>Whelp
What you did there, I SEE IT

>>9221844
I thought it would fly over your head and you wouldn't make head or tails of it.

>>9221954
I think we should carefully consider our fight-or-flight response.

There is no CSA in medieval fantasy

I resume my drinking and fucking of cheap barmaids and ignore her pleas

>>9221974
I vote for "Flee like a French peasant."

>>9221999
>I vote for "Flea like a French pheasant."

FTFY.

Tell the dragon thing that you were going to propose but you had to move to escape the gnoll mafia, and that you'd be happy to marry her if she could ever forgive you.

... I wouldn't have left her to begin with if that is who I was doin'.

I wonder though, is this gonna be a hairy situation, or can we wing it?

>>9221814
The puns do to tend to drag on.

>>9222040

...Stop that.

>>9222040
Very subtle.

>implying I would have left a broad that hot

>>9222060
Tell her we're a Drag Queen, and thus can't breed with a Dragon. Different specisis, you know?

Well, I gotta run, otherwise coming late might tip the scales on my exam, resulting in punishment I wouldn't want to face.

Slay her for the XP and loot.

Possibly the child....

How much XP would a dragon/human baby be worth?

The racial barriers are a boundary we just can't scale.

>>9222097
Babbies have no XP points.

>>9222132
oh we'll see about that

She shouldn't have hoard around while in heat.

>>9222192
You'd raise it as your own, telling him constantly that an Adventurer killed his mother. You'd train him in the arts of battle, of killing, of dungeoneering.

Eventually, when he's at his peak power, you'd reveal to him that you're the Adventurer who killed his mother.

You'd slaughter him without remorse, having trained him wrong on purpose.

As he lies broken on the ground, and just before you plunge your sword into his still beating heart, he'd let out a remorseful cry. "I'M SAD."

>>9222263
You.leave.now

Can you imagine the lawyer she could afford?

>>9222299
Sorry I don't have a talon for puns...

I think this may be the tail end of this thread.

SHE'S PREGNANT!?!

>>9221814
Oh my fucking god, I have a half-dragon kid!
Time to brag.

this thread is a a cloaca of bad jokes.

>>9222409
You try that on a dragon.

>>9222316
the scales of justice will find you guilty for these crimes!

>>9222439
Worth a shot.

>>9222415

Gotta love having a kid with a +3 level adjustment, eh?

>>9222445
not if I SCUTE away.

No amount of liquor could make me like vaginas, and if I accidentally slept with a male dragon I'm certain the consequences would be more immediate (and painful).

>>9222508
well..the egg will stay be on your face

Well, we probably get into a heated argument until I tell her she's wasting her breath, and she tears into me then flies off.

>>9222415
It does tend to put everything else to scale, doesn't it?

GIIIIIIIIIIIIHIHIHIHIHIHI!

I kill the mother, and wear its skin. I raise the baby dragon whilst pretending to be its mother, and integrate myself into dragon society.

>>9222543

>>9222487
It leads to extra gloating power to the non-dragon parent.
God damn, I'm so proud of my naturally-better child whippin the shit out of everybody else's kid's shit less it be magic or fighting.

>>9222531
Yeah, the thing about female dragons is...

You should all be punished.

>>9222556
I'm sorry that I'm not going to take the child under my wing. I guess I'm just sort of cold-blooded.

>>9222585
punny

>This Thread

I hope she is handling it okay, she looks blue.

Wouldn't the kid technically be like a quarter dragon or something? Op pic looks more like a half to me.

>>9222626
It looks more like a furry to me. OP is a sick fuck then.

/tg/ is nothing but puns today.

>This thread
Oh, /tg/
Never change

I stick with her I hear pregnancy makes a girl horny.

I don't remember fucking a dragon, she's just spewing hot air.

Batter look for a cave to hide it, she'll probably be clawing after child support.

Well, what do you expect? I am a dragonslayer.

As a Paladin who couldn't hold his liquor, I'd take resposnibility, and do my best to educate them both on how to be Lawful Good, or failing that just plain Good, I can live without the Lawful.

I'm sorry this thread just leaves my blood cold.

By Pelor, I never meant that to be anything serious. Hell, the last thing we said to each other was that we were fine with winging it.

>>9222745
Your position strikes me as not only a little flighty, but positively draconian.

>>9222748
dragons are warm-blooded, I hereby revoke your pun license

so if you make an omelet from a half-dragon egg, does that count as like half-cannibalism or what

>>9222761

Being that they have scales and are generally reptilian, I disregard your faggotry. They are in fact cold blooded, 'lest you provide ample proof otherwise.

Oh god furries have reached /tg/ now.

>>9222770
I wouldn't brood over the little details like that. It's all a matter of scale.

>>9222761
Sometimes, you have to mess with the pundamentals a little to get a good one.

GIIIIIIIIIIIHIHIHIHIHIHI!

>This thread.
I love you, /tg/.

Well, it looks like I got egg on my face.

>>this thread

I ask my mother for advice.

I hope we can rekindle the fiery passion, I don't want her to feel burned and leave the kid charred for life.

>>9222778
they breathe fire

Thanks for making my morning, /tg/, sadly I have no puns to offer.

Picture related due to puns.

>>9222812
DMILF DMILF DMILF DMILF

>>9222841
So that is to say, you can pun-e-quipped for this sort of thing?

GIIIIIIIIIIIIHIHIHIHIHIHI!

I sure wish I'd hoard about this when she did. I'm feeling like a bit of a monster right now and I'm not sure if I can swallow the news.

I will be walking on egg shells round her, I am sure she is extremely stressed and I don't want to her to crack.

>>9223348
well she is egg-specting.

Are we snout of puns yet?

Anyway I'd marry her. Only honorable thing to do.

>>9223417
Why wouldn't you she has big tits and handle bars for easy riding.

Scales don't get stretchmarks.

>>9223519
Just gaps?

>>9223417
Then we shall duel for her hand.

Draw your sword!

>>9223547
Oh, no! That's what got me into this in the first place.

>>9223570
Did you show her your honour?

So what're you gonna name him, /tg/?

Drake?

>>9223570
DRAW. YOUR. SWORD!

>>9223594
Who said anything about a 'him'?

>>9223632
You could name a daughter Kite, I guess.

>>9222778
does the Dragonomicon says they are warm blooded for 3.5, i am not sure about 4e though

>>9223703
god i hate my keyboard

>>9223642
Or Ness.

>>9223703

In 4e, they are at least in part powered by the elements so that they can run all the time.

A fire breath dragon would be warm, a cold breath dragon would run cold.

And thus Mink was born...

>>9223776
Woah, now there's an obscure reference.

>>9223802

Manga/Anime references on 4chan aren't exactly obscure.
It's a relatively old (for youngfags) Manga/Anime though.

>reads thread

...Okay, so we have a collective half-dragon daughter called Kite.

>>9223831
Oh, we were thinking of different things.

>>9223836
I vote Ness. Half-dragon Ness. Short for Nessie.

>>9223831
TAMAGO WA DAME
WATASHI NO MONO

>>9223855

Allrighty-then. What kind of dragon is she?

>>9223884
Blue dragon, duh.

First I ask why she has a preggo belly if she lays eggs.

>>9224138
If she's chromatic, that means that she's fair game for slaughter. If she really did manage to capture my seed, it was likely through an bad manner. Because of the evil of the mother and the definite potential evil of the child, I smite them both.

>>9224354
maybe half-dragons are live births instead of being hatched from eggs

>This thread
I-
erm-
But there-
what must have-
when was-
how did-

What?

Eight months ago I was level 5. I'm level 20 now. I CAN SOLVE THIS PROBLEM.

yessssssssssssssssss

So are we gonna get some dragon porn or what?

>>9228706
You go do the deed.

>>9228648

What are you? A demigod or a Neverwinter Nights character?

>>9230096
Hell, it's supposed to be faster: 4 encounters a day, 12-13 encounters to a level gives you 10 levels a month.

I would not be a good parent, however, having a soft spot for the dragons I would try to have a family with her.

If she likes being abused and fucked real hard regularly and maybe even cut a little. I'd hope it's a girl, then play very little part in raising her and probably fuck her eventually too.

Shit, I am a terrible person.

I man the fuck up and take responsibility for my kid and his/her mother (though what she wants or needs me to do I have no idea). I also hope that my girlfriend of five months doesn't leave me, though I am understanding if she chooses to do so.

>>9230156

It is good to know yourself.

>>9230156
>I'd hope it's a girl, then play very little part in raising her and probably fuck her eventually too.

Oh goddammit. I got the fertility spell mixed up with the shooting blanks one.

Ah well. Is it a boy or a girl?

>>9230210

You, sir, are a gentleman. Well done!

>>9230285
Don't look at me that way, I'll rape you too.

Ah, it seems that this thread has quite a long life-span.
Anyway, I'd take the little whelp under my wing.
I raise him to be a great leather. To face great hoards without fear!
I'd let him tail along with me on my travels. Of course, he'd fly at first, but he'd learn as things drag on.

THIS CHILD SHALL NOT YIELD TO ONE OF DRAGON BORN!

>>9230470
>I raise him to be a great leather.

Dragonhide IS some of the finest leather out there.

>>9230470
>leather

Freudian slip?

>>9221814


You were level 2 when you came to my cave, little to no experience and very poorly armed.


you raised your pitiful weapon and demanded I surrender my treasure to you or have it taken by force. I refused and before I had a chance to react you had thrown your weapon and backhanded me.


It was so quick and so fast, I hesitated, but I soon regained my composure struck back. You hobbled out of the way in almost a stooper, it was if unintentional, but every strike I made you countered.

You made insults and jokes as I even threw my breath at you. And then you changed, you stroked my skin as you shambled around, and the things you said....

I tried to hide my embarresment, but there was no fooling you.

>>9230494
They'll send me to punitence camp for that.

>>9230512
>scared orange on a fork.jpg
Can't unsee

YESSSSS, i won't die alone!

But I'm a smokin' hot alien girl with a delicious chitinous ass. This is not possible unless she was cheating on me.

With that fucking loser facehugger ex-boyfriend of hers.

>>9230502

My swipes became weak and I couldn't concentrate on my actions, only my instincts. You began stripping your clothes and items until you were only partially covered.

I you brought my attention to your body jokingly and I felt heavy. A moment later you had tripped me onto my back and climbed up.

I thought this was the end and never had I encountered someone with such reckless abandon in combat. You were truely a god among men and I wanted you to call my own.


As you climbed over me I expected to be stabbed and I was, but not with a mere weapon.

>>9230440

>>9230403

You best believe it my friend. A true gentleman always accounts for his actions and accepts and embraces his responsibilities (and would never stoop to calling his child a "mistake.")

Always good to meet a fellow gentleman who understands these things.

>>9230612
I'll even rape Putin. I don't discriminate.

>>9230660

>>9230646
>portraitofagentleman.jpg
Keanu Reeves is immortal:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nEubt6HpGhs

Take care of child and mother, likely get into a relationship with her given my laid back personality, who knows.

But wait, I'm a warforged...

I think I'd remember having sex with a dragon.
Even if I was drunk as hell.
Does this mean I have to stop adventuring to raise the kid?

First think to myself WHAT THE HELL MADE ME LEAVE HER IN THE FIRST PLACE then take responsibility for my child and his/her mother.

>>9230470

I lock her in my basement, wait till she gives me worthy descendant, kill her. And then, RULE THE GALAXY AS FATHER AND SON.

falcon punch

I'm torn between approving of this thread, and wishing it didn't exist.

A daughter, (or even possibly a son) must be named something fire-related. (presuming their breathe weapon is fire)

Do her again now that she's pregnant. Best sex ever.

>>9231055

"Oh look darling, it's biting!"

"FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU-"

>>9230964
Charlie.

Not sure why I didn't stick around. In any case, I take responsibility because it is the right thing to do.

Also, pray to my various Gods that my new dragon wife is already at full size, and isn't going to keep growing... Or would that just be hot?

I would take responsibility for the kid but I wouldn't try to jump into a relationship with the dragon lady. If something naturally develops between us I would actively embrace it but I am not going to jump into a relationship that could potentially be harmful because we are having a kid, in fact having her (or his) parents involved in a unloving interspieces relationship could cause all types of problems for her later on.

>>9230791
OI DOEZ DAT MEAN YOUZ MUKKIN ABOUT?

JESUS CHRIST, IT'S A DRAGON, GET IN A CHARIOT

>>9231446
Wotz it ta you, ya grot-kissa?
Maybe I is, you ain't me Warboss so wotzit matta?

Stay in touch, send money on occasion.
Last thing I want is an attention-starved dragon whelp coming around to take revenge on me.

>>9231620
Da boss'd get real angry at ya. He'd krump ya real good!

>>9231675
Datz too damn bad den.
Cuz I'z a freeboota and can do what I like.
Tell yur boss te shove a live squig up his arse.

>>9231758
FREEBOOTA?! DATZ JUST ANUTHA WORD FOR MUKKIN ABOUT! YOUZ A LAZY PIMPLY GROT! I OUGHT 'TA THUMP YA ON YER NOGGIN!

>>9231786
Wot'z dat? I couldn't 'ear ya's cuz of all da trophies and dakka I haz. And yous so small. Lemme ask a gretchin to tell me wotz yous sayin.

>>9231846
BUT YA AIN'T GOT NO WAAAAAAGH! YA GOT NO BOYZ!

YOU'D GIT KRUMPED DEAD 'ARD BY 'UMIEZ!

>>9231446
>>9231620
>>9231675
>>9231758
>>9231786
>>9231846

Don't you gents have a WAAAGGHH to participate in? I dare say you are, how do you say? Mucking about in here.

>>9231911
AINT NO 'UMIEZ GONNA TELL ME HOW TA FIGHT! GIT OUTTA 'ERE OR I'Z CRUSH YA UNDA ME BOOTZ.

Mortals, what is going on in here?
We were trying to sleep, but you woke us up. You better have a good explanation for this disturbance!

>>9231883
Now 'oo sed I ain't gotz no boyz? Demz filfy liarz!
I oughta give 'em a good thwack!

>>9231997
He did it!
>>9231446

rolled 69 = 69

>>9231997
GO BAK TA BED YA GITZ! WE AINT CALL YA!

>>9232031
So you'z a warboss den?

take the dragon and the kid, become one of those fucked up adventure families where the kid ends up in double digit levels before the same age, make the local towns live in fear of their teenage years, and have the best milf on the block.

>>9232062
Ya kud say dat.

>>9232100

Good end. Until a lich kills you and your half-dragon kid has to fight your cursed ass.

>>9232133
Watcha call ya boyz den?

>>9232140
Meh, could have happened anyway. Adventurer's lifestyle isn't all perks.

>>9232152
I kallz dem dunder 'eads, squig lickas, zog fer brainz, and sonz of grotz. Like all good bossez shud.
Me crew'z call'd Squigzog'z choppaz.

Dragons and orks?

>>9232226
So'z why ya ain't fightin?

>>9232262
Cuz I'z trying ta figure out somfingk.
Dis may be too much fer yer brain ta handle but not everyfingk is solved by smashing.
No datz a lie. Everyfingk is solved by smashing. But some stuff ya needz to fingk out. Like ya tellz 'umies ta mak yuz some nice gunz and say ya won't smash em if ya do. Den when ya gets da Dakka dakka. ya shoot em all.

>>9232256
Bitches and whores.

>>9232198

Watch though, you fight your half dragon daughter and win. A few hundred years later adventurers defeat you and resurrect you in order to get information. You wake up back on the prime material plane with your mind a bit scrambled, but you remember everything about your undead master and you look around the chamber you have guarded for all these centuries and see your daughters dusty and cracking bones in the corner. You know, you know whose bones those are, and you know who killed her.....

I guess this is proof that orks can loot anything.

>>9232262
>>9232226
>>9232152
>>9232133
>>9232062
>>9232031
>>9231942
>>9231883
>>9231846
>>9231786
>>9231758
>>9231675
>>9231620
>>9231446
>>9230791
To be honest I can't tell if they're on topic or if they've derailed the thread spectacularly.

>>9232383
USIN' 'UMIE GUNZ? DATZ UN ORKY!

Pregnant female anthropomorphic dragon porn.

Fuck this, I'm going back to /d/, at least they don't have scalies/furrys.

I'm black.

I use my +30 Mother Evasion.

>>9232442
I was aiming for "derail spectacularly"

But of course orks have lousy aim...

>>9232476
Don't get yer pantz in a bunch.We tellz dem 'umies how's we wantz em made. Den we orky dem gunz up more.
And don't tell me yuz never took'd a 'umie gun in a fight.

>>9232540
DATZ IN A FIGHT!

YOUZ AINT FIGHT! YOUZ TALKIN' WIT EM LIKE A SCARED LITTLE GROT!

REAL ORKZ KILLZ DA 'UMIEZ AND DEN LOOTZ DA GUNZ!

>>9232508
Why did I laugh as hard as I did at this?

>>9232587
You meanz ta tell me you ain't Subjoogated a forjwurld?
yuz ain't worf me time.

>>9232619
IN ME CREW, WE'Z FIGHT! DEN WHEN WE'Z DONE WE'Z LOOT IT AND DEN WE'Z FIGHT SUM MOAR!

YOU'Z JUST BEIN' A SCAREDY!

>>9232652
Yuz ain' nefer even seen a fight yet 'as ya? I don' no any boss worf his trophies who 'asn't subjoogated a forjwurld.

>>9232487
They also don't have anything but dickgirls.

>>9232704
YOU'Z JUST A 'UMIE LOVVA YOU'Z IZ!

I OUGHT TA FILL YA FULL'A 'OLEZ!

>>9232735
Youz ain't even da boss iz ya? Youz jus da dok!

>>9232766
I'Z STILL IMPORTANT!

WIFFOUT ME, DEY'Z AINT GOT NO METAL BITZ!

DEY AINT GOT NO POWA KLAWZ! NO CYBORG EYEZ! I'Z TURN YA ARM INTO A ROKKIT LAUNCHA!

Orks...

>>9232853
Git out ya crazy. We'z aint talkin' ta ya!

>>9232853
Shut it git face. Da boss and da dok iz tryin ta talk.
>>9232818
And ta fingk yuz callin me a koward. You 'ave no idea wot tryin ta keep all da grotz in line is like. It'z a lot of fun. kick yer bossez ass and talk ter me again.

>>9232915
Oi! Wiffout me da boss would be nuffin but a bigga ork! I'z give 'im a bigga arm and a new eye! He'z a lot stronga now! I'z seen him crush a big 'ol 'umie walka 'ting wit just 'iz klaw!

'an I aint no koward! I'z fight! I'z chop up some 'umiez wit me choppa! I'z even pick up da boyz in da middle of a fight! Git em back ta fightin! WAAAGH!

How did this tread go from pregnant dragon to orks?

>>9233009

Its stated here
>>9230791

>>9233009
Orks is masta lootas
>>9232996
You still 'aven't tried keepin da boyz in line tho. Ya should try it sometime.
And don't get me started on what I've crumped. Walkas ain't noffingk. Try dem 'uge chaos gitz. Or dem Karnyfexez and 'ive tyrantz.

>>9233114
You'z krumped a karnafex? By yaself?

>>9233151
Yez I did. It wuz a damn good fight too! Left me purdy mezed up tho...

>>9233227
And you'z aint got no klaw? How'z ya kill it?

First this thread got off to a bad start. Then the puns showed up and improved the quality considerably. Then it got serious again and the thread started sucking again. Now the Orks are here and once again this is a good thread.

I love you /tg/, you bipolar lunatic.

>>9233271
I do too. It's right here! wot iz you? Stoopid?

>>9233335
Oi, yor klaw is right weak lookin! YOUZ NEED A PAINBOSS TA MAKES IT BETTA!

You'z got a painboss ova dere in ya crew?

>>9233335
Too bad you don't have an invulnerable save without having to take Grotsnik, or a decent Ld for Morale checks unless you've got a baby-sitter.

>>9233406
Ol' meet'ead iz da best Painboy I 'as.
But it ain't da painboy wot made da klaw. It's da mekboy.
An' Gortswich is feelin a little unda da weva. By dat I mean 'es ded.
b'sidez, it ain't all dat weak if I KILLT A KARNYFEKS WIF IT.

>>9233462
No man I was fucking lucky as hell.

>>9233321
it started with a pun.

>>9221814
>funny thread on /v/
>suddenly faggot 40k rpers, the neckbeardiest neckbeards of them all
>fuck you no dragonbornporn

>>9233534
Was fun derailin' this thread with ya, but I'm being nagged at to play vidya games. Keep it orky broseph.

>>9233762
Keep yur klaw sharp.

You all keep dragon this out until it's not funny anymore and I have to egg-splain to you why. Just cut it out

>>9233880
Yur 'ead wud luk mighty fine on me bosspole.

Thank you /tg/ for this wonderful thread and goodnight.

Also....
Why did we get drunk with such a horny dragon laying around?

I can't believe this didn't end up going completely scaly by the end.

>>9234314
Dude. We're /tg/. We loves the Xenos.

For one, it was a mixer! A MIXER! We got invited to the Young Adventurer's Social Club mixer fresh off of our first adventure. Of course they were willing to take some of our treasure off our hands as organization dues: they made us a member for life! Then they threw the greatest party you've ever seen; enchanted liquor, exotic foods--you name it, they had it. We were in our tenth cup of wine and telling a particularly dirty joke about what one could find in the cellar of the king's castle when someone laughed a little too hard at the punchline. She was beautiful, and her smile lit up the room! So what if the more sober members of the club gave us funny looks when we let her lead us away? Adventure! So what if we accidentally injured our tongue while making out with her in the alley? Adventure! It's too bad we can't remember what happened after that, but our woke up at the inn with the worst hangover of our young adventurer lives (yes, even worse than the time we challenged an orc to a drinking contest or volunteered to test the archmage's waterbreathing potions). The bill at the apothecary was worth it for the scars all over our back, ass and legs. And sure we had to wear a bandage around our neck for a week or two. We were officially adventurers!

You sir are awesome and should feel awesome.

>>9234661
So what you gonna name the little whoreson?

While a punny thread, still needs more porn.

Obviously