>>5486321
>Become a MUSCLE WIZARD

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You can cast the following spells:
>Heat Ray: Makes stuff hot. You can control how much heat is added.
>Cold Ray: Does the opposite.
>Summon Food: Create a small amount of any food or drink.
>Summon Animal: Create a small creature to do your bidding. Lasts for about a minute before vanishing in a puff of smoke.
>Magic Hand: A big hand of magical energy picks up stuff, pulls levers, throws rocks, etc. Decent range, not very strong.
No cooldown, no limitations, but if you do too many spells too quickly, you start getting tired.

As a wizard, your physical skills are nil. You're basically a wet paper bag.

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>>5486327
That's not gonna happen.
Maybe you can find some anabolic steroids or something in the tower.

>Consider your valid SUBCLASS OPTIONS

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>>5486340
The powerful MUSCLE WIZARD is a classic for those who wish to balance physical and mental strength. This subclass engenders hard work, dedication, and the all-encompassing focus on GAINZ.

For those inclined towards the unsavory, the skulking SKIN WIZARD provides. Those walking the path of the skin can shed their appearance at will and disguise themselves as anybody, anyone, and leave no trace - save for a trail of dead bodies.

But even they speak in hushed tones of the BONE WIZARD. These necrotic sorcerers have the power to manipulate the forces of life and death itself. But stuck between this realm and the next, they are cursed to an eternal wretched existence.

>>5486366
>What about blood or brain wizards?

>>5486366
Skin Wizard seems based.

>CONJURE Rabbit, put in hat (for emergencies, provided that the emergency happens within the next minutes)
>CONJURE granola bar, for replenishing our energy
>CONSUME granola bar

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>>5486369
You really don't want to interact with those guys.

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>>5486371
No wizard worth his salt goes without a rabbit in his hat.

What do?

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>>5486371
You resolve to walk the path of skin, but you'll have to get some experience in before you start subclassing out.

>>5486394
>Summon small mammals
>Fry and/or freeze them
>Gain that sexy 1 EXP
>Repeat until you level up or get bored

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>>5486404
After half an hour of laboriously slaughtering small woodland creatures, you grind up enough points to level up!

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You gain the spell Minor Disguise!
>Heat Ray: Makes stuff hot. You can control how much heat is added.
>Cold Ray: Does the opposite.
>Summon Food: Create a small amount of any food or drink.
>Summon Animal: Create a small creature to do your bidding. Lasts for about a minute before vanishing in a puff of smoke.
>Magic Hand: A big hand of magical energy picks up stuff, pulls levers, throws rocks, etc. Decent range, not very strong.
>Minor Disguise: Makes you look like another humanoid.

Your small animals are very upset with you. If you try that experience trick again, you're pretty sure a chipmunk will slit your throat in your sleep.

What do?

>>5486434
> Knock on the tower's door

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>>5486450
You knock politely. The door opens to reveal a skeleton!

Floor 1/50
The way is blocked by a spooky skeleton. It rattles with ill intent.

What do?

>>5486458
>Cast Cold Ray on the leg to make it cold and brittle, then cast Heat Ray so that the sudden change of temperature snaps it.

>>5486458
>Minor Disguise as a fellow skelly friend

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>>5486461
>>5486463
The skeleton, of course, allows its calcified buddy to pass without incident. You repay its kindness by snapping its leg.

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Floor 2/50
The way is blocked by a large pit, with big stone spikes at the bottom.

What do?

>>5486465
>Summon several snakes
>Tie together into rope bridge
>Walk over

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>>5486466
You shimmy your way across the wobbly snake bridge. Once this whole tower thing is over, you're trying out for Cirque du Soleil.

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Floor 3/50
The way is blocked by a heavy wooden door. Once it opens, a string will release a huge hammer to clobber anyone standing in the doorway.
The door has a fire retardant coating.

What do?

>>5486472
Move to the side of the door and open it with magic hand

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>>5486476
No door stands a chance against the awesome power of a big hand pushing on it.

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Floor 4/50
The way is blocked by a group of goblins playing cards. They don't seem to have noticed you.

What do?

>>5486487
Join the game! Show those Goblins your superior card-skills and win their clothes.

>>5486487
Summon goblina to keep them busy

>>5486487
Paint a picture of the scene and become a world renowned artist.

>>5486487
>>5486493 +1

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>>5486520
You are struck with a flash of inspiration. You immediately summon rice paper, Worcestershire sauce, and a stick of asparagus, and use the makeshift tools to create a masterpiece.

Then, as a statement on the ephemerality of art, you eat your masterpiece.

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>>5486493
You sit down at the table and ask the goblins to deal you in. They hesitate, loath to share the table with a lumbering smelly humie.

>>5486512
You consider summoning hot goblin chicks to placate them, but goblins are a little too big to be summonable. Instead, you conjure up a cute little goblin spider, which seems to have a similarly calming effect upon its bigger, greener kin.

The goblins are playing a game of Snake Oil. It's a bit like Cards Against Humanity.
One player is the customer: in this case, a Ninja. The other players have six item cards, and assemble a product from two of those cards, such as a "Robot Towel" or an "Oil Rope".
Then, each player provides a short sales pitch of their item to the customer: "As an ATHLETE, you're exercising 24/7. Stretching, lifting, jogging, it's all so exhausting, not to mention the wear and tear on your joints. What you need is a pair of COFFEE SHOES! The patented hot coffee cushioning reduces stress on your knees and even keeps those toes warm in the winter. And when you need a pick-me-up, just take 'em off and chug 'em down!"

What do?

>>5486539
> As a NINJA you carry a lot of metallic weapons around, which you don't want to be caught with. So you need a MAGNET KIT. Dew the magnets in your clothes and hide your weapons."

>>5486539
A FASHION NINJA like you needs a MAGNETIC SHOVEL KIT! It will allow you to scale walls, rid your victims of their red JUICE and even bury the bodies afterwards! Order now for a complimentary bar of SOAP to get all this pesky blood off your hands!

>>5486572
You can only use two cards for snake oil

>>5486539
As a NINJA you need to squeeze into the tightest places to secure your stealthy entrance. So you need SOAP JUICE, to squeeze you cleanly through those difficult gaps!

>>5486539
>spider
My write in was focused on goblin tits, not summoning! How am I supposed to get off to a spider?

>>5486823
>not getting off to the spider
pleb

>>5486552
>>5486620
I like both of these

>>5486539
JUICE KIT is a perfect piece of equipment for a NINJA. Inside the KIT is various magical JUICES that not only taste even better than COFFEE, but can give better magical effects. One JUICE can give that burst of energy, another can make your NINJA self even more stealthy.

>>5486832
>not explaining how to
gatekeeping faggot

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>>5486552
>>5486572
>>5486620
>>5486870
With the goblins distracted by the adorable spider, they don't question that you gave four different pitches, or even that you broke the rules on one of them. You win the round, and the goblins allow you to pass.

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Floor 5/50
The way is blocked by a massive growth of mushrooms. Disturbing the mushrooms will release clouds of noxious spores.

What do?

>>5486931
Summon a small hog to eat the truffles while we cover our nose

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>>5486932
You conjure up a voracious teacup pig, which tears its way through the fungus.

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Floor 6/50
The way is blocked by an angry snowman.
The second it spots you, it quaffs a potion of fire resistance and prepares to attack.

What do?

>>5486949
Summon a carrot and offer it as a gesture of friendship.

>>5486949
Heat ray the bitch. Fire isn't heat.

>>5486949
Very funny, snowtard.
>Summon a giant coal and crush him.

>>5486964
+1

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>>5486955
You complete the snowman, thereby filling the hole in its heart (or face, as the case may be). Overjoyed, the snowman allows you to pass.

>>5486964
You melt the snowman anyway because you want to teach it a lesson in semantics.

>>5486967
You consider delivering an ironic death to this snowman, but then you remember that coal is neither a food nor an animal. Also you realize that it wouldn't be an ironic death, it'd be a thematic death. It would be ironic if the snowman was begging you for a piece of coal or else it would die, or something.

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Floor 7/50
The way is blocked by a magical Wall of Microtransactions. Unfortunately, you are a broke student.

What do?

>>5486971
Just like, use the spell of piracy.
Is alien ship dead, btw? Not that I mind, this is more fun.

>>5486973
Magic away the 5 numeral from the sign, then pay the new and affordable price of 0gp

>>5486979
>floors 8-0
>only 50gp
that'd be pretty funny

>another shitpost quest
incredible

>>5486973
summon a mini mario to blj through the door and open it from the other side

>>5486991
Yeah it's incredible

>>5486973
I think I see the other side.... So just walk around it.

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>>5486974
>>5486979
You use your magic hand to pry off the 5, allowing you to illegally acquire the other 43 floors without paying a dime. You've been kind of a dick for most of this adventure, so it's in character for you not to seed.

>>5487012
Contrary to popular belief, the mini mario is not its own species; rather, it's just a power-up form of the common mario (Homo nintendonus). You can only summon animals that stay small throughout their entire life cycles.

>>5487175
You can't just walk around these obstacles. You wouldn't get any XP!

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Floor 8/50
The way is blocked by a giant banana slug. Its toxic slime renders it unpalatable to predators and immune to magical effects.

What do?

>>5486974
>Is alien ship dead, btw?
No, it's right here. >>5486296

>>5487185
Salt is food right? Just summon a bunch of salt on top of it.

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>>5487186
You assault the slug.

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Floor 9/50
The way is blocked by a whirling air elemental. Its abrasive winds threaten to erode your ass into a butte.

What do?

>>5487201
Cast Cold Ray to slow it down or freeze it into ice and smash it with Magic Hand with a rock.

>>5487201
Tornados are basically just cold and hot air, so I would use our Heat and Cold Ray spells to manipulate the air inside the elemental to counter it.

>>5486487
For some reason, this reminds me of a Raymond Pettibon sketch, I love it.

>>5487201
Level up Summon Creature with our banked XP, then summon moo-cows to chuck into the tornado until it subsides

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>>5487266
You'll have enough XP to beef up your spells every 15 floors. You just throw some dairy cow isopods into the tornado instead.

>>5487248
>>5487258
You shoot temperature rays into the air elemental, disrupting the delicate balance of air currents that comprise it.

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Floor 10/50
The way is blocked by two skeletons. One is bundled up for a winter storm, the other wields a fire extinguisher.
They seem to be on the lookout for a traitorous wizard skeleton.

What do?

>>5487378
Tell them that you last heard of any skeletons was back on the first floor and they ware the first ones you've seen since then

>>5487378
Demonstrate the squishiness of our flesh and let them pinch our belly

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>>5487383
>>5487399
The skeletons tense up when they see your robe and wizard hat, but you convince them of your meatiness. They allow you to pass, and tell you to keep an eye out for that crazy skeleton wizard.

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Floor 11/50
The way is blocked by an array of tripwires. If even one of them goes off, crossbows in the ceiling will fill you with more arrows than a game of DDR. The tripwires are so thin as to be practically invisible.

What do?

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The crossbows track you and reload automatically. If one of them is messed with, they fire immediately.

>>5487434
>Go back and use firestorm to set off all the tripwires, then cast Tripvision as you re-enter the room so you can safely pass any remaining wires

>>5487437
Go back and tell the Skellies we've JUST seen a guy fitting their description running up the stairs! They're bony enough that they probably will be fine.

>>5487434
Step outside of the rooms you're untargetable and then just send the big ol mage hand at tripwire hight through the room until they run out of bolts

>>5487457
+1 to this

>>5487437
>The crossbows track you
But they don't track Peewee Herman!

>Set off the tripwire, then immediately use Minor Disguise to summon a red bowtie, confusing the crossbows to cease fire

>>5487437
Summon a small rabbit to running across the room and trigger them all, then follow closely behind.

>>5487446
>>5487457
>>5487497
>>5487676
I'm concerned about all of these because it says they track us, not moving objects/whatever sets off the tripwire.

>>5487534
+1 to this, can be used in conjunction with the others that's fine

>>5487682
Do you realize there is no failure in this quest? Stop being a fucking autist.

>>5487805
big mad

cope aspie

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lmao

>summon ham and wheatgrass (or chives) and make a two-layer mobile fortress of bone. Roll through the room. Use cheese wheels if you must.

>>5487437
Cast invisibility spell on yourself

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>>5487446
You shoot a heat ray through the room, which doesn't hit anything.
Then you summon and eat a carrot. With these regular infusions of Vitamin A, your eyesight should be in tip-top wire-detecting shape in, oh, about six months.

>>5488363
That's not a thing you can do!

>>5487676
You pull a rabbit out of your hat. Unfortunately, it seems the crossbows only target medium-sized humanoids.

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>>5487457
>>5487497
>>5487534
You lead the skeletons up a floor and into the trap. Then you use a magic hand to pull the tripwires.
Suddenly facing a hail of arrows, the skeletons panic! They run around frantically, attracting enough attention from the crossbows to let you sneak by, completely un-punctured.

This has really harmed Pee-Wee Herman's relationship with the skeletons!

>>5488238
You already got past the crossbows, and it wouldn't be able to go up the stairs, so you file that badass meat fortress idea for later.

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Floor 12/50
The way is blocked by a shambling zombie.

What do?

>>5488474
>Cast heat ray on his feet
Maybe he's only shambling because he's cold.

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>>5488474
>Summon WALLNUT
>Dodge around zombie as it begins eating the wallnut

>>5488474
Zombies eat brains, brains should therefore qualify as food. Summon brains to distract the zombie with

>>5488496
Why stop there!? Summon a pea shooter too

>>5488474
Summon rabbit army to jump the zombie

>>5488496
>>5488503
Supporting

>>5488474
Grab a torch from the wall then stick it in him.

>>5488474
>Freeze it and walk past

>>5488474
>summon a microbe of the deactivated zombie virus and vaccinate self

>>5489024
Actually that's a point, no body heat means you can just hit the joints and leave while it's immobile

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>>5489024
>>5490440
I have a better idea, lads...

>>5490497
This isn't animal or food

>>5490536
It's a pea (shooter).

>>5490543
(shooter)
maybe we'll be able to unlock plant turret on the next level up

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>>5489853
As a precaution, you inoculate yourself by summoning a zombie virus, squishing it to death (very delicately), and pressing it into your arm. This is definitely how vaccines work.

>>5488485
>>5488806
The zombie looks cold, so you warm its tootsies and give it a torch-based sinus irrigation.

>>5488537
You pull a great deal of rabbits out of your hat. The zombie is impressed the first time, but by the 8th rabbit, it starts getting impatient.

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>>5488498
>>5488496
>>5488503
You summon some delicious tacos de sesos. The zombie catches a whiff of the delectable gray matter and starts shambling towards you, but you block its path with an enormous walnut.
While it’s trying to gnaw its way through, you pelt the zombie with peas – and after about ten of the green projectiles, the decaying corpse falls apart, allowing you to pass.

>>5489024
You freeze the zombie gibs so the rabbits don’t eat them and get a taste for human flesh.

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Floor 13/50
The way is blocked by a large puddle of slippery grease. Slipping on this stuff is a one-way ticket to getting shish-kabobbed by the spikes on the far wall.

What do?

>>5490679
Burn it all, and have a barbecue while we wait for the flames to die.

>>5490679
Summon sticky syrup to cover the ice with and make the journey safe if messy

>>5490679
Saturate it with flour until it becomes solid enough to safely pass over.

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>>5490690
You consider starting a grease fire. Unfortunately, seeing as there are no windows, the room would quickly fill with nidorous smoke.

You could still deal with the fire and smoke somehow, and not have to worry about slipping. (Your tiny cold ray wouldn't do much against the blaze.)

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>>5490728
You consider mixing the grease with syrup to make a delicious stroopvet. But the sticky syrup would lead to other logistical issues.

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>>5490733
You soak up the grease with several armfuls of flour, allowing you to walk over with absolutely no comical pratfalls.

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Floor 14/50
The way is blocked by complete pitch black darkness.
You smell gunpowder.

What do?

>>5490744
Summon some Panellus stipticus these edible mushrooms shall provide light without risking explosion
[Spoiler]also can I just say that the range of thing humans can and will eat makes summon food a bit broken[/spoiler]

>>5490759
>Summon sun-shrooms
This is swiftly becoming a PvZ quest which is fitting because ive recently revisited that game.

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>>5490744
>use Minor Disguise, shape of... Chip Skylark!!
Using Chip's bioluminescent teeth, we light the way and find the exit!

>>5490744
Summon a bunch of fireflies, then proceed not to believe your eyes.

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>>5490759
>>5490830
>>5491094
Panellus stipticus isn't particularly edible, so you summon a cluster of Armillaria mellea instead. Combined with firefly illumination and the glow of your shiny teeth, you successfully navigate the room without stubbing your toe.

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Floor 15/50
Finally, some loot!
You see here a pedestal, upon which an orb of chaotic magical energy is enshrined. Touching the orb will allow you to absorb the energy and gain a new spell.
However, if you or another a living being touches the orb, guillotine blades will drop down and chop off your hands.

You could trigger the trap by throwing a rabbit at the orb or something... but then the rabbit would get the spell instead.

You have to actually touch the orb physically to get its benefits, so your magic hand won't help.

Moving the orb off the pedestal will cause it to explode.

What do?

>>5491134
Stand between the guillotines and pedestal and only then touch the orb

>>5491134
Freeze or melt the chain/rope holding the blades.

>Build a wall of t-bone steaks to hold up the guillotines.

>>5491134
>Grab orb and immediately use our new spell, Diamond Skin

>>5491134
Disguise yourself as the guillotines human girlfriend and watch as it harmlessly simps away

>>5491134
Summon molasses into the guillotine blade mechanism and then cold ray them until it hardens, then touch orb

>>5491134
>Summon some crows to peck through the rope holding up the guillotine to disable it.

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>>5491140
Unfortunately, you are too caked up for that.

>>5491143
>>5491336
The guillotine blades are partially hidden in the ceiling, so you can't cut them down.

>>5491145
You won't know what spells you get until you touch the orb.
They're really putting lootboxes in everything these days.

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>>5491144
>>5491155
>>5491192
The T-bone supports and semi-frozen molasses slow down the guillotine blades considerably, but you know they'd never hurt a wicked-sharp hottie like you.

>>5491799
>>5491800
Cool it with the homophobia please

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You absorb the magical energy, and can now add a new spell to your spellbook!

Pick one:
>Welding: Magically attach two things together. Doesn't make heat.
>Acid Splash: Shoot a bubble of acid. Your choice of acid.
>Ventriloquism: Project a sound of your choice anywhere in the room. The maximum volume is "jackhammer".
>Invisibility: Turn invisible for about a minute. [Unlocked by Skin Wizard]

>>5491810
>Welding: Magically attach two things together. Doesn't make heat.
So many horrible possibilities.

>>5491810
>Acid Splash
free LSD

Also, you'll have another chance to grab these spells in 15 floors.

>>5491815
I think it's cooler if it's different spells every 15 floors, it's like roguelike perks that way but I get it if you don't want to think of brand new spells every time

>>5491810
>Invisibility
Just because it should unlock the next tier of our class when we next level

>>5491810
>welding
Nothing can go wrong with this!

>>5491810
Can you weld living beings?

>>5491859
Yes, but not in any particularly harmful way, unless you weld their nostrils shut or something.

>>5491810
>Welding: Magically attach two things together. Doesn't make heat.

>>5491810
>Welding: Magically attach two things together. Doesn't make heat.

I'd pick acid splash in a more serious qst but this is definitely funnier

>>5491810
Is the welding permanent or temporary and if temporary how long does it last?

>>5491799
>>5491800
You're my favorite QM on the site, hands down
>>5491805
-1, ALEXA, MAGNIFY!!
>>5491817
+1
>>5491823
+1, gotta max our class speshulz. Though all 4 spells are very tempting.

>>5491810
>>Invisibility

>>5491810
Acid splash sounds very versatile, but welding sounds more viable

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Welding:
>>5491812
>>5491828
>>5491890
>>5491913
>>5492655

Acid Splash:
>>5491813

Invisibility:
>>5491823
>>5492015
>>5492628

You acquire the spell Welding, and add it to your spellbook.

>>5491930
It lasts about 15 minutes. For the purposes of this quest, that's effectively permanent.

Your spells:
>Heat Ray: Makes stuff hot. You can control how much heat is added.
>Cold Ray: Does the opposite.
>Summon Food: Create a small amount of any food or drink.
>Summon Animal: Create a small creature to do your bidding. Lasts for about a minute before vanishing in a puff of smoke.
>Magic Hand: A big hand of magical energy picks up stuff, pulls levers, throws rocks, etc. Decent range, not very strong.
>Minor Disguise: Makes you look like another humanoid.
>Welding: Magically attach two things together. Doesn't make heat.

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Floor 16/50
The way is blocked by a trio of menacing sand sharks, quickly burrowing towards you.

What do?

>>5493067
>Weld two burrowing sand sharks to the sand around them
>Stick our staff in the mouth of the jumping sand shark to prop it open, then do some other wacky thing to it which somebody else will think of to neutralize it, then retrieve staff

>>5493087
supporting the welding to sand thing. Use the magic hand to smack the jumping on into that cactus mid-air.

>>5493067
heat the sand arround me so it transforms inyo glass, sharks can´t reach me

>>5493067
Allow me to provide video evidence on how summon good can once more save us
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=9Hs-D7e0h-k

>>5493124
*food

>>5493067
Summon Food, or Summon Animal.

...To the Sand-Shark, they're the same spell.

>>5493067
Summon poisonous puffer fish and throw them into the sharks' mouths.

You guys are going to end up welding the sharks to like 1 grain of sand lol

And I think glassing the sand would take more time/power than we have

>>5493211
+1
Also is blood food? Blood is food, right? Summon pig blood all over the puffer fish

>>5493067
Summon a couple poisonous fish and throw them at the cacti so they bleed.

>>5493458
According to spell description
>Summon Food: Create a small amount of any food or drink.
it can be drink, so blood could count... but blood is not something you should drink or you risk iron poisoning, so I really don't know.

>>5493067
>Magic hand to carry us high above the sand

I suppose if nothing else works we can just summon a great heap of steak. Or raw fish, which is definitely considered food in Japan.

>>5493895
Or live fish. We can summon animals too.

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>>5493514
The ceiling is just barely too low for you to get a comfortable distance from the sharks.

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>>5493113
You melt together a patch of glass. The sharks are heat-resistant, but running into the sharp glass stuns one of them anyway.

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>>5493087
As one of the sharks passes by underneath, you weld a bunch of sand to it, causing the shark to lose its aerodynamic (terradynamic?) properties. It's not out of the fight, but this does slow it down considerably.

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>>5493095
As a shark leaps into the air, you deliver your most powerful pimp slap, impaling the foul creature on a cactus.

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>>5493087
>>5493124
>>5493171
>>5493211
>>5493458
>>5493895
>>5493900
To finish off the last shark, you feed it a pizza topped with bubblegum, raw steak, pufferfish, and black pudding, which causes it to die a painful death from simultaneous gastric blockage, tetrodotoxin poisoning, and iron overdose.

>>5493502
You also kill some more pufferfish for no reason. I guess you just really hate fugu.

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Floor 17/50
The way is blocked by a heaping pile of keys, only one of which unlocks the door up ahead. Another door slams shut behind you, and vents in the ceiling start releasing carbon dioxide into the air.

It'll be a while before the CO2 levels start getting high enough to affect you, but you definitely don't have time to fish through every single one of these keys.

The doors are made of the same physically-resistant stone as the walls and floors of the tower.

You don't know how to pick locks. You're a wizard, not a rogue.

What do?

>Disguise our face and fingerprints into that of Procandran's, look around for biometric scanners to open the door with our disguised DNA
I pray to Bupparbo this works. We really need that god damned fucking Orb of Tebaal. I don't want to breathe coco.

>>5493963
>Weld all keys into one giant key orb
>Unlock door with key orb

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>>5493969
You don't actually know what he looks like, so you disguise yourself as a generic wise old wizard. Then it occurs to you that someone like Procandran would probably look much more bizarre.

>>5493973
You're unsure of the utility of such an orb. It might be faster to go through each key, maybe. But you would also have to waste a lot of time fusing each key to the others, and making sure you don't leave any in the middle of the orb.

>>5493963
While we can't do anything with the doors, the vents weren't mentioned to be special. Freeze them so C02 stops piling in. Then fish through the keys.

>>5494007
>Weld all the vents before they pump more CO2 inside the room
>Freeze the door hinges (or the lock, if hinges are unreachable) and bust the door in with a kick
If we only had acid...

>>5494007
Disguise ourselves as a plant (or rather some kind of plant person). That way we can breath CO2 while slowly browsing through the keys.

>>5494009
>>5494020
>>5493963
Since we have a little bit of time before the CO2 reaches toxic levels...
>Go through keys, Weld useless ones into sheets
>Magic Hand up to the vents and the Weld the useless key sheets on to cover the vents
>Repeat every 15 minutes as needed
>Eventually reveal the correct key

>>5494052
also genius

>>5493963
>The doors are made of the same physically-resistant stone as the walls and floors of the tower.
The correct key must be made of the same magically resistant unalterable material as the doors, keyhole and lock. So just cast heat ray, melt and destroy all the keys. The one remaining key left should be the correct one

>>5493963
>Create a small creature
>No cooldown, no limitations

Summon the talented combinatorial small monkey that managed to type the complete works of Shakespeare from the infinity of monkeys randomly pressing on the typewriter

I bet that monkey can find the exact correct key

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Infinite_monkey_theorem

Alternatively, summon a locksmith centipede that can sort through keys superfast because he has a hundred pairs of arm/leg segments

>>5494007
Summon live plants to make some O2 out of the Co2 to buy some time.
Then I guess just keep trying keys?

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>>5494020
You freeze the hinges, but instead of busting down the door, you bust in your leg. What do you think you are, a muscle wizard?

>>5494052
Minor Disguise is a localized illusion achieved by manipulation of light. Unfortunately, you don't actually get to be a plant.

>>5494143
You freshen up the air with a handful of kale. Organic, of course.

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>>5494009
>>5494076
>>5494107
You seal the vents, then turn your attention to the keys. A centipede goes through each of the keys at extreme speeds thanks to its many limbs, and those that don't fit are handed off to you for welding into large sheets, which you use to further seal the vents. After a short while, the centipede hits the right key and the door opens easily.

>>5494085
You melt all the fake keys as a final insult to this room.

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she cute

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Floor 18/50
The way is blocked by a group of goblins playing Jenga. They look quite focused on the game.

The room is too narrow for you to squeeze past them.

If they caught you messing with the game unfairly, they would almost certainly retaliate. You don't think you can fight off four heavily-armed goblins at the same time.

They all seem pretty skilled. The game is nowhere close to the end.

What do?

>>5494197
Subtly weld some of the blocks together and then accuse whatever gob just took their turn of cheating, then sneak past as they fight

>>5494197
>Summon an army of rats and bats and cats to cause absolute havoc!

>>5494197
1/ Cut a small piece of wood out of your magic staff that is EXACTLY SHAPED to the proportions of a Jenga block (can use heat ray)

2/ Place this Jenga block at the side of the room where you entered, far away from the goblins

3/ politely interrupt the goblins and helpfully explain that you found a missing piece from theirJenga game by the entry doorway that they must have dropped or lost

4/ when a goblin goes to retrieve the dropped piece of wood you can now squeeze past them

5/ also, now whenever the QM draws your character he must EXACTLY draw your magic staff with a missing cutout Jenga piece segment from the precise same position each time. Character development!

>>5494208
Supporting

>>5494251
If this works couldnt we also just directly ask them to make way for us for a second?

>>5494183
>What do you think you are, a muscle wizard?
I thought we were the smart wizard who knows that frozen metal gets brittle...

>>5494354
look man, its a cooling beam, not liquid helium

>>5494197
politely ask to let some space to cross

>Summon some pizza to eat while watching the goblins.
>Offer them some pizza.
>Summon some water and practice freezing it to ice, cutting that ice into imitation jenga blocks with precision heat rays, and build a giant tower of icy jenga blocks. See if we get spellcasting xp.

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>>5494350
>>5494569
The goblins are too focused on the game to honor your request.

>>5494586
They will, however, accept some free pizza.
You assemble a tower of your own from ice bricks. It's quite pretty, but unfortunately the only experience you get is architectural.

>>5494354
Even if the hinges were made of balsa wood, you still wouldn't be able to kick your way through the heavy stone door. It might have worked had you taken a hammer to the hinges, though.

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>>5494208
>>5494251
>>5494210
You laser-cut a single Jenga block out of your staff, with which you create a distraction while you stealthily fuse two of the real blocks together.

When the goblins return, your interference provokes a collapse, followed by an argument over the apparently glued blocks, followed by a fistfight, enhanced by judicious application of a cacophony of small mammals. You sneak past in the chaos.

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Floor 19/50
The way is blocked by a mighty hippogriff. It seems to be guarding a clutch of eggs and doesn't appreciate your approach.

What do?

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The layout of the room is a bit more like this.

>Disguise self as an egg and pass.

Weld the beak shut then do a Magic Hand job to pull the eggs to us, threaten the eggs if we can't get passed (say sorry after)

>>5494670
>>5494667
>Summon Food/Animal: try to distract/appease the creature with some fish
>Gently move its nest towards the corner of the room with Magic Hand, away from the exit
>Summon Food/Animal: slide some fish towards the new location of the nest so that it stays out of our path as we shimmy along the opposite wall towards the exit

File: miscegenation.jpg (3.89 MB, 5672x3904)

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In the wild many animals eat their own young when they perceive them to be ill or sick, to prevent contagion from spreading in their nest amongst future offspring

1/ Reenact the cringe Harry Potter Buckbeak scene

2/ Convince the hippogriff that horse-eagle miscegenation will result in deformed offspring unable to survive in the harsh wild; it is better off eating its own child

3/ Walk past as the hippogriff commences infanticide

>>5494667
Those eggs look mighty tiny, so the babies should be too. Summon a baby hippogriff as a distraction and run past.

>>5494670
Disguise ourselves as a hippogriff stud and woo it

>>5494667
Disguise ourself as egg
>>5494529
This beam can turn animals into ice blocks, the fuck are you talking about

>>5494667
Ask him which part of him is the 'Hippo'.

>>5495363
When he can't answer, tell him to stop griffing

>>5494667
Use magic hand to place a summoned snake onto the nest, warn hippogryff about the snake and expect it to let you pass out of gratitude

>>5494667
freeze the hippogriff testicles, while he´s distracted, stole the eggs, cook them and go to the next door

OP? :(

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>>5495013
You need to touch the beak to weld it, and you suspect putting your fingers near the hippogriff would be a fast track to Nub City.
You put aside the hostage plan; it's generally more effective when the negotiation can't be ended with one beak chomp to the skull.

>>5495078
You bow politely to the hippogriff, hoping that exposing your juicy skull meats will convince it of your benevolence. It reluctantly bows back.

You attempt to convince the hippogriff that it is an abomination of nature that should slaughter its offspring and then snap its own neck. The hippogriff politely disagrees.
Horses and eagles simply go together like peanut butter and jelly -- the horse legs allow it to run at rapid speeds, while the eagle parts grant flight and frontal combat prowess. Now, hippocampuses on the other hand... those are an abomination.

>>5495084
You can't summon baby animals unless they stay small through their entire lifespans.

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>>5495125
Unfortunately, your humanoid imitation of a hippogriff lacks the requisite parts to woo the hippogriff. Namely, the bottom parts.

>>5495363
>>5495436
The hippogriff informs you that it is 1/64th hippopotamus on its mother's side. Also, "griffing" is a very hurtful stereotype. Think before you speak next time.

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>>5494705
>>5495041
>>5495224
>>5496005
You distract the griffin with a snapper and a viper, then make like an egg and beat it.

>>5496447
You don't think you can pull off an egg heist, but you do promote the hippogriff's fertility by lowering the temperature of its genitals.

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Floor 20/50
The way is blocked by a beholder. As long as it has its eye on you, its antimagic vision prevents you from casting.

All of your spells require at least one hand to be outside of the antimagic field.

What do?

>>5498915
Anon? :)

>>5499003
WATCH OUT BEHIND YOU

and while it has it's back turned we cunningly disguise ourselves as a humble messenger goblin

>>5499003
Reach into the eye, pull out beauty.

>>5499003
>extinguish torch
>summon a screaming goat on the left side of the room to distract the beholder (i assume those teeth aren't for show)
>whilst screaming goat occupies the beholder, sneak out

>>5499003
Ask it a riddle so fiendishly tough that it goes cross-eyed, allowing you to cast a spell of disguise

>>5499003
>Poke his eye and when he blinks weld his eyelids shut
Bitch.

>>5499003
Sing a lullaby so it would fall asleep, then quietly sneak past

>>5499003
>beat it to death
What will it do about it? Look at us??

>>5499085
+1

>>5499277
QM keeps reminding us that we're a weak bitch and could probably not even swap a fly without our magic hand.

>>5499295
But we can >>5499198 cause his eye is weaker

>>5499003
>Challenge it to a staring contest
>When we're about to lose, do >>5499198

>>5499414
Extra evil, I like it.

extend arms to get at least one outside from his vision range, try to freeze his eye to force him to close his eyelids and weld them

while doing this, lift some smol animals to get +1 muscle, won´t be enough, but we will be a little stronger

>>5499003
Jab central eye, while it blinks weld the lids together

>>5499003
>After welding shut the anti-magic eye, cast salt into the other eyes.

File: eye calisthenics massage.jpg (1.94 MB, 1280x2551)

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>>5499003
>>5499066
>>5499085
>>5499101
>>5499198
1/ briefly fantasise about the DOOM cacodemon execution

2/ explain that you are an accredited optician, encourage the beholder to perform Chinese calisthenic eye exercises and massage according to these complex diagrams

3/ run past the Beholder whilst it is wriggling and rubbing its own eyestalks

>>5501139
I think I'm gonna use this diagram as a reaction pic

>>5501139
what.

>>5501139
award for best anon goes to...

>>5501157
Does it actually work?

>>5499003
OP?? :((

>>5499003
*inhales*
OP is a lyyyying whorree

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>>5499085
You acquire an apple.

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>>5499198
>>5499925
The beholder has gotten Three Stooged too many times for that. Your finger slides harmlessly off its heavy-duty contact lenses.

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>>5499097
The beholder has darkvision!

>>5499277
>Look at us??
Yes. Don't underestimate the awesome power of a beholder's puppy-dog eyes.

>>5504427
THIS IS CHEATING, QM

>>5504427
shit all our plans depended on that to work. How about asking if we can pass? Haven't tried that yet...

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>>5499770
You T-pose to assert dominance, but the beholder's antimagic field is wider than your wingspan.

>>5499101
You ask the beholder what you have in your pocket. It answers that you don't have pockets.

>>5504444
Use summon food to get some onions, ghost peppers, and durians. Once the eye watering properties of those foods permitted the room you should be able to finally weld it's eyelids together when it inevitably blinks

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>>5499066
You try to convince the beholder to do stuff, but it doesn't trust you after trying to poke out its eye. But a random goblin wizard? Seems perfectly trustworthy.

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>>5499271
>>5499414
You challenge the beholder to a staring contest. Normally, a human would have no chance - but you're a dirty cheater, and you sing a beautiful lullaby that gets the beholder's lids drooping. It's at the edge of falling asleep, but the monstrous eyeball is just barely holding out...

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>>5501139
You recommend some Chinese calisthenic eye exercises to encourage wakefulness and stave off those pesky wrinkles. The beholder takes the bait, allowing you to close that eye for good. (i.e. about 15 minutes.)

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>>5499097
>>5499976
>>5499101
>>5504450
You dodge the beholder's retaliatory beams and make a hard-boiled quip.
"Earlier, you said that I don't have anything in my pockets... but you were wrong. I never go without my trusty POCKET SAND!" Then you throw salt in its eyes.
It's all very badass, and you feel very proud of yourself.

You summon a bunch of pungent stuff all around the room to further irritate the beholder, then get out while the getting's good.

>>5504467
So... I hope we don't need to get down the same way again

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>>5504443
You don't think the beholder will let you pass now that you've thrown salt in its eyes and filled its room with durians.

>>5499770
You do a bit of lifting just to keep your limbs limber, but any serious push into muscledom would require a total reclass.

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Floor 21/50
The way is blocked by a giant see-saw. To be more precise, the whole floor is one big see-saw, which you need to push down to access the exit.
A giant stone boulder sits on this end of the see-saw.

What do?

>>5503181
>>5503403
Sorry about the wait. I got distracted by other stuff.

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There's a thin gap between the see-saw and the wall. It's big enough to let the see-saw drop, but not for you to squeeze through.

You also remember that your staff is supposed to have a Jenga-size chunk taken out of it, the absence of which you presume to be an artist error.

File: stupid physics puzzle.jpg (1.38 MB, 1300x1613)

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First, think of that irritating puzzle from Half Life 2 No matter how many times people praise this game you will never enjoy it with its stupid guns and junkyard scrapheap aesthetics.

Then to save the QM having to draw a wizard staff with a Jenga piece cut out of it, you must destroy your staff. Completely cut it up into small brick pieces (use heat ray).

Then use a lot of cold ray onto each brick piece of the broken staff until each accumulates huge amounts of icicles and frost and becomes an Ice Wedge.

Gradually move the Ice Wedges one by one until the seesaw tilts towards the exit

The reason why you move the ice brick wedges gradually piece by piece is to avoid the seesaw becoming suddenly unbalanced and the boulder crushing you like pic rel

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1/ Realise the horrifying torture aspect of this tower: there have been no toilet facilities for 21 floors

2/ You must... relieve yourself. Apply this all over the boulder

3/ Summon an excessively muscular dung beetle, point at your "dung boulder", and encourage it to manoeuvre this towards the other end of the seesaw as you run for the exit as it tilts

Fuck I'll say it, Angel Quest was better. This shit is supposed to be like a puzzl-ish game but most anons' ideas just get bitchslapped to the ground by some random shit for no reason, which sucks.

>>5504477
>>5504481
Magic Hand to push the boulder to the other side of the seesaw, then use Cold Ray to freeze it to the Seesaw there. Now we have a ramp between entrance and exit.

>>5504481
Summon a bunch of eagles, and have them grab our arms so that they could fly us up to the exit

>>5504481
Use physics! Apply alternating heat and cold rays to the seesaw until the rapid expansion and contraction of the material causes it to fracture. Then just go through the break to the door

1. Summon a candy cane
2. Such on the end of the candy cane to form a candy shiv
3. Store said candy shiv for later
4. Weld the stone to the ramp
5. Summon clumps of celery and weld them to the ground to form a ladder to the high side of the ramp
6. Summon and weld layer upon layer of structural flapjacks until they either tilt the floor to let you out, or rise to the ceiling where you can use them as a jack to push down the floor (if you don't like the poetry of using flapjacks, a similar effect could be achieved with welded calamari rings and some sort of hydraulic fluid, let's say eggnog).

>>5504517
You're entitled to not like it, but I think it's kind of necessary: when there's one obstacle and like a dozen different proposed solutions, any solutions that can't be easily combined need to fail or be ignored. This QM likes to use everybody's input, so I think failure is the only outcome sometimes.

>>5505207
See, Angel Quest never felt punishing, because it was all absurd, all made up and most things worked even if they didn't contribute to the plot moving on. Here there are some obligatory rules you're supposed to circumvent, but since QM insists on shoving everything in there, even if we find something that should work perfectly fine, QM often has to say "actually no, because there's this thing I did not tell you about, that makes your idea instantly fail" and it fucking SUCKS. It's not a good idea to implement votes just to make them fail miserably.

>>5505461
Sure, and I think "maybe the QM shouldn't take every suggestion" is a fair criticism. (I don't personally have a problem with it, but I can see why people might.) I just don't think you can say that suggestions are bitchslapped down for "no reason," because there clearly is a (practical, OOC) reason.

>>5505465
For the record, I don't have a problem with the idea of taking all the suggestions, it worked great for other quests, just not here.
>(practical, OOC) reason.
Well, when my idea is invalidated because X or Y just suddenly come up, then I do FEEL like it came out of nowhere.

I like this quest for how unique it is, one of my favorite by the QM. Even if not every solution is "correct", just about everything was still being drawn out or considered by QM. Such is life, can't please everyone.

>>5504481
politely ask the boulder to be more lighter, so we can move it with magic hand

>>5505461
That's a legitimate criticism. What I think I'll do is reject solutions that won't work, put all the non-compatible solutions in a sort of "hypothetical space", and then make my favorite solution canon.

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>>5504748
You fly yourself up to the exit, which unfortunately turns out to be the entrance.

>>5504728
Magic Hand isn't that powerful. It's about as strong as you are normally, which is to say, not much.

>>5504970
This see-saw is a solid two feet of magically-enhanced dungeon wall stone. At most, you could make some potholes in it.

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>>5504503
You consider chopping up your defaced staff into Jenga blocks and using them as nucleation sites for big chunks of ice, which you could slide to the other end. That'd work. Though obviously you'd lose your cool magic staff.

>>5507356
Summon a festive candy cane staff as a replacement for our staff afterwards

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>>5504505
You consider covering the boulder in 21 floors worth of fecal matter and commanding an army of dung beetles to push it. You would make it to the exit, but you would definitely have to burn your robes afterwards.

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>>5505177
You create a candy cane shiv. Then you eat it, because you have no self-control. Also, because the QM doesn't want to keep track of your inventory.

You head up to the top of the ramp and generate a tower of blueberry-reinforced pancakes, with which you slowly and steadily jack down the see-saw.
Once you're done, you quickly slide down your flap jack and leave before the boulder un-welds and comes crashing down, toppling the pancake stack.

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>>5506610
You ask the boulder to be lighter. It obliges.

>>5507359
You keep that in mind for if you want to manipulate the awesome power of Christmas spirit.