>>13187338How a horseshoe crab can kill a goblin

how a horseshoe crab can kill a lion?

>Look up horseshoe crab
>Suddenly no more confusion

Speaking personally, I am bewildered by 40k.

>>13187344
Look a the Teeth

>>13187338
Janitors

>>13187338So, what /tg/-related things confuse YOU?


Horseshoe crab was Barrin's greatest pupil

Oh yes... the crab WILL kill Squee... oh yes...

>>13187338
>even though Squee wants to eat it, Squee would actually die in combat to it!
Choke to death on it.
Horseshoe crap survives.

If I told you that today all the butterflies in the world mysteriously vanished would you honestly notice.

besides that its a good card in a green/blue deck run it in giant growth or Rancor it and if they have some way of tapping it you can untap

>>13187338
>Would someone please explain to me how the hell no one notices all of one species on an entire plane migrating in the span of a single day?

because no one gives a shit. They're crabs. Would you notice it right away if all the earthworms just.. disappeared one day? Probably not

I dislike the new flavor text

>>13187352if able

does that mean I could just tap my llanowar elf so he is unable to attack?

"hey there elfy boy, wanna cum in the water?"

"shut up bitch I'm summoning a bear"

>>13187369

Yes, and that is hilarious.

>>in the final days

thats more than one day

and not a single dude in tolaria was a crab fisher?

Arbalests, the favored weapons of crabs everywhere.

>>13187368
if all earthworms disappeared farmers would be pissed

>>13187350
>>13187377
Heavy weapon magic crabs.

Yes, I love you you lucky horseshoe bastards.

>>13187350
>>13187377

Horseshoe crab is a crab of talent

unlike hedron crab, who's bumbling antics leads to milling.

>>13187377
how the heck does a horse shoe crab use that


let alone be proficient with it

>>13187394
Crabs gonna crab.

Hilarious equipment to put on a crab thread?

/tg/ loves crabs. Seriously, you can't hate them.
They're like the grumpy old man of the sea that does right by you.

>>13187338Would someone please explain to me how the hell no one notices

Thieving Magpie knew. Horseshoe crab told him of the coming disaster, but magpie sama simply nodded his head and said that though he dwells in the skies, he was still born of the land, and when Tolaria goes, so will he. With a carefree chuckle that belied his end, Thieving Magpie would spend his final days as he did any other.

Horseshoe crab saw his old friend fly away for the last time, he then untapped and turned to the sea, never turning back.

>>13187419
The king is dead! Long live the crab!

There should be a horseshoe crab legend that studied in Tolaria before its sundering

/tg/, i believe we can build a crab deck.
a crab deck that will counter all Goblin decks forever.

>>13187419
Crabs are *always* making zombies.
You know what crab needs? Magic armor.

>>13187429
Dem Magpie man, dem godamn Magpie killing lions, Knights and other monsters.

>>13187449
what about craboblins?

>>13187449

Crabs and heavy artillery equipment like Arbalest

AND THEN WRITE FLUFF ABOUT CRAB KINGDOM

>>13187429Horseshoe crab saw his old friend fly away for the last time, he then untapped and turned to the sea, never turning back.


;_;

>>13187431
he is... my greatest pupil

inb4 Xzibit and Drab Umbra.

>>13187456
nothing but the best

Reminds me of crabquest.

>>13187482
why is a damn silver armor so strong?

>>13187350Horseshoe crab was Barrin's greatest pupil

Horseshoe crab saw Barrin upon the cliff, Horseshoe crab knew what was coming, he could feel it in his carapace. He knew of the oncoming devastation, the destruction, but he knew it must be witnessed, the last history of Tolaria, the Academy, his teacher, it must be remembered.

"Master, your legacy shall live on"

-Horseshoe Crab, last student of Barrin

>>13187482
Yeah! That crab is a heavy metal, unstoppable zombie making machine.
Now I'm torn between wanting a crab or a thousandlegged goldenspider as a greater familiar.

>>13187482
That's neat.

>>13187483
Good times... good times...

>>13187493
Now we know why they left.
And why no one noticed.

So...


When will you realize a horse shoe crab is not a crab?

>>13187510
>creature - crab

it's a crab

>>13187510
Never because I am janitor

>>13187510
The great secret of the crab kingdom, revealed!

[spoiler]I already knew.[/spoiler]

>>13187510
They're not even crustaceans. They're more closely related to spiders than to crabs.

>how many horseshoe crabs can a drow priestess fit in her vagina

they're actually a kind of flightless magpie

I just want to point out to everybody who said "Of course nobody would notice. They are crabs!" that the crabs did not simply disappear. It says they migrated from ponds to the ocean. That means that there were a fuckton of crabs crawling out of every body of water, and a fuckton of crabs crawling into the ocean. Of course people would notice. There would be fucking crabs everywhere.

>>13187538
awshitniggafuckingfivestarpost.jpg

>>13187549
except.. they'd follow the rivers to the sea

crabs aren't cross-country animals..

>>13187564
Well... Horseshoe crabs can't trek on land but some real crabs do.


[spoiler] not the same anon [/spoiler]

>>13187564
as far as we know~

>>13187549
Mayne Tolarians were used to a fuckton of horseshoe crabs crawling everywhere.

>>13187564crabs aren't cross-country animals..

how little you know

>>13187564
Not all lakes go to the sea, or they go may go underground where a crab would die. Or the river might go through a city, where a huge number of crabs would be pretty obvious.

>>13187615
>>13187604

OH GOD THE HORROR

rolled 4 = 4

>>13187604
>>13187615

aah.. AAAAAUGH

LAND.. WALKER

>>13187615
What the FUCK is this????

Not photoshopped?

>>13187636
>>13187630

Road's Closed

Plaese takem this animalfaggotry to /an/

reported

>>13187652
Pic related
>>13187630
>>13187636
>>13187648
It's just crabs.

Crab time?

Y'all humans, crabs gonna crab.

>>13187652

somebody's crabby

This is where I push up my taped, thick-rimmed glasses and clarify a point that given the amusing lore it has spawned isn't really relevant: Tolaria is only a small island (in the plane of Dominaria) upon which Urza's academy sat. In the days leading to the event everyone was frantic and busy. There was magic to learn, a time experiment about to commence and prove disastrous, and of course all the while the Phyrexians were out there needing to be prepared for. Given that light hopefully it makes a little more sense.

This is where I now take off the glasses and go back to enjoying the mythos now surrounding the Horseshoe Crab.

Horseshoe Crab learned his weaponsmithing techniques from his time with the dwarves.

Dam I want to make a Blue+Colorless Beast/Artifact deck now.

Wait, I thought you weren't able to play a card's abilities if it was tapped?

>>13189360
The key think about the horseshoe crab kingdom has to be that even though there are knights sitting there in +6/+6 armour and an executioner toting an Unscythe none of them act like they are anything more than horseshoe crabs. Despite the arbalests on their backs, the elite siege corps of the kingdom spend most of their time waddling around in the shallows. All attempts at diplomacy are doomed to failure, although select diplomats sometime receive a mysterious monogrammed message inviting them to an audience with the crab king. Where he sits in his paddling pool throne, being a crab. No one can image how the almighty crab citadel was built, they know only that it exists and that the crabs are not to be crossed lightly.

>>13187338
>an entire plane
Tolaria was an island or a series of islands, not an entire plane.

It was small enough for Barren to take out with a single Obliterate.

>>13189567
As long as the cost for the ability isn't tapping it, there's no reason why you can't.

Most likely you're casual (nothing wrong with that) and one of your friends fooled you to think that so he would win a match some time ago or something.

>>13189567
You can. Think about it, how would "Untap Horshoe Crab" even work if you could only use it when the crab was untapped?

>>13189585
Their spy corps is second to none.

"I shall show them true despair."
-Horseshoe Crab, Archmage of Tolaria

>>13187604
>>13187615
>>13187651
EVERYBODY RUN! THE CRABS ARE COMING FOR US

>>13189664
The spy who was planning to assassinate the Duke of Gilnead that afternoon opens the door to his room. There is a salty odour in the air. He takes a step aside and sees it, there on his bedspread. A black silk clad assassin crab clicking its little crab claws at him. Knowing for the first time in his life true fear, he steps back, shuts the door, and takes his own life.

>>13189644
Yeah I was never into MTG that much, and it's been ages since I played it in any seriousness. Whatevs.

>>13189585
No one ever suspects the crabs. They can walk right up to a kings most important outpost and the king will do nothing. After all they're just a bunch of crabs what could they do.
The king was killed

>>13189724
People who ask questions like, "Where the hell did a bunch of crabs get these magical artifacts, anyway?" tend to disappear.

True fact: Horseshoe crabs have a very simple immune system- there's one protein in their (blue) bloodstream that detects foreign bodies and glops around them.

The blue stuff they spray around on CSI, the equiment used to test hospital-grade syringes and beakers, and the air-quality monitors on the ISS are all made of this chemical.

It can't be synthesized.

It's harvested from live horseshoe crab blood.

>>13189787
They don't kill the crab doing it though. Well, the mortality rate is like 5% but they try not to. Imagine how terrified the crab must be.

>>13189787

Brutal.

I don't have much time I can hear the crabs their at my door they will probably kill me but the world has got to know, they're building a
i meen teh crabs are justt fine and deefinatly not secrettly planning to conquer Gilnead tonight
and is itt jsut me or are thees keyboard reaaly harrd to work

So where the hell is my Horseshoe Crab block, Wizards?

Is memnarch a crab?

>>13189884
I think he just might be.

>>13189884
He's a wizard legend, the card even says so

Yo, we heard you like horseshoe crabs so we put yo horseshoe crab in a horseshoe crab so you can crab while you crab.

>>13189787
Horseshoe crabs make great sacrifices for our safety.

>>13189805
Crab Exsanguinator, sounds like one of those useless Dorf Fortress professions.

Oh god, they have shroud now too. What hope is there for man?

>>13189935
I don't know man, I think I would honestly be pretty okay with doing that job.

Fucking Nightmare crabs, how do they work?

>>13189915
Are you a bad enough dude to rescue the crab princess?

>>13189962

They strap them into racks, a dozen at a time, spray them down with crab-sanitizer and then the machine jabs needles into their bellies.

I don't know about you, but I'd be going for my arbalest.

>>13190090
Oh god, my mind is imagining the crunching sound that must accompany the needle piercing their shells.

>>13189963

So if I contrived to have no other permanent in play when this fucker resolves, that'd be an infinite loop?

>>13190143
>>13190090
Why /tg/ why.

>>13190145
Yes

Oracle Text

Wormfang Crab 3U
Creature — Nightmare Crab (3/6)

Wormfang Crab is unblockable.

When Wormfang Crab enters the battlefield, an opponent chooses a permanent you control other than Wormfang Crab and exiles it.

When Wormfang Crab leaves the battlefield, return the exiled card to the battlefield under its owner's control.

>>13190209
Read the card again.
>an opponent chooses a permanent you control and removes it from the game.

probably my favorite creature of all time

>>13190226
What if you have no permanents in play, and then you play two Wolffang Crabs at once?

>>13190249
You're playing him without an island? I find that unlikely.

>>13190143
There is a softer spot on the underside where blood can be taken without major damage.

Googling around suggests 3% to 10% die, and that includes the damage from catching them, shipping them around in non airconditioned things for several days etc, as well as the shock of blood loss.

This guy is a crab deck unto himself. Combine with horseshoe crab, arbalest, hermetic study, and something that needs you to bounce lands for its cost and you're half way to a theme deck. Also, Wormfang crab for the annoyance and unblockable 3/6. Drop vigilance on that fucker. I think there's a UW crab too...

>>13190249
Crab A and Crab B come into play at the same time.
Both triggers go on the stack
Crab A's ability resolves, triggering Crab B's leave play ability.
That resolves and does nothing, as B has not yet exiled anything.
Crab B's initial trigger resolves, exiling A. This triggers A's leave play ability.
Crab B returns to play and is all alone, with nothing to exile.

Fuck yes, Horseshoe Crab.

Kills lions and doesn't take shit from bears.

My favorite card for no practical reason.

>>13190316
>Crab B returns to play and is all alone, with nothing to exile.
Poor crab... ;_;

>>13190316
>Crab A and Crab B come into play at the same time.

Learn2stack

>>13190226
>other than Wormfang Crab

Oh fuck you Wizards D:

>>13190335
"One immediately after the other, in a time frame during with neither player receives priority" is close enough to "at the same time" for me.
Also
>implying creatures can't enter play at the same time

>>13190385
So...Does this make it so if you play two wormfang crabs that they can't bounce each other?

>>13190435

They can't exile themselves, they will exile each other.

>>13190435
"Other than [card name]" only refers to that specific card itself, not other copies of it.

for some reason, all these well armed crabs are strangely compelling...

>>13190484
A simple horseshoe crab
With Argentium Armor
And a Heavy Arbalest
Inside of another Horseshoe Crab (Umbra)
Has the moxie of Clark Gable.

bumping for a legitimate crab deck (maybe even based off the crazy shit in the thread already)

>>13190916
That crab can't fight in close combat. He needs an Unscythe.

who is the enemy of the crab?

>>13191754
The kingdoms of man. Crab shall crush the jeweled thrones of the world beneath his scuttling feet.

You guys want to play the greatest race ever made?

Pick up 50 Fathoms, a Savage Worlds supplement, and play Scurillians.

What are they? Magically created man-sized giant crabs. Created to help with magic experiments, so they are analytic and tough as all hell.

Did I mention these crabs are cantankerous? They hate everyone, including others of their race.

Some hate others so much they graft canons to their shells to shoot at people.

>It says almost nothing about the creature nor does it make it seem more menacing.
>horseshoe crab
It's about as menacing as cheese.

>>13191852
Bold words. We shall see... I would suggest moving away from water sources for the time being, lest they find their way in.

Surely, burning alive is a more pleasant way to die compared to these.. these... conniving barbarians.

>>13191852
Cheese can win you the game, bro.

Unknown to the beings of Mirrodin as the phyrexian forces flowed onto the metallic world, another vast army from another realm poured into the seas to prepare to defend Mirrodin.

With their natural immunity to the phyrexian plagues, a carapace that most beasts cannot pierce, an ancient vigilance, and the vast armory that they've collected over the eons, the horseshoe crab empire will end the war Urza had fought for so long.

The ignored ones will make themselves known.

This is the best thread on /tg/ right now.

More proof that the greatest threads are all hijacked threads that have nothing to do with the OP.

>>13192060

>>13192060
Horseshoe Crab, Planescrawler
+1: Untap up to 2 target creatures or planeswalkers
-1: Tap Horseshoe Crab to deal 2 damage to target creature or player.
-4: Untap all creatures, artifacts and lands target player controls. For each permanent that was untapped this way, deal 1 damage to target player.

FYI, M:tG runs on troll biology, just so you guys know.

Don't worry about it.

don't forget about the homarid and the deep spawn

MAKES ME WONDER WHAT HAPPENED TO THE THALLIDS. MUSTA BEEN THE CRABS

Maybe it's a gift or a feat or something you get when you hit the age of 30, but there comes a time when you're able to read things in their proper context.

The card doesn't read: "They migrated in a single day" it reads "On that day, they migrated." In other words, it didn't take them a single day, but on that particular day, it was noted that they were migrating.

This is frustrating because so many people take things out of context, and then spread their ignorance to others, like those who read some criticism of the Bible, and glom onto something they think is an inconsistency, when in fact what they need to do is understand what they're reading before they open their mouths to others.

The quote from Squee is funny because it's a goblin shooting his mouth off about something gross (eating bugs). How tough the crab is is outside of the scope of the entertainment value of the card.

Focus your mind on something important for a while, and then come back. Drink less Mountain Dew (tm) while you're at it.

>>13192411
>it didn't take them a single day, but on that particular day, it was noted that they were migrating.
except it wasn't noted. "no one took note", right in the text.

>>13192385

Thallids got sucked into the Time Shenanigans during the Time Spiral block.

Poor bastards.

>>13192411
fuck off, this thread is gold.

...Now, where were we a/t,g/entleman?

>>13192654

Rescuing the Thallids and maybe even recruiting the Kobolds?

They called him a hero, the Hero of Crabs...

>>13192411
>Ignores funny ideas for pedantry
Glad that's working out for you, bro.

>>13187338
>op: in the span of a single day
>reads the card
>card: in the final days
>final days
>dayS

well done, OP, you just went full retard

>>13192570
>>13192411

If it wasn't noted... THEN WHO WAS WRITER?

>>13192823
The crab, obviously.

Thank Gygax for this thread, man. I freaking love crabs and nobody ever wants to talk about them. It's all "Bears, bears, bees!!!" on the internet nowadays.

>>13192663
Right-o.

Thallids. Thallid farms for creating living grapeshot to be flung from the crab master's crab-a-pults.

>>13192870
I dig all sorts of crustaceans. In the setting I'm running right now the dwarves attack floating ship-cities with their biomechanical siege crabs, and the arcane secrets of a lost empire are guarded by the remnants of the mantis shrimp beastmen in their undersea temple ziggurats.

>>13192829
Crabs are prolific historians.

>>13192060
The first to scuttle onto the shore was none other than the unknown legend that is the Planescrawler, garbed with a stained but otherwise gleaming plate of armor fitted over its carapace. The Planescrawler seemed to flicker in and out of reality occasionally as it glided over the gleaming sand.

Behind him a tide of chitin rose from the depths, the sound of natural armor clanking as the beaches were covered in it. Behind them, clusters grouped together to drag large siege weapons of all kinds of designs, salvaged from the wars they so silently observed. Balistas, catapults, and magical devices alike were already being readied by delicate claws as the sea dripped off of them.

The massive swarm covered the land like a tidal wave as they went to battle.

>>13192909
How else would they document the empires they have toppled? It's a little known fact that what finally pushed Barren over the edge into casting Obliterate was that after all his other troubles and tragedies, a crab scuttled into his bed and pinched him right in the nuts.

>>13192990
with his unscythe right?

standard armament for crab assassins, garbed in whispersilk

The Planescrawler
UU2
Planeswalker - Crab Planescrawler
+X Put X 1/1 blue Crab creature tokens into play. Lose X-1 life.
+1 Choose a creature or land card in play. If a creature, it becomes blue in addition to its other colors and is a Crab in addition to its other creature types. If a land, it becomes a basic Island land.
-2 Crab creatures you control get +0/+5 and gain Defender and Double Strike until until the beginning of your next upkeep.
-8 You get an Emblem with "All Crab creatures you control get +5/+0 and gain Islandwalk."
Loyalty 3

man I wish armored cantrix wasn't so totally crap. It looks fucking baddass.

>>13193092
>is a Crab
Jesus, he can turn people into crabs? Just like, zzzap, you're a crab now?

>>13193047
Naturally.

>>13193130
It's more common than you'd think.

>>13193092
>turn 1-island, hedron crab
>turn 2-Spreading seas one of their lands
>turn 3-Planescrawler, +x ability, create 5 crab tokens
>turn 4-CRAAABBBSSSSSSSSSSSSSS (activate -8)

Not gonna fron/tg/entleman, sometimes I feel unworthy of the win I see on this board.

Like that undead computation thread. Fucking amazing stuff.
>lurks moar

>>13193174
+X does seem to be a little much...

>>13193212
You DARE question the power of The Planescrawler? I'd steer clear of the beach for a while, if I were you...

>>13193092
>>13193092
Can't fit four abilities on a planeswalker in MSE.

Preliminary card here. This is stupidly overpowered.

>Play card
>oh i suppose I'll just make 10 crab tokens
>oh look at my 13 loyalty
>good luck stopping all my 6/1 crabs next turn

Crab Battle!

Seriously, Crabs are even more hardcore than Metal Gears and supersoldiers. One of them was able to solo Solid Snake. Solid Snake. Urza thought he had to go backwards in time to find the Titans. But they were with him all along. They were the Crabs.

>>13193251
That's the point. It is The Planescrawler. All your base are belong to it.

I kinda envisioned the Planescrawler to be a horseshoe crab but that's just me.

Should I write more?

>>13193384

Some crab combo stuff from my Crab deck:

Crabs obviously, Crab upgrades: Hermetic study/psionic gift, Sigil of Sleep, Neurok Stealth Suit (Stealth Crab), and Curiosity. Also, Opposition for a change of pace.

Please do not forget that even Giant Enemy Crabs can be stopped. One can simply attack its weak point for massive damage.

Also U/B go so well together a crab deck should splash black for Death Pits of Rath or GY manip for recursion. What's scarier than a horde of crabs coming your way? A horde of ZOMBIE enemy crabs, that's what.

>>13193337
I put that up because it was all blue and hazy and "Wooooo, phasing through dimensions" looking, but here's a good alternate!

According to Wikipedia, bony fish are the main predators of crabs.

>>13193429
... I never thought I'd have need to speak these words, but that's a pretty fucking badass-looking horseshoe crab.

>>13193429
To be fair, there really isn't much good art of horseshoe crabs on the internet it seems.

>prophet judgements

...captcha, what are you trying to tell us?

If anyone lives near the beach, I would highly recommend attending a horseshoe crab orgy. Their mating cycle is tied to the lunar cycle, and once a year they swarm up from the bottom of the ocean onto the beach and start making baby crabs. It's hilarious to watch.

>>13193174
>turn 3
>4-drop

What.

>>13193241
WAT

>>13193536

Dat file name.

>>13193576
gah, misread the mana cost. Hmm, not as op now, but yeah. Go green/blue, and drop a birds on turn one

>>13193536

I don't like the risk of..

getting crabs.

how's this for a deck?

4x Horseshoe crab
4xViridian longbow
3xHeavy Arbalest
3xHermatic Study
3xCharisma
4xCuriousity
4xSnap
4xCounterspell
4xSigil of Sleep
3xCostal Piracy
2xSpell Pierce
2xNegate

Strictly casual, but alluring, heavy artillery weapon wielding, curious crab pirates!

>>13194467
also, 16 islands, 4 Hallimar depths

Bump for awesome thread.

sea beampla

>>13198053

I jsut went and painted my Assault Kommandoes and Gorman di Wolffe (as Darkwing Duck) and this thread is still alive?

God bless us, every one.

>>13194166
you forgot your pic

♫ I've got a big bag of crabs here! ♫
♫ I'm gonna put them in my mouth, oh yes! ♫
♫ I'm gonna run round the town on a market day! ♫
♫ People will look at me and say, you've got a mouth full of crabs. ♫

>>13194467
Twice the untapping.

Robots here, crabs are obsolete.

You take on lions and win? We take on elepahnts and win.

>>13190294

Hmmm would a Sea Drake work?

This thread is awesome.

>>13187375

"the crab fishing sure has been hard lately"

Also, who the fuck eats horseshoe crabs?

>>13202794
In Tolaria, fisherman have 4 power.

>>13202880

I meant that if a crab fisher noticed that there didn't seem to be a shit ton of crabs for a couple days he wouldn't go "oh wow, I bet a temporal collapse is going to cause a planar catastrophe," or even "oh wow, I better alert someone to this strange occurrence," he'd think "bad day for crab fishing, rageragerage"

I <3 this thread sooooooooo much

:> tg

>This thread makes my face