>>17266503

On a much lighter note. . . (this ones a bit lengthy, bear with me)

>having farm practicum, which is basically working on the campus farm for a month
>trainees show up from sister college, scheduled for rectal palpation training that day (i.e. fisting cows)
>hop on board because my cow fisting skills weren't quite up to par yet
>They teach us how to draw a measurement guide on your spare arm (the one not inside a rectum), lets you measure the uterus more or less subjectively
>cute girl asks me to draw the guide for her. I gladly oblige. she draws the guide for my arm in return
> our turn comes up, she goes first. once I have a go at it I can't find the uterus
>digging around elbow deep in cow ass
> she suddenly steps up and rams her arm into the cow's ass too
>cow is not pleased by these developments
>she grabs the uterus, and I feel around for her hand effectively finding the uterus as well.
>she looks and smiles at me, I say what the hell and hold her hand all romancey like.
>hold her hand inside the cow's ass
>holding hands with a really pretty girl I just met not an hour before, inside the ass of a very stressed out bovine.
>we giggle like fucking grade school students and hold that damn moment for like 20 seconds.

Didn't even get her name, /tg/.

>>17266581
Alright, I laughed.

>>17266581
>>17266581
>Didn't even get her name, /tg/.
What? How can you hold hands with a girl inside of an ass and not get her name?

>>17266659
because he's an idiot. honestly if they had gotten married down the line because of that moment it would be one of the most romantic things i've ever heard

>>17266659

By being a strong, silent man who cares only for the quality of his work.

Just kidding, they stayed there for like 2 hours and I had to shovel up shit right after asspunching.

>>17266684
>So dad, how did you and mum meet?
>Well, son, it all started in a cow's anus..

>>17266688
and you could have asked her to shovel shit with you. then when you're alone together you kiss her so passionately that you both fall over into cow shit like it's snow and make out then and there

>>17266730
If a girl will shovel cow shit with you, that's how you know it's really meant to be.

Bam. Screenshot for posterity.

>>17266742
>>17266730

If only.

She was a TRAINEE, I was but an undergraduate student working off the required hours. Trainees didn't shovel poop, they took all the nice technical lessons because they paid well for it.

Also she was dressed nice, wouldn't want to ruin a perfectly good pair of shoes.

The stink of cow piss takes weeks to wash off.

>>17266795

Cool, thanks. I think I've got a few more stories, but none on the level of dem latest farm shenanigans. I'll type em out after I take this here bath.

>>17266795
>implying the two posts after that weren't every bit as worthy as their predecessors

>>17266805
>Also she was dressed nice, wouldn't want to ruin a perfectly good pair of shoes.
>after she'd already been walking around in a cow barn and been shoulder-deep in cow ass

>You will never hold hands with a girl inside of a cow's ass.

On topic
>Be out on the town with a platonic lady friend
>Waiting for bus to go to a different part downtown
>Kind of cold so huddled near one another
>Homeless man comes up to us
>Puts hands on both our shoulders
>Leans in close
>"You're a cute couple. LET'S DANCE!"
>Starts beat boxing poorly and doing a little jig
>We dance as well, praying to every god we can that he doesn't murder us (Okay, I kind of enjoyed it.)
>This goes on for a few minutes.
>"Thanks, good to see the young people still have a step in them."
>Walks off

I wish I could say that only happened once.
San Francisco has fucking weird homeless people.

>>17267019
>San Francisco has fucking weird homeless people.

Yeah, no goddamn kidding. Same thing with New York; I ran into a hobo barbershop quartet that were trying to sell their CDs and panhandle on the subway.

>Hobo barbershop quartet.

That... that kind of sounds awesome. Was it as awesome as it sounds?

>>17266919

You grossly underestimate my floor cleaning abilities, dear sir. Our restraining areas are always relatively excrement-free.

Anyway, this one's a lot lamer, less on the random but still pretty cool.

>living alone, finishing up college
>predictably my house is a fucking sty
>my grandmother's maid offers to come over and visit so we can get some cleaning done. she's been with the family for over 7 years and is basically like a cousin to me.
>a hot, MILF cousin with size D cups, dat ass and hips rivaling dem breasts. Also, she's 5'2'.
>so she comes over we clean the place up, no problems things are pretty normal.
>night falls, she sets up in the living room despite having 2 vacant rooms available (we have a thing in home country where some people are real sensitive to ghosts. she was one of them and didn't like the "vibe " in our rooms).
>she's asleep, I'm fucking around here on /tg/ well into the night
>retire, pass by living room on my way to bed
>SUDDENLY, WILD TITS APPEAR
>she's wearing panties and that's it
>still deep asleep
>you could poke someone's eye out with dem nipples
>inner conflict tearing me up inside, GROPE HER YOU FUCKER, no man don't she's like basically your cousin, EXCEPT SHE'S NOT YOU TAP THAT ASS THIS INSTANT
>eventually chicken out, flee into bedroom and fap at lightspeed
> she leaves the next morning without any further shenanigans

One more story to go, and I'm calling it a day.

>>17267047
I wouldn't really call it "awesome" but it was certainly interesting.

Did they have the straw hats, and pinstripe vests, but a hobofied version?
It would make me ever so happy if they did.

>>17267116
Nope, sorry. I think they all tried to have a bit of uniformity, though; IIRC they were all wearing the same sort of pants.

>>17267130
Damn.

Oh well, that's still a neat thing to look upon.

>>17267136
Yeah. It was neat but you could still smell them six or so feet away.

>>17267142
That's most homeless people unfortunately.

>>17267082

Your file name made me think to post this:

>feeling kinda shitty (I'm sick)
>want soup
>girlfriend says she will get me soup after she gets off work
>too hungry to wait
>me and flatmate go to deli to get some soup to eat
>figure we can eat again when gf brings food in a few hours
>it's kinda late for lunch, about 1600
>finish eating soup and hang out for a while
>check out counter girl who looks like an opposite gender me (weirdly turns me on)
>standing in line to get drinks refilled and then leave
>turn around and girlfriend is standing behind us
>ohfuckthejigisup.jpg
>she is pissed
>still get to play with her DD boobies that night
>everythingwentbetterthanexpected.gif

That was a fucking shock. Especially as I live in a city of over 1 million people.

I like the days where I AM the random encoutner.

>At the shops, being six foot three and musclebound
>Tired after a days work, just getting groceries.
>A mum with two kids also shopping
>Kids bored out of their minds, runnign about having fun
>Little boy ends up near my feet
>He looks up and says "Woooooaaaw, you're HUGE"
>Kneel down to his height and say, "Well you know what brother? If you eat your vegetables, take your vitamins, work hard and do exactly what your momma tells you, you'll grow up big and strong just like me one day"
>Flex
>His eyes are like saucers with amazement
>Brofist his shoulder and stand up
>Pick up some salads
>Walk away
My face the whole time

>working on the farm, daily brotime with my workerbros
>diggin up root crops for delicious snacks (they go really well with gin)
>sudden back pains, it's the muscle I pulled a couple of years back while lifting a fridge
>annoyed, pulled muscles can really get in the way of work
>we're drinking heartily, do so for about 3 hours until the alcohol loosens my tongue enough and I blabber on about my back pain.
>farm manager gets up, walks casually up to me and asks me to stand up, turn around. he's an old tall guy sporting an authority 'stache, like a skinny sean connery.
>yeah okay sure
>he limbers up, does some weird breathing things, then sets his palms on my back
>CAST LAY ON HANDS
>gradual heat build up where he's touching me and badaboom the muscle's jumped back into regular form
>farm manager rockets up like sixty levels on his bro-ladder that day
>turns out he practiced our native faith healing majiggers in his youth
>we're drunk as fuck and laugh hard about it for no apparent reason
>resume drinking and singing
>it's just 5 in the afternoon
>magic, aint gotta explain shit etc etc etc

Have you met the Paladin in your life, /tg/?

>walking home late at night
>suddenly, a hobo
>wearing a full santa outfit
>has a natural white beard
>shouts "Ho ho ho!" at me and swerves dangerously with his shopping cart full of discarded cardboard boxes
>disappears into the night while badly singing christmas carols

This was last August.

>>17267163
>Andsoaheroisbornthisday.jpg

>>17267172
>OP
Sorry, I'm not OP. Still had the name on.

>>17267168
>he limbers up, does some weird breathing things, then sets his palms on my back
>CAST LAY ON HANDS
Sounds something like Reki my mother was into that shit like 11 years ago fun stuff.

>>17267163

You done good, son.

Oh fuck, I just recalled another weird homeless guy in San Francisco story.

>Taking muni back home.
>Kind of crowded, but find a little nook infront of the doors that won't open.
>Content and not packed in with other people
>A wild hobo appears!
>Afro, bags and rubber bands on one foot, beat up tennis shoe on the other, only wearing a bathrobe, holding an empty pizza box.
>There is room now for him to stand in the aisle with other people.
>Nope.
>Decides to stand right infront of me.
>Slowly backs up, occasionally bumping into me, then turning around and giving me a weird look.
>This goes on for a good 15 blocks
>Get to my stop, push past him and get off as fast as fucking possible
>Take shower the second I get home.

I swear, I must've held my breath that entire ride. I was afraid of breathing him in. He really bummed me out.
I just want to know why he was walking around in just a bathrobe. I see shirts and stuff in trashcans all the time.

one night many years ago:

>walking home late night streets are empty
>two drunken looking youngster stagger towards me on the street
>i think shit they must be wasted cause they try to go forward but veer towards me.
>suddenly one of them jumps forward in my face the other tries to hook his leg behind mine.
>i punch the jumper in the face and step back over the leg of the other guy without losing balance
>after they were rather angry with me for treating them in such a shit way and more hilarity ensued after which i broke some serious laws so don't want to get into details.

>>17267204
So you killed them and buried the bodies?

>>17267213
they would have deserved that.

Are the homeless God's way of giving people random encounters?

>>17267204
You fought drunks and couldn't win by just tripping them over?

What are they, Drunk-kung-fu-masters or something?

Come on man, the FBI is too busy with /b/. They don't bother with us.

>>17267221
they weren't drunks... as it turned out.

>>17267226
So you killed two cops and buried the bodies.

>>17267204
>and more hilarity ensued after which i broke some serious laws so don't want to get into details.

Oh come ON. You can't leave us hanging.

>>17267225
that's not the point of my story...
the point is how upset they were i dared to defend myself they tried to trip me over and god know what after jumped me two-on-one and they were outraged by me punching one of them in the face (out of pure reflex i might add, shit happened too fast).

>>17267197

Not sure, I don't even know what our native faith healing majiggers are called. He prayed after he did the thing.

I've gone to traditional healers a whole bunch of times, he's the only one who delivered such instantaneous results. While drunk, too.

>>17267234
knives man knives i was stupid and young won't talk more about it.

>>17267242
So you knifed two not-hobos? Don't just leave us hanging like that, tell us more!

>>17267247
You're not doing this the right way, anon.
He obviously doesn't want to talk about it.

Get him drunk first.

>>17267235
I know that feel.
I grew up with a twin brother, he would randomly attack me from behind and I'd have to react fast or he'd get me in a neck-lock. I developed a strong reflex to spin low and punch him in the nuts.
Fast forward five years later, and I'm waiting for a bus, when I get a tap on the shoulder.
Instantly, that reflex comes SURGING back, and I drop low and punch straight into the nuts of... an elderly Mormon man holding a pamphlet.
The bus came and I got on. Was too embarrassed to stick around and deal with that shit.

>>17267242

Damn. I got a thing for knives too, but I never got to use them on anybody on particular.

Did they sing as you cleaved your foes in twain?

No seriously mang go ahead and post, we're pretty durn safe here.

>>17267257
>Mormon

I would have done the same thing

>>17267247
i will not, it's not like this can be used as evidence at least i think it can't but i don't need any attention.

from then on i rather carry a retractable baton if i have to. it has range over knife and you can just break their arm with it without worrying them bleeding to death.

knives are easier to conceal true but a lot messier not worth it.

>>17267266
How do the laws with carrying a baton around work?
Still considered a weapon?

>>17267266
So you're just a tease.

>>17267274
it's illegal as the knife. however the consequences of the use are not the same.

>>17267274
the knife has however if you ever faced a naked blade with a lethal intent in the eyes of the wielder is a lot more scary. so it has a potent psychological impact against n00bs. problem with this substance abuser "aka stoned" individuals will (might) be immune to this effect.

so you got to decide but i don't recommend the knife though i'm a big guy for a small girl a baton might not work so well as a combat knife.

>Date girl
>Move in to girls stupidly huge house.
>Says she can now show me her collection down in her basement.
>I fear it's human heads for a nanosecond
>Then I think it's probably just stuffed animals.
>WEAPONS. SO MANY WEAPONS. SWORDS, GUNS, AXES, EVERYTHING.
>Tells me in her most overly sugary cute voice that she knows how to use them all.
>Starts telling me about the damage they can do to a human body.

Why do I always get the crazy ones /tg/?

I'd rather just CC a pistol.

>>17267339
She sounds like a keeper.

>>17267339
...how did she get the house?

>>17267339
I HAVE THE LEAST STRANGE BONER RIGHT NOW.

>>17267339
oh lol. is just imagined this.
my gf surprised me too, she is a lot better shot than me, she used to make fun of me for telling her stuff about guns and how to use them she kept silent, then we went to her parents and they took out the gun so let's have some fun before dinner in the back yard....
my testicles will never grow back.

>>17267339
GLORIOUS.

>>17267339

I know that feel bro.

I've been with a wrist cutter, and she's messed up her life so much it actually ended up fucking with mine.

Rule #1, Don't stick it in the pooper.

Rule #2, Don't stick it in the crazy.

>>17267339
>What if this happens to me
I look at her. in the eye and say "I think i can discover new forms of using them, also do you want to see my collection of human heads in my basement?"

>>17267366
i think it's

Rule #1, Don't stick it in the crazy.

Rule #2, If she is crazy stick it in the pooper, cause you don't want crazy-preggo.

>>17267350
Her family is crazy rich, and she herself has a well paying job.
She has made jokes about killing the previous owner.

>>17267348
She bakes a fuckhueg batch of cookies every week, and shares pretty much every one of my interests.
But when she starts to tell me about how X weapon can rip off a human arm with cuteness turned up to diabetes levels... I don't know man.

>>17267374

Duly noted, these revisions make a lot more sense.

>>17267366
All girls are crazy. It's just a matter of finding the RIGHT crazy.
Mine is a Crazy Cat Lady. I can deal with this.
My ex was gender-confused and a slut-in-the-making. My ex before that liked to pretend she had various mental issues to get attention.
I couldn't deal with those kinds of crazy, therefore, they are exes.
Disagree about the pooper. Great alternative for when you run out of condoms.

>>17267385
>But when she starts to tell me about how X weapon can rip off a human arm with cuteness turned up to diabetes levels... I don't know man

Clearly you must exceed her skill with and knowledge of weapons, to gain her respect.

>>17267385
Man, if you don't want her, send her my way.
I need a sparring partner and I think she'd probably get turned on by it, which is a bonus.

>>17267385
So she has one strange quirk, pic related.

>>17267409
Hey this is a random encounter thread.

I said my girlfriend once took me to her underground lair filled with sharp implements, firearms, and I'm pretty sure I could find a bazooka if I tried.

That definitely counts as a random encounter.

>>17267385
I've got a friend like that. It's a morbid fascination, not something that they're likely to act on. It might seem more unusual in a girl, but don't get too worried. Just look at all the dudes on /k/ who get off on gun porn.

>>17267396

You are a wellspring of wisdom tonight, /tg/.

>>17267409
... Why is Master Yi playing basketball?
Specifically, for the Suns, godawful as they are?

> Walking down the street, gang of black hoodlums on the other side, woman in front of me.
> Out of nowhere a man grabs at the woman's purse or bag or whatever.
>Gang of Black hoodlums run over the road chase down the guy, pinning him down, one calls the police and another takes the bag back to the woman.

It was like I was in opposite land I tell you what.

I also saw a Hobo go captain America on a gang of white trash kids with a dustbin lid.

>>17267430
Because he can get mad B-balls on even the most shitty team.

here is a random encounter that did not happened to me rather to someone i know.

>sunny afternoon in the hargithas
>guy goes up to the mountains to gather some shit
>sees a bush of blackberry, goes up to gather some
>the air feels nice and plenty of people spend the afternoon like this
>hears movement from the other side of the bush, leaves are shaking and twigs are moving
>jovially tries to say hello to his neighbor
>then he sees a big brown bear on the other side.
>he decided it's best if everybody just stuck to hi side.

>>17267396
On the topic of crazy lady. My current girlfriend is so Yandere it hurt.
>She started out by stalking me
>I finally get annoyed that she's following me so I approach her and talk to her
>Surprisingly nice girl
>Start going out
>She stalk me EVEN MORE
>Text me every hour
>Finally move into my house
>Threaten every girl I meet to not get close to me
>THISISLIKEONEOFMYCHINESECARTOON

>>17267463
oh jeez i so hate jelly bitches...

>>17267435
On that note, I had a (homeless-looking) black man stop me on the street with a look of UTMOST URGENCY. He looked me straight in the eye and said "pay me what you owe me."
I responded with a refined and dignified "The fuck?"
He said "I saw it on the TV that you white guys owe us reparations for slavery. I want what you owe me for what you did to us."
I'm dumbstruck. Then, I happen on an idea.
"Sir, I find that incredibly racist."
He is confused now. This isn't going how he intended. "What?"
"You assume, that just because I'm white, my ancestors owned a plantation?"
"Well, I-" I cut him off here.
"Sir, my family moved here about a hundred years ago. I have a great-grandmother who was born on a boat between Ireland and America. How in the blue hell would I owe you money for something that my entire family tree wasn't even aware of, let alone contributing to?"
He starts to shuffle off, mumbling something. I let him go.
Behind me, another black man, this one dressed business-casual, claps slowly, salutes me, and walks off.
I think we were his random encounter.
Plus I got to call out a hypocrite. Always a bonus.

>>17267463

Do not know if bail out.

Perhaps you should keep your yandere waifu to love and cherish forever.

I probably would, but I'm certainly no expert on the matter.

>I also saw a Hobo go captain America on a gang of white trash kids with a dustbin lid.
i wish someone recorded that event...
that hobo deserves a medal or something.

>Trying to stay fit, on a run around my neighborhood.
>This is about a week before Halloween.
>Last leg of the run, 2 miles in, HAVE TO SHIT.
>Sprinting down the center of the road with a turd lodged in my ass.
>Suddenly a kid wearing a cardboard box suit comes running at me from out of my field of vision.
>My response: OH SHIT A ROBOT.
>Clothesline a little kid.
>Don't stop, keep running, open my door as fast as possible.

In retrospect I could have handled that better.

>>17267409
I hope I'm not too late.

Your girlfriends quirk is playing Dunk Yi?
Is she dunking nooblords?

>>17267430
cause hes dunking nooblords

>Waiting for public transit conveyance after a late day at work.
>Idly look at the other people waiting in case we have a psycho on the loose.
>One potential passenger is dressed as Link, from your legends involving Zelda game franchise.
>Long stocking cap, billowing tunic, Hyrule shield backpack, vambraces, tights
>Must be in his early 20s, is really scrawny and petite.
>It's early September.
>Nothing of interest came out of it, though.

>>17267614
Yi poster here. I was telling the guy to get dunked for even considering leaving his girl for having a strong interest that he finds a bit weird.
Picture depicts my dogs opinion on the matter.

HOLD THE FUCK UP
>I also saw a Hobo go captain America on a gang of white trash kids with a dustbin lid.
EXPLANATION, PLEASE

>>17267630
Second this!

>>17267490

Paragon Interrupt activated.

>>17267629
Oh.
That's kind of disappointing. I thought you were dating a game master or something.
My girlfriend likes LoL, but fuck is she bad. All she can play is Sona, and even then, she doesn't understand zoning.

You got me excited, damn you.

>>17267463
Inform her that you're not a mouth-breathing idiot who can be lured away by the mere presence of another woman. This is assuming that you're not, of course.

Also, does she try and control your activities in any other way? That degree of obsession isn't good for her, but if she gets into the state of mind where she wants to own and control you then it'll be bad for you too.

>>17267645
If you scroll up, you'll find his GF has a passionate interest in weapons and the effects they have on the human form. She apparently describes this in a very cutesy voice while being all excited.

TL;DR: His GF gets off on decapitation.

>>17267654
But dunking isn't about decapitation.
It's about....
Oooh... right... getting 4 double swords.
Right. Gotcha. I was a bit slow on that one.

>>17267665
It was a bit of a stretch.

>>17267385
>girl loves weapons
>also bakes cookies
>2011
>I seriously hope you consider marriage
being fascinated by how the body gets taken apart is not exactly uncommon. Most people I know who are studying biology and medicine are the same way. Hell, they get to cut up actual cadavers from time to time

>>17267674
And my major has just been decided, thank you kind anon.

>>17267674
my gf once confessed she would love to take someone apart, flay off their skin and take a look around inside.
asked her why not became a surgeon she said too much hassle.

>>17267714
I have the weirdest boner.

Excuse if I'm being crude, but she's REALLY kinky in the sack, huh?

>>17267385
If you aren't going to marry her give me her number, because I will.

>>17267725
not really... she has no imagination when it comes to doing the dirty, she is lazy and only likes to be pound hard.

>>17267732
Go out and buy some rope, and a paddle.
If your body is ready, a strap-on as well.

NOW.

>>17267674
>2011
>not studying informatic and becoming a techpriest.
YOU CUT CORPSES I SLAP MY DICK ON YOUR PC AND YELL THINGS.

>>17267739
i would replace her to a weird girl with no gag reflex and a love for anal sex in a heartbeat if i didn't find her so convenient to live with otherwise.

we are kinda like flatmates who sleep in the same bed.

>>17267746
No gag reflex?
Likes Anal sex?
Yup.
That's my girlfriend.

Alas, it is to the exclusion of vaginal intercourse.

>>17267761
Sounds like storytime.

>>17267765
She is the only person with whom I have attempted to use "No seriously, my penis is quite small" as a way to get her into bed.
That's...
That's really as much story as there is to it.

>>17267746
>>17267761
My girlfriend is kinky and is up for the trifecta.
Buuuut we're doing a long distance thing.
So I don't get to enjoy it when ever.

Protip: Long distance sucks.

>>17267496
I love yandere girl in anime but when I meet one in real life...it's not exactly what I expected.
Well I love her for who she is and I don't expect her to change anytime soon.
>>17267649
I keep telling her I only love her but she doesn't listen. I think she already go after my mother and sister.
She never tried to control me except wanting to know when I'll be home or who I'm hanging out with.

>>17267765
Probably wants to keep her virginity until marriage.

OR, she's a post-op transsexual and is worried he'd notice there's something wrong with her vagoo.

>coming out of band
>going to pub with band mates
>pub is right next to a bridge
>almost in pub, turn around for no readily apparent reason
>random guy is walking across bridge holding two mugs of tea

I'm still baffled by that

>>17267761
>>17267785
Should probably mention.
She's also the gun girl.

>>17267824
Do you think she'll ever murder you if you decide to leave her?
Also, story on the penis line.

>driving up the highway to the coast for a holiday this time last year
>I live in Australia, btw
>look to the left
>see a 4WD full of food with four guys all wearing top hats and monocles
>the fuck?

>>First time at Armageddon Expo (something like Comicon, but in Australia)
>>Look at the card stalls for something to buy
>>Happy with what i've chosen, go to the stall owner to buy
>>In front of me a poor kid cant buy the cards he wanted, a few dollars short.
>>Hand the stall owner a few coins saying "Here I'll pay for him"
>>Both the Merchant and the kid look at me with a bewildered look, but I still persist
>>Kid is beaming, saying thankyou and leaves to his mum who is waiting for him.

It was a good day

>>17267887
"So me and this girl got together 'cause I told her my dick was small. Bitches love small dicks."
Pretty alpha, bro.

So what is it, like... 5 inches? That's and the lower end of average, but still average.

>>17267887
>I'm only going to leave her if she radically change.
>Or kills someone.
I would not suggest that. Hell hath no fury, etc etc. You ever seen Kill Bill?

On the lighter side, you should get her to play Paranoia.

Though I haven't experienced one, I think I've been the random encounter for someone.

>Costume party
>Me and three friends decide to be the Agents and the Lady In Red from the matrix
>In car towards party, stopping at a red light
>Car pulls up next to us
>Four people in a car, in suits with earpieces and wearing Agent Smith masks. One of them being a girl in a red cocktail dress
>All four people happen to look towards the other car, nodding to the music in unison
>Green light, drive away

>>17267887
http://archive.foolz.us/tg/thread/17266503#p17267887
Ahah ! whatever you write can and will be used against you !

>>17267893
Sorry for deleting my post, I just realized that anecdote might have been a tad personal.

She's like 5'6, I can outrun her...
And hide...
forever.

>>17267882
most households are "equipped for serial murder"

protip: thinking about murder is NOT murder.

>>17267841
>In aus as well
> sitting out side of subway having lunch on a break
>a random portly middle age woman walks past with 2 trollies
> woman starts muttering to herself
> places heself between the trollies (hand on each handle bar)
> proceedes to lift herself in the air as pic related
> stays there for a good 20-30 seconds
> lands on the ground still muttering and walks away

>>17267893
Oh, and we actually do play Paranoia.
She usually DMs/GMs/Whatevers for the group though.

And now I believe we have dwelled on this subject long enough

I DEMAND MOAR AMUSING TALES.

>>17267916
I do that sometimes going down escalators. I must look dumb.

>Out drinking with some bros at a bar.
>I'm the last of us to leave as I had to piss while the barkeep was kicking everyone out for the night.
>Parking lot empty. Try and start car.
>Car... doesn't seem to want to start. Fiddle with it for a good 15 minutes trying to get it to start.
>Well, fuck. Dig out cellphone... it had died sometime during the past 4 hours.
>FUCK.
>Apartment isn't that far away, about a half hour walk.
>At 3:30 AM.
>Through a bad neighborhood -- whilst intoxicated.
>Well, this isn't going to end well. Start walking, waiting to be shot when all of the sudden RANDOM TERRIFYING ROTTWEILER APPEARS!
>Oh shit son... uh... Drunkard used Beef Jerky! Its SUPER EFFECTIVE!
>Now have a friendly, giant of a rottweiler escorting me home.
> Some niggers start heckling me from a run-down porch.
>Niggers spot dog.
>Niggers are terrified of poodles so my buddy just about them shit themselves when it growls at them.
>Arrive home safe, reward my protector with leftover meatloaf.

I never saw him again, but I'd like to think that he's out there, still protecting poor stupid drunks from being murdered on their ways home.

>>17267732
Bah. Giving a rich girl the old hard knock is probably the best you'll do in this life, better to find a rich girl who bakes & likes it solid than a crazy one who takes it kinky.

Seriously, I don't care if she is Little Miss Sunshine, Destroyer of Worlds (pic related? Future offspring.) she sounds pretty damn perfect.

If you date around, you'll probably learn that all women have some degree of crazy, (Ex who mistreated her animals, ex whose religion would change weekly, ex with extreme hypochondria, ex with bipolar condition who spent time in a mental hospital before we were dating, ex who had to have kids *right now* despite unemployment and various other things, ex whose three sisters were all pregnant-abortion-pregnant again "strippers", and she brought their collected crazy over every week, ex with more guy "friends" than I have.) and I seriously wish I could find one whose crazy only extended that far.

>>17267916
Oh boy Australia
>On an eight hour bus trip to our wonderful capital Canberra
>Sitting behind some semi-hobo bogan
>About 2 hours in to the trip...
>"FREAKS! FREAKS! FREAKS!"

Six hours of FREAKS and random profanity in the middle of nowhere.
On that bus trip I also met a guy who was basically going "DIRTY LOW CLASS PEASANTS" to everyone he met.

It was a good bus trip.

>>17267933

Forgot pic, Derp.

>Walking around Pasadena with a friend, waiting for my dad to get off work.
>Black man comes screaming at the top of his lungs from behind us.
>We both kind of freeze up
>He runs around us to a trash can that was a ways ahead.
>Starts kicking and cussing at it.
>Finally knocks it over.
>Runs away
>"wat"
>Continue on about our day.
>See same man later in the day.
>Acting normal and tame.
>Avoid the fuck out of him in case he snaps again.

>>17267925
fuck you for driving drunk

>>17267950
Technically, he didn't drive... though he tried to. So, Good on you for giving up after 15 tries and just walking.

>Drunkard used Beef Jerky! Its SUPER EFFECTIVE!
wow... just wow.

Aussies out in force tonight, howdy mates.

>in aus
>sitting in uni library, on couch, studying
>4 other empty couches around
>empty as fuck is the library
>guy walks over, sits down on other end of my couch
>okaykindaweird.jpg
>gets up after 2min
>walks hastily towards exit, bumps into girl, doesn't apologise, leaves
>girl sits down next to me on couch
>okaywhatthefuckisgoingon.tiff
>hands me my wallet, smiles and says "here you go, gotta be more careful with your wallet"
>winks, gets up and walks off

All of my what

Well, It's not mine encounter but It was me who got the story from various witnesses.
>late evening
>be a douchebag with in a group of four douchebags
>this girl is looking funny at me
>being drunk, me and bros decide to assault the girl a little
>drag her to some darker place
>SUDDENLY one our guys get his head hit by a rock
>see this guy running away
>fuck him, this was weird but let's continue
>SHIT HAPPENS AGAIN
>two friends go after that faggot
>after a while, me and the other guy see him coming this way
>faggot tackles my friend at full fucking speed while hitting his stomach wit a stone
>... and runs the fuck away
>the girl is running away
>two friends still not going back
>fuck this evening

>Walking in park
>A guy jogs past me
>t-shirt, training pants, chainmail, greaves, helmet-
>chainmail, greaves and helmet?

>>17267990
As It turned out, some guy decided to help the girl by running circles at mad spped around the place with douches and using guerilla tactics.
And so he did

>>17267986
sounds like you got pick pocketed

>>17268001
sounds like I met two rogues; one CN and one CG

>>17267990

What a skirmishing hero.

>>17268006
What I don't understand is how he got your wallet from the other end of the couch.

>Working late one night
>Fuck, I work in an ancient academic building, in a room next to where one of the evil founders of the department died
>Hear noises coming from the next room
>Ah well, imagination
>Finish up grading, go into the second office to check
>Light switch won't work; it's a small office, and I just need to use the printer
>SUDDENLY COWORKER FROM CLOSET
>Few seconds later, after I determine I am not having a heart attack
>"Yeah, you're working too hard, and I had to stop in to pick up my bag. Couldn't resist fucking with you."

And then I went home to think of how to get him back.

>>17268107
wallet was my bag at my feet

>>17267831
Femanon here. She'd probably watched a bunch of porn before meeting him. Trust me, if you were expecting something like you see in most porn vids, you'd be afraid of cocks too.

Hint: Beyond a certain point, bigger is more pain, not more pleasure.

OP being fucking paranoid over two hippies that wanted to buy weed.

OP is a fucking chicken faggot.

>be gun collector and shooter
>2 of my shooting bros and I are packing up a black Chevy Equinox (Bro A's vehicle)
>Bro A has tattoo of Warhammer 40k Mark of Chaos (think that's what it's called, not into 40k) so I call him "Chaos" all the time
>other friend has nickname "Dutch" from high school and college
>little neighbor boy wearing a MW3 shirt walks up, probably around age 11 or 12
>he has a look of awe on his face as he sees our guns
>sees my Saiga (it's a lot like an AK)
>"That's an AK-47 or -74! You must be special forces or something!!" as he gets visibly excited
>Am good with kids so I hand the Saiga to Chaos , kneel down, put my hand on his shoulder, and say, "Son, can you keep a secret?"
>"y-y-yes" (oh god, this sounds like some kind of rape scene, I swear it's not)
>"This is Chaos and Dutch, my two best soldiers. The enemy can NOT know about our positions. If you can keep a secret, I'll give you a present."
>"I promise!"
>take of necklace of an old .338 lapua case that a friend made for me and put it around his neck
>pack up the rest of our weapons and ammo and head to the range
>every time he sees me, he gives me that "your secret is safe with me" look

I'm usually bad with kids, but just felt like being a bro

>>17267339

>>17268257

Pic related

Let's see, random encounters...

Well, apart from the time I punched a man out of cardiac arrest after dragging him two kilometres, I don't really have much.

Well, my roommate is basically a walking random encounter.

>Go out for a night to some bars with a group of friends.
>Roommate meets random dude, decides to wander off with them in an opposite direction.
>Shows back up after three hours, says he just escaped a crack den.
>Goes to the bathroom. I'm sitting right outside the only entrance.
>Never comes out.
>I go in to look for him.
>Gone.
>Huh.
>Spend twenty minutes or so looking around the bar, nothing.
>Head home with the group
>Meet a random hitchiker on the road, start chatting. Apparently he started in Vancouver and was on his way to England (I'm on the East Coast).
>Get a phone call. It's the roommate. He's back at an entirely separate crack den. People are doing heroin. He's going to stay awake all night and escape when they pass out.
>Go home and go to bed.
>He shows up the next morning, paranoid and sketched out.
>Does it again two weeks later.

Yup.

I have posted this in the past.

halloween 2001 orlando florida.
10:00pm
a bunch of friends and I decided the best most fun thing in the world, would be to eat 5 hits of acid each, and walk around downtown and goto clubs all night with heads slam full of acid.

fast forward to 1:45 am
i have been tripping balls all night, but the visuals have sorta evened out and everything is yay!! ponys!!! happy buzz and hallucinations.

clubs are closing, head back to the car with our sitter, who was stoned as fuck, get our smokes out of the car, and bullshit for a minute. We decided to go to an after-hours place called h2o that was ecstasy central. walk to the place from the big parking deck thing in downtown.

>oh fuck i have to piss really bad, like my piss will blast bear gryls through a wall bad.

guys go on ahead i`ll catch up, i have to take a leak.

all of a sudden this crazy looking LORD VOLDEMORT looking guy in a pinstripe double breasted suit wearing a fedora, comes out of nowhere.

>WAT?

suddenly NINJAS, SHIT LOADS OF NINJAS EVERYWHERE.

dude is whipping ass ninjas are throwing smoke things screaming, the whole nine yards, I`m still pissing the whole time transfixed on this shit going down.

the last ninja is on the ground , dude picks up his fedora off of a car, brushes it off, puts it on and walks off like a boss, walks past me, tips his hat lights a smoke and eases on down the line.

>4 GUYS WITH FILM GEAR POP OUT LIKE POKEMON IN HIGH GRASS

holy shit that was a perfect take!!! holy shit yes!!!!! woohooo!!!


i hear my friends outside screaming bloody murder.

they saw dude as he walked up on them out of the dark, and by god he looked terrifying, especially tripping balls and in the dark.

This happened some years ago:

>Walking home from highschool in the middle of february
>Be in the middle of a street full of people, just crossing the street after lights turned green
>Suddenly someone hits me from behind on the head with something, so that for a hearbeat or two see stars
>Turn around, its an old women, about 70 oer 80 Years old, she swings her cane like a baseball-bat
>"Lady, what the fuck is wrong with you ?!"
>She yells some gibberish I don't understand, tries to hit me with the cane one more time, all around me the people stopped and are looking at me and the crazy old hag.
>Before I can react any further, she turns around and limps away rather quickly for her age while cackling
>mfw

And now, six years later I still don't have a fucking clue what this was all about.

>>17268564
>Deathtouch

Oh, you are fucked.

>>17268317
That pic is totally. Fucking. Related.

Yuno is quite scary. Scarier than Rena from Higurashi.

>drinking with friends
>leaving the bar, semi-babysitting most drunk
>see two fine gentlemen walking in distance
>most drunk is also belligerent drunk
>shouts "fuck you" to the fine gentlemen
>they make a beeline towards us, hands in pockets
>they are noticeably larger up close
>ohshitohshitohshit
>"Please don't mind my friend, he's very drunk."
>"No worries, you boys obviously like to party hardy. Would you like to purchase some cocaine?"
>look at them
>look at friend, who's reaching for wallet
>bodily escort protesting friend away

>sitting in bus, forgot headphones
>random slightly hobo looking dude sits down
>he wears a metal feeding dish
>dish has open space for eyes
>used as knight's helmet
>he ask's me if I have seen his 'shaved princess'
>not enough guts to ask where she's shaved
>telling him no
>he screams for his companion shouting >"she's not here, hobo joe"

>walking downtown as I always do
>expect easy, uninterrupted transit as usual amongst the many other pedestrians
>singled out by man giving "survey"
>survey is disguised evangelism, meant to highlight sins of individual
>have polite discussion about Pascal's wager v. truly being born again
>leave with name of church
>one block later, approached by elderly lady asking if I had accepted Jesus
>similar conversation discussing humanity being worthy of sacrifice ensues
>told that god has a plan for that brain of mine
>continue on way
>hobo handing out pamphlets silently walks towards me
>gives me one and absconds
>Pamphlet is titled "Grace is a gift, not an exchange"

>larping at night on an island
>lots of other tourists and fisherman
>we hear some guy hystericlaly
>shouting in the phone he was attacked by some "ninjas"
>an other dark shape approaches...
>"halt! <are you ingame?>
>"NO! NO GAMES! THIS IS NOT A FUCKING GAME!!" and runs away...
>we assumed he ran into the "ninjas"
>there were dark-elves on the island it was a bad night for tourists.

>>17267339
Hmm. Well, just because she knows how to use them all doesn't mean she's a master of all of them.

Therefore, train alongside her until both of you become masters of death.

THEN YOU TWO MUST FIGHT CRIME.

>>17267463
When you leave change everything and go as far away as possible. If she's a Yandere she will kill you once you reject her.

No you cannot fuck the crazy out of these either.

>>17267915
According to el bible it is.

My uncle once arrested Santa for selling drugs...
Does that count as a random encounter?

>>17269355
Hah, no. And don't bother pulling out trite lines from the New Testament that talk about how thinking about evil things is wrong. It doesn't say what you claim.

>>17269254

Thats what i was thinking! be the robin of her batman!

>>17269412
Well, it's not going to be easy to go non-lethal. But life is full of challenges.

>>17269412
Huh. That would actually be a fairly interesting set of characters, if it's not done by feminazis and/or femdom fetishists.

>>17269380
You know what always got me about the New Testament?

Either you believe in Jesus AND do good works, or Hell is your destination.

But what about people who do good works but have never heard of Jesus? Would they go to Hell? It seems unfair and arbitrary (if we were to assume that religion is ordinarily fair) to condemn good people who never had the chance to believe in the same things that the Christians do.

>>17267082
I'm sorry dude, but if a woman WILLINGLY stays at another persons house with no shirt or bra on, it's because she wants to fuck, or at least get her titties sucked.
Unless it's another woman's house. I have no idea how that works.

>>17269485
I think they retconned that to only count if you "rejected" Jesus, eg. heard about him and decided not to convert.

There's a funny, maybe apocryphal, story about an Eskimo guy asking this missionary why she'd gone to the trouble of coming to his remote village to tell him about Jesus and risk his non-acceptance instead of just not telling them and getting a 100% save rate.

>>17269485
>But what about people who do good works but have never heard of Jesus? Would they go to Hell? It seems unfair and arbitrary
Oh, I agree absolutely, and that's why I think all the Christian religions that believe this are incomprehensible.

But not all of them do. I'm Mormon for example, and there is a great deal of "it's not your fault and you'll have all the chance in the world" worked into the theology.

>Be an EMT
>Arrive on scene
>Massive black guy pressed against the back of an SUV
>Car's running
>He's screaming about his dick
>HE HAS HIS DICK IN THE EXHAUST
>Turn off the car because his buddies are shitfaced and laughing, too stupid to turn the fucking car off
>His dick is seared into the exhaust
>Call Fire
>Help pick up the SUV since they have no jack
>Cut off the muffler which somehow jars him loose and he scrambles away from the car
>Pic related, it's his dick
And then we went to the hospital. From the look of it, they probably had to remove a ton of it.

I wasn't there for the surgery.

Took all I had to keep from calling him the STUPIDEST mother fucker ever.

[spoiler]He isn't the stupidest call I've been on.[/spoiler]

>be 4th of July
>5 of us in friend's truck
>I'm in back seat, behind driver
>be at red light
>see three drunk retards in the turn lane to our left trying to cross the street
>they keep almost getting hit, then scrambling back to turn lane like it's safe there or something
>friend who's in back behind the passenger seat is shouting at cars that are to our right
>friend riding middle shouts to the drunk retards that they're gonna get hit
>immediately after, other friend shouts "FUCK YOU" to a car for whatever reason
>one of the drunk guys thinks it's me and turns to face the truck
>poker face
>stumbles up to window trying to act all tough
>already reaching for seat belt buckle
>looks at me for a second... "HEY BRO, YOU WHITE?!"
>WAT.jpg.tiff.exe.png
>he stumbles off like he's some sort of badass
I've never been so confused in my life... drunk Mexican looks like he wants a fight, then all he does is ask if I'm white

>>17269530
Forgot my picture.

And apparently forgot how to spoiler.

>Work in a /co/ and /tg/ related store
>Someone dressed up as the original blue Power Ranger
>Grabs some stuff in a rush.
>Pays and leaves in an overexaggerated way.
>That was weird. Really well done costume though. I wonder if he bought that or made it himsel-
>Someone dressed as Lord Zedd rushes in.
>Grabs some different stuff
>Asks me if he's seen a blue power ranger.
>.. Yes?
>Gets into an in character spiel about power rangers
>Rita Repulsa comes in
>Smacks him about for taking too long and asks if he has asked me about the blue power ranger.
>They bicker whilst I continue the transaction
>They leave the store, bickering.
>MY CHILDHOOD HAS INVADED MY REAL LIFE

Conventions are not held in this town, and there wasn't being held anywhere nearby. Their costumes were really good though. Slightly dissapointed that there wasn't an Alpha.

>>17269536
Don't worry, you're not going insane, spoilers don't work on /tg/.

>>17269498
That kind of ties into the part where evangelizing is encouraged.

>>17269545
Glorious.

>>17267794
Its obvious that she wants you to take her savagely and roughly to establish dominance/who is in control of the relationship.

>>17269469
Well, that would make for an interesting webcomic.

>about 6 or 7 years ago during the summer
>on vacation near the beach on a resort island place with friends
>we all wake up and go down to the beach in the early morning, windy but warm so flip-flops and shorts, no shirts. Common there since middle of summer in the Mediterranean.
>Some friends go buy breakfast, another friend still sleepy sitting on bench facing the sea.
>I am facing opposite, at the village square, mostly empty.
>Dude dressed like a ye olde gentleman with a tall hat, coat-tails, white gloves everything.
>holding a bouquet of flowers
>Looks at me, tips his hat and smiles in greeting
>walks around a corner

I still have no fucking clue what I saw. Few years later I was playing Castlevania: Curse of Darkness and there was that Saint Germaine guy, who is a time traveller and he just reminded me of him so much.

My Random Encounter was a Planeswalker.

>>17267385
Have the cookies ever tasted funny? As if she's adding a secret ingredient?

>>17269982

I've been the random encounter a few times
>Getting ready to attend boxwars in Edinburgh (Fight Club/Blue Peter)
>Dressed in bright orange cardboard breastplate, shield and helm, my friend in similar regalia
>Walking along Princes' Street shooting the shit
>Get to east end
>Group of kids laugh at my friend and me
>Cry havoc, let loose the dogs of war
>Charge kids weilding bright orange cardboard hammer screaming "Unas!"
>Kids run away
>mfw

>Be a random encounter in my own right late one night in car
>Dressed as a masked, Venetian gentleman with friends dressed as Batman and Robin
>Blasting Take On Me at 11 PM while driving to an ice cream store
>Reach a red light, stop alongside four gentlemen dressed as Vikings
>We all stare at each other for the duration of the red light
>All nod and drive off once the light turns green

I never knew where they went, but I wish them well.

>>17269181
maybe he thought you were hunting the deadliest game...

>>17270074
Same dude
>Walking along Market Street in St Andrews with a group of friends
>Neds outside Tesco jeering at passers by
>Throw a couple of cheap shots at me about my hair as we walk past then they turn away
>I Turn back
>Go down on all fours
>Gollum run
>Lollop up to them and in my best Gollum voice (which is fucking superb btw) hiss "Stupid kidses, we eats your hearts as a snack! No no, they's good to us, helps us! NEVER! We hates them and we throttle their lying little throatses when they sleep"
>Two girls from their group run off screaming, the guys burst out laughing
>everythingwentbettterthanexpected.jpg

well here goes
>Walking home from the bus stop
>see a squirrel run up a tree with a pinecone
>Walk under tree "Hey mr. squirrel"
>Pinecone goes flying by my head

>>17270129
OI!

>Walking home late one night, kinda tipsy
>Grasshoppers in tree in my path are really loud
>I make a pistol with my hand and do a bang noise, pretending I shot the tree
>Grasshoppers go dead silent

>Grasshoppers write in IRL Random Encounter thread about one time meeting a GUNWIZARD

>on a late night energy drink run with 3 bros
>stop at a red light, car pulls up next to us
>out of the corner of my eye, I catch movement in said car
>turn to face a sedan full of head-bobbing Obama masks, driver included
>what the fu--
>light turns green, they hit the gas and speed away

>be in the middle of the winter, it's snowing and cold as fuck
>see asian looking man jogging
>said man is wearing shorts, socks with sandals, a t-shirt, and the pic related
>lock my car
>the dude is gone
>ask bro if he saw the guy
>bro says no
...did I just see a ninja jogging?

>At outdoor range for plinking with bro.
>3 guys turn up dressed like redcoats
>start loading muskets and flintlock pistols
>within about 5 minutes the range is useless because of the amount of smoke everywhere
>they get asked to leave
>they drive off in a range rover with the windows down playing rule britannia
>one of them is waving a british flag out of the window and laughing.
>tfw

>be in nyc
>see guys dressed as mario, luigi, and waluigi crossing the street
>whatever.jpeg
>go to times square
>bald white guy with a shitfuckton of piercings and tatoos asks if i'm french
>i say no
>he raises his arms up and says thank god
>walk away like nothing happened
>see a guy wearing red army fatigues making the pic related face at me on the other side of times square
>oshitnigga.png
>look again, dude is gone
>ohshitwerefucked.gif
>nothing happens
>everythingwentbetterthanexpected.gif

All this in one night. fucking New York, man.

>>17270294
/k/ copypasta but still hillarious

Not a really exciting one, but it always came off as a little weird to me.

>Walking with friend to store.
>Pass by two guys, one of whom stops us, and then abruptly pulls us both in really close together.
>Friend starts to beg him not to do what he's about to do.
>He says "Look. I just got out of prison, and I need a few dollars."
>Hear him cracking his knuckles behind our heads. For some reason, I COMPLETELY FAIL TO REALIZE he's trying to intimidate me.
>Worth noting that, even though I'm a REALLY big guy, my friend isn't and neither of us are much of fighters, and judging by the looks of this guy, he could easily stomp out asses.
>Despite this, we're in a VERY populated area of the city in broad daylight. No idea what this guy thought he'd do.
>Pull out wallet and give him a quarter, which is all I had on me at the moment.
>He looks at it like I took a dump in his hand and throws it off to the side. Without another word, he just lets us go without bothering to get anything from my friend or follow through on his threats.
>ESCAPED FROM TROUBLE!
>GO TO THE NEXT AREA!!

>bored
>go outside
>see a cat glaring at me (hadn't seen a cat around where i lived since i moved in)
>okkindofweird.png
>keep walking
>see another cat glaring at me, and another
>move on
>see three cats glaring at me, then they start flailing around
>i slip and fall down a muddy hill
>get up, covered in mud, thinking i cut myself
>look up, cats looking at me smugly
>conspiracykeanu.jpeg
>walk back home, see no more cats
>walk upstairs, see pic related
>look out the window, see cats
>run upstairs, take a bath
>look out the window
>MORE FUCKING CATS
>go to room, sit on bed
>bed breaks, mattress sags
>look out the window
>no more cats
>never see any more cats around where i lived ever since

that was about 5 years ago

>>17270336
what was embarrassing was the fact that i hadnt fallen down stairs like that since i was like 6 or something

>>17270336

Is this you?

I AM the random encounter, good times.
>Walking on the street wearing pic related.
>Find Hello Kitty store.
>Go in.
>Pretend I'm interested in the stuff they sell, ask for prices, etc.
>Suddenly, guy with plague mask comes in.
>shitthisisawesome.jpg
>Have a short chat with him, like if it was the most normal thing in the universe.
>Biggest bros, decide to go outside and have a walk.
>As soon as we get to the door, a woman with two kids was going to get inside, but suddenly turned around.
>"Don't worry kids, they aren't real, those are costumes"

>Driving to Sears to get my car fixed super early in the morning
>Stop at a red light waiting to turn
>Truck pulls up next to me and stops at the green light
>Guy's smoking a cigarette and covered in mud. Mud that's only on the inside of his car
>He yells at me, "Hey, does my truck smell like shit?"
>"No, I don't smell anything, man."
>He then takes his cigarette and drags the cherry across his tongue before speeding off

>>17270377
That movie was fucking TERRIBLE.

>>17270408
That's not >>17270336, btw.

Also, would any of you elegen/tg/entlemen mid explaining me what that movie is?

>>17270447
It's a horrifically shitty movie about incestuous werewolves that are afraid of cats.

Had a summer job ja construction site next to asylum. 3 encounters:
1) me and some chatting outside and having fun. And rolls lady stops, turns and starts yelling. "All men are pigs. You basrtards!"etc. Then turns and resumes ealking away.
2) A drunk guy walks by. Stop and diggs pocket. Takes wound a cell phone. Stares intently onnit and tries to take a swig. Then proceeds to toss it away.
3) Dem were checking wound a hot chick ja parking lot. Suddenly some skinny guy outside the fence starts to yell at us. Is going to climb over the fence to kick wound asses. (Theres 3 of us with tools and stuff) Hot chick comes to his rescue.

>With friends at Taco Bell because we're fat
>Walk outside and chat a bit in the parking lot.
>Three teenage girls walk up.
>"Hey! Are you guys magicians?"
>"...Wat?"
>"Can you do any magic tricks??"
>"Uh... No. I don't know any magic tri-"
>"Are you sure you're not magicians!?"
>"Yeah. I'm pretty sure."
>They go inside giggling.
>Must now spend the rest of my life wondering what the hell caused teenage girls to think we knew magic.

>>17270488

Didn't you know you become a wizard if you're still a virgin by 30?

>>17270466
Why do you say "wound" instead of "our"? And is "ja" supposed to be "at a" or "in a"? "Dem" = "we"?

Anyway, neat stories.

>>17270488
Because you make so much food disappear!

Okay, that was kind of mean. I'm sorry.

>>17270461

I always referred to them as "cat vampires", because they looked more like cats than dogs and because they eat people's souls.

Also, they can turn anything invisible or shapeshift it into something else.

They're fucking weird.

My sense of fashion decided to live somewhere in england anno 1930
I suppose this makes a few unique experiences for some people

>In North Carolina for Christmas/sister's birthday
>From Florida, never seen snow, having a great time
>Family gets slammed drunk Christmas Eve and I decide to go outside and have a smoke
>See a guy by the trash cans, say hey while I light up
>That's weird, guy didn't say hey back, guess he's really drunk
>Keep smoking, wondering what the hell this guy's doing hunched over rummaging through the trash
>A bit louder this time, "Hey, buddy, whatcha doin?"
>Guy turns around and looks at me
>Guy is a bear
>Flick cigarette and run inside
>Family goes dead quiet when I slam the door shut and stares at me
>"Guys, I just had a conversation with a bear."

>>17270644
I thought for sure this was turning into a classic-bait-and-switch where everyone is a bear. Guess not.

Fun times!

>>17270671
I was greatly relieved that didn't happen and my family was infact, not bears.

>>17270671
Yeah. I mean, everyone except >>17270644 being a bear? That's just ridiculous.

>>17270488
Were you playing Magic?

>use the subway to get to the city
>someone steps in and loudly announces: "It is quarter past three"
>I think I don't need to tel you that it wasn't
>I'm wearing a bomber jacket with a hardcore techno label logo
>we get out the same station
>asks me: are you a nazi?
>no
>are you hakke
>I like it yeah
>You listen to landser, stahlgewitter or similar?
>no
>I used to do that, but now I have a wife and a daughter now I only buy coke once a month
>he walks away

>>17270687
>filename
>not udyr_watching_fiddles_waste_his_ult.jpg

>Be at pizza place with friends
>Friend works there, is going to hook us up with some tasty treats
>It is around 11, pizza place has a bar so there are some groups of people drinking
>30 year old women comes up to me
>Asks to wear my hat
>Goes on for 5 minutes about how awesome hats are, how awesome my hat is, and why fur is murder
>I'm wearing a faux fur fuzzy hat, and I'm sitting there doing my best not to cause a scene
>Pizzabro comes out with pizza and asks her to sit back down
>Saves my ass

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lRefZf3gj74

>>17270539

My tablet tries to "fix" what I write. Most annoying.

>>17270719
you can wear my hat...

>>17270735
Wow. Handwriting recognition is getting better than I thought.

>>17270466
Was that even in English? I've read this post three times now and I have no idea what the fuck you said.

>>17270644
Heh. Move to the Rockies, that kind of shit happens all the time. During the dry years (when nothing grows on the mountains) they come down into the lowlands and the towns in DROVES. They're like giant racoons that will tear down your doors to get at food.

>>17270763
see
>>17270539
>>17270735
>>17270753
I managed to translate the words that got "auto-corrected" wrong.

>>17270768
Fuck that shit. I'm good with just having to worry about deer jumping into my car.

>>17270719
Was she good looking? You should have hooked up.

>>17270801
I went to a little touristy town in British Columbia once that was *overrun* with deer. So many fucking deer. A huge herd of them right in the middle of the town in a fenced-off field, but of course the deer don't give a fuck about fences less than ten feet tall.

>>17270801
We have that too, only we also have elk that do that. if you hit a deer in a car, the car is screwed. If you hit an elk in a truck, YOU'RE screwed.

Yup, I was a random encounter.

>At convention in Indianapolis
>Cosplaying as Naked Snake with a cardboard box
>Walk into a Gyros joint for lunch. Goddamn those are tasty.
>Little kid looking at me with awe.
>"'Scuse me, do you know GI. Joe?"
>I then tell this kid how me, GI Joe, Captain America, and Batman play poker on the weekends and tell him to keep cheering on his heroes so that justice can prevail.

He had no idea who I was cosplaying as though, but that's cool

>>17270781
wasn't even handwriting. Been trying to turn autocorrect off.

I'll rewrite the stories:
I was working AT construction site near asylum.
1) me and some mates were chatting and having fun. Some lady suddenly stopped and started to yell "All men are pigs! You bastards!" Etc. After a while just turned back and left.
2) A guy drunk as hell walked by. Suddenly stopped and rummaged his pocket. Took out a cell phone. Took a real close look onnit and tried to take a swigg. After that he threw it away and continued to walk.
3) Wewere checking out this hot chick hanging out at parking lot. Then some guy got jealousyragefit and tried to climb over the fence. There were 3 of us with tools 'n' shit. The chick ran over and pulled he guy away.
Also remembered when one morning on my way over I saw chick scratching her head real hard.

>living in Nigeria
>usually spend the evenings watching TV due to lack of internet at the time
>3 AM, watching The Hills Have Eyes
>go to get a snack
>remember I forgot to turn on garden floodlights
>flip the switch
>look at windows
>crowd of black people gathered at the windows
>holy shit
>they see me
>they run off, see a few climbing the walls to the neighboring compound

I don't think they meant any harm. In the area usually a Nigerian with a TV invites everyone over if there's a movie or football match going on. Still though, I had to get the walls topped with barbed wire. Freaked me the fuck out.

>>17270644
Same guy. All my stories happen when I'm smoking, it's weird.

>At a show, smoking and drinking outside because it's a dry venue and no smoking inside, but I don't give a fuck, I'll do that shit right outside your door
>Looks like some homebum had the same idea only he picked the club nextdoor and a bouncer grabbed his shit and moved it to the street
>Homebum is furious and drunk. He's bitching at the bouncer the whole time
>Just as the bouncer's about to put down an unopened quart of Olde English (yeah, we don't have 40's in Florida) the homebum calls the bouncer a "frilly fucking faggot"
>Bouncer turns around and says, "What'd you call me?"
>"I called you a faggot, ya queer!"
>Bouncer then smashes the homebum in the back of the head with the bottle and knocks him to the ground then kicks him in the face and says, "Don't you fucking call me a faggot, you piece of shit," and storms off
>Another homebum who saw the whole thing runs up and starts shouting
>"Aw naw, man! I told ya, man! Keep yo mouth shut, man!"
>Loudmouth homebum gets up and stumbles around, looking for the bouncer so he can "kick his ass" before his friend leads him away
>He leaves his pack of smokes and unopened bottle of OE
>Snag that shit and go back inside to listen to metal

>>17270918
Yeah, that's weird.

I guess you don't know any of them well enough to just generally invite them over?

>>17270938
I know a few but generally don't go beyond acquaintances.

>>17270920
>I WARNED YOU ABOUT THOSE ST- I mean, BOUNCERS, BRO

>>17270920

Fellow Florida fa/tg/uy here.

Game and area?

Im in the 321

>>17271012
I'm an 850fag. Curse Florida and its hugeness.

I'm currently not in any games, but one of my buddies has been talking about running Paranoia for years now.

>going to work in a hurry
>a wild hobo appears
>Hey guy, could you spare a euro
>No, but i can spare 2 (a 2-euro coin was the only change i had)
>Thanks brotha
>WEEKS later
>walking home late at night
>pretty drunk
>a bunch of thugish arabs appear
>one pulls a knife on me
>from the shadows a dark figure steps forward
>It's the hobo
>he takes out this huge knife and chases them off
>Bad things shouldn't happen to good people, Brotha
I have a smelly guardian angel

>>17271042
31547 here.
Fuck Florida and it's beyond the sea-ness!

>in atlanta, am a high school student at the time
>going to Dragoncon
>never been on atlanta's public railways
>homeless black dude walks up to me with a backpack full of candy corns.
>offers candy corn at $1 a handful.
>tell him no thanks.
>he holds up a stack of DVDs and offers to sell me some 'bootlegs" for $15 a pop
>i read the cover of the first one (it was the transporter of some shit) but the case is see through and i can clearly see the words "turtles having sex" scribbled on it
>No thanks again.
>black guy cartwheels to the end of the train car, spilling candy corn everywhere and offers the next person the same thing.
>black dude eventually leaves.
>i just look at the other person and say "what the fuck?"
>he responds "I've seen weirder shit on these trains.

i haven't been back to atlanta since then but seriously what the fuck.

>>17271094
>"turtles having sex"
>only $15
You missed out on a bargain.

>>17271094
what is it about public transport that attracts weird people like moths to a flame?

I'll just leave this here

>>17271347
I've always wanted to carry around a sword.

>Le walking back from cinema
>Manchester, UK, so cold, wet and miserable is the default
>Coming the other way are two young men painted brown and only wearing speedos
>Paint is running in the rain
>Watch them pass
>whatthefuckjusthappened.gif

Another:
>Walking back from shops at night
>Combined pedestrian/cycle path
>What's that in the distance?
>20-30 men jogging in their underwear being trailed by 4-5 men in suits approaching fast
>Only thing I can think to do is cheer them on
>Get a few cheers back
>Go on my way

University students, oy vey.

>>17271347
That is fucking awesome.

>>17271394

>>17271394
>le

fuck off with that reddit shit

>>17271394
>Le walking back
>Le

>>>/reddit/

>>17271347
As much as I approve, the old man would get hit harder than the jerkass would if this had gone to court. :/

>sitting in math exams, 5 mins left to start
>average age about 22, university students
>somebody walks in, wearing nothing but a diving suit and diving fins
> tells prof he can't take part in the exam
> reasons as follows: he needs to dive to his grandma's funeral
all of my what

>walking home from the bank
>black dude about my age ahead of me walking in my direction
>I stare straight ahead and try to pretend he doesn't exist hoping to pass him on the sidewalk without incident
>As I pass him he says, "Good morning," in a friendly tone and continues on his way.
>I reply with, "Morning." Also in a friendly tone.
>WTF

No, seriously. What kind of guy my age does that? It's just weird. I would never say good morning to anyone, especially if we didn't make eye contact.

>>17271422
Newfag, ho!

>>17271491
>newfag

Here's a tip for you pal. No "oldfags" actually use that term anymore.

>>17271491
No, pretty much all of us hate reddit.

>Walking home one day
>Car drives up next to me, passanger side to me
>Think "OH fuck..." as it slows down
>Realize the Passange is leaning out the window and holding what I can only describe as a Lance. The thing is about 9-10 feet long, made of wood, tipped in metal and wrapped with red and yellow ribbons.
>Passsange calls out to me "Ho young lady, may I ask for thine name?"
>I say "Excuse me?"
>He replies "My lady, if it would please thine soul, I would wish to fight in thine name!"
>I say "Uh... Sarah"
>He screams "SARAH!!!! TODAY I SHALL WIN THE TOURNAMENT IN THINE NAME!!! MY FAIR LADY, THIS I SWEAR UPON MY HOLY LANCE!!!"
>He leans back into the car and says to the drive "ONWARD ROBERT!!!"
>Hear the drive yell "TALLY-HO!!!" as he peals out
>Stand their dumbstruck and slightly lovestruck as well....

>>17271478

I do that all the time, disrespectful prick. He was just trying to be nice, and he didn't heed stupid conventions.

>>17271491
Nigga have you ever been to /mu/? They have reddit hate threads almost as often as /v/ has Bioware hate threads.

Pretty much everybody here thinks reddit is awful.

>>17271541
>>17271524
Pretty sure he means that "Le ..." has been around forever and doesn't signify that a poster has a reddit background.

>>17271533
Those are a couple of cool dudes.
Shame it was a random encounter.

>>17271478
It's common etiquette in Canadian suburbs ad less populated cities to do so, but I see why you might think it's weird.

I said good morning to some guy I walked past in Poland, and he shot me a look as if he'd never been so disgusted/confused by somebody in his life.

>>17271541
>Reddit hate threads
>/mu/
That's not even remotely correct, feel threads though... fucking pope...

>>17271566
Rage comics have been around since forever, but nobody fucking uses them or the faces anymore except for redditors, have you noticed?

The place is the place is the recycling bin of the internet. All the memes they use have been around since forever, and everybody else has grown sick of them already,

>Go to movie theater at night with a couple of friends
>No good showings
>We decide to go to In-N-Out instead
>2 of my friends and I decide to run there
>It ends up being like 2 miles away inside of a shopping center
>As we are sprinting across the street
>An SUV barrels down the road and passes in front of us
>Keeps driving for like 100 feet, then screeches to a halt
>We're frozen in the middle of the street, it's the only car on the whole road
>It slowly starts backing up towards us
>prepareyouranus.jpg
>As the SUV finally stops right next to us, the passenger window rolls down
>There's a 30 year old man in the driver seat wearing a business suit
>In the passenger seat is a black man who looks like a hobo
>In the most calm voice possible, the hobo says
>Soon.
>deargodwhat.jpg
>the window rolls up
>The SUV speeds the fuck out of there like nothing happened

I wish I could make something like this up

>Albuquerque, New Mexico
>Only white boy on the bus
>Speak spanish so I'm "Ok" to most mexicans, not normally afraid of strangers
>young man gets on and sits next to me. He's holding a bag of jerky and eating it
>Just by the smell I can tell it's probably home-made
>I lean over and point at the bag and say "Deer?"
>He laughs and says "Yup, hunted myself. Want to try some?"
>I shrug and say sure. He gives me a piece and I have to say, it was the BEST jerky I have ever had in my life.
>I ask "What do you season this with?"
>He smiles and says "LSD"
>My heart skips a beat
>He still smiles at me, get's off at the next stop
>I have a panic attack on the bus

I'm PRETTY sure he was lying....

>>17271609
>oh no they're using the old stupid thing instead of the new stupid thing oh no oh god oh no

>>17271589

>pope
>mfw

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XMjYY3tbX1k

Whatever, the guy was never as bad as Tourist circa 2008, or Co0ltop about a year or two ago. The thing which separates trolls like Co0ltop and trolls like Pope is that the mods have literally given up on CLT. I remember when he came on just to gloat about how his name had just been inducted into an "auto permaban" list on /fa/.

Even now his name isn't allowed to be included when you post.

>>17271609
Does anybody have that image of a bunch of beat up dirty diamond miners labeled as 4chan with a bunch of jews in suits selling diamonds to everybody else labeled reddit?

>>17271566
Yeah, but reddit has taken it over almost entirely and using it associates it with you. It's like owning a flag with a swastika on it; swastikas have been around for millennia but you ARE gonna get called out as a nazi if someone see it.

>>17271642
Worst trolls (apart from the entirety of /soc/) is Abatap on /tv/

Jesus fucking Christ what a misshapen goblin.

>>17271624
I bet he has a shiteating grin on his face every time he remembers your face when he said that.
At least as broad as my friends who got an American to try and pick up girls, telling them he would not want to buy that rug, please.

>Go to bar with friends late one december
>Get pissed as fuck when we get ready to leave because I didn't drink because I was DD, but they end up calling a cab to take them to another party. Get pissed because I could have been drinking the entire time.
>Rather than go to the party I just walk around the city, tired of all these horrible christmas parties
>Snow is falling, and it's cold, but I don't mind. After walking around randomly for a good 30 minutes I end up sitting on a bench in a snow covered park, just sitting in silence
>Hear someone crying
>Look around confused.
>Watch as the most beautiful girl I've ever seen walks up the sidewalk in a deep red dress and crying her eyes out
>Run up to her, ask her whats happend
>She just looks at me with the most pitiful look and asks me to take her home.
>I say I will and she tells me she lives not three blocks down so we start walking.
>She's still crying, and I'm confused as fuck, terrified someone is going look and think I beat her or something
>All my questions about what happened are waved away
>We reach her home, which is dark, and she just turns to me, actually gives me a kiss on the cheek and says thank you
>she walks in and I stand there for a bit, confused

I've never seen her again, and I'm too afraid I'll seem like a stalker if I go back to her house.

>Be working in Oakland
>Waiting for ride just outside of my workplace
>Suddenly, see horrendously large black woman and her children
>She's yelling at them
>"GET THE FUCK ACROSS THE STREET
>She keeps yelling at her kids to cross the street
>Kids are like 7 or 8
>Loud enough that I can hear her from across the street
>The light is red
>She's still yelling at them to cross the street
>Light turns green
>They finally cross
>She yells at someone to "GET THE FUCK OUTTA MY WAY"

Oh Oakland, I'm so happy I don't work there anymore.

>>17271773
yeah you go knock on that door. get greeted by an old woman
"scuse me, is the, er, lady in red. does she live here?"
old woman sighs "she diiieeed twenty years ago"

>Pumping gas.
>A black man wearing a print fabric cocktail dress and a matching foam statue of liberty crown approaches me.
>The man babbles incoherently, eventually sputtering out that he needs help with something.
>Politely decline.
>Live rest of life without adventure.

I may have fucked up on that one. Looking back, the guy was an obvious quest hook.

>>17271838
And another one, still from my Oakland days
>Working inside
>Hear a loud "HOOONK"
>Hear many many more loud honks
>It quickly becomes deafening
>Go outside to look at what's making all the fuss
>Suddenly, tractor trailers
>Dozens of them
>wtfisgoingon.jpg
>Parade of dozens upon dozens of tractor trailers through the streets of Oakland, all of them honking their horns
>Goes on for something like fifteen minutes
>To this day have no clue what it was for

>>17271773
Go back for christmas with chocolate or something.
It's not stalking if you let a year go by between meetings.

>Senior Year
>Get rejected by three girls I asked to the Prom
>Prom comes and I still don't have a date
>Instead, I go walking around town, bored as fuck
>While walking a young girl in a white summer dress runs up to me. She looks younger than me, maybe a freshman at best
>She looks me over and says "Yeah, you'll do"
>She forcefully grabs my hand and drags me to an abandonded warehouse surrounded by a fence. At the fence is waiting four huge jugs of water
>Girl orders me to get all the jugs over the fence
>Unsure of whats going on I do so
>I then help her over, though she insisted she could do it on her own (i.e. She couldn't)
>I then carry the jugs inside
>Inside are around 20-30 cats, all without collars. The warehouse is big enough that each as their own little area
>The girl begins filling an odd assorment of bowls, which the cats drink out of
>Once it's all done, she leads me back outside and tells me she'll hunt me down and feed me to the cats if I tell anyone about this place
>She laughs and runs away

I've been back there a couple of times. There aren't as many cats and it doesn't seem like she visits anymore, though I still come and give the cats some water every now and then. I've been looking for the girl, but she didn't go to my school and I haven't seen her around town either.

>>17270920
Here's another one
>Just got finished jamming with my friends
>We all decide to go outside for a smoke and chill for a little bit
>As soon as we get outside, we hear a loud crash and look down the street
>Some crackhead just backed his van into one of the neighbor's houses, knocking the whole wall over
>"Holy shit, dude."
>Neighbor isn't home, so crackhead starts lifting everything he can into the back of his van
>Whip out phone to call the cops just as neighbor shows up
>Crackhead must have a sixth sense because he's already speeding off in his van
>Neighbor's yelling at him and wringing his hands at the damage done to his house
>Hear another crash
>Go into the street and see the crackhead jump a fence as he flees the scene of his second crash, headon into a telephone pole
>Cops show up and never find the guy
>"Wanna jam again?"

>>17271989
Now you die.

>>17272026

I doubt you could find the place just by my little story.

I haven't told ANYONE the exact location of that place.

>>17271977

....Again, I don't want to just show up on her front door step all the sudden. She probably doesn't even remember me. We didn't exchange names or anything like that.

I was once someone else's random encounter.

>walking down the street to 7-11 with a friend.
>we've been talking about weird shit all night, current topic is plastic explosives
>I spend some time explaining how using small amounts of C4 you can trepan someone
>3 tough guys approaching as we're talking
>they pass, sudden sound of running
>turn around, they're running away from what they think is a pair of psychopaths

>>17271478
>No, seriously. What kind of guy my age does that? It's just weird.

I do and I'm 23 (white).

So, in Phoenix every February, there's a Japanese cultural festival. Wure, we get a lot of weeaboos, but Phoenix has a cultural exchange program with... Kyoto, I think? Anyways, the festival is about half weeaboo, 35% traditional, 5% overpriced kimonos, and 10% SAKE AND DELICIOUS FOODS.
Anywho, one year my fiance and I were heading down there on the city bus. Part of the way there, a group of cosplayers get on. One is wearing a black suit from Gantz, one is a remarkably well-done Tidus from FFX, and the other one I recognized was Sailor Jupiter (cue nostalgiaboner fuck she was hot)
There were two old women in the seat behind me. I head them making noises of disapproval, and one says to the other, "Really. It's shameful how open these faggots are these days. I hope they never get a permit for their little Pride Parades again."

Only slightly relevant because that weekend is when a great deal of Random Encounters happen for me, even if some are more "lolrandumb" encounters.

>>17271430
>>17271541
>>17271566
>>17271422
If I'd known it'd cause that much guff, I wouldn't have bothered. To answer - I read it, but don't post. Too many image posts.

>>17271773
Wait, is this a thing? Something similar happened to me, though much more low-key:
>walking home (I walk a lot)
>lone girl comes up and asks if she can walk with me
>foreveralone so anxious already, but say okay
>chivalry.exe launched
>blabbering all the way. Asks my name
>"Oh that accent! Where're you from?"
>Northern Ireland
>"Oh, I love that accent! It makes everything sound so dirty! Say something!"
>when on the spot, I don't think well. Wanting to impress, I start singing "She stepped away from me..."
>don't think it was quite what she was expecting. Very confused
>walk in silence until she bids me farewell at the club she was going towards
>didn't even ask for her number

>whorien extreme
That's a bit much, captcha. I was a perfect gentleman.

>>17272067
I did this once. I was talking with some friends and we somehow got onto the topic of how to best kill someone with common kitchen implements. The security guards were giving us really REALLY suspicious looks.

>>17272018
Another for you guys

>Buddy and I are walking to another friend's house to party and get drunk
>On our way, we notice a ton of cops with flashing lights
>Think "Huh, wierd," and keep going
>As we turn a corner, we see another police car
>Instantly, he shines his spotlight on us, and we stop like "The fuck's with this guy?"
>He then speeds off down the road in reverse away from us
>We're just confused, keep going on our way which involves another turn
>Same cop creeps his cruiser to around the corner we took and shines his light on us again
>This time we just keep walking
>Suddenly the cop just peels out and stops right next to us and gets out
>"What are you two doing here?"
>"This is our neighborhood? We live here?"
>"Where are you going?"
>"Our friend's house. What's going on?"
>"We had a report of two people meeting your description in this area."
>"And?"
>"Have a good night."
>"Yeah, good luck finding our evil twins."
>And then he was gone

Just so you know, I normally either dress like a punk kid or a metal kid and have a handlebar moustace; my friend is a short asian kid that wears metal shirts and can actually grow a beard. I doubt anybody matches our description at all.

>>17272229
youre small and a bit feeble and its dark and you have to walk all the way home, trough kidnap-park too...
spot some decent looking gentleman, give him escort quest
seems reasonable. when I was younger and the road home was long and dark I'd often strike up conversations with other wanderers.
ofcourse, you never know when your intended guardian is a greater psycho that the ones in kidnap-park...

>>17271773
You should post this one on /x/, it's very remniscent of a ghost story. Not trying to tread on your post, which was great. Just... very ghost story, which I think is cool.

>>17272169
>>No, seriously. What kind of guy my age does that? It's just weird.
>I do and I'm 23 (white).

Well you must not be from California because just don't do that.

>>17272290

My friend ran into another random encounter where two guys set upon him with a split longways bat. He had a combat knife. He ended up disarming them and taking the bat as a trophy. Once he got back, we unanimously named it 'the ugly stick'.

>>17271879
GET OUT OF MY BRAINPAN.

>>17267339
>crazy
>not awesome

>>17272307
>asian
>can grow beard
ah, probarly of mongol or ainu stock

>>17272169

23 and white as well, and I just do both. When walking by, my head is so far up in the clouds that I don't really pay much more attention than that required to avoid walking into people.

But I at least return the courtesy if someone says Good Morning, Afternoon, or Evening.

>>17272360
He's Filipino

>it's fucking freezing outside, -10 or something with a windchill
>always go out unprepared, end up returning as a nerdcicle
>NOT THIS TIME
>Fucking Ushanka hat and gloves
>Ski Goggles
>Big old fluffy scarf wrapped around face
>snuggly coat
>Let's do this!
>wandering about in my fortress of warmitude
>fools be jealous of my superior thermal insulation
>Walk past an older gentleman wearing a similar get up to mine
>he turns and salutes: "General winter! It has truely been along time since I saw your armies march!"
>salute back, and panic saying the only Russian word I know "Da!"
>he breaks out into laughter, slaps me on the back and goes on his way

I seriously wtf'd

Sometimes I'm grateful for drugs, they provide me with such great adventures.

>on my way back home from a party at 2AM
>high as a kite, stumbling through the dark and singing something to myself
>suddenly three guys stand in front of me
>stop and stare at them
>one of them says something I don't understand
>"...what?"
>he just laughs and hands me a beer
>I don't really remember what happened then
>suddenly be at some dudes house, surrounded by people I've never seen before
>one of them is wearing a goddamn gorilla mask
>two are, for some reason, completely nude
>we sit around, talk about random shit and eat salad that I swear appeared out of nowhere
>wake up much later in my own bed
>on the pillow next to me is a bowling pin with "To my brother from another mother, from Lance" written on it

That was three years ago and I still don't know who Lance is.

>>17267463
I had a stalker chick once. But she eventually worked up the courage to ask me to please go out with her. Then I sort of molested her for a month and since then if I ever ran into her (which wasn't rare) she'd through shit at me.

PLEASE tell me this thread has been archived...

>>17272378
That is the best story ever. "Fortress of warmitude" is awesome.

>at supermarket
>notice old lady making daggers at me
>whatever old lady, you go be crazy over there.
>go to next aisle
>she follows me
>stands a little closer this time
>stares really obviously
>she's just an old lady though, what can i do
>continue through shop
>she follows, closer and closer
>Jaws music is playing in my head
>she finally grabs my arm
>turns me around with a scowl on her face
>she gets a good look at me, her face suddenly goes to shock
>oh!
>she scarpers

mistaken identity?

Not sure if anyone would even want to read the whole thing, so I'll just give a synapse.

>Work at public library
>Customer walks, asks for DnD books
>Show him section that includes DM for Dummies, some nonfiction in that subject, etc.
>Nope, he wants the DnD sourcebooks
>Tell him we don't carry those.
>Tries to convince me that I must not know what he's talking about, they're there
>No, I play DnD. I have read through a lot of this stuff while working here. We don't carry them
>Refuses to believe I play DnD. Because I have a job. And in his world, DnD-players don't have jobs and still live in their parent's basements. His exact words, pretty much.
>Point out that he's a DnD player.
>Walks away in a huff, yelling that not everyone has it so easy

>>17272494
Dude, you were two seconds away from being killed by Uma Thurman

>>17271059
>>17271059
>>17271059

That's absolutely awesome. Give that dude a few more euros, mate.

>>17272063
Introduce yourself as the man who found her crying in a the nearby park one christmas night, escorted her home, and after a kiss a a year, who wanted to know if she was better.

>>17271773

I'll never even get that close to a classic fairy tale dream-girl meeting

>>17266581
>>17271773

Well that's two encounters that could have ended in epic how-I-met-your-mom stories in this thread.

>At work one day, behind the counter waiting on people
>Skinny guy comes up trying to buy some ace bandages
>I ring him up and he reaches into his pocket for his wallet
>Spaghetti falls out onto the floor
>Guy looks shocked
>I can't decide if he's hiding a huge Tollface behind what could have been the best poker face on the planet or not
>Without missing a beat, I say "Not this again!"
>He gives me a WTF look
>Head off to the janitor closet
>Come back, he left without bandages
>Still can't decide if he was trolling

Busy evening on a central city tramstop, me and a friend are chatting before we go our separate ways after a gaming session.

Suddenly this very intoxicated late middle age black guy walks up to us and starts talking. Problem is, not only is he mixing three languages, only two of which I know, even if he wasn't he was to drunk to form words.

There is something about horses and or stables, Bob Marley, watching or watching out or some shit. Then he grabs our hands and holds them together. He blabbers some more and we just nod and pretend we know what he's on about. Then suddenly he lets go and walks off.

As far as I can tell I either signed up to guard Bob Marley's horses or the two of us were wed in some old African tradition.

One time my bro, my gf and I were going to a party on July 28th. We got high as balls and decided it was a theme party. Looking at http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/July_28, I went as Australian arbor day (paper bags and green construction paper), gf as pope Victor 2 (pope hat out of construction paper, robe), bro as Robespierre (powdered wig, period dress). We hung out in the corner at the party, muttering amongst ourselves, and then left after realizing we didn't know anyone there.

>>17267942
I'm from pasadena too bro