bump for interest

And?

C'mon OP, write faster.

This sounds like the stupidest game and/or group ever assembled. Leave and never go back. If they try and get in touch again, ask a friend to tell them you died.

Diplomacy doesn't work on PCs.

So I stole the fuck out of it all. The DM, in his infallible wisdom, gave me a bag of holding--can hold 1200 pounds of -whatever-. I'm the only spell caster in the party. Gestalt cleric/sorceror, and I abused the fuck out of teleport. Even used "Sending" to let them know what I did. I figure that I walked away with around 250-350k gp.

So naturally (and I in no way harbor ill will against them for it), they plan on killing me off. They're in a northern territory in the forgotten realms world, and I told them to meet me in Baldur's Gate. I've got more or less a week to prepare for the assraping that shall commence. Yeah, I know I'll die, but I plan on taking them with me.

I'm planning on trapping the everloving shit out of whatever manor I buy, and letting them blow themselves to bits. Explosive runes are my friend, as are major creation and permanency. Most of my spells are AoE--Fireball, Ice Storm, Web, et cetera.

As far as notable feats, I've got Leadership, Eschew Materials, and Craft Magic Armor/Arms. What I'd like to do is hire and outfit a small army to fight them with, but I'm honestly unsure of where to go with this. They're planning on killing me, and I want to go out with a bang. Can you help me, /tg/?

And sorry for the slow typing, I'm kinda drunk at the moment. Unfortunately, I can't exactly walk away from them--I work with three of them (the fourth being the houseowner's wife).

Yeah... here's the thing, if you read the skill description, it "improves the targets disposition towards you".It cannot be used to force you to do anything. Diplomacy is used to talk down the person holding a dagger to your friends throat. Diplomacy is NOT used to get an item for free or to get a party member to do what you want. As a rule, our group of gamers does not allow skills like diplomacy to be used on other PCs because of the common misconception you are citing.

tl;dr, Diplomacy makes the target like you more. It dos not make the target do whatever you say.

Trap the shit out of the place you told them to meet you at, and leave. Go somewhere and become powerful. Become the BBEG.

>>16264694
Either way, she uses it in that manner ad nauseum. It's turned a friend of mine (also a work associate) away from the group. If I had to kill any character, it'd be her.

Figure out how to get a body double of yourself and swap out the loot with trapped fake loot, then not be there when they storm the place

Meanwhile, use your fortune to become very powerful

>>16264670

Don't bother. If its the kind of DM who drops gold and powers into the players laps like some kind of faggot, chances are he's BFF with the other players and won;t let any of your traps do more than annoy them. You will die, and any future characters you make in this group will probably ALSO die.

Get out while you still can. You may work with these morons, no reason to game with them, too.

>>16264709
That's actually the first thing I said. I want to EXTENSIVELY use explosive runes to full effect. Thing is, I'm a neutral character. He doesn't want to kill them, only make a profitable business. Call it metagaming if you like, but I'd prefer to live through this showdown. He's a travelling cleric that was forced to join their group. He rendered services (saved the diplomat's life, bringing her back from -5 hp). As far as he's considered, it's payment for services rendered.

>>16264709
This.

Most fortifications and traps are hampered by the design flaw of having to protect something.

Turn your keep into one giant kill zone.

>>16264670
Why not just summon a heap of balors? You do know that balors explode right? Balors and Frost Wurms are the most dick move to melee players (which I assume they all are since you said you are the only spellcaster). Oh, and if you want dick move traps, just stroll on over to /rs/ and type in "Grimtooth". His traps were made by the the devil himself.

Also reference every hypercube trap post ever.

SO none of them is a spellcaster, and u have 2 weeks? Aside from an army, Mage handing a portable hole into your bag of holding inside a pocket dimension should do the trick. Whatevers magnificent mansion should do the trick

>Gestalt Cleric/Sorcerer

>Yeah, I know I'll die

Or you could put forth a slight amount of effort and kill them all without breaking a sweat.

Get yourself some mercenaries.

With that kind of loot, and the home field advantage, you should be able to kill them.

>>16264750

In that case, how about just not showing up? Maybe leave a note telling them you've moved to Generic Far Eastern Kingdom, then go the other direction and start a new life in the off-world colonies.

>>16264746
Not true. He can be ruthless at any given time. Crits like it's cool--kills characters with no problems. If it happens, it happens. Just means we take a smoke break while someone re-rolls.

But yeah, when they're alive it's a game to see who can min-max their guys the fastest. He's built a half storm giant/dragon once AND ALLOWED SOMEONE TO PLAY WITH IT in a regular campaign.

Seriously.

Take some inspiration from Perturabo and build them an Iron Cage.

Diplomacy straight up cannot be used on another player character. If your game is fucked enough to ignore that rule, quit.

>>16264670
Best trap ever:
1 - Cursed items, fill slots they don't use.
2 - All merchants, wizards, clerics in town your hirelings. All identify as good items the party wants. Too expensive to sell in this town, sorry.
3 - Items prevent ressurection, slowly saps Con, high illusion effect to mask what it does.
4 - Party goes to dungeon, assumes greater difficulty is part of newest adventure.
5 - Laugh maniacally. They want to be greedy, let them be greedy.

> He's built a half storm giant/dragon once AND ALLOWED SOMEONE TO PLAY WITH IT
But that sounds like it would be crippled by high LA and not strong at all. I mean, are you just ignoring rules? What's happening here? If you're the only spellcaster and it's gestalt you should be capable of stomping everyone else.

>>16264821
If they get to me in close combat, it's all over for me. They've got (on average) a 40+ to hit roll and average 150 damage a hit. God himself shat out their weapons, it seems.

>>16264782
We (for the most part) all work together. Also, two players are Sergeants whereas I'm a Lance Corporal. There's no escape for me. And honestly there's nothing too bad with them on a personal level, I just detest them as players.

>>16264750
>>16264766
I wonder if it would be possible to combine these two for some kind of Explosive Runes-Golem, it could fight the party, and if it lost, it'd detonate for insane damage.

Use some kind of glamour or something to disguise it, then, BOOM, dead party.

>>16264848
Wait, you're in a campaign with players who outrank you? And you decided it would be a great idea to screw with them for what reason?

>>16264848
How are they ever going to hit you? Overland Flight, Greater Luminous Armor, Ruin Delver's Fortune and Wings of Cover are all Sorcerer spells. Wings of Cover straight up lets you negate an attack by burning a second-level spell slot.

>If they get to me in close combat

Antilife Shell. You have access to it as a level 12 cleric.

Use Entropic Shield/Wind Wall to guard against ranged attacks.

I say you should do it all. Hire the army, trick them into a sphere of annihilation a' La' the Tomb of Horrors green demon trap. Also, check out some of the supplements like "Heroes of Horror." I'm pretty sure it contains a resurrection spell the PC casts on himself before battle as long as he can guess how he dies, i.e. "I will be killed by the arrow of a friend." That way, if they kill you once, you can come back and rape their shit. (If you would have had known that you were going to kill them, you should have used Necrotic Cyst, disguised yourself as a healer and attempted the DC 20 heal check to fail and kill them without a save.) Also, a good Force Cage/Summon Hamantula Trap never went to waste.

>>16264871
Because I thought it'd be funny. And honestly, the looks on their faces made it worth it. Now I just need to follow through with it all. The only problem I have is that some time in the immediate future, a good portion of Baldur's Gate will be blown into ruins.

For what it's worth, we're all professional. It's just a game, and honestly I needed an excuse to go to a different group. Add to the fact that there's about 3 campaigns going on (for when whoever can't show up, doesn't).

Also, as far as the spell suggestions, all I had was the PHB this session. The DM won't mind if I change a few things, however I'll pass it by him next I see him.

As far as my character, I'm a "brownie". 16 inch tall dude, apparently it comes from Willow. Doubt it factors in much. Being tiny might be a good thing, I think.

OOOHHH... Military game.

1. You are playing 3.5? You are, gestalted, two strong classes that, sadly, don't gestalt well together.

First off, talk with the gm. Ask him if you can just retire this character, and roll a new one. Point out that he would be a pretty good bad guy for the next session, if you used him as a mad nobleman with a personal army of mercenaries.

2. Tell the sgts that the double-cross was a plan of the gm's, and he's making your PC an NPC, to fight nezxt session.

3. Sit in one last session, then volunteer for KP duty or something on game night

>>16264877
Good ideas, and thank for for them. What books are these in? I'll plan on changing them in, as noted in my earlier post.

>>16264923
I'm telling you, go for Grimtooth. They are unexpected, rediculously difficult, and inexpensive.

I am somewhat appalled at the lack of character-player seperation that is being implied in this thread. I mean, its the same thing as being able to deal with someone on a professional level vs on a personal level. What you do on your off time should have no impact whatsoever on your professional relations. If they try to bring it up, not only is it unproffessional, it is also childish.

>>16264998
Already downloaded two of his books. They seem particularly devlish, and I can appreciate them all. Thanks, haha.

Only one guy seemed to be genuinely butthurt about it all ("Hell, you don't even need to come next week--we'll just be walking towards you!"). Fuck that, anti-scrying should give me enough time to build up things. He might be a nice character, but not stupid.

OP, get a spellbook
And fill ever page with explosive runes
Then stand next to them and cast dispel magic
Purposely fail your save
With 100 pages of explosive runes thats 600d6 damage
Now the fun part. Cast contingent spell on yourself
-Celerity
-Drop book as free action
-Contingent teleport
And ta-da

>>16264665
Oh, you don't know about the atrocious Dragon-Dildo DM and his eroge castle of Disney princesses. Sadly, I did not save the screenshot anbd can not regale you with a tale of UTTER MADNESS BORNE FROM THE PUTRID SEMEN OF FAP-WANKERY. -maybe some other, educated Elegant Gentleman has it?

>>16264580
greater curse
scrolls of geas
planeshift(one target touch range, will negates, choose negative energy plane)
wall of stone(circle around someone without any admantine weapons/acid/any way of breaking out in a couple of rounds)
blade barrier if you can jaunt around
scrolls of harm
alot of defensive scrolls that stack
fly
permanent image of yourself to fool them for a round or two
contingency (word of recall)
animal growth on either elephants or whatever the strongest animals you can get in a hurry(you get 6 animals at your level),
black tentacles
alot of fire traps on doors, and any other usefull spells you can think of
also get alot of hirelings( like a field full of archers, remember that bows have a max range of 1000 feet(200) squares but wait for them to fire till
they are about 400 feet away so if they try to run away you have a couple more rounds of arrows)
if you do get an army make sure you get a bard that focuses on inspire courage plus whatever feats and items you can get him that increases inspire courage


thats just a couple of things off the top of my head

>>16265054
PLEASE. Please no.

>>16265052
Ooh, nice exit plan. Consider it stolen.

Either way, I'll make sure to post up next week about how it all ends (either for them, or for me. Or hell, for both of us. Who knows). Added in my name...tag...thing. Goddammit I can't think of the right damn word. Fucking beer.

>>16265095
Remember if you can, theres a craft contingent feat
Try picking up a flaw for it if the DM allows

Through why not steal the whole book plan?
Its rather expensive yes.
But imagine, you can fill out so many books 1200d6 1600d6 2400d6
It will utterly kill them, and contingent/celerity will let you escape

Power word: Orgasm is an unsaveable spell that stuns them by giving them incredible orgasms

Even if their con is 20 they still are stunned for one round
More if its less
It can buy you fantastic amounts of time

ALSO consider turning into a lich. Or necropolitan if you don't mind going down a level, once there you can give yourself the spell stitched template which gives you SLA based on wis and you get to pick these off like three schools. And yes contingent is one of the last choices for 20+ wis

If thats not enough planeshift into a plane with an increased time zone and wait, for every 100 years there is a 1% chance (+1% each time you get the template) to become an evolved undead which has its own heaps of benefits and is stackable

>>16265052
Gonna haft to be within 10ft for that to work, and they get a ref save for half. Probably wont get any rogue types

>>16265095
OP, would you like me to dump the stats for my CR 21 fluffy bunny of doom?

>Deuxieme inuildi
Capcha seems to want it

Ok, first use traps that do area damage to force them to expend any heal magic they might carry. So explosive runes, acid spray on walls, fire-floor. Those things will undermine HP. Later, inside the mansion, use your mercenaries combined with traps. Rogues Kobolds for sneak attack players when they are busy searching for traps. Hit and run goblins that shoots from the end of the hallway, and when they charge the goblin, trap on the floor makes them fall. Spend every single gold coin to force them to use every resource they have before reaching you. And make them use it in a way its almost not worthy it, let's say "wasting a fireball to kill 1 goblin." Make them spend their arrows and spells and abilities. This way, when the final hour comes, you are full spell-listed agaisnt a debilitated party. Also magnet ceiling trap to take their items off. Armors, arrows with metal tips and daggers will flot to the magnet ceiling and you can just acid arrow their asses.

>>16265305
That'd probably be nice. I'll be awake for a little while longer.

>>16265364
Magnet trap. Fucking golden idea. Stolen.

1.Buy 300 corpses.
2.Bury them under the ground.
3.There is a spell that i don't remember the name, that makes corpses explode for 1d6 negative energy damage.
4.Spend the time yu are waiting casting this on everyone of the 300 corpses.
5.Plant bait in the middle of corpse-field.
6.When they are at ground zero, BOOM! 300d6 negative energy damage.

7.Profit

>>16265264
Theres ways to deny saves most likely (Or just hiring a rogue four levels higher to stand next to the party and hold this book)
And you can always build it into the door so when they open it you let it off. BOOM suddenly three less party members

Another idea that I had was that of a permanency'd dimensional door--I don't know at what time they'd plan on attacking his storefront, but in lieu of a nighttime heist, a dimensional door/teleport might be a good idea.

It'd require two houses, identically constructed/furnished for maximum mindfuck. When the store is open, you could walk in one end (in Baldur's Gate) into the store and the actual location would be in...Amn, or wherever the fuck pleases me. End of business? Close the portal. Breaking into the building at night yields a comparatively empty (and trapped the FUCK out of) house.

ITT OP is a faggot for ignoring the best ideas

How about Rust monster armies with mounted Gelatinous cubes OP?

Or rust monsters with the gelatinous template from Savage Species

>>16265473
I'm not ignoring them all, I just think it'd be pointless to respond to EVERY good idea.

This thread is the most amazing thing I have seen in ages.
This is why I love you guys

Also, OP. As a level 12 Cleric, you can really fuck their day up. Hell, just harm alone will deal them 120 damage if and when they finally get to you. Or you could find a way to make a harm trap. Possibility.
Symbol of Persuasion if their saves are absolute shit is good to. Hell...Almost any of the Symbol spells would be of use to you depending on their saves. Cometfall...Opalescent Glare...Rejection is amazing for if they get up in your business....
Cleric is an amazing class once you figure out their great spells. You're a tier 1 class man, use it.

And I would go into possibilities for your Sorcerer half, but I'm assuming you already have a list picked out.

>>16265496
The rust monster is a excelent idea to combo with magnet ceiling. items got stuck on ceiling, monsters eat items. Also, anti-magic zone. anti-magic zone everywhere

Does anyone else think this tread should be archived?
I don't know how.

>>16265095
Diplomancer?

Get Ear plugs. Can't diplomance if youre deaf.


And Explosive runes is always fun.
((Put explosive runes on the money, that way if they try to take it, or you fail and die, they still get nothing.

>>16265521
http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/requestinterface.html

Eh, kind of a dick move for you, OP. Not because you're trying to kill them, no, that's fine. It's a dick move because your character's motivation for the theft was to get recompense for the healing he did on the diplomancer, yes? The fact that he stole the *entire hoard* tells me that he's also greedy and willing to put his needs above others. Now, nothing wrong with that, that's the character. The PROBLEM is that you're planning on spending all of the gold killing the party members now. Such a greedy character would undoubtedly want to keep as much of it as possible, expending only the barest minimum needed to ensure his survival. And subsequent comfortable living, of course.

Basically what I'm saying is that if you steal the treasure only to use it to blow up the rest of the party you are That Guy. Don't be him. Save most of it. Set yourself a limit of maybe 1/3rd the total, probably less.

>>16265599
No, not at all. And he only walked out with around...half, perhaps? Still a good sum, and I'm waiting on the DM to give me a final total. He's still trying to create a profitable business, just...very paranoid. And he really didn't owe much to them anyway, figuring that they'd never meet again.

Message sent to them is as follows:

"Start walking. I have it all. Making store. Hiring people. Will be great. Need employees. See you in Baldur's Gate. Will double return on investment."

Goddamn 25 words or less.

You're clearly going to die, either by being outclassed by the opposition or by DM fiat, so this is less planning to surviving a great battle and more getting your affairs in order. Right now you are just a very rich dude looking to dispose of his wealth before death claims him.

Since you're know going to be able to spend all that gold, you best start making donations to worthy causes like you're trying to make up for a lifetime of bad karma. The more sources you can spread it out around the better, since that'll make it that much harder for the rest of the party to recover it after you're dead. You are going to make it rain GP for every beggar, church, and orphanage between here and Baldur's Gate.

Disposing of the the more dangerous stuff (scrolls, magic items, whatever the 'godstar' is) will be a bit trickier, but should follow the same basic principle. Find people who can use the stuff and are clearly good-aligned, and then make some donations. They will likely be able to recover a good deal of it through massed misuse of diplomacy, but you never can tell. You could always get lucky by dumping a bunch of stuff on someone higher level than them with the explanation that 'they're the only ones who can really be trusted with this godstar thing'. Given that you're essentially playing in Elminster's backyard, finding a high level NPC shouldn't be too difficult. And who knows, when a bunch of poorly roleplayed fantasy stereotypes show up at their door demanding their stuff back, they might actually believe what you said.

Beyond that, just prepare your spell slots wisely and play tactically. You can use your magic to really blacken their eyes before you go down, but the real treat is when they find the note you left telling them just how hard it's going to be to recover all that treasure you ganked from them.

Don't fight. Run, and make a mockery of them.

Buy Lyres of Building and hire the best bards you can find. Have them go in all directions, singing your praises while repairing roads, mending homes, fixing carts, constructing fortifications, and enshrining monuments of the local, regional, and national rulers of relevant kingdoms. Have the bards spread word to their fellows of your generosity, and periodically teleport to a given city to continue hiring. Finance companies of heroes. Subsidize guilds of daring do. Donate excessively to religious charity. Meanwhile, never be seen or heard from again except on your terms, using every trick in the book to remain out of their reach.

You will be a whisper, but your name will ring round the country, with every commoner raising a glass in your name as they see their communities uplifted by your virtuous gift, and every ruler smiling as they watch their authority emboldened by your troop.

Victory is not obtained by their bodies. Victory is obtained by watching as you become the generous hero of the world that they will never be.

Lichdom Lichdom Lichdom OP
Goddamit make sure you get LICHDOM!
And buy scrolls of genesis
Bitchs can't touch you if your on your own fucking demiplane

>>16265403
Working on it, stay with me OP

>>16265723
This idea is pure genious! Do it!

So. How much for a lv 20 scroll of gate?

Pit fiends sound good to me. They can teleport at will with you.

>>16265793
page 1 of 2 done

I don't know much about D&D spell combos, but I can tell you that you shouldn't just trap your property: make sure you turn the whole city into a trap. Make that social monkey work her ass off just getting inside the gates without a fight.

You're going to Baldur's Gate? Perfect. They love their trade, so when you show up and dump hundreds of thousands of GP into their local economy to build your deathtrap-cum-comercial empire you're going to find yourself with some very rich, powerful friends who want you to keep that money in their city. Get invited to the ducal palace. Tell them a scrupulously true sob story of being dragooned into helping these scumbags, and throw in some juicy anecdotes about their misdeeds (a party like this can't have its hands clean). Make the sure the Flaming Fist know what's coming, and give them a full tactical rundown of the opposition. Rig an alarm system for them to send you reinforcements when your outer defenses are breached. Buy extra insurance for your doubtlessly rich neighbors, and give them deals on your future business deals to engage in common defense with them. In short, make yourself a local celebrity the city wants to protect. You get additional protection, early warning, and a head start on your post-party endeavors for no extra cost.

Just make sure you don't trust your new allies too closely. The social monkey will try to undo all your work once she realizes what you've done, so make sure you leave surprises for her in likely locations. Have your tokens of good will and mutual aid double as listening devices so when the time comes, you know who's siding where. And, if you can catch one or two of the party alone, you can make a nice preemptive strike. Use the city to split them up and wear them down before they even get sight of your store.

Ok Op, here it is

http://www.mediafire.com/?s9kmqebk9m65par

Ok, I need to get some sleep, so I hope everyone enjoys the fluffy bunny of doom.

>>16264580
You can't use diplomacy on players in 3.5 specifically for that reason

>>16265854

That kid actually has the right of it.

If the DM will let you advance monsters then buy the scrolls for two lv. 19 castings of Gate. That can summon two 38 HD (Huge) Pit Fiends (which places them at just under 500 Hp each, but don't be shy about mass heal!).

Pay them with two +3 Keen Falcions each. Even bigger if you plan to enlarge them after. Fuck. If the Gm lets you choose the feats from their advancement, make them spiked chain trip builds. Then give them spiked chains.

Remember that those Pit Fiends can summon two Cornugons each too! So that is 4 Cornugons at your service as well.

If your GM doesn't want you to advnced the monsters then buy three scrolls and summon 6 normal pit fiends which will also net you 12 Cornugons. Pay them with plate armor or something.

This will totally fuck your old allies. 6 quickened fireballs ftw, man.

>>16266335

Yeah, Gating in stupidly high CR creatures is your easiest and best bet to killing a party. Just be sure to read up on exactly how Gate works so the DM doesn't fuck you over with it, you do NOT want those creatures turning on you.

With that said, those Gated creatures will only take a tiny portion of your overall wealth since scrolls are dirt cheap. To really kill the party, make Teleport traps to drop them in different places. Being submerged in acid does 20d6 damage a round, so put the end of one Teleport in the bottom of a giant pit of acid (created using Fabricate-type spells). The swim check to swim straight up a pit of acid is so totally stupid they will never make it in time to not die, assuming they even put ranks into swim.

Remember that illusions are your friend- you don't get a will save against them until you interact with it. Plus, rogues can't detect them with trapfinding. So instead of a trap door on the ceiling, have an illusion of the ceiling but have a minion (undead works fine) dump a gallon of poison on whoever walks underneath. The best part about poison? You have to save against EVERY dose. Even if they have +50 to their fort saves they'll auto 1 fail if you dump enough doses on them (30 to be on the safe side).

Or combine them all. Have the Pit Fiends lying in ambush for when the poison hits someone, have like 3 of them with Greater Invisibility, Silence, Protection from Acid and Nondetection on and have them grab and teleport one of the other characters into a pit of acid, and grapple them in there till they die. Have them Teleport back to the poisoned character (by which point the secondary stat damage should have kicked in, they're crippled or dead if it was Con damage) and finish that one off, then you can come in buffed to fucking Hell and cast Dominate Person or Finger of Death or Forcecage to just destroy them.

>>16265723
>>16265668
>>16265956
OP, if you're still here (when you come back)
DO ALL OF THESE!!!
especially >>16265723.
You can sell or donate the higher-tier stuff to the guilds and higher leveled adventurers.
hell, if you barter with enough skill and get enough favors, you could theoretically sell/give away the whole horde and have enough profit to pull off the trapmania described at the beginning of the thread.
>>16266610
>>16266335
or you could spend money doing this. because it WILL cost you if you don't want them turning on your ass. Just remember what >>16265599 said:
don't spend more than 1/3 on those traps. the main objective is to look more hero than the other guys - that will make the entire game world turn on them. If it doesn't, you can legitimately call out the DM and leave with clean conscious. In a decent game
>>16265956
this will work
>social monkey
and install some charisma damaging traps. Just to tell her that you care.
Pic related: they are the elves. Wear your axe w/ pride, brother.

>>6266944
*charisma draining. sorry, I always make that mistake.

>>16266610
This is probably the best bet. I mean, I don't play D&D, but goddamn if that doesn't sound cool

Ooh, thanks for all the help guys. Surprised it lived through the night.

Room with two illusions: first illusion is that the room has a floor. Make it an easy illusion to save against, don't spend all your moneys.

Second illusion they won't bother even being careful about, they just lower themselves carefully down into the pit, walk along, all is well...second illusion high-level, hard to spot, disguises a few small, silent stone panels.

They step on one, the entire roof plummets, and just say it had about ten tons of rock resting on top of it.

TPK.

Not that hard really.

>>16265723

A thousand times this. It'll be is spirit of your note too.
Except for the returned investment... You really dug yourself a nice hole with that.
There is one loop hole; if they never see you again until you can make good the doubling, you should be fine.
As for an item that would really be of use: the tome of escapism. It sends you to your happy place until you want to go back to where you came from.
Sadly it takes a nigh impossible Will test to do so. Our DM dreamt up this expecting a TPK, one PC entered and RPed his way out. At times like that, good RP >> Dice.