>>12579180
Mallory: I'm an alien princess!

DM: ...o...kay... let's see your sheet. Huh. Hey, kiddo, I think you're working a-

Mallory: An' I'm strong like Supergirl an' I can throw sparkly bolts around an' I like plushies-

DM: Uh, Mal-

Mallory: And I drink MUSTARD.

...

Craig: I like her.

DM: Well... I'll have to work over your stats later, but I think she's okay to start. Uh... Ben, tell me that you're actually playing something your own gender for once.

Ben: It's cool. I'm basically Robocop with more personality.

DM: Alright. Plasma cannon, advanced computer use, electronics... hell, looks like you've got a pretty balanced character for-

Ben: Oh, and I'm a black guy.

DM: ...you know what? You're not pretending to have boobs, I'll take it.

Mallory: Heehee! Boobs!

DM: Amir?

Amir: I know kung fu.

DM: That's it?

Amir: I know REALLY GOOD kung fu.

DM: ...so... anything else?

Amir: I've got the Angsty Loner flaw and the Natural Leader trait.

DM: Wait, what? Doesn't that give you, like, a -5 on all your Leadership checks?

Amir: It's cool, I maxed out my charisma.

DM:...What?

Amir: Well, I needed a reason that he's a good leader. I figure that if he just looks like he knows what he's-

DM: No, never mind, let's just do this... you start in your superhero lair-

Mallory: It's a skyscraper!

DM: ...skyscraper...

DM: ...and the Onix goes down! Congratulations, Craig. The Boulder Badge is yours!

Craig: Hells yes. Now let's get out of here before the authorities get word of this.

DM: ...wait, what?

Craig: Yeah, I figure you're just waiting to dick us over with a SWAT raid.

DM: This is legal.

Craig: We're sixth graders cockfighting with non-euclidean monsters that we forcibly captured...

Ben: Enslaved.

Craig: Point. They're intelligent. Enslaved for our own pleasure. Are you telling me that population enslavement, gladiator fighting, and underaged gambling is fine in this setting?

DM: ...yes?

Craig: Fuck yes.

Ben: About time you threw the moralfaggotry out the window.

DM: None of you picked up any combat skills?

Craig: Well, the minimum for martial artists.

DM: ...and you've all maxed out Craft: Water with a specialty in cooking. And what's this Fealty: The Chairman?

Ben: That's my character.

DM: You picked up the required backgrounds for that position?

Ben: Yeah. He's got Wealth 5, but it's all sunk into the Stadium.

DM: Stadium?

Ben: Yeah. Kitchen Stadium. It's an arena for the best chefs in creation...

DM: ...I... might be able to work with this...

player 1: Okay, so, I got your useless non combat kid out of the fire there

player 2: THAT YOU STARTED YOU DICK

player 1: Whatever, so, is the stupid ass badguy dead yet?

GM: No as you ride into the city, he walks out, unscathed

Player 1: Bullshit! I fucking crashed his truck into the resivoir barrier! I critted that roll!

GM: Yeah, and you're also playing a 250 point GURPS character with injury tolerance: Unliving and unkillable 3. I just made him a threat.

PLayer 2: I still think you guys should let me roll up a better character. I can totally tell I'm just macguffin material here.

Gm:... okay, how about someone with a shitload of guns skill? She has flaws...

>>12579357

DM: Okay... so we've got... an Irish... Ninja... Doctor... who idolizes Batman...

Ben: Check.

DM: A science geek... bandito... kid... who rides a raptor.

Craig: Double check.

DM: A monkey receptionist...

Mallory: Gorilla!

DM: Sorry, right, Gorilla - did any of you take Sign Language?

Ben: Crap.

Craig: I knew we forgot something.

DM: *sigh* Pick it up next level. And the clone of Ben Franklin.

Josh: With all his memories.

DM: Got it. Just one question for all of you.

Ben: Shoot.

DM: What the hell is wrong with you guys?

Ben: You said all the GURPS books were open for use, right?

DM: Of course!

Ben: Well, no direction... we decided we had to be ready for anything.

Craig: And besides, once you start using those generators, they're hard to stop.

DM: Generators?

Josh: Chaotic Shiny?

DM: ...you know two can play that game. Let's pull out Mr. Lappy and see what your first plot arc is going to be.

Ben: What did we just do?

Craig: Cut down the amount of prep time he's gonna need, that's what.

Ben: I think we're gonna need more Mountain Dew.

>wtfamireading.jpg

Also, fail GM detected
>ban on different-gender

DM: No. Hell no. No way in fucking hell amd I letting you use the Gestalt rules to make this abomination of a Rogue/Monk/Fighter/Urban Ranger/Ninja/Factorum character.

>>12579408

That's what I thought first. But then I realized what kind of players he might be working with.

>>12579180
>Ban on different genders
>No in character relationships

Shit GM detected.

>>12579459
>I want my ero rpg, fuck you for not letting me turn a game to porn!
This is why I request to keep player hands on the table.

>>12579435
GM: No! This is a GURPS 350 point game! You cannot play a man with 100 points in "plot armor" and -75 coming from "MY PARENTS ARE DEEEEEEAD!" What the fuck is that anyway?

DM:Okay seriously?

Craig: I said I chop the villain's head off.

DM:Don't you mean shoot him?

Craig: guns are stupid, plus he might be wearing kevlar. I chop his head off.

DM: Okay, okay you chop his head off. His blood sprays onto Ben.

Ben:What powers did he have again?

DM:Shooting lightning why?

Ben: Now I shoot lightning

Whatever. If you really can't tell what the problem is, I'll spell it out for you.

Ever wonder why all the NPCs seemed to hate you? It's because YOU WEREN'T SUPPOSED TO BE THE NEREVARINE. (Don't give me that look; I told you it was non-traditional fantasy.) Remember that prisoner guy you met in the intro session? That was *his* job. But no, you just assumed from the background information that 'Chosen One' meant 'player character', and started running around acting like you owned the place - and as a lizardman on a continent of xenophobic elves, for fuck's sake. What the hell kind of prophecy would that be to make YOU the reincarnation of their savior?

And don't even get me started on all the potion-making crap I let you get away with. Just because it's not balanced correctly doesn't excuse you ruining the magic system and the global economy at the same time.

>>12579502
For a second there, I seriously believed that Axecopmade his way to TV

GM: Okay, so you've got so much superstrength you've had to take the flaw where in order to use ANY of your powers other than your super-intelligence you're reduced to the mentality of a child.

David: Just don't get him angry.

GM: Sure, Neals character is some undersea prince with flight and superstrength for no fucking reason I can discern. Seriously, what the fuck Neal?

Neal: I couldn't think of what to spend the points on! Is it all right if I play him as an arrogant noble archetype?

GM: I'd practically demand it. Carls using one of my old villain character sheets as his character...

Carl: He was really more of a shade of gray character though you know? I mean didn't we manage to get him to turn against Sinistar in the end?

GM: It's fine, just play him as a stranger in a strange land, still feeling a little bit suspicious about humanity in general. So, Steve, what's your Magic Users flaw?

Steve: That he has to work with these jokers?

GM: .... I'll accept it.

GM: Goddamn it, why is every time we play ANY game with the CoC rules you guys do this! I mean you! Why the FUCK does your Journalist character know how to operate firearms, drive military vehicles and knows Lucha Libre?

Franky: What? He's been in wars! It's not as bad as that adventure in the Atarctic with the 16 year old who was a crack shot, could dual wield and operate heavy industrial machinery!

DM: I am SO glad I killed that guy off...

>>12579624
>>12579579
>>12579502
>>12579435
>>12579397
>>12579357
>>12579301
>>12579252
>>12579185
>>12579180
stephencolberteatingpopcorn.gif

So good. Bring me more!

mascarpone obroise, of course...

>>12579579
Who the hell are the last two supposed to be?

>>12579579
the defenders?

>>12579714
Silver Surfer and Dr Stephen Strange

>>12579749
Aaaah now I got it!

>>12579735
Ding.

>>12579714
The last two are Silver Surfer and Dr Strange.

Yes. The Hulk, Namor, Dr Strange and the Silver Surfer were in a superhero team. They basically took on things from the Mythos, the Not-Justice League (the Not-Batman from which ended up joining the team) and at one point a machine that would destroy all of reality unless Namor and Hulk stopped punching it.
It's distressing just how hard the world was to save that time.

Where most 4-colour superteams would pat eachother on the back and trade a really bad pun at the end of an adventure, these guys would usually punch each other and vow never to work with the other two again.
Well, aside from Dr Strange, who was usually the one who brought them all together through magic related dickery (illusions, teleporting them against their will, and even mind control at one point.)

Keep in mind this was all during the 60's and 70's too.

TL;dr? The Defenders is awesome and you should read it.

>>12579624
what's the second one alluding to?

John: Dude, I feel useless.

GM: No, it's cool, Ben's character has got you all covered.

John: Yeah, that's kind of what I'm worried about. We go to this planet and all of a sudden Mike, me, and all the NPCs can barely pull shit in a fight against the things you're throwing at us. I mean, when Mike exploded himself to kill that one dude, the dude didn't even die. And he was a mook. A dancing mook. My little bald guy can't do crap.

Mike: I'm still pretty pissed about that, by the way.

GM: Too fucking bad. It happened. Deal with it. Maybe if you rolled up a character that's my homebrew race instead of a human like a retard you might've lasted longer.

Ben: Yeah man. The stat bonuses for being Saya-jin are through the roof.

Mike: Know what? Fine, I'll do that, I'll make a character in your stupid homebrew race. But I want to use it to kill Ben.

GM: Whatever.

*An hour later*

GM: Okay Mike, your mooks have been getting trounced by Ben. He's kicking all kinds of ass. What do you do?

Mike: I'm going to inspect his stats with my eyepiece. I want to know what I'm up against.

GM: Alright. Ben, hand Mike your character sheet.

Ben: Sure, but don't freak out.

John: Y'know, I'm pretty curious. Just what is Ben's power level.

*Mike exchanges a long hard stare with the character sheet*

Mike: IT'S OVER NINE-THOUSAAAAAAAAAAAAAAND.

*Mike crumples the sheet in one hand*

Ben: DUDE!

GM: Oh what the fuck. Way to overreact.

>>12579833

Steve Burnside.

>>12579835

What? Over nine thousand?

DM: Okay guys, let’s see what we’ve got. James, hit me.

James: Well, Natalie and I wrote up these gangter characters together. Mine’s meant to be the leader of this small gang that –

DM: I see no combative skills here. And… your Charisma and Manipulation are pretty low for a leader.

James: Well, yeah, but I’ve given him the Natural Leader merit, as well Daredevil and the Coward flaw.

DM: Wait, what? A daredevil coward?

James: It’s complicated. I promise there’s a valid reason.

DM: Hm. Don’t disappoint me. Nat? Your character’s pretty interesting. Her Crafts: Explosives value seems pretty high for a starting character, though.

Natalie: Don’t worry, I had to tack on a bunch of flaws. She’s Blindsided and Scarred.

DM: Ouch. This is a pretty social campaign, that might- ah. You’ve shovelled enough points into Charisma and Appearance that it won’t matter. So that’s how it’s gonna be, huh? Carl?

Carl: I wrote up an assassin, basically.

DM: I can see that. These Acrobatics and Martial Arts ratings are ridiculous. And you seem to have dumped way too many points into your physical abilities. Not to mention your charisma.

Carl: It’s cool. Derangements. I’ve got like six of ‘em.

DM: Carl…

All right, let's see what you got! Remember, I want effective, but balanced and deep interesting characters this time; roleplaying not rollplaying!

Cathy: My character's really lucky! Pretty normal otherwise, does have some confidence and temper issues, though.

Aight, next!

Jim: She's an infantry expert.

Explain.

Jim: She's better at small unit infantry tactics than vehicle warfare, and her men are spec-ops soldiers. She's got a bit of a temper and a mouth, but she's intelligent and dutiful to her allies.

All right, fair enough. Next.

Bill: Well, my guy's really big and strong, he likes tanks and fighting, but he's not good at indirect weapons or thinking.

What the shit...you're lucky that's not too twinky. Amy, you better have made a character.

Amy: I did, boss! Here he is!

Amy, this is a mechanic! He barely has any training ranks at all!

Amy: He's the new guy. He's got a really nice power, too!

...well, all right. I might have to tweak some of the material...but, here goes.

Your nation is peaceful, but border skirmishes have forced armed forces mobilizations....

>>12579835
Also:

Mike: Man, I have to ask, how many more sessions are we gonna spend on Ben solo-fighting the BBEG?

GM: This is probably the last one, I promise. Though it looks like we're running long, it might go to next week.

John: You can't get it done today? Mike and I are kind of getting tired of playing Smash Bros in the other room while you and Ben do your ERP session in here.

Ben: DUDE IT IS EPIC. SHUT UP.

Mike: Also I think it's kind of bullshit that when I finally make a character in your stupid master race that Ben can suddenly be a member of the super-master-race.

GM: His power level is over 9000, what do you want from me?

Ben: Yeah dude. It makes sense. Oh, uh, how long till the planet explodes? I kinda want to wrap the fight up before that happens.

GM: Uh..... fuck. *Scrambles around behind screen* About... five minutes?

John: WHAT. It was "five minutes" for the last two sessions before this!

GM: Just deal with it. You aren't even in the game right now, stop complaining.

Mike: Whatever. Dibs on Final D.

>competent poseple
No, captcha. I'm writing about INcompetent people.

>>12579979

What is this.

>>12580070
>>12579979
I must concur.

>>12580070
Baccano.

>>12580070

the picture sems to be of baccano.

I recognize the coward and explosives chick as well as the bi polar mechanic, but the others escape me.

>>12580035
Nell, Andy, Max and Sami.

I don't remember the confidence issues, though.

>>12579979
Gm: Alright, we're in the year 3000, stuff is future-like, stuff can fly, space travel is super-fast and there are robots and stuff. Danny, you're first.

Daniel: My character is the last alien of her kind, she knows kung fu, how to fly spaceships, is really intelligent and has a charisma of 17!

GM:... uhm, okay, what kind of alien is she?

Daniel: She only has one eye!

GM: But that's not even... fine, Mike, you sent me your character beforehand... are you sure you want to go with this Rogue/bard thing?

Michael: Of course, it will be awesome! I am a robot who sings folk songs when he gets near magnets! HOW IS THAT NOT AWESOME?

GM: But, you sure about having 3 charisma? And with the Sociopat and cleptomania drawback, being a bard will probably be hard

Michael: Jeez, what exactly about ROLE-playing is it that you don't get? My character wants to sing folk songs, so he'll be a bard.

GM: Fine, have it your way. Alright then, Phillip, what have you made?

Phillip: I am playing Phillip, a guy from the past.

GM: and?

Phillip: That's pretty much it. He is really good at space invaders.

GM:...

>>12580172
wait, i didn't mean to quote anything

sorry about that

>>12580128

Maybe I interrupted some of her interractions with Grit and Olaf too freely.

>>12580172
Oh Phillip. You so crazy.

>>12580225
>>12580172
I thought it was the Fifth Element untill "I've got on eye!"

Then I was sad.

>>12580172

okay now i'm lost

>>12580240
It's Futurama.

>>12580241
Fry the guy from the past. Bender the creep robot. And Leela the last of her cyclopian race.

GM: OK, we're playing a campaign where you're all fighter pilots.

Craig: Whoa, dude, you've got...a crapton of background info over here. And maps. Wait, what's this...'F-16C?' We're in a fictional world, using American planes.

GM: Shut up, it'll be awesome.

>later

Players: HOLY SHIT THIS IS AWESOME

How would be a Simpsons one?

GM: Ok, so, Richard and Michael, you're playing the characters Kurt and James played in the one-shot.

Richard: Yeah, but the character is now a sarcastic wise-ass instead of the depressed and suicidal hard-ass Kurt plated him as.

GM: ...Ok... as long as you have a good explanation for it.

Michael: My character is more or less the same as hoe James played him, except that he's no a mythology expert and knows more than 20 languages.

GM: More than 20?!? No way!

Daniel: Well, most of them are dead languages he learned while becoming an archeologist.

GM: ...Fine. Amanda?

Amanda: My character is an Air Force officer and an expert in astrophysics. She also has an interest in studying alien technology.

GM: A military officer and a super-scientist?

Amanda: You did say we could multi-class.

GM: Don't make me regret that. Chris?

Chris: My character is a humanoid alien. He wants to free his people from slavery at the hands of his alien masters and joins the other characters in order to do so.

GM: OK... In a secret underground military base an all but forgotten piece of alien technology suddenly activates and a small squad of alien warriors comes through the interstellar portal...

>>12580243
No shit, sherlock.

However, you can put >Gm: Alright, we're in the year 3000, stuff is future-like, stuff can fly, space travel is super-fast and there are robots and stuff. Danny, you're first.

Daniel: My character is the last alien of her kind, she knows kung fu, how to fly spaceships, is really intelligent and has a charisma of 17!
Into the Fifth Element easily, except maybe the year.

>and you're ignoring the ban on different-gender PCs.

Who would do something like that?

>>12580279

SG-1. It might have been more subtle if you didn't use the actual actors' names.

>>12580288
1)The insecure.
2)People who've had problems in the past.

DM: Ok, Mary, lets see what you came up with.

Mary: Well, she's the best fighter pilot in the whole fleet. The commander also loves her like a daughter because she was going to marry his son, but then his son died, so now she's sad and lonely but still the best fighter pilot and the best shot with any guns and at gambling. She can also repair and fly enemy spaceships!

DM: ...Um, ok, those numbers don't add...

Mary: Oh and she has a tortured past! Her mom was really mean to her.

DM: Did you even read my email? This is supposed to be a hard sci-fi space combat game...

Mary: I also think she should get impregnated by the aliens.

DM:...wat

Mary: And she's really an Angel sent by god to guide every living human to a new paradise.

Group: ...wat

DM

>>12579301
>I'MSOFUCKINGOKWITHTHIS

>>12580297
The main joke was supposed to be the whole Richard vs. Kurt thing.

Everyone got their sheets?
>Yep.
Cool, cool. Pass them forward...
>What do you think?
I think you're all fucking insane.
>Why?
Let's see... we've got ... two PCs from a previous game, one of whom was lopped in half by the BBEG... and a bunch of religious zealots doing life on a penal colony.
>And my guy.
>And us.
Oh, yes. A guy who is an ex-con/doctor, the warden and .. what strongly appears to be a guy with *both* Int and Wis as dump stats.
>So, when do we get the guns and shit?
Fuck you, its a prison colony. No guns, period. If you want to force my hand, that's what you're dealing with.
>What about fire? Do we have the capacity to make fire? Most humans have enjoyed that privilege since the Stone Age.
Yeah... you can make fire, alright...

GM: So. What you guys are?
1: I'm this dude. I'm a space smuggler. And I'm full of shit.
GM: What?
1: Yeah. And my charisma and quick draw are superior.
Gm: yeah I can see that.
1: And I'm 2's mate. We kinda roam together on my ship.
2: Yeah.
GM: Ok, so 2. what are you?
2: I giant furry alien with superior strength and that speaks on a really annoying language that few understand.
GM: Wait, what?
2: But 1 totally can understand me.
1: Yeah dude. It's here.
GM: Fine. What about you 3?
3: Oh, don't mind me. I'm just some young blood and I'm uh... some kind of ancient monk that worships a divine ephemeral power from where I withdraw superior psyonic abilities.
GM: What?
3: Oh and I have a sword. A laser sword.
1: Fuck. And I tough I was full of bullshit.
GM: But... what... how.. wah...
3: It's all in the rules.
GM: Fine! What about you 4?
4: I'm a diplomat.
GM: Finally someone that is not a total douche.
4: And a princess.
GM: Well, okay I guess...
4: And I rebel leader.
GM: Wait a minute...
4: And I'm 3 lost sister.
GM: Wait, wait?
3: Seriously?
4: Yeah.
1: Fucking A.
2: Yeah.
Gm: Fuck...

>>12580311

??

>>captcha: contained refeloal

>>12580354
Battlestar 2: Galactic Boogaloo

>>12580354
BSG the new series. It's Starbuck.

>>12580279
Was thinking of doing SG-1 myself.

DM: Ok, let's see what you guys came up with for this investigation campaign.

Olive: I'm playing the leader - an agent with high perception and investigative skills.

DM: I see that, but all these background flaws have crippled your Charisma. How are you going to effectively lead the team?

Olive: I thought about that, but after hearing what everyone else was running, I didn't think it would be an issue as I'm the only one with combat skills.

Pete: Yeah, I'm playing a scoundrel with the high Charisma, you know, the face man.

DM: Wow, high Charisma and Wisdom, and no real combat skills. I guess you're letting Olive go in first.

Pete: After my character hacks the lock.

DM: What about you, Walt?

Walt: Playing a Mad Scientist.

DM: Holy! Did you take EVERY mental and social flaw?

Walt: Yes. You see the team recruited him from a mental hospital.

DM: Well, that explains how your Intelligence and wow, every scientific and craft skill is so high.

Walt: Perfect eccentric genius.

DM: I guess Olive leads through intimidation.

Olive: I figure once I level I'll put points into Charisma.

Pete: You said this would be primarily a social campaign.

>>12580311
LOL!.

When you put it that way her character is a bit ridiculous.

>>12580279
STARGATE!!!!!!!!!!!!!

>>12580320
Aliens 3?

GM: So, who is playing what?
A: I'll be the team leader.
GM: Sounds good, sounds good.
B: I'm the team's heavy gunner. Big Texan type.
GM: Very do-able. Next?
C: Team's support grenadier. Quirky sense of humor.
GM: Uhm.. okay.
D: I'll be the insane Indian tracker with a big knife.
GM: ... A little off-beat, but sure...
E: I'm the moody partner to B. Big black guy. Scary all day.
GM: Looks to be a fun group, thus far...
F: I'm the team's CIA/military tool. Friends with A.
G & H: And us.
GM: Wait, what are you playing?
G: I'm the rebel leader. A moderately hot rebel chick.
GM: ... they'll pick you up later, if they survive the rebel camp they're raiding.
G: I can deal with this.
GM: And you, H?
H: Gigantic alien hunter with a cloaking field and a plasma cannon.
GM: Dude, what the fuck?

>>12580268
GM: SkyEye here. All Mobius aircraft report in.

GM: "Mobius 2 on standby."

GM: Mobius 3 through 7 on standby."

GM: "Mobius 8 on standby."

GM: Preperations are complete, ready for battle. All aircraft follow Mobius 1.

Players: LEADERSHIP IS FUCKING AWESOME.

>>12580389
Correct.

>>12580395
Mother fucking Predator

>>12580373
YAY FRINGE!

>>12580414
During the last thread, I didn't get the chance to post it, so I kept it in a notepad file.

Your turn.

GM: So what you guys have made?
Cool Guy: We're ninjas. All of us.
GM: Ninjas, okay.
That Guy: And we're turtles.
GM: Woah. What?
New Player: And we like pizza and our father is a big monk rat!
GM: What?!?
Rules Lawyer: It's all possible dude. Check this lateral column right here.
Gm: But that sound stupid!
That Guy: I know. That's why I'm going to attack them.
Cool Guy: Dude game is not even set yet you cannot...
That Guy: Shut up. I still wonder why you're the leader of this shit.
Cool Guy: Because I got better stats. I don't min maxed them.
Rules Lawyer: Yeah, man picking a weapon that has a benefits against his weapon was real classy.
That Guy: I know.
New Player: I can ride skates. Wanna hear a skate joke?
GM: The fuck is this shit?

ST: You're playing an FBI agent?
1: Yep.
ST: Who.. believes in magic, elves, spirits, aliens and every single possible para-scientific or supernatural element ever?
1: Exactly.
ST: And you?
2: Same thing, but I'm not sure if I believe in gravity, chemistry or logic. Pretty much a foil for 1.
ST: How are you paying for all of these weird-ass skills?
1: Kidnapped sister. Its in the eight page bio.
2: Religious upbringing. Three page bio, but its got ..
ST: Pictures. Wow. Uhm... yeah.
1: So?
ST: Gimme a minute... okay, the BBEG is running the entire world.
1 & 2: You fucking suck as an ST.

>>12580475
X-Files

>>12580475
X-Files?

GM: Okay, what did you roll?

Ben: I rolled high Intelligence and Charisma, low strength and toughness.

GM: And this is a campaign about a school of delinquents.

Ben: I know, but I thought I could turn the whole campaign around.

Illich: Well I rolled the exact opposite, but I think we're going to be best friends.

GM: and Andy?

Andy: Look I just had some really bad rolls, but if you let me redo them...

GM: Times up, prepare to be the adventure hook.

tl dr

>>12580435
Wait, that's how this works? Fuck me, ok...

GM: Ok, as you, Paul, and your trusted sidekick Sam approach the bridge, you see a Large man clad in black armor thoroughly kill the shit out of another man.
John: That's me, right?
GM: Yeah, that's you
Paul: All right, I approach him, explain who I am and my quest, and ask him to join us.
John: I remain silent.
Paul: Ok... I tell him he is incredibly talented and ask him again to join us.
John: Still silent.
Paul: Last time, I'm kinda pissed, but still ask.
John: Nothing.
Paul: Fine, I pass him by on the bridge. Come, Sam!
John: None shall pass!
Paul: What?
John: None shall pass!
Paul: Hey, I don't wanna fight you, I just wanna get moving.
John: Then you shall die.
Paul: So be it!
>Several rounds of combat later
Paul: Look dammit, just let me pass! You've been literally disarmed!
John: What? Scared? Let's go!
GM: God dammit I hate all of you

>>12580514
Monty Python, Holy Grail.

>>12580527
Indeed it is

GM: Okay Frank, let's see your paper.

*Frank hands character sheet*

GM:... how can you play a mute bard?

*Frank taps nose, and stares*

GM: and George...you rolled a gorilla. Why is there a gorilla in a Japanese school for delinquents?

>>12580514
Come back here! I'll bite your knee caps off!

Monty Python and the Holy Grail.

>>12580496

Mx0?

GM: Alright, has everyone got their character sheets ready?

B: Yeah, here ya go. I'm doing an artificer-genius, specializing in miniaturization and AI.

GM: Ben, normally this is where I'd hand it right back and tell you to play your own gender, but since you took Awkward and severe nearsightedness, I'm inclined to allow it... for now.

Jim: Here's mine.

GM: Another artificer? Well alright, I can work with that.

Jim: Took Noble as my origin, hope that's ok. Oh, and "Superhuman Durability".

GM: Myeh. Ok, Veronica?

V: Acrobat/Rogue/Fighter/Amazon, of course!

GM:...Right. I'll just replace your "Boundless Energy" perk with an "ADHD" drawback. Moving on...Ted?

Ted: Naval Airman. Third class.

GM:...Alright, I can work with this. Suzy?

Suz: BOW BEFORE ME, FOR I AM LORD OF ALL CATS!

>>12580547
Cromartie actually

GM: So. What you made?
Solo Player: A spy.
GM: Oh cool. What kind of spy.
Solo Player: The kind that was cloned to be physical enhanced.
GM: Wait, what?
Solo Player: Yeah. I'm like a clone of some really neat motherfucker from not so long ago.
GM: Dude, what...
Solo Player: Check my stats!
Gm: Why they're so high?
Solo Player: Because I'm a fucking ace, that's why.
GM: Dude, if you keep this sheet I'm going to throw at you bullshit.
Solo Player: I can handle it.
GM: I'm going to make some of your bad asses enemies to use strange powers.
Solo Player: I'm okay with it.
GM: It's going to be silly.
Solo Player: I love silly.
GM: So silly I'm adding a mecha!
Solo Player: You should add an evil twin brother.
GM: What?
Solo Player: Yeah. You use my sheet against my sheet. Dude that would be awesome.
GM: Are you listening to what you're saying?
Solo Player: And a robot. Can I have like a robot sidekick that helps me. Like a robot ninja.
GM: ...
Solo Player: And he would have a sword.
GM: You don't have points to an ally like that.
Solo Player: Well, just make him anyway. Then we could fight!
GM: You said he would be your ally!
Solo Player: Well, he could help me on the end, but we totally should fight.
Gm: Oh dear...

>>12580496
Cromartie high?
Kamiyama, Hayashida or Takenouchi and Hokuto?

>>12580560
Metal Gear Solid

GM: Okay, before we get started, let me se your characters. Greg, what the fuck man? I know this is a fairly high-point game, but there is no way you could afford that much strength.
Greg: Nah it's fine. See? I took a whole bunch of disadvantages.
GM: A fucking prosthetic arm?
Greg: And max points from Dependent and Enemy.
GM: This is a dark fantasy game, for christ's sake. Speaking of which, Paige, what where you thinking? A fairy? Seriously?
Paige: What's wrong with it? I like fairies.
GM: You know what, whatever. Let's just keep going. Stan, I see you actually made a fairly normal fencing character. Thank god for small favors. How about you Fran?
Fran: I'm a sadomasochistic holy knight. And Stan's character's half-sister, but I don't know that. I'm also hot for him.
GM: Goddamnit Fran.

>>12580586
SNAKE!!!!

>>12580539
>>12580496
Cromartie High School

>>12580588
Berzerk. =D

>>12580301
I think it is people who got sick of fat ugly neckbeards playing sexy girls, who act like whores.

>>12580398
muthafuckin Ace Combat 4. Best ace combat EVAR!

>>12580568
the last one was Maeda.

Ben: Hey GM! Can you look at Mike's character sheet.
GM: I saw it before, what about it?
Ben: I mean look at it, doesn't look weird?
GM: What do you mean?
Mike: Hey Ben.
Ben: Mike why does you character have knife proof skin? and can has the ability to be rebuilt if killed.
Mike: Well I took the Short and Not Good With Technology flaws, so I could get those abilities.
Ben: And the younger brother whose older than you.
Mike: It's background.
GM: I think I'm getting at what you mean Ben. Mike I'm afraid your character is a r...r...
Ben:...
Mike:...
GM: Really min/maxed. Kind of munchkin of you, but I'll let it slide.
Ben:*That's not it*

ST: Let's see what characters you guys have rolled up.
Linda: I'm playing a worker at an abortion clinic who is having a crisis of faith.
ST: Okay, great, I can work with that. Jason?
Jason: I'm playing a stoner prophet.
ST: What the fuck?
Jason: A stoner prophet. He speaks the word of God and gets high.
ST: That makes no goddamn sense, but whatever. Kevin?
Kevin: I'm playing another stoner who hangs out with Jason's character and never talks.
ST: Let me see those character sheets! What the fuck, these are the same goddamn characters you played the last three games! And Kevin, why do you insist on taking the Mute flaw if you're putting all your points into Intelligence and Wits? And what about you, Chris?
Chris: I'm playing the thirteenth apostle.
ST: As in, Jesus' disciples apostle?
Chris: Yeah. Oh, and he's also black.
ST: No. Just no. This is a Hunter game. No supernaturals.
Chris: Oh, he's not supernatural. He just knew Jesus. In fact, Jesus owes him money.
ST: Fine, I'll just play it like you're crazy. And Salma?
Salma: I'm playing a former muse who turned human and became a stripper so she could finally be appreciated.
ST: You know what? I give up! I was going to make this an epic campaign about faith with all kinds of badass antagonists, but you guys fucked that up with your stupid-ass characters! Might as well throw in a demon made of shit while I'm at it!

GM: Okay Benicio, you attempted to run off with the party's loot while they were sleeping, and now you've been whacked. This is what happens when you push your luck with Kobayashi. Now the party's down a man for the next encounter.

Benicio: Fuckin' railroading man, what the fuck...

Stephen: Fenster's dead, and now we gotta bury him.

Kevin: Fuck that! And you're burying him in dry fuckin' sand, moron! When he ROTS, the surfers are going to smell him a mile away.

Stephen: Fuck you, he was my partner, we did more jobs and saw more cash than you can even fucking COUNT!

Kevin: This is bullshit, I don't see how we're supposed to pull this off with just the three of us, and your mary sue cripple DMPC.

GM: Verbal resents that you called him a cripple, he makes a mental note of this.

Gabriel: Jesus fucking CHRIST, I don't want to hear another word. I'm going to finish this, not for you, not for him. I'm doing this for me.

>>12580630
I wanna say Full Metal Alchemist?

>>12580630

>>Alright, let's see these sheets. Matt, do you, uhm...have any powers besides 'feign death'?

Matt: Well, no. But she's really good looking! And smart. Having no constitution will be a problem, but Alex'll handle all the combat, anyway.

>>Right...And you, Alex, you took every possible insanity flaw to offset all the bonuses. This character is going to be impossible to play. You'd die three to four times a campaign.

Alex: Eh. I'll manage.

>>And Lazlo? You're...this sheet is blank.

Lazlo: I'm their boss. I most just sit in the base and wait for them to come back.

DM: Alright, fellas. Are you guys ready?
Players: YEAH!
DM: Good. What you guys made?
Hank: I'm a stud. I'm really good at sports and i can basically lead all those guys because my charisma is better.
DM: Sports?
Hank: Yeah.
Eric: I'm rich. Very rich. I'm so rich I'm spoiled. I walk with those losers because the other losers are really losers. And I don't like to fight.
DM: What?
Diana: I'm the best acrobat of the whole state!
DM: Wait, guys seriously...
Presto: I'm the nerd!
Sheila: I good at sneaking around.
Bob: I'm Sheila's brother and I like braking things!
DM: For crying out loud. This is a medieval setting. You made school kids!
Hank: You're damn right we did.
DM: Oh good lord. You guys suck. Loot at those sheets.
Eric: you want us to re-roll.
DM: Noooo... it took so long to you guys made this. It would make even longer... here I'll hive you a nice bunch of magical weapons and a really good patron. For free cost.
Bob: Can I have like a dog? Or a horse? A puppy?
Dm: Yeah, I'll figure something out...

>>12580560
GM: Okay, last session was a bit of a disaster, but we can keep going with this campaign if we skip ahead a few years. Let me see your new character sheet.
Solo Player: Here you go.
GM: ... This is just your old character with blond hair.
Solo Player: No, he's totally different! Read the background.
GM: You were a child soldier?
Solo Player: Yeah! My character is haunted by his past.
GM: It says here that your girlfriend works for the same organization as you.
Solo Player: She's an intelligence officer. You said I need to work on my roleplaying, so she and I can develop our relationship while she leads me through the mission.
GM: Okay, fine. At least change your character's name, though.

>>12580644
Dogma

>>12580683
I've got nothing. I'm sure it'll jump out at me once it's revealed.

>>12580644
Dogma.

DM: Alright, you approach the pillar.
Marty: I roll perception.
DM: The carvings are immense; you estimate that who or whatever built it must have had thousands of years or completely immeasurable manpower to -
Guido: I cast magic missile.
DM: Oh, COME ON
Marty: Seriously man, what the fuck?

>>12580644
>Might as well throw in a demon made of shit while I'm at it!
What you did there, I see it.

>>12580630
John: His name is Yutaka Takenouchi, and he is the leader of the First Year Students of the School. He is tough and stern, but caring for his sublieutenants. He just has one flaw.
GM: And that is?
John: Motion Sickness. And I took it as a major flaw too. It was the only way to get his strength so high.
GM: Okay and our session starts off on a field trip over a lumpy road.

>>12580714
D&D

>>12580683
>>12580714
>>12580743
/thread

>>12580754
Well fuck me running sideways

>>12580743
Ohh, nevermind, I wasn't gonna get that, never saw it.

GM:No.

Erica:What?

GM:That is way too mary sue

Erica:So she's an alien, so he looks like a hot human, so she's the only one who can stop a galactic evil using the fi-

GM:There are no flaws. Mary Sue. Look at Derek's character. He's an ex-military operative that now drives a taxi.

Derek:And I suck royally at it.

GM:Yeah, he has a crapton of problems.

Erica:Well my character is...naive? She may look human and all but she barely speaks the language and has little to no clue what is going on.

GM:Well work on that. Josh what're you.

Josh:A real over the top celebrity all the girls fawn over. My suit is off the hook, my hair is off the hook, and my moves are off the hook. I just need a catch phrase. Like "Super Yellow" or "Super Red".

GM:Why not green? you have a green shirt on.

Josh:Fine.

>>12580768
There's The Fifth Element! Yay!

>>12580768
5th element done right

>>12580768
The Fifth Element?

>>12580671
Fuck yeah, Excel Saga!

DM: For the last time, we're roleplaying a political intrigue game in 14th century Italy. You can't be a fucking ninja.

>>12580768

>The Fifth Element

>Projects, gementy

>>12580798
Assassin's Creed. Specifically, the second one.

GM: Okay, so let's hear a bit about your characters.
Dave: I'm playing a karate master.
Ben: Me too.
GM: You guys have the exact same attributes, skills and abilities! The only thing separating your characters is their equipment!
Julia: I'm playing a Chinese secret agent who studied kung-fu under a master assassin.
Paul: I'm playing a Soviet wrestler who fight bears and doesn't afraid of anything.
Jerry: I'm playing a man who grew up in the rain forest and learned fighting moves from animals.
GM: Okay, I'm going to stop you there. Why is your skin green?
Jerry: I dunno. I just thought it would be cool. Osmosis?
GM: And seriously Phil, "pacifist yoga master" isn't really meshing with the rest of the party.
Phil: Trust me, it'll be fine. Yoga is totally awesome.

>>12580817
Street Fighter!

>>12580714
Old D&D cartoon.

>>12580671
Excel Saga!

Okay guys, I know I said I wanted a large group for my military GURPS game, but this is a bit ridiculous. Whatever, let's get started. Pat, you first.
Pat: Psychotic mute with a flamethrower.
GM: What. Whatever, you've made worse. Scot?
Scot: Super-fast dude with a shotgun and a bat. I can also double-jump.
GM: You guys remember this is a realistic campaign, right? Whatever, I'll work that out later. Stan?
Stan: My guy specializes in rocket launchers. Awesome, right?
GM: No, that's retarded. Why did you also take special DR for rockets on your feet and legs? It better not be for-
Stan: It's for rocketjumping.
GM: Goddamnit guys. Whatever, lets keep this trainwreck rolling. Paul?
Paul: My guy is a french superspy. Master of disguise and all that jazz.
GM: How did you afford an invisibility cloak? Christ. Whatever, I'm not letting you attack while your invisible. Not after last time.
Paul: Gaaaaaay.

>>12580853
GM: Shut up. Okay, Max, what about your guy?
Max: Doctor and field medic.
GM: Hmm. Not bad. It looks like this group will be needing a... what is this shit in your equipment section? A "healing gun"? Another that shoots syringes? Fuck, why don't you just take scalpel as a melee backup to perfect this retarded trifecta.
Max: Awesome!
GM: I was kidding. Don't. Shaun, thank you for following direction. I don't see anything too weird about your character. I am confused by your ranks in longbow training though.
Shaun: I plan on getting one later.
GM: Christ. Hank, why did you get 20 Strength? Not only is that retarded, but this is a modern war game. There's going to be guns, making your physical strength pretty much useless.
Hank: Not quite. Check out my equipment section.
GM: A fucking mounted gatling gun? You're carrying around a gun meant to be strapped onto planes, you do realize that?
Hank: Yeah it's awesome.
GM: Ugh. Ed, why does your character have points in Gadgetry, engineering and nothing else?
Ed: TURRETS!
Hank: HIGH FIVE!
GM: Fuck, I need a drink. Dan? Demo expert? Okay not too bad. What's with the one-eye drawback? And why does he have cultural familiarity with both Scotland and Africa? You know what, I don't care.

GM: Wait, you ALL took Enemy and the 100% level? I... I can actually work with this. That fixes a lot of stuff. Just gimmie a bit to do a rewrite for the setting.

GM: John, why would you take Aptitude: Firearms? You're a scientist.
John: I don't know, I thought it might come in handy.

Okay, so far we have a druid and a priestess. Richard, what are you making?
>A wizard.
Didn't you play one in the last campaign?
>Yep.
Alright, let's see what you got so far. ... Why did you have to put that he has red hair in the bio a dozen times?
>Red hair is cool.
Wait, isn't this the exact same guy you had last time?
>Yep.
But he's a human. And humans don't exist in this setting.
>Yeah, I decided he can time travel or something.
It doesn't work like that. You'll need to make someone that fits in the setting. And preferably with a more creative name.
>His name is a play on 'ronin'. Ronin are cool.
It's not really a play if you add in one letter that doesn't change the pronunciation at all...

>>12580853

Team Fortress 2, fuck yeah. Do the rest of them.

>>12580864

Half-Life

>>12580853
>>12580858
TF 2?

DM: Okay, last session your character punched John's character in the face-

Cammy: He said my character has a girl's name!

DM:...stole the army's prototype to step on him...

Cammy: They threw me in jail!

John: Only 'cause you punched my guy. And that really is a girl-like name.

DM: Stop interrupting. Okay, and then you joined the terrorist organization that your parents' corps has been after for like ever and abandoned poor Sharon just because the suspicious spy wearing sunglasses told you to.

Sharon: Dick.

Cammy: It's cool, she can catch up later. I'm not going to be the army's dog and get railroaded like in the last campaign. I hated that guy in the red so damn much.

DM: Funny you should mention him...

DM: Alright, so Joe, tell me about your character. I see you put... a LOT of points into Charisma. How the hell did you...
Ben: I gave him some of mine.
DM: You... You WHAT?
Joe: It's true.
DM: That's not how that w--
Joe: Don't worry, I'll give them back once this character dies.
DM: ...Whatever. Anyways, Ben, I see you took the Underage flaw--
Ben: I have an animal companion! It's kind of a pig and kind of a mole and it's REALLY cute!
Joe: Oh, by the way, my character has blue hair!
Ben: SO DOES MINE!
DM: ...Right. So Bob, what's yours like?
Bob: She's the leader of a group of rebels, and she specializes in really big guns.
DM: I guess that--
Bob: AND SHE HAS HUGE BOOBS.
DM:... I give up.

>>12580892
TTGL FUCK YEAH.

>>12580853
But i can get worse!
GM: What about you Smith?
Smith: I build shit.
GM: you build shit?
Smith: Yeah. Like a big fucking automatic gun mounted into a tripod that has a motion detector!
GM: Wait, what?
Smith: And a big dispensing machine that provides ammunition and healing.
GM: Dude... this is way to overpower.
Smith: And teleports.
GM: What? Oh my god... And you Doug?
Doug: I'm big.
GM: Yeah, okay.
Doug: I'm slow.
GM: Uh-hu.
Doug: And I have a big fucking gatling gun.
GM: What?
Doug: And I carry a sandwich with me at all times. It heals me. And talks to me.
GM: ...
Mac: Ha. I have a sniper rifle. And a big knife.
GM: Well, Mac. You're the only one that sounds more plausible than all the others and...
Mac: But I also have a bow. And an alligator helmet.
Gm: Okay... guys... you're out of your mind.

>>12580881

Zeta Gundam.

It's a man's name and I'm a man.

rolled 7, 1 = 8

>>12580900
TTGL?

GM: OK, time for our post-nuclear campaign! What's everyone playing?

Phil: I'm a wasteland merchant from what used to be Nevada.

Kyle: I'm a guy who's lived his entire life in a nuclear shelter and has no combat skills whatsoever.

Bob: I'ma dog.

GM: Waitwat

>>12580630
Pretty much this:
>>12580657
You fucking earned it.

>>12580958
Tengen Toppa Gurren Lagann

>>12580963
Fallout.

>>12580963
Kyle: Damnit, Bob! Stop charging to attack enemies in the first round, I never get to use my rocket launcher!

>>12580630
Okay, I give up. What is this?

>>12581032
Still Cromartie. They're talking about Mechazawa.

It's a running gag from the show.

This one actually goes out to a friend of mine that loves this series who I've trashed on every time I've talked about him on here.

GM: Okay, guys, what ya got?
Austin: High school martial artist. Big, dumb, but friendly.
Amy: Stereotypical valley girl. Witty, but looks after her friends.
GM: ... looks alright so far, but these don't seem li-
Walter: Well, my guy's a real people person, sports guy-
GM: And black, if I'm reading this right.
Walter: Y-yeah.
GM: It's fine. I'm still not seeing superheroes in these, but ... Thuy? David?
David: Science club nerd. Close friends with Thuy's character.
Thuy: Kung fu girl. Quick in a fight, relies on the, "mind over matter," shtick. Soft spoken and polite otherwise.
GM: I'm still not seeing a superhero group in this.
Austin: We figured you'd pull something out. You're basically the man behind the curtain, y'know?
GM: ... That gives me an idea... Alright, you guys have to trust me on this, but, on an exploratory mission, two unwitting astronauts discover a foul smelling alien capsule. They're given the go-ahead to open it when they find a seam in its side, and, after 10,000 years, a great evil has been unleashed...

DM: You actually turned up on time! This is already going better than our last campaign! Anyway, it's character sheet time.

John: Well as leader, I'll go first. I'm a wizard. A loud shouty rednecky, country bumpkin type wizard.

DM: Eh? And why is are Strength and Constitution higher than your Intelligence? And your Charisma-

John: Redneck

DM: ... Moving on swiftly, how about you, Mike?

Mike: Well I'm the smartarse of the group, I took the morbid obesity flaw to make up for my position despite my apparent lack of any ability whatsoever. I'm also a wizard.

DM: *Sigh* how about you Percy

Percy: Well, I took "Bad Eyesight" and "Mild Autism" for "Good Organisational skills".

DM: WHY? This was supposed to be a combat campaign! Why are you...And Jake, I thought we were going to keep it simple this time! I mean, I'm not sure "Extreme Cowardice" and "Feeble" make up for "Ungodly luck" and "Messianic runner"... I mean why are you even a wizard if you can't do any magic? And Sean...

Sean: Oook

>>12581036
ohgod power rangers

>>12581036
Ah, teenagers with attitude. Go go Power Rangers.

>>12581037
Fuck. Yes.

>>12581037
>Ook

Discworld of some sort?

>>12581063
It's the heads of Unseen University, Rincewind and the Librarian.

>>12581037
Discworld.

GM: So guys, did you understood the setting?
Player 1: Yeah. I made a child that can manipulate water.
Player 2: And I'm her older brother.
GM: you can manipulate too?
Player 2: Nah. I don't like magic users.
GM: Okay. And you?
Player 3: I'm the chosen one.
GM: What?
Player 3: you said the chosen one missed a long ass time ago. So I'm him. They found me.
GM: You're not gonna be the chosen one!
Player 3: Why the hell not? Someone gotta be, and I choose to be me.
Player 1: I'm okay with this.
GM: Fine. What about you?
Player 4: Ugh, I won't be able to play right today. Put me later on, my character is ready already.
GM: Okay. I'll put you later. What you made by the way?
Player 4: An earth manipulator.
GM: Cool.
Player 4: And I'm the best that exists!
GM: Really?
Player 4: Yeah.
GM: What the fuck!!! Your power is too high!
Player 4: Yep.
GM: You can't possibly pay that at your level. you would need a severe disadvantage and...
Player 4: I'm blind as fuck. And a run away.
GM: Fuck... And you?
Player 5: Fuck this setting Gm, I want fire.
GM: But fire is the enemy and...
Player 5: Don't mind. Don't care. I'm a fire prince. And I'm gonna fuck their shit them.
GM: What?
Player 2: Bring it fire boy!
GM: You can't possibly...
Player 5: No. I'm fire. And I'll burn them all. I got points. Look. I'm a renegade. I was banished.
Gm: Fuck...

>>12581085
Avatar: The Last Airbender.

>>12581037
holy shit terry pratchett

>>12581085
Avatar: The Last Airbender.

>>12581085
Avatar: The Last Airbender woo! I loved that show.

>>12581047
>>12581052
Got it. He's 24 and he still watches that stuff. And has a crush on the yellow ranger from ... Dino Force, I think?

>>12581097
>>12581099
>>12581101

Airbendermind

>>12580651

No, it's Cromartie High School. Go watch it on Youtube this instant.

>>12581111
Like motherfucking bosses!

>>12580172
When I ran this as a D&D game we had Leela as a Ranger/Monk who was Aberrant Blooded, Bender as a Warforged Rogue/Drunken Master, Dr Zoidberg as a Half-Chuul Barbarian with a single cross-class rank in Heal, and Hypnotoad as a LE Telepath. Awesome party.

>>12581129
Toph Always made my day and happy in my pants too.

I can't be the only one.

>>12580868

I hate myself so much for getting this. So. Much.

Now this is a "WTF GM moment"!
GM: So guise, the chopper drop you on the woods.
Chris: Okay. I'll take the lead.
GM: Suddenly, dogs! Dogs everywhere. Rabid, crazy out of control, charging at you like the fist of the north star.
Jill: Fucking fuck.
Chris: We shoot at them.
GM: They don't seem to get slower. They keep fucking coming! They ravage a motherfucker on your team and he screams like a bitch!
Chris: Fuck, we run!
Jill: We fucking run!
GM: There's a big fucking clumsy estate house or the woods.
Chris: Fuck this shit. To the house.
Jill: Yeah.
GM: Somehow during the run you guys manage to get lost from each other.
Chris: What, how is that even possible?
Jill: And the npcs guys?
GM: One is with you. Chris you're alone.
Chris: Well, that's fucking great.
GM: The house looks nice and warm. And after you guys explore a few rooms. Zombies! Zombies every fucking where!
Chris: WTF GM!
Jill: Zombies? this is rubbish.
GM: And they're coming to you!
Jill: That's freaking unbelievable!
Chris: We're cops, dude. The hell is that with zombies?
GM: They just want your flesh, your brains! BRAINS!
Chris: Oh dear god.
Jill: Guy is possessed.

>>12580260

HES NOT GOOD AT SPACE INVADERS!

HIS BROTHER ALWAYS GOT THE LAST SHIP FOR HIM!

ALSO LEELA IS A MUTANT!

Oh, and spoiler alert...

>>12580868

I've only heard it from word of mouth and I still got it.

The last part gave it away though.

>>12581188

Resident fucking Evil.

archive immediately.

Leon: So I'm a dark loner type.

DM: Uh-huh

Jin: I'm a Samurai that rides a motorbike!

DM: Uh-huh

Chris: I'm also a dark, brooding type, but I'm also a ninja

DM: Uh-huh

Ulrich: I'm a Viking Werewolf

DM: At least it's original.

Sarah: I'm a beautiful fairy princess!

DM: I said no female characters this time round Sarah

Sarah: Fine, I'm a beautiful angel!

Robert: Me next! I'm the best of all of us and I should be the leader!

DM: But what's special about you?

Robert: I'm the best!

DM: *Sigh* Horace?

Horace: *Looks at others, looks at friends*

Fuck this, come on you guys

GM: What's your character, John?
John: He's a swordmaster from the future who owns his own dojo.
GM: And Lily?
Lily: I'm playing a female martial artist who is the granddaughter of Dave's teacher.
GM: Dave?
Dave: I'm playing a blackspoitation security guard who used to work for the bad guys but is a good guy now.
*Three hours later*
John: What the fuck? This system is unplayable! The rules keep changing all the time, and I'm not sure how to do anything!
GM: Shut the fuck up, this shit is awesome! You're just not getting it.
John: And what about Lily and Dave? Their characters keep doing all kinds of stupid shit and I constantly have to bail them out! Not to mention both their characters are extremely racist!
Lily: Me ruv you rong time!
Dave: A'right, let's get dis fly shit started, nigga!

>>12581261

I am interested i n this.

Gm: So, Jim, Character sheet me.

Jim: Kick-ass assasin.

Gm: holy shit. you've got every skill that could be useful. You're french? How the hell are you this ninja?

Jim: No social skills and little intelligence. His only pleasure is watching Gene Kelly musicals and his best friend is a plant.

Gm: Seriously?

Jim: It is his only friend and he's lawful good.

Gm: We're not playing d&d, but what do you mean?

Jim: No women, no children.

Gm: fair enough. and Sarah?

Sarah: I'm gonna be the little girl.

Gm: What?

Sarah: I wanna be a little girl. ooh, AND I SHALL MAKE SEXUAL ADVANCES WITH JIM'S CHARACTER.

Jim: Oh god. he wouldn't know how to deal with sexual advances with a freaking adult.

Gm: How would you even know him?

Sarah: Live in the same apartment block?

Gm: Still doesn't explain much

Sarah: Her parents were killed by gangsters and they were going to kill her but he saved his life!

Jim: Fuck. He has a heart of gold. he would do that.

Gm: well then. Lets start from there.

>>12581293
hurpaderp
>he saved her life.
fixed.

>>12581261
GM should have just told his players to suck it down.

GM: Okay, these bonuses are WAY too huge, I'm upping the device flaw up a grade.

Tim: What? Fuck man it's already pretty high, hell if I'm reading it right then it'd be easier just to rip the thing off me than actually attack me half the time!

GM: Eh, maybe not HALF the time.

Tim: Fuck you, my guy's also a werewolf.

GM: o_O

>>12581261
John: And the plot makes no sense! The bad guy is a time travelling ghost samurai who uses a magic sword to stop the plague from being cured? That's retarded!
GM: Shut the fuck up or I'll make you my bitch!
John: Seriously, a time travelling sword? And why did we go to ancient Greece and viking-era Norway again? And why is everything trying to kill me? And why are there a milion fucking werewolves in Norway? This is the worst campaign ever!
GM: Hey, this setting took several years to put together.
John: You really can't tell. And what's with these shitty worlds anyway?
GM: Hey, asswipe! My girlfriend made most of those!
John: Well, that explains it.
Lily: Eight dorra sucky sucky!
Dave: Yo nigga, dis shit be trippin' like mo shizzle!

>>12581246
Not getting this one.

>>12581344
[SEVERAL SESSIONS LATER]

Mike: Oh for fucks sake, not again.

GM: Sorry, but that critical Con flub is enough to cause the belt to disintegrate you. That makes what? 5 characters now.

Mike: Fuck it. I'm making a character who's gon NOTHING but Con. In fact, I'm going to make him a total douche, this is utter bullshit. I really liked that first character!

GM: Should have given him a decent Con.

MIKE: I DID YOU LITTLE SHIT. Right, for that I'm going to cause shit for your Werehorse DMPC.

GM: Not if I get you fiiiiiiiiiiiirrrrst.

>>12581333
Wow, someone got it. And here I made a second, more obvious post because I thought I was being to obscure.

>>12581356
[EVEN LATER]

GM: Ooh. Yeah, I didn't actually mean to actually kill you there...

Sarah: Oh come on, I know this is a high lethality setting and all but seriosuly? A fucking bunny rabbit?

Tim: Should have used your vaguely explained lightining powers.

GM: THAT WAS A MISTAKE AND WE WILL NEVER SPEAK OF IT AGAIN.

Mike: So, the belts on the floor right? My character makes a grab for it.

GM: Make an opposing check against the Weredragon.... welp, you missed that, the Weredragon grabs the belt and uses it to transform.

Mike: We are so fucked.

Tim: What else is new?

>>12581380
[Finally]

Mike: This is fucking retarded! I can't believe your GMPC snapped my guys neck and stole my belt! WHICH I NOTE HE'S ABLE TO USE WITHOUT YOU EVEN ROLLING TO SEE IF IT EATS HIM. This is fucking bullshit!

Tim: Look, we've just won the first round against the BBEG we're near the end now for sure, and hey, at least the GMPC is finally dead now.

Sarah: Thank fuck for that, he was really beginning to piss me off.

GM: YOU KNOW WHAT? FUCK YOU. WERE NEVER PLAYING THIS AGAIN.

Tim: Goddamn it.

>>12581246

Dawn: Oh! Can I play? I can't tell a lie, I wear shining gold and I can build REEALLY big castles!

>>12581246
I'll give you a hint, it's very popular around these parts.

>>12581407
>>12581246

hey, don't give them clues! I was trying to think of players for the other Primarchs. >_<

DM: What the hell, Greg?! How can your justify character not believing in magic in such a setting?
Greg: He thinks it's all a bunch of hooey.
DM: Then why the fuck does he have such a ridiculous will stat? There are gods who have weaker magic resistance than this! And all these saving throws against everything--Just because I said you could come up with your own abilities doesn't mean you can make your character this broken.
Greg: He REALLY thinks it's all a bunch of hooey. Totally refuses to accept it as real. His denial is so strong he can deny it happening.
GM: But he has no combat abilities. And his wisdom and intelligence are abysmal. Is this supposed to somehow compensate for all those bonuses against magic?
Greg: Those will pick up later, I promise.
GM: Whatever. Paula?
Paula: I'm playing an illusionist.
GM: Trained in bluff?
Paula: I'm a foil to Greg's character. And the antagonist of this tier.
GM: But your alignment says--
Paula: She also has Dissociative Identity Disorder. And may have a crush on Greg's character, even though she's going to make his life miserable.
GM: You know there's no way that will work out.
Paula: It's okay, I have a plan. And it involves playing a recursive game on a higher plane. Rebbecca and Jenny will help, maybe John and Wendy as well.
GM: This is going to be a trainwreck, I just know it...

LATER:
GM: You can't have seven familiars!

LATER:
Greg: I roll to disbelieve!

LATER:
Paula: I set the old man on fire because he's pissing me off!

LATER:
GM: Jenny, your familiar is a fucking Mary Sue. Either tone it down or I'm not letting you play it.
Jenny: But nobody's actually going to like her anyway. It's fine.

LATER:
GM: Samantha, why the fuck is your character interrupting the story again? It was bad enough when you did that on the fourth campaign, and you were supposed to be dead after that!

LATER:
GM: PUT DOWN A FUCKING GENDER FOR THIS FREAK ALREADY!

DM: Uh, your familiar's sheet says it's "King Arthur"?

Steve: Yeah, that's right.

GM: But... you're famliar is a girl.

Steve: And?

GM: ... I see where this campaign is going. Tracy?

Tracy: Here's my character sheet, and here's my familiars. Please note the background section.

GM: Well the character seems fine, I don't see any problems here, let's have a look at the familiar, amnesia, long and short range combat abilities derived from...

[a long pause]

GM: MY BRAIN IS FULL OF BILLIONS AND BILLIONS OF FUCK.

Sarah: You think we should tell him about my character?

Tracy: Is it anything like that Vampire game where you were family maid?

Sarah: Maaaaaaaaybe.

Tracy: Then no.

>>12581293

GM: So, you guys ready for the Cthulhutech campaign? I know it'll be darker and more investigation focused than our last game, but there's still mecha. Let's see what your characters are.

John: I made a high school student. He's got luck pouring out of his ass and i put some points into giving him piloting skills, so he can work with a mecha if we really need someone to, so he won't be useless, I promise.

Helen: I went with more of a straight-up pilot. She's the same age as john's guy, though, and they were childhood friends. She's involved because the rest of her family is dead and she wants to find out why.

Sean: Another mecha pilot. I'm not a kid like the other two, though.

Karen: Since there wasn't anything that said it couldn't be done, i went and made a psychic mecha pilot. I figured it'd make me unique. And I can use my powers to help when I'm not piloting, too.

Sarah: I made a psychic. I had to take a lot of flaws, though, but she won't be completely crippled, and I picked some useful powers for finding things out.

Leon: My guy's a tager who's also a psychic, and he's really bada-

GM: Did you even read the rules? Tagers and psychics don't mix. And this guy hardly has any useful skills beyond killing things. Do you ever make a character who isn't combat-focused?

Leon: Hey, I had to spend a lot of points on all those advantages. Come on, I don't think it'll break the game or anything.

GM: Ugh. Fine. Between the teenaged pilots and whatever the hell Leon's made, this isn't the standard setting, so I'm going to change some stuff around. There's no war, but I didn't plan to focus on that anyway. You'll all be investigating some strange evil fucking up your stripperiffic future. I think I can work with this, anyway.

>>12581454
brofist.jpg

I want to make one for Sakura Taisen, but I can't find the words.

>>12581437

12 + 1

Wonder how it would turn out in the Planescape setting...

No, you can't use your inventory system as a weapon! No, I have no idea what happens when you combine different items! No, you can't have a magic robot that only works when you're sleeping! No, your dad is not a super-powerful clown ninja! No, the creepy puppet is not alive! No, nobody cares about your shitty movies! No, your birthday presents haven't arrived yet!

Goddamn, will you guys stop making random shit up?

>>12581437
>I roll to disbelieve

V: Myyyyyyyy character rolls to manipul8 the shopkeeper and steal all his riches!!!!!!!! All the riches. All of them.

GM: I CANNOT BELIEVE THIS HORSE-SHIT. YOU ARE NEVER INVITED AGAIN. EVER.

>>12581362
You know what the best part is? Daikatana was based on a D&D campaign.

>>12581246

..So, what was this one?

>>12581495
>>12581505

Archive this, for the glory of Amn!

>>12580868
>>12581246
>>12581261

I don't know any of these ...

>>12581509
Spess Muhreen Primarchs. Though I really think Jaghatai Khan should have been described as a Mongol on a motorcycle.

DM: Okay, Steve's an insane fullblade fighter, Mike's playing a Samurai trying to find a sword better than a gun, Tim's playing a Korean shortblade fighter trying to save his country, Sarah's a Greek Xena clone, Tracy's Ninja with a suspiciously high Cha, and Neal's playing a great-axe wielding american barbarian.

Sarah: ... I'd like to object to the term Xena clone, but, now that you mention it...

Mike: Whatever, let's get to the fighting.

GM: Okay, so you've all heard rumours about this legendary sword of power, and each of you have come to Italy following the trail of the Legendary Merchant of Death who it was said made it his life's work to find it. Each of you meet up, all of you with different pieces of the puzzle that if you work together you could...

Steve: I attempt to beat the information out of Tim's character.

GM: Wait what?

Steve: Crazy? remember?

Mike: Shit, that's a good idea, I whale on the ninja since I'm a samurai and we hate ninja's right? Also I guess I could question her about the sword afterwards...

GM: Oh god...

>>12581532
..Ah. So someone had already got it. Darn.

Makes me feel even dumber.

>>12581505
>expecting sage
>wtf?
>...
>MY GOD

Love dis thread.

Thank you OP for bringing this thread to life.

>>12581587
These threads are always amazing. No exceptions.

>>12581457
First actual session:

GM: Sean and Karen couldn't make it, so we'll just start without them. I went and made a few NPCs you'll be working with, and went and cooked up a mecha because the military ones didn't quite fit the way I've redone things.

Helen: Wait. This mecha needs two pilots. What's up with that.

Gm: Honestly? Becuase I didn't want this to be all big fights, so I figured it was a good way to cut down on how many giant robots are running around.

Anyway, Sarah, your character's dad is the head of a small company and a brilliant inventor and arcanotechnician. He's been subcontracted to investigate the strange events that started recently.

John, you wake up from a strange dream. It's a school day, so i hope I don't need to wait for you to tell me you're going to school. When you finally get to class, you're chatting with you buddy, Ushii, about this new transfer student, when she shows up.

Helen: That's my cue, right? *begins describing her entrance*

John: What's up with that hair? Why would you have bangs colored like that?

GM: Helen, you get a call from your boss.

Helen: I rush out to go join up with the rest of the crew, then.

*later*

John: Holy shit, what the fuck is going on down in this theme park? There's monsters everywhere, and Sara's character really creeps me out.

Sara: Thanks. I'm doing my best.

GM: this is a horror game, dude. You're doing a good job playing a terrified high schooler.

John: yeah, I'm really starting to get into it, but all this running's kind of getting old.

GM: Ok, you land balls-first on a giant robot.

>>12581531
868 is Rhonin Redhair from WoW.

Bart: So, let me get this straight. The BBEG... is a NE Treant?

DM: With 5 levels in fighter and 20 levels in Wizard.

Bart: Who wears fullplate and uses a sword.

DM: Yep.

Bart: Who's got regen on par with the Terrasque.

DM: Right again.

Bart: And who want's to harness vague macguffin power to destroy everything everywhere forever.

DM: Yeah that's about it.

Bart: And, just to make sure were all clear on this. Our party AREN'T the prophecised heroes who will save the day, were just the bottom of the barrel guys who were in the wrong place at the wrong time.

GM: Yup.

Bart: And in the case of THOSE heroes, even they couldn't kill this guy, the best they could do was seal him away into four REALLY high tier magic crystals and then SPLIT REALITY IN HALF just to keep him away from his castle and HE STILL FOUND HIS WAY TO UNDO ALL THAT IN LESS THAN 50 YEARS?

GM: Yeah. That pretty much covers it.

Bart: Gentlemen. We are FUCKED.

>>12581437
what is this?

>>12580868

I see what you did there.

>>12581636

Umineko. It's a kinetic novel.

GM: Okay guys, let's see what we've got.

Davis: I'm a lawyer.

GM: You're supposed to be a cop. A detective. This is a mystery campaign, man! How am I going to work a lawyer in?

Davis: Well, murderers need lawyers, don't they?

GM: You aren't supposed to help the bad guys! Agh, no, it's okay, I'll find a way to roll with this. Just let me see your sheet. ... What's this about a magic rock?

Marvin: Magatama.

GM: What?

Marvin: My character gave it to him.

GM: [sigh] Why does your character have a magic rock.

Marvin: Magatama. She's a medium!

GM: Oh for the love of--There isn't magic in this setting! Especially not magic that lets you talk to the dead, it'll ruin every plot from the start! You're supposed to be a cop catching criminals!

Marvin: No, it's okay! She isn't very good at it, see? She had to get someone else to enchant the magatama. Her niece or something.

GM: You can't have a stone that tells you when people are lying. People lying is the entire point of the campaign.

Davis: So make everyone lie!

DM: What?

Marvin: Yeah, that'll work! If everyone has something to hide, it'll be impossible to know who did it!

DM: ...I'm going to go... rewrite everything. You guys don't actually know anything about law, do you?

Both: No.

DM: That'll help. [to self] This is going to be so ridiculous...

GM: Ok guys what are your characters?

P1: I'm going to re-use the mage from those one shots we did if that's ok?

You mean the bad tempered girl with an insatiable love of food and money? Sure, ok. What about you player two? Going to use your old character again?

P2: Nah, this time I'll play a naive paladin type who's obsessed with JUSTICE! Oh, and she has huuuge boobs!

GM: Just like your last character?

P2: Yeah, this one is secretly her little sister.

GM: Right whatever, Player 3?

P3: I'm a swordsman!

GM: And?

P3: And it's made of light!

GM: Anything else?

P3: Umm... He's kind of dumb?

GM: Ok... Player 4?

P4: I'm a shamanistic human-golem-demon-monster hybrid who was cursed by an evil priest & used to be an enemy of the other guys before they helped me seek revenge on my former master!

GM: For fuck sake.

GM: so everyone's in this spaceship,
James: MY spaceship
GM: James' spaceship. So what do we have?
James: Guntoting serious badass who's a veteran.
GM: that's fine,
Anna: I'll be your kickass buddy from the war.
James: Sounds good,
Anna: Thank you, sir.
GM: Mark?
Mark: Can my character be married to Anna's?
Anna: Sure.
GM: Pilot skills.. your sheet looks good. Wait. why do you have plastic dinosaurs in your inventory?
Mark: A man gets bored in the deep darkness of space.
Anna: Not with this character as a wife.
Mark: Giggity.
GM: Fade to blacks, you two.
Laura: Can I be a space-courtesan?
James: Why am I gonna have a space-whore on my ship?
Laura: space-courtesan. and you guys are gonna be doing illegal jobs. you might find someone connected useful.
James: hm.. can I have sex with her?
Laura: God no.
GM: Space-courtesan is in.
Sam: You guys are gonna need a medic, so i'll be him.
Don: I'm gonna be the black guy.
GM: this isn't a horror movie where the black guy dies first or last or anything.
Don: I know. But i'm gonna be a black guy. priest. hidden past. oooooh. all secretive. even his afro is hidden. when you tug on his hairband WOOSH, the afro is released.
GM: Oookay.
Jim: Can I be the big guy? friendly to family, but a little backstabby. and he has a favourite gun and calls it a woman's name.
James: No backstabbing on my ship or i'll space-keelhaul you.
GM: Last but not least.. sarah? Oh jesus christ. How does she have that many fighting skills? and she's a teenager? how?
Sarah: Kidnapped by evil people. Got trained as assasin. escaped, is a little crazy,
GM: what kind of crazy?
Sarah: the screamy, able to see the future kind.
Jim: that's my kind of crazy
Sarah: and she's sam's character's younger sis.
Sam: why not?
GM: alright. so you're all in this ship, and there's this other guy, as well.
James: not a DMPC, right?
GM: just another NPC. no worries. he won't do anything for you. I promise that.

>>12580268

DM: knife-edging your F-15 around the final corner of the tunnel, you reach the last part of the V2 control system in the nick of time... roll to hit with your missiles
Louis: *rolls 19, 5* ...damn, missed one
DM: too bad, one of them hits the tunnel wall, you've just shot past the targets, and the timer is about to reach zero... well, better luck next-
Louis: I turn around for another pass.
DM: You what?
Louis: I turn my plane around for another pass, there's still a few seconds left in the timer, right?
DM: You're inside a tunnel. There's no room to turn around, nor enough time to exit and return.
Louis: I know, but look at the map, there's a little more space around the control system itself. If I get as close to stall speed as possible and ace my rolls to keep my plane under control, I can turn around inside the room, right?
DM: ...well OK, roll anyway, it's not like you have much choice.
Louis: *rolls 20* ...that should do it. And then for the last missile hit... *rolls 20*
DM: The last control system is destroyed, and the V2 launch is stopped... but as you triumphantly fly out of the tunnel, your wingman is suddenly blasted out of the sky, and you hear a familiar voice on the radio.
DM (out-of-game): OK Larry, you can come in now.

>>12581736

Ah, good old Slayers.

GM: Alright, guys, so tell me about your characters.
Jim: Well, I'm a two headed alien with a lot of charisma. Also, I have a space ship that can teleport anywhere. Also I'm the president of the galaxy.
GM: What the hell?! How is that even possible?
Jim: Well, I'm an alcoholic.
GM: Still, dude...
Jim: And I have almost no INT. And even less WIS.
GM: Well... I guess I'll allow it. What about you, Rob?
Rob: Well, I'm a robot. So I'm super strong, and super smart.
GM: And how'd you get that?
Rob: Depression.
GM: That's it?
Rob: Really, really bad depression.
GM: Okay... moving on from the depressed android... Sally?
Sally: I'm a woman! And I'm really smart and really brave! And I travel around the galaxy with Jim and have adventures!
GM: Okay, Sally. And what about you, Ben?
Ben: Well, I'm kind of a rogue character. I'm smart and quickwitted, and I travel around the galaxy working for a tour guide company, so I know a lot about whatever planet we'll be visiting.
GM: I like it. How bout you, Pete?
Pete: I'm a guy.
GM: You're... a guy? Are you... you know.. smart, or strong, or anything?
Pete: No. I'm just a guy.
GM: Seriously, dude?
Pete: I like tea!
GM:...

>>12581612
*A few sessions later*

John: Hey, we've been talking, and some stuff in this setting seems awfully familiar. My best friend at school, some other little details you've thrown in. This is the same setting as our last game, isn't it?

GM: *evil grin*

Helen: I knew it!

Sean: This is seriously the same setting as last game? Man, it got grimdark in a hurry.

Leon: Just let me know when there's something to kill, alright?

GM: Just don't leave the room when you're bored because you like your whole "mysterious stranger to the rescue" shtick and refuse to work with the rest of the party.

Helen: What's up with that guy, anyway? It's not how tagers are supposed to work at all, and I don't think there's one anything like that Nebula thing. And why does he look like my character's brother?

John: kind of funny how his "badass" beats things by screaming like a girl, though.

GM: I explained some of that in-character already. Maybe you can piece the rest together later.

Karen: I'm not sure if passing notes to Sarah and having your biotech lady ramble about stuff really counts as an explanation. We hardly even know what we're investigating.

Sean: Hey, at least we figured out who was behind that first string of incidents, although we only arrived for the tail end of it. Still sorry about that, by the way.

GM: It's no problem. Your guys were easy to introduce. Anyway, how about a nice trip to India?

*later*

John: God, it's like all we do in this game is run into bad things and run like hell away from them.

Ok, I've messed with this one far too long. Now, if only I had enough ideas on how to formulate it to do their earlier mecha game...

DM: The hell? Your both sorceresses?

P1: Well, we both made our character sheets before checking with eachother. For what it's worth I have basic swordsmanship.

DM: Let me see...ah, took the diminutive size, and greedy flaws huh? Ok, so you...dude, 90% of your spell are damage-dealers.

P1: Yea, you know how much I love making things blow up.

DM: Huh, at least there are a few non-combat spells in here that look useful. A basic heal, levitation...wait, what is this spell at the bottom of the...DRAGON SLAVE?!?! Damn it, I hate this spell, it's such a game-breaker.

P1: Oh come on, how often am I going to get a chance to even use this.

DM: Point. Ok lets hear your Sorceress.

P2: I'm her rival and/or partner. I think my character is the better one.

DM: Wait...what does this...she's wearing what?

>>12581612
>>12581811

Unless this is supposed to be Eva, I am completely blanking.

>>12581799
And the answer to life, the universe and everything else is 42!

>>12581799
Fuck you Sally, fuck you and your dumping your fucked up daughter on Pete, you ruined the rest of the books.

>>12581635
Ah, but can you go FFVI?

>>12581037
>>12581751
>>12581799

I love you. I love you all so much

"GM WTF!!!"
GM: You totally had invented time travel.
Player 1: I did?
GM: And you put it into a machine.
Player 1: Cool.
Gm: And you put the machine into a car.
Player 1: What?
Player 2: This makes no sense Gm.
GM: Hush. You was showing him your invention, when those guys shot at you and kill you.
Player 1: Wait, whoa, what?
GM: They're now after you!
Player 2: Fucking fuck! I drive the fucking car away!
GM: Good. The car warps back in time!
Player 2: Wait but it was deactivated.
Player 1: How come I'm dead?
GM: Don't worry! Now you can get to play as you. But from the past!
Player 1: What?
GM: oh and you accidentally fucked up past dude. Maybe you don't get to born.
Player 2: What you mean by don't born?
GM: your mother is in love with you now, bro.
Players: WHAT!?!

>>12581799
GM: Um... Pete?
Pete: Yeah?
GM: Is there anything you haven't told us about your character yet?
Pete: Not really, why?
GM: Your character's only piece of equipment is a bathrobe.
Pete: Oh yeah. I'm thinking about picking up a towel later.

>>12582087
Trolls 2

DM: Okay guys, lemme see them.

Will: Just your run of the mill security officer, I've put down some body armor and a helmet on my starting gear. Is that okay?

DM: Sure, makes sense. You'll get issued a stun gun and a few other things in game. Next?

Gary: Chief Engineer.

Tim: And I'm his subordinate.

DM: That's a lot of responsibility guys, you're in charge of powering pretty much everything. You sure you're up to it?

Both: No problem!

DM: Alright who's next?

Alice: Film Noir style detective with a chronic smoking habit.

DM: Slightly out of place for a sci fi setting but I guess I'll allow it, I'm not sure about the revolver though. It's a bit dated compared to the laser weapons, don't you think?

Alice: All about style baby!

Ben: Here's my sheet, I'm playing the captain. I like to think of myself as a leader of men.

DM: Everyone okay with Ben being in charge?

All: Yes.

DM: I'm starting to wonder if this group might be a little on the large side.... Oh well, Pete what's your character?

Pete: I'm the station's officially mandated entertainment personality.

DM:....

Pete: It's my job to keep everyone's spirits up! Y'know, moral and stuff.

DM: You're a clown.

Pete: Yes.

DM: In space.

Pete: That's right.

DM: ..... Fine, play your stupid clown. I hope you enjoy being useless for the entire game, when you're ready to play a real character just say so.

>>12582107
WAT
that's back to the future dude.

>>12581751

Where's Kaylee?

>>12580630
I really want to get this one, but I don't.

DM: Right, the new campaign's about to begin, let's hear what everyone's bought...

Tim: I took a Reporter, high Charisma and Wisdom, and a familliar - Just a dog, nothing too special.

(silence)

GM: And his background?

Tim: ...Ah. I've got.. nothing yet. I can add one later, right?

GM: ... fine, but quick; you're NOT going through a whole campaign without one again. Archie, I can count on you for history, at least?

Archie: *Grins* Just a bit. He's Sea-captain, suffering from alcoholism and bearing a short temper. These are due to the reduced circumstances he finds himself in. Though the captain of a freighter, he is in fact the heir to a noble and distinguished line. His pitiful state is due to the loss of his family home, a proud old mansion stretching back to the 16th century, to the time when his distinguished ancestor, Sir...

GM: Okay, yes, you have a history. Fine. Point made. And do you have stats?

Archie: Well, you can see those. High Strength and a 'Rage' ability make him quite proficient as a brawler...

GM: Hmm. Okay, he'll be fine. Bert, what do you have for us?

Bert: *Cracks knuckles* "Right, my character's a professor in both Nuclear and Theoretical Physics and Calculus. an MSc in Astronomy, and an experianced Biologist, Chemist and Archeologist. He's trained in european martial arts, and is a great Engineer with maximum intelligence...

(Silence)

GM: And just HOW are you planning on paying for those?

Bert: Don't worry; I took deafness as a flaw, as well as 'Aged' and 'Irritible'.

GM: But.. but 'Irritable' won't have the usual drawbacks if he can't hear anyone...

Bert: *grins* Exactly!

GM: *sighs* Okay, okay; at least he'll be useful. Tam?

Tam: I went back to basics. A bumbling, stern detective with a long history of loyal service to Interpol; armed with a walking stick for the reach, and with High Constitution.

Tom: ...Wait, you too?

GM: Okay, let me start by saying I can't believe you guys talked me into a campaign with this many characters
Ben: It's okay, it's not like we'll all be able to make it to a session at once anyway
GM: ...and it's even harder to believe that was the logic you used to convince me. Alright, let's hear your characters. Cathy, you're the sane one, why don't you start.
Cathy: Alright, she's a former military commander from the losing side of the last war, and now she's second in command of a smuggling ship.
GM: Alright, stats look reasonable, charisma is a little low for a commander though.
Cathy: Oh, Ben's character was in the war too, he has the charisma side. My character's more planning. And shooting, but who isn't?
GM: Of course. Next?
Zac: Alright, my character's the pilot of the ship she mentioned, and her character's husband.
GM: Uh oh, no ERP stuff at the table guys.
Zac: Oh no, none of that, we just figured that since Cathy and I are dating we should have an excuse for our characters to disappear at the same time.
GM: That's... oddly responsible for you, Zac. Also, your character seems oddly straightforward, am I missing something?
Zac: We'll, I figured he could just have a silly personality instead of being a robot clown lobster this time.
GM: Alright, fine, who's next?
Ben: He's the captain of the ship they've been talking about, old war buddies with Cathy. Nothing strange, just wants what's best for the people on the ship.

>>12582165
Fullmetal Alchemist

Can anyone do Rune Soldier Louie?

GM: What the hell is this shit? I said make some mechs, and you guys go and give them crazy stats and abilities that let them brush of NUCLEAR WARHEADS. How the hell did you guys do that? And Sam, your fucking mech can actually exceed the stated operational time limit?
Sam: Well, we just dumped all our points into the mechs and made up for the difference by funneling our flaws onto the pilots. And the Berserk ability totally allows me to do that.
GM: Okay, then what show me your character sheets.
Sam: Well, my pilot suffers from parental abandonment. His mom died when he was young and his father doesn't even acknowledge his existence. He has no self confidence and basically the motivation for everything he does is to impress his father.
GM: And... and this guy is going to pilot a mech capable of annihilating cities? Jesus. Aaron?
Aaron: Well, my character also suffers from parental abandonment, and saw her own mother commit suicide. She's to total bitch to everyone, loves to show off how great she is, and totally hates Sam and Ray's characters.
GM: Oh god... Ray?
Ray: My character is an emotionless doll, because she's actually an artificially created human, and a clone of Sam's mom.
GM: Okay, you know what? Fuck this. I was going to have a nice, realistic plot setting, but you min/maxers had to screw things up. Now I know EXACTLY what I'm going to do with all your characters...

>>12582170
GM: That sounds good, but... this is a sci fi campaign, why does he have so many points in horse riding and cattle rustling?
Josh: Horses don't need infrastructure like cars, it actually makes a lot of sense on recently colonized planets.
GM: ...okay, I know better than to argue with the guy who works at NASA, I'll work with it. What is your character anyway, Josh?
Josh: Oh, he's a big tough mercenary, not very bright, likes his guns.
GM: Why is it that the guy with a PHD always plays the dumbest character... And are you sure that's a guy's name? Oh, whatever. Next?
Amy: Just a mechanical genius, with a bit of a down home country bumkin personality.
GM: A little odd, but okay. Christ, you weren't kidding about the mechanics, how'd you get that many points?
Amy: No combat skills.
GM: Are you sure that's wise?
Amy: Probably not, but I'm sure the others can handle it.
GM: Okay, far be it from me to turn someone down for playing a non-combat character for once, who's next?
Mallory: Ooh, my turn!
GM: And there goes my hope of everyone having a reasonable character. Yes, Mallory?
Mallory: She's a psychic! And a kung-fu master! And she's super sneaky!

>>12582179
GM: What the hell? What'd you do to afford all of that?
Mallory: Well, she's a little crazy - traumatized really - and doesn't really remember that she can do these things.
GM: Oh god. And how'd you justify that in her backstory?
Mallory: Well, I think some of it should be secret. I wrote it all down though!
GM: ...Okay, I'll read it and get back to you. Next?
Mike: Um... well, my character is her character's older brother, a super-talented young doctor.
GM: That raises more questions than it should. Aren't you two dating? And her character is yours's little sister?
Mike: Yeah, I thought it was weird too, but she talked me into it. You know how she is.
Mallory: What is that supposed to mean?
GM: Hey Mallory, there's snacks upstairs and I forgot to bring them down, could you grab them for me?
Mallory: Okay!
Mike: Thanks.
GM: No problem.
Ben: Maybe having that girl play a character that's crazy isn't such a bad idea after all.
Mike: Hey, that's my girlfriend you're talking about.
Ben: Doesn't mean she's not nuts.
GM: Shush, both of you. Josh, what's a talented doctor doing at the edge of civilized space?

>>12582185
Mike: Well he -
Mallory: Snaaaaacks!
GM: God that was fast. Anyway, you were saying?
Mike: Well, he broke his little sister out of a sort of evil government training camp for super spies.
Mallory: Hey, that's supposed to be a secret!
GM: It's okay, half of them are ignoring everything and playing dice already anyway.
Mike: Anyway, he's now a big outlaw thanks to breaking her out.
GM: That makes sense, but he wouldn't really have much of a background in the sort of smuggling the rest are getting into.
Mike: That's okay, I can play him as in over his head.
GM: Great, who's next?
David: Okay, my guy's a wandering pastor.
GM: That's... sane. Holy hell, what's going on with his stats?
David: I dunno, I figure he's got a dark past, but I haven't really figured out what it is yet. I thought maybe you could help.
GM: Alright, alright, I'll work with it. Alright, so far this is a pretty good group, how're you going to fuck that up Craig?

DM: So what you guys made?
One: I'm this dude. And I gobbled this magical fruit. And now I can stretch like Mr. Fantastic.
DM: Wait, what?
One: I'm made of rubber!
DM: Okay... and you?
Two: I'm a swordsman.
DM: Cool.
Two: And I use katanas.
DM: Of course, why not?
Two: At the same time.
DM: Yeah I guess you can do this.
Two: one with my mouth.
DM: This shis ain't logical.
Two: Look my strength I can yield whatever the fuck I want with my jaw alone!
DM: Fuck... and you?
Three: I can cook.
DM: Oh good. You cook. And that's it?
DM: Oh no and I could also put the moon off its orbit with a kick.
DM: WAT?
Four: I'm shoot things from my sling!
Five: And I'm totally a cute reindeer. And I grow like a monster. Oh and I'm a medic.
DM: I don't have words to describe all this faggotry and bullshit!

>>12582175
Oh evangelion. you so crazy.

>>12581612
That show gave me nightmares as a kid.

GM: Ok what have you guys rolled up this time?
Maria: I made the son of... Who did you say was in charge of this place?
GM: The Prince.
Maria: Yeah that's me.
GM: No, the Prince is the guy who's in charge.
Maria: So where's the king?
GM: There is no king, this is a city-state!
Maria: Ooooh. Anyway he's an old friend of Rita's character.
Rita: Bros for life dude!
*fistbump*
GM: ... Moving on; Niles?
Niles: I'm Jules' servant.
GM: Oh so your his butler?
Niles: More like... nurse.
GM: Hoooo boy... This is going to end strangely. Wait, did you all make opposite gender characters?
Jules: You said we should roleplay more and try something different from what we normally play! What's more different than the opposite gender?
Rita: Damn straight!
Maria: Fistbump!
*fistbump*
GM: I really should be more careful what I wish for... Anyway, avoiding the odd topic of how the girls are dealing with this with far less maturity than the boys, what did you roll up Jules?
Jules: Well I made the first child of a noble family.
Rita: Me too!
Jules: And she's the target of a mafia family.
Rita: Me too! Maybe it's the same family? And we'll evade them together!
GM: Hmmm... Something like that... *evil grin*
Maria: This looks like the start of something beautiful!
Niles: Or judging by the GM's grin, something tragic.
GM: Well let's get this started shall we? Two households, both alike in dignity, in fair Verona, where we lay our scene...

>>12582112

*LATER*

Will: STOP RUNNING YOU ASSHAT.

Tim: FUCK YOU MAN I AIN'T GOING BACK TO JAIL, I AIN'T DONE SHIT.

DM: Tim, you blew Gary out of an airlock without a space suit.

Tim: He wouldn't give me any metal! I need that shit to do my work!

Alice: I go to the bar and drag a case of beer back to my office.

DM: All you've been doing the entire game is drinking and monologging over the radio!

WILL: I AM SERIOUS TIM, IF YOU DON'T HOLD STILL I'M GOING TO SKIP THE TRIAL AND GO STRAIGHT TO THE POLICE BRUTALITY.

Ben: Why is no one listening to me?

*Pete passes a note to the DM*

DM: Oh fuck you Pete, I'm not letting you do this.

Pete: It's in the rules!

DM: *sigh* Fine! Pete just let the singularity loose on the station, you're all going to die horribly! It's ripping it's way through engineering towards the heart of the station now.

Ben: Pete you cock sucker! Goddamn it all, fine I send for the escape shuttle. Maybe some of us can escape alive, also I'm announcing that Pete is kill on sight over the radio.

Tim: I shoot Ben with a stun gun and steal his ID, so I can launch the shuttle early.

Will: I beat Tim around the head with my stun baton until he's half dead, then drag him back to the cells.

Tim: You're insane! Now neither of us will make it to the escape shuttle!

Will: I'M BRINGING YOU IN EVEN IF IT KILLS US.

Alice: Well, while those morons are screwing themselves over I make my way to the escape shuttle.

*pete passes another note to the DM*

DM:......The escape shuttle airlock is powered down and welded shut, you cannot get through.

Pete: Honk.

I laughed my ass off, over and over again.

>>12582165
It's still Cromartie. That one's Mechazawa.

>>12580035

Advance wars :D

>>12582285
Yeah, see, it didn't make sense as Fullmetal Alchemist. Regeneration is the province of metal people and fake people.

>>12582194
>>12582185
>>12582179
>>12582170
tl;dr

>>12582195
One Piece.
>>12582240
Romeo and Juliet.

Oh wow. You guise.

>>12582344
It's Firefly.

You don't tl;dr Firefly, man.

>>12582344
I'm obliged to agree with you.
The fuck is that shit?

>>12579435
There was a Batman RPG.
Batman is made intentionally overpowered and a bitch, I think.

>>12582240
This is awesome

I tried to do Deep Space Nine, but it turns out all the characters are just really good characters so it wasn't that funny. It was pretty much "a bunch of really good characters" and then Garak is crazy.

>>12580553

I'm assuming Ted rolls nothing but 20s

DM: So, what are you?
Dude: I'm a ninja.
DM: You're all ninjas dude. That's the setting.
Dude: But I'm no normal ninja.
DM: Why not?
Dude: There's an ancient beast of ungodly and unbelievable power sealed inside me.
DM: What?
Dude: And I totally know a forbidden power from that splatter book you didn't let us use.
DM: Wait... you did what?
Dude: Oh and my appearance don't blend with the setting.
DM: Oh dear lord. And you? You're broken like him?
Angst: Well. My power makes me copy whatever power I may lay my eyes on.
DM: What?
Angst: Oh and it's exclusive.
DM: What? Oh and you? What overwhelming shit you can do?
Too Happy, Too Lame: Nothing really. I'm just a little girl and I want to be great one day. And I like his character.
Angst: Piss off.
Dude: Is she a girl? Oh gosh boobs! I'm totally into her!
too Happy, Too Lame: Go away!
DM: Oh my god... this gonna be one of those days.

>>12582437

>>12582437
I'M THE LITTLE GIRL NOW, DAD!

>>12582473
>>12582473
>>12582473

>>12581036
GM: Alright, so here we finally are at our first -official- meeting -where we actually have characters.- So why don't you sell them to me.
Kyle: What?
GM: Your characters. Sell them to me. I'm sure you all dreamed up some ridiculous bullshit for my homebrew survival horror setting.
Kyle: I see. Well, you should be pleasantly surprised by my character. He's average looking, of a sturdy physical build, wily and has natural leadership abilities.
GM: Seems a little above average, but a leader should be. Stacy?
Stacy: Well, my character is a supermodel.
GM: Um.
Stacy: And a columnist for a local magazine.
GM: I see. Any excuse for that whacked out charisma?
Stacy: She's also really clumsy! I took the "Danger-Prone" flaw to balance it out.
GM: I guess it's passable. Brian, what min-maxed monstrosity are you going to smother me with this time?
Brian: Well, I'm incredibly intelligent, highly computer literate, and have unmatched powers of observation. However, I'm also "Short and Ugly" and have Tourettes syndrome. Whenever I have a breakthrough, I shout my catchphrase uncontrollable. I also suffer from clinical blindness.
GM: Blind and observant. Really.
Blind: My character can't see a thing without her glasses?
GM: Her? Great...

>>12582493
Josh: My character is a hippy.
GM: Your character is suicidal? Good to know.
Josh: He is constantly high. He smokes pot with unheard of frequency. As a result, he also eats like a monster.
GM: It looks like you took the "Scaredy Cat" flaw for... absolutely nothing.
Josh: How do you think I got enough starting money for all this pot?
GM: You do realize you are a crime-solver, right?
Josh: Hey, I resent you implying that the usage of marijuana as a crime.
GM: Groan.
Josh: I'll have you know that weed is less dangerous than-
GM: CLIFFORD. Tell me about your character.
Clifford: He's a dog.
GM: No, he isn't.
Clifford: But he can understand the human language.
GM: Why?
Clifford: And he can speak it on rudimentary levels.
GM: Why would you do this?
Clifford: He is also Josh's character's best friend, and also has the "Scaredy Cat" flaw.
GM: Why would two out of five supernatural investigators be irrationally afraid of everything? It doesn't make sense.
Clifford: Drugs make you paranoid, man.
GM: You are not going to tell me your dog smokes grass.
Clifford: He hangs around Josh. Second hand fumes, my man.
GM: Whatever. You're all in a van driving towards a mansion that the locals claim is haunted...

>>12582166
ohgodyes

>>12582166
I LITERALLY WANT TO PLAY IN THIS CAMPAIGN RIGHT NOW

WELL DONE

>>12582493
>>12582504
I enjoyed it

>>12581672
hey about that Battelfleet game. when is it gonna start again?

>>12582504
YEEEEEESSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!

>>12582166
Missing this one.

>>12582137
Yea, and who the fuck is the NPC the gm is adding to the ship?

>>12582166
I'm having some trouble here.

>>12582634
tintin

You:CATCH
You:NOW
Stranger:You wrestle furiously with your nemesis, but the helicopter makes it hard to keep the balance
You:JUMP
You:OFF
You:WITH HIM
Stranger:Damn. You both start falling, and he loses it, screaming at you
You:CHOKE THAT BITCH
Stranger:You focus the rage, and slowly but surely, make sure he dies before hitting the floor. You're falling now...
You:FUCK YES
You:falling?
Stranger:Certainly. Quite some time until you hit the floor, though...
You:shit, wait
You:i call my girlfriend, tell her i love her or someshit
Stranger:Really?
You:yeah
Stranger:Okay, gimme a sec
Stranger:You call your girl, but she isn't home. Glad you don't have to tell her what's going on, you explain her that you won't be arriving home today, and assure her of your feelings. Finally in peace, you fall...
You:cool
Stranger:By chance, your body pancakes a car, before bouncing on the highway in one piece. At least you can have an open casket at the funeral
You:THE FUCK
You:THAT DEATH IS STUPID
You:IGET UP
Stranger: You're dead
You:I'VE SURVIVED WORSE
You:I DESERVE A BETTER DEATH
You:FUCK
Stranger:wait a sec
You:THIS SUCKS
You:WHAT
Stranger:On the road, cars pass by and life goes on. Something pulls at your mind, calling you to a higher purpose
You: TELL GOD TO WANK IT
Stranger:After insulting God, your character sparks his true nature, and your eyes open!
You:YES
Stranger: YOU BECOME EXALTED. YOU MAY NOT WIN. BUT YOU WILL NEVER LOSE
You:YESSSSSSSS

>>12580311
I got nothing.

>>12582648
YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS

>>12582648
GM - Fuck You Chelios

You had us all roll up military characters, and you said it would be just like Armored Core. So why the HELL have we done five sessions playing bodyguards for this stuck-up high school bitch?

And what the hell is up with Jeff's backstory? Child soldier from Afghanistan who somehow got into an ELITE MERCENARY UNIT? That's bullshit.

>>12582648
Crank.

Well done.

GM: Ok lets say what you guys have made.

Guy 01: I put all my stats on fencing really.

GM: Oh wow i can see and what does it say under here on your background?

Guy 01: Oh its something am working on saying to the man who killed my father.

Guy 02: My guy is inconcievably smart! With a really anoying voice and low perception.

GM: uh huh, moving on.

Guy 03: My guy is kinda like andre the giant..

GM: Ermmm Guy 03... This is just a picture of Andre the Giant.

Guy 03: yeah...

GM: Fine. And the last character?

That guy: Well am essentialy playing a pirate form a long line of pirates who is masterfuly trained in swordsmanship, stregnth and brains. i am in love with a beautiful princess who-

GM: What the shit?! how are your stats better then these guys?!

Guy 01: Ive got it!

"Hello, My name is inigo Montoya. You killed my father Prepare to die!"

GM: Ok, now that Jack's finally here...
Jack: Hey man, I told you my internet was down for the past week! How was I to know you'd go changing the time around all weird like?
GM: Whatever. Let's just get on with character introductions. Larry?
Larry: Ok, my character's the king oh the last human kingdom, who is really charismatic and has a bitchin' broken sword.
GM: You expect me to let you play as a king?
Larry: Don't worry, his entire army consists of the party right now. And his organisational skills are shit. He's more of a figurehead.
Jack: Uh...
GM: Ok, fair enough. Rita?
Rita: I'm Larry's sister. Not as charismatic or anything, but I dumped all the points from that into my polearm skill. And I don't particularly trust Audrey's character.
Jack: Um.
GM: Finally something normal from you. Audrey?
Audrey: A rogue who dual-wields daggers. Her parents were part of the rebellion you mentioned in the setting history, so her equipment is in the rebels' style.
Jack: Uh hey guys?
GM: What?
Jack: I never got the setting info. When you said it was a metal music inspired campaign, i went and made a goddamn ROADIE. A fucking AWESOME roadie, I might add, but still a roadie!
GM: Wait, seriously?
Jack: Yeah! Fuck, I'll go reroll...
GM: No wait dude, I can work with this. Just let me add a weapon skill on there and you'll be fine. I can work with this.

>>12582727
PRINCESS BRIDE. GOT IT IN THREE.

YOU WIN FOREVER

>>12580539
<3 Cromite Highschool

>>12583184
Would have been less obvious if you hadn't used Jack as the name.

>>12583184

I see what you did there and approve.

>>12581612
>>12581811
Wow, still no one got this.

Its the anime called "Betterman".

why is this not yet archived?

DM: Now I know you're fucking cheating, nobody rolls seven twenties in a row. Gimme those goddamn dice...

>>12584216
Oh lawdy, is dat sum Irresponsible Captain Tyler?

Also, someone should do Event Horizon. I would, but I don't remember enough about the movie to do so...

>>12584234
DM: Why did you take the "blind" flaw?
Player: Because where we're going we don't need eyes to see!

>>12581293
see this, from the last thread like this

>Ben: Oh, and I'm a black guy.
>DM: ...you know what? You're not pretending to have boobs, I'll take it.

You have a problem with people playing other ethnicities?

GM: OK guys, I hope you like the period game I've whipped up for you. Now let me see those character sheets...

Player 1: I made a brute-type guy; he's not very smart but he can knock out a horse with one hit!

GM: Okaaaay... generic, but sounds good. Looks like your stats are all in order, even though having such a low INT will probably screw you.

Player 2: I'm running a drunken, washed-up gunslinger.

GM: The fuck? You can't possibly be this fast... let me get the calculator...

Player 2: I took the max rank in the Addiction flaw to make it work.

GM: OK, fine. Player 3, gimme your sheet.

Player 3: Here you go.

GM: ... OK, so you're playing a character with max INT and CHA. And max Bluff. And max Profession: Bro? The hell is that supposed to mean?

Player 3: He's a total bro, duh!

GM: Dude, playing a character this smart is going to upset the game, people in this time period were pretty gullible and stupid...

Player 3: Oh come on, I took a flaw!

GM: ... you're black. That's... it?

Player 3: I think, given the setting, it's more than fair.

GM: Whatever man, we'll see. I guess since you're the only one qualified to do it, I'll make you the sheriff. Player 2, you can be... what you are, I guess. Player 1, you're gonna start out working for the BBEG, ok?

Player 2: Sure thing.

Player 1: I'm a fucking pawn? Lame!

Player 3: Aw, don't worry about it. I'm maxed rank in Bro, remember?

>>12584599
DM: I'd like to introduce you to our new.....NIGGER!!!

>>12584527
I have a friend with a mega crush on Natalie Portman's character in that movie.

Blazing Saddles fuck yeah!

>I know REALLY GOOD kung fu
Iron Fist and Karate Kid demonstrate that this is in fact the greatest of all superpowers. Karate Kid could beat up superman! If he could actually damage him in any way.

DM: Ok lets see the character sheet... why did you put all of your points into crafting miscellaneous?

Solo: Thought it might come in handy

DM:... ok, umm why does your equipment say straw paper clip and rubber band?

Solo: My character is really resourceful

*DM rubs his temples*

>>12584634
That's like having a mega crush on Lolita. Your friend is a fucking weirdo.

>>12584634
Then he is doing it right. Portman quality drops after puberty.

There is still Glau and Knightley

>>12584674
McGuyver!

>>12584678
>your friend is a fucking weirdo
Pretty much. That's why we love him. It helps that he's a gangsta mexican who looks way younger than he is.

>>12584660
Way back before CoIE, Karate Kid could actually make Superman (planet destroying, galaxy pulling Superman) FEEL the impact of his blows. It didn't actually cause any damage, but the fact that he caused discomfort to the second toughest character of the era while being a fighter based on pure skill is very impressive.

>>12584678
My friend's worse. He's slightly crazy, and speaks like Adam West trying to play the role of a Conquistador.

>>12584704
Yeah, Karate Kid is like my favourite superhero ever. Technical skill: beyond belief. Body: sadly still human.

>>12584721
>>12584704
Okay, so I take it the Karate Kid in question isn't Daniel-san?

DM: Ok, characters?
>My character's a drunk. Down on his luck and wishing he had glory days to relive. He's taken on Ben's character as an apprentice though
>I've made a kid. He's impressionable, but loved by everyone and follows this guy around as his idol.
DM: Well, they sound ok, but...kinda creepy together, don't you think?
>No, it's totally platonic. Well and Mike's using Ben's character because he needs a home and he has a...ship. He's hunting down a Treasure Island type place.
>Ya, I found this great feat that lets me...well, just look.
DM: Why do you have something written in the mount sec...WTF IS THIS?

GM: This CAN'T be legal.
Player: And yet it is. Find one way it's not.
GM: Okay, you win this round. So, have I told you about your friends? One of them is a makeup artist...

>>12584778
No. He's from the future (I think the 31st century?). He's mastered every style of martial arts up to that point in time.

GM: Okay, dudes, gimme your characters for the crossover game.

John: Alex, what'd you pick?

Alex: Futuristic supersoldier with power armor.

John: Hey, go figure. Same here.

GM: John, I noticed that your armor literally weighs a ton?

John: It's okay, see all of the cybernetic enhancements? My dude can wear it fine.

GM: Alex, you've got pretty much the same armor...

Alex: Not true! I didn't need cybernetics.

GM: How the hell does that wor- what the hell? It doubles as an orbital drop pod?

Alex: More or less. Don't forget the jetpack and super sprint.

John: Whoa, hold up! What sourcebook is that from? I don't even have a sprint! This is bullshit.

Alex: Hey, you're going with tried and true. I'm literally one of a few hundred people trying this one out. We don't even know if it's broken. Just bear with me.

DM: Alright, Does everyone have sheets for their crew members?

Hal: Yeah, I'm an ex solider who lost faith in everything after watching my mates get slaughtered.

Dm: okay.. sounds good.

Hal: I'm also the captain.

DM: Fine.. what about you, cara?

Cara: I'm a professional escort.

Hal: She's a whore.

Cara: damn it, Hal! I told you not to call me that!

DM: enough you two we need to move this along before Mr. Fox shuts the store down. Joe, what are you playing?

Joe: I'm Hal's second in command.

DM: That's go..

Joe: and I'm black.

DM: Okay..

Joe: and a woman.

DM: There's now way! you are way to aggressive to play a woman!

Joe: Trust me it will work.

DM: Fine.. Dave, what about you?

Dave: I'm playing a thuggish rogue for hire. And I dumped my intel and wisdom to get this baby!

DM: HOLY SHIT! That gun is way too OP, there's no way you should have that!

Dave: But without any mental stats it's really all I've got...

DM: fine. I'll allow it. What about you, katie? Weren't you going to play the engineer?

Katie: Yes, and I took the prodigy trait. I had to dump all of my combat skills though..

DM: Alright and who was the pilot... uh.. Josh, that was you right?

Josh: Oh, sorry I was adding some items to my sheet.

DM: and what would that be?

Josh: plastic dinosaurs.

DM: You're a pilot.. why do you need those? You know what, fine, I don't care. I just want to get this off the ground before we have to leave.

DM: Okay, I hope you guys don't mind but I have some DMNPCs that I have to bring in.

Group: BULLSHIT!

DM: It's fine, they will help fill the holes in your party and one of them is integral to the plot.

Josh: I bet she's a kung-fu genius Mary sue...

DM: watch what you say Josh... I'm not above Player kills.

>>12585270
Firefly.

IIT every other post is Firefly.

GM: Alright Dave. Nobody else is here yet, so how about we start things off solo?
Dave: I'm gonna solo? Shit, it's already a small group on an infiltration mission. I'm a dead man.
GM: With those stats? I doubt it. You're lucky I don't just switch to mutants and masterminds for that.
Dave: It's justified by my backstory.
GM: You mean "I'm the clone of the best soldier ever?' not much justification there. Anyway, after you slip in through an underwater cave, your superior tells you to start looking for evidence about the 'Metal Gear' secret-
Dave: METAL GEAR?!?!
GM: Oh god, what happened to your voice?

DM: Alright, lemme see your character sheets. I got a realistic setting taking place during wartime in

Player 1: Here, mine's a field medic type guy, pretty good all around but Charisma is his main stat. Though he doesn't deal with authority well.

DM: Alright sounds good, all those ranks in heal will help.

Player 2: Here's mine, pretty much the same but lower charisma.

DM: It looks like a shitty version of 1's character.

Player 3: Here's mine, I took points out of Charisma but he has super hearing.

DM: This is supposed to be a realistic setting, but I'll allow it.

Player 4: My character is a medic type guy too but he's not very good, also he's a cross dresser.

>>12585788

Fucking M.A.S.H.!

>>12581751

You forgot Kaylee. Ass.

GM: I said Steam PUNK. I did NOT want everyone to make sentiant steam ENGINES.

Gordon, Edward, James, Henry and Thomas: *Snerk*

GM: *Sighs* Well... whatever. I guess at least there's a sort of consistancy here... I'm going to have to to re-write the setting from the ground up.. this might take a while. First, need to think up a name for this place... Go get me some Soda, someone?