>>15693844
Did you go to an accredited medical institution, or should I call an adult when you touch me?

>>15693861
Li'l o'column A, li'l o'column B. NEXT KWEZCHIN'!

Are those headphones against the screaming or do you just listen some Goff Rokk?

Dere's a humie I like, an I wunna give 'er a prezunt!

Wuz shuld I get 'er?

Wot are dose big green soft fingys on GorBust'z chest?

>>15693881
If you are who I think you are, I hear she likes big shiny balls, like the ones on her ankles.

How can I get this annoying scarab-thing off my ass without hurting myself?

>>15693877
See >>15693869 fer da answa'.
>>15693881
Dem 'umiez iz right nancies, dey iz. Like da plantz wot got da soft, colory bitz on em. Try summa dem fer da she-'umie. Da Dok rekamendz ya deliva' dem wiff a poem, too. Sumpfin' like
"Ya givez me tight pantz,
Ya 'eard wot I said,
Akcept deze dead plantz,
OR I'LL CHOP OFF YA 'EAD!"

>>15693888
Dem be beer squigz, amirite, dok?

I gotz a kweschin.
One o' da boyz in me Grot-kickin group makes me wanna krump 'iz face in. Da git finks 'e's got top nob, but da uvva gits is jus' too runty ta say anyfing. I gave him a propa' "WAAAAGH!" an he "WAAAAGH!"'d back fer a bit an I funk dat solv'd da problum an we could go back ta Grot-kickin' like propa boyz.

It di'n't. Da git still makes me wanna loot his insides an' chop 'im ta bits. 'Ow do I solve dis pro'lem wifout upsettin' da uvva boyz or lookin' like a squig's backside?

>>15693921
>Ya givez me tight pantz,
>Ya 'eard wot I said,
>Akcept deze dead plantz,
>OR I'LL CHOP OFF YA 'EAD!

>>15693930
Krump the bastard and become leader of your Grot-Kicking group.
Anything else would be Un-Orky.

>>15693888
Hum, could be 'ez got sum kinda' parasite infestayshun goin' on. Seen it befoa', but not usually dat bad. 'E might wanna get dem look'd at.
>>15693910
I kan sum da proseeja up in deze four simple stepz:
1. Stop bein' a whiny grot.
2. Grip it by da body.
3. Pull az 'ard az ya kan.
4. WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!

Dear Advice Doc, I hope this message finds you well.
I am in minor distress for you see, I have recently noticed an increasing attraction towards pastel-coloured minute equines. At first this did not worry me but as of late the attractions have been becoming sexual in nature. I fear that I will be both ridiculed and heartbroken in the close future.

Please help,
Faithfully Yours, Anonymous

>>15693960
I hate ponyfags.

>>15693930
Da answa iz simple, KRUMP DA GIT, KIK IZ 'EAD INTA' DA GOAL AN' TELL DOZE GROTZ DAT IF DEY KNOW WUTZ GOOD FER EM, DEY'LL SHUT DERE GOBS AN' QUIT MUCKIN' ABOUT!

>>15693960
this kind of pastel-colored pony?

By the way, Dok, how can I craft one of these steeds for my son at a reasonable price, and without needing the Haemonculi's services?

>>15693960
Obviuzly ye'z not right in ya' noggin', lad. I preskribe 50cc'z o'choppa ta' ya groin. Make sure ya really put ya bak inta' it! I don't want ya stoppin' 'till dem tiny horzez iz da lazt fing on ya mind!

Dear dok.

I have two problems.

The first one is I am addicted to my medication, as shown in this picture here.

The second problem is that I enjoy playing tau, but they aren't very good at getting stuck in. Kroot are less useful than you might think.

What should I do?

>>15694001
Fergot my picture. Stupid medication.

>>15693993
>50cc'z o'choppa ta' ya groin
Dat's enuff choppy ta ruin a squig shark, dat is!

>>15693992
I fink I gotz sum spare bitz'n gubbinz around 'ere fer makin'. Gimme 40 teef an' I'll see wut I kan do.

>>15694001
my prescription is that you gb2/v/ nao

>>15694026
I don't think you're a doctor, sir.

>>15694001
Firztly, AIN'T NEVVA ENUFF GREEN, YA' 'EAR ME? NEVVA. ENUFF. GREEN. Sekind, jezt chop ya arm off an let da addikted blood outta ya body. When it'z all gone, ya ain't be addikted no more.
Az fer da Blueberriez, ain't dey meant ta be about da gunz anyway? I know I'z seen plen'y o'dem wiff da silly shootaz wot don't dakka. Dey kinda...pushew pushew or sumpfin. Anyway, dey mow down a good numba o'Orkz 'fore day boyz get ta dem an krump em good. So use dem pushew gunz fer a while. Dem Kroot fings iz jezt dere ta charge em an muck em up good so da pushew boyz kan get inta puzishun.

OÏ, BOSS!

DIS 'ERE WEIRD HAIRY SQUIG HAZ BEEN FOLLOWING ME FOR A BIT O' TIME AN' KRUMPIN' SUM GROTZ AROUND AND STUFF, I'D LIKEZ TO KNOW WOT IT IZ AND WAT IT EATZ.

>>15694059
Oi, datz onna dem 'umie squigz dey got. If da bugga krumpz, I say keep it around. Az fer eatin', jezt feed it smalla squigz ta 'elp it grow big an' strong! Maybe it'll get bigga!

Oï, dok! I is Baus. An' I'z da prettiest. So, I want ta 'ave da prettiest Deffkopta eva'. I know ya ain't a Mek, but I found dis shiny git (or iz it a bluberriez?) an it's all killy an' choppy an' shooty an' pretty. 'Ow kan I kustom it into da fanciest an' flashiest and prettiest Deffkopta?

Uuuh, doctor? I have a bullying problem. All the boys are big and mean and they all want to do things to me.

>>15694112
Az ya said, I ain't no Mek or nuffin'. Deffkoptaz ain't my speshulty. Now, if ya wanted me ta putcha arm bak on or give ya an extra pair'o legz, I'm ya Ork. I rekkamend ya get a Mek'z opinyun on it. 'Owevva, I'd be glad ta offa me servicez in choppin' up da Blueberry 'fing an' such. If da teef're good, o'course.

Oy ladz, I just realized somefin.

> Power Klaw: 25 points.
> Ork Boy: 6 points each.
> 4 boyz: 24 points.

Four ork boyz is werf da same as a powah klaw.

...

I just 'ad meself an idea.

Oy need a mad dok ta come in 'ere an stitch four boyz ta me arm.

> 4 ork boyz with two choppaz each: 3 attacks each.

It meanz I kin roll wif twelve attacks, plus me standard tree fer bein' a nob.

Four boyz stitched ta me arm iz more killy dan a powah klaw.

WHEREZ DA MAD DOk

>>15694183
Da bezt way ta deal wiff bulliez iz passive resistance. Ignore da gitz, don't give em da satizfakshun o'a resoponz. If dat don't work, getchaself a choppa an KRUMP EM GOOD AN' WAAAAAAAAAAGH! 'TIL YA KAN'T WAAAAAAAAGH! NO MORE!

>>15694112
/r/ing 'I'm da prettiest so I'm da boss' now.

Dok, I have mild heartburn when I go to bed. What should I do about it?

Oï, ya buncha squigbrainz. I'z a Mek. Sorta. Aktually, I'z da assistunt o' da Mek. He ain't lettin' me tinker around wiv 'is stuff 'cause I'z a grot, even if he'z doin' nuffin' but mukkin' about wiv tiny shootaz. I kan do big flashy fingz an' wotnut, but 'ow kan I show 'im I kan be a Mek in mah own right?

>>15694213
Dat'z awfully smart o'ya, lad. Ya shure ya ain't da boss? I'd be 'appy ta do it, jezt get me da boyz and da teef an ye'z gotchaself a right Orky new wepin!

>>15694222
'ere ya go

>>15694245
Thanks, Boss.

Hello, xeno-scum.

See that heretical harlot? How can I date her? And how can I convince her to get a shower?

>>15694222
I sugjezt eivva summa dat 'Umie "ginja ale" or "mustad". I seen da 'Umiez doin' dat ta get ridda da gut problemz. If ye wuz an Ork, which I know ya ain't wiff day sissy way ya talk, I'd jezt give ya da stomach squig wot clearz out ya insidez.
>>15694231
Do ya 'ave a kwezchin, ya weedy li'l gob, or iz YOU jezt da one muckin' about? Soundz ta me like da Mek iz right ta not let a uselezz grot like you ta mess wiff 'iz fings!

Advice Dok, tell me,

What's the best way to deal with finger-waggling, Warp-chanting psyker sissies? I hate them, but I love my ax. Is there a solution to my problem given the information I have listed?

>>15694282
Getcha self sumpfin 'ard an' 'eavy, den knock da git ovva da 'ead. Drag 'er ta da weedy 'umie showarin' hut an' blazt 'er wiff da showa' bubblez'n such. Dat'z killin' two birdz wiff one choppa, dat iz!

>>15694240

i´s gonne be da biggest an meanest bawz once yer done dok.. hur hurr

>>15694285
Dok, I ain't mukkin' about!

See dat? It's a walkin' shoota made out o' regular shootaz made by da Mek dat he didn't manage ta sell off, caus 'is shootaz are all tiny an' crappy. I sold it fer a lotta teef, but then he slapped me an' stole me teef caus he woz jellous.

Now, dat's da best I kud do wiv dem tiny spare parts, but where kan I find better spare parts ta show 'im dat i'z a better Mek dan he iz?

>>15694309
Dey'z da one wot alwayz talkin' 'bout "splittin' ya 'foughtz open" an wotnot? Dey'z shoot da lightnin' an' all dat, but really dey ain't much lezz 'arda ta' kill den any ovva' weedy 'umie. Jezt as skwishy, if not moreso! Jezt wait 'til e'z preokyapied wiff yellin' at ya boyz, den kram ya choppa in 'iz gob an tell 'im if 'ez gonna keep runnin' 'iz li'l nancy mouff, ye'z give 'im a right big grin from ea' ta ea'!

Oi Dok, I 'az a kweshun. I like 'ats, ya see. Big 'ats, small 'ats, all sortsa 'ats. 'ow can I get more o' dem? An' 'ow can I get my boyz inta dem?

>>15693844
Excuse me, Mr. Advice Dok, could you tell me about the traditional Ork remedy for flu?

Dear dok.

WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS THING? HOW DOES THAT EVEN WORK?

>>15694351
Thanks Advice Dok!

You've got just enough "Dok"ka!

Dok!
Oi gotz diz big bag a'foitin jooce, but wen onuvda boyz used it his ead exploded inta toiny bitz! It was a roit gud laff it was, but that boy coudvve bin me! How d'ya tell gud foitan jooce from bad jooce? Also, wut da zog was dat jooce?

>>15694319
Jezt rememba' where ya gotcha start from, lad. Da Dok'z biggezt inkum iz from da repeat kuztomaz!
>>15694345
No one likez a theif, ya git! Ya gonna' sell da junk dat da Mek makez, do it 'frough da proppa channelz! Chop 'iz 'ead off an bekum da NEW MEK! Den ya kan sell all da shootaz ya want!

>>15694389
OÏ, I'z gonna make anova' shootier shoota outta shootaz an' use it ta krump 'is 'ead off!

>>15694378
What the fuck?

>>15694378
WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT?

Oi dok!
Me 'air aint growin no moar! How d'ya make Ork 'air grow bakk?

>>15694364

OI, TAKE DA WORD OF DIZ OLD FLYBOY.

GETTINZ OVA DA FLU IS NOT DAT 'ARD. GRAVITY BRING YA DOWN 'VENTUALLY

SURVIVEN DA FALL AT DA END OF DA FLU,
DATS DA TRICKY PART.


'LES YOUZ IN SPACE, DEN YER AIR'LL RUN OUT 'FORE YA REACH ANYFING INTERESTEN

>>15694418
Y dun't needz a dok ta know dat orkz ain't gotz no hair, dat's why dey use hairsquigz.

Just put dis >>15694059 on ya 'ead an be da flashiest git around!

>>15694378
DATZ SUM WEEABOO ZOG ROIGHT DERE

>>15694360
I've alwayz fancied onna dem Kommizar 'atz. Been afta' one fer yeaz, I 'az. Bein' be'ind da linez fixin' up da boyz, I don't get much oppatunity ta' get one. 'Owevva, ye'z don't 'ave dat problem! So, jezt take em from wotevva ya krump! Plen'y o'fingz wea' 'atz, so ya got plen'y ta chooze frum!
>>15694364
...Da zog iz a "flu?"
>>15694378
Lookz like onna dem Kaoz gitz. Stubby armz on dat 'fing. Kan't imagine it'z too good at fightin', so jezt pay it no mind.
>>15694382
Gork an' Mork, dat wuz korny.
>>15694388
Soundz like ya got day fighty stuff mixed up wiff day 'splody stuff. It'z a kommon miztake. Day bezt way ta tell da diff'rence iz ta feed some ta' a teztin' squig. If it blowz up, it'z da 'splodin variety. If it blowz up an' leavez a pleasantly pungent, sourish smell, it'z da fighty kind.

>>15694436
Oi uzed ta 'have 'air loik dis!
But gud oideia! Dat katt'll make me da flashiest ork eva!

>>15694423
Thanks a lot brork. Here, let me supply you with surplus Soviet dakka, 'cuz you can never have enough dakka.

>>15694463
Datz not reel 'air ya git!

>>15694463
Dat's a 'airsquig too, ya git! If it juss grew up on ya 'ead, you'z got sum serious prublem goin' on!

>>15694418
Like da li'l gob wot 'finks e'z a Mek said. Jezt use da 'air squig. Great fer stylin', too.

>>15694480
Reely? Well zog, cause eetz growwin bakk!

>>15694487
MAYBE YOU'Z AKTUALLY A 'AIRSQUIG WIVOUT KNOWING IT!

>>15694487
>>15694487
GORK AN MORK! OIZ GETTIN ONE 'ELL OVVU 'EADAKE! WUT DO OI DO DOK?

Dok, I'z getting strange feelingz when looking at them panzee gitz with them lumpz on their chests. Why this happenin'?

>>15694517
If you'z a 'airsquig, just put yerself on da 'ead ov an ork an' suck 'is 'eadjuice, like all 'airsquigz do!

>>15694517
Jezt getcha choppa an' krak open ya noggin'. Letz out all da' 'urty air wot makez' ya brain feel bad. Den, when ya feelin' betta', kum see me an' I'll getcha fixed bak up.

>>15694517
Oh wait! Da Katt iz klawin up me 'ead! How do oi kontrol 'im dok? Oi dunt wanta kill 'im, katz iz 'ard ta get!

EY DOK! Oi've been gettin sum weird feelinz wheneva oi krump dem spoiky chaos boyz. We'z been WAAAGH!in against em for a proppa long toim, but we neva can krump em fer good. Now oi love a good scrap loik any uvva boy, but yestaday moi choppa grew anuvva choppy bit an started screamin bout skullz and fronez, an me 'ard arma is all red an brass. Lately oive been earin voices tellin me oi need to grow sum korn or sumfink. Wot da zog iz goin on wif me?

>>15694523
Prolly jezt an urge ta krump 'em since dey'z so weedy. Try krumpin' a few an' see 'ow dat makez ya feel.

>>15694546
dat's wot all 'airsquigz do! dey's gots sum tiny klaws dey put in ya 'ed ta get a good grip!

but if you'z one of 'em, ya shuddn't be wearing one in da furst place!

>>15694566
An airsquig within an airsquig
SQUIGCEPTION

>>15694546
Give it a food squig, dat shuld calm da li'l bugga down. Prolly jezt 'ungry.
>>15694549
Soundz like ye got a touch o'da Kaoz. It 'appenz. Az fer da choppa, I don't see nuffin' wrong wiff more choppy! Fer da voicez, jezt get da cleanzin' squig. Ya know, da onez fer kleanin' da bitz offa da trakz when dey get too gooey wiff muck. All ya gotta do iz swirl it 'round in ya mouff, gargle da cleany-goo an' spit. Dat should get fingz square.

>>15694580
Bumbumbumbumbumbumbumbum, BWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!

>>15694589
Roight! Oi'll jes tear sum of deez teef outta da skullz oi've been collectin an BLOOD FER DA BLUD GAWD

Diz thread iz gud! Reel gud!
Oi sez we shud or-chi-ve it or summfink! Dat way, futur generatins of orkz can lern bout diz stuff!

Hey doc,
Guardfag here

I've just been deployed on a planet under heavy attack from orks (such as you) one of them chopped my squadmates arm off and it has become infected by something that none of the medics have seen before, what could it be?

Thanks in advanced!

>>15694604

da only god yu be foightin for is fer Gork n´ Mork, ya squighead!

>>15694611

Oy! 'Owz dey gonna lern wen deyz oughta be foightin, ya git! Dey don't make no book-dakka last oi chekkt!

>>15694631
'Ard ta say, really. We Orkz krump so many 'fingz, all kindz'o stuff getz on our choppaz. Prolly sumpfin from onna dem rotty Kaoz gitz wiff da sorez all ovva. Do you 'Umiez got cleanzin' squgz?

Hi, Dok-chan! How can I build better sandcastles? Krieg-chan is always laughing at me because they don't look serious, and I want to prove her that the Tau are better at building than the Gue'la!

>>15694650
No, I'll just make sure the meds keep putting anti-septic on it, and incase its chaos I'll make sure the priests keep praying,

Thanks for your help

I recently lost a leg and I've been so depressed Dok. Could you help a lowly guardsman serve the Emperor once again?

>>15694645
YES DEY DO! Check it out around 0:40
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GlKL_EpnSp8

Since I've been abducted by those iron-face guys, my eyes are red and I keep hearing voices telling me to kill things. and, seemingly, I can shoot laser beams with my hands. And I'm fucking pissed off at that big guy who calls himself "Shaan", he tells he's the "Imperator of all galaxies" or some shit and I'm afraid he might be gay for me.

What should I do?

Also, why am I talking with an ork?

>>15694661
Just order something in the mail, doesn't matter what, and when your Krieger comes, have THEM build the sandcastle.
Jeez, aren't the Tau supposed to be smart?

rolled 28 = 28

Oi Dok, I wuz fighten with sum wierdboyz, but den we wuz 'bout ta crump dis 'er humie, but den all da wierdboyz start goin' even wierder den usual, sum o der 'eads even start sploden befor 'e even uses 'iz dakka!! even I felt abit off afta gett'n away? Wats goin on?!?!

>>15694661
Well dere'z ya firzt problem! Ya makin' it outta sand! Find ya some metal and gubbinz, den stikk it togevva all Orky like! An' don't skimp on da dakka! ...Err, "pushew", since ye'z a Blueberry.

>>15694705
Thanks, Dok-chan! here, I made some cake for you!

Schnkt! Snkt snkt snkt.

SKREEEEE!
Grööö! Shrrrrssssss!

Skrrr.

>>15694677
If ya gotz da teef for it, da Dok'z alwayz willin' ta 'elp! Sign in wiff da nurse an' take a seat in da waitin' room. Try not ta say nuffin' ta da boyz, dey might wanna krump ya.
>>15694694
Diz might be a li'l beyond me, m'afraid. Soundz like anuvva kase o'da Kaoz, but diz one iz a li'l advanced fer da Dok. I suggezt ya ask onna ya 'Umie Wyrdboyz 'bout it.
>>15694702
Oooh, I 'eard diz one time 'bout diz 'Umie wot gotz diz magick eye. Shootz Ork-killin' lazaz outta' it an ain't nobody kan 'urt 'im shorta maybe Gazgul 'imself. Wuz any o'dem shootin' eye lazaz?

>>15694705
>WAT THE ZOG ARE YEW GITS DOING! GREEN IS BEST! NAWT BLAK!

Dear Advice Dok;
I'm an aspirin' mekboy, and I find meself in a bit of a predicament. I want ter get ter tinkerin' and buildin' and to do so, I need fings ter loot, bits, and gubbins. Problem is, all these 'umies 'round 'ere are gafferin' up all the bitz and gubbinz and sellin' them ter uvver 'umies 'oo melt them dahn ter sell ter OTHER 'umies.
I 'ate ter admit ter bein' out-looted by a buncha weedy 'umies, but they're evrywhere! It's near impostible t'find bitz ennymo'e!
In short, 'ow kin ah find some fine spots fo' lootin', an' whar else kin ah git some scrap?

>>15694724
...Right, er, jezt put it next ta da disposal squig ovva dere, I'll get it...lata.
>>15694756
My skitterbugese iz rusty, but I rekkamend ya turn it two timez, den give a quick tug. If dat don't work, try lubin' it up firzt.

>>15694772
>YEW NEEDS TA BUILD YEW A DAKKA TURRET YA GIT!

>>15694772
Now dat I'z a reel Mek, I'z gots plenty o' gubbinz ta tinker wiv.

I kan sell dem ta you, so dat ya kan build fingz!

>>15694772
CHEM DOGS! DAMN THEIR EYES!

rolled 13 = 13

>>15694759
not outta 'iz eye but I tink 'e had a big laza, he wuz right smelly too

>>15694772
I learnt diz frum a Kommando I met. See, wut ya do iz put on a 'Umie 'at an' summa dat face-'air dey 'ave. Itz kalled a "duzguyze". Makez em fink yer onna dem so'z ye kan sneak in, den ya KRUMP DA LOTTA 'EM AN' LOOT ALL DERE GUBBINZ!

>>15694772
Oï, mehbe ya kan gimme a hand wiv dis!

>>15694112

>>15694800
Wat da zog ar' ya even asken' et for, den? Dat 'umie jezt blazt'd ye wiff da big deff beam dakka, dat's wut 'e did!

>>15694800
Well, next time ya see da 'umie, jezt chop 'im up an bring da bitz ta me. I wanna science 'im an' find out wot da zog iz goin' on!

...

...

How can I prevent my limbs from falling off all the time?

...

>>15694820
Now that's right good. We just may be able ter strike an accord.
I've already got some ideas, but I'll tell yer wot. Yer show me just exactly wot I'll 'ave ter work wiv, and I'll tell yer wot I fink I can do wiv it.

>>15694759
Magick eye, ya sez? Kan ya git me wun o' dem, but betta and bigga dakka dan dem scrawney humie wunz?

>>15694869
Sign in wiff da nurse an' take a seat in da waitin' room. I'll get me nailz an' 'amma an' fix ya right up!

>>15694879
Ya' kant jezt GET a magick eye, ya git! Ya gotta be born wiff one! 'Owevva, I fink I kan jezt stick some dakka in ya eye an' it'd be LIKE ya got a magick eye!

>>15694873
You'z gots dis here git, sum paint, sum pointy bitz, sum shiny bitz, and sum warbike spare parts. I ain't got no deffkopta bitz yet, but da shiny blueberry git kan fly proppa.

Whatcha think ya kan do wiv it?

>>15694884
...
you don't quite understand.
...
I can grow limbs back.
...
But they get chopped off all the time.
...

>>15694901
Hmm.
I can work wiv this.
I just need ter know, right, are yer wantin' ter leave the bleedin' blueberry git mostly intact, or is that optional?

I am very interested in your methods, Dok.

>>15694932
Soundz ta me like ya gotta STOP BEIN' SUCH A WEEDY LI'L SISSY AN' LEARN TA FIGHT, YA GIT!

>>15694962
A good Dok don't reveal 'iz methidz.

>>15694959
Nah, don't krump it too much, caus it's da prettiest shiny git, an' it'z gots ta be da prettiest deffkopta!

>>15694976

Oh, I think we can negotiate some kind of compromise.

Why don't I show you some of my work? Please, follow me to my lab.

>>15694966

...

Losing limbs never prevented me from fighting, pic related.

...

But it's still annoying.

...

>>15695020
...Get outta my office, 'fore I krump ya so 'ard Gork an' Mork'll 'ave ta wipe bitz o'ya offa demselfz.

>>15695020
Yes. Mighty fine work. but still expensive as hell.

Cost me two hundred slaves to buy this birthday present.

Not that My son is not satisfied, on the contrary, but still.

>>15695056
I kno wat's ye git's problem - ye's nawt choppy n' fast enuff. Or fast n' choppy enuff. Anywae, sum git's choppin' ye fasta dan ye ar' choppin' 'im. Paint ye choppa n' dakka red so dey' work fasta n' dat shud be fix'd.

>>15694990
Well shoot, yer barely need me 'elp if that's all yer want done wiv it. Put the bloomin' seat from a warbike on the back, right, a simple bridle for control, and a bit of dakka strapped ter the underside, because evry green-blooded ork luvs dakka, right?

We may 'ave ter reinforce the frame a bit, to support yor, ah, big-ness, No offense, o'course, yor the biggest because you're the best.

If yor wantin' this ter be a pretty deffcopter -- and you are -- I'd 'ave ter use mostly bitz looted from eever the blueberries or the zombie-robot gitz. Not completely necessary, but it would just look better if most of the bits 'ave a looked like they came from the same place.

Un-orky fough it may be, I'm bloody well gonna go wiv a "less is more" approach for this one. That way, we don't 'ave ter worry about makin' 'er too heavy ter fly, and we can preserve 'er existin' pretty-ness.

>>15695084

Oh yes, such a sweet job that one was. The agony was deliciously flavoured. I'm glad it has continued to bring such joy in it's pain to your offspring.

See? I can perhaps offer my own advice, tinged with a more sophisticated and knowledgeable bent.

Would anyone like a second opinion? The Doctor is in.

>>15695134
DATZ IT, NURSE, GET ME CHOPPA! I'Z GOT KRUMPIN' TA DO!

OI, I BE A BRAND NEW NOB THAT GOTS A BIG KWESHTUN. ME BOYZ WUZ ROIGHT MEAN KILLIN MACHINES, BUT DEN DEEZ BEAKIES COME AN' KILL MOST ME BOYZ. ME WARBOSS GOT ALL LOUD N YELLY AN DEN KRUMPED ME SUMFIN AWFUL IN FRONT OF WUT WAZ LEFT OF ME BOYZ. NOW LIKE I SEZ, IZ A BRAN NEW NOB, SO IZ ONLY GOT ONE BATTLE UNDA ME NAME AS A LEADER, SO IF I KILLZ MY WARBOSS (CUZ HE PROBLY GONNA KILL ME, ROIGHT?), IS DA REST OF DA BOYZ GONNA FALL IN LINE, OR AM I GONNA HAVE TO KILL A BUNCH OF RIVAL NOBS TOO? (CUZ IF I DO THAT, I NOT HAVE MUCH BOYZ LEFT, AN DOSE STOOPID BEAKIES IS STILL ON DIS PLANET SOMEWHERES...)

>>15695134
I think I have a bad case of conjunctivitis, doc. Can you examine it?

>>15695163
As I recall, /tg/ broke up with /x/.

Then again, the whole anthropomorphism of boards is retarded, so I honestly don't give a shit.

>>15695160
Da bezt fing ta do in dat sitchation iz ta go wiff da swings o'ya choppa. It'z pre'ey obvyuz dat ya boss ain't doin' 'iz job, so ya gotta krump 'im fast. Let da boyz know who'z in charge, don't take nuffin from nobody! Any git triez ta challenge ya, jezt give 'im a chop an put 'iz 'ead on a pike! Dat shuld get ya message akrozz!

rolled 9 = 9

>>15695134
So, U no anythin 'bout dis wierd humi?
>>15694702
>>15694800

>>15695124
Yer da best.

>>15695189
You're wrong, and you're wrong.

>>15695163
OI! I'M DA DOK RUNNIN' DIZ SHOW, NOT SOME WEEDY GIT WOT FINKZ HE KAN JEZT WOLTZ IN AN' GIVE 'ORRIBLY UN-ORKY ADVICE TA YOU LOT! NOW GET IN DA LOBBY, TAKE A NUMBAH AN SHUT YER GOB!

>>15695160
If youz krumpz da warboss, dat means youz bigga 'den 'da warboss, right?

Tha' only reason dey didn't krump da warboss demselves is 'cuz dey didn' fink they'd get away with it.

And if dey didn' fink they could krump da warboss, and youz bigga dan da warboss, why da youz fink theyz gonna try and krump you?

>>15695163

Ahh, my dear, you do not have conjunctivitus, but rather a rare form of spiritual disorder which causes a rift of warp-infused soul energy to temporarily subsume a location in realspace. It is a common affliction among mind-thralls who serve in pain extraction workshops among my kind.

Tell me, have you been exposed to any strange warp radiation recently? Have you observed sentient beings being killed in any strange and inventive ways, prolonging the pain until it climaxes with an almost sexual fervor? Have you come into contact with any strange time-ghosts or Daemons with a fully exposed corpus within the last month?

Do you have any of the following symptoms:

-Dry Mouth
-Itchy nose
-Sight beyond the boundaries of time and space into a nightmarish hellscape.
-Urge to unmake all of physical reality to return all conciousness to blessed Oblivion
-Light cough
-Sudden and brief necromancy

>>15695203

Ah. Yes, that mon-keigh was a remnant of an ancient breeding program with which to create soulless abominations which drain the life and will from all around them.

To put it plainly, he is the antithesis of all that makes you "Ork" and as long as you remained near him he drew more and more of your Orkyness away like water is sucked into an empty sponge. Your Psykers (Da Weird Gitz) could not handle the strain because of their barely contained energy and thus, were decerebrated,

>>15695253
uuuhh...

Don't hurt me, doc!

Everwun knows red is fastest!
But, WHY is red fastest?
I been thinkin maybe there cud be sumtin even fasta.
I call dis theory : DOUBLE-RED
I tel a mekboy about dis, but he jus call me a git-face a barshed me right in da face.
But iz sorry dok, I jus cant get dis "DOUBLE-RED" idea outta me noggin.

>>15695317
Double-Red? Ain't no shame in komin' up wiff new ideaz, lad. New ideaz iz why we Orkz is da bezt! I suggezt ya try diz "double-red" feory out, experament, see if ya kan get it right. Den, if it workz, ya run down dat Mek ova wiff ya truk!

>>15695134
Hey, doc. Remember that slave I bought from you a while ago for cripple fights. The one that you supposedly augmented with internal drug dispensers and a bionic servo-assisted frame.

yeah.

She was utterly destroyed by a regular, non-augmented contestant.

My buddies and I would like to have a word with you, since it was a collective investment. And my pack of Kymerae too.

>>15695386

All sales are final. And insurance is void if Lelith Hesperax comes anywhere within a kilometer of your purchase. If you wish to complain physically, you are welcome to. It has been several months since I have grown a new body, and I suppose I am due. I welcome the pain, do try to be creative. I will be.

Your wives, children, and acquainteces however will find it much more difficult to recover from the ensuring rape and murder by the hellion gangs who I pay protection to.

Although, they likely have already been dispatched, so you may as well get as far as you can before they arrive here. So please. Show me pain. I delight in seeing yours.

Warboss here an-STOP DAT COWERIN' IZ TRYIN TO HOLD A CONVURSASHUN HERE! Anyways, me weirdboy has been rantin fer days bout som "Big shiny humie chair" an then goes on ravin bout how it about ta explode an den lots of bad stuff iz gonna happen to EVERYTHING. First of all its stoopid. Humie stuff exploding is ALWAYS a good ting. Second, he's been jawing on about dis fer days an days an me and my nobs have had about enuff of his noise.

Here da problem though: He my ONLY weirdboy. If I gut him, it's gunna take forevur to get a replacement.

So....shud I kill him, or let my weirdboy keep...uh...."weirding on"?

>>15695429
How can I have her stop wetting the bed every time a sun spot appears?

>>15695440
Dem Weirdboyz iz like dat sumtimez, but dey ain't exactly eazy ta kum by. I suggezt ya jezt krump da git a li'l, knock 'im around some, but don't kill 'im. Jezt teach 'im a lessin'. At leazt until ya find yaself a new Wierdboy.

WAT YOU NEEDZ DAT WIERDBOY FER ANYWAYZ?

YOUZ DA WURST BOSS EVAR IF YOU NEED DAT KINDA DAKKA.

>>15695509

I would suggest a plug.

Some problems are nails, for those, don't waste time, just hit them with a hammer.

>>15695529
Deyz can do sum funny things to gitz, tho. i saw a wierdboy stomp one of dem skinny panzies giant burny fingz. the look on dere mugz when a giant foot stomped the git into da ground! course, the weirdboy blew up den, but still.

Whelp, itz gettin late. Time fer da Dok ta call it a night. 'Ope ya gitz learned sumpfin tonight, 'kauze datz all ya gettin'! WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!

>>15695537
Okay, that's one problem solved.

Now, what about spontaneous scarab construction?

>>15695606
what the hell? i feel like there's a story behind that pic that is going to turn out hilarius, as that pic is just to interesting not to have one

>>15695628
http://1d4chan.org/wiki/Tau_Quest
Fanwank.