Nothing too spectacular.

On my way to school, I was passed by a couple of guys around my age. One of them held up an obviously hand rolled cigar, shouted "BLAZIN!" at me, and kept walking.

I guess I must look like some kind of stoner.

Okay. Let me give a pretext to this: I live in Seattle, so this is not necessarily that out of the ordinary.

Anyway, I'm picking up my grandma from the food bank where she worked at the time, and I'm just sitting in my car out front. All of a sudden I see a man walking by on the sidewalk on the opposite side of the street.

Nothing strange about him. He's wearing a nice gray suit with a red power tie, nice shoes, reading a half-folded newspaper as he walks. However, something is not quite right. He is holding a leash.

Attached to the end of this leash is a spiked collar, attached firmly around the neck of a scrawny naked man with an extremely well gelled neon green and pink spiked mohawk. This man wears nothing but tidy-whitie underwear. Not even any shoes. He obediently walks on his hands and feet for much of the way, before standing and walking a ways, then getting down and crawling on all fours again.

The man with the newspaper looks up and sees me sitting in the car. He smiles and waves. I do not know what to do.

I smile and wave.

Two or three minutes later they finally turn off of the street I am on and away from the freeway and go down towards the waterfront, disappearing quickly from view.

Yep.

>>13660869
Welcome to Seattle. If you want to see more of this, hang out in Capitol Hill for awhile. Gay Pride weekend, especially.

I was hanging outside the local theater waiting for my friend to come out. Some guy was walking down the road, obviously agitated about something. As I was leaning against the wall the man stopped walking and said" Oh, you're cool" and then keeps walking.

I had braced myself for a fight but luckily nothing happened.

>>13660782
>My face when I moved to the southwest four months ago and have yet to see a scorpion
The longer I go without seeing one, the worse the eventual encounter is going to be. I'm going to wake up covered in them. Fuck.

>>13660869

That's not that strange. Google "Folsom Street Fair." I've seen stranger things of that kind there. Although I guess just randomly running into it is kind of disconcerting.

The other day I was crossing the Bay Bridge and this Highway Patrol car pulled up next to me - it had the spotlight, the cow-catcher thing on the front, and everything, but no lights and siren on top, and it was just some guy in plain clothes driving it. And it was all black. As he pulled past me I saw the back of the car, and where it usually says HIGHWAY PATROL it said, in the same font and everything, UFO RESPONSE TEAM.

I must salute that man.

This picture is the randomest encounter.

rolled 3, 4 + 1 = 8

>>13660980

I saw that van parked while i was visiting the city to go to a museum, man.

The world sometimes rolls the same thing twice, i guess.

One of my friends is a walking random encounter.

I'm pretty sure if you met Dave you would understand.

He once started a religion to try and get out of jury duty, and STILL preaches sermons whenever somebody actually shows up to one.

He once wore a purple t-shirt reading 'I (heart) my gay son' in Arkansas.

He, at one point, tried to steal the Popes hat. I'm not sure he failed.

He's legally barred from entering Canada. The only part of that story I was able to get out of him was illegally crossing the border back into the states with a male stripper on a Mountie's horse he stole.

He can do a gay voice that out-sparkles San Francisco.

I could go on for hours really. Dave's an interesting guy.

>>13661360
>I could go on for hours really.

Please do.

>>13661360
> He, at one point, tried to steal the Popes hat. I'm not sure he failed.

Explain.

All I have is my friend getting hit by a car. He lives like two miles down a back road in the ass-end of nowhere, NJ. Everybody speeds on the thing, it's just long and dull and nobody patrols it.
Back when I didn't drive, he and I took a walk down to the corner store. Now, I've always had a love of black coats, and he was wearing something pretty similar, and we weren't keeping to the side of the road that well. So a car turns the corner, starts chugging - must've been doing 45 by the time he gets to us - and plows into the guy's back.

The driver slows down for a couple of seconds, looks in his rear-view, and speeds right the fuck up.

Friend gets up, brushes himself off, and shakes it off.

>>13661401

I have a friend who built an equation, that baring disaster, can accurately predict someones life-span based off of various input data.

It includes thing like genetics, personality profiles, etc. and it's incredibly accurate. The only reason nobody's bought it is because it's incredibly complicated, but he hasn't been wrong yet.

With one exception.

When we ran the numbers for Dave, it came out as -42 years. It claimed he should have died in the fifties.

I think this fact alone tells you more about the man than anything else I could tell you, but I can keep going if you want. I mean, we played Table-Tops together. He's no longer allowed to play Risk because I always win, and when he starts losing he table-flips and yells 'BLITZKREIG!'.

>>13661479
I want you to keep going until this thread is full, and then start another.

>>13661465

I'm not really sure about that particular story. He said something about how he didn't think the pope should automatically get the worlds coolest hat.

I thought nothing of it until a mutual friend called to tell me I should turn on Mass the pope was doing on some obscure channel. The camera panned around, and my friend pointed out where to find Dave in the group of people standing in the back. The next time the camera panned around, he was gone, and I swear I saw someone moving up out of the frame. Like, climbing.

Dave came back a week later happier than hell, and refuses to speak a word about it.

>>13661479
post

>>13661500

Dave could easily fill up three or four threads by himself.

The thing that he's most famous for is his 'Dave-isms'.

Things that he just... says. In a way that only he probably could. For instance:

Me: Hey Dave.
Dave: Have you ever been so tired that when you went to beat off in the shower you ended up jerking the faucet for like, 20 minutes before you noticed nothing was happening?
Me: . . . What the fuck? Is this how we converse now? Let's try this again. Hello Dave.
Dave: Hello Mike.
Me: How was your day?
Dave: Well, had a bit of a weird start in the shower this morning....
Me: *facepalm*

Not a week goes by when I don't get something like these stories happening.

But back when I lived in bumfuck Iowa, something strange was afoot. I was as though I lived in a land where the normal way things happened just. Didn't. Matter.

I was a pizza guy at the time, and I was on a delivery to a house in the middle of the country. This was fairly routine. They had a long dirt driveway that was gated off and didn't answer their phone. This happened more often than I liked, but it happens. All I could do was deliver the pizza.

It was a dark spring night and it had been raining on and off. I parked outside the gate and hopped it, carrying their pizzas along with me. I slowly made my way to the house, thankful that they at least had the decency to have the light on and a sign at the end saying it was their house. So I walked.
This house was pretty far. As in, I could see it in the distance. Trees were on either side of me and the road was barely wide enough for a car. Annoyed at the walked, and a bit paranoid of dark places thanks to my history of being mugged, I started talking to myself. About nothing in particular, but it was just how I dealt with walking alone in the dark.
Through my droning I heard a squeal. I stopped for a second and then continued walking. Then I heard a revving engine. I looked around and saw no headlights or any streets that they could be driving on, so I assumed the sound was from the street a ways back and I was just hearing things echo off the trees.

CONT

>>13661581
Can I be friends with Dave?

I continued plodding along in the mud. Holding the bag aloft with one hand the way you see in the movies or cartoons. It's uncomfortable, true, but the image is great. I do it as much as possible, even today far away from shitty old Iowa. This was key to the story. Take note.

I was about halfway to the house when I heard a revving noise again. Now, I watch enough horror movies, and read enough things from /x/ that I occasionally get creeped out. I'm not going act all brave and shit. The noise was starting to really bother me. My mind started playing images of chainsaws wielding maniacs bursting out of the trees. Let me tell you, that would have been quite the low point in my delivering history. And I was not anxious to let it happen.
So I started singing loudly, Dr. Horrible songs, if you must know. I sang loud enough to drown out the sound and hoped whatever was there would be bothered by my off-key rendition of a superhero musical.
I was a little more than half way when I came to a small clearing with a crossroad. Odd, I didn't see any alternate paths going to this house when I checked the map. And I checked it pretty good. But, with a swagger in my step and "Everyone's a Hero" belting as loud as I can, I made my way across the clearing.

BAM!

CONT

>>13661672

He just sort of assumes that he's friends with everyone.

So far we haven't encountered a language in the real world he doesn't know. He does odd-jobs when he needs money, anything from mowing lawns to a short stint in a PMC during one of those wars Africa has every other week.

He also has no real permanent home as far as I know, he just sort of couch-surfs and goes to hotels and camps.

A good way to picture him is to think of 'that guy'. You know, the one who's smug, dickish, tells the off-color jokes at the worst times, mooches shamelessly, etc. Now make him just as, if not more, awesome as he acts like he is.

Also, he just called me. We're talking as I type this. He says that he's mathematically impossible for him not to get a threesome and turn a lesbian at the same time, and that one is in fact required for the other.

>>13661714

A car from out of nowhere slams into me, their lights are off. The pizza goes flying into the air, straight up and I and flattened to the ground. The car stops and comes to a rest on top of me. I can still remember is the smell of the mud as I wiggled my arms and legs, making sure I was alive and what exactly was injured. My right leg hurt a bit but it seems like I got away pretty scott free. A few seconds later the doors swing open and I hear a few teenagers scream "Shit shit shit shit shit! What're we gonna do, man? What're we gonna do? We killed a guy. We fucking killed a guy."
The driver just paused. I couldn't see more than his boots but I'm pretty sure he was looking around. Apparently the pizza landed on the hood. "Hey. It was a pizza guy." I hear velcro open and the boxes shuffle about. "Sweet! Pepperoni!"
They get in the car and it starts up again. I pull my arms and legs close to my body and wait for the sickening crunch. But it never comes. They just drive off.
After a minute of heavy breathing, I stand up. I pat myself all over and just start laughing. I was hit by a car and left to die. And the fuckers stole the pizza. I limped to the door and explained what happened. They gave me a lift to my car and I drove back to work. I took the rest of the night off.

Not long after I was sent on a delivery to the same house. Again the gate was locked. But fuck that. I had a SUV. I drove into the gate and they flew open and I floored it to the house. Fuckers are getting their pizza and I wasn't going to walk to their house again.

>>13661742

Okay, fuck OPs question. This thread is now about Dave. How old is he, considering he has been a mercenary?

>>13661360
He is the most interesting man in the world!

I bet Daves blood smells like cologne.

>>13661800

I honestly have no idea. He could pass for anything between 16 and 32 with little effort.

I don't even know his last fucking name, he just sort of walked into my life a few years back.

He doesn't talk about himself much, just fragmented accounts that we had to put together to form the stories.

The merc bit came from him saying Africa wasn't as pretty as you'd think from TV, later mentioning off-hand while we were playing some shooter that AK-47s "don't sound like that", asking about things like where he could sell diamonds 'of questionable origin', etc.

A lot of the stories I have had to be pieced together like this. The only one I ever heard complete from it's source implied that Dave owns a house somewhere in the mid-west, is related to someone rich, and has a sister who might be a lesbian.

Please note that this is the most complete account of anything we've even gotten from him, and it was about fighting a deer.

Less Dave bullshit, more random encounters

>>13661853

Agreed. And I'm the one who's been posting the Dave stuff.

Now that I think about it, the deer thing was probably a random encounter of his very own, but this thread already has too much Dave.

the probability of either dave being a lier or friend guy being a lier is 91%

>>13661899
And yet, I don't care.

>>13661765
that is a fantastic story

>>13661853
Well then, I shall tell the story of my favorite mugging. Forgive some of the repeating of info, I had originally posted this on my blog.

I lived in an terrible Iowan town called Ottumwa for a time. And I mean terrible by Iowan standards, so you know it’s pretty bad. While up there I decided for some idiotic reason or another that I should continue my role of being a delivery driver. So I applied at the local Domino’s and they laughed, said good luck, and handed me a hat. So I took the job. I am not very smart.
One night, back in April I had to deliver to an apartment above a seedy restaurant. In order to get to the apartment I had to go through an alley and climb up a fire escape. Now before anyone get’s on my case, I had to do that a lot in this town, so the thought of “Drive around to the other side closer to the stairs” didn’t really register. So I get out of my car and turn off my sign so I would attract too much attention and started my way through the alley. Out of nowhere this rather peculiar looking fellow jumps out with a knife and demands all of my money. I stop and just stare at the guy. “Give. Me. All. Your. Money.” He makes a couple of stabbing motions to get the point across.
I sigh and put the pizza on the garbage cans next to me and pat my pockets. Then I start fishing around. I realized I had no money. At all. I didn’t even have my wallet. Panicking, I started checking the bag and everything because I’ve been attacked with knives and it’s not as fun as it sounds. I apologize and turn my pockets inside out. “I don’t have any money, man.”
“None at all?”
“No.”
“What about all your tips?”
“Dude, I haven’t been tipped in weeks.” (Only a slight exaggeration.)

Ohgod,night shift in a grocery store thats open 24 hours. Used to work nights at a Top Foods in North Seattle. So we're all out front having a smoke, it's around 3 am, and we hear sirens. See sirens. They go back and forth on HWY99 that fronted the store. Same slew of cop cars going north, 5 minutes later they come south. All chasing a white F150.

North again. We're over our break time, but no one cares because we can hear em coming back... again. So like a buncha idiots we start whooping and cheering for the guy in the truck running from the cops. Who decides that he's gotta get away for real.... And hops the embankment into the store parking lot. Shatters a rim, blows a tire, shreds most of his undercarriage, and limps the truck across the lot into the front pillar at the store.

We're all freaked, starting to bail and run, and this wild haired crazy dude jumps out and starts to run through the entry of the store,chased immediately by a police dog. Then thecops, then the screaming from the bread aisle where the dog got him, and then he got maced...

Fuck. Nightshift.

>>13661948
CONT

“That’s terrible, man.” He begins pat his pants with one hand, keeping the knife firmly pointed at me with the other. Eventually he finds what he’s looking for and pulls it out. He hands me the wad of cash. Bewildered, I take it and just pause. His knife is still pointing at me so I raise up my left hand in a surrendering fashion and hold out the money for him.
He looks at me. “No no no, man. Keep it. You deserve a tip.”
The whole thing hits me at once and I’m stuttering and stammering. “Thank you man. You don’t know how much this means to me.”
He looks at me, his eyes full of pity. “And that’s terrible, man.” He turns and walks away. “And good luck to you, man.”
“Thank you! Thank you so much.” He just laughed and hopped into a car at the other end of the alley. His buddies loudly demanded the money he got from me and he said something in Spanish and they all just laughed and drove off.
I picked up the pizza, delivered it, and the guy refused to give me all the money for the pizza. I was late, you see. I explained and he didn’t care. I had to pay for part of his pizza.
But I didn’t care. I got mugged and the guy gave me $4.
And nothing else I did for that job could even reach that.

----
This is still my favorite stories. While at bars, I often get goaded into telling it after a few drinks. One telling and I get free drinks for the rest of the night.
But I don't care. How many people can say they got mugged and the guy gave them money?

>>13661581
I have to ask two questions because I may know your Dave.
1) Was your Dave ever in the US Army?
2) Is your Dave's last name Welsh?

If the response to both of those is "yes," then he may have been a medic in my unit on my first deployment, and yeah that Dave was a crazy motherfucker.

>>13661967
That's awesome.

>>13661952
Same store, two weeks later. "*** come up front for a service 6." (shoplifter/major problem). Get up there with the other nightshift stock crew... Checker tells us that there is a NAKED MAN in the WOMANS BATHROOM! ...peeing...on EVERYTHING! and we must do SOMETHING about it.

So as the shift lead, I step in there. Yup, hobo high on something, bad trip, shit in the sink, shit on his hands, buck naked and piss dribbling down his leg. And yeah, he sees the door open. And sees me. And decides that he must RUN FROM SATAN!

2 minutes of shit stinking, piss covered naked hobo wrassling later... I'm sitting on his back, waiting for the cops. 10 minutes later, they show up, cuff him, and my store manager shows up, wondering why I'm leaving work...

God, I really HATED working that store.

>>13661952
>>13661996
That's some crazy shit, man.

one time when I was minding my own business walking with some people around the small area that is called the "downtown" of the city I live in, a hobo on a bike rode past me shouting back at me as he went down the street "FAAAAAAAG". This was not the end of bike hobo though, later that night as I was walking over to a local concert about 7-ish, now with one other friend, he returned. Riding faster and more silent than ever he shot past us and screamed "FAAAAAAG" right next to my ear. Now I'm not a guy that's easily riled but if it wasn't so ridiculous and, well frankly, funny, this would have been pretty aggravating. As I left said concert and began walking home later he made his last appearance for the night, just walking along (I don't know where his bike went, some fag must have stole it) he walked right past me and when he was like 10-15 feet away he turned around and shouted "FAAAAAAG" and then rounded a corner quickly. I never saw him again, but I will forever remember that some asshole hobo thinks I'm a complete and total fag.

that's the best story I really have for random encounter.

>>13661996
Fuck. Worst I ever get is people jacking off in the kid's bathrooms.

I pity you man

>>13662036
That's beautiful, man.

Question is: Was he right?

I have a pretty lame ass story of my own.

A buddy of mine and I were driving back home late night after celebrating a friend's birthday party that early evening. It was a fairly ordinary trip back home. It would of remained that way until my friend dropped me off at my house. As we turn into the alley that my house is in the middle of, we saw a dark figure pushing along one of those super market shopping karts.

Our first impressions of the figure was that it was some homeless person carrying whatever they belong through the alleyway. As we came closer we saw a middle-aged women dressed in black acolyte clothing; what she was pushing in the cart was a rather large black bag. When we nearly arrived to my home, I causally whispered to my friend if he can drive around the block for a bit. Without a single hesitation he passed aside the lady and kept our sights past her.

When we came to turn around the alleyway, we searched around the neighborhood, wondering which direction she went. We couldn't find her anywhere around us. We decided to move on. As my pal stopped in front of my tiny home, he said something along the lines like, "Dude, do you think that creepy lady was carrying a body?"

I didn't want to think of it any further so I just told him good night and went quickly inside of my home. Once I was inside, I checked if my parents were okay and they were to my relief. Unfortunately that's where my story ends.

My pal and I talked our late-night experience to our other friends the very next day. They were pretty creeped out about it as much as we are.

My dog. The Badass.

Just finding him was a random encounter on it's own. He's part border collie and part something else that gives him maybe 5% more bulk than one and a strange spikey cowlick along his back that can't be brushed flat for anything.Got dumped out here as a pup, obviously, and he must have survived two years(or nearly so) on his own with no owners around the lake. A lake with all manner of wild life. Including gators.

It was just a weekend home back then.. and he suddenly walks into our driveway like it wasn't any big deal. He made rounds regularly, we found out later. The moment I saw him I knew I had to be this dog's friend. I don't know why. I just knew. It wasn't the lame, "awh a stray let's adopt the cutey!" impulse we all get. I know that feeling. This wasn't a passing desire. This was a NEED. I NEEDED to be this dog's friend.

It was hell just getting him used to the idea of having a regular stable family. He'd visit lots of people.. but no one had ever seen fit to ADOPT HIM. Hell, he was actually kind of a fatty when we first got him. The stinker would mooch at one house.. then move a few houses down and do it again. And again. And again. He LOST WEIGHT after we got him because he stopped mooching.

This dog will just suddenly run into cow pastures and start herding cattle. Fight wild animals for fun. Outrace the family car as a method of playing. Play outside in the driving rain and NOT GIVE A SINGLE FUCK. Come inside? What's that? That place you keep my food bowl? Cold enough to freeze his outside water dish? Just a bit nippy. No problem.

Fuckin' dog.

>>13662051
I'm sure he believed so, vehemently.

>>13661996
Same store, 3 months later. We have a dude, manager, diabetic. Congenital birth defects, short arm. Like, one arm 6 inches shorter than the other.

Customer comes up, says that one of our employees is sleeping on the floor up front. Go up front, yeah, old boy is on his back. "Hey,Hey man?" "hey..?" poke him... he's... not breathing. Scream, and I mean, screaming for someone to call 911, I try and find a pulse. None.

Start CPR. ONLY person in the store who knows/is willing. No AED. Ambulance takes almost 15 minutes to show. I can get a pulse, weak and thready, but no breathing. And the pulse doesn't stay. Everyone standing around all paniced. Turns out some kind of diabetic shock, dropped him in his tracks, then he had some kind of shock/ashmatic attack, and then heart stopped. He was down for at least 10 minutes before someone noticed. He regained conciousness on a machine in the hospital that night for about 20 minutes, was able to track on his wife, responded, but couldn't talk cause of tube... and then died.

Sometimes, random isn't funny, it's just random and sad.

>>13662060
Lets see.. I think I have a good one. Two actually.

This dog has never been on the bad end of a fight. He doesn't even have any war wounds. Yet I know the little shit gets into fights. Early on in our ownership of this strange beast, we got a panicked call from the other side of the lake(for reference, no one has any fences here. dogs roaming free isn't a problem anyone cares about). They spotted our dog near them and he was absolutely covered, head to toe, in blood. Understandably freaked out, we race the fuck over to the last place he was spotted.

We stop the car and he just trots right the fuck up happy as can be to see us. He's covered in blood, alright. Absolutely none of it his. He had the smallest of cuts on his muzzle. That was it. We don't know what he fought. No one did. They know he was fighting something viciously, but that's all we ever found out. Whatever it was couldn't have been too happy after he got done with them. No one ever complained of their dog coming home injured either. He probably fought something wild....


Then, years later, a racoon shows up on our back patio. What does he do? Tries to run it off. It won't leave. It won't even run away from him. So he picks it up by the spine and shakes it like a fucking ragdoll. Puts it down and bark bark. It still won't leave. Repeat this for several minutes. I mean he's doing this right outside the back door. I step outside to see what the hell and HE IS SHAKING IT LIKE IT WERE A PINATA NOT ONE FOOT FROM ME.

He slowly herds it down to the lake's edge.. but it still won't fucking give up. Eventually we just shoot the thing.

>>13662060
That sounds like every dog I've known.

>>13662036
Dude, Seattle hobos are a breed of above beyond levels of crazy and random. I mean, these are the kind of characters that show up in Discworld novels.

My personal encounters include:
Shitty pants man. (sweatpants chronically full of shit)
Bertha the destroyer of shoes ( female incontinence)
Mike Dunlop (some kind of physical defect in muscles of stomach, gut was about a foot long, hanging down pants)
ARGHTRASHCANSMASH! ... yeah...
The toothless carwasher (Protip: thats not water in his cup...)
Smurfette (Painted her eyelids blue... with spraypaint)
Tiny Tim, the chronic masturbator.
Ant-tony (bugeater extrodinaire)

When I was younger, real estate began to develop some woods in the back of my neighborhood. The dirt roads they put back there to start divvying up property, putting in utilities, and the like really opened things up. So instead of just walking back there and playing hide and seek, the neighborhood kids and I started riding bikes, building forts, stealing beer and drinking it, the sort of magical activities that happen around the age of 13.

One day we decide to bike back there, and splayed out in a circle crossing through one of the dirt roads was about a dozen dead pigs. Pigs had never been seen on the island we lived on before. On top of that, all of the corpses were mutilated in some fashion, mostly partial skinnings, but others had their entrails laid out in shapes. They stayed that way for a week before finally disappearing, but the woods weren't really the same after that. People wouldn't go back there for fun but for introspection.

Christ, there must have been a dozen stories for the pigs being there, one for each of the corpses. The rumors of a Boo Radley character, the ghosts of the graves from down the street exercising power, a witch's coven.

>>13662137
>>13662060

...bullhit.

More of a creepy story than a random one.

But one night, I randomly woke up in the middle of the night and couldn't get back to sleep.

So I just layed around in bed pretty bored out of my mind. So then I decided to just sit on the porch (I used to live on the top floor of a condo so it was about 4 stories up), and look out on the town. It was like 3AM so I was bound to see some interesting shit right?

Anyways, a little while passes and one of those..city maintenance trucks drives down the street and stops down the street. The driver gets out, and goes behind a building. A while later he comes back, visibly spooked. He then gets back in his truck and starts shining his spotlight into the bushes.

Now keep in mind, there is a solid wall behind the bushes, and the bushes themselves are like 3 feet tall, so they aren't the type you can hide behind, especially with that wall.

Anyways, he's shining the spotlight very intently into those bushes and then..on the wall is the shadow of a man..and there's nothing in the bushes, or in front of the spotlight..

Needless to say, the guy in the truck FLOORS IT, and I mean FLOORS IT, like, burning fucking rubber.


I quickly went back inside and to this day I'm not sure what the hell that was.

On a side note; one other night I had an occurrence of exploding head syndrome, and let me tell you it is incredibly freaky/hilarious, I thought a NUKE went off in town or something.

>>13662151
DON'T TURN AROUND


They don't like to be seen.

There's a guy in my neighborhood, Lincoln Park in Chicago, maybe someone else has seen him. I know some people who've been here longer than me call him Jesus.

He's probably somewhere between late 40s and mid-50s, long white hair, usually fairly clean-shaven. He wears pretty nice clothes. But do not let this fool you, the man is insane. I'd guess he was homeless if not for his relatively well-kept appearance, so he must live at one of the many old-folks homes in the neighborhood where someone is helping him.

This guy preaches. If you live in a city, it's pretty normal to get some preaching Christian-types. But this guy is WAY more fun than that. He doesn't seem to have picked any particular religion. He mostly goes with New Testament stuff, but I've heard him swing into hellfire-and-brimstone Old Testament Hindu, Buddhism, and some hippy-Gaia stuff. And other times he preaches about completely non-religious things. He mills around the neighborhood enough that I see him on a regular basis. He calls himself "The Man of the Earth."

My favorite was when I was waiting for the train, and he was also on the platform. Suddenly he chimes in:

"AND LO, THE LORD SAID, 'LET THERE BE KRAFT MACARONI AND CHEESE AND ORANGE JUICE. AND IT WAS GOOD."

He also likes threatening couples with snakes.

>>13662137
Oh and the weirdest behavior of this dog.

HE STEALS DISHES.

He will take any not-a-dog-bowl dish he is fed out of and just take it. Finish the food and take the bowl. We once found a pile of other people's dishes in our front yard. Just fucking laying right by the tree. We were able to track down the owners and apologize.

Not so much an issue anymore. He no longer feels the need to mooch. Though I found a stash of lost dishware in his hidey hole in our house last month. No wonder we were low on bowls. Feed him scraps and the bowl would be gone afterward. I guess we all assumed someone else put it up.

I used to work for an animal shelter. Volunteered, mostly, I was still in school and being supported. Anyway, I'm driving around in the boss' Pacifica, transporting a kitten back from the vet. She's just gotten a clean bill of health, shots etc., and we had taken to calling her Jane Doe. Anyway, I look in the rearview mirror and her carrier is empty. I hear this mewing in the footwell, and I fumble around for a minute or two, trying to get a hold of her.

Weeeooo!

Cop pulls me over- apparently I had my foot a little hard on the gas. So I pull over, turn off the car, and roll down the window. Then I fumble around for the kitten, and as it happened I got a hold of her just as the cop came up to my window. I held her up (and I don't know what possessed me to say this) and told her,

"Jane Doe, this is all your fault."

"Well I think we'll give Jane just a warning this time."

I fucking love cops.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Brother_jed

Brother Jed told my friend she was a whore.

>>13662196
Here is the fucker right here.

This is the kind of dog you only see once in your life. He found us. Not the other way around. I don't know what I'll do when he's gone. Probably not get another dog.

Things like this make me want to believe in fate.

>>13662214
You REALLY like your dog.
Mine was pretty bro-tier for his 15 years, so I getcha

>>13662210
Shit still induces bricks being shat now.

I have more homeless stories than you can shake a brick at...most of them devolve into the two recurrent themes of theatrical helplessness and threatening manner.

Getting pulled over the other night, I'm running late to GM a game of Pathfinder. The cop asks why I'm going 15 over, and I reply that I'm late. He asks for what, and I tell the truth. He asks what game. I what for a second before explaining Pathfinder. Turns out the cop had fond memories of 2e and after a 15 minute discussion and a 5 minute check to make sure I had no priors, I was given a verbal warning and a request to give my players hell.

A supermarket I used to work at had a real problem with people stealing meat-related products.

Steak. Mince. Sausages. Chops. You name it, quite often store security would be coming across someone with multiple stock stuffed in their pants or hidden in a baby carriage.

I remember one guy running out screaming obscenities at the managers who were following him going "EXCUSE ME SIR", his arms loaded with more meat than he could carry and run with.

It wouldn't have been so bad except I swear the outfit he was wearing reminded me way too much of the Hamburglar.

Even worse, I later found out the high rate of meat shoplifting was due to a drug dealer in the area accepting meat instead of cash. I heard that he finally got busted/run out of the area, and the day the junkies all found out they were trying to barter what they'd stolen with the local tobacconist.

>>13662262
HOW COULD YOU NOT LOVE THIS DOG?

This is a dog that weighs maybe thirtyish pounds. Yet it takes five fully grown adults to give him a bath. He screams like the very bowels of hell itself if you try, and it takes five people to restrain this ONE DAMN DOG and give him a bath. The last time he got a bath was five years ago maybe.

Which is fine. We once saw him jump into the lake and swim all the way across to the other side. Just to visit someone maybe. I don't know. Keeping in mind this lake has gators in it. I think he's earned his right not to take baths.

>>13662150
I actually live in Bellingham, not too far from Seattle and have heard many tales of the craziness of the Seattle homeless. I've been there a couple times and only seen one public masturbater.

>>13662297
I guess one of the crazies or junkies in the area I live decided it would be a good idea to go into Walmart and just piss aaallll oooveeerr the meat, ruining like, a thousand dollars worth of meat. Makes me feel lucky all my store got was slashed open packets.

>>13662330
Bham.. home of the worst chinese front drug money eatery ever.

Walk in. 4 large dudes look at you like you're crazy. They have a menu from another shop. You order, they walk out, get it take out from there, mark up the price, and very heavily imply that it's time for you to go.

>walking to work downtown
>check the time
> late
>start rushing
>waiting at cross signal
>man on a bicycle approaches me
>no shirt
>look down
>BALLS

From now on whenever I see a bicycle, I see that guy's balls jiggling as he pedals in the wind.

Damn it guys. The only time I came in contact with homeless people they had weapons and left with my money.
My best homeless story involves a blonde lady with teeth that were either black or just missing and a knife. I was handing her the money and the pizza when she took a swipe and cut my bicep. I started yelling at her. "What the fuck is wrong with you? I was handed you the money and everything!" She just started crying and apologizing. And she took a few more swipes with the knife while apologizing.

The knife didn't cut deep or anything, it was barely a scratch. But muggings follow rules. You have a weapon, I hand you money. I leave unharmed. It's simple.

I'm pretty sure I could never get away with yelling at a mugger again, though.

Oh..

My father once got into an argument with a squirrel.

Read that again. I'm serious. Steps out into our luxuriously sized back patio to enjoy the view of the lake. Maybe consider doing some fishing. Squirrel is outside on the lawn. Nothing unusual. It spots him and runs back up the tree. Nothing unusual. Then it travels to a branch above my father and starts yelling at him. Dad looks up and talks back at it. Squirrel chitters angry back.

Don't know what he did, but he made it angry.

>>13662342
I think supermarkets and those sorts of chain stores are a mystical nexus where all the weird and dumb things in the world are inexorably drawn.

>>13662396
I'm sure it was just her first day.

> be 12
> come back from long day of training in Ride (Horse) skill
> go to McDonalds for first time in fuck knows how long
> eat meal, shit is so cash
> walk outside
> see guys in Hamburglar, other McDonalds character suits, drinking, smoking and fighting
> Hamburglar finishes beating up Grimace
> Looks at me and swears in French
> NOPE.jpg

That's when I hit level two.

>>13662423
Then I hoped my yelling at her got her in trouble with some sort of muggers guild or whatever.
There are rules. People need to follow them.

>>13662406
We had a guy come in one night to tell the front lady she was a whore, and Kroger employs whores, and then he rode his bike down the strip mall yelling that to nobody in particular. Because it was about 1 AM. This was the same night that our delivery truck did not arrive and we filled the time chasing a cat through produce.

>>13662396
Ipunched a mugger once... No really, walking home from work, late, I mean like 3am late. And this little buck50 dude come out of nowhere from an apartment complex parking lot behind me, small ass folding knife.

"gimme yo money man"
"Are you FUCKING serious?"
'imafuckin cutchoo man, gimme yo fuckin money man'

He gets a little too close, I pop him one between the eyes, he drops the knife and books it.

I stand there all amped up on andrenaline and breathing heavy for a couple minutes, shrug, and hustle on home.

>>13662330
I demand your first Name!!! I have a cousin in bellingham and this would be one hell of a random encounter.

>>13662405
My dad also seems to not understand the idea of healthy respect for wildlife.

"Hey! Come out here and look at this!"

What do you want?

"Just come out here!

Go outside. Dad is holding a potted plan with a nicely sized Praying Mantis on it. I'm suitably impressed he managed to find such a thing. I'd never actually seen one for real. Just on Discovery, you know? I lean in for a bit of a look. He tries SHOVING THE WHOLE PLANT IN MY FACE. I real back to keep my distance. Of course he laughs and ask me what the problem is.

"Come on. It's not going to hurt you! They're good for the garden. They eat other insects."

Yeah, I know dad. But I'm not touching it.

"You scaredy cat. His jaws aren't even big enough to bite!"

Then I get to laugh my ass off after dad YELPS IN PAIN from being bitten. I warned him against touching the mantis directly, but he insisted it wouldn't hurt him at all. He doesn't say a thing. Just sucks his thumb and puts the mantis back where he found it.

Bitches don't put any points into SURVIVAL. Why is that?

>>13662447
The only real rule in a mugging is force.

Sure, 9/10 or maybe 49/50 you get away just fine handing over money, but then you'll find the guy so tweaked out he stabs you anyways, or the kid who is pissed you don't have enough cash to buy him a hit.

That's why, in light of the fact that the only rule in a mugging is force, a concealed handgun is a much better item to present to a mugger, than a wallet with a couple of small bills.

>>13662405
This and your dog stories make me think it's something in the water. You don't drink the lake water, do you Fuuka?

Today I was waiting for the subway, and for some reason there was only like a half-dozen people at that stop.

This dude just walked up to me, threw a piece of cardboard on the floor, and said "IT ON NOW SUKA" getting in my face. He started blasting some sort of techno-rap shit and break-dancing.

A friend of mine runs up just as the dude's about to finish and apologizes for not warning me that 'this sort of thing tends to happen'. He then dropped right as the guy was getting up and apperently did well enough that a third person declared that he had been 'served'.

At this point the guy who confronted me saw the train show up and said 'let's bump it up, bring all down'. They both moon-walked onto the train.

My friend told me not to get on the train, since he didn't want me to get hurt and that he would explain later.

I'm glad this thread exists, so I don't have to make one.

>>13662465
You won a battle and didn't even take the loot?

>>13662515
Did he explain? Were they roving dance-warriors?

>>13662496
Nope, we're on well water! With a lot of chemicals in it as mandated by state law.

I got sucked into a flash flood in a creek through a 3" sharp-edged aluminum pipe, lost my glasses, tore up my hands clambering my way up the bank (one down to the subcutaneous fat) and came out in one piece. My own fault for stepping into the water in the first place, but man, that was a terrifying ride.

>>13662487
The better solution was to move back out of the hell hole and get a better job that doesn't involve me walking down alleys at night in the run down part of town.

>>13662553

>I was sucked through a 3" pipe

Your typo amuses us.

This thread better be archived when I wake up tomorrow

>>13662150
I was once stopped by a homeless man as my friend and I parked in downtown Seattle. He asked if I had a cigarette. When I gave him one, he explained nonchalantly that normally he'd have to charge me for the parking, as he owns the block, but because I gave him a cigarette he would let it slide this time. He sold it too. Talked like a real pimp.

Fuck I love our homeless people.

totally random encounter:

Used to live in BFE in the inland empire, one of those bedroom communities abutting a huge track of shit that would light up and burn down in like 30 seconds like most of that part of southern california. We had adopted a cat and he was with us for a few years. He was a sometimes outside cat, mostly exploring stuff in the early morning.

Aaanyhoot, this one afternoon he's sitting in front of the sliding glass door in the back, tail thrashing and everything. Go to check it out, and there's a fucking mantis clinging to the screen, staring at our cat. fucker had to be at least six inches tall, attached to the screen, antagonizing our cat. I figured he'd get bored and go do mantis things when he realized he couldn't get in, but no. hour later, i got a broom and knocked him off, then 15 minutes later he'd climbed up to one of the windows, same fucking thing with the cat.

>>13662538

Not yet. This only happened like three hours ago.

Walking around campus, waiting for the light to turn and cross the street.

There's some dude waiting too, diagonally across the intersection. He's got these gloves on, like some sort of bicycler, which is not uncommon, but something keeps nagging at my attention.

I ran into him another time and saw. His hands grow out of his elbows, there's no forearm.

Not me, but my buddy.
Took his daughter to the park, and there were a bunch of mexicans at the bench staring at him. Given he lives in a bad part of town, but he didn't think anything of it.

He bends down to get his daughter out of the stroller when he realizes that someone is standing over him.
Looks up
mexican gangbanger

"Can I help you?" my friend asks kindly

"Yeah," the cholo replies, "Mind getting the fuck outta my terf?" and pulls up his shirt to show a glock stored in his pants.

In one move my friend takes out his knife, stabbs the fucker in the throat, grabs his glock, and points it at the other 4 at the benches, who start running away.

CONT

>>13662060

>a strange spikey cowlick along his back that can't be brushed flat for anything

Sounds like it might be part Rhodesian Ridgeback. My girlfriend's housemate has one of these dogs.

They were bred in Africa to hold off lions until the hunter could get his gun ready. They're basically retardedly fearless and they have a bunch of strange psychological issues from what I can tell. They are the Forrest Gump of dogs.

>>13662471

Your dad confused "cannot pierce flesh" with "cannot cause pain", and paid the price for it.

Their jaws can't do any meaningful damage to a human being, though, and their bite is really more startling than it is painful. You don't expect them to bite, and then they do, and you go OH SHIT WHAT JUST HAPPENED. Stings a little, but it's fine.

My buddy then calls 911 and uses his shirt to stop the bleeding of the fucker he just knifed while telling his now screaming daughter "Everything's gonna be ok honey"

police and ambulance gets there, my buddy gets arrested and tried for "attempted murder"

The judge sees the case, and yells at the prosecuting attourney that the Defendant had brought his infant daughter to the park, and 5 "Cholos" with criminal backgrounds tried to start trouble with him, and now he's being tried for attempted murder, and calls him a fucking idiot.

He then tells my friend he is free to go.

>>13662760

Sounds like some bullshit.

>>13662760
>>13662714

If that actually happened, I applaud your friend.

>>13662737
What kind of issues?

He's a very smart dog, as is appropriate for a border collie, but he has his own issues. We can't determine if they're just from growing up on his own or not, but the prospect of having a dog that is the best parts of badass and brains is great.

>>13662744
I laugh even thinking about it now. My rule is to look and not touch. Even with little lizards. Just out of general respect rather than fear.

He had to be macho though.

I got one.
My dad and I decided to go to New York.I went out walking and was standing on a street corner (15th and Irving) when an old Asian man (he looked Vietnamese or Cambodian) wearing jeans, brand-new tennis shoes and the most tattered windbreaker I have ever seen walked up behind me and stood at the curb. I feel that I should mention here that he smelled like a diaper. Literally a diaper; not shit or urine or anything - he smelled like a diaper. Suddenly, I notice that the man is holding a bag. Looking more carefully at the bag, it came from a delivery service and was filled with a large number of peach-colored nodules that I later decided were chickpeas. Anyway, as I watch the man bends down and empties his bag into the pool of fetid gutter water. After shaking the last peas from the bag, he begins to stir them with his hands. He does this for a couple of minutes, RUNS HIS BAG ALONG THE BOTTOM OF A MANHATTAN GUTTER, collects his chickpeas and water, lights up a cigarette, walks out into a red light and is narrowly missed by a truck.

fucking weird

>>13662872

If the mantis feels like it needs to bite you, you're probably holding it in a way that makes it feel like it's going to fall or otherwise threatened. If it does bite you, it'll stop when the problem is fixed or when it realizes the bite isn't doing anything, and you'll be pretty much fine. They can be pretty chill bros, for insects.

>>13662900
Oh you just reminded me!

He had to PRY IT OFF his finger. It wouldn't let go without a fight, but yeah. Mantids are cool. Have respect though. Don't assume your superior to the local wildlife.

My brother told me a story from when he was living in Seattle.

He was coming out of his friends house, to his friends car that was parked on the street, and they found the street-window broken. Front and back. Shit, that's expensive, right? Still, the car still works.

As they're driving away, they notice that the next car has both street-side windows broken, as does the next, and the next, and the next. Like somebody drove down the street real slowly with a piece of metal, breaking windows.

However, the last one has broken windows. And blood. Lots of blood. And no more broken windows beyond it.


The other story he told involved mexicans. I don't know the veracity, but apparently, to compete with California, or somesuch, they import Mexican laborers for the farms up there. This leads to Mexicans getting together and getting drunk when they aren't working. And apparently that leads to Mexicans deciding to all pile into a car, rig it up with a horse's bridle so they can drive from the back seat, and hit the road.

Naturally, they crash into shit. That sounds like a random encounter to me.

"Okay, you're travelling to Seattle, called ahead, making a few preparations... Suddenly, a battered ford sloughs wildly, about to run you off the road. You can see a bunch of drunk mexicans in the back seat. Roll initiative."

>>13662891

Sounds like a wizard to me.

He's cursing the establishment in front of the gutter.

Or giving it luck.

I don't know what chickpeas represent.

>>13662872

I'm not really a dog person (without Zyrtec I'd be just constantly sneezing around the dog I mentioned) but I know he has pretty bad separation anxiety and he's basically untrainable. He's dumb as a post and he's part ridgeback, part god knows what, so it probably doesn't apply much to your dog, if it's mostly collie, who are very bright dogs I hear.

>>13662935

In the LA area unscrupulous attorneys have been known to hire Mexicans to pile into a car, swoop in front of a truck, and slam on their brakes. The attorney then sues the trucking company on their behalf and collects tons of money in fees.

Any driver can tell you that Asians are much more dangerous drivers than Mexicans, though.

My god. Some of the stories here... My god.

This one time I saw a homeless Korean guy who looked exactly like a clone of Ahn Jae Wook. I was so surprised, I gave him ten bucks.

Yeah, I don't have many random encounters on par with the ones in this thread.

>>13662956
They represent his dinner.

Random encounters, you say? I might well have been a random encounter for some people a few nights ago. It was over at the train station, Friday night, around 4AM. Waiting for a friend, we had randomly decided to meet. Across the street, four people randomly started a fight. Here's a bit of explanation: it's damn cold around here, so I was wearing my air force greatcoat and Doctor Who scarf. I casually went over and tackled the largest guy, wrestled him to a stalemate, and said something to the likes of "Let's stop this silliness, shall we?". He agreed, I approved, everything was back to normal.

>>13661948
>>13661967

I've actually had a similar random encounter. I was working nights at the time, a phone tech support job that barely paid for rent and food. I couldn't afford a bus pass, so I had to walk every night to my 11:00 shift.
I lived in a decent neighborhood and my office wasn't too far away, but I had to cross my city's kind of skeezy bar district to get there. I'm a pretty non-threatening looking girl, about 5'5" and 96 pounds, and I got harassed pretty regularly in that area. Nothing serious, usually just drunken catcalls.

So anyway, I was on my way to work one night. Earlier in the day, I'd found out that my now ex-husband had emptied our bank account, run up my credit cards, and fucked off across the country to be with some fat larp whore he'd previously cheated on me with. So understandably I was upset and furious, running 10 minutes later than usual, and looking at the ground as I walked and not paying attention to my surroundings.

As I was passing an alley between two bars, somebody bumped against me from behind and nearly knocked me over. He moved like he was going to steady me, but instead grabbed my elbow and pulled me into the alley, where there was another guy waiting.

I was pissed off, exhausted and probably not entirely sane. I took the change in my pocket, less than a dollar, and put it on the lid of a trash can. I told the muggers that was all I had in the world, and they'd have to stab me for it. I said if they wanted to rape me, they'd be risking god knows what kind of dickrot because my husband cheated on me with a diseased whore. So they'd better either kill me or let me go, because I while I didn't care if I lived or died, there was no way I could be late for work.

The guy that dragged me into the alley gave me $20, the other guy gave me his knife and a snickers bar. They told me to take care of myself. I got to work on time.
Oh, and no STDs either.

The whole dave thing reminds me of David Wong's book "John dies at the end"

"There are a lot of things about this undisclosed city that the chamber of commerce won’t tell you, like the fact that we have more than quadruple the rate of mental illness per capita than any other city in the state, or that in the ’80s the EPA did a very discreet study of the town’s water supply in hope of finding a cause. The chief inspector on that case was found dead inside one of the water towers a week later, which was considered strange since the largest opening into the tank was a valve just ten inches wide. It was also considered strange that both of his eyes were fused shut, but that’s another story.
My name is David, by the way. Um, hi. I once saw a man’s kidney grow tentacles, tear itself out of a ragged hole in his back and go slapping across my kitchen floor."

>>13663316
Oh wow.

ARCHIVE THIS

>>13663169

Pics of this outfit? Sounds epic.

>>13663458
>>13663458

So I'm not the only one who's had weird experiences working in stores?

First one happened on a Thursday a few weeks before Christmas, nothing particularly weird about the day.
I was working the 6pm to midnight and no one showed up, not a single customer.
This was pretty creepy because every day of the week until then had been bustling with people until the midnight shift change, never happened again.

The next one I have is a particular woman in the store.
I worked on the registers so I was walking to the break room and I see a woman go out of the change rooms.
She was about 60 years old, had a heavy fake tan and was wearing a tank top and white sweat pants.
Except the pants were stained a nice yellow and still dripping.
Then the yelling from the change rooms started, followed by me going "Excuse me are you alright?" she just smiles and says "Yeah I'm good."
She was questioned by our stern looking manager and she denied it vehemently.
She was let go but had to pay for the cleaning, still constantly denying everything.

One last one where I merely saw it but it was sufficiently weird.
Two people are walking out, one a thin woman with blonde hair in her 30s. The other person was a fat guy, probably early 20s.
They were a few meters apart and walking in separate directions.
Then the woman screams something like "GIVE IT BACK!" at nothing, then turns around and bull rushes the fat guy.
Fat guy is knocked over suprisingly and she starts punching him. The guy is squirming on the floor sqealing like a pig while she wails on him.
Then I hear "ALL STRONG MEN TO THE FRONT OF THE STORE!" over the PA while a variety of people rush to subdue them.
Never did find out what she wanted from or why the words 'strong men' were used because there was no official designation like that in the store.

>>13663471
They... wanted men. Men who were strong. So they could restrain the woman.

It's kind of obvious, man.

Fuuka's story remindered me of my own random encounter with the praying mantis.

I was taking a break after pulling weeds above the entrance of a community college gymnasium listening to some music when i feel a tug on the front of my shirt. I look down and see two adult mantises and five or six little baby ones crawling on various points of my clothing. I pull an earbud out and the words "sup broseph's" comes out of my mouth as naturally as if it was my hippie douche bag brother speaking. They all look me in the eye and them go about their business hunting for bugs amongst the folds of my clothing.

>>13663316
Be my waifu

I live in the ghetto. There's a liquor store a couple doors down from my place, where the neighborhood goes to buy staples like Newports, Kraft macaroni,and MD 20/20. It's on the corner of the two busiest streets in the area.

I was in there getting some groceries, and on the way out saw a person standing just outside the bus shelter. Sweatpants, hood up, grimy, looks like another bum. There's a red light. Traffic is stopped. There's a bus unloading on the corner, and this person drops their pants down to mid thigh and starts to piss into the street.

Dirty snow, exposed asscheeks in mid January, horrified faces in car windows, a strong smell of sour beer and an arcing urine stream. Sure is Milwaukee over here.

The pisser finishes up and turns around, still pulling up their sweatpants. It's definitely a woman.

MFW

one time I was leaving the subway when I see two guys walking along the street. the one in front looked quite annoyed. I imagine is was because the guy behind him was yelling "dildo" into a megaphone directly into his ear. over and over. at the fifth yell, the dude in front turns around and yells "WHAT THE FUCK MAN?!"

the guy with the megaphone sheepishly replies, "Oh... I thought you were someone else..."

BUMP FOR THE GOD DAM BUMP GOD

I've got a random encounter. Before I start, let me say I'm a pretty chill guy, and my roommate invites random people he knows to the house all the time so shit like this is usually not out of the norm.

So one morning, I wake up (admittedly at like 1pm because I work nights and am a lazy fuck) because I hear the TV blaring from the other room. I figure my roommate must be playing Call of Duty too loud again or something. The guy is hard of hearing, I swear, always has the TV up. So I groggily get out of bed, in nothing but my boxers, and stumble into the living room. Somebody is sitting on my couch, watching TV. I'm about to open my mouth to say something, when I realize that it's not my roommate. In fact, he's out of town for the week so he can go to some convention or another. As a matter of fact, I've never seen this guy before. I must have been standing there for about a full minute or two, before the guy suddenly realizes I'm there, turns around, and smiles. Our exchange went something like this.

>Guy: "Hey."
Me: "...Hey."
-Awkward silence for a few seconds-
"Uh... Right, can you turn it down? That's pretty loud."
>"Oh, sure, no problem." *turns it down and goes back to watching TV*

So I get a shirt and some jeans on, head back out, and look at the guy on my way to the kitchen. He's got a black dress shirt on, some khaki pants, and some regular old white tennis shoes. White guy, cleaned up, short hair, seems nice. I stop for a second and try talking again.

"Hey uh... You want something to eat?"
>*Doesn't even look away from the TV* "Nah, I'm good."
"Okay... Need anything?"
>*Inspects his watch, then shakes his head, once again not looking at me* "Just fifteen more minutes."
"...Okay."

>CONT

>>13663780

I look at what the guy is watching, and turns out it's pretty much nothing. He sat on one channel for a minute, then flipped to another, another minute then another, and repeated it a couple times before I shrugged and continued to the kitchen. I make myself some breakfast, which takes a few minutes, then head back out with my newly acquired cereal.

"So, who are you?"
>"John."
"You a friend of <REDACTED>?"
>"Who?"
"...Wh-"
*suddenly, guy's watch starts beeping*
>"Whoop, time's up. Thanks."

At which point, before I can respond, the guy stands up, hands me a hundred dollar bill, then lets himself out. I stand there dumbfounded for a minute, then proceed to sit down with my cereal and watch some TV.

End of the week, friend comes home. Asked him if he knew a guy named John by that description. Friend shrugs and says he's never met someone like that before in his life, wants to know why I asked. I tell him the story, and we both just kind of sit there confused for a bit before kind of brushing it off and going about our business as usual.

It wasn't until a while later I realized I lock my door when I come home. How the fuck did he get in?

>>13662935

>However, the last one has broken windows. And blood. Lots of blood. And no more broken windows beyond it.

Sounds more like it was a dude going around punching out windows, then.
Presumably with his fist wrapped in something.
Then at that last window, the wrap failed, he got cut, and decided this wasn't fun anymore.

My only random encounter only lasted one round.

I was walking along a road, and about to reach a crossing.
From the side, I get TACKLED (I mean, like, professional linebacker takedown) by this massive meat-wall of a man, I go tumbling about 12 feet into the street (which was thankfully empty), break my nose, twist my glasses beyond repair, and generally get scratched up. Probably fractured a rib or two but never got it checked out.
I'm completely dazed and basically in shock, he gasps like he'd been stabbed and immediately began apologizing profusely, picked me up and helped me limp back to the sidewalk and gave me nearly 400 dollars. Apparently he thought I was someone else.
I never got to see him clearly thanks to the destruction of my glasses, but he was pretty massive.

I think I lost that battle. Thankfully he was Chaotic Good?

>>13662396
>But muggings follow rules. You have a weapon, I hand you money. I leave unharmed. It's simple.
Keep telling yourself that when the guy takes your wallet and then shoots you.

Drill sergeant came to the rifle range all pissed off one day, I mean, more pissed off than usual. Tearin into anybody for nothing. Normally he was an asshole, but a cool asshole.
Then he got all quiet, took a kid's rifle away, and said to the entire squad
"SON! THIS IS HOW YOU USE A FUCKING RIFLE!"

My Drill sergeant shot himself.
Put the barrel in his fucking mouth and pulled the trigger...


Found out later he'd just learned his wife was cheating on him.

Guy a few bunks down from me hung himself in boot in his own footlocker

never knew why either
just hanged himself with his own belt

>>13664045
>>13664061
These are just depressing. I'm going to bed, /tg/.

>>13664045
>>13664061

Depressing stories time?

Depressing stories time.

>>13664045

I've always thought I'd kill myself if I found out my gf was cheating on me, I'm gonna take notes from this guy.

>>13664068
Please don't.

A girl with whom I've been friends for four or five years, the line blurs as we were mixed up in different companies at the time, suddenly starts talking about some new music, new albums, new books she started to read... etc... some ten minutes later, we get to a crossing light, waiting for it to turn green. While we're waiting, she turns to me, suddenly mouths "I love you" and jumps in front of a incoming buss. I bloodied my fists for the first time in my life that day, and some people eventually separated me from the driver.

>>13663953
Yeah. I am well aware I was incredibly lucky every time. I know the danger and every time it left me freaking out.
But that doesn't mean that there isn't an underlying code of conduct that I counted on.

And again, like any rational person, I realized the risks far outweighed the benefits of living there and packed my shit up and left for a better place to live again. I am now in a town with a low crime rate and have a nice, safe job. Nor do I continue to wander around alleyways at night.

Back when I was like 13, I went to a big party that some extended family members were having. Late into the night, people are starting to thin out and my 20-something year old cousin comes back in from the front yard saying how one of my uncles friends hanged himself with a tire swing rope in their backyard.

To this day never found out what the fuck that was about.

>>13664099
>>13664087
>>13664061
>>13664045
Samefag detector pinging loudly!

And my, there goes the bullshit detector along with it!

>>13664118

Yeah... no. Learn to distinguish. Or at least bother to comprehend.

Jesus enough suicide. srsly...
Well okay here is my 2 cents
So a few years back my life sucks, all sorts of reasons waa waa, just got kicked out of my flat, lost my job that whole shebang. I decided to end it i grabbed my 'boot knife' (big ass cmbat motherfucker) and head out to the park a few blocks down the street, nothing fancy no last words just going to cut some arteys.
its about 3 am as I sit down on the swing, no pussy footing about i place the knife against my skin inbetween my ribs, AND OUT OF FUCKING NOWHERE, i shit you not /tg/ a man in a yellow raincoat who could only be described as Merlin walks by me and says
'Dont look so depresed, its only going to get worse"
and here i am typing this today

>>13664131
Yeah, fuck you buddy. Four death and depression stories in the same style, all of which are slightly modified pop culture deaths, one right after another? That's some lameass filling the thread with bullshit, probably intending to make people SO SAD.

And if you don't see how each of those four is based on a major pop culture death with a few details added, fuck you. Get a bit of modern culture before whining for explanations.

>>13664153

What pop-culture deaths? I honestly have no idea what you're talking about.

Walking through a park on dark and dreary night, headed home after night shift, when off in the distance of the trees i see a man preforming, what my best guess was tai chi. so i sat down on a bence and watched this guy for a few miniutes swaying to anf fro, thinking i could learn me some tai chi form this midnight master, and then it dawns on me. This is not Tai Chi, this is a drunken bum trying his damnedest not to fall face first onto the ground he is so piss drunk.

Drunken Bum Tai Chi, it's blackbelts will never fall over when intoxicated

Here are a few random encounters of my own from the Seattle Metropolitan area.

Lynnwood - a year ago my friend and I were out late near Alderwood mall, say 3am, when we heard loud techno music playing. We decided to investigate, and there were four guys dancing within a car with the doors ajar - but two other guys were trading stuff by the trunk. What was very strange is that they were all dressed in neon Victorian style clothing. After the two guys near the trunk finished, they all drove away.

Seattle - My short list of homeless people experiences:
- A man licking red cars, only red cars.
- the Screamer lady
- frequent public masturbaters
- a homeless "fight club" underneath the Alaskan Viaduct.
- a homeless black woman who stalks people going into banks, and tries to sell them the same copy of porn (near Westgate Mall.) she's trying to get bus fare, which apparently costs $20. (Recently arrested for drug use.)
- a man who couldn't stand on his own two feet without my assistance
- a man completely passed out halfway on the side walk
- a homeless masturbation party.

FUCK DEPRESSING STORIES

It's /my/ turn.

So I work as a security guard. We get crazy folks all the time, but nobody quite so crazy as the folks in this thread.

However, while I was working in Oceanside California as a floater, I came across my favorite guy.

So I'm working the cinema just outside the Oceanside Pier, night shift. I'm the only guard there at this point, and my bosses have me chill inside for about half an hour before walking around for twenty or thirty minutes. Sweet deal, easy since I'm new. Thing is, it's a site that's located between like five bars, and Camp Pendleton is nearby.

Now, I love Marines. My uncle was a Marine in Nam, earned a Navy Cross. I can sit down with a man and after one minute of talking with him, know he's a Marine and know he's my new friend for life. I dunno what it is. But man, I can't stand drunk Marines, 'cuz they have to puke on /everything/. Every night there's three new puddles of puke before eleven o'clock, because we had a public-access bathroom.

So I'm chilling in the office, figuring out how to use my new Droid I bought with the money I'm now making, and I hear someone retching in the alley. Fuck. I go out, and sure enough, there's a Marine, hand on the wall, beer bottle in his hand, puking into the corner. I wait until he's finished and he turns around before gesturing quietly to the bathroom not ten feet away and asking, "You really couldn't make it?"

He looked at me for a moment.

Then turns around, and looks at his puke.

Then looks at the bathroom.

Then down to the puke.

Then back to the bathroom.

Then back to me, wiping his mouth.

"N--uh, no."

I busted up laughing at this, and just told him to get the fuck outta here.

>>13664177
Or when Walking home on another night, tired as hell from a doubleshift clad in my trench coat and a hoodie, minding my own buisness when i spy a man running at me full tilt. Im not sure if he is at ME or along the sidewalk at this point in time so i just keep to my side of the road, and yup he was running at me. he 'tackles' me, if it can be called that, meerly making me take a step or two back. And im about to start beating the shit out of this when i SWEAR this is one of my coworkers, but its dark and im not so sure. then he starts swinging punches into me, he must have been throwing them like a wacky-arm-inflatable-flailing-arm-man, because with little to no effort on my part i parried 70% of anything he threw at me, and the punches that did land where...unimpressive, at best. So i figure, yeah this really must be my coworker and he is just fucking with me, that makes sense right? The man stops trying to hit me, and gets up in my face. this gives me a second to get a good look at his face, this is Totally not my coworker, this man is trying to roll me. but he is doing a piss poor job of it.
So me, still confused as hell, say the fisrt thing that comes to mind
"Is there anything i can do for you , sir?"

CONT

>>13664278
to which he yells in a voice seething with anger
"I HATE EVERYTHING"
and starts to throw some more sloppy punches at me. not a single one lands, and by this time im feeling so bad for this piss poor mugging, i take a step back (Still Confused as hell) and say:
"yeah man, we all do"
A Stare down ensues, him shooting daggers at me. myself a mix of bemusement and curiosity.
Me: "Well...im, just ah...going to go now..."
and turn around and start walking hopiing to high heaven he doenst clock me in the back of the head.Nothing. i look over my shoulder and he is walking down the sidewalk getting further and further away from me.

some how i managed to become a 20 level monk, being complety stoic (read: really fucking confused) and won a fight because the guy couldnt land a blow on me., then just gave him the cold shoulder(Read: Got the fuck out of there) and walked away like a badass.
my rolls had to have been something like
1 Sense motive
20
20
1 Sense Motive
20
20
20
1 Sense Motive

I live in another country than what I grew up in. My parents still lived in the old country. I'd been growing more and more distant to them as depression was setting in over unrelated causes, and I'd just had a fight with them on the phone over something stupid and trivial. I knew they'd be driving cross-country by the time I decided I was a stupid fuck and should call them to apologise - a couple of hours later - so I figured one of them should be able to answer the phone pretty quickly.

The phone rang, rang, rang... I got connected to their answering service. Hanging up, I got this sense of foreboding and tried calling again.

A stranger answered the phone. He was an ambulance driver. They'd just found the phone lying outside the car. They'd crashed. Both had died instantly.

I still hate myself for not calling sooner.

>>13663787
I had something similar happen in our student home. We lived there with 11 guys so there were always other people around, but when I woke up one morning and saw a 40 year old guy sitting in our living room, eating a peanut butter sandwhich I was pretty sure he didn't belong. I asked him what he was doing and he replied in english (I live in the netherlands) that he was hungry and needed a shower (his hair was wet) but I fixed your tv in return! So I turned on our extra tv and t actually worked (had been broken for over a year).

Me and two friend splayed video games with him for most of the day, never saw him again after that...

>>13664228
now all you need is a screaming homeless porn distributing ring/ masturbatory fight-club. and you can call it a life

>>13664302
Yes, this, then I can die a happy old man.

Walking towards the train station in Madrid, big street called Paseo de Castellana for any who know it. Suddenly notice a ratty looking man running along the road, where the cars should be. He looks exhausted, like someone who has run a marathon. Then a police van pulls alongside him and the biggest policeman I've ever seen steps off the back, ambles over to him, picks him up like a kitten, carries him over to the nearest tree by the side of the road and slams him into it.

Then he gets back on the van with his prey and they drive off.

Those aren't Fuuka's only strange stories, the man is like a walking cool story bro.

all right, so... group of friends were over at our recently deceased as in, he died less than 24 hours ago, house going through his things. My best friend and another go out... to get more beer, i think, so we can get pretty smashed up together, coz we're all hurting pretty bad.

so the group of us smokers go out on the porch to smoke while we wait, and while we're sitting there this little... tramp comes walking by with two purse sized dogs on a single leash, tugging at them like a vapid hoe because they're obviously misbehaving. Friend one says to her "Hi!" and she turns around and starts to fucking flip out and call us all assholes. Dead buddy's parents have three dogs at this point, who smell the others and start going apeshit. With all the dogs barking and sadness and everything, I start going off on the little whore to the point that my friends have to step in and restrain me.

She eventually storms off, saying that my buddy was the only one of us that was nice because he kept the big dogs from mauling her little toy pieces of shit.

All from a dude saying "hi," to her as she passed. Could have just smiled, or just blown him off, but no, had to turn around on that day and pull some fucking shit.

i was trying to use a can opener on something that a acan opener isnt suposed to be used on, a Clamshell for a cellphone or someshit, and suprise! it broke with a pop, the cutting wheels wouldnt spin with the crank, and they had jammed or something. So just being my dumbass self, i told my girlfrined standing right next to me:
"no worrys we will just put it in a bowl of hot water with some salt in it, and say a prayer" bullshitting because it was obviously broken.
we go ahead and fill a bowl with hot water, sprinkle some salt in it, and I say the sheperds prayer ( the one from boondock saints, with the latin replaced with Ave Imparator) sign the Aquilla. and pull the can opener out of the water.
And It workes to this day. I dont even ccare if you dont beleive me. Voltron shaman is my God now.

>>13664343
Counts as technocleric.

>>13664366
Well the Void Dragon can come too, at least he fixes shit for me.

Walked behind a lady in Harvard Square who kept screaming, "BURN, IT'S ALL GUNNA BURN. YOU'RE THE ONE WITH SOCIAL PROBLEMS" but the kick was she wasn't a bum, she had on a nice sweater and was carrying a basket of freshly folded laundry (i walked behind her for 5 blocks and she didn't stop yelling even for a moment....until a cop told her to shut up then it turned into a mumble)

Once my 3 year old kid walked up to me with a glove on his foot.

"Meow. I'm a chicken".

I did d4 non-lethal damage to him.

This isn't one I experienced, but I heard it from a friend in the police, and I'm pretty sure I saw it in the local news.

So anyway, one night him and another officer are sitting in their car, parked at the side of a road somewhere in Scotland. As far as I remember, that night they were the guys out with one of those little gizmos that measures the speed of passing cars so they can clock people speeding and head after them in the patrol car.

This night, on this fairly minor and poorly lit road, 'something' screams past at about 120mph. Weird thing is, the object is absolutely pitch black, no lights - just engine noise and SPEED.

The thing was way out of sight before they could even think about going after it, but the local cops looked into it, got a few speed camera images and after the object was spotted a couple more times around the area, they had just enough to determine what was going on.

Turned out, it was a pair of aircraft techs from the local RAF base in a black Ferrari.

Wearing night-vision goggles.

>>13664449
That's as awesome as it is utterly retarded to try, night vision goggles don't give near as much light as people think they do--and the first car going in the other direction would blind you.

Then again, life on base gets boring. And that's why you have people doing stuff like that, or stuff like pic related--sledding behind a Mirage.

>>13664507
Durrr, I said Mirage. That's actually a Viggen, I think. Not that most of you will care or have a clue about the differences.

>>13664507
>night vision goggles don't give near as much light as people think they do
More than enough to drive a car down a long, straight road at night (especially when you practice at day)

>and the first car going in the other direction would blind you.
Not for current game systems. The whole "bright light blinds NV goggles" is only true for outdated systems and video game cliches.
A gen IV NV device can be used in broad daylight, no problems. In fact if someone shined a spotlight at your face during the night you'd probably fare better with a gen IV NVD than without one, as the NVDs can adjust far quicker than your eyes can.

don't you 404 on me!

>>13664449
On that subject, I have a story from my dad (who fought in the first Gulf war, and is a bit of an army enthusiast) It's probably made up, since this is my dad, but whatever.

At a British air base I can't quite remember the name of, a lot of spyplanes were being tested. Some Americans were showing off pictures in the mess hall and bragging. Pictures of the base from above, taken by their spyplane without it being detected. So they're bragging away, when some Royal Engineers come over and go 'Have a look at these'

Pictures of the American spyplane.

Taken FROM ABOVE.

While it was taking photos of the base.

>>13664822
spyplane vs spyplane?
did the black one put a bomb in the white spyplane's back pocket while he was taking those pictures?

>>13664583
You ever used those? Even ones that get issued to troops in the field today are bitched about, with probably the biggest complaint being "can't see shit". Sure, if you get top of the line equipment you won't have near the problems with pixelization, brightness, and tunnel vision, but as a soldier? Good luck getting those (or signing them out when not deployed or using them in training).

I'll admit if they could afford a black Lamborghini they may well have bought their own high-spec goggles.

>>13664863
Hahah, probably not.

I hope it's true, because it would make my dad even more awesome. This is a man who has every Pratchett / Tolkien and Adams book on shelves, has fake dollar bills from an AC DC concert (when they rained them down on the crowd via a giant bell) and collects camping stoves.

His pride and joy is a Series 1 Landrover. I got him a taxi horn for it this Christmas, which I knew was a mistake when I got woken up with a loud HONK! next morning.

I was driving to work one day and was stopped at a traffic light when I noticed a wonderful scene about to unfold.

On the sidewalk along the street I was on, there were two high school-aged girls walking along, chatting to one another, just plain ol' minding their own business.

On the sidewalk of the perpendicular street: A man on a BIG ASS horse out for a trot.

There was a building between them so I knew that they couldn't see one another and, at the pace that each were going, I suspected that they would turn the corner at the same time.

I wanted to stay and watch as these two girls come around the corner and HOLY FUCKBALLS! HORSE OUT OF NO WHERE!? WHAT ARE HORSES DOING IN THE CITY!?!? FUCK, CINDY! ROLL FOR INITIATIVE! ROLL, BITCH! but, alas, the light turned green and I had to be on my way.

Another, less interesting random encounter was a kid (little -little- kid. I'd say 6 years old) wandering the halls of my college in swim trunks, goggles, and an inflatable tube. My school doesn't have a pool nor am I aware of any pool in any of the buildings close by. And why is a kid just wandering the halls of a college!? Fucking gnomes...

>>13664583
I was told while you won't get blinded, it'll fuck up the nvgs so you're screwed anyway

>>13664890
British military is officer-bloated (some 40% COs), so they could well have gotten their hands on some more... expensive tech.

>>13664957
fucking gnomes...

>>13664988
Probably because you get free Uni education out of it (that may change soon though) Also the fact you probably don't get shouted at as much.

Does that even happen? I have no idea. Do Squaddies get shouted at as much as the media suggests?

>>13663316
I ....I D'awwed. Shit sucks to hear about your husband though. :/

RISE FROM YOUR GRAVE

I lived in Costa Rica for a while, so I have lots of random scorpion in my shoes encounters.

Some really weird ones thou:

Came home at night, went to get in my bed, turn on my light for some reading, and there is a 6-8 foot long python chillin' in my window. Just kinda hanging out.

So I'm sitting in bed starring at this snake, and he puts his head up and looks at me, and we kinda just sit there for a while.

staring at each other. WE WERE BROTHERS IN SPIRIT.

I TOO WANT TO LAY AROUND ALL DAY AND CRUSH RODENTS WITH MY SINUOUS BODY.

Then, I start reading my book, he puts his head down, and the snake lives in my house for about 2 years. Spends the day killing rats and stuff, sleeps under my couch when its warm, sleeps in the window when it's slightly less warm. Never had a problem with me.

BRO SNAKE.

storg.net

That place is made of these stories. Give it a try.

Some stories here from me and my firends

>>Lenny was in college, filling out his forms for repeating an exman or someshit
>>College is net to a notoriously bad area, called Moyross
>>A 16 year old approaches him as he goes to get into his car
>>"Have you got any smokes?" (Standard irish thug mugging you line)
>>lenny replies "Naw man, only this one left (Standard Irish reply)
>>can I use your phone for a second?
>>Naw, its battery is dead, sorry
>>Willya lend me some change for the bus home?
>>Fuck off man (getting annoyed now)
>>the little fuck puleld a knife and said "Gimme fuckin money man or I'll cut you"
>>Lenny finished his cigarette and says;
>>"Look man, I udnerstand, you're angry cause you didnt get what you want, But we cant always get what we want, stop being so angry, and enjoy your life, and what you have."
>>Guy mumbles, and says "Ah, yeah, ok so." And leaves.

Ecounter evaded through natural 20 on charisma.

>>13668704
And my own story is not as good, but I work as a clerk in a store called Lidl, and it was late at night, and quiet, so iw as the only one on the cashiers till, this old woman comes up, talking, at first I think she is talking to me, but then realise its one side of a conversation, and shes probably on the phone, then it hits me, she has no phone, I get wierded out and serve her, and she smiles and give me money and such, but continues the conversation, to a man who is unemployed and his wife kicked him out for being a drunk, and now shes depressed and on drugs, the whole time she is being angry and serious in tone, but smiling at me.

Later, find out she had an accident, and now repeats EVERY CONVERSATION SHE HAD UP UNTIL THAT DAY on a non stop loop. Wierd.

This thread is glorious

>>13663316

Doubt you're still here, but I gotta ask you--have you posted this story on /tg/ before? Because I swear to shit I remember reading it. A few of the stories prior to yours reminded me of it, and I started thinking of it again when I realized I was READING it again.

Great story, nonetheless. Hope you've bounced back since all that bullshit.

Just saw this thread and I have to know: is the Dave mentioned near the beginning the same Dave we got stories about before? I mean the one who pranked the FBI and shit?

Every day when I am heading home from class around noonish, at the freeway exit I take there is always some hobo standing on the corner with a sign saying "Have a nice day! :D"

I always try to keep my expression as blank as possible as I drive past, but it is often difficult not to burst into laughter. I usually make it past him at least.

>>13668704

sounds like the Lidl in vienna near to Vösendorf

or the one in Floridsdorf

walking home with bros when a car comes to a screeching halt, a wondow goes down and a guy leans out shouting "HEY! HEY! HEY YOU! YOURE SHTOOOOPIIIID!" we were not alone AT ALL on the sidewalk so we kinda motioned "you men us or that guy in front or?" he just repeated it and they drove off.
became a meme for us, going "YOURE SHTOOOPIIID!"

I'm the kinda guy that CAUSES random encounters.
so...yeah

http://hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.com/

no, wait! I remember this really random encounter!
I was walking the streets and doing some deep thinking. dont remember what it was but there was some conumdrum I was contemplating, and I tend to talk or mumble to myself when in such heavy thinking, and I half mumbled half said "what should I do...?" when this big, old dude in front of me turns around, grabs my shoulder and goes "follow our heart!"
...
stare at him for a moment before giving off a firm nod. he nods back, turn around and walk away.
I dont even...

OP here. Im so glad this isnt dead yet. because i have another one.

I work in a sporting goods store in SoCal. By work i mean avoid customers like the plague unless they need help with something I actually know about. Today hiding in the bike repair shop hitting things with a wrench to make "work like noises" while browsing the internet on my phone.
I was roused from my fake work by a loud voice yelling through the front office of the bike shop and into my shop "BIKE!!! BIKE!!!"

I wander out in front of the shop room to find a man with a shitty mountain bike and an unrecognizable Middle eastern / Russian accent (Armenian if i had to guess). He sees me, glances at my nametag, recognizes I work here. Then it happens.

He Picks the bike up in both hands and begins shaking it threateningly at me. Then bellows at the top of his lungs "HOW MANY GALLONS!?!"

To which I reply 'HhhhhhhhhhhWaaaaaat........."

Then with a brovado i can only describe as being as american as possible. He repeats it louder and slower.

Thinking quickly I raise one finger in a one moment gesture and walk calmly to the stock room doors. duck in and follow the stock room around to the other door. skirt the wall to the front registers and inform my manager that I am taking my lunch break, and that there was a screaming foreign man wielding a bicycle that looks like he needs service.

>>13672085
My players are so meeting a gnome shaking a strange contraption at them while shouting that

There's a guy I've encountered a couple times on the subway, always on the same train and around the same time. He's apparently a schizophrenic who believes he is an angel sent to earth in mortal form by God.

And he won't shut up about it. See, every time he gets on the train, he never sits down, just stands in the corner near the door, holding this graffiti-covered red folder open in front of his face, rolling his eyes around. Apparently he realizes that this is odd behavior, and loudly explains that the "holy shield" is to protect his eyes. His eyes need protecting because if he looks at any one spot in the mortal world for more than two seconds, he will go blind.

Then he rubs his eyes and croons, "It's okay! I know you hurt! Poor eyes."

Oh, and once he announced that God had told him that Latina women no longer had to go to church because they were beautiful and virtuous.

>driving home on the garden state slip n' slide
>look off to left
>FIVE CARS IN GULLY

>>13660980
The UFO Response Team has a website: http://uforesponseteam.blogspot.com/

Its boring tho.

>>13672272
which is sad, cus when someone goes "whaddya do?" and you answer "I work in the UFO response team" people imidietly imagine your life as a X-com emplyee.

>>13672085
Armenian man has defeated Stockboy.
Armenian man gains 120 xp.

I really envy some of these stories -- myself being from "middle of freaking nowhere", Midwest USA, a place where seemingly *nothing* interesting happens, *ever*.

I do have one story, however. It wasn't much of a random encounter for me, but I'm sure it was a hell of a thing for those that had no idea of what was going on.

I'm at college, sitting in math class. The date is November 5th. About half way through the lecture, I hear the door at the enterance of the lecture hall open, and then close.

The prof. stops talking, the rest of the idle chatter in the room settles down, and absolutely *everyone* is staring towards the door. I look around, and see three guys in Guy Fawks costumes walk in -- not just the masks, mind you, but the black capes, big hats and everything.

Noting the date, I smile and softly chuckle to myself (I really hope I wasn't alone in this) as these three, all eyes upon them, make their way down the walkway, past the professor, and out the back door without saying a word.

The room was *dead* *silent* the entire time, until about five seconds after the door closed behind him, at which point someone audibly shouted "WHAT THE FUCK!?" The prof quickly apologized, and continued class.

A couple of months later, three guys (I'm assuming they were the same three) did something similar, only this time they were dressed up as two Spanish gentleman being chased by the third in a bull costume. I'm guessing they did it on whatever date the running of the bulls is, but I can't be sure.

>>13672307
armenian man levels up. learn new attack: bicycle beam"

or gain new class: social piranha

Oh!

I once saw a UFO. During junior high, up in the Catskills. Me and a bunch of my classmates.

In the form of a row of flashing lights rising out of the woods at night.

I'm sure there's some boring rational explanation for it, but damn it was freaky.

>>13672326
reminds me of...oh I cant recall the name... but that one group that stage these random events such as time loops, twins in trains and other freaky fun things

>>13672326
How did I manage to misspell "Fawkes"? Ah well.

Some nutjob left a DVD entitled "What are they spraying from jets worldwilde?" & "The occult world of the USA commerce & more!" in a sleeve tucked under the windshield wiper of my car at work.

I can't help but imagine a shiftless hobo preaching about the 'occult government' in the parking lot.

>>13672345
You mean Improv Everywhere?
http://www.youtube.com/user/ImprovEverywhere

A homeless guy - or at least he looked homeless - tried to sell me drugs while I was sitting at a bus stop. Completely out of the blue, in full daylight, walks up and starts trying to get me to buy heroin from him. And persisted even after I got up and moved away from him, until a passing police officer managed to haul him off.

I was also offered £600 by a couple of guys to 'star' in an amateur porno they wanted to film for a website they planned on setting up. I don't regret turning them down for a moment, but it still feels like I missed a plot hook that day.

>>13672359
YES

>>13672373
>I was also offered £600 by a couple of guys to 'star' in an amateur porno they wanted to film for a website they planned on setting up.
By "£600" they ean "rape" and by "amateur porno" they mean "videotape for their own enjoyment."

I SHIT YOU NOT GENTLEMEN

I was at a concert, Pretty Lights to be exact.
but here comes this dude out onstage before PL does, this dude had not one, not two, but THREEEE mohawks. All were blonde and this guy would put Wesley Snipes to shame according to how black he is.
He comes out and screams "Y'ALL MOTHA FUCKAS BETTA BE BLAZIN, Y'ALL MOTHA FUCKAS BETTA JUMP!"
And of course we jump, we go balls you know how it is at a concert.

But check this shit out, I see these two dudes infront of me and my two friends eating each other's mouths like it was godamn candy. This shit was crazy, these two guys were just making out like crazy, I've never seen anything like it. I guess you could say it was like seeing Bigfoot, of the Loch Ness Monster, you're just shocked at what the hell you just saw.

Now the best part of that story is that those two gay dudes met that night, actually, they officially "met" the second before they attacked each others' faces.

I SHIT YOU NOT

Fucking Electro Concerts

>>13672420
fuckit I have another random encounter.

Also went to North Coast Music Festival here in Chicago back in early september. THE SHIT I'VE SEEN MAN THE SHIT I'VE SEEN.

For the first night, I saw The Chemical Brothers, and even though I was the only friend not tripping out on anything it felt like I was taking every drug at once.
So there I was chillin and breakin to the killer jams, when all of a sudden the LED Screen Behind them spawns a clown that says "YOU ARE ALL MY CHILDREN NOW!"
I screamed like a little girl, and said "WAT" on the top of my lungs even though it got drowned out by their sound.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mqoSTPBSlyY
(5:52)

Second day, I went to see some an electro-tech guy. Pretty cool stuff no doubt, but all of a sudden, and I mean I was completely dumbfounded, I see Greenman crowd surf on a blow up dolphin. SHIT WAS BALLS DUDE

The third night I saw Nas and Damian Marley, I tolked up a bit and I swear to god almight I saw a UFO, it was crazy man.

Fucking Electro Concerts
Fucking hip-hop concerts

>Go to bank with friend to get some money
>Bank is in a supermarket
>I am dealing with the teller, friend is standing around waiting
>Some middle aged woman pushing a shopping cart stops in front of my friend, looks at him, and says "I am fearless" in an utterly calm voice, then continues on her way.
>what.

I just realized I must be other peoples' random encounters more than they are mine.

It was cold out, so I had on gloves, and a hat. This is Southern California, so glove are pretty rare. And my hat is actually a ski mask that I usually wear not over my face so it just looks like a beanie.

Well, I decide it would be awesome to go grocery shopping wearing a ski mask and gloves. So I pull my ski mask down, and start gathering up the things I need.

It all goes as usual, until I get up to the registers. The checker sees me, his eyes get all big, and he freezes.
I just stand there, and look at him.
He, real slowly and deliberately, starts scanning my items. (What else is he going to do, right?)
When he's done, I pay, grab my stuff, and leave, never having said a word.

I talked to him later, and he said he was sure he was going to get robbed. Good fun.

>>13672492
Festivals have some fucking madmen. I was at one of the Reading festivals standing around a fire made of £25 camp chairs people had just taken and piled up next to one of the dirt paths through the campsite, when a group, a mob, a fucking horde of people who had dragged a shopping cart out of a nearby lake were pushing it down the paths chanting "TROLL-EY! TROLL-EY!" as they did it, until they reached us and our fire. The two pushing the shopping trolley tipped it onto the fire and scattered us away from it - apart from one guy, who I think lit it in the first place - then the horde gathered around it in a semicircle, knelt, and chanted slower, a rhythmic "trolllll ee~, trolllll ee~" for about twenty seconds. The guy by the fire who hadn't moved pulled out a can of lighter fluid and squirted it on the trolley and the fire, and the horde broke off their twisted hymn with an almost synchronised "OOOOH" when the flames flared up. They all stood, pulled the trolley upright, and charged off into the darkness, trolley still alight, their battle cry of "TROLL-EE! TROLL-EE! TROLL-EE!" echoing through the night.

That was a great weekend.

>>13672373
>DLFG in a porno
>hmmm..... I'd watch it
Well, one day, I'm walking home from my boys house at like 1am, and this puerto rican dude stops me near this set of apartment buildings and asks "Yo, man, you smoke the bud? I got that good, good green."
I was surprised and amused, told him I dried out, and kept walking. To this day, I wonder about him.

I stopped at a Bucky's with my family on a long trip. There were these people in cheap pirate outfits and with them a giant of a man in an authentic looking pirate costume. He had the tattoos, the hair, and oh god the beard. He looked like a mean mother fucker. It's like he was the real thing.

>>13672662
Another time, I was out walking, and a person landed behind me. Someone jumped off a bridge, and splatted just as I had walked past.
Shit was scary

Never really had a random encounter, unless you count my mom driving up to pick me up during my last day of college for about two weeks due to a blizzard, in Arkansas, with a Mexican worker that speaks very little English in the back seat because she'd seen him fall as she drove past(frozen overpass), stopped to help him, and he'd asked for a ride to where he works.

I've been a random encounter for some of my college campus before, though. Late Spring. Break between classes. Sitting outside and eating lunch on a concrete bench facing the lawn. Group of squirrels takes notice of me for a few seconds, but goes back to scrounging. I grab my satchel, sling it over my shoulder and, out of the blue, bolt out into the grass, half a kaiser roll sandwich hanging out of my mouth. I run until the one that I singled out runs up a tree, stop, look straight up at the squirrel, point at it like, "I'll get you next time," and walk to the closest unused bench.

Then everything goes back to normal.

>>13672637
TROLL-EE, you say?

...

I'm sorry. That was a horrible joke and an even worse 'shoop.
I'll let myself out, shall I?

Not much of an encounter but when I was about 14 I thought it would be really cool to get drunk with my friends (it was not) so we stole some alcohol from our respective houses and drank it as we walked to town to try and get more, and considering we were 14 but I looked about 10 we had absolutely no luck. So we walked back to the area where we lived, this was about 4 am or so by this point and we walked past a group of shifty looking guys who didn't hassle us, thankfully. We ended up breaking into a boat and sleeping there because we couldn't go home in such a state, it was freezing and I wouldn't reccomend it. But the group of dodgy people we saw ended up killing some guy that night as he was walking in the opposite direction to us. Not really an encounter, but hell it could have been, freaked me out for a while after that.

>>13672876
It might be for the best.

>>13672561
I roll to intimidate.

>Fall asleep in the gamer-room's couch at college.
>Wake up, there is a nerdy girl in my arms.
wat
>Girlfriend walks in, sees girl in my arms.
>Storms out.
Awww shit.

>>13673088

I hope you got up, explained the situation and conversed in a reasonable manner, and all was well after that.

Otherwise, you're a walking shitty sitcom serial.

>>13672637
Holy shit ass nipples

>>13673183

I woke the girl up with a gentle shove off the couch and dashed after my girl to explain that I went to sleep alone, and when I woke up Michelle was in my arms.

I seriously woke up fucking entangled with her, and had no idea how or why.

>>13673233
tangle buddies!

I was sleeping over at my cousins house, it was about 10PM and I was just about to go to sleep when I feel someone bodily pick me up and start carrying me to her room. This freaked me the fuck out because A.) I weighed in excess of 220lbs at the time and B.) I couldn't move or make any noises.

My cousin freaked the fuck out when I woke up on her bed, and tried to tell her about the previous event when I got a kick to the groin and a knee to the solar plexus.

>>13673344
>And I tried to tell her
Gah so fucking tired.

Okay... I got one.

back when I was 16, My dad comes home from work one day and tells us he got a bigass promotion in the company. He got raised by three full pay grades for saving a 45 million dollar contract another team had botched. he tells us he'll be taking the entire family to the havana in cuba to celebrate. we get down there, awesome trip. we leave the girls(my mom and my two sisters) to go out in a shady part of town and get drunk off cheap rhum and smoke epic cigaros. we have a blast, shit,s cash and I get to take a body shot out of this SMOKING HOT cuban stripper's navel. anyways. we walk back to the hotel piss drunk, but still lucid. we decide to cut through an alleyway which opens up to a public park. as we walk into the park, it,s obviously deserted(3:00AM). However, there's something really fucking wrong here. right in the middle of the park, there's a fountain. There is a huge 500 pound BULL drinking casually from that fountain, not giving a shit. a fucking bull. inside a city park. we walk to it and I dare my dad to pat the thing on his head(stupid I know, but we were both drunk). sure enough, dad ruffles its fur and gives it a big slap right on its ass. The bull goes like ''MOOOOOO!!'' and we start running for dear life, back to the hotel.

to this day, no one believes us. And I still haven't figured out what the hell a bull was doing in the middle of a fucking city.

>>13663780
>>13663787
This almost sounds like it could be one of those stories from Greek myth or the Old Testament or what-have-you where an angel or deity in disguise visits an ordinary schmuck, then rewards him for his hospitality.

During the summer(band camp) some friends of mine went to SubWay. Out of fucking nowhere one of the employees starts going apeshit and starts screaming at one of my friends. Apparently, he had taken a shit in one of the toilets and didn't flush, and she had to clean it out. She won't stop saying how she "knows" it was him an hour earlier, despite having about 200 people account for him for the last 3 hours. The other guys stood there trying not to laugh in front of her. Thats pretty much the only random encounter I can remember.

My friend is a kung fu wannabe. Every time I see him, I have to be careful and make sure that I'm not standing on the top of a flight of stairs.

After all, taking a flying kick to the gut and rolling down concrete steps isn't fun at all.

>Chillin' at Train station
>Girl walks by with very little clothing
>Don't give a fuck
>Suddenly woman next to me is on her feet, berating the girl for dressing like a slut and a whore, and is generally offended by her dress.
>She follows girl down platform, berating her, before coming back to me.
>Looks at me
>"Can you believe that! She is dressed like a slut! Has she no self respect!"
>Inside thinking "Why are you talking to me you strange, Orthodox lunatic?" before epic moment.
>She swears "Santa Maria!", crosses herself, then, I dunno, ever seen those italian chefs that kiss their fingers and then pull their hand back away from their face and open their fingers?
>She storms off, muttering "Whore" and "Slut".
>What, it's not even 8 o'clock in the morning.

About 9 months ago, at the end of the Autumn Session (Ausfag), I got a hole in my shoe, and as I go to The Gong, at that time of year it was pouring with rain. So I walk into the waiting area to get into the Anatomy Lab. There's a kindly old cleaning lady there, like one of those Italian or Greek 'mama's'. Anyway, she's talking about nothing in particular and I talk about nothing in particular, until I get annoyed with the water slowly soaking through my socks and I go from foot to foot. Cleaning lady enquires, and I show her the hole in my shoe.

She gave me a fuckton of paper towel to dry my socks, then put my foot in a plastic bag, and then put the shoe on my foot. Then she offered to buy me a new pair of shoes.

Seriously, what the hell. But me, being more of a giver than a taker, say that I can't, feeling bad about wanting her to take time out of her day to get me new shoes, and I feel uncomfortable about her using her money to get me shoes, especially when I'm getting shoes the next day anyway.

>>13673736
Cont

So, cue conversation:
>"No, really, I can't let you do this, I'm fine, I'll have new shoes anyway..."
>"No, no! Let me BLESS you! Let me BLESS YOU!"

Anyway, after about ten minutes of her trying to bless me and me firmly, but (attempting to be) kindly, I go into anatomy and physiology.

30 minutes in, I get called outside. The cleaning lady is off duty and still wants to buy me shoes. I eventually I'm like, look, I'll be fine, seriously" and she's like "Okay, alright, just ... alright" and finally leaves.

I enquire why I got called out to meet her, and one of the guys in the security booth thingy said it was because she knew my name.

I didn't tell her my name.

I am now perpetually terrified I might run into this woman again.

This sort of thing is not terribly uncommon on the college campus where I live (nor, I expect, any college campus for that matter), but I have some pretty amusing drunk stories that would fit this thread pretty well.

First story, I was walking with a friend back to where we'd parked. As we're walking, we come upon this drunk guy going the same way. He matches pace with us and starts trying to start a conversation, small talk about the basketball game earlier that day, stuff like that. Then out of the blue he turns to me and says, "I'm not drunk..." (then in stage whisper) "I'm *wasted*"
(pause for a few seconds)
"Nah, I'm not wasted...I'm just drunk!"

My friend and I struggle to hold back laughter, and don't quite succeed. The drunk guy says "Yeah, I hear you laughing!" and turns off the other way.

Walking home from school with my little brother 3 or so years ago.
Some jackass chucks whats left of a slushie at us as he drives by.
Being the one walking closer to the road I effectively shield him and take most of the flying ice.

Yeah thats about it

Seriously /tg/, No wonder you're all so fucked up. I love you, but fucking christ. The worst I've heard is my little sister trying to be abducted by some crazy Mexican Preacher on the Country bus because she was a "Devil spawn"

>>13674155
That's still pretty ridiculous, bro.

>Wake up in the morning, head to kitchen
>See a full-grown crane waltzing around my table
>We make eye contact, neither of us move for what feels like an eternity
>I decide to charge at the crane, but pussy out at the last second, still enough to scare the bird
>It starts freaking out and attempts to fly in the kitchen, just looks like it's spazzing out and knocks down what wasn't already knocked over
>Start chasing it, it goes out the back door and flies away
>Try to figure out why my back door is open
>Close the door, look at the mess that was made
>"Fuck this"
> Go back to bed

On the brightside, it didn't shit on the carpet or break anything important.

>>13662515
>>13662664
I know these posts are from like yesterday, but are you still here, and did you find out what this was about? I am intensely curious.

>>13675008
i am a heron. i ahev a long neck and i pick fish out of the water w/ my beak. if you dont repost this comment on 10 other pages i will fly into your kitchen tonight and make a mess of your pots and pans

I woke up one morning and headed downstairs, passing by the front door. I note that it's hanging crooked. Upon closer inspection, the bottom hinge has been ripped out, taking a good chunk of the door with it. "Um, anyone know what happened to the front door?"
My dad calls from the kitchen while getting coffee, "I got attacked by some crazy naked bitch."
"THE FUCK?!"
I walk in to get some coffee, and see my dad's right elbow is massively swollen an multiple shades of purple.
Turns out the "crazy naked bitch" was a neighbor who got high on PCP. Now, I should mention that we did not live in a bad neighborhood. This woman randomly drank a bunch of wine and did some PCP. Apparently she went to take a bath (the police found a bath tub overflowing in her house) and promptly FLIPPED THE FUCK OUT and began tearing around the block. While buck naked.
My father heard our dogs going apeshit and opened the door to see what was going on.
She spears him, they hit the door causing the aforementioned damage. Adrenalin kicks in and he starts wailing on her, knocking her back and knocking her out cold on the porch.
>MFW my 50-something father beat the living shit out of someone on PCP.

I say, I do believe we could do with some more random encounter stories.

My entire life appears to be a series of random encounters or being a random encounter.

>living in southern California
>visiting friend at navy base
>fucking bear in the trash cans
>holy shit, there is a bear in the trash cans
>in a fully fenced supposedly "terrorist proof" navy base
>the fuck do we do
>"Sup bear?"
>bear walks away
>never hear anything more about it
That was an interesting day.

>playing with fire and rubbing alcohol or something on the beach
>friend sets most of me on fire
>panic like a mother fucker
>get fire out in the sand
>get up
>woman is standing there staring at us
>pelvic thrust and walk away

>visit friend on base (same one) on the week of Halloween
>dressed as WWII-era Soviet officer
>demand capitalist pigs (base guards) return my spies
>MPs kind of wtf
>friend is also dressed as a WWII Russian
>other friend in WWII German outfit "delivers" him to me
>we go out and harass people around town

I don't go out enough to have random encounters frequently. 2 events come to mind however.

When I was going to uni, I took the train there and had to cross a park from the station to reach the campus. Lots of people did, it was a fairly common thing to do.

Now there was this gang, 4 or 5 guys who lived near by, loved to mug people in the park. They paid the kids from the near by school to ride around on their bikes and tell them about potential marks coming their way. They would roll groups of people at a time, as well as individuals. I walked past them, more than once, on my own, when the park was completely deserted, even after dark. They never bothered me once. Never sure why.

Number 2, I'm waiting at the a major train station, waiting to go home from a long day of doing shit. Out of nowhere, this african dude comes wandering along, stops beside me and start preaching the word of the lord loudly to the crowded platform. The guy had a thick south african accent and was barely understandable as it was. That was odd on its own.

On the platfom opposite was a drunk. He was big, loud and took offence to having a sermon preached loudly at everyone. His response was to begin screaming obsenties back. These two started a back and forth yelling across the tracks at one another until a train arrived and the drunk stumbled onto it.

It's around 2:30 AM, I'm about to go to sleep when I hear a loud bang from the living room. I grab a bat and go to investigate. The living room window has been knocked out of its frame, and there is a guy in my house. He's standing in my tortoise's terrarium, which I keep on the floor under the front window. He's a kid from the neighborhood, about 14 years old maybe, he's standing absolutely stock still and he's pissed his pants.

I don't know what else to do, so I say, "Something I can do for you, Phil?"

Phil says, "Just get it away, man. I'll go back the way I came."

"What."

"Look man, I don't want to get hurt." He's shaking like a leaf, and looks like he's about to cry. "Call off your snapper and I'll go."

I look down. My little tortoise is about a foot away from his shoe. It's chewing on a piece of dandelion, not even paying attention to the foot that nearly crushed it. I look back up.

"Phil, I should call the cops on you right now."

Phil looks stricken. I continue, "But I'll tell you what. Why don't you call your mom, and I'll move Snappy as soon as she comes to pick you up."

Phil reaches into his jacket, takes out his cell phone. I stand in front of him with a bat, and my harmless little tortoise watches his back, until Phil's mom comes stomping up the front steps.

I reach into the terrarium and remove the tortoise as Phil's mom grabs his arm and yanks him back out the window. She shouts at him all the way down the front walk.

MFW when tiny herbivorous tortoise vs. the stupidest wannabe criminal.

I have some Seattle hobo stories to share. Most of them are pretty boring though. Drunk trying to stand up in Post Alley while a cop just stands there being amused. Random bum face-down, spread-eagle on the sidewalk on 1st street. Random guy yelling at himself outside of the federal building. Homeless guy with quadrophenia that my mom dated.

One guy stands out in my mind though. I was going home to Bremerton on the ferry, and this bum in a wheelchair is just sitting there in the ferry terminal. Of course, being a bum, his wheelchair is decorated with random pieces of whatever that he found laying around. Oh, and he smells VERY strongly of pee. This is the important part. I mean, there was a 30' radius of cleared seats around him because of this.

So the ferry arrives and we all get on and - oh god no - the bum is getting on too. I mean, I have no idea what business a bum would have in Bremerton or why he decided to spend his $5 on the ferry instead of booze, but here he comes (and this was in the period in the late 90s that Bremerton was a fairly decent town between the time when the crime rate was through the roof and the present day when they decided to raise the property rates exponentially so that the city now consists entirely of empty buildings and homeless people).

So anyway, this dude gets on with us and everyone is just trying to avoid him. The ferry gets going and eventually he wheels himself over to the starboard doorway at the front of the boat, with the Puget Sound winds just wafting past him, carrying his stink into the ship. I mean, you could practically see a yellow cloud of smell just oozing down the right side of this ship. Meanwhile, that entire side just CLEARS OUT and everyone is now sitting on the port side. One of the weirdest ferry rides I've ever had.

I once put my erect member into a glory hole and someone on the other end put a live slug on my dick, seriously a living gastropod.

>>13676471

>>13676441

Another story I have is second-hand from my grandpa. This one counts much more as a "random encounter" than just a "bum story".

So this is back during WWII, and he's working for the OSS in Egypt. He's relaxing one day on the beach, and there's no one around except for him and some British nurses further down the beach. Then this expensive looking car drives up and this guy decked out like a 5-star general gets out.

So my grandpa is just sitting there minding his own business when suddenly he gets hit by a small rock. Then another one. So he turns around and notices the guy with all the medals is picking up some rocks, and sure enough, lobs another at my grandpa. Not wanting to start shit with someone who looks so official, he just ignores it and endures the small bit of injury he sustains.

Eventually, the guy in the uniform gets bored and drives off, and a couple of the British nurses come running down the beach towards my grandpa.

"Do you know who that was?" one of them asks.

"No, who?" my grandpa replies

"The King of Egypt"


It was fucking Farouk I, the so-called "Thief of Cairo". I ended up looking him up on Wikipedia, and the guy was...interesting. This anecdote would totally be in character for him.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Farouk_of_Egypt

>>13676530

>Driver, driver! Pull over here!
>Yes sah. May I ask why sah?
>I wish to throw some rocks at that man.
>Very good sah.

>>13676441
>Homeless guy with quadrophenia that my mom dated.
Decent enough of an album I suppose. I guess yer mum's a big The Who fan?

>>13676530
Quote from Wikipedia - 'In the CIA, the project to overthrow King Farouk was internally known as "Fat F*cker"'

Please tell me one of you did this.

>>13676620

Nope.

There's been, over the years, several people in charge of naming shit like that all over the place in various places of government.

I have been told, by a very reliable source, that the original name for the final capture of Hussein in the first Gulf War was code-named "Bomb the shit out of Baghdad" for about two weeks before somebody told them to change it.

Plus, if people use code-names that seem to come right the fuck out no-where, it's hard to place what the actual thing is. nobody expects "Banana Rango" To be code for "Assassinate ____"

It's saturday night and I'm at the bar with a friend. I decide I need to piss so I head to the bathroom and since the urinal is occupied I use the stall with the door torn of [door was on the floor]. I finish my business and start to walk out and standing there is this short, fat, mexican guy with a big bag of cocaine who offers me a big spoonful.

So I did some coke, went back to the barroom and played a game of pool. Best game of pool ever.

>>13661967
Ottumwa is horrible. Mt. Pleasant asshole reporting in, though you probably never heard of us.

>>13676606

Quadrophenia is actually a term once used to describe someone with four personalities. It's a bit outdated because someone with MPD can have 2,4,10...however many personalities and it's all the same thing. But in this case, the guy had exactly 4.

But my mom is a fan of The Who, as am I, for the record.

Some of my best random encounters involve homeless people.

Back when I was in high school a couple years ago, I was riding the bus home in San Gabriel CA. I was just sitting in the back of the bus with all the other guys from my school when this hobo wanders in through the back doors of the bus and sits down. The hobo was dressed like some kind of Crocodile Dundee rip off and was grumbling some incomprehensible low tone rant. The bus starts driving again and everything seemed pretty normal. It was only when someone said something about a Notre Dame football game. The hobo suddenly yells at the top of his lungs "NOTRE DAME ARE FUCKING PUSSIES! THE PUSSIES ARE GOIN' DOWN! "I'll KILL THE PUSSIES!" and then pulls out a knife. A medium sized hunting knife, but a knife none the less. He then starts wildly stabbing and slashing every object around him; the seats the walls the windows everything. All the while yelling and cursing similar lines about Notre Dame University or something. By now all of the nearby passengers have fled to either the front or the back of the bus. Except for this dumb guy Ferguson, who is simply too terrified to do so. A friend of mine whispers to Ferguson "You're going to die" with a trollish grin on his face. Ferguson was a white boy, but never as white as at that moment. A few minutes which felt like centuries of more crazed hobo later, the bus is crossing a busy intersection. All of a sudden the man yells "OOOOOOUT!", jumps from his seat, forces open the back doors of the bus, and leaps out into the center of the intersection and runs off never to be seen again.

Funniest part of the situation might have been the bus driver. Not a single fuck was given that day.

>>13676722
And now we know, and knowing is half the battle.
The other half, in this case, is dealing with crazy homeless people.

>>13676797
Let's be honest. Of all the things that could happen to an Ex-, becoming a crazy homeless person is probably the most satisfying. It's like, all your doubts have been vindicated!

>>13662737
I wouldn't say they're complete retard. Granted the one we got was probably not full ridgeback as he didn't have that little cowlick they get, but he was the smartest dog we ever had.

His accomplishments included figuring out how the door knobs work and learning a little bit of the english language. Sadly he was a very energetic dog that was fairly stupid about territory and ended up getting shot by our neighbor when he got into their chickens.

Bump, this thread just can't die!

Ooh, just realised I have one.

I was at the universal studios theme park, and my friends and I were in the arcade playing GH, and various other games. After a while, a slightly overweight black guy walks in and steps on the dance dance revolution extreme platform.

Now, I could tell he wouldn't be horrendous at it since no adult would walk in to an arcade with the sole purpose of embarrassing themselves - not without friends around, anyway.

Because of this, I watched with interest as he started up the game on hard. I was completely unprepared fir what would come next.

As the game was going, it became plain to see he was good. Really good, at one point running around the platform before jumping back on to it to continue a sequence of steps. The game ended, and I saw he got a perfect score.

By this time, I was impressed. Everyone was - he had generated a small crowd.

His next trick was even more amazing. He took out a blinfold, started the game, put on the blindfold and then turned so he was facing AWAY from the screen. The next couple of minutes had too much win to describe. He got a perfect while both blindfolded and facing away from the screen. I assume it was the hardest difficulty, judging by the rate the arrows were flying up the screen, but I don't really know much about the game.

He proceeded to do a bonus round, completely perfect score again, before getting off to rest. Later, he saw my friend watching and invited him to play, saying "I'm not really that good."

When he got off again, I went to get his autograph. I still remember the scrawly handwriting that said "J.Fox". Mr Fox is my hero.

I know I've had some while working parking but for the life of me I can't remember them.

I do remember one when I was younger, maybe around 12, one of the first times my dad had me mow the lawn for him. The parents had left to do some errands, so I was alone in the backyard. Once I finished up on the lawn, I dragged a yard waste can out to empty the grass catcher on the lawnmower. While I was standing with my back to the house dumping the grass into the can, something small and solid hit me hard in the center of my back, and I jumped away out of sheer surprise. Whirling around, I spotted... no one. Looking down there was a medium-sized T-connection piece of PVC pipe lying in the grass. No one else was home, and I was close enough to the two-story house that it couldn't have come over the roof and still hit me in the lower back. When my parents did get home they said I must have imagined it, and to this day I still don't know how the magical PVC could have been propelled at me.

>>13677088
I threw it. I was visiting some relatives, I forget where. I was bored and saw some kid doing chores. I was pretty sure I could hit him, but I couldn't risk not knowing for sure.

It wasn't a very good shot. I was aiming for the lower back portion of your balls.

My most randomest encounter in town was some two years ago. I was super bored and awake at 4AM and I just casually went for a walk across the suburb. Quite safe territory.

On my way back home, right as sun was rising, I saw the weirdest person I've encountered. It was a thai/chinese person in his 30s perhaps, clad in pointy boots, jeans and a denim jacket. He had black sunglasses, and a smoke. His hairdo was that of Leningrad Cowboys (or in the picture) and he was cycling on a UNICYCLE along the road. At 4-5AM (?).

Hell, he actually looked like the guy in the picture, but a bit darker skin and more thai like. I just have no idea.

I was walking home from work one night as I often do. It was probably about midnight when a group of women drove up and wanted something. Either I look like a whore or a drug dealer I guess.

The first time I was exploring the town around my university with some friends after we had moved in, a car rolled up and asked us if we knew where they could "Get a bag." In hindsight I realize they were looking for a smoke, but at the time I was completely thrown off (sheltered little private school church boy) and could only reply with "Huh? Uhh... I dunno?" The guys in the car glanced at each other and drove off.

>>13677186
>asian
>pointy boots, jeans, denim jacket
>shades, smoke
you met the real life Kenichi Smith?

I think I have a few. Let's start with when I was younger, and unemployed.

So me, my brother, and some of his friends decide to drive on over to Krispy Kreme.

Everyone else places their order, except me, as I'm taking my time with the menu.

I tell the rather nice old gentleman working the counter my order, and get it.

I'm suddenly hurried out of there by my brother and his friends, and am told to run to car.

They had stolen some stuff from there, mainly some chairs, and they more or less thanked me for distracting and stalling the guy at the counter so they could loot the stuff. Felt bad, man.

Man, I hope they didn't ban me from there.


Skipping ahead to when I had a job at a hospital working in linens.

I'm waiting for the bus to come pick me up for work, and this somewhat rotund, yet somewhat fit black guy sits next to me. He says something among the lines of how he's glad to finally be out of jail.

I didn't freak out, but I did find it awkward. Nothing really happened.

This one isn't particularly astounding, but still unusual.

I moved to another part of town about 10 years ago. One day, me and some friends decide to go visit my old neighborhood, since I hadn't been there in years.

We're walking down the sidewalk in front of my old house. It's early afternoon, so everyone else is either in school or at work (we were just out of college), when a red pickup truck with tinted windows passes us on the street. It honks twice and drives out of view. I couldn't see the driver.

Later, we're walking further down the same street, and the same red truck passes us going the other direction, honking twice before driving out of sight.

After a couple of hours of wandering, we return to where we parked our car. Down the street we see the same fucking red truck. It honks twice, turns the corner, and is never seen again.

I still have no idea who was driving that truck, what they wanted, and why they didn't just stop and ask. But I still wonder sometimes when I'm walking down the street if the red pickup is going to pass by, honk twice, and drive off once again.

just archive requestin.

Bumping. More interest is always good.

A reward for all the randomly encountered clerks.

I was in texas spending a few months near san antonio with friends (ausfag here)
We pulled into a petrol station in a little town called Divine.
While me and my friends little brother are perusing the drinks fridge a 6'7" guy in cowboy getup with an awesome moustache grabs me by my shoulders and lifts me up and reads the back of my shirt.
it was from the killers,
he reads out the sentance that is near the top at my neck in a deep southern twang.
"Run for the hills before they burn? Why would you want to do that fer?"
then he puts me down and just walks away..
still to this day am unsure if he just randomly does that to everyone

There was one lady in particular, I've met her three times... in three different states.

Every time I run into her, I've had to run for my life because she was convinced I was the person who stole her unicorn and she was PISSED.

Her husband is a very nice man though.

I was thinking and thinking of any random encounters that I had, finally remembered this one.

This was my first year of college. Me and my roommate were walking to the bookstore to get our books for the semester. On our way back, having just spent ludicrous amounts of money, a guy starts yelling at us. We turn, and a guy holding a plastic knife (like the kind in Wal-Mart with the plastic guns that make sound effects) demands that we give him money or he kills the other guy. The other guy looks like he's trying his hardest not to laugh as he begs us to help him. We look at each other, tell him we just spent all our money on textbooks, and walk away. Not even a few seconds later he's yelling at some other random passerby.

I just recalled one I had.

I used to ride the bus to work and school back when I lived just outside of NYC. One day, the bus wasn't particularly full, and I sat across a man carrying what looked like a wine box... except attached to it was some kind of rubber hose, with a small facial mask on it, like the kind you see on simple construction breathing masks. I thought it was weird, but being inexperienced with wine, thought he was sniffing the wine scent, or something. Suddenly, the bus lurched forward, and we were all surprised and jostled-- but then the wine box started making distinct meowing noises. I'm staring at him, and soon a couple other people are, too. He looks around, alarmed, rings the bell and gets off ASAP.

Never saw him again, and it always bothered me I didn't do anything about it, but I was too confused to at the moment.

>>13682708
Zoosmells.

I was at a fair and decided (as I was a little buzzed) to climb up a 5 ft or so fence and shout at my friends Noodle and Cream (never mind why we called them that). Some skinhead happens to be walking by in full denim, you know the get up, with a beer in hand and assumes I was shouting at him. He was about 10 ft away from me and I was behind a fence so I felt ok but he took about 2 paces towards might, appearing irate and slurred some variation of the following at me. "yeah, yeah, but you're on fire, mate if you cant see... yeah no, you're alright" He then smiled what i could only interpret (wasnt wearing contacts) as a gap toothed grin and walked away, cheerily.
I took this as a compliment, not particularly remarkable but it was the fastest change of emotion i'd ever seen in somebody I didnt know, and I was pretty satisfied with not getting my teeth rearranged.

>>13683302
>towards might?
wut?
towards me*

I've got two. One was a random encounter for me, I was the random encounter for someone else.

I was on top of a Stryker on FOB Warhorse in Iraq, minding my business when a truck drove by flashing its high beams at me. I look up to see the driver's hands. By the time he was gone, I realized he had been flashing my battalion "gang sign" at me.

The second one, but first chronologically, again had me on top a Stryker, but this time coming back from the fuel point on Fort Lewis. We were passing by a group of ROTC cadets coming back from a range. I pulled the nametape off of my shirt and flashed the Blood gang sign. The two things making it funny are that I'm a white boy from the suburbs, and half the cadets pulled out cameras to take pictures.

I know they aren't that random, but it's the best I've got right now. Picture to the left is a Stryker from my brother platoon in Aco.

>>13682708
http://uncyclopedia.wikia.com/wiki/Kitten_Huffing

cool story bro

When I was fifteen, I worked at a Boy Scout reservation for a summer. Some of the other counselors and I decided that we would take a hike up to a spot which was purportedly haunted, showing up a lot in local lore and the stories we told the Scouts. So, one night, about five of us packed up a few lightweight tents and our sleeping bags and hiked up to the spot.

Now, let me tell you a little about this place. It was an old trading post back in the 18th century, pretty profitable too. One summer, most of the settlers just vanished. Gone, without a trace. The ones that did stay wouldn't trade anymore, wouldn't talk to anyone, and shut themselves into their homes. Eventually, they died, and the houses there collapsed and disintegrated. Only the foundations are left now. No one would buy the land, said it was haunted, and it passed into legend.

>>13683547

WTF is this?!
I swear my story's true, and don't give a shit if it's coolstorybro, but I had no idea this warranted describing anywhere, even if on the internet.

I had a random encounter with a wasp in my hair once

Just sat down in an internet cafe after a few minutes outside, next thing I know, I feel something squirming around on my head. I picked it up, saw what it was and tossed it against the wall, finally squishing it with a page I ripped out of my notebook. Got my hair cut quick after that, wasn't that long but just enough to freak me the fuck out for the rest of the day. make

>>13682780

>>13683547
I'm amazed at the detail that's gone into researching this social phemonenon

There was this one time i thought i was going to get beaten to death by a junkie.

We (me and another guy) were meeting a friend in his new neighbour, standing near the tramstop waiting for him to show.

Suddenly three guys walk out on the opposite side of the road, two sit down on the tramstop but one, seemingly agitated starts harrassing and chasing off a man in a suit, asking for coke. Then he walks up to us.

His head was clean shaven, eyes manically staring, well muscled and about as tall as me (above average for my country (which i hear has a higher average than many other)).

When he gets near he makes eye contact with me and goes:

"GOT COKE?!" Almost shouting.

"Eeh... wha- no." I respond trying to not look intimidated.

"YOU SHOULD HAVE KOKS, YOUR NAME IS BENNY ISNT IT?"

"No i have no idea who Benny is-"

"THEN YOURE BENNY?" He says turning to my friend.

"Wh- no im not." My friend replies.

The man looked confused for a second, turned around and asked his friends across the street if we were Benny, aparantly they said yes, cause he came walking back after us, as we tried to walk away when he was distracted.

Luckily he gave up when our friend and his roomates (four of them or so) came to meet us just then. Oddly enough we found out a stoner in that group was called Benny, though he never sold any coke.

There is also one i technically missed.

Two of my friends were waiting outside a bike workshop i was in asking about the progress of my bike. My friends at the time were typical metal kids, and with a little corpse-paint coulda fit into a black metal band.

They were idly chatting just outside waiting for me when suddenly a somewhat odd-looking but otherwise fairly normal late-middle-age man walks up to the taller one of them, grabs his arm and says:

"HEEEEY, you look kind. Does that make you happy?" In an odd and drawn out voice.

"I... guess so..." my friend responded, confused as hell at this.

"Good." Said the man and walked away, leaving the two staring after him. Shortly thereafter i came out wand was all 'what did i miss'?

Pic half related, nice little random encounter. Or more likely its a PC cleaning the car.

this summer in Richmond Va,

driving with a friend around Midloathian randomly, just to drive around and such.

I look at my gas meter and realize I need to fill up

fill up

go into pay,

two drunk guys come up to me and say "hey our drunk friend just drove off after we said we needed to get some shit from inside, could you help us out at all and drive us to the Holiday in?"

Look at my friend and say "you ready for an adventure?"

he nods so I say "get on in"

they hop in, we drive off.

turns out one of the guys was the owner of a Honda dealership, I happen to be driving a 97 Honda Accord

we bullshit, he offers a free check up and whatnot for helping him and his friend out,

we drop them off at the hotel,

they then begin to look at the cars parked outside the hotel for their friends car I guess

I look at my friend and go "they are going to beat the shit out of the guy who left

bedbump to keep alive

One pretty random one. I was at a weekend gaming party with some friends of mine. Strictly no drugs or alcohol, cigarettes (outside) and caffeine only. I woke up on the second day to two of my friends holding me down. "Don't move" one said. I catch a glimpse of him pointing his cheap folding knife at me.
"What?"
"Grab his knife"
They take my Swiss Army out of my pocket. Friends proceed to trim a piece of my hair off, give me back the knife and go off to eat something. Still no idea why, but it's the only time I've woken up at knifepoint after a party.

Bumping.

Me and my friend were walking down the street near his house. Suddenly, a goat appears. No side had surprise. Neutral reactions. We just stared at it as it chewed on some bushes. Then we continues walking.

So, a friend of mine was walking around some dock in San Francisco one night, trying to light a cigarette with a match back when he smoked, and this crack-whore comes up to him.

She's got this massive rock she's intent on smoking, and she can't get it lit. So of course she offers to have sex with him for a match.

He looks her over and takes in the fact that she's the worst kind of tore-up-from-the-floor-up disease carrying junkie he sees around the seedier parts of town, cringes to himself, and just holds out the pack of paper matches.

"Here, honey, you just take the whole book."

He started avoiding the docks after that.

I was the random encounter once; I used to take part in this thing called Boxwars which can be best described as Fight Club meets Blue Peter. Build cardboard armour/weapons, go to a punk gig and beat the crap out of other guys in cardboard armour. One day me (the Siler Samurai) and my friend (the Furious Fury) were walking to the gig in full getup (cardboard breastplates, helmets, shields and weapons) when we spotted this group of kids about 14-15 years old harassing paasers by. We just fucking charged them, me with a luminous orange cardboard hammer and shield, him with an enormous orange boxing globe and they all ran off screaming.

Fuckyeah.jpg

(the letter coming between u and w doesn't work on my keyboard, hence globe instead of the word it should be)

rolled 94 = 94

bamp

>>13689120 How do you paste!?!?!??!

look at what I can do:
vvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVvvvvvvvvvvvVVVVVVVVVVvV
VVvvVV

u jelly?

Here's one, I was at home, building cyborgs in SS13 when look out the window and see a cow. Not a guy in a cow suit, not a escaped dairy cow, no, a brown and white cow just chillin on my neighbor's lawn. This isn't rare in the country, but i live in the suburbs, 3 minutes from downtown Philly, in an industrial park. It turns out that the neighbors, a bunch of aawesome migrant workers, got the bull for their buddy's ranch in Texas, WHERE they got a cow around here is the ultimate question. Photo for proof.

seriously, What the hell?!

>>13689120

I am so stealing your idea.