>You meet at the tavern and know each other for some time

Well when it looks like that can you blame him?

>Chests full of gold and valuables in dungeons

>Dragons anywhere in the campaign

>Can I shoot more than one arrow at once?

>'You failed your persuasion roll.'
> Another player wants to roll next

>My Dwarf doesn't give a shit about common courtesy.

> Long shift yesterday, wake me up when a fight starts.

>I want to play a good character using a race which is normally evil

>absolutely anything in a CoC campaign

>A travelling merchant needs help
>Kobolds have kidnapped the mayor's daughter
>A tomb is full of traps and skeletons, nothing valuable is found - grave robbers already got there
>The BBEG is actually your father

>Does the small village's magic shop have 50 potions of cure light wounds, 20 bless weapon oils, and a cloak of charisma +4

>my dwarf likes beer and uses an ax, also has a scottish accent.

>I roll to disbelieve

>The Pointman rushes at Mach 1 to engage the enemy before the others can even do anything

>I'm sure the DM wont kill us

>Does the shopkeeper has a weapon which is better than mine?

>I want to make a magic item

>what's wrong with playing a character of the opposite sex? it's not weird at all.

>what's wrong with using phone/laptop at game table?

>>14130231
Is it strange that I only want to plunge my manhood into her when she has funny-colored hair?

>can we play an evil campaign?

>I didn't know killing baby goblins would make my paladin fall

>players see a Shadow in a Space Hulk
>CHARGE!!!
>mfw it was a sleeping Lictor. It is no longer asleep.

>Sealed underground caverns completely full of a wide variety of very large flora and fauna even without magic or easy surface access supporting the ecosystem

>>14130239
>implying it's weird when a decent player does it
Loser who games with fucktards detected

>PCs ace the fist few enemies
>Get Tier 2 technology in three sessions
>Start building Positron
>Build to Tier 3

>Discussing a plan when your character isn't in the room

>>14130265

>homosexual detected

>>14130265
>It's perfectly ok to crossplay if a "decent" player does it, not at all weird or uncomfortable for the other players

>>14130263
> underground environs have no ecosystems
man what

>i attempt to dodge the falling boulders

>but the NPCs should react like...

>How hard could getting this guy be?

>My character leans against a wall with his arms crossed while you talk to [insert important NPC here]

>Trespassing and break ins during the day

>just because i always play a a werewolf doesn't mean I'm a furry you guys

>The Tomb of Horrors can't be THAT bad

>>14130322
>Ok, I crawl into the green devil's mouth

>>14130313
>my character squints, but says nothing.

>>14130284
>homophobe detected

>>14130286
>implying that playing a different-gender character is somehow different from an author writing a different-gender protagonist
>impling that it should be creepy without the player MAKING it creepy

>>14130313
>I speak from the shadows

>Okay, I take the +1 sword, and... And...
>Woah. Look at my hand, maaaan...
>I can't believe this shit, LOOK AT MY HAAAANAD.
>Dude. Want some weed, vampire-demon-bro-thing?

>I go away a couple of feet, keeping a watch. Silently.

>My character just wants to be left alone.

>I attack him. Haha, just kidding

>did it drop any gold?

>Is she hot?

>His back story is that his family was killed by rampaging demons so now he kills every demon he sees

>>14130355
Implying a gross, and simply untrue, generalization as the truth.

>For this forum/chat roleplay, I´m going to make a mysterious, brooding, dark, loner anti-hero.

>WHY AREN´T YOU GUYS PAYING ATTENTION TO ME.

>>14130417
>implying you're not an assdamaged stoner

>>14130313
>My character sighs/yawns

>"I am Inquisitor WhatsHisFace, and I have something important for you to do".
>I punch him.
>"You what"
>I punch him.
>"Roll to hit"
>Head shot
>"How much damage?"
>42
>"..."
>mfw.

>She hates me because I killed his entire family? I roll Charisma to seduce her.

>>14130435
"What do you mean I can't seduce her? I rolled a 19, and I have a +12 mod."

YOU JUST KILLED HER FAMILY

"Yeah but look at that roll son, IT'S BITCHIN"

THE DC IS FUCKING 1000, YOU FAIL THE ROLL. SHE COUNTERSEDUCES YOU INTO KILLING YOURSELF. FUCK THIS.

>>14130435
>that gif

My pants just dissipated into nothingness...

Mother of god.

>>14130456
>DC over 31

You're kidding, right? You can seduce eunuchs with a DC 30...

>My warforged has a wide range of feelings

>Here is your reward of 10 golden coins
>We want 40

><insert Monthy Python quote here>

>>14130426
>implying I am.

>Played with plenty of people who could easily handle their shit, and play RPGs, Tabletop games, M:tg, etc. >No different to having a few beers/drinks, while playing.
>Never been a problem.
>Feels mellow man.

>>14130426
>implying he isn't a troll or an ignant newfag who doesn't know of the glorious tales of Oscar

>I cast summon water in his lungs.

>Can i wear 2 sets of armor
>"No steve"
>please?

>Hey, let's play DnD

>>14130469
>Implying you were wearing pants.

I've been on the internets, I know the truth.

>>14130505

> Player is pointing and screaming 'Natural 20!' like he's discovered fire
> It's a skill check

>Background
>no relatives
>no friends

>I wanna play a mysterious elf archer.

> I'm playing a bard who dual-wieds whips

>>14130491

My money's on newfag. Oscar is legend.

>I'm gonna roll an assassin/death mage

>>14130341
>my motives for playing a character of the opposite sex are perfectly normal, not suspect creepy or weird in any way, you're just narrow minded

>If my female character doesn't use completely realistic armor it's not believable, but I'm OK with her wielding a 6 foot greatsword and not having a strength penalty for gender.

>... and to the north, Crandasia, marvel city of the world, where untold mysteries await.

>"ok, we head south"

>>14130557
Dude. Oscar ascended to Godhood in one of the old scripts, before creating an entire planet of stoners. And...

... Oscar never got any drawfaggotry.

NEVER. WHY DIDN'T I EVER REALIZE THIS?

WHY THE FUCK DID NOONE EVER DO ANY DRAWFAGGING OF OSCAR'S TALES?

SOMEONE MUST RECTIFY THIS. WHERE ARE THE DRAWFAGS AT?

>My elf will be named Blackwing Moonfang, his family was killed by his brother so now he hunts after him for revenge. Hes a master swordsman and a archer who never misses.

>>14130587
> -4str

>mfw dnd players try to avoid this thread seeing their very own behavior being laughed at

>you see here a house with an open door

>i want to go through the window

>>14130212
(the funny part about my campaign is that our dwarf is incredibly irritable, doesn't drink, and actually avoids alcohol. and has no beard. (has a more rustic grainy voice)

>I punch Cthulhu in the face.

>We want to bust *PLAYER* out of prison

>>14130587

They want to play *fantasy* heroes in an epic setting and not necessarily have said heroes stupidly sexualized while doing it, retard.

>psh I can fucking do whatever I want, i'm level 19. it's not like the fucking town guards and even scratch me.

>>14130663
>I drive the steamboat through Cthulhu.

>>14130668
> You've been captured and all your gear is missing

>I pull out my katana

>I want to pickpocket the king. hes got good stuff right?

>The same three players in the 2edition group always have at least two stats of 18 at level one.

>But I rolled a 20!

>>14130687
and all this time i was unaware prisons usually let you kept your armaments

>>14130689
>I wanna play a knight
>"Okay, ju-
>Who uses a katana

>>14130231
Hands off Ramona

>can my dwarf be Chinese and racist?
>sure thing.
>plays the entire game saying "chingchong bingbong" after every sentence.
>our faces

>my character has a dark history, filled with sadness, despair, and pain. He fights now so he can feel something in this bleak, depressing world

>I rolled a twenty on a skillcheck so that means I suddenly got super strength to climb up lighting fast

>>14130713
its called a samuri

>I'll be playing a half-drow raised by kenders

Every shop ever

>"I roll to steal"

>>14130587
ohboyherewego.jpg

>What happend when I was out of the room?

>>14130713

there is a girl in my 2e group who dual wields katanas. Her fighter kit is cavalier, not samurai

>its called a samuri
No such thing, friend

>I attack the darkness!

>>14130737
Its called out of place in a European setting.

>>14130737
>samuri

>player rolls a paladin and tries intimidate on every npc

>next campaign player rolls a barbarian and tries diplomacy

and no, he wasn't trying to break the mold or anything

>>14130756

I don't know what your original reaction pic was gonna be. It's this now

>>14130704
The problem is that being captured and stripped is usually less avconsequence of player action and more the tool of an amateur DM.

>common fantasy trope or cliche

>Let's trust this shady NPC 100%, questions are for losers! What the hell DM, you're so mean! Why would he set us up?

>>14130764
>mfw it's relatively easy fluffwise to have Oriental-themed characters of any sort in the European-ish regions of Pathfinder's setting

>plays a werewolf bard who backstory is that she (male player) was a sex slave for most of her teenage years.
>"honest, guys, I'm totally not just playing my furry mary sue fantasy."

>>14130796
Especially when you are a monk (unless they take your fists... that is a problem)

>>14130781


Here's the better version

>hey, [GM name], how long is this talking going to last?

>>14130772
>barbarian
>diplomacy

>The guards look at you with suspicion

>I shoot him in the face

>>14130829
sause
por favor

>"You are taken before, Gallstaff, King of the High Elf Nation and one of the most accomplished mages in all the land."
>"I draw my blade!"

>I roll diplomacy to seduce her.

>Watch a "Pimp my Ride Marathon"

>*Player scribbles something and passes around to the rest of the group*

>>14130212
this one is manditory, its like an asian with a southern accent is lazy and spends his spare time drinking mango juice

>"Alright, so you're standing at a great stone door..."
>"ah shit, I don't have my character sheet."
>"-sigh-... you don't live far away. Go get it."
>hour passes
>"found it!"
>"Hey, we're just watching this youtube video of a cat singing the alphabet."
>"Oh man, if you think that's cool you gotta see this other video..."
>6 hours pass
>"Alright, so you're standing at a great stone door..."

>Before meeting up with the party, I murder a small black family

>>14130931
...Is this a regular problem in your games?

>>14130902
or worse
>dm writes on piece of paper, and they go back and forth, like this nearly the whole game

>>14130861


rio yangawa.

/rs/ it.

>Quickened spell doesn't work that way, you don't automatically get the ability to do another spell as a free action from it.
>WHAT? You're nerfing my wizard!

>>14130943
No, it only happened once. with a new player.

next time I stat up a black family and kick his ass.

>We should split up

>>14130956
ty

>>14130907

actually i fucking hate scottish dwarves. it made me walk out of the LotR movies. They should be scandinavian/germanic, but they sound fucking cool in fake russian.

>King gives us a simple quest to take out a bandit who's been terrorizing farmers
>2 hours later we're leading a violent coup against the king who hired us.

>>14130012
What?

I'm playing Dark Heresy. The dude's not wearing a helmet.

Why the fuck not?

>>14130993
>Walk out of the movie because of Gimli's accent

Please tell me you're trolling me

>>14130341
> >homophobe detected
So you admit it's gay.

>>14130993

HUH?

>"You find the artifact of great power."
>"I kill the other party members and bind their souls as my servants."

This happens surprisingly often...

Also:

>LG player sees an innocent man brutally murdered
>"I loot the body!"

>>14130993
Brotip:
Scandinavian dorfs are actually just elfs

>>14131030
Thank you, video games.

>"She has her back turned"

>"Okay I go to-"

>"No, Just...no you don't get to do that"

>>14131030
>"I loot the body!"

well this happens anywhere anytime in all the campaigns I've seen. They don't even look at the surroundings before it's looted.

>I'm playing a paladin. I want him to fall and become a blackguard, okay?

Rogue: I tell the guard that we're hear to help.
DM: Roll bluff.
Rogue: It's not a bluff, I'm telling the truth.
DM: Alright, he lowers his sword, thanks you and points out the fires in the distance. He says-
Rogue: As soon as his back is turned I stab him.
DM: But then you really were lying and needed to roll bluff.
Rogue: Nope, my character was telling the truth when he said that, he just changed his mind.

From then on we had no way of telling if we were being lied to, because the NPCs would just "change their mind" instead of lying, making sense motive largely useless.

>>14131036

My next campaign: all dwarfs are Quebecois. That's right.

>>14131018

not trolling, but not giving you the whole story.

you have no idea how much of a huge deal it was supposed to be in new zealand... everyone gushed and gooed over a book they never read because it was being filmed here. when i saw it and it was fucking average (to silly) i got fed up and left. Still haven't seen the second two and i don't fucking plan to.

>>14131093

>How are you guys carrying all this equipment and gold?
>We have a Dwarf.

>>14131036

the words dwarf and elf are interchangeable in the epics.

>>14131072
I've actually had my paladin become a blackguard naturally more than once.

>>14131096
So not a troll, just a dirty communist.

>We'd like to go over the details of our in-game wedding between our characters. You'll be devoting an entire session to the ceremony, right?

>3 players says "I check for traps."
>"You find nothing" all three times.
>Next room
>I check for traps.
>Repeat for the entire dungeon.

As a note, the DM isn't even a kill em all type, he tends to go a bit too easy on us even.

>>14130948
Well I am DMing at the moment and I usually try not to do that, except when we play more horror/mindfuckery games. But the thing is, with the bunch of chucklefucks I game with each time they do this I know the campaign is going to be derailed. They don't do it often maybe once or twice a campaign, but fuck is it roller coaster when they do it. Not complaining, the guys are great fun and were all best buds.

>Hey guys I have a new campaign all ready, I based it off my favorite anime/manga.

>Don't worry guys, I read the module already.

I wasn't even the DM and I wanted to beat his head in.

>My character wields a Large-size fullblade.

>GM: You encounter a drow warrior.

>>"Does he have violet eyes and two scimitars?"

>>14131118

commie? what was that i didn't even...

don't get me wrong, for all that the books were racist luddite arse i liked them. and my country, for all that it's a tiny isolated nowhere can be kinda awesome.

it's just that LotR was actually crap. here begineth the greivances:
- scottish dwarves
- Strider looked like trailer trash in rehab
- Galadriel was ugly and what was with the screaming?
- Sauron's face?!
- 3 hours of Frodo having exactly one expression (which would have been fine in the second two books).
- bitter elrond (plus i kept thinking of him as agent smith)
- rivendell looked like it was ripped from bladurs gate

i was just expecting something else really.

>>14131239
> Galadriel was ugly

...

WAT.

>>14131194
Ouch, dude. Just... ouch.

>What do you mean I can't pick locks if I don't have the skill?

>>14131273
She actually did not do it for me either. Her face is just all weird.
Could also have to do with my taste for buxom women.

>>14131273

kate blanchett is awful. still not trolling.

>>14131125
Now that's just asking for the BBEG to strike during the wedding.

>My character has long, flowing white hair

>>14131239
I feel you man. Forget the Americans, those movies were not at all what I was looking for either.

Basically, what bugged me the most about it was that it made me come to a sobering realization. They took LotR and influenced it with all of the mainstream fantasy spawned from D&D of the past 15-20 years, which was originally derived from LotR. It finally proved to me that everything is cyclical, and each rotation just mixes in more shit.

>>14131314
What if they are really old?

>>14131080
what the fucking fuck

>>14131339

so not ronery! I was wanting saxon epicry, a-la Excalibur, but all it was was bladur's gate: the movie.

Also, while I'm being a fucking grognard, my heart broke when it was revelaled that not only the genetic stock of the storm troopers but Boba Fett were space maoris.

>Diread Inadequate
so very inadequate.

>>14131239
>luddite
QFT
Bro-fist.

>>14131339
>implying Lotr was bad

>>14131342

I should have added the whole part, I wanted to spare you:

>My character has long, flowing white hair which he inherited from his natural parents, whom he doesn't know, but has now decided to leave and search for them at the age of 18. Oh and he has purple eyes.

>I'm playing a human female monk. She wears all black with a black long coat. Her name is Neo Trinity.

>We're going to deviate from DnD for the next game.

>>14131400
It wasn't maori, it was Mandalorian

>>14130843
>>14130772
>>14130931
>>14130999
Oh god! These are hilarious.

"i dont want to kidnap her, its against my morals"
>were playing rogue trader, were all renegades and criminals

>>14131436
>... and the system we're using is FATAL.

Playing WFRP as a Knight Errant, I charged with my lance in the first combat we did, and got a headshot. Ulric's Fury struck and I did 33 damage to the face with a lance. It's not entirely related to this thread, but it's such a proud moment of my gamng career that I bring it up at every opportunity.

>>14130561
...I got one of those in my chronicle...

"Dude ok so I put all my useful points in Death...i want to raise zombies. ZOMBIE ARMY!!!"

>>14130968
Source on that image?

I see that girl in reactions all over the place.

>>14131400
Most stormtroopers were recruits by the time of the Classic Trilogy.

Or at least cloned from so many different sources it didn't matter.

>>14131239
Sauron never had a visible face...

>>14131410

three hours of that face implies bad, but bad does not imply three hours of that face

>>14131529

mfw you realise there is more than one maori.

>I rolled up a destructive barbarian with 18 STR, 16 CON and a greataxe!
>I'm going to go chaotic good for the most of the time while unleashing my inner chaotic stupid every once in a while!
>WHAT?!?!!?? POLITICAL INTRIGUE?!?!?!?

>>All dwarves, if not outright alcoholics, are great aficionados of beer, ale, and spirits

>Furthermore, they produce master brewers and distillers, to the point where the appellation "dwarven" when used for ale beer or spirits implies the highest quality and/or greatest potency

>>Dwarves live in communities deep underground, where hops and barley cannot grow

>>14131802
i think you underestimate the ingenuity and craftsmanship of dwarfs
especially ones who have gone a damned long time without a brew

>>14131799
I know I shouldn't mimic it too much, but Minsc fit that role perfectly with his whole "butt-kicking for goodness!" thing.

>>Alright, this'll be a politics an intrigue based game
>>only one person rolls a political/social character
>>other players complain they get too much face time

>>14131802

>>14131914

>>the mental player is the only one who read up about the setting and rules for combat
>>drives a car through the first combat encounter because it uses mental-based stats in the setting, does more damage then the rest of the party combined because the picked about the worst place possible to start a fight
>>Reminds them the next session that he doesn't play fair, he brings trucks to knife fights

>>14131802
>suck my plump helmet

>>14130960
That is exactly how it works though.
It allows you to to a quickened spell and then separately a regular spell in one turn.
There is a reason why the spell level increase for that one is so high.

>I sneak behind those two and eavesdrop on their conversation
>conversation ends
>inn across town gets attacked
>actually I was all the way back at the inn sleeping

>>14131400
Temuera Morrison did a great job as Jango

>>14131410
Not implying it was bad, but outright stating it wasn't what it should've been.

As far as movies go, it was the best thing in the theatres for years. The only other movie of any consquence I remember after it was The Dark Knight.

>what do you mean our first combat ever didn't give us magical items? We just killed a bunch of level 1 warrior bandits! You said the leader was even wearing some jewelry, and it's NOT magical?! DM sux man!

>>14131239

>- Strider looked like trailer trash in rehab

I have heard this complaint several times, from several sources. What the fuck? He's a *ranger*. He lives off the land between towns most of the time. Bathing and personal hygiene are probably two of the lowest priorities he has.

>- bitter elrond

...s'wrong with Elrond being upset by people being fractious twats?

>(plus i kept thinking of him as agent smith)

...that is a bad reason and you should feel bad.

I like how the completely pointless addition of Arwen didn't even register in your list of complaints somehow. There were several reasons LotR was not the greatest work of cinema ever made (spoilers: it has to do with LotR not being the greatest work of literature ever made, for one), and all of yours are painfully childish and irrelevant. Congratulations.

>>14132579
To be fair, I can't really see the leader of a group of bandits keeping some non-magical jewellery instead of selling it off.

>Plot: tortart
That... does not sound like a campaign I want to play in. Sorry, captcha.

>I roll for my character to solve the riddle.

>>14132612
> Arwen
> Pointless
LIV TYLER IS NEVER POINTLESS YOU FAGGOT

>>14132620
Because bandit leaders are incapable of wanting to wear nice things as a status symbols, right?

>>14132786
Not when the only purpose of those nice things is to give all the guys working underneath him a solid reason to cut his throat in the night.

Seriously. It makes no damned sense.

>>14132727

If he's complaining about scottish dwarves, I don't really see how Arwen is somehow better.

>>14132799
>everyone has possessions so they'd all kill each other instantly for them
Seriously, they have like swords and armor too, those are worth money

>>14132841

Fuck a decent sword is probably worth more then some cheap ass piece of copper jewelry.

>>14132886

It is, in fact, in DnD, just as it was in the real world.

>>14132799
You can't imagine any possible setting in which a bandit leader could have nice things. Also, all bandit groups turn on themselves and slit each other's throats at the drop of a hat. "Chief's got a nice ear ring, Imma slit his throat and take it tonight. Best plan ever." is how all bandit groups think, no exceptions?
It could never, ever happen in any conceivable setting or circumstance. No bandit leader could possibly wear status symbols unless he was irrational.
Really? That's how limited your view of possible occurrences in fantasy worlds is? No DM could possibly be justified in having the party find some mundane rings or something on a bandit leader?
Unless you take that hard line of a view on this, then a DM could reasonably include that in a game.

>>14132841
Those are also useful, and funnily enough, tend not to make other people want to fight you. Plus, of course, it's a bit different slitting someone's throat for some small, light, easily concealed/carried valuables than it is slitting said individuals throat for some bulky objects of (usually, depending on quality) lesser value. Plus, of course, wearing armour and weapons is kinda important to allow bandits to function, since unless they are actually monks of a god of thieves, or really broke casters, most bandits need weapons/armour. Useless jewellery, less so.

>>14132799
Your one of those fags who gets pissed off when plate armor doesn't look exactly like it does in real life, aren't you?

>>14132908

Also, this predicates that bandit NPCs don't behave in a human way.

Only LOLSORANDUM CE people would behave in the way he described.

>>14132927
>Those are also useful, and funnily enough, tend not to make other people want to fight you.
>Not when the only purpose of those nice things is to give all the guys working underneath him a solid reason to cut his throat in the night.
>cut his throat in the night

>it's a bit different slitting someone's throat for some small, light, easily concealed/carried valuables
>OH NO THE BANDIT LEADER'S THROAT WAS SLIT IN THE NIGHT CLEARLY NONE OF US ARE AT FAULT, SLEEP EASY EVERYONE

>>14132927

I can think of a good reason for bandits to wear jewelry.

Ego.

These are PEOPLE in your campaign world, not just mindless automatons for your PCs to overcome. It makes sense for them to have jewelry in some cases, and it wouldn't in others.

It depends on the bandit.

>>14132937
>Only LOLSORANDUM CE people would behave in the way he described.
I read this in his voice.
>The bandits move single-file, to hide their numbers

>>14132908

In fact, it gets even sillier because he's the BANDIT LEADER in the first place.

Why is he the leader if not for the reason that they're following him? Are they so poor that they'd kill for a shitty gold ring, when he could lead them to greater riches?

>>14132799
>Not when the only purpose of those nice things is to give all the guys working underneath him a solid reason to cut his throat in the night.

>Seriously. It makes no damned sense.
Because that's how it works in real life am I right? Pic Related Oh wait-

>>14132980
There are very few reasons to be a bandit EXCEPT if you're absolutely dirt poor and desperate. Even more so in D&D, when you have to contend with all variety of supernatural fuckery and magical beasts in any place that could possibly be considered a decent bandit hideout.

ITT: Every piece of jewelry is the One Ring, and every bandit is Gollum.

>>14133000
If I'm not mistaken, bandits are specifically desperate individuals who kill people for their posessions then disappear into the night.

Wait a minute...

>>14132980
One thing I've wondered about DND.
Are gem-free rings and necklaces relatively cheap?
PCs throw around of gold around like it is water.
A gold ring is just the cost of the gold needed to make it plus labor. A good craftsman makes a few gold a week in profit, so labor is dirt-cheap as far as a PC is concerned.
So would a gold ring just be a few gold in cost? Could you bling out a pimp-bard for just a fist full of gold coins?

>>14133007

Robin Hood says fuck that and fuck you.

>>14133033
That's an awesome mental picture. If only you weren't being sarcastic.

>>14133040

Cheap to the PCs, not to the general populace.

So yeah, pimp Bard.

>>14132980
Yes, because we all know that bandit henchmen are perfectly logical individuals with long-term goals in which they carefully consider the benefits of all possible courses of action, and of course never act for short-term gain at the expense of a leader they may or may not actually like following.

Meanwhile, Bandit Leaders are all bling-loving individuals who rise to their position by not considering the nature of their underlings, and ignoring their greedy nature in order to best dazzle targets with their shinies.

>>14133042
Robin Hood didn't have to deal with Ankhegs popping out under his tent, Banshees swooping around at night, and all variety of dire-woodland animal making off with Friar Tuck.

>>14133070
"Ho there, good monk! Could I trouble you for a bite of your chicken?"
"Good day, my son, and no, fight your own dire-chicken!"

>>14133061

Of course not!

All bandit henchmen are completely illogical individuals with no long-term goals who act on impulse at the expense of a leader they may or may not actually like following.

And by definition Bandit Leaders are all sensible individuals who rise to their position with their keen understanding of human psychology, and ignoring their greedy nature in order to best dazzle targets with their shinies.

>>14133070

What? Yes he did.

Have you actually READ Robin Hood? Fucking Gryphons, everywhere.

>>14132980
The kind of organization that you're attempting to refer to are very rarely bandits, but more likely a variety of mafia, "thieves guild", or private mercenary band. Bandits are, 90% of the time, just peasants with no other option. They act out of desperation - and lets face it, in order to want to kill someone just for the posessions on their person you have to be pretty desperate.

>>14133105
.... Pretty sure you're mistaken there. I have read Robin Hood. Sherwood forest isn't a super magical fairy wonderland. It's a forest. What story are you thinking of?

>>14133061
Either exactly zero egotistical bling loving bandit leaders could possibly exist, or it is reasonable for the PCs to run across one.
Of course, most aren't fabulous. But one could be.
And no, bandits probably aren't stupid enough to kill their strong man leader and destroy the cohesiveness of the group over some cheap shit he put on his fingers. Hell, the DM could decide that a particular group of bandits are living quite well off their ill gotten gains and no individual bandit would have any meaningful financial incentive to slit their leader's throat over a ring. You could have starving, desperate bandits. You could have bandits who are far more wealthy than the average peasant thanks to robbing a few traveling merchants. Either could possibly exist given the setting and what the DM arbitrarily feels like making them.
Let's not assume that chaotic stupid is the default alignment for all bandits and that all are blood crazed murders who turn on each other all the time for little reason other than "I want that silver ring and that gold chain my boss wears".

>>14133094
>All bandit henchmen are completely illogical individuals with no long-term goals who act on impulse at the expense of a leader they may or may not actually like following.

That's why they're bandits, instead of doing a job that a) has prospects and b) doesn't get you face-raped by adventurers.

>And by definition Bandit Leaders... keen understanding of human psychology... ignoring their greedy nature...
So, they have a keen understanding of human psychology, but choose to ignore it? Hmmm...

>>14133114
Because some bandits don't stalk roads, ambushing people and caravans, threatening people in order to coerce them into handing their shit over, right?

>>14133094
When wondering whether they're going to eat this week, or whether they're going to survive their next waylay, all the while knowing it's only a matter of time before a hunting party from the law enforcement is going to be sent after them, yes. They're thinking of short term goals. In order to kill somone just for the posessions on their body, they've gotta be pretty desperate. The risk:reward ratio is not even slightly in their favour.

>I'll gladly give you this spare key to The High School, if you'll help me read at night by bringing me a candle-
Oh, that doesn't sound so bad...
>-like the one on The Wax King's head.

>Bandits, thieves, and pirates
>Implying they don't like to wear jewelry to show off
>mfw

>>14133164

Of course some Bandits don't do that; the successful ones tend to simply open investment banks.

>>14133227
Thieves and pirates? Sure. Bandits? No. Thieves encompasses just about everything. Pirates have the infrastructure and organization required for long-term cooperation (notably that they can't steal shit then escape, and that they all serve a purpose aboard the ship and thus have a reason to work together instead of alone).

>>14131948
Dude. What would happen if you tried to brew alchohol from marajuana?

Would the THC break down, or would it be integrated into the alchoholic liquid?

>person in group is playing a hispanic character
>never really comes up in game
>tpk
>everyone rerolls
>make a hispanic character myself
>third npc we meet next session calls me a spic
>"make a frenzy check, difficulty 10"

This entire argument makes me wonder what exactly said Bandits would do with waylaid riches. It's feasible that they got in to Banditry by being forced out of their homes and having to steal to live. The need for organization implies that they can't do it alone. As such, a leader would naturally be needed, and that leader would need status symbols.

Also you have to think about what the Bandits THEMSELVES consider useful. Kill your boss for a few useless copper rings? Why? Kill your buddy for the bushel of apples he stole, or the furs he's keeping warm with? HELL YES!

>>14133218
HAH! I just got Don't Rest Your Head a week ago!

I GET THE REFERENCE!!!

ITT BANDITS ARE TOTALLY INHUMAN AND WILL KILL ANYTHING FOR ANY AMOUNT OF MONEY, THEY HAVE ABSOLUTELY NO SENSE OF SOCIAL LOYALTIES OR CONCEPTS AND WILL IMMEDIATELY TURN ON EACH OTHER GIVEN HALF A CHANCE

Bandit 1: Hey man, this dude had a pretty cool ring. I think I'm gonna keep it.

Bandit 2: Go for it bro, I'll take his dagger and we can sell the rest.

Bandit 1: Awesome, then it's ale and wenches time!

Then they brofist and go party

>Bandit 2: Hey wait, we're bandits, who the fuck are we going to sell all this shit to, or travel to a place where we won't be automatically recognized as thieving filth?

>playing poorman campaign
PC's
>MAN WHEN ARE WE GONNA GET RICH

pic related, its me when they asked

>>14133446
Did they rob a guy for some jewelry, and then immediately turn on each other to acquire each others' wealth?

>>14133437
>who the fuck are we going to sell all this shit to
Some kind of underworld fence or pawn broker? The kind of people who don't really give a fuck where something comes from, just like real life?
>travel to a place where we won't be automatically recognized as thieving filth?
"Any city, anywhere, ever"?

>>14133460
no, lol
but a farmer they did a low level quest for gave them a cow for payment because he couldnt aford to give them anything else

>>14130417

ITT butthurt stoners

>>14133477
Cows are pretty expensive. This could be an educational opportunity to teach them how much goes into a cow, whether it's used for milk or meat.

>>14133475

I suppose that would mostly be a location thing. I imagine most bandits to be in a rural location, farmers and other peasantry ousted by the local royalty, constabulary, or taxes and tarrifs. I might be giving them too much credit for intelligence though, because the second thing I thought after that was "Oh no, the ale and wenches are gone, now what?"

>>14133437
You could have one member of a bandit group who's job is to trade with towns.
Unless they steal all the food, clothing and equipment needed to survive, then they'll need to do some trading.
But they can't just trade like normal people because most settings have a 'kill on sight' approach to criminal justice.
If just one bandit would act as a merchant and of course keep his bandit sources a big secret, it could work out. There would be some risk for detection though.
I think these kinds of logistical problems aren't supposed to be thought about. Kind of like "why do these unthinking beasts have treasure in the back of their cave" isn't supposed to be questioned.

>>14133509
Bandits exist / existed IRL, so I suspect they had SOME method to their madness.

>>14133522
>Kind of like "why do these unthinking beasts have treasure in the back of their cave"
"Dead adventurers", at the very least. The AD&D monster manual had Treasure Types for a reason.

>>14133494
yeah i know, they didnt like that I gave it to them, and sold it in a near by village for WAY underprice because they were tools

>Entire party goes Chaotic Neutral or Chaotic Evil
>LOL SO RANDOM.

>>14133543
It's hard to set expectations and standards when they don't know what to do. For them, it was probably just a cow - they didn't think about how hard it is to raise one, and how much wealth it represents to a peasant. For the average adventurer (or first-worlder) cows are something that happen to other people.

>Let's steal these dead guy's clothes and try to sneak past their compatriots!

>>14133543
Did you role play the people buying it as being all excited that they were getting a whole cow cheap?

>Oh, shit son! This'll give my children milk every day for years to come! They won't be stunted like my firstborn. When it goes dry we can eat meat for days on end! I've never been able to do that before. Maybe we could even breed it and sell the calves! But I don't want to get ahead of myself in excitement. You people are truly saints for letting this go so cheap to us. This would cost multiple gold coins at the market. Few have held such wealth in coin all at once.

>>14133530
To be fair, you gotta wonder where the fuck these adventurer's are getting shit from.

Magic items (at least in the 3.x system, never been interested enough in D&D to work further back) were considerably expensive and required gold to be made. It wasn't like the people using the fucking things had money to pay for them so there was obviously no market to make them for. One has to wonder who exactly started making these weapons, where they got the resources to do so and why they did as such. I mean, after all, anything beyond a +1 weapon is functionally worthless. All you can use it for is... other magic items. Because no one has the money to buy your +3 axe. Even if they did, they wouldn't, because the +2 lance over there is a fraction of the cost and almost as good for any purpose but "adventuring".

Bottom-line or highly specialized magical items have some legitimacy as an extremely wealthy army might have had quite a few commissioned for a task force or some shit, but definitely nothing higher up.

So even if you say "Adventurers died and left them", that explanation only goes so far back. They had to come from somewhere. Where the fuck did they come from?

>>14133575

>>14133494
What the fuck are adventurers going to do with a cow?
>Ok, it's time to go into the goblin camp and kill some fuckers.
>Sure, but, what are we going to do with Bessy?
>... Hurmmmm...

>>14133594
>Did you role play the people buying it as being all excited that they were getting a whole cow cheap?

Yes, because acting excited instead of just going "erm, yes, that is a good and fair price for us both, thank you have a nice day" would be a great idea.

>>14133610
In AD&D at least it was assumed that even NPC soldiers would have magic gear - a competent sergeant would have +2 armor, a captain for a whole unit would have +3, etcetera, so it's not that far-fetched.

>>14133624
>What the fuck are adventurers going to do with a cow?
Cast Regenerate, Enjoy Delicious Burgers Every Day.

>>14133625
Did AD&D use material wealth in the creation of magic items?

If so, the same situation still applies. One has to wonder where, exactly, the material wealth originally came from. It didn't just come out of thin air. Someone provided it. Again, it's not unrealistic to believe that some lower magic items would be around here and there, but the higher you get the more and more silly the idea of "other people left it" gets.

>>14133625
Even without that, at one point, far enough back, you'd have powerful adventurers realizing they could craft weapons and armor stronger than any other, and with the boost it gives to them, it'd be worth it.

>>14133625
Of course, by sergeants and captains he means high level classed fighters.

>>14133610
>Where the fuck did they come from?
Wizards did it.
Why?
Because.

But yeah, magic items should be rare as all hell. They cost multiple times the total lifetime earnings for the average person. They require at least a midlevel spellcaster to make them (and those should be rare too in most settings).
I guess kings could commission them. Adventurers could too.
Why people store them in chests in the back of cave systems and old abandoned whatevers, I don't know.

>>14133650
in AD&D magic items are inexpensive to create in monetary terms, but the reverse principle applies; you typically have to sacrifice a point of Constitution per permanent item, so there's no point for all the low tier magic items to exist.

>>14133656
Right, but they're still not PCs.

The idea of fantasy generally seems to be that "the setting is medieval / low-magic except where the PCs are involved, at which point it's high-powered crazy shit". See also every setting where the town guards have leather jerkins and a spear while the PCs walk past carrying swords made of dragonbone and armor made of bateezu carcass anointed with angel tears.

>>14133610
>So even if you say "Adventurers died and left them", that explanation only goes so far back. They had to come from somewhere. Where the fuck did they come from?

Powerful ruler of large (possibly evil) empire orders subordinate casters to create magic items to give their elite bodyguards advantages, powerful church pays for the creation of magical stuff to equip their crusading warriors, powerful nobles pay to have family items enchanted (best part of being at the top of the feudalism ladder, you have a /shitload/ more money than the people near the bottom), whether in cash or in "services rendered" (Read: hands over criminals, poor people, etc for experiments), etc etc etc. Over time, shit just builds up.

After all, one nice part of magical weapons is they don't exactly break and shit a lot.

>>14133658
Exactly. You get far enough back to anything in D&D and you just have to say "Wizards did it". Some shit is there because it makes the game fun, not because it makes sense. Treasure in the back of caves is no exception.

>>14133654
And you still have to wonder where exactly these adventurers got the wealth from, considering you would be hard pressed to find someone willing to give you 1,000+ GP to make a magic sword. Or for any kind of quest, or anything, really. One also wonders how exactly they managed to get so strong, considering that without magical equipment they would be very likely to die by the time they would have the wealth or knowledge necessary to pioneer an entire field of magic.

>I have to shoot all of these gongs. They may come to life.

>>14133680
But where did they come from BEFORE that? Someone started making the first weapons, and someone probably made more than just one or two of them. So where did THAT person get the money?

Once the system picks up steam I can accept it, but the idea is that it's difficult (at best) to explain how the number originally exceeded zero. Because it makes a lot more sense to hire a dozen people equipped in simple armor with simple weapons on any kind of reasonable scale.

>>14133669
That is quite reasonable, then.

>>14133682


At that point you're probably dealing with Noblemen adventurers/barbarian kings, Dragon slayers, etc.

People who are either independently wealthy, or who target creatures that horde kingdoms worth of gold and treasures.

>>14133682
Also, they get so strong by fighting slightly weaker monsters and/or by overleveling.

Sure, a lvl 10 back then doesn't fight the same things as a lvl 10 today, but the lvl 10 today has better gear, while back then he just had mundane equipment, and manly grit.

>>14131504
it's from Ore no Imouto ga Konna ni Kawaii Wake ga Nai (My Little Sister Can't Be This Cute).

>>14133703
Some god gives their chosen warrior some kind of fancy shiny weapon, possibly that eats the souls of their dead foes or w/e, chosen warrior proceeds to rape everything, some caster thinks "hey, I could probably make something like this," one of the casters that tries manages it (probably a dragon. They'd be looking to get as much awesome shiny stuff as they could. Other than that, some dwarf with their runes or something like that), possibly sets themselves up as the head of a religion with a weapon "bestowed by the heavens, like that other guy *Cough, cough*," gets rich, others think "Hey, this is a good idea." Idea takes off.

>Captcha: eshera 1987;
The first one was apparently made by someone called Eshera in 1987. Presumably not our calander system.

>>14133703
>But where did they come from BEFORE that? Someone started making the first weapons, and someone probably made more than just one or two of them. So where did THAT person get the money?
Emperors. Ancient epic heroes. Divine gifts from extraplanar being or gods.
Perhaps your 'modern' hero has the attitude of 'yeah, this sword is alright, it is enchanted to hit enemies more easily and bursts into flames when I hit someone with it' but an ancient hero from back before that was common would have thought 'THIS SWORD WAS GIFTED TO ME BY THE FORGE GOD HIMSELF! LESSER BLADES CHIP AND SHATTER BEFORE IT! LET HIS HOLY FLAME CLEANS THE UNWORTHY!" You could fluff it as that.

Of course, this is all ignoring that older=far superior in most fantasy settings. So the 'modern' fantasy characters are jizzing themselves when the find a 2,000 year old whatever because apparently no technological or magical progress has occurred in most settings. In fact, there must have been some kind of harsh regression in most settings if you think about it.

>>14133671

Well, your idea of fantasy, perhaps.

Even before D&D got the A slapped on (and then removed), the game world had a fucking LOT of high level NPCs, with about 99.9% of them being antagonists -- enemy fighters of a given level aren't any rarer than monsters of the equivalent threat, for instance. Originally, it noted that even these enemy humans you'd run into (not the same thing as a hostile adventuring party) even had infravision, so they were implied to be somehow monstrous, but is unclear.

Similarly, there would typically be castles or strongholds laying around with a single, high level ruler who'd hassle PCs who came by.

>>14133770
>Well, your idea of fantasy, perhaps.
Name a setting where the town guards carry visibly magical gear.

>>14133785

That has nothing to do with, well, anything, since no one advocated town guards having magic gear.

>>14133812
>no one advocated town guards having magic gear
>a competent sergeant would have +2 armor
A sergeant is a low-ranking officer. That's exactly what that ADND guy said was the norm. Your run of the mill town guard captain has +2 items.
That's not the case in 3.x as far as I can tell.

>>14133812
The post was a response to >>14133671, which was specifically reliant on the fact that fantasy worlds are generally kept at medieval tech with only the barest influence of magic. Peasants still harvest crops with scythes and sickles, smiths still shape metal, people still use normal materials.

AD&D's choice of giving magic items to average mercenaries and soldiers goes against this and suggests the idea that the world at large makes more use of magic items despite still being kept at a medieval tech level.

>>14133851
>a competent sergeant would have +2 armor
>Your run of the mill town guard captain has +2 items.
Most settings do not have town guards known for being competent.

>>14133859
Then why hasn't the town been overrun by any of the countless monsters lurking in the wilderness?

>>14133851
Keep in mind, that poster didn't know wtf he was talking about.

To be more specific, he apparently looked at how fighters get a few high level followers and somehow took that to mean that the elite followers you get once in a lifetime are the same as you can find in every city.

>>14133872
Adventurers, fucking duh.

If the Guard was competent there would be no market for adventurers.

>>14133872
The fact you have a Warhammer Fantasy picture for that post is hilariously ironic, given the number of towns that /are/ overrun, whether it be in the Empire, in the Border Princes, in Brettonia, Araby, or all kinds of other places.
Hell, even places that /do/ have competent guards (Kislev, Dwarf Holds, etc) often get raped.

>>14133872
They can be.

But typically a town was at one point established or ruled over by a decent fighter.

Of course, heredity doesn't usually work out too well. Unless its Birthright.

>>14133883
Wrong, it applies to average mercenaries and hirelings as well. They don't have as much advancement as a PC but they're not totally unequipped either.

>>14133911
Right, and also magic weapons are rare as fuck in Warhammer Fantasy, which is kind of the point. D&D people have magic, and thus should do BETTER against the fairly standard enemies instead of being grossly incompetent and not using magic weapons.

>>14133937
Or at least the dominion which the town is a part of at one point was ruled by a decent fighter. Though nowhere does AD&D imply that there are military units of dudes with magic weapons... ever.

There are a few references to perhaps 1% of soldiers equating to a first level fighter, though.

>>14133945
You are simply wrong. Nowhere does it state, or even imply that you can find large groups of high level NPCs with magic gear or multiple levels. 2e doesn't even imply officers will be anything other than level 0 troops.

...hmmm, you're probably thinking of 1e, in which case a serjeant (L1 fighter) of 10 troops (sp) does have a 5% chance of a magic sword, all the way on up to a captain of 100 men (L5 fighter) having a 25% chance of a magic sword.

So even in 1e, in a group of 400 soldiers, you will probably find only about 2-3 people with magic weapons. That doesn't strike me as inappropriate.

The pirate knocks you out.

>>14133952
>There are a few references to perhaps 1% of soldiers equating to a first level fighter
Here is how my old group played it.
Anyone with character levels is rare and elite.
Anyone with a few character levels (5+) is one of the most powerful people in the world in terms of what they can personally do.
Gilgamesh was a level 6 fighter. Ekindu was a level 6 barbarian. That's how we saw it.
But I know that DND 3.x has official sources saying that the average nobleman has a bunch of NPC levels and stuff.
You could play it that way. Or you could make even a few levels really mean something.

>>14134009
That probably worked well for your game, though not for any game I've been in. Gilgamesh would certainly be much higher than level 6 -- even in AD&D, with gods and demigods just being on the same power level as demon princes (more or less), Gilgamesh was still 2/3rds deity, so he'd certainly be a peer of someone like Orcus.

>>14133945
Right, and also magic weapons are rare as fuck in Warhammer Fantasy, which is kind of the point. D&D people have magic, and thus should do BETTER against the fairly standard enemies instead of being grossly incompetent and not using magic weapons.

... Except that, with the exception of dwarf holds, the invading forces are far more likely to have have magical stuff than defending forces, unless they are attacking a city. "Far more" being relative, of course. (Though if you accept that all Chaos Warrior armour is magical...)

>I pull out a bucket and start bilging water out of the Chimera. I bet there's a leak or something in this piece of shit.

>>14134105
The amount of guys with magic weaponry in a WHFB army and in a 1e army aren't terribly distinct from each other.

>>14134136
Ooops, >>14134105 should have been
>Right, and also magic weapons are rare as fuck in Warhammer Fantasy, which is kind of the point. D&D people have magic, and thus should do BETTER against the fairly standard enemies instead of being grossly incompetent and not using magic weapons.

... Except that, with the exception of dwarf holds, the invading forces are far more likely to have have magical stuff than defending forces, unless they are attacking a city. "Far more" being relative, of course. (Though if you accept that all Chaos Warrior armour is magical...)

>>14131080
> Rogue: As soon as his back is turned I stab him.
> DM: But then you really were lying and needed to roll bluff.
> Rogue: Nope, my character was telling the truth when he said that,
> he just changed his mind.

DM: [Rolls anything] What a coincidence! The guard changed his mind about lowering his sword, too. Roll for anal circumference.

>>14134329
>Implying you have never changed your mind in your life.

>we're underground, the way back up is nigh unclimbable
>surrounded by poisonous mushrooms mutated by spellplague
>ground's covered in moss
>whole cave is filled with a power tearing apart the fabric of reality itself
>the way through is part of a skill challenge encouraging the group to work together and communicate

>"Let's use a daily power to set all the mushrooms on fire!"

>>14134547
>Implying the rogue was not just being a shitstain who was trying to just get away with a free backstab because he "lol changed my mind, I totally want to murder him instead of help him".