Wonder why it's blasphemous.
Seems like a pretty decent thing to do for a maniac.
I mean figuratively speaking, the guy is obviously did some pretty fucked up things, but at least he appreciates his own mortality instead of being so drunk off power he considers himself a god (you know, like kim jong il.)

I want this book.

>>16933721
Writing something in blood is normally frowned upon.

shard of Durendal, sword of Roland, currently lodged in a cliff somewhere in France

he was the right hand paladin of Charlemagne; that's right, this dude was basically chief asskicker of the dude who came close to reuniting Europe after the fall of the Roman Empire

are you a bad enough dude to reforge Durendal and conquer Europe?

The world's largest, flawless quartz sphere may be the perfect scrying tool, were you able to liberate it from the National Museum of Natural History in DC.

>>16933810
brb preparing a heist

>>16933694
>its manner of production is regarded as blasphemous but its destruction could also be seen as blasphemous.

This is what happens when your entire religion hinges on the idea of "We'll have a centralised authority eventually at some point but only a guy who doesn't want to be and won't come forward to be and will be unanimously acknowedged by all our varied leaders to be worthy and who might not even be muslim to begin with any way."
Can't get any shit together.

Alright. You guys know what we have to do. Time to go dungeon delving.

I say we loot these artifacts.

The Blood Qur'an, the Shard of Durandal, and the Flawless Crystal Sphere. They are there for the taking, for the man with enough courage.

>>16933823

>Time to go dungeon delving

Except none of these artifacts are in dungeons. Closest would be the blade of Durandal, but I can't imagine that goes COMPLETELY unsupervised.

Blood Qu'Ran - Spellbook (Warlock)
Shard of Durandal - Artifact Longsword (Paladin)
Flawless Crystal Sphere - Magic Orb (Wizard)

now we just need a thief and a ranger to have a complete adventuring party and be able to save the world

>>16933836
> Flawless Crystal Sphere - Magic Orb (Wizard)
Good luck having a wizard lug around that 100+ pound rock.

Look everybody in the biz thinks about heisting the Hope Diamond at one point in their career. Nearly ten grams, a color that we still don't have the language to describe and the second-most visited exhibit on the planet after the Mona Lisa? And that's not even bringing in the backstory. You grab that? It's boat time.

Don't waste another moment even thinking about it. The Smithsonian? That's just bad mojo, and I'm not even talking about the security or the full force of the U.S. Federal Government coming down on your ass. The Hope itself is bad mojo. It ain't on exhibit because it's pretty. It's on exhibit because even touching that thing is worse than the worst possible bad luck you can think of.

It's not being exhibited. It's being contained.

Would Tizona count?

>>16933845
>Good luck having a wizard lug around that 100+ pound rock.

Ogre Wizard?

>>16933848
I came, I saw, I was unimpressed. A pretty bauble, and not that pretty with a layer of smeared glass between us.

They're just stories, and it's just a rock. Now, you take something like those famous gem-studded eggs...

The Meteor Shard Blade of Terry Pratchett

On 31 December 2008 it was announced that Pratchett was to be knighted (as a Knight Bachelor) in the Queen's 2009 New Year Honours. He formally received the accolade at Buckingham Palace on 18 February 2009. Afterwards he said, "You can't ask a fantasy writer not to want a knighthood. You know, for two pins I'd get myself a horse and a sword." In late 2009, he did make himself a sword, with the help of his friends. He told a Times Higher Education interviewer that "'At the end of last year I made my own sword. I dug out the iron ore from a field about 10 miles away - I was helped by interested friends. We lugged 80 kilos of iron ore, used clay from the garden and straw to make a kiln, and lit the kiln with wildfire by making it with a bow.' Colin Smythe, his long-term friend and agent, donated some pieces of meteoric iron - 'thunderbolt iron has a special place in magic and we put that in the smelt, and I remember when we sawed the iron apart it looked like silver. Everything about it I touched, handled and so forth ... And everything was as it should have been, it seemed to me"

Since he isn't allowed to carry a sword he has hid it "somewhere safe". my guess is that he'll take it to his grave.

>>16933867
the only reason it has any significance is because a story goes with it. without the story it's just precious stones that anyone can replicate.

>>16933874
Cold iron?

>>16933830
>Except none of these artifacts are in dungeons. Closest would be the blade of Durandal, but I can't imagine that goes COMPLETELY unsupervised.

and you call yourself a roleplayer!

EVERYTHING is a dungeon if you look hard enough

that girl you like? her house? dungeon. father is a blind cave ogre, mother is a harpy, little brother is a pesky goblin

school? one big dungeon.

bank? dungeon with lots of gold but your lockpick skill will never be high enough

sex dungeon? dungeon with sex...the bad kind

Don't be stupid, there are no dungeons in Delta Green.

>>16933867
It can't just be ANY Fabergé Egg. Thousands were made, you know? All gorgeous. Most were tiny, like necklaces. No, most people want one of the 42 surviving eggs of the 50 made for Tsar Nicholas II before he and his family were assassinated.

But it's the eight missing ones that hold the most interest.

>>16933884
>Cold iron?

Nah, it was smelted. It's no longer cold.

>>16933874

I always assumed he made the thing specifically as a tool for his inevitable suicide/euthanasia. Christ, imagine the sort of lore that'd go into the damn thing if he did actually kill himself with it?

Forged from meteorite and bathed in the blood of its creator. What'll happen to it, I wonder? Imagine if it was somehow used to kill EVERYONE involved in its creation. Dear god, we'd have an actual cursed sword on our hands.

>>16933897
Anyone here been in that big fancy vault the Russians have set up in St Peters? You could take all you wanted and still leave a fortune in that.

And a few eggs are there too.

>>16933848
>a color that we still don't have the language to describe

It's indigo.

You're welcome.

>>16933918
Nah it's more of an azure-like color...

codex gigas for those with a religious bent

do relics count as artifacts?

Could you argue that nuclear warheads are "relics"?

>Sought by many that desire great power, these devices are capable of removing cities from the landscape.
>Those that do exist are well guarded, but some have leaked out into the world of crime and corruption.

There's always the crowd favorite, the Voynich Manuscript. Estimated to be from the 15th century, 240 vellum pages, most with illustrations, and seeming to be about plants and herbs and their medicinal properties.

Except none of the drawings match any known species of plants and the text is in a - so far - untranslatable cipher.

The scottish have so many Irish Elk skeletons in their castles and museums and such. I'm sure they wouldn't miss one.

>>16933836
Blood Qu'Ran - Spellbook (Warlock)
Shard of Durandal - Artifact Longsword (Paladin)
Flawless Crystal Sphere - Magic Orb (Wizard)
Meteor Shard Blade - Masterwork Adamantium Shortsword (Fighter)

Loot:
The Hope Diamond
The 8 Lost Fabergée eggs

As part of the efforts to replace the definition of the kilogram with one based on natural constants (instead of having a standard kilogram weight like today), a man named Achim Leistner did his best to make a perfectly spherical silicon ball. He got it to the point where the sphere, if scaled up to the size of the earth, would have a height difference from the deepest valley to the highest peak of only four meters. (A quick bit of math and I get that to about 30nm for th actual sphere, or about 300 atoms.)

No machine was that precise. So he worked by hand.

http://www.wired.com/magazine/2011/09/ff_kilogram/all/1

How about the horn of the last black rhino?

the a lot of catholic churchs have skeletal remains of saints.

Blood Qu'Ran - Spellbook (Warlock)
Shard of Durandal - Artifact Longsword (Paladin)
Flawless Crystal Sphere - Magic Orb (Wizard)
Meteor Shard Blade - Masterwork Adamantium Shortsword (Fighter)
Codex Gigas - Prayer Book (Cleric)

Loot:
The Hope Diamond
The 8 Lost Fabergée eggs

Keep it up and we'll be able to write a adventure out of this...

>>16933905
It's also a term for meteoric iron. And steel when steel was a bitch to make properly in massive quantities with little variance.

and I have to wait and look for something to contribute.

The standard for the Kilogram is quite the modern artifact.

>Write the Qur'an with poop.

>Problem mohammedans?

>>but its destruction could also be seen as blasphemous.

That doesn't make any sense. The act of scribing this book is already a work of blasphemy, but there's nothing wrong with properly disposing of a Qur'an that can no longer be used. The proper method is burning.

>>Of course, that is what the arcane sorcerers and occultists Saddam secretly surrounded himself with are trying to prevent by hiding away this book. Perhaps it's not a Quran at all, and upon further inspection of the Arabic it may reveal itself to be a transcription of the original Arabic of the Necronomicon.

>>Your mission, fa/tg/uys, is to grow out your neckbeards and infiltrate Iraq as a foreign band of mercenaries disguised as jihadi terrorists, sneak into the right palace this book is kept in, and delve deep into the secret tunnels and dungeons of the massive bunker complex deep below the sands.

probably gonna come off sounding a bit weaboo but would those masamune swords count as minor artifacts? guy made them something like 700 years ago and they're considered kick ass craftmanship by today's standards

A century or two ago, an Egyptian mastaba tomb of the first or second dynasty was excavated. Almost everything had been looted, but the workmen found a severed, poorly mummified arm, wedged into a wall recess. Likely stashed by an ancient looter for a later pickup that never occurred. It was wearing a golden bracelet bearing the name of one of the first pharaohs of Egypt, a few generations after Narmer. The arm and bracelet were packed up and sent away to England, IIRC, to be examined by professionals.

Being that this happened before the advent of modern archaeology, people didn't really have much interest in bodies. The examiner removed the bracelet and promptly disposed of the arm. We have no idea what happened to it. Probably just thrown out. A piece of one of the first rulers of one of the first nations of humanity, burned or tossed in the garbage.

Or, you know, there's a necromancer out there somewhere with a pharaonic skeletal hand.

>>16933951
Fuck DnD adventures, I'm thinking up some Ocean's 11 shit. This stuff isn't being stolen for its material value - though some of it is worth a lot. It's all about the mental value and the difficulty of it being stolen. Seriously, how do you get a 100 lb. quartz sphere out of a DC museum? Remember, it has to be flawless when it's delivered.

Eons ago, before man, before the Earth, before the Sun itself, there was a titan, an ancient god. It lived, and it died.

Now we scour the world for the ashes of its hearth. Slowly, with complex and precisely executed rituals we cleanse and bless them, before encasing them in carefully crafted reliquaries of zirconium.

Out of cast rock and fibrous steel we build great fortress-monasteries. Within each you'll find an artificial lake, at the bottom of which lies the inner sanctum, for no human would survive visiting it. There we place a great altar made from finest steel, to house the reliquaries.

By sidereal knowledge and sacred geometry we bring the titan's ghost from it's eternal slumber, that its sacred flame may empower our civilisation. Day and night, ever vigilant the priesthood keeps watch, caring to the spectre's inhuman needs and whims, for should it's wrath ever be awoken, then no human might can stand against it.

>>16933881
Anything in a museum is off limits. Museums are the toxic-waste dumps of our community. If it's on public display it might as well be radioactive.

I know a lot of you came up from the criminal community. You are thinking famous and valuable equals money in the bank. Bullshit. Our patrons want artifacts. That's why they pay us the big bucks and why we have... let's call it advanced technology.

The Hope? Stolen. Munch's The Scream? Stolen. The Mona Lisa? Stolen like, I dunno, fifty times already. Always winds up back in a museum. Why? They are toxic. Bad mojo.

Our patrons want artifacts. Shit that's truly rare like Saddam's Blood Koran or the Amber Room or the Eight Lost Faberge Eggs. I don't know what they do with them, I don't care. They pay handsomely for them in both cash and advanced tech, so that's what we hunt.

If you want to deal in artifacts? Then museum heists are now amateur hour. Time to step up your game and start using your skills to find the good stuff. Tesla's notebooks, the Hitler sex films, the original Michelangelo's Leda. Get to work.

>>16933976
make a flawless glass orb, replace it with the real one.
no one will ever know!

lance of longinus, this is the thing that stabbed jesus in the side while he was on the cross

/k/ommando here. This is a sweep piece of loot I'd love to get my hands on:

The .45 ACP Luger

Arguably the most desirable semi-automatic pistol on the planet. Originally produced for test acceptance by the U. S. Army in 1906, there is some question about how many of this unique variation were actually made.

http://www.lugerforum.com/45Luger.html

Luger No.1 was likely destroyed or discarded after testing, but the whereabouts of No.2 are unknown.

>>16933964 it may reveal itself to be a transcription of the original Arabic of the Necronomicon.

http://www.infinityplus.co.uk/stories/colderwar.htm

>>16933976
Do you play Unknown Armies? If not, you should. That kind of logic will get you far in Unknown Armies.

>>16933804

Durendal's pretty bitchin'. Supposedly it was unbreakable, as Roland found out when he made La Brèche de Roland in the Pyranees. But getting it out of a cliff-face might be hard?

Why not go the the Louvre and steal its sibling, Joyeuse. Charlemange's sword is even supposed to have a piece of the Lance of Longinus in the hilt, for double artifact.

The Alligator, the fist submarine of the United States Navy. 9 meters long and could only carry a dozen crew members or so. It got lost near the coast of north California.

Its the best thing I could add to the thread.

>>16934000
Welp, we've got triplets. It's a sign! It is our destiny to get this gorgeous German pistol!

Is Charlemagne's signature in the spirit of the thread?

"Sokushinbutsu (即身仏) were Buddhist monks or priests who caused their own deaths in a way that resulted in their mummification. /.../ It is believed that many hundreds of monks tried, but only between 16 and 24 such mummifications have been discovered to date. The practice is not advocated or practised today by any Buddhist sect. /.../

For 1,000 days (a little less than three years) the priests would eat a special diet consisting only of nuts and seeds, while taking part in a regimen of rigorous physical activity that stripped them of their body fat. They then ate only bark and roots for another thousand days and began drinking a poisonous tea made from the sap of the Urushi tree, normally used to lacquer bowls.

This caused vomiting and a rapid loss of bodily fluids, and most importantly, it made the body too poisonous to be eaten by maggots. Finally, a self-mummifying monk would lock himself in a stone tomb barely larger than his body, where he would not move from the lotus position. His only connection to the outside world was an air tube and a bell. Each day he rang a bell to let those outside know that he was still alive.

When the bell stopped ringing, the tube was removed and the tomb sealed. After the tomb was sealed, the other monks in the temple would wait another 1,000 days, and open the tomb to see if the mummification was successful.

If the monk had been successfully mummified, they were immediately seen as a Buddha and put in the temple for viewing. Usually, though, there was just a decomposed body. Although they were not viewed as a true Buddha if they were not mummified, they were still admired and revered for their dedication and spirit."

>>16933998
If you're going hunting for it, you'll have enough to build a bonfire with, and not much else.

Myself? I'd settle for some Aztec scrolls.

>>16934038
I saw a show on this, once. The dude went way up into the fucking mountains to do it. And this is relative to Tibetan cities, which are already "way up in the fucking mountains."

You know what probably still has some stuff in it? Tomb of Alexander the Great. We lost it to history, but its location in Alexandria, Egypt was known in ancient times. Caligula apparently knicked Alexander's breastplate to wear himself.

If you really want a modern quest you'll have to go looting in Qin Shihuang's tomb. There's got to be some crazy shit in there:

"Sima Qian's description of the tomb includes replicas of palaces and scenic towers, "rare utensils and wonderful objects", 100 rivers made with mercury, representations of "the heavenly bodies", and crossbows rigged to shoot anyone who tried to break in. The tomb was built on Li Mountain, which is only 30 kilometers away from Xi'an. Modern archaeologists have located the tomb, and have inserted probes deep into it. The probes revealed abnormally high quantities of mercury, some 100 times the naturally occurring rate, suggesting that some parts of the legend are credible. Secrets were maintained, as most of the workmen who built the tomb were killed.

The Staff of Moses!

According to the Book of Exodus in the Bible, the staff used by Moses was by his side throughout important milestones in the narrative. Moses led the enslaved Israelites out of Egypt and parted the Red Sea using his staff. Amongst these milestone events or 'miracles of the exodus' the bible describes that the staff was used to part the red sea, produce water from a rock, invoke a plague on the Egyptians, and the staff could even transform itself into a snake.

Let's grab this and free some peoples!

>>16934048

Mayan Codecies are hot too, since the Catholics burned all but like, two found. And apparently some of their cities are still lost out in the jungle of Mexico, so you might find a stockpile of Mayan shit.

>>16934027

And it's finally a decent weapon for the ranger!

>>16934056
I've been there. If it turns out to be a waste of time, it's still a very nice place for a picnic. There's a nice economical restaurant a few meters away from the entrance, and more tourist stalls than you can shake a fist at.

That said, just loot the museum. They've already cleaned it all up for you.

>>16934000
Eh, I'd rather have one of these.

The Le Mat Revolver. I won't bore you with the technical details, but long story short it's basically a literal handcannon: in that it uses 16-gauge buckshot. It saw service in the Confederacy until 1865. It was the favored sidearm of Major General J.E.B. Stuart. some say he was buried with his custom job.

The ultimate artifact's there for the taking, but... well, we're going to need a higher-level party.

>>16934072
captcha ate pic...

>>16934076

And also a helicopter. Or a big truck.

Amelia Earhart's helmet. The one she was wearing.

>>16934071
Nah, they haven't opened the central tomb, just some of the surrounding tombs (including the Terracotta Army). The rivers of mercury still await discovery.

"The main tomb (located at 34°22′52.75″N 109°15′13.06″E) containing the emperor has yet to be opened and there is evidence suggesting that it remains relatively intact.[57] Sima Qian's description of the tomb includes replicas of palaces and scenic towers, "rare utensils and wonderful objects", 100 rivers made with mercury, representations of "the heavenly bodies", and crossbows rigged to shoot anyone who tried to break in.[58] The tomb was built on Li Mountain, which is only 30 kilometers away from Xi'an. Modern archaeologists have located the tomb, and have inserted probes deep into it. The probes revealed abnormally high quantities of mercury, some 100 times the naturally occurring rate, suggesting that some parts of the legend are credible.[51] Secrets were maintained, as most of the workmen who built the tomb were killed."

Scale map of China with mercury rivers? FUCK YES. Also the sheer audacity of a Terracotta Army.

And we've got the proper implement (hur hur) for either a bard or sorcerer right here.

The penis of Rasputin. Preemptively half-expecting a ban for posting a willy in a jar, but it's still a damn relic.

>>16934079
I've seen an original complete with bluing with my own two eyes. My father has a coworker that works at my favorite gun store and he had to show me it.

I agree with you, it is really awesome, but doesn't have the same rarity or mystique as the other items here.

>>16934076
I'll get it for you.

>>16934096
Well, he was quite well equipped, wasn't he?

The al-Battar sword was taken by the prophet Muhammad as booty from the Banu Qaynaqa. It is called the "sword of the prophets" and is inscribed in Arabic with the names of David, Solomon, Moses, Aaron, Joshua, Zechariah, John, Jesus, and Muhammad. It also has a drawing of King David when cut off the head of Goliath to whom this sword had belonged originally. The sword also features an inscription which has been identified as Nabataean writing.

The blade of the sword is 101 cm in length. It is preserved in the Topkapi Museum, Istanbul. Some report that it is this sword that Jesus will use when he returns to Earth to defeat the anti-Christ Dajjal.

It, and another six of the nine swords of Muhammed are in the Topkapi museum in Istanbul today. The eight one, al-'Adb, is in the Hussein mosque in Cairo.

The last one, Zulfiqhar, is missing. Created by God himself a thousand years before genesis, and its tip ahs been split in two by His gaze. It was delivered to Mohammed by the archangel Gabriel.

>>16934096

No, that my friend, is the worlds most interesting paperweight.

"Whats.. uh, what's that on your desk chief?"
"Oh, this? Rasputin's wang."

>>16934096
Wait, why was his dick preserved?

>>16934091
By killed, they mean "sealed the doors on everyone inside and who knew the secrets of its construction".

Also, note for liches. Don't do what that guy did. It didn't help him become immortal, and mercury is bad for your health.

>>16934072

The LeMat isn't a revolver that fires buckshot, it's a revolver that has an additional barrel that can fire buckshot, two guns in one.

Just clarifying.

But hard to acquire guns? This baby, the WA2000, very few, quite expensive, and it's the collectors and company heads that have 'em.

A working Spitfire.

Tell me you don't want one.

>>16934113
It wasn't deliberate. They actually tried their best to destroy it, but after the seventh bombardment they just gave up and stuck it in a jar.

>>16934117

If nobody has been in there since its been sealed, it may have worked.

Some scientist could pop the doors open only to be greeted by a pissed off chinese lich that just had his thought process interrupted. Or was in the middle of a century of intense meditation, or whatever the fuck you do when you're alone in a room for a few centuries and your junk has fallen off.

>>16934113

Because it's Rasputin's motherfucking dick. Not only was the guy near unkillable, he banged everybody, had a cult of personality, and as one final fuck-you, it looks like he had a HUGE ASS DICK.

another crowd favorite: the antikythera mechanism

it's the world's oldest computing device, produced in the second century B.C.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Antikythera_mechanism

>>"This device is just extraordinary, the only thing of its kind. The design is beautiful, the astronomy is exactly right. The way the mechanics are designed just makes your jaw drop. Whoever has done this has done it extremely carefully ... in terms of historic and scarcity value, I have to regard this mechanism as being more valuable than the Mona Lisa."

>>The device is remarkable for the level of miniaturization and for the complexity of its parts, which is comparable to that of 19th-century clocks. It has more than 30 gears, although Michael Wright (see below) has suggested as many as 72 gears, with teeth formed through equilateral triangles. When a date was entered via a crank (now lost), the mechanism calculated the position of the Sun and Moon or other astronomical information such as the locations of planets. Since the purpose was to position astronomical bodies with respect to the celestial sphere, with reference to the observer's position on the surface of the Earth, the device was based on the geocentric model.

>>16934118

Yeah, there were, what, less than 200 made? It's one of the great collector's pieces of firearms.

>>16934096
>rasputin's dick

Hahaha holy shit, you know I actually saw that thing in real life.

It's like the size of your forearm.

I doubt it's really his though.

>>16934113
He had legendary sexual prowess.

Also, why not? Do you know how many holy foreskins of Christ there are out there?

Guys, I have an idea: Action Comics No. 1! Those little babies go up to 1.5 million EACH. Now, there's only about 100 left, so if we move fast we can make a quick profit quite easily.

Or we could try and steal the USS Constitution. I don't know how or why, but we could.

Spring and Autumn represent!

didn't they preserve einstein's brain? what wizard wouldn't want that

rolled 45, 66, 10 = 121

>>Meteor Shard Blade - Masterwork Adamantium Shortsword (Fighter)

>>Implying the Meteor Shard Blade isn't the weapon of a Heroic Bard

easymode

Shroud of Turin

stat it as you will

may be considered a false artifact since it probably isn't the one that covered Jesus, but one produced later in Italy

I'd love to get my hands on the lyre of Nero, if the old story is even remotely true.

>>16934170
pretty sure they carbon dated that to be a fake

>>16934151

Speaking of Jesus, the Crucifixion nails are popular.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Holy_Nails

How ever many of the nails, if any, that are the real ones are supposed to have protective properties. Constantine wore one in the bridle of his horse.

>>16934178
Don't forget the Lance! Hell, if it worked for the First Crusade, it can work for us!
Granted we're trying to make a quick buck off it, but whatever.

>>16934155
Its a map. Thats why you would steal it.

The first emperor in human history.

>The black-headed peoples [Sumerians] I ruled, I governed; mighty mountains with axes of bronze I destroyed. I ascended the upper mountains; I burst through the lower mountains. The country of the sea I besieged three times; Dilmun I captured. Unto the great Dur-ilu I went up, I ... I altered ... Whatsoever king shall be exalted after me, ... Let him rule, let him govern the black-headed peoples; mighty mountains with axes of bronze let him destroy; let him ascend the upper mountains, let him break through the lower mountains; the country of the sea let him besiege three times; Dilmun let him capture; To great Dur-ilu let him go up.

>>16934178
There are enough nails and "shards of the true cross" to crucify a thousand messiahs.

>>16934096
Museum exhibit. Might as well be polonium if you are looking for a buyer.

Now if you want a penis? John Dillinger's cock, that's worth a bounty. The FBI chopped his enormous member off during the autopsy after they capped him. We know it got routed through Walter Reed before it wound up in the possession of The Smithsonian, though they deny it to this day.

The main problem is nobody knows where it is now. The Special Collections Department is impenetrable. Some say it's in the basement of the castle on the mall in D.C., others that it's in Fort Knox, Kentucky, and a thousand other rumors.

If you've got a line on it? Keep it quiet. Only bring in people you trust with your life. And never, ever use any kind of mail or electronic communication, I don't care how good your crypto is, when discussing the heist. The Office of Protection Services is not to be trifled with.

>>16934057
Heck, why just go for the staff, lets get it's twin...

All we have to do is find the Ark of the Covenant, and hope that its legendary smiting is just talk.

For this we also get the tablets of the law (the original 10 commandments, a jar of manna, and of course the Rod of Aaron.

Supposedly it's in a church in Ethiopia.

>>16934185

See >>16933998

There are a couple of supposed lances, but the one that's in Vienna looks more like a roman lance.

>>16934188
We're going to steal a bronze-age Warlord? Where the FUCK do I sign up?

>>16934188
>sargon
>akkad

badass name, badass empire name

shit, and look at dat fucking beard

that shit could easily be an artifact for Warlords if you hollowed it out

>>16934203
Perhaps.

Oh! We could always try and take Alexander the Great's body! Sure, we'd need to find the damn thing, but all we gotta do is look under Alexandria!

This is the small city of Malmberget, far up in the frozen Swedish north. As the mine digs ever deeper into the depths, the huge pit on top eats away at the city. The pit itself is currently a quarter of a kilometer deep, the mine itself reaches a kilometre down into the bedrock. Even further north in Kiruna an entire mountain has been reduced to little more than a terraced lump, with shafts reaching down over 1200 meters into the depths. Half a lake has been made to just disappear, and ever increasing tremors mean the entire city will soon be moved.

Is it truly just iron ore they're digging for down there, in rock undisturbed for two billion years?

>>16934194

Nine nails, actually. Admittedly, that's like, 3 times as many as there should be, but if you steal them all...

As for the true cross, St. Helena only took a bit of it back with her. I think I remember a figure some where that some scholar had added up all the mass of the supposed fragments, and it was only like 1/3rd of how much wood would have been part of the cross. Relics are a dime-a-dozen though.

You guys have nothing for Bards here!

Try a Stradivarius Violin. These violins were lovingly hand made by the Stradivari family in the late 1600s. They have been called the most perfect violins ever and even today no one has made any that come close to being equal. They have superior sound quality and are harmonious to listen to.

Today they are extremely rare, and no one really knows how many are left. Only the best soloists use Stradivari's today.

>>16934226
Yeah. Especially considering how back in the day churches would nick each others relics.

>>16934219
It's fucking incredible that his tomb is probably undisturbed under the city somewhere, but we'll NEVER find it because you can't dig up inhabited cities.

Same problem with Baghdad. MOVE EVERYONE OUT, I WANT TO DIG, GODDAMNIT.

The Demon Core: A radioactive plutonium core more known for its air of bad luck than any particular lethality. Two scientists died on two separate occasions while experimenting with it.

Admittedly, not that exciting a concept, especially for an 'Artifact of Doom'. However, the very idea of something that potent, that lethal, being surrounded by an aura of pure misfortune could be toyed with.

The Three Sacred Treasures of Japan.

The Sword-The Kusanagi, the blade found in the tail of the Orochi after being slain by the Storm God Susanoo.

The Mirror and the Jewel are the two others but I haven't read much about them. They all do exist but are kept in seperate temples.

>>16934243
Except that it was eventually used in a bomb.

>>16934175
"In 1988, a controversial radiocarbon dating test was performed on small samples of the shroud. The laboratories at the University of Oxford, the University of Arizona, and the Swiss Federal Institute of Technology, concurred that the samples they tested dated from the Middle Ages, between 1260 and 1390. /.../ in 1390 when Bishop Pierre d'Arcis wrote a memorandum to Antipope Clement VII, stating that the shroud was a forgery and that the artist had confessed."

>>16934231
And we're only able to take guesses as to WHY they sound so damn good.

>>16934247
The Mirror is the mirror used to lure Ameratsu No Kami out of the cave she hid herself in, after Susanoo No Kami, did something to make her hide.

And the Jewel is supposedly one of the final drops that formed Japan out of the waters primeval.

>>16934242
We could also try and take the Rosetta Stone. Not sure what we'd do with it. But I'm SURE the stupid thing has a use.

>>16934254
Maybe a prequel game around it? Like, I dunno'... I'm getting a vision of WWII Scion game. And maybe this would have been the 'heart' that converted the Poison Sun from a regular atomic bomb into some kind of living atomic god.

>>16934134

The Antikythera mechanism is awesome and mind boggling.

http://www.scientificamerican.com/video.cfm?lineup=1406165298&id=52209781001

>>16934231

Also, nobody knows how he fucking made them. Its like Damascus steel, we can't precisely replicate it today.

>inb4 yes we have damacus steel

Yes, I know we have pattern-welded steel. Its not a proper wootz steel, it just looks similar.

we need to capture keanu reeves and question him for the secret of immortality

>>16934045
This party retrieving:

>>16933694
These items.

>>16934278
If only he could play the Stradivarius we'd have the best IRL bard ever.

>>16934247

Also the Kusanagi may have accidentally been lost in a Straight when an emperor and his entourage committed suicide via drowning. The other two treasures were officially rescued, but the Kusanagi might just have been dragged down to the deep.

But hey, while were discussing swords, y'know they've been digging up a lot of old celtic swords in swamps? Maybe we can find the original Excalibur.

>>16934296
>original Excalibur
And a million Brits came at such a thought

>>16934296
Well it was tradition for knights to simply throw their swords into the nearest body of water...for some reason. People today who've had said bodies of water drained find numerous swords just sitting there.

Dear lord, looking through this, I'm wondering why we have so many terrorist groups dedicated to blowing shit up, but none to stealing national treasures.

You know out there some place is a recipe for greek fire.

Somewhere where we can't fucking find it.

>>16934296
Or perhaps the actual sword in the stone. Caliburn.

>>16934305

Something to do with appeasing spirits, IIRC. It was Faerie country.

>>16934308

Because that's not very "terror", more like "art thief".

>>16934247
The jewel and mirror were used to lure the sun goddess out of her cave when she got pissed at Susanoo and decided to be a hermit for a while. Since this left the world sun-less it was a pretty big deal getting her out again. Susanoo then gave her the sword as an apology.

The mirror is located at the great shrine in Ise. It's kept in a bag, and hasn't been seen by human eyes for a very, very long time. when the bag starts getting a it old, they don't take the mirror out and put it in a new bag, they simply stuff the old bag unopened into the new one. And when that oen looses its lustre both go into a enw bag, etc. As such, they ma have a truly magnificent collection of old Japanese bags and fabrics there... The location of the sword and jewel are kept secret by the Imperial court.

>>16934308
Because you can't really get a lot of people excited about stealing national treasures. "Kill the infidel and receive eternal paradise upon becoming a martyr!" Has a much better ring to it then "Here, help me steal these priceless, one-of-a-kind artifacts from some of the most high-security museums, located in some of the most powerful countries in the world."

It's a little hard, recruiting for that sort of operation.

>>16934260
We use it to decipher the true message of the dead sea scrolls.

>>16934319

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Atsuta_Shrine

Officially Kusanagi is in here. But, the sword was stolen from there then supposedly returned, and they were supposed to have made several fakes.

>>16934312

Caliburn or Clarent, was Arthur's "sword of peace". Then Mordred dun stole it and used it to shiv him. I'd rather not have that sword, thanks.

Sword: current one probably a fake. (The first was thrown into the sea then conveniently "found" by a claimant to the Throne). Buried within the grounds of the heavily-guarded courtyard of a major temple, which also has several other relics in the area.

Mirror: Supposedly hung on a tree to lure the Sun goddess out of a cave - the story involves women committing suicide by ramming loom shuttles up their twats, strippers, a flayed pony.. Really, it's Japanese history in a nutshell.
Kept inside a lead box inside a steel box inside a wooden chest inside a metal chest inside a specially-built blockhouse on the grounds of a temple that is ritually destroyed and moved to a new, sanctified site in the same forest once every decade. It's known to be metal, but what type and how old is up for debate (only the Emperor has actually seen it - the high priest in charge of guarding it died a while back, and his successor isn't allowed to open it until the succession ceremony).

Stones: no-one's quite sure how many there are - only three people in Japan currently know the exact location, but it's somewhere on the palace grounds in Tokyo.
They're a type of comma-shaped stone, representing the spirit, which are fairly common in royal Choson and Yamato burials. Currently unstrung, but some reports say they're part of a necklace.Mythologically, they were part of the lure for the sun goddess (hang the stones on the tree, hire strippers, get drunk and wait for her to stick out her head to see what's going on, then blind her with her own reflection, tie her up, and rap- um, make her go back in the sky)

>>16934118
Didn't even need to see the post or open up the thumbnail to know what that beauty was. It's been my dream gun since I was 15.

>>16934312
You get Caliburn, he gets Excalibur, and I get Excalibur's scabbard.

Deal?

>>16934349

There was no hiring strippers my good sir. Ame-no-Uzume decided to invent the striptease for the specific purpose,

>>16933936
>Could you argue that nuclear warheads are "relics"?

The word relic implies that the object be 'ancient' in addition to be being venerated.

Last I checked nukes aren't really that old or that venerated.

>>16934076
>The ultimate artifact's there for the taking, but... well, we're going to need a higher-level party.

Man, is the look in your party's face gonna be hilarious when they go inside the Kabbah and find absolutely nothing.

...

...unless you're planning on stealing the building.

>>16934312
Fuck Caliburn, or Caledfwlch, give me Carnwennan, or Rhongomyniad (Arthurs dagger and spear respectively.)

>>16934242

You know the Second Temple? The one that Judah The Maccabees redideciated after their revolt and started the Jewish holiday of Hanukah? A site that was so holy that today the remaining OUTER DEFENSIVE WALL THAT WASNT EVEN PART OF THE ORIGINAL TEMPLE aka the Western Wall is considered one of the most holy places in the Jewish faith today.

Its remains are under The Dome of the Rock. Who fucking knows what awesome shit is there. We'll never know though because it would cause a huge shitstorm to try and dig under The Dome of the Rock.

>>16934334
That will not be necessary.

>>16934370
The building IS the relic.
So, yeah, they're stealing the building.

>>16934372

No man, >>16934365 is where its at. fuck that noise, find scabbard, obtain immortality. Or at least no dying in battle.

>>16934349
>>tie her up, rap.. I mean make her go back in the sky.
oh amy

Oh shit, I have a good one. After Alaric invaded the empire and sacked Rome, he died in Calabria, and..

>..his body was, according to legend, buried under the riverbed of the Busento. The stream was temporarily turned aside from its course while the grave was dug wherein the Gothic chief and some of his most precious spoils were interred. When the work was finished, the river was turned back into its usual channel and the captives by whose hands the labor had been accomplished were put to death that none might learn their secret.

The Visigoths had previously broken into the Mausoleum of Augustus and scattered the ashes of the Julio-Claudian dynasty, but who knows what they took. Wouldn't you want a little piece of Gaius Julius Caesar Augustus to call your own?

>>16934260

Having the same message written in Greek and in Hieroglyphs?

>>16934392

Hey, Gaius Julius Caesar's sword, Crocea Mors is supposedly buried with a british prince near the north gate of london.

Marquis de Sade's unfiinished Magnum Opus, the 120 days of Sodom; a roll of paper containing the a tale of unbridled perversion and violent sex.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_120_Days_of_Sodom

a tool that, if in the wrong hands, could turn even the most chivalrous knight into a frenzied maniac.

Goddamnit Sandiego. I know you're running low on ideas, but quit making these threads.

Ah here we go.

This in it's entirity.

Dees table of practice, his scrying mirror and stone, the seals used to support the table of practice, the huge Sigillum Dei Ameth used to support the scrying stone.

EPIC LEVEL DIVINATIION! Combined with his work books, this might be a way to actually talk with angels.

(Game terms, gate at will.)

>>16934312
'cept according to the stories, didn't that break beyond repair?

>>16933804

Don't forget that Durendai is also supposed to be Hector's sword.

Yeah the Hector that fought Achilles, him.

Why has no one started talking about stealing some real relics, like the pyramids, or the eiffel tower, or even all of Auschwitz?

But of course to pull that off, we'll have to call in the big guns.

>>16934406

Carmen Sandiego doesn't need ideas. That bitch can steal TIME PERIODS.

>>16934365
This is some kind of Loki-deal where you get Caliburn anyway because it's in the scabbard, and the other guy gets nothing because Excalibur is a mistranslation, isn't it?

>>16934370
I'm gonna go ahead and agree with anon up there. Nukes were/are pretty well revered, simply for their world-ending potential.

Anyone have any ideas for a dungeon to stash all of these relics?

>>16934422
Hence why I went for Pendragon's spear and dagger.

The dagger is supposedly sharp enough to cut someone in half.

>>16934417
wasnt that during the bronze age? the sword above is clearly iron, also bronze weapons are shit.

>>16934432
so it's a masterwork bastardspear?

>>16934421

I'm pretty sure she steals Jupiter in one of the games.

As in, the fucking PLANET.

No, I don't know where she puts it. I'd imagine her coat is actually an extradimensional space

>>16934436
the spear is supposedly the Spear of Lugh.

But no the dagger is that sharp.

>>16934434
Yes, however Iron working was not unkown, just not at all common.

>>16934438
>>stealing jupiter
BUT THATS OUR MEAT SHIELD!

>>16934438

I think Time Periods are more impressive. Jupiter is still a physical object.

>>16934436
No, the dagger cuts people in half.

>>16934438
I guess you could say she's a bag of holding.

>>16934446

Speaking of spears, no mention of Gae Bulg, Cu Chulainn's spear? Riddles you with barbs when it stabs you?

>>16933950
They all do, bones from saints are ground up, mixed with powder to dilute them them then a microscopic speck is embeded in glass to be put inside the alter. This is so you can build a new church on a site that is not the grave of a Saint by turning it into the grave of a saint.

Saint what'shisface Church down the street? Yeah there's a real chunk of him there. Actually there are two because the Head Priest has a back up Saint chunk in a glass hockey puck in case he has to preform a service outside of his Church.

Really.

You can occasionally even buy a reliquary when it pops up on the market every now and then, they are not impossible to find.

>>16934453
what's the what's the escape artist DC to insert a jupiter sized object in a one inch hole

>>16934421

She stole "The Concept of Language" once.

I can't even begin to understand how that works. Some serious Sidereal shit.

>>16934434

Hey its the myth, they often don't make sense. In one myth Charlamange was given the sword by a fucking angel and he in turn gave it to Roland, in another Roland gets it from Maugris his magical cousin who was raised by fairies and Maugris told him it used to be wielded by Hector.

So if you want to believe the myths which we seemed inclined to do ITT, its either a magic fairy sword or a divine weapon.

>>16934466

Carmen Sandiego steals the hole, the DC, and the escape artist

>>16934465
>>16934194
To quote my professor, "there are enough bones of the Buddha to make ten Buddhas."

Or to quote a neo-confucian scholar whose name I forget, "Isn't it a little unbecoming for the emperor to worship a corpse?"

>>16934478

And the Dice off the table.

Even if she's only a character in a game and the dice are the player's

>>16934469
Carmen Sandiego, confirmed for a Sidreal.

And if we're going off of mythical weapons as well, the Tournament bow of Robin of Locksley, and also the arrow that split the other in twain.

Ranger artifacts right there, only able to be used in bringing down a tyrant.

>>16934473

The Norse say it was made by Wayland the Smith, same guy who made Gram. Either way, Durendal is a fucking badass sword. Again, taking the myth literally, here is the notch Roland supposedly made in the mountains trying to shatter the blade.

>>16934465
Source?

Carmen Sandiego and Waldo team up. What happens?

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/G%C3%A1e_Bulg

+5 (Vorpal, but for piercing) Spear

>>16934495
And lets not forget it's cursed...

As in it took Roland, a paladin without peer to even wield it without succumbing to it's desire to taste blood.

>>16934502
Couldn't tell ya.

I knew once of course, but they took that knowledge away from me.

>>16934502

She can't find him, but somehow the four kids do. Hijinks ensue.

>>16934509

It also has, like four relics embedded in the hilt. Tooth of one saint, blood of another, hair of another, and a piece of the raiment of the Virgin Mary.

>>16934502
carmen sandiego can steal aspects of reality
waldo can stand in a crowd and be spotted by children

most likely carmen will steal the idea of stripes, so that he gets a better wardrobe

>>16934502

They give birth to the ultimate hider. Which carmen then steals the abilities of.

rolled 18 = 18

We need to archive this. We have single handedly created a list and base of knowledge for 1000's of magical items and their locations.

SCREENCAP OR ARCHIVE?

"Die Glocke is described as being a device "made out of a hard, heavy metal" approximately 9 feet wide and 12 to 15 feet high having a shape similar to that of a large bell. According to Cook, this device ostensibly contained two counter-rotating cylinders which would be "filled with a mercury-like substance, violet in color."

Device has been thought to be a prototype of an anti-gravity device, as there is on the ground a circular metal framework with small passageways leading underground, likely for cables. It has been speculated that this structure provided testing ground for the anti-gravity device.

Recently the speculation that the device did indeed have something to do with gravity modification has gained more ground, when experiments done with fast rotating superconducting disks have produced anomalous mass reduction results.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Eugene_Podkletnov
And a test done by ESA with configurations similiar to Podkletnovs experiment.
http://www.esa.int/esaMI/GSP/SEM0L6OVGJE_0.html

The underground complex where this research was made to collapse and all the scientists working there were executed by the SS-officers running the research.

That device may still be there, buried somewhere underground.

>>16934151
There's one hanging around Saturn, apparently.

>>16934278
I am reminded of that Nicolas Cage photograph
>>16933905
Actually, unless it was cast, the iron is still 'cold'
- Wrought iron never reaches melting point or curie point

>>16934500
Um......Any Catholic Priest on the planet?

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Altar_cavity#Cavity

A Catholic Church cannot be consecrated without a relic. The holy hockey puck is supposed to be inside the portable Altar however some "progressive" priests simply carry the puck by itself. Usually this is because they are doing a service for someone who is near death and they don't have time or the logistical ability to haul out the entire portable altar on such short notice.

>>16934536

OP here. There was a thread like this before, so we probably don't need an archive.

What we need is a list of these artifacts in HANDY REFERENCE FORMAT (tm), divided into separate categories like weapons, jewels, furniture, armor, body parts, penises, clothing, etc.

Shit would be awesome. Everyone could write up a paragraph or two of text to go along with it and provide the coolest photographs.

I'd assemble it myself, but I'm too busy masturbating to vintage pornography.

I think there was an issued of Dragon magazine concerning some historical real world objects as epic level artifacts, from Da Vinci's notes to the Giza Sphinx.

>>16934549
why not someone do a quicky copypasta job to 1d4chan then clean it up over time? I'd volunteer but I blow at wiki editing.

>>16934555
which issue was this?

http://chanarchive.org/4chan/tg/27416/irl-artifacts

>>16934707
I don't remember the number but is the issue what appeared the same month the Epic Level Handbook was published.

The Imperial Regalia of Japan
Legend has it that these three artifacts were given to the ancestor of the Imperial line of Japan by the grandson of the goddess Amaterasu. These artifacts were the same three used to lure the goddess out of a cave when she went into hiding (plunging the world into darkness). The three treasures are a mirror, a jewel and a sword. The sword was, again, according to legend, obtained from the body of Orochi.

The treasures' locations are unknown, but they are commonly thought to be housed separately in different shrines

>>16935163

See >>16934247
>>16934296
>>16934348
>>16934319
>>16934247
>>16934349

>>16933955
The kilogram standars weight is a pretty awesome artefact. You see, unlike every other SI unit, kilogram has not been tied to a constant yet. Therefore the definition of kilogram is "weight as much as this thing". If somebody were to steal the standard weight, he could cut pieces off of it to make everything in the world heavier.

>>16934220
The Kiruna iron orebody is a pretty strange thign, really. It's the single largest deposit of iron in the world, descending downwards as far as can be accurately measured (nobody is sure exactly how deep it goes, but it's hundreds of meters at the very least). Geologists aren't 100% sure how it was formed eighter, altough evidence seems to suggets it being magmatic in origin. The magma that formed it must have been unusually rich in iron, to the point of almost being molten iron. Another similar deposit, showing more obvious signs of magmatic origin, is know to exist in Chile, but those are the only two known examples of such iron-rich magmas in the world.

>>16935163

The Sword Kusanagi was lost during the Taira/Minamoto wars. During the battle at Yashima, I believe.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Amber_Room

Yata no Kagami
Kusanagi-no-Tsurugi
Yasakani no Magatama

These are the 3 holy artifacts of the Japanese Imperium, or nation if you will. They are sealed in shires, and nobody but the emperor and a few old monks are allowed to look at them.

Mystic location: That rock in Mecca

The lost SwordQuest prizes.
>http://cinemassacre.com/2010/02/18/avgn-swordquest/

Long story short: In the 1980's or so, Atari released a series of four adventure games under the SwordQuest title, which were all a part of a contest with real treasures as the prizes.

By playing the games, solving puzzles, and using knowledge of mythology and religious lore, you would search out four "clues" hidden within the game and other promotional material. Everyone who found all of the correct clues would play in a competition for the prize, with the winners of all four games coming back to compete for the final, ultimate prize.

The prizes were:
(All valued at $25k at the time of the contests, except for the sword, which was valued at $50k)
The "Talisman of Penultimate Truth" -- made of 18K solid gold, with 12 diamonds and the birthstones of the twelve Zodiac signs embedded in it, as well as a small sword made of white gold attached to the front.

The "Chalice of Light" -- made of gold and platinum and was adorned with citrines, diamonds, green jade, pearls, rubies, and sapphires.

The "Crown of Life" -- made of gold and encrusted with aquamarines, diamonds, green tourmalines, rubies, and sapphires.

The "Philosopher's Stone" -- a large chunk of white jade in an 18K gold box encrusted with diamonds, emeralds, citrines, and rubies.

And the ultimate prize, the "Sword of Ultimate Sorcery" -- a sword with a gold handle encrusted with jewels, and a gleaming pure silver blade.

Here's the thing, though. The Talisman and Chalice were awarded as planned, but then the Great Video Game Crash happened, and Atari went under. The contests for the Crown, Stone and Sword were never held.
What happened to them? NOBODY KNOWS. They disappeared without a trace. But rest assured, they're out there -- somewhere.

The twelfth book of Usagi Yojimbo, Grasscutter, gives a pretty good rendition of the story in both its historical elements and mythological elements.

>>16935344
>The one who gets the sword will be crowned as the King of Neckbeards, and he will get a kingdom of figurines, cheetos, chocotacos and his own elvish harem.

Colonel Sanders' lost recipes.

>>16934502

there's another comic, somewhere, about their baby.

>>16935344
so very very want

>>16935344
Son of a bitch.
GENTLEMEN, MOUNT UP.
WE HAVE TREASURE TO FIND!

for future treasure hunters

>>16935344
Hell no. That's artificial. You can't just create artefacts for the purpose of them being artefacts, even if they do then get mysteriously lost. It's like the centre of America from American Gods.

>>16935389
Sir, I surely hope you do not speak in jest, for if any soul were brave enough to take up this quest---
Why I would follow them into hell itself.

Easymodo - The Epic of Gilgamesh tablet.

Containing the oldest piece of literature in human history, it chronicles the adventures of the 2/3rd divine hero-king of the City of Uruk.

(inb4 type moon & MONGRELS!)

>>16934488
Talking of Robin of Loxley. The crown jewels of his nemesis, King John of England remain missing since the wagons carrying them got washed away by the tide in the seventeenth century.

>>16935473
who said atari made them? the gods of atari had gathered these great artifacts from long before our age and realized they did the world no good merely collecting dust. so they created a tournament where only the smartest, wisest, and bravest would prevail, so that they might find worthy men and women to become the wielders of these artifacts

So who is Carmen Sandiego, anyway?
I'm not American.

The lance of Olyndicus. Olyndicus was a Celtiberian warrior chief who rebelled and fought Roman occupation centuries before the ADs. He was a charismatic man who spoke like a prophet in the Celtic language of the time, and wielded a spear of shining silver said to have literally been hurled from the skies by the gods to aid him.


Also, the sword of Wallace. Probably not ol' Bill's actual sword, but look at this fucker and tell me it wouldn't cleave some skulls either way.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jack_Tramiel

I think after Auschwitz he deserves the sword doesn't he?

>>16935578

So would the Crowbar of Freeman.

>>16935485

MONGRELS!

>>16935389

I SHALL JOIN THEE ON THIS QUEST!

>>16935593
That doesn't exist outside a game, broseph, unless you mean the one sent to the dude at CERN due to resembling Gordon Freeman.

Try Server Crash if you want to deal with game-stuff.

bump

Easymodo:
Ghaddafis bones
Saddam Husseins Bones
The corpse of Saint Olav
The axe, spear and sword that fell Saint Olav

>>16934231
They have a way to surpass them. Turns out, when modern tech is controlling the mold, the results are better.

The London Hammer

The rock encasing the hammer was dated back more than 400 million year; the hammer itself turned out to be more than 500 million years old. Additionally, a section of the handle has begun the transformation to coal. Creationists, of course, were all over this. The hammer’s head, made of more than 96% iron, is far more pure than anything nature could have achieved without an assist from modern technology.

>>16935773
By Moradin's beard!

>>16935773
This shit doesn't have a wikipedia article....

>>16935773
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Carl_Baugh

Rock can form around dropped tools left in cracks with soluble rock, case dismissed.

Also 400 million years? A hammer outdates the dinosaurs? nigga please.

>>16935773
Fucking Dwarves!

I bet they all died and got flung into space with the moon when that Mars-sized asteroid hit us!

It's an eighteen-hundreds hammer that got washed over with mud made from the runoff of ancient sedimentary formations.

Deal/w

>>16935869
>The moon is made of molten dwarf remains

That's just crazy enough to be true

>>16935773

I don't know why Creationists would be all over this artifact, since it soundly disproves the Creationist theory that the world is only 60 million years old (I'm PRETTY SURE that's the number). Otherwise, pretty cool.

>>16935858

Even if additional rock formed around it, it was still at one time a fashioned tool. And if it IS as old as it is claimed to be, the dinosaurs sure didn't make it.

>>16935885
creationists say the earth is only 6,000

>>16935698
Hardmode:
Osama's bones

>>16935858
Considering carbon dating only works to about 20,000 or 30,000 years back, if I recall correctly, there's not really any way anyone could definitively give that number unless it was buried under a lot of layers of strata. So, yeah.

>>16935885
>I don't know why Creationists would be all over this artifact, since it soundly disproves the Creationist theory that the world is only 60 million years old (I'm PRETTY SURE that's the number). Otherwise, pretty cool.

Psh, that's just Christian creationists.
Hardcore creationists believe in aliens.

>>16934495
I was at Waylands Smithy this summer, nice place but I sacrificed a whole load of my foot skin to him.

>>16935913
>>16935885
Maybe they want it to be the hammer of God. He IS portrayed as a craftman, after all.

>>16934236

Yeah, nobody ever remembers that monks used to travel all over europe and steal artifacts from churches for their own institutions.

A nice easy quest?
The Trial of the Pyx

Every year in february since 1282 the goldsmiths of london must present samples of every batch of coinage made for testing.
The coins are usually destroyed during this process.
Some rough calculation tells me there are roughy 3000 gold sovereigns tested every year weighing around 220KG which is a nice easily transportable pile of money.
The next open day of the Goldsmiths house is on November 14th- Any London bros interested in picking up a little extra cash for christmas?

>>16934170
the problem with the Turin shroud is that people expect it will have magical Jesus powers, and are impressed with the proported miracles its performed and all that.

The magic wasn't the shroud, which was made in medieval Italy. It's in the loom that made the shroud.

There are other fragments of bolts from the loom, mostly in the earth tone scale. Perhaps most noteworthy is the dark green rag which can polish a window to perfect clarity.
It doesn't really matter what surface it's polishing for this effect.

>>16935858

That's because it's GOD's hammer. Duh.

>>16934000

It sold for a million dollars. Some collector has it.

>>16935984
Plot hook for the next DnD game? Cleric punking shit?

>>16936089
Seriously?

Hmmm must have an aactual piece of the true cross in its construction.

>>16934231
unless it's a modern, fungi-treated wood, made by a skilled modern craftsman. then it's better, just less "rare." The only real value one can have in playing one is that it's usually a sign you're recognized as an excellent musician, since someone is willing to loan you one. it's an absurd accreditation at best.

Stratavarii are overrated, overpriced bullshit without a genuine accompanying increase in quality. It's basically the Johnny Walker Blue of instruments. "it's expensive and old and rare, so it MUST be objectively good."

>>16934006
Okay, Wow.
Fucking... wow.

>>16936283
If you liked that, check out more from Charles Stross. His Laundry series makes for a decent reading and so do some of his other novels.

>http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Book_of_Thoth

>The Book of Thoth is a book containing powerful magical spells that appears in an ancient Egyptian story from the Ptolemaic period. The book is said to have been written by Thoth, the god of writing and knowledge. It contains two spells, one of which allows the reader to understand the speech of animals, and one of which allows the reader to perceive the gods themselves.

The Book of Thoth is sometimes referenced in Egyptian writings as having been an actual book used in sacred rites by priests, who were the only ones allowed to read it.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Just_Judges

>The Just Judges (145 × 51 cm) is the lower left panel of the Ghent Altarpiece, by Jan Van Eyck, 15th century
>As part of the altarpiece, it was displayed at the Saint Bavo Cathedral in Ghent, Belgium, until stolen during the night of 10 April 1934, possibly by the Belgian Arsène Goedertier . The bishop of Ghent received a ransom demand for one million Belgian francs. On 25 November 1934 the thief revealed on his deathbed that he was the only one who knew where the masterpiece was hidden, and that he would take the secret to his grave.

Goedertier even left cryptic hints in his correspondence, signing with D.U.A and all.

Honestly, whenever there's a shortage of news in Belgium, people go and look for the painting. Breaking up churches, building, digging in the royal crypt. All tried.

Why hasn't anyone even bothered to mention The Holy Grail?

>>16936351
Too mainstream.

>>16936351
grail, veil of veronica and the crown of thorns

>>16936315
Man, what a dick.
Also, it's probably in some attic or something. People unknowingly end up with valuable crap just lying around all the time.

>>16934231
Wow, smashing one of those would be ultimate musical blasphemy.

>>16936351
We don't want to get arrested.

Sword of Osman, impossibly ancient sword of the first Ottoman Sultan

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sword_of_Osman

Iron Crown of Lombardy, said to be made from the nails of the crucifixion

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Iron_Crown_of_Lombardy

>>16934383
No. The building one of many similar temples built in the area to house idols. IIRC it has been partially destroyed and rebuilt once or twice, too.
What's important is that once mohamed went there and destroyed all the idols except one, a black stone (was it a metorite ? I'm not sure) that is supposedly divine. The stone is what's worshipped there.

I'm saying this without taking the effort of checking wikipedia, but I'm pretty sure the stone is still there, though she broke once because of a fire.

Genghis Khan's tomb, full of all his treasures.

>high level dungeon
>full of weapons, gold, and awesome stuff
>last room of dungeon
>open door, step inside
>giant golden throne with genghis khan's corpse on it.
>tons of treasure in this room.
>touch treasure
>genghis wakes up
>ZOMBIE GENGHIS vs. party

>>16936585 impossibly ancient sword
>>Osman I 1258-1326
Is there some legend about it that Wiki doesn't mention? Because around seven hundred years old isn't exactly impossibly ancient here. Here's two swords from Tutankhamen's tomb, so about 33 centuries old.

this blood qu'ran sounds an awful lot like a phylactery. are we sure saddam is actually dead?

>>16936741

He's partying with Elvis right now for sure.

>>16936675
That's like Alaric's tomb, they diverted a fucking river or something to cover it forever.

>>16936754
Well hopefully that forever can be changed into "until I have the money".

>>16934527
pic related
1/3

>>16936867
2/3

>>16936875
3/3
>Meet Aurora Giselle SanDiego. Or, as her friends call her...

>>16936896
>Already Gone.

>>16936904
Clever...

>>16936962
I thought it was supposed to be a .gif but it turns out the creator decided to be clever and have another HTML table pop up to cover it after five seconds of viewing the page.
I don't know how to make a proper .gif so I just split it up to get a similar effect.

>>16934370
The "black box" is a black shroud around a pillared building, inside the building they keep two meteors which are encrusted with silver and gems.

>>16936596
You're very, very wrong. I know this since I'm a muslim.

The place is revered by muslims, as well as jews and christians. At least the ones who can remember their roots.

The Kaabah was built by Abraham, and it is said that his footprints are on soil, encased by glass. I've been there and seen the soil, and it is quite marvelous. Whether the footprints on there are those of Abraham, I do not know.

Hijjr E Asfat (the black stone) isn't that special, it's just the first stone that was used to build the Kaabah. Traditionally, it is considered to be a good idea to show your respect by kissing the stone.

>>16936983
Who/What is this guy?

>>16936741
Oh God! Saddam had horcruxes

>>16936991
>>16936991
The janitor.

>>16936991
>>16936991
well OBVIOUSLY he is blue da ba de dab a di.

>>16936991
Forget the guy, what's this thing on the roof of the building?

Looks like a vent of some kind... which means someone could theoretically parachute on to the top, climb through the vent, steal the magical shit inside, and escape via jet pack.

>>16937032
It's for ventilation, but you can't really crawl through it. Trust me.

>>16937032
I'm pretty sure that thing is covered by cloth now. It was when I was in Mekkah a couple of months ago

>>16937038
>cloth
They must have to replace the cloth covering the entire building once in a while, right?

>>16937038
Tell me your secrets, Mohammedan-anon!

Anything useful you can share about the magic black box of Islam?

>>16937045
>>16937038
>>16937035
>>16937032
>>16937040
>urge to crack it open and oggle at all the forbidden goodness rising.

>>16937045
>magic black box of Islam
It's actually a Tardis with a functioning chameleon circuit. The Emperor of Mankind killed the Time Lord who came to this world, but could never find, or perhaps enter, the timeless device.

bump

Archaeologists are able to find a layer of earth containing an element called Iridium. This element is present mostly in meteor impact zones, but there is also a very thin layer found all over the world. This indicates that a gigantic meteor impact occurred which encompassed the entire planet. Radio carbon dating confirms this layer of Iridium at around 65 million years. It is likely that these are the remnants of the asteroid impact that caused the extinction of the dinosaurs.

What if someone collected enough of that iridium to create a small stone? In the hands of a sorcerer, something that caused the deaths of all surface life on the planet could have untold powers if properly treated.

>>16938731
"All surface life" is an exaggeration. Extinction event, certainly, but life went on.

And it wasn't even the only event on that scale.