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/qst/ - Quests


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OH SHIT NIGGA You are Agent No Name. You are a faceless Galactic Empire Operative. The crown princess has been captured by the rebels!

After various shenanigans, trials and tribulations, you managed to infiltrate the Rebel HQ with your crew, only to find no princess! You're also ambushed by the Rebel Commander on a bigass mech.

shieeeeeeeeeet
>>
Rolled 98 (1d100)

>>5563980
Looks like we have to deal with two different bosses
>>
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>>5563989
>>
Rolled 41 (1d100)

>>5564001
Annnd you get a kick in the face
>>
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>>5564006
>>
Rolled 50 (1d100)

>>5564011
"not again"
"hey other princess, why did you help the rebellion"
>>
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>>5564016
Ah shit she's gone!
>>
Rolled 89 (1d100)

>>5564023
At least we have the mech, which is totally safe and secured.

We think.
>>
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>>5564026
Of course. It's still up on your flagship.

In the middle of the rebel counterattack
>>
>>5564031
I have a plan.

Divebomb the ship into the rebel mech.
Crashing this ship, with no survivors!
>>
Rolled 100 (1d100)

>>5564031
>>5564035
Roll forgot.
>>
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>>5564037
"Are you sure No Name?!"
>>
Rolled 49 (1d100)

>>5564043
>"Yes."

Nuke it from orbit, its the only way to be sure.
>>
Rolled 44 (1d100)

>>5564043
I mean, just drop actual nukes from orbit. Ships aren't cheap.
>>
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>>5564045
"Oh okay that makes more sense. Thought you were asking us to crash right into it"
>>
Rolled 61 (1d100)

>>5564052
>"No no, you were right the first time. I was just using an analogy from a film I like. Ram the whole ship straight into the fuckers.
>>
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>>5564058
distressed skeleton noise
>>
Rolled 58 (1d100)

>>5564061
The hardest of choices, require the strongest of wills. And bones.

Do it.
>>
Rolled 57 (1d100)

>>5564061
Skeleton revolt imminent.
>>
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>>5564064
"Right. Just crash the entire ship with the crew onboard. Down at the enemy super mech. Which is also currently on your location right now too"
>>
Rolled 56 (1d100)

>>5564072
>"Did I fucking stutter?"
>>
Rolled 22 (1d100)

>>5564072
Someone kicks No Name in the head for suggesting that
>>
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>>5564075
"Copy that...."
>>
Rolled 96 (1d100)

>>5564083
I think we need the ship's doctor to declare insanity.
>>
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>>5564086
>>
Rolled 17 (1d100)

>>5564091
"No Name is repeatedly being kicked in the head while the others are just watching."
>>
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>>5564094
>>
Rolled 63 (1d100)

>>5564113
"Why his head specifically?"
"Probably thinks he's one of the clones in different armour"
>>
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>>5564119
That aside. While No Name is getting his ass (or more specifically, head) kicked. The others gotta deal with the mecha outside
>>
Rolled 18 (1d100)

>>5564130
Looks like we have to do a break in to the mech
>>
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>>5564132
"Interesting plan"
>>
Rolled 33 (1d100)

>>5564140
We can't exactly get back to the ship and asking the ship to release the mech is risky at best
>>
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>>5564141
"Good point Joseph, let's---"

"OR You could call your dragon! And fly back to the ship! It'll even distract the mech! C'mon it'd be so cool!"
>>
Rolled 55 (1d100)

>>5564144
You just want to ride his dragon
>>
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>>5564147
"shush"
>>
Rolled 15 (1d100)

>>5564149
why not just use the dragon as the distraction to break in
also we do have a perfectly servicable dragon mech now
>>
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>>5564152
"Perfectly serviceable...Yes......whoops"
>>
Rolled 55 (1d100)

>>5564159
dragon witch mourns while rest discuss whether to ask the ship to move closer (not crash)
including the knights
>>
Rolled 48 (1d100)

>>5564159
It just needs some elbow grease and spittle. It's still perfectly serviceable.
>>
>>5564163
You complete and utter idiot.
What this clearly needs is duct tape and lots of it
>>
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>>5564162
"Right so, we could tell the ship to get closer. That'd help to provide fire support and even deploy our own mech"

"Dragon Witch also do have a point, Luke's dragon could also help with distraction an----the fuck"
>>
Rolled 92 (1d100)

>>5564173
"Look we didn't know they moved the princess, she didn't even tell us"
>>
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>>5564174
Hmmm yes. Cool. They're still a bunch of rebels tho. Clearly they're gonna relay your plan to the rest of the rebel scum.

Quickly Joseph, do what must be done:

A. Introduce their necks to your power axe
B. Pull out shotgun
C. Give them a 5 second head start
D. Dunno guys, maybe they're onto sumthin
E. Bunny Suit
>>
Rolled 7 (1d100)

>>5564177
C, D and E
"Joseph, why the photos-"
"I LIKE IT OK"
>>
Rolled 16 (1d100)

>>5564177
A then D once they're gone...
A good ideas a good idea.
>>
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>>5564179
"You have 5 seconds"

"Wait what"

"5 seconds to do what?!"

"...4"

"??????"
>>
Rolled 81 (1d100)

>>5564187
"LOOK THE PRINCESS HERSELF PUT US KNIGHTS UP TO IT WE'RE SORRY, JUST ASK LILLY SHE KNEW WHAT WAS GOING ON"
>>
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>>5564188
"...3"

"GOOD GOD MAN WE DON'T KNOW ANYTHING ELSE"
>>
Rolled 76 (1d100)

>>5564189
"..2"
"GUSTAVE WAKE UP THERE'S A MASKED MAN IN A BUNNY SUIT AND HE'S GOING TO FLEX HEEEEEELP"
>>
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>>5564191
Gustavo wakes up from his Luke induced coma. Seeing that a large muscular masked man in a bunny suit slowly approaching.

Immediately goes back to sleep
>>
Rolled 90 (1d100)

>>5564198
Twinkle bursts in with the younger princess on hearing "bunny suit"
>>
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>>5564199
Upon seeing WHO was in said bunny suit.

Twinkle immediately dies
>>
Rolled 22 (1d100)

>>5564211
Wait, if the princess is part of the rebellion and they work FOR the princess, do they count as rebels? I mean they work for the imperial heir
>>
Rolled 83 (1d100)

>>5564211
>>5564212
Did the princess plan her own kidnapping?
>>
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>>5564214
>>5564212
Before you can discuss this further, as if on cue, the mecha rains down suppressing fire
>>
Rolled 89 (1d100)

>>5564216
Princess! Get down here this instant! We're going home!
>>
Rolled 78 (1d100)

>>5564216
>>5564217
Ah yeah, the mech.
Does anyone want to be bait while we prepare the dragon
>>
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>>5564217
Whoever's piloting the mecha, they doesn't respond, just kept firing, forcing the team into cover.

"This aint good, Luke. Also, I put my regular armor back on, over"

"...I appreciate that, over"
>>
Rolled 91 (1d100)

>>5564221
>>5564219
"I think the mech shoots like a WOMAN"
>>
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>>5564222
Gasp.

And who said it? Who volunteered to be bait?
>>
Rolled 8 (1d100)

>>5564223
Who cares, it's time for Titan Fall. Drop the Superweapon Mech and No-Name's personal mech from orbit.
>>
Rolled 96 (1d100)

>>5564223
Randy the Drunken skeleton!?
>>
Rolled 63 (1d100)

>>5564223
it's the bloody weeb
>>
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>>5564225
RANDY NO! DON'T BE A HERO!
>>
Rolled 88 (1d100)

>>5564228
Use him as a distraction to allow for dragon witch and dragon to be another distraction so we can get ship closer, which would distract them from our mech!
>>
Rolled 38 (1d100)

>>5564228
Quick, try to get into the mech before randy blasted into bone dust.
>>
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Rolled 80 (1d100)

>>5564230
The dragon mech lives again! Which is just the Dragon Witch grabbing on to it and using her Dragon Magic to carry it around through the air! Surely this will distract the rebel mech!

Roll 1d100
>>
Rolled 87 (1d100)

>>5564233
Oh no
>>
Rolled 9 (1d100)

>>5564233
The dragon is annihilated.
>>
>>5564233
>>5564234
Oh Yeah
>>
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>>5564234
"Joseph! The rebel mech is distracted! Let's go!"
>>
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Rolled 97 (1d100)

>>5564238
It's time, Titanfall!
>>
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>>5564240
>>
Rolled 58 (1d100)

>>5564243
Joseph and Luke get in while Lilly decides to fight the Commander
>>
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>>5564246
>>
Rolled 83 (1d100)

>>5564256
Subdue the mech, princess must remain unhurt!
>>
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>>5564259
The mecha battle commences.....next time. When thread continues. I uh, gotta go for now. Toodles.

updates b here: https://twitter.com/notapaladin
>>
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bread
>>
Rolled 11 (1d100)

>>5565232
Coma dream of no name
>>
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>>5565234
Poof
>>
Rolled 31 (1d100)

>>5565236
Imagine some companions
>>
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>>5565245
Generating companion. It's...it's...!
>>
Rolled 49 (1d100)

>>5565252
A lot of skeletons.
You did not pay enough money for the unique companion upgrade
>>
Rolled 73 (1d100)

>>5565252
quattro
>>
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>>5565256
Damnit. This is why you shouldn't forget your dream payments
>>
Rolled 55 (1d100)

>>5565264
imagine a cool looking rock
>>
Rolled 41 (1d100)

>>5565264
>>5565263
>>
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>>5565267
>>
Rolled 55 (1d100)

>>5565270
>>5565269
Quattro comes to offer beer for everyone
By flooding the dream with beer
>>
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>>5565275
Sadly Quattro counts as an unique NPC. He is not available unless you buy the DLC
>>
Rolled 56 (1d100)

>>5565284
Give the dream gods a 2 dollar bill (USD) in exchange for Quattro
>>
Rolled 35 (1d100)

>>5565284
They actually pay you for "buying " QUATTRO
>>
Rolled 19 (1d100)

>>5565284
Tap into the forbidden powers of redeco and generate an army of unique skeletons by simply giving them different colors and markings
>>
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>>5565287
"Wait. Really? Damn. What's wrong with you? Is your life going okay?"
>>
Rolled 8 (1d100)

>>5565294
>"No."

>"Now gimmie."
>>
Rolled 17 (1d100)

>>5565294
I would like a Bobby NPC on top of this
>>
Rolled 59 (1d100)

>>5565294
"Oh yes of course"

The 2 dollar bill (USD) is actually counterfeit
>>
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>>5565299
"All this trouble. For quattro? Damn"

Blank stare of dissapointment
>>
Rolled 16 (1d100)

>>5565301
Now use the dream powers to make Quattro's counter-attack REAL
>>
Rolled 80 (1d100)

>>5565301
>Blank stare of dissapointment
Just like dad

Anyway Quattro cameo time
>>
Rolled 13 (1d100)

>>5565301
>>5565297
>>5565303
>>5565305
>>
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>>5565303
>>5565305
>>5565306
"Everyone! So that we may forge our own path and establish a government for the chillsaders!. I ask you, lend me your great strength for just a little while longer! When we've succeeded, Shotasniffer can go eat a dick!"
>>
Rolled 87 (1d100)

>>5565309
Oh gee wizz I sure hope Shotasniffer in a scandalously sensual outfit doesn't appear to stop this
>>
Rolled 100 (1d100)

>>5565309
>Shotasniffer can go eat a dick!"
Poor choice of words Quattro...
>>
Rolled 64 (1d100)

>>5565309
>>5565311
DEATH TO QUATTRO
>>
Rolled 75 (1d100)

>>5565309
shoot him with a gun
>>
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>>5565312
Chillsaders Little Boys are in grave danger
>>
Rolled 71 (1d100)

>>5565317
>>5565315
>>5565313
>>
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>>5565318
Sadly you have not paid for that DLC yet
>>
Rolled 81 (1d100)

>>5565317
>Takes the bullet meant for Quattro
>>
Rolled 61 (1d100)

>>5565319
Sudden flood of beer
>>
Rolled 75 (1d100)

>>5565319
Visualize enough FIAT currency to purchase the DownLoadable Content
>>
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>>5565326
>>
Rolled 92 (1d100)

>>5565338
It starts leaking into reality
>>
Rolled 47 (1d100)

>>5565338
"Is the beer working"
"He's waking up"
>>
Rolled 28 (1d100)

>>5565338
Gay beer.
>>
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>>5565339
>>
Rolled 50 (1d100)

>>5565353
"Sorry, we needed to revive like everyone unconscious and beer was the best way"
>>
Rolled 79 (1d100)

>>5565353
Everyone gets the drunk debuff as dream No Name swims away
>>
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>>5565356
"yyyeaaah....imma swiiimmm awaaayyyyy"

"Is it working?"

"dunno, keep pouring"
>>
Rolled 20 (1d100)

>>5565361
Hey Gustave, we need your holy drink or something, No Name's not waking up
>>
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>>5565363
Gustaf has decided to not wake up. In fear of encountering another huge muscular man in a bunny suit
>>
Rolled 63 (1d100)

>>5565368
Take the holy drink from him
>>
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>>5565371
It's gotta be around here somewhere
>>
Rolled 3 (1d100)

>>5565378
wake up twinkle while you're at it
>>
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>>5565379
Anon. Twinkle's dead. You have to let it go
>>
Rolled 49 (1d100)

>>5565381
A GIRL IS IN TROUBLE
>>
Rolled 5 (1d100)

>>5565381
Hover some yuri doujin in front of the grave
>>
Rolled 61 (1d100)

>>5565381
Mech fight!
>>
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>>5565382
NO YOU FOOL!
>>
Rolled 56 (1d100)

>>5565386
AWAKEN MY MASTERS
>>
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>>5565388
THE LESBIAN HAS AWAKENED
>>
Rolled 84 (1d100)

>>5565396
Meanwhile weeb is still fucking dead
>>
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>>5565397
Good thing nobody misses him
>>
Rolled 3 (1d100)

>>5565398
Mecha fight, go!
>>
Rolled 65 (1d100)

>>5565398
>>5565399
NOOO THE BUDGET
>>
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>>5565399
>>
Rolled 88 (1d100)

>>5565402
that cockpit mech driver must be a woman to stomp on his grave
>>
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>>5565403
gasp
>>
Rolled 21 (1d100)

>>5565408
Beat up women, sigma grindset.
>>
Rolled 52 (1d100)

>>5565408
>>5565411
true sigma
>>
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>>5565413
"READY TO ENGAGE WOMAN BEATING"
>>
Rolled 67 (1d100)

>>5565416
I hate women so much!
>>
Rolled 2 (1d100)

>>5565416
By my authority, beat up women! Engage mega fist!
>>
Rolled 12 (1d100)

>>5565416
WOMEN HAHA.
>>
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Rolled 44 (1d100)

>>5565418
ROLL 1D100 TO ENGAGE THE RAMPANT MISOGYNY FIST
>>
Rolled 17 (1d100)

>>5565425
IT IS TIME!
>>
Rolled 63 (1d100)

>>5565425
Punch in stomach for misogyny points
>>
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>>5565426
FUCK
>>
Rolled 41 (1d100)

>>5565433
OP you massive rigger you just don't want to be CANCELLED
>>
Rolled 90 (1d100)

>>5565433
Rigger Nigger detected. Rewind time and use the winning dice roll.
>>
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>>5565435
Thread didn't update until I post, I assure you. I never saw that roll. Trust me
>>
Rolled 30 (1d100)

>>5565437
Throw shoes at OP until he stops being a filthy dice rigger.
>>
Rolled 68 (1d100)

>>5565437
Clearly he doesn't want to be cancelled on twitter when he becomes an TWITTER ARTIST
>>
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Rolled 19 (1d100)

>>5565439
>>5565440
Roll 1d100 to throw shoe at OP
>>
Rolled 61 (1d100)

>>5565444
HEADS UP
>>
Rolled 63 (1d100)

>>5565444
Destroy this man like George Bush destroyed the Twin Towers!
>>
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>>5565445
>>5565446
>>
Rolled 71 (1d100)

>>5565447
Back to our regular misogynist programming, sponsered by Lolisniffer Industries
>>
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>>5565450
ENGAGING MISOGYNY CANNONS
>>
Rolled 68 (1d100)

>>5565452
MEN'S RIGHTS TO HER FACE
>>
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Rolled 29 (1d100)

>>5565453
FIREEEEEEEEE

via rolling 1d100
>>
Rolled 5 (1d100)

>>5565455
>>
Rolled 62 (1d100)

>>5565455
Watch those wrist rockets!
>>
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>>5565457
The enemy pulls up its shoulder shield to block! But the blast was too strong and launched it into a nearby mountain!
>>
Rolled 50 (1d100)

>>5565462
CLEARLY IT'S THE WOMAN'S FAULT
>>
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>>5565465
"Damn Joseph, where is this coming from"
>>
Rolled 86 (1d100)

>>5565469
His experience with women
>>
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>>5565471
"ah shit really"
>>
Rolled 39 (1d100)

>>5565474
When your partner-in-crime is Dragon Witch
>>
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>>5565475
"DAMN....She can't be that bad can she?"
>>
Rolled 29 (1d100)

>>5565476
Bruh she tried to burn down the bridge of ST-100 for literally no reason.
>>
Rolled 84 (1d100)

>>5565476
>>5565478
Joseph goes on an unhinged rant about the matriarchy, how WOMEN can't understand how Shotasniffer is cool, and Dragon Witch keeping on forcing her fetish on everything
>>
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>>5565478
>>5565480
"hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm"
>>
Rolled 61 (1d100)

>>5565481
Clear case of trauma
>>
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>>5565482
Joseph continues his unhinged rant about women and how having to sleep with one eye opened lest your get burned in dragonfire is a terrible way to live
>>
Rolled 32 (1d100)

>>5565484
"Hey, does your friend has trauma?"
>>
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>>5565488
"Yes...just uh...give him a moment"
>>
Rolled 42 (1d100)

>>5565491
It was all a ruse so Joseph could activate more wrist rockets!
>>
Rolled 69 (1d100)

>>5565491
"Look, I'm not even interested in continuing the battle anymore, it's was suggested by the princess that I go ride the mech"
>>
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Rolled 42 (1d100)

>>5565492
"Son of a bitch"
>>
Rolled 95 (1d100)

>>5565496
Badabing Badaboom.
>>
Rolled 36 (1d100)

>>5565496
Pilot face reveal as the rockets breaks the cockpit
>>
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Rolled 7 (1d100)

>>5565497
The rockets hit! The enemy pilot will try to shoot back!
>>
Rolled 43 (1d100)

>>5565500
The enemy pilot sucks ass.
>>
Rolled 57 (1d100)

>>5565500
MISS - in super robot wars style
>>
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>>5565503
>>
Rolled 73 (1d100)

>>5565506
Follow-up haymaker!
>>
Rolled 5 (1d100)

>>5565506
Imagine the enemy mech is women and beat the shit out of it.
>>
Rolled 67 (1d100)

>>5565506
Women moment.
>>
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Rolled 49 (1d100)

>>5565508
>>
Rolled 75 (1d100)

>>5565517
RIP IT OFF
>>
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>>5565518
>>
Rolled 86 (1d100)

>>5565523
"PRINCESS, OPEN YOUR-"
"I'm not the princess, I'm the one who gave you that mech."
>>
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>>5565524
>>
Rolled 53 (1d100)

>>5565529
Come on, a mech given to you and you didn't use it well until I had to make you use it?
>>
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>>5565530
"Yeah but that's because we didn't use it period"

"Combat on foot is more of our style"
>>
Rolled 59 (1d100)

>>5565534
"Yeah, the princess said the same thing too before she decided to dress up as the Rebel Commander."
>>
Rolled 93 (1d100)

>>5565534
Suddenly, the EYYYYY LMAOOOO war space fleet comes in for assistance.
>>
Rolled 15 (1d100)

>>5565537
Mech insurance assistance
>>
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>>5565537
"Oh hey ayy lmaos."

"Are they here to help against the rebel fleet?"

"Welp hopefully not the other way around"
>>
Rolled 95 (1d100)

>>5565547
Ayyy, Would you like to buy mech insurance
>>
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>>5565548
"It's veeeerrrryyyy cheap, lmao"

"the fuck"
>>
Rolled 11 (1d100)

>>5565550
They even try to sell it to the rebels
>>
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>>5565551
"aaayyyyy lmao, ya look like you need insurance"


"huh?"
>>
Rolled 6 (1d100)

>>5565553
The clone ships just shoot them
>>
Rolled 82 (1d100)

>>5565553
Ayys are attacked by both the Rebel and Imperial fleet for interrupting the plot.
>>
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>>5565557
"AAAAAAAAAAaaaayyyyy lmaaaooooooooooo"


And so the Ayys are defeated. As quickly as they arrived. Rest in piss.

Anyway OP gotta go now. Thread will continue later. When it continues. toodles.

Updates be here:https://twitter.com/notapaladin
>>
lmao
>>
Op has been lost...
>>
It's been a day or two and still no sign of OP...
>>
>>5565561
op pls
>>
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>>5570362
>>
Rolled 62 (1d100)

>>5570368
ayy
>>
Rolled 78 (1d100)

>>5570368
OP is a loser and failure to all.
>>
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>>5570372
wow rude
>>
Rolled 22 (1d100)

>>5570374
get back to the part where we kill weeb for spreading his ideology to Joseph
>>
Rolled 86 (1d100)

>>5570375
>>5570374
The weeb is already dead, watch Lilly fight the rebel commander 1v1 instead. Joseph has popcorn.
>>
Rolled 67 (1d100)

>>5570374
For delaying the quest 2 times 2 many I sentence OP to eternal drawslavery making funny quests instead of drawing vtubers
>>
>>5570376
kill him again just to make sure
>>
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>>5570376
"Aw shit here we go"
>>
Rolled 64 (1d100)

>>5570381
So does the enemy pilot
>>
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>>5570382
>>
Rolled 14 (1d100)

>>5570386
LILLY DELIVERS A HAYMAKER WORTHY OF LOLISNIFFER!
>>
Rolled 50 (1d100)

>>5570386
>>5570387
COME ON THAT WAS CLEARLY CHOREOGRAPHED
>>
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>>5570389
BAH GAWD
>>
Rolled 6 (1d100)

>>5570391
IS IT ENOUGH TO REMOVE THE MASK
>>
Rolled 59 (1d100)

>>5570392
>>5570391
IF WE PULL IT OFF, WILL THE REBEL COMMANDER DIE!?
>>
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>>5570393
IT WOULD BE EXTREMELY PAINFUL
>>
Rolled 22 (1d100)

>>5570394
YOU'RE A BIG G__
>>
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>>5570395
4LILLY
>>
Rolled 79 (1d100)

>>5570399
"HEY WOMAN BEATER"
>>
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>>5570400
BAH GAWD IT'S TWINKLE WITH A STEEL CHAIR!
>>
Rolled 28 (1d100)

>>5570406
"LOOK OUT, SIS- UH, I MEAN MYSTERIOUS MASKED COMMANDER"
>>
Rolled 87 (1d100)

>>5570406
JOSEPH INTERCEPTS WITH A FOOT DIVE
>>
File: 1.png (38 KB, 800x800)
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>>5570408
AH FUCK. THE COMMANDA DODGED
>>
Rolled 56 (1d100)

>>5570416
"WHO SAID THA- oh hi other princess"
>>
Rolled 70 (1d100)

>>5570416
LILLY GOT HIT WITH THE CHAIR

GOOD LORD LILLY IS TRYING TO SUPLEX TWINKLE
>>
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>>5570419
"BAH GAWD LILLY'S TAKING HER FRUSTRATION OUT ON TWINKLE!"

"THE LILLY (space) KNIGHT IS GETTING WRECKED OUT THERE!"

"WHY DOES SHE LOOK HAPPY"
>>
Rolled 69 (1d100)

>>5570424
"Cain, Abel."
"Yes Gustave?"
"I need Twinkle's pills."
>>
Rolled 86 (1d100)

>>5570424
A ladder suddenly appears in the middle of Lilly, Twinkle and the Rebel Commander's fight.

Hanging above the ladder is an important looking suitcase
>>
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>>5570429
WHAT COULD IT CONTAIN?!
>>
Rolled 80 (1d100)

>>5570431
THE REBEL COMMANDER IS GOING FOR IT!
>>
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>>5570432
"C'MON LILLY! GET UP THERE!"
>>
Rolled 12 (1d100)

>>5570437
Gustave is using the suitcase as bait
>>
Rolled 42 (1d100)

>>5570437
TWINKLE IS IN THE GRAVE BUT HERE COMES NO NAME WITH HIS OWN STEPLADDER
>>
Rolled 49 (1d100)

>>5570437
>>5570440
No Name's entrance theme is some shotasniffer song

people are yelling "simp" as he goes in
>>
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>>5570440
>>5570441
"WHAT'S THIS?! THAT'S SHOTASNIFFER's "I'LL STEP ON U"! IS THAT NO NAME?!"

"WHAT'S THAT SIMP DOING HERE?!"

"HE'S GOING FOR THE SUITCASE TOO!"
>>
Rolled 10 (1d100)

>>5570443
>>5570438
YOU IDIOT IT'S BAIT
>>
Rolled 86 (1d100)

>>5570443
BAH GAWD NO NAME'S USED THE STEP LADDER TO TURN HIS DOUBLE JUMP INTO A QUADRUPLE JUMP
>>
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>>5570446
COULD THIS BE?!
>>
Rolled 7 (1d100)

>>5570449
HE GOT IT HE GOT IT
"BOO! HISS!"
>>
Rolled 59 (1d100)

>>5570449
IT'S A FULL COLLECTION OF notapaladin's QUEST CHARACTER COLLECTIBLE CARDS
>>
Rolled 94 (1d100)

>>5570449
NO NAME GOT THE CASE. HE HAS WON REBELMANIA (current year)!

HE'S OPENING THE CASE!
>>
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>>5570452
>>
Rolled 58 (1d100)

>>5570458
We've been betrayed! This was supposed to be the new limited edition Hero Shotasniffer card!
>>
Rolled 46 (1d100)

>>5570458
Gustave, who was using the briefcase as bait, faints again.
>>
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>>5570459
"The hell happened there?"

"Dunno, No Name looked inside the case and then fainted"
>>
Rolled 1 (1d100)

>>5570466
Cain and Abel are the medics
>>
Rolled 32 (1d100)

>>5570466
Joseph - "Well let me take a look. It can't be that ba- OH NO! THE ONLY REMAINING REMNANT FROM MY MODELING CAREER!
>>
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>>5570468
"Your whatnow?"
>>
Rolled 21 (1d100)

>>5570471
Quickly, destroy the evidence!
>>
Rolled 70 (1d100)

>>5570471
>>5570473
"Joseph why are you calling an orbital bombardment on our position?"
>>
>>5570419
>>5570429
>>5570452
>>5570476
Op did you accidently give me your rigged dice?
>>
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>>5570476
"MATCH'S OVER. THIS IS AN EMERGENCY"

"My sister's still down there! It aint over yet! Gimme that"

"NO!"

"GIMME"

"NOOOOOOO"
>>
Rolled 45 (1d100)

>>5570482
Luckily the picture was ripped in the scuffle
>>
Rolled 43 (1d100)

>>5570482
Down below:
"Yep, that's a bunny suit alright."
"Keeping it"
>>
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>>5570484
"OH THANK GOD"

"Man, what's up with you today?...ST-100? This is Luke, cancel that bombardment, that was a mistake"
>>
Rolled 95 (1d100)

>>5570488
Dragon Witch is distributing copies to Lilly and the Rebel Commander
>>
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>>5570489
And also to anybody present

"....BOMB THEM. BOMB THEM NOW. RETURN THIS PLANET TO THE STONE AGE"

"CALM DOWN JOSEPH"
>>
Rolled 56 (1d100)

>>5570496
It was actually Dragon Witch's disgusting slashfanfiction of her x that dragon demigod guy from that civ quest
>>
Rolled 80 (1d100)

>>5570496
"I didn't even get these from the case, I just looked up Joseph on Empire Google and it was the first result, I have been waiting for a good opportunity to hand them out"
>>
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>>5570500
"...LUKE WE NEED TO NUKE THE EMPIRENET"
>>
Rolled 31 (1d100)

>>5570514
"Well I find him attractive"
>>
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>>5570515
*record scratch*
>>
Rolled 29 (1d100)

>>5570521
"DID THE OTHER PRINCESS JUST SAY THAT THE BUNNY SUITED MASKED MAN WAS ATTRACTIVE"
>>
Rolled 519 (1d1100)

>>5570521
Who in the world could possibly find Joseph attractive?
>>
>>5570523
Damnit I fucked up.
>>
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>>5570523
>>5570525
"Damn...Joseph check it out, that anon's dice is fucking huge"

"Holy shit"
>>
Rolled 62 (1d100)

>>5570527
arrested for dice crimes
>>5570522
>>5570523
>>
>>5570529
Please I beg of you don't arrest me.
>>
Rolled 100 (1d100)

>>5570527
laugh at him for making mistakes
>>
>>5570532
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p5CjmHLUQQI
>>
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>>5570530
>>5570532
>>
Rolled 95 (1d100)

>>5570534
Anon has been completely annihilated.
>>
Rolled 84 (1d100)

>>5570534
>>5570535
rip
>>
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>>5570535
>>
Rolled 48 (1d100)

>>5570548
>>5570522
>>
Rolled 37 (1d100)

>>5570548
Anyway, back to my favorite sitcom.

We gotta find out who has a crush of Joseph
>>
Rolled 88 (1d100)

>>5570548
>>5570550
What dis guy said.
>>
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>>5570555
"Now Joseph. Who coulda had a crush on you?"

*audience laughs"

"I know right? I heard Beauty is in the Eye of the Beholder, but this is ridiculous!"

*audience laughs even louder*
>>
Rolled 62 (1d100)

>>5570574
It's the young princess
>>
Rolled 11 (1d100)

>>5570574
Darn its a rerun, Let's skip ahead.
>>
Rolled 90 (1d100)

>>5570574
The Rebel Commander chokes on his own laughter
>>
Rolled 35 + 1 (1d100 + 1)

>>5570574
1. Its the young Princess
2. Its the Rebel Commander
3. Its Dragon Witch
4. Its a random rebel
5. Its a random skeleton
6. All of the above
>>
Rolled 4 (1d6)

>>5570581
messed up the d6 because I am very smart
>>
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>>5570582
HEY LOOK! LOOK AT ANON! HE MESSES UP ROLLING A D6!
>>
Rolled 99 (1d100)

>>5570583
Point and laugh at him.
>>
>>5570583
NO! I CAN'T INTERNET STRANGERS MAKE FUN OF ME! MY EGO!
>>
File: laugh.gif (3.23 MB, 445x247)
3.23 MB
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Rolled 48 (1d100)

>>5570587
>>5570583
Fucking loser.
>>
Rolled 1 (1d100)

>>5570583
>>5570583
hahahahahaha
>>
File: 1.png (13 KB, 800x800)
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>>5570586
>>5570587
>>
Rolled 74 (1d100)

>>5570595
At this rate we'll have no anons left at the end of the quest.
>>
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>>5570597
BUt perhaps....the real anons were the friends we made along the way.
>>
Rolled 16 (1d100)

>>5570601
Back to main plot to find who his secret admirer is
>>
Rolled 100 (1d100)

>>5570601
Anyway let's get back to that sitcom
>>5570578
>>
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>>5570607
"HEY! IS THIS FUNNY TO YOU?! HUH? JOSEPH HAS BEEN MENTALLY DAMAGED TO THE POINT THAT A WOMEN FINDING HIM ATTRACTIVE IS UNTHINKABLE TO HIM AND YOU THINK IT'S HILARIOUS?"

*laughing intensifies*
>>
>>5570610
YOU GET WHAT YOU FUCKING DESERVE!!!
>>
Rolled 94 (1d100)

>>5570610
>>5570613
Funny, could have sworn I put the dice in beforehand...
>>
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>>5570614
>>5570613
LOOK! ANOTHER ANON WHO FAILED AT ROLLING DICE
>>
Rolled 48 (1d100)

>>5570616
throw him with the others
>>5570613
>>
Rolled 29 (1d100)

>>5570616
We've done this bit 3 times in the last hour.

Just bury him and get back to the quest, no time for laughter
>>
Rolled 9 (1d100)

>>5570616
>>5570617
>>5570619
Man, fuck you guys.
I roll to kill everyone then myself for this vicious cyberbullying .
.>:(
>>
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>>5570617
>>
Rolled 9 (1d100)

>>5570624
>>5570576
>>
Rolled 77 (1d100)

>>5570627
>>
Rolled 6 (1d100)

>>5570624
Back to the Rebel Commander laughing so hard he collapses.
>>
Rolled 39 (1d100)

>>5570624
Who's paying for all these tombstones?
Is the budget for tombstones really this big we can afford it for an entire anon graveyard?
They don't come cheap you know.
>>
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>>5570628
"what? ew"

"I just like beefy men in skintight outfits, sue me"
>>
Rolled 1 (1d100)

>>5570640
"WAIT, SIS WAS THE ONE WHO FOUND HIM HOT?"
>>
Rolled 72 (1d100)

>>5570640
Cat fight between Dragon Witch and Reserve Princess to decide which one of them has the worst taste in men.
>>
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>>5570642
As the two fight over this incredibly important title, OP realizes it's 3 AM and has to sleep.

Shenanigans will continue later. Possibly around 11 PM on OP's side or something.

updates n shit: https://twitter.com/notapaladin
>>
File: WonderofU.jpg (1.07 MB, 1660x2500)
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1.07 MB JPG
Rolled 91 (1d100)

>>5570646
Dragon Witch summons her stand "D4C" to fight the Reserve Princess.

In response, the Reserve Princess summons her stand "Tusk Act 4" to kill funny va- I mean the Dragon Witch

Then Jesus shows up.
>>
Rolled 49005 (1d123456)

>>5570646
sleep good op. And be on time next time
>>
Rolled 52, 83, 83, 47, 35, 86, 3, 13, 53, 90 = 545 (10d100)

fuck
>>
Rolled 1 (1d1)

>>5570646
Goodbye, See you next time.
>>
Rolled 10 (1d100)

>>5570651
>>5570684
>>5570651
Everyone fears the great dice massacre of 16/2
>>
>>5570646
OP is Supreme Gay x2
>>
>>5571330
Niggay
>>
>>5570646
now
>>
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>>5571575
>>
Rolled 61 (1d100)

>>5571585
we go back to the fight
>>5570646
everyone tries to not reveal their fetishes
>>
File: 1.png (15 KB, 800x800)
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>>5571587
>>
Rolled 98 (1d100)

>>5571597
The Skeleton Crew begin taking bets on the fight.
>>
File: 1.png (15 KB, 800x800)
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>>5571598
Gambling is srs business, kids
>>
Rolled 72 (1d100)

>>5571611
They all bet against Dragon Witch out of spite.
>>
Rolled 51 (1d100)

>>5571611
The lilly knight has gotten herself involved for some reason
>>
File: 1.png (14 KB, 800x800)
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>>5571612
"Damn you guys are ruthless. Is there really nobody who'd bet on Dragon Witch?"
>>
Rolled 93 (1d100)

>>5571618
"She's jealous of Shotasniffer, our great idol"
>>
File: 1.png (17 KB, 800x800)
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>>5571619
>>
Rolled 37 (1d100)

>>5571622
One brave hero steps forward to place his bet on the Witch.
>>
File: 1.png (17 KB, 800x800)
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>>5571623
nani
>>
Rolled 37 (1d100)

>>5571631
WE HAVE SOMEONE WHO HATES SHOTASNIFFER HERE HUNT HIM DOWN
>>
Rolled 6 (1d100)

>>5571631
Enough of this nonsense, grab Princess by her ear and start looking for the second one
>>
File: 1.png (30 KB, 800x800)
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>>5571632
The skeleton crew is driven into a frenzy and adds into the debacle
>>
Rolled 56 (1d100)

>>5571644
Alright, we need to find the older princess-
"She's already here"
>>
Rolled 86 (1d100)

>>5571644
Luke, stop them, quest is nearing the climactic finale and our budget is stretched as it is, speaking of which I would like to thank our todays sponsor...
>>
File: 1.png (22 KB, 800x800)
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>>5571647
...have you ever felt the need to do something. To complete a project. But have no knowledge how to do so? Well worry no more! With EmpireSpace you have access to the best skill-courses of pretty much everything you can think of! Art! Science! Cooking! Literature! Music! Genocide! Social Media! Everything is available! Use the code N0N4ME at EmpireSpace dot com slash promo for a first month free trial! Sign up today!
>>
Rolled 70 (1d100)

>>5571650
"HEY CHECK OUT THIS INCEST PICTURE OF LILLY AND HER BROTHER I MADE" - Weeb Knight
>>
Rolled 57 (1d100)

>>5571650
Right, now that's out of the way, Princess Junior, where is Princess Senior?
>>
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>>5571652
"BEHOLD! THROUGH THE MARVEL OF MODERN SCIENCE I WAS HEALED FROM THE CRIPPLING BEATING LUKE GAVE ME! AND I HAVE USED THE TIME I'VE BEEN GIVEN TO MAKE THIS"
>>
Rolled 21 (1d100)

>>5571660
Bind him in shackles, we will be sent to scorpion hell planet later
>>
Rolled 33 (1d100)

>>5571660
"Why is everyone suddenly looking at me like that?"
>>5571662
>>
File: 1.png (18 KB, 800x800)
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>>5571663
"THIS IS AN OUTRAGE! A MISCARRIAGE OF JUSTICE!"
>>
Rolled 96 (1d100)

>>5571677
"Send him to the KPOP mines, where he will suffer for the rest of his life."
"Wait why is the Rebel Commander suddenly ordering the skeletons to do that."
>>
Rolled 97 (1d100)

>>5571677
Now burn the pic and...where did we left off? Ah right second princess, ahem Princess Junior, where did your sister go again?
>>
OP?
>>
Rolled 68 (1d100)

>>5571677
Release him into the wild (outer space)
>>
>>5571708
Op got space cancer and has passed away.
>>
File: 1.gif (76 KB, 300x300)
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i fucking passed out in the middle of bread

fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck
>>
>>5572058
You have failed the thread for the last time OP, take him to the KPOP fields
>>
>>5572058
The bred is overcook.
>>
File: 1.png (11 KB, 800x800)
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>>5572063
NO! NO! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
>>
Rolled 58 (1d100)

>>5572066
Back to
>>5571679
>>5571678
>>
File: 1.png (18 KB, 800x800)
18 KB
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>>5572067
"Now, princess. Where's the other princess?"
>>
Rolled 62 (1d100)

>>5572074
"Definitely in the room"
>>
File: 1.png (9 KB, 800x800)
9 KB
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>>5572077
>>
Rolled 40 (1d100)

>>5572079
Clearly she could be anywhere, the damsel in distress who is cowering, scared of her captors, and can't fight back
"Uh."
>>
File: 1.png (7 KB, 800x800)
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>>5572089
"You'd think so, No Name?"
>>
Rolled 11 (1d100)

>>5572094
Because the Princess was shown to be pretty fine the last thread she was in
>>
Rolled 28 (1d100)

>>5572094
"Uuuuh." - everyone else
>>
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>>5572097
"No, that imperial operative....IS 100% CORRECT!"

"gasp!"

"THE PRINCESS IS INDEED COWERING! SCARED AND HELPLESS! SHE IS BEING HELD IN A SECRET CHAMBER THAT ONLY I KNOW THE LOCATION AND THE MEANS TO OPEN!" yelled the rebel commander
>>
Rolled 7 (1d100)

>>5572106
Beat the information out of him
>>
Rolled 74 (1d100)

>>5572106
"AND SHE IS SCARED THAT MEN ARE GOING TO TOUCH HER. AND SHE IS DEFINITELY NOT IN CHARGE OF THE REBELLION. AND SHE DEFINITELY DID NOT HIRE SOME KNIGHTS AND HER EMPIRE PERSONNEL AND HER OWN SISTER TO HELP HER."
>>
Rolled 48 (1d100)

>>5572106
Are you sure, I have a feeling that the Princess will be the final boss and >>5572111
>>
File: 1.png (11 KB, 800x800)
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>>5572117
"MY GOD!"

"THAT'S WEIRDLY SPECIFIC"
>>
Rolled 11 (1d100)

>>5572125
Well, that explain some stuff with the head of the rebellion.
>>
Rolled 14 (1d100)

>>5572125
>>5572129
"YES, AND SHE IS JUST THERE, STARVING AND ABOUT TO BE TAKEN ADVANTAGE OF AND YOU CAN'T STOP-"
Lilly removes the Rebel Commander's helmet.
>>
Rolled 87 (1d100)

>>5572125
Quick! take down the commander so we can free the helpless princess!
>>
File: 1.png (39 KB, 800x800)
39 KB
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>>5572136
"YES! THAT'S RIGHT! YOU HAVE TO DEFEAT ME TO SAVE THE PRINCESS!"
>>
Rolled 84 (1d100)

>>5572164
Beat him up (Smoking Sexy Style)
>>
File: 1.png (34 KB, 800x800)
34 KB
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>>5572166
>>
Rolled 65 (1d100)

>>5572175
The others commentate
>>
File: 1.png (25 KB, 800x800)
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>>5572176
"BAH GAWD this could go either way!"

"Luke can take it, he's got this"

"But Lilly, that Commander is pretty strong, you sure?"
>>
Rolled 33 (1d100)

>>5572200
Joseph and Luke get thrown into the commentary booth
>>
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>>5572204
"AGH FUCK"

....

"Alright Luke, get back in there, you can take 'em"

"Got it"

"Heeeeyyyyy Joseph. Howyoudoin"

"uhhhh"
>>
Rolled 68 (1d100)

>>5572217
OH GOD THEY'RE ABOUT TO TAKE OFF NO NAME'S MASK
>>
Rolled 100 (1d100)

>>5572217
Joseph and Luke consign themselves to also commentating on the match
>>
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>>5572220
>>
Rolled 31 (1d100)

>>5572224
>>5572218
>>
Rolled 65 (1d100)

>>5572224
No Name uses the only thrice completed bootheel reversal and engages in a stunning display of equal martial power causing the commentators and crowd to go wild

Lazy camerman OP forgets to move the camera away from the commentary booth
>>
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>>5572226
"BAH GAWD! IT'S THE FABLED BOOT HEEL REVERSE DRAGON FLIP!"

"WHAT AN AMAZING DISPLAY OF ATHLETICISM!"

"THE REBEL COMMANDER COUNTERS WITH A DOUBLE TACO PHOENIX DRIVER LICENSE"

"NO NAME COUNTERS THE COUNTER WITH A 450 SCISSOR SPINE TUMBLER"

"THE REBEL COMMANDER GOT OUTTA THERE JUST IN TIME USING A CRUCIFIX HURRICANE JUMPING TRIPLE REVERSE FRONT FLIP"

"I HAVEN'T SEEN MOVES LIKE THIS SINCE EMPIREMANIA XLV!"

"SURE HOPE SOMEBODY'S RECORDING THIS"
>>
Rolled 57 (1d100)

>>5572237
BAH GAWD THE REBEL COMMANDER GOT HIM IN HER WORLD FAMOUS THIGH HEADLOCK
>>
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>>5572240
"Wait"

"Her?"
>>
Rolled 89 (1d100)

>>5572240
No Name does a reversal and puts him in a headlock between her legs
>>
>>5572249
Her?
>>
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>>5572255
>>5572249
>>
Rolled 84 (1d100)

>>5572257
UH LOOK THEY'RE BOTH IN THIGH HEADLOCKS FIRST ONE TO REMOVE THE HELMET WINS
>>
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>>5572259
"BAH GAWD YOU'RE RIGHT, OTHER PRINCESS"

"WHO WILL GIVE IN FIRST?!"
>>
Rolled 35 (1d100)

>>5572260
Non Name's helmet is removed
"HA I WIN NOW YOU-woah"
>>
Rolled 81 (1d100)

>>5572260
They both get popped off at the same time
>>
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Rolled 5 (1d100)

>>5572262
"COULD IT BE?!"

Well, could it?
>>
Rolled 21 (1d100)

>>5572263
It could :)
>>
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>>5572264
>>
Rolled 14 (1d100)

>>5572268
Get back to the fields *whip OP*
>>
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>>5572271
>>
>>5572276
Back to face reveals
>>
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>>5572284
"What happened?"

"The cameras got wonky for a bit, I had to go fix em, did anything happen when I had my back turn?"

"I dunno, I had to bend down to tie my shoes"

"Right, oh hey, No Name and the Rebel Commander broke off from the mutual holds"

"Did their helmets fall off or something, they're holding off continuing the match to fix them"
>>
Rolled 29 (1d100)

>>5572288
No Name doesn't even know how to put it back on
>>
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>>5572292
"Why's it reversed?"

"No Name never had to put his helmet on by himself it seems"

"What? Then what about the times his helmet got busted and had to be replaced?"

"Oh I put it back on for him"
>>
Rolled 25 (1d100)

>>5572294
In his blindness he starts attacking literally everything
>>
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>>5572296
>>
Rolled 65 (1d100)

>>5572301
Throw that guy over to that guy
>>
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>>5572302
THER GOES THE ANNOUNCER TABLE! AGAIN!
>>
Rolled 3 (1d100)

>>5572309
Literally everyone gets involved in the fight, from Joseph, Luke, Dragon Witch, the Knights, Lilly, the Mech Pilot, the other princess...
>>
Rolled 68 (1d100)

>>5572309
That slam break No Name helmet revealing his face again and also >>5572313
.
>>
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OP Gotta head out for a bit now. Be back in like 10 hours.

Or 10 years, whichever applies. Toodles.

https://twitter.com/notapaladin
>>
Rolled 24 (1d100)

>>5572316
It is revealed in extremely dramatic fashion that Dragon Witch has been the princess this whole time!
>>
Rolled 51 (1d100)

>>5572316
>The Ayyyy Lmaooo war fleet has arrived.
>>
Rolled 83 (1d100)

>>5572316
It's time
>>
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delay eet, im trying to sleep
>>
>>5572316
See you in a decade
>>
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>>
Rolled 94 (1d100)

>>5573396
OP gets a cookie for showing up early (or a bonking for showing up late)
>>
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>>5573405
>>
Rolled 61 (1d100)

>>5573411
Now continue the showing of No Name and the Rebel Clone Command duking it out
>>
Rolled 40 (1d100)

>>5573411
>>5572313
>>5572314
>>5573415
>>
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>>5573415
At least that's what No Name THINKS is happening. Due to the helmet being on backwards
>>
Rolled 40 (1d100)

>>5573427
>>5573418
The fight is displayed as a cloud
>>
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>>5573429
Absurd! How would No Name's helmet be broken, again! Unless he takes another hit to the hea---OH SHIT PILEDRIVER
>>
Rolled 4 (1d100)

>>5573436
LUKE NO
>>
Rolled 89 (1d100)

>>5573436
INFINITE REVERSALS
>>
>>5573441
The Fifth Rule...
>>
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>>5573441
"NO NAME FLIPS AROUND AND PUTS HIS LEGS AROUND LUKE'S HEAD TO COUNTER WITH A HURRICANRANA"

"LUKE GRABS ONTO NO NAME'S BODY TO TRANSITION INTO A POWER BOMB!"

"NO NAME FLIPS OUTTA THERE TO PUT LUKE INTO AN DDT!"

"LUKE BREAKS THE HOLD AND FLIPS NO NAME OVER INTO THE PILEDRIVER AGAIN!"

"NO NAME FLIPS AROUND AND PUTS HIS LEGS AROUND LUKE'S HEAD TO COUNTER WITH A HURRICANRANA"


"LUKE GRABS ONTO NO NAME'S BODY TO TRANSITION INTO A POWER BOMB!"

"NO NAME FLIPS OUTTA THERE TO PUT LUKE INTO AN DDT!"

"LUKE BREAKS THE HOLD AND FLIPS NO NAME OVER INTO THE PILEDRIVER AGAIN!"

"NO NAME FLIPS AROUND AND PUTS HIS LEGS AROUND LUKE'S HEAD TO COUNTER WITH A HURRICANRANA"


"LUKE GRABS ONTO NO NAME'S BODY TO TRANSITION INTO A POWER BOMB!"

"NO NAME FLIPS OUTTA THERE TO PUT LUKE INTO AN DDT!"

"LUKE BREAKS THE HOLD AND FLIPS NO NAME OVER INTO THE PILEDRIVER AGAIN!"

"NO NAME FLIPS AROUND AND PUTS HIS LEGS AROUND LUKE'S HEAD TO COUNTER WITH A HURRICANRANA"


"LUKE GRABS ONTO NO NAME'S BODY TO TRANSITION INTO A POWER BOMB!"

"NO NAME FLIPS OUTTA THERE TO PUT LUKE INTO AN DDT!"

"LUKE BREAKS THE HOLD AND FLIPS NO NAME OVER INTO THE PILEDRIVER AGAIN!"

"NO NAME FLIPS AROUND AND PUTS HIS LEGS AROUND LUKE'S HEAD TO COUNTER WITH A HURRICANRANA"
>>
Rolled 37 (1d100)

>>5573461
They land in the booth(again) and everything gets caught in the cartoon kerfuffle cloud
>>
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>>5573469
>>
Rolled 39 (1d100)

>>5573478
Helmet breaks
>>
Rolled 3 (1d100)

>>5573478
>>5573480
ALL the helmets break
>>
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>>5573480
>>5573483
>>
Rolled 95 (1d100)

>>5573524
Now you must give us all FANSERVICE
>>
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>>5573525
Fan...service
>>
Rolled 40 (1d100)

>>5573532
HE'S GOING TO CROSSDRESS
>>
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>>5573539
>>
Rolled 20 (1d100)

>>5573562
The princess tries to get a piece of Joseph!
>>
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>>5573566
>>
Rolled 23 (1d100)

>>5573570
"Alright we're continuing the fi-why do you have a pretty boy anime face"
>>
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>>5573573
"In what world does this count as a pretty boy anime face"
>>
Rolled 29 (1d100)

>>5573586
PRETTIER THAN MINE I'M UGLY
>>
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>>5573588
>>
Rolled 51 (1d100)

>>5573610
"Holy shit bishouens are my fetish" -Rebel Commander
>>
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>>5573626
>>
Rolled 69 (1d100)

>>5573633
Ok, that's it, you're definitely the Princess, no one is convinced anymore.
>>
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>>5573637
"What? Me?! The princess?! impossible! She is currently being kept in a secret secured chamber, waiting for her shining hero to rescue her, I assure you"
>>
Rolled 71 (1d100)

>>5573638
"They ain't buying it, sis"
"I could literally tell by the fighting style"
"We all figured it out when we heard you were "kidnapped"."
>>
Rolled 9 (1d100)

>>5573638
"WHERE IS SHE?" violently shake the vile rebel commander
>>
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>>5573641
"I'm kinda miffed that this somehow lead to my own sister being kidnapped" says Luke
>>
Rolled 41 (1d100)

>>5573651
"actually I joined up on my ow-"
"KIDNAPPED"
>>5573645
No Name still believes this
>>
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>>5573655
"Man, this royal family is full of weirdos. Good thing we're not like that right, Lilly"

Meanwhile

"WHERE IS SHE?"
>>
Rolled 75 (1d100)

>>5573661
"Does he still not get it"
"I thought he would realize it when the rebel knights were the very ones hired by the Princess to protect her"
"I thought he would get it with that convenient rebel attack on my base"
>>
Rolled 16 (1d100)

>>5573661
No Name and Rebel Commander fightu! (again)
>>
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>>5573667
Truly these rebels are devious, trying to confuse you with things like, words, and logic
>>
Rolled 98 (1d100)

>>5573681
TRULY THEY ARE RESPONSIBLE FOR EVERYTHING, EVEN THE CLONE REBELLION WAS PLANNED BY THEM TO ENDANGER THE PRINCESS
"Wait, what clone rebellion?" - Rebel Commander
>>
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>>5573686
"Oh yeah, don't worry about. The No Name clones had a glitch and went against orders."
>>
Rolled 8 (1d100)

>>5573705
"what-"
ominous clone ship appears
>>
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>>5573710
>>
>>5573723
"Oh, also Bandit went rogue and took command of the clones"
>>
Rolled 93 (1d100)

>>5573723
>>5573728
>>
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>>5573729
"But he's dead now so it's fine"
>>
Rolled 70 (1d100)

>>5573749
TRANSMISSION RECEIVED
Borf.
>>
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>>5573753
"My god! You're alive!"

"bork"

"And you've gathered up your own clone army?!"

"borf"

"To take out both the rebellion and empire forces battling here, at Rebel HQ?!"

"bork bork"
>>
Rolled 29 (1d100)

>>5573758
why he do it
>>
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>>5573760
"bor--"
>>
Rolled 62 (1d100)

>>5573776
Uhhh what just happened
>>
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>>5573777
"There. Clone war's over"
>>
Rolled 89 (1d100)

>>5573788
Bandit didn't actually survive his first death
>>
Rolled 49 (1d100)

>>5573788
"Look can I get back to the fight with your attractive, hot face"
>>5573791
>>
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>>5573791
"What?"

"Yeah that was a cloned dog. It doesn't matter anyway"
>>
Rolled 62 (1d100)

>>5573794
It was all a front by the dreaded
THIRD FACTION
>>
Rolled 83 (1d100)

>>5573794
>>5573792
"You must defeat me to save the princess and her luscious, beautiful voice"
"uh"
>>
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>>5573798
"YOU VILLAIN!"
>>
Rolled 83 (1d100)

>>5573805
"YES, A SINGING VOICE COMPARABLE TO SHOTASNIFFER. A VOICE SO MELODIOUS YOU WILL FAINT"
"uuuuuh" - everyone else
>>
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>>5573807
"SO IF YOU WANT TO SAVE THE WONDERFUL, AMAZING AND SUPER COOL PRINCESS. YOU HAVE TO DEFEAT ME!"

"Damnit! C'mon guys, we need to work together!"
>>
Rolled 34 (1d100)

>>5573811
"Should we tell him"
"Nah we just motivate him to do it himself if it gets the princess to come back"
"He doesn't even know the princess has the hots for him"
>>
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>>5573813
And we will resolve that.

Later.

I gotta go eat lunch, toodles

https://twitter.com/notapaladin
>>
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>>
>>5573876
What's a hones dice?
>>
Rolled 13 (1d100)

>>5573876
Arabic No-Name comes in to finish the fight
>>
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>>5573878
>>
Rolled 7 (1d100)

>>5573880
Now No Name fight the commander (again) (roll using hones dice)
>>
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Rolled 4328442 (1d10000000)

>>5573888
Roll 1d100 against the most honest of all de dicez
>>
Rolled 50 (1d100)

>>5573891
:)
>>
Rolled 51 (1d100)

>>5573891
OP gets stoned for his crimes.
>>
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>>5573895
>>
Rolled 26 (1d100)

>>5573896
YOU CAN NOT ESCAPE THE JUDGMENT OF ALLAH, FILTHY DICE RIGGER!
>>
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>>5573897
>>
Rolled 8 (1d100)

>>5573901
>>5573891
how about we get back to the story
>>
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>>5573902
That's right! Time to rally the troops to take down the final boss!
>>
Rolled 34 (1d100)

>>5573904
Use our bishounen charm to give the troops an inspiring SPEECH
>>
Rolled 68 (1d100)

>>5573904
No we must do this...........ALOOOOOOOONE
>>
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>>5573906
That's right. You cannot put anymore of your friends into danger
>>
Rolled 25 (1d100)

>>5573909
Except we totally can! All Out Attack go!
>>
Rolled 39 (1d100)

>>5573909
WE NEED THE POWER OF FRIENDSHIP
>>
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>>5573911
That's right! We can get through this! Together!
>>
Rolled 57 (1d100)

>>5573913
COME ON LUKE, JOSEPH, DRAGON WTICH
WE'LL TAKE DOWN THE REBEL COMMANDER
>>
Rolled 18 (1d100)

>>5573913
>>5573914
Just "fight" already, Char
>>
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>>5573914
>>
Rolled 66 (1d100)

>>5573917
Now! By the power of Friendship, end this quest!
>>
Rolled 86 (1d100)

>>5573917
Guys?
>>
Rolled 76 (1d100)

>>5573917
NOW COME AS WE SALLY-
No Name gets thrown to Princ- I mean Rebel Commander's feet
>>
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>>5573919
"Hmmmm....well, you see, No Name..."

A. Luke gives him a pep-talk to motivate the Operative to finish the fight
B. Luke agrees to the friendship speech and gets others to join the battle
C. Sausage trivia
>>
Rolled 9 (1d100)

>>5573923
A and C
And D. Luke throws No Name to the Rebel Commander's feet
>>
Rolled 25 (1d100)

>>5573923
B. Power of friendship babyyyy
>>
Rolled 36 (1d100)

>>5573923
A
>>
Rolled 28 (1d100)

>>5573923
>B. Luke agrees to the friendship speech and gets others to join the battle
What type of ending would it be without more Friendship?
>>
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>>5573926
"No Name, this is something you have to do yourself. You brought us all here, time to show everyone your power. I believe in you. Go forth and finish the fight."

"But why?"

"....uhhhhh, Joseph has unresolved trauma, Dragon Witch's gonna try to fix it"

"But that wouldn't help! And what about you?"

"I uh, need to keep an eye on them, yeah"

"But..but...the power of friendship!"

"We are all behind you, don't you worry...in spirit."

"But"

"It is the way of these things, No Name."

"Are you sure they wouldn't be any convenient plot shenanigans that'd force you to join the fight"

"don't jinx it"
>>
Rolled 17 (1d100)

>>5573931
"Also, did you know vegan sausages are the most cursed food known to Man?"
>>
Rolled 21 (1d100)

>>5573932
>>5573931
The rebel commander is aggressively eating a vegan sausage infront of Luke.
>>
Rolled 81 (1d100)

>>5573931
It's time to live up to my family name and face NO NAME CONSEQUENCES
>>
Rolled 35 (1d100)

>>5573931
"He's going to get slaughtered"
>>
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>>5573932
*unprompted unhinged rant against vegans*
>>
Rolled 16 (1d100)

>>5573936
"Now GO, GO AND TAKE THE REBERL COMMANDER ON!"
"Hey Luke, we're taking bets on No Name vs the Princess"
"5000 on Princess"
>>
Rolled 11 (1d100)

>>5573936
No Name Commander fight now
>>
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>>5573938
*unhinged rant on gambling*
>>
Rolled 95 (1d100)

>>5573949
Fight already
>>
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>>5573951
Unhinged rant about plot progression
>>
Rolled 68 (1d100)

>>5573955
Everyone throws No Name to the Commander, who is breathing heavily
>>
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>>5573956
"HHHhhhhRrrrrmmmmm......so, you are the only one who stepped up"
>>
Rolled 97 (1d100)

>>5573962
clearly he's doing his best darth vader impression
ignore the drool coming out of him
>>
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>>5573966
>>
Rolled 20 (1d100)

>>5573968
Stand and declare who you are, what you fight for and your simping for Shotasniffer
>>
Rolled 27 (1d100)

>>5573968
Throw something at him!
>>
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>>5573973
Alright, let's see what you can throw....a rock. another rock. Some pebbles...or the grenades you had in your coat
>>
Rolled 59 (1d100)

>>5573974
I don't like how smug the rock on the left is, throw him
>>
Rolled 25 (1d100)

>>5573974
Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm
Throw everything
>>
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>>5573975
>mfw anon thinks he can throw me
>>
Rolled 73 (1d100)

>>5573978
That right rock is feeling pretty happy, I don't like it
>>
Rolled 71 (1d100)

>>5573978
Fucking watch me
>>
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>>5573980
>be me
>wake up
>still a rock
>don't have to worry about anything

Life's good
>>
Rolled 30 (1d100)

>>5573984
>>5573978
Throw both to stick it to them
>>
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>>5573985
>our faces when
>>
Rolled 29 (1d100)

>>5573994
You got something smart to greentext, PEBBLE!?
>>
Rolled 41 (1d100)

>>5573994
>yfw OP took 30 minutes to copy and paste rocks
>>
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>>5573995
>>5573996
>mfw OP took 30 minutes to copy and paste rocks
>>
Rolled 60 (1d100)

>>5573999
THROW ALL OF THEM
>>
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>>5574000
>mfw trips
>mfw OP still hasn't drawn anything new for over an hour
>
>>
Rolled 100 (1d100)

>>5574003
>Everyone looks at No Name with concern as they scream at rocks
>>
Rolled 63 (1d100)

>>5574003
>>5574004
>No Name screams at dice as well
>>
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>>5574004
>>
Rolled 16 (1d100)

>>5574007
AHA, rebel leader and totally not princess is within striking distance!
Hit him!
>>
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Rolled 65 (1d100)

>>5574008
>mfw the rebel commander and totally not the princess is in striking distance
>mfw No Name cant take his meds to stop talking to rocks
>mfw she probably can't even beat my dice
>>
Rolled 24 (1d100)

>>5574010
>mfw the hit fells the rebel leader in one blow
>>
Rolled 13 (1d100)

>>5574010
AAARRRRRRRRRRGHHHHH
>>
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>>5574011
>>5574014
>mon visage quand
>>
Rolled 62 (1d100)

>>5574015
WHY, WHY DO YOU HAVE THREE EYES!?
>>
Rolled 98 (1d100)

>>5574015
>>5574016
>tfw the guy who's supposed to hit the princess is talking to rocks
>tfw you are just watching with popcorn and beer
>>
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>>5574016
>>5574018
>tfw the same guy can't take his meds
>tfw he attempts a sneak attack and failed like a bitch
>>
Rolled 77 (1d100)

>>5574020
Take a deep breath and compose yourself, schizophrenia can't stand in the way of PATRIOTISM
>>
Rolled 85 (1d100)

>>5574020
>>5574021
FOR SHOTASNIFFER-I MEAN THE EMPIRE
>>
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Rolled 29 (1d100)

>>5574021
>mfw anon doesn't take his meds
>>
Rolled 16 (1d100)

>>5574023
>>
Rolled 81 (1d100)

>>5574023
wheeze
>>
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>>5574024
>>5574027
>mfw I'm blocking the roll
>>
Rolled 5 (1d100)

>>5574033
>mfw OP is delaying because he doesn't want the quest to end because then he'll have to make Quattro Quest
>>
Rolled 36 (1d100)

>>5574033
That's it, I'm telling on you to the communist overlords!
>>
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>>5574035
>>
Rolled 5 (1d100)

>>5574041
Poke
>>
Rolled 56 (1d100)

>>5574041
Back to the fight where we defeat the rebel commander with a single rock throw
>>
Rolled 4 (1d100)

>>5574041
hey OP
you do know that Quattro's counter attack is next right
get on with the fucking story
>>
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>>5574044
>>
Rolled 5 (1d100)

>>5574057
>>5574045
>>5574051
>>
Rolled 53 (1d100)

>>5574057
OP DO THE STORY
>>
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>>5574060
Right. FInally. No Name stopped talking to rocks
>>
Rolled 30 (1d100)

>>5574064
speaking of rocks, throw a rock at the commander's face
>>
Rolled 70 (1d100)

>>5574064
Poke
>>
Rolled 35 (1d100)

>>5574064
Instead he goes on an unhinged rant towards the princess.
>>
Rolled 69 (1d100)

>>5574064
>>5574068
While jump attack the "rebel commander" with the rock
>>
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>>5574067
THE SECRET OPERATIVE FINGER POKE OF DOOM!

FUCK
>>
Rolled 48 (1d100)

>>5574077
fucking get it together noname
get angry
get serious mode angry
>>
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>>5574078
"YEAH GET HYPED NO NAME"
>>
>>5574086
Toss noname a sausage to power up
>>
Rolled 90 (1d100)

>>5574086
>The Ayyyyyy Lmao war armada shows up.
>>
Rolled 97 (1d100)

>>5574086
I CAN DO IT WITH THE POWER OF MY FRIENDS SUPPORTING
"hey Luke the Knights are asking for more bratwurst"
>>
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>>5574088
"FUCK OFF AYYS WE'RE BUSY"
>>
Rolled 92 (1d100)

>>5574091
Overhead kick!
>>
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>>5574092
>>
Rolled 11 (1d100)

>>5574099
Triple reverse quantum punch!
>>
Rolled 30 (1d100)

>>5574099
>>5574089
>>
Rolled 26 (1d100)

>>5574099
Second leg!
>>
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>>5574105
"You can do it no name! I believe in youuu"
>>
Rolled 70 (1d100)

>>5574122
Can he do it?
>>
Rolled 89 (1d100)

>>5574122
It boosted No Name morale and try to knock out "rebel commander" mask,
>>
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>>5574131
OH SHIEEEEEEEEEET
>>
Rolled 7 (1d100)

>>5574142
WITH THE POWER OF HIS FIST NO NAME TAKES OF THE REBEL COMMANDER'S MASK IN ONE BLOW
(princess dodged and used that opportunity to throw her mask away and fake being defeated)
>>
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>>5574145
"oOhhoooo nooooooo, i got punched so hard I'm gonna fall into this convenient cliff, nnooooo"
>>
Rolled 92 (1d100)

>>5574152
Scar, my brother! Help me!
>>
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>>5574158
>>
Rolled 10 (1d100)

>>5574161
QUICK NO NAME, FOLLOW HIM INTO THIS CONVENIENT JAIL
>>
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>>5574167
"LOOK! HE'S RUNNING INTO A HIDDEN JAIL IN THE CLIFFSIDE! FOLLOW HIM!"
>>
Rolled 69 (1d100)

>>5574176
"CHASE HIM NO NAME, CHASE HIM TO SAVE THE PRINCESS...ok so back to my TED talk on sausages for the rest of you"
>>
Rolled 6 (1d100)

>>5574176
Ayyyyy Lmaoooo.
>>
>>5574179
nice
>>
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>>5574179
"Right. Good luck, No name. Anyway...ancient poets have mentioned sausages in their works, some even wrote plays where the subject matter were sausages. This suggest that the sausage has existed and is popular amongst the ancient peoples and tribes...."

"Fascinating"

"...are we SURE he can't go with No Name?"
>>
Rolled 84 (1d100)

>>5574202
"WELL I THINK VEGAN SAUSAGES ARE THE BEST" - Weeb Knight
>>
Rolled 53 (1d100)

>>5574202
Gustaf has snuck off to stand between No-Name and the Princess one final time.
>>
Rolled 80 (1d100)

>>5574202
Now back to trying to rescue the Princess from falling from a cliffhanger.
>>
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>>5574205
"WAIT WAIT WAIT W_---"
>>
Rolled 22 (1d100)

>>5574217
Ayyyyy lmaooooo.
>>
Rolled 56 (1d100)

>>5574213
The "Weeb" say it was a joke and Luke sausages taste pretty good,
>>5574213
>>
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>>5574223
Too little too late for the weeb

"...Lost my cool for a bit there."
>>
Rolled 65 (1d100)

>>5574231
Anyway everyone is following No Name for "support"
The real princess was the friends we made along the way
>>
Rolled 27 (1d100)

>>5574231
Oh well, I was gonna dump him into Scorpion Hell Planet anyways, now back to the chase!
>>
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>>5574236
"Maybe....you guys are my princess"
>>
Rolled 85 (1d100)

>>5574243
LOOK NO NAME, THE JAIL CELL DOOR IS CONVENIENTLY OPEN, THE FIEND MUST HAVE WENT THERE
>>
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>>5574244
>>
Rolled 93 (1d100)

>>5574249
HMMMMMMMMMMM
>>
Rolled 86 (1d100)

>>5574249
"BUT WHAT IF IT IS A TRAP"
Everyone else is getting angry for some reason
>>
Rolled 81 (1d100)

>>5574249
Scout it out and take a peek into the jail cell
>>
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>>5574252
"Careful now"
>>
Rolled 47 (1d100)

>>5574260
Nah, just strut in there. Nothing bad will happen.
>>
Rolled 16 (1d100)

>>5574260
>>5574262
>>5574254
>>
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>>5574262
"Don't worry, we'll be right behind you"
>>
Rolled 18 (1d100)

>>5574276
Strut it, Agent No-Name!
>>
Rolled 58 (1d100)

>>5574276
Hey Joseph, bet'cha won't suicidally charge right into an obvious trap
>>
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>>5574279
>>
Rolled 37 (1d100)

>>5574286
Go on, prove me wrong
>>
Rolled 9 (1d100)

>>5574286
>>5574254
>>
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Rolled 70 (1d100)

>>5574287
Let's go Joseph! You ain't no pansy!
>>
Rolled 66 (1d100)

>>5574292
Oh no
>>
Rolled 5 (1d100)

>>5574292
HE GETS KICK IN THE FACE
"OH NO, I AM TIED UP AND IN MY UNDERGARMENTS, I SURE HOPE NO BISHOUEN WOULD COME IN AND TAKE ADVANTAGE"
>>
Rolled 17 (1d100)

>>5574292
Death approaches.
>>
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>>5574296
A SNEAK ATTACK! JOSEPH IS SLASHED ACROSS THE BACK! WHO COULD HAVE DONE SUCH A VILE THING?!
>>
Rolled 99 (1d100)

>>5574309
"YOU'RE MINE NOW JOSEPH!"
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOooooooo"
>>
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>>5574311
IMPOSSIBLE! Surely it cannot be the younger princess! It gotta be

A. Gustaf, having snuck off to stand between No-Name (and pals) and the Princess one final time.
B. Ayy Lmao
C. Some guy from Joseph's personal backstory and questline
D. Actually the younger princess
E. Joseph's brother....Broseph. BUT EVIL
F. No Name?!
G. this space for rent
>>
Rolled 82 (1d100)

>>5574322
A and D. While Joseph is being dragged off by the younger Princess, Gustaf has buffed himself in preparation for one final combat.
>>
Rolled 81 (1d100)

>>5574322
>>5574325
GUSTAF CAN YOU GO THE FUCK AWAY
>>
Rolled 30 (1d100)

>>5574322
G
>>
Rolled 29 (1d100)

>>5574322
F
>>
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>>5574325
DUN DUN
>>
Rolled 73 (1d100)

>>5574361
"NOW, NO NAME PROVE YOURSELF TO BE-"
"GUSTAF YOU FUCK BEHIND YOU"
>>
Rolled 62 (1d100)

>>5574361
What is your problem, man?
>>
Rolled 85 (1d100)

>>5574361
Ayyyyyy lmaoooooooo
>>
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>>5574368
>>
Rolled 89 (1d100)

>>5574371
>>5574364
>>
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>>5574373
"BEHIND ME?....THAT'S RIGHT, FUCK THE AYYs"

"AAAAAaaayyyyy lmaooooooo---"
>>
Rolled 41 (1d100)

>>5574378
Very good, very good. Without the retarded aliens we can finally engage in honorable combat!
>>
Rolled 61 (1d100)

>>5574378
>>5574379
Gustave suddenly gets grabbed by something from the door
>>
Rolled 49 (1d100)

>>5574378
Bloody vermin coming out of the fucking woodwork...right uhhh...can you do the duel later?
We're kinda in the middle of something and if you don't I'll tell on you to the Space Pope!
>>
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>>5574379
"THAT BASTARD! HE MUST BE THE REBEL'S FINAL LINE OF DEFENSE! SEEING AS....what happened to the rebel commander again?"

"Uh...Probably died from his...."wounds"..falling down into this secret prison"

"HE MUST BE THE REBEL'S FINAL LINE OF DEFENSE! SEEING AS THE COMMANDER CLEARLY DIED FROM HIS WOUNDS FROM OUR EPIC BATTLE!"
>>
Rolled 47 (1d100)

>>5574389
"YES I AM THE LAST LINE OF DEFENSE AND YOU MUST FIGHT ME"
*furious noises from the door*
>>
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>>5574393
"...What's making all that racket?...Damnit, get outta here, cliffcrawler"
>>
Rolled 36 (1d100)

>>5574403
Give the cliffcrawler a snack.
>>
Rolled 84 (1d100)

>>5574403
>>5574406
Why are you mean to cliffcrawlers Gustave?
>>
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>>5574406
>>
Rolled 87 (1d100)

>>5574403
Cliffcrawlers are just misunderstood space racoons.
>>
Rolled 36 (1d100)

>>5574411
Now kill it.
>>
Rolled 66 (1d100)

>>5574411
Truly a great creature
Punch Gustave
>>
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>>5574419
>>
Rolled 74 (1d100)

>>5574427
STANDING HERE, I REALIZE
>>
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>>5574430
>>
Rolled 49 (1d100)

>>5574438
"YOU CANNOT BEAT ME, YOU ARE NOT WORTHY-"
a picture of joseph appears
>>
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>>5574443
>>
Rolled 89 (1d100)

>>5574451
It's Joseph flexing in a speedo
>>
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>>5574455
Don't be silly, it's just him posing for a photo
>>
Rolled 45 (1d100)

>>5574467
wait a minute, that hat...
>>
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>>5574471
That's right....it's definitely one of the hats of all time
>>
Rolled 40 (1d100)

>>5574489
It look dumb.
>:(
>>
Rolled 39 (1d100)

>>5574489
Back to the fight already.
>>
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>>5574492
Wow that's pretty mean. What did the hat ever do to you?
>>
Rolled 81 (1d100)

>>5574494
"it left me"
vampire hunting...those were the days
>>
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>>5574501
Anon is overwhelmed by sadness and nostalgia
>>
Rolled 61 (1d100)

>>5574505
>Anon has a mental breakdown, and contemplates how easy it was to have fun as a child in comparison to the now stoic and depressing view that his adulthood offers.
>>
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>>5574509
>>
Rolled 14 (1d100)

>>5574521
And now we'll never reach the end, no thanks to Gustaf and his insistence on a duel
>>
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>>5574527
Which means....QUATTRO'S COUNTER ATTACK NEVER YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
>>
Rolled 16 (1d100)

>>5574530
This also means no Shotasniffer
>>
Rolled 86 (1d100)

>>5574530
Pour a fat one out for my man Quattro.
>>
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>>5574534
"So much grief from one photo. What other secrets could you hold? is there a hidden message? Or something on the back perhaps?"
>>
Rolled 71 (1d100)

>>5574539
Gustaf turns the photo front-to-back
He faints
>>
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>>5574543
>>
Rolled 51 (1d100)

>>5574545
Eyyyyyy Lmaoooooo
>>
Rolled 54 (1d100)

>>5574545
Cain and Abel bring him up while No Name enters the Princess room
>>
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Joseph's photo is truly incomprehensible.

oh fuck it's 3 AM. OP gotta sleep now. See you when thread continues. Whenever that is.

updates b here: https://twitter.com/notapaladin
>>
>>5574554
>dies.
>>
>>5574205
This is fabricated.
>>5574554
Damn, Joseph has a micropenis
>>
>>5574664
It's a grower, not a shower anon-kun.
>>
>>5574678
How do you know that, anon?
>>
>>5574694
no comment
>>
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>>5574706
Guess we'll have to ask Joseph, then...
>>
I really would love to ask OP for a commission. They genuinely are a great artist when they aren't hiding their power level for the memes. I just don't know if they actually take comms at all.
>>
>>5574979
>they
Are you saying the fat ball of lard we've been whipping for content isn't a biological female irl? My life is ruined.
>>
>>5575317
In a game of pretend you can be anything you want
>>
No one knows OP is actually Ho-Chi-Minh himself, having survived his own death in 1969(nice) by becoming a vampire that stalks the catacombs underneath the Independence Palace and feeds on the blood of beautiful virgins. All the hiatuses is him having to go into a coma because there are few beatiful people in Vietnam, much less beautiful virgins which makes it difficult for him to gain enough sustenance to run quests regularly.
>>
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>>5575382
>>
Rolled 30 (1d100)

>>5575405
>stealth update
HE COMES TO KILL CAPITALISM
>>
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>>5575443
>>
Rolled 11 (1d100)

>>5575451
Truly the quest of all time
>>
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>>5575454
My favorite part was when No Name said "It's Spessin' time" and Quested all over those guys
>>
Rolled 12 (1d100)

>>5575457
The quest is now over. Time for Quattro's Counter Attack!
>>
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>>5575458
>mfw anon still believes in Quattro
>>
Rolled 28 (1d100)

>>5575457
>>5575458
Quattro's Counterattack has been cancelled due to Quattro calling trans people tra-
>>
Rolled 89 (1d100)

>>5575457
Ayyyyyyy Lmaoooooo
>>
Rolled 8 (1d100)

>>5575461
>kill rock.
>>
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>>5575464
>year of our lord 2XXX
>trying to kill rock
>ISHYGDDT
>>
Rolled 62 (1d100)

>>5575466
Is this quest doesn't end tonight, no one will get a shotasniffer cameo or story
>>
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>>5575468
>mfw
>>
Rolled 28 (1d100)

>>5575477
No Name's going insane and talking to rocks again
>>
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>>5575479
"Ey! No Name! You okay?"
>>
Rolled 70 (1d100)

>>5575482
"The Princess room awaits and she is saying that she is tied up and stripped to her underwear by the EEEEVIL Rebel Commander and she wants you to come alone"
>>
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>>5575485
"That sounds weirdly specific, Dragon Witch"

"Nevermind that, what's up with No Name?"

"Dunno, looked at a photo Gustaf was holding and now he's like this"
>>
Rolled 66 (1d100)

>>5575486
A photo now in the hands of the other Princess
>>
Rolled 46 (1d100)

>>5575486
Chuck him through the door into the princess room.
>>
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>>5575489
"Was that Jospeh"
>>
Rolled 85 (1d100)

>>5575492
"He'll be fine"
>>5575490
>>
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>>5575494
"Alright, this is it."

"Yep"

"Surely there won't be any last minute shenanigans"
>>
Rolled 64 (1d100)

>>5575500
"PRINCESS I HAVE COME TO SAVE YOU FROM A HETEROSEXUAL RELATIONSHIP"
"TWINKLE TAKE YOUR MEDS"
"SOMEONE HELP US HOLD HER OFF"
>>
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>>5575504
>>
Rolled 68 (1d100)

>>5575517
Toss No Name in, and have a great off screen battle
>>
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>>5575518
"Hey, Twinkle. You know what a Spear is?"

"A what now--"
>>
Rolled 55 (1d100)

>>5575535
Back to No Name and the Princess
>>
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>>5575539
What about em
>>
Rolled 13 (1d100)

>>5575544
they exist
>>
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>>5575561
>>
Rolled 31 (1d100)

>>5575572
Quattro will never have his day
>>
Rolled 12 (1d100)

>>5575572
Aaaaa... No Name was toss into Princess jail cell and find the Princess just standing there.
>>
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>>5575574
>>
Rolled 60 (1d100)

>>5575589
>>5575582
>>
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>>5575591
>>
>>5575600
uh hi
>>
Rolled 43 (1d100)

>>5575600
Agent No-Name dies from too much snu-snu.
>>
Rolled 59 (1d100)

>>5575600
>>5575603
>>5575604
>>
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>>5575603
"...Do you know how late you are, agent?"
>>
Rolled 10 (1d100)

>>5575610
WAIT HOW COULD A PERSON BE LATE FOR RESCUE
I CAN EXPLAIN
>>
Rolled 92 (1d100)

>>5575610
I took a lot of the red paths, Princess! They were supposed to be the fastest routes! How could I possibly be late!?
>>
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>>5575615
"Are you making excuses to the crown princess of the Empire right now?"
>>
Rolled 12 (1d100)

>>5575625
QUICK THINK ABOUT SHOTASNIFFER
>>
Rolled 23 (1d100)

>>5575625
Of course not your Imperial Majesty, I apologize for making you wait
GENUFLECT
>>
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>>5575630
Sure this will placate her majesty
>>
Rolled 76 (1d100)

>>5575650
Maybe offer a protein bar? Emperor did say she gets cranky without her chocolate flavored EMProtein bars
>>
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>>5575653
"Ah.You seem to have remembered your place, agent"
>>
Rolled 25 (1d100)

>>5575656
Packed with shocking nutrients!
>>
Rolled 5 (1d100)

>>5575656
Are you ready to depart this place and return to the space palace, your Imperial Majesty?
>>
Rolled 42 (1d100)

>>5575656
>>5575659
>>
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>>5575662
"Of course. Right after I finish my snack"
>>
Rolled 23 (1d100)

>>5575663
She takes an abnormally long time while looking straight at you
>>
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>>5575666
>>
Rolled 64 (1d100)

>>5575672
think about shotasniffer while you wait
>>
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>>5575675
hmmmm yes. Wonderful Idol Shotasniffer
>>
Rolled 92 (1d100)

>>5575690
This vision is slowly replaced by the Princess instead.
>>
Rolled 14 (1d100)

>>5575690
>>5575691
*SCREAMS*
>>
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>>5575691
>>5575692
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
>>
Rolled 1 (1d100)

>>5575706
SHE'S GOING TO KILL ME AAAAAAH
Princess - "Holy shit he's so hot"
>>
>>5575706
"Why are you screaming agent?"
>>
Rolled 6 (1d100)

>>5575706
The programming is beginning to break! No-name is starting to simp for his Princess instead!
>>
Rolled 44 (1d100)

>>5575716
>>
File: 1.png (24 KB, 800x800)
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>>5575718
"Calm down. I told you, we'll return to the palace as soon as finish my snack"
>>
Rolled 8 (1d100)

>>5575724
SHE'S GOING TO KILL ME SHE'S GOING TO KILL ME SHE'S GOING TO KILL ME SHE'S GOING TO KILL ME SHE'S GOING TO KILL ME SHE'S GOING TO KILL ME
>>
Rolled 17 (1d100)

>>5575724
No Name can no longer see Shotasniffer with his inner eye, it's only the Princess.
>>
Rolled 1 (1d100)

>>5575724
Give her a trendy tend to distract here
>>
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>>5575727
"...but I wasn't talking about the protein bar when I said "snack", agent"
>>
Rolled 77 (1d100)

>>5575741
Roll credits while Agent No Name gets his pelvis crushed.
>>
Rolled 46 (1d100)

>>5575741
>>5575742
HAPPY END...?
>>
>>5575741
>>5575742
>>5575745
"Agent No Name was then promoted to the Princess's official "bodyguard". He served in that role for the rest of his life"
>>
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>>5575742
>>5575745
>>5575751
>>
Rolled 82 (1d100)

>>5575752
Disney Copyright Police storm the quest!
>>
Rolled 65 (1d100)

>>5575752
That's it, that's the quest? Its just an elaborate intro for musclegirl porn!
>>
Rolled 31 (1d100)

>>5575752
>>5575755
"OP was arrested for copying Disney and disrespecting the Mouse."
>>
Rolled 66 (1d100)

>>5575752
But what happened to the rest of the gang?

>>5575756
what did you expect from OP?
>>
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>>5575755
FUCK
>>
Rolled 13 (1d100)

>>5575762
"OP this is not child friendly you know, our executives are very worried about potential damage to PR"
>>
Rolled 88 (1d100)

>>5575762
As OP is being dragged off to Disney court and sentenced to infinite years in the KPop mines we get the ending cards for the rest of the crew,
>>
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>>5575766
You've heard of the Skeleton Island. The legend, the curses. Some foolishness about it lying in the middle of an Ocean of Dead. An island of spooky scary skeletons... a bright, shining monument luring Shotasniffer enjoyers to their doom. An illusion that you can begin again, change your fortunes. Finding it, though, that's not the hard part. It's letting go

oh wait wrong game
>>
Rolled 18 (1d100)

>>5575780
Hey why isn't green represented?
>>
Rolled 22 (1d100)

>>5575780
Switch to other one with our crew and the knight.
>>
Rolled 88 (1d100)

>>5575780
Eyyyyyy Lmaoooooo.
>>
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>>5575785
Anon, forever scarred by his shilling for Marian and unable to let him go, perished in the Spess Quest bathroom.
>>
Rolled 1 (1d100)

>>5575791
WHAT HAPPENED TO EVERYONE ELSE OP?

I WANT CLOSURE

HOW DEAD IS THE WEEB?
>>
>>5575805
>HOW DEAD IS THE WEEB?
Yes.
>>
Rolled 10 (1d100)

>>5575791
WRONG SLIDES
>>
Rolled 39 (1d100)

>>5575791
Eyyyyyyy Lmaooooooo
>>
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>>5575812
>>
Rolled 71 (1d100)

>>5575821
This is now Eyyyyyyy quest.
>>
Rolled 90 (1d100)

>>5575821
"Hey you want to buy some insu-"
Soon after, the insurance alien's planet was wiped off the map
>>
Rolled 2 (1d100)

>>5575821
He is selling space weapons to Quattro
>>
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>>5575826
All that's left is some space dust. The only indication that once, ayys lived here. But soon, even that will be lost to time. And the ayys will be thought of for the last time, before being forgotten to history.

Sad Ayy Lmao
>>
Rolled 72 (1d100)

>>5575836
Right where were we, ah yes, holding a gun to OP's head until he gives us a proper ending
>>
Rolled 84 (1d100)

>>5575836
>>5575839
holding TWO guns
>>
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>>5575840
C'mon now, let's talk this through
>>
Rolled 81 (1d100)

>>5575858
After being dishonor, beating/bulling from Luke and the other knights. The "Weeb" receive several case of amnesia and become a Rōnin/Bretonnian Grail knights.
>>
Rolled 25 (1d100)

>>5575858
Our position is non-negotiable
>>
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>>5575860
Now that's just ridiculous.

Weeb;s dead
>>
Rolled 23 (1d100)

What happened to lilly and her brother
>>
Rolled 46 (1d100)

>>5575862
No derailing this, end this quest, OP
>>
Rolled 89 (1d100)

>>5575862
What you mean OP, the Weeb is somewhat alive with the other knights.
>>
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>>5575865
You've gotta let it go, anon. The Weeb is gone. There is no going back. He is dead. There is no such thing as a Space Robin Grail Knight
>>
Rolled 20 (1d100)

>>5575863
>>5575869
>>
>>5575869
Ah well.
>>
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>>5575872
For assisting in the "rescue" of the princess and defeating the rebellion. And more importantly, beating Twinkle's ass to stop her from interrupting the Princess. Luke and Lilly were rewarded with....something undisclosed at this time as it may be a deus ex machina for a later quest down the line.

Desiring to spend more time with her brother, Lilly requested that Luke hold off returning home and instead yuck it up around the galaxy for a bit.
>>
Rolled 16 (1d100)

>>5575896
Next, what happen to Dragon witch and Joseph?
>>
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>>5575900
Due to some mysterious reason. Joseph died of a crushed pelvis
>>
Rolled 56 (1d100)

>>5575905
There is a big massive funeral for him

Where there is a giant version of his bunny suit photo

This causes him to come back to life and attack the guests
>>
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>>5575908
>>
Rolled 38 (1d100)

>>5575918
Fester manage to run away for his life from Joseph rampage with the help of Bandit.
That somehow survive that ship explosion, woof*
>>
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>>5575923
aaaand....fuck it's 4AM and I got a headache.

We'll continue yucking it up in the epilogue in like 20 hours or somerhing. gotta lie down now

https://twitter.com/notapaladin
>>
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"So Spess Quest Jay what do you think of Spess Quest by Notapaladin?"

"Well I thought it was pretty good up until the ending where it turned12 straight uninteruppted hours of pelvis breaking Princess and No-Name sex."
>>
Rolled 3 (1d100)

>>5575933
Time for more epilogue
>>
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>>5577038
>>
Rolled 8 (1d100)

>>5577043
wake up
>>
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>>5577045
But I dont waaaana
>>
Rolled 29 (1d100)

>>5577052
do it or no shotasniffer concert
>>
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>>5577054
>>
Rolled 33 (1d100)

>>5577065
continue epilogue with dragon witch and the "rebel generals"
>>
Rolled 3 (1d100)

>>5577065
Do the epilouge or else we'll vote for nothing but Quattro quests from here on out.
>>
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>>5577066
For her reward, the Dragon Witch was given an all-expenses paid vacation to the Dragon Home Sector.

She was arrested and given a restraining order 1 day after arriving
>>
Rolled 42 (1d100)

>>5577080
She is curretly trying to sneaking in in a dragon mech "provided" by the mech commander
>>
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>>5577081
>>
Rolled 3 (1d100)

>>5577094
What about the Knights who didn't die?
>>
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Rolled 4 (1d100)

>>5577101
Ah yes...those guys....

Let's see how the Mob fare
>>
Rolled 16 (1d100)

>>5577106
They now have their own debate show
>>
Rolled 21 (1d100)

>>5577112
>>5577106
Often with Arabic No-Name as a co-host.
>>
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>>5577112
>>5577115
>>
Rolled 60 (1d100)

>>5577136
Twinkle is still trying to save people from heterosexual relations
>>
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>>5577157
With varying degrees of success
>>
Rolled 71 (1d100)

>>5577182
Ironically, Twinkle would be the only woman Luke will not be submissive to
>>
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>>5577189
This lead to many sleepless nights of contemplation
>>
Rolled 55 (1d100)

>>5577205
And of the No-Name himself...
>>
Rolled 90 (1d100)

>>5577205
Also sausage binge eating
Now to Gustave
>>
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>>5577206
Due to some mysterious reason. No Name died of a crushed pelvis
>>
Rolled 67 (1d100)

>>5577215
Rocks never saved him...anyways now unlock the best ending
>>
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>>5577217
Yes....The ending where I steal anon's wallet right under his nose

I mean, ahem, what. Best ending? What
>>
Rolled 5 (1d100)

>>5577225
Oh you know, the one where OP isn't tossed into scorpion pit...
>>
Rolled 77 (1d100)

>>5577225
The one where the cliffcrawler some how becomes the new emperor.
>>
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>>5577234
>>
Rolled 19 (1d100)

random drawings of lily and SS
>>
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>>5577248
>>
Rolled 92 (1d100)

>>5577256
yes, give them bigger honkers then is canon too
>>
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>>5577259
>>
Rolled 27 (1d100)

>>5577262
Purchase a hotdog stand for the ship and sail off into the void.
>>
Rolled 31 (1d100)

>>5577262
bigger
>>
Rolled 30 (1d100)

>>5577262
What happen to the rest of No Name crews like Commander Ghosthead and other skeleton crewmate? What they doing?
>>
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>>5577266
"Bigger....BIGGER!.....BIGGGERRRRR
>>
Rolled 75 (1d100)

>>5577273
>>5577268
>>
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>>5577274
Due to No Name's....promotion, the ST-100 was left without a captain. Which is when Captain Sceletus stepped up and took command. Now the crew continues to serve the Empire diligently on various super cool and awesome adventures that will never see the light of day as OP is a hack.
>>
Rolled 23 (1d100)

>>5577287
Aight...now what?
>>
Rolled 65 (1d100)

>>5577287
>>5577288
May ask No Name what he feel about that promotions and what he going to next after this quest.
>>
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>>5577288
Now we are free to explore the cosmos. Kicking ass and taking names. And most importantly:

"Never pay more than 20 bucks for a computer game"
>>
Rolled 1 (1d100)

>>5577302
Amen
>>
Rolled 1 (1d100)

>>5577302
EEEEEEEEEEEy
LMAoooooooooo
>>
>>5577303
>>5577304
Well that's something you don't see every day
Truly Dice God has abandoned us
>>
Rolled 42 (1d100)

>>5577302
Amen
>>
Rolled 66 (1d100)

>>5577302
Move on to No Name, what he feel about that promotions that your Imperial Majesty give you and you do next after this quest?
>>
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"And as is tradition. The dice fucks over anons one final time. The End. Wasn't that great, kids"

"But Grandpa, what happened to No Name after he got promoted to the Princess' personal bodyguard? What does he do from then on?"
>>
Rolled 10 (1d100)

>>5577313
once he took of the signature iconic mask he just became a faceless mook in the crowed, and was eventually lost.
>>
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>>5577315
"Plus, that was the whole point of the imperial agent program. The operatives are made to be able to disappear and blend into everywhere. See Timmy, it's all connected"

"Are you that's not because you're old and can't remember faces"
>>
Rolled 50 (1d100)

>>5577317
Who the hell are you? Why are you in my house? nah, I don't know you.
>>
Rolled 49 (1d100)

>>5577317
"Your homoerotic story sucked, old man!"
>>
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And so the story ends, with OP falling asleep in the middle of bread. Because he's a dumbass
>>
Rolled 90 (1d100)

>>5577578
No Name appear out of no where, watching the whole retelling of the quest while eating EMpire snack.
>>
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>>5577603
And really, that's what it really about.

Shilling for Empire branded products.

The End
>>
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And now since OP has to go to work.

Please shove all suggestions for the next quest into the suggestion box.

https://twitter.com/notapaladin
>>
>>5577639
Rock quest
>>
>>5577639
sequel to qst Adventure Thing with the princess from that quest as protag
>>
>>5577639
Simon Quest
the underappreciated skeleton brother
>>
>>5577639
NotAPaladin Meta Card Game Gacha Quest: Where we work for a secret NGO that monitors the NAP Cinematic Universe and protects the Multiverse from the many divergent, non-cannon timelines that threaten to overwrite the real timelines.

Complete with Card Gacha that lets us summon heroes from the various world of the NAP Cinematic Universe to fight with us to restore the balance of the universe.
>>
>>5577639
Take a good long break, then write a serious quest. Challenge for yourself.
>>
>>5577639
A guy with miniguns for hands quest
>>
>>5577639
Cool Quest, quest where you are some loser schmuck on a quest to become The Cool.tm
>>
>>5577639
QUATTRO'S COUNTER ATTACK/SKELETON ISLAND 3
>>
>>5577639
Sexy alien women with big asses and skimpy clothes.
>>
>Gustaf doesn't get an ending card
This is so sad. Alexa, play Despacito.
>>
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>>5578030
Despacito plays as Gustaf wallows in his sadness. He has failed to involve himself in a super cool hype final fight, unlike his ancestors
>>
Rolled 9 (1d100)

>>5577694
Bandit is dead and so is the clone army..probably
>>
>>5578051
At least he still has uhhh....mob knights
>>
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>>5578074
>>5578086
Goddamnit Marvel Editoral and your fucking Clone Saga
>>
Where's that strawpoll?
>>
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>>5578095
Poll? What poll? Surely you're hallucinating
>>
Rolled 14 (1d100)

>>5578089
Show us the bed breaking no name princess sex
>>
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>>5578101
You're speaking strangely, anon.
>>
>>5578104
Yeah but what about the poll, you know for the thing
>>5577639
>>
Rolled 9 (1d100)

>>5578104
I WILL STRIKE YOU DOWN WITH THE FURY OF THE K POP AND DISNEY AMD BETHESDA GODS AS MY WITNESS NOW SHOW ME THE SEX BETWEEN PRINCESS AND AGENT NO NAME!!!
>>
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>>5578105
>>
test
>>
>>5578106
Anon you are clearly delirious and not making sense
>>
>>5578108
beat the shit out of op
>>
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>>5578111
>>
>>5578114
Where's the poal
>>
>>5578134
pls hold
>>
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http://poal.me/dtqqs
>>
We did it, we survived space.
>>
>>5578150
Truly one of the quests of all time
>>
>>5577205
how could you be a simp for all women if you can't be a simp for one
>>
>>5578149
stinger
"Shotasniffer, Luke and Lilly have not come back from space!"
"they what"
>>
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>>5578156
"The last message Luke sent was "Going on space adventure, will return later. "
>>
>>5578163
Also Luke sent a group picture of them with rest No Name crew plus the knight(s) and the Princess.
After success the "rescue" mission.
>>
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>>5578176
Are you sure
>>
>>5578176
Yea, Luke just sent it to you Shotasniffer.
>>
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>>5578183
Reaaaaaaaaaallly sure?
>>
>>5578190
Yeah, Rasputin got a copy and show the group picture to Shotasniffer.
>>
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>>5578195
>>
>>5578202
Now show us the group picture.
>>
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>>5578215
>>
>>5578237
Yo the princess got fucking massive tits
>>
>>5578237
This is acceptable
>>
>>5578245
> massive

Let's not get ahead of ourselves they're nice but not massive.
>>
Rolled 7 (1d100)

>>5578237
P.S. - I gave backstage meet-and-greet passes to some of them for your next concert - Luke
>>
>>5578237
sex
>>
>>5578237
Was everyone just...watching?
>>
that was, dare I say, epicsauce.
Lily will have her time to shine in a timeline I'm sure
>>
>>5578623
no way gay
>>
>>5578237
Gustave and Mech Commander were not here for the picture
Weeb and Bandit are dead
>>
I hate all of you.
But I especially hate OP.
>>
I hate all of you for tormenting weeb knight.
>>
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>>5578902
>>5579086
>>
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>>5577639
>MFW no Rock quest
>>
>>5579174
You replied. Draw muh poor Orkuzashi now.
>>
>>5579427
no
>>
>>5579661
Thank you for making the right choice.
>>
>>5579661
Why not
>>
>>5579887
Laziness, mostly
>>
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Okay. Maybe just ONE pic wouldn't hurt
>>
>>5580063
YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE DEAD
>>
>>5580065
Don't worry it's non-canon

The weeb can never be cool
>>
Rolled 37 (1d100)

>>5580068
>Rolling to give weeb canon coolness.
>>
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Rolled 1 (1d100)

>>5580071
ANON NO
>>
Rolled 31 (1d100)

>>5580074
YOU BROKE THE TIMELINE WITH THIS, ANON
>>
Rolled 77 (1d100)

>>5580074
UNDO UNDO UNDO UNDO UNDO UNDO REALITY IS COLLAPSING AS WE SPEAK
>>
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>>5580074
>>5580076
NOOOOO IT CANNOT BEEEEEE
>>
Rolled 14 (1d100)

>>5580079
You fools, what will happen to us if Weeb becomes cool?

Quick, have him slip on a banana peel a fall into a dumpster, that should make him lame.
>>
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Rolled 49 (1d100)

>>5580098
Of course! Surely the weeb will become uncool!
>>
Rolled 27 (1d100)

>>5580105
Send him back to the afterlife.
>>
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>>5580110
And all is right with the world yet again
>>
Rolled 43 (1d100)

>>5580113
>Weeb pulls a Jesus and resurrects himself.
>>
>>5580121
No he doesn't
>>
>>5580141
Fair enough.
>>
Rolled 40 (1d100)

>>5580113
>Weeb pulls a Jesus and resurrects himself
>>5580063
>>5580079
Based, thank.
>>
Show us ur tits op
>>
Show us a picture of anon craving your mantits op
>>
>>5582896
>>5582940
calm down fellas this is a christian board
>>
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>>
>>5583502
It's a #QuattroSweep!
>>
next quest when
>>
>>5583452
that's not what your dad said last night ;)
>>
>>5583634
when it's time
>>
>>5583666
:0
>>
>>5583666
Who'd think Satan that is a faggot.
>>
>>5583668
What is time?
>>
>>5584180
Time is the continued sequence of existence and events that occurs in an apparently irreversible succession from the past, through the present, into the future.
>>
>>5584180
Time. Time is an artificial construct. An arbitrary system based on the idea that events occur in a linear direction at all times. Always forward, never back. Is the concept of time correct? Is time relevant? It matters not. One way or another, I fear that our time has run out.
>>
>>5584180
Gay.
>>
OP is trying to avoid making Quattro the protagonist
>>
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The counterattack is REAAAAAAAAAL
>>
>>5595194
I deadass forgot about this thread by now. Did OP die of old age or communism?
>>
>>5596134
He just went to get some cigerettes
>>
>>5596520
i'm fat so i move slow
>>
>>5596830
Just roll..?



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