The time has come again!

>Heretical Love IX

I mentioned in the last thread I was pissed off by how the thing with the spear and the tsunseer panned out. But I would like to apologize for that as it seems I was in a sadistic mood, and not much more. You see, how much anger would have been how justified from max? Lets break it down. She invites him for dinner saying she forgave him because "Hey, its not like you could have made it worse, what you did made it at least slightly better than slaanesh or cokelord getting those soulds." No logical fallacy there, makes perfect sense. Unless she REALLY wanted to insult him. Then she tries to kill him with a wapon described as being, if I recall correctly, "as/more powerfull than a bolter." Then forgives him AGAIN for the very reasoning she lied that she forgave him. Batshit insanity like this warrants great anger, i'd say, regardless of how he DID react. NOW, imagine the kind of shit hed say if he got fucking pissed at her for that? Now WHAT IF, she was a dere dere instead of tsundere, and he had said something of the same magnitude, implications, and justification? How would she react? Probably badly. And tsunder wouldnt really be all that different, except shed also have to be trying to hide it from him, and convincing herself she isnt having the reaction at all. Now this may be hell to explain in depth of her emotions and such, but the pathetic sack of tears and denial that would be how she reacted wouldnt be all that difficult to portray, and maybe im just a sadistic sick fuck for wanting to have seen that.

“Ugghhh…” You groan as you grab your head.

That wasn’t a soft landing, but good thing you had this solid concrete wall to stop you. Good thing it wasn’t a pillow manafactorum or something.

You hit the release for your belt and, still grumbling, pop the cockpit canopy as well.

“Sorry about that one Mika.”

But she doesn’t respond.

You look over and see her slumped over in her seat.

“H-hey! Mika!”

Quickly rushing over to her, you grab her arm and feel for a pulse.

It’s there, thankfully, and feels entirely normal. She must still just be out cold.

After a bit of fumbling you manage to unhook her from the seat. You would have thought she was heavy with those two metal arms attached to her back, but she’s surprisingly light. Well, you have carried a fully decked out sister after all.

Making sure not to bang her head into anything or drop her, you slowly and carefully lift Mika into your arms. She still isn’t responsive, and you begin to worry that maybe she took that landing harder than you did.

Now secure in your arms and free of overhead obstacles, you carry her off the wreckage.

The front of the Thunderbolt is smashed in, a wing bent forward, sheered at its base. It was a good plane, but it isn’t going to be taking you anywhere else.

Mika must have known what she was talking about though, because the bunker complex in front of you looks more or less impenetrable. Even from here you can see an obscene amount of turrets, cannons, and missiles.

[ ] Front entrance

[ ] Try to find a side door

[ ] Avoid entering for now

>>17271038
tl;dr, shut the fuck up and enjoy the ride

>>17270982

>>17271038
>2011
>overthinking quests
>ISHYGDDT

[x]front entrance
waltz right in the front door

>>17271087
>>17271092
I was bored and waiting for him to make the first post. typing out TL;DR is at least a bit more fun that sitting around F5ing. And I am enjoying the quest, greatly so

>>17271082
front door

>>17271092
>overthinking
Apparently Im capable of drastically over thinking things within a few seconds. what a useless talent

>>17271038
What?

[ ] Front Entrance

kick in the doors and announce Honey, We're HOME!

to announce to
a) any evildoers that they are about to be smited by Max's great justice
or b) to any unevildoers that Commisar Max is their new boss.

>>17271110
just her additional arms, she still has plenty o' fleshy bits

[X] Avoid entering for now
Don't want to get wasted by the turrets accidentally. If there's someone inside, they'll come to check out the mess we made sooner or later.

>>17271115
I got annoyed with how the incident with the tsunseers invitation to dinner, and the first attempt at murder panned out. Not much more to say, I mentioned it already in that post, unless you're looking for a shorter version of the TL;DR, in which case, dont mind it, its nothing important

>>17271082
Avoid entering for now.

Jesus, our Teckey is out cold, and she stated before that "There's turrets and stuff" all over. Did you people learn nothing from Fallout/D&D?

I say we try to get her conscious and rolling again.

>[x] Try to find a side door

Without Mika to recite the Litany of Let Me The Fuck In or something, braving the turrets seems a stupid idea.

rolled 19 = 19

Kick open the front door and shout LETS ROCK
Max is just that badass
rolling for how awesome hell be able to make it look and sound

>>17271115

tl;dr: an autist crying. Best left ignored.

>>17271145
wake Mika, then front door grand entrance

17271152
>19
PAPA N?!
PAPA N, YOUD BETTER GIMME THIS BECAUSE THIS IS GONNA BE ONE BADASS ENTRY

>>17271152

Good roll.

>>17271154
>crying
what?

Let's try to check Mika some more. See if she needs any immediate medical aid.

Also, I'm having trouble with suptg. Can anybody remind me what the DE twins were named?

>>17271161
>>17271152
You people haven't learned not to roll when unprompted.
>Loli D bad end here we goooooo!

>>17271152
Way to waste a good roll.

>>17271168

Sen-something? I forget. Suptg seems to be having a bit of a shit-fit at the moment, it'll probably be back soon.

>>17271152
Thanks for wasting that roll, anon.

>>17271178
I think it was something like Senna and Senda, but I dunno lol, as they say.

>>17271168
senna and senda.

Well, by the looks of it, those turrets are automated. You look like any other commissar and you are carrying a tech-priestess. Hopefully that will mean you won’t get turned into goo by heavy bolter fire.

The main entrance is large, large enough to fit a tank through.
A tank which comes roaring up the ramp at you.

You jump to the side as the baneblade speeds by, probably at its max speed. You manage to see the word “Rex” painted across the side.

However the tank pays you no mind, and instead begins circling the large field, it’s turrets rotating as if scanning for threats.

Well, at least it didn’t kill you.

You enter the large door which is still open. The room is enormous, filled with computer terminals and whatnot, and also completely empty.

“~Oh good. Company.~” Comes a melodious robotic voice.

You look around quickly, but don’t see anything.

“~I hope Rex didn’t startle you, I’ve just let him out to play.~”

Finally you look up, and see what’s been talking to you.

It’s some kind of contraption of robot orb things, attached to the ceiling. It peers down at you ponderously with a glowing orange eye.

>>17271175
>>17271189

>Implying Papa-N doesn't react to awesome ideas and good rolls

>>17271200

Oh shit.

>>17271204
Oh he does, but usually it's by trolling us.

>>17271204
unfortunately, he did not that one. Probably because he didnt have the idea of anything immediatly deadly in the factory

>>17271200
>melodious robotic voice
>some kind of contraption of robot orb things, attached to the ceiling

>>17271229
err, building

>>17271200
>It’s some kind of contraption of robot orb things, attached to the ceiling. It peers down at you ponderously with a glowing orange eye.
oh hai GLADOS

>>17271200
So you are glad to see os?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kWEoiyu2PqA

Some situation-appropriate music, methinks.

“Rex… The baneblade?”

“~Indeed. This fortress is fully autonomous, and currently empty.~”

You were hoping to find some other people, hopefully someone who could help you out with Mika.

“Hey, robot thing, I think my friend here might be hurt.”

The orb whizzes as it extends its lens, taking a closer look at Mika.

“~Medical bay, follow the red line.~”

“Hey, thanks!”

As you pass by underneath the robot, you look up and notice the word “SLaDOS” painted on the side of it.

Whatever, it seems trustworthy enough.

>>17271200
"Pleasant company at that, what is this place?"

rolled 13 = 13

inquire as to the proper documentation of that clearly AI driven tank is, accuse the robo-voice of tech-heresy, and deliver the Empra's Righteous Justice post haste

>>17271258
"Thanks for letting us in."

>>17271258

>you look up and notice the word “SLaDOS” painted on the side of it.

If GLaDOS is Genetic Lifeform and Disk Operating System, what's SLaDOS?

>>17271258
Seems legit.

On the other hand, who doesn't want to screw GLaDOS?

>>17271258
Awww fuck, alright, let's get our Mech taken care of, but be on the lookout for robot douchebaggery.

Do we know the Litany of "I can't let you do that Dave."?

>>17271288
She's right up there with Shodan on the list.

>>17271288

O_O


Pic sort of related?

>>17271286
hrmmmm...
sexy...sociopathic...special...

>>17271322
Synthetic, Symbiotic, Suicidal, Sanguine....

Shodan Lifeform and Disk Operating System.

>>17271332
synthetic lifeform and disk operating system
makes most sense

...slaaneshi?

>>17271353

You might not be far off. This is Heretical Love, after all...

>>17271312
maybe it's their love child?

>>17271359

Dirty sexy lesbian mad AI love-child... I.. erm..

I'll just be over here. No need to bother me.

The red line takes you through a series of large passages, and terminates quite early at what you can easily tell is the medical bay.

You enter, and notice the place is empty. A medical bay isn’t going to be much help without someone who knows what they are doing…

Carrying Mika through the ward, you finally give up, there isn’t anyone to help you here.

You set her down on a bed and think hard.

But before you can start to play doctor, a metallic voice sings from behind you.

“~Preliminary scan complete, tech-priestess condition optimal. She is simply unconscious, Commissar.~”

You sigh in relief.

“Thanks. When will she be awake?”

“~Difficult to tell, but she will. You can entrust her to my care.~”

You don’t feel entirely right about leaving Mika here…

Your communicator interrupts your train of thought.

It’s a call from your friend Douglass.

Your DEAD friend Douglass.

The important thing is that Mika doesn't end up in an orange jumpsuit. Then we're in trouble.

>>17271390

Well, this is about to get interesting.

>>17271390
"Stop calling me doug, you're dead, you cant even talk"

rolled 6 = 6

answer it, but as soon as whoever it is starts to talk, yell YOUR DEAD and hang up.

>>17271391

I'd be less concerned about Mika ending up in a jumpsuit than Max. How will we fight / seduce the enemies of the Imperium without hat-chan?

>>17271408

Indeed.

>>17271412

WHY ARE YOU CALLING ME

YOU'RE DEAD YOU CAN'T USE A TELEPHONE

WHO EVEN GAVE YOU A PHONE ANYWAY

>>17271428
CORPSE SHOULDNT KNOW WHAT TELEPHONES IS

>>17271440

THEN WHO WAS PHONE?

HOW DO YOU KNOW MY LANGUAGE

>>17271449
CORPSEPHNEDOUGCALLINGAPPLESDONTDEADBEARSKNOWWHATALTERITOOLRISPAGHETTIMAXDOUGWHOSLADOSDEADPHONECALLIN
GDEADHOW

WHATEVER WE DO, WE MUST ALWAYS ENSURE THAT OUR HAT IS SAFE!

THROW A FEW PARANOID GLANCES AT THE SLADOS, IT IS OF HIGH PROBABILITY THAT IT LURED US HERE TO STEAL OUR HAT!

Quickly you accept the transmission and whip the phone to your ear.

“Douglass, man, what the fuck? I saw you die!”

There is no noise for several seconds.

Until finally the silence is permeated by a series of soft metallic clicks and what sounds like metal scraping against something.

The transmission ends. You call it back, but whatever it is that has his communicator, it doesn’t pick up.

“I can trust her with you?” You finally ask SLaDOS.

“~I will take good care of her Commissar.~”

You don’t have much of a choice, you need answers.
Mika’s communicator isn’t difficult to find, on an inside pocket of her robe. You pull it out and quickly exchange frequencies.

You find a pen and some paper and quickly scribble her a note telling her what just happened and that she needs to call you as soon as she wakes up.

“Make sure nothing happens to her, because if something does, I’ll come back to kick robot ass and chew bubble gum. And I don’t think Yagis V has any gum.”

The robot laughs cheerfully.

“~This is a safe place Commissar, she will not be harmed.~”

With one last look back at the limp tech-priestess, you head back into the outdoors.

You are going to find answers, but you don’t even know where to start. You have a feeling you will find out somehow though.

[ ] Spy on what has the Orks acting so weird, you’ve never seen them like THIS.

[ ] The Necrons are surely up to something sinister…

[ ] Burn some heretic traitors with the bolter bitch babe.

[ ] Help the Tau girl find her brother.

[x] The Necrons are surely up to something sinister

>>17271509

FUCK, I KNEW IT! DOUGLAS HAS BECOME A NECRON IN ORDER TO STEAL OUR HAT!

QUICKLY! STRAP EXPLOSIVES TO YOURSELF, START THE TIMER TO EXPLODE AND ENGAGE HIM IN MORTAL COMBAT!

NO ONE SHALL HAVE OUR HAT!

>>17271514
>[X] The Necrons are surely up to something sinister…

Lolicron! Lolicron! We can help her find her metal panties!

[X] The Necrons are surely up to something sinister…

>>17271534

THAT SAID I CHOOSE THE

[NECRON]

OPTION!

>>17271514

>[x] Spy on what has the Orks acting so weird, you’ve never seen them like THIS.

IT'S TIME.

[x] The Necrons are surely up to something sinister…

>>17271514
Tau girl.

rolled 83 = 83

>>17271514
[x] the NewCrons are surely up to somthing sinister..

>>17271514
No matter what you do do NOT go back to the sororitas. She can probably smell all the heresy on you from a mile away, possibly literally.

WAIT before we do ANYTHING we must make SLaDOS understand that Mika isn't to be any more techifyed in ANY WAY. on pain of decompiling.

[X] Spy on what has the Orks acting so weird, you’ve never seen them like THIS.

We need an Ork wingman

>>17271563

BUT WOULD SHE ALSO NOT SMELL THE EMPEROR'S DIVINE TOUCH UPON OUR MAGNIFICENT HAT?

IY CHOOZ WAAAAAAAAAAGGGHHHHH

>>17271575

Hey, you with the Alpha Legion?

rolled 2 = 2

>>17271568
this.

and help the tau girl find brother

Necron time!

>>17271575
Shed probably just think it smells like that because commisairs hats are naturally blessed by the emporer. Your BODY of course, HERESY TO THE MAX, PAIN TO THE MAX. GET READY TO BURN BABY

>>17271563

>Implying it won't end up like pic related.

>>17271568
And no testing. Of any kind.

>>17271584

WHAT? ALPHA-LEGION?

I KNEW IT! FUCK!

I WILL RUN INTO THIS DIRECTION NOW, AND DON'T ANY OF YOU EVEN THINK ABOUT FOLLOWING ME!

FUUUUUCCCCKKKK! I KNEW WE SHOULD HAVE ENLARGED THE PURGE CHAMBERS AGAIN!

>>17271593
BUT THINK OF ALL THE HERESY, THE SWEET DELICIOUS HERESY
You got a BJ from a loli khornette, fucked an older one, a nurgle, hot dogged a tau and got a BJ from said tau, consorted with an eldar multiple times, WELL, FUCK, ILL BE DAMNED IF SHE CANT ALREADY SMELL IT AND JUST DOESNT THINK ITS YOU

A long, last drag of his cigarette.

Douglass looks out over the raging seas far below, wind whipping the yellow ribbon he always kept with him into a frenzy. His fingers run over the fabric, remembering.

“Almost hard to believe, isn’t it Max?”

He doesn’t look back at you, face hard against the weather, jaw set.

“I mean, can you really believe it? All of it? Passing training, the graduation, getting shipped off to serve the Emperor?”

He flicks the butt and watches it soar through the air, taken by the wind.

You aren’t exactly sure what to say, it should be a happy day, but you know it can’t be, not entirely.

“Something to be proud of, all of us.” Is all you can manage.

Douglass doesn’t turn around but nods slowly. He might be the toughest guy you know, but everyone has their weak point…

>>17271593
Okay, so the Phallussar, Raege, Fuklaw, and...

I don't know the fourth one. Enlighten me, /tg/?

Lycheria and her sisters show up in parade march. Usually cheerful, zealous faces, now rendered solemn.

The battlefield is covered in a light layer of snow, preserving the scene before you as it was when you left it.

Guardsmen, your comrades, dead where they fell.

“Thanks for doing this for me.” You tell Lycheria, who squeezes your hand.

“They passed on as they lived, in glorious service to the Emperor and in protection of their families.”

She turns to the Sorita waiting in the open hatch of the Immolator, and nods.

Fire erupts from flamers, bodies crackling peacefully as they are consumed.

The night grows dark, and you haven’t moved, watching the fire as it slowly begins to die down. The sisters each clap you lightly on the shoulder or speak soft, encouraging words. Lycheria puts her hand on your back for a moment, watching with you, before she turns to go. She knows now isn’t the time, there are some things a man just has to see through himself.

You watch the fire for hours as the sky grows ever darker.
Finally, nothing but glowing coals and ash.

>>17271612

BRACE FOR HOMOEROTICA

>>17271608

Maybe, but the delicious heresy will make her wetter than a nun in a field of cucumbers.

ALRIGHT!

AFTER A SHORT TRIP TO THE PURGE-CHAMBERS AND A LONG TRIP TO DESTROY THE BASE, THE PLANET AND MAKE THE SUN GO SUPERNOVA IN ORDER TO ELIMINATE ALL ALPHA-LEGION THREATS...

AND AFTER A SUBSEQUENT REINCARNATION GRANTED BY THE EMPRAH, FOLLOWED BY SLAUGHTERING MY NEW PARENTS TO MAKE SURE THEY WERE NOT ALPHA-LEGION-AGENTS WHO HAD SPAWNED ME IN THE HOPES OF USING ME TO INFILTRATE...

I AM NOW READY TO VOTE AGAIN!

You look at the yellow ribbon in your hand, dirty and torn.
You try to think of something to say, but you can’t come up with anything. Douglass was always the quiet, stoic type anyways.

The ribbon slips through your fingers, the stiff wind lifting it away from you. It spins and dips in the cold evening air. You watch silently as it finally disappears into the darkness beyond.

A Necron tomb is close by, and the data on the servo skull showed it to be abandoned. Perhaps it’s dim halls can provide some time to reflect.

With a final salute, one you hold for several moments, you turn your back, commending your friends to the afterlife.

All of your friends except Douglass, who’s body you didn’t find.

>>17271648
I hope your right, because judging from the kind of heresy we've commited, our inquisitor might not be too pleased at our next visit to her if you arent

>>17271667
What the fuck just happened?

>>17271676

Flashback?

>>17271682
it was with lycheria
and mentions going to a necron tomb, which was the majority vote.

>>17271669

How dare you say that! Our Inquisitor does not shirk his duty when there is Heresy to be... investigated...

>>17271676

A remembrance ceremony for the guardsmen who fell in the first thread.

Papa-N is setting it up so when we run into the benecroned remains of our old best friend it has more emotional impact.

>>17271667

IMMEDIATELY CHECK YOUR HAT!

BEING REINCARNATED BY THE EMPRAH HAS GRANTED ME A VISION! I SAW THIS VERY HAT ENTOMBED, SERVING AS THE PILLAR OF THE IMPERIUM!

THIS HAT IS THE ONLY THING THAT GRANTS THE IMPERIUM STRENGTH TO STAND AND CONTINUE HOLDING THE LINE!

IT IS OUR HOLIEST OF DUTIES TO PROTECT IT FROM ANY HARM THAT MAY BEFALL IT! BEWARE OF THE ALPHA-LEGION! FOR THEY MAY ATTEMPT TO USE IT TO THEIR OWN FOUL ALPHA-LEGION-NISH GAIN!

>>17271712

Hey, look, it's one of those Paranoid Marines. I thought you guys all blew yourselves up or some shit.

>>17271719

WOULDN'T YOU LIKE TO KNOW? FUCK! BURN EVERYTHING DOWN! TO THE PURGE CHAMBERS! HE MIGHT BE ANOTHER ALPHA-LEGION AGENT!

>>17271719
They havnt thought of a way to do it without leaving zero trace behind, apparanlty. I mean ZERO.

The crypt is as silent as well, a crypt.

You know there are active Necrons on this planet, but this isn’t a place they use any more, according to the skull anyways.

The tomb is illuminated by soft green light, which is nice because you probably wouldn’t have entered if it was dark.

Despite what it is, you find the tomb peaceful. The quiet a reprieve from everything you’ve gone through since first touching down on this planet.

Deeper and deeper you descend, making sure to keep track of exactly how to get out as you do.

You pause, however, when you hear something.

Almost indiscernible, a soft rhythmic clanging.

[ ] Sneak closer and try to stay hidden

[ ] Draw your pistol and follow the noise

[ ] Pussy out

[x] Draw your pistol and follow the noise

>>17271752
[ ] Sneak closer and try to stay hidden

>[x] Draw your pistol and follow the noise

HAT-CHAN PROTECTS

[x] Sneak closer and try to stay hidden

>>17271752
>[ ] Sneak closer and try to stay hidden

no need for dumb heroics. this is necrons we are talking about

>>17271752

>[X ] Draw your pistol and follow the noise

FUCK! IT IS TIME TO BECOME TRULY PARANOID! LIVE THE CREED! LIVE THE CREED!

I sincerely hope you have those explosive near you in case you are in need of VIOLENT PURGE?

>>17271752

>[X] Sneak closer and try to stay hidden

draw your pistol and sneak closer. Cmon

[ ] Draw your pistol and follow the noise

first motherfucker we see gits a face full of the Empra's Light

Sneak

....

So we're sneaking up with our gun drawn?

>>17271820
YES. best plan

draw your gun and sneak while trying to stay hidden, just with your gun drawn in case you fail
Should we roll for stealth?

>>17271820

IS THERE ANY OTHER WAY TO SNEAK?

>>17271820

What could possibly go wrong?

>>17271820
>>17271824

Going by votes, yep.

I like how not one person suggested running away from the necrons.

>>17271820

SOUNDS LIKE A PLAN

Even IF a commissar would never stoop so low as to 'sneak' into battle like a emprah-damned Eldar.

While you are curious, there is no need to tempt fate.

You crouch and continue quietly, making as little noise as you can. The deathly silence of the tomb doesn’t make that easy.

*clang* *clang* *clang*

The noise is getting closer, and is probably loud enough that whatever’s making it hasn’t heard your footsteps. Your heart beats ever harder the closer you get.

*Clang* *Clang* *Clang*

Its so close now, just inside a room ten feet in front of you. You inch closer and closer along the wall, your heart in your throat now.

*CLANG* *CLANG* *CLANG*

With a bit of trepidation, you slowly peek out into the room.

You aren’t sure what to think of the sight that greets you.

>>17271840

>Implying Max would pussy out of anything

By this point, there's pretty much nothing he wouldn't take on. Khorne himself could come striding out of a doorway and Max would just introduce him to the pimp hand.

>>17271848

>In b4 two necrons humping

>>17271859
and say "i fucked your daughter"

>>17271848

It's going to be a necron masturbating, isn't it.

>>17271859
>Khorne himself could come striding out of a doorway and Max would just introduce him to the pimp hand.

I think Max would compliment him what a fine daughter he has.

>>17271859
well, by now it seems that the only way to hold bad fate at bay is to constantly tempt it.

onii-chan my scarabs are moving on their own~

>>17271886
Not even Fate can resist the raw animal magnetism of Max.

>>17271886

Are you sir, suggesting that 'bad luck' is Tsundere for Max?

rolled 7 = 7

Max should whip his dick out. The size should surely scare off any hostile Necrons, right?

>>17271910

Or a Flayed One could get jealous.

>>17271899
almost as much as that damn eldar.

rolled 4 = 4

>>17271931
Then we fuck it.

Also, YES DEAR GOD I'M PARTICIPATING IN A MAJOR QUEST AND IT'S ALSO HERETIC QUEST YES

Prepare yourself. ere come the unnecessary rolls.

>>17271940

Then learn the rules, YOU DON'T ROLL UNLESS REQUIRED, YOU TEMPT THE DICE GODS.

oh lord the DougCron is going to eat us,

FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU-

THE OP HAS BEEN TAKEN BY THE ALPHA-LEGION!
HE PROBABLY HAD BEEN AN ALPHA-LEGIONAIRE-SLEEPER-AGENT ALL ALONG!

FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK!!!!!!!!

BURN EVERYTHING DOWN! ABANDON SHIP! THE VACUUM IS SAFER THAN THIS!

>>17271971
jesus christ dude, calm the fuck down

A Necron, or what you at least think is a Necron, has another more generic one bent over a rock.

The one standing is dangling with flesh, sickeningly moist flesh which jiggles and shakes as the Necron thrusts.
The one bent over the rock struggles, but is held in place by scythe-like claws stuck into its back.

Before you can react, the flayed one looks quickly over at the doorway. Eyes meet yours.

Douglass’s eyes. Or where they should have been anyways.

His face is contorted in what looks like a scream, stretched across the head of the Necron like some kind of mask. Pale, dead skin taut against metal underneath. The jaw bounces and the cheeks jiggle as the flayed one continues its rape.

You realize, feeling sick, that this thing is wearing Douglass.

*CLANG* *CLANG* *CLANG*

The Necron doesn’t take its eyes off you as it finally stops thrusting, reaches forward with its other clawed hand, and starts pulling off the other one’s head. The injured Necron cries out, which quickly falls silent, as it’s spine is ripped from its body.

The flayed one tosses the head and spine at your feet, before uttering a terrible metallic screech.

You don’t even think, you just run.

Roll for sprint.

rolled 12 = 12

>>17271982

rolled 13 = 13

>>17271982
ROLL!!!

rolled 1 = 1

>>17271982

NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE

RUNNING LIKE HELL

>>17272001

GAME OVER MAN GAME OVER.

rolled 13 = 13

>>17271982
But I wanna shoot it!
Fine, roll for sprint

>>17272001

>>17272001

Please be gentle Papa..

rolled 1 = 1

NOPE.

>>17271976

That one initiate once told me to 'calm down'. Want to know what happened to him?

HE TURNED OUT TO BE AN ALPHA-LEGIONAIRE-SLEEPER-AGENT!

ONLY AFTER THE HEROIC PLIGHT OF BROTHER-DOUGAL IN THE DEATHWATCH, AFTER HE RECEIVED AN ANONYMOUS BUT FOOLHARDY TIP THAT ONE OF THEM WAS AN ALPHA-LEGIONAIRE,

FOLLOWED KILLING HIS OWN SQUAD, ANNIHIALATING HALF THE BASE, LURING IN THE LORD-INQUISITOR AND OPENING A BLACK-HOLE TO CRUSH THE ENTIRE SYSTEM HE WAS CAPABLE OF STOPPING THE ALPHA-INFILTRATION!

DON'T YOU DARE TELLING ME TO CALM THE FUCK DOWN, I'M NOT EVEN PANICKING YET!

rolled 16 = 16

>>17272001

(UN)HOLY FUCK!

rolled 2 = 2

>>17272001
welp, that went well

>>17271971
Seriously. Here, take some of these non-heretical Mechanicus-approved muscle relaxants. They'll calm you down and are completely non-poisonous.

>>17272001

>Rolled one

>Post ending in 001

>Couldn't have gotten a more natural 1 if I had tried

I just doomed Max. I'm... I'm so sorry...

rolled 7 = 7

>>17272027
>>17272001

Ah fuck me.

rolled 1 = 1

>>17271982
Shitty rolls ahoy!

>>17272001
>>17272027

Rapist cron and double 1's ...
We're fucked!

>>17272034
>>17272027
>>17272001
Damn.
You Guys.
i'm dying of laughter here

rolled 18 = 18

holy shitfuck. rolling.

HAVE MERCY PAPA N
I DONT WANT MAX TO GET RAPED BY A NECRON

>>17272001
>>17272027
>>17272034
>>17272052

rolled 10 = 10

>>17271951
I WILL ROLL WHAT I WANT TO, WHEN I WANT TO. CAPSLOCK!

rolled 1 = 1

>>17272052
Ohohohohoho

>>17272052
>>17272027
>>17272001

Wow, I've got to say, that is pretty damn impressive.

rolled 20 = 20

>>17271982

What're we rolling? D20s? Rolling a D20.

rolled 20 = 20

shit, Shit, SHIT

>>17272052

Another 1. We are so boned.

>>17272069
>>17272001
>>17272027
>>17272034
>>17272052

OH MY GOD, THIS IS THE BEST THING EVER
>>17272074 Will this sole 20 save the world?

>>17272072
oh god
OH GOD OH NO
THIS IS GONNA BE WORSE THAN THE NOISE MARINES AND LYCHERIA AND THE BILE CANNON

rolled 1 = 1

I get the feeling that there is somebody purposefully rolling a d4 to ruin our quest.

>>17272077
>>17272074
So many 1's, and then 2 nat's in a row. We should count this as "Take 10"

rolled 11 = 11

Rollan for epic DEATH

rolled 20 = 20

Not one, but TWO nat 20s,
we will fish out the poor necron being raped
WE ARE THE BEST FISHERMEN

>>17272077
>>17272074

Just after Papa-N recognised the triple nat 1s

rolled 3 = 3

I SWEAR TO GOD, DICE GODS, YOU SHALL GRANT MAX A 20 OR FACE THE WRATH OF THE EMPRAH

These rolls. Are the best thing ever.

>>17272089
Said the guy with the noko'd die.

rolled 9 = 9

>>17272097
>>17272077
>>17272074
We're having 3 Nat 20 here

So, 5 nat 1s vs. 3 nat 20s. WHO WILL WIN?

rolled 14 = 14

It can't get much worse now ...

There are way too many 1's, and not enough 20's! The probabilities cannae handle anymore, cap'n!

rolled 19 = 19

I think the dice are just fucking with us.

Oh jesus, we're screwed.

rolled 14 = 14

Get 1

rolled 1 = 1

PAPA?
PAPA, YOU THERE? PLEASE, PLEASE ONLY COUNT NON NOKO DICE ROLLS, AT LEAST IT MIGHT SAVE US JUST A LITTLE

rolled 11 = 11

Incoming nat 20.

I will save us all.

rolled 3 = 3

Oh god, I just woke my roommate up with laughter.
This shit is pure gold.

>>17272122
All of the 1 were Noko fella
incluiding yours

rolled 20 = 20

Papa, we are not finished rolling.

DO YOU FUCKTARDS STILL WANT ME TO CALM DOWN?

rolled 13 = 13

Nooooooooo

>>17272122

You... you bastard.

What have you done.

>>17272134
were non-noko

>>17272139
yes

>>17272139
stop talking in caps, please
it's annoying

rolled 16 = 16

FOR THE DARK GODS

I have never seen so many nat 1s, ever. They're... they're EVERYWHERE.

Well, it was nice knowing you Max, you glorious, glorious bastard.

>>17272150

Alright then.

rolled 1 = 1

>>17272027
>>17272034
>>17272052
>>17272069
>>17272089
>>17272122

Stop rolling d4s you haters.

>>17272001
>>17272027
>>17272052
>>17272069
>>17272089
>>17272122

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XREnvJRkif0&feature=youtu.be

>>17272175
Whatever you say brah

rolled 8 = 8

this is too amusing not to roll

>>17272175

...seriously, dice gods?

You cry out in pain as sharp claws rip into your back, tearing through your skin. You are still running, fast enough to keep the flayed one just out of lethal range, hopefully.

As you sprint up back the way you came, you draw the laspistol and fire it over your shoulder. Even the shots that connect seem to have little effect.

The flayed one is screaming in its soulless robotic tone as it chases you down, enjoying the hunt.

Blood is pouring from the wound on your back, the pain would be too excruciating to move if you were not currently fleeing for your life.

It doesn’t seem like it’s any use running, as the claws rake you again and again.

You can feel your legs growing weaker, though you keep pressing on as hard as you can. Your back, much of which now is shredded, is slick with your own blood.

The claws lash out again, and with a terrible dread and disbelief, you feel much of your left arm fall from your body. Your eyes take in what used to be your arm, now a stump that ends before your elbow.

Screaming at the pain, you fall to the cold floor below.
You turn around to see the flayed one working it’s bladed fingers madly as it stands over you, it seems to be reveling in your impending death.

Until a green bolt of energy catches it in the side, tearing away metal and scorching the flayed one’s skin dress.

The Necron train has no brakes. No brakes at all.

>>17272175

Ahh, influencing, manipulating to the most diverse results...

...my... speciality...

rolled 1 = 1

Why does this happen. Every time I see a quest thread that looks cool, the dice gods show up to troll.

>>17272199
We totally didn't deserved to be saved.
But Oh well, thank you Papa N

rolled 8 = 8

My first ever quest thread and it FAILS. Thanks, /tg/

>>17272199

Well, all things considered, an arm isn't too bad.

...It wasn't Max's fapping arm, was it?

>>17272199
STICK THE ARM BACK ON
GRAB IT, AND STICK IT BACK ON, AND CAUTERIZE IT WITH YOUR PISTOL

Is our Hat ok?

>>17272209


...yep.

rolled 8 = 8

>>17272212
You're welcome

>>17272217
its okay, the mechanicus can fix that. they can fix anything

rolled 14 = 14

Just mention fish in your post*,
whenever we fish we role nat 20s
FOR WE ARE THE BEST FISHERMEN

no noko allowed*

>>17272244
I hope that blast came from mika, because we could use someone who knows shit about prosthetic mechanical limbs

>>17272269
It's a Necron.

rolled 4 = 4

Time to go see Da Orkz and gets us a Power Klaw. But anyways, RIP AND TEAR! RIP AND TEAR! RIP AND TEAR! That was our tit grabbing arm! This Flayed Fuck is about to learn that the Max Train ain't got no Breaks.

Scream, and hit it with our Chain Sword to the face.

>>17272244

Gentlemen, we can rebuild him. We have the technology.

>>17272276
The question is, what kind of 'cron is it.

rolled 11 = 11

here, let me help you a little...

rolled 15 = 15

>>17272292
A Flayed One. This has been covered.

>>17272281
The best kind, the kind that saved us from getting a metal dick up the ass.

>>17272297
I meant the shooting one.
Is it a Lord, who wants us for himself to torture?
Is it a pariah who wants to remorse on his past self and have a tea with us?
Is it a tomb sypder, and we will soon become material for something horrific?
Or is it somekind of other 'cron.

rolled 5 = 5

>>17272281

Calm down, fool!
First off, we MUST make sure our HAT is in working condition.

'We' have taken an... interest in it...

>>17272292

It's currently not trying to kill us.

That's a step above where we were.

Not a huge step, but it's progress.

>>17272318
Probably the one that was being raped?

>>17272334
>>17272318

Dollars to Dildos says that it's that one female cron.

Lol cron? Lolicron?

Whatever.

>>17272334

That one got its head ripped off.

>>17272354

Or maybe it's Xeno, and /tg/ quest threads will come full circle.

rolled 17 = 17

>>17272318
Oh my bad, I missed the last line of the post. I think it's lolicron.

>>17272359
but its still a robot, cant it just solder itself back together or something?

>>17272359
Oh That's True.
Maybe some kinda of Necron Policeman, who heard the stories of a Rapist and stuff like that

>>17272361

>Xeno

Alright, Lolicron seems to be the fan favorite theory here, but fuck me I never thought about Xeno.

Xeno would make SO much sense.

The flayed one turns around, screaming madly.

Another bolt of gauss fire catches it, this time center chest.

The skin-wearing mother fucker falls to its knees, jaw working furiously but emitting no sound.

One last shot obliterates its head, and the monstrosity of metal and flesh collapses right beside you.

You look up even as you grip your stump, trying to stop the bleeding as best you can.

Another Necron steps into view, this one far more humanoid. The pariah peers down at you curiously, poking you lightly with its staff.

You can’t even struggle as it walks closer still. You notice its long black braid, held together with glowing green jewelry. Its features are soft, feminine even. The Necron looks almost like a human girl.

One who stands back up and levels it’s gauss gun right at you.

Until a bolter round whizzes past its head.

“We claim victory over this tomb, and all shall know of our glorious battle here!”

More bolter fire, and the pariah hisses furiously before retreating into a dark side-passage.

Heavy boots approach from behind you, but you can’t even turn to look. You can actually feel your heart slowing.

“…Call for the Apothecary, quickly!” The marine beside you yells.

Just before you black out, you notice the paint scheme.

Gold trim…

rolled 9 = 9

>>17272371

Being a necron, it can indeed... though it most likely suffered memory loss.

>>17272380
>“We claim victory over this tomb, and all shall know of our glorious battle here!”

Oh Dem Partridges

>>17272380

>Not Xeno

Damn, I had my-

Wait.

>Gold Trim.

You motherfucker.

>>17272380
if they find out you're not really a commisair, your FUCKED. Im suprised they cant smell your heresy already. Or maybe they just think its the tomb

>>17272380

Ah, I wondered when you would arrive my bro-

*cough*

I mean... what a fortunate turn of events!... for us... indeed.

>>17272396

Oh christ, it's the Partridges

>>17272402

If they're Galactic Partridges, they won't give a toss about your heresy as long as you heap praise on them.

>>17272380

>pariah

Confirmed for oldcrons...

The Partridges are here!

Oh shi- What if they try to steal the glory of our many conquests?

>>17272375
please be Necron RoboCop, oh please, oh please, oh please

>>17272421
We never steal glory! We just take what is rightfully ours!

Vae Victis!

>>17272421
if we're alive we can always conquest them. but the living is the important part.

>http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NMqXWPZqNuc&t=1m10s
This Music Starts to Play when they arrive

>>17272420

>MFW the Oldcrons are still around and fighting the Newcrons

>>17272445

Oh god, this song again

>>17272445
Newcrons never gonna make it.

“Commissar…”

The voice a million miles away.

“Commissar!”

You awaken with a jolt. You are laying on a white bed, heavy bandages wrapped around your chest.

Was it all a dream?

One look to your left, at the stump greeting you there, confirms it was not.

You feel sick. Where you once had an appendage, now you have nothing. You can’t even look at it, turning your head away quickly.

“Feeling alive again?” The voice turns away, “Thank you for your assistance brother Genevus, please go help any other wounded.”

“Chapter master?” Genevus asks hesitantly.

“It’s quite all right, leave us.”

You turn to look at the source of the conversation.

One space marine is already exiting the room; and another, a giant in what you think is terminator armor, sits down beside you. His obscene amount of purity seals rustling as he adjusts in the chair.

The marine next to you sits back and takes a drink out of a mug, which curiously bears the symbol of a wolf.

“Well Commissar, or should I say, guardsman, what say you?”

>>17272503
>“Well Commissar, or should I say, guardsman, what say you?”

OH FUCK

>>17272503

>“Well Commissar, or should I say, guardsman, what say you?”

Aw shit.

>>17272503
>Space wolves
OH BOY OH BOY OH BOY OH BOY OH BOY OH BOY OH BOY OH BOY OH BOY!

>>17272503
Act like you're a commisair. Dont say you are, or deny what he said, just talk like you are one.

>>17272503

Gold trim and a space wolf mug gentlemen hold onto your everything. These are Blood Ravens.

>>17272503
just doing what I can to keep fighting the good fight in the name of the Emperor.

WORRY NOT! FOR WE UNDERSTAND ONE'S NEED TO TAKE DRASTIC MEASURES TO DO WHAT IS RIGHT, EVEN IF IT MEANS TO LIVE WITH THE TERRIBLE KNOWLEDGE OF HAVING HAD TO LIVE THROUGH ALL THESE EXPERIENCES WHILE THE LESSER MARINES COULD NOT FACE THE HORROR!

technically a commissar is a guardsman. right?

>>17272520
>>17272535
Oooooh....
Now i get it
So like, do you mean we're talking right now to Gabriel Angelos?
OH GOD DAT VOICE
DAT
GODSPLITTER

>>17272503

"That I'm glad you arrived when you did. Actually," Gesture towards our missing arm "I would have preferred a mite sooner, but alive is better than I would have been."

rolled 13 = 13

>>17272503

Hat status! Where is our hat?!

>>17272524
this. neither confirm nor deny ANYTHING. we've beat abbadon twice, and fucked the literal shit out of chaos itself. we can speech check a blood raven. at the worst we can trade the knowledge of the fake commisar for keeping the secret of the stolen goods.

>>17272560
INDEED! THE SAFETY OF THE HAT MUST BE ASSURED!

FOR THE EMPEROR!

Looks like Max... just got stolen... from deaths door.... YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAH

I wonder if we'll get to see Bjorn...

>>17272572
Seconding this, more detailed description of what I meant

BLUFF THE MARINES, subtly! its out only way to save hat-chan.

WHERE ARE YOU PAPA-N?

You remain speechless, disbelief sinking your stomach. How they found out, you don’t know.

“Guardman, you do know the punishment for committing such a crime, do you not?”

“I…Err…”

“As Harry Partridge, chapter master of the most glorious of all astartes, the Galactic Partridges, I ask again. You are aware of the repercussions for what you have done, are you not?”

You swallow hard.

“I… I am. But I can explain…”

He holds up a massive hand to stop you from talking.

“Then you know it is well within my right and even perhaps my obligation to execute you here and now.”

You try to back away, but there isn’t anywhere to go.

“I was just doing what I had to, I’m the last guard on the planet sir.”

The Chapter Master laughs, a booming laugh that echoes through the small building.

“I care little for such trivial matters, there is only one thing that interests me.”

He stands up and puts a hand on your shoulder.

“Glory, guardsman. Glory is all I care for.”

You watch as he takes another drink.

“I’ll offer you a proposition in exchange for your life. My good friend Logan has just arrived with his force on this planet, and I would like you to aid me in giving them a proper… Greeting.”

He pours something into a cup similar to his, which he extends to you.

[ ] “Erm… What is it I’ll be doing, exactly?”

[ ] “To the glory of the Partridges.”

[ ] “Can’t you just let me go?”

>>17272651
YOU ARE MAX FUCKING DECARUS, ANYONE WITHIN FIFTEEN FEET OF YOU BECOMES THE MOST GLORIOUS BASTARDS ON THE PLANET

GLORY TO THE PARTRIDGES
It is the only way

>>17272657
glory to the partridges it is then

>[x] “To the glory of the Partridges.”

NO OTHER WAY OUT.

rolled 7 = 7

>>17272657

[x] “Erm… What is it I’ll be doing, exactly?”

[x] “Erm… What is it I’ll be doing, exactly?”

Pissing off the Space Wolves might not be the healthiest thing to do.

[X] “To the glory of the Partridges.”

So what the hell do we gotta do anyway?

...

We all know how this is going to end. The Paranoia demands the safety of the HAT above all else...

But that other 'me'... would... certainly not be against a little... how shall we call it... 'infighting', between other Astartes, yes?

hohohohoho, HE demands to throw himself into the fire again... OFF WE GO! TO THE PURGE CHAMBERS!

well then Glory to the partridges it is.

> My good friend Logan

I lost it completely.

What is it I'll be doing

Fools! DO NOT DECIDE ON ANYTHING BEFORE THE SAFETY OF OUR HAT IS NOT NEGOTIATED YET!

THEY MAY TAKE OUR LIFE, BUT, BY THE EMPEROR, THEY WILL NOT TAKE OUR HAT!

>[X ] “Erm… What is it I’ll be doing, exactly?”

Since a lot of people don't seem to know...

http://1d4chan.org/wiki/Galactic_Partridges

is the chapter you are currently dealing with.

>>17272707
>>17272689
You are not funny. Shut up.

>>17272710
so their reddit:the spess mahreens?

“T-to the glory of the partridges?” You stutter.

He reaches out and clinks his mug against yours.
“All glory belongs to the Partridges!” He responds, taking a long drink.

Several moments pass as you enjoy whatever is in the mug. You aren’t sure what it is, but it seems to rejuvenate you a bit. Well, as much as you can be when you remember you are missing an arm.

“If I may, Chapter Master, what is it exactly you want me to do?”

Harry Partridge smiles as he raises his mug to his lips again.

“Well, guardsman, you are going to help me troll the Space Wolves.”

And that is how you found yourself, sitting on a log in “rescued” Space Wolf power armor.

Being the bait for the Tyranid swarm.

>>17272710

>Tower of Compensation

I fucking lost it.

Tell him you've never actually heard of his Chapter.

This will either make him want to kill us, or make him absurdly happy as he now has someone new to sing his praises to.

rolled 4 = 4

>>17272749
rolling to befriend another carnifex

>>17272749
>And that is how you found yourself, sitting on a log in “rescued” Space Wolf power armor.
>Being the bait for the Tyranid swarm.

SOUNDS LIKE A PLAN

>>17272749
>“Well, guardsman, you are going to help me troll the Space Wolves.”

>>17272757

You DO realize that it is VERY likely, considering our LIGHT escape from earlier in comparison to the SHEER amount of 1's, even with the few 20's considered, that your question will grant the rest of 1's to take root once again?

And you do realize what that would entail?

I hope the carnibro helps us out of this stick situation.

>>17272807

Do you have a point?

what if we allied with the space wolves and turned on the partriges?

>>17272855

Beyond our impending, most likely highly brutal and not-very-swift demise?

Nope.

>>17272868
Why would you do that?

>>17272868
... No.

FOR PROSPERO!

Wel, can tell you that We are definitely have progress in the more life-threatening direction, seeing how we fight and get injured more and get laid less and less.

But uou can't have an omelette without breaking few eggs, can you?

I hope we got a new arm to be working this armor.

Wait, we're a regular sized person in regular Spess Marine armor. Are we adorable, like a child in a sweater that's too big?

>>17272876
impending, brutal and extremely painful death has never stopped us before. shit, we DID die, and the Max Train never stopped.

>>17272868

This would have my vote, as Logan will most likely be PARANOID enough to trust anyone who tries to warn him about the Partridges.

On the other hand, putting too much thought into this otherwise light-heartened quest might just get us killed either way.

Besides, the safety of our hat still has not been assured.

>>17272903
We are adorably dangerous

rolled 14 = 14

it's really not good that a code astartes chapter master knows we are essentially a traitor guardsman since we impersonated a commissar. Becoming a doorway for chaos and annihilating Peart'ree is the only way out.

Rolling for perils

Ring the Vox and call up the Sisters. We're gonna need some Bug Spray over here, and they need some limelight. So;
1. Call Space Wolves, tell them the Partridges plans.
2. Double Cross both sides, get glorious Sister ass.

>>17272905

...

Alright, you win. THIS TIME.

>>17272903
absolutly dawww worthy, but lets get on to the fighting shall we? hey, at least our head is a smaller target

>>17272903
>>17272930
I am struck by how much I want some of the girls to fawn over us like this.

You look up as you hear a screech, and turning around, you curse.

Tyranids.

A fuck ton of Tyranids.

“Uhh… Harry? Dude shit is getting uncool pretty fast down here!” You grab the runic axe they gave you tightly in your one remaining arm. You are swimming in the armor as well, it being made for someone about your height but roughly ten times or so your weight.

“Don’t worry, Max, we’ve detected Space Wolf drop pods coming down toward your position. Just hold out until they arrive.”

As much as the Chapter Master said it was an easy and safe plan, you had your doubts.

Now, those doubts seem affirmed.

A swarm of gaunts is bearing down at you, gleeful at the prospect of ripping apart what they believe to be a space marine.

Roll for initiative.

rolled 14 = 14

>>17272955
Oh Boy
It's Rolling/Nat 1 Time

we didnt even get any hard metallic necron pussy. what a shame

rolled 17 = 17

>>17272955

Cue the nat 1's

>>17272939
but wouldn't the sororitas question why we are in space wolf armor when they last saw us in commisar outfit?

fuck it, promotion. call sisters

rolled 15 = 15

>>17272955

Gaunts gun get got.

rolled 9 = 9

All glory to the Partridges!

rolled 11 = 11

>>17272955
I JUST WANT MY GODDAMN ARM BACK

rolled 15 = 15

>>17272955

C'mon, dice gods.

>>17272967
>roll like 6 1's

naw, more like you are lucky you weren't the pussy

although....huehuehue

>>17272967
but we did get our arm fucked off, so it kinda counts.

rolled 19 = 19

>>17272955

Now, let's just see how things unfold...

rolled 17 = 17

>>17272988
yes, thank you, oh merciful papa

>>17272994
No Noko around here brah

rolled 12 = 12

Time to kill Max.

EVERYBODY STOP FUCKING ROLLING, WE GOT SOMETHING GOOD HERE

rolled 3 = 3

INITIATIVE
I-it's not like I wanted necrons anyway...

rolled 20 = 20

>>17272955

I think we can stop rolling now


>>17273000
no noko+ dice happens because people are using 4chanx quick reply.

You fall to the hard ground, and the flayed one laughs coldly at you as you grasp at your stump arm.

It shuffles closer, and you notice with horror what's attached to it's pelvis.

A severed, bloody, but somehow erect inquisitor.

Which is pointed right at you as the Necron rips off your pants.

>>17273012
>>17273014

NOW we can stop.

>>17272988
>>17273036

Oh, you've got him started now.

>>17273036
INB4 its a necroned noise marine and HUEHUEHUEHUEHUEBRRBRBRBRBRBRBRBRBRBR

>>17273036

Asuryan save us..

>>17273036

THE RAPE TRAIN HAS NO BRAKES

You can struggle, but you can't escape.

The flayed one holds you in place with it's claws as it lowers itself down.

You feel something cold and hard poke you in the ass.

You are about to be violated by your dead friend's remains.

>>17272955
Wait, this armor used to belong to a rune priest?

Or are the axe and the armor separate.

Either way, I say warn the space wolves of teh impending trollzorz

>>17273131

>>17273131
>>17273036

Ehh... it could be worse? At least we got some advanced warning this time...

>>17273161
very true, not like the time when we got dead and then stayed dead! but only temporarily

>>17273145
>>17273145

Yeah, warn them.

Then tell them that they were planning to kill you for being a 'fake' commissar.

>>17273192
YES! they were planning to execute a commisar to steal the glory of his blessed mission from the emp's himself!

>>17273192
With the Space Wolves and warning them, followed by tales of our deeds, it is most likely that the greatest danger we would face was to die of alcohol intoxication brought on by the impending feast in our honor.

You take the first strike, lashing out hard with the axe. A powerful cut severs one gaunt clean in half and cuts hard into the carapace of another.

Still, you are getting swarmed here.

The Space Wolf armor, though much much too large, proves tough. Claws bounce and scrape off the hard ceremite.

You swing again and again, the axe meeting little resistance it can’t easily overcome. You are thankful they at least gave you a nice weapon before sending you out here.

With a thunderous boom that echoes across the valley, three drop pods slam hard into the ground a hundred or so yards from you.

With a loud hiss the doors fly open and Space Wolves jump out, roaring at the Tyranids as they prepare to save you. The Wolves waste no time and begin ruthlessly ripping into the gaunts. You notice a large figure who Harry showed to you in a picture, Logan Grimnar.

“Hold on brother, we shall dispatch this foe quickly!” He calls out to you as he punches a jumping gaunt in the head, which explodes into bits of chitin and gore. Very few gaunts remain.

“ALL GLORY BELONGS TO THE PARTRIDGES! HATERS SHALL HATE!”

A furious barrage of plasma fire from the sky as thirty or more Partridges fly toward you on their trails of fire and smoke. They land around you, swinging their power weapons madly and cutting down the last of the Tyranids.

Logan stops suddenly, mouth agape, eyes wide. He can’t even express his fury.

“Pa-partridges?!” One of his retinue yells in disbelief.

Just a note, but we've hit autosage...

>>17273233
very true
We take the axe, and start slaughtering partriges, shouting to the wolves what they planned to do, and that you defeated doomrider, and defeated abbadon twice. That should be enough for them to aid the FUCK out of you, and get your new arm to have built in software for pleasuring women, have twenty times the strenght of your old, and look badass

definitly. them damn wolves will honorary member us when they hear tales of our conquests

The Partridges quickly dispatch the remaining five or so gaunts that the Space Wolves hadn’t gotten to yet.

“Another day, another glorious victory for the Partridges.” Harry says as he steps over the crest of a hill.

“YOU!” Logan howls madly, clenching his fists.

“Oh! Hello brother Grimnar, I didn’t see you there. How glorious was our victory? I just missed it.”

Logan Grimnar is too furious to form words, his mouth foaming and his eyes wild.

“Excellent.” Harry says with a smile.

You quickly remember your lines.

“T-thanks be to the glorious Partridges, I would have surely been lost to the swarm had you not arrived.” You bow quickly to Harry.

“No matter, friend wolf, we cannot leave a fellow astartes in such peril.” He replies, taking a sip of his mug.

“I wish to relinquish myself from the Space Wolves and join you in further pursuit of such glory as only known to the Partridges.” You say, impressed you remembered.

“ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME!?!?!?” Logan yells, grabbing a gaunt corpse and ripping it to pieces.

“We gladly accept your offer, welcome to the Galactic Partridges, brother.” Harry reaches down and places a partridge on your shoulder.

“Rise now, as one of the glorious victors.”

“YOU FUCK, I’LL KILL BOTH OF YOU!!!!” Logan screams, flailing madly as several of his retinue hold him back.

>>17273252
>>17273255

New thread, Papa-N, or carry on as-is?

>>17273265
You guys really don't believe this right?

>>17273252
Join the wolves, fuck the reddit chapter

>>17273272
>“YOU FUCK, I’LL KILL BOTH OF YOU!!!!” Logan screams, flailing madly as several of his retinue hold him back.

I Lost it

>>17273280
>>17273280
I was joking.

>>17273272
Duck the fuck out and let Harry get a wolfdicking to the face, it's not our battle, just OUR GLORY! FOR WE ARE AWESOME TO THE MAX!

If you stand back up, there is no turning back. You can carry on with the Thieves of Glory, or you can reveal the plan to the Space Wolves and hope Logan doesn’t just rip out your skull anyways.

[ ] Stick to the plan

[ ] Reveal it to the Space Wolves

>>17273303
Oh Ok then.
Sorry, i'm a little tired today

>>17273314
REVEAL TO THE WOLVES, THE PARTRIGES WILL JUST TRY AND STEAL YOUR GLORY ANYWAY

>[x] Stick to the plan

To do otherwise would be to tempt fate, and as the slew of 1s earlier showed, the dice gods are not dicking around tonight.

>>17273314
See dubs for option see.
>>17273311

If not, reveal the plan, and the secrets of the Partridges for a rank upgrade to a True Commissar of his Glorious Army.

rolled 18 = 18

[d<5] stick to the plan

>>17273314
I..I'm not sure guys...
These are two Space Marines Chapters Here...
Let's stick to the plan i guess...
I never really liked the Wolves

>>17273314
>[x] Reveal it to the Space Wolves.

The Partridges have offending the chair leg of truth.

>>17273315
It wasnt all that good a joke really
by the way, we archived yet?

>[X ] Reveal it to the Space Wolves

Either that, or just run away and pray that they never saw your face. We did get some kind of new arm, yes?

>>17273340
archived
http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive/17270982/

>>17273314

>[X] Reveal it to the Space Wolves

This is a terrible plan that I endorse fully.

rolled 16 = 16

The Partridges are less likely to rip our spines out. Go with them.

the plan, stick to it.

we;re already committed, and logan is furious as SHIT. nothing good can come from betraying the partridges at this point in the game. maybe afterwards use our comm gear to talk logan into setting up an ambush for the partridges, as with the marine helmet on, he wont recognize us.

papa N ignores unrpompted rolling

rolled 17 = 17

I'm pretty sure that, while impersonating a commissar is heretical, impersonating an astartes is extra heretical.

[X] Stick to the plan!

>>17273363

They are also more likely to just feed us to some hive-tyrant in order to cover up their secrets.

TONIGHT, WE SHALL DINE WITH THE SPACE VIKINGS, OR WE SHALL DINE IN VALHALLA

[X] Stick to the plan

No matter how hard you try to fuck them over, the Partridges will spin it to make themselves appear more glorious.

Only thing to do is ride it out.

rolled 7 = 7

[x] reveal their plan

i think the bluud ravens are cool as hell, but these guys are just fags.

[ x] Reveal it to the Space Wolves

The Space Wolves aren't a bunch of Jelly, Glory Stealing badly dressed Blood Ravens.

I say go with them. For one, they appreciate boozing and women. Which means they have similiar interests to Max in at least one regard.

Besides, the Galatic Partridges, I do not think they're good for his health. They've disposed of far more people than Max in their quest for glory... would one more body concern them even in the slightest?

I'm not even sure the Wolves will accept us right now.
Logan is FURIOUS right now

I say stick with the plan. This can only produce lulz in the long run.

>>17273430
We might survive long enough to run back to that aperture science center and ask mika if she can get us a new arm
of course shell wonder what we're doing in space wolf armor, but fuck, if shit goes well and we get a few nat 20s we could end up being an honorary member or something

>>17273460

>He expects nat 20s

>In a Heretical Love thread

>And we're not fishing

>>17273445
No matter. Reveal the damn plan, full speed ahead and damn the Partridges!

Reveal this thing and rev up that axe! It is time to slap some shit with whichever pimp hand Max has left. (Speaking of, does he have one or two arms right now?)

rolled 2 = 2

Reveal the plan and then invite the Wolves fishing. It's the only way.

>>17273483
one cut off at the elbow

rolled 1 = 1

Since suptg is being weird, where should I look for this to be archived?

>>17273501
STOP
ROLLING
UNPROMPTED
YOU DIM BASTARD
YOU'RE LUCKY THAT WASNT A 1, HE COUNTS UNPROMPTED 1S

>>17273503
Oh, god. I'm so sorry.

[ ] reveal the plan to the wolves,

explain how they blackmailed you using your womanizing ways. they'll understand and will redirect their rage at the partridges

>>17273503
No Worries.
This Roll means nothing.

>>17273503

Is Easymodo still around?

alright, seems like a good time to tally this shit up

>>17273527
It's a nat one, of course it does.

>>17273527

You know you don't really believe that.

"Oh, Hat-chan! You're just so dirty," Senna purrs, as she places you on the table. She folds her arms under her breasts and leans down, batting her lashes at you. Her eyes are memsermizing, and the curve of her smile promises so much . . . Your hatband tightens.

You are snapped out of your reverie by something cool and wet on your crown. Senda has appeared behind you with some sort of soap or lotion that she is gently rubbing into your fabric. Every droplet seems to send electricity through your fibers, but you can also feel the dust and grime coming away. "Don't worry, we'll get you clean," she says as she works her fingers in, probing and carressing. Your peak stiffens from the attention, and she starts working with a rhythtm. She traces your creases gently, then digs into your seams roughly. You relax and imagine what it would be like to feel her hair and forehead pressed against you.

8 for space wolves...

>>17273541
>>17273545
That roll means nothing because he rolled for nothing.
if anything his roll will make his archive impossible to found

Senna grabs a long-handled tool covered in bristles and gently brushes your bill free of the arena dirt. As more of your material becomes exposed, she grows more vigorous. You can feel your wide, thick bill begin to glisten as she polishes it. She stops to smile at her reflection in your gleaming visor, leaving you desperate for more. Bringing her face even closer to you, she blows slow and hot across your front. She slowly wipes the fog away, dragging her delicate fingers back and forth on your hard surface. When you shiver from this treatment, she grins and fogs you up again. As she finishes blowing, she leaves her lips together and plants a kiss.

They both stand up and smile at you. Between the fabric massage and the polishing, your mind is floating away on a warm pink cloud. You can almost see yourself soaring over a landscape made of glorious feminine coifs and ponytails.

>>17273537
look at archive.foolz.us/tg