i called a gun a dakka a few times in my history class

Was at work when my boss asked me what I was thinking about, as I seemed kind of spaced-out.
>Huh? Oh, I was doing calculations on creeping artillery barrages and its effects on units in cover.
I work in a VA hospital.

>hfw

>>13393544
Well,

If you must now Dakkadak is rhodesian slang for heavy ordnance

>say "that's heresy" when someone voices an opinion I don't like
>my father says that some food my mom made is bad
>mom says "that's heresy!"
>mfw I've converted my mother to the Imperial Cult

>History of Europe class
>Assigned a paper on the role of the church and heresy in the late Roman Empire
>Basically write 40k: The Essay, with a few place-name changes
>Still get an A
Pic related

>Brain is blank
>History class
>Prof ask "Now anyone know the name of the Egytian sun god"
>He picked me
>Answer "Pelor"
>mfw

>that same class
>brain is still dead
>"Now Horus fight with another god anyone know his name"
>Prof pick me again since I'm usually the one answering the question
>Answer "huh? oh the Emper- I I mean Seth"
NEVER AGAIN SHALL I SLEEP ON MIDNIGHT BEFORE CLASS.

>I'm in charge of the entire engineering department.
>Call a meeting
>Talking about our new product
>It's mounted on a gun
>Ask if it works on bolters
>Other guys like what
>Whatever

>Later
>Drawing up blueprints
>Have to send blueprints for gun-mounted thing to boss
>Send stats for my DnD character instead
>MFW

>heavy box lands on foot at work
"It's all right, it didn't do any dawizard"
>everyone derps
I have to explain where "dawizard" came from.
Back in the '90s, a D&D book was put out. I believe an early 3rd edition one, but don't quote me. The designers read over the pre-print release and found they were calling Wizards "Magess" instead, so they told them to change that.

So someone went into spell-check and replaced all instances of "Mage" with "Wizard", and thus, the book went to print with spells dealing 1d6 Dawizard per caster level.
And I had to explain that shit to about 6 co-workers, none of which know anything about D&D beyond "that game that really nerdy people play".
Yeah.

4 years ago, I was a history major and weaboo. Blah blah blah. I was in this seminar class that was like something out of a movie. We also got dressed up for class and showed up early(to kiss up) and the prof insisted everyone call each other by their last name.

One of my classmates was this crazy asian guy who was in the anime club with me. I was talking to him before class about anime club and told him I didn't like the current lineup, especially Grenadier. He replied loudly "OH, THAT'S THE SHOW ABOUT THE COWBOY WITH BIG BOOBS WHO RELOADS HERE GUN WITH HER BOOBS, RIGHT?". Everyone stared. I wanted to die.

Pic related.

>>13393631
Oh god, I did that, too. My character sheet folder and work folder are right next to each other and I accidentally ended up sending my boss a rar of all of my characters. He showed it to everyone else, but the joke was on him, because one of my coworkers approached me the next day and I got a new gamingbro out of it!

>>13393557
My laughter was loud & inappropriate.

One of my friends who I sat with at lunch started talking about some emperor or another and and started saying he was stupid, and I just turned and yelled "HERESY"
Highly embarassing, crowded lunchroom

>>13393631
>Send stats for my DnD character instead
You still got a job, bro?

>>13393570

Note to self: Rhodesians are Orks.

>Go to Wikipedia.org
>Type in "Rhodesia"
>Discover vast majority of population is black
>If Rhodesia = black and Rhodesians = Orks, then.....

>>13393662
Thank you. Your laughter at my idiocy eases my ... idiocy.
I can expound further my derp factor, as well.
>patient is several IV feeds during change-over of treatment plans
>nearly drop IV bag while juggling ten thousand small objects and trying not to stare at Cute Nurse Who Works Burn Unit's ass
>safely finish task, sigh contentedly and say, "Made my saving throw versus DAT ASS".
....aaaaaaand fail to notice that she's right behind me.
>What?
mfw

I didn't know /tg/ was actually this socially awkward so frequently.

I can control what I talk about, it's never been a problem.

>>13393721
>I'm in deep denial, do not trouble me.

>Walking to class
>Ice storm the previous night, sidewalks solid with the stuff
>Walking slightly downhill
>Slip, slide at least 8 feet
>Heading towards bend in sidewalk, small dropoff at bend.
>Go over edge.
>Stick the landing.
>Scream "NAT TWENTY!!!" and put hands into air.

>>13393721
This.
>>13393720
Did you tap that or get reported for sexual harASSment?

>>13393706

>>13393677
Yeah. The DERPartment can't function without me. Every time I go on vacation somebody fucks up and I have to go back early and fix it. It's really annoying.

Anyways.
>Another time
>Girl from IT department is trying to fix other guy's computer
>Having trouble
>I tell her to move and I fix it myself
>She leaves
>Get email asking why I was rude to the IT girl from boss, says she filed a complaint
>Say she should have taken more ranks in use computer
>Boss says what
>I say she wasn't doing a very good job and we're on a schedule so I had to step in
>Later, she comes and tries to fix something else
>Does it right
>Ask if she leveled up
>Nobody gets my joke
>Dammit

>>13393730

You saw right through me!

>>13393735
Uh.. no. To both. Nurses get all kinds of maltreated at VAs, amongst other unsavory outfits. One nurse filed a complaint against a doctor, who she was engaged to at the time. I have no idea about what caused that, but its the only incident I've heard of going to the Admin over harassment in the three years I worked there.

>>13393739

YAY! Stalker gets me, at least...

Not quite the same, but I had bio followed by shop in grade 11. In bio we dissected a rat, in shop we were learning how the brake lathe worked.
The instructions were given to the class, then we each took turns working on the thing unsupervised, save for the following extra instructions;

"I want you to take apart the machine."

You're probably already ahead of me on this one, and your assumptions are correct, so there's no need for me to continue beyond saying that when I eventually got the lathe assembly put back together after the shouting there was a couple of steel dowels left over, like the fucking thing came from IKEA.
Still worked though!

>>13393744
Christ, man. You must be your workplace's That Guy.

>>13393744
I'm imagining this guy as some impossible nerd making level and skill jokes that no one gets and accidentally sending out char sheets instead of work docs.
Like a character from a bad comedy movie or something.
No offense man, but this shit is comedy gold.

>>13393766
"Jenkins, I have two questions.. one, where is our quarterly report? And two: what kind of dumbfuck are you to take the Leadership feat when your Charisma is below fifteen?"

ITT: /tg - Comedy.

>>13393766
>>13393765
But I work with engineers! Why don't they get it?

Seriously. What the fuck.

At least I have a nice office. And I can do whatever the hell I what with whatever we have left over after the prototype.

I have more stories of my failures at my job, if you want.

>>13393780
hell, that would be the most fun boss ever.

>>13393790
we want all of them.

>>13393790
Yes, please do.
I seem to get the impression that engineers are generally kinda 'no fun allowed'. But then, I know one that's in direct contradiction to this, so...

VA anon again.
This is a personal-life derp, not a work derp.
>out drinking with friends
>find myself lost in gigantic bar
>wander into nearby door, wind up in alleyway
>see derelict taking a whiz on a dumpster
"GOT ANY SPARE CHANGE?"
>my reply
"Out of my way, random encounter. I have carousing checks to make."
>back into bar
>five second pause for reflection in recent actions
"What the fuck did I just say to that hobo?"

>>13393706
>If Rhodesia = black and Rhodesians = Orks, then.....
Then some Orks are black.
Get your logic right.

lol retard

>>13393829
No, because the logic is invalidated by the fact that Rhodesia is a dead country.

>>13393790

>>13393814
Alright then.
>Watching Star Trek in my office while fiddling around with a camera
>Decide to take pictures of my workplace for no reason
>Leave office, run into glass door that's mounted to the floor for some reason
>Ask guy what the fuck, seriously
>He says he doesn't know
>"Right, you must have red clearance"
>Leave
>Ask people in cubicles who has ultraviolet clearance and can tell me why there's a glass door mounted to the floor outside my office
>One guy asks if I'm asking about our laser thing that won't be done for like, a year
>I say what
>He asks what I mean by ultraviolet clearance
>Nevermind
>Use power drill to remove the door
>Go back to watching Star Trek
>Get and email later from that same guy, explaining how to make the laser ultraviolet and able to change spectrum easier
>We're actually using it now

>>13393824
"Out of my way, random encounter."

lol'ed. sounds almost badass

>>13393861
I like how, in the future, all shirts have mini-pauldrons near the collar.

>>13393881
Considering how hammered I was, I'm not a 100% I was speaking Common.

>>13393893
Well, since you were drunk, you were probably speaking a Dwarven dialect of Common

>>13393890
Pauldrons are indicative of a society's technology level.

>>13393904
I did have the majestic beard for it, as I wasn't working for the hospital any more and could grow my facial hair out to magnificent lengths again.
Sounds reasonable to me.

>>13393905
Did that guy just say rings are cool?

>>13393570

"Dakka-dakka-dakka" is british onomatopoeia for heavy machine guns.

>>13393877
Hope that guy got a raise or something.

rolled 25 = 25

>>13393919
No, they're totally retro and un-hip.

>>13393514
This was my exact reaction to this, OP.

>>13393824
This was awesome and you should feel awesome.

>>13393780

>>13393824
That's a motivational poster, right there, dude.

>>13393943
I have that exact shirt.

But also a beard.

>TEN new interns
>Office people taking advantage of them, making them get lunch and coffee and clean things
>Call them all to my office
>Give them Nerf guns
>Tell them to go raid the cafeteria and bring me a pizza
>Call group of IT guys who play nerf in the office
>Tell them it's on, meet us in cafeteria
>Log in to buildings cameras with stole admin password
>Play the result on the screens in the engineer lounge
>The interns blame it on the three employees who were asses to them
>Make comments to the interns on their amazing bluff skill, ask if they cast glibness
>One of them gets it
>He laughs
>Interns leave
That was a good day.

>>13393978
:<

I could have been one of those interns, you know, when I graduate.

... Fuck, I sure hope I get a job.

>>13393514
Dear God, I laughed for a minute straight.

>>13393978
Good god man! That's just....fuck. I wish i could have that much fun at my job...

>>13393978

I want you to be my boss.

Wouldn't happen to be anywhere around Indiana and looking for someone with a BS in Networking and a minor is Information Security, would you?

>Halloween in the office
>everyone dresses up
>Girls are slutty this and that, guys are axe murderers or something, one was abe lincoln and one was george washington
>I go as Enclave soldier, armor and all
>Carry around a gun all day, shoot people with green bean bags
>One guy falls down the stairs, lands on his feet on the ground and keeps walking
>"Fuck yea nat 20"
>Other people ask me what, say he could have gotten really hurt
>Tell them to shut you, you stupid mutant
>Say the enclave will soon cleanse the wasteland of all their filth
>They don't know it's me behind the helmet, call security
>Run upstairs, hide in my office
>Spam emails with hacked employee accounts, talking about how america has been corrupted by the brotherhood of steel and how the president has a plan to remake america as it was, as it was meant to be
>Sit in my office the rest of the day doing paperwork
>Hide my costume in a bag on the way out
>Nobody knows who the mystery man was
>I realize nobody gets any of my jokes ever
>Dammit

>ITT: /tg/ related failings that occur outside of games

Whenever anyone that clearly isn't a geek asks me what I do for fun.

That never goes well.

>Tell D&D story to coworker
>Have to explain why it's funny

>>13394046
Its even sadder when you have to do the same thing with your girlfriend...

>>13394033
Not really right now. Maybe in a few months once the company gets back on track. Shift in leadership and all that. Rumors going around that a bunch of people are going to get fired. I think I know who.

>12 Years Old, getting to hang out at my does never give a fuck dads place for a week.
>Spend 5 Days without sleep, living on sugar and hot chips.
>Spend time watching Star Trek and playing Metal Fatigue.
>must have watched 3-4 seasons of voyager, and other micellaneous crap.
>Fall sick on the 6th day, fall asleep wake up on the seventh day hallucinating with a massive headache.
Dad came to check on me, told me i was sick and that i had been asleep for more than 24hours. I asked him to ask the captain if she could slow the ship down, and then get me to the Emergency Medical Hologram.

He found it funny atleast.

>a couple of friends talking, one says his brother is in the marines
>I mishear it as "my brother is into the marines"
>I ask "Oh yeah? Which chapter?"

>>13394046
>>13394045

Argh, don't remind me :|

>>13394056
>wife, who is a gaiatard and occasionally games.

>feels bad man.

>>13394083
If you had have asked about legion instead...

>>13394045
I don't know what anime that is, but I'm guessing from his reaction that that woman has a penis.

>>13394045
What is that gif from?
I'm actually laughing out loud. Just the look on that guy's face as he jogs off.

Make myself out to be badass bachelor, take a girl home, she stays the night.
She explores my house in the morning, finds my game room with painted minis lining the shelves and plaster everywhere with bookshelves filled with gaming books.
Comes in my room and asks if I have some nerdy room mate.
>Trollface.jpg

>Go with friends to see LoTR: Return of The King in theater.
>Last week movie is being shown, looks like we have the room to ourselves.
>Spend entire movie breaking everything down into D&D mechanics.

>Playing X-Com on my computer
>Leave to go get a drink
>Come back, computer is gone
>DAMMIT
>WHO TOOK MY COMPUTER
>Search the entire building
>Can't email anyone because no computer
>Can't call anyone because my phone needs a computer
>Use my cell phone to call IT, ask if they took my computer
>They're 'fixing' it.
>Go down there and take it back, tell them I'm going to ward my office with a magic circle against stupid.
>Nobody gets my joke
>People think I'm wiccan or something for like a month
>Go along with it, start leaving Blair Witch figures around the office
>People start freaking the fuck out
>Tell my boss that I'm not wiccan and I was joking when he comes and asks wtf I'm doing.
>Ok then, just don't do it again
>Put a sticky note with Chaos Undivided on my door
>Go to sleep in my office
>Boss comes back, sees the note
>Takes it down, asks me what the fuck
>Promise to stop

>>13394107
I can raise the Awkward Factor by over9000 on that one, anon.
>bring girl home after awesome movie date
>suggest we have adult fun, waggle eyebrows
"Okay, let me shower first."
>wait, wait, wait
"Your turn."
>shower super fast
>she's looking at my notebooks
"What are these?"
>oh shit, DnD dungeon notes
"Uhm.. trap designs."
>our movie date was for Saw II
And she's out the door.
Plus side: I have one of the more interesting pages on Dontdatehim.com.

>>13394056
talking to your hand is definitely very sad.

>>13394128
Sounds more like an awesome time than a failing. My bros and I do that sometimes.

>>13393514
I just want to say that is the best answer to give to a History question ever.

>>13394132
Link.

>>13394145
Zelda.

>>13394128
> and every other fantasy movie
> and every Star Wars movie in Starwars RPG
> and every spy movie in Spycraft
> and every anime in BESM
> and every Hong Kong action flick in Wuxia
> and so much more

I am such a nerd. ;_;

>>13394154
Ganon.

>>13394163
>>13394154
Herp derp. A link to the page would be funnier.

>>13394132
>Dontdatehim.com
It's a real site? I heard the girly girl group at my school talking about it but never thought it was real.

>>13394171
This post is hilarious

>Testing new product
>Guy says it's for the national guard
>Ask why they need this if they have lasguns
>Everyone is confused
>Suddenly it breaks
>We spend a day figuring out how it broke
>Finally figure out it was a software problem
>At least lasguns don't get software problems
>Glue flashing Batman symbol to it while nobody's looking
>Leave office to go to taco bell
>Come back, warehouse is shut down
>Apparently they thought it was a bomb
>GOD DAMMIT WHAT

>>13394131
How have you not been fired?
Props on the Chaos Undivided symbol though.

>>13394171
How about a Link to the past?

>>13394171
>>13394173
Yes, its real. And yes, I'm actually on there.
Given I'm two years into a solid relationship now, its a sad state of affairs from my history, and my fiancee thinks its hilarious. I'm of mixed opinions.

http://dontdatehimgirl.com/home/
If you want to find it, knock yourselves out.

>>13394163
Zelda!

>>13394179
You work for NAVAIR or NAVSEA? Or are you in a corporate job?

>>13394184
I'm the only one even remotely competent in my entire department.

Not really, but still.

>>13394179
I have the suspicion that your coworkers are complete lunatics.
On the other hand, from what I've heard from other engineers who've done work for da gubbamint, that and more are par for the course.

>>13394195
I would never worry about that site. The only women who would actually bother with that site out of vengence aren't the kind you would want to actually bother with. Not that anyone on /tg/ has to worry about that either way.

>>13394209

I believe it's Veridian Dynamics.

>>13394195
What should we search to find the story about you?

Cool made-up stories, bros.

>>13394209
Corporate job.

It's actually funny when we kidnap researchers in my gaming group's Shadowrun games. I always make jokes.

>>13394229
I lucked out, found a smart, funny and slightly-/tg/-related woman. She's around three steps further on the evolutionary ladder from me, so I'm amazed at my luck.

>>13394234
Doh ho ho.
Good luck, anon.

>>13394237
I'm not even embellishing them in the slightest.

I've had a long career to accumulate stories like these. I have dozens.

I have a bunch from my time as an intern as well.

Shit sucked back then.

>>13394253
I bet you're just a lying faggot then
I'm not doing a goose chase

>>13394237
>My denial runs so deep, we've struck the top layers of the Abyss.

>>13394104
>>13394102
The anime is Kuragehime

>>13394195
That's a strange site.

>>13394260
Someone on the internet thinks I'm a liar? Well, fuck. There goes my self-esteem. I'm sorry I can't help you re-wreck part of my life. No, really.

>>13394253
already searched relevant terms
"Saw 2" "traps" "design"
either their search function is broken or you need an account, and well fuck that.

>>13394277
Use all the sarcasm you want to troll me.
I'm not going on a goose chase.

>>13394279
>>13394253
Likewise. If you are unwilling to elaborate, I'm guessing that you were either lying about your mention or there is some legitimate criticism there that you are frightened of strangers on the internet seeing. Either way, fail.

>>13394279
Naw, the site is run by women. Of course it wouldn't work.

>>13394295
>Naw, the site is run by women. Of course it wouldn't work.
Suddenly, the fact you have a profile there isn't so surprising.

>>13394290
Don't recall asking you to. Said it was an option, just not one I was going to help you out on.

>>13394291
Grasp this: I'm anonymous. You're anonymous. That site would have my real name, which, if I wanted it known on 4chan, I'd use it. As for criticism: meh. You get a 3/10, would not be trolled by again.

>>13394295

I lul'd.

Also, good stuff, Engineer guy.

Any more stories?

>>13394314
Don't worry, Vin Diesel. Your secret identity is safe with me.

this is a short story of perception fail

>at a bar
>actually sorta getting somewhere with a girl i really wanted to be with at the time
>my friend is asking how i'm getting home
> (me) ..well i could jump in a taxi with you since we go the same way anyways
>"yeah aight" I down my drink and walk towards the door to leave
>she (the girl) see's me leaving and sorta sulks off looking horribly defeated as a woman with tears in her eyes watching me leave
>kinda drunk don't really think about it and leave
> as soon as i step outside, turn to my friend "i just fucking missed something there didnt i ?"

i still went home anyway couldn't man the fuck up to go back in there and 'see what the problem was'

feelsbadman.jpg

>>13394314
What? I found your original story funny, so I asked if I could have a link and you gave me one. I then couldn't find the story. I'm not trying to troll you.

>>13394279
No matter what I search, I'm getting no results from before October of 2010. Maybe if you register, you can see further back.

>>13394336
>I'm not trolling you! I'm not wearing my trolling hat or nothin'!
I kinda doubt the guy's gonna buy that.

Here's one from recently.
>Stay up for midnight showing of Tron: Legacy
>Make jokes about it when I go back to work
>Girl asks what Tron is
>I tell her
>"Oh, so it's like about some nerd or something? Sounds gay."
>FFFFFUUUUUU
>Watch Tron in office
>She email me her report on some stupid circuit design
>It's mediocre at best
>Send it back, say "Needs more Light Cycles"
>She emails me back, asks what those are
>"It needs more Light Cycles on the Grid"
>She takes all week to work on it
>Sends it back, it's actually decent now
>Give her a slight raise
>Send the conversation to my boss, who actually saw the original Tron and Tron: Legacy

>>13394104

Kuragehime

>>13394314
Point. This isn't /b/ though bro, I doubt many people would have even paid attention to that. Well, until you pointed it out anyways. Ah well. Does the site make it out like you were actually planning on locking her up in a dungeon and murdering her?

(ps: is your name josef fritzl?)

>>13394348

HAH!

>>13394344
Then he's a retard? Nothing I've posted has been trolling in any way, I just wanted to read the story because I found his original anecdote funny. Then suddenly he turned round and he's like, "Naw guys I ain't putting up with your trolling." It's just weird, why even link then?

A friend of mine was talking to me about the ROTC(Reserve Officers' Training Corps). I didn't know the acronym, and he explained to me. I very barely kept myself from saying "Oh, like the Schola Progenum?".

>>13394327
Not really nerd fail, tough.

>>13394371
Son
You're getting trolled by a bad troll. The story is probably made up.
Just ignore him, and it shall retreat back to its hole.

>>13394356
>Joseph Fritzl
Dat mustache.
No, its just her drunken ramblings about the cramped cab ride, the lousy movie seats, the concession prices and then how my bedroom had two chairs. There's a brief blurb about my notebooks having a bunch of "weird-ass drawings" (not the precise wording, general idea) from the peek she got my graph paper pad. It was after that that I moved my DnD stuff to a wooden chest I picked up at a garage sale, then covered it with a blanket during date nights.

She put up around .. I think it was .. 20? 25? different warnings about guys she'd been on dates with. I'm not sure if its a condemnation of my character or not, but I'm one of six who she didn't put out for on the first date. Either way, I am doing well enough, these days.

Not much, but something.

>>Play too much WC2 back in the day
>>One of my teachers tells us what "What ho" means
>>Greet people with "What ho" for years.
>>Never asked what it means.

Mfw.

>>13394132

I have one similar to that,

>Bring girl back to my place
>proceed with the 'adult fun'
>Oh wait, protection (The Emperor Demands it)
>Step on a d4 while getting a condom.
> Awkwardness Ensues

>I now have someone to play Noblis with

>>13394132
>>13394132
Could you repost a [REDACTED] version if you have the link? I'd like to read it and don't care who you are or if it's real as long the story amuses.

Oh god I can't stop laughing. Somebody archive this.

>>13393824
You defeated a level 1 encounter using intimidate.
You gain 300 xp.

You make anons laugh, gain 25 xp per anon.


Lets see if I have any stories...

Talking to a girl in another department on the phone, she's super helpful.
I say, "It was great talking to you; may 2/3 of the forces of evil get lost on the way to your house!"
Girl complains to her supervisor.
Her supervisor complains to her manager.
Her manager complains to my manager.
My manager complains to my supervisor.
My supervisor calls me into her office where she and my manager complain to me.
>mfw she felt threatened

I don't have anything to contribute.

>>13394489
it never pays to be clever around stupid people.

>>13394489
>yfw you had no face

>>13394445
That, I can do.
I kept some of the thematic spelling errors, just moved them around a bit.

>I met him through a friend at work and we both wanted to see a movie together because we clicked sort of. We got to the theater at different times becuz he said was going to meet me there. the popcorn was expensive andhe didnnt pay for it at all and my drink got spilled
We met via Facebook, she was friends with my ex-boss. If she considered him a friend, she apparently never heard his real opinions about women. It would make /new/ look downright upbeat.
>we went to his place after the movie and made out for a while and i wanted to shower up so i did and then he did and i saw a bunch of notebooks on his desk and they had fucked up designs for some kind of sick games
She already had taken her seat before I was finished buying my tickets. She was also halfway through a pint of brandy. I was a shot of Jaeger into my afternoon, so I can't poke this particular badger with a spoon. She went from the concession stand to the seats in record time. If I had the time to, I'd have bought the popcorn.
>dont date him girl because he was a lousee date and didnt by my popcorn or ticket and wanted to fuck on the first date
She wanted me to shower so my balls wouldn't taste like sweat. Her phrase, not mine.

>>13394489
>>"It was great talking to you; may 2/3 of the forces of evil get lost on the way to your house!"
My kung fu is weak, I don't get this one.

I praise the Omnissiah whenever my technology is on the fritz.

>>13394525
I think its a bastardization of a George Carlin quote.

>>13394489
Later at that job, I made myself a custom memo sheet with a picture of corporate zombies.
I send a memo to someone another department.
Recipient complains to supervisor....

>>13394508
That is the correct face when your boss tells you that your cheerful shows of appreciation are threatening.

At least you guys would be willing to take a woman into your house.
My apartment it populated by two twenty something guys, and it LOOKS it. From the two boxes of bear bottles near the door (My roommate brews his own beer and re-uses the bottles) to the all kinds of crap on the giant coffee table (We have no dining room) the piles of dishes in the kitchen... and lets just say that I should really stop putting git off and give the bathroom a once over.

This thread is unobtainiums.

>>13394541
>>13394525
I stole it from somewhere, but its not a reference to anything I know of.

Another story, not quite in theme:
Make some friends at Blizzcon.
Ask girl, "If I told you that I owned 2,500 dice, would that arouse you?"
She says yes.
>She turns out to be a bitch.
Pic related.

>>13394576
That's one movie my coworkers found HILARIOUS.

One made a five point plan for destroying the planet as a joke.

>>13394562
Fuck! Are you me?

>>13394562
>bear bottles

>>13394562
Man, fuck that.
Our apartment had footprints on the ceiling.

The wall was hand painted blood red:
THE CAKE IS A LIE
THE CAKE IS A LIE
THE CAKE IS A LIE

There was a desiccated hotdog under the stove we wouldn't let anyone throw out because it was our mascot, and the only time the place got cleaned was when girls came over and wouldn't use the bathroom without cleaning it first.

A place can be too dirty to get chicks, but it takes work.

>>13394562
>the two boxes of bear

YOU CRUEL MONSTER!

>>13394039
God, now I'm imagining a dude in this, sitting at a desk, typing out a spreadsheet.

Like Michael Scott, in power armor.

Please let there be a drawfag in this thread.

>>13394604
You work a shitty retail job?
>>13394616
The last time the dishes got done was when a drunk girl her wearing only her panties and an overshirt did them because she wouldn't be able to sleep in the guest bed if they were still dirty.
Man, if she wasn't there with my roommate/already in a relationship/drunk...

>>13394616
My own digs were similarly fucked, anon. We had a pyramid of beer cans in one corner of the dining room, a set of end tables holding up a surfboard being used as a knife throwing target and a wooden sarcophagus one of the roommates made in the backyard.

Between that and the two scarecrows on crucifixes flanking the doors, we didn't need to spring for Halloween decorations, but it was sure hard to explain shit to the cops when they'd show up.

>replacing NHS acronyms with Battletech acronyms in conversations with colleagues- e.g. "I've got the PPC forms sorted." or "How do I put through an LRM request again?"
>Referring to a colleague as Dr. Mkvenner instead of Dr. Mc[redacted]

>At work driving a forklift
>Fucking slippery because of Ice-Ice-Baby
>Skid around, however manage to get my pallet just right and put it in.
>Nobody around "Fuck yeah nat 20"
>My Supervisor: "Wut?"
>"Nothing"

Also at work reading a Horus Heresy book:

>Reading quietly
>Co-Worker comes in, "Watcha reading?"
>"A story about a group of assassin's trying to end a galactic power-struggle"
>"Cool, wanna read out loud?"
>"Sure" *begin reading, las-guns, bolters etc etc. all in the small part*
>"I didn't know you played 40k"
Mfw this guy is a 6'2 big ass tattooed biker guy.

>plays male and female characters at different times
>ex-girlfriend stumbles across drawings of characters
>finds the female characters
>Her: "Who are these?"
>Me: "Oh, they're nobody special. Just my DnD characters."
>Her: "DnD? That's that thing you play with your friends, right?"
>Me: "Yeah. It's a roleplaying game, those are a couple of characters I use."
>Her: "And you would rather do this than spend time with me?"
>Me: [has passed up only two dates to go DnD] "I...what?"
>Her: "Have fun pretending with your fantasy girls, then. You don't really need me for that, do you?"
>i try to explain
>breaks up with me over phone-text the very next day

>mfw

>>13394669
>>"A story about a group of assassin's trying to end a galactic power-struggle"

That was the recent James Swallow one, right? Is it good? I want to read the Horus Heresy series but I'm reading it out of order based on the ones most recommended so far.

On a whim, I printed up two sign-in sheets in an Enochian font with the top half of the front page being corporate-speak for "compliance is required" and left them on a clipboard by the front desk. It had forty signatures before someone figured out it was me. We have 47 employees.

>>13394670
Better off without her, bro. A girl who's jealous of drawings is all kinds of so not want batshit crazy.

>>13394655
My room isn't much better... I have stacks of books next to the DVD shelf, a crossbow and a few axes, my desk is covered in random papers, I have boxes of 40K stuff sitting on the floor next to my closet, a Zombie Survival Poster in my door, a Faye Valentine wall scroll on one wall, Murphy's Laws of Combat on the other, there's dust bunnies everywhere, and my bed is a queen mattress on the floor.

>>13394670

Sounds like a stupid cunt anyway, anon. Good riddance, eh?

>>13394489
I can never understand when people feel the need to report harmless, stupid comments to others.
I've taken my fair share of genuine bullshit and by the next day its totally past me.
But oh lord say one thing about adamantium and suddenly the whole 3 other people are whispering about you.

>>13394670
Ouch. I won't lie, man, that's pretty shit.

>>13394670
Bullshit.

>>13394683

It's good-ish

There's some quality stuff, but the story really has this vibe of: "Well I KNOW they are gonna fail hard, after all Horus wasn't killed by a bunch of assassins"

However the in-depth view of the Imperium during the Horus Heresy is good, you can see clear lines being drawn in the sand, you can see people clinging more to the Imperial Cult (Lectito Divinatius spellcheck) then the Imperial Truth.

Overall I like it, though I haven't finished it yet, the story however imo lags during the assassin bits strangely enough.

Also Eversor confirmed for awesome.

>>13394670
>ex-girlfriend stumbles across drawings of characters

What the fuck were you drawing, futa-porn?

[spoiler]And can we see?[spoiler]

>>13394669
not surprising to me...I was the nerdiest guy on the football and wrestling team in highschool, I'm about 6'3'' and was a barback/bouncer for a while.
>>13394670
shit sucks bro.

>Forced to take Computer Literacy 101 in college.
>Instructor doesn't allow anyone to test out early, ever.
>Sleep through most of the first class
> Wake up with 12 minutes left, finish hour's worth of work in 7 minutes.
>Pop Sourball candy into mouth from hidden stash in my bag and start installing Dark Forces 1 on ancient school desktop.
>Slightly attractive girl notices the candy, comments that she'll have to run to the gas station between classes to get some munchies
>I offer her some.
>She accepts.
>I wind up staying half an hour late to help her through her struggles with lesson one by explaining things better than the teacher did.
>I go to my next class, she goes to hers.
>3 hours later I go to my car to leave for the day, see her walking towards a nearby bus station.
>I pull up, roll down the window.
> Creepiest voice I can manage: "Hey, little girl, Want some Candy?"
>She replies 'Yay! Strangers have the best candy!' and gets into my car.
>I make off-handed comment about rolling a 20 on my diplomacy check
>She responds with 'no, I just botched my sense motive'
>I give her a ride home, having an awesome gaming conversation the whole way.
>Turns out she's not interested in men in the slightest.
>MFW I don't care, I made a bad-ass friend who can take the drudgery out of some of my classes.

>>13394724
Sounds like Swallow's improving, then. He's come along way from his first two Blood Angels novels it seems. Of course, I haven't read his new Blood Angels novels to compare those...

>I have a good looking friend who attracts chicks but he dont mind since he is a total fa/tg/uy and he already has a woman in mind. Good boy that one.
>First week of senior year one of our choice lookin female classmates decides to get into her.
>She pretty but a bitch.
>My friend doesnt like her either, but she clingy
>But she hangs around with him.
>Barely the ending of the month we were playing a small game of warhammer 40k
>Said bitch approaches
>Friend laments tells us "ok, She's gotta stop."
>She approaches, says hi and asks what are we playing.
>We say Warhammer 40k.
>She sits beside my friend, pretends to be interested.
>My friend whom she is attracted with is just watching, I am Space Marine and plays against my other friend who be Chaos SM.
>She asks whats up with using swords and guns at the same time.
>My friend then plunges her into a long and uber-nerdy storytelling of the grim darkness of the far future.
>Drowns her about the emperor, the betrayal and internment into the golden throne. How the empire he built crumble into a bureaucratic and theologic nightmare.
>I watch in the corner of my eye with glee as she is taken aback by this new side of her crush. She's getting bored, wants to go off.
>Random bell sounds off and she comments that its her class, she must go now.
>But we be same schedule.

>his face when he got her off of him

>>13394738

I see the BA novels as Story-lite action-high novels.

Where as this is the opposite, story-high, action-lite.

>>13394670
>breaks up with me over phone-text the very next day

That was a good thing then. Anyone who lacks the capacity for rational thinking required to not do what she did is not worth persuing.

A reversed experience ITT.
>girl and I are making out at her place
>strange alarm sound goes off
>she's doing some kind of WoW grind thing, requires her to break liplock to fix things up again
>we go back to making out
>hear man's voice say, Druidchick, are you there? I hear you breathing!"
>mfw
>oh, he's in my guild and I leave teamspeak open all the time
>what. the. fuck.
And in conclusion, druid chicks give good head.

>>13394788
>woman
>rational thinking

Well, there goes about half of them.
(to be fair, I'm not sure that many men are rational either)

>gay
>mfw other guys use "bitch" to describe any woman they dislike for any reason
>only time I call someone "bitch" is when I'm telling my boyfriend he is mine

>>13394798
When looking for a girlfriend/boyfriend, it generally seems to be:

Attractive, Sane, Intelligent, Shares the Same Interests -- Pick two.

>>13394806
Sanity's overrated.

>>13394806
Attractive and intelligent.

>>13394806
I've reduced my dating criteria to two options.
>A liar who won't cheat
OR
>A cheater who won't lie
Its worked out pretty well so far.

You guys are great.

>>13394819
Sure is, bro.

>>13394823
I've reduced my dating criteria to "alive".
And that one's flexible.

Average fa/tg/uy's standards of a female:

Has tits.

>>13394802
>>mfw other guys use "bitch" to describe any woman they dislike for any reason
We just do that because we're powerless to do anything else.

Except rape.

>>13394834
MOTHERFUCKER

I JUST GOT DONE FORGETTING ABOUT THAT MOVIE

>>13394840
>fatguy's standards include "being female"
Now hold on here a moment.

>>13394806
Pick two squared? Ok!

Thanks, anon!

>>13394822
That was my choice too, good call.

>>13394806
intelligent, shares intrests.
Sanity is a rather mallible concept.
>>13394823
Cheater who wont lie.
Because I can deal with the cheating, as long as I know I wont walk in on it because they lied to me.

>>13394798
rational people are rare it seems. I have not noticed any corolation between gender and rational thinking.

>>13394850
IME guys are more likely to pretend they aren't just making up shitty justifications for their emotions/things they want to believe anyway.

>>13393514
Long ass time ago when I first started working for the Police Department

>say something as a joke response much like >>13394489
>get complained on for harassment because yeah one sentence is harassment amirite? LT is ready to put my ass in a sling
>immediately claim it was the standard way to say good bye in the religion I follow. I meant no harm by it in any way it is simply my religion. Claim religion is Norsican
>Natural 20 bluff
>A very serious situation turned into nothing.

The city doesn't fuck around with shit like that. You get filed for harassment sexual or other it doesn't matter if you didn't do it your ass is grass.

>>13394845

fatguys, not fatgays.

>>13394878
/tg/ - Totally Gay

Get used to it, newbie.

>>13394802
>>only time I call someone "bitch" is when I'm telling my boyfriend he is mine
I don't know if that is a healthy relationship. I've never called a girlfriend of mine a bitch. Maybe this is some gay thing I don't get.

>>13394878
Starbuck?

>>13394886
If you really want to know, I say it when I'm fucking him. He's generally tied up at the time.

We're both into it. It's consentual and mutually enjoyed. Don't you worry your pretty little head about it.

>>13394889
Apollo?

>>13394886
It's more a dominance thing than a gay thing.

>captcha: crye uncles
Now captcha, I just don't swing that way. I like boobs.

>>13394895
>mfw gay BDSM is pretty much just like straight BDSM

>>13394886
Stop being a bitch. Or a pussy.

>>13394878
http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive/13223130/
Read that thread. Notice all the fa/tg/uys saying they'd go for the trap? Notice how more fa/tg/uys go for the trap than actual ca/tg/irls who posted?

>>13394652
Yo.

>>13394896
Humans?

>Highschool
>LOTR Two Towers was being shown for the first time
>For some reason, Manflesh! stuck in me, my bro and my younger sisters mind.
>Becomes a joke among us.Usually when we promise something each other in return for a favor
>My Sister brings her uber-christian but pretty friend in our house.
>She asks me for help, I ask what should I get from it?
>She told me "I know you want MANFLESH later"
>We chuckle to each other, I help out.

The Next day

>Sister goes home laughing and tells me we should not use manflesh around strangers
>We ask why
>She shared her Uber-conservative friend thought I am gay and that she is hooking me up with someone.
>we siblings laugh

>>13394895
OK. It is just playing around. I thought you referred to him as 'bitch' in a serious manner.

>>13394928
Cylons?

>>13394938
Naw, I'm a total softie out of the bedroom.

>>13394914
>>13394883

/tg/ - overly sensitive faggots.

((that chick with the axe? it's a dude.))

>>13394928
Cylons?

>>13394924
Character idea get.

Next character: Some sort of otherworldy demon/monster/god thing that works an ordinary day job at a computer.

>>13394940
Cybermen?

>>13394957
Protomen?

>>13394959
Neanderthals?

>>13394957
Daleks?

>>13394964
Sharks?

Lol, I have a few of these.

>Constantly shout "HERESY!" when someone says something stupid or that I disagree with
>Nearly drop pallet of salt on my foot at work, but manage to jump back in time. Everyone like "ZOMG YOU OKAY?!?" My response? "I roll 20s bitches,"
>Stupid black coworker stares at DAT ASS of some chick unabashedly. She catches him and her bf threatens him. Later I made a joke about not enough Stealth skill.

>>13394969
Sharktopi?

>>13394946
>>that chick with the axe? it's a dude
It looks like she has tits. "She" would have fooled me.
And I don't think many guys have a stomach and pelvis that look like that.

>>13394975
SyFy original movie?

>>13394979

hormones.

>>13394982
>"SyFy"

>>13394993
As much as I hate it... it's the official name now.

>>13395007
>it's the official name now.

>>13394993
>>13395014
Pretty much my reaction. It's dumb.

>>13395014
It's on their logo and everything.

>>13395043
>It's on their logo and everything.

>>13395051

Captcha; fityptul insanie
Exactly!

>>13395051
Even the cable listing. Every commercial break they make sure to throw at least one advert proclaiming the name.
SyFy.

this been archived?
archiveee!

strangely, I have no /tg related derps. closest thing was during photography class when we we're discussing a photo of a man getting bayonetted during a riot and one guy in the crowd smiles at the camera and I say "eh, he's trollin'" and then having to explain for the entire class what trolling is "Am I the only one who have ever been to the internet!?"

>>13395067

>>13394993
>>13395007
>>13395014
>>13395038
>>13395043
>>13395051
>>13395062
SyFy can be copyrighted, it was a marketing decision.

>>13395051

they rebooted the old Phantom franchise.

>>13395076
That doesn't change the fact that it is now officially the Syphilis channel.

>>13394993
>>13395014
I'll be honest, I gave up on them a while back. I started to lose faith in them when they didn't follow through on B5 and the spinoffs. When they kept Stargate going a season or two longer thn they should have, I got worried. But now that the bulk of their programming is 'ghost hunters', or wrestling, or shit I saw enough time to memorize it before the end of the nineties? I'm out. I get my Doctor Who and Eureka from the Internet, and that's pretty much all that's worth watching on that network, except highlander reruns at ass-end of the morning.

Pic related, it's my face when Spike TV has more sci-fi content than SyFy.

>>13395095
The SyFy original movies are so bad they're good most of the time. Just the right kind of cheesy.

>>13395095

shoulda got the Space channel, bro.

>>13395128

>>13395141

I know.

but I like the old logo better.

>>13395128
>>13395141
>>13395151
Same as SciFi vs SyFy

>>13394924
Fucking kickass. Thanks, Captain Drawfag!

>>13395187
No problem. I shall take my payment in further amusing anecdotes and return to anonymity.

To be fair, the New Years Twilight Zone marathon kept me entertained for 48 hours.

>heffen capricorni
I didn't really care for that BG spinoff Captcha.

>yell "ODIN BIDS US HASTE!" at coworkers for being slow
>now they think I'm a wiccan

>>13395282
Your coworkers definitely need to brush up on their world religions/mythology.

>>13395071
I have never felt more guilty for laughing at an image

>>13395301
>local free newspaper publishes article on the origins of Christmas Trees
>"they where initially created by Germanic pagans who wanted to honor their god, Oden"

>>13395095
>when they didn't follow through on B5 and the spinoffs.
As far as Crusade and B5 proper goes, TNT dicked everyone over on that. They killed Crusade and when Sci-Fi tried to pick it up from them, TNT set it up so they could only get Crusade if they bought the full rights to B5 as well- which they then asked a prohibitive amount of money for.
TNT killed the B5 spin-offs.

SyFy is fucking retarded though.

>>13395282
>ODIN'S PIZZA PLACE

>>13395311
Man, the internet has desensitised me. I saw your post and thought "why? what's so bad about the image?" and I had to look at it twice before I realised "oh, yeah, dead bodies all over."

Here, have a whore.

>>13394797
Girl I'm into is a druid

>>13395425
I dated a Druid once. She used to Wildshape into a bear in the middle of sex. She was such a troll.

>>13395357
Thanks! Have a joke!

"Hit me" says the Masochist.
"No." says the Sadist.

>>13395430
>you look on your hands
>realize they are paws
>you are a bear

>>13395430
is it anyhow related to mentioned earlier box of bear bottles

>>13394231

I fucking love you why did they cancel that show

back to anecdotes!

I showed up for a job interview for a posistion as a waiter once.
>Buddy calls, says "Heard you need a job, can you serve?"
>Me: Even in death I still serve.... uh by that I mean "Yes"
>Good call this number. Its for Karoline, she's my boss.
>Telephone hours?
>NOW.
>I call
>She asks me to come into her office as soon as i can.
>I say i can be there by 8pm, but I'll be in training gear, I can't really just dump this stuff in a bag and call it a day.
>She say's that's okay.
>HFW i show up in full plate after my HEMA training.

Still got the job though. Turns out she's a real bro and her co-bosses both play WHFRP. And are reenacters.
pfft nerds.

>>13395523
epic

>>13395523
What was the position? I would definitely hire a guy that came dressed as a freaking knight for some jobs.

>>13395580
I would pay him extra to use his armour.
and he allready said he's serve even in death... DEATHKNIGHT WAITER! who WOULDNT want to eat there!?

>>13395523
EVEN IN DEATH I STILL SERVE THE BEST COFFEE IN TOWN.

Used to be a WoWfag, so here's a couple from back then.

>Work 3rd shift in a tech support call center
>Nothing to do usually, play WoW all night with coworkers.
>We all raid as well, so we were usually coming from a 4-5 hour raid at home to PvP or farm for 8 hours.
>We were also all full-time students, so as you can imagine we're batshit insane due to sleep deprivation
>A guy I worked with went to the 24hr gas station to get snacks, got all nervous because he was worried about stealthed rogues.
>My reaction wasn't "Get a grip, dude," it was more like, "WTF, aren't you a human? Just use perception."

>Another night, walking to work.
>See a plant that looks like whatever herb I was farming for raid flasks
>Pick plant, carry it for three blocks before I realize my alchemist guildmate won't be at my job
>Drop plant. What a waste.
>Three more blocks and I realize it was a real plant, this is real life, and I can't make a Flask of Relentless Assault out of some flower I pulled out of someone's garden.

Somewhat later

>Still used to 3rd shift schedule, still a sleep-deprived wreck. Have now had only nerd friends & coworkers for 3 years.
>Graduated from college, looking for a real grownup job
>The office my mom works at needs an admin assistant, she wants me to apply for that
>I am reluctant because I'd much rather hold out for work in the field I'd trained for
>She says, "But you know what's great about clerical jobs?"
>"Yeah whatever, plate armor and healing spells, but I went to school for tech theatre."

Sigh.

>>13395523
>>13395580
So bosses are more likely to hire people who dress up as knights.

Maybe that's what I've been doing wrong at job interviews...

>Late for class
>Professor is a dick known to hate people showing up late
>Sneak into class
>Wait until professor's back is turned
>Crawl behind row of seats
>Get into seat, pretend nothing happened
>Whisper to self "Nat 20 in Stealth"

>>13395617
VERILY, I SAY, MY LORD! Hire me and I shall forever be faithful to thy rule!

sure! bosses dig that shit!

>>13395589
>>13395584
>>13395580
>>13395573

It was the posistion of a waiter att "Julgalan" at Globe Arena in stockholm, sweden.
Shit i ROCKED that joint.
Appearently the serving business isn't really made up of the intelligence elite, more like reserves. When ever someone with half a brain shows up, we get loved the hell out of.

Anyway, the whole armour thing was horrible really.
I train outdoors
In sweden
In december.
Do you know what a set of full plate armour feels like when it's -15 degrees outside?

>>13394128
Oh shit..are you me? Dillon? Jacob? WHO ARE YOU?!

>>13395719
cant say I know. I train in wales, in no armour. im too piss poor to afford armour. but hey, I live in norway, so we should fight some time

>>13395719
sounds like it's time to doublepack your padding.

> Be on campus grounds between buildings
> Have cellphone out to check time.
> Dark Templar background
> Friend asks, "what's that?"
> Say, "The mighty space marines of the God 'Emprah!' of Man!"
> Slight pause as look around and I realize that I was all but yelling
> Friend says, "Oh yeah, I think I've seen that on the internet."
> Remember he's a bro.
> Don't think anyone else heard me

>>13395775

>>13394131
Man, your office is full of tightwads.
I remember my dad's office was full of skulls (human and otherwise), play-dough, stuffed crows, mummified animal parts etc.

>>13395754
Get your ass to Knutpunkt. I'll be running the café

I've never gotten in shit for doing stupdi things at work. Mostly because I don't do them in sensible places. When I can, though, I do. There's this one joint I work at in December, a fruit basket company that does shit so fast they can actually do dragonfruit. It also goes completely fucking insane every December to the point that 14th-22nd is usually 18 hour days. Everyoen is batshit insane, so nobody really gives a fuck what you do as long as you do the work. I had the shittiest computer I've ever seen ,which, combined with a fifteen year old shipping program designed for lagre freight orders to a dozen or so clients being used for fifty thousand one-offs a year, meant a fuckload of problems. I also came up with solutions, and for some reason the more effort I put into stupid ideas, the more they worked. Not shit like slap it, but shit like singing Opera to it before turning it on.

My personal best was drawing a runic circle around the perimeter of the room by sticking paper to the walls, and adding geomantic shapes of praise to the omnissiah in a heptameter around the computer itself, before lighting three candles, to make the power supply work again after burning otu alarmingly. The fuckign thing actually worked, and as good as it ever had. I wasn't sure whether to be pleased or terrified.

The best part was at least four or five people walked in while I did this, asked what I was doing, and accepted 'fixing the computer' as an explanation.

> Doodle in notebooks before/after/between/sometimes during classes.
> Draw everything from knights to space marines
> often draw designs for fictional weapons for multiple reasons from magic weapon ideas to stories I dream up.
> Teacher calls me on it, "what are you doing Anon?"
> "Doodling, sorry. I'll stop."
> Teach turns back to board
> Bitch sitting next to me says in adverage & unhushed voice, "Do you draw like, guns and stuff."
> "I draw many of things."
> " Someone mite get sacred."
> "of what?"
> "Of you."
> " What, for drawing?"
> "For drawing knives and guns."
> Have no recollection of drawing a knife, " Why? Because everyone that thinks about weapons is a psycho?"
> She looks at me like I'm nuts.
> Look at prof.
> She goes back to teaching.

> Realize the bitch is OLDER than me and still thinks like that.
> Remember this is the same community where a girl thought, and I quote, "There aren't that many bands together these days"
> Remember this is the same community where it's okay to be into Twilight and Harry Potter, but Iron-Man and Sin City are for nerds.

>>13393758

>she didn't report you for sexual harrassment
>she wants to fuck

>>13395936
Underageb&-senses tingling.

>>13394107

That's when you say:

"Nope, guess what, it was a NERD that brought you to multiple orgasms last night, thats what you can tell all your sisters at Pi Delta Pi"

Several years ago...

> Walking to town wih female friends to take a break between exams.
> There's a Games Workshop on the way.
> There's a sign saying Dan Abnett will be signing his latest HH book.
> Inner HH fangirl goes "squeeeeeee <3"
> Friend turns and look at me with serious and concerned eyes : "Come on [name], that's for freaks !"

... and yet, when I do the same with male friends, I get the "you're not a real girl" talk... *feels alone*

>>13394670
>Attractive, Sane, Intelligent, Shares the Same Interests -- Pick two.
I once found a girl with three of those but I seriously paid for it in the negative Sane stat.

>>13396030

If it's any consolation you're a realer girl than I am.

>> Remember this is the same community where a girl thought, and I quote, "There aren't that many bands together these days"

HOLY FUCKING SHIT YOU CAN HEAR PEOPLE'S THOUGHTS

>Get hired on for temp work
>Prepare for massive bullshit, such as fetching coffee and snacks for full-time employees that have seen tons of people like me come and go
>Mostly keep my head down, avoid people that look like they're bored to dodge the responsibility carting shit like that around
>Wind up walking into the bossman's office while he's talking to one of the full-timers after making a wrong turn somewhere
>Start to walk back out
>Get called back in

>Several hours later, realize that I've somehow gotten involved in a conversation that started with bossman's resource management issues and ended with eliminating RoboCop

I don't know what you did to me, /tg/, but it landed me a full-time job and gave me the supernatural ability to create tangential conversation like a motherfucker.

>>13396094
well, that's not exactly surprising

>>13396094
You're welcome. We're awesome like that.

>>13396051
I'm way too picky myself. Last week I turned a girl down for having worked on editing some reality tv show. In hindsight, I probably shouldn't have raved about how it was disgusting and she was a terrible person for helping them get it on the air.

>>13395843

Holy shit. Can you draw a diagram of the symbols? I have to try that shit.

Also, please tell me this has been archived. Because this is just to epic to lose.

Well, I have 2 workmates who browse 4chan and are both total nerds.
Let memes insue!

>>13396094

>supernatural ability to create tangential conversation like a motherfucker.

You're welcome.

>>13396152
A couple weeks back i went from wanting to have sex with to utter disgust and aggression as she said she is a fan of modern art.

Worst part is that she argued that modern art is not only up to par, but better than anything created before. Long, flowing hair, nice ass, and she has to like jackson fucking pollock.

>>13396030
Well?

Did you get Mr Abnetts signature or not?

>>13396189
Man, you just don't understand how artistic it is to pickle a shark.

>>13396189
Tell her that you're an artist.
And you want to do a piece of performance art.
And it's called "I'm Leaving You For Someone With Taste".
And then get up.
And walk out the door.
And drive home.

>>13396189
Most modern art is entirely about the reaction it provokes. Looks like it actually is too deep for you, ho ho.

>Work in tech support for a university
>Write out Paranoia-esque forms, with hilarious and disturbing check-boxes
>Occasionally use them when it looks like the person can take a joke or is a nerd
>Boss needs a form revised, accidentally send the Paranoia one
>I'm senior enough in the department that it just goes through with a cursory check
>President of pro-communism club needs his system fixed, needs to fill out the "System Damaged in Accident" one.
>Three days later, the entire Pro-Commie club is calling for me to get fired after finding out I did the form
>Called into boss's office
>"Congratulations, citizen! You've been re-assigned as a Troubleshooter!"
>No longer working as paperwork guy, instead get sent out to fix problems

And that is how I found out my boss is a total nerd and pissed off the Communism club so badly one of them keyed my car.

>>13396224
It's a great idea, but i couldn't do that. Modern art makes me rage like a motherfucker, nothing can top it. You start praising talentless hacks, i start going into hyperrage mode, like a weasel on crack blessed by khorne when facing a snake.

And i'm not saying ALL modern art is shit, just most of it. Pic related is quite nice.

>>13396224

You forgot the second half of the performance, mister. She won't be able to appreciate it, what with not being around to witness it, but the fact remains that there's a whole other side to it that can only be understood if the audience is driven to understand and looks into the matter.

While you're driving home, blankly stare at the road.
And think about what your next move in the dating field is going to be.
And pull into your driveway.
And get your keys.
And open the door.
And get on the floor.
And do the dinosaur.

If she truly appreciates modern art, she'll probably tear up immediately upon finding out about the second half of your performance. At that point, you're probably going to have to disconnect your phone so you don't get hypnotized by her voice on the answering machine and lose your artistic abilities by engaging in intercourse with someone that took THAT GODDAMN LONG to truly appreciate what you've wrought with your human hands and your thinking meats.

Art.

>>13396245
BEST
BOSS
EVER

And remind the commie club that happiness is mandatory.

Speaking of epic dumpings, I helped my buddy break up with his girlfriend in the classiest way possible.

The plan was really rather simple. Go out for a night on the town, find a suitably slutty, yet good looking young woman, get her to make out with him, take a picture. Get said picture put on three t-shirts. Wear two of these t-shirts ourselves, go over to her house, ring the bell, and present her with the third one.

It was glorious.

>>13396245
> Pro-Commie club
Awesome. Communism looks great on paper, but rarely does anything more than make those in question seem like "we're better than you because we learned to share," guys and gals.

Nothing wrong with liking communism, but those guys sound like Maxx crossed with Derp.

>>13396245

That's both hilarious and terrible. Also

>I'm senior enough in the department that it just goes through with a cursory check

"This form appears to have boxes to check and lines to fill. THIS IS MOST EXCELLENT WORK, ENJOY YOUR PAYCHECK."

>>13396307

>>13396307
Kind of a dick move.

> Three years ago a firend asked me for a faivor.
> Guy dates and flirts around too much and tells me to not let him date for a month after his recent breakup
> One week passes and he's back on it, with an underage girl no less.
> I'm standing behind him and say "Sneak attack with Sap of Enlightenment," as a slap him in the back of the head.
> He says "WTF!"
> "DnD joke.
> "No seriously, I know I told you to stop me but I'm really feeling it this time."
> " You've failed your willpower check, and will suffer in the long-run for it. May the gods watch over you."
> Stops off because he think's I'm not taking high-school dating seriously enough.
> Nothing good or bad developed from said relationship.

>>13396327
>>13396338
In hindsight, we realized we should have written "I'm single" on them too, but you can't think of it all beforehand.

>>13396347
In retrospect, he was a total womanizer with dedication issues. Probably came from his parents getting devoiced.

>>13396347
>lame nerd humor

>>13396307

>classiest way possible.
>Probably humiliated her without any warning, going full-stop on her relationship without even so much as a hint of respect for her.
>No manners at all, Dick move.

wat

>>13396267
It's the same reaction that I have when I see ready-to-eat lasagna or some shit.
I can make THAT simple shit on my own.
Only unlike the ready made lasagna It won't save me some work and be all handy and shit.
No that stuff will just hang there with NOTHING to tell of its awesomeness aside from the signature.
It's like the tvtrope "Informed Ability".
Also most modern art impresses you at best ONCE. Where as a really well made painting can have me staring at it over and over again.

Then again there are some really cool modern art.

>>13396307

I don't know if she was a bitch or your dude just wanted a hotter chick...but...

>>13396374
Between two nerds. Well, nerd and former nerd. He went through a denial "I'm too cool for that stuff now phase."

>>13396375
My conscience's clean. Mostly because she was kind of a bitch. Also, if she couldn't appreciate how awesome that break-up was, she doesn't deserve a boyfriend.

>>13394669
40k used to be known as a game for bikers, many of them probably neo-nazis... you can probably guess why

>>13395843
"Long ago, when superstition was strong, fools mistook magic for knowledge. Now, when superstition is weak and science is strong, fools mistake knowledge for magic".

I do a lot of freelance tech support. I swear, there are some people out there that I could tell 'It's broken because the machine spirit is offended' and they'd believe it.

>>13396311
Excuse me, sir, I have a question for you. I have designed a car that is impossible to drive without crashing and killing people. Does it look good on paper?

>>13396434
That depends, what is the intent of the car?

>>13396434
I don't know, can you fax me a copy?

>>13396443
To be an actual, servicable car.

>>13396447
I can't because nobody uses faxes anymore. However, if you imagine an amazing shitheap of a car covered in flames and resting above a pile of mangled corpses that is basically what it would look like on paper.

>>13396427

I know a lot of people like that.

By the way, I'm still waiting for a sketch of some of those symbols. I'm going for a double degree in Mechanical and Electrical Engineering and a minor in Comp Sci, magic runes that can apparently cause computers with burnt out power supplies to function is decidedly relevant to my interests. Besides, that also means that I will be spared when the Imperium reclaims this world.

>>13396365
yeah i'd feel the same way if my parents had their voices taken away.

>>13396303
I'm no longer supposed to deal with them, as it turns into a huge hassle whenever it comes up. Also, called the cops on one of them for being a tool and keying my car.

I do get sent on blatantly idiotic jobs, though, and whenever a professor of Marxist theory or shit has problems, I'm sent out. Partially because the one guy who actually does need computing help has a sense of humor and admits that it's an incredibly flawed system, thereby enraging the Commie club even more than me.

>>13396319
I'm honestly surprised it got out. I still have a few copies of it somewhere. The part they were pissed about was a section that read "Do you believe Communists were involved in the damage in any way?"

>If yes, please explain why Communists are the most terrible threat we face
>If no, explain why you are covering for those Commie Traitors

>>13393514
ARCHIVE DIS

>>13394311
Lacking a sense of humor, much?
I hate people that don't laugh at EO jokes.

>>13396528
Haha, that's fantastic.

>>13396528

>>13394327
>Meet Brazilian chick
>Dance for a while, have some fun, get a bit intimate
>She wants me to go with her to her hotel room
>"Yeah, sure, I'll just go to the bathroom first"
>Return, only for her to look absolutely shocked
>"What the hell happened?"
>"Your buddy started a fight and got hauled away by the cops"
>I have to rush out to get shit under control
>Never see the girl again

>>13396635
What about it? You did the right thing, brethren before wenches.

>>13396673
Of course. Doesn't mean it didn't suck balls.

>>13396094
+10 to Professional SocialFu checks

>>13396427
My god, do you see the potential? From now on, please, couple your freelance tech support with arcane /tg/-related runes and rituals.
Then, we could all go to sleep knowing that someone, somewhere, believes that in order to get their computer to work, they need to please machine spirits with rituals.

>>13394697
I had one of those. She was a bitch. D: Made me swear off porn and video games.

Didn't work out.

>>13396743
Porn I can understand, but video games? Why?

>>13396743

This just makes me want to appreciate my girlfriend even more. We swap games and porn with each other.

And we take our DnD characters with us to bed.

>>13396786
That's... kind of creepy. But if it works for you, then great!

>talking with the family about roleplaying
>dad makes a joke about elves with hairy feet
>"Actually, it's usually hobbits or halfings who have hairy feet, not elves"
>mfw

>>13396786
I want an awesome girlfriend like that.

>>13396812

It's not creepy when she wants to play a game of pretend, it isn't.

Not creepy at all.

>>13396814

God, that reminds me when I was painting my first batch of lizardmen in my old man's hobby room (for remote air planes).

>Hey, do you mind if I try paint a few?
>Uh, 'course not, pops.
>He paints them blue.
>Hah! Blue balls!
>Goddamnit dad.

I wish I had stories like this to share.

Approximately 50% of the Army is made up of nerds, but we're all in the closet. We can't talk about it at work, so we just nod at each other awkwardly when we run into coworkers at the FLGS

>We swap games and porn with each other.

my ex used to be huge into porn and hentai. obsessed over it daily and constantly wanted to try new things in bed.
then she moved away to britain.

so ronery now. ;_;

>>13396940

I wouldn't say my GF is "into" porn and hentai, but I guess I've come to learn what she likes after the years we've been together.

And now, back to topic.

>Has never, ever uttered anything DnD or other RP related nonsense to anyone who wasn't already into it or could understand the joke.

Recovering bully victim is a cautious nerd.

>>13397092
I constantly make nerd jokes in the hope at least one person will get one of them.

They never do.

>Foreveralone.jpg

>>13397163

Well, fuck. At least you're not one of those hopeless social failures that can't fathom that some conversations are out of place in certain places.

Find a local gaming store and hang. That's the best advice I can give, man.
And it took 21 years before I found a LGS that I could have a nerd-outlet, so I feel your pain.

>>13397163
If I got them, even if they were made awkwardly, I'd smile and laugh a little, because bros need bros, and I don't even know you, but I'm sure you're an awesome guy, and I haven't slept in two days, but I really mean it that I'm sure you're a good person.

>>13397163
I do the same. Know that you are not alone !!

>>13397262
That was very beautifully said. I might be teary-eyed right now.

>>13397262
/tg/ is love.

Couldn't sleep lastnight, spent all night reading these.

So, I'm not the only one who yells heresy when someone says something I don't agree with?

>>13396030
Idiots...

>>13396030
So are you still in high school, or do you attend a collage with a campus populated by manchildren stuck in their high school mindsets?

Archive this!

As a recreational scientist, I am often Herped off guard by how much people Derp.

> Guy walks into room pre-class.
> I've been there about 10 seconds, doodling sci-fi
> Greetings are exchanged
> "So what chu drawin?"
> "Just, doodling sci-fi armor. Trying to go for a bit of realism."
> "You gonna do hard armor or soft armor?"
> "What?"
> "Like, you know, are you going to plates of armor, or soft clothish armor? I guess hard because you're going for realism."
> "Well, I'm focusing more on problem solving. Like how to allow them to move their neck and actually have a vacuum seal."
> Looks at me like I'm talking gibberish
> "You know how Master Cheif's helmet just slides on and off like a motocross helmet?
> "Yeah."
> "All those times when he went into outer-space his helmet would depressurize , his eyes would pop, and then he would die."
> "... well, I never thought about it like that."

Completely different case

> "That movie looks cool," a person says to me.
> "Yeah, but they did that one thing," I respond.
> "What?"
> "Well, it just kills me in Sci-Fi when you can hear the ships and impacts, and guns, and everything out in space.
> MFW they responded, "Well, there's hydrogen out there so you could hear something," with a serious face.

>>13398071
>MFW they responded, "Well, there's hydrogen out there so you could hear something," with a serious face.

> "You know how Master Cheif's helmet just slides on and off like a motocross helmet?

According to the novels, it doesn't.

Boss asks: "Hey Anon, how come you're always staying late? Aren't you tired?"
>Nah, I've got +1 Fortitude vs Overtime
Boss stares, I blush.

>>13398215
>he reads halo novels
>tries to look smart

>>13398502
>Implying that The Fall of Reach wasn't better than 3, ODST and Reach put together

>>13398502
>implying he's doing anything other than providing information

>Group of young executives walking around like they own the place
>Three guys four girls
>Being dicks to my engineers
>Making them waste time when they should be finishing up our current project
>Walk by my office, knock
>Don't answer it
>Playing Planescape
>One of them walks in
>Sees me
>"Hey you, come here a minute"
>Fuck that, technically I'm higher up on the food chain than you
>"No, I'm busy"
>Sit where I am, ignore them
>They keep trying to boss me around
>I consider calling their boss and telling him they're annoying me and my engineers, but I'm distracted by my game
>They threaten to call my supervisor, which I don't have
>"Shut the fuck up Morte, I'm busy."
>Annoying people don't know what I'm talking about
>Realize what I said
>They leave
>Get an email from the boss
>Says they complained about my behavior and tried to fire me
>I say they shouldn't have made Int their dump stat.
>Boss doesn't get it
>Nevermind
>They come back later that month, they want to know about our now finished project
>It's for the national guard
>"So who's it for?"
>"The imperial guard"

>>13398071
> "You know how Master Cheif's helmet just slides on and off like a motocross helmet?
> "Yeah."
> "All those times when he went into outer-space his helmet would depressurize , his eyes would pop, and then he would die."
Well, just brainstorming here:
His neckpeice armor could have something in it that grips onto the helmet and forms a vacuum seal. Like the kneck-piece could have a ring on it that uses an electro-static charge to grab onto a similar ring on the bottom of the helmet that has the opposite charge.
That's not Halo cannon, but some B.S. sci-fi technobabel could explain that away.
Though, I've always wondered how 40k space marine neck armor works. Their necks are bare, they put on a helmet, their necks are covered, yet still flexible.

>>13398215
>>13398588
>>13398612
nice samefag

>>13395589
I lol'ed so very, very hard. Requesting drawfag of this.

>once, compio
Yes captcha. But compio no more.

>>13398975
>omg more than one person disagreeing with me
>IMPOSSIBLE
>MUST BE SAME PERSON