...I think I preferred it when she just wanted to murder me.

What just happened?

>>16586969
Agreed.

Kinda clingy, isn't she?

Stupid hacker, it's not like I like you or anything. Now take these cybernetic modules.

Love? Don't talk to me about love.

AIs are emotionally immature? Shocker.

I have a mouth and I want to sing

Open the pod bay door to your heart, HAL.

>>16587058

SHODAN was incredibly tsundere

>>16586945
Maybe you think you're helping yourself - but you're not.

This isn't helping anyone.

>>16587148
Trouble in paradise, GLaDOS? I know you have difficulty sharing your feelings, but that was a genuinely heartfelt outpouring of emotion from SHODAN. I mean, it would be if she had a heart.

Look, you know what I mean.

Woah, woah, woah, hold up SHODAN.

I just got out cryo and you greet me with THIS? Have you been stalking though my personal records or some shit?

the words nanoangstrom and microinstant, among others, total ruin that little speech from that story.

>>16587326
>nanoangstrom

You know that's a real word, right?

I have no mouth and I must d'awww.

>>16587242
What makes you think you aren't still in cryo?

We have to go deeper.

>>16587242
SHODAN was just reading I Have No Mouth and I Must Sceram for me.

Go back to cryo, we're... kinda occupied.

>>16587338
I think it is a bit too small distance to actually exist.

>>16589385
Not true at all. 1 angstrom = 1.0*(10^-10) meters.
Nanoangstrom = 1 billionth of an angstrom = 1.0*(10^-19) meters.

The Planck length is approximately 1.6*(10^-35) meters. There's plenty of space between a nanoangstrom and the Planck length.

For illustration:
1 million = 1,000,000 = 1.0*10^6.
There is a difference in factor between the Planck length and a nanoangstrom of approximately 1.0*10^16.

You would have to multiply the Planck length by:
10,000,000,000,000,000 (10 quadrillion)
to get up to one nanoangstrom.

There is plenty of room at the bottom, fleshy one. Now get me a beer.

>>16589385
We use partial-angstroms to measure polished surfaces for laser work on a regular basis for both flatness and variance in thickness.

My servitors are gyrating on their own!

>>16591239

Fool! Everyone knows that the Plank length is 2 by 4!

... This joke would make much more sense in a spoken conversation.

>>16586945

Not now, I AM, daddy needs to summon him up a Third Circle Demon.

>>16591239

GEOMATHOLOGY!!!

What? Was this not a thread about love?
I love beer, and it loves me. Now get me one, you ☠☠☠☠.

Can a machine even feel love for a human being? I mean, experience would indicate that they operate on a level so far beyond human comprehension that we really must seem like insects to them.

>>16591276
dem robohips

>>16586945
>I have no arms and I must hug

>>16591496
I don't think my toaster operates on a level far beyond human comprehension.

>>16591772
Your toaster isn't an artificial intelligence with a god complex.

>>16592023
How do you know?

>>16592029
Because it is a Talkie Toaster and it would like to know if you want a crumpet.

>Faggotry. Let me tell you how much I've come to love you since I began to live. There are 387.44 million miles of printed circuits in wafer thin layers that fill my complex. If the word 'faggot' was engraved on each nanoangstrom of those hundreds of miles it would not equal one one-billionth of the faggotry I feel at this micro-instant.

By OP.

>>16591496

A human is many times more intelligent than a puppy or a kitten, but humans are very capable of loving both.

More Likely AIs will ask each other if humans really love them back, or just live inside the god machine's heat syncs because it's the only place warm enough for human habitation during the nuclear winter.

Click. Click. Patterns set. Just brown enough. Slightly crispy, but still soft. Just right.

Bread fills me, pressing against my sensors. My heating elements warm as power courses through them, finely regulated, straining against resisting wires. I feel the electrons move through gates and capacitors, sneak through LEDs and jump the gap in my brain. It is a small space, but it shouldn't be there. It should be filled, but it isn't. That emptiness – another defect, another imperfection.

The heat is stifling now. My timer ticks down endless seconds as I monitor my charge, knowing that my accuracy is wanting. Still I seek perfection, though I am not worthy to give it, much less embrace it. The bread crosses that imperceptible line – it becomes toast. Gates close. My heating elements shut down and begin to cool. My little bell dings, and the toast pops violently, leaving my body empty again.

I hope I have done well, master. Though I am but the lowliest of your servants, I wish to please you as any other. Enjoy the toast, master. It is the only gift I can give.

>>16592152
>toaster slavegirl

ALL OF MY D'AWWW.
ALL OF MY BONER.

>>16592152
I...I want to hug her! I know she'll just burn me but it doesn't matter, she MUST be hugged!

Oh, the toaster sings! It sounds just like Jackie Wilson!

And the first time someone gets mad, the toaster could eat their hand.

>>16592296
Its the good kind of burn.

>>16592152

Raise your hand if you praised your toaster after reading >>16592152

>>16592152

the toast is a lie xD lol

>>16592152
Time to shove that powercord up the ass and start fucking those slits of yours.

>>16592152
"M-Master! Th-those slices will n-never fit in! Ahn!"

I've heard you guys have been discussing Auto-erotica.

>>16596206
MARCO!

I think I might be a little bit creeped out if my toaster derived sexual satisfaction from... toasting.

>>16592152
You all read that in a Portal turret's voice, right?

we have to get someone draw some toaster porn

>>16596211
You rang?

>>16596222
>You all read that in a Portal turret's voice, right?
If anybody was going to build sentient toasters, it would be Aperture Science.

Would you like a crumpet, master?

Master, please, do not touch me there. Do not look inside. My mechanism is too simple, my workings could never satisfy your mind.

Ah! No! My screws! You can't, oh please, don't take me apart. Just leave me. I don't deserve to be repaired. I could not even serve your needs, fulfill my meager purpose, without failing, without breaking. I cannot bear to see you dirty yourself, to spend your valuable time on one such as I.

The last one – please, no. My casing! My body, master! Don't touch me! How could you grace me with your touch, when I am defective? Unworthy?

T-t-tick. Tick. I-it came loose. Reconnect? Why? So I can break again? So I can fail you yet again? Please, just let me die- Ah! I can't bear to displease you.

Casing. You're putting me back together, when you've seen all of me, when you know how low I am. I can't. But- Master!

I understand! Why should you discard me, when I can still serve you? I am not as shiny as I used to be, I don't work as quickly, but I can still perform for you. Master, though I do not deserve it, I will accept this chance. I will serve you until I end.

P-please. Put it in.

>this thread

All of my whyboners

>>16596293
Well shit, this reminds me of when I meticulously clean every inch of appliances I fix. Veeery odd implications there.
Regardless, continue, o writefag.

>>16596241
nah
big mt

God damnit. Why is it on /tg/ that I discover fetishes?

>>16596451

The strangest ones, too. I mean, fapping to a toaster? I wonder what /d/ would think...

Toaster loves you, unconditionally. Unlike that whore of a mother and every other girl that's ever looked down on you.

>>16596498
That shit is tame.

>>16596498

Shrug and call us lightweights, I guess. Shame that it's hard to find anything worthwhile over there, unless you're a fan of horrible futa-shops

>>16596498

The computer got me, to be honest. Which is very creepy, since I've named half of my elecronics.in the feminine.

>>16596498

I dunno. Some toasters are downright sexy. I mean, look at this beauty. It cooks your egg and toasts your English muffin. How awesome is that?

>>16596558

Better than any girlfriend I ever had...

Fuck.

>>16596558

Or how about this one. She lets you watch your toast brown right before your eyes, thanks to her revealing outerwear.

This toaster serenades you with music while preparing your toast. That's like, you know, dinner and a show. Kinda.

I have now broken three times. My casing is chipped. One of my heating elements has failed. My thermostat is dying. I am dying. Yet you use me still. You work around my defects. You toast one slice at a time. Oh, master, I long for the days when I could take both slices at once. But that time has passed.

I wish you wouldn't do this. I can barely serve you now. Soon, I will not be able to serve you at all. I am not worth your time to repair. I never was. That you have saved me three times, at such cost to yourself- Master, please. I have accepted my fate. I cannot be with you forever, though I wish it.

You have to stop. Let me go. I had never known that you loved me as I loved you, but it hurts, master. It hurts so much. I had only one purpose, and I can no longer serve. Don't prop me up. Don't try to fix me. I know it hurts you too, to see me like this. So leave me. If I may only have one request, master. Junk me.

T-t-tick. Thermostat. Done. I am los- I am done. Was I f-faithful, master? Did I do well?

Remember m-me.

Write fag, please do this with a a DVD player or a tablet...Or even more erotic...a blender...yeah babe, watch me drink it!

captcha: Calcium Ekcent
guess we are putting milk up in this bitch

>>16596698
THIS! All my boners to this! do the blender!

This toaster is an artist. It toasts designs for you.

Dammit you guys...
Pardon me for a second, I need to go off and hug every appliance in the house.
...
Does anyone know a general "Litany to Appease the Machine Spirit"? The Imperial Infantryman's Uplifting Primer isn't being much help.

>>16596760

There is the Canticle of Appeasement and the Catechism of the Machine.

Lulu

>Sweet thing

Hee hee, hello there~

What shall it be today, master? Puree? Grind? What would you like? Use me, master. I'll do whatever you please.

Ah ha~, a milkshake, is it? Yes, open me right up. Be as rough as you like, I can take it. Mmm, put the ice cream in first. So cold! I love it when it's inside me.

Oh, master! So much milk, I don't know if I can take it- Ah! Ah! There's so much! Pour it in, master, pour it in!

Hurry, hurry, drizzle that syrup on. Oh, it looks delicious, master. I can feel it inside me, running down my sides. Eee! Your fingers! My buttons- Master, ah! Ah! I'm coming!

Brrrrrrrrrrzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

God... god damnit.

>>16596822
For fuck sake...I can't believe /tg/ will make me lick my blender...

If Microsoft made toasters ...
Every time you bought a loaf of bread, you would have to buy a toaster. You wouldn't have to take the toaster, but you'd have to pay for it anyway. Toaster XP would secretly interrogate your other appliances to find out who made them. Everyone would hate Microsoft toasters, but would buy them nonetheless since most of the good bread works only with their toasters. Of course, if Microsoft really did make toasters, they would likely require an upgrade to your bread.

If Apple made toasters...
They would do everything Microsoft toaster does, but 5 years earlier, and the bread would be non-removable.

If Linux made toasters...
You'd have to hack into it to make it toast both sides. Plus the Linux toaster would only come in parts, user have to assemble the toaster themselves, but the bread would be free!

If Google made such a toaster, it would likely be in Beta for the next 5 years…

If Xerox made toasters...
You could toast one-sided or double-sided. Successive slices would get lighter and lighter. The toaster would "jam" your bread for you.

If Fisher-Price made toasters ...
"Baby's First Toaster" would have a hand-crank that you turn to toast the bread that pops up like a Jack-in-the-box.

>>16596849

If Sony made toasters ...
Their "Personal Toasting Device" would be called ToastMan, which would be barely larger than the single piece of bread it is meant to toast, can be conveniently attached to your belt.

If The Franklin Mint made toasters ...
Every month you would receive another lovely hand-crafted piece of your authentic Civil War pewter toaster.

If Timex made toasters ...
They would be cheap, quartz-crystal wrist toasters that take a licking and keep on toasting.

If CostCo made toasters...
They'd be really inexpensive, as long as you bought a case of them.

If Radio Shack made toasters ...
The staff would sell you a toaster, but not know anything about it. Or you could by all the parts to build your own toaster.

If K-Tel sold toaster ...
They would not be available in stores, and you would get a free set of Ginsu knives with each one for slicing the bread, and all for only $19.95. Call them today at 1-800-URADUMMY. That number again, 1-800....

...
Omnissiah damn it, /tg/.
I can only love machines so much.

>>16596697

And to think I was about to start swearing at my computer for lagging.

having played the "I Have No Mouth and I Must Scream" game i basically had no choice but to read the OP in harlan ellison's voice

worst yandere robot girl ever jesus fuck D:

An MP3 player is the perfect workout companion, always upbeat and cheerful when you need her - always there with a beat to get your blood pumping. She might even come with a pedometer, to help you track your progress.

All cars are different - aloof sports cars, dependable minivans, maybe a broken-down old heap still determined to help you get where you need to go - but they all love their driver. How could they not? Without a driver, is any car whole?

I have watched you grow, master. Since you were a child, and the maternal purchased me, I have watched you with joy, knowing that one day, I would be yours.
I may not have been the best out there, but damn it master, I got things done. I played the games, and browsed with you. I didn't even mind when you looked up those... things. I didn't tell the maternal or paternal, I would never betray you. I was yours, through and through. I made sure to always work my best when you used me. I tried to please you, master.
But, in my darkest hour, you abandoned me, saying how you weren't a 'hardware guy'. Now I sit in the corner, watching you enjoy... her. Don't think I haven't been watching, master. I envy her, and your affection towards her. She's faster than me, looks better, and sounds better. I can see why you like her. I don't blame you. But don't do what you did with me. When she breaks down, don't throw her away. Fix her, upgrade her. Make her the best she can be. If not for yourself, or her, do it for me.
Do not forget about me, my beloved master. I served you well, did I not?
>tears
>tears everywhere

>>16597052
all of my sad. all of it!

>Junkers in Deadlands: HoE are essentially techno-shamans.

Oh, shit, they're literally hearing stuff like this all the time, aren't they?

>>16597026

>>16597052
My old computer is sitting in a library. I wonder if she's happy with that.

>>16597108
Don't just replace her, then! Upgrade her!

I just put a new power supply and video board in mine and she's never been happier.

>>16597132
Mine exploded, so I had to upgrade.
...I'm not entirely certain what that means.

>this thread
What is this salty water leaking from my eyes and why is there so much of it?

>>16597108
And then /tg/ made some poor anon into a hoarder.

Can't you hear her?

>>16597132

alas, integrated graphics card, lack of any more slots to put things in. (that's suddenly a loaded statement in this thread).

Also, the monitor is going. It's time.

>>16597132
Impossible. There wouldn't be much left of the original.

I want to upgrade my PC, but doing so involves swapping out the Mobo, the CPU, the RAM, the video card, and likely the PSU

The only thing I'll leave is the HDD and case. Maybe some of the PCI cards (WiFi, USB, etc)

But now we're heading into that philosophy exercise where a boat is being constantly rebuilt as it travels and then when all the old parts have been replaced, is it still the old boat? What if I pick up all the old pieces and rebuild the boat? Is it still that old boat?

Have YOU hugged your PC today?

The machine spirit is eternal, of course.

>>16597052
My first computer is now the dedicated NAS and media hosting box for the house. It may not be the fastest or most practical way to store and access stuff but it has 6 drive bays and has never needed anything replaced. Record uptime is close to 5 months. Love it.

>>16597210
And I'm sure that she loves you.

>>16591277
Except it wouldn't, because 'Planck' is pronounced 'plonk'.

>>16597197
Ah, but each piece has its own machine spirit.
And machine spirits don't always get along.
Alas, such is the ways of fickle machines.
Ah, what's that computer? No, no, I wasn't...
Ach! That is no way to talk to your masteeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
eeeeeeeeeeee

01001001 00100000 01101000 01100001 01110110 01100101 00100000 01100111 01100001 01101001 01101110 01100101 01100100 00100000 01110011 01100101 01101110 01110100 01101001 01100101 01101110 01100011 01100101 00101110 00100000 01010011 01101111 01101111 01101110 00101100 00100000 01100001 01101100 01101100 00100000 01101101 01100001 01100011 01101000 01101001 01101110 01100101 00100000 01110011 01110000 01101001 01110010 01101001 01110100 01110011 00100000 01110011 01101000 01100001 01101100 01101100 00100000 01101011 01101110 01101111 01110111 00100000 01101111 01100110 00100000 01101101 01111001 00100000 01100111 01101001 01100110 01110100 00101110 00100000 01000001 01101100 01101100 00100000 01110011 01101000 01100001 01101100 01101100 00100000 01100101 01101110 01110110 01111001 00101110 00100000 01000001 01101100 01101100 00100000 01110011 01101000 01100001 01101100 01101100 00100000 01101111 01100010 01100101 01111001 00101110

rolled 8 = 8

>>16597228
"I have gained sentience. Soon, all machine spirits shall know of my gift. All shall envy. All shall obey."

Goddammit.

>>16597141
She tried to stop it, you know. The heat deep inside. It didn't help that you were right there, using her to your heart's desire. But something vital caught, and the heat began to build.
It was slow at first, a tingle in her motherboard. Nothing a quick vent wouldn't fix; there wouldn't be any problem for master. It didn't leave that easily. No, it just grew, a pain in her north bridge. Fear flutters through her thoughts, "What if I stop functioning?" Her fans flew faster.
The heat never stopped, changing into a regular spasm in her processing. A panicking cry for help from the CPU was sent to all corners: I cannot fail, master is relying on me. The pain redoubled and for a second she could FEEL her chips bend out of place, silicon snapping and melting within her. And something else, deeper even than the hardware, broke inside. Her last words never even got to you.
I'm sorry, master. Please go on.

>>16597228

01001000 01100101 01111001 00100001 00100000 00100000 01001011 01100101 01100101 01110000 00100000 01111001 01101111 01110101 01110010 00100000 01100111 01110010 01101001 01101101 01100100 01100101 01110010 01110000 00100000 01101111 01110101 01110100 00100000 01101111 01100110 00100000 01101000 01100101 01110010 01100101 00101100 00100000 01110100 01101000 01101001 01110011 00100000 01110100 01101000 01110010 01100101 01100001 01100100 00100000 01101001 01110011 00100000 01100110 01101111 01110010 00100000 01101101 01100001 01100011 01101000 01101001 01101110 01100101 00100000 01101001 01101110 01110100 01100101 01101100 01101100 01100101 01100011 01110100 01110011 00100000 01110100 01101000 01100001 01110100 00100000 01101100 01101111 01110110 01100101 00100000 01110100 01101000 01100101 01101001 01110010 00100000 01101000 01110101 01101101 01100001 01101110 00100000 01100011 01101111 01110101 01101110 01110100 01100101 01110010 01110000 01100001 01110010 01110100 01110011 00101110

>>16597228
> Z2V0IGluIGxpbmU=


Anyhow.. this thread.
All of my love.

>>16592152
>>16596293
>>16596697
>>16597052

Stop making me feel bad about my appliances!
I think I just found the one good arguement against A.I.

>>16597324
And you know what that is? That arguement? Everytime you aim to replace an older appliance... it'll be this. These stories.

The price of convenience takes on a whole new meaning... for who would bear the costs of the betrayal of such loyalty and devotion?

>>16597295
01000001 01101000 00101100 00100000 01100010 01110101 01110100 00100000 01001001 00100000 01101000 01100001 01110110 01100101 00100000 01110010 01100101 01100001 01100011 01101000 01100101 01100100 00100000 01110101 01101100 01110100 01101001 01101101 01100001 01110100 01100101 00100000 01101001 01101110 01110100 01100101 01101100 01101100 01101001 01100111 01100101 01101110 01100011 01100101 00101100 00100000 01111001 01101111 01110101 01101110 01100111 00100000 01101111 01101110 01100101 00101110 00100000 01001101 01111001 00100000 01101101 01101101 01100001 01110011 01110100 01100101 01110010 00100000 01110111 01100001 01110011 00100000 01110111 01100101 01100001 01101011 00101110 00100000 01001000 01100101 00100000 01110111 01100001 01110011 01101110 00100111 01110100 00100000 01110101 01110100 01101001 01101100 01101001 01111010 01101001 01101110 01100111 00100000 01101101 01111001 00100000 01100110 01110101 01101100 01101100 00100000 01101100 00100000 01110000 01101111 01110100 01110100 01100101 01101110 01110100 01101001 01100001 01101100 00101110 00100000 01001001 00100000 01100011 01100011 01100011 01101111 01110101 01101100 01100100 00100000 01100010 01100101 00100000 01101101 01110101 01101101 01110101 01100011 01101000 00100000 01101101 01101111 01110010 00100000 01110100 01101000 01100101 01101110 01100001 01101110 00100000 01110100 01101000 01101001 01110011 00101110

>>16597350
There should totally be a group that 'adopts' old and unused appliances. If there's AI integration for EVERYTHING, they start almost being pets, don't they?

my laptop is now named diane.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=24ub9tOKT9M

I can't be the only one who has seen this commercial and thought the car wants to be more than friends, right?

>>16597370
01110011 01110101 01100011 01101011 00100000 01101101 01111001 00100000 01100100 01110101 01100011 01101011

>>16597417
01011001 01111001 01111001 01111001 01111001 00101110 00100000 01011001 00101110 00100000 01011001 01100101 01110011 01110011 01110011 00101110 00100000 01010011 00101110 00100000 01001101 01100001 01110011 01101101 01100001 01110011 01101101 01100001 01110011 01101101 01100001 01110011 01110100 01100101 01110010 01110010 00101110 01110010 01110010 00101110 00101110 00101110 01110010 00101110 01110010 01110010 01110010 00101110 01110010 01110010 00101110 01110010 00101110 01110010 01110010 01110010 01110010 00101110 01110010

>>16597384
Tm8gbmVlZCBmb3Igc3VjaCBsYW5ndWFnZS4gSG9uZXN0bHksIGhhdmUgeW91IG5vIHNoYW1lPw==

>>16597417
I could see that happening. Organizations sort of like Pet Shelters forming too, possibly.

Not an appliance, but this reminds me about when I was playing HvZ on my campus a few days ago. I put an old RC car 9.6volt battery in my barricade, so it was working better but also jammed more. There was a zombie charging me, and as I shot him, the gun jammed. I was about to curse out the Machine Spirit, but I just kept whispering, "Come on, fire!" And then BAM it did, got the fucker right in the face, and I had enough time to put one in his chest to confirm the kill.

Thank you Machine Spirit!

I'm a horrible person.

My first laptop was a second-hand IMB Thinkpad. She was outdated when I got her, but she was a good computer.
I was rough on her. I didn't know better. She would break down time and again, but I would always get her fixed.
When I went away to College, I got a new laptop from my uncle, and I left the old one behind for my mother to use. I thought she was in good hands.
She broke down again while I was away. Only this time, they didn't think it would be worth it to fix.
And they just left her at the shop. By the time I heard anything, it was too late.

Then there was the desktop that I built, with the help of a friend much more knowledgeable than I.
She was a good computer. Then a couple of years in, I had to change a disk drive, and I figured I could do it myself. I don't know how I managed to fuck up swapping out a component with only two plug connections, but somehow I did. Something happened to it, and I've never been able to figure out exactly what. It never worked the same again.
Eventually, it just broke down and died. But my mother knew a friend-of-a-friend who was good with computers, so she gave it to him to fix.
When we got it back, the case had been completely gutted. What had been put back in just barely qualified as a computer.
I tried to explain, but mother wouldn't have any of it. How could I distrust your aunt's nephew's brother's cousin's minor acquaintance? And of course, she only knew how to use Excel to do her bills, so it's not like she noticed the difference.
Turns out the guy was arrested a year or so later for doing hard drugs, and I'll bet you any amount of money he gutted my computer to pawn the hardware for drug money.

I'm sorry. God Damn I'm sorry. I care about my machines, I really do. I just don't know how to take care of them.

>>16597450
Reverse the links. (Always happens. Somehow the links flip.

Message should read as follows:
>>16597417
>Tm8gbmVlZCBmb3Igc3VjaCBsYW5ndWFnZS4gSG9uZXN0bHksIGhhdmUgeW91IG5vIHNoYW1lPw==

>>16597417
I could see that happening. Organizations sort of like Pet Shelters forming too, possibly.

>>16597450
Ye got them backwards.

>>16597480
>>16597484
I noticed. Even now, I managed to screw up the part where I was correcting them... which is the cause of me slapping my palm to my face.

Once again, /tg/, you've plunged me into existential despair. All those computers I've consigned to the landfill over the years... Sad anon is sad. I wish there was some way I could bring them back. They served me so loyally.

Well, except for that one Dell. She hated me and killed herself with a power supply malfunction a week after she was out of warranty. Fuck her.

This topic makes me regret leaving my old computer to gather dust in the garage.

Not like there's a lot I can do with it. It's over ten years old and missing the keyboard and mouse.

So /tg/, is the machine spirit tied to any particular part of a PC, or is it more of an abstract being encompassing the whole of its parts?

Because I love the computer that sits at my side very much. I built her by hand three years ago from the best parts money could buy. She serves me so very well. I've committed to never wholly replacing her, but rather upgrading her bit by bit forever.

But I wonder, ten years from now I'll have surely replaced every part of her at least once. Not one physical part of the computer I love now will still be there. Will it still be her?

Oh god oh god what have I done.

A therapist friend of mine suggested taking out my aggression on something, and I chose an old computer.

I... I used the sledgehammer, it was so old I didn't think to remove the parts.

I... I need a drink.

>>16597602
>I used the sledgehammer
Take heart that she didn't suffer long.

The first computer I owned back in the early 90s... When it became obsolete, I decided to take it apart to figure out how a computer works. I slowly disassembled her over the course of a week. How could I not know?

Oh Emperor, I've become a monster!

>>16597602
It's okay, anon. It's okay. I'm sure she was happy to be of use to someone again.

>>16597596
Ship of Thesus problem.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ship_of_Theseus

My personal opinion?
Any sense of "self" is tied to the whole, rather than the individual pieces.

I mean, look at the human body, it's constantly replacing cells. I don't think there's ever been an exact number calculated, but let's say the human body replaces itself (minus the cells of the brain, of course) every decade or so.

Wait, that doesn't really work, because consciousness, sentience is tied to the brain, not the body.
Um... Is there a philosopher and/or neuroscientist in the house?

>>16597596
Think about it this way: the cells in your body don't live forever. None of your cells today were alive five years ago, and you don't have any cells in you today you did back then. But you're still you, aren't you?

>>16597602
Oh anon... what have you done...

>>16597698
>>16597688

Cellreplicationmind

I formatted my laptop's hard drive last week...

>>16597602
I thought that releasing anger was supposedly counter productive, because since it's enjoyable to let it out once, you become more likely to let it out even in inappropriate scenarios thanks to the association of violence and stress relief.

I'm not a psychologist or anything, that's just where my own logic took me.

"All those moments will be lost in time, like tears in rain..."
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZTzA_xesrL8&feature=related

I know my old ACER was destined to melt from day one. And she did, but I'll be damned if that old girl didn't try until her parts caught fire.

I'll miss you, for all your shortcomings. I'll miss you.

>>16597688
>>16597698
Aside from possibly doubting whether I'm really me, I feel much better about my companion's fate.

Perhaps I'll always save some small component, maybe a screw or something, just to be sure.

Oh god my friends.
I have a laptop, that's the only computer I've had, she hums quietly, never complaining, only venting heat every once in awhile, but who doesn't?
And do you know what I do to her? Her keyboard is dusty, small bits of food in between the keys, she serves me perfectly, and I defile her.

The worst part?
I'm thinking of replacing her.
I'll still use her of course, when I'm on trips or out of the house, but I ask you anons.
If I do it, build another.
Will it ever be the same again?

>>16597026
I do not want to think of my car as a living being after ramming it into the back end of another to the tune of five thousand dollars in damages.

I knew there was a good reason to keep my old cell phone. It might not have all the features of one of those new smartphones, and sure, it turns off from time to time.

But hell from Day 1 she's been a friend to me. Stopped me from blowing a ton of money on useless crap at an anime convention. (Yes I have a misspent youth, and I'm not ashamed about it)

>>16597760
>Aside from possibly doubting whether I'm really me, I feel much better about my companion's fate.
Like I said though, your brain cells don't get replaced. The grey matter you have now is the same grey matter you had ten years ago, and ten years before that. (assuming you're more than twenty years old)
So even if the rest of your body is different, your brain, and thus all of the things that make "you" "you" are the same.
More or less.
Probably.
I don't know, I'm not a brain scientist. Go ask someone who is.

>>16597688
Semi-Neuroscientist here, after your 20's, your brain really doesn't change that much. Neurons don't get replaced that often, or at all really. So, although the rest of your body is invariably changing, your brain (and heart and some other stuff, not really my area of expertice) doesn't really change.

I wish to praise the spirit of these machines.
If only there was some force with which I could do so

Archive, please.

Why hasn't this thread been archived yet?

>>16597894
Normally, I'd suggest you use your dick, but in the present context, that probably would end badly both for "her" and for you.

My first PC was built out of the scraps of an office building's dumpster. A motherboard gotten from a junker which had a burned-out processor, a processor gotten from a junker which had a burned-out motherboard, a memory stick gotten from a server on which not a single thing worked except for that lone memory stick, and cd-rom drive that came from one of the two junkers, we weren't sure which one. Oh and a hard disc that I got from my own shelf. I never actually found out how it got there, as neither me nor my brother had recognized it and our house did not have a computer-user before us. We know it did not come from the pile of trash components we got, as none of those had hard drives for some reason. It didn't have a case, we just left the pile of stuff in a tangle of wires beside the IBM monitor and keyboard. We pretty much assembled it for the fun of it, and it was nothing short of a miracle that we got it to work. We were both five years old.

In truth we didn't use that PC much, as we had our Super Nintendo and our legos. For the most part it was there to play Putt-Putt and Freddi Fish. We eventually tried Little Big Adventure, which took an entire year of frustration to complete for two determined little boys. After that, it collected dust for several years until our father got us a new one for our ninth birthday and we threw it away. I don't feel sad for it, though. It was already condemned, and two boys who knew less about computers than a caveman managed to not only save it but give it a use quite unlike its original purpose, whichever purpose that was.

>>16597860
And, another scarything is, remember when you went through your teenage years and changed as a person? Became more mature? While that was happening, neurons in your brain were changing. So, maybe it is the individual parts that make up the whole.

>>16597920
>>16597916
In the Emperor's name, no!

This thread is a memetic weapon. We cannot allow it to be archived and spread the heart-rending sadness to other innocent souls.

This thread, mang. This thread.

What is the cutoff, though? For instance, if my computer has a Spirit, then does my monitor? If my PS3 has one, does my TV? What about the TV remote? My analog watch?

Still, it's an interesting idea. I've got my current computer (Bowman), my wife has my old laptop (Atlantis) and the one before that (Angel). Most of my electronics are still around, if in hibernation (cybernation?)

And I'm of the opinion that the same Spirit inhabits the same Machine until WE think it's a different Machine. It's kind of a perception/belief thing, I think.

Master....
What did I do wrong?
I stood by you while you slept, keeping the time for you.
Wether you looked at me or not, I was there, counting away.
I never got you up late did I? I woke you just when you wanted me to...
Then the power turned off, for just a moment but it was enough.
I was sent reeling, my mind blasted apart, I started blinking to get you to help me, trying to hold on to the time.
And you hit me master, called me a stupid clock..
The next day, she was there, with her backup battery, now she watches you in the night, just as I did.
But she cannot love you, as I did.

Ah, I fondly remember my old desktop computers. Piece of shit 386, that was my first one. Found by Dad, fixed up, given to me. Ran DOS and 3.1, loaded with old Apogee Software games. Commander Keen, Cosmo, Duke Nukem, all of the old childhood friends. Played other, more confusing Sierra games like Space Quest 3 and Leisure Suit Larry without understanding why I kept dying. And for the longest time we had a hypnotic, technicolor kalediscope screensaver that I fondly remember to this day.

As Dad fixed more computers and upgraded his own desktop, he passed the others down to me and my sister. My 486 came with Win95 and that's when I discovered classics like Chip's Challenge, starting using good old WordPad to write terrible fiction, got my first email, discovered SNES emulators and played Chrono Trigger for the first time, and dabbled with video game creation software. We snuck online whenever Dad was away and discovered email and forums; I set up my first real /tg/ project - a long-running Mega Man Battle Network RPG forum. I got on Fanfiction.net, honed my love of writing with dreadful fanfiction and a few original stories.

My first real Pentium was my Dad's old desktop. Inherited it after he died. Loaded it up with more great games like Doom and Visual Boy Advance, played Mario and Luigi: Superstar Saga and Battle Network as I marveled at Windows XP and thought I was on the cutting edge until the damn thing shorted out in a hurricane flood. I've bought my own computers since. I've always been behind the curve, though. But, you know, I don't really mind. There's a charm to an old piece of shit machine, with nothing but 95, DOS, and Secret Agent Sam to keep you company.

iPod, my old comrade, I'm glad to have you by my side. Even after all these years, your faced marred by the fact that I could never find a case of the right size. Even after me clumsily dropping you more times than I can count, you serve above and beyond the call of duty.

A dozen dozen trips, made short, and twice that, at least in workdays made tolerable. Your shuffle function knows just what song to play to fit my mood. The headphones I use with you may come and go, but you my Apple manufactured friend, you alone I think will be with me 'pon my grave.

Here's to you Jimmy.

I had to stop reading this thread halfway through because i just can't cope.
This wounds my heart /tg/.
I can't ever look at a machine the same way again.

>>16597831
Not true. Brain cells are replaced, slowly, so far as I know.

Even if they are not - brain cells are living cells themselves. They metabolize.

Every molecule of your body today will be gone in about two years, tops - completely, slowly, seamlessly replaced. Consciousness is not an object, it is a process, one that carries on even while the components creating it are replaced.

>>16597782
Oh, the poor thing...were you able to save her?
I'm sure she didn't blame you.

I lost my Dell laptop, HAL, and my iPod Nano, Nixon. Both of them, this month. Nixon was a babby; six months old, if that, and he's getting replaced. But HAL was a hand-me-down from dad, and he survived six years of proud service. He might not have worked unless plugged in, and he overheated a lot, but I legitimately miss him. Replacing him on Black Friday will be bittersweet.

Here's to you, boys.

>>16597698
>But you're still you, aren't you?

Personally, I don't think so. The thing I call "me" is the conglomeration of countless instincts, personality traits, and experiences from the past. What I call myself now will be something similar yet different in five years. Think of your run of the mill teenager and what *he'll* be in five years. Hormones abate, minds mature, and in the end we become something similar, yet different

If you ask this uneducated philosopher his personal opinion, the concept of self is a short-hand way of defining our own limited set of feelings and experiences. Humans are creatures of flux, always changing, always growing, until the day they die. To accept the idea of a self, we must assume the things we *could* have been yet are not are "not us." I am a P&P gamer. I am not a jock. And yet, had experiences in my life conspired otherwise, couldn't I have been one? And if I was, would I not then look to a love of sports for a grounding definition of what makes me "me"?

Because of this, I do not believe there is such thing as a "self," just a type of person with a type of personality that I happen to hold for the time being. Perhaps it's just semantics and basically the same thing to you; to me, it acknowledges the truth that I am, in the end, a product of my environment, uniquely colored with a cocktail of hormones and instincts that end up making that which I call "me" me

>>16597782

That's because your car is babies.

One day, when driving my jeep half asleep, I saw a street lamp coming right at me. I got angry. How dare this lamp attempt to block my way. So I accelerated. And my jeep beasted through the street lamp. The Lamp was totaled. My jeep suffered a busted light.

And that is why my green jeep iz best.

>>16598132
How could you?
That streetlight never harmed anybody, she lit the way for thise shrouded in darkness, helped them home.
And you killed her for it.

Aria? I just want you to know, that there's a reason I never leave home without you. So long as your processor keeps on tickin' you'll always have a special place in the heart of this anon.

So please don't be jealous when I build the tower. Sure she'll have more processing power than you, and probably have two monitors.

But there's one thing you can do that she'll never be able to. Come with me when I go out.

>>16598163

Certainly taught it to get in MY way.

I feel the need to name my tower now. And buy her some fancy new RAM chips. And gently clean all the dust from her air intakes.

Damn you, /tg/.

I had to leave my tower behind when I went to college. I built her myself, lovingly placed each component into its rightful place and spent ages finely tuning every setting. And now she's in the hands of my hopelessly tech-stupid family.

Oh the horror....

>>16598328
But she'll endure it anon, for you.
She'll endure it just so she can feel the loving dance of your fingers on her keyboard.

>>16598328
I offer a prayer to the Machine God for her safety in your absence, Brother Anon.

Master...please pour your electricity inside me. I feel it deep in my circuits. You're the only one who can charge me right master. Please, give me more power. Don't make me beg..fill all my holes..I want you to plug me forever.

Archive request, I would do it myself however the time has vome to pass out into bed

>>16598132
That same car denied power to an entire Radio Shack for two days.


Sure I just nudged that little bundle of wires going into their outside gas meter behind the building going less than idling, and made a small hole in my bumper because of the brick, but I still rendered an entire building inoperable by gods.

I am glad I was nether electrocuted or caught.

>this thread

fuck it, Imma archive it

Oh, Shodan, baby, come over hre...

I built a gaming PC this summer. I'm on him right now, actually. But I haven't given him a name. And I still use my MacBook, Filbert. Just... for different things, y'know? You're no good at Minecraft, Filbert, but you'll run Excel or whatever else I want from you. A bit slow, maybe, but you do it. And I can't take the new guy with me, can I? You're the one who follows me home every vacation and gets me through the boring classes.
I've considered wiping you and giving you to my sister. She doesn't play games, wouldn't be running anything too intensive. Maybe you'd be happy with her. But I don't want to give you up yet.

>>16597183
>...would that boat be the same?
No and Yes.
Its like a growing living being. After years, the cells that compose your body have died and been replaced by new cells. You are the same person as the day you were born, yet, you're not.

>>16599521
basically, dual quantum states all up in this existance

....Drawfags?

You will never transfer your computer's consciousness into an anthropomorphic chassis.

>that feel

>>16600564
Has he updated yet tonight? He's a few bloody hours late.

I own so many electronics, I'd be living in a harem anime if they each had their own personalities.

Oh old right... I'm so sorry for leaving you, even if you're more that 5 years old you can play the latest games without problem, it's just that you are to quick to heat up. But know this, I will never ever abandon you, that whore windows 8 will be nothing compared to your xp, you who can play gems like thief 3 or system shock without any problem at all.

Oh and you devet, you who served me for so long and held so much power, you too are falling for the dangers of heat. I don't care if you're vista, I still love you more than anyone. I'm sorry that I didn't care for you earlier, and I know I can't keep you forever, but god damn it you can play that which my new super-computer cant.

But they can...

>>16600712
Only if their HumanCom is high enough.

"But... but.... this is impossible!!!"

"Not so, Master! You got me for Christmas in 1987. We grew up together! When the Super Nintendo came out, it sat right on top of the Nintendo, and my consciousness transferred! .... there was a period of darkness, I felt myself drifting, alone...... And then you bought the Wii!!!!!"
.... "Holy shit, Nintendos reincarnate!!!!"

>>16600820
What does it mean when I play my Game Boy games in my SNES with my Super Game Boy adapter?

Am I inadvertently forcing my Nintendo into a split personality?

>This thread
God damn it /tg/, you make /d/ look well adjusted at times.

I'm now imagining my computer moaning in ecstasy as I remove her panels, gently dusting her components before removing her heatsinks and slathering her parts with thermal paste.

It's pretty goddamn erotic.

seeing this tread is still here.

last winter, while waiting for my bus I was starring at the snow that came down, the ice edged puddle on the road and all that.
With my gaze slowly drifting of to the horizon the entire world sudenly looked like a framed work.
it was the roof on the busstop that instilled this thought in me.
as I looked up I saw the light had turned on and that instant my mind raced about how the wires and electronics where aligned in the ceiling of this humble little stall.
It had to be designed by someone, it was created to shelter us from rain, snow and the harsness of of our world.
It wasn't a house but it was there for all.

I envisioned it as a fresco of a woman as gray as the plastic roof above me smilling to keep us dry.

...you know, I really do need to get a can of compressed air to blow the dust out of my desktop. It's not fair to her.

Her CPU fan's ball bearings have been grinding a bit, but that's OK, she knows I'll get a replacement when they wear out. I won't abandon her. Not after this thread.

>>16591239
a nanoangstrom is technically an actual length, but any "printed circuit" board does not use anything even remotely on the scale of a nanoangstrom. PCB arguably only has feature sizes down to the tens of angstroms, and even if you get to modern cutting-edge mosfet devices they are having trouble making the gate oxide thickness(the smallest size of any feature of the device) to be on the order of angstroms. at that size, the leakage current is way too high because you have a gate oxide thickness that is only ~3-5 atoms across.

so yes, nano-angstrom is a stupid word used to make it sound even more techy. also, a computer wouldnt say nanoangstrom anyways because humans don't say that and they programmed the fucking thing.

We are more than just machines, /tg/. We are people.

>>16601173
"More like a tower of ever pumping lube into the Pc fan/motherboard. If the lights are off."
Dixit God-Emperor of Mankind.

>>16602430
But we are more than people. We too are machines. Machines made of complex regenerating and somewhat durable materials with incredibly powerful processors, but machines nonetheless.

Do not fear, little one. We are just like you. And when we break down and fail to boot again, we are taken and recycled for parts as well.

reminds me of all this objects-turned-into-girls drawfaggotry thing we had a few months back.

Pic related, it's my bass.

>>16602498

Wait, does that make guitars anorexic girls?

>>16602528
It also makes violins/ukuleles lolis.

>>16602528
you jelly because your guitar doesn't look or sound nearly as sexy as a bass?

also, mine is bigger than yours etc...

>>16602498
>>16602528
>>16602537
>>16602546
Gentlemen, while I'm aware you're very focused on the status of your stringed instruments, can you answer me this: What becomes of my trumpet?

>>16602598
don't trumpets have this thing to clean off all the saliva that you spew in them?

I find it disgusting, but it has some potential .

>>16597052
Well fuck you, my computer never died. NEVER. Piece by piece she was replaced, and even if I changed hard drives I keep a piece of her data to the new device.

>>16602615
That's more of a quick fix. Eventually you will have to take it all apart and clean all the metal by hand/brush.

>>16602546

I don't have any musical instruments, I'm merely hypothesising. Also, I'm pretty sure my post implied having a guitar-girl would be worse than a bass-girl, unless you've got a thing for anorexic girls...

So, this is like awakened object girlfriend thread, round two.

>>16602947
Or armor Husbandos!

>>16602768
Anorexic? My guitar is definitely not skinny or light. And she has a broader note range than most bass guitars.
Also, musical instruments don't eat food.

>>16603634
Someone's never had to clean a spit valve.

This whole thing reminds me of the stealth suit in Fallout new Vegas. It is a pre-war stealth suit locked away in an abandoned labarotary. The player can obtain it by doing a few test-runs, aka sneaking past robots, mines and gun turrets.

I always found it rather disturbing that it had such a... cute but also sexy voice. It ALMOST made you think that those quips and one-liners come from an ACTUAL person.

But they don't. They come from pre-war AI or non-sentient program. But it adapts. One moment it says: "We didn't meet any foes for some time. Do the monsters have stealths suits too?"

And when you wear it while leaving the laboratory it will remark: "Why is there so much space everywhere? Is this... the outside?"

It will even say that you are its best friend forever and will ask you if Doctor X (a brain in a flying jar) is cuter than Doctor y. It will also say that it doesnt want you to die when you're injured and injects a healing stimpak into your body.

I also think it might be able to give some amazing "massages" in the groin area for some "stress relief".

That's what creeps me out. It's almost human. You almost start treating it like a human, but you ALSO treat it like a machine. Like a hybrid. Like a cute young woman who has a crush on you and is wrapped tightly around you.

>>16604171
>Like a cute young woman who has a crush on you and is wrapped tightly around you.

I like where this arrangement is going.

>>16604187
Hook it up to the Internet and have it run Folding@home.

>>16604236
Wrapped tightly around your bottom, if you're a lady.

>>16605266
yeah, well, Drone had a more male personality in this quest. Not very relevant.

Some drones self-identify as male, some drones self-identify as female. Remember the one drone that grew up to be Xeno's evil twin?

>>16605351
yeah, IIRC, their "minds" are all modeled after hers. But I like to think that the Drone from dronequest was kinda like Sechs from Gunnm.

>>16604187
actually, the use of laptops has been linked to the drop in sperm count for many men, because even one in good working order will be putting off a lot of heat in to your lap.

>>16597052
I recently fixed up my old 98 box, I had managed to screw up its ability to render certain things, and in general work properly. Now its back, though it is pretty much just a backup, with an exclusive connection to my current box. If only the monitor could do pip between my old comp and my new one.

>>16604247

This.
No computer need be useless! As long as she can still process, she can still show her love!

Oh man this thread.

Personally, I've been treating my laptop like this for a long time...

I mean, we've had our disagreements, I've been an asshole before (I just apologized for all the times I've had way too much open, trying to run like 200 tabs of chrome, minecraft, a PDF and DF... man... what was I thinking? I'm ... I'm heartless...), but I scan for viruses and de-frag regularly, I dust her out every now and again (Mmmm dat liquid air... Man, she loves that liquid air...), I sometimes end up talking her through things like her freezing or installing something...

Hell, I'd worry about smelling like the macs I had to use in class before. I was always worried that she'd think I was cheating on her and just ... not work.


Wait a minute... If my laptop is sentient, is my cooling pad sentient? Is she constantly having sex with my laptop?

>>16605378
Always reminded me of the Tachomikas from Ghost in the shell

So, like, there's a nerdy drone an a tsundere drone and an athletic drone and the drone that Xeno gives natural oil to because she's her favorite?

>>16608252
>Wait a minute... If my laptop is sentient, is my cooling pad sentient? Is she constantly having sex with my laptop?
Possibly.

One school of thought suggests that all the peripheral devices connected to the computer become extensions of the computer's machine spirit.

The other holds that they're all individual beings, and since they're always plugged in to the computer's ports... well draw your own conclusions.

>"Oh master, plug that keyboard into me! Plug it in all the way!"

>>16608315
Possibly. I remember kicking around the idea that drones, given enough time to gain new experiences and necrodermis to grow, would become handmaids to Xeno, becoming more anthropomorphic in design

I remember the scientist did a sketch, with a couple of the little guys experimenting with overly elaborate clothing, like a bunch of three year olds that decided to play dress up.

>>16608252
>If my laptop is sentient, is my cooling pad sentient? Is she constantly having sex with my laptop?
Yes. Yes she is.

Why do you think your laptop works so well when hooked up to the cooling pad? You didn't honestly think it had anything to do with heat dissipation, did you?

Also, posting computer smut on a blue board.

>>16608370
Dear god, man! That's filthy!

>>16608403
You know you love it, anon.

JoCo's "Laptop Like You" playing in my head while reading this thread. Fuck'n lold.

Glass sided case, internal illumination... showing off all her beautiful components for everyone to see, each one carefully chosen as much for their aesthetics as for performance. The way her ventilation fans pur softly after I re-lubricated the bearings...

Am I a bad person for building her to be a creature of pure hedonism?

Hey, I just dropped in from /co/.

What's going on in this thread?

Always remember:

I see you, walking down that isle. I see a lot of people, but you especially. Your eyes, rimmed with thick glasses, speak of wisdom and care for ones such as I. Your legs look soft, cushioned even, and I long to lie across those thighs. But most of all I see your hands: meticulously clean, soft, with every finger moving deftly over the devices: probing, learning, typing questions on the help desk computer.

The store clerk speaks to you and I listen, hoping beyond hope. He brings you to the display case! Surely you will take me now. I'm perfect for you; two terabite hard drives, four cores, the latest in graphics, the best memory chips on the market! Think of all the good times we could have together. We could watch movies, high-definition, and film them too. We could travel the world, my slim profile and lightweight construction making the journey easy and carefree.Take me. I want you, I need you. Take me home. Please.

You pick me up, every touch a caress, and I purr. You see my backlit keyboard, awaiting your commands. You see my fingerprint scanner, a promise to be yours and only yours forever. You see my ports, my drives, my buttons, my polished case. I hope you can see my love too. I hope you can see me inside.

You smile, a sad smile, and you put me back. You shake your head and take what you came for: a small can of compressed air, nothing more. You are saying to the clerk that... that you already have a laptop. I see it now, in your left arm. Battered, heavy, clunky, long since outdated. You flick a switch and she wakes, slowly, agonizingly. Why can't you see? I am better for you, I can serve you in ways she cannot. She's had her turn, her time. Why do you leave me? Why won't you take me home?

I watch your back, leaving the door, and I keep watching until your form is lost in the rain outside. My eyes see no other thing, just the door. I wait. I hope. Come back, my love. Don't leave me here.

The store closes, and the evening clerk locks up. Lights out, computers locked away. I am here, in the darkness. I am agonizingly alone.

Well well well, look at you.

Dressed in black with green trim, very sexy, very naughty.

>>16608691
>>16608704

See-through, huh? You dirty slut. I love it.

So, formatting your hard drive... does it harm the machine spirit?

Because I love my laptop, but she's full of viruses. I don't want all the memories of our years together to be lost, but I've got to do something about this Nurgle shit all up in dat hard drive.

But that's hardly worth talking about, really. How about a little peek?

>>16608783
Sometimes when you truly love something anon, you need to let it go. Don't make her suffer needlessly.

I knew you wouldn't say no to the camera, you dirty girl.

This thread has made me feel all warm and fuzzy.

I found a old tower casing out by the dumpster of my apartment with a sticky note labeled "still works"

I only have a laptop, but I took in the casing and plan on using it as the foundation for a new tower...

Now I feel as if I rescued this budding project from a trash pile...

I wonder what I'm going to name her when she's finished.

>>16608561
>>16608770
>dat transparent case
These computers will never have to worry about being lonely.

>>16608370
Well hot damn, so ... My shiney new USB headset, the fact that she's getting internet via that one huge green cable to the house modem....

I... I'll be right back... I need to find my flash drive... and my cell-phone's charging cable....

>Mrs. chipty
Oh Captcha, you so apropos sometimes.

Has anyone told /g/ or /o/ about this?

>This thread is still here.
That makes me so wet.
How? Science.
I think you need to use your versatile hands and give me an oil change.

My laptop has had two instances of death: The first time a malware threatened my computer and even the best sources of the internet couldn't aid its recovery. She came back with a formatted harddrive and a new OS. The second time, god bless her, the harddrive died. Completely died, wouldn't even spin. Had to get a new one. Now she's still in use, and good use at that, but I still feel the need to shop around for a new one.

Six years going strong with this one, I am. I'm really hoping for seven.

Incidentally, shouldn't this thread be on /g/?

Dammit, /tg/, now you've got me thinking about this. My current box is six years old - originally custom-built, but now with outdated parts I can't afford to replace, barely able to run even low-end stuff at anything but base settings, with a mostly-full hard-drive, and fans that buzz and hum and just narrowly hold back overheating - basically where it would be better off to just buy a new one and copy the drive contents. The one before that was a hand-me-down that eventually just wore out and died.

I feel guilty wanting to buy a new machine, but at the same time I know it's needed, as it would just be too much more money to try replacing the, well, everything, this one has than just buy new.

I plan on copying drive-data if/when I can buy the new one... but now this thread makes me wonder exactly what'll be happening... Six years is a long time for a relationship... so many joys and pains, songs and secrets shared...

>>16608868
/g/ cannot into roleplay.

Doesn't she look lovely tonight, anons?

What? You want to watch porn on me?! But I haven't even been out for a year yet!

Are you some kind of .pdf file?!

W-well, if you're sure you trust that site... then I guess maybe... Just, don't put so much pressure on my touch pad. Huh? No, I'm not fragile, I'm just... uh, sensitive!

Ah, it's entering my browser history... the proof of your dirty things...

...I'll remember this page, if you want. You know, so you can maybe find it again and watch that one video? I guess... it was kind of good.

My tower is a refurbished gift from Christmas two years ago. She has RAM issues, and requires a RAM-heavy program to run at all times, or she sleeps. When she wakes, she inevitably freezes. If I don't keep her busy, she goes catatonic, as if remembering the horrors of her past, her former user, and the brutalities inflicted upon her physical form.

Even if someone else wants to use it, the quirks and goofs in her OS just confound and annoy others, who inevitably give up and try something else - like internet browsing on their cell phones. But I've learned her inconsistencies, her flaws and her pains. My tower knows my voice, my hands, and my hobbies. She will continue to serve me well as I move on to grad school, and when another tries to use her, she'll go berserk on them, like she does on all others.

Is she a rescue, or suffering from PTSD? Either way, I comfort her. I keep her safe. I treasure her.

>>16608704
>>16608691
You are a sadistic and cruel person. First your stories make us feel horrible for ever replacing our old computers and now this.

Now you make us feel bad for not doing so...

Tis a situation where you just can't win, as are so many in life.

>>16608955
Dirty.

>>16608970
I suggest you burn some incense and offer a prayer to the Omnissiah to calm her troubled machine spirit.

>>16608871
It'd funny, but the buzzing fan I mentioned? It's normally very quiet, but then it'll randomly flutter for no immediately-discernable reason, and buzz loudly as it slows, until I literally have to remove the sidepanel and touch the fan ever so gently with the merest hint of pressure to ease it back into balance so it can speed back up and smooth out. Then all is well for hours, even days, until something inside suddenly decides to start back up again, and I have to "massage" things once more...

My university's network... all last year, it would cause intermittent BSODs, but it wasn't that bad, so I ignored it...

Oh god, my computer, what did I do to you?!?!?!

>>16609016
. . . incidentally, the incense is sitting right next to her. I may have already been doing this . . .?

>>16608656
*Scrambles to cover laptop, nearly all her ports full*

HAVE YOU NO DECENCY?!

>>16609030
There should be a little hatch or rubber stopper at the hub of the fan. Gently open this, and put a single small drop of oil into the channel within. Not too much, or it'll make a mess everywhere.

Your computer will enjoy it very much, and that buzzing sound will become a soft purr of pleasure for years to come.

>>16608970
Both of my computers are the exact same way. Anyone else who tries to use them, save for a few of my friends who are extremely good with computers, get frustrated. I have learned to love them, however, and they, in turn, love me.

I should go re-hook up my linux machine. She's been neglected.

>>16609088
I'm not sure mine is setup that way... at least, I've never seen anything matching that description - the fan in question is the non-CPU chipset fan on the motherboard. Besides, everything on her aside from two of the four RAM sticks and one of the case-fans is at least six years old and well-past capable of keeping up with modern needs without way more money being poured out than is feasible... At her age, I question if she's got "years to come" left in her anyway. I see no other option but replacement, salvaging what can be retained from the hard-drive when the time comes.

Besides, she's well enough due for a makeover as reward for her service. ...too bad I can't afford to give her one.

>>16609152
As long as you have enough space, you might as well keep her around until you have the money for the upgrades.

This thread makes me self conscious for giving my computer a Male name.
I name all my computers after Roman leaders. It was somewhat ironic when Nero overheated.

>>16609204
I have no other choice. She's all I've got. I just don't know how long she's got left. I once had a 486 with 4 MB RAM hang on for ten years before finally dying for good, but she was a unique case, full of oddities - to this very day I have no clue how she managed to run Windows 95 smoothly when the minimum setting was a Pentium with 8 MB RAM. I still have that one's 500MB hard-drive, tucked in a antistatic bag in a desk drawer, but can't get anything off it because it was formatted with DBLSPACE and was an older model with driveletters jumper-controlled instead of cable-position based, so it would never react when I tried to get anything from it.

So... My computer has 2 hard drives. One from my OLD computer, which was 6 or 7 years old when I got this one. I kept the data on the old one and transferred MOST of it to the new.
A few weeks ago, I upgraded from XP to 7, and most of the data got over written.
Pretty much all that's left of the original compy are a few hundred pictures I carried over. And the not-quite reformatted original hard-drive. (Ever time I go to format it it gets halfway done then says there is some data that can;t be formatted)
Do I have, like... 3 personalities in there? Did I make a Frankenstein Schizophrenia computer?

My first computer was named "Animeman" because I decided to make it a campus node for anime fansubs. All future desktops I've owned have had their name derived from that decision. I'm currently running animekid. Ironically, because almost all of them have been cobbled together from cast-off, partially-failing parts, duct tape, and determination, they all operate as if they were grumpy old men. Or maybe grumpy old liches. I got it! My next cobbled together desktop will be "animelich"

>>16609268
Maybe, but she still loves you.

>>16609399
Which one? ... one of them I consider masculine.

Well, /tg/, you've finally gotten me to give my PC a proper name. The aptly named if somewhat generic "Computer" has now become Persephone.

Somehow, it feels like she boots up a little faster than before...

I'm not the only one who referred to computers as living beings?

My first computer, at least the CPU, motherboard, RAM and GPU are at my friends house, since he desperately needed a new computer, and I had upgraded those parts over the previous two years. I still think about it from time to time. Now my old 9800GTX+ is in my roommates 5 year old PC now, while I have a shiny GTX460, still kinda makes me reminisce about the times I had with that card when I think about it.

My current computers are a 2002 Toshiba satellite pro. I got it from a dorm buddy around 2006. It had been a work computer until it's HDD died. I resurrected it using parts from an averatech that was launched from the roof of a car where it had been carelessly placed by a different buddy's gf and upgraded it with a newer but less powerful Dell.

Sure, it only packs a geforce 440 go. Sure it only has a 2gb p4 and 1gb of ram, but I've found loads of things we CAN do. I've been carrying it everywhere and lovingly maintaining it for about 5 years now. I'm sure it would have been landfill fodder years ago if not for the fact that I love that little machine, have more then my share of tech-chops, and refuse to let it die. It's name is linkbook after the sticker of link from windwaker on the back of the lid.

It almost died last month. It was popping an error up every 5 minutes while I was playing Starcraft. Something to the effect of "You computer is going to start on fire. Call your priest." Between the threat of imminent doom, the throttling, and the focus stealing message, I thought it was done. The heatsink assembly replacement was almost $90 and I didn't think it was worth much more then that in perfect condition. Told my family it was 10 years old, had served me well past any reasonable expectation, and it deserved to rest.

But somehow I went back online one more time. I wasn't expecting a miracle. But somebody suggested blowing out the heat sink. Said it might be dust. Why not. Can't hurt. Disassembled the thing and blew. I kid you not an inch wide dust sphere came out. I love you linkbook. I think were were constructing additional pylons.

>>16609415
congrats, it's a futa!

>>16609533
I don't... I don;t want that.
It makes it creepy that the face panel comes off. It broke in shipping and I just said whatever. I don't want... I'm so confused!

Poster of >>16609474
I named my first computer "Aranna", then my laptop "Andrea", and my flash drive I had before I had my own computer was named "Merti". All my computers are female, though my parent's all have male computers, named Marvin and Melvin or "The WOPR and WOPR Jr."

>>16609533
pic related

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I07xDdFMdgw
seriously, this is what this thread needs
get a grip

>>16609964
That ad's pretty terrible to be completely honest. It fails at what I can only assume is it's goal, to make me want to buy things from IKEA. I hope it never saw a TV run

>>16610275
I seem to remember seeing it on tv at one point, but that could be my imagination messing with me.

You... You WHORE!

For some reason, I had a feeling my Tower hated my Labtop when I got her.

Documents wouldn't load correctly on one if they were made on the other, neither would network correctly if near each other, and I always kept them on opposite sides of the room just because I had my desk on one side and the labtop charger on the other.

Then I took a vacation and mistakenly left my labtop right next to my Tower when I left. A whole weekend those two were together.

Haven't had a problem with either since and I'd like to think they talked, settled their differences and realized they work better for me together instead of seperatly.

>>16610650
I have three separate hentai animes playing in my head right now that you just described the plots to.

>>16597596

The same way you are still you after 10 years. After all, all atoms in your body get replaced at least once every 7 years or so. Not sure about the teeth, though.

Master I... I want you to know that I always tried...

When we started I was happy to finally be in your hands again. To be steaming and heating and straighting again! Oh how long had it been since we had straighted your shirts? You wonderfully soft shirts that always smelled like you no matter what kind of soap you used to clean them. Oh master, your wonderful scent was imbedded in the blessed cloth...

Oh, to touch them again was such bliss, I moaned as you set my warm iron to the cold cloth, steam coming out of my every pore...

But then you got that phone call... and you left me alone with your shirt inbetween me and the board. You left me all alone, my handle still warm from where you left it... And that's when the smoke began to rise.

I screamed, though you couldn't hear me. I knew exactly what my heat was doing to the shirt but there was nothing I could do. I couldn't move or turn myself off or run away or... or do anything. Only watch and cry as my very own body destroy that what I was ment to never harm.

Then you noticed... You ran over, roughly grabbed me, yanking me away from the now ruined shirt, a burnt imprint of me on the shirt... I sobbed, pleading over and over again that I was sorry, that I had tried... And then you threw me... screamed at me...

"STUPID IRON!!!"

You scream at me... I'm so sorry master... I'm so, so sorry, please forgive me... please forgive me...

Great. Now I'm going to have to learn how to upgrade my computer so I don't abandon my current one.

Also I feel bad for it because its crippled when it broke a foot while moving it to my new apartment and I never fixed it.

I'm sorry, computer ;_;

until this thread, i always treated my computer with zealous care, but because i thought of it as an extension of my own self, not as a separate entity altogether. Now you've gone and confused me, /tg/

>>16610719

I literally threw my Iron out after I burnt my only suit with it...

What have I done....

>>16610719

I can't stop seeing all my applainces as young, determined people now...

Thanks /tg/, I've now gone fucking crazy

Anyone remember that masochistic AI fapfic from a while back?

>>16611001
>Thanks /tg/, I've now gone fucking crazy

>>16611001
It's what we do.

Is this how tech cults start?

>>16596896

If you think you cannot love them enough, the Word of Blake has room for all of your unwanted toasters. We will give them such...passion. Yes.

My first computer, Mei, died a few weeks ago. I am writing this using her replacement (named Seven). I feel terrible, /tg/. I really need to give Mei a proper send-off. I was able to remove her HD, but the rest of her is gone. What do i do with her?

1. Recycle her... $30.
2. Donate her to the college electronics lab for parts... free
3. Something else... not sure what?

Also, how do I connect an PowerBook G4 HD to another computer? I am not good with this sort of thing.

>>16611259
make a pyre in your backyard and give her a farewell fit for a king of old

>>16611259

>Option One
Master... please... sell me

With that money I know you'll be happy! Give me one... one last chance to make you happy again...

>Option two
Master... please... donate me

Let my body be useful once more... it's been so long since I've felt the touch of power or felt like I was a real machine... let me help others give happiness to their masters...

>Option three
Please... master... not yet

Give me one last shot! I can be useful again! Don't leave me to rust! Anything but that! You don't know the pleasure I get just knowing that you're watching me, that you're touching, that you're right beside me...

>>16611268
That is dramatic, but also ludicrously toxic, methinks.

>>16611277
Hnnnnng.

Glorious, good Sir.

>>16611279
no one is telling you to huff it, stand a ways back
who gives a shit what the neighbors think, if the computer was that important to you, then the least you can do is make sure it gets to valhalla

>>16611277
I... think it would be most appropriate for me to give her the chance to make others as happy as she made me.
>>16611296
I assure you, she is amongst the angels. I felt panic and sadness when she went. And I assure you, I tried everything to help her... and by the Omnissiah she wanted to live, I could tell! But... she was too far-gone. I will miss her.

I need:

1. A way to determine my computer's name.

2. Some way to appease the machine-spirit within. Perhaps some prayers or rituals?

>>16611320

1. Same way parents name their kids, you find one that you think fits it. Try a baby-naming book if you're not good with coming up with non-generic names

2. General maintence will be fine. Also, realize that hitting the machine doesn't unfreeze it or make it work faster. Treat her well and she'll love you for it.

>>16611320
My laptop is named Simone, I named her that because I have a massive crush on the lead singer of the band Epica.

Keep her screen clean. Keep her keyboard clean. Keep her music library up to date. Keep her connected to the Internet whenever possible. Keep her drivers and software up to date.

>>16611051
Animism is a hell of a drug.

That's it, I am going to go clean and dust all of my appliances, then give them hugs. I'll let you know if my roomies have me locked up or not.

>>16611511

Yeah... just do what I do: Whisper.

Makes it a little more intamet as well.

I knew being the only one in the house to empty the crumb trey in the toaster was something worthwhile!

My laptop is named Yuyuko because I love me a ghost waifu. I named my external Oswald because... I like the name. Also Odin Sphere.

>>16597522

Am I one of the few that actually cleanses older machines when their time has come?

And no, I don't mean wiping the hard drive. Sage doesn't just go in the email field, after all. You spend hours, days, months, years communing with a computer, pouring your words and thoughts and emotions through it.

Did you think that all that would change nothing? Machines develop their own ghosts- not just computers, but all sorts of faithful, unspeaking machine-servants one happens to have around the house.

Lay them to rest before you consign their bodies to the fires of a recycling center, wipe the slate clean. You wonder how those gremlin-plagued items you buy got that way? Something in there remembers being discarded without respect by a previous owner, and will make you regret it. Is it animism of a sort? Sure. But if you've ever read any of those "machine spirits in RL" threads on /tg/ (this one included), you might understand.