Dolemite.

>>12294425
BUTCH DEADLIFT

fuck the name, pilot the ship into the governor's home

>>12294425

CRUCIFEX MAXIMUS

>>12294463
SLAB BULKHEAD

>>12294440
Dolemite Deadlift, Rogue Trader in the making. To your left is your archmilitant Ripley. A giant of a man, he seems to have a firm belief that who has the biggest hat is the most important. To your right is your seneschal. You don’t really know his name, but he is dressed and an inexplicitly nicely craft tuxedo, and has not moved since you arrived on the bridge. Every time you turn around, he seems to have moved back into your line of sight without you seeing him.

>What do you do?

>>12294496

SET A COURSE FOR ARMAGEDDON, GENTLEMEN.

IT'S TIME TO REQUISITION AN ARMY.

>>12294425
Frederick, of the newly founded Rogue Trader dynasty hailing from the planet Domus.

>>12294496
>Dolemite Deadlift
oh my god that is awesome
First things first, what are our current resources?

>>12294496
Call the seneschal a faggot, tell him to put his armor on, and begin punctuating orders with the smash of a thunder hammer against the deck.

>>12294500
To Armageddon! During your service in the Ordos, you where sent to the damnable red hellhole. Indeed, it was a mission you’d rather forget, because you came too close to dying for your liking several times over. Of course, it was completely worth it to see Jack ride that looted wagon right into the warboss.

The ship begins to accelerate, and with a slight hum you begin to hear the warp engines begin to warm up. In a few moments the ship has entered to the warp, and you are on your way to Armageddon.

>>12294564
Ok. I guess... I'll take a nap now!
>THUNDER HAMMER

>>12294564

tour the ship, make sure everything is shipshape

>>12294584
Turns out everything is, in fact, dickshape.

>>12294564

ALL HANDS ON DECK, MOTHERFUCKERS

I WANT THOSE CARGO HOLDS CLEARED OUT

IN A COUPLE WEEKS THEY SHALL BE FULL

FULL OF TANKS AND MEN

>>12294603
DELICIOUS TANKS.

DELICIOUS MEN.

>>12294584
>tour the ship, make sure everything is shipshape
You do realize that would take several hundred years? And a heavily armed escort for the "lost decks".

>>12294618
No worries, I got a multi-melta.

Plus, I'm already a level 5 DH character. You ever brought one of those into the game? Broken as fuck. I'll be fine.

>>12294618
You doubt captain Dolemite Deadlift?

>>12294535
That is a very good question. Turning to your seneschal, you ask him to give you a briefing of your resources. Almost instantaneously, he begins to list off various resources at your command. Your Warrant of Trade has several pacts tied along to it to various organizations, and your ship has been equipped with several powerful weapons. A raider class ship, it is one of the fastest ship this side of the Galactic core, and is capable of exceedingly fast warp jumps compared to similar sixed ships. However, this tends to strain the warp engine, and your plasma generators. The Igneus carries 20,000 men, and has a fighting complement of 9,000 men at arms, as well as 4,000 that are capable of combat if needed.

>>12294638
>9,000 men at arms
>4,000 that are capable of combat if needed
THAT'S NOT ENOUGH.
Tell the navigator to high tail it to Armageddon. We're loading this shit heap down with lasguns and Lemans.

>company vigurity

Are we a real rogue trader with a writ from the Emperor, or just one of those new ones with not even half the authority?

Also, send a message to our dad calling him a colossal dick for sending us off to pay his debts, and then giving the governorship to his other kid.

In fact, I think we should find an Ork waaaagh, and tell the boss that there's great fighting to be had on Domus.

>>12294662
FUCK THAT. That kind of activity is for heretics. We fuck shit up for the Emprah. Stow that heresy for your death bed.

>>12294638
Weapon wise the ship has a Mars Pattern Macrocannon, as well as a Titanforge Lance weapons, and is capable of rather good maneuvering. The armory is decently stocked, carrying a couple hundred plasma guns, fifty melta guns, and three hundred chimeras. Oddly enough, there seems to be a rhino, with a bow on it. It has a tag as well, signed, “A parting gift for you. May the Emperor protect, Judias.”

>>12294682
That Rhino is probably rigged to explode. Have the tech priests bless it with the rite of departure and then space it.

>>12294682
>Judias

That cunt probably talked dad into cutting us out of the governorship. Scan the rhino for any possible death traps, then space it just to be sure.

>>12294682

>three hundred chimeras

PRAISE BE TO THE GOD EMPEROR

NOW ALL WE NEED IS 3000 GUARDSMEN TO FILL THOSE CHIMERAS

AS WELL AS 2950 MORE MELTA GUNS WITH WHICH TO EQUIP THEM

>>12294696
>>12294698
spacemind.

>>12294696
>>12294698
Fucking hivemind! Brofist.

>>12294662
He didn't send us off to pay his debts. He just likes our brother more than us. Well fuck him, we don't need his damn governorship anyway. We're gonna be the best damn mercenary commander in the entire segmentum or our name isn't MOTHERFUCKIN' DOLEMITE DEADLIFT!

Inquisitor Aushwitz
When your mentors name sounds like a concentration camp its probably not a good sign.

>>12294699
Delicious melta spam. I can almost smell the incinerating heretic flesh. It smells like... victory.

After that can we go on an expedition to the crone worlds to gather soulstones?

I want to see if we can't score a few Fire Prisms for our arsenal.

>>12294584
Hm, a tour would do nicely. Definently let you introduce yourself to the men, and get to know them. Perhaps get in their good graces so they won’t think of mutiny…

You inform the seneschal of your plan, and without blinking he lists off several options for you to go to first. Where do you go first?
>Meet the Explorator
>Meet the Missionary
>Meet the Astropath
>Meet the Crew

>>12294726
The crew.

>>12294726

MEET THE MISSIONARY FIRST

HE IS THE FOREMOST AMONGST THE FAITHFUL SERVANTS OF THE GOD-EMPEROR

>>12294725
Ain't gonna be no extra-heretical xenos love in this thread.

>>12294726
See
>>12294739
And then the Astropath. He has seen the Emperor in person. And his eyes melted out of their sockets for it. Conversations with psychotics is always fun.

>>12294703
>>12294705
mindmind

>>12294741

Who said anything about love? I just want guns.

>>12294726

Seconding crew

>>12294726
Crew

>>12294726
Check out the Explorator, see if he's in good with the enginseers, and then proceed to get in good with the enginseers. The bro-ier we are with the Adeptus Mechanicus, the better techno-bullshit we can get out grubby hands on.

Think of the meltas!

>>12294696
>>12294698
>>12294703
>>12294705
>>12294762
Everything is awesome. Forever.

>>12294765
Bet you love their guns.

>>12294732
The crew it is! Obviously, as they’re the ones keeping the ship going you alive, they’ve got to be first to know you’re in charge, and your they’re to lead them to ADVENTURE! Of course, due to the fact they run the ship not everyone can come to your grand meeting where you introduce yourself, but you have it broadcast over the ship so that people can tune in to watch it live.

You turn to the seneschal and inform him of your choice. A second later there is smoke where he was just standing and he’s disappeared. Three hours later your standing on a just constructed stage in a large auditorium, addressing a crowd of roughly seven hundred people. As they all watch you approach the mike, what do you say?

>>12294780
"Ladies and Gentlemen, you have found yourselves on this ship for various reasons and from many differing backgrounds. But, no matter how different your pasts may have been, we all share a common future, TO GET FILTHY STINKING RICH!"

>>12294780
"Even when trapped by karma's cycle, the dreams we left behind will open the door! Even if the Universe stands in our way, our seething blood will determine what will be! We will break through Time and Space! And defy all who would stop us to grab hold of our path! JUST WHO THE HELL DO YOU THINK I AM!?"

>>12294780
"My friends, we are now brothers aboard this spacecraft, brothers sharing this small house adrift in the great sea of space.

Let me tell you about brothers. Brothers are fucking jackasses. They lie and twist your father against you, ruining your name and stealing your birthright! Because of my brother, I was denied that which was promised to me!

But I am not the first brother to be betrayed by his father! No, the first brothers to be so betrayed were the Primarchs of the mighty Astartes. Their loyalty was returned by abandonment when their father, the Emperor, abandoned the Great Crusade and retreated to Terra!

When their father left them, who did the Primarchs turn to? When our families betray us, who can we turn to?!

There is only one answer, my brothers. There are powers out there who care not about lineage or personal ties, but only about the deeds of greatness you perform! These powers, the Gods of the Empyrean, are the only beings worthy of pledging service to! Now, with me! We go to the Eye to consecrate ourselves and our ship before the Great Powers, and strike back at our betrayers!"

>>12294780

Loyal subjects of the Emperor, Crew, and Comrades!

I am not a fair man. I am not a nice man. I am Dolomite Deadlift, and I am an utterly mad son of a bitch. You are here because working for a man like me gives you a chance at glory, honour, the opportunity to unleash unrestrained hellfire against primitive Xenos and enough money to fill a lake with amasec and whores and swim in it the rest of your life.

Work for me, work hard and I promise you'll get that chance.

>>12294799

"Now, let's not beat around the bush here. Xenos worlds will be raided. Archeotech plundered. Heretics razed. But let not one man or woman aboard this ship wonder at their duty - first and foremost, TO THE GOD EMPEROR OF MANKIND, AND SO HELP YOU IF I FIND OUT A SINGLE ONE OF YOU IS A HERETIC AND I WILL FIND YOU IF YOU ARE OUT THERE, YOU CANNOT HIDE FROM THE CLEANSING LIGHT OF PURITY."

>>12294814
>>12294815
>>12294817
I like the cut of this man's jib.

>>12294814
That sounds like heresy talk. You don't talk no heresy talk 'round Dolemite Deadlift cracka'.

>>12294814

>>12294817
To make a point, he blasts a psyker in the front row with a melta.

>>12294799
>>12294803

Your hot blooded promises of money and asskicking works the crowd up, and you find many admirers in the throngs of people. Damn, you knew there was a reason you were the face man of your cell. Some of the older people don’t seem to be giving your DYNAMIC SPEECH any attention. Odds are they’re just disillusioned with such extravagant promises. None the less, you seem to have the crew’s loyalty. For now.

>What next?

>>12294840
Is the arch-militant female? If so, try to get it on with her.

>>12294840
Let's talk to the Astropath.

>>12294803
>>12294799
>>12294815
>>12294817
>>12294836

>read these in order

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, LORD CAPTAIN DOLOMITE DEADLIFT!

>>12294814
not this.

>>12294849
No Ripley is not. At least you hope not, under all that moustache and muscle.

>>12294859
>>12294833
>>12294831

loyalists gonna loyal.

>>12294860

TO THE MISSIONARY, THEN! HE OUGHT TO BE RESIDING IN THE VESSEL'S TEMPLE TO THE GOD-EMPEROR.

ADDENDUM: IF THERE IS NO TEMPLE TO THE GOD-EMPEROR, THEN WE NEED ONE.

>>12294860
Oh.
Is the Rogue Trader female?

>>12294840

Mention to the seneschal you'd like a word sometime later with the senior crew, once we've worked out where we're going and what the score will be. Guts and glory for the majority of the crew, but take a more reasoned tone with the NCO's, and let them know that we're not going to get them killed.

We should talk to the Explorator about what it would take to get that Rhino turned into a Predator for use as a command tank, and if he knows of any promising sites where we can find archaeotech.

>>12294425
enlil and enki.

>>12294877
Yep, this is her.

>>12294853
To the astropath! The astropath’s hold is inside the bowls of the ship, behind walls of solid titanium and other various metals to protect him from whatever foul monsters of the warp would dare to try to enter your most blessed ship. Following your speech, the seneschal takes you to the elevatus, where you spend the better part of an hour waiting for it to arrive at its destination. The constant playing of that annoying music begins to grate on your nerves, and the fact the seneschal is just staring at you starts to get a little creepy.

After suffering through that horrible ride, you find yourself outside the metal bulk head of the astropath’s chambers. What do you do?

>>12294901

Walk up to the door, lift my ceramite clad fist and knock loudly upon the door.

"ASTROPATH, THIS IS YOUR ROGUE TRADER AND LIEGE. OPEN THE GODDAMN DOOR."

>>12294901
Knock on the bulkhead.

>>12294901

Ask our Astropath how long he's been in the service, and weather we should know anything about limits to his abilities.

Also: >>12294880

>>12294908
You raise your first to knock on the door, when it begins to open on its own. You like to think that fog began to flow out from the room, because at least that would be normal creepy. This was not like that. Instead of some shriveled man in robes of the Astra Telepathica. Instead you find a emaciated women, with eerily white skin, and thin long blonde hair. Her eyes are closed, and for some reason you find yourself inordinately thankful for that, even though you don’t know why.

After a moment of awkward silence between the two of you, she begins to say with a quivering voice that obviously hasn’t had much use, “I-I-I felt you coming. I kn-kn-knew that you were go-in-ing to knock, so I thought I’d save you the trouble.”

>>12294964

I HAVE A MESSAGE TO SEND, WRETCHED WITCH.

>>12294964

>>12294964
Thank you ma'am, just thought I'd come down and see how you were doin'.
Try to be less creeped out just in case she can read our mind and will harbor feelings of vengeance.

>>12294964

I'm the new captain of the ship. I wanted to talk to you to know more about your abilities and skills.

>>12294984
>>12294982
>>12294981

“Of c-c-course sir. I am miss Invidia, and it has been 13 years since I laid my eyes on our glorious Emperor. I have been on the Igneus for 10 years since then , working as the chief and only astropath of the ship.” Huh, she really seems to get it together when work is involved. You can tell she gets incredibly focused when she mentions the Emperor, as is only natural. Kind of reminds you of Fink, the psyker from your cell.

>>12295013

Send a transmission to Armageddon, letting them know of our arrival in advance, and our intention to requisition men, and possibly battle tanks. Make sure she details that we do not require Chimeras.

>Huh, she really seems to get it together when work is involved.
This is very comforting. If we learn nothing else at least we know she can do her job.

>>12295027
“Right away sir.” With that said, she turns, and you make haste to leave. Man, she really just fucks with your head just by being around. The bulkhead reseals itself, and you find yourself in the hallway with the seneschal.

>What do you do?

>>12295059
TO THE EXPLORATOR!

>>12295059

It's time we checked out the plasma drives. Have you met our enginseer prime, seneschal?

>>12295069
>>12295074
This. Head on down to the AdMech shrine and get to making friends with the techpriests.

>>12295069
To the explorator!

Making sure to take the quickest route, you are only stuck in the blasted Elevatus for only 15 minutes, and find yourself at a set of large metal gates, easily a few stories tall. Using your clearance as the captain to have the doors open, you find the room to be the size of a small hangar bay. Gigantic machines of arcane purpose tower over you, and tables with various devices and crates that are stacked man tall in are haphazardly placed around the room. As you enter, a roar shakes the room, louder that the roar of a carnifex. At first you are shaken by that sound, but then you remember your rousing speech to the crew. Resolve renewed, you enter the labyrinth of science.

>Search for the Explorator
>Find the source of the roar
>Press a button

>>12295117
Check out the sound. Maybe you've a Genetor on board, them guys are awesome.

>>12295117
That roar could be rather urgent. LETS SOLVE THE FUCK OUT OF THIS MYSTERY.

>>12295117

Melta out, answering bellow,

"IN THE NAME OF THE EMPEROR! SHOW YOURSELF!"

>>12295130
To the roar! You search for the cause of the roar. Obviously, if something could be that loud, it’s probably dangerous, and shouldn’t be on your ship. Minutes pass by, the occasional roar and general growling helping you find the source. Once you do, you find you’ve never been so happy for large metal bars.

Standing inside the largest cage you’ve ever seen, there is a ten meter bipedal reptile. Its arms are tiny, but the two heads with serrated teeth the size of your head make you think it doesn’t matter. The moment it rests its eyes on you, it goes in to a frenzy and attack the metal bars with a gusto.

In an instant it stops and calms down. Surprised, not only by the creature but by its suddeny calm demeanor, Dolemite looks around. Behind various crates, you spy a man sized figure in red robes approaching you and the cage. Obviously your explorator, it approaches the cage and the twin headed reptile lowers its gigantic craniums to the ground up against the bars. Hands rise up out of the robes, and begin to pet the reptile, as it begins to purr contently. Without even looking at you, the robed figure says in a mechanical voice, “Ah, I see you’ve met Fluffy. I can’t wait till I can get some missile launchers attached to him. Then we’ll have some real fun.”

>>12295213

"I like you, who are you?"

>>12295213
awesome

>>12295213
Why stop at missile launchers? Add an autocannon and some armor plating to go with it.

>>12295223
“I assume you are the new captain, yes? I saw you over the holo screen the lower priests had set up for the crew. I am the Magos Biologis H1256-J47, or Jeff. I am the highest ranking member of the Adeptus Mechanicus on this ship, and I believe you would say, your exploratory. Next to me in the cage is Fluffy. I am happy to have your affections”

>>12295294
Oh fuck yeah. H1256-J47 is awesome. Everything is awesome. Get him on making some combat drugs, give him a high-five and promise him a cut of the techno-loot, and then try and pet Fluffy.

>>12295294
"Are you OK with...shady work on technology?"

>>12295313
"Who's my favorite giant scaly death machine in the whole galaxy? You are, yes you are."

>>12295294

"Well Jeff, three things. First, there's a Rhino in the hold from my bastard of a brother, I need someone to go over it with a fine tooth comb to make sure it's safe, then see if we can convert it into a predator command tank. Second do you know of any promising locations where we can assist in the rediscovery of lost tech. Third what are the ships capabilities for manufacturing and self repair?"

You know, our brother might actually be a complete bro and may have spared no expense in giving us the most badass, pimped out command vehicle possible. Just throwing that out there.

>>12295359

We should still have someone go over it. If he is a bro? We know how to use the cool pimped out tank.

And I said 'see' if it turns out it's a great vehicle, then hell we'll use it.

>>12295328
>>12295313

High fives are quickly exchanged, and you inquire about combat drugs. The biological systems of meatbags being his specialty, he assures you that he could easily have some of his techpriests start manufacturing them. As for petting Fluffy, he’d advise against it, as the last who tried to do that gave poor Fluffy constipation for a week. Stupid guardsman should have been made of more fiber.
As for shady, he replies he isn’t sure what you mean. Could you elaborate? He also agrees to have someone look over the rhino. As for the predator, there is nothing he can about that because it requires blueprints and instructions he does not currently have access to. He could have it switched into a command vehicle though. Repair wise, he’d have to look into it and collect a full report.

>>12295375
Oh yeah, we should have it looked at. I's just that since the beginning of the thread, based on nothing more than a name and the fact that he's daddy's favorite we've been assuming that he was an evil conniving bastard out to get us.

>>12295385
I'm against techno-heresy on the grounds that the AdMech tend to be VERY unforgiving on that matter. We're better off killing Xenos and Heretics for fun and profit.

>>12295385
"Y'know, mix-n-match technology, xenotech, innovation, that kind of shit? You down with that? Because if you're not down with that, I'm not either, but, y'know, a more precise macrocannon never killed anyone....'cept the guys we're shooting at."

>>12295385

"When we get to Armageddon contact the local tech priests and see if we can get patterns and blueprints for heavy weapons. Overkill is the best kind of kill. As for shady technology, we're not takling about heretek, just being willing to do what the situation requires, and being willing to handle valuable artifacts of uncertain origin and purpose."

>>12295432
>>12295428

He considers this for a moment before saying in a way is obviously an attempt as whispering, but instead is still very loud, “It would depend. How kind would you be towards getting myself various creatures that might be deemed, ‘Too dangerous for anyone who would honestly consider trying to acquire something like that.’”

>>12295461
As I consider whatever you might intend to do with them "incredibly awesome", very.

>>12295461
YES.

We just need to hire enough guardsmen and put them in red flak armor.

>>12295461

"Let me put it this way... You keep me and my crew supplied with top notch firepower, and make sure any particularly interesting artifacts we recover stay safe, you can keep a lobotomized Carnifex down here for all I care, and anything particularly nasty that survives contact with my men will go straight to you for examination and analysis."

>>12295471

“Excellent. I may not be that good with weapons and xeno-tech per say, but there are several tech-priests on the ship who are, and I will ensure they follow orders. Acquire for me a live carnifex, a baby void whale, and a blank, and we have a deal. Now if you will excuse me, I have SCIENCE! to do.”

>>12295516

>What does Dolemite Deadlift do next?

>>12295516
"Mr. Jeff, I look forward to a long, profitable, and extremely awesome partnership."

>>12295526
Devoting some time to weapons training couldn't hurt.

>>12295526

"Such things may take time, but we will do everything we can to procure them for you"


We should talk to the Missionary then tour the ship to get a sense of it.

Also: Arrange a meeting with the senior men. NCO's are the backbone of any organization and they seemed nonplussed with our little speech.

>>12295526
Bro fist, and promptly schedule a hunt for a blank on your ship. You've got TONS of people, surely one of them is a blank.

Just look for the one that nobody likes!

>>12295516
>live Carnifex, baby void whale, and a blank
I have no idea what he intends to do, but it will definitely be epic.

Time to visit the ships Missionary I say.

>>12295555
To the missionary.

A half hour of walking passes by before you find yourself at the main chapel of the ship. Working your way through the pews filled with crew attending mass, you find yourself in the living quarters of the priesthood. It doesn’t take you but a second to find the head missionary’s room, for it is easily the most extensively ornamented. Images of divinity and devotion adorn the wall adjacent to the large marble doors, and two grand pillars stand outside of it, completely unnecessary. If nothing else, you have to admit he has style.

>What do you do?

>>12295627

See if he's one of those chainblade wielding "I WILL LEAD THE CHARGE!" "MY SCARS PROVE MY WORTH!" missionaries or if he's the bad kind of missionary.

>>12295627
Well first you should make the appropriate prayers and salutations to the icons- Dolemite is a pious man.

Hopefully the Missionary is close by and will spot your devotion.

>>12295647
You knock on the doors, fully intent of discovering the character of the man who is to save the souls of your men and yourself. A minute passes and nothing. You knock again. Once more, nothing. The third time you knock louder than before. It seems your being ignored. Iriitation growing, your about to knock again when the doors open. You spy before you a man in his late twenties, with wild black hair that seems to stand on end. His tan skin and a light stubble graces his face. A pair of pants are the only thing that seem to able to stay on, for a blanket wrapped around his body struggles against gravity. In the background you can hear a woman say, “Jet, come back to bed!”

You notice a bent Iho stick in his lips as he turns back and says, “In a moment babe, just let me answer the door.” He then turns back to you and say, “Sup. What can I do you for?”

>>12295724
"Is the head missionary around?"

>>12295724
BEST CREW EVER

>>12295724
Spreading the Emperor's word, huh?

>>12295724

"I'm the new captain." Then just let that hang and see how he reacts.

If he's embarrassed we should ditch the fucker. We need unrepentant balls out badasses for this crew.

>>12295736
Our Seneschal is Charles Foster Ofdenson, our Astropath is a Quarian, our Explorator is a mad scientist, and our Head Missionary is a womanizer. Our crew kicks ass.

>>12295734

“That’d be me. Hope you don’t mind the lack of proper gear an’ all, I was kinda in the middle of someone and didn’ spect visitors.” A thoughtful look comes about him a for a second, but it quickly passes as he takes a swig from a bottle of amasec you notice he has in his hand. The missionary gives you a scrutinizing look for a moment before saying, “Hey, aren’t you that guy from the hola-vids? The new cap’in or something?”

>>12295767

"Well your busy spreading the... Emperors holy word, so I'll be brief. I'm the new captain, I'm introducing myself around to the new crew. I basically need to know what you can do, so I don't wind up handing you a melta and telling you to smite a greater demon with the light of the Emperor when you'd be better suited to providing inspiration to the... lets say troops"

>>12295802

“Well, I’m pretty good on stage, and as you can tell I’m kind a big deal with the ladies. If you’re going for a fight, I’d rather stay out of it but if there’s no choice I’ll take a good ol fashion sniper rifle. Preferably something compact and not easily broken. Anyway, I hope I didn’t let you down or anythin’ be meetin’ you like this. I know a lotta people expect the whole “holier than thou” crap, but I don’t exactly like that stuff, and I’m not a fan of the putting my neck on the line for some glorious death in a firefight. I’ll spread the word an all, but don’t go expectin’ a freakin’ martyr. Hell the only reason I’m here is because the govner’s younger son caught me in bed with his wife-ta-be. Anyway, just get me whiskey, amasec, and plenty of Ihos and we’re golden, understand?”

>>12295871
Heh, well at least you're easy to please. Yeah I understand.

>>12295871
Excellent. You will make a great driver for my command tank.

>>12295899
“Excellent. Now if you’ll ‘scue me, I’ve got some to give this lady here a religious experience.” With that said, he turns and shut the door, leaving you in the hallway.

>What do you do?

>>12295871
"You slept with my Brother's Wife to be."

Tap your foot a few moments for impact, then burst out laughing, the real tears to your eyes almost peed myself laughing

Regain your composure

"I hate my brother. You'll do just fine here."

>>12295871

Give him our best menacing look and response. "I'm the governor older brother..." and lighten "Good for you. I'll keep you stocked up if you keep the crew sweet and holy."

>>12295911
TO THE BRIDGE!

>>12295911

Talk to the seneschal about keeping all the crew members happy, and trying to get our hands on a carnifex, void whale and blank.

>>12295918

Time to find a blank for our badass techbuddy.

>>12295942
To the bridge!

Well now, this has been an exhausting day. You’ve become an official Rogue Trader, kinda met the archmilitant and seneschal, and got on good terms with the explorator, missionary, astropath and the crew. Sounds like a good day all in all. You’ve got about three months to Armageddon at this rate, and you tired from all the walking.

>What do you do?

>>12295978
Find a Blank on the ship- you can do that while you're in the Warp.

Then throw a party-dinner, man, you're a ROGUE TRADER, find some bitches to hang off your PLATINUM AND DIAMOND ENCRUSTED throne while you sip at amasec and peruse your friendship with the officers.

And keep yourself in trim. Don't forget that.

While I'm at it, check your Charter for any bullshit rules in it.

>>12295978
Time to kick back and let the crew do everything for a while. You're the captain, you can throw back if you want.

We need to keep an eye out for Void Whales. If we detect anything while en route to Armageddon, divert and investigate.

>>12295998
>>12295990

After a quick check of the scanners and a briefing of the current situation, you retire to your new study. You find it indescribably large, with books centuries old gather from around the Imperium… and several that aren’t. A large star map is built into the ceiling, adding a strange feeling of vastness and wonder to the room. The seneschal as always soon appeared from nowhere, and at your request brought you a copy of the Warrant of Trade. After seeing the piles of paper brought to your desk, you think the task of reading this thing will take a week alone, not to mention deciphering all the meanings and rules.

>>12296092
We're gonna need to know this, better get to reading.

>>12296092
Get the Seneschal to do some TACTICAL ACCOUNTING on it and clean this pile up. It's his job!

Disregard>>12296112
>>12296113 is smarter.

>>12296112
You begin to work on the pile of paper, but find yourself slipping more and more into the realms of sleep. After reading something about not eating anything with a pH between 3.14 and 3.17, the punishment for which being defenestration, you decide it would be best for bed and head off for the most comfy bed in the world

End Day 1

>>12296147
The Next day, you find yourself incredibly well rested, and ready for the day ahead. Struggling against the idea of staying in the most comfortable bed in the world for the rest of the day, you manage to take a relaxing bath and get dressed.

What is ahead for the new young rogue trader today?

Hey, uh guys? what does "unidentified ship mean"? Theres a picture, too.
Just some big ol' tentacle thing. Any ideas? I'm at a loss.

Oh hey look its coming towards us.

>>12296173
MAKE DAT DOLLA.
What kinda shit do we have to sell?
>please forgive my ignorance, just walked in to a 100+ post thread

>>12296173

Talk to the seneschal about meeting with the NCOs, our commitments to the navigator and missionary, and just talk to the seneschal, he's vital but we don't know him yet.

>>12296196
We don't have anything yet. We're on our way to Armegeddon to get men and armor and become a mercenary commander.

>>12296190
Me again. Seriously guys, this thing is scary. and slimey. Shouldnt we, i dont know, fire Missles? or something? its like 20 KM away...

>>12296234

Let it get a little bit closer then hit it with our main gun until it turns to bits.

Then give the bits to our explorator.

>>12296197
You turn around after looking over your new gear in the mirror to find the seneschal stadning before you. Man, that dude is creepier than the astropath sometimes. After manning up and getting over the shock of having a strange man in an amazing suit sneaking in your room, you ask him about the dinner party, he says he it will be ready for tonight, but If you desire he can have it moved up for lunch today. As for the navigator, he can arrange a meeting, though he is currently busy guiding the ship through the warp to Armageddon. If you so desire, you can go talk to him, provided you don’t distract him too much.

>What does Dolemite Deadlift do?

>>12296258

NCO != Navigator, it's Noncommissioned officers, the senior members of the enlisted crew. Our Gunnery Seargents, Chief Petty Officers, Sergeants First Class. That kind of thing.

>>12296285

We should meet with them. They're as important as the officers if we want to have real influence on the ship.

Well, I can't brain anymore and I'm going to bed. It's been fun OP, looking forward to part 2.

>>12296248
Yyeah... About the main gun...

>>12296285
The NCO meeting is for later that night for dinner, unless you would like for it to happen earlier.

Your coice?

>>12296321

See if we have a target range on the ship, if not establish one and practice our marksmanship.

Also have a chat with the seneschal about who he is, and what his particular skills are.

>>12296345
You call up the seneschal, and again he appears from nowhere. Perhaps he is crawling in the vents? His creepiness aside, you decide to ask him about his skills and past, to which he replies, “What would you like to know?”

>>12296409

"What could you reasonably be expected to fight and kill by yourself, and what can you do that's above and beyond the usual seneschal skillset?"

>>12296419
“I can do many things. I have had several years training with several elite forces, all of which is confidential even to you. As for above and beyond skills, I am classical actor and can sing high gothic opera songs, though I prefer to play the organ and piano. Lacrimossa in D minor is my personal favorite.”

>>12296451

"Is there any circumstance under which you will shoot me in the back of the head, and can you tell me what they are so we can avoid unpleasantness?"

>>12296451
Do you know "Chants of the Pious, Volume CCCLVIII"? That's my favorite!

>>12296465
"Might I suggest reading the Warrant of Trade for such information?"

>>12296451
Well, ain't that cozy.

>>12296470
"Of course Captain Deadlift. Would you like for me to gather a choir for the dinner tonight?"

>>12296471

Right... I'll get back to studying, if you can let me know if or when we have a firing range on this ship and call me so I can arrive five minutes late for the dinner.

>>12296480
"Ooh, ooh, sing the one about the fate of all heretics!"

>>12296488
“Very well Captain Deadlift, I will notify when it is time for dinner. As for a firing range on the ship, the macrocannons and lance can fire up to sixty kilometers at max.”

>>12296512
Personally, I prefer "The Emperor Weeps Righteous Tears for your Apostate Soul".

>>12296542

I meant a practice range where crewmembers can keep their marksmanship skills up during the voyage.

Are you always this literal?

>>12296555
“Is that a trick question?”

An awkward silence passes, before he says, “There are several ranges where the crew may practice there fire arms. I would suggest against the use of the meltaguns and plasmagun while on the ship though, for obvious reasons.”

>>12296546

Oh snap!

>>12296568

I will choose my words carefully with you in combat, or rely on pregenerated code phrases with a single exact meaning.

Please talk to the tech preists about the feasibility of creating practice range capable of accomidating melts, plasguns and heavy lasguns, the weapons have unique firing characteristics and I want to make sure my crew can use them effectively.

Is there anything else, in your opinion, that I am neglecting?

>>12296593
“Not that I am aware sir. Also, I while you were in the bath I received a progress report on the rhino examination. So far everything seems fine, though the Tech-priests require more time if they are to completely search over the vehicle. I would suggest you see H1256-J47, as he requested time to speak with you personally about something of dire concern.”

>>12296634
Oh gdi did he lose Fluffy?

>>12296634

Tell him he can meet me in my quarters at his soonest convenience. I will be studying.

*sigh*

This job is so much simpler when you have someone to kill, then it's all just yell and fire your melta at whatever Xenos have that looks like a head.

>>12296656
“I’m afraid I do not know what this ‘Fluffy’ is, but he was reluctant to share any details with me than he had to. Nonetheless, I will have him informed to meet with you in your study at the soonest opportunity.” With that said, he somehow disappears in a cloud of smoke. Weird guy.

>What do you do?

>>12296687

Try to figure out if the defenestration has to happen from a window of a set height, or if you can be thrown out of one of those basement windows that's flush with the ground, because we like lemon tarts and don't want to risk it.

More generally, study the Charter.

>>12296724
You spend the day studying the charter, learning several new rules and freedoms you know have as a Rogue Trader. Apparently, whenever you see small men with parted haircuts and ridiculous moustaches and jetpack, you have to punch them, especially if they’re time travelers. However, before you can get any deeper into the Warrant, H1256-J47 has arrived, and is waiting for you to notice.

>What do you do?

>>12296750

"If one of your pets has eaten the astropath I may be forced to reconsider our deal."

>>12296750

"Why stop at missle launchers? Turn Fluffy into a living Titan!"

>>12296750
See how worried he is.

Then ask him if he lost Fluffy.

>>12296762
“What? Oh don’t worry it’s nothing of that kind of sort. I am here on a more important manned than that. You see, we lack enough energy to get to Armageddon,” he responds in a matter of fact sort of way. He raises one mechanical finger towards the star charts on the ceiling, and says, “We are currently here, in the Ultima Segmentum. To get to Armageddon would require too much power. I would suggest that along the way, we make several short jumps to refuel, as well as resupply and speed up the trip. Short jumps are usually faster than long ones I’m lead to believe.”

>>12296804
"So basically we need to MONEY GET to get more fuel to make it to Armageddon to make it big as a mercenary-trader to money get to get all the bitches."

>>12296810
"Pretty much," his robotic voice synthesizer says nonchalantly.

>>12296827
Well, shit. I guess We'd better get on that. Call up the cogboys in the area, see if they need anything done and go bother the Seneschal and see if he has some jobs ready (probably)

>>12296804

Let's try and find the most wartorn hellholes where we can still get supplies and refuel.

Plot a course with several of these little jumps and we'll have a decent shakedown cruise as well.

>>12296848
“As you wish,” the synthesizer says before the robed form of Jeff exits the room. Damn, who knew being a Rogue Trader would be so fucking hard?

End Part 1

Alright, I'm done for the night. Any questions?

>>12296892

Not really. Seems to be ticking along so far, crew of misfits, Captain whose personality ranges from bombastic berzerker to detached and clinical as the situation and personality types on 4Chan demand.

Unless you're going to drop us in the middle of a Dark Crusade, Tyranid Hive Fleet or Necron Tomb world, I think we're good.

>>12296892
Will there be xeno bitches?

Has this been archived yet?

>>12296936
Depends on your guys' decisions.

>>12296949
http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive/12294425/

Go vote it up please.