Rolled a character who was a female.
Pathfinder.
Pathfinder.
Pathfinder Core Rulebook only.

Wow someone else reads real life. Well i dont anymore, it got boring about 4 years ago, and i cant be arsed catching up.


Oh craziest games. Um, i once ran a once off game where the party inherited a rod that teleported them between my least favourite game settings. They grabbed gobbers from Iron Kingdoms, a super fertility cleric from another, and let instantly breeding gobber/dragon hybrids loose on dragonlance. They left immediatly when they thought they had fucke it up enough.

System: DND
Game: Also DND
House Rules: I hate Dragonlance.

>>10964355
you wild man you

and by system I meant edition or equivalent

I entertained a group of sophisticated roleplayers for two hours with an off-the-cuff game of Mornington Crescent that quickly evolved into a complex strategy game.
>Mornington Crescent
>Mornington Crescent
>I am a god

>>10964326
Did you automatically die at 0 hp back then? No dying/unconscious levels?

>>10964381
Seeing as there's only one edition of Pathfinder...

Game: Shadowrun 4th

So we failed on our plans A and B to retrieve the johnsons macguffin. Our last shot was to ram the targets Armoured Tank Limousine, and hope that our GM bulldog could stop it.

So we did.

Luckily for use the DM totally fucked up the vehicle damage rules.

Our little GM Bulldog hit the thing square in the side, Banana bent the fucker, and threw it a hundred meters, where it crashed irrepairably. Our bulldog Flipped over and landed undamaged on the other side of the limo, on its tires.

DM couldnt stop us from humming the A Team theme for the rest of the game.

Shit got really cash hours later when the DM remembered he didnt do the damage properly for our vehicle, and realised that we should all have been red paste.

>>10964397

monster have never had dying/unconscious rules. only PCs.

Oh god, where to start...

Okay, I've got one that really stands out.

D&D
3.5e
The party were in a dungeon, and after solving a puzzle while endless hordes of monsters attacked us we were rewarded with an ancient sword, that just so happened to be cursed. By this point the Druid and the Barbarian were both unconscious, so the wizard being nearest the sword used it to hit one of the monsters. The sword's effect turned out to be that it instantly killed the victim, but the user had to make a fortitude save or go on to -1hp. This put the wizard into unconsciousness as well, so my Dwarf Cleric, by name of Axebeard Ironhammer, runs over to the wizard, with one spell slot still unused, then picks up the sword, hits an enemy with it, rolls 7 on his fort save and promptly falls unconscious.

My greatest failure.

Item A: heroic, but stupid.
>System: Cyberpunk 2020
>Black Ops vs. Black Ops campaign
>House Rules: no Rare weapons, limited by encumberance (ie: if it fits in a vest, cool - if you need a wheelbarrow, no)
We're pinned down, taking heavy fire from the goons we've just raided; we've blasted their research team into warm red paste and are stomping their hard drives with magnetic boots and iron filings. We've rocketed their off-site data storage sites with a team-purchased artillery strike (yay, nomads with heavy weapons!), but it isn't helping us escape. I peek around the corner with a guncam, see the offensive charge about to take place and make a strategic move: I rammed into a wall shoulder-first, crashing into the next room. Repeat until I'm two rooms over, six rooms past them. I come up behind them as they're advancing, going into Stealthy mode, bring up my only remaining weapon which can pop their armor: the gun I affectionately call "The Coffin-Filler". Its a heavily-modified streetsweeper of a submachine gun with an obnoxious rate of fire, heavily-illegal ammunition and an integral suppressor. So, I take aim, fire into the floor they're standing on, wreck its shit entirely. The assault team falls down, I call out to the team, and we unloaded everything we had into their kitten-pile of bodies and one of them fires off a rifle-grenade. My response?
>I want to bap it back down after them with my cyberhand.
DM blinks.
>Uh. Roll for it. Roll less than a ..
Dice are rolled.
>Ref + Athletics + dice roll = 43.
DM groans.
>It lands amongst them, detonating. I'll roll damage.
I point to a line in the book; point-blank damage is automatically the maximum.
He consults his text, finds their ammo type.
>High explosive frags?
Trollface.jpg

well as op I figured I would share mine

changling the lost
new wod
the bedlam effect if you had 10 wyrd affected as many people as were infront of you, plus a couple of hedge fruit I will describe later

so we had been playing for about a year and a half, a giant plot arch was coming to a close and our freehold was beset by an army of another freehold. my character was the highest powered character in the game at the time since I had never died.

I had 4 wyrd, a hedge fruit that increased my wyrd by 1 for one scene but for the next 24 hours after the scene I would be at a -5 to all rolls, a hedge fruit that doubled my wyrd but for the next week my effective wyrd was 0, and a token that allowed me to have the farist blessing for one scene in exchange for 1 perminent stamina. and last but not least a fetch eye.

My character had gentrified bearing as well...

anyway the army was all gathered to meet with the heads of the courts, and I launch into action, buff my wyrd up to 10 blow all my glamour into a bedlam roll and send the entire army screaming in fear, using my pool of 12 in subterfuge to make them think I was a true fae come to capture them all helped too

>>10964326
>>10964365
can you guys confirm that the site isnt working?
tryed the url in the pic, got page load errors

>>10964507
seems to be working for me

>>10964507
they are on a different server now, http://reallifecomics.com/ is what you want.

>>10964424

Yes. This is awesome.

>>10964507

the site has moved since then

http://www.reallifecomics.com/

>System
D&D 3.5
>House Rules
Any/all source books were usable.

I rolled an Elf Monk. Out of a party of six, he easily became the strongest melee fighter.

>>10964523
ty

>>10964428
>Tarrasque

>>10964538
np

Killed a balor at level 5 using an 800g slingshot pellet (Dust of Dryness) holding 10 tons of water that I took from the town lake.
Called Shot
D&D3.0
No Death From Massive Damage, Open Ended Crits.

>>10964553
Elaborating: Called shot into the bacl of his throat as he roared.

Item B: unintentionally heroic, semi-stupid.
>System: nWoD Second Sight
>Cult Busters campaign
>House Rules: non-mortals need not apply
I'm the resident Medium-type, able to see dead people, chat up with them, and ask them to inhabit my body to help me/them out. The cult we're wrecking has hostages and time bombs, time bombs everywhere. The ST had them as the mystic equivalent of Al Qaeda, minus the charismatic leader; their doctrine was from a tattered copy of Alan Dean Foster's teleplay of "Alien". It got wacky. They're sniping from inside a bank tower, we're in the building across from them, with the team's Thermokineticist going hogwild, ramping up his power to melt the steel in their building (which isn't the swiftest idea, but he also took out a helicopter they wanted to use to escape by detonating the fuel tank, so .. ) and I'm stuck there with nothing. I get the bright idea to check if there are local ghosts, and lo and behold, I find one. He's a dead advertising manager who was a minor golf legend. I get an idea, ransack the offices nearby for a golf bag. After a few minutes, I find one, bring it back to a windowless room (where the cult sniper had popped it before he caught fire in the helicopter incident). I set up a tee, golf ball and then ask the spirit:
>Can you make a shot worthy of a legend, even after death?
He agrees, conditionally - wants me to find his kid, tell her he's sorry for something, blah blah blah.
Guy's got a seven dice pool for golf rolls. Seriously. He jumps into me (spiritually-speaking). The equipment added two more and he blows a Willpower. Lines up his shot. Rolls.
Eight successes.
The sniper across the street gets his big-old scope filled with the word "Titleist" before he gets the scope bored out, de-brained and falls out of his little perch into the streets below, where he lands on a cop car.

Dead people are awesome.

>>10964683

That is the most incredible dead person I have ever heard of!

>>10964553
Open ended crits?

>>10964683
Holy shit. Awesome ghost is awesome.

>>10964714
Substantially less win, but added depth to the character, was when he was being shot at during a holdup (second session, had only beat one guy up with a pool cue in a bar fight - not a combat-y guy). He's freaked out, goes into his default post-panic state (meditation mode), finds a local spirit: dead gangsta still irritated at being shot to death by his "friends". I stand up, unmindful of the gunfire, walk across the room to him, give him a brief motivational "Let it go, man" speech, and he thanks me for it (Presence + Empathy with five successes) and offers to lend me a hand.

I am then inhabited by a guy named Teak ("cuz he's harder than oak, my brother") and he has my body walk up to the gunman, rip it out of his hand, jam it into the guy's pants and unload it.

I'm heralded as the hero, I wind up on the local news as the guy saved four strangers' lives and I just shrug and say, "I couldn't have done it without help from a good friend."

Teak became my firearms instructor; result is that I shoot guns sideways, which irritates the Thermokinetic cop to no end, especially as he knows who's teaching me.

System: Battletech RPG
No House rules

I hijacked a Mars tank (100 tonnes, pic related) in the middle of a heated battle, using only my custom Viod Battle armor, and a combat shotgun.

I jumped on top of the tank, and shot the hatch with my small (mech grade) laser from point blank until it was gone. I killed one guy with the battle armor, but I couldn't get the rest while I was in it. So I radioed my allies, told them I was hijacking this tank (so stop shooting it) and got out of my 1 tonne battle armor, exposing my easily kill-able body, and began shooting everyone inside with my shotgun, suffering only minor wounds from return fire.

>>10964806
You are amazing.

>>10964829
That is awesome. With great power armor comes great responsibility.. to kick ass.

DnD
3.5
custom flight rules (will elaborate further)

So basically this mad scientist equivalent had sent two of us off to steal a giant owl egg for one of his experiments. So we trek through a forest to some cliffs where we know a bunch of them are nesting.

We're standing at the bottom trying to work out the best way to steal an egg without waking them up (since it's the day, they're all sleeping)

In the end we decide to both just fly up, grab an egg each and hightail it, and hope that we're gone before they wake up and work out what's going on.

Now the way the flight system works is basically we have 5 minutes of flight, after which we can glide if we pass fairly difficult checks.

Just before we do this, I make a knowledge(nature) check to see what I can find out about Giant Owls.

The DM pull out the Monster Manual, flips to the right page and chuckles. "Giant Owls hate having their nests raided".

We're like 'oh shit' but since we had no choice, we just went for it anyway.

So we both launch up, and make a grab for an egg. I managed to grab one but the other guy rolled a 1 and punched the sleeping owl in the face. The thing gives a loud hoot, then sees me holding an egg, and goes nuts hooting even more.

I'm like "fuck this I'm outta here" and hightail it. I look behind me and there are 12 of the bastards chasing me, and by this point we only had 4 minutes of flight left, so we figured we'd take a risk and try to fly through the forest. So the moment we spot a clearing we dive into it and are now basically flying through a forest at breakneck speed (well, 60ft/round) madly dodging trees. A few of the owls followed, but didn't get far, and we were able to hide until the rest of them left.

>>10964829
100 tonne tank? you serious? that's a pissy little thing, the Maus was 200 tonne

>>10964829

>>10964840
Same character channeled a car thief bound to a Mercedes SUV to effect a getaway from rogue cops, had a butcher with a racial hatred against Hispanics interrogate two Mexcian mafia hitters we drugged at a strip club (while haranguing me for ever going to said strip club) and had a suicided priest offer spiritual advice and research tips while checking on housing records for the group. He assembled more dead teachers than the other players had in contacts, total. Think I spent half of the sessions RPing as some random guy more often than I did my own character.

Oh - also was inhabited by a hooker, during a seduction scene. Wound up dating her, kind of. Its complicated.

>>10964725
Open ended crits:

On a crit, you roll to confirm. if that roll is a crit again, you roll to confirm. Continue until you get one that either fails or doesnt crit.

Add up the multipliers each successive crit.

so x2, then crit again, x3, then crit again, x4 etc.
At the end you roll damage.

for an x3 weapon, crit, x3, crit again, x5, crit again, x7, etc.

>>10964829
I can beat that.

System: Battletech RPG
House Rules: Letting this douche do what i thought was impossible on 3 20's


So there we were, with the party on the ground (one with a PAL suit) and an enemy battlemech(warhammer) in its activation cycle. The guy said "could i kill the battlemech if i managed to climb up the battlemech, and throw microgrenades into its cooling vents". After much laughing i said he was welcome to try, but he needed 3 20's.

He did it. The party made me live up to my bargain. It exploded, throwing the fucker free of the mech.

I never made a promise like that again.

>>10964889
Yeah but the Maus didn't have full-auto main guns, missiles, or the ability to, well...move.

>>10964910
...Fuck, dude.

>>10964910
You win.

>>10964914
5 mph is still movement, or was it 5 kph? anyways, 100 tonne tanks is not that cool, i mean there were designs for a 1000 tonne tank

>>10964903
I see.

Stole a dragons hoard while it was still alive.

Afterwards, we convinced the dragon that the drow did it.

>>10964914
also, fullyautomatic main guns have never worked well, look at the pzkmpfw II, and missiles were little after it's time

>>10964844
The only flaw in my armor, is I have to keep raiding Word of Blake installations if I want to get more parts for repairs.

Stupid mimetic armor. What with its only being made by Com Star and Word of Blake. What's an honest, red-blooded, Federated Suns secret agent to do?

GURPS
Setting is sorta a firefly-ish world with magic.

My character is a paranoid schizo mage hunter who shoots people really well with pistols.

Apparently though, even though he's insane, he's the best person available to talk the group into a house party at a mansion, and then proceed to nearly kill a maid, and wind up fighting the bad guy in charge of the mansion. This asshole is a mage who put up a shield strong enough to reflect most bullet shots, and even a swing from a claymore from our batshit strong religious fanatic. The guy fucking charges me, and nearly rips my throat out before someone saves me. In response, on the very next turn from the floor, I quick draw my pistol, and nail him in the fucking eye for 60-ish damage and one shot him.

It was extremely satisfying.

>>10964991
Blackmail a procurement agent to mis-ship two containers full of parts to a discrete location, in exchange for you not releasing information on his traitorous ways and sexual pecadillos involving aardvarks?

>>10964902
It's like an inverted Quantum Leap!

>>10964991 What's an honest, red-blooded, Federated Suns secret agent to do?

Make sure you leave behind bullet casings that are made only in the the Capellan Confederation, obviously.

>>10965058
I lol'd.
The team's mystic plant-based psychic (... not even going there, man ...) got into an argument with a fern she was using as a listening device. Apparently, one of my "co-personalities" whizzed on it during a sleep-possession incident. The fern wanted me dead, she wanted to figure out why the plant was angry and I wanted to know how long I'd been sleep-possessed and what or who in the Hell gave me the clap.

Fun times, fun times..

>>10964991
Sounds like kickin the shit outta some blakist scum.

>>10964964
>>fullyautomatic main guns have never worked well

No.

>Necromunda
>Necromunda
>"Loony Toons Physics" rule

A while back when me and my buddies were all trying to get together to play Necromunda, I was reading through the rulebook and telling everyone about the falling rules, and giving everyone some general advice on why it was a bad idea to put your heavy on a high ledge to get a better field of fire, because he would eventually just get sniped, plummet from the catwalk he was standing on, and take some Strength-Ridiculous hit and splatter from the fall, because falling damage is determined by the length of the fall.

Then someone asked, "Well what happens if they land on someone?"

Well the likelihood of such a scenario occurring is so profoundly unlikely that we never found any collateral-damage rules for it, so we made up our own house-rule called "Loony Toons physics."

The rules for Loony Toons physics are as follows- in the event that any model is unfortunate enough to occupy the point of impact as the falling model, the falling model will take no damage, and the model crushed by the falling model will instead take all of the damage generated by the fall, as per normal falling rules as if that model itself was the imperiled fighter.

You know, like in a saturday morning cartoon show where a fat guy falls and lands on a skinny guy, and the fat guy is fine.

Well, interesting how this worked out...

Dual wielding 7.62x51 Galils, both with underbarrel grenade launchers, and converted to belt feed, with a few thousand rounds linked up for each (all carried in a backpack). We're talking minutes long bursts of full auto here. And frag-grenades taped together ten and ten.

The twin-linked FN MAG wasn't bad either, used in a similar way, though with both hands on the gun in that case.

(Cyberpunk-Mutant)

>Shadowrun 4e
>Played loose and fast with the rules, mechanically and thematically.

Party has just rescued Mrs. Johnson from her kidnappers and are transporting her back in their van. A pair of truck sized bipedal ai controlled mech things starts chasing them. I drew a rough sketch of the mechs to show their shape and relative size.

We have a gun adept, an illusionist, a troll street sam, and a James Bond wannabe edge whore.

He's James Bond, so he needs cool gadgets. He has a contact who makes crazy things. At the beginning of the session Bond requests a ring that can shatter glass. The inventor gives it too him in the form of a shoe, saying it was developed to help rappel through windows. "How much" the player asks, I say we'll figure that out between sessions, he's not gong to find a use for it this session.

So after using some illusions to trick one of the mechs, lots of gunfire and grenades, one mech is down. Bond is all, "Hey, how did you describe the mechs again?" "Well, they're this big things like this drawing with these big old glass raydome things"

"Glass?"

I bury my face in my hands as he edge whores a throwing roll, getting 32 successes on throwing a shoe, which destroy's the housing center for the mech's sensors, causing it to freak out on top of getting drenched in the Seattle rain and blowing up for good effect.

and I told him he wouldn't find a use for it that session.

I've got two:

D&D 3.5

Expanded Crit confirmations.
Action points (one per five levels)

One of our party members had fallen in a big fucking hole that led to Hell.

Literally. She was lucky-ish that the portal at the bottom had completely borked the falling damage so she didn't take damage for a two-day fall. She was also my character's love interest.

My Paladin (Dex based with a Rapier, this is important in a bit.) has the Wizard we were working for cast a teleport spell with a delayed trigger on it to bring him and the girl home. Then he leaps into the pit after her, about 30 seconds later.

She gets to the bottom 5 combat rounds before me and lands right in the middle of a group of 3 Pit Fiends who were bored out of their minds (via the random encounter table he had drew up in case one of us fell in the fucking pit).

They proceed to beat and torture her into negative hp before I get there to rescue her (not much of a feat, as she WAS a wizard...). She's at -7 the round I enter the combat.

I cleave and Smite The two closet to me in one turn Due to a triple crit (Thanks to the expanded crit range of a Rapier: 18-20 for those not in the know) and then threw myself between her and the last one for my move.

It backhands me and takes me to 5hp and knocks me prone, then stands over me while donning his Rape Face.

My Girlfriend fails her save, -8 hp.

Another battletech story.

Some background. We were a local merc force that had been engaged in a long struggle against some Word of Blake fanatics who had taken hold of the planet, their staging ground being a Castle Brian fortress. We had finally taken out their long-range cannons and were able to stage an assault on the castle. The our forces included three aquatic mech transports, a mechbuster, a squad of Fenrir battlearmor, my Panther, Jagermech, Guillotine, and another mech I can't think of.

Everything but my Panther, the Jagermech and the mechbuster end up getting bogged down by zealots and WoB mechs. The three of us break through the lines and to the walls of the Castle Brian. Our mechs get torn apart by the turrets, but my panther minus it's arms and weapons makes it through into the castle. I get out and after some investigating I discover that the WoB has been storing several nukes in the base.

In desperation, I borrow some half-destroyed WoB power armor and fight my way to the nukes. My only real thoughts being that my friends are getting slaughtered. I set off the nukes without any big speech, but the results spoke for themselves.

>>10965161

I then scream "Miscreant!" Nat 20 "Avaunt!"

My next roll's an 18, then my third is a 3. I spend my action point to re-roll and got a 19.

My Character struggles up from under the demon, as my GF fails her next save. -9hp. I'll be DAMNED if she's gonna die here, after I leapt into hell and slew the demons.

She barely passes her next save as I make it to her and put every point of my Lay on Hands into healing her. I pick her up as she wakes up.

"You came for me"

"I always will"

"You saved me"

"And nothing will every stop me"

Then I kissed her full on the lips and triggered the teleport spell to GTFO.

WE WERE LEVEL 5 AT THE TIME.

Wanna hear the other?

>>10965161
>>10965179
Damn. That was amazing.
You merit a festive hat.
Enjoy Your Festive Hat.
Also: moar.

Charging a Aries mecha naked in shadowrun.
( got captured they stripped us) I used killing hands on a spot the rigger told to hit.
I roll my dice (an insane amount we had been playing for a year of so) ALMOST 6s fifteen dice and all of them but 2 where sixies.
The gm rolls the creatures armor critical failure.
I take down a mecha in one hit, the dice gods smiled down apon me that day.

>>10965123
My buddy Ian was playing a normal House gang against Matt's Redemptionists.

For those of you not in the know, if Redemptionists in Necromunda are all firebug pyromaniacs, and nearly every model in the gang has access to some kind of flame-template weapon of one kind or another. The general strategy against the Redemption is to keep them at arms length, because if they get close enough to start a fire, it isn't just one guy starting a fire, its an apocalyptic flame bath from which no living thing can emerge.

Ian cunningly sets up his entire gang on the second story roof of a building so that the pyros can't light him up the minute they see him.

Having no other choice, Matt advances up the alley around the building to get to the door, assuming that he's just going to weather a staccato of lasgun fire before storming up the stairs and burning the whole building down with Ian's gang in it, roof first.

On Ian's turn, he goes "We're playing Loony Toons rules, right?"

I as the Ref/GM/designated rules monkey shrug. "Yea, sure."

Ian takes every one of his gang members and has them make a suicide jump off the ledge, into the alley crammed base-to-base with reddie goons below.

>>10965156
That is hilarious.

Every model in the gang lands on an enemy, driving them into the dirt like railroad spikes, and inflicting strength 5 hits.

3/4ths of the redemptionist gang is now a pie plate on the alley floor, and Ian's gangers are standing in the alley grinning like idiots, ready to clean up a bunch of stunned and flesh wounded models on their next turn.

But its Matt's turn again.

And the one reddie left standing...

lets loose with his flamer...

And promptly chokes the hit roll for every partially covered house ganger, and manages to nail the hit roll for every partially covered Reddie.

The alley is now crawling with screaming redemptionist bacon rolling around the floor, getting stepped on by house gangers like they were stomping out so many discarded cigarettes.

The end result- Redemptionist gang: TPK.

GG loony toons rules. A yeep-ayeep-yeep-a-thats-all-folks!

My party found a group of Vampire Formians inhabiting an entire mountain. The town built in the area was being used by the formians for food and slave labour.

Formians are Horse sized ants.

We snuck in, killed the queen, created a shit ton of sleds with magic and sled the entire town down the hill.

Have you ever kicked over an Anthill? That's what was following us. Only the ants were, as mentioned, Horse sized.

I was a Psion. I was raising walls and blasting dozens to death with Energy balls, and we weren't even rolling for damage. Everytime we slowed them down a bit the DM said "That bought you X rounds, or X minutes."

The Paladin was skating down on his Horse, who I had cast Skate on, Charging through ranks of 4 and 5 at a time, the Sorcerer was blasting, the Rogue was standing on a sled, balancing, tossing magical daggers with Ravages on them.

There was a reason we were counting time instead of wounds.

We had cast a spell a few minutes before beginning our descent.

Eventually, the slope levelled too much and our sled convoy stopped. THe GM NPC character got off one last spell. End to All Strife. No enemy could attack anyone within 40 feet of a point or they'd take 20d6 and die. So they sat and waiting, us and the whole town crowded into that area.

Then our spell finally finished working. The entire Hive had turned out to murder us. over ten thousand horse sized vampire ants.

The spell?

Control Weather.

The choice of weather?

Clear Sunny Skies.

>>10965266

Forgot to mention D&D 3.5

Pt 1.

In an L5R 3e campaign that is currently on hiatus, I'm playing a Matsu Berserker - Matsu Katsumi - a melee-only character that, while able to do tremendous damage in melee (seriously - she averages out to 80-90 wounds per attack, when most PCs do 20-30 and most everything has 60hp tops) is a serious glass cannon. She's really melee-only: no ranged weapons on the character whatsoever, and no skill at all with any sort of throwing weapon. If she can't get into melee, she's pretty useless. She even has a Disadvantage that limits her ability to use a bow.

(Fluff note: In L5R, "Jigoku" is equivalent to "hell" - the literal translation is "the afterlife" but it's got negative connotations in the setting.)

So, the city in which we act as magistrates has been infiltrated by an evil, blood-magic wielding Clan (the Spider) under our dumbass noses. After nine months (and a year of real-time) of their seeding the city with their forces, they spring their revolution and start raping, killing, and looting their way across our beloved city, not necessarily in that order. We wake from a sound slumber to combat them, entering into a four game session extended combat.

By the end of this, we've engaged the BBEG (a blood magic-mutated uber-samurai) and his retinue. The rest of the party goes after him while Katsumi mops up the three-critter retinue (with 2 attacks per round and an interrupt attack that goes off when someone attacks me, the three are all dead before they've had a chance to make an attack roll). I turn around to see Mr. BBEG with three of the five party members strewn about him in varying states of "heavily wounded and unconsciousness", one PC cowering in a "castle of water" that he cast around himself, and with the last party member with his ancestral weapon broken on the ground.

Things looked, not to put too fine a point on it...bad.

>>10965215
This, yes.

>>10965215

Best part about that paladin is the fact that he's destined to slay some demons.

He's fair to decent in most combats, but every time he's EVER fought a denizen of the lower planes, they get insta-gibbed by the Rapier of DOOM.

EVERY. TIME. It's so awesome. And I'm totally gonna take expanded critical when I can. Crit on a 15, motherfuckers.

Give me a minute, I'll type up the story of REGINALD Q. MACGUFFIN, GENTLEMAN ADVENTURER.

Pt 2

BBEG recognizes Katsumi by reputation and pops wings via a spell and takes to the sky. He's about 50' up and starts monologuing while I stand around like a chump on the ground wondering exactly how the heck I'm going to go after this guy when I have no ranged weapons. Then I remember: with enough force behind it, anything is a ranged weapon. I blow a point of Void (kind of like Action Points) to give myself a single "virtual rank" in the "Thrown Weapons" skill (for dice to explode in this game, you must have ranks or virtual ranks in the skill), and burn the rest of my Void Point to perform "a single action not generally otherwise allowable by the rules" (an expanded use of VP that is our groups only House Rule, albeit one endorsed by AEG).

Katsumi hefts her no-dachi like a spear, shouts "From Jigoku's heart, I stab at thee!", and launches her ancestral weapon skyward.

BBEG has a TN to be hit of 80, and 120 wounds.

Rolling 5 d10 and keeping 4 of them (10's explode) against a TN of 80. Four dice roll 10s. Then 3 rolled 10s. Final check result? 81. A hit.

GM tells me to grab my wife's dice and use hers. I shrug and grab her dice.

Damage check. GM rules that the no-dachi thrown does damage as a thrown spear. After some math (and advantage that adds a LOT to damage) I'm rolling 10 dice and keeping 5. 7 dice roll 10's. Then 5 dice roll 10's (20 per die so far). Then all five of those dice roll 6 or above. Final damage result? 142!

So, the BBEG, mid-speech against a melee-only character stuck on the ground 50' below him, is suddenly struck through the heart by a flying 2-handed sword and plummets, stone dead, to the ground below, ending the battle and the war.

My sword even rolled a 10 on the "GM's feeling vindictive" check result (needed a 10 on a d10) to not be broken when it hit the ground.

>>10965234
Have a story similar to yours, we get caught ant put in a holding cells.
The wall keeping us in is electrified Nanite glass or something I start punching with my adept get electrocuted while im doing it.
My body gets his phone and start playing row row fight the power from gurren lagann.
I smash it right when it gets to the ROW ROW FIGHT THE POWAH! part. and free everyone.

Mutants and Masterminds. As the leader of my party (of villains), I teleport us all to a place (in Australia) to seek refuge from some shit going down. My usual process is to find some primitive natives, convince them I'm a god, and then leverage them towards power in the region, so I can set about some conquering. Fun thing is, somebody's already done that with the natives here out in the outback.

Now, I don't tolerate that bullshit. This has been claimed ME territory, and no faggot NPC is going to do anything about it. I challenge him to a duel for leadership of the local tribes.

... it turns out to be a telepath who can turn invisible versus a telepath who can turn invisible. Pretty much just both of us standing around invisible trying to figure out how to do something to the other. The NPC keeps taunting me and doing a damn good job of being a giant douchebag. After a long period of "can I do this?... no, fuck, maybe I should try..." I come up with crazy tricks to try to pull him out of invisibility and knock his ass out, and everyone one of them fails due to him rolling way too high. After a few tricks, I'm getting fed up. Finally one of them succeeds, but the motherfucker uses a willpower point (fate point? hero point, whatever the fuck it's called in MnM) to break the effect before I can do anything with it. I slam my fist on the table, and say, "FUCK THIS. I telepathically contact the party's tech guy. He can control technology from several thousand miles away, right? Have him find a nuclear satellite. Smash it into this fucking place. We're out." I teleport everyone out and nuke fucking Australia.

What those fuckers get for living within a few hundred miles of someone who insulted me. I'm a good fucking villain.

>>10964355
Sucker. I rolled a character who was a male.
Now that's real crazy.

Killed eight latino gangers in one row of fight, while bleading to "death" with 16 bullets in my chest... using a switchblade.
Game : Vampire - the masquarade.

>>10965063
Hmm. I just need a good reloading press, as to make sure my Capellan evidence isn't of Capellan quality.

>>10965098

I do like that part.

Oh yeah, another incident same campaign.

I was raiding a Word of Blake instillation in Lao territory. The place was underwater. We were going in to raid their database, but the nature of the location made subtle infiltration difficult.

The plan was to have some of our mechs create a diversion outside, as a small, 3 man taskforce infiltrated the instillation. For this operation I came equipped with my trusty Battle armor, 10 mines with speakers (as to draw attention to them and more importantly, away from me), a hard drive to store the information, and a virus, to wipe it.

The three of us got in mostly unnoticed. As leader I had us split up, with the other two hitting secondary targets, creating a diversion for me. As they left, I began sneaking through the instillation. I was completely undetected until I reached the command section, having places 2 mine on the way. Now I had reached a locked door, and I had to get pass. I placed 3 mines outside the door, and proceeded to hack it. The door opened revealing two guards inside. Being in my mimetic armor, I played myself off as one of them, saluting as I walked past.

>>10965386

I reached the command center, and it was chaos. People were running left and right, retrieving data from computers, and bringing it to the HPG. So I did what any self respecting spy would. I placed my bag of mines down, and joined in. I took all the data off the network that I could, then the HPG operator ever so helpfully let me do the same with that. Then I plugged my virus into the network, once that was done, I plugged my little virus into the HPG network.

That one decision wreaked havoc on the Blake reliant parts of the inner sphere for months. (it affected other parts too, but we did have the anti-virus to help out allies)

After that, I left the room with my pilfered data, and activated all my mines. The command room was the first to go, followed shortly by the security door. As I made my way to where we broke in, I heard my last two mines explode, and called the rest of my team in for departure. We pulled out with minimal resistance blocking us on the shore.

>>10965332
As a matter of fact, my FUCK THIS SHIT moments are pretty much the end of every battle.

Earlier on, there was an attack on our headquarters. Which was a walking steampunk castle populated by nazis. I'd crafted a device that made it untrackable, but our enemies used telepaths to find our agents and follow them there. In the attack, it was mad super powered mayhem. Psi-shieled shapeshifters impersonating my liutenants, invisible assassins, people throwing explosive blasts everywhere. After losing a number of my best lackeys, I took a seat in my big mahogany desk in a dark room (you know, the big mahogany desk in a dark room), rested my elbows on the desk, and probed every unfamiliar mind in the area until I found one, that along with a pretty good roll, gave me the location of THEIR headquarters. I teleported all of the explosives from the self destruct mechanism of my nazi steampunk castle directly into their base. I yelled "FUCK YOUR SHIT" and teleported away before they could do anything.

Vampire: The Requiem
nWoD

Not something I personally did, but it was hilarious nonetheless.

I was running a game for four of my friends. One of them was playing a Gangrel who loved to get in barfights and drink the loser to near death afterwards. One night the party went out to a pool hall to recuperate after a battle with some Belial's Brood anarchists. The Gangrel notes that he's low on blood, so he picks a fight with a biker playing pool with his buddies. Turns out they accidentally stumbled into a werewolf meeting place.

Long story short, the Gangrel is backed into a wall with werewolves around him in Dalu form ready to beat his ass as the other players throw their hands up and say, hey, this is what happens when you assault strangers. The player pops aggravated claws and swipes at the closest werewolf. This almost kills the guy, who shifts into Gauru form and roars. However, his Death Rage causes him to flee for his life while simultaneously breaking the Gangrel's will and making HIM run for his life in fear.

A vampire slashes a guy, the guy turns into a werewolf and roars in his face, then both turn around and bolt as fast as they can away from each other.

Roll the Chemistry checks needed to make a fertilizer bomb, and then put it into the back of a Pepsi truck and drove it into a skyscraper full of ninjas.

We kept the Pepsi.

And it was Scion.

>>10965392
System: Battletech
House Rules: Experimental LAM

I ran this game for two player characters, who co piloted a dual cockpit LAM. One was a mech pilot, the other a fighter pilot. They had shitloads of fun with the thing, in one move they dove towards a mech hangar, went into walk mode through the door, shot the shit out of everything and took off out the other side. Bitchin.

Heres the kicker. They took some damage, and decided that their experimental LAM(that they "found") was worth alot of money. So they decided to let a mech company strip it down, and record the design. Well it turns out that that was a WOB controlled company.

In my universe, the scariest thing imagineable is a Manei Domini unit that has dangerous LAMs that all break the Design Rules.

Shadowrun 4e

The group just rescued a prisoner from a Megacorp. We were flying in our escape helicopter when they decide to fire missles at us. I am playing a sniper and I ask the if I can shoot the missle out of the air. The GM said it wouldn't destroy it, but it would change its path. So I spent a point of edge and ended up getting a critical success. My bullet hit the missile, changing its path...right into a group of chase cars. The escape went smoothly from then on.

Shadowrun Third Edition
Shadowrun
No House Rules

Took on an entire go-gang of Orc's riding bigass Harly-style motorcycles and carrying automatic weapons, killing or incapacitating all of them, using a civilian modded, unarmed and very lightly armored (like, would stop a pistol round) Ford Americar, which is roughly the equivilent of a Honda Civic.

My rigger was controlling it remotely and went nuts all over those guys at 80 mph on the freeway, using my ridiculous amounts of dice and bonuses to, in one case, throw it into a controlled spin-out to use the fenders as giant clubs to launch several gangers into concrete dividers, then pulling out of it at speed and continuing moving.

There were two other PC's in the car at the time, who were holding onto their seat belts for dear fucking life.

>>10965455

Heya Matt.

Your NPCs still can't Spot or Sense Motive to save thier lives.

>Manei Domini unit that has dangerous LAMs that all break the Design Rules

I just lost my bladder control.

Plinthed a red dragon with an arrow (to plinth is to drive a wedge between the vertebrae of an animal's neck in order to sever its spinal cord, thus paralyzing it without killing it right away).

It tried breathing fire next round, and ended up bathing the fighter who was trying to chop it's head off from behind in flames.

D&D 4E: Via a 400 point crit, I flayed a solid square yard of hide off the side of a dragon. That was over half its health in the span of one move.
The DM is bringing that patch of scales back in a different game as a magic cloak.
As a side note, that combined with my character's status of going Fucking Crazy at the time gave me a +lots to the Intimidate to scare the dragons into surrendering.

Fucking 5'4" woman successfully talked down two hostile dragons. Felt good, man.

>>10965512

It's ok. Die to the aformentioned Spot and Sense motive issues, they are less intimidating than they should be.

Seriously he just can't roll well for detecting what the players are up too.

A party of our bluffed our way onto a WOB jumpship, walked around until we found the fusion core and set the thing to implode on a timer. We then flew off in our Dropship.

Not once did the WOB notice what we were up to and it wasn't for lack of rolling.

>System: D20 Modern/Future hybrid
>Setting: Marines, doing what Marines do.
>House Rules: BBEG = Queen Alien. Yes, like the movie.
We're cleaning out hives; we've done two (with our first being most ZOMG reactions in-character, followed by frantic shots as we fell back to Nuke The Site From Orbit) and the other was us being cocky idiots and losing our android (ahem 'synthetic person'). I'm the leader, packing an armory with feet. Cue the arrival of not one, but four full-on Queens, right out of the gate. Literally, we land our ship, open the doors, see them look up at us as they're tearing apart a fifth for .. parts, meals, hilarity.. whatever. We unloaded on 'em, barely escape but they did drench our dropship and comms guy in acidic blood. I run into the control tower, drop the window shields, batten down the hatches and weld everything shut (including the ceiling vents). We're huddled together, rigging up improvised gear. The team's synthetic person (played by my bro, Stalker John) grins and says, "I can get everyone to safety."
>our face

>>10965512
Yeah...

>>10965584
Oh, and house rules: Using a gestalt system.

>>10965640
Cont'd.

We rig up this neat little bio-field thing-y, as per his instructions, waltz right through them; they think we're an android (ahem ahem) and ignore us, for the most part. We make it to the shuttle bay, where I rig up a bomb from the reactor core of a parked ship under repairs. Cue the arrival of the swarm. We're holding ground, barely - flamethrowers aren't perfect, ammo runs dry, we're down to clubbing them with crate-based clubs... then I get the bright idea to turn on one of the shuttle's engines, which is pointed at the door. I hop into the driver's seat, hit the brakes hard and rev up the thrusters.
Result: flash-fried half of the shuttle bay, we lose two-thirds of the android (damn it, did it again) and we take off into the atmosphere with one of them on each "wing". The pilot (what's left of Stalker John's android) looks out the window, waves at them... and bounced the shuttle between a satellite being refueled and the drone station doing the refueling. Spectacular airburst follows.
Oh, the fun we had..

D&D 3.5.
Houserule: To avoid getting off track more than necessary, the DM implemented a Three Strike rule. If you're the cause of digression in the group, you get a strike. Three of them means that you get in-game repercussions in the form of deific vengeance or something.

My brother was new to the concept of pen-and-paper gaming when he asked to come along to my DM's game. I asked if it was fine with our host, then told him it was all right. Upon getting there, we rolled a character up with him and proceeded to get the show on the road.

Our BBEG, a long-standing hardass that we were beginning to suspect was immortal, proceeded to show up and wreck everything. My brother quickly racked up two strikes with a few jokes that led to everyone getting sidetracked, and this was after we'd explained the Three Strikes rule to him and gave him two pardons for the same thing.

Things were looking grim for our group. The fighter was hurting, the rogue was out of tricks, the cleric was out of healing magics, the sorcerer was out of bang, and the bard that was my brother was clueless. The BBEG, asshole that he was, was making a show of offering to spare our lives in exchange for a token of friendship.

My brother stepped forward, grinning, with a hand extended. As soon as the BBEG clasped hands with him and the DM started to open his mouth to say something, he cut him off with a quick quip.

"I'd have kicked your ass like Obi-Wan if I'd had a lightsaber."

I facepalmed. The wizard and the DM stared in confusion. The cleric, rogue, and fighter started laughing, because they'd realized what my brother hand done: He'd deliberately called upon the Three Strike rule to try to call down a god's lightning bolt on himself and, by extension, the villain.

When it was explained to the DM, the only thing that topped his surprise upon realization was my surprise upon hearing him allow it.

>>10964326
d20

4e

If falling damage would be applied at the end of a movement, simultaneously with a successful attack, the falling damage affects both the attacker and the target.

I rode a changeling out of the sky, after being punched off an airship by a supercharged necromancer possessed monk while in magma form only to flip off 80 feet above the ground and sky charge the unaware lich below me. DM ruled my use of the changeling as a springboard allowed me to change my momentum enough to consider it a charge.

The changeling did a flying squirrel with his arms and cape to try and glide or slow us down, I for the majority of the trip I rode on his back, trying to guide him by tugging on his ears as reins.

D&D 3.5, a bit fast and loose.

We're riding across the desert when a flock of drakes (I think it was drakes) came out of the random encounter table.

One of them flies down at me. I get a good Jump roll, off of my mount and onto the drake's back. My allies are in no particular danger on the ground, so I keep hanging onto it. I pass the strength checks to not fall off, Climb up onto its back as it gains altitude, and then start stabbing it in the head. Another one was nearby. I crit my Ride check, so the dying one crashed into this other perfectly healthy one, and all three of us plummeted back down to the desert.

The falling damage didn't kill me, but it killed the one and weakened the other enough that I was able to finish it off.

4E DND

BOSS BATTLE

I had a frost giant throw a demonic minion at a party member. He missed.

One of my players pointed out that he should take falling damage.

I reminded him that minions take no damage on a miss.


OHYEAH.jpg

Defeated sharks with a smokestick

>>10965915
What. The. Heck?

>>10965915
wat?

Oh, I've got a few fuckin' crazy stories
>D20 Future
>Mass Effect-based fucking about in a starship, essentially Rogue Trader but with a loli captain. Yeah. Don't ask.
>None

I was playing a Volus "Accountant" who would basically serve as the crew's social and economic networking guy. Getting them the best berths, cheap labor, etcetera etcetera. Except when I come aboard, I find out one of our crewmen- a mechanic- is a bit saucy to aliens. He isn't full-blown KKK, but he manages to get a stray glance from the Krogan which shuts him right up.

Volus climbs aboard, and basically gets greeted by this cocky human whose first comment to the new member of the crew is along the lines of, "Oh, you're our accountant? Figures- you dwarves are level with our balls for a reason after all!"

Volus just looks up at the Human, his respirator hisses once, and then he HEADBUTTS the human right in the fucking groin. Full-on headbang, and he manages to crit not once, but TWICE. Two natural twenties in a row. On an attack on the human's nuts.

Human vomits on himself and goes unconscious, and the Volus just stands on him, looking amongst the crew before saying, "Anybody...**ksshhh**.../else/ want to make a comment?!"

Felt like a champ.

>>10966009

nice

>>10966009
You should feel like a champ.

>>10966009
Next one didn't come from me, but a player I ran the game for. I deemed it ridiculous enough to work.

>Rogue Trader
>Warhammer 40k where the RT and crew basically dicked around
>Only the sheer balls-to-the-walls of the RT

Right, so, after an epic confrontation with an Imperial transport carrying nukes (Which they stole), the party ends up pseudo-stranded on some distant planet. Part of the remaining crew goes to planet to try and salvage the Eldar ruins there for working starship parts to make their way back home.

The Rogue Trader and his bodyguards end up wandering around a bit after a rough encounter with the planet's natives: Feral Eldar barbarians that basically just ambushed them at random intervals. Until this part, anyways.

This time? They decide to get a bit more forceful. They have a /domesticated/ Carnodon show up. Full of bloodlust and basically just whipped in their direction and let loose, it's mighty pissed. It knocks aside their staff car as the Rogue Trader's bodyguards open fire to little effect.

>>10966101
Rogue Trader, to his credit, is a crazy bastard. Just on getting to this planet, he had exposure to the raw warp (Basically entering the Immaterium with half of a geller field charged) and was probably still nuts from it.

So what does he do that's so crazy?

He draws his chainsword, and fucking CHARGES the Carnodon. Not just charges, no, but SCALES it, God of War-style. Stabbing his way up the Carnodon's body, he ends up running along it's back- chainsword in hand- until he lands on its snout.

A few precarious agility checks later, he ends up plunging his chainsword through the Carnodon's eye and turning its brain into so much sweetmeat. To top it off, the crazy motherfucker SOMEHOW manages to stay lodged atop its head, and simply stands there- covered in Carnodon brains and eye jelly- atop the dead dinosaur's corpse as the rest of the men arrive.

The rest of the planet's pacification and modification into a private sanctuary-world pales in comparison to that.

M&M 2e, no house-rules that I'm aware of.

A friend of Mine decided to run a Mutants and Masterminds game.

He forgets to tell me that he's planning on doing it Iron Age with PL 10-13 (rolled for), just the PL.

I immediately decide to make my character a Gentleman Adventurer named Reginald Q. MacGuffin who solved his problems with either SCIENCE or gentlemanly violence.

(For those of you who caught it, yes the last name is a bit of a pun. I knew who the other players would be and suspected I would be the only thing driving the plot. What the 'Q' stood for changed every time he was asked)

Fleshing out Reginald more, I decided that he and his wife Margaret would live on the outskirts of Freedom city in a Victorian style mansion.

Obviously being of Good British Stock, Reginald would adventure in style. His transport was a 1939 Roles Royce Silver Wraith He converted into a steam-punk Flying car.

That's right, he went to war in the world's most amazing Flying Limousine. Which by the way was Driven by Chauncy Yoshimuto, cyborg ninja/Butler in Reginald's employ.

He only used one of four things: A length of rope, his wits, His Winchester 30.06 hunting rifle, or his Tesla brand dueling cane. to use anything more would be.... unsporting.

The concept alone would probably be enough to qualify his as 'absolutely fucking crazy', but the tale of his first adventure must be told.

>>10966141
bracingforepic.jpg
Moar?

>>10966141

I didn't make it to the first couple of games, and when I did join in the party had been captured, and the tech guy of the group was gone, so his character was fiated into a coma while he was gone (plausible enough, the party went down fighting).

So of course, the Villain of the adventure was about to destroy the city with a nuke.

Mid-monologue, Reginald strolled into the room with Chauncy in tow.

There were like 30 minions in the room with guns and shit that he was fully aware of.

And just sort of casually just strolled in. Like a boss.

The Bad-guy didn't notice him until he began to talk to his man-servant about half-way across the room and closing.

"A-Ha! I knew these Rapscallions were holed up in here. And a nuclear device? Hmmm.... That WOULD explain the 15% increase in the local tachyon particles."

"Well reasoned sir."

"Indeed. And how's that tea coming along Chauncy?"

"Well, sir. It should be ready in just a moment."

At this point the BBEG is fucking BEWILDERED. A man with a three piece suit and a monocle just walked in with his butler discussing tea-time. With a clearly evil Dr. Doom-esque guy standing on a platform over-looking a Nuke.

He tells his goons to get me, and turned around to finish arming the bomb.

When he looks back, all but two of his goons have been beaten senseless with my Tesla brand Dueling Cane (and yes, that is more or less exactly what it sounds like: a tazer cane) and Chauncy was freeing the party.

Not-Doom (can't remember his name off the top of my head) then starts to take off in his jet plane while his minions disappear in a sports-car.

Oh! I've got another one. I once played a Dwarf Slayer that embodied the idea of "Respect only for those who respect themselves".

He basically was a Slayer that ended up where he was in life by using his (pregnant) sister and (not-pregnant) mother as scapegoats whilst guarding a caravan of refugees from Beastmen. After all the bloodlust and the murder, he became a sadistic fuck of a Dwarf, to the point of carrying around a big honking greataxe.

He introduced himself to the group by basically silently bullying the barkeeper into free drinks throughout the night, all the while insulting the swill. He also insulted the Halfling (Which culminated later on), and pushed around the Human farmer. A pair of Human Roadwardens responded to his bullying attempts by drawing a pistol on him and threatening to plaster his brains- to which he only called them cowards for using such weakling weapons.

The first person to stand up to him was a Dwarf Miner, also in the group. He basically told the Slayer to go stuff himself, and- when they got outside- the two of them fought for about two rounds before the Slayer was knocked the fuck out with a pickaxe to the skull.

>>10966141
>That's right, he went to war in the world's most amazing Flying Limousine. Which by the way was Driven by Chauncy Yoshimuto, cyborg ninja/Butler in Reginald's employ.

As a scholar and gentleman, I humbly request tales of this character's derring-do.

Maybe not the craziest, but the most recent.

4E D&D
Eberron, city of Sharn

Our enemy is on a small, city-transport airship. She phases into the ship, which has no window or point of entry beyond a hatch in the deck, which is sealed with an Arcane Lock. We can't get in to get to her.

The warden and I, a monk, line up and hit the mast with our level 5 dailies (our best stuff), and both critical. The mast shatters, dispelling the elemental powering the airship, and it crashes down, becoming lodged between two buildings.

We killed one airship and injured two buildings, and that is exactly how I am going to say that forever.

>>10966169

Reginald then instructs the PCs to go catch the villain while he dealt with the bomb. There was a resounding "We can't fly!" in response.

Reginald Q. MacGuffin, Gentleman Adventurer then calmly cocks an eye-brow and says "No? Then allow me to level the playing-field. Chauncy, give me Elizabeth."

Taking his Winchester in hand, Reginald calmly aims at the escaping plane and fires two shots. Then calmly shooed the other heroes out the door saying He 'needed quiet to work'.

One shot flew into one of the engines and disabled it, causing the plane to spin out of control and crash into a field. As the villain ejected and oped his parachute, the second shot ricocheted of a building and cut several key lines, causing him to spin out of control and crash face first into a stop sign.

The other heroes caught up to him and took him down before he could recover from the crash and sent him to jail. By the time they returned, Reginald had used a few odds and ends to Macgyver the bomb into a Nuclear Tea-kettle, capable of automatically brewing over 300 different kinds of tea.

He was immediately made a member of the Sentinels (the team's name).

It should also be noted that he left most of the second half of the adventure (taking the bad-guy to jail and fending off an attempt to free him) because "My wife will be rather cross If I'm late for dinner again. Besides, tonight she's making some Lancashire Hotpot."

>>10966169
>A man with a three piece suit and a monocle just walked in with his butler discussing tea-time. With a clearly evil Dr. Doom-esque guy standing on a platform over-looking a Nuke.

10/10, sir you are brilliant

>>10966175
Before I forget: System was Warhammer Fantasy Roleplay, Game could best be summed up as "Dorfy Tales of Redemption and Brimstone [And humans being faggots]".

So yeah, our fair Slayer- Gotrek, I named him, in homage to the famous Slayer- heals up, a bit of witchery is found to be going on in the Inn in the meantime and is promptly solved by the heroes as the Dwarf Slayer gets back onto his feet (and into the drunken saddle).

The next person who challenges him, without even KNOWING he lost his first duel (He showed up later, and thus wasn't privy to events) was the Halfling after Gotrek made one-too-many comments about the Halfling's mother.

The two go outside, and the Halfling has utter HATRED in his eyes, and Gotrek- seeing that the Halfling really will fight a Dwarf that could easily crush him in close combat (Said Halfling used a sling for a weapon)- smiles and offers to be his friend.

Total turnaround, yeah?

Halfling accepts with a weird look on his face, Gotrek demands more piss-water and partying is had until a little while later, when the Dwarves and Halfling get separated from the Human contingent (The "Abhumans" going off to hunt some local bandits rumored to be with the Beastmen. The "humans" protecting a carriage bearing precious goods).

Eberron story about my bro, Stalker John.
His Warforged Cleric got trolled into an honor duel with the BBEG's man-at-arms, who said they could nothing but their bare hands and what nature provided.
>I agree.
The duel took place on a pier, during a massive electrical storm, my bro's Warforged sucked at melee (and most hand-to-hand, for that matter) and he was up against a guy with multiple Monk levels. So, he did what came naturally to his Cleric... called upon his Domain power and walked into the water.
>Domains: Strength and Luck
He rolls to grasp the guy's ankle during a low attack roll kick (the minion's opening move) and missed it, so he uses his Luck Domain's granted power, re-rolls, critical.

After that, it was a series of Strength checks while the guy drowned. When he left, the BBEG's other lieutenant says, "Hey! You cheated!"
>trollfacewarforged.jpg
"Water is nature's gift. He received his share in abundance. Not my fault he didn't have gills."

>>10964326
This is exactly why i hate dm'ing these days, and 4th ed. made it worse. If there's a table with some number saying you can do it, every player expect the dm to allow for it. Serioursly, kicking a dragon? They are fucking huge, what a kick, from a dude without any kind of balance (being on the air and stuff) can do to a dragon? Tickle it, if much. Same shit a player tried to pull on me "So i use this lvl 2 encounter power to damage the dragon and push him one square back. You can damage the dragon alright, but push it? Its a 10 ton dragon, and you are a 100kg dragonborn dude, how do you expect to push a dragon? "But it says here, on the power description!"

>>10966313
that comic was written in the height of 3.5

>>10966248

I love being able to drop a line like that.

>>10966357
He always made me a happy DM, as a rule, when he would play one of his more amusing/psychotic characters. Like the Dwarf arms merchant who spent half his starting gold on spears and instigated a war between two gangs. Why did he do that? So he could buy a pimptacular sword with hooks, etched runes and the "shock" quality. Written down the blade in Dwarf runes:
>My Pimping Hand is Strong.
I feel awesome for introducing him to gaming, in general.

for the love of krom, archive this in sup/tg/!!!!

>>10966351

I thought It was written before that, I mean it says 2000 on the comic, and unless I'm horribly mistaken, wasn't 3.5 released in 2003?

Hell, I think third wasn't released until late 2000 and THACO was only in second anyway.

>>10966313
But it also says that push moves like that only work for roughly the equivalent. Check the back of the PHB. If you are medium, I think you can move a Large either the same distance or half the distance as normal.

>>10966405
3.0 was 1999/2000. I had my weekly 2nd Ed game interrupted by the jackwipe who brought in his brand-new copy of 3.0, ranting about Rogues and Trip attacks.. I honestly thought he was talking about taking acid.

>>10966390

My most favorite silly character took advantage of the fact that fire in FantasyCraft was a BIG DEAL and spent all of his money on Chickens and a barrel of oil. Then he would take his big slingshot he mounted on his wagon, and use it to launch flaming chickens at people.

He also ended up buying a Trained Attack Walrus.

>>10966313
So you're angry that the players now have it easy calling you on your bullshit? You know, DM fiat and handwaving was a big deal in 3e because the system couldn't work without it. In 4e, it just means you're too stupid to keep control of your own game, and with all the rules clear cut before you too.

Also, regarding the kicking of the dragons. If a guy has an unarmed attack good enough to beat a dragon's DR, kicking a 1hp dragon to death is the least of the things I'd let him do.

>>10966428

I'm now seriously considering a Rogue who uses hallucinogens as his main weapon in combat.

>>10966471
Target becomes flat-footed. Sounds like a legit tactic to me.

>>10966313
>>10966351
>>10966405
>>10966408
>>10966428
>>10966457
>>10966471

I hate de-railing a thread on accident. Who wants to hear the Tale of Old Man Henderson, the character who 'won' Call of Cthulhu?

>>10966503
I do.

>>10966492

I would think it would be more effective as a tactic due to making them trip balls, but I digress.

>>10966457
This is what 4thed Players actually believe. You arent allowed to tell a story in 4thed. You must work solely within the confines of the rules and never ever ever stray.

>>10966471
>+1 Sap of Spell-Storing (Major Image - all kinds of bad things).
This can be done.

>Dark Heresy
>Core rulebook, and a little GM sympathy.

Our party was walking down a city street when some PDF troopers start taking potshots at us. We start shooting, and after first turn, remember 'Oh shit! We aren't in cover!'. We all run to cover and dodge shots, except for our techpriest. The sniper who shot him rolled a critical headshot, which in the description mentions '... the head expands, then explodes into a steamy mess of brain and gore, while setting off all explosives on his person...' or something of the like. Through some deal with our GM at the beginning of the game, he had 4 fate points, all of which he burned. The result was that his character was encased into a metal machine not too unlike a dreadnought, and later given mechadendrites with lascannons. Our GM accidentally broke his own game, as whenever there was trouble, we'd all just be carried out by our uber-techgod, who would only take damage if the enemy firing rolled more than three degrees of success.

Short story.
>system: unisystem
>game: AFMBE
>I messed up critical hit rules; you roll a 10 you keep rolling and add a 10 to the next roll, and so on until you don't roll criticals. So 10+10+5 would be 25, not 10 or 15 like in regular unisystem. I forget the regular rules.

So we have this one guy? Plays a norm scientist, minimal handgun training, average DEX. He pulled his gun for a single shot only about thrice in 6 sessions.

Every, fucking, time.

10, 10, 10, 10, 9.

So that horde? Yeah, they magically synced up their heads for a split second, all took an insanely lucky bullet that was by accident cast of INCREDIMETAL, and also you took down a supporting pilier of the bridge behind them.

Good shot, you win the game.

>>10966512

Alright then, I'd like to start by saying that the GM was a bastard that had it coming. Bullshit tactics to make everyone go crazy like a d6 with only 5 sides. No story, no reason; lose 10 sanity.

The others continued to allow this faggotry.

We were playing a modern day setting, with the other players being: A college professor who found a couple of stray pages of a copy of the Necronomicron and wanted to find out just what the hell it was, a detective who was investigating a missing persons case connected to the local cult, and a local athlete (I think it was football) trying to find out why some of his friends seemed so distant lately.

And then.... There was Old Man Henderson, who was never given a first name.

>>10966618

Old Man Henderson was already a little crazy, and blamed his life's misfortunes on Vietnam.

He never went to Vietnam, he was 12 in '74 (and I will be fucking amazed if anyone gets that reference)

Old Man Henderson wore Combat boots, cargo shorts, and an open-front Hawaiian shirt with a wife-beater underneath.

He was dyslexic, and had a lesser case of Schizophrenia; allowing him to assume that the reason he saw crazy shit was because he WAS a little bit crazy.

He had a grizzly adams beard and wore his hair in a mohawk.

He never took off his aviator shades, for any reason.

He had a stuffed parrot on his shoulder named Rupert that he constantly asked for advice, while ignoring the other party members as convenient, assuming they were hallucinations.

He had a Automatic combat shot-gun he knew how to use.

He also had MEMORIZED the anarchist's cookbook. He started the game with a pre-existing hatred of religion, cutlery, and books.

His motivation was that he thought that the cult had stole his lawn-gnomes; while he had actually donated them to a charity auction, got high, and forgot about it.

Most importantly, he had a 320 page backstory that justified EVERYTHING, from his casual knowledge of physics to his ability to speak Portuguese flawlessly.

You can just imagine the sort of Shenanigans that character was involved in.

>320 page backstory
>320 page
>320
I imagine it would justify everything from the firebombing of Dresden to why hot dogs come in packages of ten and buns in groups of eight, definitely... I just doubt it'd justify HAVING A SMALL BOOK FOR A BACKSTORY.

That said, please - continue.

>>10966785
Man, you have to give us some examples, my curiosity is piqued more than a 6-year-old accessing the house computer's uncleared browsing history.

>>10966785


>320

Upload that shit now.

>>10966785
MOAR GOD DAMN YOU

>>10966857
>>10966873
>>10966910
To quote one of my favorite movies:
>The hounds are hungry. Its feeding time at the f**king zoo.

Moar for the Moar Gods! Additional for the Additional Throne!

Cyberpunk 2020 2nd edition.

We were playing a little fast and loose with the rules but the gm basically rules that any bioware augmentations you receive stack with cyberware. Now this does not reduce the humanity lost, or the money involved in the least. Luckily my character had the funds to dream dance his way into not thinking himself a mechanical god above little men (which he was).

I started the game with bod 10. After all the upgrades, muscle grafts, bone lacing, the works. Then I proceed to do a full conversion. My body is somewhere around the mid 20's. Especially since I"m still just organic enough to merit combat drugs.

Anyway, my character was interesting in that not only is he some horrible juggernaut of death physically speaking he's also got strength feat, and martial arts to stupid levels. Add on top of that we're rolling with strength feat adding to damage and I can punch light armored vehicles in half.

My one goal with the character was to go down in a blaze of glory and I did. Ended up noticing this experimental power armor near the end of the campaign, it's pretty much a suicide mission but we're basically getting revenge and most of us are humanity 10 or less. What little is good in us realizes it may be best if we die here.

Continued in part 2

>>10966995

As you can tell I'm power gamed out the fucking ass for melee combat in a gun favoring system. I always got incredibly lucky with either bad rolls on their part, or just really smart playing and team work making sure it worked.

This time was no different. Said experimental power armor was 25 feet tall, compared to my 6'8" frame. I weight about 550 pounds with all of my fancy bioware augmented with a russian cyberware full conversion. I am obviously a militant bitch. The power armor comes thundering out of the underground lot on this corporate skyscraper in the middle of san francisco and ends up kicking me through a future geo metro. I look at the dm and smile realizing there's no way I'm getting out of this alive since I'm the freaking distraction.

I simply say, "I use the cocktail." Which was a pre-agreed mixture of combat drugs that would make doing pcp, crack, and shooting heroine directly into your nipples look tame. All of these amped up my body to 32, and my Ref to 23. The agreement was that if I don't make some rediculous body check I die instantly from overdose.

part 3 coming.

During a great battle, a giant enemy crab threw my dear paladin mount into a chasm.
Jumped after the horse, only to accidentally crush it's barely alive body with my character's own body weight.
Climbed out of the chasm, utterly mortified, only to commit suicide by charging into the thickest enemy formation.
-Warcraft RPG
-No house rules.

>>10966818

The point to having such a long backstory was three-fold:

1: to ensure the GM would never actually read it and

2: Since he would never read it except for in excerpts i pointed out to justify things, I could re-write and change things around completely at random without anyone noticing and MOST IMPORTANTLY

3: Convince everyone that I was serious about this character, and that it wasn't simply the game wrecking bullshit that it was.

Dickish yes, but he really did have it coming.

>>10966785

First outing of the group: The Detective was spying on the building of the cultists with a camera.

The Jock was parked nearby, waiting for the group to let out so he could snoop it out.

The Professor had 'joined' the cult to try and gain information.

Old Man Henderson very calmly parked his car, got out holding the shotgun in clear view of anyone who happened to be looking (in this case, the detective and the Jock), strolled up to the front door and kicked it in.

While everyone just kind of stopped in shocked silence for a moment, he leveled his Shotgun on the lead priest/cultist guy and yelled "MUCKLE DAMRED CULT! 'AIR EH NAMBLIES BE KEEPIN' ME WEE MEN!?!?"

>>10966818
>>10966857
>>10966873
>>10966910
>>10966932

Sorry, typing as I go.

>>10967074

Did I mention that he had a Nigh Incomprehensible Scottish accent that came and went as he drank and/or as amused me?

The leader couldn't understand my simple request to return my lawn gnomes (literally, you think what I typed is hard to understand? imagine it being slurred at you by a drunken Scotsman), he assumed I was trying to cast a spell at him in an elder tongue and summoned a shoggoth by murdering one of his fellows.

One Molotov And about 20 rounds later, the Shoggoth is dead, as is the cult leader, the Professor (he made the mistake of trying to make peace-maker mid murderous rampage) and about 10 assorted cultists.

Old Man Henderson then pissed on the Shoggoth's corpse, got back in his battered '92 Buick Century, and went home.

The whole event was over in about ten minutes game time and no-one thought to get the Buick's plates.

The building burned down shortly, along with about half the written plot, and every lead either of the other surviving players had. The GM called a break then to figure out how to fix and/or work around what I just did.

It only got crazier from there.

>>10967028

I come roaring out of the car wreckage like some kind of angry beast awoken from a slumber so terrible that the gods pissed themselves. I take a few hits but thanks to various cyberware and body armor I don't get injured too badly since the power armor wasn't loaded with anti-vehicular weapons. When I actually get in close I don't put what few melee weapons I have to use on it.

I just use my fists, the argument I made was that I was too far gone. I ended up tearing the power armor's arm completely OFF. The dm says that according to the system's rules I had the roll to do it so the arm came off. The pilot however is now screaming in a mixture of fear and his own dosage of some much weaker combat stim. I came up with a solution though.

I started to pull him out one handful at a time. So while hanging onto this wildly thrashing mech I'm literally pulling fist sized chunks of gore out until I finally feel a slimy bony length and proceed to tear that free. I literally tore out his spinal column.

I then attempt to make my roll. I am denied my glorious death. I succeeded. My character ends up retiring permanently at the end of the session. Unforeseen side effects of that mixture.

>>10967109
...wow. Just ... wow.
Dedication pays off, apparently. Closest approximation in one of my games was the psycho who charged the Corp goon swarm attacking our hospital lair, resulting in him literally walking up the ACPA's body, firing his gun into its head (insta-killing the pilot) and then ripping its gun out of the suit's hand, and turn it on the stunned goons.

He wound up using it as a club while bashing them during the savage beatdown/shoot out to follow. It got crazy, but he took the cake.

>>10967109

...So you punched a hole in a huge suit of power armour, and then tore the pilot out piece by piece? Good fucking God that is awesome.

>>10967142

Actually I used a combination of pancratia grappling and strength feat to rip the arm off.

Then in the ragged hole I began tearing the guy out while full body holding onto the power armor so I didn't get my head squished.

>>10967109

>>10967086
I must have more, good sir!

>>10967215

Typing up the full exploits of Old Man Henderson would take too long, can I just give you the highlights reel?

>>10967237
I will settle for that

>>10967240

All Right-ey then

Some of his finer moments include:

Dropping a Yacht onto a penthouse suite owned by Cthulhu Cultists.

The stealing of said Yacht from cultists of Hastur, thereby starting a cultist gang-war.

The Tanker truck incident, and my personal Favorite:

Hell on Ice.

Which one do you want to hear about first?

>>10967295
Dropping the Yacht.
Lets take it from the top.

>>10967295

Run through them all in order.

>>10966518
I don't think you understand how rpgs work. Go LARP with your otherkin friends.

-How my team accidentally a whole planet
Game: Dark Heresy

This is a well told story in the halls of my local university due to how me and our intrepid group of lack wit acolytes ended up having to blow up an entire planet to cover up the mess we made.

It all starts with a simple mission of infiltrating a cultist held underground complex to free captured psykers and also to deliver/escort some hooded inquisitorial agent to be within range of the cultist leader. The plan was simple; the group will split in two, one team freeing the psykers and the other dropping off the human package (originally believed to be some servitor assassin). The first team easily infiltrates the cultist base and finds the psykers being held below and with a good bluff they easily take over the "next watch." The other group did almost as well, they delivered the package alright after a few near failures in stealth but once they made it to the command room they unleashed what turned out to be a dormant Eversor Assassin. That was the last thing that went according to plan as the Eversor proceeded to butcher everything in the room and one of our brilliant teammates decided to help by firing over the Eversor as he just killed his last target....thus drawing the roided out/juiced up assassin's attention.

>>10967369
>continued

Thus they had to make a mad dash for the exit as the Eversor gave chase after what it probly assumed were more cultists(especially given the disguises). As they are running out team one has hit a snag. Before they could extricate the 30 some odd psykers from the faculity the alarms went off due to the Assassin within the complex running a muck. The problem was further compounded as everyone of team one had to press into a small room to avoid being seen by 4 chaos space marines, one of which had some kind of staff and robes.

Thus 2 rape trains were heading outside the complex (the eversor and the CSMs). My character, a psyker himself, knowing full well that there was no way 30 psykers could just sneak past all that lovely violence about to be unleash outside has a brain storm! Upon having it he instructs all the psykers to charge out in the name of the emporer, leaving out the part where my character would be charging the opposite way. Thus the following events played out as 30 psykers, 4 chaos space marines, and one eversor assassin collided.

>>10967307
>>10967308

Technically the theft of the Yacht came first, and is connected to the dropping, so I'll start there.

Old Man Henderson, with his erstwhile companion Jimmy (the Jock) and his Friends William Brocklaw, a once humble bartender (The now dead Detective's player. Old Man Henderson burned down his bar on accident and blamed it on the cultists. One bluff check later and he in the Posse.), and Simon Breckenridge, British Spy (the Professor's player, now six characters in. And yes, they were more or less all killed by Old Man Henderson).

Old Man Henderson had discovered that there was not one cult to the Elder Gods, but several. This complicated his search for his gnomes/crusade. He decided to enlist help in making the problem solve itself.

Using his contacts, Simon discovered that a Influential Cultist of Hastur was coming to town to try and figure out how an Avatar of his god was killed (more on this in the tanker truck incident). He also located the exact dock on which he would be landing his boat.

Jimmy, meanwhile discovered the home of the head of the local Cthulhu cults was at: a Penthouse suite downtown.

A plan was hatched.

>>10967443

Old Man Henderson used all of his cunning to steal a Military Cargo Helicopter (read: Shuroken'd the pilot and flew off), and hid it in an abandoned warehouse.

Jimmy, and Will set up a VERY EXPENSIVE surround sound speaker system at the docks, while Simon made and planted a lot of smoke bombs.

That night, the Yacht pulled in, and we made our move.

Right as Simon maneuvered the Helicopter over the docks, we set off the Smoke bombs and activated the Speakers.

On one side: A Fifty piece Marching band playing 'God Save the Queen' at max volume, and on the other the audio from the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan.

Imagine, for a moment what being on the dock would have been like.

Utter. Fucking. CHAOS.

We (the players) have decided to play a small but silly trick on a friend who is going to be DMing for us for the first time. We KNOW the bastard is going to put a rust monster in there somewhere, so we came up with a plan.

1. The barbarian is going to be a half-orc (for size and str)
2. The barb will be carrying a 4' wooden pole
3. The rogue will be carrying 2 lengths of rope

First, the barb will attempt to jump on the rust monster immobilizing it with his body. Then the rogue will immediately use one of the lengths of rope to hog-tie the rust monster. The second length of rope will be used to secure it to the wooden pole firmly.

The barbarian now has a Heavy Mace of Rust Monster.

Sure, the little bugger will die eventually, but it will be awesome in the mean time.

>>10967435
>Cont.

Everything was on the road to wrong when all the psykers aside from myself went on the same initiative. This would not be the first time that day the dice chose the most hilarious way to fall, but merely the first in a long string of buffoonery that left everyone who witnessed it first hand to start slack jawed in amazement. All this kicked off when it became the psykers turn.

The first psyker that tried to use his powers fucked up something fierce. He manifested but rolled a pair of 9s and thus had to roll on the psychic phenomena chart. Upon rolling again he is now rolling on the PERILS OF THE WARP chart. One roll later and the sky rains blood with the aptly named phenomena called Blood Rain. Unfortunately for everyone blood rain, aside from ruining whites, has only one property and that is to cause any psychic power cast within to automatically cause PERILS OF THE WARP and well if you remember all the psykers aside from mine went off at the same initiative. Thus 29 psykers all roll for what horrors the warp was to inflict upon this undeserving world.

29 rolls later and much has changed in the world. For one there are a few packs of deamons roaming free now, more than two people have had their minds swapped, one lucky bastard was devoured by the warp itself, and to top it all off an unbound deamon host was created. Thus seeing that not only have things gone tits up but had blown the tits off the situation everyone left alive legged it. Everyone else made it safely back though lacking the 30 psykers and leaving a tear in the fabric of space and time. Needless to say it was one of the most akward debriefings in gaming history as the small tear in the veil grew big enough for deamons to walk into the mortal plane and start warping the planet. Thus with embarrassment we were forced to turn the exterminatus key before we were all promptly turned into servo skulls for our gross incompetence.

>>10967569

The Eversor Assassin, what did he did?

>>10967569
wow

>>10967518

I jumped down from the Helicopter onto the boat, and rigged it to lift out of there. During the course of which I ran into the Cultist guy and Ninja Kicked him in the head, knocking him tail-over-teakettle and off the boat. I later learned that he broke his neck in the fall.

Damned convenient, otherwise he might have have been able to ID me.

We then lifted the boat out of there, switched to out secondary audio on all sides (My Heart Will Go On - Celine Dion. I was in a Vengeful mood, gnome stealing bastards.)

So when the cultists finally got the smoke to clear their Yacht was gone, their leader dead, and Celine Dion was stuck in their heads. Not the best of days.

Then we went across town, in a stolen Military Cargo chopper, carrying a 40ft Yacht, and 'parked' the helicopter above the penthouse, with the Yacht about 80ft above it. Then we cut the line, jumped out with our parachutes, and watched the Yacht ruin a dinner party while placing bets on whether the military would save the chopper, blow it up, or if it would just hover there until it ran out of fuel.

GURPS
GURPS
GURPS

>>10967569

Call of Cthulu 1920
Premade module, worthy of an epic campaign

There were about 7 or 8 chapters, of which we were on 3.

I played the character with uncalled for amounts of explosives.

Step 1: We arrive at the cultist gathering as part of our investigation, apparently we arrived just as they were getting ready to summon a bunch of minor gods.

In a hasty attempt to disrupt the ritual before its completion, I throw a hand grenade into the crowd. Turns out this did nothing as the gods in question promptly manifested before everyone. About half the party promptly faints from massive sanity loss, so we decide to high-tail our way out of there and pile back into our van.

Suddenly an undefined massive cthonic bird is chasing us, so ask "do we have any meat with us?"
One person: "My character is probably OCD enough to have packed a lunch-box"
2 ham sandwich grenades later the bird in question has an in flight meal, revealing it was being "piloted" by the person who was pretty much at the top of that chapters plot, and knew who we all were, unfortunately grenade number 4 missed him as we all drove away.

Party response: Let's get THE FUCK outa dodge.

We had a few clues for most of the following chapters by this point, so we decide to high-tail our way to the whatever place was the farthest away from where we were. Turned out we had a picture of a yacht in Beijing, so we decide to make the month long boat ride there.

It turns out that the final chapter was set in here. I accidentally the plot.

>>10967569

As you already teared the veil and created several portals to the warp, wouldn't an exterminatus be almost useless? Of course, it would deny a whole worlds population to chaos and all the resources of the planet, but the portals and holes would still be there. It should still be a daemons world after exterminatus, unless someone (black templars, another chapter?) went down to close all portals.

Shadowrun 4th
Troll Damage sponge

Killed over 400 people in a Corp building with a large metal door because they refused to pay my fee.

My DM kept screwing up the damage rolls and my soak rolls were off the chart.

Had my cleric that only used Fire and a vorpal spear thrown at the BBEG by the minotaur in the party. I roll a natural 20. BBEG fails his checks and dies. I pluminting down with the BBEG I use his dead body as a cushion, no damage.

>>10967759
Oh yeah it was the first hit on the BBEG. Asshole gods killed my god.

>>10967608

Now, time for what will forever be known as 'The tanker truck incident'. Notice 'The' is capitalized. This is because no matter what incidents in the future may involve tanker trucks, this is the definitive one.

It started out innocently enough, Old Man Henderson left the stakeout in a van outside the evil cult's meeting place to go get some hooch. The only people now there are the Detective, and James Fink (the professor's second character). Jimmy was gone because it was a school night (Old Man Henderson was a bad influence, but damned if he didn't have the kid's best interests at heart.)

The cultists see me leaving (I had a very distinct appearance, after all. VERY USEFUL in scoring TPKs.), and discover my friends spying on them. The detective gets a pretty GAR death, and James dies like a bitch. But not yet.

I'm on my way back, walking along. The Detective and James had been brought inside as part of a ritual to give Hastur an Avatar in our world (He had been banished, and the only way he could come here is via a loophole). He could only use people who knew he existed and had thwarted him trice as a host, and then he had to make them drink the life-blood of their closest friend to make the binding permanent.In case you're wondering, permanent binding = GAME OVER.

>>10967829

The first part of the ritual was completed, but before Hastur could take control, the detective broke James' Shackles and he tried to run.

He made it as far as the street, when the detective(Now Hastur) caught up with him, part demon-form.

Now where this church (for lack of a better term) was located, was at the end of the road on a T shaped intersection. There was a gas-station about three blocks away, which is where Old Man Henderson was while this was going down.

Old Man Henderson sees the shit hit the fan, and steals a Half-full tanker truck that WAS refilling the station's holding tank.

While I bring the truck up to ramming speed, I toss a 12 lb block of C-4 in the passenger seat and rig the detonator to the airbags.

>>10967917

Old Man Henderson then took a bracing shot of whiskey, jammed a knife through the gas pedal, then jumped of of the truck onto his heelies (Yes, he modified his combat boots to have heelies. I swear to god I had not planned this to happen, the heelies just sounded like something fucking ridiculous and in character).

He watched the Truck ram the detective into the church, the blew him and all the cultists to Kingdom Come. The truck also killed James By running him over.

That's when the back-trail ignited, fire going all the way back to the gas-station and destroying it; continuing my streak of accidentally destroying anything that might lead people back to Old Man Henderson.

I took a moment to call Jimmey.

"Henderson here. Figured out what the nasties are weak against."

"What's that Mr. Henderson?"

"Point blank annihilation."

*click*

>>10966313
If it was even a young adult dragon it would have DR, surely?

dear god...

Does anyone care If I throw up Hell on Ice?

It's my favorite of the bunch, but if nobody cares I'll save it for later.

>>10968068
>>10968042

Almost forgot to mention, there was a bar right next to the gas station called 'the Horrible Revelation', which was the one that Will had owned.

>>10968056
dont think DR existed in 2E
could be wrong, but it was either percentage or total immunity

>>10968068

fuckin' do it you crazy son of a bitch

>>10968068

For the love of god. MORE.

>>10968068
i want it
fuck yeah
hope you don't mind, but my next pnp character is going to be a total ripoff of the concept of Old Man Henderson

One last story before I hit the hay for the night.
Unknown Armies game, playing a Epideiromancer (flesh warper; if they get hurt, they get power from the experience). Gets himself arrested by a crazy Fed who is hunting down other fill-in-the-blank-mancers (in UA, that's a whole lotta people); I'm cuffed to a water heater and he's off to go grab supplies to torture me with (as he believes I know who ruined his life. Turns out, I do, but it was mostly guesswork on his part..) and I am strapped down, unable to even hurt myself until... I get an idea.

He comes back, I spit my tongue chunks out at him. Instantly, they become rope-y death chains, tie him to a chair and tighten. I escape by fracturing my wrists and ankles, then stalk over to him, all kinds of unhappy.
I see the shopping bags filled with random "torture" implements.
>I'm glad I waited until you got back.
I turned him into a proxy of myself; in game terms, it meant stuff which happened to him didn't have to happen to me first. So, every time he was injured, I got the boost from it. I wound up with a *lot* of charges from the experience. I was later able to set up a telephone to shoot a 12ga. into his colon by hitting speed dial on my cell. When I was attacking a random Mak Attak guy (McDonald's is a BBEG company in UA, sort of) I dialed it, gun goes off, I grow four additional arms and bright blue armored skin. Tore that burger-flipping idiot a series of new ones.

That's all I got, folks. Off to bed with me.

>>10968118

Okie-doke.

We were in the end-game, with zombies and shoggoths chasing us. I managed to get Jimmy Disappeared, so it was Old Man Henderson, Simon and Will going to the final strong-point we had.

An abandoned Hockey Stadium.

On the way there, we had rammed through a small home-and-garden store in our truck. And when we arrived, we started barring the doors and windows, when I noticed something. Our trip through the store had netted us a passenger: a single lawn gnome.

Somehow, I knew right then that this was it. No lucky turn of fate, no Deus Ex Machina... Old Man Henderson was going to die.

But I'd be damned if it wouldn't be the best fucking last stand ever.

Ok, I suppose I'll tell you guys about the Mockingbird.

In this campaign I was playing as a Wizard specialized on Necromancy and I had just started taking levels in Pale Master. I was quite powerful and the "moral leader" of the party, which I considered to be my bodyguards (and payed accordingly... they were more than happy to be so, don't think I was being a dick to my friends) when the DM decided to fuck with me. Using undeads.
So he opened the Monster Manual while we were on a trip to a big city and with a sadistic grin said "You see a gigantic pile of bones. It's the skeleton of a Cloud Giant. He attacks you, roll for initiative" (of course it was better than this, I'm summarizing, but nevertheless the skeleton had no reason to be there).
We roll, I go second, our group's monk is first.

As soon as the combat begins I start laughing out loud and ask the monk player to delay his action after mine, to see if I could pull out a trick. He accepts and watches.

Me: I cast Command Undead on the skeleton.
DM: ...What? Ok, I'll roll the Will Save.
Me: He has no save: it's a skeleton, and unintelligent undeads don't get a save. He's unintelligent, isn't he?
DM: Oh my God, you fucked me up.

As the giant skeleton bows down to his new master I turn back to my partners. "This creature is at our service now, and I assure you this will be for a long time. Shall we give him a name?"
The barbarian of the group immediately shouted: "LET'S CALL HIM MOCKINGBIRD!"
And Mockingbird it was. Years have passed since then, but to this day no one of us has ever known why he named a massive humanoid skeleton "Mockingbird".

The Mockinbird was destroyed after killing a Gold Dragon in a single grapple while falling from a tower, but this is another story.

System: D&D 3.5
Game: also D&D

>D&D3.5
>Custom Setting
>Various bending of rules from time to time

I'm playing a Paladin, and in the middle of a massive battle the Wizard gives me flight with intent of having me fly up and make the enemy general my bitch.

One round before I reach him, I realize he's under an anti-magic shield. So instead, I fly above it, and more importantly, directly above him. I ready my lance and charge downwards.

I got to add the falling damage to my attack.

>>10968311
Does Command Undead really work that way?

>>10968379
I have to admit, I always love hearing about a Paladin falling.

>>10968380
>http://www.d20srd.org/srd/spells/commandundead.htm
Check it out yourself.

>>10968138

Old Man Henderson should only be used for one thing: Completely fucking over a game in which the GM has it coming.

It's the equivalent of giving Deadpool the Beyonder's power and letting him go hog-wild.

>>10968218

You aren't sticking around for the ending of my tale? I'll make sure to archive the thread for you then.

>>10968224

I then revealed to the GM that Henderson was a World Champion Figure skater, Hockey player, and golfer.

The Backstory of Doom got one final use.

We had got almost all of the doors barricaded, but the zombie/shoggoth army kicked in the last door and got Simon, Will was pulled off the Zamboni after he manage to throw the Crate onto the ice.

The crate full of exploding hockey pucks.

Lasted a couple of minutes while blasting Bust A Move (Young MC) before the situation resolved into totally fucked. I switched to the next track as I yelled "HASTUR HASTUR HASTUR!".

The next track came on, it was the Canadian national anthem, which Old Man Henderson began to sing proudly, at the top of his lungs.

I then threw out the three pieces of knowledge that marked Old Man Henderson's Blaze Of Glory:

1: Calling Hastur's name 3 times will summon him, but only if the one who is truest foe at the time calls it (guess who).

2: When an elder God is summoned from beyond, they suffer a sort of summoning sickness. They're still unbelievably strong, but can be killed FOREVER if you hit them hard enough.

3: The building had enough explosives wired to make Michal Bay blush.

And that my friends, is the tale of how Old Man Henderson won Call of Cthuhlu

>>10968380
Yep.

>>10968380
i think so, but my experience of it is limited to Baldur's Gate
mostly due to my DM's insistence on realism, resulting in most of our characters dying horribly before getting anywhere *near* level 5 spells. no chaotic stupid villains in his world, no sirree

>>10968410
>>10968391

Aaaw. Man, I feel good for you!

And that's all the Tales for now.

I might do some Writefaggotry tomorrow or something.

I hope you enjoyed this trip down memory lane.

Has this thread been archived by chance? Seems worthy of it.

>>10968394
I shall await this thread's arrival in the archives. In the interim, I gift you with this - the icon of the Festive Hat.
Enjoy Your Festive Hat.

>>10968394

Dark Heresy.

Got lost, stumbled on a group of loyalist Terminators blasting the shit out of an enormous force of traitor tanks.

I run along with them as they retreat.

One problem. We're on a high level of the Hive, and the bulk of loyalist forces is like 60 stories down.

Either I stay, or I fall, I die. Terminators start jumping down like they don't give a fuck, their armour can take the fall.

So I tell the GM, I'm gonna climb on top of a Terminator, and brace myself.

I have to do some agility checks but all works out fine.

Suddenly, FUCKING TRAITOR VALKERIE GIVES CHASE! Now the Valkerie isn't much of a problem for the Terminator, but it is for me... So me and the Terminator begin frantically shooting at the Valkerie... Lucky for me, I have a meltagun, and the Valkerie has to stick close, because he's descending in the Hive. And I blow him up with my melta gun.

Few minutes later, the Terminator lands in a plaza, yes I said IN a plaza, with no damage, aside from some mangled servos in his feet. Me? I'm a human jellyfish, nearly anything broken.

The GM thought it was so awesome, that he let me return as an Inquisitorial Straken.

>>10968394
why do you think i need him? don't worry, i will not abuse his existance through needless trolling. He's far too awesome for that

>>10968457

Thank thee sir. I shall play for you the song of my people.

>DND 3.5 with a lot of "whatever" as far as bending the rules

My party had a fighter (me), a bard, a druid, and two more magical being things that were generally useless and thus ignored for the most part. We had just finished a scouting mission for an invasion fleet and set up camp with the indefinite number of invasion soldiers. We had just leveled to 7, and a colossal creature (that we never found out what it was, like dumbasses) attacked the camp. The druid cast something like Rage of the Giant, or whatever the name is, I don't really care, but it made pebbles that he threw turn into boulders. He rolled a natural 20 for picking up pebbles as he ran towards it,and we said it gave him 20 pebbles. He wound up killing the damn thing in the first turn with over 1,000 damage.

DM probably should have handled it differently, but I'm not complaining.

Hey, someone archived it!

I like how they called me a 'new' namefag, though I've been here off and on for years.

d20
D&D
Our retardation at the time

A group of druids approach the my party of friends (wizard, 2 fighters, cleric, rogue) after they have caused a large amount of upheaval in the towns nearby, even damaging a decent sized city when they tried to take them as prisoners for crimes (they are all 15-19 ecl/level).

As the droods are speaking, explaining their terms to the group who for the most part could care less, and will listen...the psychotic dwarf fighter in our party suddenly asks our wizard to summon a medium creature, a rhino, or something in general.

The wizard shrugs and poofs it into existance there near everyone talking, and the dwarf decides it will be HILARIOUS to lop off its head and then rape its neckhole. Of course done all in front of the druids. Everyone is pretty much like, "What the frack!?" Crazed, messy, angry combat ensued.

Also Cyberpunk 2020

The character I played was an accountant. An Arasaka accountant. BOD4, terrible eyesight, ugly face, completely unlikable greedy skinny fuck wearing the cheapest suit in the world. I needed underworld connections, as my superior was starting to notice that my own account is swelling, and i needed a hitman. So i barge into a couple hardass bars with my bodyguard [a manape - ex sumo wrestler with enough cyberware put into him that you could take it out and build a fridge out of it] being as socially inept as possible, waving my corporate ID, waking for a sign from God. The sign came when someone shot the head off of my ape. I decided that this is the right place, ignored the guns pointing and asked to be sent to the boss. I was dragged into the office of a charming shaved bear, and when asked whether i'm a fucking suicidal idiot i produced a can of Sarin nerve gas and a stack of cash from my jacket. I gave the bearman my card and 20 grand in cash for finding me a professional, promised him a premium on Arasaka products if he contacts me to do business, and left.

>>10964474
>Ref + Athletics + dice roll = 43.
holy cow. So, um, godlike REF, decent Atletics + 2 rerolls?

>>10967237

so much win in this thread! SO MUCH WIN!!!!!

>>10968938

Glad you like it.

i surfed a troll down a huge mountain with my monk.
also i moved 200 feet in one move lol
d20
pathfinder
im awesome

>>10964326
The craziest shit I ever done was in a oWoD hybrid campaign. I was playing an Iteration X technocrat wizard which was pretty deranged thanks to a recent experience he had with ancient malkavian.
Tied up the 75 years old grandma of a werewolf to the front of a tank truck which container was full of acid with a group of young vampires floating inside, trying to escape. Let's say while I hit the truck against the building where the werewolves had their reunion I was listening Dimmu Borgir's Progenies of the great apocalypse.
Shit was brutal epic.

>>10969145
good sir, as the poor aussie bastard who's capped his net with no games to play (but plenty of new music) i request MORE FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS HASTUR.
i can only imagine pic is how the tanker truck incident went down.

>>10969287
with fire instead of air of course.

>>10968724
That's fucking retarded.

>>10969279

almost worthy of a henderson there

>>10969317

I'll tell some more tales if y'all up-vote the thread on sup/tg/.

I've told all the really good Old Man Henderson stories, but I could throw out how the Professor's other three characters died.

I've also got a bunch of 'epic hero' like stories like the Paladin one I opened with.

>>10969287


Not really. If you paid attention, you would have noticed that Old Man Henderson leveled two city blocks, separated by about 600 yards. And that he escaped the explosion by jumping out of a speeding semi-truck onto a pair of heelies and gliding away.

That in the pic is also an implosion, literally the exact opposite of what I did.

>>10969317
>>10969279

I like how we now rate the epic by calling it 'Henderson worthy'.

bump for the bump god!

>>10969415
You might as well.
Personally I think he's worthy of a 1d4chan article (at the very least)

>>10969287
This is why you always open the air vents BEFORE turning on the pump to empty the tanker.

>>10969415
in my head i meant what it must have seemed like at point zero. like gravity itself decided against you, and as i said, with alot more fire, i dont have anything ANYTHING to even remotely describe what happened for the entire incident.

Game D&D 3.5

Me and my party were trying to escape from a large orc stronghold underground. Since I was playing a psion, and knew how to stack buffs like crazy, I was the go-to guy for pulling of crazy shit.

The only way out we could get to was a tunnel behind a waterfall. However, this was the main water source for the stronghold and there were more orcs there than we were likely to be able to kill. I volunteered to cause a distraction while the other party members snuck out the tunnel.

The cave the stronghold was in was primarily supported by a single large stone column not far from the waterfall. Instead of a bunch of sparks and lights like the party expected, I used a sonic blast to demolish the base of the column. My shields absorbed the impact from the first of the debris, while I used a short teleport to reach the rest of the party by the tunnel.

The ceiling collapsed and according to the DM, killed about 60 orcs, and wounded many more. The entire stronghold was effectively destroyed, and we all escaped relatively unscathed.

Crazy bump!

3.5
DnD
See image.
Basic house rules were:
This is Amazo, he rolls on the dungeonmaster's guide's list of items and uses its effect. Now it's time to run away from the magical nuke you just unleashed.

>>10970256
And now, for the other craziest shit I did:
4th E DnD

So, I'm the new warlock on the block, a starpact warlock who is not in anyway a worshiper of the outer gods. Now, I came in in the middle of a session with a very interesting house rule. All of the players are basically soul bound to dragons. They call and their respective dragon comes. Now, as part of this prophecy thing there's no more free spots for any race I feel like playing. So I decide to say "fuck it, I'm going to do without"

This leads to me being a warlock for hire in the employ of one of the dragonbound. I constantly get made fun of for not having a dragon to back me up. Until the avenger gets a quest which involves saving a dragonborn town from an evil spider worshiping cult inside of a mountain. Try as they might, they can't figure out how to get a dragon into a tiny series of underground tunnels. So we set off fighting our way through it on our own.

We get down to the bottom level and are suddenly busy fighting giant spiders. There are about 3 the size of woodsheds and one the size of a small inn, in addition to their followers. Now, we're not getting anywhere leg hacking at the big one so I teleport onto its back and start shooting it in the back of the head. The others get the same idea and start to climb up its legs. Before long half the party is ontop of the spider laying waste to it.

Before long we've used up pretty much all of our encounters and dailies and THEN the DM tells us that we've gotten it bloodied. Well, we're all expecting this to go poorly at this point, especially when this thing starts to heat up like a blast furnace, scorching the people on its back.
(continued)

>>10970374
So it's about this point that our retarded paladin fighting stuff on the ground gets hit by a tiny spider which blows up like a fucking hand grenade. My jaw drops and I look to the other party members and shout something to the effect of "what the fuck was that?"

They tell me that these spiders explode. They have these stinger things around their ass that are highly explosive.

I give them an indignant look. I know that one of them has a ring that can teleport them out of here so I quickly inform them:
"Everyone still here in 6 seconds dies"
Now, this results in an argument. A bunch of them are worried about whether or not they can trust the new guy or if I even know what I'm doing. They quickly ask me what I'm planing. My response:
"You're down to 3 seconds"

Well, this gets a quick response and before I know it I'm alone, in a cavern full of madmen, standing on a spider the size of an inn.

I dash for the back of this thing and slide off, grabbing the stinger and pulling it free. I stick the landing and somehow don't break my legs before directing an eldritch blast into the stinger, setting it off. Jaws drop around the table. The LE warlock just sacrificed himself...

And then I point to my character sheet, specifically the utility power shielding shades, which states that once per day I can be immune to any one damage source I choose. And then these words roll off my tongue: "I choose the explosion."
(continued)

>>10970484
So, they're standing outside of the mountain and a giant rolling fireball blasts out of the cave mouth as the entire mountain shutters thanks to a chain reaction of explosive spiders.

Now, here I am, in a crumbling mountain, on my last few hitpoints. I am forced to flee like a bat out of hell. Fortunately I remembered the way out, the DM seemed to be really hoping I'd forget and get crushed to death. Better still, I remembered a few good points where I could shorten my trip by teleporting through thin walls. I get hit with a few falling rocks and steadily moved down to about 2 or 3 hitpoints. I know that if I go unconscious here I WILL die, no two ways about that.

And then all at once I see the mouth of the cave. I hurl myself free and tumble down a hill infront of the party before standing up and looking into a myriad of stunned faces. The following line rolls off my tongue:
"That is not dead which can eternal lie
and with strange eons even death may die
I am Obed Marsh the Third, and I am immortal"
Bluff roll is made at amazing pluses and to this day they believe that I'm immortal.

I then proceed to look at the rogue and her dragon and command: "Take me back to town, I need a beer and a woman."

And this is the story of how a LE warlock ended up destroying a mountain, saving the day, and marrying the hottest dragonborn in town.

Next up, the story of when the BBEG started to try to assassinate our families.

-Violently realistic homebrew system
-Naruto-style 'Ninjas' game

My 14 year old character puppet mastered the fall of an entire clans leaders, from the generals up to the head, who was the head of the military of his own village, using nothing but his wits, manipulation of 3 different village leaders, selling information and the fact that they wern't keeping an eye on him because he was 14, while avoiding their assassins and several outside forces that wanted to kill him, had them all murdered, set his own foes against each other, including a living, walking God (Level >100 when average human was 5<) and lived.
No compromise from the GM, all things played out realistically and fairly as the dice fell and there was a running betting pool in our group with 10-1 odds that I'd die in the first session after I started this plan.
I did it because they killed my Maid (Who was my friend) trying to get scare me into working for them.
I later became leader of my village and managed to enforce a Pax Roma on the entire world, having started off as just a kid.
That character was fucking awesome.

>>10970738
sounds gay and weeaboo.

>>10970738
>living, walking God
>all things played out realistically

>>10971044
As in it wasn't "You plan it, it goes perfectly" it was "Mess this up and you are in so much trouble it isn't even funny." since I wasn't that powerful. It was a high fantasy world after all.

Bumping in hope for more Waffle House Millionaire stories.

Exalted
The players ended up trying to stop a living 'oh-shit-switch' who's purpose was to end the universe as he merged with a gate that led to the end of times by using a ritual created by their past selves that inverted the nature of whatever it targeted. The gate became a gate to the beginning of all potential worlds and the 'avatar of nothing' became a fundamental part of every universe achieving omniscience and going completely insane in the process. He's been the BBEG in various states of his development since this happened and he refers to the players personally, often speaking past their characters. It seemed like it would be cheesy but it's honestly unnerved my players especially knowing that it's their fault he exists.
I figured Exalted is an epic system and nothing's more epic that bleeding into every system I run.

I played a session of FATAL.
No, I will not prove this, as I burned the book and the character sheets.

>>10970633
We're waiting.

>>10969415
Thread has been up-voted. I demand the promised stories.

>>10967569
Fucking hilariuous, I lol'd

Excellent thread, sirs. Excellent thread.

BUMP

bumpan

I cut off an entire temple of Lolth from any connection to the bitch-god, right when she was about to possess the DM's girlfriend's drow duskblade character for a yet another mary-sue moment, likely with her getting allowed to kill some/all of the party.

Shot down all of his plans for the session and destroyed her annoying "look at me" climax.

Of course, that campaign was ALL sorts of fucked up. I didn't know any better, it being my first, but there you go.

>HERO system
>Low Fantasy campaign

We were just dudes, A nerdy Scribe, a mute Blacksmith, and a Foreign DMPC that spoke Spanish, and we were caught up in some weird conspiracy thing involving a Macguffin that was a small iron sphere.

The bad guys found out we had said macguffin, so the blacksmith started hammering out dozens of small iron spheres, after hiding the real one somewhere safe(But nowhere near safe enough.)

Goons break into Smithy at night, start ransacking the place- Cue slapstick hilarity as our combat-worthless characters beat the shit out of the thugs with Iron balls rolled down stairs, dropped off balconies, flung like shotputs, and what have you.

The thugs eventually run off, clutching sacks full of heavy, heavy iron spheres. The BBEG was not amused.

Pic was our faces.

I got another one. My character wound up advancing to 40th level in AD&D 2nd in a matter of months (not my fault, our DM was a moronic fuckwad at the time).

So there was this apocalypse happening, and apparently Lolth knew some kind of secret that could help.

So, my wizard (who went mad as a side-effect of his rapid power advancement) decides that he is going to march off to the Demonweb Pits and make Lolth give up the secret. He brings along a chair and rope, to tie her down and smack her 'till she talks.

I wind up setting the plane on fire and taking out everything, sending the big walking spider city plummeting and slaying Selvetarm. It was put to a stop when Lolth herself showed up and our DM decided that she could just make things happen that don't allow saves.

All in all it really shouldn't have happened.

>>10964326
Roll and Keep
Legend of the Five Rings

We were hunting a group of evil cultists and their leader. We cornered them and their leader summons a giant oni made of stone. As it starts smashing its way through the town we are in I run up to the second story of a building and leap onto it. I then climb up it Shadow of Colossus style and start attacking its head. I end up landing the killing blow by stabbing it in the eye. As the evil spirit loses control of the rock that it inhabited, it starts crumbling. I manage to surf the demon's head down coming to a stop in front of my daimyo. Without missing a beat I casually brush myself off, bow deeply to my daimyo, and ask "Shoju-sama, have you had tea this afternoon? I know a wonderful tea house a short distance from here that stocks your favorite tea."

Needless to say I became the talk of the court for the rest of the winter.

GURPS 4e, with a futuristic/apocalyptic setting
House rules: cinematic-style campaign
The last day of a long-running campaign, I wanted to give my PCs something they'd remember. They were assaulting the base of some sort of final boss. The guy they'd been chasing was shot dead in the last mission by an unknown sniper.
The PCs are special ops, with various skills. One of them can teleport, so he jumps to the top of the tower (they're infiltrating a gulag that's been heavily modified) and sees the guy that was shot. The boss grins as the PC pays for his impatience by getting shot in the back by his best friend (who was conveniently an NPC). As he bleeds out, he shoots the boss. In a last-ditch effort, he barrels out of the window with his former friend in tow. They battle down this huge tower, he ends up breaking his spine and legs AND dislocating BOTH his arms. But he manages to kill his enemy. Meanwhile, his backup has finally gotten to the top of the tower, only to find out that a) a shit ton of nukes are going to be launched off in a matter of minutes and b) spetsnaz are arriving in droves. They fight their way halfway down the tower and fall the rest of the way. At the bottom, the leader of the party discovers he has no way of disarming the nukes, so he somehow manages to knock off one of the guiding fins and use himself as a counterbalance. He makes his rolls, and ends up directing the nuke back down onto the gulag, killing the party and whilst destroying the nukes.
It was a good, good day.

3.5
Eberron
Action Point Feats
Thunderguide Prestige Class
Rod of Ropes, Rod of Wands

So we played a high level game and I pretty much went
all rogue and as many levels of Thunderguide that I could.
Thunderguide is a prestige class that lets you do
awesome cinematic hero stuff (you automake any climb
check to save a person, etc.). So I spent money on a
Rod of Ropes (Batman's Grapple gun) A Rod of Wands
(rod that fires 3 wands of scorching ray at once), and a
little +1 elbow blade.


This dragon comes along and flyby breath weapons the
Lyrandar Airship and kills a bunch of our red shirts. While
the rest of the party rolls initiative, I say "Eat me,
Dragon!" and take a flying leap off the airship onto it's
back. We get into a Kratos style battle where I'm
stabbing it in the back, crawling all over it, digging a
whole into it's spine, unloading a round or two of my
magic shotgun into it's spine hole. It takes human form
and throws me off when we're about five hundred feet in
the air. It starts laughing and waving until it gets hit in the
face by my grapple gun. I use the momentum to jab it in
the neck. It reexpanded into a dragon and goes into a death spiral, me swinging along by my grapple gun,
clipping it's wings with scorching ray blasts. I start dirt
surfing as it slams me into the ground, but I keep on
extendo stabbing/ shotgun blasting him. The airship can't
keep up with me, so my kobold storm bro decides he's
just gonna fly directly up with his stormlance and wait. I
start guiding the dragon with an impromptu rod of ropes
tug. At the right moment, kobold drops like a meteor onto
this dragons skull from 100 feet up. Me and the dragon
are now hurtling towards the ground. I wait for the last
possible second, then feather fall pin. I dust myself off,
then take the dragons eye for a draconic graft.

d20 Modern/Future/Past/Apocalypse
A steampunk/weird west homebrew setting
No house rules that affect the story.

The party consists of a psychic diplomancer businessman/writer in it for ADVENTURE (me), a mad scientist obsessed with dinosaurs, a mutant martial artist investigator, an investigative journalist, and an anthropologist mage.

We were investigating some missing automatons and had discovered a secret gathering of them preparing to start a revolution. We intercept the leader while he's in transit and manage to kill all but one of the automatons who had been accompanying him. Luckily this automaton had been knocked overboard (we were in the giant sewers and were fighting on a pirate ship) at the start of the fight and had no clue what happened when we pulled him out of the drink. I managed to convince him that the leader had decided to go into hiding because some people were catching on to him, and that I was his second in command who had been undercover for the last little while. Diplomacy/Bluff skills are best skills.

I plant two codewords with him. The first is to initiate the revolt, and the second is to assist anyone that says the codeword. I then tell him to return to the gathering of automatons and relay this information. Set myself up with an information network AND stopped a revolution all in one go.

Then the fucking journalist had to report this shit in the newspaper even after I explicitly told him not to.

bump for stories?

>>10983373
Where do I find this Thunderguide PrC?

D&D 4e

Our DM gave us a riddle room that would crush us if we didn't answer correctly. He didn't know how much I loved riddles.

He didn't even get to finish telling the riddle before I screamed out the answer and crushed his hopes of giving us a challenge. The look on his face was priceless.

>>10984552
What was the riddle?

D&D 3e

My character was a human thief in a party where we were all starting out in the underdark. We had been captured and sold into slavery. When we were trying to escape, a city guard had caught onto us, and we realized none of us stood a chance against the fucker, because he was wielding Masterwork Longsword of penetration +5 and we were all unarmed. He dealt a critical hit on my bro, and it was then I knew I had to come up with something that would just throw the DM in a loop.

Something he wouldn't see coming from a mile away. As the Drow guard was getting his bearings after his attack, it gave me an opportunity to run up to him and kiss him. I'm not talking a little peck on the cheek or smooch on the lips. I'm talking fucking this dude's mouth with my tongue. Now, this sort of thing isn't normal for me to attempt, mind you. I'm normally the serious roleplayer out of the bunch. The DM was fucking speechless. Everyone looked at me with expressions of awe and disgust. I wouldn't stop with the kiss. I began to describe it in graphic detail. Each motion of my tongue against his. The DM just told me I won the grapple, and managed to wrest the sword from his hand. The other members of my party managed to pick it up. I consider it one of the greater moments in D&D.

>>10984918
How did the party take it? How'd the rest of the campaign go for you after that?

>>10964507

http://www.reallifecomics.com/

>>10984552

Heh, reminded me of a Pokemon tabletop (No, not PTA) I was playing, where Lance showed up as part of a gym battle. All we had to do was beat him at a non-poke challenge. He suggested riddles.

I'm a Theater/MYthology major. My friend is English/Fine Arts. Lance stormed out of that room 0 to 5. It was a 3 riddle challenge.

Okay, this wasn't me specifically, but it was another character in the group. It also happened quite recently.

System: Star Wars Saga Edition (Rebellion Era)

Essentially, we were a group of Rebels. We landed on Fondor, with the mission of investigating activity in the shipyards. To do this, we all took jobs, and were split up accordingly. One of our players was an astromech droid who was assigned to accounting.

I'll take a brief recess here to say that this little guy is optimised. I fucking shit you not. Only second level, and he has a Use Computer modifier of +23 through various min-maxing and other crap, including a repurposed droid brain that he uses for automatic Aid Another checks. He was also the funniest character in the game, period, and his antics were often a point of hilarity.

Anyway, rather than follow the plan (espionage), he decided that he would do something else, something that came to be called Operation: Troll The Empire. And oh the things that he did.

>>10985402
First, he hacked in from the terminal he was using. With some pretty high-level Use Computer checks, he bumped the attitude of the computer up to friendly, so it would help him. He then proceeded to hack his way deep, deep into the shipyard systems. He encountered an AI there that was supposed to be an end boss, and vanquished it in a digital hacking war (weapons being essentially E-bombs and so on). I won't go into the details of the fight, but suffice be it to say that he won, and got into the central computer system. Then the REAL shit started.

He triggered a general evacuation alarm across the entire shipyard, claiming that Rebel X-wings had entered the shipyards and were attacking. All the shipyard workers ran to the escape pods, which subsequently launched. And then the real hilarity began. The Star Destroyers on station sent TIE fighters to destroy the "X-wings" and began shooting them down. Except there was a slight hitch. This little astromech had switched all the escape pod IFF transponders over to display the data of X-wings. Which meant that the TIEs were doing nothing more than killing all their own people.

>>10985413
In the meantime, the astromech was downloading every scrap of information that we had been sent to steal, basically accomplishing our mission for us. He also accessed all the security feeds, and spliced himself out of them, so that he couldn't be detected (he had, I remind you, almost universal control over main systems). Next, he accessed shipping records for the construction yards, and changed all the delivery dates for parts and items to the same hour of the same day. For EVERY SINGLE SHIPYARD CONSTRUCTION IN THE FONDOR SYSTEM. He also placed priority orders for one hundred and seventy five metric tonnes of screws and bolts, priority shipping, amongst other oddities, and plotted to sign a number of high-ranking military officers up for the nastiest alien porn you can think of. Gammorrean, whatever.

Eventually, some intelligent pilot realised that he was not, in fact, shooting X-wings, and the attack halted, with the Imperial commander realising that he had Rebels loose in the facility (funnily enough, the rest of us were being good little workers, and had actually done nothing wrong). The astromech had, in the meantime, buried himself in the system to watch for any sign of the rest of our group. He also pulled up charts of power usage from engineering, and noted several "secret" rooms that we would wind up investigating later on. Now he would move on to the more violent parts of Troll The Empire.

>>10985428
Making sure that the rest of us were out of the way, he sealed the doors where necessary and vented the entire station to vacuum, killing pretty much all of the workers on board the station. He then repressurised the station and erased his presence from the system computers, retaining the access codes to get in again whenever the hell he felt like it.

Unfortunately, when he got back to the leader of our group, said leader blurted out something in the presence of an Imperial worker, who was shocked at the fact that his underlings were really Alliance operatives. Never fear, though, for the astromech was a quick thinker. He used his on-board tazer to knock the worker into unconsciousness. Then, with the guy lying insensate on the floor, he shot him in the head for a quick kill. He then returned to the computer terminal, accessed the security systems, and erased them to get rid of the evidence and then removed his presence from the system once more.

Troll The Empire, it need not be said, was a smashing success. And there was never any evidence that that little astromech droid had ever been there to enact it in the first place.

Bump

>>10985402
>>10985413
>>10985428
>>10985447

Holy Shit...

That was awesome.

>>10985447
I would award this Astromech +1 internets, but he probably already took +15.

bump for daytime /tg/

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>>10985402
>>10985413
>>10985428
>>10985447

More about this guy, please. That's awesome.

bump

This thread is too epic to die just yet.

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>D&D 3.5
>Basically go to evil tower in forbiden land and kill evil sorcerer
>one custom class (think barbarian but different) and two dragonborns were in the party with ECL.
After a combat that ended with one of the dragonborns useing his ice breath to frost an entire room lots of slapstick followed

Kaiser (dragonborn) finds and tries to break a now frozen chest open and fails even with massive strength, so Sciath (the barbarian custom class), boasting, goes to break the chest and catches his halberd on the ceiling (nat 1). They both start laughing. Kiser fails a save and falls over the chest in laughter. Bright Justice (swordsage) and Stroud (ranger) both hear laughter and lead everyone to the ice room. Stroud does a search check and finds the unbreakable chest’s key and everyone fails saves. Sciath tries to kick Kiser off of the chest but slides back into the desk due to the ice. He laughs so hard he passes out after failing to resist suffocation (he'd been laughing 12 rounds strait failing to stop). Bright just picks up the chest and waits for everyone outside the cave not failing a single save. Stroud and Kaiser together return Sciath to consciousness. Sciath resumes laughing madly immediately after waking up. Stroud slaps Sciath in an attempt to sober him up, failing, being answered by Sciath saying, “Do it rough, daddy.” Kaiser fails his will save to resist laughing. Stroud slaps him again, driving him within 1 nonlethal point of a second unconsciousness. Sciath succeeds at last in sobering up. Once outside, Stroud, at last opens the chest, using the key he’d found. It contains a moldy bread crust and two broken forks.
We forced the DM to make it a magic item
Sebastian Box (enchanted) Special ability: Camaraderie Rest of encounter sees +1 morale bonus to will saves

D&D 3.5
FR
Able to create new tricks for animals

My evil character, Grim (I know, original, right?) is a rogue/ranger/assassin. He steals an awesome horse and turns it into his animal companion. For tricks, he taught the thing to pick pocket. He got it enchanted horseshoes that gave it a fly speed equal to it's land speed (perfect), and a saddle that made it invisible while I was invisible (using my ring of invisibility).

So I had an invisible, flying, pick-pocketing horse. Named Glue.

#2: Same character. We killed this dragon named Despayr (from the Cormyr adventure book). Cut the dragon into pieces and had shit made out of him. Cloaks, weapons, armor, whatever. Grim takes some of the rune-covered wing leather and makes a thong out of it, so that a powerful servant of Shar will always be cradling his junk. Even had the Thong of Despayr enchanted so the runes on it still glowed.

This thread is epic enough to deserve its own board.

this thread is too awesome to die yet

Somebody should post that huge story about the Tarrasque who gets awakened and trained by a lich to be an epic-level caster, develops some way to fly, then does battle with the PCs giant flying fortress with it over top of a clash of armies.

I hereby suggest the use of "Henderson magnitude scale of plot derailment quake" to be used from hereon. 1 full Henderson rates as "total derailment".

>>10964902
harry keogh is that you?

Beginning a low level D&D campaign. Sea monster attacked our ranger and pulled him out into the deep water because he had done something dumb. Obviously this encounter was foreshadowing for a later encounter with the beast and we weren't meant to be able to kill it yes.

I, a halfling rogue, had recently bought a giant pig from a farmer as food for the trip. I had the thing on a rope leash. Well, I lassoed the ranger as the tentacly water monster hurled him around and the pig ran off, pulling him to safety.

>>10998491

Oh god I actually remember that story. The ending was obscenely epic.

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aha. took some searching, but i do have the screencap of the tarrasque story.

Star Wars RP
Took down a chicken walker by myself with one c4 and a grenade.

>>11000712
God, thank you. I love that story so much.

Became a god at level 16.
D&D 3.5
D&D 3.5
Evidently when you use a combined Miracle and Wish to undo the genocide of all dragons, thus saving the draconic gods from nonexistence, they take note of it. Go figure.

During the same Warhammer Fantasy RPG Chaos campaign, my buddies and I were playing a party Chaos warriors. Among my personal epicness during the campaign:
1. Session one, we're all bragging about how much we're going to screw the Empire. I passionately assert "10 soldiers? 100 soldiers? I'll slaughter the ENTIRE EMPIRE!" and slam my fist down on the couch... accidentally turning on the DVD player, which immediately begins loudly playing the Imperial March from Star Wars.

>>11000992
2. While in the Chaos Wastes, we're attacked by some mutated orcs... the one attacking me has a long, stretchy tongue, which he is using to attack me from a distance so I can't get at him, and I can't concentrate enough to hit him with a ranged weapon. I make a homebrew agility test to grab the tongue, epically critical, roll a strength test, and manage to pull the orc to me, clobber him, and cut off his tongue... which I then used as a belt for the rest of the campaign. One of the other orcs was mutated so he could remove and reattach his limbs with no ill-effects, so we captured his head and eventually forced him to go along with us under the condition that we find him a body again.

3. Sometime later, we're selling slaves to a Chaos army who is laying siege to a hold full of Chaos dwarves, who are screwed if the attackers get their daemon cannon working. I get the idea to play both sides against each other, sell off our slaves for massive profit, and manage to bomb the daemon cannon with a barrel disguised as a massive keg of beer. We have already been toting a matching keg around the attackers' encampment as payment for the slaves, and generally celebrating our good fortune. We wrap our biggest guy up in a cloak and top it with the severed orc head as a disguise. Since the orc is on our side, and now bigger and meaner lookin' than all the other orcs, it allows us to place the bomb-keg next to the cannon "fer celebratin' afters". Of course, we then leg it back to our camp and waited for the boom, receiving a reward from the daemon we freed from the cannon.

>>11001001
4. While in a village dedicated to Slaanesh, all of our party (except the mage, whose player was still a virgin at the time) enthusiastically participated in a massive orgy... at the moment of simultaneous orgasm, as the entire village came, a massive wave of cum went crashing towards the mage, who managed to cast "Protection from Rain" just in time... leaving a nice, dry little cut-out figure of his outline against the wall behind him. I made several successful climb rolls to climb up the leg of the Greater Daemon we'd summoned with the orgy, and managed to have sex with her.

>>11001080 (Same guy)
This is my old DM's story (so I may have some of the details a little wrong, forgive me):
He was joining a DnD campaign (I think 2nd or 3rd ed), starting off as a first level gnome illusionist, among a party of mostly fifth and sixth level characters, so for his first session he got ignored a lot. The party came up to an old mansion they'd been climaxing towards for a week, looking for a Wyrmkin bauble. When they got there, they were greeted at the door by a high-level vampire, and attacked him... after a rough and lengthy battle, they managed to kill the vampire. Deeply hurt, and low on magic and HP, they wandered into the mansion... and were immediately engulfed in flames. At this point, the party starts telling Richard, my old DM, all about how to save their bodies, and where to go for ressurections, etc... so he cooly looks his DM in the eye and asks "Can my character hear the voices of the dead now? Because they seem awfully noisy." It turns out that the vampire was essentially a glorified butler for the dragon who lived in the mansion... So Richard trotted right up to him, and cast three cantrips: Spice (Salt, on the dragon's nostrils), Spice (Pepper, also on the dragon's nostrils), and Tie (on the dragon's whiskers). Well, the DM rolled and the dragon failed all his saves, so the dragon sneezed and tore up his own nose. Clutching his face in pain, he said "Look, just take whatever the hell you want and leave!" So Richard asked for the Wyrmkin bauble, received it, and went on his merry way.

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>>10994122

Hrm. There's a tale that emphasises how he did not like to be threatened from way back earlier. I'm going off memory here, and it was a long time ago now, so bear with me. It's PC on PC violence, but that happens occasionally in our games, so we just go with it.

Noticing that he was being, shall we say, overbearing and dangerous with how often he was hacking into and stealing from, well, everybody, one character had finally had enough, and put a blaster to his head. In no uncertain terms, she declared that if he didn't cool his heels, she would shoot parts off him piece by piece. He was very, very quiet for the rest of the session, and those of us who had guessed his general outlook realised that he was planning revenge.

Later that "night" (game time), he enacted his revenge. Being a droid, he didn't need to sleep like the rest of the party did, and conveniently for him, the ship we were using at the time had fairly well seperated sleeping quarters. Deciding that he would indulge in poetic justice for the threat, he stole a concussion grenade from the character who had threatened him, and spent an hour or two stripping it down to the core charge. To make sure it would do the job, he added some more explosives to it as well.

>>11002310

Playing a recording that he had made of the threats, he triggered it so that when the recording ended, the grenade (disguised as innocuous machinery) would explode. Jimmying the lock on the hatch to the character's room, he deposited the explosive there, and then bailed, locking the door behind him so she couldn't escape. When she woke up, she was hearing her own threats played back at her from this odd little box, and by the time she realised what it was, it was too late (and there were no exits from the room - he'd sealed them all). The charge exploded, blowing out one entire side of the ship and taking her with it (instakill from the amount of damage dealt).

She was also the character with the most wealth and could have carried much of the cost of repair on the ship, but the droid had thought ahead. He hacked into her accounts and stole all her cash BEFORE planting the explosive.

>>10998795
i endorse this idea

>>10966313

Yeah, yeah, late in replying. Most huge monsters like that have an ability that enables them to ignore 1 or more squares of forced movement, just like the dwarf racial. Not 4e's fault if you don't read the stat block correctly.

I can't believe this thread has lasted almost two days. I wish I had another story to tell.

>>11004122
Because of dedicated bumpers and epic stories.

Not me, but my DM friend of mine was telling me about how he was running a campaign where the players were a Druid, a Ranger, a Sorcerer, and a Paladin. Somehow, they got TPKed, but their familiars and animal companions survived and won the encounter. He let the players continue on as their animals. Don't know how well that turned out for them, but it made me lol.

bamp

>>10964683
What the fuck. That's brilliant.

d20 Past.
Pulp Heroes.
A shot from 1200 yards with a .50 caliber handgun (DC 85) hits (with a 20) and deals 3d6+3 damage (we disregard range penalties when we roll crits when getting damage going, mainly because we were running a lot of sniper rifles and the range increment was tiny) for 21 damage. Because the handgun was enchanted, when it crits it 1-hit kills (headshot rule). So, we wound up killing a monster with 650 hp with one shot from a handgun.

Star Wars RPG
Star Wars RPG
A custom made flaw, where the character can not see anything beyond "Threat" or "Non-threat" in battle. a Threat is anyone (friend or foe) facing him with a weapon.

My friend told me this story where he walked in to a fight where his partner, a Jedi, was fighting. So he goes into Battle friend or foe mode, and starts fireing. Going from right to left, the Jedi was facing away from him, so he skipped him. However, a few rounds later, going from left to right, the Jedi is facing him and holding a light saber. So he fires, rolls to hit, then rolls damage, and it's just enough to kill the Jedi.

Another guy at the table says "Wait, after all that shooting, dont you need to reload?"

They count it out. the last bullet he fired was just before the Jedi.

>DM: ...Ok, so <Jedi>, <shooter> points a gun at you, and it goes 'click click click!'. <Shooter>, you snap out of it so you can reload.

bamp

Wow, Long Thread. Full of Awesome. Kudos to you all.

I have a contribution.

DnD 3.5
All Rulebooks allowed. Casual allowance of Rule of Cool.

This game was about 8 years ago, so my memory is fuzzy. Main campaign was a really long lasting one-shot-turned setting, so standard dungeon crawling near our homebase town. Party was a Druid, Barbarian (player learning about the Frenzied Berserker and held that as his ultimate goal), a "Shotgun Sorcerer" -> Made to blast anything, and if that didn't work, add more blasting, and my character. . . A wild mage.

I am going to heavily condense this story, although I plan on neatly writing it up later with it's full embellishments. Maybe tomorrow.

>>11010114
So anyway, wild mages work just like regular mages, only they get a variation with their spells. Some cast as if they were of a higher caster level, some if they were weaker or lower caster level. As an added rule, their numeric stats varied too, such as duration, range, etc. I like the randomness and was having a great time with this character (I can roll with the punches, and true enough, this character backfired on me more often than not). Important to note here is that all wild magic spells have a chance to cause a wild surge, which is basically a random Rod of Wonder like effect. . . Interesting, random and mostly harmless. . .

Now, Wild mages also have a slightly expanded spell list. The only noteworthy spell for this story is Nawhal's Random Dweomer. Basically it cast any other prepared spell at it's spell level, and garanteed a wild surge. (So, for instance, a level 9 random Dweomer would surge, and cast a different prepared level 9 Spell or lower).

Now, being that my character is mostly the joke of the party, and my best friend plays like a human computer, there is some goodnatured interparty tension. My friend playing the shotgun sorcerer as good as challenges me to a magical duel.

Being the rational and levelheaded master of magic that I am, I accept.

>>11010162
My prepared spell list is a single magic missle spell, and the rest of my spellbook is filled with Random Dweomer. We are roughly level 16, with rings of wizardry, so that's a lot of spells. His sorcerer is full of ammo, designed to level towns.

We square off in the street and he hits me with some maximized lightning, figuring I'll have protection or dispelling or something.

I get blasted, shrug it into my HP, and counter attack. I cast Random Dweomer, into another RD, into another, and another, and another, etc. I burn my entire repetoire of spells in a single fulisade of arcane retribution. Reality sits down, shuts up, and goes for a ride.

Coins rain from the sky, Trees in the local area Awaken, Enlarge, then explode, A portal opens and spews frog demons into the area, I turn green skinned for the next 24 hours, then turn invisible, the sorcerer turns invisible, and is then lit on fire. We teleport and switch positions, My possessions are lost to the Astral plane, We gain a telepathic link, All following spells are treated as if maximized, quickened, and enlarged, Reverse gravity takes effect, and the area becomes a permanent zone of wildmagic (which causes the sorcerers spells to generate surges as well) . . . This magical onslaught is capstoned by my single magic missle spell, the only spell that was intended to have an effect.

The list of things that happened was utterly astounding. I don't remember all the effects, but I did write them down for reference, as we rolled the percentiles. In total, there were 143 surges generated that turn.

I think I won the duel. Master of magic, probably not, but steal the show, I sure did.

>>11010238
After the campaign was over, I realized that we had definately broken something, and with some double and triple checking, we realized that the Random Dweomer spell only casts the second spell after that spell's casting time has been completed (So to complete it, you would need to wait for RD's casting time, plus the other spell). So in our goof, the spells should not have all gone off in one round, but over the course of the next rough hour or so. Regardless, it was a scene of pure hilarity and rediculousness. I was banned from playing wild mages in my group for campaigns, which I accepted with grace. However, he still manages to make cameos in little one-shot campaigns.

D&D 3rd edition
My character was an thief 4 / illusionist 3 gnome, probably the weakest character in the party.
Long story short, I end up in a gladiatorial match.

Where it is forbidden to use magic.

Against a minotaur barbarian.

I manage to blind him by throwing dust in his eyes while he swings his axe. Understanding I'm fucked, I try a desperate measure: I jump on the axe and check for climbing and hiding, passing the check with brilliant colors.
The minotaur, goes berserk, gets pissed off because the pubblic is laughting at him and throws his axe against a guy who threw an apple to him.
With me on it.
The guards shot him dead with crossbows.
All while I'm still grappling the axe, that is now handle deep inside a corpse.
End of the story.

>>11010114
>>11010162
>>11010238
>>11010279

>>11010748

LEGENDARY!

Pray, what are the names of these repsctive characters?

Dark Heresy:

My Sororitas, with 70 Insanity and a Severe delusion of invulnerability, Jump Packs over a wall to get to a horde of about a hundred Warp Zombies, throws two fire grenades that fall right under her and kill some zombies; others catch fire, Sister does not, and she takes light damage.
Then the zombies overcome her by sheer numbers, and when asked what to do by the rest of the team on the other side of the wall, she tells them to throw the grenades. The ratling sniper throws an illegally heavily modified bowling ball with a lot of grenades attached over the wall, near the Sororita covered in zombies.
The grenade explodes, scattering zombies. In the time Sister Ephese, undamaged, shakes off the remaining zombie bits and readies her bolt pistols to shoot the rest, Acolytes Kommissar and Psyker arrive. Psyker proceeds to heal Sororita and merrily botches her power roll and A KHORNATE BLOODLETTER POPS IN TO SAY HI.
The Kommissar attempts to execute the witch for her failure, but misses.

The Sororita, while the Daemon extirpates itself from the Warp, changes weapons and draws her Eviscerator... only to fail both her Fear Tests against the fully-manifested Daemon.
Who loudly swears to Khorne to get the blood and skull of the idiot who dared call it and charges the Psyker for the traditional Khornate chainhug.
While the Kommissar is busy deploying his heavy weapon, the Sister, seeing the Daemon does not even notice her, snaps out of shock and charges it In His Name. This takes two turns (distance and all) while the kommissar MISSES the Khornate Daemon on full-auto.
Now, Sister Ephese sucks at melee, hard. 25% basic to-hit, +10 for Charging. Surprise, it happens. Then I roll for damage. I get a ten. Re-roll to confirm. Pass.
Damage : ten, ten, eight. Total 54.

My Sororitas, who can't hold a melee weapon, one-shotted a Daemon that can eat squads of Space Marines, with an 8-ft chainsword.

Now the psyker has become a penitent, and joined an Imperial Guard Psykers squad under a Primaris, until she learns not to call super monsters when we're already fighting hordes of mooks.
The Sororita is now more convinced than ever that she's invincible.
The Kommissar reported everything to our Inquisitor, and everything was witnessed by the notoriously loose-mouthed ratling sniper (who is now an acolyte-on-trial for having seen a Daemonic entity).

^ Sweeeeeeet.

>>11012926
>>11012915

Seriously, I love that campaign. My Sororitas Ephese and the Kommissar Von Krauf (orig. Death Korps of Krieg) are unkillable.

They've survived, in no particular order :
2 Daemons invoked by Perils of the Warp (on separate occasions)
1 Warp-soaked dungeon in Mara
1 Craftworld Dark Eldar : we were chasing an artefact behind Dark Eldars using it for sorcery, allied with a renegade Inquisitor, in a Space Hulk. The DE escaped through a webway gate, so we pursued them... to an obviously artificial world covered in them. We escaped in Tau vessel.
1 Greater Daemon of Slaanesh : On the DE Craftworld, there was a ritual taking place to call it IN the artefact we sought. We disrupted the ritual, but the daemon manifested anyway... in realspace... in front of us. Yay for sanctified grenade launchers and rifles.
There was that time the Kommissar fired his heavy stubber into a xeno whale, standing astride its jaws, while it was jumping out of the water...

And then there was the time, just after the Khornate Bloodletter, when we killed a CSM Terminator of Nurgle. The Kommissar was pumping shots in it with his stubber, none of which did much damage, while Ephese was charging it armed with her Sororitas-issue power armor, her undying faith, and a big-ass krak bomb. There were four other Sisters covering her, one of whom survived, until she succeeded. Twelve rounds of running before she could avenge the fallen and purge the traitor IN HIS NAME.

And I'm probably forgetting things...