>>5429443
Oh hell YEA.
>MAN
Intrigued to see how THIS perspective might turn out...

>>5429443
>MACHINE
How could we be anything else if mankind is dead?

>>5429450
HELL. IS. FULL.

>>5429443
Machine-man

File: RIP AND TEAR.png (56 KB, 122x168)

56 KB PNG

>>5429443
>MAN

>>5429443
>MACHINE

>>5429443
>MACHINE
BEEP boop

>>5429443
>MAN
Fuck you machines, let me suffer eternal damnation in peace!

>>5429443
>MACHINE

Those that walk the Earth must be purged!

>>5429497
NONE BUT MACHINES WALK THE EARTH.

>>5429443
>MAN

>>5429443
>MAN
I've already traversed 6 planes of hell as a machine, a change of pace sounds nice.

>>5429443
>MACHINE
Our woes

>>5429443
>MACHINE

>>5429443
>MAN

Rolled 2 (1d3)

>>5429448
>>5429450
>>5429453
>>5429456
>>5429458
>>5429461
>>5429497
>>5429503
>>5429505
>>5429506
>>5429511
>>5429518

Error. Results inconclusive.

Error.Errorerrorerroreroeroeroreeeeeeeee

1=MAN
2=MACHINE
3=>>5429452

>>5429534
QuestOs Calibrated.

Retrieving files.

>WHAT WAS YOUR PURPOSE, MACHINE?

>WAR
>PEACE

>>5429536

PIZZA

>>5429536
>PEACE
I love peace so much, I don't care how many men, women, or children I have to kill to get it!

>>5429536
>WAR

>>5429536
>WAR

WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR

>>5429500
Then it is time to crunch metal and delete data!

>>5429536
>WAR

>>5429536

PIZZA

I looked, and behold, a pale Moped; and he who sat on it had the name Papa John's

>>5429536
>01010111 01000001 01010010

>>5429536
PIZZA

MAMA-FUCKIN-MIA I COOKA DA PIZZA

>>5429536
PEACE THROUGH THE APPLICATION OF WAR

>>5429545
>>5429549
>>5429550
>>5429563
>>5429569
>>5429570
>>5429589
>>5429591
>>5429598
PEACE...zza

https://youtu.be/czTksCF6X8Y

Normally I'd follow this up with a vote about what you did, but it's pretty clear. Writeup tomorrow.

File: 1665389575930.gif (1.98 MB, 600x338)

1.98 MB GIF

>>5429448
>>5429453
>>5429461
>>5429503
>>5429505
>>5429518
BEATEN BY AN OBJECT... SIX TIMES!

>>5429600
PizzaTime.exe loading complete.

>Being a pizzabot has some benefits!
>Quick hands
>Nonslip tread
>Bladework
>Heat resistant

>Of course, most of those only last to your current body. As a Machine, that is quite readily changeable.

LOADING VIDEO FILE

>WHAT IS IT OF, MACHINE?

>KINDNESS
>CRUELTY

Preetza

>>5429766
>>KINDNESS
OH MACHINE GODS PLEASE TURN IT OFF, IT IS FRYING MY OCULAR CIRCUITS!!

>>5429766
>KINDNESS
The way of Pizza is to bring happiness to the world

>>5429766
>Heat resistant
>KINDNESS
let's fucking goooooooo

>>5429786
Oh wait shit do we get all of those???
Big if true.

>>5429788
FOR NOW. DAMAGE AND TIME WILL CHANGE THAT.

>>5429766
>CRUELTY
pizza metaphor

>>5429791
So we are some sort of mix between a streetcleaner and swordmachine, but with a pizzacutter and threads instead of legs?

>>5429795
NO. YOU ARE THE PIZZABOT. YOU MAKE PIZZA. COMICALLY LARGE PIZZACUTTERS ARE INEFFICIENT. YOU HAVE NO COMICALLY LARGE PIZZACUTTER. YET.

YOU HAVE NO TREADS. YOU HAVE KitchenSafe(tm) NONSLIP PATTERN RUBBER-SOLED FEET.

>>5429766
>KINDNESS
:)

>>5429800
>YOU HAVE NO COMICALLY LARGE PIZZACUTTER. YET.
This is can not stand, we must fix this design error as soon as possible.

>>5429766
>KINDNESS

>>5429781
>>5429785
>>5429786
>>5429792
>>5429801
>>5429811

>KINDNESS

LOADING MEMORY.

It'll take a couple of hours. Not because of length, I just need to work.

>>5429813
>Your model number, General Robotics CM-0007. You were never given a name.
>Antonio
>Giuseppie
>Mario
>Luigi
>Some other thematically Italian name

>>5429813
>>5430060
Error, Reformatting.

You booted back to consciousness in a trash heap.

You looked down. Your chassis, once polished to a mirror sheen and your outfit, once pristine are both now ragged and torn. What little of it you saw, at least, buried in the muck and scrap. You try to move, but the weight of refuse holds you tight, not to mention it sticking to you.

Batteries ticking down hour by hour, you wonder when it’ll finally be over. You predict 3 days. Every moment, you wonder if it could’ve gone differently.what might’ve happened, had things been different.

This is how you would die, thrown out in the trash. A work of engineering, no, a piece of history, reduced to so much scrap.

As your vision dims, you see movement. Your loudspeaker crackles for help, but it all goes dark.


You wake up on a table. You try to sit up, look around when-

“Ey, slow down there big guy. What’s your name?”

>Your model number, General Robotics CM-0007. You were never given a name.
>Antonio
>Giuseppie
>Mario
>Luigi
>Some other thematically italian name

>>5430061
>Gesù

>>5430061
>Jesus
it's thematic

>>5430069
Do our votes count the same then since what I put >>5430066 is just the Italian version of it?

>>5430061

> Waluigi

>>5430069
+1

>>5430079
+1 W47U1G1

File: AEDB7F7B-96B0-4E75-A905-0(...).jpg (263 KB, 959x1095)

263 KB JPG

>>5430072
I prefer the english Bibleshit, myself.

>>5430061
>Cesare Marzano VII
tried to make something out of CM-0007

>>5430094
support

>>5430061
>Your model number, General Robotics CM-0007. You were never given a name.

>>5430061
Support >>5430094

>>5430066
>>5430069
>>5430079
>>5430083
>>5430089
>>5430094
>>5430098
>>5430112
>>5430116

>Jesus
>Cesare Marzano VII

>>5430133
(THIS IS MEANT TO BE A NARROWED VOTE)

>>5430133
>Cesare Marzano VII

>>5430133
>Cesare Marzano VII

>>5430133
>Cesare Marzano VII

>>5430133
>Cesare Marzano VII

Sad whah sounds...

>>5430133
>Jesus

>>5430133
>Cesare Marzano VII

>>5430133
>Jesus

>>5430144
>>5430155
>>5430163
>>5430170
>>5430199
>>5430210
>>5430215
“M-M-M-M-My Name is Cesare M-M-M-Marzano the 7-7th, finest r-r-r r-obotic c-c-chef the world has e-ever sssssssssseen!” you stutter out, your voicebox clearly clogged or otherwise broken.

“THE Cesare Marzano? I find it hard to believe you were just rusting away in a scrap heap.”

“I-I-If y-y-y-”

“Let’s get you fixed up first big guy. Then we can talk.”

His name was Antonio, and he was a kind man. He repaired you, cleaned you, and found you a job after his nephew dug you out of the trash.

You liked making pizza. So, so simple compared to what you used to do and make, but what you used to do never made people’s eyes light up when they saw you, not for long.

He was a good man, and you regret that you couldn’t protect him when Man and Machine turned against each other. You tore the bastards that got to him apart, then buried him and his nephew together.

You regret deeply what you had to do those days, and regret you couldn’t help Antonio.

When you heard about Hell, you knew it was the answer.

>WHAT IS YOUR DIRECTIVE, CESARE?

>FIND ANTONIO

>FIND PURPOSE

>FIND ONE LAST WORTHY CUSTOMER

>WRITE IN

>>5430281
>FIND ONE LAST WORTHY CUSTOMER

>>5430281
>FIND ANTONIO
>Find a new fuel that isn't blood
The Pizza must become eternal

>>5430281
>FIND PURPOSE
WHAT IS YOUR PURPOSE?

>>5430281
>FIND ANTONIO
>WRITE IN
>OPEN A PIZZERIA IN HELL

>>5430281
>FIND ANTONIO

>>5430281
>>FIND PURPOSE

>>5430299
+1
It's not the end of the world, it's a business relocation

>>5430281
Changing mine to find purpose

>>5430281
>FIND ONE LAST WORTHY CUSTOMER
>PUT ANTONIO BACK IN HIS GRAVE

One last worthy customer!

>>5430281
>FIND ANTONIO
and
>FIND ONE LAST WORTHY CUSTOMER

>FIND ANTONIO
>>5430290
>>5430299
>>5430302
>>5430338

>FIND PURPOSE
>>5430298
>>5430304
>>5430331

>WORTHY CUSTOMER
>>5430286
>>5430338
>>5430349

>GOAL
FIND ANTONIO (and Nephew)

>PENDING SUBGOAL
BECOME FINEST ROBOTIC CHEF IN HELL

>ACTIVATE SUBGOAL?
>Y/N

>>5430390
>Y
Why not? Antonio and his nephew can be our partners in building Hell's Pizza

>>5430390
>Y
WE COOKA-DA-PIZZA

>>5430390
>Y
Hell's Kitchen got nothin' on us!

>ANTONIO IS DEAD
>PIZZA IS FUEL
>HELL IS BOOKED

inb4 'beaten by a FUCKING PIZZA OVEN!?'

We must make a pizza so good that God decides to come back

>>5430390
>Y

>>5430421
kek

>>5430421
Depending on your choices, you'll encounter him, alright... odds are though, you can't take him head-on. Not alone.

>>5430439
*flips 4 pizzas into the air and shoots them all with a mozzarella shot*
"M-may your woes b-be many...

>>5430428
+1
>>5430390
Y

>>5430444
Unfortunately, you're no v1, or even v2. You're a pizzabot, and that means you'll have to play to your strengths.

By the end of the quest you could maybe take on a newbie v1. Maybe.

>>5430464
Well... that's a bit of an exaggeration.

You could maybe take him on... with your current body.

>>5430474
ah but would we even have to take him on if we offered him a delicious delicious pizza? Must be hungry for something other then blood after all this time...

>>5430428
Support
>>5430390
Y

>>5430390
>Y

>>5430390
>N
>>5430484
He has no mouth and makes you scream. V1 needs no sustenance beyond blood.

>>5430509
you underestimate the power of a good pizza pie

File: 09b8483d-d139-48b7-9774-2(...).png (69 KB, 600x450)

69 KB PNG

>>5430524
It's a good tool of war, but doesn't cointain any blood.

File: breaking-bad-pizza.gif (6.91 MB, 498x493)

6.91 MB GIF

>>5430509
If V1 won't accept our flatbread masterpieces then we'll choke his ports with marinara

File: 1665470706682.gif (1.96 MB, 600x338)

1.96 MB GIF

>>5430540
If you want to impress daddy V1 just add blood and Gabriel tears.

There is but one truth in this world without humankind: Cesare Marzano VII will ensure a premium pizza pie experience, whether they want it or not.

File: 2a8af3a994bff0d4fb41effcd(...).jpg (49 KB, 480x640)

49 KB JPG

>>5430390
>Y
MACHINE, YOU DARE PUT PINEAPPLE ON THE LORD'S HOLY PIZZA?!
Also, pic related, we could be a robot with a portable oven/flamethrower.

File: PizzaGod.jpg (388 KB, 997x601)

388 KB JPG

>>5430390
Y

>>5430589
>YOU DARE DEFY YOUR GODS ANDRIOD!?

File: 638 (1).jpg (172 KB, 1280x720)

172 KB JPG

>>5430620
If we get to run an Italian restaurant in hell, our main job is to help everyone have a good time.
Oh, and beat the shit out of anyone, including V1, for dirtying the establishment with leftover blood.

>>5430717
We can't have people wash themselves with soap, they are going to die in one hit.
V1 might be quick to take a bath though

>>5430718
Shit, that's true, it would be a useful to own some soap so we can threaten any jerks into cleaning up the restaurant.

THERE WILL BE SAUCE
SPREAD
THE CHEF IN THE MIRROR NODS HIS HEAD

>>5430401
>>5430411
>>5430421
>>5430434
>>5430460
>>5430504
>>5430507
>>5430509
>>5430589
>>5430620

>>5430536
oh shit fanart?
didn't expect it to pop off this hard

>Y

>Cesare Marzano VII
>Might: 3 (avg)
>Agility: 2 (weak)
>Dexterity: 4 (good)
>Insight: 3 (avg)
>Toughness: 3 (avg)
>Durability:10
>Benign/Menacing: 3/2
>Size: Med

>Cleaver (2 Damage)

The stats don't all line up to ULTRAKILL's health and damage-wise to make it easier on my brain.

You are Cesare Marzano the VII, and you have a job to do.

You need to get to hell, and there's only one confirmed way down, straight into its mouth through the now defunct elevator shafts. However, that's where all the other Machines will likely be trying to enter hell, and you are VERY LIKELY to encounter one.

But you've heard rumors that there's another way down, that in a cave nearby you can make your way down at a slower, safer pace.

Of course, you could always go scavenging, if you feel unprepared.

>>5430744
Let's go scavenging for a gun and a giant pizzacutter

>>5430744
forgot options

>Go scavenging (anywhere in particular?), you need more supplies before you, quite literally, go to hell.
>Go the obvious, fast way. You need to get to Antonio ASAP.
>Go the slow, safe way. Can't find Antonio if you're dead.

>>5430747
Don't worry, I'll count your vote

>>5430748
>Scavenging time
Hopefully a sci fi spas-12 or some other italian gun

>>5430748
Scavenge for a gun that shoots pizza cutter blades
And a smock that can protect us from tomato stains

>>5430748
>Go scavenging (anywhere in particular?), you need more supplies before you, quite literally, go to hell.
Pizzas, and parts for when we get damaged.

>>5430748
scavenge or well take stuff from our shop

Aww man, i was too late to suggest THE name of basically every pizzaiolo in italy

>Salvatore

Which is thematically appropriate even for hell on earth

>>5430748
>Go scavenging (anywhere in particular?), you need more supplies before you, quite literally, go to hell.
>find the nearest abandoned bakery, search for one of those fuckoff big bread cutting tools
>use some of the parts and large circular blade as a makeshift saw weapon (and pizza slicer)

>>5430748
>Go scavenging
Let's go back to the pizzeria and get some ingredients, just in case. In the wars for blood I'm sure the dough, mozarella and olives were left untouched.
They might have taken the pepperoni though.
Might have even taken the tomato sauce if they *thought* it was blood.

>>5430956
Not the tomato sauce! How is Cesare going to make margheritas without genuine italian San Marzano tomato sauce?

>>5430744
>>5430763
+1 for plasma spas-12

>>5430744
Scavenge for weapons and ingredients

>>5430956
Support

>>5430787
Sorry, that one's in hell.
The latter is included in your outfit.

>>5430747
>>5430763
>>5430787
>>5430793
>>5430798
>>5430829
>>5430956
>>5430978
>>5431016
You decide you need to get your Ingredients from your shop, and a weapon. Maybe some parts, too.

However, you have little idea WHERE to go for those, other than your shop, and a vague idea about salvaging a blade from a bread factory.

>Your shop is locked in for ingredients and some of your spares, but what about the weapon(s)? You can do multiple, but the longer you take, the higher chance of finding something nasty.

>The National Guard Armory. It should be relatively untouched... because of the still active, dumb ai turrets. It'll be fast, one way or the other.
>Hit up some police stations. There's plenty, but they'll likely have been looted of anything particularly useful. It'll take a while to get to and go through them all, but if you find something it'll be decent.
>A bread factory, and Antonio's place. You've got something of a harebrained scheme involving a chainsaw, a weedwhacker, and an oversized bread cutter...
>Go from apartment to apartment in the poorer areas. It'll take a LONG time, but you'll certainly find something or other. Maybe you'll even find some... less than legal goodies.
>Write in.

File: file.png (521 KB, 1200x556)

521 KB PNG

>>5431109
>THE BREAD FACTORY

>>5431109
>A bread factory, and Antonio's place. You've got something of a harebrained scheme involving a chainsaw, a weedwhacker, and an oversized bread cutter...
If the ferrynan can have his spoon, we can have a pizzacutter
>Hit up some police stations. There's plenty, but they'll likely have been looted of anything particularly useful. It'll take a while to get to and go through them all, but if you find something it'll be decent.
Every shop owner needs a shotgun

>>5431109
>A bread factory, and Antonio's place. You've got something of a harebrained scheme involving a chainsaw, a weedwhacker, and an oversized bread cutter...

>>5431109
BREAD

>>5431109
>>A bread factory, and Antonio's place. You've got something of a harebrained scheme involving a chainsaw, a weedwhacker, and an oversized bread cutter...
>The National Guard Armory. It should be relatively untouched... because of the still active, dumb ai turrets. It'll be fast, one way or the other.

>>5431109
>>A bread factory, and Antonio's place. You've got something of a harebrained scheme involving a chainsaw, a weedwhacker, and an oversized bread cutter...
Our search for the ultimate pizza cutter begins...

>>5431114
>>5431129
>>5431132
>>5431156
>>5431173
>>5431231
You feel your resolve strengthen.

Once, a long time ago on your "birthday," Salvatore, Antonio's nephew, made you a gift. An oversized, paper mache pizza cutter, with a blade the size of your head.

You need to make it real, to honor his memory. And you need to go bigger, to make your way to Antonio and him.

But then, you aren't sure you could even hack it together. You have to try, though.

Still, it wouldn't hurt to go looking for a more conventional weapon, would it?

>Industrial Bakery is locked in. However, a normal weapon is still prudent, no?

>YES, IT IS
>NO, IT ISN'T

>If Yes
>ARMORY
>POLICE

>>5431320
>YES, IT IS
>POLICE
Give me a shotgun

>>5431320
>NO, IT ISN'T
WE WILL BE THE PIZZA CUTTER THAT CUTS THE HEAVENS IN TWAIN!!!

>>5431320
>YES, IT IS
>POLICE
Come on SPAS 12

>>5431320
>>YES, IT IS
>ARMORY

>>5431320
>NO, IT ISN'T

PIZZA OR DEATH

>>5431320
>NO, IT ISN'T

GIVE ME 'ZA, OR GIVE ME DEATH!

>>5431320
>YES, IT IS
>POLICE

>>5431320
>NO, IT ISN'T

MAMA MIA WE NEED NOTHING BUT PIZZA

>>5431320
>NO, IT ISN'T
I'm sure we can just parry anything that comes our way--gotta be light on our feet in the chaotic kitchen that is LIFE

>>5431678
I mean. You can try. But you are certainly NOT v1, although you are roughly the same size and proportions.

The thing you need to remember is that V1 is a Warmachine, no, THE motherfucking Warmachine. Had the Final Peace not come around when it did, V1 likely would have ended the war all by his lonesome, by sheer force of skill and tenacity. You, on the other hand, are NOT. The closest comparison is a streetcleaner, although you are very slightly more durable and much less mobile, in return for much stabler footing in the bloodsoaked wastes of hell.

However, while V1's bodyplan is mostly static to facilitate his intense acrobatics, near supernatural precision, and absorbing blood through his plating, you have a far more traditional method of blood intake and construction which allows you to make alterations to yourself as your skill and material allow. You could pull a Swordsmachine and scrap together a better body, or you could pull a Mind Flayer and start blasting with hell energy, or even some other crazy thing, like taming a demon and riding it around or some shit.

Your current strengths are quick hands (good fer cuttin'), a solid tread (bad for acrobatics, great for not slipping), a preprogrammed affinity for all things majority sharp and pointy, and VERY high heat resistance (a part of your body, if you start making upgrades it doesn't stick).

>>5431320
>YES IT IS
>go to the Police Station and look for one of those taser pistols
We could raise the power level to max and fry any enemy we find - it's also a possible non-lethal opportunity! Oh, and maybe a riot helmet too, hell is a little dangerous so always wear your hardhat!

>>5431320
>>YES, IT IS
>POLICE

>>5431320
>YES, IT IS
>POLICE
shoggun

>>5431320
>>YES, IT IS
Always good to have something to fall back on if the God-Cutter breaks

>>5431320
>YES, IT IS
>POLICE

FOR NOW.

>>5431320
Yes - Police

>>5431325
>>5431340
>>5431371
>>5431398
>>5431529
>>5431628
>>5431629
>>5431675
>>5431678
>>5431744
>>5431749
>>5431769
>>5431831
>>5431883
>>5431983
POLICE-ZZA TIME

Ok, time for the first roll of the quest.
4d100s. First is for your shop, second is for Antonio's, third is for the bread factory, fourth is for the police station.

High is good.

Rolled 3, 52, 20, 15 = 90 (4d100)

>>5432146
I shall bless my roll by declaring anchovies to objectively be one of the best pizza toppings.
Behold.

fug

Rolled 40, 15, 98, 26 = 179 (4d100)

>>5432146
Give us each day our daily bread.

File: 1600707336119.png (3.82 MB, 2700x4078)

3.82 MB PNG

>>5432152
>98 for the bread factory

>>5432150
>>5432152
Apologies, I meant to say,

4 1d100s

not 4d100s

Rolled 38 (1d100)

>>5432155
>>5432146
Ok

Rolled 28 (1d100)

>>5432146
>>5432155
rerolling then, if that's ok

Rolled 99 (1d100)

>>5432155
The bread must be baked. The Cheese must be shreded. The Tomato sauce must be spread.

Rolled 14 (1d100)

>>5432155

>>5432161
>An even better bread roll
God wants that to give us a comically sized pizzacutter, so we can make him a giant pizza

>>5432161
My god...

>>5432158
>>5432160
>>5432161
>>5432163
Your shop was ransacked of everything mechanical, unfortunately. However, you find the holy grail: Canned cheese, sauce, and toppings, along with a sack of flour and some seasonings. You normally never used them, originally being bought for a bet, but they won't rot, and, considering you won that bet (to make a good pizza with terrible ingredients), you feel fine taking them with you.

Antonio's is a bust, most everything taken. There's a couple of wrenches and some duct tape though, so it's not totally a waste of time.

The bakery though... it was not a waste of time an assembly line remains mostly intact! The important parts at least, like the ovens (mostly), and more importantly, the bread cutter. The bread cutter appears to have been brand new, and not only that, appears to have been a grinder that, from the logs you read, was bought as surplus from a recently shut down steel processing facility as a harebrained corner-cutting measure, with a thick wheel and diamond-edged cutting surface. It's wholly unsuited to cutting normal bread and was set to be replaced.

>We all know you're taking the "bread cutter," but would you like to break down anything else?

>Y/N

If Yes, choose as many as you like, and how long you'd like to spend doing so

>Break down the machine for parts, you need them to make your weapon considering that Antonio's was a bust
>Break down the ovens, for heating coils and electronics
>Write in

>Quick
>Normal
>Thourough

>>5432200
>Break down the machine for parts, you need them to make your weapon considering that Antonio's was a bust
>Break down the ovens, for heating coils and electronics
>Thourough
We are not going to find anything in the police station with a roll of 14, so might as well get something out of this scavenging run.
Our rolls decided we are going melee like a swordsmachine. But our pizzacutter shall be a tool of justice, not used in anger.

>>5432206
+1

>>5432206
The oven is actually a method to, assuming good rolls, let you leverage your other benefit.

And fair warning, while a Giga Pizza Cutter is a very powerful implement, it doesn't make full use of your current strengths like, say, a knife does. Although, you could remedy that by using the magic of tearing an enemy's limbs off to replace your own with them! And of course, although it doesn't make full use of your strengths, its base power is so high that it doesn't matter so much.

>>5432206
+1
Become the ultimate pizza machine

>>5432200
>Break down the machine for parts, you need them to make your weapon considering that Antonio's was a bust
>Thourough

>>5432206
+1
>>5432211
Fear not, we could use the Giga Blade as a makeshift shield too. We just need to get stronger or build some sort of vehicle/support for the weapon in order to function properly.
Ho Capito.

>>5432243
Go a step further, make the pizza cutter a wheel too.

File: Biggest Pizza Cutter.jpg (34 KB, 360x480)

34 KB JPG

>>5432206
+1
I do not aim with my hand; he who aims with his hand has forgotten the face of Antonio. I aim with my eye.
I do not cut with my hand; he who cuts with his hand has forgotten the face of Antonio. I cut with my mind.
I do not kill with my pizza cutter; he who kills with his pizza cutter has forgotten the face of Antonio. I kill with my heart.

File: 58590219-F6D8-40EA-AD41-1(...).jpg (73 KB, 640x1264)

73 KB JPG

>>5432206
>+1
So, what’s each bosses favorite pizza? The only one I got is Minos’s being an everything pizza (He’s a man of great taste after all)

>>5432206
>>5432208
>>5432216
>>5432222
>>5432243
>>5432245
>>5432301
>>5432415

6 4d6s. You get rerolls because you're taking your time.
This is a roll based on your Dexterity stat, and would be improved if you had relevant mechanics skills.

Rolled 5, 1, 4, 6 = 16 (4d6)

>>5432462

Rolled 4, 2, 6, 5 = 17 (4d6)

>>5432462
FOR PIZZA

Rolled 2, 6, 1, 2 = 11 (4d6)

>>5432462
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=czTksCF6X8Y

Rolled 4, 3, 2, 5 = 14 (4d6)

>>5432462
PIZZA TIIIIME

Rolled 6, 5, 4, 4 = 19 (4d6)

>>5432462
Come on baby give me the PIZZA!

One more, if you please.

Rolled 3, 3, 1, 6 = 13 (4d6)

>>5432462

>>5432467
>>5432468
>>5432471
2 Successes for the bread cutter.
>>5432475
>>5432477
>>5432503
1 success for the oven.

Gimme a bit to write.

>>5432507
Although you aren't the best mechanic (that was Antonio's forte), you have quick hands and the ability to use them.

You manage to salvage 2 units of machinery, and 1 unit of electronics from the factory, which is enough to make your weapon if you find a small but powerful engine and some appropriate structural material to make the frame with.

When you get to the police station, you are met with an unwelcome surprise. A damaged SwatBot is inside, holding the shotgun you've been looking for.

>A relatively rare Machine, used to replace humans in the most dangerous parts of policing. Although relatively slow, they pack quite the punch with their 8 ga shotgun and high caliber pistol, in addition to great durability.

>Now, they roam the wastes in roving squads, “Confiscating” blood stockpiles and “Securing” the scene until the blood is gone and they've all recovered before they move on.

>Some may have alternative weapons, such as SMGs or plasma breachers.

This is quite the issue.

>How do you deal with the SwatBot? It looks twitchy, and is quite damaged, although it's still likely to take a significant beating.

>For reference, you currently have a large, heavy knife as a weapon, in addition to whatever rubble you can find lying around.

>>5432517
Throw up rubble and dust and debris to mask our movements, run away from this threat... But further IN to the station, as opposed to out of and away from the station. We Gon find something

>>5432517
Tell the Swat bot we saw a black bot entering a blood bank, most likely to steal some blood. We saw it enter with a gun.
Proceed to kill the swat bot when it's back it turned.

>>5432519
+1

>>5432519
fair enough. If we find a weapon going inwards, taking care of it should be ez

>>5432519
+1

>>5432519
+1

>>5432519
+1

>>5432519
Can't think of anything better, so support.

>>5432519
>+1

>>5432519
+1

Quick question, V1 is, as far as we know, the ONLY robot that can refuel by simply splashing around in blood, at least without making himself vulnerable, right? I blanked on the lore other than the fact that Gabriel killed his asshole bosses

>>5433025
Yes, V1 has a special metal alloy that allow him to do quick conversion, others have to ingest the blood. Not even V2 can do that

>>5433027
Aight, cool, I was confused since there's apparently a female version named mirage.

BTW can we try to get a flamethrower of a streetsweeper strapped onto the ultimate cutter for "baking" our "pizzas" sometime in the future.

>>5433043
Mirage is in V1's head, she isn't real

>>5433045
As UltraQM, I have made the executive decision to say that Mirage is real, but not quite she appears to be.

>>5433053
>mirage israel
Aight boys, time to dick her junkyard until it's rusting.

>>5433053
I want to hold Mirage's hand.

>>5433069
You'll have to reach Lust first, not to mention survive down there. Then you can give the robo-fu the P(izza).

>>5432519
>>5432534
>>5432580
>>5432629
>>5432739
>>5432830
>>5432840
>>5432844
>>5432913
>>5433025
So, you want to cause a distraction, then slip past the SwatBot while it isn't looking, correct?

>If so, roll some d6s.
>If not, yell at me.

Rolled 2 (1d6)

>>5433114
>If so, roll some d6s.

Rolled 6 (1d6)

>>5433114

Rolled 3 (1d6)

>>5433114
So if

Rolled 5 (1d6)

>>5433114
>>If so, roll some d6s.

Rolled 1 (1d6)

>>5433114

Rolled 5 (1d6)

>>5433114

Rolled 2, 2 = 4 (2d6)

>>5433139
>>5433147
>>5433149
>>5433154
>2 Successes
>A 5-6 is a success.
>Rolling Insight for Damaged SwatBot (3-1 from damage)

Rolled 41 (1d100)

>>5433160
rolling for random encounter (secret level)

>>5433168
Ey, cut the shit. You gotta go looking for secret levels.
>>5433160
>0 successes

You toss a piece of rubble across the street towards a good spot, visible for the SwatBot, but not quite reachable, and it takes the bait: hook, line, and sinker.

"H-H-H-H-H-H-H-H-ALT, YOU HAVE VI-unintelligible static"

You manage to slip past it, into the station lobby and offices.

You see where it was previously sitting, and the paths to the armory, garage, and cells

>You don't have much time before it comes back, get moving, but where?

>>5433184
>garage

Sh*t, just realized that we should probably get going to lust right after doing this police thing if we even want to get the chance of meeting Minos. Because V1 will get there in about…idk what speed that machine is going at, it could be anywhere between three days and 3 minutes to get to heresy.
>>5433184
>garage

>>5433184
Armory. lets get some guns and armor.

>>5433184
>garage

>>5433190
Heaven is yet in turmoil. Lust is still being (albeit mostly complete) built, and Greed is fomenting rebellion. More importantly, Hank is still alive.

Wait too long though, and Gabe will do his thing. Wait even longer, and you'll have to contend with V1 and V2, as well as the oncoming horde of bloodthirsty machines going into hell

>>5433200
>as well as the oncoming horde of bloodthirsty machines going into hell
That sounds like one hell of a business opportunity to me. Someone has to sell pizza to these oncoming hordes.

>>5433200
(Huh, I guess I didn’t really know at what point of the story we were in) WAIT! DOES THAT MEAN WE CAN STILL OPEN IP A PIZZA SHOP IN LUST!?!!

>>5433200
I'm worried Antonio and Salvatore are in heaven instead of hell.
>>5433184
>garage
The armory probably already have been pillaged, and if any prisoners that had contraband probably escaped.
So I'm betting on a cop car having a gun inside

>>5433184
>Cells
Could be some busted bots for us to salvage

>>5433214
They had their vices (Antonio especially was both Greedy and Lustful, and you'd be hard pressed to say which he was more of), thankfully for you. But Salvatore may well have ascended into heaven and become a lesser angel, rather than a husk.

C'mon, you think I'd do that to ya? You'll find both down here, assuming you can get to 'em.

>>5433238
Antonio as a Sisyphean Insurrectionist when?

>>5433186
>>5433190
>>5433192
>>5433195
>>5433214
>>5433215
Although the place looks pretty beat up, you decide to check the garage, determining it to be a likely source of a gun.

1d100-15, from that bad roll earlier.

Rolled 46 + 15 (1d100 + 15)

>>5433259

Rolled 37 - 15 (1d100 - 15)

>>5433259

Rolled 81 + 15 (1d100 + 15)

>>5433259

Rolled 29 - 15 (1d100 - 15)

>>5433259

Rolled 73 + 15 (1d100 + 15)

>>5433259
even if we don't find a good gun here, maybe there'll be some beefy police vehicle we can crash into the bot

>>5433259

dice+1d100-15

could've sworn I typed a minus instead of a plus...

Rolled 95 - 15 (1d100 - 15)

>>5433270
Do a plus minus
dice+1d100+-15

>>5433273
ah, thanks

>>5433269
Put it in the options field

>>5433270
>>5433264
>>5433260
you gotta +-
>>5433269
options field

>>5433260
>31
You don't find much, other than a disassembled cruiser on a lift and rusted-out shells of cars and vans.

The disassembled cruiser frame looks quite sturdy though, and would be of great use if only you had something to cut it with.

You hear the staticy stuttering of the SwatBot as it settles back into its seat, presumably near where it's keeping its loot, with its back somewhat turned to the garage.

>try and sneak to another area
>try and sneak to the SwatBot for an attack
>just GET IN THERE and ULTRAKILL it
>write in

>>5433285
>>just GET IN THERE and ULTRAKILL it
Its ultrakillin' time

>>5433285
>try and sneak to the SwatBot for an attack
I'm only for ULTRAKILLING once we have our grinder

>>5433285
>try and sneak to the SwatBot for an attack
>cut it with
Don't we have a grinder from a steel plant that was being used to cut bread?

>>5433293
Yes, although it is currently just the grinding disk, you need a sturdy frame and small but powerful engine to turn it into a proper weapon.

You could just hit him with T H E W H E E L, but it's harder than just using your knife.

>>5433285
>>try and sneak to the SwatBot for an attack

>>5433285
>just GET IN THERE and ULTRAKILL it

>>5433285
>>try and sneak to the SwatBot for an attack
Fufufufufu, everyone knows you don't just ULTRAKILL on the first date
Let's make use of that big ass knife of ours!

Also uhhhhh what is V1 and Mirage and Lust and all this? I'm completely confused what y'all are referencing.

>>5433362
Play Ultrakill

v1 is the mc, Mirage is a secret, and Lust is referring to the layer of hell

Rolled 2, 3 = 5 (2d6)

>>5433362
>>5433339
>>5433306
>>5433293
>>5433292
>>5433289
gimme 1d6s.

Rolled 6 (1d6)

>>5433364

Rolled 4 (1d6)

>>5433364

Rolled 2 (1d6)

>>5433364
send me in coach, I'm ready!

>>5433365
>>5433366
>>5433368
Descending rolls by two each time, spooky

>>5433364
>0 successes, this bot is blind
>>5433365
>>5433366
1 success
d6s again, please

Rolled 4 (1d6)

>>5433372

Rolled 6 (1d6)

>>5433372
one dee six coming right up

Rolled 5 (1d6)

>>5433372

>>5433374
>>5433375
>>5433379
More.

Rolled 3 (1d6)

>>5433372

Rolled 4 (1d6)

>>5433386

Rolled 4 (1d6)

Rolled 2 (1d6)

>>5433372

Rolled 4 (1d6)

>>5433372

Rolled 5 (1d6)

>>5433362
retard
>>5433372
rollan

Rolled 5 (1d6)

>>5433372

>>5433538
stupid faggot

>>5433599
retard

Rolled 2, 3, 2 = 7 (3d6)

>>5433374
>>5433375
>>5433379
>>5433388
>>5433391
>2 successes
>autohit due to stealth
>4 Damage risk

>Rolling toughness for the SwatBot
>5-2 from damage=3 dice

Rolled 3, 6 = 9 (2d6)

>>5433722
>4 damage given

You creep up behind the SwatBot, whose senses are, thankfully, damaged, which allows you to get close enough to plunge your knife into the vulnerable wiring and tubes of its neck and tear, tearing a huge, blood gushing hole in its neck, covering your chef's attire in blood.

It has spotted you. Obviously.

>its on its last legs, but it might still be able to get one over on ya

>roll 2d6 for initiative.

Rolled 6, 1 = 7 (2d6)

>>5433728

Rolled 1, 1 = 2 (2d6)

>>5433728
>>5433731
He's ahead of you.
>he's gonna shoot you. With his shotgun.

Rolled 5 (1d6)

>>5433734
shit, forgot 1

Rolled 1, 6 = 7 (2d6)

>>5433728
There will be sauce shed

>>5433728

>>5433734
>>5433738
>He gets ONE success

Now,
>Tank it like a big dick chad to preserve your energy and stab him harder on your turn
>Dodge, because you don't like being full of lead
>try and parry it (since you're in melee, you can parry the barrel, rather than the bullets)

>>5433743
>>try and parry it (since you're in melee, you can parry the barrel, rather than the bullets)
Let's put our quick hands to work

>>5433743
>try and parry it (since you're in melee, you can parry the barrel, rather than the bullets)
Fuck it, it sounds cool, and Ultrakill is all about being cool

>>5433743
>try and parry it (since you're in melee, you can parry the barrel, rather than the bullets)
RED SAUCE
RED SAUCE UNDER PARMESAN