touhous all the way down

De Worde looked at the pictures. "I can see what you've been going for, but.." he gestured weakly at neat rows of black and white newspaper prints behind him. "We've already done a full story for today, and your.. material isn't exactly suitable for the front page.

"But-" The crow tengu was crestfallen, even he could see that. He sighed.

"Perhaps I could fit these in one of the magazines! Would that be ok? Drop the prints off with the dwarves in the back and it'll be in the next run."

"I-I guess it's better than nothing." With drooped wings, Hatate slunk off.

Back to work. Worde studied the headlines and wondered if it was too late to get a very fast coach out of the city. He dropped his forehead into his palms. Of course it was too late.

The headlines: "Boxers or Briefs: Vetinari's secrets revealed! Editorial by A. Shameimaru."

Nuggan frowned and wiggled his lip. It had the effect of making his moustache undulate, which he felt expressed distaste with the minimum amount of effort. Offler eyed the smaller newcomer with his usual unreadable expression, but the single thick string dripping from the corner of his snout gave away his hunger.

Blind Io angled two of his attending eyes to stare at each of the two figures, and a further two for that Hat. It was a Hat, too, not just any old hat.
"I take it you have found yourselves suddenly in possession of an excess of belief. Nothing less would have brought you here."

The tall woman with the strange arrangement of rope and paper smiled knowingly, re-folded her arms and nodded curtly at her accomplice, who hopped - somehow, she gave the impression of hopping, even when she walked - up to the game-board and began placing pieces.
"Ha!" The Lady let out a short laugh. "Well now, this is interesting."

Destiny stood, his face reddening. "They shouldn't be here. They don't _belong_ here." He raised a finger and pointed at the short one's hat "I never knew they were coming. Isn't that a good enough sign that we should throw them out?"

His words fell on deaf ears. A pinkish piece had just been placed, and when he looked closely he noticed that clouds of tiny, tiny butterflies were flying from its sleeves...

After a long pause, Death spoke.
"YOU KNOW," he stopped again, holding his scythe up to the light "I HAD A SORT OF HOLIDAY A WHILE AGO, AND IT CAUSED ALL SORTS OF PROBLEMS."
The other Death just lay there, lying against the side of the little boat, head and arms dangling over the edge. Her scythe was, the first Death concluded, not as sharp as his. Nor was it as practical.
"BUT I'M SURE A LITTLE BREATHER TO ENJOY THE SCENERY WILL BE ALRIGHT. I'VE ALWAYS BEEN GOOD AT MANAGING MY TIME." He produced at an hourglass, which hardly seemed to be flowing at all. "TIME IS A FUNNY THING. THE LIVING CAN HARDLY GRASP HOW IT WORKS, AND THEY ASSUME EVERYTHING ELSE HAS THE SAME PROBLEMS WITH IT THEY DO."

Death sat in silence again, contemplating things. What things, nobody could guess. His star-point eyes seemed to twinkle. "AND EVEN IF THE SCENERY IS DULL, THIS IS A VERY NICE BOAT."

The new priestess at the Temple of Small Gods was causing quite a stir. A crowd was gathering to observe this strangely-dressed woman and her donation box. You couldn't forget that it was there, what with how often she beat the side of it with her fancy stick. Very few people had actually donated anything, but an impressive collection of bottletops, franked stamps and IOU notes was building inside the glorified - nay, the deified crate.

As with any crowd, this one had attracted the presence of a certain Seller of Theoretically Edible Pies (that is, they'd be edible once the wizards of UU opened a hole to a world where the better-left-unknown was the primary foodstuff, and CMOT and the like touted finest cuts of identifiable animal).

"Luvverly Sausage-inna-bun! Getcher Luvverly Sausage-inna-bun! Meat Pies, so fresh it don't know its dead! Deli-"
"Ah, excuse me. I've been asked to buy everything you have."
A girl in a green outfit was staring at Dibbler as if he offended her with his presence - something most people did when they were that close to his unique brand of pie.
"Really? More than once at once? That'll be..." Dibbler trailed off as he counted the pies and sausages on his tray. The girl thrust a bag onto the tray. It was open.

(Cont.)

> nice boat

Dibbler had only just taken in that it was full of golden Rhinu when he realised his tray was being carried off by the blunt, if polite girl. He watched, awestruck, as she presented it to an even more unusually-dressed woman in pink, who seemed to be the opening of some interdimensional horror, so quickly were the pies disappearing.

While he stared in awe, something black and white interrupted his field of vision. When he'd stopped feeling giddy, Dibbler noticed two more strange things. First, his bag of gold was gone. Second, the woman was still standing up, and wasn't even throwing up on her green-clothed friend. No, she was smiling at him.

Making a profit from a crowd could happen any day. This day, CMOT decided, was not the kind of day for that. This was the kind of day when you prayed, made a token offering and hid under the table in case the frost giants returned. Dropping a dollar into the strange red girl's donation box, he beat a hasty exit.

>>8662335
Ohohoho, good times.

I love this thread~

Heh, keep going.

>>8662340
>token offering
>dollar
>Dibbler
That bad, huh?

>>8662324

I have to say, I love this one. It's short, and to the point, and actually perfectly in-character for Death.

I wonder how The Luggage will react...OM NOM NOM?

What the fuck's so great about toushit that it has to be spammed over and over again? WHY U DO DAT???

Oh god. Touhou/discworld crossover?

DON'T KNOW IF WANT

>>8662387

It's that bad.

I get this urge to contribute to the thread with a Luggage/Onis meeting, but I don't know if this is a continuous story by the writefag (and so me posting would fuck it up) or they're just random short stories we can contribute to...

>>8662299

stay classy /tg/ I almost feel bad for encouraging this by mentioning it in the first place.

Discworld fanfiction is always bad, combined with Touhou makes this TERRIBAD. Well played.

>>8662420
But quite well written. MOAR!

Why the hell are you posting this when I haven't even added anything to it yet

>>8662398

Humm. Luggage/Cirno?

Unstoppable object meets unbending idiocy?

>>8662439
The OP post is blatant trolling. Also, the story snippets are terribad as they are, and that shit should die before it really gets off the ground.

>>8662469

>blatant trolling

You mean blatant awesome.

>>8662449
That would be Luggage/Gensokyo

Also, the luggage is completely invulnerable to all magic, so that would bw murder.

I think we've established this is the 'so bad its good' catagory of writefagatory.

>>8662486
>I'm too dumb to read, haberple blerpderp

>>8662469
Note: This was posted in an autosaging touhou thread on /tg/ last night(day) after someone remarking now a terrible terrible discworld/touhou crossover was going to be made, and it would make him gouge his eyes out.

I think we're getting there. Need to add in more spelling errors though.

>>8662416
Do Not Want.
It cannot possibly improve Discworld.

>>8662495
So they all end up dead because of Rincewind.

Business as usual, I guess. Rincewind's always taken care of the worst of the horrors that show in on the Disc...

>>8662516

Yeah, I remember because I'm the one who said it and how some /tg/ guy would probably get right on writing it for fanfiction.net or something. Cue post about how he was going to spend a couple hours writing it.

Didn't see the thread after it started autosaging through, I figured I'd better get some sleep.

Stay classy /tg/. I'm a fan of both settings and this is physically painful.

>>8662516

I dunno, I find it entertaining. and most of the characters in both sides are pretty in-character, which is good to see in a fanfic. Except for Dibbler leaving a donation of more than a half-dollar, tops.

But then, I honestly don't mind fanfiction long as it respects its source materials, so I don't have the gut reaction of rejection most people would probably have.

>>8662495

Shall I bring up the utter brokenness of Yukari once more?

>Except for Dibbler leaving a donation of more than a half-dollar, tops.

He just saw someone eat a TRAY of his stuff. TRAY. And was SMILING at him.

>>8662582

but Yukari doesn't really fight, so any OH GOD, EPIC BATTLE bullshit would be horribly forced much like something Chado would right ending in her gapping a nuke or something equally out of character.

She isn't the direct strength kind of character, there are plenty other characters who show off huge powerful blasts and godly strength. Yukari schemes and misdirects her way to her objectives.

>>8662612

Yes, that's why I said half-dollar. Otherwise it'd be nothing. This is Dibbler we're talking about. The man who is willing to force the people who are netting him *thousands of dollars clean of tax* to sleep in the shittiest inn at hand and pays them six dollars tops. A man for whom greed is not a vice - it's just a baseline force, like falling down when in the air.

>>8662615

She does not have to. borders.....she could just have it run into the border of land and the sun, and be done with it. Even if it did not burn, it's still trapped in the sun.

>>8662516
>touhou thread on /tg/
AND THAT'S EXACTLY THE PROBLEM! /tg/ has no legitimate touhou threads, simply because you continue to discuss the setting (bland and dull, like every shooter setting beyond the graphics) and write terribad fanfic (which is clearly /jp/ material). THERE ARE FUCKING ROLE PLAYING GAMES, SO DISCUSS THEM INSTEAD OF UNRELENTING TOUSPAM!

>>8662639

Ca/tg/irl, stop it. Previous anon had it right - yukari's going to be matching wits with Vetinari, not destroying the world. Direct force is something Yukari doesn't DO.

>>8662633

Considering she should be utter total mega dead...and looked hungry for seconds, I think we can forgive one slip up.

>>8662649
Touhou is a D&D style fantasy setting. So its /tg/ related, sorry.

>>8662652

Oh, I know. I just find amusement in the idea.

>>8662649

As a Touhou fan, I must say, I agree partially. I am a bit disquieted at the influx of threads. Yes, I love the setting, and yes, it's an endless mine of campaign ideas (not to mention I actually substituted the Underdark for the Hell of Blazing Fires in a campaign once because the Underdark is all kinds of boring and LOLDROW), but this huge influx is just trolling, most likely trying to make fa/tg/uys, who generally have not cared about Touhou and let us have our threads in peace while hiding them, hate the whole series.

i despise all of you

>>8662684

to be fair, this already happens. Granted I see your point that too much of this shit will make it worse, but well you know how these things work out. Trolls trolling trolls trolling trolls.

>>8662672

problem is, it doesn't end. Obvious reply to border bullshit Yukari pulls is that the Luggage always finds a way back to it's master, even across dimensions and time. It's part of it's ongoing joke within the series, the Luggage literally is a unstoppable force.

I approve of this thread. I'd contribute, but i don't have any ideas right now... maybe later.

>>8662889
>it is ongoing joke
>a unstoppable
>it is master
Try again in English.

>>8662889

She is, too. Just keeps gaping it. Would be an amusing game, where to put it THIS time.

>>8662889

Personally, I see the Luggage as meeting a lot of the Touhou cast, but not really killing any - as it is still forced to obey Rincewind's direct commands, and most of the Touhou cast is pretty peaceful unless riled up, which Rinsey is certainly smart enough to avoid. Those encounters that end badly, end with Rincewind running away at surprising speed (duh), the Luggage getting lost or blasted into another dimension, and yet STILL finding a way to be back to Rincewind's side. Because that's how Luggage rolls. The Luggage cannot be stopped. The Luggage cannot be contained. The Luggage always has a fresh change of clothes in it.

>>8662994

>but not really killing any

wat. At the very least it would trample the shitty youkai who try and eat Rincewind or he inadvertently offends. The Touhou cast are ridiculously easy to annoy.

>>8662839
>to be fair, this already happens.

Eh, in my experience most fa/tg/uys are entirely apathic towards Touhou threads, outside of one or two sagefags that like to spam the threads with random porn. This has allowed us to discuss the Touhou Homebrew, the setting itself, possible character cameos, and even the official RPG Danmaku Flowers in many threads without much trolling - most fa/tg/uys simply hide the thread and move on.

I fear this influx will sour the mood and such Touhou threads will become impossible, which will be quite a shame - because /tg/ has FAR better Touhou discussions than /jp/ when you actually want to talk setting and characters, instead of memes and lolpowerlevels.

>>8663020
The thing about the luggage, the thing is,

It's got multiple pocket dimensions inside it. Trying to eat Yukari just isn't going to stick. At the very most she's going to emerge freshly washed and ironed.

>>8663020

that and Rincewind just can't catch a break. He'll try as hard as he can to be harmless and out of the way and end up tripping over something important, saying something out of turn or just looking like a really nice target.

It'll end in the usual mess of Rincewind running away faster then you would think it possible for a man his age to run and anything remotely harassing his luggage or simply getting in it's way would be horribly mangled. Business as usual.

Fortunately, youkai don't die easy, even the weak ones will have regenerative abilities, so as long as the Luggage doesn't straight up decide to eat them, chances are they'll live but not be very happy they did.

Luggage yukkuri.

>>8663020

I meant the named cast. The basic shitty youkais and fairies, yeah, it'll eat a few. It may even get Rumia, if she meets Rincewind and finds him to look edible - she's not the sharpest tool in the shed. But most Touhous are a bit beyond the Luggage's capability, mostly because of flight - a jump up, and Luggage is left on the ground cursing in whatever language living pieces of furniture have. Not to mention Luggage has a certain Narrative-Causality-based tendency to almost never eat named characters - and when it does, it's always the villains. That's mostly what I meant - it's not that he couldn't by logic. It's that by how Discworld does, he, for some reason or another, won't, or they'll emerge alright but smelling of lavender and freshly ironed, and with some messed up memories.

>>8663095

>Rumia

Oh, ok, perhaps. But she's no real danger, just a bit annoying.

>>8663140

Well, to Rincewind, she might - things that want to eat you are always bad news, even if they're stupid. Unless he has a half-brick in a sock. For some reason, Rumia doesn't strike me as terribly competent in melee. Or anywhere else, really.

>>8663156

No..she's..not. At all. Just push her, a bit, and don't go to sleep with her around, and you'll be fine.

>>8662324
Nice boat.

>>8663156

youkai are supposed to be physically superior to humans, though Rumia is a bit short and probably young so who knows how that evens out, personally I imagine if she gets hold of a guy she can keep hold of him. The problem would be that Rumia isn't very bright and probably isn't actually very good at hitting people in the first place so staying out of her grasp probably isn't a issue.

This doesn't matter though because if she's close enough to be grabbing at you it'll be dark as all hell something she herself isn't immune to as she keeps flying into trees.

Isn't it sad Rumia? ;_;

>>8663214

That was my point. Rumia is strong, but she really strikes me as too clumsy to be effective as a melee fighter - much less against someone with the kind of absolute survival instincts Rincewind has.

>>8662516
>Need to add in more spelling errors though.

Out-of-character-ness is what bad fanfiction thrives on.

>>8663880

Then this is failing quite badly at being bad. Almost everyone is pretty well in-character.