The cloud becomes black, and the sky becomes blue
Now you in the midst of the Hell Hound crew
Ain't no clue, on why the fuck we do what we do
Leave you in a state of necrophobia, oooh
Don't make a move for your sword so soon cuz
I drops corpse bombs like Platoon (ay wizzad)
Walk with me, hold my hand and let me lead you
I'll take you on a journey, and I promise I won't leave you
(I won't leave you) until you get the full comprehension
And when you do, that's when the mission
of survival, becomes your every thought
Keep your eyes open, cuz you don't wanna be caught
Half steppin with your weapon in it's sheath
Now break yourself motherfucker 'fore you make me
take this skeleton army to another level
I raise up the cause of your end, you go down with the devil
Now roam through the depths of hell
Where the rest your wretched ass adventure group dwell
Well...

Suicide, it's a suicide (4X)

Now tell me, what's my motherfuckin name
Necromancer, necromancer, necromancer

(Wake up in the morning, to Lucky Charm enchanting)


Deep, deep like the mind of Moria, now picture this!
Let's picnic inside a graveyard
Not pic-a-nic baskets, pic-a-nic caskets
And I got the book, that cracks your fuckin chest plates
open and release them guts
Then I release def cuts
Brutal, jagged edged, totally undead
Now everybody scream nuff respect to the Necro
Nuff respect given
Disrespect and you will not be unlivin
Word to lich, rotting, power, dilemma

Suicide, it's a suicide (4X)

Now tell me, what's my motherfuckin name
Necromancer, necromancer, necromancer

(Wake up in the morning, to Lucky Charm enchanting)

Rap. . .NECROMANCERS?

Why I never. . .


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BSWOLKxZkPY

Any more hiphop/rap inspired stuff?

Could spell casting really be interpenetrated as a type of singing?

>>14253016
>How do I Bard?

>>14253049
No but I mean like, real magic.

DJ Phylactery is back, huh?

>>14253072
Bardic magic IS real magic. Sure, you don't get access to the wizard/sorceror spell list, but you do get to cause magic things to happen.

>>14253086
Okay, well, can you bring people back form the dead by rapping?

>>14253122
Nope, but you can create effects that will give them what they need to not die in the first place.

Can you make more people competent at any task by praying?

>>14253158
Bless.

>>14253169
Nope. Bless only effects attack rolls and saves against fear rolls.

I'm talking about ANY SKILL CHECK EVER here.

That is what a bard can do.

Your raps be whack, your spells be killing
the guard, but you ain't got nothing on my Power Word: illin'.
You think someone who lived as long as you, as a Lich
would've gained some skills on the mike, but Kord damned, Bitch!
You ain't got nothin', you think you got experience,
but i'll give you one thing, you definitely got resilience!
Messing around with my kingdom and people,
I'll drop you down from my castle's steeple.

I'll show you why people bow down under me,
why don't you skip the games and start kissing my feet?

>>14253219
>he uses an ABABAB rhyme scheme.

Fresh off the field of battle, ready to make your skulls rattle, get your will save ready and hide the kobolds, shits about to get magical.

Check it.

Copycat cadavers slingin' bolts of gay all around
No matter how many rap threads, posers abound
Let me step off THE FIST, tilt my hat, take a bow
Take a Feat, Halt your feet, make you tune in to this sound.

I tap forces primordial, weave deceptions of senses
Leave your party defenseless as I build a consensus
There won't be an upset, unless you count your emotional state
Odds on this fight 100 to 1, 'cause I got the wand that cuts fate.
I channel phantoms of ghosts into sanctimonious hosts
At least thats what you believe, what I decree you should see, your free will is toast
Wear hats aplenty, from rogue to pilot and beyond
Seen all scenes on the planes, the pimpest threads donned
I brofist Glittergold, spar with Kord and Hextor
Weave baskets with Boccob and get tan with Pelor
So get it straight, gasp in awe as I weave Telepathy and Haste
That my mind is the greatest weapon, and yours is mine to waste.

>>14253219

You're the king alright, you rule the garbage heap
I've slayed tea pots with more mettle, pussy with more tongue-in-cheek.
The only action your feet are getting this round
Is when Frank the Centipede needs more meat for his mound
You talk the walk, walk the talk, soundin' all tall and brass
Too bad there's a hive of bees in your ass
Did you miss it? That spell got cast on line four
Metamagic feats all up in this, ready to show you the door
Lick your wounds you autocrat, while I french kiss the beat
Only groveling goin' on is your raggedy ass on the street.

Where is Sword 'n' Board?

I demand more

>>14253592
I'm fresh out.

>>14253586

I told STORYTIEM (also known as Sword n Board) to get his ass in here. I'm not sure why he isn't here.

Come on, DJ Phylactery... We need you now more than ever to show these kids who the real Rhymancer is.

Faggot mages and whores, just a bunch of NPC chores for my fuckin' +1 sword to tear through on my way to your hoard.

MC, Master Cleave on his fuckin' way to weave some reprieve from yo' lame-brained rhymes, your rap is such a pain it ought to be a CRIME.

But man, I aint no Paladin, judgin' you for Kord, FUCK NO, I'm just a straight-up warriuh, doin' it for sport..

You think you can stand up to all this?
Three-hundred-twenty HP, I can take some fuckin' hits.
So many goddamn bonus feats, I took Skill Focus [Your Mother], now bow before the knight before I have to bust out another.

>>14253764
Look at this chump: three-hundred-twenty HP? Nigga, with your Will save of shit, eat a Wail of the Banshee!

>>14253764
>I took Skill Focus [Your Mother]
OOOOHHHH

>>14253804
Nevermind, just realized that is a Fort save. I'm out.

>>14253820
Do I smell an attack of opportunity? It wouldn't even be fair, coming from me. Weapon Focus [My Sword], Favored Enemy: Your Ass, yeah, that's fucking right, this fighter is multiclassed.

Can't keep your spells straight?
Just helps me demonstrate as I defenestrate all you lame-brained wizards right out of this place.
I don't think you can even face my fucking mace to your head.
Don't worry, (that feeling?) of undeniable dread?
Yeah, that's just me, your fucking eminence, buckle your seat, this fighter has frightful fucking presence.

>>14253909
>Do I smell an attack of opportunity? It wouldn't even be fair, coming from me. Weapon Focus [My Sword], Favored Enemy: Your Ass, yeah, that's fucking right, this fighter is multiclassed.

I like this thread.

>>14253909
>Do I smell an attack of opportunity? It wouldn't even be fair, coming from me. Weapon Focus [My Sword], Favored Enemy: Your Ass, yeah, that's fucking right, this fighter is multiclassed.

>>14253979
>>14253948
how inconspicuous

>>14253997
It just seems really badass is all.

>>14253997
I don't even know what you're trying to say.

>Do I smell an attack of opportunity? It wouldn't even be fair, coming from me. Weapon Focus [My Sword], Favored Enemy: Your Ass, yeah, that's fucking right, this fighter is multiclassed.

>>14254001
Its a parody of the Doom comic, or at least sounds like that to me.

>>14254038
Nah, doesn't match at all.

Yeah, alright...
Guess I'll step into this fight...
Seems just right...
Fuckin' shadow knight...
Here in the dead of the night...
Time to put an end to this plight...
Damn, what a sight...
Sure, you wizards might be alright...
But you aren't really beholden to my fucking might...
Your spells are really tight...
But me? I'm a fucking blight...
A'int gonna be no more light...

Hope you wizards realize...
I'm no bark and all bite.

No challengers?
Really?
This isn't even fair.
Oh, Shadow Knight?
Shit, didn't see you there.
Been going out of your way to hide in the darkness, you don't even realize,
('cause your head has its own stat of hardness), you can't call it a rhyme,
and spend all your time,
putting together one fucking word,
just ends up looking like a steaming turd, splattered all over the place,
just like your face,
when I'm through with it,
I've got, what? Plus fifty six to hit?
Go ahead, stack your AC,
You don't got shit on me,
Don't forget it, kid, I'm from the better PHB.

>>14252095
Y'all better step back and commence to hating
as I add some digits to this challenge rating!

Al'Sham in the house, taggin' up with my crew,
Suprise round, nigga, favored enemy: YOU!
I'm through messin around, I'm embracing my calling,
and I'm coming at ya' like a paladin falling.
I'll leave ya' crawling in the dirt, just try to get back to me,
I'll lay down the hurt, then smash your phylactery,
I don't mean nothing to me, I got places to be,
Sword n' Board don't know the meaning of refractory,

As I exit your lair you'll hear my victory howl,
drop your mother on the corner, and I'll throw her a towel.


Word the fuck up /tg/, it is on.

>>14254296
AW SHIT, THE MASTER IS BACK.
WHO'S GONNA STEP TO THIS

>>14254296
bump for motherfucking sword and board

Bitches better step up, cause when you hear what I'm spittin',
best believe all you evil bitches gonna be quittin'.
I fight for truth, I fight for justice
you fight for nothing but your self
when your time comes I'll cleave and smite
then I'll donate' all your wealth.

You think your tough, you think your strong,
just cause the black magic you weave?
I got none o' that cause all I needs the strength of whom I believe in.

>>14254296
Son, step off the lich,
He's gonna be MY bitch.

I see you're a man of the sword,
And a warrior of word,
I gotta respect,
But it a'int gonna affect,
The fact that when I'm through with you,
There'll be nothin' left in lieu,
Of the giant fuckin' mess I'll leave you to.

What are you gonna do?
Run me through?
With what, sword and shield?
How about you just yield?

Everybody knows,
All the hoes,
Are all OVAH greatswords,
So step away from the board,

Please, realize you're just as outdated,
AND shiiiiit, overstated,
As that decaying thing,
That thinks it can sing.

DM? Yeah, I'd like to ready an action,
I've got an attack, son,
A one-hit kill,
It'll be a thrill,
Power Attack minus twenty,
Think you can come at me?

Put your weak-ass toys down,
This isn't a playground.

>>14254488
Hah, you need a god?
What a fucking sod.

Here's a church of one, and guess what? It's top-fucking-gun.

Come meet your maker - me,
Master Motherfuckin' Cleave,
Patron saint
(of bonus feats,)
Enough to cram up your matron's taint.

I'm on the look out for you bastards, You can't hide from my glare.
In darkest night, I'll win the fight, I'll break in to your lair.
You think your faggot dungeons can stop the fist of God?
Bitch better think twice for I purify you with my holy rod.

All your threats, all your lies, all your attempts to make me fall?
They'll never work you son of a bitch, before this I've seen them all.

>>14254545
You wanna try this?
You really wanna go?
cause even if your innocent bitch
your rhymes are way to slow

You cant stop my fucking power
I'm filled to the brim with divine rage
better look out, you fucking heathen,
this beasts comin' outta his cage

You think your feats are special?
bitch please, dude have you heard?
we all get one every three levels
from beast, to bitch to bird.

4 way /tg/ rap battle
AWW SHIT

>>14254503

Punk asses better respect before I explode,
I'll ditch the spike and the plank and go BEAR MODE!
You rode in stylin', but are you ready to sortie?
I'm gonna lay the smackdown: grapple, plus forty!
Fighting's my forte, nigga, I'm from the streets.
You can't Escape Artist from these sonorous beats
cuz I'm throwin down rhymes like factotums got feats,
now the heat's on your ass, shall I grant a request?
Just where do you want your remains addressed?
I ain't impressed by your lyrical schisms;
you putting me to sleep with yo' circadian rhythms.

(edited for proper formatting because I'm fly like that.)

>>14254723
>I ain't impressed by your lyrical schisms;
>you putting me to sleep with yo' circadian rhythms.

Get back, fa/tg/uys
I'll rip your shit up, tell you, stop being That Guy
Grog-nards best be warned
Cause, see... I'm a newfag on these forums

Now, can't ya'll see what I'm tryin'a say?
You fuckers getting beardy,
Edition wars on swoll,
Isn't it a motherfucker, when you still live at home?

I feel like this doesn't work when you can't hear delivery.

>>14254627
Oh, shit son,
You can't be talking to me,
I gave you time to run,
And yet, what is it I see?

Your faithful ass,
Sitting around,
It's your time to pass,
You religious fucking clown.

Page 43,
Of the PHB,
Look up "Smite"
And cry out of spite.

Smite Evil, five per day,
Only five fucking times to make evil pay?
Shit, I'm over here swinging, twenty-four-seven,
Sending ghosts and goblins to their filthy fucking heaven.

Now, let's look closer, if I may, can I quote?
I want to point out that I can't be smote.
Says right here,
You little queer,
"Attempt to smite evil,"
Well, here's an upheaval:

Look right here, at my character sheet,
Besides the fact that it's unbelievably sweet,
Those black-lettered words read out "alignment"
And being against such arbitrary confinement,

You know what I did? Threw it out the door.
You ready kid? Prepare to be floored.
This fighter is neutral,
Yeah that's right, his alignment is central.

Your one fucking gimmick, five-times-a-day,
Can't even use it, the fuck do you have to say?

And don't go disrespecting feats, you can't even stand it.
How well can you use Robilar's Gambit?
Or hell, even Weapon Specialization.
I'll use it real well to help with your maturation.

'Cause when I'm through with you, you'll be a real man,
So please, boys and girls, lend him a hand?
I don't think you can sink much lower than this,
Hell, might as well go unarmed, check it, just using my fists.

My hands, your god, who's gonna win?
I'm going to bet now on the one who has sinned.

I wish I could take all of you to a ball.

Oh shit, Sword n' Board is back on /tg/? Today just got awesome.

>>14254811
You think I need smite to make evil pay?
Better wake the fuck up bitch, I'm here to fuckin stay
and have you ever heard of the strength of my conviction?
I can smite whomever I please, so stick to your fapfiction.

You think the gods are messin round, I'll pound your face into the ground I'll take you down, you fucking clown, You madened dog I'll put you down.

>>14254723
Not impressed?
By the best?
Better get your head checked,
Because pinning me to the floor is just gonna get your ass decked.

What a load,
Bear mode?
Leave that to the druids.
You're gonna want some to heal you when I spill your bodily fluids.

Come on kid, ever heard of splats?
'Till you optimize, you're just another one of the fucking gnats.
Bitch please, improved grapple?
Feast your eyes on some skills from, oh man, what's that?
TOME OF BATTLE?
Yeah son, that's right, weaboo fightan magic in the house,
About to show you up, overblown fuckin' louse.
Teleportin' all over the place,
Sportin' my +5 Icy Burst mace,
But it's all for show,
So let's get it on the road.
Please, we all know,
Mess with me, with ToB?

Your blood is gonna flow.

>>14254811

Homeboy's feelin' the pressure, just look at him stammer,
as I open my mouth and drop a lyrical hammer,
my grammar resounds, reveals your flow most crass,
and you'll be begging the paladin to heal your miserable ass.
I've hit critical mass, my words radiate power,
Let the earth tremble, let lesser men cower,
I'll scour you from being, your true form I'll unmask;
You level one scrubs just provoked the Tarrasque.

>>14254899
Conviction?
More like fiction.
Stop spouting a bunch of fluff,
You roleplaying cream puff,
I don't think you understand,
Exactly who I am,
So let me reprimand,
For your stupid-ass ways,
Trust me, it's the end of your days.

I'm the master metagamer,
The d20 rolling hall-of-famer,
Those char-op boards on WotC
Got nothing on me,
I'm cheap as can be,
And I'm hoping you finally see,

Son, there is no build for your class,
So take it up the ass,
As I ream you with a greataxe,
Critical hit? Oh man, what an attack.
And it's a burst weapon, shit that damage stacks,
So high,
In the sky,
Your HP will be invisible,
The number will be so low it'll be indivisible.

I'm the dog? What a fucking joke.
What's with the smog? Oh, I see the smoke.
It's all that anger steaming from your head,
I can feel that dread,
You'll be better off dead,
You're about to be fed,
My blade 'till your skull is running red.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V2XGp5ix8HE

>>14254917
Tome of Battle, nigga please, you spittin' sedition;
Y'all niggas might as well be playing fourth edition;
Your munitions are weak, I've got you reaching for splat books;
You gonna need every one to deal with my fat hooks.
and when you try to step to this, you get nothin' but RAT looks,
and even with stat cooks, you'll wonder why you're always inferior;
because none of those books will help you RAP SUPERIOR!
My rock hard exterior deflects your flow and your blows,
this ain't a game of thrones, nigga, it's a feast for crows.
Deep down you knows it, I'll make clear my intentions
You ain't gonna win without DM intervention.

I watch all of you guys
from my current disguise
it's been a whole damn year and you don't realize
it's high time now to stop and recognize
my rapmaster plan as I stab out your eyes.

I dropped all the hints (all of 'em bitch)
sleeping in my own skin (and it still didn't catch)
you thought me a friend (went off without hitch)
and now it's the end (backstabbed this bitch!)

*can i get a drawfag on this?*

>>14254928
My jive? Crass? Kid best be joking,
These sick lyrics I rhyme are beyond thought-provoking.
Sword n' Board best start hiding behind his aegis,
Maybe he's just jealous,
That all these rhymes,
They take me no time,
It's all skill son, something you don't got,
So if you please, I'm just gonna leave you to rot.

Wait, what was that? Tarrasque?
Ahaha, oh man, what a task.
Killing a big old lizard,
Not even a wizard?
Who decided that would be tough,
My fightah please, it a'int even rough,

Look at that, boots of flying, right into the air,
Challenge averted, like I don't even care.
Come on, you're going to fight me without any logic?
This shit is getting downright comic.

They call you a fightuh?
Sword n' Board, might as well be a warriuh.
You're just like an NPC,
Since you don't got shit on me.
Y'all others should heed,
'Cause I'm the MC.

Sword n' Board I must admit your in a class of your own
and if I attempt to fight you the seeds of my defeat i will have sown.
You're a force most righteous, a lover of the law,
So great are you when I look for good i was blinded by what I saw.

But you Master Cleave you are a beast most foul
and if your up against me, you'd best be throwin' in the towel,
You're not just messin with a man, you be pissin off the gods,
best be on the lookout son in deepest shit you've trod

You been hatin on the wrong LG you fucking toad
your corpse will be found on the side of the fuckin road.
one man can't stand against the will of the gods
you've just placed yourself in battle with unwinnable odds,
You can kill me fo sho, but when I come back
mother fuckin astral daeva with your soul on the rack.

Your sword and shiny shells are fancy as shit
But with all your feats and gear you just don't get it
For I'm in the house, I'm the goddamn monk
And your fancy flaming sword is officially defunct

Touch attacks, son? Sunders, disarm?
I can't be bothered with that, taste a quivering palm
One strike, you can't face that with aplomb
Drop dead 3 hours later crying to your mom

Go ahead and try to run, I'll try not to laugh
Take five steps, I've already taken two fucking laps
You can't keep up, I'm not even human
Your gear can't match up to skill, that's already proven

>>14254999
>>14255069
>>14255070
>>14255112
>>14254928
>>14254999
>>14254928
>>14254917
>>14254899
>>14254811
>>14254808
>>14254723
>>14254627
>>14254579
>>14254545
>>14254503
>>14254488
>>14254296
>>14254133
>>14254061
>>14253909
>>14253764
>>14253511
>>14253432
>>14253219
>>14252102
>>14252095

Sunday morning
Wake up it's stormin'
Raindrops fallin' on my head it's pourin'
Cats an' dogs
Pigs and a dragon
Lookin' for this group of fools, that one cheap wagon
coward fools
use my wood to break your stool
Ploy me
Don't let your punk ass try and loop,
That pathetic group you play every game
Then you better call your backup team
And wait for the crew
I'm the one flippin'
Keepin' the dice
On my hip an'
Just watch your back if you're slippin'
Oooo
Where did that missile
Come from
When the arrow past through my lung
I've lost my breath I'm winded
I've been hit, by a shot that wasn't intended
I hear thunder
I wonder
If a druid like me's goin' under
Take a number!
Unlikely
My bears tearin' out your hairs
I'm the eagles to your beagles
You ain't run the game on me
I catch the fame before thee

>>14255112
>Maybe he's just jealous,
That all these rhymes,
They take me no time,

Actually Mr Master Cleave, by the posting times, that last one took you like 10 minutes.

>>14255069
DM intervention?
Bitch, now you have my attention.
I'm the DM-hater.
Shit, not that that matters.
I'm so fucking optimized,
The DM gouged out his eyes.

Fighting at level three,
I could take a CR sixty.
The numbers are skewed,
Fuck, this edition is screwed.

With all that jive about balance, maybe if we were playing 4e,
You'd stand a ghost of chance,
But it's one against me,
So do all you can to advance,
One day, maybe you'll see,
From whatever afterlife waits you,
I AM the powers that be.

Well? I'm waiting.
All I see is hating.
Deliver a shot.
Let me see what you got.
I want to see an execution,
Not this fucking noise pollution.

Roll for initiative,
'cause son, I'm feeling vindictive.

anyone working on archiving this?

>>14255149
How does it taste? That Sword n' Board cock?
If you thought his tasted good, let's see what I have in stock.
More rhymes here than magic items in a store,
How much you going to pay, you filthy paladin whore?

Shit, if you're all the gods have to throw,
Maybe it's time I overthrow,
I've had enough,
Show me your stuff.
Prove to me your god actually has something under his cuffs.

Wait, when you're dead, you'll come back?
You on crack?
As what, a ghost?
Gives you a 50% miss-chance at most.
You'll want more of this beating?
That's just self-defeating.

So down to your knees,
I'll give you what you need,
It's time to forcefeed
Some skill down your throat.
THEN you'll see why I'm the one to whom you should devote.

>>14255158
Might as well just send you down the river on a raft,
How does it feel to be fed the shaft?
You're the lowest of the low in the PHB,
Yeah, that's what the gods of charop decree,
There's nothing to you but a bunch of cheap tricks,
Sword n' Board, LLC? Yeah, both are pricks,
But hey, at least they're devoted to real character classes,
Your kind just love getting handed their asses,
So that's just what I'll do,
Especially for you,
It's a Master Cleave special,
A bloody-sword facial.

>>14255196
Oy master cleave is that you? did you forget your own name?
told you gods were on my side while I been playin this game,

and if this aint you, then damn your rappin is lame, between you and anonymous it sounds almost the same.

>>14255196
Fly away with yo' boots, I accept your resignation;
My rhymes will end you, like the book of Revelation,
Every word is devastation, each hook maligns,
I spit lyrical epics, your shit is five syllables to a line,
but confine yourself nigga, It's easy, I admit;
But I've been spittin' with gods while you were suckin' tit,
My reputation precedes me, entire planes praise with acclaim;
I spit millions of rhymes and ain't none of them the same!
And you aim to best me? Your place must be known;
Mess with me nigga, and I'll make sure you die alone.

>>14255347
LLC, with all my fame,
Fucking paladin, you think I need a name?

What a rebuttal,
Three lines? Shit, you must be befuddled.
You think you can burn this? Your shit is just muddled.
Now, can we return to our rap-battle as scheduled?
I don't want to start to sound too entitled,
But if you're going to stay so fucking addled,
I think I've won this, 'cause your rhymes have left me appalled.

>>14255326
As you retreat I'm movin' forward, chargin' smite up in this bitch!
now my expectations lowered, your raps so slow it's rich!
You keep lashin out at others, no victory in sight,
if cause as long as I'm still here, the righteous men will win the fight.

Hold this shit up.

Just hold on one fucking minute here.

No bards representin' tonight?

Gotta fix that shit quick.

Mothafuckas be actin' sinister
But fighters? Optimized? This shit's gotta be a joke
When I get finished here we'll need a minister
5000 GP a piece, you gonna be dead and dead broke

My music's magic,
It's tragic
Your mind and body shattered
Bardsong leavin' the whole room in tatters

Maxed-out Charisma, they make me the party face
My amazing Perform [Rhymes] puts me ahead in this race
Act like you can throw down, like strength'll win you the fight
But under my illusions you won't know your left from your right

All respec' to your efforts, it's almost heroic
But your rhymes are old, stale, straight up mesozoic
It's to be expected, your skill points are shit
After a battle like this, we'll need an obit

and as a new challenger 'pears one's retirin'
Cause it seems I am tirein'
I'm gonna bid you good night
but if this threads alive
then in the mornin' I'll jive,
Cause I'm never one to run, I'll always fight the good fight.

>>14255326
Taste of a shaft? Go ahead and ask your mother
How's it feel when the same man is your father and your brother?
Your class can't even decide what it is
Turning tricks out in the back for a few measly tips

You sure love handling "swords", but how about a right hook?
Hitting harder than anything else in the book
Flurry of blows, a tumultous rape-fest
Beating your ass half naked; yeah I'm sure you're the best

You talk a big game, but when you can't even fucking hit me?
Man that's just pathetic, buy a bigger toy and we'll see
Which of us is worthy of some real admiration
Me, or you with your blatant compensation?

>>14255370
He thinks I'm turning away?
Oh son, gonna be hell to pay.
It's metaphorical for how easily you're countered,
It's symbolism for just how fast this encounter,
Is going downhill.
Shit, you're struggling still?
Give it up,
Buttercup,
Your rep means nothing to the best,
So why don't you just go with the rest,
And sit the fuck down?
The best are going to town.

The lich is MINE to fight,
I'm the only one with the might,
The one awarded the right,
To take this glory as my own,
Son, the seeds I've sown?
You're throwing down,
You're just gonna get mown.

Are you really getting served?
No, you're getting what you deserve.
I'm standing in a circle of truth,
So please don't think I'm being uncouth.

Fuck you! I saw you!

...can I join?

>>14255517
My mother?
Bitch please, search for another
Insult that marks you up as a "failure,"

Read the backstory,
I've got no history,
So I can keep myself safe from DM dickery.

Family? Fuck that. Those bitches are dead.
No DM is going to put them on the line to get in my head.
You can't misconstrue,
Shit, you can't argue,
Man, your rhymes are weaker than YOU.

Flurry of blows?
Yeah right, you and what attack bonus?
Oh yeah, and also,
Since you're being so tactless,
How about you use that flurry,
And BLOW on my dick,
Man, my AC versus your BAB?
You're swinging blindly.

Compensation?

Abomination!

Get those lies outta this place.
Better be ready, start to brace,
Yourself for my rhymes,
I'll wreck you, fuckin' slime.

This is no DJ Phylactery,
But the appearance of Sword n' Board almost fully makes up for it.

>>14255518
Among you whack-ass emcees, I reign, exalted;
my command of the language cannot be exhausted.
From thought to sound, my opponents bemoan,
I spit lyrical vengeance like the mouth of Chrysostom,
Your mind blown yet? Have the mental capacity?
There's a difference between stupidity and tenacity!
And the veracity of your Truth Zone does come into question,
when you still think the Lich is even worthy of mention,
but my comprehension wanes, your attempts so abstruse;
You can't build a reputation with rhyme mass produced,
I'll diffuse your attempts, do you feel lucky?
After all, you can still hope to hit with a nat-twenty.

>>14255624
What did thine elven eyes see

>>14255726
Mind = blown?
Shit, from what you have shown?
I'll say you got audacity,
But please, listen closely,
This rhyming activity,
Is just my proclivity,
And just because of your jealousy,
I'm going to hit it squarely,
Let's end this promptly.

I'm willing to respect you, as master of the board,
Shit, I'll even give you master of the sword?
But son, trying to be the master of the word?
A'int no better than me.
I'll put you down gently,
Here and now,
If you'd allow.

You say I hit on a natural twenty?
I've got d20s aplenty.
But son,
All I need is one.
'Specially since I'm going to coup-de-grace,
My dick in your face,
This is my finishing move.
So now, get into the groove.
Let these words soothe,
In a minute I will prove,
That it's time for you to be removed.

Move into the tempo,
Sword and shield clashing in crescendo,
You try to defend, foe,
But you're just a brittle hoe.

Blocking my attacks?
I've got an adamantine great axe!
And with words just as keen,
It might seem mean,
Breaking all your toys and rhymes,
But man, get with the times.

You may be old-school,
But that just makes you a fool.
Now, with my bladed tool,
And my words by which I rule,
I see now that you'll
Finally get on the ground and mewl.

You fucking dig, Sword n' Board?

I come back from dinner and find an incomplete thread?

UNACCEPTABLE.

PERFORM FOR ME, /tg/.

>>14255829
I'll dig you a grave, then piss out a eulogy,
Here lies Master Cleave, whom I slayed BRUTALLY;
with cruelty unequaled, I'll take my leave leisurely,
and give no thought to the dead man who failed immeasurably.

And yet you grin pleasurably, like Trollface, Cheshire,
You think this rebuttal set the world afire?
Tell the town crier, the execution approaches,
I'll smite any scrub who dare encroaches,
Who coached you, Phylactery, Blue Blood, Deeplich?
They'd all bend you over and make you their bitch,
You twitch rhymes fast, but strike limp-wristed.
If you plan on coming back, you best be assisted.

gotta bail for now, real world calls.
Lets get some new blood in on this, and this thread better be here when I get back.

Good rhymes Cleave, glad someone out there is decent competition tonight.

>>14256021
Assisted?
You're fucking ham-fisted.

You think I'm being assaulted?
Shit, it's like I'm playing Exalted.
'Cause your rhymes are so over-the-top,
And you just don't stop,
You just keep throwing d10s,
As if your life depends,
On actually hitting,
But who are you shitting?
Isn't it time for you to be quitting?
As an act of good grace, I'll be acquitting,
You think I'm making a stand? Boy, I'm still sitting.

You want me to get up?
Please, you're just an insolent pup.
But fine, if you're going to call me out,
Sure, I'll end this drought,
No more piss-poor lyrics,

Draw your sword,
It's time we sow discord.
A battlefield of steel
And the words we wield,
Two playas of the same class,
Amidst this dungeon's morass,
It's either your or my ass,
That's going to collapse.

>>14256169
Alright bro, hopefully I see you soon.

Happy you stopped, I've been putting off an essay and 300 pages of a book this whole thread.

>>14256021
>>14255829
Look at these rhymes by two scared little boys
Keep throwin' out lines but it's all just white noise
My beats are white hot; skilled like a factotum
Keep rollin' those 20s; Everybody knows that I wrote 'em

In one standard action, a six second round
Blowin' your minds with my silky-smooth sound
I'll give you some lessons, got rhythm to spare,
Take a level in Bard and you'll be debonair

Cleave is rockin' the house, we've got Sword 'n' Board
But I've got riches and bitches galore in my hoard
This show is a joke, fighters can't represent
The death of the art is my greatest lament

You all havin' a good time? Hope no one encroaches
Oh shit, son, look out! A challenger approaches
A Fighter, a Paladin, some dude, and a Monk?
Make way for the bestest character I ever thunk!
From an alternate universe, all alone. Tragic!
Until the Elves took him in right away and taught him magic
In three short years he mastered the sword too
Did what even century old warriors couldn't do
You think that you pious? He's more devoted
Think you got sword swingin' skills? Yo' shit is moded
Think you the Elminster of spittin' game?
All the bitches in the three countries be knowin' his name
He's like a Warforged but he's also part Human too
He's based off of an anime and he's kawaii. Uguu~

Ya'll get to be my lackies, ain't you excited?
It don't matter, nevermind that I wasn't invited
Hey, I need the book, pass it here cuz I'm the prince
Here you go you get it back with cheeto-y fingerprints
Continuin' along, DM spinnin' a fable
STOP THE GAME AGAIN! My dice fell off the table
You think you got funk? You think you the aspiest?
Pass out at the table, son, my rhymes are nastiest

I need no introduction, you know who I be
I'm the rage-inducin' motha fucka chillin' with thee
I'm sickah than you is, stop smokin' dat opiate
My character ain't even setting-appropriate
I ain't got no class, I'm never on time
I don't even have the decency to end with a

>>14253122

Dirgesinger

>>14256199
Shit, right when I was about to go for a break?
How many more ill jams you bitches have to take?
Ladies and gentlemen, please,
A round of applause for the man about to leave,
Into the afterlife, it doesn't matter where,
As long as I get him out of my hair.

Get out your dice bag, little boys n' girls,
Another epic of RHYME is about to unfurl.
I'll toss down a d20 or two,
Because that's all the attack rolls I need to kill you.

So walk on back to your dirty old bar,
Maybe then you can be the real fucking star.
But here, kid? Yeah, I'm the king,
No bard is going to prove ruler of this ring.

>>14256243
Original character, do not steal?
Ahaha, like I haven't heard this awful spiel.
A million times you Sues have crossed me,
And each time you do, y'all rage and scream.

Take those Deviantart drawings and yaoi fanfic,
And shove them in the freezer that stores your shriveled-up dick.
Go on then, time for you to die, take your pick:
Want to be chastised alive, by my burns so sick?
Care to be beaten by my strike, karmic?
Come on kid, you're just giving me a kick!
Everyone knows, you're really just autistic.

>>14256296
Finally someone steps up to the mic
Thinks he can lay me down with one strike
You won't even touch me, you're fighting a shadow
Illusion my specialty; You're wastin' your time, bro

Too fast to be stopped, guaranteed first initiative,
Your dick Tiny-sized, it's straight diminutive
Got a warhammer under my belt, maxed out ability
With a weapon like this I don't need no proficiency

>>14256354
No proficiency?
Do you have some sort of deficiency?
That's minus four to hit,
You're such a little shit.

You even read the Player's Handbook,
Before you decided to cook,
This sad excuse for a character?
You're just some sort of bad roleplaying actor.

I just leveled up a couple rounds ago,
You weren't there, since you arrived too slow,
Since I'm still distributing skills,
How about I appoint some for the sake of ills?
Profession? - Owning Ion.
You don't have to be a psion,
To realize that you're out of your league,
Soon enough, you'll collapse from fatigue.

>>14256452
This is a game son; what are you trying to win?
No worries, don't answer; Don't even begin
So obsessed with your charop, acting so hard
Your class can't even match up to a bard

Spellcasting's the shit, you ought to just quit
No matter how hard you find it to admit
You'll never make anything out of your class
One cast of Solid Fog and you're out on your ass

Still it's been fun, I'm havin' a blast
Just what I needed to make the time past
Amusement, a game, a challenge at last
But as hard as you try, I'm first and you're last.

>>14256648
What does a bard know about spellcasting?
Your class is low-tier, my class is outlasting!
Swimming in splatbooks, I go from low to high,
Shit, fighting a wizard, I might even tie.

But hey, you don't like charop? Fine by me.
Let's see how you fare just using the PHB.
Hope you realize my class is flat-out better.
You might have skills, but with so many feats, I'm the trend-setter.

So now that my advantage is greater,
What are you going to do now, fucking hater?
Core-only, I'm a beast,
And that's to say the least.

Trip-chain fighter,
Get a fucking LIGHTER.
This fucker is too chill,
I need some burns to make me less ill.

fuck yeah sword and board.
fuck yeah new rappers
fuck yeah bumping thread

THIS ISN'T ARCHIVED?

>>14256898
It also ain't over.

>>14256898
Now it is.

God damnit. If I wasn't white as a sheet and could actually pull this off this WOULD be my next BBEG. Forever stuck creating BBEGs whose battles begin with dry wit.

gonna give this thread a bro hug bunp

BUMP

The thing I love is that rap battles happen from time to time now, fuck yeah!

finally back, but I see it's died down.

Keep the thread around, another go tomorrow perhaps?

thank you for glorious morning read!

>>14256990
link?

Props to Cleave, but sword and board flows damn near perfectly.

Witty snippets won't help you when he lobs cannonballs in every verse. You need some clever wordplay, cleave!

CAn round 2 please continue tomorrow?

this threads still alive? cool,
if it's still up later I'll be ready for some more.

cleave is bringing it hard.

bump

forever bump

Holy dicks, this thread is still alive?

Lets do this:

Its the start of a new battle and I'm ready with my smite
all you evil sons of bitches better stop and see the light
Cause I'm commitin' verbal murder on Celestia's Decree
I am a paladin mother fucker maybe you've heard of me
Smitin evil savin bitches turnin' dead and burnin witches
best believe my holy rhymes are phat and slicker than the lich's

If no one here will step up then I guess I'll rap alone
Lawful Good understood, sayin evil is boned
I see all of you hater's plottin' ways to make me fall
know that after all your challenges still the righteous man stands tall.

Bring your moral ambiguities, you know that I'm not ill at ease. The Greater Good? Don't make me laugh, I can see how you treat your staff.
sacrifice one life, for the sake of a thousand other?
I'd rather lose mine, then force it on another
To protect others is why I fight
For all you mother fucker's there's Cleave and Smite.

This is all the time I got,
sorry dudes this thread is shot
better have this shit archived,
or I'll have to get a new jive

okay, i'll be the first to admit that that sucked.

>>14267604
>>14268068
>>14268134

Apparently Paladins can be... Lawful ill

>open /tg/ rap thread
>Sword N' Board still sitting the throne
Yup.

>Who coached you, Phylactery, Blue Blood, Deeplich?
>They'd all bend you over and make you their bitch
so goooooood

I'm always impressed by how savage the lyrics are, but the rappers are always good mannered at the end of it.

Fuck, I wish real rappers were this level headed and respectful.

Alright, THIS time I'll get one done.

>>14274721
Or maybe you won't