MFW OP's picture
Get out.

It's not the fact it's a furry picture, but the fact that it's a terrible, terrible 'joke'.
I mean, you couldn't have found something better?

'3/10 Made me write that before I figured out you were a troll.

How can an image be a troll?

newfags don't know 'bout incontinent student bodies

It was a one game campaign. He had just seen The Others.

We were already dead. It was bullshit.

>>18115026
What like, at the end, he told you you were dead? What?

>>18115026
>We were already dead.

Kenshiro was your fucking DM!?

>>18114968
I know more than I ever wanted to know.

ORCA STACKS.

>dm lets people re-roll endlessly until they get all 18's
>me: Why not just give them all 18s and save the time wasted on rolling?
>DM: BECAUSE I LIKE THE FUCKING SOUND OF DICE ROLLING YOU FUCKING COCK
>he storms into his bedroom, GF follows.
>twenty minutes later, the DMs GF tells me I have to go now because I have upset him
>as I walk out and close the door I hear the DM say, "alright so have you guys all rolled 18's yet? if not, lets keep rolling"
>his voice sounds like he has been crying

what the fuck hapened

>>18115229
Dice rolling is his fetish.

Fetish DMs are the worst DMs.

Seriously, leave you freaky shit out if our damn game.

>>18115229
That's... a weird one.

Was with a guy who was pro teir l33t. All he would do is seek out powerful tomes of text and be a dick to the party. So in the ultimate dick move i told anouther party member about a wizard with a book of 1,000 spells all of which were equally powerful. The party member told the dick and he immdiatly set out for it. The dungeon was a single room breeze and he had the book. He opened it up to find it was filled with 1,000 different varities of suicide spells

>>18115229
Sounds like he has some deep rooted emotional issues with dice...

no description needed

Ops' Image: As written by the DM
This image: As written by the players.

>>18115229

This hobby man. This god damn hobby.

>>18115290
HAH

>Let's play evil characters for once.
>later during the game:
>"You can't do that , it's disgusting !"
>mfw

>>18115319
actually the story is about incontinent furries
so the dm is being an asshole

>>18115229
Sounds like an autism spectrum disorder.

>>18115393
That sounds nothing like an autism spectrum disorder.

>>18115229

Wow man. Just... wow.

I'm the DM for my group, so...

>>18115369
He said evil campaign, not baby rapist campaign. There are limits to everything.

>>18115393
>>18115229
>>18115252
>>18115274

>GF

Uh

>>18115411
Hysterical temper tantrums? Insistance on repetition like that? Fucking lego-stacking fan-watcher, guarantee it.

>>18115229
OCD fag, or super emotional about something unrelated.

>>18115229
Sounds like OCD severe OCD

Introduce him to GURPS AND SET SAIL FOR FAIL

>>18115427

You can have a girlfriend and have a fetish. Maybe she rolls them across his back.

>>18115436
Autistic folk tend to not let people know what's bothering them till it all builds up, then they get pissed about something totally insignificant.
Actually, now that I think about it, maybe he does...

>>18115419

to be fair, my shaman was just cutting his ennemies heads to make trophies. No babies were injuried in the process.

>>18115462

>>18115511

My good-ish-ish barbarian party member does that. He considers it giving them honor after death, being in the possession of so great a warrior.

rolled 13 = 13

>>18115520
Roll to see if you picked up a new fetish.

>>18115542

Basically the shaman traps souls inside their skulls to cast hexes. Cultural stuff.

rolled 11 = 11

>>18115551

>>18115551
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-3nUM6ZBUOY

>>18115229
Alright. I saved this. I just found it pretty funny.

>playing the game of thrones board game
>that guy: I HAVE TO BE STARKS I WANT THE NORTH
>we're also watching GoT for the first time
>STARKS NEVER LOSE JUST YOU FUCKIN WAIT MAN NEDS GONNA ESCAPE AND SHIT ITS GONNA BE COOL
>me and friend ally against him and steamroll against him in the combat phase
>at the same time, he watches the end of episode nine

he flipped the board and stormed out but we had the funniest laugh ever, I almost pissed my pants and was literally rolling on the floor laughing as I picked up the little units.

haha, what a child. fuck, I think I'm going to post that clip on his wall again. :D

>party defeats a mid-boss who was spying for the enemy, they only attacked him because he seemed suspicious
>DM (me) "Suddenly, two arrows whirr out of the darkness and strike your hostage."
>This was a story element, they made no move to protect him
>have another arrow finish him off
>super elitist player gets mad and asks why I didn't roll any dice and informs me that arrow damage on three hits wouldn't be enough to kill any NPC
>mfw I'm the DM

>>18115604
I came with the force of a thousand suns.

How about a that guy AND a that DM story?

But I hate THAT DM stories. Because you're complaining about somebody fulfilling a role that nobody wants to fill.

You don't want to play a DM's game? Then don't play his game. You don't go to a party and then complain he put out your least favorite chips out because he likes them.

Yes, DMs can be horrible, but it's an entirely different insufferable sort of thing than a fellow player. If you don't like the game, then don't play it.

>>18115767
...Some of us like DMing, you know.

>>18115767
No.

We are sharing stories of creepy, odd, and amusing people on the internet.
Their position does not matter, it is the oddness and the amusing we are going for.

>>18115767

Yes but it's no fun just saying "Well this guy just raped everyone with icy shit. I guess he's entitled to his own opinion and I will not burden the kind, reasonable fellow with my condescension."

We look down on people. It's mean sometimes, but it's often deserved and generally a lot of fun.

I have more sympathy for the players in these things than the DM.

>>18115808
It's not exactly as passive as being a player, though.

The best

>>18115916
Oh shit, that is one was me originally. Funny thing is that party actually came to really enjoy my campaigns and stop taking their characters so goddamned seriously. Angsty Teen described as "like Cloud from FF7" eventually stole a magic squeaky hammer off a ghost clown and used it to punt Robot-Hitler into an active volcano.

>Different Mutants and Masterminds campaign with same guys
>One guy shows up with the Phantom Trombonist
>You can only tell he is there by the disembodied trombone music, Sonic blasts
>Another guy shows up with Little Drummer Boy, beats people to death with drumsticks in epic drum solo melee combos
>Third guy has Kid Syxx, who has a demonic guitar which summons demons
>Last guy is The Frontman and can command people with his voice
>They form a Super Ska Band
>my party's faces when

>>18116038
MAH NIGGA!

>>18116038
Fucking beautiful. You've done both them and the world at large a great service.

>>18115916
The best of the best.

>>18115767
I think complaining about That DM's game is less like complaining about the host's food and more like complaining when the host serves tar on toast without telling anybody.

>>18116038
>>18116038
Tell your mom, tell your dad, you were SUPERRAD!

Not sure if this is That DM (because he literally made the player's characters) or just epic DM (due to how he had planned out the campaign).

>>18119987
Crop it.

>>18119998

>Demon: the Fallen game
>Me and the rest of the group were summoned by a powerful Faustian to his mansion in order to resolve the classical whodunit.
>Said Faustian lives with his two mortal daughters, both underage nymphomaniacs
>One of them ends up in a threesome with two of the PCs, using a strap-on to sodomize them.

I don't know why I kept playing with that people for so long.

>>18120059
There's so many plain sex in game DMs that stories about them are almost boring. Almost.

And I love That DM stories!

Alright, I've got some stories to share, regarding a THAT GM our group refers to as Johnny, sometimes Fat Johnny. Now, I'll admit, I should have protested sooner than I did to most of this shit, but I was morbidly curious to see if he was going anywhere with it. I don't think a single instance got much further than one or two sessions due to the sheer amount of discomfort at the table.

Before he would start running the actual game, he would take the players aside on different days to roleplay the backstory leading up to the events of the actual campaign, asking players to make decisions on things like hometowns without telling the players anything about them until they agreed to be from one of those hometowns. Just going to point out that at this point, the only thing I knew was I was planning to run a Mulan-ish character who disguised herself as a guy and happened to be a particularly good shot. That was the entire concept.
Apparently the hometown I picked was on a land that was cursed by a livid, epic-level druid who basically caused the entire city to constantly be under siege by whatever monsters just so happened to be within the continent-range of the spell and the economy was based off of selling the body parts of whatever monsters were slain in exchange for more weapons and food if the monsters were inedible, and pretty much your average native citizen was equivalent of 3rd level fighters. I thought "cool, aside from monsters burning my house down, what could go wrong?" (Cont.)

>>18124788
Oh, how it went wrong. Apparently the society treated women the way most RTS players treat barracks: only good for making more units. The city's laws were more lenient on women who were refugees, which ended up being why my character had to be disguised in the first place to try and bypass her around these laws. Due to the traffic of refugees fleeing into this city, I somehow ended up as a drow though I think Johnny just arbitrarily picked this for me, as well as arbitrarily choosing my character to be discovered as being a woman in a man's disguise. Knowing next to nothing about the local laws, my character had to choose between either letting her father, her only surviving family and the one who was trying to keep her safe, die or pretty much be indoctrinated into the "program". Being a goody-two-shoes, and wondering where he was going with this, I went with the latter.
To try and abbreviate what happened next, my character was polymorphed in such a way that she became basically a drow Jessica Rabbit and was forced to breed nonstop for years, and by the time all was said and done, my character ended up married to a centaur, knocked up constantly, looked like complete fetish fuel, had a constant dexterity penalty, and if she were to adventure, she'd be forced to ride on the back of her centaur husband who'd be heavily armored while she takes potshots with a crossbow she had no mechanical way of hitting with thanks to the -6 dexterity. She was also mercilessly hit on by any and all NPCs who happened to have a penis and had a wedding ring of teleportation that would send any kids she had while adventuring back to her hometown to be raised and trained into soldiers to fight the constant onslaught of monsters. It was at about this point that I got control back over my character and simply looked down at my sheet and walked away. "WELCOME TO LEVEL 1!"

>>18124809

>>18124809

>>18124809

>>18124809
It's like everything that can possibly go wrong with a DM condensed into a single person.

>>18124809

...Tell me this was elaborate satire of some sort. I hate satire. I'd believe it.

>>18124809

>>18126093
I wish it was, but apparently three prospectives dropped out of the game when they made the same unfortunate mistake of choosing that town as their hometown simply based on "hey, it has a kinda cool name." I ended up rerolling as a generic half orc cleric to try and give the guy the benefit of the doubt, but there were players who genuinely sat through similar indoctrination of their characters who did stick around and they were the worst kind of people to be interested in the hobby, however this is a THAT GM thread rather than THAT GUY thread.

>>18124809

>>18124809
:I

>>18124809
I'd play along with everything except the -6 Dex. What's the point of that? Punish you for playing along with his Corruption of Champions game?

>>18126428

To make it harder for her to escape/wriggle away while being impregnated?

>>18124809
People like this actually run games, and there are people who go along with it and play them...

I need to go lie down.

>>18124809
...
I don't even know what to say.

>>18124809

>>18124809
Also to note, Johnny looks like pic related if he was 20 years older, weighed 380 lbs, and had bulging eyes instead. He also had a bad attitude regarding the mechanics, claiming that 3.5 wizards were useless unless you also added their class level to the DCs of spells because otherwise any old character would be able to make the saves 85% of the time and the wizard would be out of fuel while the fighter can just keep hacking things down and for some reason HATED 3.5 rogues.

>>18124809

This kind of thread is my primary source of image macros in the theme of "jesus what the hell".
Also,

>>18124788
>>18124809
>

>>18124788
>>18124809
I am completely taken aback by the fact that there are people that do want to roleplay that kind of shit with others.

Archived, yo.

>>18126459
At least give her a +Con bonus for all that pregnancy.

>>18124809
>>18124788
For the purpose of posterity, I have saved this posts.

>>18124809

>>18126806
>>18126838
Bros, at least get in some reaction images in there. I think it really helps the story.

>>18126876
Nah, I never save reaction images with my archived posts.

>>18124809
I don't even...

>>18124788
>>18124809
AAAAAH, FUCKING HELL.

I should have stopped reading, what the fuck is wrong with me?!

>>18115642
You are not a very good DM, but okay.

So yeah, this one time, a few mates and myself were looking for a game and put up a notice at our LGS.

>get contacted by some dude
>he invites us to his next game, homebrew setting
>we agree
>meet up at his apartment
>it's a fucking pigsty
>but well, he's a dude in his mid-twenties, of course it's not going to be all clean, I can deal with it
>we enter the living room
>two extremely weird looking guys sit there
>both wear studded chokers and goth-fashion, one of them even a trenchcoat
>indoors
>Mr. Trenchcoat is stroking a white cat that's sitting on his lap
>anyway, so the GM explains his setting to us
>nothing special standard fantasy, except for occasional magic storms that alter everyones appearance randomly
>doesn't sound TOO bad, even the morphing part

cont.

>>18115604
I've been listening to this for hours now... WHY??!

>>18126991
>get interrupted by a belching sound
>the cat that one guy was stroking vomits a huge, soggy ball of... something... in his lap
>and I swear to god, the next line is a word-for-word quote
>"Oh hey, there's my character sheet"
>he picks it up, tries to disentangle the vomit-coated mess
>flails it around in an attempt to loosen the wet paper
>a fine mist of cat-vomit fills the room, not even mentioning the stench
>while the one dude is still busy saving the sad remains of his character, the GM helps us create ours
>we're all some weird half-creatures, like Half-Golem, Half-Sylph and Half-Horse
>Yes, Half-Horse
>Not Centaur
>Half-Horse
>I don't even fucking know
>thankfully the chargen takes a while and we finish for the night before the actual game begins

I ignored all his calls from then on. No way I'm setting foot in his lair again.

>>18126998
>half horse

wat

>>18127087

>>18126998

Half Horse, and not a Centaur

Obviously this is what the DM was intending

>>18126998

>"Oh hey, there's my character sheet!"
10/10
Everything else made me make this face.

>>18127087
Like a reverse centaur.

Basically just some dude with a horse head.

>>18126998

>>18127087
It was describes as "A humanoid with very equestrian features".

I dared not ask which features exactly were equestrian.

>>18127200

I would've just fucking LEFT.

>>18127200
The answer was "penis". It was going to be an erotically charged SEXventure.

>>18127200

>>18126998
How the fuck did the cat even eat the goddamn character sheet?

>>18127267
As I understood it, the other guy (not Mr. Trenchcoat) looked for something to entertain the cat with before we came and just mindlessly grabbed the Trenchcoats character sheet, crumpled it up and used it as a ball. And then the cat ate it, apparently.

>>18127229
Regular guy, but with an anaconda horse penis.

>>18127330
He has to sling it over his shoulder because if he keeps it in his pants it droops down out of the leg and he can't stop stepping on it.

>>18127389

Or wear it like a belt. Much more ergonomic.

Hey, maybe when a full moon is out he can use it to turn into a giant whole-horse monster.

>>18127412
But then he'd have to double wrap it, and how does he even keep it in place?

the better question is how he deals with the testicle situation, if they are proportional to the penis then he could be in for some trouble.

>>18126998

>>18127435
Thankfully they aren't as proportional, but definitely sizable nonetheless.
He would have no choice but to wear a supporting ball-cup the size of a small helmet with the protective value thereof to keep his weak point from ruining his day.
Come to think of it the anaconda-horse-dick would also need armoring if its flaccid length is roughly the same as its engorged length.
So the question is: Leather, chainmail, or scale mail?

>>18127501
Chainmail chafes too much.

>>18127501
Wouldn't chainmail or scale mail make it very unwieldy and heavy? I think leather is the only real option.

>>18127535
It's already unwieldy and heavy, considering it has to be worn hanging back and over the shoulder like a bandolier and is by and large not very useful as a weapon.

>>18127558
Hell, if it's unwieldy and heavy might as well put a big metal codpiece on it and swing it around like a flail.

>>18127558
I guess that is why you don't see many Half-Horse adventurers. Too many logistics involved in armoring them.

Heaven forbid someone in a chainmail bikini challenges him to a fight and he gets even more unwieldy (or passes out from the suddenly re-positioned blood)

>>18127581
Damn, I forgot about the blood problem. Unless he has superpowered bone marrow, a stiffy is going to make him black out.

>/tg/ - Penises

Par for the course.

>>18127639
>/tg/ - Codpiece Logistics

>Dm like a champ
>Player kills everything that moves, takes everything
>Rig next enemy to have drugs hidden as a potion
>Kills enemy drinks potion
>Now addicted to heroin
>Quit ruining my campaign dickass

>>18127200
>>18126998
>>18126991
>>18124809
>>18124788
What the actual fuck.

>>18115716
The bit about the giants wanting to destroy whatever would allow humans to stand higher than them is sorta cool, you gotta admit. I'm assuming the rest of the story is downwards spiral into darkness, though.

Oh boy, a chance to re-tell this story.

So I was in this 3.5 game, my first ever, and the DM was bad. We ran in IRC, he said that he altered the rules and the statblocks, but he didn't alter shit; he just made the monsters hit us with ridiculous injuries and then die (like a bunch of apparently incredibly tough kobolds that happened to start dying in single hits after punching out the fighter's knee with a pickaxe, or a flesh golem that sustained a good 300 points of damage before finally dying). I didn't realize how bad he was at first, but I figured it out pretty quick. I made a wizard, played her for a week or so, told him ahead of time that I was going to be absent one week, and when I got back the following week my wizard was dead. He said he had killed her in my absence since she had nobody controlling her. I reminded him that I had warned him of my absence well beforehand, and he was just like "tough, but you can roll another character I guess".

Continued...

>>18127721

So, I stay in, because it's my first time being a player (not my first time GMing, but all I've run before this was Star Wars Saga Edition, which I ran very by-the-book, but the players fucking loved it because I had good adventure ideas). This time I decided to roll something tough. I roll up a Lawful Neutral SPESS MEHREENS STR-heavy Cleric, wore breastplate and bashed in skulls with a big mace. I had the money to get full plate, but the DM said that full plate doesn't exist in this setting. At the DM's request -- not on my own initiative, at the DM's request -- I made him the nephew of what was basically the pope of this setting. I was more than happy to be just some low-level guy, but the DM wanted me to be related to the setting, so Alessander Remni became Alessander Remni Helmuth, nephew of Archbishop Helmuth.

Around the same time, another guy I knew from the same IRC channels joined in, as a dwarf fighter. First session, he mentions his full plate. I'm like "wait, I thought full plate doesn't exist in this setting", and the DM's like "he got a custom suit". If I'd known that was an option, I'd have taken it, and I imagine that the pope's nephew would have no trouble persuading a smith to do it, but I just took it in stride; I was out-tanking and out-damaging the fighter in melee combat as it stood with breastplate, so full plate was really unnecessary and not worth getting upset about.

No, what WAS worth getting upset about came later...

>>18127820

Continue...

>>18127820

One day, we don't have the whole party together. It's just me, the other cleric (summoner build) and the fighter.

The DM decides that we should do a quick little prequel adventure of us hanging out in a tavern for whatever reason. We go along with it.

Starts out simple enough. My cleric is very LAW AND ORDER, but he's not above a drink now and then. We go into the tavern, and there's an exotic dancer. The DM describes her as resembling a young human girl. Clearly she's a gnome, but I decided that my character would go into witch hunt mode for a sec, so I glare at the bartender and say "doesn't that dancer look a little YOUNG to you?" The bartender's like NO NO SHE'S A GNOME I SWEAR and the dancer's like NO NO I'M A GNOME I SWEAR, so my character chills out. Our characters start swapping backstories like they're campfire stories or something, the other cleric buys a dragonbeetle in a jar from the bartender (I later learned that the DM made him raise the beetle and then care for the beetle's eggs, and do so in excruciating detail).

Session's winding down, my character gets up to leave the tavern. As he leaves, the gnome takes a seat at one of the tables and calls him back. I could sort of see what the DM was trying to do, but Alessander's a fanatic. There's no time for bitches when there are heretics in need of smiting. I sit down anyway, figuring Alessander will HONOR AND GLORY his way through the conversation and probably turn her off pretty early.

As soon as I sit down, the DM says...

>>18127893

"Long story short, you two have a beautiful half-gnome abomination."

And that's the story of how my DM raped me with a gnome.

>>18127930
Sorry, good sir, but I can't stop laughing.
Yeah, that was bad GMing.

>>18127930
>And that's the story of how my DM raped me with a gnome.

>>18127930
What the fuck.
No, seriously.
Why do DMs like this exist? What the fuck.

>>18127930

I didn't stay in much longer; waited for Alessander's inevitable grievous wounding at the hands of a bullshit enemy (turned out to be an invisible ogre swinging a tree branch), and refused healing, choosing death (and the DM had previously said that resurrection didn't exist in the setting, so he couldn't exactly keep me in, though he did try some little "spontaneous surge of divine energy" shit).

I heard occasional horror stories from the other players every now and then about that campaign, but I don't remember them very well. I think there was something about them having to fight their way across a quarter-mile-wide canyon to get to one giant throwing rocks on the other side, and he actually made them MOVE IT OUT, action-by-action, on a 1"=5' grid. Best (or worst) part is that when they finally reached the giant, it turned out he was the guy they'd been sent to meet, so they couldn't kill him. They couldn't kill him even if they tried; he was one of the DM's god-mode mary sue NPCs that deus ex machina'd everything.

rolled 1 = 1

>>18124809

>mfw

>>18127930
WELL THEN.

rolled 11 = 11

>>18127200
>>18127229
>>18127330
>>18127389
>>18127412
>>18127435
>>18127501
>>18127528
>>18127535
>>18127558
>>18127580
>>18127581
>>18127608

>>18126428
>someone on /tg/ other than me knows what Corruption of Champions is

Sometimes I'm proud of you /tg/.

>>18128116

Dude, like half of /tg/ knows what that is.

I remember when it first got posted here, the reactions were fucking hilarious.

>>18128116
I always assumed with /tg/ basically being /d/-lite, that plenty of others here would know of CoC.

>>18128169

I didin't.

Now I do.

Fuck you all I didin't need this. I'm a curious person you know... and curiosity constantly rapes the cat.

>>18128157
>>18128169
I must be on at the wrong hours then, I've never seen it mentioned on this board.

>>18128157
Only half?
When I see someone here mention CoC is takes me a second to realize they might be talking about Call of Cthulhu.
Even then, you can't be too sure...

>>18128116
>implying /tg/ doesn't love CoC

>>18128180
Okay
advice time here
if someone mentions something
and then says its related to /d/
in any way
do not fucking google it
it is a bad plan here

>>18128180
You say that like you wouldn't want to play in a CoC based tabletop rpg.

>>18128205

I don't like the grinding. Also the slime is the best monster.

>>18128215
...Fatal, with less misogyny and more magical genderbending/transformations?

>>18128213
>not playing CoC
>not enjoying a healthy amount of /d/ related content in your life
What's wrong with you?

>>18114793
>playing AD&D 2nd edition
>DM says my character wakes up in home town
>turns out to be alternate reality
>Key to leaving universe is for me to sleep
>Switch universes about 4 times before DM says I cant sleep anymore
>Cant fucking sleep...mfw

>>18128230
>implying that anything can beat Nagas

I play a group of people who play the same thing over and over again. Same guy will be a fighter or a ranger over and over while trying to kill and hump everything. So each time I get stuck as the caster, not that I mind but it always ends up with me as a Sorcerer. We start a new campaign and oh look I'm a caster again. The dm always pull bullshit out of his ass and when I ask him what are his house rules he states,"I have too many to list just learn them as you go along." Alright so I keep playing it's w/e. I cast a stun for any 4hd creature and starts to yell at me about how I need to roll for attack even though it's a clear will save. Don't want to cause a scene so I keep going. A few levels later we are on a pirate ship and I go to cast lightning bolt and this time he tells me, "it bounces back and hits you for the same as it hit your enemy." even though we are on the inside of the captains quarters so now I'm yelling at him about making up shit as he goes along. Arguments break out and he redacts his bounce back idea. We continue on like nothing happened until the next dungeon. "There is one path ahead through the mountains which is reputed to be a labyrinth." Cool lets fight some minotaurs. God how I wish I turned around. After entering labyrinth the door locks behind us and a stone slab covers it, no exit. Two minotaurs come to fight us and naturally I cast fireball. Nothing happens. Next round on my turn I cast lightning bolt. Nothing happens. I cast detect magic. Nothing happens. Ask DM what the hell is going on and he says, "Oh theres an anti magic field throughout the entire building." Never returned.

>>18128231
I don't think FATAL would handle the world well.
I'd suggest GURPS or RIFTS really.
Though the more I think about the types of monsters and effects... you could probably simulate the game using just the core books of AD&D 2e or D&D 3e (and by extension pathfinder).

>>18128231
Seems legit, sign me up!

>>18128252

Nagas are female and have cooties.

>>18128260
Actually, yeah, Rifts would be really good for it.

>>18128231
I think the tabletop should be named Corruption of Champions: Knightly Seductions

>>18128254
To be fair the bouncing lightning bolts is a rule from ye olde AD&D.
A lot of the spells with areas (including lines) would get fucked up and either blast back, start bouncing around, or require you to pop out a calculator to determine the strength of the blast in which direction if cast in an area that wasn't big enough.
Assuming you used all the rules for the spell that is.

>CoC
Yeah, too much grinding.

>>18128312

I know the ad&d difference but he decided to cherrypick that one rule and only use it that once because "we were near water".

>>18128252
Been playing since the initial release using the same save file. Used the cheat to set my character back to square one with a single goal.

Get the biggest johnson this world had ever seen.
>The character view can't process its length

>>18128357

I know right? Just skip to the penetration, no need to warm up.

>>18124788
>>18124809
Well, time to fap.

>>18128407

Your character must be really tall!

Go to an acquaintance from high school (back in the day) apartment for some wod goodness, notice of seizure on door hrmm... apartment smells overwhelmingly of pot smoke and garbage, hair all over the floor, flytraps hanging from the ceiling and a couch that would be of interest to the CDC.

Then said dm starts raving about how all the worlds problems are caused by religion, except for naruto which got it right. eeeh okay,

Then one of the players comes in, she is pretty good and normal looking so I introduce myself, and then she tells me how she just returned for emptying her parents buckets. Evidently her parents are disabled and their septic was plugged up sooo

If anyone is writing a horror script they have my permission to use any parts of this they want.

>>18128505
>Then said dm starts raving about how all the worlds problems are caused by religion
Eh, sounds normal-
>except for naruto which got it right.
>thereisnofaceforthis.jpg

>>18128312
holy shit that's awesome are there rules somewhere specifically for this?

>>18128572
The real fun begins when you implement the "equal-volume fireball" rules from same, which dictate that, if it can't fill the full 30' sphere from origin...it extends farther as appropriate.

My current online game has had all players suggesting we have an alternate dimension erotic D&D game after a slime attacked my loli elf cleric the other day.

I was ashamed to say I was the one who knew the most about the Book of Erotic Fantasy the most, but everyone else was far more enthusiastic about en E-RPG than I surprisingly (especially due to me already being THAT GUY (?) for bringing a loli elf to the table).

I have to say, it's going to be hilarious and terribad.

>See thread
>Decide to see what CoC is
>Start a strong character but take notice of the "lots of jizz" special feat when starting a character to my own dismay
>Kill a few goblins, nothing special
>Get attacked by a massive fucking tentacle beast
>My attack gets rid of like 3% of it's HP so I decide to run because I clearly cannot match this beast.
>You didn't get away you didn't get away you didn't get away
>Read in horror as my character is horribly, horribly raped by tentacles and I am informed in bold text that his anal virginity has been lost
>Close tab, never to open again

>>18128749
Warning was given, mate.

>yfw that was a relatively tame part of the game

>>18128749
Hah! You couldn't even stick around to turn green, grow wings, grow breasts, and grow a horse-sized dog cock, you faggot. Kids these days, I swear.

>>18128749
Why do I think you don't even know what /d/ means?

Does anyone else use CoC to gather inspiration for their D&D games?

>>18128966
I play with a bunch of kids (20 year-olds) who are are VERY new to tabletop RPGs. CoC is not a good place to draw inspiration from for this group. Not yet, anyway.

This thread.

>>18129042
True. Ease them into the debauchery.
Might I advise 2e Forgotten Realms?

Oh wow, I didn't realize how many people on /tg/ would want to play a CoC game... I'd love to get in on a Pathfinder/3.5 attempt at CoC.

*Ahem* On Topic: While I have many THAT GUY stories, I've never had a THAT DM story to share.

>>18129389
The question would be finding someone willing to DM it.
I would consider it, but I'm full-time DMing two different campaigns right now so fuck that.

I still find it surprising that the /tg/ lurking members of my groups haven't posted stories of the times I've gone "balls to it" in game.
Hell I know one of them I scared away with a giant tentacle monster in heat finding two female players bathing.

>>18114908

Jesus christ.
I've had THAT DM for as long as my sister's been married. (read, since I was ten or so)
I love the guy to pieces as a person, but mother of fucking god could I not ask for a more incompetent GM.

>>18129389
d20 CoC already happened. It was a fucking abortion brought to you by Monte Cook who at one point tried to make d20GURPS.

>>18127657
Were you attacking a church when that happened?

>>18129866
Monte Cook made a d20 Corruption of Champions?

>>18129866
... You really need to pay attention.

>>18130083
I think he means Call of Cthulu. I understand your confusion, that game's pretty obscure. He really should have clarified.

>>18127229
>>18127330
>>18127389
>>18127412
>>18127435
>>18127501
>>18127528
>>18127535
>>18127558
>>18127580
>>18127581
>>18127608
>>18127639
>>18127649
i've never played a tabletop RPG in my life but i still come to /tg/. and this is why.

tend to DM my games. homebrews mostly, but my aim is always for the players to have fun and plenty of wiggle room, long as it doesn't fuck with the other players to the point of irl irritation

ran a superhero game short while back and had the only real dick player i can recall having. friends all at college elsewhere or on a different schedule, so gathered random /tg/uys and a friend or two online

one players makes Maestrp, who can slow time and has a handful of "henchbots." it's largely comic (semi-Silver Age like mentioned earlier), so the first session is the party happens to arrive at the same crime scene: neo nazis have broken into a lab to use the interdimensional portal inside to rally an army of Hitlers

the group starts punching out nazis (at the front of the line, just dudes with pistols, throwing star swastikas, and trench coats). the party beats 3 out of 5, still fighting the survivor and chasing the fleeing one when Maestro declares "Ok, I'm going over and cutting off the unconscious one's balls"

tbc

>>18131520
and this is all ignoring his trying to rule the game by claiming he can halt time entirely and basically end the fight without the rest of the party having to contribute...

the one player who is a LG type goes after him, whole party objecting in character to mutilating an unconscious prisoner. Maestro is VERY firm on his point, and the argument goes on while the tank grudgingly stomps the last fighting nazi unconscious and the speedster drags the fleeing on back. he stands directly between Maestro and the nazi. Maestro tries anyway, but he's a low Str, otherwise normal guy against a speedster, just tell him its impossibly while he's watching him

Maestro tries to plead his case, explaining his grandparents were killed in a concentration camp (first any of us had heard of it... or any backstory of his at all). the group still argues, and so Maestro declares "robots, shoot him," and points at speedster

the tank finally takes a stand and steps in front of the robot and tears its head off in one go. ultimately, Maestro finds an opening between interogating the conscious nazi and cues his robot to castrate the man

rolls well, so i just shrug and let it happen. the group's outraged and disgusted, so they march on to leave him behind fixing his busted robot

Me: "At this point you'd be fighting a "swasti-cow," but this is going longer than expected...
Moral Player: "Well at least we spent a half hour ARGUING ABOUT TESTICLES!!!"

party bursts into the main lab to find the nazis and their interdimensional hitlers. they start a grandstanding speech, and Maestro says something snappy back

Maestro: "You'll never get away with this!"
Me: "You're like 500 yards down the hall tinkering with a robot's head... so the party just hears "WHAT!? Is something cool happening!? You'd tell me if something cool was happening, right!?"

>>18131575
so the fight breaks out. tank vs Adolf Hulkler, the economancer wraps the flaming Adolph Sulfur in pennies to boil him alive in molten metal, and the speedster grabs the nazi leader and starts circling the block dragging him behind. Maestro catches up and sicks his robots on the scene, and catches the eye of Adolph Grizzler, an arian polar bear. like i said, Maestro's a lightweight, so a crit from the bear nearly kills him outright. his robots unload into it, hurting it, but it's a raging polar bear mauling his shit

he curses and screams for the players to help, most of whom are a fair distance from him. the only one close to him is Mosquito, the flying super strong moral character mentioned before

Maestro: "HELP ME, YOU IDIOTS!!"
Mosquito: "...you really have to understand my predicament. I could stop that bear, but if I did, who would stop Australian Hitler? He's got a boomerang and everything. He could start his own Australian holocaust."
*flies away and one-shots Aussie Hitler. leaves Maestro to be eaten by a bear and the tank steals his remaining robot as a butler


I talk to the guy afterward and explain their problems, and allow him to make a new guy next week. so enters Kingpin (open laughter at his name from the players; "You're playing the obese Spider-Man villain!?"), who can duplicate himself and explode with no harm to himself

explain early on that for balance, his clones explode and disappear like grenades, he can do it infinitely himself

>>18128407
Ve're comink fer jou!

I don't really have any horror stories. The worst thing that happened was I managed to give one of my players a dirty dream about an NPC his character interacted with.

A schizophrenic drow rogue that found religion/medication (NPC) very nearly tried to molest a necropolitan cleric (PC) because she forgot to take her meds. The whole affair makes me feel like That Guy... still, some part of me is proud that I could inflict dreams on someone.

On the left is the Necropolitan, Cass Patcher, and the left is the sister of the schizo who was repeatedly molested/abused and ended up just as monstrous from unresolved issues.

>>18131649
>Dat ass!

>>18131575
the session starts with the party separated but have eachothers' contacts. animal attacks start happening around the city, as The Lorax (a psychic hippie) is controlling animals to rise against humans. the players each have an encounter with an animal attack, saving someone or being targeted themselves

before I can get to Kingpin, he says "I jump in the car and drive to the scene where Lucre is fighting the gorilla."
Me: "How would you know that? You're a new character in another part of the city...?"
KP: "I pull out my danger detector and follow it there."
Me: "....the one you got from the danger detector store?" obviously no mention of this ANYwhere before
KP: "Yea, why not."
Me getting an idea: "Ok, well that's not where it would lead you. There is MUCH bigger trouble in town square..."
KP: "Then I drive there."

results in KP basically trying to solo the boss fight. barely scratches Lorax's giant boa constricter with his twin guns (yea, for some reason he thought that was the defining characteristic of his cloning living bomb). takes one or two bashes of its tail to bury him in pavement, and kills his main body

>>18131684

Me: "So you're alive... but only as clones. You can create more from these, but if they all explode or get KO'd, you're genuinely dead."
KP: "What!? You said I could explode with no harm!"
Me: "Remember when I said to your original self only? Not the clones?"
KP: "...fuck it. Jihad this shit."
*kamikazes his only remaining clones to do moderate damage to the snake, bit to his minions

Me: "Ok, you're dead. So the rest of the party..."
KP: "Actually..."
team tank: "I swear to GOD if you say the real you was in a bunker somewhere the whole time...!!"
*actually almost quotes his explanation*
Mosquito: ">Dm says you're dead. Say 'no."

so I just kick him from the game, to the practical applause of the players. tries to arrive next session with Shithead, a Clayface made of poisonous dung, kick him again before the party tells me it's actually a near exact ripoff

Well, it looks like I'm going to have to play alongside a That Guy in a two-player Mutants and Masterminds game...

>>18131520
>>18131575
>>18131637
>>18131684
>>18131701
You're not getting the point of a THAT GM thread, are you? Take those to the THAT GUY thread if there is one.

>>18114793
fuckin gnolls

>>18131677
It actually blossomed into my most successful setting. Vitha the Maladjusted remained an important figure through many of the games I ran in it.

She became a monk as a kind of failed program to reform troubled youths through rigid discipline, who became a thuggish criminal when the funding ran out. In the setting drow live like pikeys since Lolth got her shit pushed in by a well-timed Prestidigitation spell, and her parents were... uh, 'black trash', I guess? Insane sister raped her in a broom closet, parents to busy getting drunk to care...

Really, a fun bitch to roleplay.

>>18131724
Post moar.

>>18131701

From wanted. He was animated shit that would drown people in feces.

>>18131701
>mfw I was Roman

>>18131759
Poor, poor Professor Seltzer...

>>18131732
How about I go over the party?

First was Cass Patcher, an undead policeman from a fascist city-state that fell victim to an insurance scheme. "Die, we'll bring you back" with some fine print, obviously. He was assigned to all the really sick shit that went on in his home city; deranged serial killers, ghoul breakouts(they turned criminals into them to continue to serve their sentences if they died in prison), and occasionally other unliving officers than went berserk.

Felentyr, drow cleric. Had an artifact in the form of a mask that prevented the wave of mindfuckery that wiped all memory of Lolth/drow culture from the heads of the Spider Queen's followers, but the shock drove her completely batshit. I regularly took the player aside for her hallucinations, voices, and other mental fuckups. Actually appeared in a lot of campaigns, usually having no idea how she got there.

William DeFarge, sorcerer who was blacklisted by the Guild of Wizards for trying to set up a magic ship without a license. His bloodline was the product of his great grandfather binding a solar in a cursed desert and having his way with it. It eventually escaped and caused shenanigans. He was otherwise well-adjusted and normal, eventually had a daughter with Vitha.

"Ramirez", orc fighter. Used two shields, and was prone to blackouts. In the setting illithids, rather than seeking political power directly, they instead formed a business conglomerate. He was the product of an attempt to breed a warrior more susceptible to mental control, but instead caused him to compulsively hide in boxes when he'd blackout. Otherwise a normal fighter, except that he dual-wielded spiked shields and German Suplexed elves he fought.

I once have a player ragequit because he didn't win a fight. He demolished everyone else, but just one fight, not even a lethal one, and he quits like a whiny bitch-baby.

>>18126981

You'd literally have to understand the situation. Fluff as far as narrative goes would make little difference with the party, and it was a pretty impromptu session in the middle of the week.

>>18115716
Gurell Wornstone sounds like a total bro.

>>18115642
If the NPC is low level, ONE arrow could easily kill him.

>>18132400

He actually was a decent fighter, being a spy and all.

The way the health system worked in this particular rule set was ludicrous - each player at starting level had at least 80 to 100 hit points, about eight to ten over five specific "wound levels", and arrows did a whopping 2d6 damage per hit. Honestly, it was good for representing a sort of "heroic" stock for the players but a sketchy way to give NPCs health

The rulebook actually specified (as well as the majority of the feedback from the playerbase) that for speeding up combat it was alright to ignore two or three of these wound levels, effectively giving NPCs three or so sets of HP instead of five. (So, around 30-something).

Really, it was a story element I used to at least attempt to create a sense of urgency, even though none of the players were particularly good role players. (Very linear, wanted loot and special powers, almost never talked in character).

I later had the same guy get angry when a boss hit him with a spell he didn't recognize since he was a wizard and had access to the spell book. It was a creature-specific paralyzing dark lance, and I guess he thought I was making it up or something.

It was a very... interesting spiel as DM.

>>18131701
Not a that guy thread. and honestly. Not even that bad.

The party hated him because he tried to ruleslawyer his powers, and wanted to mutilate nazi scum. Who cares?

I ran a setting based kinda/shamelessly ripped off from Soul Eater and Eternal Darkness. A world in which insanity is like a magic sickness, makes people turn into insane killers which eventually turn into monsters that are the primary foe of the game. Mental and emotional development is a big part of the game for every character. If they don't get over anxieties/fears/obsessions, they eventually begin to present in physical form. They would see enemies that aren't there, they would see players as their enemies, they would suffer on rolls etc. etc.. It was pretty fun, actually, I had to read hard into the backstories/reactions of the PCs. If I planned on going into psych mode with one of them, I took the player aside and we hypothesized on them, then I'd come up with a fitting mental trial/conflict. Some players had their characters go outright berserk. Every command they gave their PCs, I twisted to make it fit to their current insanity. It had a high chance of not running well at all, but my players said it was their favourite setting yet and I really, really enjoyed it. And all ways of giving in to their insanity were related to their characters and pasts. For example, if the bard was in danger, all he had to do was play a certain song. In his head, it was the same song he played to his lover, a song that had her caught by her father and mercilessly killed for covorting without permission. The song was his trigger to insanity. Everyone had something like that.

>>18132735


It was going really well and we were going to go on for a long ass time. At least, that's what everyone wanted. There was a time when my life was really busy with college, however, and I couldn't DM every week. My players weren't getting restless yet, but I felt bad. So I called upon another DM I knew to handle a session for me. It wasn't a large or impactful session at all. The PCs were getting lessons from an old, experienced Stoic (people who have mastered madness in order to become more efficient hunters). Strictly no rolling, no health is ever lost, no items are used or found. I would come back later, look over the log and distribute XP/new mental statuses/techniques accordingly. The only thing the players and PCs would have is their experiences. How could it possibly go wrong?

>>18132738

Needless to say, he devastated my group. I never knew he was a THAT DM before, because he always seemed pretty reasonable and knew how to tell a good overarching story even if they did often have plenty of GRIMDARKGRITTY moments. Plenty of ultra-violence and a nice scattering of rape as well. If there were any complaints, I was expecting them at next week's session. We always had a pre-session talk, lasting about an hour or so, where we went over the effects previous sessions had, they reminded eachother of important plot points and so on. I was expecting to hear any minor complaints of perhaps going a little to far then. But instead, I got flooded with complaints the next time I got online, which was a day after the session.

My replacement DM had pretty much tore the game apart. As we had discussed, the Stoic had a spell that would have the PCs face their mental demons whilst their bodies were safe and immobile. I gave him a brief overview of some of the more prevalent or recent issues the PCs were having and he'd come up with scenarios for them. But jesus christ, I never expected them to be that fucked up. Out of five characters, he literally broke three of them. The warrior was fine because his primary fear was being unable to surpass his father, which was babby level compared to the others. Eventually, the female druid got over her fears of losing her humanity etc. etc.. But as for the others... poor souls.

>>18132846

The bard was forced into a concert room. An entire orchestra was there. But the only music on his sheet was the song that killed his lover. The entire audience awaited, but in one of the boxes, he could see his lover sitting. Everytime he tried to leave the stage or warn her, he'd come right back to when the curtains pulled up and the audience awaited his song. He had no choice but to play it. The entire orhcestra played along with his lute and, as expected, he rewitnessed his lover get murdered by her father. She stayed dead after the song finished, but he soon realised another audience member was replaced by her. He had to play the song 300 times, watching his lover get killed 300 times, before the dream finally ended. By the end of it, he was beyond insanity. He wouldn't turn into a demon or anything because he was just too mindfucked. All he could do was stick by familiar faces, feed himself and play the same song. He was immune to insanity, now, but he was also useless and a shell of a being.

This was the first straw. This was overkill by far. This was a big attack on the bard. It was the kind of thing I had planned if they ever happened across one of the Eldritch horror like bosses. The players knew the gravity of the situation and I couldn't save the bard from his character's fate. They ended up mercy killing him. But really, worst of all was the punishment he had planned for the female ranger.

>>18132852

Fingers crossed for senseless rape.

>>18132852
>>18132846
>>18132738
>>18132735


NO. THIS CAN'T BE HAPPENING

>pargon pargon pargon pargon pargon

>>18132852

There's no way to dress this next part up. The female ranger had a fear of orcs. More than anything, she feared them because of standard tragic past in which said orcs burnt her village to the ground whilst she and her father were out hunting. So he has her relieve the moments. She's standing, with her father, watching from the forest as her village is destroyed and her neighbours are slaughtered. She sees her brother run out of their house only to be cut down and scalped.

But then, the dream takes a new turn when she finds her father slowly, painfully transforming into an orc. She tries to run and even tries to kill him, but he catches up to her. Long story short, her orc-dad rapes her. Then drags her into the village and the rest of the orcs rape her. Then they drag her into her old house, where her sister and mother are also being raped by orcs, a lot of which are now orc versions of her past villagers/brothers/father. And he went into a hell of a lot of detail as to how this rape went down. Seriously, far too much detail for a sixteen year old girl getting gangraped. To paraphrase, he described how she could smell, taste and feel nothing but orc cum all over and inside her body.

Immediately after that, everyone quit the session. It was the final 'dream' anyway, everyone had already suffered through theirs. I guess he was saving the 'best' till last.

>>18132888
>female ranger
>fear of orcs
Lets see if I even need to read further

>>18132914
>raaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaape
Nope, knew it was coming.

>>18132888

>>18132888

So yeah. That happened. Everyone seemed genuinely harrowed by the experience. The girl playing the ranger was pretty much grieving over her character when she told me about it. But, I gotta admit, my party are pretty much fucking troopers. I did offer just to sweep the session under the rug. To forget that DM, those dreams, etc, etc. But they wouldn't. Infact, the ranger's player virtually couldn't. To her, her character had gone through it. And the bard agreed. The other guy was a rogue who had some strange metaphysical fear of becoming a wolf due to how much he preyed on the innocent before casting that life away. His nightmare was becoming a wolf and eating the woman he loved. It was apparently pretty sexually charged, and ended up breaking his character, but I thought it tame compared to the orc rape.

So basically, the empty headed bard was 'put down', the rogue became a one-shot villain and the ranger became a recurring 'dragon'. She ran off, fled, lost her mind and became one of the demons they hunt. It was pretty awesome, actually, I let her player come up with her design. She said the most disturbing thing about the whole session was the fact the orcs incapacitated her by nailing her hands. So her thing was that she was pierced and nailed through, everywhere. She used her entire body as weapons at it turned out hard as hell to get past the spiky defense. Eventually, the new band of heroes did put her out of her misery. Oh, and the Stoic who the DM played became a major antagonist too.

So I guess we still got a pretty good RP out of the guy being THAT DM. The one truly bullshit thing was the rape. The ranger never once showed a hint of fearing that. She really just feared the orcs as an all destroying force rather than anything material or carnal.

All of my friends are normal. The only fucked up weirdos I've ever met have been in online games and it's why I don't play online games any more.

You get the occasional cool guy who'll maybe be a bit too FOREVER ALONE and want to follow up on a (self-written) love interest a little too intently or whatever. I mainly get weaboo catgirls, scalyfags playing ridiculous Dragonborn and antisocial weirdos who just want to fuck with other members of the party etc. etc., though.

As as as DMs go, I almost always DM in RL. In online games I think the worst I've ever had was the "allow anything" guy. A half elf/centaur, minotaur, drow and fairly vanilla human cleric of Pelor walk into a bar...

>>18132999

As far as*

>>18115319
There a source for this?

Threads like these make me scared to find groups, since I can only find them online.

>>18133024
webcomic called gunshow

>>18132991

I like THAT DM stories that end with "and then it was fucking awesome because we did something with that shit."

They really showcase whats great about /tg/. Even the worst garbage can be salvaged if you work at it.

Heck, the reason I like that Poison the Giant's Toe screencap so much is that its literally the story of one good player salvaging a shit game, a shit character, a shit premise, a shit player and a shit GM all by his lonesome, and having a blast doing it.

You know... I'd play a CoC Pathfinder campaign...

I'd even GM it, but my English isn't particularly good and I kinda fear what I might become.

>>18133326
You must embrace your destiny, anon.

>>18132735
>>18132738
>>18132846
>>18132852
>>18132888
>>18132991

That actually sounds like a really cool game, before and after. Well done, sir.

>>18133326
I would play CoC CoC.

>>18115439
I have OCD and i feel insulted by this post

"Liking the sound of dice" is not OCD
however if he was being sarcastic then i understand.

>>18136701
Would SAN be replaced with Corruption?

>>18132991
>His nightmare was becoming a wolf and eating the woman he loved.
>apparently pretty sexually charged

>>18137650
Can you voluntarily fail San checks?

>>18140390
Like any save/check, you can choose not to roll and thus automatically fail. That's the way my DM does it anyway.

>>18128749
So...this guy is butthurt, yes?

>>18132735
>>18132738
>>18132846
>>18132852
>>18132888
>>18132991

Pic related, created and saved for posterity. Shitty as it is, it shall remain proof that good roleplaying and creative storytelling can overcome the very worst of the community, and do so in a way that makes it fun for everyone involved.