*Tg, not sci. Dammit.

Anyone know if they're edible?

What the flying fuck.

>>18338795
BBQ chicken in a CAN MOTHERFUCKER what's not to get?

>>18338786
Fuck no. Processed shit beyond level of recognition.

DO NOT CONSUME

Google them
>kmart used to sell them in boxes of 22 or 23.
>or?
>they could fit 23 in when they dented a few
>may contain bones, paper

We're almost at the level where we can use science to put a sandwich in one of those squeezable go-gurt things.

Truly...

It's a brave new world.

>>18338591
NOT FIT FOR INTLLIGENT HUMAN CONSUMPTION.

>bbq chicken
>made from mechanically reseperated pork, chicken flavouring.
>may contain small parts, choking hazard for children

>>18339006

When the protoAvnari space-elves finally triangulate our radio broadcasts and find our smoking radioactive tomb of a planet, they'll take a moment to glory in their cultural superiority. They'll smugly lament how foolish our aperace was, how if only we'd had their benevolent wisdom to teach and guide us we'd still be alive today.

And then, slowly, a discarded, empty plastic tube will float in front of the viewscreen of their monolothic ambulant nation. They'll decipher the script-

"Peanut Butter and Jelly sandwich-IN SQUEEZABLE FORM!"

A moment of silence, and then their hesitant, collective wail would pierce the howling silence of space and serve as our race's final eulogy. For, having seen that wrapper, they will KNOW.

We had been as gods.

>best before 102009 a.d.

>>18339120
Could someone post the comic that this image appears in? Cheetos. That is all I will say.

Also, I fucking love you, /tg/. I. Fucking. Love you.

Welcome to the Mars Colony! Would you like strawberry, grape, bbq, cheese, or marshmallow for your first month on board?"

I love you, /tg/

>afteriu they
>DAMNIT, CAPTCHA, NO MORE LIES!

>>18339142
http://wondermark.com/601/

How about a setting where society reached a technomagical peak at 1900s tech, and is declining back to medieval due to the invention of processed food?

>>18339120
5 star post

holy shit /tg/, I just woke up after passing out for ~2 minutes because I was laughing so hard at this thread. By the God-Emperor of Mankind, that was hilarious

>>18339120
Hold me, and never let go, you wonderful scholar.

I don't think it is too early to call for this to be archived.

Also, my next game is now about Candwich. Plot by evil, but clueless aliens to infect humanity with the larvae. They can't figure out why it isn't working.

Those reminds me of Famine's scheming in Good Omens

let this be forever remembered in the annals of /tg/

>>18338591
Wait. Is the whole sandwich in the can, including the bread, or is it just the filling?

If it is the whole sandwich, then truly this is a great time to be alive. What mysteries will elude the human race now that we have put sandwiches in a can?

>>18338591
OMGTHISISTHEGREATESTTHINGIHAVEEVERSEEN.
HERE, TAKETHIS!

>>18339120
YES

YES

YEEEESSS

>>18339401

Bread and all. I don't know how they do it, but with strange aeons even death may die.

>>18339436
Such a wondrous age we live in.

>>18339401

it is the whole sandwich

>Apparently the law suit has had little impact on Mark One Foods, and plans for Pepperoni Pizza and French Toast Candwiches are in the works.
> Pepperoni Pizza and French Toast Candwiches

>>18339436
>be Cthulhu
>Finally wake up
>need breakfast
>rummage through Elder God Fridge
>canned bread
>"Holy shit, this stuff is still edible?"

>>18339474
>Mark One Foods

Marked one? Are these from the zone?

>>18339474
> Pepperoni Pizza and French Toast Candwiches

>canned sandwiches

Behold our works, ye mighty, and DESPAIR.

Does anyone have a picture of the content of these things?!

>>18339595

>>18339595
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6QbuQS5dNRE

Candwich, you tricked me. This is not as amazing as previously indicated. May this air-tight container be your tomb for all eternity.

Between this and that fireless fireplace, it's like 'scientists' don't even CARE anymore.

>Yeah, we did it with lasers and shit. Something something large hadron collider. Whatever; enjoy your artifact.

>>18339620
IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII like it!

>>18339624
That's a dissapointment.
I thought it'd be... well, more canned good like...

>>18339624
I expected it to be entirely ready to eat, right out of the, you know, can.


Someone contact /k/, tell them /tg/ has some MRE ideas for them.

>>18339624
That's nothing but a hotdog bun and condiment packages stuffed in a can! What is this deception?!

I'm angry with rage!

>>18339652

These candwiches are nutritionally devoid of value. Also, jesus, look at that sodium content.

>>18339650
>>18339651
>>18339669

Remember, the product is still young. Given time and guidance, I am certain it will soon meet, and even exceed, our expectations.

I am a food science major. You have just given me a life goal. I shall perfect the candwich.

We control the candwich.

We control the universe.

>>18339694
Godspeed, sir!

>>18339694
Soon, we shall have the Canned Meatbread as well.

Which begs the question, what kind of sandwich would /tg/ like to see in a can?

This candwich is bullshit. I remember a real candwich; I think SA reviewed it back when SA wasn't just a steaming pile of social justice.

It was a fucking sandwich in a canned...wich. It looked gross and...moist...But there it was. Fuckin' sandwich in a can. Crack open a sandwich by the alley. Yup.

This is the greatest country in the world.

These candwiches are only slightly better than the monstrous abomination that is the cheeseburger in a can.

>>18339669
>>18339651
>>18339650
The worst part is that the "Candy Surprise" is not a scientific abomination that you can submerse in water to open a portal to the plane of candy hell. Nor is it a fine aphrodisiac that would rival the ambrosia of the gods in flavor and substance. No, its just a piece of fucking taffy.
ONE FUCKING PIECE OF TAFFY.
ONE.
GODDAMN.
TAFFY.

>>18339732
A BLT. Hold the lettuce and tomato.

>>18339737

Is it saltwater taffy at least?

>>18339775
Nope.
Laffy Taffy.

Not even God may judge me.

>>18339821
>laffy taffy

They might as well have just spit on an empty Airhead wrapper and attached instruction to 'lick the inside'.

This whole thing was a bust. Now I know how those rapture freaks felt.

>>18339844
Don't worry, our scientists are working on this as we speak. See >>18339694

>>18339736
>>18339822
You can now has canned cheezburger.
I'm afraid.

>mfw this thread

I for one vote for

-Biscuits and Gravy in a can
-Healthy Salad! in a can (Health not included)
-Sliders and fries in a can

Take heed young ones

Lest ye walk upon the path of destruction

>>18340491
>Poutine candwitch

The Canadians already drink their milk from bags so it's a logical progression.

>>18339652
Make sure to drink something afterwards with all this sodium.

http://www.reuters.com/article/2010/05/27/us-drinks-worst-idUSTRE64Q47A20100527

>>18340523

I'd like to believe the guy who came up with this had an ethical breakdown, Einstein-after-Manhattan-Project style.

>>18340437

>>18340749

>>18339736
Say again?

Now, if they could can one of these fore me, I'd be interested.

Mankind started with the famous 'explosion in a can' and then worked our way backwards from there.

Oh u, humanity.

>>18341139
This is awesome. It's like Cloudy with a chance of Meatballs taken to the next level.

I approve.

>>18341172
>Mankind started with the famous 'explosion in a can'

>INCEN
As in incendiary ?

That isn't an explosion in a can. That's FIRE IN A CAN

... We must take this to the next level, to contribute to humanities endeavors of canning things. We must design an game system in a can.

>>18341877
Wii in a can?

>>18339736
>>18339822

You has can cheezburgr.

>>18341888
That sounds misleading and disgusting.

Let's do it!

>>18341888
I've done that on long road-trips before.

>>18341919

In a can.

>>18341962
Look it's got pickles and shit. That's healthy!

Were we ever on topic?

>>18342025
If the topic was, canned foods that shouldnt be canned foods then yes.

also there was a topic?

Gentlemen, what I propose to you shall take mankind to the next level of putting-stuff-in-cans. Some say we are not ready, there are some things man was not meant to can. That we meddle in God's cannery. Those narrow minded fools shall fall and weep before my latest discovery.

Gentlemen, I plan to CAN A CAN!

>>18342160
Listen not to this heretic. That way lies damnation! First it's "Hey lets put a can in a can." then a can in a can in a can. Well I ask you. Where does is end?

>>18342205
It will end when we finally create a Can-Singularity and usher forth the Canpocalypse.

Then, all will end.

>>18342160

>CANCEPTION

Gentlemen, I have done something terrible. But this thread has made me realize that I can no longer keep it a secret. My friends and colleagues, I have put a dungeon master in a can.

I have put PRINCE ALBERT IN A CAN

>MFW this whole thread

Am I the one one who was just a little bit disappointed that the canwich didn't turn out to be something that you could drink right out of the can? I saw that youtube video and the first thing I thought was "Why is this this lightweight not chugging this- oh. Wait. I'm disappointed."

I want my liquid burger in a can. I want to take this picture and slurp it through a straw. All this self-assembly wastes valuable time I could be doing other things.

Why don't you just put the whole world in a can?

>>18342325
We were all disappointed, friend, but with time and dedication we can achieve the canned utopia of our dreams.

>>18342333
>Implying it isn't all ready

Very appropriate:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BYVbkxc6WpQ

>>18342340
the dyson sphere is still hypothetical unfortunately

>>18342399
Spheres are not cans.

Why not create a pen and paper game system in a can? It has a sheet of rules rolled up, with included dice and character sheets. There's is no end to what can be canned gentlemen. Although maybe we should find a way to can Those Guys.

This is what science is about?

>>18342587
Yes. Yes it is. Science is essentially all about finding out how much you can stuff in a can before somebody gets hurt.

>>18342600

Unless your goal is to stuff people in cans, then the metaphorical skies are the limits.

>>18342587
>implying magic isn't the same thing except with bags of holding in place of cans.

Ishibbiddydoowopdawop

Bump for more canwich goodness.

>>18340674
the man alone in a dark room, just lost in his dreams of the past "what could go wrong? it will help people!". one last cry for the world that he ruined.

and *zwip*, one last can opened.
as the body lies death in the floor, a blood stained label reads "gun in a can!, fully loaded!

>>18342160

BEHOLD!

>>18342768

...Death in a can.

You crack it open and toss it at someone and they die.

>>18342786

We already have those. They're called grenades.

We also have death in bottle form. Those are called molotov cocktails.

>>18342786

Is that like a can of whoopass?

Man, this thread was like getting bit on the stomach by a horse. My brain saw something my mind wasn't prepared to deal with.

>>18342811

>mfw I introduce this to my players as ancient death magic, only reveal the world is full of technology at the end.

No, no, wait a second, I got this.

Can of live spiders.

In a can made of live spiders.

>>18342823
So just spiders?

>>18342838
Have the outer layer of spiders, using glue/duct tape/thread/more spiders, woven into a can?

>>18342786
>>18342797

>death in a can
>those are called grenades

We have lost control of this shit.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4Diu2N8TGKA

Wait... What's life in a can?

>>18343063

>>18342205
It's cans all the way down.

>So, your rogue trader finds a planet, MADE OF DIAMONDS!

>PC: yawn

>Did I say diamonds? I mean CANS!

>PC: Oh shit! Gonna get me a ton of quarters!
I'll plate my ship in goddamn quarters!

>>18343201
So what if a batshit insane techpriest gets a hold of an ancient cannery? What happens then?

>>18343254

I would LOVE that to happen in a Dark Heresy game. Chasing a heretek through the bowels of a planet to some ancient STC factory whose very purpose has been lost to the ages, save for vague suggestions that the machines will be able to contain anything. Pursuing him past dusty machines and assembly lines, you corner him at last in the control room.

"This is where the truth lies!" He cries, desperate, a cornered man. "With a flick of this switch, I can control everything!"

He flicks a switch. Ancient technologies bulldozes back to life, with a sound like a mountain shouting. Blind hands grasp raw materials, the lines roll once more, purpose returns to this ancient forge of...

"Li'l Bow-Wow Doggy Food"

>>18343323

New theory:

The Golden Throne was originally designed to preserve the Emperor past mortal limits, until such a time that either he is removed, or removes himself.

Gentlemen, the Emperor is in a can.

>>18343541
We must venture for a can opener then.

this thread is diamonds

>>18338591
>STC factory that makes dog food

And then the local regiments of the Imperial Guard get a new standard ration.
>"Still better than corpse starch."

>>18344009
>orks
>getting OUT of kans
nope.jpg

they're stuck in there. Wires jammed into the brain and all

Only the orks would design such a nonsensical device in large enough proportions to get the Emperor out of his living can. How else would they be able to get out of their Killa Kans? Quickly brethren, to the nearest ork infested world. We shall "borrow" this device from them.

>>18344025
I never said get out alive.

>>18343541

Chaos hates cans

Tzeentch hates cans. They trap their contents in a state of stasis, unchanging and immutable. For the Lord of Change, cans are an abomination.

Nurgle hates cans. Their tough exterior prevents food from decaying and rotting. The spurning of his blessings from a mere hunk of metal is an unforgiveable insult.

Slannesh hates cans. Inside a can, there is nothing to experience except isolation and darkness. For one who revels in sensory overload, a can is a living hell.

Khorne hates cans. Where there is cans, there is recycling. And where there is recycling, there are hippies. Khorne hates those motherfucking hippies. He goes out of his way to tip over recycling bins and put non-burnable trash in the burnable collection.

>>18344097
He hates these cans. Stay away from the cans.

>>18344097

Once, a hippy accidentally kicked a hacky-sack through a warp portal that exited onto Khorne's lawn.

His response was to find out where the hippy's home planet was, locate all the natural springs and glacial melts, and then proceed to take a steaming, goopy dump in every single one of them, just so their hippies wouldn't ever have access to "natural, pristine bottled water".

He hates hippies. And he hates cans.

>>18343121
No that's cancer in a can.

>>18343063
I don't think they sell coffee in can form.
... Where's our food science guy? This needs to be fixed.

>>18345870
It comes in a bottle, that good enough for you?

>>18345870
Not true. I have a self-heating can of mocha in my car for caffeine emergencies and I have drunk a latte in a can (Same company and type as the mocha). It's not bad. They use a special activating heat-pouch in the base of the can to heat the drink. It's pretty neat.

>>18346605
>implying there's a heat-pouch
>implying they haven't put a migrant worker and coffeeshop in your can to heat it for you

>>18346605
This poster again.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Self-heating_can
http://www.bhfinefoods.com.au/main/page_products_perketts_self_heating_coffee.html

See?

>self-heating can
How long... until that can becomes 'self-aware'?

>>18345870
Monster Hammer. Coffee and Guana Energy Drink in a can.

>>18346629
Twelve years.

>>18346629
Oh, thanks for that. Here I was heading for bed and now I have this horrifying thought that all the cans in my kitchen are staring at me...
lance. ingdarki indeed Captcha...

Hot off the presses and almost disturbingly appropriate.

>>18347370
Mahahahaa haha ha HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA!
SOON.

the best thread

Just got back from the kitchen after really really wanting some canned food. ended up grabbing some tuna and eating it from the can, then I came here and saw this thread. truly, this is fate, /tg/

http://www.chanarchive.org/request_votes

Come on /tg/ just 3 more...

>>18351831
It's called http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive.html