His incredible sad face won him it, no doubt.

>Richard Armitage
>As Thorin
Not sure if want. Though who I want to see is Bard and Smaug the Dragon.

And now I have tea all over my monitor, thanks.

I'll be surprised if this film ever comes to being, with all the trouble it's been through.

Is it just me or would Richard make a better Bard than a Thorin? Guess we'll have to wait and see - the casters presumably know what they'ren doing.

>Morgan Freeman as Bilbo Baggins

That's what I read. And I don't care about any problems, it's fucking awesome.

Also, Arnold Schwarzenegger as Gandalf.

I'm really looking forward to this film. I've never read the Hobbit, but my dad read it to me when I was a kid. I can't wait to see Thorin become king under the mountain after the battle of the five armies when all the immigrants from Dain's lands come and set up a dwarf kingdom.

>>12533156
>Samuel L Jackson as Smaug

>>12533136

Actually, they just greenlit the Hobbit.

Filming starts Feb 2011, with Jackson at the helm .(Yahoo news)

>>12533156
GET TO THE BRIEDGA.
>>12533165
Oh yes the Battle of the Five Armies! The first time we'll see the Dwarf in a full war in a Jackson movie.

>>12533167

>james earl jones as gandalf

>>12533174
>Bruce Willis as the Spiders of Mirkwood

>>12533174
No Bilbo. YOU are the Burglar.
>>12533177
How would that work? The Spiders have no dialog at all! Does he just show up and climb trees and web?

>>12533177

>Jason Statham as Thorin Oakenshield

>>12533168
>>Filming starts Feb 2011, with Jackson at the helm .(Yahoo news)
>>with Jackson

Wait, what? After how badly they tried to shaft him he is still going to work for them?

He was great in Sherlock.

>>12533188
Yes. Naked with skin painted blue-black.

>>12533194
>Dolph Lundgren as king of the elves

>>12533194
"I don't know what the fuck you're lokkin' at, ya fukkin' punk, but you're a ded orc now."

>Helen Mirren as the trolls

>>12533206

(points at gandalf)

"Oo's the beardy cunt then?"

>>12533167
"I've had it, with these motherfucking thieves in my motherfucking hoard!"

>>12533204
Why.
Also
>Clint Eastwood as Bard

>>12533219
That's overpowered. He could shoot down eight dragons in about three seconds.

I am still butt hurt over the fact that they are not making a Silmarillion movie.

>>12533234
Cut down to the bare essentials, only 40 hours long!

>>12533234

>Silmarillion movie

I'll settle for a very well drawn silmarillion graphic novel series, and so should you.

>>12533234

You could never make *one* movie out of The Silmarillion. Practically any given story in it would be a movie (at least one movie) unto itself.

>Discussion on The Hobbit movie turns into The Hobbit meets The Expendables.

Oh, /tg/, how I love you.

>>12533248

Asking for a Silmarillion movie is like asking for a Sandman or Preacher movie.

>Martin Freeman to play Bilbo Baggins
>not Ian Holm, the guy who played him in the other movies

>>12533253
Bible: The Movie

>>12533253

There was a script for a Sandman movie. You can find it online. I thank the Endless everyday that it wasn't made.

>Morgan Freeman to play Bilbo Baggins

>>12533277
BUT BILBO IS YOUNG NOW!

FUCKING HELL MATE, WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOUR BRAIN!

>>12533281
Shia Lebouf is... DREAM, of the ENDLESS.

>>12533277
Ian Holm's 79.
In the book, Bilbo's like, what, 40?

>>12533285
Actually I just realize Gandalf would look OLDER if they use the same Gandalf. Though they can explain it that it's fucking magic.

>>12533288

Zooey Deschanel as Death!

...wait.

>>12533294
They use the same Gandalf, IIRC.
But I guess they'll use make-up and stuff.

>>12533299
Oh, fuck no. I have no idea who would be cast as the endless, tbh.

>>12533280
I'd watch it. Just for the laugh.
>>12533303
Oh right.
I wonder how the Mirkwood elf is going to look like.

>>12533303

OR THEY COULD USE HUGH JACKMAN INSTEAD! FUCK YEAH!

>>12533314
WOLFALF. GAN HELSING.

>>12533308

Ten years younger Johnny Depp would be a seriously fucking good Dream, actually.

>Rutger Hauer as Elrond

>Christopher Walken as Bert the Troll

>>12533315

(opens robe to reveal three bandoleers filled with daggers and and about eight different axes and two troll skulls. Cut to faces of horrified orcs.)

>>12533314
>>12533315
I am a servant of the Knights of the Holy Order, wielder of the crossbow of Vatican. The dark fire will not avail you, flame of Udûn

>>12533333
>>12533331
Fucking fund it.

"Gandalf, how did you overcome the Balrog?"
"I'm a fucking werewolf."

>>12533330

"I gotta, SAYY, that I haven't. Eaten hobbit, BEFORE. This is gonna be, Oh. QUITE the! Experience."

>>12533330
>Rutger Hauer
;_:

>>12533288

You are now aware that Death: The High Cost of Living is being made into a film, and Shia LeBouf will play Sexton. Let's hope it stays in the Hollywood doldroms.

Tim Curry as Smaug's treasure hoard.

>>12533352
HOW WOULD THAT WORK? TIM CURRY SITTING WITH SAMUEL L JACKSON GUARDING HIM?
Then Bilbo carry him out and give it to the Mirkwood Elf King? What the hell?

>>12533349

I don't actively dislike that guy, but he's just so....TYPECAST.

Either he mans up and chooses a script where he isn't a cunt or he falls forever.

>>12533356

Are you going to say no to Tim Curry covered with gold pieces jewels and with his groin covered in a treasure chest with mother of pearl overlays?

>>12533294

A wizard never ages, he looks precisely as he means to.

fuck you op i thought you said morgan freeman
i almost shit bricks

>>12533356
Brian Blessed as the mountain.

>>12533372

Crispin Glover as the Eagles.

>>12533389
Viggo Mortensen as the ponies.

>>12533393

Ian Holm as the One Ring

>>12533404
Mickey Rourke as Gollum.

Nigga WHAT? You said I didn't get the role of Gandalf?

>>12533407

Monica Belluci as the subterranean lake where Gollum lost the Ring.

Man this is turning out to be a pretty badass play.

This is how the Hobbits book cover would look according to /tg/

>>12533420
Forrest Whittaker as Fili and Kili.

>>12533420

Scarlett Johansson as the barrel Bilbo rides to the town on the lake.

>>12533425

And it's absolutely perfect.

>>12533425
Man, Alan Lee is one whacked-out artist.

>>12533425

too good for hollywood

>>12533429

>Stallone as Glamdring

So /tg/

Who plays that guy that can turn into a MOTHERFUCKING BEAR?

Answer me this

>>12533429

Robert Downey Jr. as the arrow that pierces Smaug's underbelly.

Back when he was still on the picture, it was rumored Guillmero del Toro was considering Ron Perlman for the voice of Smaug.

>>12533449
You mean Beorn? Sean Connery?

>Gilbert Godfrey as Sting

>>12533449

Sean Bean.

>>12533449
Bill Nighy

>>12533453
>The cast of Friend as the voice of Smaug

>>12533432
>>12533436
If you can provide me a picture that show the entire 13 Dwarf, Gandalf and Bilbo. I'll photoshop in all the actors in this thread.

rolled 86 = 86

For some reason i thought Martin Freeman was Martin Clunes. And then i thought "what the fuck".

>>12533509
No, he plays Bilbo's fireplace.

>>12533523

Fuck you, Bill Murray should be the fireplace.

>>12533523
>implying it's not Johnny Depp playing Bilbo's fireplace

>>12533539

>implying Bilbo's fireplace doesn't consist of cloned CGI frames of an oiled up Stephen Fry undulating in a crimson jumpsuit

>>12533493
Do
>>12533452
>>12533219

>>12533551
>>12533539
>>12533523

You're all wrong.

>> It's Billy Crystal

>>12533551

Very much want.

In honor of this thread;
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XC73PHdQX04

>>12533559
Alright.
>>12533523
>>12533535
>>12533539
>>12533551
We need actor to play a fireplace. What's next Actor for the sun? The side way door of Dwarven Fortress? Grass even?

>>12533577

The grass is actually being done by Keanu Reeves, but I'm not sure he'll be up to the task.

>>12533588

Adrian Brody can be the grass. He's skinny, like grass.

terry gilliam should totally do this thread old school monty python cutscene style

>>12533588
seas of sad keanu

>>12533569

Every time I see this, I can't help but think that Nimoy had his way with each of those dancers as soon as the shoot was over.

On a related note, Nimoy as the Narrator.

>Bjork as Beorn

>>12533618

that's just it

keanu should do the the waves at the grey havens when the elves leave for valinor

all somber yet radiating a strange calm and shit

>>12533559
Finish.
>>12533618
>>12533588
SO SAD.

>>12533648

>>12533633

Woooooow...

>Simon Pegg as the Wargs

>>12533156
This would be the greatest movie of all time, beyond the end of time.

Someone needs to compile the cast list.

>this thread
>this movie

I came goblins.

>>12533703
Morgan Freeman as Bilbo Baggins
Huge Jackman as Gandalf
Samuel L Jackson as Smaug
Bruce Willis as the Spiders of Mirkwood
Jason Statham as Thorin Oakenshield
Dolph Lundgren as king of the elves
Helen Mirren as the trolls
Clint Eastwood as Bard
Rutger Hauer as Elrond
Christopher Walken as Bert the Troll
Tim Curry as Smaug's treasure hoard
Brian Blessed as the mountain
Crispin Glover as the Eagles
Viggo Mortensen as the ponies
Ian Holm as the One Ring
Mickey Rourke as Gollum.
Monica Belluci as the subterranean lake where Gollum lost the Ring
Forrest Whittaker as Fili and Kili
Scarlett Johansson as the barrel Bilbo rides to the town on the lake
Robert Downey Jr. as the arrow that pierces Smaug's underbelly.
Gilbert Godfrey as Sting
Bill Nighy as Beorn
The cast of Friend as the voice of Smaug
Cloned CGI frames of an oiled up Stephen Fry undulating in a crimson jumpsuit as Bilbo's fireplace
Keanu Reeves as Grass
Nimoy as the Narrator
Simon Pegg as the Wargs

Neil Patrick Harris should play the Arkenstone.

>>12533730
>huge Jackson

>>12533730

If Arnold Schwarzenegger can't be Gandalf, I nominate him to be Glamdring.

>>12533712
Does it hiss at penis?

>>12533750

I bet he does, anon.

>Sting as Sting

>>12533772

>Stig as Sting

>>12533772

>>12533778

>Stig as Witch-King of Angmar, riding Nazgul automobile

The Nazgul 3000, fastest hot rod in Angmar!

As the Great Goblin

Sung to Spiders during Mirkwood shenanigans:

"Every breath you take
Every move you make
Every bond you break
Every step you take
I'll be watching you"

>>12533789

Some say he's the reason why one does not simply ride into Mordor.

>>12533801

>Verne Troyer as the noble thrush that tells Bard where to shoot Smaug

Sean Connery as Gandalf's beard.

This thread has me weeping openly

>>12533789
>>12533808
>>12533786

>>12533794

>>12533786
>>12533789
>Christine as the Nazgul's steed (once LotR is redone properly /tg/ style)

>>12533825

THATS PERFECT

>>12533831

Some say he never blinks, and that he roams around the woods at night foraging for Wargs (played by Simon Pegg). All we know is, he’s called the Witch King of Angmar!

If thread is not archived, then there is no justice in this world.

>>12533825
Sean Connery should be the treemen

and Jackie Chan as Narsil/Anduril

I say Sean Connery should play all the rolls suggested (Treeman, Gandalf's beard, and Beron). He just wears different hats.

That would never work, though. Who would take the idea of a talking beard with a fedora seriously?

>>12533859

Bullshit. Jackie Chan is the troll that explodes the walls of Helm's Deep, deflecting arrows with an orcish chair of crudely hammered iron while riding a fell goblin bicycle.

>>12533873

>talking beard with a fedora

My next character

>>12533873

How this all works is like a play, see. Whenever Hugh Jackman contemplates something as Gandalf, he strokes Sean Connery. If a scene calls for his beard to get wet, then Sean Connery appears drenched.

>>12533873
>I say Sean Connery should play all the rolls suggested (Treeman, Gandalf's beard, and Beron). He just wears different hats.
>a treeman in a hat
>a beard in a hat

You, sir, are a genius.

>>12533884

You are now imagining Hugh Jackman absent-mindedly massaging Sean Connery who is wearing a tophat labelled "GANDALF'S BEARD" in block letters.

My GLORIOUS-meter has led me to this thread and

>>12533859
>>12533873
>>12533875

-explodes due to overabundance of GLORIOUS-

>>12533873

>>12533893

When Gandalf shouts at Pippin for looking too deeply into the Palantir Sean Connery shakes his head and waggles his shoulders in disappointment.

Joe Pesci as Saruman
Willem Dafoe as Tom Bombadil
The Rock as Orcs

>>12533893

I laughed so hard, soda went out my nose and all over my keyboard.

God damn I love this thread.

>>12533916

None of those are in the Hobbit.

Someone needs to email this thread to Peter Jackson.

Patrick Stewart as the Palantir.

Generally he has a normal expression but whenever Saruman or Denethor wants to scry and shit he opens his eyes really widely and engages them in a fucking intense staring contest.

ALL OF YOUR PATHETIC CASTING PLANS ARE SMALL-TIME.

WHAT THEY NEED TO DO IS USE THE WONDERS OF MODERN DIGITAL ANIMATION AND EDITING AND/OR MAGIC TO ALLOW BRIAN BLESSED TO PLAY EVERY ROLL IN THE ENTIRE MOVIE.

JUST THINK OF IT: BRIAN BLESSED AS BILBO, BRIAN BLESSED AS GANDALF, BRIAN BLESSED AS THORIN (AND ALL THE OTHER DWARVES, FOR THAT MATTER, BRIAN BLESSED AS SMAUG, AND BRIAN BLESSED AS BARD.

AND THEN, WHEN BILBO GETS BACK TO THE SHIRE WITH HIS TREASURE-LADEN PONY (PLAYED BY BRIAN BLESSED), HE MUST CONFRONT BRIAN BLESSED, AS LOBILIA SACKVILLE-BAGGINS.

THIS IS A PERFECT PLAN, THERE IS ABSOLUTELY NOTHING THAT COULD GO WRONG HERE GUYS.

FOR GOD'S SAKE, SOMEBODY FUND IT!!!

Seconding the vote to archive this glorious, glorious thread.

>>12533923

Even though they're called "goblins" they're still Orcs.

Their leader Bolg being the son of Azog the warboss of Moria killed by Dain Ironfoot long prior the events of the book.

>>12533933

You now see Saruman stroking Patrick's bald with his eyes closed, talking to Sauron.

>>12533859
"The sword that was broken have been reforge!"
"I DON'T WANT NO TROUBLE"

>>12533937

He's already playing The Mountain, so he's like the most important character in the film.

You are now imagining a CGI-enhanced LARGE BRIAN BLESSED wearing a huge robe covered with rocks and small trees laughing maniacally as the Battle Of The Five Armies plays out between his arms. Just when his laughter reaches its cresendo, he stares directly into the camera and shoots jets of fire from his eyes.

>>12533937
I would very much want BRIAN BLESSED to dub the THX dealie at the beginning of films
The audience is listening, and the rest of the block for that matter

>>12533933

Oh man. They just saw a hole in a table, have Patrick pop his head up there and pull a table cloth with a hole in it over him to make it look authentic.

>>12533943

Also for some reason Sauron is the top half of George takei's face wearing an eyepatch.

It's very creepy once you visualise it trust me.

>>12533957

Brian Blessed did the tarzan yell on Museum of Curiosity once.

It was diamonds.

>>12533943

>>12533970

you know there's a price to be paid for looking at that shit

>>12533970
no

Original:
The king looked sternly on Thorin, when he was brought before him, and asked him many questions. But Thorin would say only that he was starving.
'Why did you and your folk three times try to attack my people at their merrymaking?' asked the king.
'We did not attack them,' answered Thorin; 'we came to beg, because we were starving.'
'Where are your friends now, and what are they doing?'
'I don't know, but I expect starving in the forest.'
'What were you doing in the forest?'
'Looking for food and drink, because we were starving.'
'But what brought you into the forest at all?' asked the king angrily.. At that Thorin shut his mouth and would not say another word.
“Very well!”said the king.“Take him away and keep him safe,until he feels inclined to tell the truth,even if he waits a hundred years!"

The /tg/ version:
Dolph Lundgren looked sternly on Jason Statham, when he was brought before him, yet asked him nothing.
'I will break you.' said the king.
'FUCK.' answered Thorin, and dropkicked the elven king in the face.
Everything in the background exploded for some reason.

>>12533970

>>12533961

Truly terrifying

>>12533956

>jets of fire from his eyes.

Also played by Stephen Fry except waggling really quickly this time.

This shouldn't only be archived, it should be stickied.

>>12533986

OH MY!

>>12533980

imokaywiththis.png

>>12533946
i think i died laughing.

>>12533993

Imagine George Takei doing the I See You bit with background whispering mordor speech also by George Takei.

if that isn't hella evil that does not sleep then nothing is

>>12533970

NOPE

I'M OUT OF HERE

>>12533961
Should I stop my photoshit? Is it annoying?

>>12534020

I think it's far better than my MSPaint shit. Keep it rolling.

>>12534020

Try doing the Bruce Willis spiders and we'll see.

>Hugh Laurie as Bilbo's Pipe

Morgan Freeman as Bilbo Baggins
Huge Jackman as Gandalf
Samuel L Jackson as Smaug
Bruce Willis as the Spiders of Mirkwood
Jason Statham as Thorin Oakenshield
Dolph Lundgren as king of the elves
Helen Mirren as the trolls
Clint Eastwood as Bard
Rutger Hauer as Elrond
Christopher Walken as Bert the Troll
Tim Curry as Smaug's treasure hoard
Brian Blessed as the mountain
Crispin Glover as the Eagles
Viggo Mortensen as the ponies
Ian Holm as the One Ring
Mickey Rourke as Gollum.
Monica Belluci as the subterranean lake where Gollum lost the Ring
Forrest Whittaker as Fili and Kili
Scarlett Johansson as the barrel Bilbo rides to the town on the lake
Robert Downey Jr. as the arrow that pierces Smaug's underbelly.
Gilbert Godfrey as Sting
Bill Nighy as Beorn
The cast of Friend as the voice of Smaug
Cloned CGI frames of an oiled up Stephen Fry undulating in a crimson jumpsuit as Bilbo's fireplace
Keanu Reeves as Grass
Nimoy as the Narrator
Simon Pegg as the Wargs
Sylvester Stallo as Glamdring
Arnold Schwarzenegger as Orcrist
Sting as Sting
Stig as Witch-King of Angmar, riding Nazgul automobile
Jackie Chan as Narsil/Anduril
Sean Connery as all the rolls suggested (Treeman, Gandalf's beard, and Beron). He just wears different hats.

The most epic movie of all time.
Someone MUST send this to Peter Jackson or someone from the crew.
Maybe they do a parody or something.

>>12534028

Who gets the prized role of The Smoke? He'd have to work well with Fry and Laurie, as well as Sam Jackson. Logically, the actor must been from the British Isles who has previously worked with Samuel L Jackson.

I nominate Liam Neeson, as he would bring a certain gravitas to the role.

>>12534020
MORE
DO MORE

Oh and this thread needs to be archived.

rolled 24773 = 24773

Best thread on /tg/ in a long while.

Would read again. 10/10 Internets.

I keep hoping del Toro will come back to the production.

Then again I also keep hoping that Ed Norton will be in the Avengers and him getting kicked off the movie will all turn out to be a cruel practical joke.

;_;

>>12534047

So Morgan Freeman puts his mouth around Hugh Laurie's head and inhales, which causes a greased up Stephen Fry in a red jumpsuit to dance at their feet, Freeman holds it for a moment and blows out Liam Neeson, who wears gray tights and dances smokily while yelling, "RELEASE THE PIPEWEED!"?

Fund it.

>>12534047
Willem Dafoe would be better. He's a bit under appreciated, and i think he'd be a great smoke

>>12534026
This one is absolutely horrible I know. I can't find a naked picture of Bruce Willis so I just strap the head on the spiders.

>>12534012

Alternatively, whenever Bilbo or Frodo wears the ring Takei Sauron appears and says OOOOOOOOOOHHHHH MYYYYYYYYYYY in a menacing yet fruity cultured voice and the lidless eye wreathed in fire winks at them while eerie space synth music plays and the hobbits scream and scream

which in this case means Morgan Freeman screaming whenever George Takei's eye appears on screen.

>>12534089

the spiders seem to have more personality than I remember.

That's good method acting for you.

>>12534079

I think he'll be brilliant, but he has to smoke marijuana to get into the character before each scene.

>>12534075
>>12534079

If it were DaFoe, then there would be no "RELEASE THE PIPEWEED!" line, which is gold Jerry, gold.

DaFoe should be either the third troll, the other two being Helen Mirren and Christopher Walken, or he should be King Of The Eagles.

I love you internet.

Richard Armitage, Aidan Turner, Rob Kazinsky and Graham McTavish.

...Richard Armitage, Aidan Turner and Graham McTavish are all pretty good actors.

Rob Kazinsky...some fucking nobody who's only ever acted in Eastenders...what the fuck is he doing in this, aside from the fact he looks like your average bing drinking friday night thug who attacks you for NOT looking at his "bird."

>>12534109
>third troll

>Danny DeVito

Someone archive this before Nazi mod delete it.

>>12534125

you never know, maybe dude fucking loves im some goddamn hobbit, mate

Original:

"Arrow!" said the bowman, "Black Arrow! I have saved you to the last. You have never failed me and always I have recovered you. I had you from my father and he from of old. If ever you came from the forges of the true king under the Mountain, go now and speed well!"

The dragon swooped once more lower than ever, and as he turned and dived down his belly glittered white with sparkling fires of gems in the moon--but not in one place. The great bow twanged. The black arrow sped straight from the string, straight for the hollow by the left breast where the foreleg was swung wide. In it smote and vanished, barb, shaft, and feather, so fierce was its flight. With a shriek that deafened men, felled trees, and split stone, Smaug shot spouting into the air, turned over and crashed down from on high into ruin.

/tg/ version:

"I know what you're thinking, Robert Downy Jr.," said Clint Eastwood, "Did he fire six arrows or only five? Well to tell you the truth in all this excitement I've kinda lost track myself. But being this is an elven-crafted longbow- the most powerful bow in the world and would knock your head clean off, you've got to ask yourself one question--Do I feel lucky? Well, do ya punk!"

To which Downey replied, "Look, this is all very illuminating, this 'arrow' mumbo-jumbo--but really, who gives a shit?"

Then Samuel L. Jackson swooped down (Yes, Samuel L. Jackson can fly!), ripped open his shirt, and screamed, "You want my blood? Take my blood!"

Then Eastwood picked up Downey and hurled him straight through Jackson's chest.

Then, the mountain stirred in the distance. From its peak came a voice, loud and clear despite the distance.

"GORDON'S ALIVE?!?"

"DIIIIIVVVVEEE!!!!!!"

>>12534125

Graham McTavish is now replaced by Cpt. McTavish

>>12534135

>ripped open his shirt, and screamed, "You goddamn motherfuckers want my blood? Take my motherfucking blood!"

ftfy

>>12534089
Made my day /tg/ This thread is glorious

>>12534141
Cpt McTavish is now replaced by the Doom Space Marine, who could have any name you like really.

>>12534135

My god....

So beautiful.

>>12532987

>bilbo_sucking_condom.jpg

>>12534135
>>12533980

MOAR

>>12534135

>Then Eastwood picked up Downey and hurled him straight through Jackson's chest. This is symbolically represented by Downey floating to Jackson on a plume of fire and kissing the air resoundingly where he would have met the chest and then arcing his body orgasmically as he enters the body, turning transparent and disappearing. Minimal CGI will be used.

ftfy

>>12534135
AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.
If anyone want a page/dialogue to edit I got the Hobbit book right here with me.

>>12534135
I'd pay to see this movie

I love how this is movie is equal parts off-the-wall silliness and high-concept abstract stage performance

MOVIE OF THE YEAR ALL YEAR

Is this archive?

I may be contributing to the overusage of Brian Blessed, but I'm pretty sure he should also play the Drums in the Deep.

This can only be done by means of him arriving on scene on a platform with a huge japanese taiko drum in the centre. Brian Blessed is wearing nothing but a loincloth and fiery red lion's mane wig. Slowly and deliberately, while as the hobbit foolishly disturbs the skeleton's bones in the depths of Moria, he puts on a tengu mask, staring unblinkingly at him. When the bucket falls down into the depths of Moria, he begins drumming.

Once again /tg/ proves that it is the best board

>>12534225
and shortly after he drops one of the drumsticks AND START SHOUTING BECAUSE OF THAT

>>12534225
Why would need a drum? He should just shout "BOOM! BOOM!" with increasing intensity.

>>12534244
it's a film, he needs a prop. Unless he'd actually play the drum.

>>12534244

Movies are a visual medium, you know.

Maybe we can meet in the middle by having the taiko drum manifest the face of brian blessed and scream "BOOM" each time it's hit. The WETA visual effects artists can do marvels.

I'm really startled by how their two faces resembles each other...

The Balrog is played by Nicolas Cage.

You will know this because when he appears on screen his hair will be styled to look like a Balrog.

>>12534299
my hair is a balrog, you're argument is invalid

hahaha fucking love it

>>12534299

On further consideration I have decided that he himself should be dressed like a balrog as well, making him a symbolic Double Balrog.

Remember, this is Durin's Bane, who survived the fall of his master morgoth, drove the dwarves out of Khazad-dum and held the place in thrall for five hundred years.

>>12534309

>my hair is a balrog, your wizardry is invalid

ftfy

I've got to say that Peter Jackson is an AMAZING storyteller. Lord of the Rings blew my mind and I'm sure The Hobbit will be just as good. I've been wanting to learn more about Middle Earth - I tried to read the books they based off the movies but but they were dry and slow-paced so I couldn't get into them.

I'm not knowledgeable in movie effects, but those people don't look dwarf combo sized. So how do they "dwarf-ify" them?

rolled 26531 = 26531

Peter Jackson's cameo is the bow that fires Robert Downey Junior.

>>12534337
0/10
Trying too hard.

>>12534287
Oh god that's amazing.
>>12534299
>>12534309
>>12534326
>>12534324
Actor for EVERY ROLE. Who's going to play the Black Gate? Osgiliath? GONDOR?

>>12534337

>>12534352

The gate of Minas Tirith will be Brian Blessed, who goes 'oof' each time Grond hits him.

Grond will be an unusually bulked up Brad Pitt partially reprising his role as the gypsy boxer from Snatch.

You will know this because the goblins and orcs will be pointing at him and chanting 'GROND! GROND!'.

>>12534352

>Black Gate?

Wesley Snipes.

He'll have to be fairly subtle with this role but I think he's up for it.

Original:

“Murderers and elf-friends!” the Great Goblin shouted. “Slash them! Beat them! Bite them! Gnash them! Take them away to dark holes full of snakes, and never let them see the light again!” He was in such a rage that he jumped off his seat and himself rushed at Thorin with his mouth open.

Just at that moment all the lights in the cavern went out, and the great fire went off poof! into a tower of blue glowing smoke, right up to the roof, that scattered piercing white sparks all among the goblins... The sparks were burning holes in the goblins, and the smoke that now fell from the roof made the air too thick for even their eyes to see through. Soon they were falling over one another and rolling in heaps on the floor, biting and kicking and fighting as if they had all gone mad.

Suddenly a sword flashed in its own light. Bilbo saw it go right through the Great Goblin as he stood dumbfounded in the middle of his rage. He fell dead, and the goblin soldiers fled before the sword shrieking into the darkness.

cont'd

>>12534400

/tg/ version:

The Party is in the room from Labryinth where they do "Dance Magic Dance." David Bowie sits arrogantly on his throne and flips his proud blonde mane out of his eyes. Pointing a finger dramatically at the Party, he says, "Murderers and babe-friends! Glam them, sham them, bam them! Take them away to the Land of Stench and never let them see the light again!" Bowie is in such a rage that he bounds off his throne and himself rushes at Jason Statham, ready to burst into song. Morgan Freeman and the dwarves cower in fear.

Just at that moment all the lights in the room go out, except for Stephen Fry undulating in a crimson jumpsuit at the center of the room, who has been there the whole time. Stephen gives a great cry and in a flash of light magically changes into a blue jumpsuit and begins to dance ferociously as sparks fill the room. In the flickering light, dozens of CGI Liam Neesons in gray tights swarm around all the goblins, putting his hands over their eyes, making odd faces, and generally being a dick. The goblins collapse and begin to fight one another.

Suddenly Arnold Schwarzenegger appears clad in light, shining as if from within. His stony Austrian gaze seems to pierce Bowie's soul as the Goblin King is filled with fear. A bearded and robed Hugh Jackman emerges from the shadows, takes the brawny strongman by the hand, and nods. Ahnold extends a finger and lightly touches Bowie on the forehead. Bowie lets out a long and high musical note before collapsing dramatically.

>>12534400
>>12534404
AHahaha oh wow.

>>12534404
>>12534400
>>Icanseeforever.jpg

Best thread I've seen in weeks. I've cried tears of laughter. Another vote to archive.

Al Pacino as Gollum

Morgan Freeman as Bilbo Baggins
Hugh Jackman as Gandalf
Arnold Schwarzenegger as Gandalf
Samuel L Jackson as Smaug
Bruce Willis as the Spiders of Mirkwood
Jason Statham as Thorin Oakenshield
Dolph Lundgren as king of the elves
Helen Mirren as the trolls
Clint Eastwood as Bard
Rutger Hauer as Elrond
Christopher Walken as Bert the Troll
Tim Curry as Smaug's treasure hoard
Brian Blessed as the mountain
Crispin Glover as the Eagles
Viggo Mortensen as the ponies
Ian Holm as the One Ring
Mickey Rourke as Gollum
Monica Belluci as the subterranean lake where Gollum lost the Ring
Forrest Whittaker as Fili and Kili
Scarlett Johansson as the barrel Bilbo rides to the town on the lake
Robert Downey Jr. as the arrow that pierces Smaug's underbelly
Sting as Sting
Bill Nighy as Beorn
The cast of Friend as the voice of Smaug
Cloned CGI frames of an oiled up Stephen Fry undulating in a crimson jumpsuit as Bilbo's fireplace
Keanu Reeves as Grass
Nimoy as the Narrator
Simon Pegg as the Wargs
Neil Patrick Harris as the Arkenstone
Arnold Schwarzenegger as Glamdring
Verne Troyer as the noble thrush that tells Bard where to shoot Smaug
Sean Connery as Gandalf's beard
Sean Connery as Ents
Stig as Witch-King of Angmar
Jackie Chan as Narsil/Anduril
Joe Pesci as Saruman
Willem Dafoe as Tom Bombadil
The Rock as Orcs
Patrick Stewart as the Palantir
Stephen Fry as fire from Brian Blessed eyes
Hugh Laurie as Bilbo's Pipe
Stephen Fry as Smoke
Liam Neeson as Smoke
Nicolas Cage as The Balrog
Peter Jackson as the Bow that fire Robert Downey Jr
Brad Pitt as Grond
Brian Blessed as Moria
Brian Blessed as Minas Tririth
Wesley Snipes as Black Gate
David Bowie as Goblin Lord

>>12534404
>>12534400
>>12534135
>>12533980

>>12534400
>>12534404
I have no idea what the hell is going on in this thread, but I think I like it.

>>12534460

MAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH PREEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAACCCCCCCCCCIIIUSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

WHY HAS THIS NOT BEEN ARCHIVED YET

I HAVEN'T LAUGHED SO HARD ALL MONTH

>>12534466

you forgot keanu reeves as the waves at the grey havens

>>12534502
Added.

Beorn.

>>12534466

Somebody needs to send this to Peter Jackson.

FUND IT SOMEHOW

They better have fucking beards

I see nothing but clean shaven and stubble fags in that link

>>12534466

Some are wrong.
See this one for corrections:
>>12534039

Thread has been archived, but we're missing some writefaggotry at the end of this thread. There a way to update it? These pearls should not be lost.

>>12534538

I think it updates itself.

Regardless, Thanks /tg/ for cheering me up

>>12534538
If you enter it into the request dialogue again, it will update. Otherwise, it'll update automatically. The automatic is enough to get everything before it 404's, but if the mode deletes this we'd likely have a problem.

>>12534404
>>12534466

/tg/, why are you not high-grossing genius directors?

>>12534474

I would write another one but I'm off to a movie. With the updated cast, it's easy. And if you're a fa/tg/uy of any standing, you have the book somewhere. Just open a page to your favorite scene and /tg/ it up. Surprisingly easy :)

are we safe in assuming sir Ian McKellen is returning as Gandalf right?
Right guys?

>>12534591

Arnold Schwarzenegger, with Sean Connery as his beard.

Although Huge Jackman is also down for Gandalf, maybe in a different scene.

>>12534616

I think Arnold is a sword of some wort, with Huge Jackman taking the role of Gandalf. Could be wrong, though.

>>12534616
Gandalf the Grey as Huge.
Gandalf the White as Arnold

Someone needs to do another scene. My thirst for more is overpowering.

>>12534628

I thought we had a picture of Ahnold with a beard. Maybe I'm mistaken.

>>12534573
Because people explode when they watch 3 hours of beards wearing hats talking with the elvish king Dolph Lundgren, while keanu reeves hums gently in the background.

>>12534631
No wait. Arnold as the Grey since he can do the "Fly you fool scene" with "I'LL BE BACK"

>>12534634

Alright, looks like he was Gandalf, then changed to Glamdring, then Orcrist.

>>12534616

How about Arnold in the action scenes and Hugh Jackman in the dialogs

With clever camera cuts the transitions will be seamless.

>>12534633
give me some excerpts then, for some reason i can't copy/paste from the pdf of the hobbit.

>>12534645

To further distinguish them arnold should be wearing terminator style sunglasses.

>>12534518
Don't worry, I'm sure he's with us right now.
I can feel it...

And featuring Shia LeBeouf as Bilbo's wisecracking son.

>>12534658
Ahnold is definitely Gandalf the White.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uXQTzJgU6qc

Imagine him walking down the corridor with a box of roses. The terminator theme is playing in the background. He sees an orc and drops the box. You see roses slowly falling and hitting the floor, and he is now holding a huge wooden staff. For some reason he is wearing sunglasses. Sean Connery, his beard, is also wearing sunglasses. And a hat.

>>12534698
>>12534645
>>12534642
>>12534640
here:
>>12534287
and here:
>>12534352

Arnold is Grey, Huge is White

arguing over gandalf is going to tear this project apart

>>12534706
Ahnold is far better for fightan, therefore he has to be White, as White does more fightan.

And Ahnolds quotes are far, far better.

Why are a lot of people including LOTR elements (Gandalf the White, for example) in a Hobbit movie?

>>12534727
Perhaps you forgot Gandalf's time traveling DeLorean, where he comes back in time and meets himself.

Jesse Ventura as Saruman, with Bruce Campbell with a goatee as his beard.

Also for some reason Saruman has muttonchops.

>>12534733
>And is the Hobbits is going to be create in New Zealand?
only if the kiwis don't mind us setting the whole place on fire. Twice.

>>12533172

>Battle of Five Armies

>implying we won't stay with Bilbo's perspective and miss it completely

The siege and the killing of Smaug would still be fuck awesome though.

rolled 35429 = 35429

/tg/ Making the greatest movie of all time.

>>12534698
I'm not gonna lie, I'm kinda feeling this one more

It's just so much more fitting for swords and sorcery

>>12534740
that's a valid point. We We need a third gandalf [the Ecru?] played by Christopher Lloyd

>>12534748
Hahaha. I want them to be made in New Zealand since the Tri movie is already made there.
>>12534750
GODDAMMIT ROCK STOP FALLING ON MAIN CHARACTER HEAD AND KNOCKING THEM OUT.
I'm still thinking that Tolkien just went "screw this let the plot continue" and knock him out.

>>12534759
forgot mah link

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5ZY2mRG5mzg&feature=related

exact same scene, with rose box and staff, in slow motion. Falling bodies timed to when the strings kick in

bump

Starring Mike Myers reprising his role as Fat Bastard in a fatsuit as Fat Hobbits #1-4

>>12534785
>Falling Bodies
...

I'm so sorry...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vNNYpVYn2nc

John Stewart as Elrond.

Oh god...I can see it now, but Bilbo needs to be Samuel L. Jackson not Freeman.

Bilbo(Jackson), Gandalf (Schwarzeneggar) and Thorin(Statham) walks into a room with Bert the troll(Walken), Goblin King(David Bowie) & Sting eating roast Warg from Saurons Burger Joint.
Bilbo-"How all you boys doing? Now now, keep chilling."
*Bilbo turns to Bert*
Bilbo-"Do you know who we are? We're associates of your business partner Gorthaur the Cruel."

Stephen Colbert as Bilbo's front door.

>>12534964
Ah, Arnold carving the Burglar's mark on his skin with a knife.

Don't you die on me!

rolled 29855 = 29855

>>12535127

I think this thread has reached the pinnacle of perfection.

Lets let it live on in memories.

>>12534740

Shadowfax is actually the DeLorean.