two.” Ly suggests, earning an encouraging nod from Lil’ Stanley. Wait, she can’t hear him! “I mean, it’s possible. Y’know how animals can sense earthquakes an’ stuff? It’s kinda like dat’, cupcake.”

Okay, you shrug, you guess he’s got a point… so what, you should go talk to Blumenkrantz about it?

“I mean… dat’ was da’ reason we came here in da’ first place, wasn’t it?” Answers your skeleton. “An’ it ain’t like we can go far if they’re already on their way.”

Hard to argue with that, you mutter to yourself as you rise from your borrowed chair. You’ve just gotta hope the team makes it back here in one piece… or try to meet them halfway.

With the Mitzi and Art dilemma put on hold for now, you decide to…

>CHECK IN WITH BLUMENKRANTZ. HE SEEMED… OFF!
>FIND YOUR PALS–MAYBE THEY HAVE SOME IDEAS!
>TRACK DOWN TEDDY AND THE SECURITY GOONS–MAYBE THEY COULD USE HELP SECURING THINGS?
>GO SEE CHRISTY–SHE’S PROBABLY REELING RIGHT NOW, HUH?
>WRITE-IN!

>>5381172
>>CHECK IN WITH BLUMENKRANTZ. HE SEEMED… OFF!
>GO SEE CHRISTY–SHE’S PROBABLY REELING RIGHT NOW, HUH?

>>5381172
>CHECK IN WITH BLUMENKRANTZ. HE SEEMED… OFF!
Bringing him our plans might be a spark of good news, and I’m sure he’d be more than willing to pilot that chopper for us, assuming the fucking thing is still out there somewhere.

>>5381176
>>5381184
+1 Support

>>5381176
>SEE CHRISTY!

>>5381176
>>5381184
>>5381197
>BUT SEE BLUMENKRANTZ!
Writing!

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As much as you’d prefer not to bother him right now, you know who you’re gonna have to talk to in order to get anything done around here… or get anything period. Flagging down a passing security goon, you ask if they can point you in Blumenkrantz’ direction.

“Hmmmm….” Replies the goon as she strokes her respirator-covered chin, “Well he can’t have gone far given all the boneheads still roaming around… pretty sure comms mentioned something about him heading up to the old observation area, though.”

Grunting a half-hearted thanks, you stick to the patrolled areas of the bunker and try to follow the guard’s instructions.

“You don’t think any more skeletons are gonna break through… right, sis?” Asks Nats as you pass by a barricade filled to the brim with half-dead security mooks. Not if you have anything to say about it, you say with a smirk!

Bolstered by your own self-confidence, you get lost a few times in the bunker’s twisting tunnels before eventually finding the path once more thanks to a chance encounter with a massive fist-shaped indent in the bunker wall!

And another.

And ANOTHER.

Gee, you mutter to yourself as you pass by a section of tunnel plating twisted up into some kind of abstract balloon animal, maybe you oughta… come back later?

“No sweat, kiddo…” Ly replies in a reassuring tone, “Just find da’ guy, ask about da’ chopper, an’ hit’ da road. Easy.”

Yea, you shrug, but still...

“You could always ask Talbot to come with you!” Chirps Nats!

Hey, yea, you nod, he could totally take a hit or seven from Blumenkrantz!

“NNnnot what I meant…”

Oh. Well thanks, you guess.

Turning a corner, you nearly let out a gasp as you spot a familiar mountain of a man peering out across a warehouse filled with rows of black bags.

Human-sized bags.

“...Parble.”

Devoid of its usual vitriol or spite, you nearly fail to answer the Chief of Security. Only after he turns your way do you realize he was referring to you! Oh, you stammer, y-yep, that’s you…

“Hmph.”

Standing in the entryway for a few seconds, you come to the conclusion that he isn’t going to punch you and quietly creep over to his side.

For the first time in ages, both of you are at a loss for words.

>CONTD.

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>>5381267
The silence is deafening as the two of you wordlessly take in the macabre scene below. Pairs of security guards hobble along the rows of bodies carrying a corpse like ants at a picnic before solemnly depositing it in the nearest empty space. They stand there for a moment, then leave the warehouse with nary a sigh or a cough.

“It’s all flesh.”

The sudden reappearance of Blumenkrantz’ low, growling voice nearly knocks you over. H-huh?

“Bones are all gone,” He continues, as if that explains everything, “all that’s left is flesh.”

Clenched at his side, Blumenkrantz’ black gloves struggle to contain his massive fists. “Over eighty percent of Clearwater sought refuge here… and we let them in. Had walls strong enough to withstand nukes… enough weapons and hardware to fight off a foreign invasion… even magic...” You can almost hear his teeth grinding behind his pursed lips. “And it all turned out to be one big fucking mouse trap.”

A long, weary breath escapes the old man’s nose. “What a goddamn mess I made, Parble. What a goddamn mess…”

Silence steps between both of you once more.

“... Go ahead. You’ve earned it.”

You respond to his command with a confused blink. Earned what? The veteran turns your way like a bearded statue and stares holes into your face through his mirrored shades.

“I’ve hated you for years now, Parble. Hated every single inch of you… every cell. Your very existence, in my mind, was an affront to Christy–a daily reminder that just when I feel like the world couldn’t give any less of a shit about us, there’s always tomorrow.”

He looks back down at the growing rows of corpses. “When this whole thing started I was so sure of it–so sure that somehow… somehow it was you behind it. And for the first time in years, Parble, I felt something other than hate–I felt hope.”

You repeat that last word as a question. Hope?

“Hope.” He nods, still stone-faced. “Hope that once I pieced everything together… once I connected you to this as well…” Blumenkrantz pauses. “... that maybe everything I’ve done… everything I’ve planned for…” His perpetually-stiff shoulders slacken a centimeter. “... maybe it would have all been justified.”

He looks towards you with an indecipherable expression on his cold face. “But here I am proven wrong. One of the culprits dead, the other on borrowed time, and it’s all thanks to the person I hated for years.”

He turns away once more.

“So say it, Stanley. I know you didn’t come up here to share the view.”

What say you?
>I… TOLD YOU SO?
>I’M SORRY, BLUMENKRANTZ.
>IT’S NOT YOUR FAULT.
>I DON’T UNDERSTAND.
>SAY NOTHING.
>WRITE-IN.

>>5381269
On that note, that's it for tonight--should have more TUESDAY AROUND 4-5PM PST. Thanks again for playing and apologies for the slow-going--should speed up again soon!

>>5381269
>>IT’S NOT YOUR FAULT.

>>5381269
Don’t just try to console him. He seems like the type that will deal with it on his own anyway. It’s probably not the first time he’s stood over comrades’ corpses anyway.

>IT’S NOT YOUR FAULT.
>YOU WERE KIND OF RIGHT.

Tell him that we should have known better ourselves to suspect Sunny, but we never figured it out until it was too late. More than that, the skeletons might have gotten in anyway thanks to the fact that Tibius was using us as an unwitting spy the whole time. Frankly, it seemed perfectly reasonable to assume we were the culprit. Because, partially, we were. At the risk of pissing him off again.

>>5381269

> WOULD IT HELP IF I SHOUTED AT YOU?
> BECAUSE RIGHT NOW I NEED YOUR HELP

>>5381293
Actually, I kind of like this better than >>5381277 so I’m gonna +1 to this. Simple and to the point.

>>5381271
>NOT YOUR FAULT

>>5381293
>>5381378
>WOULD IT HELP IF I SHOUTED AT YOU? BECAUSE RIGHT NOW I NEED YOUR HELP!
Writing!

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This new, somber version of Blumenkrantz confuses you… scares you, even! To see the man that effortlessly threw you through a titanium bulkhead reduced to this, well…

It’s unnerving, to say the least!

You’ve always been a stubborn bitch, though, so rather than oblige the Chief of Security you instead march in front of the human monolith between him and the view of the bodies below and jab an accusatory finger at his bearded, stony face! Would it help if I shouted at you, you say with an impatient snarl and a look of determination on your face! Because right now I need your help, damn it!

“Help.” He repeats with a derisive snort. “I get the whole town killed and you’re coming to ME for he-”

YES, you interrupt, because he knows better than anyone that now’s not the time to curl up and whine about ‘what if’s–and if anyone’s gonna help you make this right, it’s Blumenkrantz!

Still stoic, the old man brushes you away with a meaty hand. “Fuck off, Parble. Everything you’ve accomplished in the past few days has been on your merit alone… between my poor judgment and everything else thrown at you you had every right to hole up like the others, but you fought anyway.”

He pauses.

“... you’re a far better soldier than I ever was. Don’t let this old dog drag you down into his muc-”

Blumenkrantz’ self-pity sesh is cut short by a quick, decisive slap to his weathered cheek. You had to jump to reach it, but the effect still sticks. Glaring at you with wide, disbelieving eyes behind his shades, Blumenkrantz’ whole body begins to quake with fresh unquenchable RAGE.

You can compare dick sizes later, you growl, standing firm against the storm looming over you, but right now you’ve still got a fight to win and you need him, damn it, not some whiny baby! The guy who messed up Christy’s still out there, damn it, and you can’t get him without Blumenkrantz!

Poised over you like an angry bearded tree, it dawns on you again just how big Blumenkrantz is when he plucks you off the ground by the scruff of your neck and brings you close to his clenched teeth!

“Alright you goddamn psycho,” He hisses with renewed vigor in his voice, “You’ve got me. Now what?”

A relieved smile slowly forms across your face. You’ll need some wings, you confidently reply, and a pilot.

“HMPH! Kid’s stuff!” Blumenkrantz snarls. “I’ll get ya’ something BETTER.”

>CONTD.

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>>5382053
“Sssooo why exactly are we doing this again? And how does it help Tucker and the others?”

For the last time, you reply groaning at Eddie’s question, Blumenkrantz has something to show us!

“Any chance he could do it in a better-lit place?” Grumbles Talbot as you and the rest of your friends wait impatiently in a pitch-black hangar, “The last time someone told me he had something to show me in a dark room it did NOT go well!”

As you and Kiki turn to look at Talbot, you’re blinded by a sudden flash of lights… along with the sound of a powerful engine roaring to life! It takes a few minutes to shake off the blurry vision, but once you do you nearly drop your jaw on the cement–rising from a massive hatch in the center of the hangar comes a marvel of modern engineering! Clad in shining black paint, the aircraft in front of you appears to be some kind of FIGHTER JET, but the wings are all weird and propellor-y! And why’s it so BIG!?

“Ho-ly CRAP, Stan…” Eddie mutters as Kiki, Talbot, and Lil’ Stanley watch in stunned awe, “This… this is one of those VETOS, r-right!?”

“VTOL aircraft–state of the art in every way!”

Shaken from your stupor by Blumenkrantz’ booming voice, you turn to find him standing behind you all beaming with genuine pride! “Armor-piercing gunpods, dumb and tracking missile launchers, engines that’ll shake off a blizzard like a preschooler off a bull… and a computerized piloting system so easy to use a child could figure it out… We call ‘er ‘’FIDO’– and she’s a damn good girl.”

“Where…” Talbot babbles as he takes in the sights, “Where the hell were these during the attack? O-or before?!”

“Mothballed indefinitely.” Blumenkrantz growls as he puffs a cloud of acrid smoke from a fresh cigar in his mouth. “Got ‘em custom from an old CHAIR FORCE buddy of mine–he fucked me on the engines, though–keep ‘em lit for too long and they putter out. No good for repeat missions. Still,” he continues as the cockpit slowly opens, “she’ll be a much smoother ride than some Commie hand-me-down chopper, that’s for damn sure.”

Hopping out of the front seat like a kid getting off of a carnival ride comes Christy with an uncharacteristically chipper grin on her face. Scampering over to your entourage with remarkable speed, she skids to a halt in front of you before making a dramatic ‘ta-daaa’ gesture with her arms!

How do you respond to all this?
>THANKS, BLUMENKRANTZ. SERIOUSLY.
>SO WE’RE PILOTING, THEN?
>ANY WORD ON OUR OTHER PALS?
>WE’LL NEED TO PREPARE A BIT BEFORE TAKING OFF!
>YOU GUYS GONNA BE OKAY WHILE WE DO THIS?
>WRITE-IN!

>>5382058
>ANY WORD ON OUR OTHER PALS?
>SO WE’RE PILOTING, THEN?

>>5382058
>ANY WORD ON OUR OTHER PALS?
>Talbot saw the osprey
>Therefore Tibius saw the osprey
>Therefore Tibius knows at least partially what we’re planning

So I guess us having Talbot run distraction at town hall under the guise of us going that way is out, unless we drop him off there under that pretense. But the skies will be filled with skeletal wyverns now, meaning this is gonna be a lot harder.

>>5382089
>ANY WORD ON PALS?
>WE'RE PILOTING?

>>5382092
>WORD ON PALS?

Writing!

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Giving the whole ensemble a nod of approval, you raise an eyebrow as you turn to face Blumenkrantz. So, you ask, does this mean he’s leaving the keys with you?

“Like I said, Parble, the onboard systems make it easier than scratching your ass.” Replies the chief as he looks at his granddaughter. “Right, Christy?”

Still enthralled by the brief test drive, the personal assistant gives you an enthusiastic nod before tapping furiously on her phone!

“And if that’s too hard to handle, I’ll be happy to take you.”

“WHAT?!” Roars Blumenkrantz as the little mirth in his voice immediately fades, “Out of the question–I’m not letting you get blown out of the sky on some dare-”

“It’s not your choice to make, grandpa.” Interjects the cellphone as a look of commitment cements itself on the personal assistant’s normally-stoic face! “If that son of a bitch is up there-”

“Then I’LL tear his head off and bring it back here to you!” The old man counters with renewed vigor! “The people here need you…” The Security Chief’s stern expression softens somewhat. “... and I need you here too. Please, Christy…”

Doubt crosses her face, but she stands firm as she taps at her phone once more.

“Arguing is pointless and people are dying while we sit around. Stan will decide and that’s final.”

“Tch, fine,” Snarls her grandfather, clearly not jazzed about the idea, “Just don’t forget they can drive it themselves…”

Satisfied for now, Christy motions you and your pals closer as a flickering map of the area around you appears on her device’s screen.

“Perimeter sensors picked up a familiar van not far from The Lodge. Thought you’d want to know.”

“Shit…” Eddie hisses as Kiki marvels at Christy’s voice technology, “They’re still pretty far, huh?”

“Blizzard’s been picking up exponentially.” Reports Blumenkrantz as he points a gloved finger surfaceward. “FIDO oughta’ handle it for a while, but we lost contact with our surface sentries a few hours ago–roads are probably paralyzed as well.”

“Several hostiles are gaining on the van.” Christy adds with a grave look on her face. “If you make haste you should be able to extract them before the brunt of the forces arrive.”

“What the hell are we waitin’ for, then!?” Roars Talbot as he stomps towards the aircraft! “Let’s go get ‘em!”

Easy, tiger, you reply, you’ve gotta figure out a few things first!

“Plannin’ ahead?” Ly remarks in a bemused tone, “Who are ya’ and what happened ta’ cupcake?”

>CONTD.

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>>5382178
Q1: WHEN DO YOU LEAVE?
>NOW! TIME’S A-WASTIN’!
>IN A SEC–YOU HAVE A FEW MORE PEOPLE AND THINGS TO SEE AROUND THE LODGE!
>WRITE-IN!

Q2: WHO’S PILOTING?
>YOU!
>TALBOT!
>KIKI!
>EDDIE!
>LIL’ STANLEY!
>BLUMENKRANTZ!
>CHRISTY!
>SOME OTHER RANDOM GOOD BOY MOOK!
>WRITE-IN!

Q3: IF YOU DON’T CHOOSE EITHER OF THEM IN Q2, WHO DO YOU BRING WITH YOU TO THE FORT?
>BLUMENKRANTZ! HE CAN BLOW OFF SOME STEAM!
>CHRISTY! SHE’S MORE CAPABLE THAN SHE LOOKS!
>BOTH! EVERY GUN HELPS!
>NEITHER–THEY’RE NEEDED HERE!
>WRITE-IN!

Q4: IF LEAVING ONE OR BOTH BEHIND, ANY LAST WORDS TO BLUMENKRANTZ OR CHRISTY?
>THANKS AGAIN!
>DON’T WORRY–WE’LL GET’EM!
>STAY STRONG DOWN HERE, YEA?
>WRITE-IN!

>>5382179
Q1:
>NOW! TIME’S A-WASTIN’!
Q2:
>EDDIE!
Q3:
>NEITHER–THEY’RE NEEDED HERE!
Christy will get fucking killed and Blumenkrantz needs to be here to direct the remaining GBCS forces.
Q4:
>THANKS AGAIN!

>>5382179
>Q1:
>>NOW! TIME’S A-WASTIN’!
>Q2:
>>EDDIE!
>Q3:
>>NEITHER–THEY’RE NEEDED HERE!
>Christy will get fucking killed and Blumenkrantz needs to be here to direct the remaining GBCS forces.
>Q4:
>>THANKS AGAIN!

>>5382179
> Q4: Anything I should whisper in Boris' ear before I rip his throat out?

>>5382210
>>5382185

Adding this to my vote.

>>5382184
>>5382185
>>5382210
>>5382221
>NOW!
>EDDIE!
>NEITHER!
>THANKS + ANY STUFF FOR BORIS?
Writing the last update of the night!

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An icy finger runs down your spine eliciting a sudden shiver… one caused by more than just the cold outside.

“You good, Stan?” Asks Talbot as you recover. Yea, you nod, never better–what say we get this show on the road, huh?

Kiki pumps her fist excitedly as Talbot and Eddie share a brotherly high-five! “Hell yea!” The film student cheers as he takes a few steps towards your ride, “Shotgun!”

A wry grin forms on your face as you cross your arms across your chest. What’s the matter, Ed? Afraid of the MAIN GUN?

“Wha? Well no, but-” It takes the goofball a few seconds to realize what you’re offering, but when he does it’s like watching a dog about to go for a walk!

“YES! YES, STAN!”

Okay, chill!

“You… you won’t regret this!” Eddie yells as he pulls you into a genuinely grateful embrace! “Captain Eddie’s gonna save the day, you’ll see!”

Gently dislodging yourself from the film student’s clutches, you notice Christy furiously typing away at her phone and quickly intercept her hand! You know she’s capable, you begin as the personal assistant looks ready to stab your hand, but she and her granddad are needed down here…

As if on cue, a cracked and tape-plastered radio at Blumenkrantz’ side crackles to life with an unfamiliar voice! “Blumenkrantz, sir, do you read?”

“Go ahead, officer.” Responds the chief as he reflexively brings the radio to his ear. “Report.”

“LIFE SUPPORT is… well, it’s shot, sir.”

“I know it is, mor-” With a little inspiration from Christy shooting him a look of disapproval, Blumenkrantz’ gravely voice catches in his throat. “Err, I understand that… you. I was there, remember?”

“R-right… sorry, sir! I mean it’s broken beyond repair…” The guard explains, eliciting a displeased growl from the security chief. “It’ll hold for a few more hours, maybe, but that’s with a lot of duct tape… a-and if that storm continues, well-”

“Understood. Take all the maintenance staff you need to keep it running–our solution’s about to head out now.”

“Roger that, sir–tell them to give ‘em hell for m-”

“Yea, yea,” Blumenkrantz growls as he stuffs the radio back into his pocket, “Christ, these people…”

Avoiding your smug grin, Blumenkrantz motions for you to get moving. “Alright, Parble, you’ve wasted enough time as is…”

As Talbot, Lil’ Stanley, and Kiki all make their way to your chariot while Eddie makes takeoff preparations, you turn to Christy and raise an eyebrow her way. Anything she’d like whispered in Boris’ ear before you rip his worthless throat out?

The girl returns your smile as she types away at her phone.

“I’ll entrust that to you. You’ve proven to be a good improviser… not to mention you had to WORK with the bastard…”

Yea, you snort, not for much longer…

>CONTD.

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>>5382293
https://youtu.be/CIt_GutBRKo
Heading for the VTOL, you pause mid-jog and wave to the two Blumenkrantzes. Thanks again, you guys, you say with genuine appreciation in your eyes, for everything!

“Do your best out there!” Chirps Christy’s phone as the girl in question waves with a smile growing on her face!

“Tch, just don’t screw up out there, Parbl-” Stopping mid-sentence once again, Blumenkrantz takes a long puff on his cigar before amending his statement in a hushed tone: “I mean, erm… Thank you, Stanley. Give ‘em hell…”

Boarding the VTOL, you grab a hold of a nearby handle and watch as both of the figures slowly shrink to an ant’s size as Eddie takes you upwards towards the hangar ceiling!

“Everybody buckle in,” he mutters, tapping away at a set of holographic controls as Talbot gets comfy in the passenger’s seat next to him, “and don’t even think of asking me to pull over for a bathroom break!

With a series of earth-shaking metallic groans, the roof iris slides open revealing a massive shaft separated by several more airlocks! Retracting into the sides of the shaft one by one, you’re finally met by one last barrier–this one thick enough to shrug off an atom bomb! As it opens at a glacier’s pace, clumps of bloody snow tumble into the chasm below as icy flakes bombard your perch!

As you rise into the air like a very confused shooting star, somewhere in the dark recesses of the bunker a red-haired soot-covered girl watches the security feed from the safety of a nearby vent. Clutching a freshly-made doll in your likeness close to her chest, the orphan glances skyward with a twinkle in her saucer-sized eyes.

Elsewhere in a ransacked supply warehouse a pair of security armor-clad goons pause picking up the merch strewn about the floor to watch your takeoff too–one of them a quartermaster, the other a gruff, older guard far from his post at the elevator armory.

In a safe room stuffed with shivering, frightened refugees, a massive mountain of a man clad in a blue bowtie, hockey mask, and a modest pair of finely-tailored trousers comforts a sobbing girl who just barely managed to escape the canteen she waited tables for. Hearing the rumble of your aircraft’s engines above, the safe room inhabitants become a little calmer.

Having taken down another squad of skeletons, a security squad leader gives an order to his men in a laconic Southern drawl–one of them with a familiar autograph on the side of his ash-covered helmet. Listening close to your departure, the squad’s legs become a little less heavy…

Far away in the remains of an old dorm building, a crowd of students and university staff stand their ground as bony limbs scratch and pound at the front door–no one has any intention of running anywhere.

Winds whipping you around like a spider dangling from a thread in a storm, this is where the end of your story begins…

>CONTD.

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>>5382295
“Sh-sh-shit, man, doesn’t this thing h-h-have a HEATER or something!?” Shivers Talbot as the warm, clammy bunker disappears below you in a shroud of bloody snow!

“D-dude, I b-barely know how t-t-to fly th-this thing!” Eddie counters as he quickly rubs his bare hands together for warmth! “J-j-just bl-blow on your hands, or s-something!”

“St-STAN!” Barks the janitor, “C-commere a s-sec!”

You’re about to give him a FIRE-AUGMENTED SMACK IN THE ARM when you hear it–the distant, but now unmistakable sound of weapons firing! Following the ruckus with your eyes, you give the back of Eddie’s seat a few slaps and point in the direction you hear it happening–there, do you hear it!?

“Oh yea,” he nods as FIDO banks in their direction, “I hear it alright!”

Banking through the shower of bloody snow, your aircraft barely avoids a head-on collision with a BONE DRAGON as it soars into the air with a massive burn mark on its face! Following where it came from, you find your target almost immediately–a lone armored VAN wrapped in a flickering blue bubble half-buried in a bloody snow bank!

It takes you a moment to notice the ground moving beneath you. Like ants raiding a picnic, hordes of skeletons march on your friends wielding everything and anything they can get their hands on–grenades, rockets, flamethrowers, pointy sticks…

It’s only thanks to the massive, borderline excessive amount of firepower coming from the van that the skeletons haven’t overrun it yet, but though your friends sling magic and bullets at their aggressors, even from above you can tell they’re running out of steam!

“I’m gonna bring us closer!” Eddie announces as the aircraft dips towards the battle below! “What’s the plan, Stan?”

Before you can answer, another newcomer enters the fray–well, not so much enters so much as is flung in! Barely fighting the roaring winds, a familiar CHOPPER fights to maintain balance as it unloads its gatling gun into the crowd below!

Making itself scarce before the skeletons can retaliate, you exchange surprised glances with a familiar old man sitting in the cockpit–a crooked, weary grin sitting behind his cracked shades!

What’s the plan here?
>TEAM UP WITH PETE AND RELIEVE THE VAN A BIT FIRST!
>LET PETE HANDLE THE WEAKLINGS, YOU FOCUS ON THE BIGGER THREATS!
>EDDIE, ANY WAY YOU CAN JUST SCOOP THE VAN UP?
>GET LOW AND JUMP INTO THE FRAY–YOU CAN HELP YOUR VAN PALS BETTER ON THE GROUND!
>WRITE-IN!

>>5382296
That's it for tonight! Should have more WEDNESDAY AROUND 4-5PM PST! Hope to see you then!

>>5382296
>LET PETE HANDLE THE WEAKLINGS, YOU FOCUS ON THE BIGGER THREATS!
Prioritizing skeletons with weaponry capable of threatening the vans and choppers should be foremost. If the picture of Fido is accurate, those dual chain guns under the cockpit should be able to shred swaths of skeletons. Keek can blast her LMG out the side doors to add on to it.
>GET LOW AND JUMP INTO THE FRAY–YOU CAN HELP YOUR VAN PALS BETTER ON THE GROUND
Us and Talbot can hop down and provide immediate aid. We’re both generally better use up close anyway. Talbot’s ability to tank stupid amounts of damage, along with our enamel armor will make it easier for us to cover the others’ retreat.

>>5382296
>LET PETE HANDLE THE WEAKLINGS, YOU FOCUS ON THE BIGGER THREATS!
>GET LOW AND JUMP INTO THE FRAY–YOU CAN HELP YOUR VAN PALS BETTER ON THE GROUND!

>>5382311
+1
>>5382296

>>5382311
Shoulda mentioned, but FIDO'S armaments include (in the most basic terms:)
>2 Side Manned Turrets
>2 Heatseeking Missile Launchers (Pilot/Copilot)
>2 Dumb Missile Launchers (Pilot/Copilot)
>2 Forward Armor-Piercing Gatling Guns (Pilot/Copilot)
Don't ask how it works, that's just what you've got!

>>5382311
>>5382393
>>5382475
>PETE HANDLES WEAKLINGS, EDDIE ATTACKS BIG BOIS
>YOU AND TALBOT TACKLE SOME NASTY PUNKS ON THE GROUND!
Posting from phone, so here's how it'll go...
ROLL ME 3D100--ONE FOR EDDIE, ONE FOR STAN (+5 DEMON STRENGTH, +5 BUNNY SUIT, +10 TANDEM WITH PALS, -10 LITS OF BONEHEADS) AND ONE FOR TALBOT! I'LL TALLY THE BONEUSES WHEN I GET HOME!

BEST OF 3 ROLLS, NATURALLY!

Rolled 98, 95, 37 = 230 (3d100)

>>5382640

>>5382647
Lol, friggin' Talbot

Rolled 30, 56, 2 = 88 (3d100)

>>5382640
Talbot sucks lol.

Rolled 55, 13, 17 = 85 (3d100)

>>5382640
Pull it together man

>>5382668
>>5382659
>>5382647
What did Stan see in him again?

>>5382838
Dunno--you're the goofballs who voted to start kissin' the big dingus!

>>5382647
>>5382659
>>5382668
>HIGHEST ROLLS: 98! 105! 37!
Writing!

File: talworst.png (233 KB, 600x600)

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A plan quickly forms in your head as you pass each other by. Eddie, you bark as you bend your knees in preparation for a jump, go after the big targets–Pete will mop up the small fries!

“You got it!” Replies the film student as he sticks a thumbs up behind him! “How, uh… how’s he gonna know our plan, though?”

You don’t know and you don’t really feel like figuring it out, you growl as Kiki tries out one of the turrets on the horde below, so he can deal with that! Snapping your fingers at Talbot, you motion him over to your side–is he ready to bust some heads or what!?

“Awww YEA!” Roars the janitor as he hops out of the passenger’s seat, “Better stay outta the way, Stan–I’m gonna PUREE these sons of bitches!”

Lil’ Stanley takes the opportunity to claim Talbot’s seat as you and your ex-bodyguard prepare for a rough landing!

“So uh… when should we pick you guys up?” Eddie asks over the roar of FIDO’S engines!

He’ll know, okay?! Just have fun for a little bit!

Exchanging a nod with Talbot, the two of you count to three before leaping into the throngs of skeletons below! Armoring up mid-drop, you waste no time in clearing the LZ with a shot from your trusty ROCKET LAUNCHER! As your exoskeleton is buffeted by chunks of burning bone and steel, your combat drop is nearly cut short by the sudden reappearance of the BONE DRAGON! Swooping low to snap at your heels, the beast’s attack goes wide… but not before snagging Talbot’s pant leg on one of his many back spines!

“WO-WAAAAAAAAUUUUUGH!!!!!”

Yanked out of the air, your would-be partner disappears into the blizzard along with the dragon! Damn it!

Oh right, you’re landing. Leaving Talbot to his own dumb devices, it dawns on you that you’re being shot at and immediately get to work carving into the skeleton horde like a thanksgiving turkey! Ducking and weaving through their close-quarters-combat like a pro boxer, you focus your attention on the skeletons with the bigger guns–A.K.A the flamethrowers, rockets, and heavy machine guns!

That’s not to say you don’t tear other skeletons to shreds, of course, but… y’know.

>CONTD.

File: skelecharge.gif (1.31 MB, 498x274)

1.31 MB GIF

>>5383052
Not one to be left out, Eddie takes your advice to heart and sprays the skeletons around the van with everything he’s got! Cackling maniacally, he fills their ranks with missiles while both Lil’ Stanley and Kiki unload the gun pods into anything vaguely boney!

As the layer of bloody snow melts against your vicious onslaught, Pete uses his bird’s weapons to clear you a path towards the van! Leaping from skeleton to skeleton with hearty servings of GUN and CLAW, you eventually reach the perimeter of deanimated skeletons slowly burning away into blue flames! Stepping into the miniature no man’s land, you’re immediately targeted by the folks in the van… until they realize who you are, that is!

“About DAMN time!” Roars a familiar, but grateful ginger as he launches a salvo of grenades into the unending torrent of skeletons! “Thought you’d gone on ahead, or something!”

A blast of energy straight out of an old Sci-Fi flick rips out from the back of the van and engulfs a charging pack of boneheads! “Shit, Stan, no wonder you’re always so wired–this BONE MARROW crap hits the spot!”

Emerging from the van with a partially-drained bone in one hand and the SCIENCY GUN in the other, Mitzi raises her snack to you before Gus and Tucker join her!

“Stan!”

Blinking into existence next to you, Sybil gives you a quick side-hug before chucking a fireball into the crowd! “Glad you’re here–we can’t keep this up much longer.”

Zipping back to the van to dodge a burst of flames from a nearby flamethrower, The Goth returns after you’ve dispatched the offending party with a shotgun blast to the face. “Can that aircraft carry all of us?”

Yyyyea, you mutter as you watch Eddie unload a few missiles into the BONE DRAGON’S back, you’re pretty sure they could squeeze in!

>CONTD.

File: dragskel.jpg (48 KB, 736x552)

48 KB JPG

>>5383054
Joining Syb at the back of the van, your bedraggled-looking comrades shoot you grateful, if not somewhat weary smiles! Even Denise pauses from unloading the turret you pilfered from the DRIVE-IN into the horde!

“Take it you guys visited THE LODGE.” Art remarks as he continues bombarding the skeletons through the van’s rapidly-depleting FORCE FIELD! “How’d that go?”

Dead, you reply, as if that explained everything, lots.

“Shit…”

It’s not all bad though, you continue! Turns out Sonny was one of the jackasses behind all this, and her accomplice is still out there too!

“Why is that good news?” Asks Sybil with genuine confusion.

Because your boss is now deader than disco, you reply as you show off your claws to the rest of the van! And her little boytoy’s been on your shitlist for ages…

“Wait, ‘boytoy’?” Asks Mitzi with half the amount of confusion Sybil had, which is quite a lot for her! “So… hold on-”

The tomboy’s thought process is cut short when a salvo of rockets impact against the force field sending you and everyone else tumbling!

Doesn’t matter, you interrupt with renewed determination in your voice! Christy and Blumenkrantz are holding down the fort, and if Art and Mitzi are all good then you’ve got no reason to stick around here any longer! You punctuate your sentence by narrowing your eyes at the two previously-injured crew members. They ARE all good… right?

“Haven’t been possessed yet.” Art shrugs as he reloads his GRENADE LAUNCHER.”

“And I’ve only got a slight craving for STAN FLESH, so that’s pretty normal.” Adds Mitz with a smirk that says ‘just kiddiiiing’. This bitch!

“Well,” Sybil interjects as she props herself against the back of the van, “If that Talbot business has been sorted out, then we should begin our escape, yes? Is he all good, Stanley?”

Yea, you nod as you hear a distant panicked scream from the back of the dragon circling the battlefield, he’s good as new!

>CONTD.

File: hanginthere.gif (52 KB, 220x323)

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>>5383056
Speaking of, you’re about to answer Sybil’s question when the fire-breathing beast decides to ruin everyone’s fun! Spurred on by the tenacious janitor struggling to break free from his spine and the ongoing attacks by Eddie, the BONE DRAGON makes a decisive move and swoops low before SNATCHING the van and everyone in it up in his massive jaws!

ROLL ME 1d100+5(+5 BUNNY SUIT, +5 DEMON STRENGTH, +5 BONE SPEED -10 LOTS OF UNSECURED CARGO) TO HOLD ON FOR DEAR LIFE! I’LL TAKE THE BEST OF 3 ROLLS!

Rolled 3 + 5 (1d100 + 5)

>>5383057

Rolled 32 + 5 (1d100 + 5)

>>5383057
>Verification not required.

Rolled 92 + 5 (1d100 + 5)

>>5383057

>>5383059
>>5383064
>>5383066
>HIGHEST ROLL: 97!
Not dead yet! Writing!

File: timerunning.jpg (130 KB, 698x421)

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Oh no you DON’T! Stabbing your claws into one of the van doors, you use your newfound leverage to yank both closed as the dragon carries you into the air! As the gang piles up like a heap of ragdolls, you’re the first to tunnel to the top! You have a FORCE FIELD, damn it! Why isn’t it… Fielding… FORCE?!

“We’ve had it going for a while now.” Tucker reports as the field in question loudly fizzles outside the van.

“Yep.” Nods Gus, clearly only mildly bothered by your current situation. “Popped in a fresh battery at the Drive-In, but we’ve been usin’ a lotta’ juice… probably on its last legs.”

“Glad to see everyone taking this so well,” Interjects Art impatiently, “but are we planning on DOING anything about this? Look at the damn ceiling!”

Sure enough, the top of the van slowly buckles above you as the dragon digs in with its teeth! Art’s right, you nod, you’ve gotta figure things out while you still have time!

“So let’s just shoot it.” Mitzi shrugs as she mimes a few pulls of a trigger with her hand. “We’ve got one hell of an angle on it as long as we don’t fall out…”

“Stan, you’re a good climber!” Art observes as he motions for you to get going! “Get out there and tear it a new one, okay?”

“Th-there is a-another w-way…” Denise interjects as she shakes some of the turret shell casings out of her bird’s nest hair. “O-one th-that will r-require p-perfect t-timing, ho-however…”

TIMING, you scoff–oh boy, here we go… let me guess, you continue with mild bemusement in your voice, is there a BOMB rigged to the van? They gonna blow it up?

Both Gus and Denise go eerily quiet, prompting the rest of the van to follow suit. Oh godDAMN it, you snarl, who thought that up?!

“Pretty sure Wyatt put it on there after turnin’.” Gus shrugs. “Took the detonator after beating his head in with a socket wrench, but yea. Might be handy.”

“Eddie’s gonna be devastated about RIP…” Sighs Tucker as everyone turns to look at the RIP KORD CARDBOARD CUTOUT still standing in the middle of the van. “... but maybe that’s how he’d want to go…”

Hold the fuck on, you growl, you haven’t decided on anything yet, okay!?

“Well hurry up, please…” Art hisses as you feel the van start to heat up around you, “Because we’re running outta’ time!”

>CONTD.

File: abomb.png (99 KB, 480x360)

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>>5383122
You’ve got the ride, but can you all reach it in time? With the FORCE FIELD rapidly buckling around you, you can’t afford to dawdle anymore!

What’s the plan!?
>TRY TO GET EDDIE TO PICK YOU UP USING THE VAN’S RADIO!
>GET OUT THERE AND MESS UP THE DRAGON! THE LANDING MIGHT SUCK, BUT MAYBE SYB CAN POWER THE BATTERY?
>TRY TO JUICE UP THE VAN BATTERY MORE WITH YOUR ELEMENTAL POWERS WHILE THE OTHERS DEAL WITH THE DRAGON!
>WRITE-IN!

On that note, folks, I think I'm gonna call it early tonight--been feeling like shit warmed over ever since I got home and it's making writing really tricky... hate to put it off, but I'll probably update again THURSDAY AROUND 4-5PM PST. Apologies for the quick sign-off... hopefully my brain juices'll flow a bit more tomorrow!

>>5383124

> GRAB THE BOMB AND STUFF IT DOWN THE DRAGONS THROAT. OR THROUGH ITS RIBS, I AINT PICKY

Alternatively maybe we have Syb and Stan both power the shield and have Eddie chuck a missel at the dragon?

Shit, we should probably rescue Talbot too.

>>5383124
>> GRAB THE BOMB AND STUFF IT DOWN THE DRAGONS THROAT. OR THROUGH ITS RIBS, I AINT PICKY

>>5383223
Probably this one. Let’s just stick the bomb between its ribs and go rescue our supposed body-guard.

>>5383223
Supporting

>>5383223
>>5383225
>>5383233
>>5383269
>BOMB APPETITE!
D'awww, Talbot'll be FINE! He's a big guy! Gotta run to work so here's the scoop:
ROLL ME 2d100+15(+5 BUNNY SUIT, +5 DEMON STRENGTH, +5 FENCER'S FEMURS, +5 BONE SPEED, -5 HANGING IN THE SKY BY A DAMN DRAGON) TO GIVE THIS GUY A SPICY MEATBALL WHILE ALSO MAYBE HELPING TALBOT! I'LL TAKE THE BEST OF 3 ROLLS!

Rolled 99, 16 + 15 = 130 (2d100 + 15)

>>5383424

Rolled 27, 32 + 15 = 74 (2d100 + 15)

>>5383424

Holy crap, Talbot, GET YOUR SHIT TOGETHER

>>5383539
He can't, he sucks too much.

>>5383549
He just hasn't been the same since we hit him with that prism. Guess Tim was responsible for his good rolls

Rolled 32, 40 + 15 = 87 (2d100 + 15)

>>5383424

>>5383571
>Guess Tim was responsible for his good rolls
Alright you got me to kek. Here’s your (you).

>>5383435
>>5383529
>>5383622
>HIGHEST ROLLS: 114! 55!
Writing!

>>5383571
inb4 Tim totally jobs and makes the whole fight super lame and anticlimactic

File: underhood.jpg (180 KB, 1280x720)

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Of COURSE you can, you conclude as you rush to the van doors, you’re STANLEY!

“Ahp-bap-bap-bap!” Art interrupts before you can kick anything open, “Stan, share with the class, please!”

You respond by jabbing a finger at Syb’s pale face! She can start by keeping the battery charged! With MAGIC!

“Worth a try, I suppose!” She shrugs before blinking to the hood of the van.

“What are we supposed to do?” Gus asks as he watches Syb work with a hint of worry in his dead eyes.

You, you reply, will cover her ass… don’t get jealous now, Art! HA! Now where’s that BOMB?

The pizza delivery man points downwards. Well, downwards being the floor of the van–being carried in a dragon’s mouth makes directions kinda funky. “Undercarriage.”

“Wait–we’ve been driving around with a BOMB on the bottom of the van this whole time?!” Sputters Art as you pop open the doors! “WHY!?”

“No one asked.” Gus shrugs as you scuttle under the van like a raccoon in a parking structure! Sure enough, Gus’ little surprise is waiting for you where he said it’d be–a metallic orb welded to the undercarriage beeping menacingly as you approach! Yea, yea, you growl, real scary!

“Careful, kid…” Ly murmurs as you pop your BONE CLAWS, “Dat’ thing’s definitely gonna be frag-”

Dislodging it with your claw like a burr on your sock, you snatch the explosive before it can fall through the rapidly-flickering FORCE FIELD and down to the distant ground below! Stuffing it into your inventory next to your ROCKET LAUNCHER, IMPORTANT SIGIL, and ABS, you give the dragon’s lower jaw a good kick before climbing onto his bony cheek!

“Anyone remember to ask Stan what she’s gonna do with the bomb?” Remarks Mitzi as you pass by the open van door. Using the sound of Sybil’s spellcasting as cover, you scurry off in the direction of the beast’s massive ribcage as The Goth slowly brings the van’s force field back to life!

>CONTD.

File: stanbomb.png (383 KB, 715x450)

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>>5384134
If the dragon notices you, it doesn’t react–the beast is far too busy trying to shake Eddie, Kiki, and Lil’ Stanley as they unload everything FIDO’s got into him! Leaping between explosions and bullets, you barely manage to reach the bomb site before you hear someone grunting below you! Talbot?

“Oh thank FUCK!” Growls the voice as you peer downwards to find your fellow janitor still stuck on a bony outcropping! “You gotta help, Stan–if this thing does another barrel roll I’m gonna hurl! NGH!”

Delivering a solid kick to one of many bones, Talbot continues his futile defiance as you send a frown his way. He’s got friggin’ tentacles--is he really telling you he can’t get free!?

“It’s…HNF! It’s snagged real bad, okay!?” He explains, pointing to the collar of his tracksuit snared between the bones as he delivers another kick! “Get me outta’ here!”

Yea, you groan as you clamber further down the dragon’s ribcage, in a minute! You’ve got a BOMB to plant first!

“Wait, WHA!? Where’d we get a bomb!?”

You found it, okay? Now shut up, you snarl, he’s spoiling your concentration!

“Damn it… friggin’ dragons and now bombs... get me outta’ here, Stan…”

Oh my GOD, you groan, it’s his fault he’s in this pickle in the first place–dipshit couldn’t even JUMP!

“I got, like, wind in my eye, okay!?” Retorts the janitor as he continues kicking the dragon! “Y’know, you were a lot nicer last night!”

And he was a lot dumber today, you fire back as you struggle to find a suitable bombing spot!

“This is because of that possession BS, isn’t it?” He says with an angry sigh! “I was being controlled by TIM– it’s not like I wanted to kill you, GOSH!”

Oh yea? What about when you got attacked by SEWER MUTANTS, huh!? He didn’t seem very excited to see you back at THE LODGE!

“I can track you, remember?” He groans as you start angrily shoving the bomb into the dragon’s ribs trying to get it to stick! “I would be a lot more sad if you really died!”

You angrily bite your lip. He’s just saying that so that you’ll free him, isn’t he!?

“Partially, yea!” Shrugs your fellow janitor! “C’mon, don’t be a dick!”

You’ll show him a dick, damn it! Sliding down next to him, you smack him in the arm with the bomb, prompting Talbot to retaliate by kicking you in the shins! Ow, BITCH!

Matching his kicks by smacking him with the bomb, you probably go at it for a few minutes before the dragon spins, sending both you and Talbot rolling as well!

>CONTD.

File: landingsafe.png (323 KB, 973x376)

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>>5384135
Thrown by the dragon’s sudden spiral, Talbot grabs onto the bomb as you fly upwards, freeing him from his dumb self-inflicted prison! As you, Talbot, Ly, and Nats all scream in abject terror at the yawning abyss below, the bomb reaches the apex of its flight before landing with a satisfying ‘SHUNK!’ between a few ribs! Wedged firmly in place, both you and Talbot let go of the bomb and exchange a glance before wordlessly rushing back to the van!

“Well?” Tucker asks as the two of you hop back inside, “Did you do… whatever you were planning on doing?”

“Holy crap, Art and Mitz are alive?” Talbot remarks in disbelief!

“Yep, fit as fiddles!” Mitzi reports!

“That SERUM works.” Art grins. “Feel like I could race a car… and chuck it into a lake if I lost!”

“GUYS!” Shouts Sybil as she continues to feed a magical current under the van’s hood, “PLAN, PLEASE!”

You’ve got one, you smirk as you point your finger towards the bomb’s resting place! Now we just need to blow it!

“Yea, uh…” Mitzi begins as her eyebrow slowly rises, “Ground’s kinda far, dude.”

Awww DAMN IT, you knew you were forgetting something! Okay, you huff as you rub your temples in irritation, you’ve got an idea, don’t worry!

“STAN!” Snarls Sybil with increasing ire in her voice, “I’M WORRYING!”

Glancing around the back of the van, you think you have a few ideas…

>SIGNAL EDDIE WITH A ROAD FLARE–HE CAN PICK YOU UP AS YOU FALL FROM THE DRAGON!
>USE THE BOOST BEFORE HITTING THE GROUND–THAT’LL, LIKE, CHANGE THE IMPACT, OR SOMETHING!
>TALBOT, CAN YOU SOFTEN THE IMPACT WITH SOME GOO TENTACLES?
>JUST STRAP IN AND GET COMFY–THIS BABY’S GOT ARMOR, LET’S USE IT!
>WRITE-IN!

>>5384136
>TALBOT, CAN YOU SOFTEN THE IMPACT WITH SOME GOO TENTACLES?

I'm going for the Talb option just to redeem his rolls.

>>5384136
>TALBOT, CAN YOU SOFTEN THE IMPACT WITH SOME GOO TENTACLES?
You know, there are a handful of people who have survived extreme falls out of aircraft without parachutes because the ground was just deeply packed snow. I think we might be ok even without Talbot, but the dingus needs to gain his honor back.

>>5384142
>>5384159
>TALBOT! I CHOOSE YOU!
Writing!

File: talpro.png (241 KB, 600x600)

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Talbot, you begin as you and the others turn to look at the janitor, can you soften the fall if we blow up the dragon?

“WHAT!? NO!” He roars, taken aback! “You’re not using me as a friggin’ CUSHION, Stan–that’s messed up… even for YOU!”

“Yea, that is pretty sick, Stan. You’re a sick kitty.” Mitzi remarks as she stealthily pulls WATER POLO MONTHLY out of her pocket and starts thumbing through it. You aren’t asking him to do that, stupid! He can just make, like, a bunch of tentacles or something!

All of Talbot’s rage and confusion is swiftly replaced by mild embarrassment.

“.... oh. Yea, I can probably do that-”

You weren’t asking for PROBABILITY, you snarl–if you wanted that you’d ask the RAGING GEEK fondling the turret over there!

“I j-just d-didn’t want it t-to fall out…” Sobs Denise as she clings to the pilfered turret for dear life!

Peering out the back of the van, Talbot starts to hock a loogie, but quickly reconsiders when you give his arm a good slap! Problem!?

“N-nah…” He stammers, “It’s just, uh… that’s a long way down, an-”

And it’s no sweat, right? Giving his lower arm a reassuring pat (since you sure as shit can’t reach his shoulder), you put your regularly-scheduled tough love on hold and give him a smile! He’s got this!

“Yea.” Gus nods with his usual quarter smile on his face, “You got this.”

“S-show us wh-what you c-can do, T-Talbie…” Adds Denise as she gives the janitor a dreamy grin!

“Not like we’re gonna be around to make fun of ya’ if it doesn’t work.” Shrugs Mitzi with a wry smirk.

“Wouldn’t be the dumbest thing you’ve pulled off!” Adds Tucker in a reassuring tone!

“Show us what you’ve got, big guy.” Art chuckles.

“SOMEONE JUST DO SOMETHING, PLEASE!” Sybil roars as the electricity from her hands slowly fizzles away! Read the damn room, Syb!
https://youtu.be/e9vrfEoc8_g
“Yea…” Talbot nods as a dumb smile forms on his face, “YEA! Course I can do it, morons! Leave it to Talbot!”

With a somehow even fatter head than before, Talbot deftly hops out of the van and swings onto the top via a tentacle!

“... he’s totally gonna kill us, isn’t he?” Mitzi mutters under her breath, prompting everyone to exhale in relief!

“Oh thank god--I thought I was the only one faking!” Art sighs! “Yea, nice knowing you guys!”

“I CAN STILL HEAR YOU, ASSHOLES!”

Good, you shout back, get motivated, then!

ROLL ME 1d100+10(+5 TENTACLES, +10 EVERYONE’S COUNTIN’ ON ME!, -5 EVERYONE’S COUNTIN’ ON ME!, +10 STAN’S WATCHING! SHIT!, -5 STAN’S WATCHING! SHIT!) TO SAVE THE DAY! I’LL TAKE THE BEST OF 3 ROLLS!

If you have any specific shapes for the tentacles or whatever, WRITE-EM IN! AND DON'T FORGET TO BELIEVE! BELIEVE AND CLAP REALLY HARD!

>>5384211
Shit, meant 1d100+15! Hahaha just another one of DemBones' classic antics! HAHAHA!

Rolled 52 (1d100)

>>5384211
You got this dumb dumb.

Rolled 57 + 15 (1d100 + 15)

>>5384211

Rolled 13 + 15 (1d100 + 15)

>>5384211

>>5384231
>>5384242
>>5384246
>HIGHEST ROLL: 72!
Writing the last update of the night!

File: dragonexplode.gif (873 KB, 260x146)

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Leaving you with a nonplussed growl, you and the others wait with baited breath as Talbot shuts his dumb mouth for once in favor of shuffling around on top of the van, much to the dragon’s displeasure.

Is he taking a dump up there or what?!

“I WAS WAITING FOR YOU GUYS TO SAY ‘GO AHEAD’, DUMBASS!”

“NOOOOOW!”

Shrinking at Sybil’s sudden roar, you and the rest of the van’s inhabitants nod to each other before looking at Gus expectantly. Feeling your eyes bore into him, the delivery man adjusts his cap a bit before flicking the DETONATOR’S safety case off of the button.

“Hold onto your hats…”

With nary a warning or even a count to three, he presses the button down and dutifully buckles himself back into the front seat as Sybil blinks into the passenger seat.

“LET ME KNOW WHEN YOU GUYS PRESS I-”

Talbot gets his answer a bit earlier than expected–barely managing to buckle into a chair yourself, you and the rest of the van are thrown like a wayward frisbee as a colossal explosion rocks every bone in your body and leaves them trembling even after the dragon’s body is reduced to vapor!

“J-j-j-juuuustttt liiiiikkkkeee Ssssspaaaaacceeee Caaaaammmppp…” Drones Denise as she struggles to keep her glasses on her face!

“Gooonnnnaaaaa huuuuuurrrllll!” Sputters Art as his pale face turns a peculiar shade of green!

“Kinda like a carnival ride, huh, guys?” Mitzi remarks as she leans over to bump fists with Gus in the front seat!

“Diiid T faaaaalllll ooooofff?!” Asks Tucker, lips flapping in the G-Force!

As if hearing his question, your ex-bodyguard answers by wrapping a dozen metallic tendrils around the van!

“GUYS–I CAN FEEL MY STOMACH CLIMBING INTO MY HEAD!”

And your FIST is gonna climb into his ASSHOLE if he even DREAMS of screwing up, you yell as your hat floats off of your head! Spurred on by your words of ‘encouragement’, Talbot lets loose a strained roar as more and more tentacles wrap around your vehicle like a spool of yarn!

“HAAAANGGGG…. OOOON!!!!”

As the snow-caked ground rushes to meet you from below, it’s joined by a hail of bullets, rockets, and flames–each one dead-set on permanently ending your trip! As FIDO’S rockets and Pete’s gatling guns tear through the horde below, you clench your teeth and close your eyes as the van prepares to land!

>CONTD.

File: yarnball.png (155 KB, 1986x1962)

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>>5384280
It dawns on you a few seconds later that you’re still alive.

And flying.

Amidst the sound of Talbot screaming, you hang on for dear life as the van bounds and tumbles through the blizzard like a wayward ball of yarn crushing any skeleton foolish enough to stand in its path!

“Ohhhh MAAaaaannn…” Gurgles Art as his green face shifts between shades of yellow and purple, “Just KILL us, please…”

No such luck! In fact, the ride continues with renewed vigor as the AMAZING GOODBOYNIUM YARN BALL hits a hill and starts rolling down it with reckless abandon! Spinning around in circles like a bunch of mixed-up pinwheels, you and the others exchange worried glances as Talbot lets out a rhythmic (and clearly pained) ‘OOF!’ every time the van rolls over him!

“Hogkay…” Art stammers as he goes full monochrome, “Allin favr ovstobbing thish thingk?”

“I mean… it’s getting us away from the skeletons…” Mitzi shrugs as calmly as if she were taking a bath. “Couldn’t hurt to wait a little longer.”

“Y-yesh…” Groans Denise, “It c-c-could…”

“Better ask Talbot to steer us, then.” Gus suggests as Sybil lays comatose in the seat next to him. “And say thanks.”

Rapping your knuckles against the floor of the van, you tell Talbot to steer you somewhere safe! After a few more rotations, your fellow janitor takes you towards…

>A COMMUNITY POOL! THIS PLACE WAS PROBABLY STILL GRODY EVEN BEFORE THE BLOOD BLIZZARD!
>A PARK! BETTER NOT BE ANY DOG POO IN HERE!
>A MINI MALL PARKING LOT!
>WRITE-IN!

That's it for tonight, by the way--gonna pick things up FRIDAY AROUND 4-5PM PST! Thanks again for playing and hope to see you then!

>>5384281
>A FRUIT CART EXHIBITION!

>>5384325
>A FRUIT CART EXHIBITION!

>>5384281
>A COMMUNITY POOL! THIS PLACE WAS PROBABLY STILL GRODY EVEN BEFORE THE BLOOD BLIZZARD!
Why the hell would this exist when you live right next to the ocean. I’ve never even seen the ocean, but you better believe I’ll swim in it before a friggin’ pool.

Let’s go with:
>WRITE-IN!
>A PARKING GARAGE!

Decent cover, and should be enough space to land a pair of choppers.

Disregard >>5384375
Go with >>5384325 >>5384338

>>5384281
>A FRUIT CART EXHIBITION!

>>5384281
>A FRUIT CART EXHIBITION!

>>5384325
>>5384338
>>5384398
>>5384442
>>5384449
>ALWAYS BET ON CART!
Writing! Got plans later tonight so might sign off a little early--let's do a few updates before then!

File: fruit-juice-splash.jpg (80 KB, 300x200)

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“”Uh, cupcake? Ya’ might wanna see dis’...” Craning your neck towards the front of the van, you get another piece of the puzzle every roll the van makes–and what you see, well… it almost looks like a-

“FRUUUUUUUIIIITTTT CAAAAAAAAAARRRRTTTSSS!”

Shouting in perfect harmony, you, Ly, Nats, and the rest of the crew (including the comatose Sybil) brace yourselves as your van rushes past a gaudy banner tied between two posts with the word ‘CARTCON’ emblazoned in a fruit-themed font!

You crash the party and end up in a situation straight out of a fruit snack commercial: as the sound of splintering wood fills the air, it's swiftly overpowered by a symphony of fruits being crushed into a messy, rainbow pulp!

Apples annihilated! Peaches pummeled! Strawberries smushed! Bananas bashed! Watermelons wholloped! Dragon Fruits DESTROYED! TOMATOES-well, we don’t want to start that discussion. In any case, the air around you fills with zesty, Vitamin C-rich goodness as your ride comes to a slow, sticky stop at the far end of the expo!

“Well,” Remarks Mitzi as she unpeels a banana and munches on it, “That coulda’ been worse.”

“Yea,” nods Tucker as he politely sticks a lime in Art’s unresponsive mouth, “If I remember the fliers around campus correctly, another month and it would’ve been RUSTY NAIL-CON!”

Shit, you keep forgetting to buy tickets to that! Instinctively pulling out your phone, a defeated sigh escapes your lips as it dawns on you that the net’s still down.

“H-heheh… I m-miss it too…” Denise mutters as she crawls out from under her turret like a spider! “Oh… b-but this means my t-torrents might’ve st-stopped…”

Before the geek can share with you whatever horrid and depraved things she downloads on the internet, Talbot comes to the rescue once more by ripping the van’s back doors open with an unhealthy CRUNCH! Use the damn handles, BISCUIT-HEAD!

“I DID! And you’re welcome, by the way!” He growls, his whole body covered in something resembling a smoothie! “HEH! Bet that’ll slow those boneheads down!”

“Just need a pickup now.” Gus observes as he dutifully carries both Art and Sybil out of the van. “Maybe we should send a signal?”

“Ooh, I got one!” Interjects as she rushes over with one of the few unscathed watermelons! “Stan, you got your ROCKET LAUNCHER?”

Yes, you nod as a delighted grin forms on your smoothie-caked face, yes you do!

“Gonna need help waking up Art and Syb, too…” Tucker observes with pity in his voice. “More fruit should work.”

“Staaaan, my shoulders hurt!” Groans Talbot!

“B-by the w-way, Stan…” Denise adds as she slinks over to you like a particularly wretched weasel, “C-can I borrow your D-D-DUCK?”

Christ, everyone wants something from you all of a sudden! Take a cold shower!

>CONTD.

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>>5384875
Relishing the fruity scent in the air around you for as long as you can, which isn’t long thanks to the stupid BLOOD BLIZZARD, your watermelon signal pays off in spades! Rushing through the snow as quickly as their engines can take them, both FIDO and Pete’s chopper waste no time in making hasty landings in the fruity slushy you made!

“Holy cow,” Pete remarks as he hops out of his bird and limps over to you, “Coulda told me you were makin’ smoothies out here, y’know!”

Yea, well, you mutter as you glance back at FRUITCON’S remains, you left one cart standing!

Bringing you in for a hug, the old man looks you up and down with a satisfied expression on his face. “Wasn’t sure if you kids had made it outta’ there–glad I took the scenic route.”

Yea, well, you mutter as the others inspect your loaner VTOL like kids on a field trip, things got a little crazy an-

“Can it--don’t need to apologize for survivin’.” Pete interrupts as he gives your shoulder a reassuring pat. “Sides, looks like you’ve still got a lot more of it to do, dontcha?”

Yea, you nod before whistling for everyone to gather around! Okay, gang, you begin with a clap of your hands, got a few things to take care of and not a whole lotta’ time to do it!

“Like what? We’re goin’ now, aren’t we?” Asks Talbot as Denise furiously tinkers with your REMOTE-CONTROLLED DUCK at his side!

“Well hold on–can your chopper make it up to the FORTRESS, Pete?” Asks Art as color quickly returns to his pale face!

“Not the worst weather I’ve flown in.” The old man shrugs. “Question is, where we headed? More than happy to take a few folks to safety, too!”

Q1: WHERE’S STAN HEADED NEXT?
>CITY HALL! TIME FOR A GROUND ASSAULT!
>THE FORT! YOU’VE GOT A FLYING MACHINE!
>WRITE-IN!

Q2: WHO’S COMING WITH YA? CHOOSE NONE, SOME, OR ALL OF ‘EM!
>SYBIL!
>ART!
>MITZI!
>KIKI!
>TUCKER!
>EDDIE!
>GUS!
>DENISE!
>PETE!
>TALBOT!
>LIL’ STANLEY!
>ALL OF THE ABOVE!
>NONE! SOLO RUN, BITCHES!

Q3: WHAT CRAFT YOU TAKIN’?
>VAN! (CAN’T FLY :C)
>FIDO!
>PETE’S CHOPPER!

Sorry for the quick signoff, but I can't promise I'll be able to write another update since I'm heading out soon! Kinda works out, though, since this might be a big decision! Should have more for ya SATURDAY AROUND 10-11AM PST-- maybe earlier if I get home at a reasonable time tonight! Thanks as always for being patient and hope to see you again!

>>5384876
Q1: WHERE WE GOING?
The fort feels like the obvious choice. The portal only feels useful if we can't fly.

Q2: WHOSE COMING?
Fuck, I have no idea. Art, Mitz, Talbot, and Lil Stanley are a security concern. Everyone else is a get themselves killed concern, although frankly that seems to be a concern everywhere now.

Two strategies present themselves to me. In one everyone goes in FIDO, and we fucking gatecrash in like the pack of heavily armed nutjobs we are. Let's call that strategy the Army Plan.

Plan two has us and Pete in the heli, and everyone else in FIDO. Team fido makes a big show of raiding city hall, basically makes a big ass distraction, while Pete drops us off in the heli for a solo assassin run. Let's call that the Hero Plan.

I'm leaning HERO, because of the security concerns, but having an army at our back would be nice.

>>5384876
>Everyone except us goes for an air assault while we sneak in through the city hall

YOWZA, tough choice, huh? Just to sweeten the deal a little bit since you might be a little cautious, I'll tell you right now that in regards to >>5385075 anon's daring two plans, BOTH can succeed! Gonna check in a little later, but yea...
One more hint before I forget: Don't forget what Tim can do to regular goofballs.

>>5385075
Remember that Tibius knows everything Talbot knows. Any plan that involves him must be kept more or less secret from him. But Tim will also probably expect something conniving from us, given he saw us try to turn the animal skeletons against him. My bet is we take everyone on both choppers and tell them we’re going for the town hall, but inform Pete and Eddie to just fly up to the fortress instead.

>>5385510
Actually, scratch this. I’ll go with >>5385075 ’s Hero plan. We have them assault the town hall under the belief that we will be attacking from the flank to sneak in through the portal. Instead, we go with Pete to the fort via his chopper and infiltrate that way. The only one we inform of the real plan is Sybil (I would like to hope that her mental willpower and magical ability would make her the most resistant to anything Tim might pull. She’s also by far our most trustworthy friend so that just makes sense for Stan’s reasoning), so that she can direct the others to take the portal through if we need reinforcements. With that portal they would be able to reach us relatively quickly. Additionally, holding that portal denies Tim reinforcements from the ground so long as they can keep them from entering, unless Tim wants to have his dragons ferry troops back and forth between the ground and the sky.

>>5385602
Addendum:
We absolutely have to have at least one person come with us. If not on the chopper, then at the least through the portal. The reason I say this is because if Tim has one of those remotes to fuck us up, or if Boris is up there with one of his own, we’re fucking doomed without someone to counter it and snap us out of it. Personally, I feel like Syb is probably the best bet for that, if we leave Art in charge of the others instead. But in that case, we would only tell Art to follow Eddie and Keek if they give the signal to go through the portal, since we know they don’t have Tim’s influence at all. Unless somebody has something to input or a better idea.

Really, this throws a wrench in the plans. It’s not ideal, but we need some way to counter that Fugue.

>>5385609
Addendum numero dos:
Having thought it over a bit, I reckon we might be able to get by with Tucker, Gus, Kiki, or Eddie. I want to ask Sybil if she thinks the remote that puts us in our fugue might also be able to break someone out of Tim’s hold, as possibly ridiculous or far-fetched as that might be. If it’s possible, then we can bring one of them and leave Syb behind to provide her magical prowess in holding the line at the portal. Otherwise, she’ll have to come with us, and we can leave both a radio and her doll with one of the non-Stan-serumed crew to communicate with. I would have thought about this more last night, but I was blitzed.

>>5384876
Q1: WHERE’S STAN HEADED NEXT?
>THE FORT! YOU’VE GOT A FLYING MACHINE!

Q2: WHO’S COMING WITH YA? CHOOSE NONE, SOME, OR ALL OF ‘EM!
>PETE
>LIL’ STANLEY!

Lil Stanley is on stealth / remote duty. Pete is drivng, with orders to drop us and gtfo. Will Tim/Boris expect our trump card to be a feral raccoon? Honestly if they've been paying attention probably not.

Q3: WHAT CRAFT YOU TAKIN’?
>PETE’S CHOPPER!

Assume Tim is listening to our plans. Spoken plan is to assault city hall while we infiltrate it away from the main attack. The real plan is of course the heli drop off with the all racoon strike force.

Here goes nothing.

>>5385679

Last minute concern I have no idea how to address, what if Boris is in City Hall guarding the portal? I assume he'd return to hunt us down, a taunt about murdering his giiiiiirl friend might help there. Just don't want to get into a situation where he's holding Art hostage and then Art suicides so we can finish off Tim. Not that Art would ever do something like that... right? Right?

>>5385684
I would assume Boris is going after the Lich himself. That was their plan anyway.

I’ll vote with your plan here >>5385679 but we need to know what we’re gonna do with the others. We either have them hold the portal to prevent reinforcements, use the portal and destroy it to achieve the same effect at the cost of possibly stranding us without aircraft, or have the flat out use it and leave it open just in case. I’m leaning towards the second option, but I want to know what you think.

>>5385741
Also, I think we very much should tell Sybil, and ONLY Sybil, our plan. The reason being that if the others assault the portal expecting to meet us there, or not knowing what to do any further, they might assume we didn’t make it to the portal, or that something else happened to us and they may thus be prone to acting rashly in an effort to do something about that. It should be fine to have Syb tell the others the deal once they reach the portal, given that we should be inside the fortress by then, making it more-or-less pointless information to Tim by then.

>>5385754
I'm definitely in agreement about letting Syb know the real details.

I think the decoy team's plan should be to hold the portal until they can't, then go through and destroy it if they can. I don't really want them getting killed in the fortress, but getting killed on the ground ain't much better. Ideally they'd be securing an escape route for us when the fortress starts to fall out of the sky.

There's no way in ontological hell that thing isn't falling.

Got plans right now so unfortunately I can't write an update for the rest of the night (which is a bummer because oh MAN look at all the SICK STRATEGIZING!) and will probably be a little busy Sunday as well around 11am.

I can probably make a quick update EARLY SUNDAY AND AFTER 3PM PST! sorry for the late response and hope to see you then!

>>5385770
>There's no way in ontological hell that thing isn't falling.
Exactly my thoughts. Alright, I think we’re in agreement then. Let’s rock and roll.

>>5385773
>>5385770
>>5385754
>>5384876

+1 Supporting all of this cause it's a solid hell of a plan!

Do you guys ever think our decisions might worry the others? I mean, Stan is supposed to be an idiot, and here we go tactically analyzing the situation and developing a battle-plan like we’re mother fucking Irwin Rommel. I’d like to see how Bones writes this one out.

>>5385075
>>5385121
>>5385510
>>5385602
>>5385609
>>5385657
>>5385679
>>5385684
>>5385741
>>5385754
>>5385770
>>5385773
>>5385874
>AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
Okay, so there were a few flips and flops along the way, but if I understand correctly the plan is the following:
>PETE FLIES BOTH STAN AND LIL' STANLEY TO THE FORT
>REST OF THE GANG CAPTURES PORTAL AT CITY HALL, HOLDS IT UNTIL THEY CAN'T ANYMORE, THEN DESTROY IT BEHIND THEM AND ASSIST IN FORT
>TELL ONLY SYB WHERE STAN'S GOING
Apologies if I forgot anything--I noticed a few other votes in the fray, but this seems like the most popular one? Writing!

>>5386254
Stan is like a cornered raccoon--vicious, unpredictable, and flea-ridden!

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You open your mouth to answer Pete’s question, but the words get stuck halfway out of your throat as your eyes lock with a few choice members of your team: Art. Mitzi. Talbot. Inspecting the aircraft, only a few of them return your stare with a smile or a wave, but you don’t respond as TIM’S words resonate through your spacious skull:

“EVERY skeleton in this wretched burg is MINE, you freckled FOOL! Whatever they see, I SEE! Whatever they hear, I HEAR! Whatever they touch… well, you get the picture.”

The last bit sends a shiver down your spine–damn it, Talbot, he just HAD to get all handsy last night, didn’t he?! Putting those memories aside for now, you instead focus on what you know. As a plan slowly sprouts from the dirt in your fallow head, you find yourself snapping your fingers to get Sybil’s attention!

Inspecting the VTOL with Art at her side, The Goth turns almost immediately, as you’ve conditioned her to do, and raises a pierced eyebrow your way. Seeing your grave nod, she trots over as fast as her platform boots will take her, arms wrapped around her thin midsection to battle the cold!

“Yes, Stanley?” She shivers in a helpful tone! “What’s our plan, hm?”

Your plan, you begin as you motion her towards a nearby public restroom, is private, so-

“Uh, Stan?”

Frozen in place by Tucker’s voice, you turn to notice the others looking at you like a bunch of squirrels noticing food in your hand. “What’s going on? Do we have a plan?”

Yea, you nod, you just, uh… you just need to ask Syb about some magical stuff real quick!

“Y-yes!” The Goth adds emphatically, “there’s bound to be plenty of defenses, an-”

“Couldn’t we just talk about it together, then?” Art asks as he and Gus exchange confused glances.

“Yea!” Eddie agrees, “We always get everybody’s input! I say something encouraging, Denise mutters creepily-”

“Ehhehheh… It… it’s t-true!” Denise giggles as she continues tinkering with your REMOTE CONTROLLED DUCK.

“Mitzi makes a dry comment or two, and Talbot closes it all out with something brash and stupid!”

“YEA! That-wait, what did you say?” Bellows Talbot before glaring at Eddie.

Yea, well, you stammer, caught in a figurative trap, you um… you also need to take care of, erm…

… GIRL TROUBLES!
https://youtu.be/wiX8CJqt3Fc

“OH SHIT!”
“EWWW!”
“TMI!”
“NEVER MIND!”
“Gotcha.”

As the male half of the team expresses their concerns, you take that as your cue to scurry off to the bathrooms! Works every time!

>CONTD.

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>>5386547
Pressing her waifish frame against you for warmth, Sybil doesn’t let you go until you enter the restroom. Inspecting the stalls for any eavesdroppers, you lean against the back wall next to a busted tampon dispenser as Sybil gives the room a once-over.

“Curious… we seem to discuss quite a lot in the restroom nowadays, don’t we?”

Better than the roof, you reply with a shrug. Giggling politely at your shitty joke, your BFF sidles up next to you and lets out a relieved sigh. “Can you believe it, Stanley? He’s fine… well, he and Mitzi, of course, but still…”

Yea, you mutter as you awkwardly scratch the back of your head, you, uh, you didn’t mean for it to get so bananas…

“Oh don’t you start.” Sybil huffs as she lightly punches you in the shoulder, “Not every hair-brained scheme of yours is going to work perfectly, Stanley–I’d be far more worried if they all did.” Giving you an appreciative smile, The Goth shakes a few loose bangs out of her pale face. “They just… hopped back up, you know? Like they rose from the dead!”

Yea, uh, you stammer uncomfortably, she doesn’t think they’re…

“Undead? No, Tucker and I were certain they were still alive.” Sybil replies as she bites her lip. “But I can’t be certain they would have survived had we not used that SERUM, so… thank you, Stanley.”

Giving your shoulder a squeeze, your friend’s relieved smile shifts into one of concern. “But I presume that serum, or rather what’s in it, is why we’re talking out of earshot, yes?”

Shit, you smile, she really oughta add ‘mind-reader’ to her resume!

“What, you didn’t know I can do that?” She counters with a wry grin! W-wait, so on Valentine’s Day she-

“Just kidding. All jokes aside, Stanley, I know what you’re getting at–you don’t want THE LICH to be privy to whatever it is you’re planning.” She explains before letting out another defeated breath. “And I’m almost certain I won’t like it either, will I?”

Yea, well, you mutter, it’s a bit of a doozy, you’ll admit.

“Marvelous.” The Goth groans as she starts to massage her temples. Is she cool?

“I feel a migraine coming on,” she replies pointedly, “but maybe it will go away if you explain quickly.”

Yea, you doubt it, but here goes…

>CONTD.

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>>5386555
To your surprise, Sybil manages to hold it together for your entire explanation! So that’s it, you conclude as you erase the visual aid you drew in the muck on the floor, any questions?

“Comments, mostly.” Your BFF sighs, still rubbing her sore head. “For the record, Stanley, I think it’s a terrible idea: what…” she pauses mid-sentence as the scenario plays out in her head, “... what if you fail? If it’s just you and that pet of yours-”

That’s exactly why you’ll need her and the others to head in too, you interrupt, that and you’ll need an escape route for when things go pear-shaped… and they will!

“Don’t worry, I’m not refusing.” Sybil frowns, clearly bummed that she isn’t refusing. “And despite my misgivings, it’s probably the best plan we have for now… and will have.”

“Don’t worry, teach,” Explains Ly, “Stan’s got Nats an’ I–no way anyone’s gonna pull one over us!”

“You’re right.” She smiles, “You’re in good hands, Stanley, and I know better than to fight you once your mind is set on something, so…”

Bringing you in for a hug, Sybil presses her modest chest into your face! Score!

“I know you don’t need any more weight on your shoulders, but please, Stanley,” She whispers, “PLEASE come back. You’re the only family I have, after all…”

Well jeez, you mutter, still trapped in the HUG DIMENSION, you weren’t planning on it before, but if she’s asking, well-

Your joke is met with a flick to the forehead. OW!

“Alright, that’s enough of that.” She says with a giggle. “So shall we put your insane plan into action, or was there anything else you wanted to say in private?”

Is there?
>NOPE, TIME’S-A-WASTIN!
>KEEP AN EYE ON MITZI, ART, AND TALBOT, PLEASE!
>YOU’VE GOT HER DOLL JUST IN CASE!
>THANKS FOR BEING A PAL!
>WRITE-IN!

>>5386558
>KEEP AN EYE ON MITZI, ART, AND TALBOT, PLEASE!
>THANKS FOR BEING A PAL!

All of these, but the first is probably the most pragmatic. The last is probably the most important.

>>5386711
I second this motion.

>>5386711
Thirding

>>5386711
supporting this

>>5386558
>>5386711
+1

>>5386759
>>5386711
>>5386774
>>5386779
>>5386887
>KEEP AN EYE ON THE JERKS!
>BUT ALSO THX BB :))))
Writing!

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Yea, you nod as a troubling thought begins to make itself comfy in between the sparse folds in your brain, it’s gonna suck, you preface, but she and the others are gonna have to keep a close eye on-

“Talbot… Mitzi… and Art.” Sybil interjects with a serious expression. “Don’t worry, Stanley–-I’ll watch each and every one of them… and I won’t hesitate for a second if they grow unruly.”

Uh-huh, you nod sarcastically, and does that include her Artie-Wartie t-

“For. A. Second.” She repeats with an even more stone faced expression than before. “We’ve come too far to let personal feelings get in the way, Stanley. Trust me.”

Uh, okay, you mutter in an apologetic tone, but wow, she answered that really quickly-

“When you’ve been burned as much as I have, Stanley, you learn to keep some ointment close at hand, to use a clumsy expression.” The Goth explains in an eerily-pleasant tone!

Well uh, you stammer, that’s… pretty much it, you guess…

“Excellent. Once more unto the breach, hm?”

Yea, well, you continue as you gently grab the retreating Goth by the shoulder, there is one more thing…

“Well… as long as it’s quick…” Sybil sighs with a hint of impatience, “There is a horde of skeletons on our tails an-”

Tackling your BFF into a surprise hug, you look up at her mildly-shocked, but not unhappy eyes and send a smile her way. Thanks, you mutter, for being such a great friend…

Staring at you for a few more moments, Sybil brings you closer into her embrace and lovingly pats the back of your head. “Someone has to look out for you…. ‘S only fair that I do it, given all you’ve done for me…”

Holding each other for another silent moment, the taller girl lets loose another sigh. “Not that I don’t appreciate this, Stanley, but if you don’t let go now I might start to cry, so…”

Oh! Yea, uh… okay! Letting your friend go, she gives you a warm smile before gesturing towards the door.

“Shall we? They’re helpless without us, after all!”

Yep, you nod, let’s get these cows a-moovin’...

>CONTD.

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>>5386994
“-heard it can be acidic.”
“Shit, WHAT?! Keek, is that true?”
“...That isn’t sign language, right?”
“Nah, she’s just flipping you the bird.”

Emerging from the restroom into the full brunt of the bloody storm, you find your crew taking cover within the two aircraft discussing what you assume was your explanation for running off to chat.

“There you are!” Art remarks, prompting everyone to look your way, “Do we have a plan yet? Those skeletons aren’t that far away, y’know!”

“All in good time, Artie.” Sybil chides, prompting the security goon to simmer down. “Stanley, I believe you have the floor.”

Damn right you do! Climbing atop Pete’s chopper to address the crowd, you immediately reconsider and climb back down after spending a few seconds in the blood blizzard! Okay, you huff, you’re… you think you’re ready!

Any last words to your motley crew? Sybil will explain the plan unless you vote to do it yourself!
>DELIVER AN INSPIRING SPEECH!
>TAKE SOMEONE ASIDE FOR A QUICK PRIVATE CHAT! (WHO?)
>NOPE, LET’S GO!
>EXPLAIN SOME OF YOUR PLAN TO EVERYONE!
>WRITE-IN!

>>5386995
>>DELIVER AN INSPIRING SPEECH!

>SOME OF YOU MAY DIE...

>>5387000
The trips have spoken.

>>5387000
>>5387007
>INSPIRING SPEECH!
Oh boy, I knew this was coming. CHOOSE THREE OF THE FOLLOWING CATEGORIES OR WRITE IN YOUR OWN SPEECH/SUMMARY THAT I CAN ADAPT!
>THE WORLD IS WATCHING!
>NOT ONE MORE STEP!
>STEAL A QUOTE FROM A MOVIE/VIDEO GAME!
>HIGHLIGHT THE DIFFERENCES BETWEEN US AND THE SKELETONS!
>OUR FRIENDS ARE COUNTING ON US!
>I'M PROUD OF YOU GUYS!
>TIM'S ASS IS GRASS!
>EVERYONE WAS WRONG ABOUT US!
>APPEAL TO THEIR PATRIOTISM!
>MAKE AN INCREDIBLY-FORCED METAPHOR!
>LONG-WINDED PERSONAL ANECDOTE BARELY RELATING TO THE CURRENT SITUATION!
>SHOUTOUTS TO ONE OR MORE PEOPLE!
>REMIND THEM WHO THE CLEARWATER SANITATION COORDINATORS REALLY ARE!
>THEY ALL KNOW WHY THEY'RE HERE!
>DO IT FOR YOUR LOVED ONES!
>YOU'RE BUYING DRINKS WHEN THIS IS ALL OVER!
>WRITE-IN!

On an unrelated note, might have plans later tonight so this might be the last update! Gonna be housesitting for a week starting Monday as well, so when I post it'll be from another, non-formattable device!

>>5387113
>STEAL A QUOTE FROM A MOVIE/VIDEO GAME!
>LONG-WINDED PERSONAL ANECDOTE BARELY RELATING TO THE CURRENT SITUATION!
>EXCESSIVE LEANING ON THE FOURTH WALL

>>5386995
>>STEAL A QUOTE FROM A MOVIE/VIDEO GAME!
>>LONG-WINDED PERSONAL ANECDOTE BARELY RELATING TO THE CURRENT SITUATION!
>>EXCESSIVE LEANING ON THE FOURTH WALL


>>5387113
Niggra, you're trying to kill Bones with this vote, aren't you?

>>5387145
I uh... I am Bones...

>>5387145
Oh. gotcha. Well don't worry: ole' Dem's got a PLAN!

>>5387113
>STEAL A QUOTE FROM A MOVIE/VIDEO GAME!
>LONG-WINDED PERSONAL ANECDOTE BARELY RELATING TO THE CURRENT SITUATION!
>EXCESSIVE LEANING ON THE FOURTH WALL

But just throw in a quick, “No matter what, it’s been an honor.”

Gotta run, but I'll try to update again around MONDAY 4-5PM PST! Hope to see you then!

>>5387113
>STEAL A QUOTE FROM A MOVIE/VIDEO GAME!
>TIM'S ASS IS GRASS!
>I'M PROUD OF YOU GUYS!

>>5387113
A classic pre-battle speech (from RL, not fiction) has a few basic parts: I) an opening that focuses on the valor of the men rather than the impact of the speech, II) a description of the dangers arrayed against them, III) the profits to be gained by victory and the dire consequences of defeat, IV) the basis on which the general pins his hope of success and finally V) a moving peroration; the big emotional conclusion of the speech. As such, I'd like to vote for

>I'M PROUD OF YOU GUYS!
>THE WORLD IS WATCHING!
>OUR FRIENDS ARE COUNTING ON US!
>DO IT FOR YOUR LOVED ONES!
>HIGHLIGHT THE DIFFERENCES BETWEEN US AND THE SKELETONS!
>STEAL A QUOTE FROM A MOVIE/VIDEO GAME!

>>5387146
I mean with writing a really long update.

But I’m switching the vote to this cause I think our crew deserves a serIous speech >>5387392

Seems like either way the vote goes the impending update will be long. Best make it a good one.

>>5387134
>>5387170
>STEAL QUOTES
>LONG-WINDED PERSONAL ANECDOTE
>LEANING ON THAT 4TH WALL

>>5387332
>BASICALLY THE ABOVE BUT MENTION HOW TIM'S GONNA FRIGGIN' DIE

>>5387392
>>5387590
>ACTUAL SERIOUS SPEECH DISCUSSING WHAT'S AT STAKE AND HOW PROUD YOU ARE!

From where I'm standing it looks like Stan's usual bullshit wins if we're counting the TIM'S ASS IS GRASS as a vote for the above--in the interest of finishing the quest in this lifetime, I'm gonna run with those! Also get hype--I don't have formatting powers here! Writing!

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All eyes are on you as you noisily clear your throat–they all know what’s coming next!

“Oh boy, speech time, huh, sis?!” Nats chirps excitedly! Damn right it is, you reply with a nod and a grin!
https://youtu.be/VTsD2FjmLsw
You’ve lost some good people, you begin as you sweep the crowd with determined eyes. Friends, allies, players, both living and undead. Some to bullets and bombs, others to sheer boredom and dislike of the shitty choices we vote-err, made. But whoever they were, they did everything they could to get us here: to the final bout!

Sybil nods and Mitzi even stops reading her magazine for a moment to listen!

They didn’t start this fight, you add, that’s all on those colossal FUCKSTICKS SONNY and BORIS! TIM did a lot too, but you want everyone to be clear once we hit the talk show circuit, so…. Yea!

The film student’s eyes light up at the words ‘Talk Show’!

Anyways, you continue, they might have started this whole thing, but you’re ENDING IT! THEY DREW FIRST BLOOD, but you’re FINISHING THE FIGHT!

You pause for claps, but nothing comes. Guess people are cold. That or you gotta say a little more. You never asked for this, you sigh as you dramatically shake your head in disappointment, and you’re sure no one else here wanted to join either!

“You DID kidnap me, y’kno-”

SHUT UP, ART! What you’re trying to say is that when life throws a lemon tree at you… you, uh…

“... plant it?”
“C-cons-construct a lem-lemonade stand?”

No, damn it, you make shit with it, okay? Denise was pretty close, but… look, no one asks to have a lemon tree thrown at them, but you’d have to be a complete idiot to just leave it there! You can make, like, smoothies with those!

“Sorbet, maybe.”
“Lemon meringue pie?”

Sure, whatever! Are they even listening to you right now?

“It’s pretty cold, Stan.”

FINE, you snarl, you’ll get to the point!

>CONTD.

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>>5388036
Feeling your grip on your captive audience slip, you decide to take things into OVERDRIVE! Sniffing a few times to emulate something resembling a sob, you give it a second before really getting in there!

There’s… there’s a LOT of things you never wanted to do, you continue, things you would’ve outright refused if you could! Like this one time back at Good Boy–y’know, BEFORE it churned out skeletons–you were almost done cleaning this vat, right? Must have taken you hours just to get down to the metal!

“HAH! I know how THAT feels!” Laughs Talbot with a knowing grin!

DON’T INTERRUPT! So you were just about finished when you saw it: this big ole’ RAT CARCASS melted over the nozzle at the bottom of the vat!

“A RAT in the VAT? What’d you do about THAT?”

Honestly, you shrug, you didn’t do anything. Apparently it caused a huge BONE SPILL the next day and hurt a few people, you think, but-

“Hey, YEA, I saw that on the news!” Roars Eddie in excited disbelief! Holy CRAP, that was YOU?”

N-never mind, okay!? The moral is that you can’t always get what you want… and, like, sometimes you HAVE to clean up the melted rat from the vat because… because even though it sucks in the beginning, at the end you might find, like, a bunch of friends… and they help clean the rat up and buy you lunch afterwards!

The mild confusion on everyone’s faces is slowly replaced by something resembling gratitude… and maybe happiness?

Look, you conclude, slamming the bottom of your fist into your open palm, it’s been a long journey, and no one’s coming out without an asskicking–looking at you, Art!

“Screw you, Stan!”

But it all comes down to this moment, you hiss! We win or lose it all in the next hour! Maybe longer than that–lord knows /qst/ is slow–anyways, make me proud, you command as you sweep your hand across the crowd, make YOURSELVES proud!

You probably hold your pose for a minute or so before anyone starts clapping, and when they do it’s… well, it’s not BAD…

“Hey, it was a good run, kid!” Ly praises as you motion Pete over to you, “But I coulda’ swore I heard somma’ dose lines before…”

N-no, you stammer, those were all you!

>CONTD.

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>>5388037
Before you can retreat into the old man’s chopper, you feel several hands snag you by your shoulders! Hey, what the hell, assholes?!

“Oh no you don’t, Stan!” Sneers Mitzi as she and the rest of the crew pull you closer!
“Not without a GROUP HUG!” Adds Eddie as the hug in question envelops you! Fighting it at first, you let your pals take the lead as they fill the air with cheers and laughter!

“Alright, everybody,” Sybil interjects using her teacher's voice, “We can save the celebration for after the mission!”

“Well what IS the mission, huh?” Talbot asks, prompting the others to do the same! “We haven’t decided on it yet!”

You’re going ahead, you answer in a solemn voice as you gently break free of your friends, but Syb will fill them all in on the rest!

“Wait, so you’re just leaving without us?” Asks Eddie as confusion spreads across his stubbly face! “You sure about that, Stan?”

Yea, you nod, because you know that whatever happens, the CLEARWATER SANITATION COORDINATORS can handle it!

Your invocation falls onto confused ears.

“... who?” Asks Art with a genuinely perplexed expression.

YOU GUYS, you roar! That’s the damn GANG NAME, REMEMBER!?

“Oh yea, we DID do that, didn’t we?” Remarks Tucker as he and Eddie share a nod! “Totally blanked on it!”

“Okay, everybody, clear the landing pad!” Orders Pete with mock authority in his voice! “Unless you’re takin’ the other bird, kid.”

No, you reply, shaking your head as Sybil shepherds everyone else towards the VTOL, he’s your ride.

“You got it. Hop in and tell me where we’re headed, okay?” Nodding a response, you climb into the troop transport area of Pete’s chopper as the others watch from afar with varying degrees of worry, confusion, and sadness on their faces!

“Don’t worry, sis–we’ll see ‘em again soon!” Nats says as the propellers start to whir above you!

Yea, you sigh, you hope so…

>CONTD.

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>>5388038
https://youtu.be/J3X3g8LdVGI
You feel a small jerk as the helicopter breaks free of the snow building up at its sides. Rising into a shaky ascent, your ride is bumpy, but it holds firm!

“Give em hell up there, Stan!” Shouts Art as you continue to rise! “And stay away from the grenades this time!”

“Leave everything to me, okay?!” Adds Sybil as she BLINKS high enough to give your hair a playful tousle! “Focus on what you do best!”

“Seeya in a bit.” Waves Gus with a hint of pride in his monotone voice!

“Come back with a story–I’m gonna need details!” Eddie yells as he waves his notebook at you!
“WE’RE gonna need details!” Adds Tucker as Kiki scrambles up their backs and waves goodbye to you with both hands!

“Keep that strength up, yea?!” Shouts Mitzi as she chucks a fresh bag of PICKLE CHIPS your way! “And if you find anyone who tore up that NATIONAL GUARD BASE, give ‘em an extra ass-kicking from me!”

Reaching out for the bag, your hand is intercepted by a fuzzy blur! Landing on one of the seats with a triumphant chitter, LIL’ STANLEY shoots you a mischievous wink as she makes herself comfy! Great, you groan, maybe she can FAT your enemies to death!

“O-OH NO! S-STANLEY, P-P-PLEASE C-CATCH!” Trying in vain to return your REMOTE-CONTROLLED DUCK, Denise is already in tears after the first two tries! Stumbling into the snow, her sobbing stops as a familiar Evening Sanitation Coordinator scoops the duck out of the snow with a GOODBOYNIUM TENTACLE and prepares to throw it at you with a mixture of pride and fear in his eyes!

“Don’t… don’t worry, Stan–I’ll be the first to pull your ass outta’ the fire!” Roars Talbot as he sends the duck packing in your direction! Snatching it out of the air, you can’t help but let out an impressed ‘OoOH!’ at the new hardware attached to it–are those LASER CANNONS!?

Distracted by the new toy, a familiar pain in your forehead jolts you back into reality! “C’mon, kid,” Tsks Ly’s disembodied voice, “You seriously gonna leave ‘em without even wavin’ back? They’re CRAZY about’cha!”

FINE, you groan as you try to suppress the smile growing on your face! Peering over the edge of the chopper, you wave to your pals until their bodies and cheers are lost to the roaring blizzard…

…leaving you to realize that this might be the last time you see them.

>CONTD.

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>>5388041
“Now I may be an’ old fart,” Pete remarks over the chopper’s intercom, “but if I didn’t know any better I’d say you were plannin’ something.”

Yea, you huff as you make your way to the cabin with Lil’ Stanley and your duck in tow, and he’s not gonna like it one bit.

“The FORT, huh? Well I can’t say I like it, but…”

Hang on, you sputter, he KNEW!?

“Well NOW I do!” Pete laughs as he continues to wrestle with the controls, “I’m guessing the others don’t know, do they?”

It’s complicated, you sigh as you try to sit up straight as the wind buffets you around, but if this is gonna work-

“I getcha… after what happened at that Drive-In everything Cliff did finally made sense.” Interrupts Pete in a serious voice. “Poor son of a bitch…”

Yea, you hiss, you’ll get revenge for him… for ALL of them!

“Atta’ girl. Sit tight, then, because something tells me I ain’t gonna be givin' ya’ a comfy landing!” Rising higher through the clouds, the old man shoots you a reassuring grin!

Why… why is he taking this so damn well anyways? For all he knows he’s gonna die doing this!

“Well let’s just say I’m a people person.” Pete replies in a matter-of-fact tone. “I’ve been talkin’ to people all over since this whole thing started, but no one boasted more about ya’ than ole’ Burton did… well, maybe some of the other JOPLINERS came close, but…”

Seeing you bite your lip, Pete gives your shoulder a light, but welcome, shake. “Aw hell, kid, me an’ my big mouth… here I am tryin’ ta’ encourage you and I’m just makin’ ya’ feel WORSE…”

No, you stammer, shaking away the feelings like a pack of mosquitos off your face, it’s fine!

“Well in any case, let’s just say I also owe you kids for saving my ass back in the desert.” He concludes. “Giving you a lift is the least I can do.”

Yea, well… before you can respond, your flying chariot fights through the blizzard with whining motors and roaring engines before finally busting into the EYE OF THE STORM…

And in the center sits your destination: TIM’S FORTRESS!

>CONTD.

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>>5388044
“Huh.” Remarks your pilot as the sky around you turns a menacing shade of red, “Thought it’d be bigger.”

Yea, you agree with a derisive snort, dude’s definitely compensating for something! Sallying forth towards FORT DUMBASS, your heart skips a beat as a swarm of countless specks emerges from behind the fortress–enough to block your view of the citadel as they draw close!

“Cripes!” Ly exclaims as you and Pete exchange worried glances, “Dose’ must be da’ things we saw durin’ dat’ ASTRAL SPYIN’ we did!”

Yea, you snarl, those guys SUCKED! Stupid FLYING SKULLS!

Your words barely leave your lips before the horde of FLYING SKULLS tears through the sky to intercept you in a symphony of SCREECHES! You’re just about to pick a weapon to fend them off with when another challenge bursts through the magical blizzard–a BONE DRAGON!

“HANG ON, KID!” Yanking the control stick away from the beast, Pete sends you, him, Lil’ Stanley, and, of course, the chopper tumbling to the side as the dragon just barely misses you!

“Now I know you didn’t expect this to be a relaxin’ ride, but would you mind keepin’ them off our back?” Asks Pete as he prepares to open fire on your attackers, “We’re gonna need a bit more than these guns to stop them!”
https://youtu.be/xgcap-5IBsY
Yea, you reply, grinning mischievously as you unbuckle from your seat, you think you can handle that!

Q1: WHAT DO YOU FOCUS ON FIRST?
>THE SWARM! THOSE SKULLS ARE NASTY!
>THE DRAGON! HE ONLY NEEDS TO GET ONE BAD HIT IN!

Q2: WHAT WEAPON DO YOU USE TO ASSIST PETE?
>ROCKET LAWNCHAIR!
>GRANDPA’S REPEATER!
>BACKUUM 1000!
>REMOTE-CONTROLLED DUUUUCK 2.0!
>N4 AUTOMATIC RIFLE!
>BE A TOTAL-GODDAMN-MANIAC AND LEAP OUT THERE WITH YOUR CLAWS!
>WRITE-IN!

>>5388045
>>THE DRAGON! HE ONLY NEEDS TO GET ONE BAD HIT IN!
>BACKUUM 1000!

Sorry for the one update today, but it's getting late on my end and work's already getting crazy so I'm gonna call it for tonight! Should have more TUESDAY AROUND 4-5PM PST! Hope to see you then!

>>5388045
I feel like the only reasonable approach here is to Backumm the skulls into the dragon

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>>5388098

I will pretend that that was my complete and wholehearted intention in the first place even though I had no plan beyond haha backuum go brrrrrrr. YEAH, THAT'S RITE IT WAS.

Adding this to my vote >>5388063

>>5388105
I was going to suggest sending out the new improved duck myself until I saw you mentioned the backuum. Or maybe go for rocket laucher aoe against the skulls.

>>5388045
>>5388098 +1

>>5388098
>>5388105
>>5388170
>KILL TWO BIRDS WITH ONE BONE!
Ingenious! Gonna sneak in a quick update here before work:

ROLL ME 1D100+10(+5 BUNNY SUIT, +5 DEMON STRENGTH, +5 LOTS OF SKULL AMMO, +5 JANITOR TOOLS, -5 LOTS OF TARGETS, -5 AERIAL INFERIORITY) TO TAKE DOWN SOME BOGIES WITH THE BACKUUM! I'LL TAKE THE BEST OF 3 ROLLS!

Rolled 91 + 10 (1d100 + 10)

>>5388387

Rolled 79 (1d100)

>>5388387

Rolled 57 + 10 (1d100 + 10)

>>5388387

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>>5388392

>>5388392
>>5388396
>>5388399
>HIGHEST ROLL: 101!
That's the way to do it! Writing!

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You slip the straps of your trusty BACKUUM 1000 over your shoulders like a superhero’s cape as the cloud of burning skulls descends on your chopper like a pack of flying piranhas! Firing into the crowd with the helicopter’s guns, Pete simultaneously banks to the side and gives you a perfect vantage point for your weapon!

“Dis’ is gonna SUCK, huh, Stan?” Ly remarks with a laugh as you set the vacuum to the ‘COLLAPSING STAR’ setting! No, you growl, it’s gonna be GREAT!

Snatching a bungee cord off the wall, you waste no time wrapping it around your waist and diving out of the helicopter! Flipping the ‘ON’ switch, you barely manage to brace yourself before the BACKUUM’s nozzle immediately starts sucking up skulls like they were free samples!

By the time the skulls know what’s happening, it’s already too late–try as they might to fight the suction by dodging and sending fireballs your way, shitty magic is no match for HUMAN INGENUITY!

You let loose a sinister cackle as the device sucks up both skull and fireball alike, and as Pete deftly pilots your metal steed through the blood-red skies and the monsters you share them with, you fight bone with bone and send your unwilling captives back at their friends with a flick of the ‘BLOW’ switch!

Their strength in numbers swiftly becomes their weakness! Sending a steady stream of flaming skulls careening into their friends, the air fills with countless chain explosions as your payload erupts into flames on impact!

“Atta’ girl!” Pete cheers as your pursuers quickly become the pursued, “Don’t stop now!”

You weren’t planning on it, you shout as you scoop up some more ammo! Swinging around the bottom of the chopper like a messed-up yo-yo, you grit your teeth through the nausea as the skull horde struggles to get a fireball past your defenses–when they fight the BACKUUM, you just slam them into someone else! When they send multiple fireballs your way, you just spin around and gather them like plums off a tree!

As the cloud slowly begins to dissipate as its tenants, or what’s left of them, plummet out of the sky, your other target bursts from the blizzard and snaps at your heels with a mouth full of flames!

“Oh right, he’s still here!” Observes Nats as Pete yanks you and the chopper out of the flames. Yea, you snarl, but not for long!

>CONTD.

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>>5389000
Still convinced it’s the ruler of the skies, the BONE DRAGON tears through the cloud of skulls and homes in on you with murderous intent burning in its glowing red eyes!

“He looks hungry, Stan!” Shouts Ly as you scoop up some more skulls. Good, you fire back, because you’ve got plenty to go around! Sending a heaping serving of skulls and fireballs in the dragon’s direction, you blink in disbelief as it shrugs off the small explosions like raindrops as it dives towards you with open jaws!

Hanging a left, the chopper gets out of the way just in time to avoid becoming a snack, but as you watch the dragon continue to hang onto your tail, a devious plan forms in your head–one that puts your BACKUUM into overtime!

Dipping and weaving through the magical fireworks show around you, Pete gives you plenty of ammunition to work with–scooping up fireball after fireball, you can almost feel the heat inside your backpack as you keep sucking them up! Now THAT’S what you call comfort!

As the old pilot mows down even more skulls daring to intercept you two, you parry a few yourself with a series of well-timed kicks! Feeling your back start to sting from the burning projectiles housed inside the tank, you fire an EYE LASER at the dragon’s big, dumb face to get his attention again! That’s right, asshole, you roar as you flip him the bird, I’m talkin’ to YOU!

The beast rushes towards you with a bone-shaking roar as a geyser of flames erupts from its mouth! While Pete dips the chopper to the side, you take your chance and run with it: flipping the switch to ‘BLOW’ once more, you send all the contents of your BACKUUM flying towards the dragon’s open mouth, and by the time the medieval monstrosity figures out what’s happening, it’s too late!

Empowered by the flames, the fireballs coalesce into one giant fireball before disappearing down the beast’s gullet! With one last rumble from its stomach, the dragon EXPLODES into a massive conflagration that reduces most of the remaining skulls to ash!

“Now dat’s what I call heartburn!” Ly laughs as Pete cheers from the cockpit!

… OOOhhh, you mutter, he was making a JOKE when he said this would suck! You get it now!

>CONTD.