i am the castle, all the guards (ECL 3000000000000000) and the king (ECL 900000000000000000000000000) i cast the epic spell "/thread" it has a DC of 140000000.

your savings throw is the next post number after this post

Ill be king.

sorry bro

>>13485470
I call queen.

Master at Arms

Siege engineer.

Gong farmer.

Just like my daddy, and his daddy before him.

>>13485470
>>13485486
>>13485511
good

>>13485486
I'll be your hot, sexy stud of a son.

North Tower Watchman.

Make sure I have a decent supply of stuff to throw and little targets on the ground to throw them at and I'll do the job for half the pay.

>>13485445
Royal diabolist. There aren't enough kingdoms with those.

well if the game had some rules or something, like skirmish quest.
then again, commander quest does not have rules does it?
oh well. you guys need a goal or sumfin'.

I'll guard the Clock Tower, and if any Belmonts come in, I'll throw little sickles at 'em, okay?

>>13485589
Seduce the Queen, that's my goal.

Court physician/surgeon.

if people are serious about this I'll play the beggar at the gates.
so do we just improvise/RP then?

Man-who-prods-the-royal-small-brown-squishy-thing-with-a-stick!

"spare a coin for the infirm?"

(I'm good at this)

Royal frog dung cleaner, its more useful than you know.

>>13485602
you best watch it

I'll be the castle's resident rapist.

I will be the head Chef. My specialities include rose petal cake, marinated pheasant, meatbread and spit roasted boar.

Pic related a selection of my bakery wares.

I'll breed the sex slaves

>>13485623
Shut up you're not my real dad! I know I was adopted!

Master of Assassins, >>13485603's creepy little brother.

I call insane out of place temporal traveller from EP Earth. No I wont help you. This is a dream and when I sleep here I am awake in reality... The Doc's say they cant cure me ( there is no way back for me)

Fortunately I am self sufficient, (my tech eg guns and tools), except food. And wardrobe. And plumbing! Indoor plumbing!

I am doing the castle plumbing, to finally get a bath and a toilet in my dreams, right after I finish one for the royal family. then me. then the rest of the castle....

As the docs say that I can't change my dreams, I want comfort in my dreams damit!

Foreign dignitary, from a hedonistic land.

>>13485648
C'MERE PRINCELING
SHOW ME YOUR ROSEBUD
Or I'll have nothing to do for the rest of the afternoon.

i shall be a nameless guard who dies an epic death to save the princess!

>>13485665

We're going to need an executioner here, ASAP

>>13485648
Like my Queen would even consider laying with your Moorish ass.

"Tyler" Maker of small clocks and things.

A peasant,

a smelly, hunch-backed, bad breathed, bloodshot eyed, false teethed, got rickets in one leg but it's still good for kicking sarh! Peasant.

and bitches know they'll run when they see me limping at them with a halberd

>>13485679
ooh, does that mean I can get a job?
wait, does it involve physical activity outside of begging? cus I dont have any education outside begging...

Head Inquisitor

I will have no heresy in this castle.

>>13485623

Your Majesty what do wish to feast upon this fine day?
Might, I suggest a terrine de foie gras accompanied by marinated eel...

Can I be the Princess if I wear dresses and have long hair and look pretty?

I don't think Trap was a profession back in the day, so...

>>13485679
Executioner? What a waste. I'm certain that THIS time, the king will see reason when I tell him that we should sell criminals' souls for the benefit of the kingdom.

I'll be really friendly with >>13485629, as he can make wondrous food while I sleep. I bring him odd recipes to try out.He usually said they are poison and most things would die if he served them, but to me they taste fine

And with them I have a weird business relationship triangle
>>13485631
>>13485655

>>13485694
A begger?! Off with his head.

>>13485702
I herd there's trouble out tha backside uh tha kitchin. I'm here to snoop it out, and mebbe grab a biscuit?

>>13485665
DEVIANT! FILTHY DEBAUCHERY!

Guards! Seize this man at once and bring him to the dungeon. We must cleanse his soul in fire!

>>13485702
STEAK

WHATEVER O'CLOCK AND ALL IS WELL.

>>13485726
but I've been around since you were a child!
oh be KIND your majesty!

>>13485709

I hope you can save me some of the criminals' bodies after you're done. I just recently discussed a new procedure with the neighboring kingdoms' physician and would very much like to.. increase my knowledge.

The maid who is having an affair with the king

>>13485731

Problem? nope no problems back here, the pig's r' just fine

*oink*

>>13485741
HOW YA DOIN UP THERE YA BIG FUCK?
I HEARD YOU HAD THE TAVERN HOPPIN LAST NIGHT WITH THE WENCHES?!! I WASN'T INVITED.
>forever alone

Just a humble tailor, why?

DRESSES BEAUTIFUL DRESSES FROM EXCELLENT um weave err FABRIC.

>>13485763
YOU MEAN MY WIFE??!

>>13485768

I TRIED TO SEND YOU AN INVITATION BUT I DIDN'T KNOW WHAT NAME TO LIST AS THE RECIPIENT. DO YOU HAVE A P.O. BOX OR SOMETHING, BUDDY?

Anyone have any spare Eye Of Newt?

>>13485731
Here take this ye mecreant, now that scullery maid over there said she saw a rat the size of a cat in the cellar, go and deal with it!

>>13485777
>also
>motherfuckin trips, bitches

>>13485756
spare a coin?
you knoe me, sirra. Ol' veteran and somesuch. you pulled a arrow outta me! help a brother out

>>13485777
But.. It's for the sake of our children!!

rolled 20 + 1 = 21

>>13485789
>rolls to hit the cat-rat and damage

The dashing rogue bandit criminal, at large in the kingdom lands.

>>13485739
Rober, I'm going to rape you now.

>>13485770
You are now requested to search for various fabric by the insane sorcerous plumber from a different time.

And then make clothes of various models and sizes. both male and female, as he is uncertain what he wants to be. And disguises for the master assassin are always great.

The princes and queen might be fond of them

>>13485789

Oi! I actually work here! this pig shit doesn't shovel itself!

Seriously, does anyone have any Eye Of Newt? Damn.

If you hadn't made this at 1am it would have even more success and guaranteed repeat threads

just sayian

>>13485763
>>implying there is only one

It is good to be King!

>>13485830
I have some interesting green stuff growing between me toes... sell it to ya fer a coin!

>>13485817
Guards! I demand that you restrain this man. I must prepare my brands and pokers!

>>13485830

We might have some...over there...no...over There...in that pile.

you'll have to really reach inside it, and if it feels slippery, your on the right track

>>13485814
But think of little ______!
The little fella needs a caring mother, not some gold-diggin court-seekin whore!
>>13485782
BY GOD MAN HAVE YOU FORGOTTEN WHERE I LIVE?? try 1600 pennsylvania ave, bud

>>13485841
I've got quite enough Herald's hat.

Though I'll take your legs for a silver.

Mudfarmer

I swar I'll bring in the mudharvest mlord, just a few more days sar!

>>13485845

I CAN THROW ROCKS AT HIM, MY LIEGE
DON'T KNOW IF I CAN HIT 'IM THOUGH

>>13485816
Where is the Constable? 50 gold to whomever brings me this neerdoweller.

>>13485847
Remember the last time I went reaching in your piles?

No thank you.

>>13485849

OH. SORRY, IT'S A LOT EASIER TO SEND INVITATIONS BEFORE YOU START DRINKING. I'LL GIVE YOU A CALL BEFORE I BEGIN NEXT TIME

>>13485816
>spot

>>13485855
IMBECILE! NINCAMPOOP!

Get down from there and seize him, or send your friend to do so!

>>13485740
As your Majesty commands! Although, do you have a particular animal in mind, I am sure one such as you would enjoy the delicacy of a partridge steak.

>>13485860

Where do you keep your valuables? Or Princess?

If I'm going to be brought to justice and killed, I feel I have a right to know. As a last request of course, and not so that I can break out of jail the night before the execution and steal them.

>>13485877
>forgot my dice

>>13485834
the plumbing system in the inner palace is complete. Does the king wishes to have a toilet customisation built into the throne chair proper, or a hidden nearby room? The smell is dealt with by way of water flushing and various perfumed potions. so the smell is no concern.

>>13485864
what are you, my bastard? I thought I was the only grey around here!

>>13485873
THANKS BUD, HOW'S THE MISSUS??!

>>13485879
I could help.

Can I keep the body?

I like bodies.

>>13485864

Now don't you go dissing my piles, I've worked damn hard to get them to the sizable lumps that they are, so you best respeck't them piles, lest you become part of them...

Me lordi lord Sarh!

>>13485882
Yes...yes. Capture the trap...I mean Princess. Doit!

>>13485807

Oh, I guess I could spare something for an old wardog such as you. How is that old stump of a leg doing? Still itchy? Sitting here in dust and mud cannot be doing it much good.

>>13485892
'Less your name's Calistar, than no.

>>13485902
I wasn't aware you keep knives in your piles. Look at this cut! LOOK!

>>13485756
Of course I can, good fellow. Why, I daresay you can have the whole thing, and he might even be technically alive.

>>13485899
Your satanic sorcery is not needed. The fornicator must be cleansed in fire!

>>13485882
I FIGHT FOR THE PRINCESSTRAP!!

>>13485890
As long as it flushes into the dungeon, I am happy.

>>13485928
I can do fire, too. Any color! Except pink. Pink is gay.

>>13485923

You got cut? from a pile of pig shit?...what are the cooks giving the pigs these days.

OI COOK!

>>13485849
What ______ needs is a bright future! I don't want our child to become like us!

>>13485834
But, sire, I'm pregnant with your child!

>>13485829
No, I suppose it doesn't so stop yapping and get back to work before I get my rolling pin out.
>>13485815
Would you mind bringing that here, yes thank you just what I needed to thicken the soup.

>>13485923
OH YE GODS! ITS YOU! MY SOOON!
I thought I sold you...

I'm the troll that lives in the moat.

Ye traditional games of olde are all horse shit.

>>13485956
Yeah. Then I bought myself with the riches I sto- bo- accidentally found from the ki- que- nobody of real worth.

Nice castle you guys have there. I hope nothing happens to it...

>>13485959
CHAAAANGEEEE?

>>13485951

But sah! the pig's are shit- ahem, I mean, Deff-argh-cat-ering sharp bladed things! just look at the wizard's cut!

>>13485940
YES! Shit shoveller what is it? No, I have no idea what it is. Ask one of the maids, I am above feeding livestock.

>>13485964
Then spare some cash fer yer old man!

>>13485927

have a proposition to you, Royal diabolist. In the interest of amassing the funds needed for a total water works and plumbing for the castle, your research and something aside for both,

could you , perhaps, if I procured for you various sex slaves, devise a process to make them unquestionably loyal? similar to diabolic possession, only with the master controlling them? whit some safeguards for us , of course should we ever need such things. the >>13485655 would also be most interested in such a device...

>>13485938
Your fire comes from SATAN, wizard.

Only the flames of the Lord can save the deviants soul.

>>13485969
See it? It's painful.

>>13485974
Git yer own!

>>13485929
I KNEW IT! I KNEW THAT YOU NEVER LOVED ME! YOU... YOU DEVIANT!

>>13485986
Ah! but yer old man has fallen on hard times! I'm a veteran fer crying out gad!
I was a good father to you! I never beat you!

>>13485947
Oh, love, don't you see? 'Tis honourable to be a [nameless] guard of the city. Da King needs good men like me, and one day, ____ will be able to have said "My dad, ____, is a good man. And ____ doesn't afraid of anything!"
>smile

..
WHAT'S THAT? DINNER ALREADY? I JUST ATE A BIT OF BISCUIT AT THE KITCHIN!

>>13485445
I shall be the King's Mentat.

>>13485965

there's space out back if you want to unlimber it and give me a hand. I can always use more help

>>13485973

I hear ye sarh and obey!

MAIDS! OH MAIDS!

>>13485927
That would be exquisite. I so rarely get my.. increase in knowledge from living subjects. The body turns so much more worthless after the life is gone..

>>13485928
Hey, Satanic sorcery is my bailiwick! Are you telling me that guy is muscling in on my job description? This calls for drastic measures...

>>13485938
Dear Sir or Madam,

The Royal Diabolist respectfully requests that you report to the mages' wing of the castle for licensing at your earliest convenience. Please bring three forms of identification and a letter from a noble certifying your competence and good standing. The licensing process should take approximately forty minutes.

Failure to report within twenty-four hours will cause you to default to the status of rogue practitioner, with all associated legal penalties.

Yours,
Infernus the Bloody, secretary to the Royal Diabolist

>>13485997
You sold me.

To a candlemaker.

For tallow.

You bastard.

>>13486020
I prefer the term "sent you into aprenticeship"

>>13486011
Muscling? nah. I'm just a dabbler. I ste- Steeernly look at people! Yeah! Not steal. Mmhmm.

>>13485931
as you say, King, Da. I will make a additional cleaning and flushing for the dungeon, and it will be only in half of the cells where faeces shall rain into, and upon command from your throne/toiled you can flush it also outside the castle and into the water ring around it, so it cannot rise once it fills the cells up and we have no room in the shit dungeon.

the other part of the dungeon will be clean of shit, for the torture rooms, sex slave pens and other stately dignitaries that are imprisoned but must be taken care of. I am certain you do not wish to risk harm coming to your highness playthings and hostages, except it is done at your will and not some random occurrence of disease

>>13486011

I've seen 'im do magic sah! he's had a cut from sticking his 'and in a steaming pile of pig shit and it hasn't gotten infected yet!

>>13485763

Hey miss, if you could drag yourself away from his Heighness, and tell me, what have you been feeding the dang pigs?

>>13486025
Same difference.

Where did the deviant vanish? Good for nothing guards can't even catch a single heathen!

I might have to practice... disciplinary actions.

>>13485465
none of you passed the DC to resist the spell, so i will say it again


/thread

>>13486043
Pah, a minor arcana.

Summone's been feedin' em knives. Either that or ya got daggerpigs.

>>13486044
but son *moves creepingly close*
we dont have to fight. we're both of grey blood. we're both criminals at heart. I was never a veteran. I was shot by a guard. We can do great things together...

rolled 1 = 1

>>13486049
I've been lookin, sir! I'll redouble my efforts!

Guard dragon?

>>13486062
>not exactly perceptive

>>13486050

But sargh! we're only doing what we love!

To prod shit!

>>13486056
It's no use. I already raided some shops around here 35 minutes ago. Sure, we'll work together, but I do the big things.

See the inquisitor? Any...time...now...

>>13485931
Yee steak be served your Highness, I hope you find it to your taste it is accompanied by raspberry and almond sauce.

>>13486072
Can I have some steak, chef ol boy?

>>13486053

Dagger pigs? what an old idea! these dayses we're all about them thar new Bastardswordpigs. what with their +3 to digest, make great cleaving swathes through the bollocks we throw out!

now where's me noose, need to start on the cows. ESMERELDARH! WHERE'S ME NOOOSE?

>>13486062
I ought to brand you for such incompetence!

>>13486071
I've been doing big things since my testicles dropped! I did yer mum didnt I?

>>13485978
Where's the profit margin in making sex slaves unquestionably loyal? They're already slaves, they'll already have sex with you, a decent one will already pretend enthusiasm... diabolic rites are expensive already; we're talking many times the price of a quality slave each for this kind of process. Can you reliably find customers who will pay twenty times as much for this? If not, stop wasting my time.

>>13486043
Hmm, the classic rite of dark health, probably. Well, he's still got a fair bit of time to report for licensing; thank you for the report, citizen. Here's a copper for your help; keep an eye on that one in case he tries to run, and if he does there'll be something in it for you.

>>13486007
A pleasure to be of service to a fellow professional, sir. Anytime, anytime.

>>13486053
Even minor arcana require that you become an officially recognized servant of the king, sir! To do otherwise is to invite madness, rogue wizards all over the place, chaos!

someone archive this

>>13486072
Damit you serving wench! Captcha get it right for once I told you to bring the flaming meal up five minutes ago.

>>13486106
Well played, fatha.

>>13486100
What makes you think kheyoss isn't my objective?

>>13486072
My dear friend, I have finally found in my dreamland the plant I've been looking for. here , marvel at cannabis!


here, I've been painstakingly synthesising this most rare ingredient in my spare time, called LSD.

use them to bake some cakes, my friend. and do not taste them before you are finished..

just in case.

>>13486118
You plan on starting some kind of cult? Not on my watch, heretic!

>>13486118
whats a "kheyoss"? we gonna steal it? you young 'uns these days!

>>13486114

Now that's pigshit if ever I saw it, Sarh!

>>13486132
I already started the cult.

35 minutes ago.

I am the dragon! I keep your men on their toes and your women inside! I provide invaluable service to your kingdom.

>>13486141
It's a thought, fathuh. Y'know when the pigs git out and runnan all ovah the city and guards an shit chassin em? Dat's kheyoss.

>>13486127
Is this a new herb or spice from the Orient you bring me? If so please bring more, I never have enough to flavour the royal dishes.

rolled 17 = 17

>>13486097
SO SORRY SIR!! WE'LL HAVE HIM FOUND IN A JIFF!!
>>13486132
Yeahhhh, not on OUR watch!

>>13486144

But sarh! your've only been here a few minutes!

>>13486127

We've already had that, look in the piles out back, the pig's waz eating those plants a week ago, Hippypigs we called them, High as a kite pigs sez I.

>>13486144
The seeds of heresy have been planted within my flock, then.

This calls for extreme measures. Good King, I humbly request that I could reassign some of the castle guard to Inquisitive duties for some time. You must understand that our moral purity is at stake.

>>13486159
I oughta give you a slappin' for talking like a git. But never damage the goods, like my father said.
before he sold me

>>13486142
Well why do you think you are tasked with prodding and organizing the brown dumplings my man?

>>13486153
I already called dragon!

>>13486153

Then you can start out back, shovelling the piles. here's a shovel, get to it.

>>13486159

Don't go talking about them pigs again now, I'm warning you about my precious pile producing pigs!

>>13486160

You've add it before ya tit! It's nothing new

>>13486186
You don't look like a candle.

>>13486144
>>13486118
Well, that tears that, then.

>>13486132
Head Inquisitor, my acolytes are standing by to summon and dispatch a few rather nasty creatures against a certain enemy of the crown. They await your order to strike.

>>13486106
ah, you mistake my intentions. they needed act always loyal. just at certain trigger do things they are unaware of knowing.

Say, a certain sexual knowledge that some masters might want to deprive them so that they act always innocent and only on command perverted and knowledgeable. messer assasin knows certain debauched nobles, who are known as trend setters amongst the lordhood of the lands.
Of course, with this practice, certain recipes ,and holds or rituals might be thought and obscured. not knowingly , who knows what harm a debauched ruler's heir or ruler himself might order a slave. They might even fancy being on deaths edge, but loose their souls in death, to certain interested parties you might bribe...

pioneering such a practice of controlling minions without their knowledge might prove to be noteworthy and use full, eh? you could teach after enough experience anyone needed rituals and spells then have them forget it , until opportune moments present themselves... and forget again after the deed is done...

but I am insane, no need to entangle my insane thoughts... disregard this if you are not interested ...

>>13486198
APPREHEND THAT DOPPELGANGER!

>>13486199
What is the nature of these creatures? I will not let you unleash demons, sorcerer.

>>13486198
well neither do you.
Your hair still caught fire that time... ah happy memories.
ahum, lets start planning!

>>13486196

Then you can help your friend shovelling them piles, they don't shovel themselves you know!

>>13486188

Oi! Don't you go dissing my profehshon! Shovelling is a proud and noble act...I've just yet to be promotted from humble prodder *sigh

>>13486227
APPREHEND *THAT* DOPPELGANGER!

>>13486231

Theyz called pigs, they eatz and they shitz, and sometimes if you pull their tail, they'll shit out a log soooo big...

but anyway, these stone walls are nice ain't they?

>>13486260
woah...am I drunk?

>>13486260
>>13486227

well this is easy, just check whose got shit and scars all over their arm!

and then kill both of them, I want their shoes

>>13486231
Well, that depends on which form you fill out... I was rather planning on using 233-A, maybe a couple 415-K's and a 091-F. But if you're particularly insistent that we not 'unleash' any demons, we can stick to the 040 series. It should be enough, unless he's hiding a lot more power than I think he is. Kind of a pain to handle, though.

Really, after our two hundred years of service to the crown, one would think that you inquisitor types would have a bit more faith in my cabal!

>>13486296
I would be a fool to trust the servants of Satan, but this is a dire circumstance indeed.

Very well, do what you must, but heed my warning. If your creatures turn out to be a moral threat to my flock, I will make sure that you will be permanently relocated to the dungeon.

>>13486227
HE'S THE REAL DOPPELGANGER! LOOK AT THIS FIKKIN' CUT AN MAH ARM FROM DEM DAM PIGZ!

>>13486325

Oh please sir! are me and my pigs part of yez flock? I do shovel ever so hard!

>>13486343
Honest labor is a virtue, my good man. The Lord smiles upon all who commit to their duties.

>>13486334

WHAT DID I TELL YOU ABOUT DEM PIGS?! YOU LEAVE THEM PIGS ALONE YOU WORTHLESS WIZARD TRAITOR HERETIC SPANDEX MAN!

>>13486334
*stabs*
aha! My son was better spoken than than!
now lets see if you got any change in your pocket...

>>13486359
THAT DOPPELGANGER'S THE HERETIC

I'M JUST A WIZARD

AND A CANDLE ON MY DAYS OFF

GODDAMNIT DAD

>>13486363
ALSO OW

WHY DID YOU STAB ME

SEE NOW THE DOPPELGANGER GOT AWAY

OW

THIS REALLY HRUTS

>>13486325
We can go with the 233's, then? Excellent. Don't worry, Inquisitor, we've got this.

Acolytes! Prepare the sacrifices! And fetch me my good robe!

***

...another robe ruined by bloodstains... regardless. Demons, capture >>13486334
and >>13486227! If they resist you can inflict moderate levels of harm- call it a 6 with no more than ten percent error on the deSade scale- but don't kill them, and don't touch anyone else! GO!

>>13486383
>>13486369

Only one of yous has shit on your arm and cuts, now who is it???

I'm the castle's resident ghost.

Things were better in my day.

>>13486392
Fuck you boss, i'm goin to get a drink.

>>13486383
crap! I'm not going to jail again!*RUNS AWAY!*

(space station 13 in space, much?)

>>13486402

where the piles bigger? browner? less bladed?

a simple prodder can only dream...

>>13486402

Stop tripping the kitchen maids for fun, I have enough trouble as it is without your silly attempts at gaining a ghostly wife!

>>13486417
God dammit, Daimon. What, one sacrifice isn't enough for you? Greedy bastard demon.

Catch the rogue mage(s) instead of putzing about, and I'll dig up a spare virgin somewhere for you. Last time an imp got loose in the tavern it was hilarious, but most other people didn't appreciate the humor at ALL. So save that for later.

>>13486417
WHAT IS THIS CHILD OF SATAN DOING IN THE TAVERN?

HEADS WILL ROLL!

>>13486470
They're gone, boss. Far as I can see. Naw, ya never developed your return phrase well enough, so I'm afraid that I ain't listenin' ta ya no more.

Ciao!

>>13486485
'Ay, don't bring dad into this, tight-ass.

Now, where's me ale and tavern bitches?

>>13486495
Didn't develop return phrase well enough, my ass. I've been doing this for thirty years, and I know what's going on here- the baby that bastard cheat of a slaver sold me wasn't really a seventh son at all! Seventh -child- just doesn't cut it.

...this is a problem.

>>13486485
...all right, this is a larger problem.

Hey, senior acolyte! Here's the good news: You're promoted. Here, take my mask. I'm going on a trip. Here's the bad news: You have a meeting with the High Inquisitor in.. oh, about thirty seconds. Have fun!

>>13486531

they are over there... in the piles, you'll have to use this stick, and feel your way to them...

>>13486558
Screw your piles! I bet ya fornicate em erry night ya kreep.

Where's my women!

>>13486556
SORCERER!

I have come to exact harsh punishment!

>fornicate
>with piles

that's some bad thinking your doing there summoned hell abomination. Yez best scarper before the high imperial inquisitor of LAWD ALL MIGHTEH strikes you down. and you become part of the piles.

The piles...will prevail

>>13486600
Ooh!

Use da whip!

USE IT!

>>13486600
Harsh punishment? Whatever for? What's going on, Inquisitor?

>>13486639
Ooh!

Yer da one with those thoughts!

Hey, about you and da Inquisitor...heheheheheheee!

>>13486639

Here...why's one of yerz arm's all covered in shit and scratches?...


wait...

>>13486639
Do not play coy with me, whelp! You let those vile beasts into this peaceful community!

You are a corruptor and a foul practitioner of the dark arts.

As Lord is my witness, I shall cleanse you!

PREPARE THE WHEEL!

>>13486659
I, uh. Ritual residue, yeah.

I'm the Jester. Or fool if you would. I certainly am fool to dive so willingly into such a harrowing proffesion

>>13486688
hey inquisitor!

Your wife know about that nun you boinked last night?

HAHAHAHOHOHO!

>>13486688
Wait, Inquisitor, didn't you authorize that? I was right here, you were all, 'do it, it'll be sweet, moral threats, yeah yeah'. I didn't corrupt anyone.

And I'll have you know that I bathe regularly enough that 'foul' is quite inaccurate. Considering how dirty that wheel is, 'cleanse' hardly applies to- URK!

>>13486688

MY LORD! MY LORD! THIS ONE IS THE HERETIC! >>13486692

shall we add him to the piles now oh lord?

Uwahhhh where am I? So high up here?!
Damn seems to be the roof of a tower...

>>13486736

here's a stick, the pile's are behind the kitchen

>>13486688


what shall we do with this one oh lord?

>>13486713
REPENT!

>Spins the wheel

BE WASHED OF YOUR SINS, HERETIC! BATHE IN THE GLORY OF THE LORD!

>Spins the wheel

WITHDRAW THE DEMONS YOU CALLED AND THIS CAN BE OVER RIGHT NOW.

>plays idly with one of the bells on his hat
what's going on here? why is everyone getting tortured?

>>13486770
Hey! HEY!

Maybe you could slap his ass while you're spinnin' im. If I can't find some wenches, Imight as well settle fer dis!

>>13486770
ACK! Why does the glory of the Lord- urk- smell like someone pissed themselves on this thing?

And I told you, I can't- ARGH! Stop, please!- I'm not even the one who- Hey, hey Damion, go back to hell or something, would you?

>>13486775

The piles man, you just have to respect them.

time honored tradition

>>13486812
No.

I dun wanna.

>>13486815
eh? I dont' see piles of anything here, but ego. huge piles of ego, all around, reaching to the heavens themselves with their selfdevotion

Wohaa can see I sum guys bedroom!
Is that a crown on his head?
And wtf is he lookin 4 in his underwear?

>>13486821

Piles, of pig shit, damn man have you never seen the backend of a kitchen? here's a shovel, ask the two 'cwastle dwagons' and 'orange' for help and they'll show you how to do it.

AND DON'T GO MOCKING THE PILES MAN

>>13486840
sorry friend, I don't shovel piles of anything.
I'm here to lighten your mental load, not your physical one.
although,, with you, I doubt your mental load could get much lighter.

>>13486812
>Removes Brian from the wheel

PREPARE THE CHAIR!

>>13486858
OH GOOD GOD WHAT THE FUCK

WHO INVENTED THAT THING

>>13486818
DAMION I HATE YOU DO MUCH

>>13486856

can you dance? or tell a joke? oooh tell me a joke about piles!

>>13486858

how's he doing over there?

>>13486858
Hey inquisi-fucker!

How about I tell your wife about that nun?

>>13486883
I can do both
>dances a little jig
I'm afraid the only good jokes I know about piles involve your mother's...
but I'm not going to talk about them right now. it would be unbecoming in the presence of such obviously devout individuals

>>13486877
>Starts lowering Brian on the chair

LAST CHANCE, HERETIC! REPENT AND RECALL THE DEMONS, AND YOU WILL BE RELEASED IMMEDIATELY!

>>13486907

shame, ah well, never mind. hey know any for a guy whose about to be butt hurt by a pointy stool?

>>13486909

so...when does the punishment start for this guy?

>>13486907
I got a joke for you!

There once was a man from Nantucket...

>>13486909
DIDN'T YOU HEAR ME TELL HIM TO FUCK OFF BACK TO HELL? IT DIDN'T WORK, WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME?

Woha everything feels so dizzy i.... cant....
Zzzzzz

>>13486921
hmmmm. that's a good one..
>walks over and grabs the stool, moving it to examine it
well, with some of the rumors involving the clergy lately, I'd wonder if this is the seat that they normally have their altar boys sit on.
>tosses it to the imp
finish your joke?

>>13486967
...who's dick was so long he could suck it!

BWAHAHAHAH!

HAW HAW THIS PLACE SURE IS A GIANT HEAP OF SHIT.

>>13486983
>looks slightly confused
that's not very funny
was he coloured?

>>13486983

...but there was no mention of piles,

how is this joke? clearly you need to shovel some pig shit and learn how to tell a cracker.

>>13486925
>Stops lowering Brian, as a monk brings him a sealed letter
>Opens letter and reads it

Consider yourself lucky, heretic. This letter is from the real Diabolist, explaining in detail that you are actually just one of his lackeys. This means I have a heathen to hunt.

(I'm out. This was fun.)

>>13487000
Yes he was!

But its been nice on this mortal plane, but since there's no ass for me I guess I'm out.

Toodles!

*bloop*

>>13486997

I do believe sir that your castle is a heap of shit, what with all the crap our trebuchet has been throwing at it for the last hour or so.>>13485965

>>13487013
>I'm out as well. Good times, y'all, thanks for hangin'.

>>13485445

It's only me and wamba now, the only two men brave enough to shovel piles and live life to the fullest!

soniamproud.jpeg

I got dibs on the Kings bastard son !

I steal some meatbread from that baker guy.

>>13487019
DON'T TALK TO ME PEASANT I LIKE IT LIKE THAT. GET BACK TO YOUR HIGH RATES OF INFANTICIDE AND DISEASE, PEON.

>this is archived, right?

>>13487048
>>13487050

There's no one else here now.

...they're one with the great piles in the sky

>>13487072
I'M TAKING OVER THEN. I CAN'T ALLOW THE DIVINE RIGHT OF RULERSHIP TO BE INTERFERED WITH BY YOUR GRUBBY LITTLE PEASANT HANDS.

>>13487089

*presents shovel

you know the routine

>>13487040
>shrugs a bit, and idly plays with a shovel

>>13487048
>name field is snow
>bastard
>iseewhatyoudidthere.jpg